#but it just reminds me a lot of being a transmed and having all my friends foam at the mouth about transmascs being called boys

[vampire-nyx]

I always feel like strangely embarrassed when I earnestly like and use and identify with a term other people really seriously hate, like oh no. Am I doing self identification wrong

#I really like the word tboy and calling myself a boy in general :( #it feels right #and it feels almost Bad to see people talk about it like it’s an inherently harmful word just on its own #like idk maybe we can say ‘this word makes me feel infantilized’ like that #instead of implying people that do like it are stupid or naive or just plain wrong? #idk maybe I’m unreasonably defensive #but it just reminds me a lot of being a transmed and having all my friends foam at the mouth about transmascs being called boys #(and calling themselves boys) #using the argument ‘trans men are MEN. do not call ADULT MEN boys EVER >:(((‘ #maybe it’s not fun or comfortable for me to identify with being an Adult Masculine Manly Man #maybe I wanna be a boy a bit fucking longer because I didn’t get to be one for over 18 years of my life #(also I’m transage so that’s gotta be part of it too) #idk I’m rambling and I’m not mad at any followers who mentioned feeling disgusted by the word in the poll I reblogged #just voicing my thoughts about the discussion as a whole

[anameistoohard]

Oh boy, lets open that can of worms

There's a LOT of discourse with endo vs anti-endo stuff (endogenic system=plural system not formed by trauma if you don't know 🙂). Like, death threats coming from both sides kinda thing. We try to stay out of it. But it's easy to accidentally stumble into it if you're not familiar with some of the nuance. So we want to share some observations as like, a crash course. (And apparently we had a lot to say lol.)

This post isn't really to debate how plurality forms. Just to give some context as to why so much hate is flying between these two groups.

Basically, you have 2 extremes. (And everyone in between obviously)

On one side you have people making up extra rules on top of the diagnostic criteria to exclude and gatekeep anyone who doesn't meet "their level" of disordered. (I've literally heard people say "you can't be a system, you're not as traumatized as me"). A lot of accusations of faking come from this bunch. Too much internal communication? Faker. Too many non-human alters? Faker. Too many or not enough alters? Faker. You can't win with them even if you have a diagnosis.

We've noticed a lot of parallels between this group and transmeds. You need to have x level of dysphoria to ride this ride. You can't be trans if you don't want xyz treatment. You need to reach my arbitrary bar of "trans enough". Enbys and everyone else are fakers. That kind of bs.

But on this side you also have a lot of people who just want to be taken seriously. They want to be validated by their diagnosis and feel hurt when people say or do things that they think will compromise that validity. They, at least initially, come from a place of sincerity not malice. But they fall into the trap of trying to be "one of the good ones".

On the other extreme you have the wild west. Things people treat as fact aren't codified with the same scrutiny as the DSM-5 or ICD-11. This breeds its own confusion and misinformation. We've seen people conflate plurality with things like maladaptive day dreaming, lucid dreaming, adhd, and (applying it to other people with ferocity to the point of harassment) metaphors of all things.

They have a spaghetti at the wall approach that reminds me of a less extreme MOGII (an attempt to define just about every possible form of gender and sexuality). It's a messy patchwork of ideas. We've seen 8 different labels that all mean the same thing and are being used by exactly no one. Redundancy and hyperspcificity, that's the name of the game. But frankly we like this if for no other reason than we want to see what sticks, what becomes mainstream.

We've seen people from this group attack people as badly as the anti-endo group. Openly mocking people for having trauma or saying vile shit like "traumagenics kys". They feel threatened by the exclusionary nature of diagnoses. But instead of taking their frustration out on the systems of power they take them out on normal people. After all if you're diagnosed, you "represent the system"... I guess. Equally bull shit.

But this is also where the edge cases go, the exclusions, those that don't fit into a neat little box. The DSM excludes people whose plurality is accepted as part of their culture or religion. These people don't suddenly stop being systems just because they're accepted, but they're distinctly not disordered. They don't meet the clinical definition of DID or OSDD. Same goes for someone whose symptoms are mild enough to not cause "clinically significant distress". You also have people who don't want to be pathologized or have been failed by the medical system.

So lastly, a warning: When dealing with plural stuff, it's very easy to go stumbling into a mine field.

Tldr: I would always rather land on the side of letting too many people in than exclude people who needed the support. However, no matter your in-group, some people take things too far. Like, ffs don't attack people. 

-Taylor & Mark

#not giving this any proper tags cause I don't want a fucking maelstrom of hate coming at us lol #long post #this might be a bad idea

[ftmtftm]

I’m sorry but until xenogenders and neopronouns can understand that I don’t want to “share my pronouns”, that I want to go through life as a normal, binary man, that I want assumptions to be made, that t isn’t some fun thing but a medical necessity for the rest of my life, that being trans isn’t a celebration but a condition for me and that I never want to be in a pride parade or even really open about it, until y’all can respect that, every single one of you, at least the fucking majority of you, then i can’t take anything seriously. I have been outed, assaulted, misgendered, and a whole bunch of other shit by “Tucutes” who walked all fucking over me as a binary trans person, I’ve been forced to be okay with they/them pronouns and been forced to be called the t-slur by a fake trans person because it was “affirming” for them to use on “other trans people”, I’ve been forced to wait years for t because the lines weee clogged up because people wanted to microdose it because they didn’t actually want the effects but they wanted to feel special, I’ve been outed as trans by fake trans people who want everyone to know what a cool catch I am, I’ve been told how gross t made me, I’ve been pushed out of every space that makes an effort to include as many people as possible because they start using rhetoric that sounds like the same rhetoric my transphobic father uses.

I cannot ever find joy in being trans, there is nothing to find joy in for me. Ever. I’m sick of people acting like it’s fun and silly and goofy. I’m sick of people appropriating a medical condition. I will always be sick of it. I am truly sorry that you had someone assault you and that they happened to be part of a community that I am also, but all transmeds want is some fucking respect for not doing this for whatever “euphoria” or political reason but because we fucking have to. All we want is respect and to not have our medical condition turned into playing make believe that you’re a “catgender” or an alien or whatever the fuck, do that on your own terms I don’t care, but the association with dysphoria and the fact that you will spit in the fucking faces of dysphoric binary trans people? That’s why transmeds exist

.

Bullet points because genuinely, my patience is beginning to run very thin for you anon. My ask box and the new post button have two separate functions and I think there is one you should be using instead of the other.

This is just attention seeking behavior at this point, and I'll give it to you and I'll be compassionate but I won't let your shit slide.

