#but on the other hand i'm like. my mom is fat my grandma has been fat for most of her life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

evethebest · 3 months

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I'm jeaolus

Which is rare

Natasha has these beautiful expensive clothes, boots, bags and jewelry handed down to her from her mother

They look very good on her

Now what I'm jealous of isn't the fact that she has those things and looks good, it's the fact that they were given to her by her mother

Maybe if my mother wasn't such a cheap cunt obsessed with her cheating husband to even give a shit about her daughter or anything else throughout her youthful days and actually bought herself some decent shit I could have pretty things too and wouldn't have to go on a shopping spree in medium class stores once a month because thanks to my mom I have to build my closet from zero to a hundred and get scolded even for that by my stupid good for nothing father who turns out quit his job without even saying anything but it's all good because he's applying for a new one but guess what I don't give a single fuck, I swear to God if this man doesn't get a job like he's so sure he will in a month or some kind of income I will sell my ass on the fucking streets not because we're struggling but because I want nice things in life and due to my shitty down right horrendous upbringing full of sexual abuse that has left me with no one and nothing all I care about is money

But anyways yeah thanks mom as always for leaving me staring at everyone else with a decent mother with envy, you have let me down emotionally and now you're letting me down materialistically too, you are a true icon for all terrible mother's

I was never bought gifts on my birthday either, my parents would just take me out to clothing shopping a week before my birthday and when it was my birthday and I'd ask them where my presents are (I wasn't even a spoiled child I would've been happy with just a doll) they'd tell me that the clothes they bought me last week were my gift, and then I'd cry because they've basically tricked me into buying something I didn't want for my birthday, they would always argue on my birthdays too, I would cry again and then they would force me to take pictures to post on their shitty Facebook that nobody cares about, my mom was always too fat and insecure to appear in any of my birthday pictures or any important picture of my life, she still is even after losing weight, getting a nose job and getting lip filler, well at least she doesn't embarass me with her looks as well as her personality around other people, she's fine as long as she just shuts up and doesn't wear those hideous grandma clothes

She probably gave away all the clothes she had from before she had me and gained weight from when she was young. Not even thinking a second about me or wanting to leave her daughter something, it all went to the trash

I want to go shopping tomorrow and buy lots of expensive clothes and jewelry and I don't know maybe that one Victoria secret bombshell perfume, I deserve it I did good this school semester, I'm even getting a congratulations degree, like always but still, I deserve to be pampered and to make up for all that hurt

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just-bible-musings · 5 months

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Something has been wrong with my legs. I've been numb from the waist down for a week, and I can't feel my feet at all. I've done my own research and I think it's sciatica. The chiropractor seems to agree. I don't like doctors after the way they ruined my mom's health, but I don't have a choice.

I suppose it's a blessing in disguise, because all my efforts to try to get a doctor's appointment have simply made me hate this world more and look forward to the day when Jesus comes back to burn it all down.

I have at least learned how to walk with this new condition so that I'm no longer so unsteady, and I've started mixing up my routine so I'm not sitting down while I'm at home. But I still will need a doctor's note to be able to get one of those standing desks at work (I know I need one, I've been dealing with tailbone pain for 4 years). I'd hoped the chiropractor could give me one, but he said a doctor has to do that.

After days of prayer, research, and scanning through my insurance, I decided on an osteopath, because I'd rather have a holistic doctor that treats ME and not just my symptoms. There's only one on my insurance that's taking new patients. I can't schedule anything during a work day because their hold times + registration is longer than my break. So I decided to walk in. And I got told, "No, you'll have to call in so we can input it in our computer. No, we don't have a form you can fill out and hand back. There's only 2 of us receptionists, and we can't take that much time to register new patients over the counter." Granted, it's been years since my mom had to sign up as a new patient anywhere, but I don't remember her going through this. She just filled out a bunch of forms.

So I come home, I call, and the first thing I get told is that I'll have to call my insurance and get them to change my primary doctor, because even though I haven't gone to a doctor, it seems that my insurance automatically assigned me one when I signed up for health insurance. And when I looked at the list of doctors: they assigned me an OB doctor! Uh, hello?! I'm not pregnant, I'm not even married, I'm just fat. So first off, thank you very much for reminding me of all my insecurities. Second, where does anyone come off TELLING me who I am and am not supposed to see for my own health?!?!? I didn't think the government had socialized our medicine YET. I guess this is just the first step....

By the time I got that straightened out, I didn't have time to call the doctor's office back and get registered before they closed. Thursday, I went to the chiropractor and then did all my shopping that I hadn't done because it took me that long to be able to walk, so again, I didn't have time to call. Friday, their office closes at noon. Seriously??? Friday is like the best day for people to come in so they have a whole weekend to recover from all the crap the doctor did to them, and find out if the new meds are gonna work for them before they try to go back to work!

So I figured, "well, they're open on Saturdays, I'll call this morning."

"Oh, we only register new patients during the week."

I haven't been able to feel my feet in a week. Do they give a fig? No. "We're a business, and you're gonna do things OUR way."

I am so livid right now. My mom is old enough that when she was a little girl, her mom could call the doctor in the middle of the night- like, the actual doctor, not just his office- and he'd either make a housecall at 2 in the morning, or grandma could take my mom to HIS HOUSE.

