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velocitic · 9 months

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something on my mind lately that i'm not sure entirely how to phrase is like - this is mostly targeted at white trans influencer types, but i find something very grating on the kind of body negativity posting i see in relation to dealing with body dysmorphia. now, body dysmorphia/dysphoria are something that anyone can experience, and not everyone does, and it's different for different people. however, i take issue with the content made around learning how to "pass" by hiding your body, and specifically the language used for it. primarily i see this around "wide hips", and i do see the need and/or want for clothing tips that help people feel comfortable in their bodies, and i don't think there is anything intrinsically wrong with this content's primary goal. however, as trans owned/focused fashion brands are becoming more in number, i'm finding that the representatives i am seeing for these brands are overwhelmingly white, skinny, transmasc individuals. and the language used to market their products is one that is, i think, meant to be addressing dysphoria, but it comes across to me as a narrowly defined negative view. as someone with a larger chest and a larger/stockier frame, all of the tips about "hiding" my wider hips can do nothing tangible for my appearance. you cannot hide genuinely large/noticeable features of your body; trust me, i've tried for years to do so, and sometimes i still try in vain to wear the straight jeans and the special cut tee shirts, and it just leaves me feeling worse because i am not the target audience of these tips. i am not skinny. i also do not think i subscribe to this belief that wide hips are a "dead giveaway" that will prevent you from passing; i think that (and other such beliefs) honestly is rooted in bioessentialist beliefs that i wish we would all unpack and be a lot better off without.

it is not to say that skinny trans people's issues with their bodies are not valid or not okay to talk about. but i do think that rebranding body negativity into the language of progressive thought is unfair and cruel whether it is shaving razor ads telling women that they are beautiful no matter what but that doesn't mean stop shaving, or if it is a skinny, flat chested, white trans person telling me that all trans people are wonderful but more importantly how much their wide hips bother them - and how a product can "fix" both of these issues.

and how am i meant to feel about this whole thing, anyway? if this skinny person's hips are too wide, then what the hell is wrong with me? there is inherent comparison in self hate. putting yourself down will only lead to holding bias against those who are "worse" than you (whether you're aware of it or not) & broadcasting to all the other people with the feature you hate about yourself are surely also ugly or inferior in the same way you believe yourself to be. i don't think body dysmorphia should not be talked about. i do think that talking about it in the language of product placement and brand marketing is doomed from the start. when a skinny person says that their hips are too wide, their jaw is too soft, they hate their nose and with a chest like theirs they'll never pass, i earnestly have no idea what to possibly say, because in their self hate they have entirely vilified me. i am short and stocky with muscle and my jaw is soft and i have acne and wide hips and a large chest. how am i meant to feel safe with those who believe my features to be their worst nightmare? how can i build community with you when i can imagine how you preen in the mirror over your 110 lb build and how awful it is?

this is what is meant when we talk about self love as a form of resistance. you cannot expect to be a safe person as long as you hate yourself for being human.

#and i think there's a lot to add here and a lot of caveats too #bc you're not like. a bad person bc of body image issues #i certainly have my fair share #but instead of focusing on fixing my problem (read: lose a shit ton of weight and become conventionally attractive)#i am choosing that i want to be a safe person that others can feel comfortable with.#and to do that i know i cannot be hypocritical in how i speak about myself #there are many ways of coping with and handling body image issues that do not involve Buying Products To Hide Your Body #one that helps me is that trying clothes on in the store made me breakdown #so i dont do that anymore #i get a good solid understanding of my size at home #and learn how to take the measurements and eyeball if something will fit me #and i go to stores and buy clothes based on that and i dont try them on #if they dont fit in my own room i can be a lot kinder to myself than if they dont fit at the mall #and i can return them or alter them or give them away #long post #body img//#ask to tag #just. could say so much more on this topic but ywah im fed up with it #love yourselves now this is not a request. at the very least stop allowing yourself to hate yourself #easier said than done yes yes but doable nonetheless #and i mean it about being safe for others. i do not like talking about my own struggles with skinny people bc i do not trust #them to be safe people that understand where i'm coming from. i wish it was not that way #but it is. and maybe it would be different if i was speaking to a skinny person that was body positive for themselves and others #and it is and has been. but often that is not the case