I'm sorry, but this is genuinely like looking in a mirror at my 15-20 year old self and it sucks and I honestly feel very sorry for you. Your pain and upset is very real. Your feelings do matter. And? You need to talk to a mental health professional. Serious advice. You need a therapist or some kind of support group if you do not have one already. That is a lot of baggage that deserves to be explored with someone who can genuinely help you in a controlled environment - not the askbox of random trans people you take issue with because they remind you of traumatic events in your life. Your triggers and people who remind you of people who have hurt you are your responsibility to deal with. It's not the business of people who are literally just living their lives in ways that make them happy. The world doesn't need to change around you for your own comfort, you need to change yourself to make yourself comfortable.

It's honestly okay if being trans makes you upset. It's okay to lament and even grieve a life you wish you had but can't have because you are not cis. Again though, that is not an issue that people who aren't like you are causing though. It's genuinely your business to deal with those emotions - not theirs.

You are not a doctor. You are not a medical professional. You are not the one giving care and other people's medical needs, decisions, and histories are none of your g'ddamn business. It is absolutely ridiculous that wait times are what they are and that access to care is not what it should be - but that is a failure of the system not the people. You legitimately sound like working class folks who complain about people on food stamps "taking up all the government resources" and people who complain that "immigrants are taking all our jobs" right now. You are putting the burden of the system onto the individual when it legitimately isn't their fault. Ultimately you are actively being failed by the medical system you are attempting to covet, not by your fellow trans people.

I've also been told I'm disgusting for being on T. I've also been told I'm disgusting for wanting facial and body hair, for feeling comfortable in my masculinity, for loving being a man in all of its complexities. Even by other trans people. You are not alone in that experience. The solution to working through those emotions isn't to throw conservative complaining about food stamps and immigrants level tantrums about it like you are doing now though.

Being trans can be fun. Being trans can be silly and goofy. Again, it might not be that way for you and it sounds like you've been in an environment where you're not allowed to love yourself for any reason, let alone for being trans, so it's probably very hard for you to conceptualize experiences outside of your own - but you sound... very young. I promise it gets better with time and distance. Please leave the environments you are in when you are able, they don't sound healthy for you.

Point of order: My ex was not a transmedicalist, by any means. I was assaulted by them and felt disgusting and dysphoric because of it and found transmedicalism on my own afterwards to try to validate my sense of self. I was hurt by someone else and then turned my hurt into a weapon. It sounds like you've been hurt and are also turning that hurt into a weapon. I hope some day you're able to put it down.

#asks #anon #long post / #assault / #anti transmedicalism #anti transmed

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being mad at my best friend for crushing on this girl?

I know the title sounds bad, but hear me out. Also, this happened two years ago, but I just remembered it and idk how to feel about the way I felt back then.

So, my best friend at the time will be called D (then 17F) is a trans girl and I am nonbinary. She was already out at the time and I was not.

There was this girl in our grade, who I’ll call L. L had some political views that reminded me of radfems and transmeds. L was also a lesbian. L was very heavily transphobic against nonbinary people and she heavily defended the gender binary as much as she could, like all the time. She made fun of nonbinary people a lot and it hurt me a lot, because in the previous year (before she was open about those views), she and I almost became friends and I had had a crush on her.

When she showed that transphobic side of hers, my feelings disappeared quickly because I was very hurt by that. Obviously, L didn’t know that I’m nonbinary but it still hurt.

D and I at first were both very against all the things L was saying, but over time D and L ended up sitting together in art class. While I got to sit alone (for context: I hate sitting alone in art class because it was one of the only classes where I had friends (aka D) and i already had to sit alone in most other subjects and I was very lonely). I got pretty jealous of D spending time with L while I was alone.

I want to point out that D chose of her own free will to sit next to L, the teacher did not make her do that.

I however felt bad about being jealous, so i didn’t say anything to D except that I was unhappy to sit alone in general, but I don’t think she understood what I meant.

Eventually, I heard from D that L had talked bad about nonbinary people again (she apparently called us stupid and confused). But D also said that L had defended D against some people who were misgendering her. I wasn’t surprised by that bc L viewed D as a “real trans person”. On that note, L also said at one point that she supported trans people, but nonbinary people don’t count as trans to her.

D brought this up to me and seemed to agree with L and I was so shocked by that that I didn’t know what to say.

Eventually, D confessed to me that she had a crush on L and might even be falling in love. I tried to be a good friend to D and tried to support her externally, but internally I felt really hurt that D would feel like that about L when L indirectly insulted me all the time. Obviously; L wasn’t attacking me personally, but it still felt shitty as hell. But I also know that D can’t control her feelings. In the time that D was crushing on L, she changed quite a bit. One time she even misgendered me in the comment section of my own post and called my by my deadname in a private text convo between us even tho she knows that I hate that.

Eventually, that topic of “super straights” appeared on tiktok and L defended that a lot and was very vocal and supportive about how trans women and cis women are not the same and vice versa with trans men. And how no straight cis man would ever want to be with a trans woman and stuff like that. D was active on tiktok at the time too, on the other side of that argument obviously. This cause D to distance herself from L and she seemed comfortable from me. I did try to comfort her, but internally I couldn’t help but be happy that she finally stopped liking L and I admittedly also wasn’t surprised by L having those views and I didn’t really feel bad that D had to learn of that side of L like that.

So AITA? I think I should’ve been more sensible of D’s feelings, but she also wasn’t very sensible of mine, so idk

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[mistymeow69]

This is your reminder that my account was created to share my "alternative" personal views. I will take little to no criticism, I will not change based off of what the majority tells me to, even if it's already a minority. I will always honor myself and what I believe in. This account is to talk about the things that normally wouldn't be socially acceptable to.

I'm getting attacked for my last post, but honestly idc lol. (Rant kinda)

if you wanna be a safe space for creeps, baits, and overall people who mock our community and diminish our struggles so they can use a label they don't understand, go ahead, but not everyone wants to be associated with that. Just proves what kind of person you are, someone who doesn't understand us at all.

Paralleling me to transmeds is crazy. Just because transgenderism and other transids are similar, doesn't mean they're not completely different in many other ways. Gender is a subjective thing. You can't be hypothetically disabled.

Things such as gender and race ARE social constructs, so you can interpret your identity with them as you please. It's not real, after all. Things such as transabled, however, are based off of real things that people struggle with daily. I'm not saying it's wrong to transition to it, but it's not something to be taken lightly. There's a very thin line between minimizing disabled peoples experiences and mocking them vs. actual transabled people who know what they're talking about, and I'm sick of people mixing them up and referring to them both as the same.

