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#but weed isnt working anymore :((((

luvrxbunny · 8 months

Note

hi, im loving your work and i'm not sure if this is like where your at cause it's just regular old eddie but i was wondering if you'd write something like reader and eddie are both really into each other but haven't said anything and she knows how into d&d he is so she makes on of his campaigns into a comic but shes been so busy she unintentionally pulls away and eddies worried she finally "woke up" and realized hes a freak. maybe something like she's from new york banished to her aunts in hawkins aunts cause she has to repeat senior year again and eddie immediately is like wow. but happy ending obviously, maybe some smut if the spirit moves you. i hope this isnt too specific i know your last request was more vague but i had the idea and thought it'd be cute, if your not into it though that's fine i figure it never hurts to ask right 😘

hi! thank you for requesting! there actually isn't smut in this one but if you'd like some you can request a part 2 kinda thing!

Pairing: Eddie Munson x F!Reader

Summary: Eddie feels you pulling away and assumes the worst.

Warnings: smoking (weed), misunderstandings and emotions (lmk if I forgot anything)

WC: 6.9k

A/N: idfk this might be word vomit- i tried please have mercy

Eddie was the first friend you made here in Hawkins after being abandoned by your family. The sting of failing your senior year was enough, but the pain of your family being too embarrassed to house you anymore made it even worse. You had to watch all summer as all your other friends packed up for college while you were packing to be sent away. You were forced to go live with your aunt, which wasn’t the worst situation you could’ve ended in.

She’s nice to you, understanding. She doesn’t believe in traditional schooling, she says it’s ‘no wonder’ that you failed. She claims ‘You’re a special girl with the mind of an artist’ and ‘schools aren’t built for people like you two’. You love her, you just can’t stand some of her habits.

She lives a very hippie lifestyle. She forces you to walk to school, even on the first day, saying it was good for your mental health but all it did was make you incredibly sweaty for your first day. Although it ended up working out for the best.

You arrived panting and sweaty from your rush over. She hadn’t told you the night before that you’d be walking so you didn’t wake up early enough. You could not stand being late to first period, not wanting to deal with the entire class watching you find a seat. So you had to haul ass to school. You had planned out an incredibly cute outfit that was now ruffled, mussed, and damp with sweat. You wanted to cry as you sat down in the back left corner of the classroom, getting a nice view of the field beside the school, the trees and flowers that live there. You’re huffing and puffing, your breathing all out of order from you trying to regulate it as students pour in. You watched as the cliques formed themselves, having been established in the previous years. You took out a notebook and buried yourself in it, hoping no one would approach you.

The other students settled down and the teacher began her orientation. You aren’t listening as she speaks, watching the rain that's pattering gently on the classroom window. She was going on about the syllabus, informing you of the incredibly boring things you’d be learning in her class when he burst through. Opening the door with so much force that it slammed on the wall behind it, he was huffing and puffing, nearly soaked in rain with a bag loosely thrown over his shoulder. The thing about him that stuck with you though, was the blinding, dimpled, smile that was on his face. Despite being drenched, late, and the current center of attention, he had the largest smile you had seen all day. It was so genuine that you were smiling along with him without even realizing it.

“Mr. Munson. I see you’re in my class again…” She spat the words at him so venomously you expected to see his smile drop, falter at least but it widened instead.

“I am! Yes. I am! And I’d like to focus more on what that says about my… my determination, rather than what I may lack in this particular subject.” Again? Maybe he’s a repeat like me?

Something about the thought made you feel a bit fond of him.

“Mhm. That’s nice. Have a seat.” She continued to drone on as he looked around for a seat, his eyes widened at you, seeing you already smiling and staring at him. This snapped you out of your trance and you tried desperately to avoid his gaze, pretending like you hadn’t been watching him since he came in.

He decided to sit next to you and you guys hit it off instantly, later finding that you had almost every class together. You felt so lucky, he was so, so kind. He spent your first two periods and lunch together. He introduced you to his friends, let you know the special ins and outs of the school, and even offered you a ride when he found out your aunt was leaving you hanging. He told you that you’d have to wait with him after school because apparently, he ran a club called “Hellfire”.

Honestly, in the period after lunch, without him, you questioned if this was the kind of person you should align yourself with. In the next period, with him, when you walked in the door he waved you over and moved the backpack that was on the desk next to him. “Hey! I saved you a seat.” He had that shining, dimpled, smile again and you decided it didn’t matter what kind of person he was. He was kind to you and that’s what mattered.

You learned a lot about him and you feel like that’s when you started falling in love with him.

He told you about his struggles with his family, and why he lived with his uncle. He told you about his childhood and got a little teary-eyed, although he still kept his butterfly-inducing smile.

He told you about his struggles with this town and warned you that you may be subject to ridicule by befriending him. That was the only time his smile fully dropped, he got this kicked puppy look in his eyes as he lied to you, telling you that ‘he’d understand.’ or that ‘you don’t need to feel bad’. You told him you’re not afraid of some small-town hicks.

He apologized to you at the end of the class, saying it must’ve been awkward to listen to him blubber about his life all class but you, stars in your eyes and in love, adamantly assured him that you didn’t mind.

You ended up loving his club, the planning, the theatrics, and the suspense, were unbelievable. You were engaged the whole time, obsessed with how Eddie told his story, and invested in the team and their survival. You told Eddie about how cool you thought it was the whole ride home. By the end of the ride, you were apologizing profusely for how much you had talked about it but he, red in the face and flustered, adamantly assured you that he didn’t mind.

You guys have been almost inseparable since. It’s been about seven months here at Hawkins now and your little crush has snowballed into a bit of a colossal crush on Eddie. Nowadays, your Hellfire visits are filled with you just watching him. You don’t pay attention to the plot, to how the characters are doing, or anything… just him.

It’s getting a bit embarrassing in fact, because you’ll have fewer things to say on the ride to your house than you usually do and he’s begun to question it, asking if you thought he needed to work on anything and not believing you when you say that ‘he doesn’t need to change anything’ or that ‘it was so perfect you have no notes.’

A secondary reason you’ve started staring at him more is because you’ve been working on something for him; a way for you to confess how you feel about him in a way that you hope he’d like. You’re completely unsure of how he may feel about you. You’ve noticed a few things… the way he’ll save a seat and always give it to you, no matter who arrived before you, how he seemed to be somewhat softer with you than he is with everyone else, but you chalked it up to hopeful thinking.

You were trying to make a comic of the first time he invited you to Hellfire. You can remember it almost perfectly and for anything you don’t remember you can just refer to your journal. You’d written all about it after you got home.

You’ve been spending most of your time in the art room now, trying your absolute best to make it the most professional-looking, homemade comic anyone had ever seen. You think about the smile that Eddie would wear, even if he didn’t reciprocate your feelings, you at least hope he appreciates the art.

