#but yes I’m always in pain

[cherrysnax]

damn that chronic illness is really chronic

#I hate it when I say I’m #in pain or sick and someone’s like ‘still? or again?’ #like yes mf I’m sorry it’s such an inconvenience to youuu #sorry I thought abt just ur problem for a sec #but ueah #it’s not a huge deal yet #but yes I’m always in pain #always sick #always this always that

[paimonial-rage]

The biggest recommendation I can give on writing dialogue that sounds in character for the character to say is, not to read the quests they are in, but to listen to the English dub whenever you get the chance. This may seem difficult especially if you are used to playing it in another language, but listening is key to getting the vibe of a character down. What you pay attention to is, not what they say, but the cadence in which they say it. Pay attention to the emotion in their voice, the speed at which they say things, the volume, etc. Once you get this down, it becomes easier to get an idea of what “sounds” right and what doesn’t. Cadence is an especially powerful thing. By training your ears to a character’s cadence, you can get a better idea of which words they would prefer to use, the lengths of their sentences, and things of the sort.

For example, reader asks Zhongli to dinner and he accepts. How would he respond? “Hmm, I’m not busy this evening, so I accept. Thank you for the invitation.” But that doesn’t sound right, does it? Is Zhongli the type of person that uses many contractions? I don’t think so, so let’s fix it. “Hmm, I am not busy this evening, so I accept. Thank you for the invitation.” But would he say “I accept?” Perhaps, but it still doesn’t sound right. How has he accepted proposals in the past? A bit of research shows he has said “sure.” How can I mix that in? “Hmm, I’m not busy this evening, so sure. Thank you for the invitation.” But hmm… the second sentence doesn’t sound right. What else could he say instead? “Hmm, I’m not busy this evening, so sure. It would be my pleasure.” That sounds a lot better.

Some people may ask why you can’t do these things while listening to another language. Personally, I don’t believe you can. If you are not fluent in those other languages, your ears are not properly trained enough to understand the nuance of the ways they speak. The correct emotion and tone will come through, yes, but you still won’t be able to intuitively know what sounds right and what does not. You only will get this sense by listening to it in the language you choose to write in.

The only downside to this is that your writing will become based upon the English translation of the game. As many people know, the portrayal of characters in English often does not completely match the portrayals in Chinese. This is especially so for characters like Zhongli, Xiao, and Kaeya. A lot is lost in the translation and dubbing process. Characters do not vibe the same. Thus, your portrayals will be more true to English, but not how it technically is “supposed” to be. Personally, I don’t necessarily believe this is a bad thing. However, it is something that can bother people. The only way I can imagine getting around it is by playing the game with the Chinese dub and by following accounts that speak Chinese and can give insight on the literal translations and what they mean and imply.

#personal #advice #character analysis #i personally dislike the idea that bc the en translation and dub aren’t parallel w/ cn they did a bad job #yes there are cases where the translation is terrible but it’s impossible to do a 100% true translation #when you translate a work the translation eventually becomes its own entity #it is the job of translation to change the text so that things sound natural #add into this communication misunderstandings between the translators and the writing team and things can become skewed #i’ve completely given up on zhongli but what i do try to do when writing xiao is to follow the notes of fan translators and ppl that play c #i do have it in my plans to eventually open an asian account and replay the whole game in cn too #but yeah training your ear to a character’s cadence is a real cheat way to learning character advice #this is bc it’s less rigid and more open-ended than memorizing straight speech patterns #the only junk thing is that eventually you’ll try writing for a character you haven’t listened to in a while? #and then you are forced to reserve two hours in your day to listen to a character or event quest with them in it #pain peko #also if you’re still here i’m gonna complain a bit like why do ppl always default to the jp voices when the cn voices are right there? #why not listen to cn? that should be the default if you want the best experience #idk man #maybe i’m just tired of listening to jp voice acting. they’re all the same

[saoirse-ronan]

“as with any chronic condition, his survival was a matter of becoming more comfortable, not some elusive unreality of being wholly pain-free. the trick was managing it until it no longer bit so angrily or stung. ”

hey olivie blake what do you have there

A KNIFE

#olivie blake holding a knife to my throat: ok now empathize with callum #i literally said oof while reading #the atlas paradox #the atlas paradox spoilers #julia reads tap #the atlas six #books #cause this is what some people in my life don’t get #yes the chronic pain program that i went through changed my life and made me able to function and to Live #but what it didn’t do is 100% cure me #i’m always going to have pain and that’s just the reality #i’m always going to have limitations of what my body can handle #julia.txt