Disabilities are a VERY real thing. You can't just transition to it for the labels and an inner feeling that doesn't even match the transition like you can gender and race. There's literally no way to host an identity like that WITHOUT feeling at least a little dysphoria and wanting to transition, even if you can't. I don't care how much you ostracize me for this, we need to stop being a safe space for bad people. This is why the respectful radqueers still get judged so heavily.

Transharmed is one thing, it's your body so it's your choice as long as you know what you're talking about, doing, and respecting people who were born with it, but transharmful? I genuinely don't get it. Like transna/zi and transgro/omer? Do people seriously think these identities are okay? Identifying with ra/cism and eu/geni/cs and overall harming others goes COMPLETELY against the original rq ideology.

Call me a fake radqueer, call me a transmed, call me an exclusionist, but I will never ever support people who are harming anyone intentionally.

Transitioning to anything isn't something to be taken lightly. It's not a joke, it's not something fun, it's not aesthetic. It's a grueling, painful experience that, if any of us had the option to not have to go through it, we wouldn't. It hurts. So I wish people would stop pretending like our suffering is just something they can do for a week for fun.

We're a community that was built off of our unusual dysphoria and being ostracized out of our own communities. Please don't continue the cycle by ostracizing people who have their own views.

Anyway, because of all of this drama, and a lot of my personal ideologies and morals not fitting the standard radqueer ones, does anyone know of any similar labels? Should I make my own?

#radqueer #rq 🍓🌈 #rqc🌈🍓 #radinclus #transid #transx #transabled #transharm #transharmed #transharmful #transracial #diaethnic #diarace #diaracial #transjapanese

[strawberryamanita]

Alright, it was a bad idea to go into the neurosparkly tag. People are chill in the neurospicy tag, but it's just hatepost after hatepost after hatepost in the neurosparkly tag.

I was gonna keep my mouth shut, but now I'm pissed. Y'all really know how to make a person's skin crawl.

Rant below.

Listen, this reeks of one person pulling "neurosparkly" and "neurospicy" out of a very obscure conversation and going "hmm, this gives me the willies, so it looks like an acceptable target to me!", and I'm already sick of it. This gives me the exact same vibes as that one famous post about transmeds vs transtrenders -- this idea of pinning one form of self-expression against another, in the name of dunking on fellow marginalized people that are giving your demographic "a bad name". To that end, I'd like to remind y'all that the original artist of that post admitted they weren't acting right about trans people that aren't like them, and so I'm hoping we get over this and get over it soon.

Because we cannot keep doing this.

Every. Summer. Every fucking Summer, this website has to put a spotlight on a new group to punch down on. First it was just about every LGBTQIA+ group outside of cis gay men you could imagine -- lesbians, bis/pans, trans people, ace people, non-binary people, people who identify as queer (we're literally all queer, but that's another convo all together), you name it. It literally never stops, you people have to be taught over and over again that, no, this one group isn't okay to target either, that's your family too, you're not better than them for being a different flavor of weird.

Now we're doing this to neurodivergent people? Neurodivergent people. The overwhelming majority of this website. You're gonna try and clown on other neurodivergent people for, what is it, being cringe? After we just agreed that embracing cringe is a huge step towards self-acceptance and self-love? tumblr is THE cringe website. We don't do optics here, we don't clean our metaphorical rooms when guests are over.

Like what, we have to take every moment of our neurodivergent lives seriously? It's ridiculous enough that we have a "normal" model for how a brain should be, compared to all the different ways a person can develop. Are we such tragic figures that we can't take the smallest delight in calling ourself a fun little nickname? It's not self-censoring, it's not like "handicapable vs disabled", let's not treat this thing like a gust of wind on the house of cards that is our (quite necessary) camaraderie.

Are we gonna start zeroing in on specific neurodivergent conditions next? How long are we gonna play this stupid game of Who Is It Okay To Bully on this website? If you wanna look like a mature and poised and respectable lot, you can't be doing something so petty, whether it's for fun or "for the cause".

Y'know what? I support neurosparkly. I support neurospicy. My neurotype is glow-in-the-dark. It's glittery, it's color-changing, it's metallic and covered in rhinestones and smells like artificial fruits. My neurotype is crayon drawings and old kids' meal toys and bubble machines and getting bleary-eyed over Muppet songs. My brain is covered in holographic stickers and playing 8bit videogame music on loop. I am Cringemeister General. You could only wish to be as cringe as me.

Now cringe. Cringe and cope and seethe and mald. Dig up everything you can about me to attempt to punish me for disagreeing with you, and let your confirmation bias run wild. Post me on r/cringe, make a YouTube or TikTok video about me, pick me apart on a livestream, make me the poster-boy of your disgust, print out a screenshot of my blog and throw darts at it. Dance the dance of self-hatred, and then wait in the wings until you get to dance it again.

Eugh.

I'm gonna close this rant using every argument that I've seen effectively shut down these yearly attempts at putting eachother in the pillories, because I don't know if I can take another Summer of this:

If you start picking on people for using "neurosparkly" or "neurospicy", I'm assuming you're a fed. Infighting only helps the oppressors, and if we spend our energy trying to police eachother we're not going to get anything done. Kill the cringe cop in your head. There's as many ways for a person to live as are, have been, and will be people on this planet; there's a good chance you're gonna hear about some people who give you the ick, but you're gonna have to swallow that ick and respect them anyhow.

Every ounce of energy you spend rolling your eyes at people you consider beneath you can be spent chipping away at a person in power. Every minute you choose to spend tsking or turning up your nose at "weird" kids can be spent advocating for that weirdness and normalizing being fucking nice to people. You punch down or punch across because it gives you quicker, more visible results; if we're all punching up, they'll have no other option than to listen to us.

There is enough room for everybody. Even the neurospicies, even the neurosparklies.

PS: Any attempts to make fun of me or the people I talked about in this post are just straight-up gonna be ignored. I don't see why you'd want to convince me to think less of others, so trying to sway me is gonna be difficult on your part. I'm not debating anyone's rights, and I'm not gonna conserve spoons to argue with a stranger. I have Anons turned off already, so if you wanna get up in my virtual face you won't have a disguise to protect you.

Thank you for your time.

