#cause I think about it everyday

[nooooough]

Is it even normal to consider suicide at 18 years old?

#just wondering #does anyone else feel like this? #cause I think about it everyday #mental health sucks #But lately I feel less scared and more at peace with the thought #i don’t know what to make of that #tw suicide mention #tw suicidal thoughts #frankly I don’t really want to die. but life is just #not a joke I am literally considering it

[spookybeandoodle]

Blue Skies~!

Recently replayed the portal series after years of not playing it and now I’m sucked back in to my obsession of this series. It’s sooooo gooooood! So I did a doodle to celebrate me getting back intoy obsession with Portal! There’s a bit of a reference to a certain *cough cough* popular fanfic-

#portal #portal 2 #portal chell #portal fanart #portal 2 fanart #chell fanart #companion cube #I love this game so much like holy shit #I use to be freakin obsessed with this game #come home from school to just replay portal 1 & 2 everyday #need to rewatch the musical version and harry101uk’s stuff #definitely need to reread blue sky cause that shit is fire #portal blue sky #the animatic to blue sky was another thing that made me want to be an artist #I can’t listen to Mr. Blue Sky without thinking about portal and then crying from nostalgia #that fanfic and ship had me in a chokehold and still does-

[can-of-slorgs]

caw 🦅

#neopets #neotag #neoart #eyrie #mutant #vin doods #I can't beat the allegations that i doodle dnd creatures on a daily with this one huh #god i love mutants eyries so much i'm sorry i gavehim more draconic features but uGH; #what great colours lmao #I also gave inverted knees to the hooves cause i aint doing whatever neos doing #can you tell i have a thing for dnd and dragons in general im so sorry JAKLSDF #also in topic i've been so wanting to make a neo player's manual for so stupidly long its insane #might actually do it at one point #i had species and proficiencies and everything at one point i think its all gone lol #also for a fact that i'd be a me-thing for the most part #like i'd be the only one wanting it or playing according to it #my other friends none like neopets so yeah #god do i want to dm a neopian adventure i have tons planned lmao #but oh well #i'm super greatful for all positive commenta ad every like and reblog you guys ave given meeeee #i sound like a broken record but i swear i try to not leave this blog for long but i always read your tags and crack up to them sajhas #i know i've left a couple of you on read that actually wanted to know about my characters BUT IM SO SORRYYYY #my master's taking so long and everytime there's something new and have to rewrite and replan everthing everyday i hate it here #but i will do it #i know i will #both the lore writting and my thesis HASJKHASJS #anyways if you're still reading dont be afraid to shoot up a couple of messages! It might make this blog less dead

[ohitslen]

Part two of the thing and uuh also final one

Of this interaction. Because this is far from all I can give, my brain almost imploded from all the ideas

#after some very heated talks between the two brothers Vash said he would leave the house for a good time #suggesting they both needed time apart and Vash needed to learn how to live without Kni #very reluctantly Kni agreed (even if he didn’t V would have done it anyways) with the single condition of letting him know the general #details about his livings. the adress. who he was living with if he decided to room with someone and at least their phone number in case #of an emergency. Vash agreed to this and put the limit there bc Kni wanted to know more but he said no I won’t tell you about their life tf #WW who is comfortable living at the orphanage doesn’t find convenient commuting for over 2 hours everyday to get there #so he is looking for a place to stay. Vash mentioned wanting to share a rental home w someone to split the spendings #and so the stars aligned and they were already planning their moving four days after meeting each other #because that’s Vashwood for you #imagine the delight of being either WW or Kni and finding out about each other thanks to Vash again #neither of them want to tell Vash about what they think of each ither. Kni to keep some sort of face and ‘peace’ with his brother #and WW doesn’t want to leave a bad impression saying he was the cause that the brother of the guy he was planning to live with couldn’t see #with his right eye for a whole week. so they hate their guts and Vash doesn’t know the why though he can grasp a general idea. #but he always hits bullseye making both WW and Kni glance at each other silently with their eyes saying #“DID YOU TELL HIM?’’ ‘’DID-YOU-TELL HIM??’’ #trigun #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun stampede #vashwood #trigun fanart #vash #wolfwood #nicholas trigun #nai saverem #millions knives #Trigun Uni! AU #lenssi draws

[pineapple-frenzy]

A more painterly render of this just cause

#seventeen #svt #hoshi #my art #he was just standing in the void so i added the rectangles sikfxgjncgjj #have i ever mentioned that this is one of my favorite hoshi looks of all time #cause it is #hoshi of all time frfr #everyday i think about how ethereal he looks #it's especially the hair that really does it for me #anyways i wanted to practice my rendering so i just did it with some old art i had #rendering is a whole ass process and i really don't enjoy it a lot but damn does it look good when it's done

[natelia-aldelliz]

Guys... Listen I know I said I'd draw something for valentine's day but I had a bit of a rough week sooooo I'm just going to write it out instead, maybe I'll finish drawing it some day, maybe not. It's behind a show more because it's long.

