#can you milk a...?

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[royalarchivist]

Quackity: There's a possibility you have two fathers *laughs* and there's nothing bad with having two dads, ok? One of them - one of them is a man called Luzu, and the other one is a man called Wilbur. How does that sound, son? Now we're gonna have to choose and find out which one of them is gonna be your dad.

Tilin: *puts down a sign*

Quackity: Let's see, what does it say? Move, move son I can't read it.

Tilin's sign: I'm la tres leches?

Quackity:

#Quackity #Tilin #QSMP #how do I frickin translate this #in like. the most non-graphic way possible #Basically calling Tilin a tres leches implies that Q slept around a lot #because tres leches is a sponge cake that's made with 3 kinds of milk basically #and you know. the implications. #I'm sure you can piece together the rest

[cuddlebugsirius]

What was the first fanfic everyone read? Any ship, any fandom...

#mine was the jedward milk fic #can you believe that? #insanity #all props to my best friend at age 13 for bringing me into the fold #love you poppy

[vero-niche]

can i just say how much i adore how Nao-chan's gender is treated so casually in skip to loafer

like, as a white cis woman who is also quite tall and havent read the manga i didnt even realize she was trans until this scene in ep2:

and i didnt even have the time to get nervous how they would handle this as they already moved on, ignoring the comments (just like queer people learn to do so) except for Mitsumi's comforting touch (implying she also heard the comments):

and there were no sad words or anything about this either, it was just handled so.... normally. which should not be something worth highlighting, but, well, you know. also on that note, special shoutout to P.A. Works for casting a woman as her voice actor as well.

she's shown being the supportive and lively aunt and like seconds later in this scene she's back to being her usual self again:

in conclusion

#im an anime only so i pray this post wont age like milk but i honestly dont think it will #maybe they will discuss something about it when/if mitsumi will be asking for an advice at some point but #judging by Theatre Kid in high heels not being ridiculed i think they will stay respectful and chill #i wish i could say more and in a better way but alas. i hope this will suffice #i just havent seen any posts about it in the tags and i was eager to rb something on it #anyway give this anime a try if you can <33 #skip to loafer #skip and loafer #trans #EDIT: i have been informed in the notes that this post will NOT age like milk. godbless <3

[squarecloud73]

*I worship you Tumblr please don’t remove it

Let's take off the jealousy, erase the rotten beneath, so we can polish this story, so pretty and clean.

#love his conversation with Kabru in bible #*you don’t have to tell everything to everyone #*just left the story as simple and pretty as you can #aghhhh #idk why but this part is just so satisfying some how #like bro it’s ok to move on and stop criticizing yourself #😭😭😭 #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #mithrun #milk snake #SquareCloud

[el-conejo-loco]

PSA: Friend takes requests. Go give him attention.

Hey, everyone. There's this friend who started a youtube channel, not long ago, where he posts covers of songs. He's amazingly talented, and he takes requests, so I recommend you guys give him some ideas ! And some love, too.

#Music recommendations #Music #underrated artist #underrated music #cover song #Signal boost #boost #Can you use signal boosts for that ? Huh. #Riddarna #Pink Milk

[inkskinned]

it takes a really long time to unlearn but there's no such thing as "cheating" or "half-assing" being a person. if you need to leave the cabinet doors open, leave them open. microwave your tea. sit down in the shower. buy the eggmaker. use your phone to calculate tip.

it's mostly fake posterity rules. who cares if you microwave your dinners. who cares if you use instant coffee. who cares if you stop watching the show that got boring. we all have a different set of skills and a different life and taking care of yourself is fucking hard.

at the end of your life there will be no final scoreboard. nobody is going to judge you because you brushed your teeth in the shower. there will be no final count of the number of times you had the same meal five nights in a row. there will be no fanfare or party because you won at being a person - and no one will be disappointed that you never understood the point of using paper towels to dry your hands off after washing them.

yeah, in this world, people will put up a fuss. i've noticed some of the biggest fusses are over what you'll put in/on your body. the fact that i will regularly eat deli meat straight out of the bag makes a lot of people genuinely concerned for me. but here's the thing: sometimes that's the only way i'm getting any protein. my doctor says i am doing fine. i'm sticking to my weird snacks and calling it deconstructed charcuterie.

they'll say they're horrified because you take a shortcut. that's fine. it's just that it looks like a shortcut to them because they're on a different life path. these kinds of things stand out to them as important. that's fine too. but for you? you've got other things that already make you pretty hard working. and these tiny things - well, they're just clutter on your journey.

