#but rn im too tired to do anything about it

[puppyeared]

adhd comix

#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired #like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability #and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors #i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working #isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol #if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you #need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid #im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher #to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll #go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms #AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis #theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were #comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run #and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make #a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!! #im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need #to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh #yapping #vent

[b1mbodoll]

repeating “jealousy is a disease get well soon bitch” in my head every time i block rude anons and delete hatemail so i can try to brush it off but i am not ur strongest soldier so can you all stop being mean 🩷 please

#♡.gabi barks #im okay i prommy (im crying rn) #like omg seriously what did i do!!!!! i dont do anything but mind my fucking business!!!! and talk to my precious little friends!!!!!! but #apparently i cant even do that bc no matter what i always get meanies in my inbox 🤞 #like im seriously not doing anything i just came back and im already receiving asks telling me to kms and deactivate like do yall realize #im a person too.. like im literally real and i have feelings and im not a complete ditz #like what is so hard about treating people with kindness!!!! #ive spent all morning blocking mean anons and deleting asks and trying to brush off the mean words i see and receive and it hurts!!!! #im just a girl #if u send hate or tslk meanly to or about me im assuming ur a LEWSER and have no life bc i dont even do anything fr!!!!! im coolin!!!!! #i was gonna post this with the jealousy is a disease get well soon girl meme but i couldnt find it #anyway im fine!!!! (as im actively texting my therapist) #no bc im so upset and so angry WHAT AM I DOING WRONG #what am i doing to deserve this like please give me a valid answer so i can fix it im so tired of being sad and mistreated and bullied :( #i know i promised i was gna try to be more active but my little heart is so heavy and sad

[angel-of-sweet-revenge]

When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out

#vent #its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything #i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant. #im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something- #-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again. #plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal) #and just #im fucking tired ok #and I'm sorry im a bad friend #i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some. #but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired #i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn? #and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON. #I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it #but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit #and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them #and they can lash out on me #i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not #last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend #it wasnt my fault #that friend ghosted me #im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too #but at the same time im too done to even really care #i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day

[genekies]

screaming in the club

time for another vent in tags

#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO #i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe #n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th #ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a #utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai #ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell #like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc #then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no #food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it #harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now. #the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats #fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS. #all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY #SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf #the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther #es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much. #i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the #bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and #no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh #it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression #i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat. #im so close to snapping on them at this point #i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT #everything has gone to shit #vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.

[atthebell-moved]

sorry i keep rbing that elq qq corrections post i just keep seeing bad takes that in part have to do with people not knowing about that retcon and if i can combat at least an ounce of them i will do it

#bell.txt #i also hate all the test tube raised by federation theories but i can talk about those in a more salient post about how yall treat jaiden #aka why did you all assume she must be either a federation baby or their mom. instead of a fucking scientist or previous fed worker #but that doesnt really have anything to do with q and im too tired rn

[dykebeyondthebinary]

i had a shit day at work now hold me while i cry

#delete later #i’ve had generally a shit time in life rn #and i think a lot of it has to do with my mindset and how i view it and feel #but im too tired to do anything about it #so im sad #i do wish though #that i had a gf to hold me and cuddle me and make me feel better #lol

[pepprs]

life would be so much better if i wasn’t so absolutely fucking depleted and exhausted all the time lol