You’ve gathered help from a lot of unsuspecting people. You found out that quite a few girls on the cheerleading team are a great help when it comes to designing the outfits. They’ve started to meet you in the art room at lunch to help with the comic, slightly invested in the plot even though you’ve explained multiple times that it’s technically Eddie’s plot. They’ve also become quite interested in your love life, knowing that it’s for Eddie. They actually root for the two of you, they were all much nicer than you expected them to be.

You’ve started to miss a few club meetings as well. To be fair though, you aren’t technically part of the club. Eddie explained that since you don’t play you’re technically just a consistent bystander. It had hurt your feelings at first, feeling left out of the group but now it’s just convenient. You don’t have to tell Eddie in advance that you aren’t going and you don’t need to tell him why. You always go to the art room instead to work on your comic. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, the cheerleaders join you after practice to help you work some more. You started to fall behind in school work, not paying attention to anyone or anything in class in favor of working on your comic instead. This little picture book has consumed your entire life for a few weeks. Unbeknownst to you, Eddie was suffering the whole time.

He noticed it when it first started. At lunch one day, instead of eating and engaging in the conversation you kept opening your notebook and doodling little things he couldn’t see. He kept having to get your attention and re-explain everything that was happening whenever he tried to include you in the conversation. Eventually, you just told him, with a soft laugh, that you’re not listening. You giggled and went back to your doodling, not even realizing that what they had been talking about, was the idea of you joining Hellfire officially, even if you don’t play. Your disinterest almost broke Eddie’s heart, it hurt a lot actually but he reasoned with himself.

Maybe she just doesn’t want all the heat, and bullying that comes with being a part of Hellfire. She’s soft, she just doesn’t want to say that right now, in front of the whole table. She’s so cute… She’ll tell me why, later.

You never did. You never explained to him why you cared so little about being in a club he cared so much about.

You began to pull away more and more after that. He would plan campaigns with you in mind, creating twists and turns he knows you’d love, imagining the look on your face and the excitement in your voice when you’d tell him about it on the ride home. However, you started telling him you couldn’t make it to Hellfire. You never gave him an explanation and he never asked for one, you guys are just friends… he has no right.

A little piece of his heart would chip away every time you canceled on him, breaking even more whenever he had to receive pitiful stares from everyone else when they noticed characters in the campaign that were so obviously you-coded. The confused looks from every member whenever they asked where you were, only to be met with a sad shrug, became a bit too much for him. He was still giving you a ride home, you’d arrive at the end of Hellfire with a shy smile on your face for it every day so you had to be staying somewhere at school. He was determined to find you.

He ended Hellfire early one day and set on his quest to find you. He knows you love to read so the library was the first place he checked, only to find the doors locked. His next stop was the art room, stopping to peep inside the cafeteria on his way over and shaking his head sadly when you weren’t there. At this point, he’s sure that you’re in the art room, but what confuses him is that he can hear girly, popular, giggling coming from the very room that you must be in. He rushes over in a half-sprint, thinking that some girls were picking on you but when he gets to the door he can see you laughing along with them as you doodle on something.

“I mean he’s… cute..” Chrissy Cunningham says to Eddie’s intense confusion. Who are they talking about..? What is she doing with Chrissy Cunningham? The other cheerleaders burst into a smaller fit of laughter at her words.

“I think he’s cute!” You say and Eddie’s heart sinks at your words. Who? He waits there for a while but you guys never give specifics. He watches the cheerleaders giggle and tease you about your mystery crush. He only witnesses the way you fiddle with your pencil with the biggest smile he’s seen all day splitting your face. It hurts him to see you so happy over someone else, he watches you as a dark, numb, pain spreads inside his chest before walking away with tears in his eyes. His hands were in his pockets, shoulders hunched defeatedly as he heard you girls cheering behind him.

When you came for your ride he wasn’t in the Hellfire classroom waiting for you, instead, he was leaning on his van smoking. He never smoked around you, not cigs at least. You had explained your many bad memories with men who smoked and how it caused you to just despise the smell, that it even caused you a bit of anxiety before you even knew that he smoked.

Out of kindness, Eddie just avoided smoking around you all together, but right now he was stressed, hurt, and on the verge of a breakdown and a cigarette was the only thing that could keep him from that.

He didn’t care too much if you minded, you’d already decided you didn’t want to be around him anymore, choosing to hang out with the cheerleaders instead, letting them coax you over to the dark side from right under his nose. He should’ve held onto you tighter, he should’ve known they’d try and snatch you. You were so beautiful, and you’d be so popular under their watch but they’d also corrupt you, turn you into them, murdering the sweet, caring, and loving girl you were. The thought broke his heart, hence the cigarette in between his fingers when you approached him for your ride.

“Hey, Eddie! I was starting to think you left me!” You say with an adorable giggle that he wishes he could smile at. He blows smoke up into the air, avoiding your face, and puts it out.

“Yeah. I was actually thinking the exact same thing.” He says with a humorless laugh that shocks you. You’re about to ask him if he’s okay when he gets in and starts the van. You rushed over to your side to get in before he drove off in silence. This is when you’d ask him about Hellfire and he’d give you the outline of what happened, but this time when you ask, he responds with “Same old, same old.”

You never thought you craved his voice as much as you do now. The drive is longer, some strange traffic blocking the way and the silence in the van gets to be too much for you.

Forget about wrapping.

“Eddie?” He hums at you, letting you know he heard you but doesn't turn to look at you. His eyes stay on the packed, unmoving road. “I- I made you something.”

His head turns to you so fast you can almost hear it crack. “You made me something?” The shock in his voice is surprising. It’s like he never, ever, had even considered that with all your artistic talent, you’d want to make him something. You have all of his attention now.

“Yeah…” You reach into your bag and pull it out gently while Eddie gets off the road, pulling into a parking lot. “I- Well, I was going to wrap it but I’ll just give it to you now. I- I hope you like it…”

He’s smiling at you as you rummage through your backpack gently for whatever you have for him. He tried not to get too excited but he couldn’t help himself…

“I’ll love it, sweetheart.” His heart is swelling at the idea of receiving a gift from you. That means at some point, somewhere you had seen something and thought of him, you thought of him so much that you just had to buy that item and you planned on gift wrapping it for him.

Maybe it's a goodbye present. Fuck- be cool.

Eddie tried to shove his thoughts to the back of his head, his heart was pounding as you pulled it out of your bag. It was a little book… A comic book? “Oh! What comic is this?”

He grabs it from your hand to read the cover and sees “The Brave, Bold, and Indomitable, Eddie the Banished VOL. 1” He reads it over again and again, believing that his eyes are playing tricks on him before slowly turning to look at you. You had a sweet, shy, and scared smile on your face as you awaited his reaction. “No fucking way.” His voice is a low, stunned, whisper as your smile spreads and he quickly flips through the little book.