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last-answer · 1 year

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hngjwjjss

#☆ chatting !#i am rotating that img of takeru around in my brain so fast it explodes #HIS TONGUE. WHY IS HE DOING THAT OUGHHHH #i clearly need to be poisoned to death #i am fighting my inner self to not elaborate all my Thoughts. it wld get pretty uhh !!!!!!!!! yeahsies #koha dont look #ask to tag btw. i just love suggestive posting abt tak.eru sorry

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yumenosakiacademy · 1 year

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Holy shit the wifi repair guy won't b here until 2mrw afternoon apparently?? (<- is listening in on nanas phone call)

#I don't use my computer all tht much but the data wifi on this phone is p slow at times so like uhh.. not preferred.#Like I'd Love 2 rb shit on Tumblr rn but 90% of the imgs aren't loading hence why all yallre r getting is 50 posts in a row of me talking #Delete later

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koushirouizumi · 2 years

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* D O . N O T . r e b l o g

{Never thought I’d see the day drafts stayed at 500 again}

{IMG by Me} {DO NOT re-post} (Please ASK to Use)

{Prefer no comment Please and Thank You} [Unless respectful]

#koushirouizumi personal #koushirouizumi chatter #koushirouizumi blog #koushirouizumi text #koushirouizumitxt #02 koushiro react img #('It's almost like I've been rbng about things like @utism among others since 2k15...')#(No but Genuinely I would Like for my Drafts to be manageable again)#(Thank Queue)#(by the time 02 movie is actually OUT maybe I'll be able to actually have ready the rest of all my drafted things and img sets)#(I've been getting rid of from drafts SO many outdated pre Kizuna and 2020 posts G-ddd)#(Like... speculation can be fun I love speculation and Theorizing)#(but some of it had just clearly gotten wayyy out of hand and it shows even just via things like my endless Drafts)#(Those posts I'm commenting on aren't all mine Tho)#(I'm just at the point where I'm basically Waiting for 02 Movie To Actually Be Out)#(I'll still speculate in my own time but like I am honestly very very Done with Timeline Debates TM)

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jellitchi · 3 months

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vat7k designs in my head...

i thought their canon designs were a eensy weensy bit Unpolished so i made these mostly for myself. erm if u rly want it i think varian is 19 here, hugo 19, nuru 18, yong 12.

i also made rhem all playlists and had to draw them a cover so thats what the last img is I linked each of em under my notes for all of em... Under the cut is Like a Huge Infodump of notes i have for each chara,,,,,,

i kept varians design basically the same, i dislike the design w the orange neck thing so i just Nuked it😭... Here's Varians playlist

Hugos design i just wanted to put him in something more Loose. hes a thief, a professional escape artist. i dont think wearing clunky metal is ideal for him. i also gave him a prosthetic arm (blond w no arm design trope!) but u cant see it in the ref so i added another drawing of him in his under layering👍 i vaguely referenced russian(?) clothes for him as well... Yeah not too much changed w him i just tried to make him slippery-er. Here's Hugo's playlist

yong came relatively easy to me, if it wasn't obvious i did rip gaming from g*nshin's hoodie. i thought the lion hood was Adorable and freaking perfect for what i had in mind for hos character. since the og notes said the fire kingdom is loosely Chinese inspired i basically just kept that. i mashed tgt a buncha diff dynasties though sorry for how inconsistent i was... i think he looks Okay. anyways i changed yongs role a bit, ill explain why im adjusting some of their roles later but i kept yong as the Jinx Type character. hes the eldest in his family and has a buncha younger siblings, hes a lion dancer and does performances w his family/siblings. he rly like special effects n keeps tryna incorporate his fireworks into their performances (it flops and he has to sew up the dmg) ill explain more of yongs role in another post maybe shrugs... Here's Yong's Playlist

miss nuru was a bit of a struggle for me i might share my full design process with her coz i did a Bunch of mockups for her😭😭😭... i didnt have a specific country of reference for her but i chose to make her vaguely south asian inspired. i also really wanted to keep the sheer fabric w the star / constellation map. i love that idea its so cute so shes still technically the navigator. but she also wields a sword too, fencing or whatever. (her and varian r Huge Cass fangirls which is probably why she started tryna use a sword (snuck out to watch cass compete) Okay ill talk abt this later) in my head, okay ill Probably make a whole nother post talking abt how im interpreting/writing each chara, but in my head i think nuru is the youngest and her kingdom's archivist. shes mostly in charge of like Her kingdoms history / artifacts / etc. ok im getting too side tracked ill save the lore dump for later but thats Nurus role in the party. Here's Nuru's Playlist