[zainmalik]

proud of louis always and forever

#he’s just. he’s gone through so much. so much hurt and trauma and pain #and that fucks you up. that has the potential to make you bitter and angry at the world #and yeah he may have felt those things because he’s only human #but the way he didn’t let that get him down and instead fueled him to fight for what he cares about. what he loves #what he’s passionate about #and raise on top of all that #raise on top of the people who tried to bring him down #and now look at him #he’s confident. he’s doing what he loves. he’s putting on amazing shows. he’s reaching into different industries #he’s slowly but surely getting independent #he’s making connections and giving underground artists opportunities to showcase their music #he’s loved and appreciated and respected amongst his peers #and yes there’s always people who will want to shit on his achievements #but he’s not letting get that to him #he’s thriving #and i absolutely love the fact he’s not afraid to show his vulnerable side #the man who was scared and nervous and anxious about going solo is now on top of the world #i’m so so proud of him #i can’t wait to see him continue this journey #logan.txt

[yallwildinrn]

It genuinely really sucks when I see so many people frothing at the mouth to admit being aro isn’t a real queer identity. Esp as someone who is both a lesbian AND aro.

I’ll agree, I face more discrimination as a lesbian. However, the lgbt community isn’t defined by our suffering and pain. It should be defined through queer joy and solidarity in the face of a society that refuses to accept us and making that society accept us!

I don’t want my queerness to only be valid when it’s bc of pain. And even then, being aro WOULD be valid. Because you wanna know what fucking sucks? Knowing I can’t reciprocate feelings. Knowing I’ll be called a heartless masc, awful like the rest of em, by women who will ignore that I won’t fall for them. Knowing I’ll probably be pushed to the back burner in relationships bc of you aren’t dating or married, you’re not a priority. Knowing my options and wants are limited bc a lot of lesbians want a cute, sweet romance - and I can never give them that, and they will never ever want me.

Yeah. No one’s gonna try to kill me for that - and I’m grateful! But shit, it separates me from so many damn people and relationships and options in ways being a lesbian doesn’t always. And again. I don’t want my queerness to only be valid by how many people want to fucking kill me. No offense, I’m not centering my identity on pain. I want to find the joy in it.

#dear diary #vent #arophobia #homophobia #not as much for that one but still it’s discussed #just need to get this off my chest #bc yes I won’t be attacked for being aro #but that doesn’t mean it’s not queer and there’s no disadvantages and pain involved #bc it’s not a fucking choice #its something I’ve had to learn to love and accept and it has not always been fucking easy #I hated it for a while #it was freeing but also felt like a death sentence #but I’ve accepted it and I love who I am #it was honestly a harder battle in terms of self acceptance than my lesbianism #which was harder to accept bc I just didn’t want to deal with my homophobic ass family (and still don’t ugh) #so yeah #obv I’m discriminated more for being gay but goddamn #THAT DOESNT INVALIDATE MY ARONESS

[itspileofgoodthings]

the answer to the question of why I am this way is very often anxiety

#I know it’s not my personality etc. etc. but truly never been able to so clearly see how much anxiety I have #until this year! #my very matter of fact counselor: your base line level of anxiety is very high #me: surprised pikachu face #anyway it’s kind of helpful to just see how it has exacerbated so many things over the years that I used to just think …. Was me #and like. It IS. But it’s also a bent/slant/wiring to my make-up that is separate from me #so it just makes sense. like yes I am sensitive and I hate when people say mean things about things I love #but the panic I feel when people don’t agree or word something harshly???? that has manifested physically in me for my entire freaking life #that’s not because of how deep my attachment to it is or some weird psychological reason bound up in the wording of the hurtful phrase #or in the thing I loved itself #Like I used to think it was #It’s just …. anxiety #i don’t have to intellectualize all of it. some things are just triggers and it sets things in motion #it’s hard to know what the triggers are and it’s also funny to reflect on what can be #because I am a very specific fiercely attached funny little bean with a very definite history that has shaped me #but just trying to plumb the depths of every situation that has ever hurt me to try to find some deep truth about why I’m hurt #And what reality I’ve touched on that is causing me pain #It just isn’t what’s happening. It’s pretty simple #I honestly had this breakthrough once about Taylor and why taylor criticism made me anxious #Like I just always externalized all of it in that i would be like it hurts me because of the way taylor is or something #but there was this one moment where it was like it’s upsetting you because of you #But then I put it away and went back to analyzing the world and her externally lol #Anyway it’s going to be a journey! But it does feel pretty big that I’ve been able to reach it here #Also it’s so weird because it’s like shouldn’t I have known earlier? Shouldn’t other people have known earlier? And many DID #but also. I don’t always display it well #I make eye contact! I smile! I speak confidently!!! #And actually a lot of people are like ‘she’s fine she can handle this’ and it’s like I can’t I will DIE #I was talking to Maria the other day about this and she pointed it out to me. #I don’t look vulnerable and I don’t look like you can hurt my feelings by being like ‘I don’t really care for Kylo Ren’ #But you CAN and yes that’s the deep love but it’s also the anxiety! I think it’ll just be learning to balance those things in me. Not erase