He opened the first page and felt like he couldn’t breathe, the art inside was breathtaking. “No fucking way.” He examined a character that was definitely him, running his fingers over the pages in awe.

“Yeah, t-that’s you.” You scoot closer to him and lean over the center console to point him out on the page. “Here’s the rest of the party.” You point out more details to him, explaining why you picked some of the outfits you did, and why you chose certain trees and times of day but Eddie isn’t paying very much attention. He’s not even looking at the book anymore, he’s just watching you. You’re explaining every aspect of the page to him as he inspects every aspect of your face. Until you abruptly stop and he watches embarrassment creep into your features. His eyes flicker back to the page as you take your finger away from where you were pointing and he notices a little person in the corner of the page, almost hidden in the bushes as the party makes their way through a forest.

“What-” He recognizes it on further analysis. “Is that you?” He asks with a chuckle of disbelief as he pulls the page closer to his eyes, admiring your little character. “Why are you in the bushes, sweetheart?”

You’re stumbling over your words at the pet name. Eddie has used it twice in this car ride alone and you’re struggling not to lose your mind. “U- Um well… I’m- I’m just a bystander so… so I’m just by-standing.” You end the sentence with a sad giggle and your eyes shift to your fidgeting hands in your lap. Eddie’s smile falters at it and the memory of him inviting you to be more than.

“Yeah. I mean- not for lack of trying y’know? I guess you’d rather be a cheerleader.” He tried to keep his tone light and jovial as he turned the page, now looking for you in every bush. He’s chuckling at your drawings as you’re overcome with confusion. “Eddie. What are you talking about?”

He doesn't look up from the book. “C’mon, love. We offered you a membership without gameplay and you just-” He takes a deep breath as he feels a small lump form at the base of his throat. “You couldn’t have been less interested.” He’s giving you that humorless laugh again as he flips the page. You’re searching your brain, racking your memories, trying to remember when this happened but coming up blank.

“Eddie, I don’t remember that happening.” He sighs, shuts the book, and shoves it under his thigh before starting the van back up, sad anger bubbling in his chest.

“Listen, I get it. Y’know, you wanna be popular. I understand the pull, sweetheart. I don’t blame you at all.” You’ve never felt more confused as Eddie pulled out of the parking lot. Your silence makes him nervous, and nerves make his mouth run.

“I mean… When you got here- poor unsuspecting, you- didn’t believe that the first friend you made was-” He lifts his hands from the wheel for a moment to make air quotes. “The town freak.” He gives you that laugh again.

“I’m honestly surprised that it took you so long to leave us losers for the popular crowd!” His voice is still upbeat, and light, as though he wasn’t breaking your heart and insulting you to your core at the same time. “OH! I- I guess you just needed a ride, right? It’s alright, sweetpea.” He’s so frustrating, that fake smile plastered on his face as he pulls up to your house.

“Eddie.” Your voice is strained around the ball in your throat but still angry. “I don’t know what you’re talking about and I don’t even like what you’re saying so either explain or just stop talking.” He parks the van on your curb and stares at you silently. You take this as the ‘stop talking’ option. “Okay. Thanks for the ride…” You hop out of his van sadly and turn around. “I- I hope you like your comic, Eddie…” With that, you slam the door closed and rush to your front porch. Eddie waits to watch you enter the house before pulling out of your driveway, trying not to let his guilt override his anger.

On the whole drive home, Eddie is mulling over everything you said. Your seemingly genuine confusion over the invitation. He thinks over the original scene, you did say you weren’t listening. Eddie thought you meant it in the sense where you knew what the conversation was about but you wanted to stay out of it… but maybe you literally were not listening. Maybe you legitimately did not hear what they had said.

Eddie pulls into his driveway and opens the comic book, deciding he needs to read it before heading in. He didn’t realize how long he’d end up spending in his van, reading your comic but when he finally looked up from the pages, getting butterflies from your art and how vividly you remember his campaign, the sky was dark. He chuckled to himself and headed inside to get ready for bed.

Eddie flipped through the comic all night, noticing a pattern within your art. You were on every page that the Hellfire party was on, watching what he assumed was all of them. He was obsessed with your art, especially your character, and was psycho analyzing her when he noticed it. She was staring at his character. On every page the two of you were on, you were staring at him, your line of sight fixed on his character.

He felt as though he was losing his mind as he frantically flipped through every page. His heart raced as he watched your character watch him. He loved it, whether you did it on purpose or not, it was doing something to him. Heat rushed to his face as he put the book away and calmed himself down. He didn’t want to read too much into it but he couldn’t help the way his heart raced when he approached you about it the next day.

He wanted to work up to the subject, he wanted to pretend that it hadn’t consumed his every thought since he noticed but instead, he just blurted it out to you the moment he sat down.

“Why are you watching me?” His face goes red after the words shoot out, wishing he had taken more time to craft what he wanted to ask. He watches humored puzzlement bloom over your face as you giggle softly, giving him butterflies in his tummy.

“Eddie, you just got here. I was gonna say hi…” Your voice is timid, still careful after the little argument yesterday and fear begins to curl in Eddie’s stomach. He forgot he had been an asshole to you yesterday.

Maybe it’s a coincidence, maybe she was just drawing her “good side”. Why would she be staring at you, Munson? Get a grip, Jesus.

He tries to play it off. “I- I’m just sayin’ you could’ve waved or something.” He tries to sound upbeat, and cheerful, but he can’t get it to sound genuine. All night he’s been fantasizing about what it would be like if you actually liked him back. How he would give you hugs and kisses no matter where you were. He thought about how in love with you he’d be, it’d be pretty annoying to everyone else but he wouldn’t even care.

He knows you’d love it too, he’d give you everything he has, everything he had and ever will have.

He shouldn't have gotten so far ahead of himself.

He thought about how he would follow you to whatever college you wanted to go to- if you wanted to go. He would get a job nearby and you guys could rent an apartment together. He’d wait until you’ve graduated to ask you to marry him. He’d take you to your favorite spot, with all your favorite things, and propose to you in whatever way you’d want him to. He’d spare no expense on the ring- if that’s something you’d care about.

He’d start a mechanic shop with Wayne and they’d be so rich that you wouldn't even need to work if you didn’t want to. He thought about your kids, he’d hope that they look like you, they’d get far in the world being as beautiful as you are. He wants them to be like you too, good, sweet, and caring. He spent the night going over your whole lives together, his cheeks sore from how long he’d been smiling. But you don’t like him like that.

Eddie distantly hears the bell ring, not realizing he’d spent the whole class moping over the fact that you don’t like him. He looks around to see you’ve already left him. You usually wait with him, you like to chat on the way to the next class. Your absence has never felt so painful for him.