#or afraid of getting covid #purrs #like life is passing me by i think. i am very small and i have nothing to say. i cannot sustain all the ways im being stretched. i am #not capable of deep thoughts or lifechanging insights or rocking chair conversations or warm eyes. i will not be getting my learners permit #when i said i would because im just too fucking tired. i will proceed to spend the week sleeping until 1pm and playing video games all day a #and barely moving at all and letting life live me instead of living it myself. i just do not have any energy at all ever. i don’t even have #spoons at this point i have like.. metal scraps. CONSTANTLY. the mortifying ordeal of knowing i am wasting my life and not living to the #fullest or making a meaningful contribution to the world or creating magic and love and change in relationships with other people and the mo #mortifying ordeal of no longer having the bandwith / strength / wherewithal to care much less do anything about it 😍😍😍 #like omg. i have never gotten covid and god fucking willing i never will but the psychological damage this pandemic has had on meeeeee. the #fact that we haven’t taken like a solid week as a society to process it all. the fact that i am socially mentally emotionally stunted in #ways i will never recover from no matter how hard i try. gotta love it 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 #delete later #<- it’s not just bc of covid obviously bc everything at home and at work is in massive transition and i do not do well w instability. i #would like at least one area of my life to be stable please. i don’t think that’s such a big as #*ask lol #im just depressed bc im tired and this week has been insane and my dyshydr*sis is flaring up HORRIBLY rn but also the overwhelming excruciat #excruciating awareness that i am a nothing girl living a nothing life and i did that to myself as a survival mechanism except survijlving = #scraping myself along the ground in every fathomable area of my life. awesome

[verdemoth]

mm goin through the horrors. the horrors are bad i can’t recommend the horrors.

#my city is about to burn !! hard to say how bad it will be. but at this point damage looks likely #the fire is very unpredictable and growing and strong winds will push it this way tomorrow #my home will probably be safe. im beside the lake. it’d have to chew through the whole city to reach me #but i’m still scared for family who live closer and all the thousands of people under evacuation orders already #half the city is on evacuation alert. state of emergency declared #my province is on fire #it gets worse every year #this summer was a series of severe alerts. fiercer thunderstorms. hotter heat waves. smoke from dozens of fires #i’m not a pessimist. but at times like this. man. its hard to see a future that gets better #☹️ #i’m so. angry that it’s gotten this bad. i feel very violent abt the people who let this happen. the ones who had a say in it . #ive also been feeling extra shit physically lately and this smoke is not helping the return of my chronic cough #half of my organs are fucked up at any given time and years of seeking answers has yet to provide anything substantial #its bad. it’ll probably end up ok and many people are having it worse but fuck it’s all bad rn. #theres nothing to do about it right now. and i’ll have to try and get some sleep. too many insomnia nights recently. #just needed to yell into the void. get out some of the stress #ghhhhhhhgggghhhhh ok. gonna go find distractions until this body gets tired enough

[consciouschunkofmoss]

wanna test out zorin before jumping to kubuntu but honest god we heard about this os today :)

#it seems interesting but my pen drive has gone to tech heaven weeks ago #and were not in the financial space rn to get a decent new one #will do some research tomorrow and see how it looks like #it says its good for old pcs which is close to mine - a 8yo fella #so we gotta at least add it to the list #im still trying out officially kubuntu #but the backup plans are zorin manjaro and lubuntu #having at least one arch distro is good i suppose #god. that reminds me i need to see more about arch too #these two recent years have destroyed me. im so tired to do anything that involves these kinds of hobbies #just rambling #praying we can get together a custom pc setup before 2024 so we can start saving money on the specifics #its a weird system but trust me thats the best way to work around it for us so far #if yall got any tips to save me from this it purgatory please do send them our way

[orcelito]

I realized smth this morning

Ngl, I think this is tied for one of the worst summers of my fucking life lmao, rivaled only by when I was 18 and there was *waves hand* all That trauma

This kind of draining multi-hit wonder is just... yeah. Yeah.

#speculation nation #negative/ #i guess. #the good news is my advisor got back to me & said i can take next semester off if i need to #and boy do i need to. i just know if i try to go back to school like this im gonna crash and burn Hard. #so im gonna take yet another semester off. maybe someday i'll finish school. #better to be slow about it. i dont wanna put myself in that kind of brain state. #the here and now matters too. not just the vague idea of the future. #ive got the memorial tomorrow and im kind of dreading it. ive spent a Month running from my grief the best i can #two months actually. cant forget about the first death! haha #im going to be confronting it tomorrow though. whether i want to or not. #im just... so tired. im at work rn and it's a chore to do Anything... #trying to prep for being gone for the weekend. but frankly i just want to lie down.