[springmagpies]

It doesn’t matter how many times I read the series, every time I finish The Hunger Games series I sob uncontrollably. Everything about it is complete artistic and literary genius. And the fact that when I finish the movie series I get that same effect, leaving me sitting staring at my screen absolutely bawling just proves how incredible the series as a whole is.

#the hunger games #it’s 1 in the morning and I’m sobbing because I just finished mockingjay #the last lines of both the main story and the epilogue are just perfect #the symbolism and sheer beauty of Katniss and Peeta’s love story #the book of people they knew and loved and lost #the fact that Haymitch becomes a part of it and adds to the book #the whole series showing the obviousness of what war is and who it effects most #while also showing how peace and love and hope and family and friendship and connection and nature and LIFE are valuable #and precious and powerful #that though their trauma never goes away they have each other to help ease the nightmares and hold their hand through the pain #it is a series that doesn’t shy away from showing what oppression and war and trauma is and looks like #but that also refuses to say that that is all there is #it is a series that says yes there is darkness but there will also always be light #I’m tired and crying and rambling but I’ll just say #what I love so much about the hunger games is that it says life is hard but it is worth living #even if it’s found in the simplest of things #like the sound of birds the beauty of flowers the smell of fresh bread and the comforting arms of the person you love

[thedeadthree]

LIOSLAITH eladrin necromancer; fawn of the feywild (dnd)

the hot one: You're that one hunk that EVERYONE has a crush on. Your wit and charm is known to make fangirls faint, and half of the entire fandom's thirst posts are about you. You could eat a cookie and everyone would lose their shit. Congrats, dude.

LHYSA the bane of rulers; the assassin (the witcher/dai)

morally grey: You helped the hero's once, but only for money. And you sold them out later, but only to save your daughter (twin brother) from slavers (certain death by witch hunters, the wild hunt, the chantry). Your actions and motives are constantly contradicting, with no end in sight. Twitter and Reddit are divided in very different ways. Tumblr wants to eat you raw.

AYRENN the painted phoenix of plaithus (the exile)

should have been the villain: You're a good guy, but you shouldn't have been. Your appearance, your skillset, your backstory, it would have been perfect. But no, they had to make you a hero. I guess you were just too good to be true. You will always be a villain in our hearts.

RULES:

make your oc in this picrew.

take this uquiz to find out what the fandom would think of you if you were a fictional character.

my beloveds @confidentandgood, @blackreaches, @shellibisshe, @risingsh0t, @leviiackrman, @spectorss, @adelaidedrubman and @marivenah tagged me to do this cutest quiz + picrew tag! ty so much!

tagging: @griffin-wood, @saintsilver, @florbelles, @arklay, @steelport, @belorage, @lustyargonianmaid, @flyntz, @celticwoman, @blissfulalchemist, @aceghosts, @trinnaeste, @heroofpenamstan, @shadowglens, @nokstella, @yennas, @loriane-elmuerto. @jackiesarch, @manghhos, @aelyosos, @chuckhansen, @queennymeria, @rosebarsoap and you!