Once he’s gathered his things he heads to the next class where he sees your seat surrounded by cheerleaders, a small smile on your face as they seem to dote on you. He decides he doesn’t need to sit with you today, you have enough people to keep you company. He actively avoids looking at you for the duration of the class, rushing out once the bell rings.

He rushes to the bathroom, bumping into people and getting insults hurled his way in the process. He gets to his stall, with all his graffiti, and slumps against the wall to the floor. His mind is racing, his chest heaving as he tries to cope with losing you. She’s with them now I guess? But-

His memories flash back to all the times you guys hung out, just the two of you. He felt as though you were just a better, female version of him. You were an outcast but in the best- or worst- way possible. You were like a gem he had found in this pile of shit town, everyone else had overlooked you, not wanting to wash the shit off to see you shine, but he had. He didn’t care about the shit, he wanted to be there for you in the way no one was there for him when he arrived.

He thinks he fell in love with you the moment he found out you were also repeating your senior year, not for the third time like him but still. He thought it was cute how embarrassed you were about the fact that you were repeating, he loved the way he was able to help you be more comfortable and help you understand that it’s not your fault.

He felt like- He thought that he was something special to you, he hoped he was something special to you. He treats you like you’re something special to him because you are- or at least he thought he treated you like that.

Maybe he didn’t. Maybe he should’ve invited you to play in Hellfire more often, invited you over more, given you more of his lunch when your aunt forgot to give you money, and given you a better discount on his weed. Maybe he should’ve just been less of a freak.

Tears are gathering in his eyes as he angrily rubs at them, feeling pathetic. Crying over a girl in a bathroom stall. I really am a fucking loser.

He takes a few deep breaths before getting off the ground, leaving the bathroom, and heading to the cafeteria. He expects to see you at his table, and the butterflies in his stomach come back to life when he imagines the tone you’ll give him when you ask where he’s been like you always do when he’s late. He grabs lunch and sits down… you’re nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s your better half?” Gareth asks, gaining a laugh from the table. It just hurts Eddie more. He stays silent, pulling out his Walkman and letting music drown out every voice or thought in his head until he sees people getting up to leave.

“Hey, Ed.” Gareth is the only one who waited for him.

“I’m sorry if I was an ass earlier. I know you like her, I just- I thought you actually did know where she was.” Eddie feels his throat close up and almost rolls his eyes at himself.

“It’s fine, Gareth. She’s probably off with Chrissy Cunningham.” He says with a gruff, tense voice, ignoring the shock that plasters on Gareth’s face.

“Cunningham? What- How does she even know her?” Eddie shrugs and starts walking to his next class, Gareth following close behind. “She’s like what? Friends with them now? She’s gonna be a cheerleader or something?” Eddie feels his emotions building inside him, like an overfilled balloon and he’s about to pop.

He stops walking and turns to him. “I don't fucking know, Gareth.” Gareth’s gaze shifts from Eddie immediately. “I don’t know why she’s hanging out with them now. I don’t know why she doesn’t come to Hellfire or why she doesn’t talk to me on the ride to her house anymore. I don’t know!” Eddie is met with silence at the end of his rant. “Oh! I know.” His voice has dropped to a low, condescending, whisper.

“Maybe she got tired of being one of the freaks, hmm?” He rushes off to his next class and for the first time, he’s grateful that you’re not in it.

You’re in class and your thoughts could not be further from the material. You’re thinking about Eddie of course. The way he acted in the van yesterday, the way he acted in first period, and even second period. You noticed he came into lunch late and didn’t even speak to anyone when he did come in. He didn’t look at you, talk to you, or anything. It hurt.

You’re anxious, leg bouncing and chewing on your pen as you watch the clock. You need to see him, ask him what’s wrong.

Maybe he figured it out. Fear shoots through you. Maybe he figured out that I like him from the comic. I didn’t get to explain much but he’s smart enough to figure it out on his own. Is this his reaction to my liking him? No. It can’t be. Even if he didn’t like me back… I don’t think he’d treat me like this. I think he would let me down gently.

It’s a nice thought but it just leaves you back where you started. What is wrong with Eddie?

You’re ready to ask him. You got there first and pulled his desk a little closer to yours, hoping to have a full, meaningful conversation with him. He never shows.

This isn’t alarming to anyone but you, everyone scoffs when the teacher reads out Eddie’s name the second time. There are murmurs of “took him long enough” and “I’m so shocked” hurting you with their lack of care. You wait for attendance to finish before asking to go to the bathroom. You take your bag with you and no one questions it, knowing you as the ‘good girl’, not realizing you’re about to skip class for the first time.

You roam the school looking for Eddie. You check Hellfire’s room, the band room, even the art room but you can’t find him. You check places he wouldn’t be, the library, the computer lab, and even the abandoned school basement. Your heart is racing as you rush out to the parking lot, hoping at least his van is still here and that’s where you find him. Coughing on what you assume is cigarette smoke by his van.

“Eddie!” You shout his name without thinking and his head whips in your direction, shocked. A smile spreads on his face as you stomp toward him. Despite all the unknowing pain you’ve put him through today, the butterflies in his stomach are still alive for you.

“Eddie, what the fuck?” His smile falters but quickly returns as he goes to hand you the joint he’s smoking.

“You’re skipping!? You look like you need this more than I do.” You take the joint and inhale the most smoke you can without burning your lungs, Eddie looks impressed.

“I do need this more than you.” You speak as you exhale. Eddie is staring at the joint, waiting for you to pass it back but instead, you take another hit. “I need this more than you do because I’m not the one who is stressing you beyond oblivion! What is going on with you?” Eddie’s eyes are on the ground as he kicks the little rocks there.

“Eddie. You know you can talk to me, right? If anything is going on with Wayne or- or maybe something else? I don’t know I- I just- I can’t figure out why you’re acting so… different.”

He laughs. He fully laughs at you. His hand on his chest, leaning back and roaring his laughter into the air. “I’m acting different?” He snatches the joint from your hand. “I’m the one acting different, sweetheart? Miss ‘So sorry I can’t come to Hellfire today! No! I’m not going to explain!’, you’re telling me that I’m acting different?” He takes a drag

“You don’t care about my campaigns anymore, you never have time to come over, you never have time for me to come over, and now you- you don’t sit with me at- at lunch anymore?” His voice breaks at the end and he turns away to take a hit before you can see the tears in his eyes. “Don’t tell me that I’m stressing you out.” He scoffs and holds his hand out, passing you the joint.