Nowadays, it's all big business, and all run by a computer. And it makes me so FURIOUS!!! I am not a computer, I do not appreciate being treated like one!

If I didn't feel like God wanted me to go to an osteopath, I would try a different clinic, because I am already thoroughly disgusted with this one.

I have to wonder if this is just one other thing God has done to show me just how bad the world is, and to make me pray for Jesus to return soon. Because with me, it may start out personal, but then I start seeing the bigger picture, how things are leading up to Revelation. I may be wrong, but I still believe the Mark of the Beast is driven by the Internet.

Father, please save as many people as what are willing to turn their hearts to you. And when there are none left that will, please send your Son to reap the harvest and burn the chaff.

And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. Genesis 6:5

But as the days of Noah were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. Matthew 24:37-39

#testimony #doctors #revelation #prayer

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ellaintrigue · 3 years

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Last night I found out that one of dad's childhood people had passed away. I didn't know them so it doesn't personally effect me, but they had cancer and were only 60 so that hit home. It bothers me because I've been obsessed with death recently. Has anyone else noticed how many celebrities have died in 2021 even? Not just Prince P. and DMX but just one after another since the start of the year. I'm not superstitious enough to wave my arms and wave about omens but it is ominous.

Reading that made me want to look back through messenger to find another dead person that knew my dad. Without getting into detail there was some drama in dad's life a couple of years ago, but right before that, this woman added me and mom on FaceBook. We didn't know who she was, we just assumed because she was old that she knew my parents or something. Well, she complained she felt fat or something and I said "you look great" in the comments, SOMETHING along those lines. I am body positive and would never insult someone. Well, her sister inboxed me screaming how dare I insult her sister and that mom and I were pieces of shit. I was like "what?" I had no idea who she and her sister were and once the woman found that out she backtracked and apologized. It was weird, but ya know, everyone is a dramatic troll online.

Fast forward to a couple of years later and I found out that these women were basically mad at my father and thought mom and I knew who they were. Bitch what? I fully put the pieces together last night when I scrolled back to the dead woman's messages. She had messaged me briefly in 2017 and she was dead by 2019. She wrapped her truck around a tree taking a turn too fast. The news article described a trashed white pickup but dad approached me in the yard with his hands in his pockets and a distant look in his eyes. He said that not only was she still alive on impact but that she was practically torn in half by the mangled truck. She was partially decapitated but died in the hospital. I can't imagine being alive that long like that. Was she able to look down and see her organs all laid out or was she unconscious?

It's the anniversary of my grandmother's death, early April 2019. I'm not going to cry and moan about my dead grandma, I wasn't even thinking about it in fact. But for some reason it was leaving a bad taste in my mouth anyway. I was too upset to go to her funeral but mom brought me some food back. A broken chicken wing rejected by other goers and some limp pasta salad. "Everyone ate all the good parts," she said.

I've said this before but it seems weird when someone dies and you start eating. I had graphic visuals of my grandmother's coffin sinking into the dirt and her starting to rot while everyone ripped their teeth into fried chicken. Gnashing their jaws and loud slurps as they sucked down sweet tea. I'm overreacting, it shouldn't bother me that much. I was thinking about it last night and thought about how my old cat died in 2014. I stepped outside one morning and I saw her back legs from under a hedge and instantly knew she was dead. She was almost 19 and when her head came into view her eyes were completely clouded grey from death. I wrapped her up in a towel and buried her but whenever I think about someone dying I imagine their eyes being the same way. That misty grey look of surprise, "hey, I'm dead!"

I had sobered up by that point yesterday and started to cry a little. I hadn't slept yet but either when I sleep and wake up sober, or I sober up by 10 PM life just hits me hard. I think about mom being sick, I think about how I can't make enough money, and it just maddens me. Then always upon sobering, I can feel all my physical problems again. Last night I was in vicious pain, tossing and turning like my body was on fire. I got up over and over to piss blood. I had been bleeding a lot into my urine the past week but sometimes it just gets unbearable. I lay awake all night cursing life.

This morning I woke up and stepped outside and narrowly avoided stepping on a droplet of blood. I don't want to step in that no matter how small. I stepped back and there was more blood. So I put my hand on my crotch, then my face, to make sure it wasn't me. I just don't know anymore the way things fall apart. I wasn't bleeding so Domino must have eaten a critter or something.

In a world full of death it would be nice if the shitty people died for a change. The people I know that have died were kind, yet the monsters I've encountered keep on running around hurting people. The words of one online predator still ring in my head "stop acting like everyone is out to get you and give me a chance." The toothy military vet's message before that told me I should be raped and killed.

Karma, do you exist? Stars, do you align? Kill some devils so I can eat carefree funeral chicken.

#Blood #Death #Morbid #Yep I'm still goth #Family #Personal #Thoughts #Pain #Mourning #Karma #Trauma #Nonfiction

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bonelesswords · 5 years

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a study of souls | alex høgh andersen au

Chapter one: Hi, June.

-synopsis -chapter two

Warnings: Language, sexual content, mentions and using of drugs, mentions of a toxic relationships, grammar mistakes (english is not my first language)

Note: This is the first chapter!! It's kinda short but only for now. btw all this introduction is for you to understand the story 😁 tell me what you think hehe.

