#but the sex scenes were just so bad

[alannah-corvaine]

At some point my standards for smut went up and now I can no longer read fics that sound like they were lifted straight from bad hentai.

#it's a shame bc this fic i was reading had decent writing otherwise #but the sex scenes were just so bad #like listen you dont need to have them play rock em sock em robots with the cervix #like please stop #tbd

[la-cocotte-de-paris]

So this is my review of Die Kaiserin season 1:

#it is so historically inaccurate oml #i would like to see an actual accurate portrayal one day #but it's fine to watch when you know the aim wasn't to be accurate #and it was written in such a way that made you wanna keep going so that's nice #did laugh at the angry sex scene tho 💀 sir what was that #somehow i enjoyed the series despite its faults #and will i watch the second season if it comes out? absolutely lmao #this is the only period drama made recently that i can stand #also certain moments were ABSOLUTELY mirroring/lifted from Marie Antoinette 2006 #anyway yeah i am on the fence #it is bad but it is also good if you just accept it wasn't trying to be accurate at all #would like to see a version where she doesn't madly love franz tho bc the girl was not nearly that interested in him if at all irl #die kaiserin #the empress #2022 #period drama #costume drama

[akaikami-cherryblossom]

Me: I kinda want to try bald.ur’s ga.te, it looks fun

My lil bro, every time: you know that’s a SEX game right??? You can have SEX??? That’s GROSS. There are so many SEX scenes. I KNOW you don’t wanna play a SEX game!!! >:(

#bestie it is an rpg yes there are sex scenes but you have not seen the otome I’ve played #also like. you watch porn. you’ve told me. what the hell. I’m older than you. #I mostly wanna play for astarion tho he’s enamored me and I want him #even if I were to try n get it tho I don’t have the console and my bro does and he didn’t let me borrow it when I got p5 #so it’s not even worth it #long story short I wanna play b.g.3 so fuckin bad #lc screams #now censored! because I don’t want the huge fandom to find it :D #he also just thinks he knows what’s best for me and owns me I need to kill him

[lambjock]

i have too many thoughts on the deleted jackienat scene for a girl who's supposed to be enjoying her birthday lol. i think at the root of it all, it's highly likely that when the actresses breathed life into the characters, and scenes got improvised, some things just stopped making sense for characters to do. including good things, like with jackie's 'i love you' to shauna! and i think this is the case for natalie looking at jackie with hatred before leaving her out in the cold. maybe at one point in her early stages of characterization it made sense, but clearly the people on the show didn't think that way anymore at some point, hence the cut. also ngl people taking this deleted scene, which for all we know didn't even make it into the final script, as some sort of 'gotchu' for jackienat enjoyers ( romantic or otherwise ) is weird as hell to me. like, it was removed for a reason.

#my posts. #yellowjackets #im tired and its my birthday so maybe this doesnt make much sense but #i have lots of thoughts i cant stop thinking abt this scene #a mix of good and bad tbh #but mostly watching people act as if this completely destroys jackienat is hilarious to some degree #since a huge part of their appeal has always been how similiar they are. that's what jackienat is founded on #and with that similarity comes a hatred especially since both girls have a self loathing streak #so regardless whether people view this as a huge characterization moment for nat or not doesn't change this #people seem to forget how much natalie genuinely hated lottie and was jealous of her as well! it doesn't mean she loved her any less #natalie at her core is a teenage girl like the rest of them. she has flaws and pettiness and does things she regrets. a *lot* #but on the other hand she'd do anything for travis. that's who she lives for. and the only one who helped her save him was jackie #jackie might've stolen him away for the night but the others were gonna take him away forever #which is something natalie would hate more than jackie fucking him. hell in the show she even says she could care less about the sex #she just wanted travis to be *alright.* #had natalie been in the cabin when jackie was calling the girls out for what they did last night you KNOW she would've sided with her #would she have cared about the highschool drama between shauna and jackie? who knows. #but no matter her personal feelings on jackie they had a mutual hatred and disgust for what happened during doomcoming #and i think that would've mattered more to nat at the time. in a swarm of angry feral teenagers the only one she could trust then was jacki #of course these are just my personal opinions which im purposefully keeping brief lol #but like. i just have too many thoughts on this it would take an essay to iron them out so here's this i guess!

[stergeon]

Rating: Mature (horny)

Fandom: Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Relationship(s): Edelgard von Hresvelg/Byleth Eisner

Words: 11.5k (2 chapters out of, theoretically, 3)

There's a new professor of the Black Eagles house, but it's not the one Edelgard and Hubert had planned to take on the role—and to make matters worse, Edelgard knows her. She could never forget her, or a single moment of that hot summer night when they met in Enbarr.

Worst of all, the professor doesn't seem to remember Edelgard.

AU in which Byleth and Edelgard meet by chance a few months before the start of White Clouds.