#only if you want to of course! 🌿💚 #and if you’ve done this already as always please feel free to ignore 🤍 and if i missed you please take this as ur tag! #oc: lioslaith mac ruaidhrí #oc: lhysa #oc: ayrenn urthemiel #alas ​the links are also being funky ✨🤧 #even uquiz thinks ur morally questionable lhysa ✨🥴 #eredin LOATHESS faron jsjxjxh yes that is his son YEA that also means lhysa is his daughter and yes faron is a thorn at his side ✨🥴 #that aen saevherne son of his is a royal PAIN i tell you sjzjhx #alyssa I’m having a BREAKDOWN over ayrenns? #GODD the way that this sounds like her mom and the overseer? and what she tells herself? IM FINE THIS IS FINE. #TAKES ME OUT AT THE KNEES LET ME TELL YOU ✨🤧 #introducing lio! my dear eladrin noble necromancer ✨😌 #i am SO excited for the party to get to know her in saturday ✨🥺 I ADOREE HER A NORMAL AMOUNT #its her summer and winter forms! beloved dearest dear girl! 🌿🌲❄️🌨 #a k*nife fit her the best bc ✨necromancy✨ u know? #(ngl maybe ill throw her into baldurs gate and pathfinder….. maybe guild wars.. IM OBSESSED WITH HER LISTENN) #i mean i totally agree uquiz she could so much as BREATHE and i would! i support her in all her endeavors! #THE WAY ALL OF THEM HAVE 🔪 im yelling! peak cute but could k*ll u ajjzjzhx ✨😌 #leg.ocs #leg.tagged #TY DEARS FOR THE TAG 🤍🥺 this was the cutest to do for them! and to introduce lio! #hmmm maybe I’ll give her a daughter ✨🥺 IVE BEEN THINKINGG.. especially since she’s got a linked verse now? maybe w/i*sengrim?

[retrogradedreaming]

Maybe an unpopular opinion, but if I tell you I have to cancel plans because of my chronic illness, I do not want to hear that you’re frustrated or upset by it. I promise you that I am more frustrated and upset by having a body that won’t let me follow through with those plans.

You can BE frustrated and upset. Those are normal and valid feelings. But if someone says they can’t do something because of their illness and you center your own feelings by telling them how frustrated you are about it, you’re being insensitive and you need to grow some empathy.

#just saying the people who live with chronic illness will almost ALWAYS be more upset about canceling plans for it than you #i just think it’s a dick move to respond to someone like this #i just fucking do not give a shit anymore #yes even as a chronically ill person I have been frustrated by having plans canceled by others on my good days #but I make a point to avoid telling people I’m frustrated or upset #especially if they’re sick #for any reason #people do not need to worry about YOUR feelings when they’re dealing with an illness of any kind that causes them to miss things #go vent to someone else about it I do not fucking care #like I fully do not mind if someone tells me it’s okay and then tells another friend they’re upset about me having to cancel #the only exception I have to this is if someone is like ‘I’m sad we can’t enjoy this together’ #to the tune of ‘I don’t hold it against you at all’ #brought to you by my friend being passive aggressive that I had to cancel plans to hang out and literally watch tv #because I have a migraine that I KNOW will turn into days of pain if I push it #this is eli

[raeofgayshine]

Every time I think a doctor’s appointment can’t make me more frustrated then last time, I get proven incredibly wrong.

Anyways shout out to my doctor’s office who cancelled my mri that was scheduled today without telling me, after sending out a confirmation on Friday for my appointment, so I had no idea until I arrived today and they said I wasn’t in the system.

So then I had to drive to an entirely different place to schedule another appointment, which now won’t happen for another fucking month

I am so angry and frustrated and I wasn’t so fucking stubborn I would probably give up right about now. But unfortunately one of my worst traits is that I am angry all of the time, but mostly fortunately I have at least learned to let rage fuel me meaning the angrier I am at someone the less likely I am to give up because I just want to prove them fucking wrong.

Frustration often works against this, however since I am not doing this alone (my mom was there since I can’t drive), it dulled the frustration enough to balance out. So here I am fucking pissed but refusing to give up because I know there is something wrong and no one believes me really but I will not stop until I have fucking answers

#ravenpuff rambles #yes I realize I am just fucking Bruce Banner #‘that’s my secret cap I’m always angry’ #whatever I’ve learned to live with it #that’s included ranting on here about how angry I am because this is my blog and I can do what I want #and venting is very important when channeling anger #so is buying yourself little treats but unfortunately I am broke so I settle for venting instead #and baking when I have the stuff but I can’t get eggs until Thursday so until then #too bad I can’t hold a job because off all these fucking issues #between the chronic pain and chronic fatigue I don’t feel like I can do shit! #and I can’t even manage either of them because no one takes it seriously #and of course they feed one another in a viscous cycle #sorry im still angry and ranting don’t mind me

[winnie-the-monster]

You ever think about how the squad made it seem like that Hope is always doing something risky. So much so, that they couldn’t trust her to help come up with a plan. Meanwhile everyone else has done some far riskier things that caused a mess. A mess that Hope(or Landon) ended up having to clean up, or end up dealing with the consequences of it. Bc I do a lot. 