(also there's talks about having sex but no actual sex, and like, general warnings about Ghost's backstory but it's very vague here).

Soap was hanging around outside, trying to bring himself to do something, anything. But the weather was nice for a February day, and the sun was out, and it was making him feel like a cat basking in the heat.

An arm wrapped itself around his shoulders, a huge body suddenly weighing on him. Ghost.

Soap hummed comfortably. This day was getting better by the minute. Any chill he might have felt from being outside in a tank top out of pure Scottish spite was instantly soothed.

Simon often times saw himself as a cold man, freezing to the touch, hidden behind a layer of ice. A proper little Elsa, Soap almost snorted out loud. The truth was that while yes, his fingers and toes' temperature was sometimes abysmal, especially in bed, the rest of him was the warmest place Johnny had ever been.

"I've got something for you in our room," Ghost whispered against his throat, making Soap shiver.

Simon had begun calling Soap's room theirs a few weeks ago and Johnny couldn't have enough of it. He was so in love it genuinely hurt sometimes to restrain himself from squeezing him to death.

"Is that so?" he purrs, knowing how Ghost likes that. If this day didn't end in sex he'd be very surprised. He'd long learned to recognize when Simon wanted sex and when he didn't, and the way he squeezed his pec in response to his voice was a very easy tell.

But then again Simon was way less subtle than he thought he was.

They made their way back to their room, and there it was, a repurposed shoebox, badly wrapped with cheap wrapping paper. Johnny couldn't be more excited, he had never received any gift from a significant other. To be fair he adored gifting but always felt awkward receiving.

But this was Simon. Something that Simon had chosen to give him.

He sat on the bed, leaving enough space behind him for Ghost to sit there so he could use him as a very comfortable backrest. When he did, he grabbed the gift and began opening it.

He knew that Ghost liked to tear the wrapping paper, liked the sound of it and liked tearing it into the smallest pieces possible after, but he himself loved carefully unwrapping it and folding it flat so he could later maybe do an origami with it or put a piece in his journal. Probably both.

This one was full of tape but he still very much enjoyed himself, considered it a challenge. He enjoyed the chase, wanted to drag it on. Ghost huffed impatiently behind him, a bit tense, probably nervous.

Inside the box was a weird old fashioned clunky thing. It was bright red, looked slightly like binoculars, definitely from the 70's, with a wheel of tiny pictures wedged in the top of it. Memories hit him all at once.

"Oh my god ah remember, my Ma had one of these when ah was a child! My sister and I loved it, it had pretty landscapes in!"

He put it against his eyes, excited to see what this one came with. At his biggest surprise, it was a picture of them. Simon had customised it.

The picture showed the back of himself a bit further away from the camera, pointing at something while in full gear, in a dilapidated town, Ghost's face in the foreground looking at the camera. It looked like Soap was talking to someone, but that person was cut by the framing.

"Wait, ah remember that mission, it's when ah saved Gaz from a landmine just to be shot seconds later," he laughed. "ah spent two fucking weeks in the hospital, ah was miserable. Ye kept joking ah should hiv left Gaz explode while staring at him, he was convinced ye actually wanted him dead!"

Then the next picture was indeed him in his hospital bed, unconscious but the state of his injuries told him he was probably just sleeping at least a few days after his admission, his life no longer in danger. In this one, Ghost was sleeping too, head in his elbow near Soap's head and his other hand holding Soap's hand.

"Who took this one?" Soap asked, moved by the tenderness of Ghost's hold on him in the picture. It would have been right after Johnny had admitted to maybe liking him more than friends, before they were officially dating.

"The hospital one?"

Soap hummed.

"Price did. Said it was for blackmail. Should have seen him, he looked like his child had just married the person of their dreams and had ridden off into a rainbow on a unicorn or some shit. Old man's sentimental as fuck, but I didn't call him on his bullshit, he's already old, that's punishment enough."

Soap giggled in response. The next few pictures were all of them together but each time he was either turning his back or asleep.

"Why the fuck am ah never looking at the camera?" he whined. He wanted some cute couple pictures, dammit!