The summer in which everyone forgot my name, was over, the only ones who seemed to remember it were my brother and my grandmother, who called almost every day while I was on vacation to ask how I was. It was my grandma's idea to send me to the other side of the world, thinking that New York could heal a broken heart. I had said that no, that it didn't work like that, that she could send me to Japan, to a desert island, but the only thing I needed to stop thinking about my heart and how broken it was, was time. But she insisted, because she has been stubborn her whole life and she wasn't going to stop now; she sent me to New York, to the house of a friend that she had met in i-don't-know-where, don't-know-when. Who had presented me to his grandson because my grandma had told her in detail how the last person I had fallen in love with, had broken my heart.

I went and I came back, my heart didn't hurt like when I got on the plane, but it still hurt, and the pain scares me.

I would like to say that yes, that grandma was right, and that my heart actually healed after that trip. That I wasn't going to have to deal with insecurities again. I would like to move on with my life as if a man didn't rip a piece of my soul; but it isn't like that.

It still scares me, even if William left to never return, to never see my face again.

I'm afraid of waking up and see his face among the white sheets, laying on my pillow. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, unable to move or speak, but I can see him sitting at the end of my bed, looking at me sideways and whispering that I must not forget him. Until after a few minutes, when I manage to move again, he disappears as if he had never been there.

Forgetting everything that happened is not as easy as throwing away a box with all the memories, it's like burning the box and that it appears every time on your doorstep .

William left and he's not going to come back. I'm sure that there's not a single drop of love for him in my body, but he left me a thousand of insecurities and he took my pride with him. He left me every bad memory, and how they torment during the night, reminding me how he played with me.

So I asked Rory, my brother, and grandma, for time. They didn't understand anything that night that I arrived home crying, they still don't understand everything fully, but they took care of me, and they were there with me every time I couldn't hold the tears anymore. I need time to assimilate things better: I had met William, a man older than me. I liked him and he lied to me saying he liked me too. When his lie went too far he got scared and left. He made sure not to see me anymore not even on the streets. He hurt me way more times that I had said out loud, in places that I still don't know how to describe.

I don't feel sad because he left, I feel sad for what he made with me after that.

But summer ended and autumn began in the city where I was born. In any moment I would get back to the university and perhaps I would make a friend.

It's already dark when I return home, the floor is wet from the rain that fell in the afternoon. The street lights up with orange lights and my nose is red from the cold. The only thing that I hear are the footsteps of my boots against the pavement and distant voices that come from inside of the houses. It's Friday and I feel it on the tip of my nose, when the air brings the smell of the dinner of the last house on the block; mine.

I know that Rory is inside with grandma, since I came back from New York he doesn't do anything else but staying at the house that I share with grandma for dinner, I also know that he feels slightly guilty for getting away from me lately. During our whole lives, ever since mom decided to leave us in charge of grandma, we had always hold on to each other, because we were the only thing we had left. And suddenly, after a long time, he didn't call like he used to anymore, he stopped visiting us like before. He is trying to get things back to the way they were.

When I step on the house, the warmth of the place embraces me, inviting me to take off my coat and my red sweater. From the living room I can hear the drawers opening and closing, the plates crashing and the voice of my grandma. I went inside to the kitchen, where Rory is sitting on a stool, his mouth is full of crumbs and a piece of bread is caught between his teeth. He looks as pale as ever, with messy black hair. Dressed in black from head to toe, he wears the same combat boots as me. Grandma looks at me and smiles in the only way she does when she sees one of her grandchildren.

The three of us sat at the dining table, talking about the day, work and trivial things.

"The lady who lives two blocks from here stayed twenty minutes talking to me this afternoon." I comment "She told me all the gossip. I don't know why she told them to me, if it is because she has no friend or something, I mean, if she has no friends, how does she know everything?"

"Maybe because she does have friends, but she thinks you don't" Rory replies, shrugging his shoulders. I look at him with narrowed eyes as he takes the fork with food to his mouth. He caught me off guard.

"That's a lie, all my friends are on vacation, they don't come back until the university starts," I explain, for the thousandth time this summer. My friends at the university are not even friends, maybe I have the number of someone because from time to time I ask for the homework, we get along, but nothing else. I wasn't going to admit it out loud.

"Anyway" interrumped grandma "Rory has already told me that he's not staying to drink tea after dinner because he has plans with friends, I guess that we are you and me again, June. You and me and maybe a movie on netflix."

The two of them are mocking me, and suddenly, it makes sense. Both are pushing me to come out tonight. It's true that I don't have any friends, and the old women that I talk to everyday while I work on the bakery aren't exactly the best company. They know that since William, I'm completely alone except for them.

"Well, I understand, I bother when I stay all day in this house. Maybe I want to stay here with grandma, watching movies until she falls asleep at ten. Unless that you, Rory, have other plans for me"

"It's the birthday of one of my friends, we are going to the pub, you come with me, you meet my friends and maybe you get along with them. I'll take you only if you don't talk about what the old lady told you today and if you drink at least two beers" He tells me and I share glances with grandma, as if I had fifteen and had to ask for permission to go out a friday night.