uhm below i made their character stats mostly to help me with planning / role developing. the yellow is their base stats the color behind is their end stats i guess. i was gonna explain my reasoning for their stats but ermm this post is kinda Really long so sorry😭... varian max int for obvious reasons, also max charisma just coz i feel like u kinda learn a thing or two being around a couple manipulators and spending time in jail idk shrugs... (also lets not forget the "ud b surprised what ppl would do for a cookie!") Hugo slippery guy, if a brick is thrown at him as hes running hes gonna try n run faster to shatter it, his mindset is Run Run Run! i think hes relatively agile too but yeah mostly a Speedster. i think he n varian got no Physical strength varian maybe just like A little coz Farm boy but I rly doubt quirin is making him do a Lotta heavy lifting. yong has incredible stamina and agility because hed a performer. nuru is the strongest coz this team would literally Flop without a proper Offense😭... i think varian n hugo r able to outwit plenty of their opponents but i think nuru is pretty good in a fight, same w yong. Yeah Okay Sorry for a Long Long Post thanks hope u guys enjoy

#vat7k #varian and the seven kingdoms #varian vat7k #hugo vat7k #nuru vat7k #yong vat7k #varian tangled #fanart #lizzysart

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gentlebeardsbarngrill · 1 month

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04/19/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Taika Waititi; Jes Tom; Con O'Neill; Ruibo Qian; Rachel House; Hugo Pierre Martin; Samba Schutte; Zaddy; Looper OFMD VIdeo; Cast Cards; Love Notes; Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika

== Taika Waititi ==

Rita's new product line TYPEBEA has launched! Lots of pics of Taika from the Launch Party!

Img Src: @sarah36600126 on Twitter

Img Src: Taika Archives Twitter

== Jes Tom ==

As you can tell, Jes Tom is pissed, just like the rest of us.

Discussing Film Article - this will make you mad, just warning you.

== Con O'Neill ==

Just a quick shot from Jay Dimmock, photographer

Img Src: JayDimmock on IG

== Ruibo Qian ==

Can't have more than one video on a tumblr post, and Zaddy had priority-- so if you'd like to check out our Pirate Queen playing and singing for us-- Go here.

== Rachel House ==

More pictures from BTS of Rachel House's "The Mountain"!

Img Src: Rachel House's IG

== Hugo Pierre Martin ==

Love that Hugo is still out here supporting Gay Joy!

== Samba Schutte ==

= ✨Zaddy✨=

What is there to say? Watch the video and watch Rhys get real fucking mad at Taika as he giggles like a little girl. I love these two so very much. Oh, and they're trending on twitter.

Thank you to @indarltonitrust on Twitter for capturing the Rhys Trend!

== Looper OFMD Highlight ==

youtube

Thanks to @hvymtta on Twitter for sharing this!

== 101 Days In The Gravy Basket ==

Pink news is keeping it real with mourning OFMD. Img Src: Pink News Twitter

I just wanted to say... I know we hit triple digits in the gravy basket. We're at 101-- I know that seems like a lot-- but just for reference purposes, I looked up how long it took for Wynona Earp to be renewed, and they were at 1,098 days before confirmed renewal.

I know we don't want it to get that far-- and hopefully it won't, but I just wanted to point out sometimes these things take a bit of time. Hope is not lost <3

== Fan Spotlight ==

== Cast Cards ==

Our dear friend @melvisik has highlighted one of "our beloved directors and Jackie's (late/former) favorite husband" -- I didn't know that was him!

== Schadenfreude ==

Thanks to @Seven_Sugars on Twitter for catching the continued drop of WBD Stock.

== Love Notes ==

Hey Lovelies!!! Happy Zaddy Day everyone! I'm sorry I'm swamped today with some extra work so I'm gonna pass on some fun love notes from other folks. I love you guys-- and I hope you're having a lovely beginning to the weekend. I'm looking forward to all the awesome art/fics coming from all this!

@ roxannestewart.art & @ worry__lines

== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==

Tonight's theme: Fingers!