#fe3h #fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #edelgard von hresvelg #edeleth #byleth eisner #byleth x edelgard #fire emblem fanfiction #fe3h fanfic #my loathe letter to the past perfect tense #hubert's here but only in chapter one and like for five seconds at the end of the story that is as of yet unwritten #this started out as an earnest attempt at writing smut but it ended up becoming almost 20k words before anyone even kissed sooooo #if we're being honest this is two character studies in a smut trenchcoat #with a dumbass framing device that just exists to twist a knife #fun fact: this actually was like the third fanfic i ever wrote. i started it not too long after wrapping up shared space #then it spiraled out of my control so i've been sitting on it #i dunno i think ~12k words of preamble to agreeing to have sex is fine. if that's not your scene that's on you #someday i might work up the courage to post the next part #but if you thought the purple prose and self-indulgent pseudointellectualism were bad in these two chapters i will warn you #i'm just getting started #i have not even scratched the surface of how unsexy i can make a purported sex scene

[johnny-depplyloveyou]

I know there are many bad takes about Gale on this site, but the worst takes I’ve seen on another social media site in another language are much more abhorrent than anything here tbh, the recent one I’ve seen even gets some popularity among his “fans”... They were basically saying it’s Mystra who make him the humble man he is now, without her influence on him he would be as egotistical as in his god ending, and more than a hundred of reblogs are all thanking Mystra for “training her lapdog so well” for them🤢

Did we even play the same game? Isn’t his god ending a direct result of Mystra making him think he will never be enough as he is, and he can only find his self-worth through gaining more power? Didn’t Tara say he’s not himself anymore and she would no longer be his companion in his god ending, she knew him long before Mystra made him her chosen, he was powerful enough before his relationship with Mystra, if he’s anything like god!Gale at the time wouldn’t Tara just leave him? I’d imagine he would have been more confident and had a more stable self-image if Mystra had never contacted him, therefore he didn’t even need the Gale of Waterdeep persona. He would always have been Gale Dekarios in that timeline. And people glorifying Mystra’s grooming and abuse towards him and unironically calling him “her lapdog” is just... I have no words. But what do you expect from an online space that’s infested with terfs and radfems? They just won’t recognize or acknowledge any abuse from women towards men...

#rant #cw: grooming #cw: abuse #fandom critical #and I lost count of how many takes calling him an abled person on that site #they were like #I don't care that he’s suicidal depressed autistic and chronically ill #compared to a certain elf he’s an abled person and trauma-free! #yikes zero awareness of their own ableism #fuck mystra #don't want to put this in his main tags #I didn’t mean to say that every person who praised mystra here is a radfem/terf #but most people there do share essentialist view about gender and sex #they are very hostile to queer men in fandoms as well #there are anon confession blogs and most of them are males dni #and there’s almost zero content of wyll in the fandom there #racism here is already bad but it’s much worse there and no one talk about it #they liked it when larian made gale doesn’t leave when you denied him medicine #they liked it when they removed the persuasion check in the drow twins scene #it’s kind of a power trip to them #they liked it when they can bully a man they claimed to love and face no consequences #it’s not d/s it’s downright abusive #they’re really saying mystra did nothing wrong in another garbage take #they’re going to excuse a god who sexually exploited a mortal like a tool and then cast him aside because a honest mistake he made #which the said god could easily prevent it by telling him the knowledge he didn’t have about the true nature of the orb #then tell him to kill himself for forgiveness when the god can foresee the outcome which would be unleashing a illithid infestation #the power inbanlance between them is so enormous that no real life situation can be compared to it #he literally can’t say no in that relationship #they’re going to excuse all these just because the god is female presenting #women can’t cause serious harm as men do isn’t a feminist stance at all as they think

[what-is-it-to-be-pk-esque]

Ugh my heart 💔 I got the basically unavoidable Astarion confession scene and he was so genuinely grateful 🥺 how could I turn him down or just be friends? 😩😭

(Wtf am I gonna do about Gale, I was supposed to romance him instead lol)

I'm a dirty save scummer tho and reloaded to see everything he says (i'm obsessed and need to understand how he thinks) but WE NEED TO TALK about some of the awful ways you can navigate that convo, wtf Larian lol

#bg3 spoilers #baldur's gate 3 spoilers #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #dont hug him or make him sleep with you right after that wtf!!! #what kind of awful oc...!! lol #the hug isn't as bad ofc but like... come on. we were just discussing body autonomy?? lol #and consent! he deserves a hug but he's not Karlach who said multiple times she wants one #give the man some space and let him choose!! #Astarion #ugh this ship is gonna be so good i can already tell #i couldn't even watch the sex scene if you go that route - truly gave me the ick #but i'll watch it later after i get there naturally to better understand him & see all potential reactions lol #i do love that you can ask to kiss him when you're locked in - like yes girl work on that consent together 👏 #ugh i am in too deep in Astarion hell #but i love it

[vlindervin7]

the thing abt red white and royal blue is that the premise is fucking stupid. however, reading the book i was able to more or less look past it bc i really enjoyed the characterisation and the way the story was built and the dynamics between all the characters, but when you make a movie and you erase key character elements, take away the chemistry, and refuse to focus on family (biological and chosen) dynamics for more than a second, while everything is also being incredibly badly acted. what do you have left? the stupid plot, which just does not hold up