[tortademaracuya]

Nvm i changed my mind it was stupid i was being stupid everythings stupid

#who the hell do i think i am... #i would say im not gonna open comms but i. do kind of NEED to open comms just to be safe #but im most likely lowering all of the prices in half tomorrow #i dont feel comfortable charging much for such terrible art. i dont want people thinking badly about me either #im too tired and empty to fix anything rn so a mimir #i really am such a delusional idiot sometimes #i wish i could quit everything. i dont feel like im qualified for anything #i have somehow stumbled my way into all these places i dont belong and its eating me up inside #haunted.txt

[mspaintlover]

i need to put my Face in their feathers and like idk die about it

#.bmp #im thinking about incredibly minor acts of intimacy lea me alone *sits in the corner #im tired and laying in bed but i cant actually sleep but i cant sit up and draw anything either. torture #also too lazy to write a real post rn *rolls over ill do it later

[todayisafridaynight]

YEAH NO TONBI GOT HANDS.......... my timing on suggesting it may be Questionable but I AM very glad it holds up as a movie :] hopefully the interview and We Make Antiques are fun diversions! But also take it easy <3 can confirm Nakai is Pretty Moe in both though <3 And I WILL harass you about Masato's VA next week...

TBF YOU SUGGESTED IT A WEEK OR SO AGO twas on me for taking a while to get to it... nevertheless i did really enjoy it thank you..... AND YAYA IM SO STOKED TO WATCH THE FULL INTERVIEW AND WMA2 THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆!!!!!

esp cant wait to hear about masato's VA in the future.. 👁️👁️

#snap chats #LISTEN i think we all just have to accept at this point any time there's a story about a doting father or fts a doting father #i will cry like its unavoidable. so whether my life's falling apart that week or everything's fine #There Will Be No Difference In How Much I Cry ☠️☠️ im just built terribly what can i say it makes for GREAT inspo tho #tonbi WAS real cute tho and i did enjoy it a lot Because yasu did remind me of my dad a lot #very lucky to say my dad's never slapped me or thrown water in my face tho so LMAO BUT FOR THE MOST PART Yeah... #in a way it weirdly felt like watching an AU of my life. if i may sound insane. listen i already said the kid's name had me twisted LISTEN #fr tho cause ive always wondered what my life wouldve been like if i was able to be raised by my dad instead #im gonna make myself start crying if i get too deep into it LMAO NEEDLESS TO SAY i really enjoyed the movie :) #EVIL that they really did let us see akira get married and now yasu gotta give a speech and If He IS Anything Like My Dad #i know damn well he was winging it and didn't prep a script and I Will Start Crying if i think back to my sis's wedding #STILL MAD THAT THE ONE TIME I HAD TO PISS WAS RIGHT BEFORE HIS SPEECH BUT WHATEVER MOVING ON #said i wasnt gonna talk bout the movie/my dad anymore lest i make myself UPSET yet here i am... always saying more when i shouldnt ☠️ #but yeah... i have ONE (1) more comm this week Lest Someone Wants To Snipe A Spot IDK #SO im gon do that :] #and im kinda tired rn... but the uncertainty of how much time i have nowadays urges me to work on it a bit #i dont THINK it should take super long but it IS a full-rendered piece so.... it will take time needless to say #n e way not to sound insane but nakai is An Endearing Chap. is the most sane way i can put it #i mentioned it durin a stream but somethin bout him just naturally exudes cute... idk... im delirious probably ANYWAY BYE FR NOW #CANNOT WAIT for next week to be harassed 🥰🥰

[kimmkitsuragi]

recent epiphanies in my life like

"what if i go abroad and end up sad and lonely there!!!!!! :(((("

"you're already sad and lonely here too"