#yes I’m counting Landon as someone who cleans up other peoples messes bc it’s true #bc somehow the magically solution to a problem was to sacrifice Landon #or he ended up being their therapist #both Hope and Landon got the wrong end of the stick bc of other people choices. #Hope always had to deal with everything since they would come running to her for everything #Hope and Landon both ended up dealing with the consequences of everyone deciding to the give the Necormancer all tha black magic #which he used with the help for Alyssa to rise malivore #which caused Landon to be imprisoned possessed and killed #landon had to pay the price to bring people back to life after the decided to go to war with a god #(which I really hate bc they knew what they were getting themselves into but still expected Landon to bail them out) #Hope had to go through the pain of thinking Landon was dead #and with being manipulated by someone who claimed was her friend and by malivore(two fake Landon’s still not over that) #almost lost her life when Kaleb decided to take her transitioning body to malivore #and having to go through the pain for being forced to kill Landon #all of it was truly disgusting

[void-tiger]

If I ever can become mentally, physically, and financially stable enough to move out&buy a small house…I’m probably going to grow food plants on my front lawn, and have them be free to harvest for whoever walks by. I can’t control whether a neighborhood has a community garden, or a town plants fruit-bearing trees.

But MY Property? That I can control. And that I can make accessible. Plus it’s Less Mowing…

#tiger’s musings #solarpunk #cottagecore #hopepunk #…also I’m probably always going to have mental illness and chronic pain #I just wanna Dream of these things being better managed so I can work and clean (and finally garden!) when I feel up to it #haven’t gotten Yet MORE Bloodwork results back yet but… #doc thinks it’s prolly fibromialgia (which Yes would explain mental health and focus worsening) #verses arthritis. but it still hurts to DO anything and tires me so so easily #and like. brain fog makes focus a Haha What’s That + worse depression synptoms #when…I was already depressed and prolly high functioning ADHD 😂😅 #but yeah. when I CAN dream. I want a small house with small yards to fill with plants #especially front vs back. it’s safer for my cat that way #and a section I just let grow Wild for native bees (and wall it off so my cat doesn’t get ticks LOL)

[ilovefredjones]

but here i am with arms unfolding / i guess this isn’t quite the end

dodie, arms unfolding / tim fedelre, high school musical: the musical: the series

[ID: 1. lyrics from ‘arms unfolding’ by dodie. they read: ‘hope i’m not tired of rebuilding / ‘cause this might take a little more’

2. maddox from high school musical: the musical: the series. she stands onstage at the camp prom. she’s talking to an audience, but mainly speaking to jet, who is just off camera. the subtitles say ‘it’s a song that used to be my favourite when i was little.’

3. maddox looks at jet, still mostly off screen, with a very faint smile. the subtitles say ‘it made me happy, and it made my little brother happy.’

4. maddox looks at jet with a soft, contemplative expression with her brow slightly creased. the subtitles say ‘and i think maybe we’re ready to be happy again.’

5. lyrics from the same song as 1. they read ‘i think i’d like to try look at you / and feel the way i did before.’ end ID]

#hsmtmts #maddox hsmtmts #jet hsmtmts #they’re starting again :) #they recognised the pain and anger and hurt and grief they’ve caused each other. and maybe they’ll never forgive. #but they’re ready to be happy again :) #these two are so important they’re so :) familial relationships esp siblings are always so fun to explore #it’s about duty it’s about blood it’s about connection it’s about a relationship you never got a say in in the first place #it’s about breaking free (no pun intended) of expectations and living for yourself. choosing yourself above anything #but still loving your sibling. still wanting to be happy with them. it’s all about choice and agency #i adore these two’s arc this season it’s really all i’ve been coming back for hsmtmts for #it means a lot to me :) and i’m glad they’re choosing to be happy #and i’m glad it was messy!!!! i’m glad jet screwed up & maddox screwed up and they were both defensive and distrusting #like yes!!!!! all this pain and grief and trauma is not going to be so easily forgave and forgotten!!!