"Couldn't have you suspecting what I was planning," Simon said, kissing his shoulder soothingly. Only then Soap noticed that he had taken his mask off at some point and turned to ask for a proper kiss, which he immediately got.

"Keep going, there's more pictures," Simon whispered against his lips when he tried to turn around to kiss him some more. His pouting only got him a smirk in response, so he got comfortable again and brought the slide viewer back against his eyes.

He was happy he did. The next picture waiting for him was just Simon in the mirror, almost in full gear, but with one gloveless hand dragging his trousers down so the camera could see the bottom of his stomach, follow along his happy trail and reaching the very top of his pubic hair. The picture cut of his head, but he could see that his mouth was uncovered and he was holding the glove with his teeth.

Soap groaned. "Steaming Jesus, love, you're so hot."

He felt Simon hide his face in the back of his neck, warmer than usual, and chuckled a bit. He loved him so fucking much.

There were four more pictures of Simon, in various suggestive poses and states of undress, some almost showing his cock but never quite committing, making Johnny feel like he was being teased.

He was getting hard though and so ready to be done with the pictures and access the real thing. But Simon was still tense behind him. In fact, he had only gotten tenser and tenser with each click.

Soap was unsure why. They never had a problem with their sexual life, Simon had already changed his mind about having sex after starting and Soap had absolutely no problem with that, was glad to hug him instead and reassure him when he had tried to apologize.

Simon knew that there was no pressure, ever, to have sex. Hell, Johnny would still be happy even if Simon decided that he never wanted to have sex again, and he had made sure to make Simon understand that.

Then he got to the last picture and immediately understood.

It wasn't a picture of either of them, just a little bit of paper, with a few words written in Ghost's awful handwriting.

Just a few words that made Johnny drop the viewer on the covers and turn around to grab Simon's face, worriedly looking in his eyes.

"Are you sure?" he asked, looking for any trace of Simon forcing himself. "Baby, ah'm happy to bottom for the rest of mah life, there's no pressure, okay?"

Simon looked at him with warmth in his eyes and his cheeks completely red, a wrapping bow added on top of his head. "I know," he said simply. "I just want to. I don't want to be haunted by memories anymore. I used to like it, and I want to like it again. With you. Just.... Be gentle, okay?"

Johnny kissed his forehead. "Ah dinnae think ah ken how no tae be gentle with ye, love."

#cod mw2 #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #ghostsoap #soapghost #listen i'm sure there are romantic people somewhere who think it's valentine's day everyday so how late can that be #to be fair i am terrible at deadlines i don't know why i keep giving them to myself cause i soon as i do i know i'm never doing the thing #i've also burnt out my drawing capacities for now so probably expect more writing than drawing for a bit while my poor tiny brain recovers #if anyone is wondering yes soap forgot it was valentine's day #not because he forgot about it - he just forgot to track the days and didn't know they were the 14th he had a gift ready tho #he got ghost a chocolate tablet that ghost had once complained about not being able to find anymore that's actually just me complaining irl #that my supermarket doesn't seem to have white chocolate tablets with puffed rice inside like they did when i was a child #i have no idea how that applies to anywhere else lmao maybe other supermarkets have them but i hate going to supermarkets i don't know #anyway lmao sorry my love language is ranting #soap doesn't generally like receiving gifts because he feels like he doesn't deserve them like he didn't have to work for them #and so he feels guilty when he gets one but he hasn't told anyone about that #he was happy there but if ghost gives him ''too many'' gifts he's gonna start feeling bad bc he has just as much issues as everyone else #just hides them better

[sunsetcowboy]

Just finished a week of stressful and tiring appointments/procedure. It's turns out I'm fine, nothing some medicine can't fix! I'm soo relieved. These past 4 months have been the scariest and most painful months of my life.

#i haven't been here l ately cause I've been b usy/d istracted w all of this. literally took all of my e nergy everyday #that was just this we ek i had so many other a ppointments/t est done cause my d octors were all w orried #but luckily none of it was anything too serious #still having to deal w my p revious pr oblem but im getting better at m anaging it #for the f irst ti me in four years i can see m yself li ving...l iving more #all the lost o pportunities. f riendships. t ime. I'm still m ourning them. #but maybe it's not too late for other chances #way more p ositive thinking than about 3 weeks ago #rin posting #maybe I'll l ove things again. things like d rawing and w riting. maybe I can #I'm sure no one even n oticed i was gone really but this is g ood n ews so i felt like s haring it. #sorry. a sk to t ag