Gifs Courtesy of @funforahermit and @a-man-for-hire-and-his-archives

#daily ofmd recap #daily ofmd recaps #ofmd daily recap #ofmd daily recaps #our flag means death #ofmd #rhys darby #taika waititi #rachel house #ruibo qian #con o neill #jes tom #samba schutte #zaddygate #zaddy #hugo pierre martin

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generic-anime-boy-bracket · 8 months

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Final Round

Shigeo Kageyama vs Tadano Hitohito

Reasons for being generic + Propaganda below

Mob/Shigeo Kageyama

Reasons:

Shigeo’s whole thing is being the most average boring middle schooler ever. He yearns desperately for a social life but he’s always been part of the crowd, so much so that his classmates and even his boss call him “Mob”. Also consider this post https://www.tumblr.com/codynaomiswire/190630281009/spot-the-main-character-amazing-mob-psycho-is?source=share

https://64.media.tumblr.com/15122b75c98b6a5978d892e284f5fe60/1c80e81d36417001-2f/s1280x1920/195aa0ce13b4bbea7fab38e3f930c250940fa9a2.jpg could someone who's never seen this anime pick him out as the main character

very plain face, and his hair is a simple black bowlcut. his design is intentionally as simple and generic as possible, mob appearing plain and unremarkable is a big part of his character.

The whole point of his character design is that he looks bland and blends into the background (hence his nickname "Mob"). There are characters with way more exciting designs, even including his brother who at least has Anime Hair™️, meanwhile Mob is just very plain with his bowlcut and monochrome design

a very obvious candidate. black hair, spends the majority of screentime in a school uniform, got his nickname (mob) literally bc of how generic and bland he is. a perfectly common face. no aspirations, no hobbies, no academic achievements, no sport talents. just a guy. regular dude. the only notable thing about him is his immensly powerful psychic abilities but he avoids using them in daily life, doesnt like to show them off and supresses them as well as his emotions

the point of mob's entire character is to be generic and plain. even his nickname "mob" was given to him by others to show that he is just part of the crowd and nothing special.

He's got a bowlcut, a very simply designed face, and usually is only seen in his school uniform.

He is designed to look like the most generic middle school boy with a plain unexpressive face and a bowl cut, and his nickname Mob comes from the fact that he doesn't stick out and everyone sees him as a background character. He spends most of his time going to school (he is bad at math) and reading manga and daydreaming/zoning out. He's socially awkward and gets nervous around girls. He started working out recently. He also has psychic powers but it's not a big deal it's just another trait someone can have like being charismatic or smelling bad

look at him. his literal entire point is that he is just some guy. his name (mob) was given to him because hes so bland and doesnt stand out that hes part of the mob / a background character in everyones life. it's also, in japanese, the equivalent to the english term "john doe."

Hair is a black bowl cut. Wears a school uniform, plain face. His whole thing is basically being completely average except for his insane psychic powers. He suppresses his emotions and powers because he just wants to live a normal life like everyone else.

bowl cut. standard school uniform. literally designed to look like a generic background character

classic bowlcut kid, literally designed to look generic and blend in

He's literally just a schoolboy with a black bowlcut and no distinguishing features. Look at he: https://mob-psycho-100.fandom.com/wiki/Shigeo_Kageyama?file=Mob+Fullbody.png Ofc, he's also an OP psychic, but he looks so entirely generic I think he fits perfectly

look at him. He checks every “how to look as generic as possible” box

Normal kid (appearance wise)

He is meant to look generic, he is this very powerful esper but he has black hair, a bowl haircut and mostly dresses in his school uniform. He looks like a background character even though he is the protagonist.

Propaganda:

i love him so much he's like a son to me

(Sorry to the person who submitted a Reddit img link it won't make me put the image there because i'm on phone since I probably won't get Access to my pc since I'll be outside 😭)

i love mob so much he is my boi

…but also, if it helps, mob's character is "boy with bowlcut, almost always seen wearing standard japanese middle school uniform, who speaks in a monotone voice and has no strong opinions of his own (for reasons but its not important)"

He's literally earned the nickname Mob for being so bland and generic looking (Mob being a term Japanese programers use for background NPCs). He also was purposefully designed by the creator to be as un-protagonist looking and plain as possible.

he is literally just some guy and that is the point of the entire show is that hes not special hes just a guy. this is a good thing :)

he has my exact autism :)

Look doesn't he seem like a very polite young man? With no distinguishing features whatsoever? Yeah. He's THE generic anime boy. Immense psychic power notwithstanding

He <3

Tadano Hitohito

Reasons:

Just a good bean. Like a kidney bean

his name is LITERALLY a play on the japanese equivalent of the phrase "just some guy". he is DESIGNED to be a generic-ass dude. everything about him is comically average.