#neurospicy #neurosparkly #actually autistic #actually neurodivergent #neurodiversity #long post

[dog-park-dissidents]

you lot have been such an inspiration to me and my found family, knowing that a group of queer trans folk have united to become something so fucking gnarly??? sick as hell

this is a ramble of appreciation you can leave it in the inbox or post it, whatever your heart desires gang, but like. i live in florida, shit is scary here, always has been and will be until change finally comes. im trying to be a driving force, i’ve organized petitions and protests as young as 14. turning 16 soon and i’ve been listening since i was 13, aging with your music has really been a huge help in developing my identity. it’s all really fucking scary but hearing you guys and your raw rage and euphoria and grief has helped me remember i’m not alone. most of the trans folk i know here are vaguely transmed and a bit harsh on those of us that don’t fit in one specific box. it’s hard to make friends, even being in a pretty progressive school, being the way i am. luckily i’ve found my people and slowly but surely im putting them onto yalls music and they’re all just as moved as i’ve been

seeing queer adults, queer adults who aren’t afraid, queer adults who never conformed, queer adults that are punk and badass and so brave and all the things has reminded me i don’t have to be another statistic, i can do something.

so im working to revive our schools GSA, i got in touch with the former president and vice president to take on their roles again and im gonna be secretary and we’re making our spaces safe again. our sponsor is a lesbian it’s gonna be rad as hell. im planning more protests and i’m calling on local drag performers to meet us and help us. this isn’t really relevant to y’all but it’s been a secret a while and i needed to put it somewhere it would be seen and maybe appreciated

i’ve gotten stuck in ruts where i thought socially detransitioning would be better, where i thought that it would be easier and safer and more peaceful, but then i put on the queerpunk playlist, queer as in fuck you comes back on, and i remember who im doing all this for. for me, for all my trans siblings, for all the queers in the world. hidinf myself would be a massive disservice to the world and community, and it would hurt me more than it would help. so thank you for being that reminder.

i don’t know y’all personally and y’all don’t know me and it’s most likely gonna stay that way, but you guys have helped me so much and i hope one day i can return the favor. i don’t think im alone in how much you guys have done for me, i know so many people that have been deeply influenced and moved by you, so keep making badass music and kicking it

TL;DR : COME TO FLORIDA!! i’d lose my shit to see y’all live!!!

peace and love gang!! best of wishes :) thanks again

Thanks so much for saying all this. We love rambling appreciation, and we're so glad we've inspired you to do some super rad shit We have something in the works for Florida. Devastated to have to report that Ron DeSantis has made it very, very hard for us to book an All Ages show in the state of Florida. Our first appearance in Florida is likely going to have to be 18+ but we're looking into alternatives.

If you can make it to Atlanta, we're in talks for an All Ages booking there.

[swaglet]

chiming in on the gender convo! from 12-14 i was a pretty staunchly transmed kid. i identified as a transguy for a little over a year, i wore a binder, the whole social transition schtick. how you say you felt like an alien, like you just wanted to be a person, and seeing pretty much only feminine women…. yeah. i oscillate on being angry over it all, so i'm curious if you have any advice on... well, not giving a fuck lol. i admire the sympathy you express. sometimes i feel myself getting more bitter and it's hard not to with people insisting i'm a closet-man for cutting my hair short and old friends cutting me off for insisting on sex-based reality.

AHHH i meant to respond to this earlier but i went to my final and then came home and napped violently immediately afterwards.

as for the advice part i honestly dont know. i think i have been very lucky to not only grow up around other trans people my age from preteen age even to right now who shared a lot of my opinions with me; back in the day, it was like... uniformly insane and delusional to suggest you aren't actually your birth sex or to suggest biological sex doesn't even exist at all. all my current trans and nb friends, both mtf and ftm, are all very reasonable people who think very similarly to me about biological sex and transition (both social and medical) and misogyny and we all talk about it very often. i don't know if it's just because i got lucky or because i was childhood friends with a large portion of them and we developed our thoughts and opinions by bouncing them off of each other or if it's because i'm so outspoken today about misogyny and female liberation and they respect me for speaking about it as much as i do. idk my friends are all very slay and i love them. we openly talk about my detransition and my dysphoria, we talk about the pros and cons of transition and the health problems we have gotten or are scared of getting, talk abt our feelings about gender and society and ourselves very often. i definitely am very lucky. i suppose all i can do is reassure you that not everyone will hate you or cut you off just for expressing your beliefs; when i detransitioned years ago and my opinions on gender changed i was so worried that people would hate me and cut me off, thinking i was hateful or something, but nothing of the sort happened. a few people did but really they were a minority. but again i really am lucky and am surrounded by people who arent crazy and dont deny biological sex and the reality of sex based oppression

as for the sympathy part a few years ago i became really obsessed with figuring out how to experience empathy like a normal person so i didnt feel as broken and now its something i practice everyday and it almost comes naturally. frankly my trans friends understand me in a way that most people dont so i feel very close to them and comfortable around them. i just remind myself that we are all dealing with life in the only ways we know how and nobody exists in a vacuum and all i can do is express how much i care about them and raise any concerns i have about their wellbeing and they can do the same for me. the way i see it, if someone cuts me off and hates me for talking about how sex based oppression is a real issue that affects me and every biologically female person on earth, then they dont deserve to be in my life anyway and wont do me anything but harm if i keep them in my life. it would be for the best i suppose. thats something i stand by very firmly in my life; if i express my core beliefs/values respectfully and honestly and in good faith, and someone decides that they dont want me in their life anymore because of that, then we were incompatible as friends or partners or anything. i dont want to waste my time fighting with people and making myself miserable, i want to focus on the things and causes and people i care about.

i try my best to be patient with people no matter what unless theyre intentionally trying to be disrespectful or hurt me; i know that in most situations, i would love to be given the benefit of the doubt, so i try to do the same for other people. if someone says that me dressing 'like a man' or cutting my hair short or not behaving femininely enough somehow made me not a woman, i just ask them "why?" and see what they really think about it and explain the way i see it to them.

really, the way i cope with it all on a day to day basis is reminding myself that most of the people i come across in my life act the way they act and think the way they think because they truly believe that it is the right thing to do, they live their own lives in a way that they think is good and helpful just like i do. we just may not see eye to eye on what is good and what is helpful and that is just a part of life. there are people whose minds i can change, people who i can inspire and inform, and people who will never ever change their minds no matter what you do or say for them. and i also tell myself that no matter what people think about me and my "gender presentation" and whether or not they think misogyny exists, that has no bearing on what i do with my life. they can be upset with me and they can hate me but i can do whatever i want just like they can.