"I'm twenty one for something, right? To drink at least two beers with my brother. I'll go, but with two conditions" He nods with a smile, while grandma listens to the conversation with amusement."First, there must be at least one girl besides me. Second, if it's necessary, I can talk about politics"

"Don't worry June, that's the two things that i love. Girls and politics"

I haven't gone out at night in a long time and the only thing I do while sitting in the passenger seat in my brother's car is thinking if I had dressed well. What a silly thing, I think. I'm wearing light blue jeans and a dark black polo shirt under a yellow sweater. I realize how badly I combine the colors when I look at the yellow converse that I'm wearing

"So... are you friends.. friendly?" I ask and he laughs.

"That's a dumb question"

"And whose birthday is it?"

"Jack's" He says "You dont know him, I met him at the bar a while ago, Alex is the bar owner, along with his brother, his brother is more owner than him, but they both manage it. I'm not very close to Luke, Alex's brother, but he's nice. Jack is twenty four today."

"And what are you going to give him?" he points to the glove box, which is in front of my knees, I open it and I see a fat envelope, I take it out. "What is it?"

"A special edition of his favorite Batman movie, he's going to lose his shit, I'm sure"

I laugh and leave the bag in my lap and I stay silent, the only thing we hear in the car is the radio. It is the only station that doesn't put me in a bad mood and I only listen to it when I'm in Rory's car.

Rory parked on the street in front of the place, which had wooden chairs and tables outside and a row of lights under the roof that covered them. There were a few people outside and a lot inside. I looked at the ceiling of the place, in bright letters it said DUST.

My brother opened the door making sound a bell over our heads, almost inaudible due to the voices of all the people inside the bar. It was hot inside, putting our cheeks red immediately, the same tables that were outside were located all over the place and in the back were four U-shaped couchs with round tables in the middle. The lights of the place were all orange, making the atmosphere warmer than it already was. My brother took my hand and guided me to the back, in the other he had his friend's birthday present.

They all shouted things that I didn't understand when they saw my brother. I was behind him.

"Happy birthday, lad" he said to the guy who was at the end of the couch, a brown haired guy with a lot of tattoos on the arms, hands and some of them in his neck. He smiled at Rory and thanked him. "This is for you" my brother said and gave him his gift.

"What is it?" he asked, examining the paper bag."

"Open it, you idiot" said a redhead girl who was next to him, and for a second, everyone was silent. I felt like a statue in that moment.

Jack broke the paper and when he saw what was inside, his face lighted up and he looked at Rory with bright eyes. "No way, man"

"Nothing can top my gift now" Jack got up to hug him and thanked him again, putting him in a backpack he had on the floor. Rory turned to see me and I raised his eyebrows, indicating that he had forgotten about me for a second.

"Oh, right guys, this is June, my little sister. I brought her today because if she spends another friday night at home she is going to become an old lady. I hope that's not a problem" I looked at them, waving my hand. They smiled.

"That's not a problem" Jack announced "Any sister of Rory is sister of mine" He said and smiled at me, I smiled back. Then Rory brought two chairs to the table and we joined the round.

Everyone started talking animatedly; the round was made up of two guys and three girls. Jack, at the end of the couch, Julia the redhead who called him idiot before was next to him. On her right side was, who had introduced herself, Evangeline, a very pretty brown-eyed brunette, I had stared at her for a few seconds when she told me her name because of how beautiful she was. It seemed like she had just returned from the beach, but it was autumn and the shine of her skin was natural. I wish I could look like that without trying, she didn't seem like she was trying. Beside her, it was Travis, a skinny gray-eyed boy, as pale as paper, who was talking a lot and followed all of Jack's jokes, even though he was almost at the other end of the couch. Next to Travis, was Helena, a platinum blonde with red lips, who hadn't stopped talking with Rory since we arrived. And Rory hadn't stopped talking with her neither. I know when my brother likes someone, he behaves just like high school but I didn't say anything, and I didn't dare to make any jokes about it

Suddenly, a chair is dragged right next to me, in the middle of me and Jack, who was asking me about university with Julia. A man drops into the wooden chair and starts talking.

"I told Matthew that anything that this table orders it's on me. That's my birthday gift." He said with a strange accent to Jack, he turned to me and his blue eyes clashed with mine. Jack thanked him, and I didn't know what to say. Mainly because he had a black eye and several cuts around his face, like on the eyebrow and on his lower lip. I tried to hide my surprise, but he had already noticed. He stared at me, waiting for me to say something, but I didn't.

"Hi Alex" Rory speaks, making his eyes go towards my brother "This is June, my sister, I'm taking her out for a walk"

"Hi Ronald, we are going to take care of her here" He joked and then, looked at me again. "Hi, June, I'm Alex" He gives me a wide smile, almost amused. I instantly realized that despite his bruised face, he was handsome. But like all the boys sitted at the table, like Travis or Jack, but he was handsome anyway, and he has beautiful eyes. He doens't look like the kind of guy I see at university parties surrounded by lots of people, but he looks like the kind of guy the girls turn to see in the hallway.

"Hi Alex" I said, trying to smile at him.

"How old are you, June?" Alex asks.

"Twenty one" He nods, ready to make another question, His brown hair seems freshly cut and his skin looks slightly tanned, which makes his eyes look bluer than they surely are.

"So why aren't you drinking anything, June?" It catches my attention how he repeats my name several times, as if he were getting used to the sound in his tongue.