Propaganda:

No propaganda submitted for this character

#generic anime boy bracket #shigeo kageyama #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #tadano hitohito #komi can't communicate #komi san wa komyushou desu

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pennyblossom-meta · 2 months

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L Lawliet: a deep dive into the expanded universe pt.01

EDIT (07/04/2024): Added some imgs.

Apologies for being so late to give this a follow up to @maevearcher's meta which can be found here and here. As usual, she’s made excellent points and I'll try to answer the ones which caught my eye.

Since this post ended up gaining a life of its own and becoming a bit too long, I’m splitting it in 2 or 3 parts. The core of the content for part 01 starts after under the button to Read More.

Here we talk about L's humanity.

I'll start with a disclaimer of my own: while I consider the manga as the base for the story, I'm very much open to the expanded DN universe as a complementary study of the characters and their motivations — sometimes even filling in the blanks for some of the background mysteries, such as the dynamics of Wammy's House and how L's successors view him.

To further clarify: by canon I mean the manga and any works by Tsugumi Ohba as the base material. I think @maevearcher and I are more or less in agreement on that, from what she mentioned in her own posts. As she said, the written word is indeed the baseline truth.

The expansion of the DN universe also has its own very special set of problems; for example, in many ways, L:CtW (L: Change the WorLd) commits the sin of overindulgence by throwing in considerations that, arguably, go against canon. Besides the ending where L lives for a final 23 days and Watari dies, the portrayal of Near in the movie (though in the novel he's also walking a fine line between becoming partially and very much OOC) is also a point of contention. I confess that I really wasn't fond of the way they portrayed Misa as a potential crush of L given canon insights on his opinion about Light whether in the role of Kira or as a person (pg.64 of Vol 13: How to Read, henceforth referred to as V13:HTR), but aligning L to become more humane and forgiving was at least interesting.

The same happens with the live action movies, the 2015 series, and the musical. At least the game Spiraling Trap isn't clashing with canon elements — that I could tell. The main plot is separate from the events of DN and the dating sim is a little slice of heaven into L's thoughts and emotions which I dearly love.

However, while L:CtW does indeed overindulge, the novel AN:LABB (Another Note: LA BB Murder Cases) gives us a singular glimpse into L through the eyes of Mello while keeping the events mostly accurate to the main plot, even with its slight deviations. It's certainly an optional perspective to the core of DN, but one that I always found very insightful. In V13:HTR, Obha mentions how he would’ve liked that there were more novels about L and how he solved previous cases, in a similar fashion to how Nisio Isin approaches AN:LABB. Here’s what Ohba says in pg.61 of V13:HTR:

(...) I didn’t think up much for [L’s] past. For him to be in such an influential position, he must have solved an amazing amount of cases, but I have no idea what kind of cases they were or how he solved them. But I would love for NISIOISIN, who wrote the Death Note novel, to write more stories about that (...)

This means that, to some extent, even the original author, Ohba, accepts AN:LABB as close to canon — or rather, as canon as it can get given the creative liberties allowed to a third party writer. To that point, Nisio Isin took L’s capoeira demonstration during the Yotsuba arc and made it a whole thing in the novel, with L taking inspiration from Naomi Misora’s skills. However, given the importance of that event, in the main story, L takes a while to even remember Misora so we can infer that either the stress of the case is getting to him OR learning capoeira and subsequently Misora’s role in it didn’t leave that much of an imprint on him because true canon didn’t really put that much emphasis into it. Either way, it’s an extrapolation that works. The technicalities can be overlooked given how ambiguous the scene is, as there is more than room to deduce a different past.

At the same time, I am an apologist that there are shared characteristics to L throughout the different mediums. My own interpretation of L's character has the manga as a baseline, but the expanded universe has taught me that there are sides to him that might not be so easy to perceive in dialogue bubbles or illustrations alone. Little things like L's addictive personality or the way he represses feelings are visible in the manga but caught beautifully in the novels, for example.