sorry that was so long i rambled onnnn and on and on. my two biggest pieces of advice: 1) try your hardest to curate your own little bubble and grab onto it as hard as you can and DO NOT LET GO and 2) surround yourself with gnc people (whether they identify as trans or not) who will enthusiastically talk about this stuff with you and share opinions with you. they are out there they exist and i hope you can find them. i would fly you out here to hang out with me and my posse if i could

#> #askbox

[sidecanthropy]

pinned post

dni

prolife/anti-abortion, anti-endo, t*rfs, transmeds, proshippers, racists, pro cop/anti BLM, ANY form of queer exclusionists, anti palestine/pro israel, pedos/pedo apologists, dream supporters/apologists, h*rry p*tter apologists, and/or nonBlack users of the word s*mp (e, a, o, i)

blog content

this blog is dedicated to anything and everything related to my sides, who i’ve dubbed corvid sides (because my name is crow). i will reblog posts that remind me of any of my sides, post art if i ever draw these guys again, and post random thoughts about them

sides’ bios

my sides are Hope, Logic, Creativity, Cringe, Sensitivity, Weed, and Anger!

the bios are going under the cut because of length

Cringe

human name: Ebony

pronouns: yes (as many as you can fit in one sentence)

additional functions: gender /hj

role description: cringe is a reclamation of sorts. Ebony is the culmination of every “cringe” interest i have (fortnite, roblox, being a furry, etc). they exist as a way of saying “i know im cringe, and i love it, get over it

Hope

human name: Hope

pronouns: he/she

additional functions: selfishness, competitiveness

role description: Hope is what reminds me that tomorrow is worth living for. he’s been knocked down many times but always gets back on her feet. he’s determined and mildly stubborn, and is always trying to guide me to a better future, trying to bring out the best in me

Anger

human name: Phoenix

pronouns: she/he/any fire themed neos

additional functions: passion, impulsivity

role description: Phoenix is the part of me that lets me know when i deserve better from the world. she cares extremely deeply about me and the other sides, as well as those i care about. he’s the reason for most if not all of my purchases, as well as my tendency to get Very into something for a short period of time

Sensitivity

human name: Ophelia

pronouns: they/she

additional functions: anxiety, intrusive thoughts

role description: appears gentle, but is like a storm. she’ll rip you apart if you hurt me (or any of the other sides). though if you hurt Ophelia themself, she just internalizes it and probably believes they deserved it. she’s my drive to be a better person, to learn from my mistakes

Weed

human name: Mary Jane

pronouns: it/its

additional functions: just weed

role description: my stoner thoughts, my munchies, my desire to lose myself to the devils lettuce. mostly a joke side but i do love it

Logic

human name: Nikola

pronouns: they/it

additional functions: curiosity, emotions

role description: they look a lot more professional than it is, but they can be serious if the situation calls for it. it’s my logic as well as my emotions because im so emotionally driven, and emotions play a large part in my decision making. they remember every memory ive ever formed (unlike me lmao)

Creativity

human name: Angelo

pronouns: he/him/any neos that fit the vibe

additional functions: deceit, sentimentality

role description: he has a deep love of all things right brained. cy’s always daydreaming about stories, either new ones or old ones. fae kinda represent my charisma in a way, being very suave and charming, and you’d never know wing’s lying

#pinned post

[mikiruma]

can i just say since ive been seeing it float around on my twitter timeline and it's been reminding me of the online community in general: transmasc spaces have huge misogyny & transphobia problems but nobody wants to address them. the way ive seen some transmascs go after lesbians over enjoying mlm content and the way transmed spaces are very carefully curated to engineer the most amount of shame possible. im entirely convinced these are self worth motivated stunts bc i cannot fathom thinking "i used to think i was a girl & now i don't like seeing myself that way, surely this must mean all women are bad" or "im a fairly masculine trans person who has lots of medical/social/legal transition goals, surely this must mean everyone who doesn't is a liar"

i think the reason it's not addressed is because of how personal these issues are sometimes, but like. when the personal issues become contagious and ppl start making excuses for shitty behavior on these bases, you stop looking like someone who's a little shaken from your rough transition and start looking like a regular transphobe & misogynist. internet transmascs need to be better at holding each other accountable and giving each other support when we need it. literally the only thing being accomplished by this is community division, which is the last fucking thing we need right now considering. well. vaguely gesturing towards the supreme court & state laws/bills. do i even need to explain why all internet discourse right now is completely meaningless

#talking #drama - #< for blacklist #also didn't include it in the main post since it's not as recent/frequent as back then but #once upon a time it was 'cool' for transmascs to attack trans women bc 'how could they want to be women??? *i* didn't want to be a woman!!!' #separately transphobia and misogyny are bad but transmisogyny was off the charts in the mid 2010s #i think the overarching problem is inflated self importance and a desire to feel heard #but using it on the dumbest most hateful shit possible so you can fight ppl online #and to that i say. there are better ways to spend your time. #watch a show that isn't steven universe. take up a hobby where you work with your hands. get a job

[envieluvvicixe]

Hi, random pinned.

I go by lots of names, but currently living most with anything around Krisse, Sampo, and Dyston on this blog. I'm a 06 bb who's physically disabled & neurodivergent; I use the term Omnipronoun(link), but I do prefer vei/che/vam/it/he/any.

I draw, I talk, I write, I'm punk, I'm pagan as well. This blog is just here, I enjoy reblogging and ranting. Variety of things on here when it comes to reblogs; from disabled, LGBTQ+, sometimes leftist, and punk content.

———

BYF; I'm mspec mono & contradicting terminology user (good faith + contradicting identity) part of LGBTQ+ (and liom + mogai communities), I'm neutral on any syscourse due to being a singlet, I use neopronouns & I'm a xenogender & neogender hoarder, I'm nonhuman as well. I'm pro-choice, pro-recovery & pro-para(explicit anti-contact)

I can't control who does and does not interact with me, idc if you like or repost(without comment) my blogs but please refrain from interacting directly with me if you are a proshipper/any other to that kind, Radqueer, transmed, SWERF/TERF, pro-contact harmful paras, anti-decolonization or find yourself in the basic DNI in short.

———

Small tag directory I'm trying to get together

. lgbtq+ Directory = anything within the LGBTQ+ community

. Pain directory = anything to do with being physically disabled in some way.

. Brain directory = anything to do with being neurodivergent in some way.

. Politic Directory = anything to do with politics, usually paired up with the punk tag. May include Finnish political shit as well.

. Punk directory = anything to do with punk or being punk. Usually paired up with the politic tag. Includes diy and such cool things.

. Other directory = anything other ?? / Topics I don't have a tag for it think they belong to any other tags (may vary on politic tag, I don't always realize something is political before long after!)