I shrug without saying anything. He smiles sideways at me while shaking his head, then stretches his arm behind my back to reach Rory's head, hitting him with the palm of his hand.

"Go get your sister a fucking beer" Rory growled and looked at him annoyed when Alex interrupted their conversation.

"Language." Julia scolds and Alex rolls his eyes amused.

"She can go by herself" Rory replied, I did not say anything.

"Don't be an idiot" he scolded him again and my brother got up from the chair, sighing and going towards the bar.

"I can get my own beer" I said to Alex, he looked at me raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah, you look like someone who can get their own beer, June" he says with the same smile on his face "But Matthew, the barman, doesn't know you and he won't believe you if you say you are with Jack"

"I don't look like someone who would be with Jack?" I say trying to sound offended. Of course I didn't look like someone who was friends with Jack, I looked like someone who stayed to watch a movie on Netflix with grandma on a friday night.

"You look like someone who would be with me" He says and winks at me. Automatically starts a conversation with Jack, and Julia talks about the university again. I'm sure i'm as red as a tomato.

taglist: (if you want to be in the taglist let me know)

@youbloodymadgenius

GIFs not mine, found it on pinterest.

#alex høgh andersen #alex høgh andersen imagine #alex hogh andersen #alex hoeg andersen #alex høgh #alex høgh andersen fan fiction #alex høgh andersen fanfiction #AHA #AHA fan fiction #AHA fanfiction #ivar the boneless #ivar x reader #ivar imagine #ivar lothbrok #ivar's heathen army #ivar x oc #modern ivar #alex høgh andersen x reader

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littleangel4996 · 5 years

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Rejected no more

Werewolf! Duncan Shepherd X plus size shy! reader

Summary: Rejected all your life but what happens when the alpha, Duncan Shepherd finds you as his mate?

Warning: Past Rejection, comfort, fluff, smut, breast play, Cunnilingus(female receiving)

Y/n P.O.V

You're too thick

Your eyes are two different colors freak

I don't dig shy girls

Let me know when you've changed your appearance to a Kardashian then maybe I'll mate with you.

Lose the gut

Imagine someone telling you that you're imperfect. I have been told these shameful words all my life when ever I sense him, my mate. The beast to my moon. My grandma told me one day the right mate will find me and accept me for who I am. I tried to believe my dear grandmother's words but it just hurt so much that I couldn't think about it anymore. My inner wolf talks to me when I'm in my deepest sad thoughts. It kinda helps when I'm talking to her. I've worked at my grandma's diner as a waitress and yes I have to wear the pink and white dress, one of her dress codes. She also says I look cute in it. Please, I look like a fat gumball. I walked over to a table of two ready to take their order until I noticed a familiar kind welcoming face.

"(Y/n)!" Anette exclaimed as she got up from the booth giving me a warm welcoming hug. Anette Shepherd and her tribe have been great allies to the (y/l/n) tribe. Eversince the Underwoods slaughtered my family as I was about to join them when I was nine years old, Anette took Frank's life before he could take mine.

"Hello Anette, how are you?" I asked.

"Oh fine, just spending the day with my son. You've met Duncan yes?" Yes I have. Duncan Shepherd, the alpha of the Shepherd tribe. I very rarely talk to Duncan because when I'm around him and when grandma and Anette encourage me to talk to him it's always awkward between us, him being the alpha. He's staring up at me, he probably wants me to stop chatting with his mom and take their order. Annette took her seat.

"Okay umm, would you like anything to drink or ready to-" I felt a hand on my wrist it was Duncan . `Oh no, I hope I didn't do anything wrong' I thought to myself as Duncan stood up above me leaning in too close for my comfort.

Is he sniffing me? Oh my moon please not again please don't tell me he's my-

"Mate" he finished my sentence of thought .

"Wow you are so-"

"Ugly? Fat? Freak?Shy?" I cut him off not looking at him.

"I was actually going to say-"

"I know what you were going to say" I yanked my hand away from him still not looking up at him. " you don't want to have a fat girl as your mate. I don't I want to hear it from you" I cried, taking off running out of the diner. I ignored the calls from my grandma and Annette as I got into my car and drove away to my quiet place.

-----

The Forest has always calmed me down when I'm upset, the lake makes it feel more calmer when I look at it's beauty. Grandma and Anette tried calling me like a hundred times. Right now I just want to stay here for a bit and then I'll go back to my sad life. I don't know how long I've been here do to my crying on the hood of my car.

"He's here" my inner wolf told me. I don't know what she's talking about until I smelled the scent of...MY MATE?!?.

I turned around to see him. Duncan fucking Shepherd. He still looked the same when I left the diner in a panic. Blue-grey jacket and wearing all black. "Go ahead" I whispered, still looking down. " Say that I'm not your mate". Duncan walks up to me and did something that none of my ungrateful mates had done. He pulls me off the hood and wraps me in his warm embrace, petting my (y/c/h). I wanted to push away and drive away from him but all I did caved into his embrace and let the tears fall down my cheeks. " My Moon, why would you think I'd reject something so beautiful?" He asked. I was too scared to look at him, afraid he'll disappear and I'll be left alone with no mate. He lifted my chin up, still having my eyes shut.

"Look at me" he pleaded, I shook my head.