Going from the written word into the screen also represents a loss of the purity achievable only within the narrative in-book, where you can extrapolate and reach your own conclusions without being subject to the bias of sound and movement — though manga aggregates the visual to words and with it an altogether different dimension of meaning. That's one of the many things I enjoy about elements of fiction introduced through books; the stillness of the images and the narrative are more complex. Every time the baseline gets adapted, it loses something or that something shifts to fit into the perception of others. It ceases being pure and its essence is fundamentally shattered. Like the concept of a musical score on paper that gets played by an orchestra, there will never be an adaptation as good as the source material because it breaks the illusion.

While I can certainly extrapolate and accept the loss, I find that the written word from the novels, the tone of a VA's voice and the body movements in a live action still complement the manga well, despite narrative clashes.

About L’s humanity

Recently I've been re-watching the anime and it's incredible how Alessandro Juliani's understanding of the character resulted in such a well-rounded voice for L. I actually prefer the EN version to the JP because of the voice acting. It's superbly brilliant, even if L becomes less listless. He's certainly still aloof, but his aggressiveness is portrayed more vividly; in contrast, L in the manga feels a bit more dangerous and scary to me due to the range of expressions that the anime didn't manage to add in due to time and budget constraints. If anything L tones down how dangerous he can be. He does this on purpose so that he can trick and trip his adversary, as can be seen during his earlier interactions with Light. At times, L makes a mockery of himself, apparently placing himself in the position of a more demure individual while sharply observing the world around him and forming conclusions.

As to @maevearcher ‘s first point:

(...) An image of this lonely autistic genius, locked inside the confines of his ways, waiting for the right person to come along and save him from the banes of his solitary existence…until he meets Light and realises there’s someone out there who he can relate to, for understanding and stuff. I personally don’t buy too much into that.

The depth to which L relates to Light can be overestimated, but not without reason. Theirs is mostly an adversarial relationship with varying deviations throughout the expanded universe, but if we solely consider the manga then we get this comment from Ohba regarding whether L has any friends on pg.64 of V13: HTR:

Nope. And when he says that Light is his first friend that’s a big lie. He never considers him a friend. He probably secretly thinks really negative things about him.

During the Yotsuba arc, L is at a disadvantage. Light has turned the tables, tricked him into what Beyond Birthday could not do and thus gained a solid position into rendering L almost powerless to charge him. To elaborate on the latter point: BB wanted to create the perfect, unsolvable crime to humiliate L, making him lose, and thus “spend the rest of his life trembling in fear of B’s shadow” (pg.163, AA:LABB); L would know who the guilty party was but wouldn’t be able to prove it or bring that person to justice. As such, L would not be able to solve the mystery. At the end of the novel BB fails due to Misora’s quick thinking and that’s that. However, Light has several advantages that BB lacked, starting with his own social position, charm and the impeccable reputation of a model student and the prized son of a police chief who helps solve cases every now and then.

We can argue that, what truly happens in manga canon, is L and Light showing how much they respect each other for their detective skills, forming a sort of strange kinship within the cat and mouse game, especially when Light loses his memories of the Death Note. The game thrills them and they enjoy pushing each other’s buttons. No one else has ever challenged them like this. That being said, the first time they meet up for coffee after the tennis match, L is observing Light like a hawk, keeps testing him for a reaction and seems somewhat irritated at how much Light talks. I would venture a guess that L doesn’t actually like Light that much, even when he loses his memories. He might even find Light a nuisance when he waves the flag of morality — though this is a common problem L is confronted with when dealing with the Task Force, in particular Chief Yagami and Aizawa. This also places him at another gruesome disadvantage, as he’s surrounded by people who openly dislike and criticise his methods. The Task Force is also extremely wary of the way L pursues Light and think he’s being stubborn without proof to substantiate his reasoning. Ironically, it’s Aizawa, one of L’s most critical subordinates, who initiates Light’s downfall years later once he starts to consider L’s suspicions in light of Near and Mello’s tactics.

Both L and Light respect the game, no matter where it takes them. I would further make an educated guess that Light even preyed on L’s vulnerabilities during the Yotsuba arc, predicting how L might fall into depression for failing at the game. Light was more than capable of understanding that L’s competitive and childish side would make him a sore loser, especially given that he had already “lost” the first round of battles just by showing his face. Even if there is a sliver of friendship between both during Light’s months of amnesia, it’s dead and buried the moment he becomes Kira again.