[rotisseries]

i love seeing ttpd rankings 1 because no one agrees on what the good songs are like this is truly such. an album....😬 but also 2 i like seeing that the ones consistently ranked the lowest are the ones i like. i need healthy reminders that my taste sucks so bad

#this is about so high school and the alchemy SORRY IM SORRY😭😭😭😭 #no cause I get it though lyric wise they're so bad THEY'RE SO BAD #and it's cause they're about travis kelce #(although I don't think the alchemy is. personally. unpopular opinion though) #(also sorry for paternity testing the album. in my defense taylor swift's branding makes paternity testing unavoidable) #but anyway yes lyrics they suck SO BADDDD but idk the instrumentals I like it. #I don't listen to taylor for lyrics if I did I would suffer everyday moreso than usual #so I just enjoy the way she sings the chorus on the alchemy. I don't care what she's saying in her songs atp #(and neither does she) #and then I like so highschool cause the instrumental reminds me of her early albums #oh my god I have to go to bed for real. this is my last post I swear

[sufranstevens]

life has to be real shit if going to work is actually fine and the least of my problems

#m #i literally want them to give me as much work as yesterday please I don’t want to think about anything anymore #i can’t even cry at home anymore cause I’m making my mom sad so I’m trying to do it on the commute everyday

[that-wizard-oki]

I will never ever ever EVER get over how Old Cob shows the Wizard TWO separate ways to detangle shadow magic from a being’s heart, continues to then admit outright that Morganthe was infused herself by the Magi, and then the Wizard STILL goes through with fighting her.

#ITS THE WAY that Old Cob had to physically use the shadow web/magic in order to ensure her control- #-but the wizard needed nothing more than verbal manipulation. #like ugh wowwowo. wow #like Morganthe slowly began to understand his Game and thats why he had to take more drastic measures with her cause she was like #oh buddy ive been manipulated too many times for that to work on me anymore #but the wizard was SO blinded by their revenge/need to overcome Morganthe that we never saw thru old cob's words. #i think about it EVERYDAY #oki says a thing

[casperghosty]

"you know what else goes both ways"

I think we should honor their wish and talk about this (even if we're 7 months late)...

#i think they are more sus everyday because they wanted tumblr to be more active #they are like the most tumblr aware people i know #like others would've just let it go but they had to go to Tumblr #someone who was a fan on Tumblr on November tell me if it was desolate or active #whos right in this?? #i think Rhett wants us to talk about it #still waitinh for then to tell me “what” (or who) goes both ways #rhink #rhett x link #link neal #rhett mclaughlin #i wonder if they looked up rhink on Tumblr #what did they see cause like i haven't seen anything too many NSWF stuff

[todayisafridaynight]

i love posting to twitter cause my posts breach containment way easier and that means once in a blue moon sometimes i see shit like people calling daigo and aoki sexy old men and THAT always takes me out forever and always

#snap chats #sexy ???? matter of opinion ig but OLD ?????? #I DONT EVEN THINK I DREW THEM THAT OLD LOOKIN THEYRE ONLY 42 #i dont draw old men around here excuse you i only draw middle aged men <- hoarding old-man arasawa drawings like a goblin #i was told once by my old friend wolf that i end up drawing characters. So To Quote really hot and like I AINT DOIN ANYTHIN #I JUST DRAW WHAT I SEE HEEEELP but thank you king. i quote that everyday #im not mad ofc no i love it... it makes me giggle #maybe its cause i never use 'sexy' the way its intended to be used Ive Said This Before Right #'sexy' means everything BUT sexy to me its a filipino thing. allegedly. idk thats what pop pop told me when i first met his wife #but anyway. LOL i love it when people who dont know anything about rgg sees my rgg art and enjoys it anyway #like thank you i hope you never get into this series so you dont see how truly delusional i am #ok bye. im kinda sad for some reason. maybe its cause i dont eat proper meals LMAO but anyway #im gonna uhhhhhhhhhh..... idk :) try to draw theres a goofy idea i wanna doodle but im strugglin to get to the execution #ok bye fr now

[koumeowkami]

it's ridiculous that we still don't know anything about the paralive game and it got announced like... a year ago

#i hope they spoil something after the anime release #cause i badly need info. at least know what kinda game it is #I NEED TO KNOW IF THERE'S GONNA BE A GACHA FEATURE !!!!!!!! PLEASE #i want to see cards. i need to see lots of new artworks rn or i'm gonna explode #the way i think about this game everyday and we still don't know shit ........ #paralive