. Art directory = anything to do with art (including making IDs)

. Stellar project = anything to do with my art/writing project.

. rose thorn directory = anything related to my trauma; experiences, revelations etc.

. ether death directory = pagan & polytheism related things. Also my experiences and such.

– afirms for a rainy day = a tag where reminders and affirmations go. Excuse the grammatical error, I'm too lazy to fix it anymore.

I try to tag things properly, but sometimes I fast-reblog(on Mobile) and forget to tag things bc minor memory problems. also don't question my tags, i like how they sound and i decide to use it, that's all you'll get out of me for it lol.

———

Other blogs are simply what they are and they are something I'm going to be open about bc i see no shame within them, I don't care what you see as cringe or shit like that.

Main blog(male/masc, x-reader); @reveseke

Whump blog; @pierceofheart

Mogai/liom blog(coining); @primuscapere

(Revived?) nonhuman blog; @kalvanreaped

We're all just living on a rock that and we'll all die at some point so idk bout you but I'm going to make show out of it. /Silly

[edgyval-archive]

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ valentine's interaction boundariez

(pls interact, thin ice, dni)

last updated 8/14/2022

figured i should make one big post for this instead ov sporadically updating my pinned.. note that this is subject to change,, and you should probably check in like once a month to see if you still do/dont fall under the dni!! >_<

when i say dni i mean do not at all interact.. don't follow me,, reblog my terms*,, follow my main blog, nothing. however you may still use my terms if you're comfy**,,

* (unless you have an alt account for xenogender hoarding,, then you can reblog on that account specifically..)

** (obvious exceptionz come in here.. like,, terfs/swerfs, enby skeptics,, anti-mogai,, bc like why the hell would they use xenos in the first place..

i also do not want endos using my terms,, for my own comfort

(exceptionz will have an asterisk & parenthesis explanation down below.. idk how to explain it)

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ PLZ INTERACT >w<

plz interact w me if any ov the following appliez 2 u!! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

"cringy" ppl (furriez, emo, scenekidz, xenogender hoarderz, etc)!!

hexd/nightcore fanz!!

sparklecare hospital fanz!!

nonhuman (otherkin, therian, etc)!!

voidpunk!!

autistic!!

goreshit fanz!!

evaboy/figure skater/miya lowe fanz!!

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ THIN ICE X_X

you risk being blocked iv these apply to u,, but we may be able to sort something out.. >_<

doesnt understand neopronounz/typing quirkz/the like

use the > symbol when quoting thingz

imagine dragonz fanz

find "fatherless" jokes funny

make fun ov pplz death (not including queen lizzy)

think furriez r "weird"

bnha fans

gacha life users

uses slurs A LOT

dislikes my special interestz

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ DNI OmO

do not interact with this blog if any ov the following applies to you;;

note that this is just stuff that applies to the mogai space.. my full dni (on my carrd) has some info that,, while unrelated to mogai,, could be pretty important..

dsmp fans regardless ov iv u support the creators or not (doesnt include fictives/introjects that are heavily critical of the media)

(pro-) endo/demo/tulpa*

anti-mogai (tf u doin here??)

fans ov the boyfriends webtoon (irls who r critical ov their source r fine but pls specify that on ur profile or smth)

truscum/transmed

unironically use terms like traumascum/sysmed

against typing quirks

terf/swerf

aspec/arospec exclus/think aros or aces shouldn't be in the lgbt

think pronouns=gender

(pro-) maps/p3d0s

(pro-) z00s/b34st14l1ty

proship/comship/anti-anti/profic/whatever else yall mfs call urselves**

nonbinary skeptic/think ppl need dysphoria to be trans

anti-self dx with research (they're only trying to figure themselves out..)

autism speaks supporter (im autistic myselv & hate them with a passion..)

anti-blm/acab/support the p0l1ce

cringe/flop blog

nsfw blog

against trans boys being feminine

pro-abuse/abuser, harrassers, people who think "kys" (and related) is an acceptable thing to say to another entity in any case

send anonymous death threats/support toyhouse drama blogs

if you have a typing quirk that involves putting right arrow brackets (ex.. "> hi can you do a gender based on X?" "hi, im looking for a gender based on X> thanks>>) ***

* (im uncomvy with endoz themselves using my terms,, but supporters can if theyre comvy doing so..)

** (people in recovery from proshipping, that are minors, are fine.. i was recently informed that most minors who do it were groomed into the mindset and i wish them a good recovery..)

*** my ex had that same typing quirk,,,,,, it just reminds me ov him.. ,,,,, please stay away,, as its a trigger.. sorry.. /gen

additionally,, for your own sake pls dont interact if youre uncomfy with my views on certain topics.. (here's the masterlist)

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ my current banner

it doesn't have everything but it has most ov what someone would need,, i guess..

#⚠️⚠️ #🐬🐬 #dont rb or like or anything

[genderisareligion]

Happy New Year 🖤 Anons I got y’all soon. January is a nostalgic month for this blog cause it’s the two year anniversary of me being (formerly) shadowbanned also January 6th 2021 was what I like to call a Peak Everything moment for me. Peak Christianity, peak crackerdom, peak toxic masculinity, peak gender, peak humanity lol shit. Spent a year and some change invisible (but not termed 🙏🏽) for the crime of making too many trans racial jokes I guess and the blog I tried to make a replacement for this @genderisareligion immediately received the same fate. I suspect what actually caused it was my constant participation in my pinned post back then and the lack of answers anyone had for me but who knows. And I don’t know why because I didn’t request it but my blog’s visibility came back suddenly this April I wanna say. Here’s hoping it sticks🤞🏽

Anyway in 2023 along with finally publishing WOCTBI (Women of Color Taking Back Intersectionality, a little chapbook/magazine I wanna put together documenting nonwhite radblr’s posts and conversations, will likely be an ebook now instead of print) I do kinda wanna go in a different direction here. It’s not that I don’t think the trans conversation still needs to be happening, it does, homosexuals and women’s boundaries are still being eroded at an alarmingly rapid rate, I’ve just always been critical of all gender, “cis,” trans, up, down, no matter who’s participating. I’m not a “TERF blog” it’s in my url as a joke lol I’m just a black woman who got fed up with being polite on main being told to kill myself for reminding people humans are sexually dimorphic. Never even been a “TERF” cause I fully admit I’m a hypocrite and will in real life fully respect the pronouns/experiences of transmed normies who mind their own business, especially lesbian TIFs, but crackers like Dana Rivers and Dylan Mulvaney and all these “suck my girldick” transbians get he/him idgaf. So many of these males are so comfortable in their privilege they won’t combust if one less black women gasses them up