#before any motherfucker is like <3 #''i know more about this and it IS WRONG to do this THING'' #shhhhh #unless ur a doctor and a patient has specifically asked... shut the FUCK up dude #one of the ways my life has changed in the last few years is like #taking coffee for granted #isn't something i can do #can you stand up for the entirety of making a meal? i can't always #and having some pompousass person be like #MICROWAVE THE WATER? FOR TEA? like . yeah actually i've been in prison for it ever since #''it tastes different!!!'' cool. it's not going into yOUR body. #i personally don't ever make hot chocolate with water. only ever oat/soy milk #but i wouldn't be like ... SIR. I WILL NOW JUDGE THEE #it's just like ableism all the way down innit #ableism and classism and #the expectation of the mental load as a form of being ''good'' #also. besides the like. pots and [redacted medical information] #im doing GREAT actually #>:) i have visible abs even when not flexing #it's bc god prefers me as a lesbian n has rewarded me lately for presenting more openly

[groovyfrog420]

tiny cookie obsessed with giant girlfriend who's 4 times his size

When your evil plan backfires because you didn't predict some guy could genuinely be so full of uncoditional love

meme ref for the title (and what gave me an idea for this drawing lol)

#I lowkey wanted to draw PV as human just super small #but I think this is funnier sfsfsd #SM is not genderbent in this one btw I just think anyone can be a girlfriend if you try hard enough!! #shadowvanilla #vanilla milkshake #pureshadow #shadow milk cookie #shadow milk #pure vanilla cookie #shadow milk crk #pure vanilla crk #blorbo-time #(personal art tag)

[daftmooncretin]

in terms of plotline trends i have noticed while rewatching tos

90% of season one: kirk saves the day with help from good friend spock

90% of season two: kirk gets kidnapped and the kidnappers took his shirt (gladiator fighting a possibility)

90% of season three: kirk gets stuck somewhere and spock has to go get him

other 10%: kirk convincing computers to kill themselves, spock mutinying and the triumvirate wearing silly little period costumes. (also three compulsory episodes of klingon content which i dread sorry)

#kirks gradual descent into damselhood is very funny #he like oh no spock im trapped and they took my shirt 🥺🥺 can you pick me up #did i mention i dont have a shirt on 🥺 #kirk is getting kidnapped so much at this point they need to stick his face on a milk carton #on season three right now and i have watched three episodes in a row where kirk gets stuck and pronouced dead and spocks like nah hes fine #hes like dont worry starfleet ill fetch him #star trek tos #star trek #jim kirk #spock #spirk #bones mccoy

[broodygaming]

C2 Spoilers

it drives me NUTS when people say that Taliesin and Matt decided together backstage to kill off Molly. It makes 0 sense and it's ??? just such an unnecessary rumor to spread. People on reddit often spout it like it's just a known fact. Like, as if Taliesin didn't famously complain about having to pull all nighters over a busy weekend to roll and conceptualize a new character cuz he had ZERO backup. As if Molly didn't JUST have a huge lore drop and was clearly building to be a major focus of the next branch of the story. As if Matt didn't have LOADS of lore and planning already done that he had to to redo and reconfigure to fit with the Tomb Takers going and exhuming Molly to continue their plans. Matt said he had this whole thing where Lucien was gonna show up in a different body and hunt down the M9 to kill Molly and take his old body back. He SAID that!

Idk why this drives me nuts. It just feels... almost disrespectful. Like. Y'all. Taliesin isn't a baby. He fucked up. It's okay. He made a dumb choice in the heat of the battle and doubled down and it got his character killed. Things escalated and there wasn't a healer and it's JUST as simple as that. Stop making shit up to justify something that only SEEMS LIKE IT'S ORDAINED because these people are talented story tellers. Blowing all the work they did to reconfigure the story and just HAND WAVING and being like "they planned it ahead of time" is just rude. If it all seems preplanned it's cuz Matt busted his patootie off and reweaved a frayed tapestry into a beautiful work. Happy accidents and all that. CMON.