My conclusion here would be that, while what happened with Light was extreme, it was also somewhat similar to Beyond Birthday’s eternal enmity towards L: the challenge, the need to humiliate and take down the greatest detective, one of the most brilliant minds to ever walk the Earth. There are some notable quotes from AA:LABB that reference what it is to be L, surrounded by future challengers and individuals who both look up to L and want to prove they’re better than him:

Pg.69

By simple arithmetic, L's ability in 2002 was the equivalent of five ordinary investigative bureaus, and seven intelligence agencies (and by the time he faced off against Kira, those numbers had leapt upward several more notches). This is easy to think of as a reason to respect and admire someone, but let me say this as clearly as possible: that much ability in one human is extremely dangerous. Modern danger management techniques rely heavily on diffusing the risk, but his very existence was the exact opposite. In other words, if someone was planning to commit a crime, they could greatly increase their chances of getting away with it by simply killing L before they began. That was why L hid his identity Not because he was shy or because he never left the house. To ensure his own safety For a detective of L's ability, self-preservation and the preservation of world peace were one and the same, and it would not be correct to describe his actions as cowardly or self-centered.

Pg. 117

L was the goal of everyone in Wammy's House. Everyone of us wanted to surpass him. To step over him. To step on him. M did, N did, and B did. M as a challenger, N as a successor. B as a criminal.

Pg. 160:

B approached Naomi Misora, calling himself Rue Ryuzaki. Rue Ryuzaki - L.L. For anyone from Wammy's House, there could be no higher goal than identifying yourself with that letter - and Beyond Birthday seized this case as his chance.

One of the biggest problems with these quotes is that they paint a very complicated — and, ultimately, suffocating — picture of what it is like to be L. Ohba himself mentions Watari’s predisposition towards collecting geniuses from all over the world and what Wammy’s House has turned into, under the snippet for Watari’s character (pg.60 V13:HTR):

He’s a guy who cultivates detectives for fun. That’s kind of terrible, isn’t it?

Everyone profits from L. Watari becomes richer than ever. Wammy's House becomes breeding ground for geniuses who end up dreaming of a life where they enjoy constant thrill and challenge. However, in order to do so, the dream cannot be complete until the successor crushes the original; until M, N, B and A defeat L. At least one of L’s successors couldn’t handle the pressure and committed suicide. B, known as Backup, runs away from the orphanage and goes on a murder rampage. Having never met L in person, he deduces several personality quirks that the “original” demonstrates, going as far as exacerbating them in order to be creepy and repulsive. Mello, who boasts of having met L in person and being privy to stories about how he defeated several other detectives (then taking their aliases as a trophy) both fervently admires L and wants to step on him.

Step on him. That’s quite the turn of phrase. It does sound scary, doesn’t it? To be surrounded by people who would take the opportunity to pull you down, no matter how much they admire you. They want to be you, to prove that they’re better than you. It’s game and ego. Life and death. Winner and loser.

And that’s perhaps the most blatant summary in approved canon of what it is like to be L that we’ll ever get. We can, of course, argue that Watari cares about L. He’s not only his handler, but also the one who brought him into Wammy’s House. It’s fairly clear that he nurtured (and even enabled) some of L’s most distressing character traits, though I wouldn’t necessarily say it was with a purely utilitarian agenda. It’s perfectly acceptable to extrapolate how Watari might’ve wanted to keep L, a child of great intellectual genius, happy by allowing him to be challenged and properly educated. In fact, AN:LABB (pg. 145-46) even gives us L’s perspective on the kindness that justice can achieve, which is confirmed within the expanded universe to be similar to Watari’s teachings as L confronts Kujo in L:CtW.

"I have nothing to do with him," L said. "To be completely accurate, I do not even know B. He is simply someone I am aware of. But none of this affects my judgment. Certainly I was interested in this case, and began to investigate it because I knew who the killer was. But that did not alter the way I investigated it, or the manner in which my investigation proceeded. Naomi Misora, I cannot overlook evil. I cannot forgive it. It does not matter if I know the person who commits evil or not. I am only interested in justice." "Only... in justice... " Misora gasped. "Then ... nothing else matters?" "I wouldn't say that, but it is not a priority." “You won't forgive any evil, no matter what the evil is?" "I wouldn't say that, but it is not a priority." "'But..." Like a thirteen-year-old victim. "There are people who justice cannot save." Like a thirteen-year-old criminal. “And there are people who evil can save." "There are. But even so," L said, his tone not changing at all. As if gently admonishing Naomi Misora. “Justice has more power than anything else." "Power? By power ... you mean strength?" "No. I mean kindness." He said it so easily. Misora almost dropped the phone. L The century's greatest detective, L. The detective of justice, L. Who solved every case, no matter how difficult... " ...I misunderstood you, L." "Did you? Well, I'm glad we cleared that up."