Wild how hypocritical and unable to admit it the “tolerant progressive left” is claiming that actually trans liberation is the key to ending black women’s oppression despite it being a recent invention and inherently having nothing to do with us and causing these crackers to run around telling me I look more like a male than other females. Like until this backwards shit ends I guess my opinions will continue to be “TERFy” cause I will never think this is okay, black women always come last and are always expected to be an expendible emotional and rhetorical resource to activist groups. This is why I’ve been politically homeless for so many years, doesn’t seem to matter where I go the message is the same: you exist to prop someone else up and you’re not allowed to complain about anything or it means all the help I’ve been giving you is bunk. BLM is something a shit ton of people just say and don’t do anything about because it’s too difficult. #SayHerName couldn’t keep the masses attention long enough and black women are still being killed with seemingly no end in sight. Will never not be crazy to me that in a decade “lesbians don’t like dick” did a complete 180 and became sacreligious to liberals.

I’ll just be here with my popcorn waiting for when inevitably sometime within the next decade or two a lot of these begendered crackers and their allies wake up and look back at the catastrophic mess they caused for some people and scramble to wipe their hands of it and act like it was all a conservative psyop they played no part in or whatever. Fact of the matter is that not everyone on HRT or going under the knife for SRS are doing so for good reasons and fact of the matter is transtrenders are making a mockery of those with actual sex dysphoria. Acting like any criticism of that at all is “transphobic and genocidal” is batshit insane. Like my intention with this blog at first was to try and help if anyone out there is saved by understanding that gender is fake at the end of the day, like I was.

So anyway I’ll be posting more on just feminism in general and gender criticism in general because imo radical feminism is just feminism or at least it used to be. This “TERF” shit gotta go can’t believe such a boogeyman nondescript term got so popular

#shadow.txt #coming back to add I’m not even against transition in all cases if I’ve never said that formally #sometimes it works like I know and love people it worked for #would I do it? hell fucking no but I’m not a beacon of self care lol #I just think gender doesn’t have anything to do with it #and actual trans people are rarer than it currently appears #controversial take but it’s a medical condition in need of treatment #sex not gender

[ciphers-crypt]

△ HEYA FLESHLINGS, BILL CIPHER HERE! LET ME TELL YOU HOW THIS IS GONNA GO. YOU ADMIRE MY SHRINE TO MYSELF, AND IN RETURN, I DON'T TRAP YOUR MIND IN THE NIGHTMARE REALM FOR ALL ETERNITY. DEAL? 🤝🔥△

[A Bill Cipher kinnie aesthetic blog. Feel free to send asks and I'll respond in character!]

[More below the cut:]

DNI:

△ Pro-ship (especially pines//cest and bill//dip, or if you ship Bill with any minors) △ Truscum/transmed △ Yandere △ LGBTQ+ exclusionist/gatekeeper (including but not limited to: anti-nonbinary, anti-ace/aro, anti-mspec lesbians/gays, and many more) △ Anti-kin, and/or pro-factkin/faitkin △ TERFs/SWERFs △ Racist △ Anti-endogenic/System gatekeeper

INFO:

ABOUT ME: △ I post a lot of horror content, be warned! Body horror, gore, unreality, etc. △ The mod is a nonbinary adult, you're free to use they/them for me. I'm not likely to post much OOC here, but will if necessary, so don't be afraid to ask if you've got questions for Me specifically △ Bill Cipher here is Also nonbinary - you're free to refer to me-as-Bill with he/him, it/its, and xe/xir. Those are my preferences, but I'm always looking for new pronouns, so if you have neopronouns you think would fit for Bill, feel free to try em out. Bill isn't extremely concerned with what people call him. △ In our post-canon, Sixer resurrected me as a human-ish entity that ended up living with him in the shack. We're gay and in love, you know how it goes. I run this blog as if it's during that time period. △ Bill Cipher is aware of the multiverse, including the one(s) where Gravity Falls is a cartoon. This is to say you're welcome to send asks referring to the show, or you can send asks in character as your kins or a resident of Gravity Falls, and I'll respond basically as if you're from an alternate universe.

OTHER: △ I'm not looking for canonmates, but if you'd like to meet my Sixer, he's @beneath-the-shack. △ Sourcemates and doubles are welcome to interact! △ My canon lines up with the show in most major ways, just with a bit more detail in my memories than what we see in the show. There's also much more going on behind the scenes that recontextualizes events from canon - like the fact that I never truly wanted to hurt Ford. You're free to ask about it! △ This blog ships Billford. My Ford and I are partners IRL.

TAGS:

CHARACTER TAGS: △ SIXER (Stanford Pines) △ SHINER (Stanley Pines) △ PINE TREE (Dipper Pines) △ SHOOTING STAR (Mabel Pines) △ QUESTION MARK (Jesús "Soos" Ramirez) △ CHILLER (Wendy Corduroy) △ STARSIGHT (Gideon Gleeful) △ SPECS (Fiddleford McGucket) △ ??? (Pacifica Northwest) △ HEARTACHE (Robbie Valentino) △ TIMEPIECE (Blendin Blandin) All others tagged by name!

PLACES: △ GRAVITY FALLS △ MINDSCAPE △ MULTIVERSE △ MYSTERY SHACK △ NIGHTMARE REALM △ SECOND DIMENSION

THEMES & SYMBOLS: △ ALL SEEING EYE △ EYES △ TRIANGLES △ DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES △ REMEMBERING AND FORGETTING △ LET'S MAKE A DEAL (deal making) △ ❔ (question marks - tagged like this so it doesn't get mixed in with soos' tag. sometimes I will tag these as both tho if they remind me of him)

STORY: △ UNTIL THE END OF TIME (being queer and in love with fordsy) △ THINGS CHANGE (angsty breakup period billford ]: ) △ THE WHOLE BEING DEAD THING (when u dead) △ WE'LL MEET AGAIN (post-canon! gay rights!!) △ HUMAN ENOUGH (guess who got a humanoid form)

OTHER: △ CIPHER SPEAKS (Original text posts) △ CIPHER'S ART (I draw sometimes but only when it's funny) △ INTERACTIONS (In-character convo) △ BENEATH-THE-SHACK (my Sixer <3) △ MEMORIES (explicit discussion of kin memories) △ CIPHER'S SECRETS (codes and riddles and all kinds of clues!) △ CIPHER'S SOLUTIONS (the answers to said codes, blacklist if you don't want to see them! I won't usually post these myself, I like to leave the solving to you all) △ SIXER'S SECRETS (secrets, but the ones Sixer posts) △ SIXER'S SOLUTIONS (the solutions thereof!