#cr discourse #critical role #this is an oldie discourse but like just on reddit and seeing ANOTHER post about molly and ppl being like #yeah he sucked that's why Tal decided to bench him #like you really think if Tal wanted to bench his character he'd have NOTHING planned for his next character??? #you REALLY think that??? #they'd have 0 reason to lie about it too like #they're so open about talking behind the cameras and planning stuff and opening up about making sure everyones having fun #if Matt and tal worked something out cuz Tal wasn't having fun you'd be your ASS they'd milk that for all it's worth #to educate people about good table etiquette and how to sunset a character meaningfully so that players can enjoy their time #CMON

[98chao]

okay ❤️ yay ❤️

#sorry 4 no vanilla milkshake in a while you can only come up with so many drawing ideas....... #ive been practicing drawing humans again so theres that #anyway take this crappy doodle #cookie run #cookie run kingdom #crk #pure vanilla cookie #shadow milk cookie #shadowvanilla #vanilla milkshake #my art #shitpost #clip studio paint #2024

[sirazaroff]

@evilrwbyfan breakfast is on the house today

#fooze #evilrwbyfan #rwby #rwby fanart #ruby rose #rwby ruby #pyrrha nikos #rwby pyrrha #milk and cereal #pyrruby #smol y tol lol #I hope you don’t mind the design for pyrrah it’s like second nature for me now #but I can change it if you’d like #cinders crying screaming #how dare good things happen to Ruby after she ruins them for her #how’s that destiny tasting? #anyways enjoy :D

[cemeterything]

this may sound stupid but how does one make coconut rice?

my tried and tested recipe is as simple as soaking 1 and a half cups/roughly 500g of thai jasmine rice in (cold) water for half and hour to an hour (to remove the excess starch and make it softer and more absorbent), draining it, then putting it in a pan over a medium heat and adding a tin (400ml) of coconut milk and about a tablespoon of water, a teaspoon of salt, a teaspoon of soft brown sugar, and bringing that all to a boil (stirring regularly to prevent sticking) and then lowering the heat and letting it simmer (still stirring regularly) until most of the liquid is absorbed by the rice and the rice is soft and sticky but not soggy or chewy. that makes enough rice for 3 or 4 meals/people.

#you can vary the rice amount slightly but id say dont go over 500g or youll have too much rice and not enough liquid #if youre going to make more rice youll need to add more coconut milk #you can also substitute jasmine rice for thai sticky rice but i find that jasmine rice is the better of the two

[stuffy-just-doodles]

Hehehe see wut i did in the first one :)))

#cookie run kingdom #cookie run #cookie run fanart #crk pure vanilla cookie #crk shadow milk cookie #shadow milk cookie #pure vanilla cookie #stuffy doodles #soooooo I've been busy.... mainly with cookie run cuz i like the lil pastries on screen for all reasons #i gotta mention this cuz this was when i logged back in after a long time #so i decided to pull to see wut i would get the usual but somehow i was blessed by the gacha gods and got stardust cookie #soon i got enough soul stones to get capsaicin cookie too #crazy ass luck after not touching the game cjfjfjvjxhxv #also you can probably tell i like shadow milk cookie lil chaotic evil boi #that exclusively jaywalks and a gatekeep gaslight girlboss dude #yes im talking about a fuckin pastry im aware djdbdbxjkdkd

[andeptus]

ooo i need to go back to making serious art...

#death note #death note fanart #light yagami #light yagami fanart #i'm still nervous about posting here #feel like i'm getting judged about everything i posted #well you can't go wrong with chocolate milk light #can you ???

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Transcript:

I'm gonna pump so much of my light into your asshole, it'll feel like I flashbanged your intestines.

Audio Source

#HEADPHONES ON PEOPLE #ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #It's Sunday 😇 here is a post to bring you love ♥ and joy 😊 #FIRE IN THE HOLE #PUTTING THE BANG IN FLASHBANG #silly gabriel! humans aren't like cars you don't pump the fuel into them like that! it has to go in their mouth. hes so funny~ #is this flirting or a threat? yes. #you know that one meme with the milk explosion and that one imagine dragons song #just picture that #some of you want this #and this should scare the others #im sorry #the tags are like a dark alleyway. you shouldnt be here #(I am forcibly dragged off stage before I can continue) #suggestive