[shipwhoresanonymous]

japril has very little screen time but in my heart they are the stars and it is their love story being told 🥰

#why did merder get so many scenes? #no hate but also yes hate just a teensy bit #mainly bc i see so many merder shippers call japril toxic and i’m like ‘king look in a MIRROR’ #i actually like merder sometimes but it makes me frustrated af that the secondary characters in the show always get very little screen time #but like ALL the drama #we get so few scenes of japril just being a happy couple even though they should be one of the happiest on the show #they were best friends to lovers like they should literally be mostly wholesome with a little drama #ALSO GREY’S THE TRAGIC SCENES WOULD BE MORE TRAGIC IF THEY WERE HAPPY OTHERWISE #can you IMAGINE how painful it’d be to see jackson holding onto his wife’s body when she was dying??????????? #@ krista email me i have to talk

[ultravioletlesbian]

not to self diagnose but it kinda seems like i have gastritis which if it gets severe enough can make you vomit blood. i am however ignoring the warnings to not drink carbonated or caffeinated drinks bc i value the alertness this caffeinated-carbonated drink is giving me more than no pain

#yes drinking it hurts however i am now awake. #i guess i SHOULDNT crush aleve pills. gastritis can be caused by frequent use of NSAIDS (aleve) #i don’t take it frequently but when i do i always crush them (which aleve’s site says is fine. forgot you can’t trust corps) and i did this #tuesday night and the pain started wednesday morning #i’m only making this post to like. have this on record or whatever. also i have hopes by saying this i jinx it so i DONT have it #talk talk talking #antacids help the pain fun fact! if you ever think you have this. eating tums like candy rn (kidding i’ve only had 6 in the past 15 hrs)

[hobisexually]

x

#hello it’s your weekly scheduled trauma dump on tungle dot com! #I never knew how to explain why I don’t like the holidays right #because yes! I’m full of love and warmth and want to celebrate nice times with the people I love! absolutely #and I like the coziness and the everything #but Monday it was Sinterklaas and it used to be my favourite holiday of them all #it truly makes me feel like a kid and I used to hold on to this holiday with my tiny fists SO tightly because it was just. pure joy. #minus the racism re: piet obviously that’s a whole other can of worms I won’t get into rn #but this Monday it all exploded because of my dad and it was truly a throwback to my entire teenage years #and how it was all about appearances and pleasing anyone but me only to sit in a car and think about how fake it all is and how #that love isn’t. felt. not really. it’s always been about unspoken pain hè projects onto everyone else without respecting your boundaries #and I just can’t do it anymore and this time I set a firm hard no and his temper tantrum led to my mum choosing him over me EVEN THOUGH #THEY ARE LITERALLY DIVORCED?????????? #‘amber hes crying it’s heartbreaking you’re coming’ #yeah well I was also crying at WORK by myself where it is of the UTMOST importance to me they don’t know about any of this #but no no this whole grown man who is in a fucked situation with his family OF HIS OWN UNDOING is who we’re choosing instead of your child #I went! I put on my big girl pants and went and said hi to his family and was more than civil and celebrated with the kids #but it cost me so much. and for the first time ever I saw exactly how much it really cost me #I spent three whole days trying to set a boundary and stand up for myself only for it to be discarded because my No doesn’t matter ever #then I was so stressed i broke my own body in an attempt trying to be civil like my entire cheek is swollen from biting it I literally #haven’t been able to eat properly since Tuesday. my stomach hurts. my headache hasn’t gone. and I am so so so tired I fell asleep at 7pm #and I’ve been white as a sheet everyone at work could tell something was wrong but they didn’t know What exactly #and just. the contact with this man. I can’t keep doing it not when it does /this/ to me #I can’t even properly explain what it’s like or what happens. just that I can’t do it anymore because it’s tearing me apart and it actively #holds me back? I spent the past four years in therapy talking about and trying to fix everything he instilled in me but is holding me back #in my life. in my relationships. in my work. in the way I look at /myself/ #I can’t keep surviving I have to start living #and it’s ALWAYS worse around the holidays. the worst fights and nights of my life have been during the holidays #I am thirty years old and I was suddenly a fifteen year old this week who desperately needed help but wasn’t getting it #and I refuse to live like that ever again. I’m done. I’m done! #and it’s deeply sad and upsetting but we can’t fix this. we just can’t.