It strikes something in you; Eddie still passing the joint back to you even though he’s upset. You take it from him with a small ‘thank you’ and take a hit before responding. “I was- It was the comic Eddie… I was working on the comic. It was harder than it looked I guess. I- I couldn’t get your hair right and-”

Eddie hasn’t reacted, he feels like he’s in shock, like his heart has stopped, he’s having a stroke, something. Your voice sounds far away as he’s buried in his thoughts.

I’m a dickhead. I’m an asshole. She was doing it for me and I’m- I was yelling at her for it. I’m a fucking asshole. She’s still talking to me so softly too. Fuck. Why isn’t she upset with me? Why isn't she yelling at me? Why aren’t I apologizing?

“I’m sorry!” His voice is the epitome of pitiful, he didn’t notice the knot that had made home in his throat or the tears that had been sitting on the ducts. Your eyes are wide and you almost drop the joint to hug him, knowing he gets emotional when he’s high.

“Why are you sorry? You don’t need to be sorry- what’s wrong?” His arms wrap around you, crushing you to his chest as he huffs out breaths into your hair. He’s trying to calm down, trying to not completely break down in front of you but he’s failing so far.

Fuck- fuck. Stop crying- what the fuck happened to you? Stop blubbering like a bitch- She’s she’s so soft- oh fuck she’s so warm. She’s so fucking sweet. I fucking love her. She’s- She’s so stupid.

“I do ne- need to be sorry what are you talking about?” He pulls away, leaving one hand on your shoulder as he runs his knuckles and the back of his arm along the bottom of his nose. “I was being an asshole- an asshole. When you were just tryna do something nice.” He’s breathing out shuddering breaths as he speaks.

She’s too sweet to me. She still has her arms around me- such a fucking sweetheart. I love her- I want her, I wanna tell her.

You don’t know what the fuck is going on. Eddie is a blubbery mess in front of you, holding you close as he tries to calm himself down. He’s gripping your shoulder so hard you feel like he may puncture your skin but you never want him to move it.

You should be focusing on the fact that he’s crying because he thinks he was mean to you but all you can think about is one thing.

His lips are wet and pink from his tears and his teeth.

You try to ignore it; the urge to kiss him. You try to think about how to comfort him but your arms are still around his waist, it would be so easy to just pull him in…

“Eddie. I don’t mind, I should’ve told you.” You separate from him and he gasps softly.

“I was actually spending so much time on it for a more selfish reason.” Your heart is racing but not as much as it was the last time you planned to confess.

How nice he is to you has to mean something, he gives you a ride home every day. That has to mean something. He gives you discounts on weed when you know he makes Gareth pay extra. How upset he is over possibly being mean to you. That has to mean something. The way he’s looking at you right now… That has to mean something.

“Eddie, I like you.” You shove the words out of your throat, leaving you breathless after they come out. “I- shit.” You looked at him. His face is blank. “I really like you, so much that if you don’t like me back I- I don’t care- We- we can just be friends. We can- I can pretend that this never happened… It’s okay.” You’re a little frantic as you get the words out, nervous at Eddie’s silence.

You risk a glance at his face and there are tears in his eyes again. “Can I kiss-” He inhales a gasp. “Can I kiss you?” His face is full of wonder like he’s genuinely in disbelief at what’s happening.

You want to cry. ��Yes. Please.” You try not to sound too eager but you’re already taking a step toward him and your hands are reaching for him.

He’s all over you in an instant, whimpering into your mouth the moment your lips meet. His hands are covering both sides of your face, pulling you into him desperately. He’s twisted you up against his van, his hands moved to your waist to bring you impossibly closer. You pull away with a smile to breathe but Eddie whimpers and leans back into your lips.

You can’t help the giggle that comes out, breaking the kiss and causing Eddie to whine again. “I thought you wanted to kiss me? Kiss me.”

“Wait- I’m a-” Eddie pulls back to let you speak, although you can see he wishes he didn’t have to. “Eddie… You like me?” His eyes widen and his face turns red at the question.

“How is that even a question you’re asking me right now? I- of course, I like you. I can’t believe that you like me.” His voice is gentle as he speaks, tense like he’s waiting for you to change your mind about him. You shake your head with a smile and pull him back in, humming happily as his lips eagerly press into yours.

You guys left school then, Eddie drives you both to his place and you guys finish the joint on the way. His hand was on your thigh the whole time with that shining, dimpled smile, beaming at the road the entire ride. It was the best ride of your life, it had you thinking about your life with him.

How much you’d love him. How you’d give him hugs and kisses no matter where you guys were. You thought about how in love you are, it’d be pretty annoying to everyone else but you wouldn’t even care. You know he’d love it too, you’d give you everything you have, had, and ever will have.

Thank you so much for reading! and thank you even more for requesting!! Please please please give any feedback you may have! I want it all!

#eddie munson x reader smut #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x female reader #stranger things #stranger things smut #luvrxsmut #luvrxfics

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iavenjqasdf · 4 months

Text

⚠cleaned out🧼

“We’re going to clean you out now” are maybe the last words you typically wanna hear from someone holding a bottle of drain cleaner in one hand and a funnel steady inside your asshole rectum in the other, but here we are I guess.

I guess a bit of explanation is in order. I work in a law office and the main guy, the one whose name is on the building and everything, everything he says goes, and if it doesn’t, he has the laws of physics rewritten to make it go, and the time he spends waiting he bills directly to god.

He’s also really conservative, at least in terms of language and formalities and such. I don’t know about his politics, but I’ve seen other people wear rainbow things at office parties and stuff, so I think he might actually be pretty cool on that front at least.

But it probably was not the best idea to send me to deliver him a bunch of really big important fancy legal documents regarding the Fuchs case, mere minutes after my hardcore bong sesh in the company restroom to make my job as a human file explorer manageable for another 20 minutes, and expect me to NOT say something kinda regrettable.

But what do I know? I just used to work there.

Anyway this dude has this weird, almost like, S&M-ritual type way of doing things going on, because after I said my dumb shit and we got into a bit of a yelling match about whose orfices would be receiving elements of the “Fuchs” and how, exactly, he frowned and said he’d had enough of my filthy tongue, and had one of his private security guys grab me hold me down and another one unbuckle my belt and remove my pants and comical weed leaf print boxer shorts, and then he said something about cleaning my mouth out end to end and that’s when the funnel entered the equation (of my asshole).

So now we’re all caught up, and there they go, tipping an entire jug of drain cleaner into my bowels. Bottoms up!

I kinda don’t feel anything at first and I’m about to say that this whole bit kind of sucks, but then I feel an urge to burp, so I do, and it’s the worst most burning sensation I’ve ever felt rising all up along my throat, and then there’s another, and another, and another and another and another and the pain starts to get really bad and tears start coming outta my face and I start kicking my legs around to say “hey cmon man this isnt funny anymore” because my actual vocal cords are too busy panicking, and then he shoves (well, more like has one of his goons shove) a finger into my asshole right beside the nozzle and pull the rim out a bit to let more air in, so the cleaner drains into me faster and now I’m really starting to feel it mapping my guts out inside me in tunnels of fire, passages of hell snaking densely through my thorax region, everything is awash in burning agony and I start throwing up all sorts of things (mostly liquids) in an entire rainbow of colors that I didn’t even know I had inside of me, but again, here I am.