"As your mate I am asking you to let me see your eyes. Now" he growled at the last part.

"Trust him, he's the right one I know it" I listened to my inner wolf's thoughts and slowly opened my eyes to reveal my natural eye and my (y/f/c) eye. He examined both of my eyes and said "beautiful". Then he leaned his lips on my own as I was taken aback but I start to melt in his kiss. I couldn't believe Duncan Shepherd, The Duncan Shepherd is kissing me for the first time. I'm having my first kiss with Duncan fucking Shepherd. This kiss feels so real like an electrical force going through my body. We both pulled back as we placed our heads together.

"My precious mate, allow me to show you how beautiful you truly are to me" he husked. He picks me up, setting me on the hood of my car and pushing me down where I lay looking up at the sky.

"Duncan, please be gentle. I'm still a virgin" I confessed. He stopped what he was doing and placed a gentle peck on the cheek.

"My Moon, I would have to take your virginity another time. Right now I want to pleasure your breasts" he places a hand on my right one "and" he trails his hand down and placing it on my sensitive part where I gasped. "Your pussy with my fingers ," he whispered seductively into my ear. He starts to remove his jacket then his shirt revealing his toned body as my cheeks turned red at the sight of his glories. No wonder he's the alpha. "You like what you see baby" he said smirking.

"Sorry" I looked away and turned my face towards his and began to kiss me. He gently nipped at my lip, perfect time to stick his tongue in my mouth then I pulled back gently. "I've never done a French kiss before " I shyly said.

"You kiss the top of the lips, the bottom of the lips" he showed me by doing how it's done. "Then graze your tongue between the lips and slowly add a little tongue" he grazed his tongue and slides it in my mouth, this time I don't pull back. He lays me down on the hood with his lips still pressed on mine then trails down my neck to my cleavage with his tongue. He looked up with his ocean blue eyes giving me this devilish grin and rips open my dress. I was wearing a strapless bra and he slowly start to slide down my bra.

"Your tits are so" he growled at the last part as he kissed his way to my left breast licking around the nipple then starts to suck on it while his other hand tweaks my right nipple.

"Oh my God, Duncan more" I breathed, running my fingers through his golden-brown hair giving it a small tug. He tugged my nipple lightly letting it go and starts to give the same treatment to my right breast. My pussy was aching for him, I could feel my panties getting wet. He abandoned my breast, sliding his hand down to lift my dress up touching my soaked panties. He hummed in approval.

"Tell me what you want, goddess. Say it and I'm all yours".

"Please Duncan, please make me feel good" I pleaded, biting my lip. Duncan pushed up my dress to my hips. Revealing my baby pink panties to him. He looked up at me licking his lips as he pulled down my with his teeth dragging them down my legs. Once he takes them off he pressed the pink fabric to his nose inhaling them like it had febreeze on them and groaned in response then tucks them in his pocket . "I'm gonna make you mine, (y/n). My mate forever." After he pecked me on the lips he went down to give a kiss on pussy and swirls his tongue around like I'm the sweetest lollipop from the candy store. Duncan spreads my folds and starts to suck on clit, making my back arched up.

"Holy fuck Duncan" I moaned.

"Fuck you taste like the forbidden fruit, baby" he moaned at the taste of my juices flowing.

I moaned as I ground my pussy against his mouth. He smiled and kept eye contact with me, and then plunged his tongue inside me and lapped up my juices and then slid his tongue up to flick at my clit. After plunging his tongue in my pussy, Duncan slides one finger inside me and pumped his index finger slowly.

" You want more, baby" he looked up at me, his mouth glistening with my juices. I shook my head yes and adds a second finger. My pussy clenched around his wonderful fingers, and that made him smile. He curled it upward and found my g-spot and I gasped. He speeded up his movements and sucking on my clit at the same time. If there is a God, then Duncan Shepherd is definitely a God. And I'm getting finger-fucked by one. I could feel my orgasm building up and Duncan can sense it.

"You ready to cum for me, sweetheart huh"

"Yes Duncan yes, please make me cum!" I said out loud for the whole forest to hear.

"Go ahead baby, cum for me. I wanna taste you. Now" he groaned and that's all I needed to make me cum and I screamed his name, shaking from the pleasure I was given. Duncan made sure no drop of juice on my area was left behind. Duncan pulls me up wrapping his arms around me as I tried to breath. "Breath my love, you did so well. You are so special to me beautiful" and placed his lips on my own, tasting myself on him.

"(Y/n)"

"Yes, Duncan".

"Umm you might wanna take your car to get it washed," he said. I gave him a quizzical look until I looked down and my car was stained with my cum then laughed. Duncan takes the rest of my clothing off and he does the same as he picks me up from the hood of my car bridal style taking me towards the lake. He puts me down gently, guiding me with his hand on my own to the water. As the water touches our waist and Duncan cups my face.

"I promise my moon goddess, to always be loyal to you, trustworthy and a great mate to you. Your grandma had told me about all your past mates who rejected your true beauty. I promise to love you for who you are" I almost tear up at his speech then kisses me again. I'm really lucky for Duncan to have found me and accepted me as his mate.