#im not here a lot recently but not because im going thru an identity crisis or anything 😭 insert it's fine meme #im so fucking scared of. everything about the future rn and on top of that i keep questioning myself in many ways :< #and i mean GOOD questioning myself is good right? it is supposed to set me in the right path right? but it's so tiring and frustrating 😭 #i get so stressed over stupid things #i keep thinking if i want to do this i have to do it right. and i mean yeah but also like #it's all sooo scary and intimidating uhuhuhu ive never even lived alone!!!! can i even survive that!!!!! #but all in all. i sincerely hope that i will be posting about my one way ticket to a different country these times next year xox #love and light and such. it's scary but so is living in this country at this point!!! #next year's elections i wanna be in the mood like. well if my country fucks this up YET AGAIN i wont be here to experience it first hand <3 #let's hope i wont have too many breakdowns down the way tho!!!! #im so sjsjdjjdd let's continue konmari-ing my room sjsnsjdjjdjfhf :< #🗒 #idek why i wrote this but i will keep making arguments against my silly brain whenever i feel like chickening out #btw identity crisis thing is totally unrelated to all this like it's about different stuff so it's another stressor rn #well. time to cognitive dissonance my way thru it until i am able to process it better!!! <3

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i genuinely cant think of anything i want for Christmas. maybe skin tone copics but that's literally the only thing #im like the worst person to do things for honestly. there r so many rules and the things i want r so specific that its really not worth it #like i already have too much stuff. the amount of stuff i have rn in this tiny apartment stresses me out #i dont need more. i only work and draw so like i really dont need anything??? #so i honestly dont kno wtf to tell my family. like idk give me 25 bucks and ill buy a game on steam #except i wanna get games when break starts and now after Christmas so actually dont do that #idk just dont buy me anything. and dont make me buy anything. im already spiraling #and i might b moving across the fucking ocean in the next year so like idk i dont need more stuff #uuuugh im just avoiding doing things. like interview practice. and writing. and lab work #im just tired. maybe ill go to bed at like 9 lmao. avoid my problems until tomorrow #i would like to be excused from Christmas on account of having a breakdown. or just being a whiny brat #i really need to practice for the interview. bc im underqualified so i need to pretend it hasnt been 4 years since itook molecular genetics #and that i totally absolutely know lots about photosynthesis. definitely absolutely know what im doing. can i read? yes absolutely i can #understand words. ive never been sick in the head ever in my life and its a miracle. so pls give me money #uuuuuuuugh y brain? y dont u listen to me??? we have tasks! do them! pls! #unrelated

[lampregistration3000]

god i love health insurance in this country

#would love it if it did literally anything #got to love the news that it won't cover anything at all for me in this surgery! #anyway i can still afford it and im still happy about it but like finances are so tight for me rn lmao. #its like. part of the reason ive been waiting so long for this is the pride and knowledge that i should not have to pay anything for #medical care under a just and correct system and having to set my standards aside and grovel for the fucking. necessary and life saving #stuff i need to not feel horrible and disgusting and ugly every day of my life is debasing and dehumanizing #to sum it u #i'm just really frustrated rn. #its so hard to like... go get help or do anything for myself in the first place ever because like. every single time i try to do anything i #get slapped with the harshest penalties known to mankind #you could argue that i could have tried to find a different doctor or whatever but i need my hand held through everything and i still think #that this one was the proper and correct choice based on that #anyway. i have the lump sum. i dunno if i should try to finance it to make myself not feel like i have no money or what. #maybe ill try to open comissions or something but idk if i even have time for that #like im still going to send them the request to reimburse me for my fucking medical bills anyway and i know theyre not going to because #fuck you. but still. id like a letter saying 'fuck you vintage go die and give me 10 grand' instead of just trusting some schmuck over the #phone about it. lmao. #im so tired. i need a break. #between this and work i think its killing me. #im hopeful my blood pressure isnt going to be too high for clearence lmao i am so fuckign worried about that because if it is then like. #nothing ive done at all to prepare for it has mattered at all #i need to be unemployed i am so tired of working for a living i just want to crawl in a hole and sleep for forever