I’m really glad I took that bong hit because I’d probably be freaking out way more right now, otherwise.

Another mouthful of liquids, some of which used to be solids and also inside me just a moment ago, floods from my mouth onto the cold marble floor, sizzling and popping on the clean white stone as I cough and sputter and try to beg for mercy (still in a funny endearing stoner kind of way) but my entire throat and vocal cord area seems to be offline now so all I can make are wheezy gurgling wet sounds before I throw up another mouthful of #00ff00 tinted gut soup and GOD, godgodgod no fuck please no joke it hurts it reallyreallyreally hurts it huts real bad, it feels like there’s a hole a foot wide going all the way through all the parts of me that have all the important lifegiving bits and through the radiant glow of unending suffering and I guess they’re out of cleaner because they take the funnel out and let go of me and I fall on the floor where I will soon die, drowning and gasping in all the filth that’s draining out of me.

I actually last quite a while like that; the guy just sits back at his fancy mahogany desk and even puts his feet up on it like some asshole, his private baliffs or guards or whatever those goons are called return to his side like well-heeled dogs, and they all watch me in silence, flopping around in the caustic fluids trying to speak, trying to breathe, like a stupid dying fish, my insides melting out at each end, leaving me hollow.

I think at one point a secretary or another file clerk or someone walks in, and I stare up at them with my big pleading eyes, begging them to remove the stuff that’s melting me out, but they don’t even make eye contact, their dress shoes just step carefully around the puddles and rivers of gore I’m leaving all over this nice room as they attend to their business in a professional manner.

My dying gaze fixates on a hole in the ground right by my head. All those times I’d been up here before, I’d never asked why there was a drain in the middle of this office, but now I’m finally starting to understand.

It’s for cleaning up after people like me.

[AO3]

#📝#guro #ero guro #nsft #chemical cleaner #i hardly even know er!#standalone

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magniloquent-raven · 2 years

Note

i’ve read it a few times already but!!!! billy blowing eddie for drugs when he’s low on cash. the first time billy offers eddies taken aback cuz “dude, you really don’t have to do that.” and billy’s just like “your loss, dungeon master.” and ofc then eddies just like “oh what the hell get back here.” and then it just. becomes a thing???? when billy doesn’t have the cash he’ll just wordlessly sink to his knees and start unbuckling eddies belt.

it's canon and no one can tell me otherwise. billy would 100% do that.

kinda wonder if eddie would like...know that billy's family is on the low end of working class. now that im thinking about it. seems like something billy wouldnt broadcast, like, he keeps his car looking nice & he doesnt wear ratty clothes in public & it's not like he's super keen to invite people to his house. so eddie sees this guy who's on the basketball team, hanging out with all the same privileged assholes steve used to hang out with, upper middle class dickheads who buy eddie's shit but sneer at his torn jeans and the busted zipper on his jacket. and eddie makes assumptions about billy. so billy gets charged the same marked up price as the rest of his asshole teammates. and eddie knows billy knows he's getting fucked over, the "are you fucking kidding me" look on his face the first time eddie told him how much he was charging was fucking priceless. but what was even better was his helpless frustration when eddie reminded him that he didnt really have any other options. so he could pay up or get lost. maybe eddie relished it a bit too much but he saw what billy did to harrington's face, alright, he knows billy isnt a nice person, he could probably stand to be taken down a peg or two.

but it's only a fun little power trip for a couple months. cuz one day billy comes to him with an odd, determined look on his face, flushed and unsteady with an unfocused glaze over his bright eyes. drunk, by the looks of it. in the middle of the day. he gets up in eddie's space, prods his chest with two fingers. and tells him he's been dipping into his savings for this. for eddie's shitty overpriced weed. and he can't do it anymore. but he can pay with other things.

which is a lot of things to process at once. especially when billy immediately goes for his belt and eddie's brain shuts down entirely.

billy's cold knuckles brush the soft skin below his belly button and he stutters back to life, grabbing billy's wrist and stopping him with a few gentle tugs.

he lets billy crash at his place to sleep it off. he's pretty when he's not putting up a front, but he drools, and it gets all over eddie's pillowcase.

eddie spends the rest of the day half-paying attention to the world around him. he fully expects billy to be gone when he gets back home, and he's prepared to get aggressively ignored whenever they're in proximity at school.

billy is not gone.

billy is sullen. and standoffish. but he's stayed. he made eddie's bed.

and. hell, he's kinda pretty when he's awake too.

so. it's a thing. billy blows him when his paychecks don't survive stocking up on smokes and keeping the camaro polished and neil charging rent. which seems to happen a lot. eddie wonders, guiltily, how much of billy's savings he took.

but then he starts to notice. things. like the clear outline in billy's back pocket right before he drops to his knees and claims he forgot his wallet. and the decidedly not empty baggie of pot in the camaro's glove box when he checks it for a condom. and the fact that billy lingers now. he never used to. he'd blow eddie like his life depended on it and then run the second eddie handed over the merchandise.

they start to smoke together. talk a little. while billy lingers. and one day eddie's brave enough to do what he's been wanting to since the first time billy touched him. when they finally come up for air, eddie still reeling from the taste of his own release on billy's tongue, billy drops ducks his head. almost shyly.

it's fucking cute.

it's less cute when he punches eddie's shoulder. "took you long enough."

#mungrove #mungrove headcanon #TY!!!! for this and the other ask i will get to that one soon 👀#💕💕💕#eddie could walk in on billy literally rolling in money and billy would still be like #''oh nooo. i have no choice but to suck your dick. i guess i will......if i have to......''#a raven's writing desk

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woomycritiques543 · 1 year

Text

Except, this forgets the fact that…

I dont know…

Vivziepop tends to higher multiple celeberties for her work nowadays, specifically mostly comedians, a grade voice actors, and the main character for her INDIE cartoon being voiced by one of the biggest youtube creators? Hell- most of who Vivziepop herself hires nowadays for her actually indie shows are not small actors trying to make it big, she hires CELEBRITIES AND BROADWAY ACTORS to pull herself up and not actually help other creators. Because if she did, she wouldnt have tried to blacklist her workers away from being hired for Far Fetched (Because that’s what saying “Pwease dont put them on your project this is swooooo important to meh! I know that they have to pay bills and stufff but this is MY show pwease dont hire them!” is, blacklisting.), this being confirmed by Erin Frost through their archives of Vivziepop’s mistreatment, and though yes, much of the more screwed up stuff was evidence towards other artists so Erin wasnt able to share most of it for privacy reasons, and they may have actually messed up in a few places and need to work on their own behavior- BUT THE MISTREATMENT WAS REAL! There’s proof of this all over the internet, not just from Erin Frost, but multiple people who worked there, and- theres evidence RIGHT THERE just by how fast Helluva Boss’s episodes are releasing!