A/n: here's another one shot after I posted the other one-shot of Duncan. I want to thank @emmyrosee for encouraging me to do this one-shot and @dyns33 for encouraging me to do one-shots and thank you all for your support. I'm staying at my dad's and grandma's house with my brother and won't come home until labor day so I'm taking a 3 day writing break. Thank you love you all😘😘😘😘😘.

@barbie-solecism

@sodanova

@wvntersldr

@kylolangdon

@theghostoflangdon

@miskwaadesiwag

@whysosadmcfly

@creativedogs

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@captainskyline

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@castiel-saved-me-from-myself

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@lvngdvns

#duncan shepherd x female reader #duncan shepherd smut #duncan shepherd fluff #plus size!reader #werewolf!duncan #werewolf au

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el-dibidibidorado1 · 6 years

Text

Untamed Pt.4

A/n: long chapter! Enjoy

Five. Five days in a row that sleep didn't come. It was driving me insane. The same dream kept of repeating, it was the bite and the pain that lingered there afterwards. Sadly the mark is still fresh, once in a while I would pick at the scabs when I shower; which was about four times a day. My poor mother had to buy almost six new soaps. Six! That is a lot for one damn week, even a month! Now that she has been buying all the soaps on the fuckin planet and our little incident in the kitchen, she knows something is up.

Another thing is that i also can't stop thinking about Bucky. He saved me. How was I going to say thank you to him? I have no clue! Bake him a cake? No i'm its going to make me look like a fat ass, I mean I already am so that is out. Take him out to dinner? But what if he laughs at me and say no, there is another thing out. Fuck me, I have no idea what to give him to thank him.

"Y/n?" I opened my door and looked at Ed standing there with my clean, uneven folded clothes. Did he fold them? He did, didn't he. I felt my heart turn into jelly as he placed him on my bed, but the shakiness of his hand caught my attention. Then my heart began to awith sadness and joy, he was off the drug, but i hope he stays sober. When anything unfortunate happens he has a relapse. Maybe this is good and over for once.

"Thank you" I sincerely say.

"You going to work today?"

"Yep. I just used all of my vacation days in one week" Jesus, I only got so little days for vacation.

"Man, that blows" He lit up a cigarette.

"Yeah it does" I mumbled as I put my scarf around my neck. I turn and look at him as he lets out smoke and offered me. I take it and put it out, and he gives me a weird stare.

"We gotta stop" he nods his head and grabs my stuff to go downstairs.

-----------------------------------

"Ed?"

"Hmmm?" he stops in front of the diner.

"Can you pick me up at 2?"

"Umm i might knock out. but i can try" i give him a small grin and get out.

"Careful. A bunch of weirdos are out there" Yep I found that out a week ago. Just wave and go inside, I turned and he literally waited until I went in.

"Y/N welcome back!" Tom grabbed my shoulder and i quickly jump away.

"Thanks Tom" I normally try to say and put my coat and Bucky's sweater on the coat hanger. My mom washed it thinking it was Ed's.

Anxiety washed over me as i thought of Bucky. How in the world do you say 'thank you' to the man who saved your life? I nervously walked to the back to get my apron and found him reading with his earbuds in, I could slightly hear music leave the ear piece. He looked so concentrated it was kinda cute, it took me a few minutes to rip my eyes away from him and to check the coffee maker, to make a new batch.

"Hey Y/n" I looked at our famous customers Bill and Bill.

"Remember those two jerks hitting your machine?" Bill H said.

"yeah why?" i quickly say. Where they looking for me? Did they come and threatened the Diner?

" Why don't you tell her Tom?"

"Ya know how my cousin had that thing with her neck?" i nod my head and began gripping the mug tightly.

"Well I went to the hospital and found them two all beat up and shit. One had some broken ribs and the other had a huge swollen back eye and a broken nose. Someone beat them ugly" that's when Bucky came out to do his job. He still had his ear buds in so calling him would not do.

"Excuse me" I say and walk over to him. I catch his attention and takes off his ear buds, but my mouth became dry that word's didn't come out. He begins to rub his hands nervously and uncomfortable.

"Follow me" I managed to get out and walk back to the dish washer.

" Thank you" I say quivering. Some how I ended up with my arms around his firm waist. Oh God he's not hugging me back, I should let go. removing my arms around him I look up at his ocean eyes to find him already looking at me.

"I was late" he mumbles.

"It was better to be late than to never be there"

"I'm sorry"

"You have no reason to be. You saved me"

His left hand slowly took off my scarf making me flinch, his eyes widen with the sight of the marks. Where they that bad? The sound of his arm distracted me. Now it is my turn, I take hold of his hand and take off the glove, he has a panic in his eyes but something tells me to continue. Taking hold of his metal fingers I enjoyed the cold smoothness of them. He removes his hand away from mine only to move my hair to the side, to feel the bruised bite on my neck. When his fingers crossed the mark I feel myself relieved of fear and shiver because of the coolness of them. Slowly he brings his hand to the back of my neck and brings me into a warm hug. Tears began pouring out as he hold me. I was still scared and I couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't! Also I couldn't let go of him, his touch was warm that i knew if i let go I would whine from the loss.

"Bucky!" I let him go and wipe away the tears.

"Duty calls" he said and gave me a small smile, I just nodded and he walked off. Duty does call, huh. Well got to get back to work.