I would, once again, venture another educated guess that, while Watari’s primary reasons for starting a program of successors to L was noble, it ultimately backfired on an individual level. Society wise, the letters, as L calls them in L:CtW, are a force for good. They solve crimes, help law forces around the world to keep peace. Some of them even become scientists like Dr Kujo — though she becomes the main antagonist in the spin-off novel. However, the pressure this kind of lifestyle fostered creates a group of individuals who are highly competitive and manipulative. Some, like A, can’t handle it. Even L has his own troubles, being called a reclusive sociopath, possibly by the police forces who treat him as a utility rather than a person. He’s someone they admire and resent, who is tolerated given how effective he is at cracking down cases.

This passage from L:CtW paints a grim picture of the way L suppresses his own feelings as he breaks down for not being able to prevent Maki from being kidnapped (pg. 150-51):

"Light...it hurts. My heart--" It was a hurt that L Lawliet had suppressed, that he had to suppress in order to continue his existence as the peerless Detective L. How had the world's top detective been described in regard to facets of his personality rather than his ability as a detective? He had been called a kinky detective who relished bizarre murders, a human computer capable only of measuring mass murders in terms of cold numbers, a reclusive sociopath. What L thought of such estimations of his personality only L could know. But no one could truly understand L. How L did not and could not forget the faces of thousands of victims. Who could comprehend the man who had lived his life, and had to live confronting all the lives that ended prematurely, the tears of grief-stricken survivors, the devaluing of life as a daily reality. How was it possible to measure the pain of such a man? Was it a strain so heavy that L's back curved under all its weight? Was it an agony so terribly to leave the indelible dark circles around his eyes? Was it a feeling so bitter that every bite he took needed to be coated in sugar? The chronically rounded shoulders, the inevitable dark circles, the eccentric tastes--L suppressed the pain of being a champion of justice, but the evidence of the pain was moulded into his very body.”

Even within the clear disparity from the official canon, this passage slaps. It humanises L further, making the detective become a person and not just a machine who is content with his lifestyle. I know there’s a tendency for those who prefer the manga to see L as someone who is unabashedly himself and perfectly alright with the life he lives. I would argue that the Kira case was not only the most difficult challenge L ever faced, but also a series of moments where he had to be at his best — and at his worst. He had to do everything within his power to solve the case, not only because of his pride but because of what he considers to be his sense of justice. Saying with such confidence ‘I am justice’ is a rather cheesy and childish thing to say out loud, though I read it as both what started as a child’s stubbornness and what L became, as he positioned himself as a barrier to prevent crimes.

L suppresses himself, represses his emotions; he tries to control them, as Fu Takashi says in an interview, he is “dependent on games or battles of the mind”. Perhaps this is a consequence of the foundations of his personality. Despite L’s innate stubbornness, it could be argued that this is as much his fault as it is Watari’s, who didn’t nurture L’s social skills as he should have when he was a child. By not having an outlet outside of his hobby, L is trapped in a prison of his own making. Superficially, L is a “smart guy who hates losing”, but what about the rest? What about the things that make him human, the connections with others? In the same interview, it is mentioned how L feels lonely and needs affection. But what affection can you get when you isolate yourself from the world and keep everyone at arm’s length? He’s not a machine. Even machines become obsolete with time, and need outside help to keep functioning.

As for the latter point, if everyone around L is trying to step on him, humiliate him and surpass him, then it’s only natural that his emotional defences would be up. Aside from Watari, whose loyalty he can count on, he’s alone. L has no one else. And everyone around him will have a dangerous, significant probability to betray him.

Next in part 02: About romance, having someone close and intimate, the meaning of the Monster speech.

Tagging @rinneroraito, @flametrashira and @sharkiethrts who might be interested in this meta.

#death note #l lawliet #death note meta #light yagami #spiraling trap #l lawliet headcanons #l lawliet x reader #watari #mello #mello death note #nate river #mihael keehl #near death note #beyond birthday #another note #l change the world #l death note #l lawliet death note

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