Also yes, she does mostly hire big name, professional, and broadway actors, as for Helluva Boss alone she managed to get:

Not joking...

Don Darryl Rivera- broadway.

Richard Horvitz- THE VOICE ACTOR OF INVADER ZIM!

Erica Lindbeck- An anime voice actor, who's also a voice actress in The Owl House and MULTIPLE million dollar projects!

Vivian Nixon- Someone who's in GREY'S ANATOMY, one of the most succesful medical dramas of all time, plays Millie!

Barrett Wilbert Weed- Who was one of the actresses in "Heathers"!

Even Erica Lutterel, just plays a background villain that's just meant for comedic releif in this show- and she's an actress that's played in Steven Universe- AND THE ORIGINAL MAGIC SCHOOL BUS!

Norman Reedus- WHO'S NORMAN FUCKING REEDUS THAT GETS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS FOR EACH OF HIS ROLES!

Jonathan Freeman-

JAFAR.

So I think it's really safe to assume- no- to KNOW that Vivziepop outright refuses to hire mostly indie actors, and instead, pulls herself up and other indie creators down by hiring mostly BIG NAME ACTORS WORTH MILLIONS OF DOLLARS! -so to say that "she's going to hire broadway or movie actors" isnt even an assumption anymore, we already know that she does this! She could have easily replaced the Hazbin cast with more indie actors- but instead let the fame get to her head and now hires exclusively big name actors for her projects with little to no actors who havent been in at least ONE million dollar project at some point in their life.

Look at this cast-

LOOK AT THIS!

Should we even still call this an "indie" project anymore if it's a mainstream, million dollar show that has a corperate movie level cast in multiple episodes?! This looks like something i'd see on the average Disney movie- not a indie show, this is far from indie at this point. More than eight people, one of which literally is in the cast of a Disney film! So "It's A24 so she's going to hire mostly indie people" MY ASS! She is not going to hire mostly indie, even for her actual indie project she didnt hire mostly "indie" and instead hired million dollar actors who's been in multiple big name movies! Also- of course, I found this from someone who reblogged this from "PetitPrincess1" because as usual, since this person tries to manipulate the public and attack people, on a daily basis. Petit posted this manipulation tactic to get people not to see the fact that Vivziepop has now hired multiple million dollar movie actors! Sick of this manipulative crap-

People, if you see someone reblog random Twitter posts- DO YOUR RESEARCH BEFORE REBLOGGING! Because before you know it- you end up being manipulated into not seeing something like this!☝️Dont fall for it, even if it's a tweet from Vivziepop- dont fall for it and do your research before trusting someone, anyone! That you see online.

#hazbin hotel #helluva boss #helluva critical #helluva boss critical #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critique #voice actors #disney +#corperations #Helluva Boss basically isnt even indie anymore... wow.#Yet despite not being greenlit and on Youtube... it still has mostly just broadway and movie actors.... goddamn. Impressive. but also sad.#since that means that youre less likely to be hired as a indie voice actor- IN A INDIE PROJECT! What the heck?!

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the-heaminator · 11 months

Note

Idk if you already been asked but girl give us your hcs on New Zealand. name, gender, relation with the other bitches

Ngl my New Zealand is mostly just stolen from @historia-vitae-magistras (I hope you dont mind me tagging you,) her stuff is GREAT.

But here it is in the shortform.

Name: Eleanor....ngl I dont actually have a last name for her??? I never realised that I put her as like 18-20 in the modern era

Height. Around 5'7-5'8, I want her to be tall, robust, and an inch taller than Arthur, better nutrition and all, shes...robust, no better way to put it, shes healthy, tall, and can and will yeet Jack, even as he is built like a brick shithouse. Only has to go on her tippytoes sometimes, mmmmm shes a very good hugger when she does hug, which is rare. Unless you're Jack, she hugs her idiot older brother a lot.

Relation with other bitches as you very concisely put it.

Jack is her sunshine demon of an older brother, she does have to reign him in sometimes, stop him from accidentally killing himself, he does the same for her on occasion, they ho drinking together. When pissed she gains a level of confidence that is frankly terrifying for someone as sharp as a whip as she is, they go surfing together. Zee loves birds, Jack is pretty much a reptile, man starts brumating when it gets too cold, she likes sitting in trees. Like a bird.

She bitches and whines a lot with him but like usually, not always, but usually in a good natured way and is not against physically knocking some common sense into him.

With Matthew it's like tender but also a little more distant than it used to be, he was basically the stand on parental figure for her while the kirllands were out doing fuck knows what, after she got her independence it is still very close and caring but not as much as it used to be.

She is also very blunt when she wants to be. Not something Matt is used to so she will go up and tell his lanky ass that he needs to eat, sleep, and lay off the fucking weed for a bit or he will end up in a ditch somewhere with a squirrel up his arse. Shes direct and a little scary. Matt usually listens to her because again she is not afraid to use blunt force trauma.

Her relationship with Alfred is odd, it is more a business type relationship, he was never really around for her upbringing so she doesnt see him as a brother or anything, more like a far removed cousin. But besides that they and matt absolutely love bitching about people together, like in a corner. It's kindif funny. jack does not join very often unless its winter, he's cold, and has to do official shit, then he gets awfully similar to Arthur and has soooooo much shit with everyone. Hes a little scary like that. Alfred kind of like, tries, to seem familliar bit it never actually works, so hes kind of given up, the business relationship is pretty good though.

Fuck this ask is getting long I need to shut up but I shan't

Anyways now the hard part is her relationship with the isles

She sees Arthur as a father figure, but like a distant one, hes warmed up a little in recent decades but still seems quite cold, even if unintentionally, hes just really really really repressed like that, but he is protective over her, he is protective over all of them but will personally raise hell if anyone touches a finger on his little girl even as she isnt all that little anymore, he tries but it isnt enough, but the sentiment is appreciated, he was strict with her, but not really in gender roles bc again Arthur is not really the type to be fussy about gender, bug he made sure she was s art, if not physically stronger she will be smarter, and she is, and is also strong so a win win for her.

Hes the softest with her when sober, like a little bit of him melts because shes the youngest, she's a girl, and he's kind if getting old now, but is happy to just sit in silence with her. With say Alfred they always have ti be talking or moving or something, Alfred got it from Arthur and it just kind of echoes back. With Matthew he has gotten more lax but still is professional with him, unless either or both are more rats assed then a scouser after a football match, with Jack he is nearly as soft as he is with her, just a little bit more restrained.