#so many things i missed like alex’s bi awakening was so watered down and where is june and why are his parents still #together as if the divorce isn’t one of the things that shapes his character #where’s the stupid six why did they barely communicate after they got outed why didn’t we get one of the best moments #aka love him on purpose #where is rafael luna who is also so important to alex’ character #idk there were just so many things that they did to make it more digestible to the public which only served to make it a Bad when it wasn’t #high quality to begin with #jasmine has thoughts #and don’t get me wrong there were some things i did enjoy. this is gonna sound stupid but i liked when they smiled at each other bc it felt #very genuine and i quite liked the sex scenes even though they were weirdly paced. obsessed with stephen fry’s homophobia #but those things are not enough to make it really enjoyable #rwrb

[zevranunderstander]

sex education is a phenomenal show with well-written representation, amazing actors, campy ideas, great character arcs and character growth and i would recommend the show to anyone, but it's just that the show also has the most boring and unlikeable main character of all time and the main plot of a season is usually the weakest plotline

#myposts #like i love this show w all my heart #and like??? maeve adam and aimee's character arcs are sooooooooo fucking amazing #isaac as a character??? viv and jackson??? erics arc????? #the new characters introduced in season 4??? the arc adams dad has???? all of these are fucking insane??? #but i usually dont care about the actual main premise of the sex clinic tbh because like. otis is so boring to watch #and like. whenever otis is involved in a plot its just that one post thats like #' 'i guess i blew up at you because i have unresolved anger from when my dad left' - NO throw their car keys in the drain' #like i liked the idea for 2 seasons but the season 3 main plot was so stupid im so sorry but like what was that #and then the whole 'competition' arc in season 4?? #like i liked that otis and o both grew over doing it and it exposed how much of an ass otis can be an shit #but the overall idea was so. meh? #and as much as i love isaac and aisha as characters the whole scene were the school protested for disability services was so. ugh. idk. #but like i think that is bc some characters plots dont really have time to breathe because we have to watch otis be boring half an episode #like? the idea for vivs plot was really cool this season but it was so rushed and easily would have been better if viv had more screen time #and i just dont like when the show gets really unrealistic with characters and is like #'noo all of the characters are now protesting for disability rights and it fixes everything and all characters decide to be more inclusive!' #or 'this persons dysphoria and sucicidal thoughts are alleviated by the fact that the school does a fundraiser just for them' #like whenever a character arc and the main plot meet. the character arc suddenly becomes really bad and boring #i hope i make sense and also. i fucking hate otis so much

[llycaons]

that was such a mediocre fanfic...for a modern AU wx if they meet as adults and don't have years of history than imo you really need to establish their moral and philosophical similarities as groundwork for their high esteem and admiration for each other, bc I really do think that foundation forms such a rock-solid basis for their romantic relationship and any iteration of their dynamic without it comes off as more superficial and generic, even if I'd enjoy it in other contexts. they like each other and are attracted to each other and see things thay they need/want in the other but in canon wwx says he wants lwj to be the one to kill him bc he doesn't trust anyone else and lwj changes his entire worldview bc of him so any AU that doesn't match that intensity will just feel a little lacking to me

#final review: the lighthouse scene was nice for symbolism but they weren't insane enough about each other and not for the right reasons #also like I said the sex scenes sucked #not just bc they were technically confused but also they were boring...virgin sex god trope...not enough sappiness imo #that last one doesnt objectively make it bad but I for one felt unsatisfied with it #also so repetitive. do something ELSE #ficblogging

[preggomancer]

Does anyone have any recommendations for some kinky writers on here that are more suited to a less sex-inclined reader? I realize it’s ironic looking for sexy shit without any actual sex in it but this is the curse of a kinky asexual

#honestly I wouldn’t mind sex scenes if they were just. Even remotely well written #like everything I’ve seen is just #“ooaaaaaagghgggh c*m in my hole” it’s so bad lol #and terrible anaphors to avoid saying belly #not mart #delete later

[loveofmylouis]

Can I just say there are very few times when I’m watching a movie/show and I don’t want it to end. When I was watching my policeman last night I kept looking at the time stamp and wanting with everything in me for it to stop counting down so I could keep on watching. I was just so intrigued and emotionally attached throughout the entire movie that I didn’t want to lose that feeling. Such a powerful and beautiful movie that was so well executed.

#mp spoilers #my policeman spoilers #my policeman #the cast was just absolutely exquisite #David was phenomenal which I was expecting because I’ve seen him in a couple of things #and Emma did so great even though I wanted to fight Marion at some points but I did feel bad for Marion sometimes too #and Harry god he exceeded all of my expectations #those sex scenes Tom had with Patrick were 🤯🤯 the way you could just feel his euphoria and how much he was enjoying his queer experience #I do agree with a couple of people that said there were a couple of points where his acting was a bit one dimensional but overall he did #amazing and when I was watching it I didn’t see Harry I saw Tom and I think he did really good at becoming Tom and not being Harry styles #so I just have to say that’s my baby and I’m really proud

[saltyfilmmajor]

So the top gun sex scene was just bad huh

#so I watched three movies where Tom has sex #and all of them were actually filmed really well #and didn’t make me freak the hell out at French kissing #I’m sorry the top gun sex scene is just bad 😂