12:53

"Hey come help me out" Caroline nudged my elbow. I look at what she is carrying and its a bunch of salt shakers. I guess bitch ass Rosie didn't refill them, always leaving the work for us.

"What is in your mind Y/n?"

"Nothing much" i grabbed a new container of salt and noticed Caroline looking at me with a suspicious look.

“What?" i lean back slowly grabbing the next salt shaker.

"You and Mr. Barnes got something going on or what?" her smile was big and bright.

"Me and Bucky are friends"

"Sure about that?" i nod my head without knowing the smile on my face.

"Whatcha smiling about?" great the queen of sass has arrived.

"Nothing!" i put my hands up as if i did a crime.

"Lair!"

"okay okay." I chuckle and glance at Bucky.

"what do you think about Bucky?"

"Bucky!"she whispered and looked at Caroline.

"hmmm well" she began checking him out and i felt a bothering feeling in my chest

"He's a mute." Bitch please he has a impeccable voice.

"He's dumb" HOe i just saw him read a book. When has she read a book? Never I bet.

"He's not dumb" thank you Caroline.

“Oh my God, look at his hair! It's all dirty and long. UH NO" His hair is more Fabulous than yours.

"I'll still fuck him. He has a fuckable body" i just raised my hand to shut her up.

"What?" she asked

"This conversation is making me uncomfortable, i'm just going to walk away and forget what you said." as i was about to leave she grabbed my arm, pulled me back, grabbed my face and made me look at him.

"No no no no. Y/n, babe, am i right? i mean look at him" my eyes scan over his body and damn! Rosie is right. His muscular form is very meticulous and intimidating. I never took the time to actually look at him and now that I am, I want to punch myself. I didn't even realised that Rosie let go until I got teased by Caroline.

"Stop drooling" Caroline whispers in my ear.

"I'm not!"

2:14

I've been waiting for Ed but I guess he did fall asleep. Letting out a annoyed sigh I get my stuff and look out the window. What if they come back? I just wanna go home to my comfortable bed, with some hot coffee and some Christmas sweets.

"Bye babe I gotta go!" Caroline ran out of the kitchen and kisses my cheek. Maybe she can take me home, I quickly grab her hoodie and she stumbles.

"What's a matter?" She questioned.

"Can you tak-" a car outside honked and she hugs me while running out. Well there goes my ride home.

I give up and make my way to the front door, Tom is still here so I don't have to close. My breath is noticeable that I feel like if I am calling for help like the Native Americans (go Tiguas!) did with the bonfire. It's getting colder and colder each day that I am putting on many layers of clothes that make me look fatter. As I was getting ready to run to my house the door from the diner opened. My heart began to race like if I was a NASCAR.

"Hey" I heard the familiar deep voice. Bucky.

"Oh hey" I softly said. He began walking with me and now my heart was still racing because he's next to me. The warmth of his arms around me came to mind, I began wanting to feel the warmth again. Just one more time.

"Woah" he muttered. My thoughts where interrupted and I hummed at him.

"The sky is beautiful. I never noticed it" looking up I see the beautiful sparks of light.

"It is" I say. A cold breeze hits me and I began snuggle with the scarf that my grandma knit me.

"You cold?"

"A bit"

"Come" come? Come where?

"Where?"

"Just come" he chuckled. He lead me to a apartment building and lead me to the back to a door.

"Its small, but Its warm." He opened the door and it was like a small studio. He let me in and my big wondering eyes scanned the room.

"Would you like some chocolate milk?"

"Chocolate milk?" He nodded his head as he scratched the back of his head. He offered me some chocolate milk? I felt my face heat up, that is the most innocent thing someone has offered me. Others offer me some beer or a cigarette something other than chocolate milk!

"You can sit down" he said as he took out some cups.

I thanked him once more and I looked around again. The place was little and he had all the simple stuff that you need to live. A bed, table, couch, etc. It was a comfortable place to stay.

"Here" he hands me the cup and sits on his bed taking off his thin sweater. Wasn't he cold?

"Sorry about the cups. Childish."

"I don't mind"

"They where the cheapest ones when I first got here." I gave him a chuckle and took a sip. It brought a smile to my face, It was my chocolate milk favorite as a kid.

"What?"

"I actually drank this brand of chocolate milk as a child. Thank you." He hummed and took a sip of his drink. I sneeked a glance when his lips touched the childish cup and I wondered how his lips felt.

"Want more?" I nod my head and get up to put my cup in the sink to wash it.

"I got it" he stopped me.

"I should get home."

I grabbed my bag and walked to the front door. He put on his sweater again and follows me. He was walking me home. How sweet! I can't believe this is happening to me?!

We walked quietly until i noticed that he was still looking at my neck. I felt uncomfortable. I don't want to feel like this with him.

"Bucky." he hummed.

"Please don't look at it."

"Sorry" he mumbles.

"Its an eye catcher, but Its uncomfortable" he gives me an apologetic stare. He continued walking in silence until we reached home.

"Bucky. It's my day off tomorrow and Christmas is in a week, so I was wondering if you wanted to go Christmas shopping with me, 10?" He nodded and bid him goodbye and walked inside to get ready for bed.

Tags: @tnupsweetpie. Masterlist

#bucky barnes #bucky barns x reader #bucky x plus size reader #bucky x reader #winter solder #white wolf #untamed

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