[torao-chan]

man idk what to tell yall

im just. exhausted atm

#i am working overtime weekly to try and make sure i have the time off i need to a) not have a stress seizure #and b) be able to have the Paid Time Off for the Forced Time Off around the xmas holidays #and i am. so fuckin tired #i dont work a full time schedule cause I Cannot Handle It and its never more apparent then when im forced to work overtime #maybe thats why mikotos videos hitting so hard atm for me idk man #im just #im tired man #did you know #my parent approached me. about 5 years after high school #everyday. after school. she'd ask us 'how are you' and everyday. without fail. the answer would be 'tired' #or if the question was 'how was today' for once. the answer was always 'long.' or 'tiring.' #but ye. about five years after. after we got our asd & adhd diagnosis. and before we got our DID diagnosis #she approached us and apologised. something along the lines of never realising that 'tired' was the best answer we could give #because we were Exhausted #and i always look back at that and go 'what. why. what did you think of us?' 'who did you think we were?' #you never accepted anything less than the answer that made the people around us the most comfortable #of course we were exhausted #Tired was Always the Best Answer we could give Without Lying #what about your child who refused to hang out with friends optionally. who refused out of school commitment options. who refused to do any #thing for their birthday. their celebrations. their anything and everything optional choice was Nothing #what on earth made you think We Weren't Exhausted #fuck man. we had Annual Seizures from Unknown causes (hint; it was Stress and Exhaustion. A N N U A L L Y) #idk #mikotos video has me Tired in a way We Already Were #and working overtime recently hasnt helped #im tired man. #im Tired #personal

[this-doesnt-endd]

I dont need these things but i wanna get those like finger pulse oxygen readers and the like blood pressure wrist cuffs. I dont need them i go to dr appts all the time and ive never had issues but like all of a sudden i feel like i really need them and i need to know these stats daily

#we technically have a blood pressure cuff my mom wanted one and then we kept it around before we knew i had sezuires cause we #were worried cause id just have episodes and nearly black out so my dad had me check it a lot #but its the arm one and i dont know how to use it #also ive been like worried a lot lately abt getting seziures which idk why cause theyve been very controlled for like year n half 2yrs now #so theres no reason i should be concerned but i am and i think taking my vitals everyday would make me feel much better #cause like nevermind the fact i havent had a deep breath in like 5 years and im constantly lifting like many many pounds of stuff #all at once all day long and like getting a workout essentially my slightly elevated heart rate means im just gonna like #drop to the floor n black out or like explode or something like theres no reason i need to be taking my pulse like 10 times a day #but it makes me feel better and i will give into that #much like spraying my house with lysol constantly or having to do my door lock routine like 3 times a night it makes me feel better #and i will totally give into that #like thats relatively normal i feel like #i wore a watch for like 2 months straight cause in my mind that was the only thing preventing nuclear war and like i dont wear watches #like that but alas i had to cause im built different (incorrectly) and it was my job to prevent nuclear war #wow im so normal about everything

[rustinged]

on what account do your base your idea of yourself on? do you base it on your past actions, thoughts, ideas? how far back? do you account for how you have changed? do you base it on what you are doing in your day to day? I force myself to be brave. does that mean I am brave? am I simply feigning the personality of bravery? or is that what a brave person is to begin with? what is a brave person? say your current actions conflict past actions, but you feel your current actions (positive, negative, or neutral) don’t reflect you. what is “you” ? how are you defining you? for how long can you continue with your current actions before your past actions become irrelevant?

#example: you have to get up early everyday for your job/school/etc but you like to sleep in. you consider yourself a nocturnal person #but it’s hard for your body to keep up with staying up late so you begin waking up early consistently - even on the weekends. you naturally #do it and never sleep in anymore #would you still consider yourself a night owl #even though you mentally know that in the past you liked to sleep in - there is no new evidence to back up that you are in fact a night owl #your current actions say you like to wake up early #i feel like it always boils down to the question of: are you your actions or your thoughts #am i brave because I carry out brave actions? I am a cowardice at heart.. but none of my actions say that. but do they have to? #am I a brave cowardice then? shaking as I reach every goal #is it possibly to exist as both? should it be possible to only exist as one? #drives me nuts to think about this kinda stuff. it’s why I hate filling out that mbti test #am I answering these questions based off of past actions that I may or may not identify with anymore if I don’t have a recent example? #if I don’t go out how can I answer social questions? if I do go out because I didn’t leave my house for 2 years and am catching up on all #the social time I missed BUT it still feels out of character for me - how do I answer?? #they ask for my actions I can give them my actions but the lack of asking my feelings and vice versa is what gets to me #I have to end this cause I can seriously go on forever