#ooc #dni

[nothorses]

hey greyson, I just wanted to talk about something I've noticed lately. So my go to subreddit for trans men stuff is r/ftmmen, it's the one I feel most comfortable with. However, some recent posts on there have worried me. I see a lot of these binary and often very dysphoric trans guys Express what can only be internalised transphobia, often bordering on self hatred. Posts like people getting mad whenever cis people (repsectfully) voice support for trans people, people hating to have to see trans positivity, because simply being reminded that they're trans makes them so dysphoric. I've been there, and people are entitled to Express how they feel. But it isn't healthy, and everyone just agrees with them. I've had that self hatred before and it makes me sad to see others in the community allowing that hatred to fester in others, rather than helping them to recognise their internalised trans phobia and helping them to overcome it. How are we supposed to build a better world for trans people if we all agree to just let our lives go silently by? Personally, I have a great deal of self love and respect, and although my dysphoria is awful I do not wish I were cis. So seeing this behaviour in the only community i have makes me feel pretty isolated. And btw, I just wanted to say that a lot of my self confidence as a trans man came from reading your blog, so thank you very much for what you do

This kind of thinking tends to come from a certain type of transmedicalist/transmed-adjacent trans guy subculture; the idea being that “trans” is a condition, not an identity or community. It only causes them suffering, it’s ideally a temporary state, they strive to cure and escape it. There’s community only in shared suffering, and anyone who claims to Have It needs to meet the diagnostic criteria, and therefore the suffering threshold.

It’s definitely born from self-hate, and it only manifests in self-hate. Being trans isn’t about suffering, and historically, it hasn’t needed to involve suffering. Trans people can be happy. We can love and be love, we can find community in shared joy, and we deserve to!

It sucks, and it’s something we need to put energy toward as a community. These folks may never get over that self-hate, and nobody can force them to. But we can try to build a community and environment that’s more conducive to self-love, and on the whole, it’ll mean less people fall into and stay in that place.

And thank you! I’m glad my words have been helpful, it makes me really happy to hear that 💙

#transmedicalism tw #transphobia tw #Anon #Ask

[ghostofcitrus]

realizations?? cool, cool...

brief warning : i mention transmedicalism and talk about my own body a little

okay so im seeing myself do the exact same shit ive done multiple times ive done when researching gender and stuff. it literally goes like this every time:

i start to think about gender a bit, it floats around the back of my minds for few weeks or whatever. the thoughts comes up more pressing occasionally, but overall it doesnt bug me, its kinda just there

i either think about it more, look at myself in the mirror a certain way, see someone come out, or get reminded of an identity (literally always one of the demigenders. demi-girl, -boy, and -gender have all been past identities/considered identities of mine). now its on the front of my mind.

i do something (when i was younger i layered sports bras, recently i cut my hair, that stuff) and im like fuck okay im really thinking about this now

i go through this back and forth with myself (which was like all my other posts) and eventually land on yes i do actually identify like this. i feel happy and think about the changes i wish i could make to myself (hair, no titties, name, pronoun change)

thennnn i find transmeds again. “you need dysphoria to be trans”. and i like lose my marbles. i start to think of both the discomfort i feel and the lack of discomfort. the best way i can describe it is a similar way i used to experience my sensory issues (before realizing they were sensory issues) : i dont feel like its bothering me, but when i do something that “helps” (i.e. noise cancelling headphones, experiment with pronouns, stuff like that) i feel soo much better!!

but then i start to think that if i had to live as a woman/girl, i would be fine. my life would still be good, id still be happy, all that. so i realize i dont expereince dysphoria, because its obviously not distressing to live as i do presenting fully female, and it doesnt impare my day to day life.

so i stop identifying like that, let it fade out of my mind, and go along with my life, and use the fact that i can do that as proof that im not actually nonbinary. i ignore what i really want and do like other “half” things, like wearing a minimizer bra, cutting my hair mid length, and i used to really hate my body but i worked really reallyyy hard to just accept it and love it. even if it doesnt really feel like me, i just dont really pay attention to it. i like what my body looks like. i think its a nice body,,, not that it actually feels like MINE. but regardless. and it seems that this comes back up every so often. and the process repeats.

anyways. the more i think about the fact that in my head i literally have always had a skewed prospective of my body that does not match what i see, the more confident i feel in identifying as nonbinary. as much as im logically aware that i have Big Boobies, im always surprised to see them/my general body shape. i think a lotlotlot of my self hatred came from that feeling. so like forcing myself to love it has been great...but that disconnect is still there. theres just like no/much less hatred that comes from it anymore. i wear more formfitting clothes and dresses and feel good or nuetral about it, something i really couldnt do before. but JEEZ thinking about having no boobs MM yes Please. being more androgenous but still feminine (idk if that makes sense lmao). and right now? the more i think about how much more comfortable id be like that, the more uncomfortable i am as i am(like, im actualy aware of my chest rn rather than the feeling that it literally doesnt exist til i see it then just :( ). ive never liked a lot of my features but i didnt ever think that maybe the hyper “femaleness” of it was a part of it. and that my desires for more nuetrality (wanting a more nuetral name, getting excited by nuetral pronouns, wanting no b00bs/lots of curves, loving my super short hair, etc) was more rooted in gender than self hatred, and so when i worked through the self hatred part i kinda started to just pretend it wasnt still there, bc i had previously chalked it up to self hatred bc i couldnt be trans/nonbinary without dysphoria right? (according to ppl) and i wasnt actually DISTRESSED by being seen as a girl! so i was just a self-hating girl. but now that the self hatred is gone but a lot of the underlying feelings remain... im re thinking. but still stressed idk. basically what im trying to say is i think i have more of an “issue” with my gender than i thought i did before.

but basically: ugh. if you would like to idkkk.... share thoughts/feelings/personal experience/validation thats all coool.... and very appriciated  

#i honestly rlly want ppl to tell me what im experiencing a bit #bc idk how to describe it #i also really want just some validation #bc im struggling to accept my own experiences esp w/o knowing the proper language to describe it #help lmao i think i know what im saying but i want someone else to say it first #this is literally what i did with my autism dx lmaooo im pathetic but also pls entertain it im begging #citrus speaks #my post #citrus gender crisis #demigirl #gender questioning #questioning gender #nonbinary