She finds it a little odd but not unwelcome that he is calmer with them, but sometimes his near inability to process feeling or feel sympathy or empathy absolutely drives her around the fucking bend. She gets angry at him a lot, for good reason too, historical and personal both. I wont get into them bc I'm nit that well versed in their history.

With alisdair it's very much an uncle situation, same with rhys, and a closer aunt with Brighid, unlike Matt who had Alisdair as basically a stand in parent while Arthur was drunk, or busy, or Jack who has called brighid mum before, they all feel somehwat distant, she likes Brighid but does find her a little intense, most people do but she isn't complaining too much, she has the widest emotional bandwidth of any of the isles and is also the best at comforting by far, Zee likes to feel physically grounded and none of the Kirklands can do hugs without being very awkward about it, closest is the slightly tipsy hugs that Alisdair gives when he sees her looking down.

I dont actually have much developed for rhys or alisdair. I'm sorry :,) and I probably do have other thoughts I just cannot be asked to type it out rn so I hope this is satisfactory

#The heam speaks #Hws New Zealand #I SAID FUCKING SHORTFORM IT WAS NOT SHORTFORM

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deaths · 6 months

Text

any effort to be more genuine and cringe to weed people out isnt working anymore.

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magic-aggy · 1 year

Text

old oc, new art. her name is Lucky Clover, she's 35 and a trans lesbian. bio under the read more.

she used to be a showgirl/roulette dealer in Las Pegasus. fired for flirting TOO MUCH with hot older mares on the job.

now lives in ponyville, says shes a gardener and she technically is and has the skills, but she really just happily lives off Equestria's Universal Basic Income, and shoplifts anything she cant afford. she also grows a lot of weed which she deals when she can be bothered.

Her Grandma was a changeling, so she has a bit of changeling magic, hence her weird horn. all she can do is basic short term charms, aka a much weaker version of what chrysalis did to shining armor. she uses this to get away with shoplifting and get what she wants without facing consequences.

loves loves loves being fat, 35, and sleeping around. divorced, lesbian, only into moms, particularly fat mares like her. visits sucarcube corner daily to hit on Mrs Cake, regardless of whether her husband is present or not. Mrs Cake is soft on her about it bc she enjoys the attention.

she doesnt ever steal from Mrs Cake bc in her head she thinks she's the One and she doesnt want to upset her.

compulsive braggart and blowhard. knows card tricks but isnt into it as much anymore. thinks trixie is weaksauce. knows trixies dad but doesnt know that the two are related. hates trixies dad. trixie would appreciate this bc she also hates her dad.

recently her younger brother Bug Brain (15, he/they/it), moved to live with her in ponyville because he got expelled from his school in manehattan for using charm and illusion magic to make the school mascot while in the mascot costume, think the mascot costume was on fire. ill draw him next and make a whole post about it. he's enrolled in twilights school of friendship bc nowhere else would take him after all the bullshit he pulled.

they bicker a lot, but they make it work. she does genuinely want to help her brother and be a good older sister, but its hard. shes not really prepared for it, her grandma thrust it on both of them. (parents are dead, Clover and Bug were both raised by their Grandma, who's been living in manehattan for most of her life, after her hive set up in an abandoned train station underground.)

they live in the changeling neighbourhood in ponyville, next door to Roseluck, Lily, and Daisy (Roseluck is a changeling). After Chrysalis' hive became independent and queenless all the smaller secretive hives in pony towns and cities gradually started to reveal themselves and make contact. turns out ponyville has had a comfortably and benevolently integrated changeling community for over 50 years.

anyway, shes important to me. shes insecure and loud and brash and so incredibly overconfident and never afraid to stand up for herself, even when shes wrong. ESPECIALLY when shes in the wrong. but she's trying as hard as she can to be a good mentor for her emo 15yr old baby brother. and also trying as hard as she can to get with Mrs Cake.

its working. Mrs Cake just borrowed a book on polyamory from ponyville library.

#mlp #my little pony #mlp oc #my little pony oc #mlp oc art #hashtag blogging with aggy #horse drawn art #my oc #my OC: Lucky Clover

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confessions-official · 2 months

Note

Tw ed and possible depression?

I feel sick when I think about if I'm depressed or not. I dont like using that word, I havent earned it. I have a loving family and the best girlfriend in the world. I dont wanna die, I just dont wanna exist. I dont wanna do anything except smoke weed, Which helps things not seem so dim. It makes me feel less. Bored I guess. I sont wanna do anything. I dont wanna game, I dont wanna talk to my family, I dont wanna talk to my friends, I dont wanna talk to my girlfriend, I dont wanna draw, I dont wanna do my work, I dont wanna get out of bed. But I do. I know people who are depressed who cant make themself gwt out of bed.

I feel like a faker. I cant tell anyone I feel this way because it'd be unnecessary burden to them, And their lives are already hard enough without me adding to it. I don't want to tell anyone the bad stuff because then they'd think the same way, But mt life isnt even that bad. Its hard to say or send anything because my body just. Doesnt let me. I'll be trying to post a silent cry for help and automatically exit out and cancel the post. I'll write it all up and instead of hitting send I delete it all.

I dont even eat half the time anymore. I wait until its unbearable and affecting me to eat. I used to tell my gf because when she tells me to eat I do, But I stopped. I dont wanna bother her. Nobody notices either, Since in our house we usually only eat dinner together, And that's if my dad doesnt have to work. He leaves at 3 o'clock every day so its not like he can see if I'm eating or not.

Im doing better in school now, I was trying but. Now I'm not. It doesnt matter though. I dont even remember what grade I'm in. Being homeschooled means I never have to see or speak to anyone. Its what I wanted anyways. Less work. Less hours. Less effort lower goals yet higher outcomes. I had 3 F's almost constantly in school, Now I only have one, And the rest are A's and B's.

Its easy when you can search anything and everything up. If I have an essay I read the wiki page for whatever its about and I've only gotten 100%'s in english so far. My overall grade is a 100% for english actually

I just dont understand. I dont hate myself do I? I thought i finally loved myself. I thought i finally fixed it i fixed myself i was finally better i was normal. Theres no reaskn i should be feeling so desprately lost and so alone nd so. Sad

I'm sorry. I know this isnt the blog for this, I know this is for confessions but this is the only place I can say any of this. I couldnt tell anyone in my life that I dont wanna exist, Or that I think my brain snapped, Or that I have serious problems. I hate this. I just want someone to know and care. I just want someone to notice something is wrong. Itd make it so much fucking easier if I coulrnt jide behind the lie of 'im okay'

#confession #suicide #eating disorder

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