#but i have so many people who love me

[gideonisms]

I LOVE being alive so I can be mediocre at SO many different hobbies

#this isn't sarcasm at all i love to try different tasks i get mediocre at a new thing every year #i love to learn about other people's hobbies!! #i am having a great time #there are so many things to do who can blame me for getting distracted from life tasks that are boring when there are all these fun ones

[bestfluteninja]

i am so loved. i am so so loved.

#one of my best friends who is also one of my roommates made me dinner tonight #didn’t ask if i wanted dinner. just said what she was thinking of doing and then made it happen. i didn’t need to make a choice or do it #my tutor friends took all the writing tutees tonight. one did it with me barely having to ask #he just made eye contact with me and i said ‘please?’ and he said ‘of course’ #and then he made me laugh a lot later #my professors have all sent me really nice emails back #last night when i said it out loud—‘my grandma died’—my roommates hugged me immediately #just. immediately. they held me. #my favorite high school english teacher texted me today for the first time in like a year and a half #to say she’d heard and to say she was sorry #so yeah. grief sucks. i hurt a lot right now. i’m weirdly better in some ways than i thought i might be #but it’s not linear and it’s hard in other ways i didn’t think it would be #and also like she had dementia and she’s been in decline for a long time and it wasn’t totally unexpected #it was unexpected specifically yesterday. i kind of figured there would be a few more months at least. but no. #ouch. ouch ouch ouch. #but i have so many people who love me #and i am so grateful for them #personal #hannah does college

[bathroom-sand]

paramount and spyglass are trying so hard right now to save face because jenna ortega rightfully left the scream franchise after they fired melissa for supprting palestine. nobody is dumb enough to believe the excuse that it’s a scheduling conflict hours after rumors she was trying to get out of her contract cause she was pissed. i’m very thankful that jenna is risking her career and using her position to do the right thing. she’s been outspoken about palestine for years now. i hope this begins a trend of zionist losing money for their support and complacency with an active genocide

#free palestine #scream #jenna ortega #melissa barrera #i won’t be surprise if other cast members leave the project #many have been outspoken for years but few have the cultural capital jenna has #i love this cast and this franchise but the right thing to do is boycott future scream content unless it changes hands to people who #wont support war crimes #it takes remarkably little of me to give up a media i love while actual people are dying daily #the carpenter sisters make me so proud 💗 #melissa has since been posting nonstop about palestine and i’m just endlessly proud of her #💗💗💗

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[inkskinned]

something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

#this is very obviously about my battle with #ptsd #but i think it's also like a pretty apt metaphor for a lot of things like setting boundaries or going to therapy or choosing recovery #i was thinking about the 'comes back wrong' trope and i was like. oh no i have feelings about this bc i have mental illness #and once i stopped masking - i was WRONG. i was different #here's the good news: i am now INNUNDATED with love. fucking swimming in it. excelling at it. the people who stayed #learned my new self. my new different body and how i am different but i am trying. they have held me so tightly #and my life no longer feels quiet. it is not based in my suffering. it feels like i have been growing a tree in my chest #and now it is flowering. #it is so lovely to be surrounded by people who have said - oh! you cut off so many branches i was worried you weren't the same. but now... #... this is just a new you. and i love you. and i love that you're different and happy. #(but yeah also im nb so i was absolutely influenced by Trans things)

[catsauceeartofficial]

Accepting isolation, craving belonging

#art #digital art #comic #long post #this is kind of vent? #I don't want to be all I had a rough childhood wahh #I just find it bizarre to have so many little aspects of my childhood shape me #I crave isolation #I thrive in isolation #But I want to belong #I want to intimately know someone #and I want someone to intimately know me #This is to all the people who have loved me #even if we dont talk anymore #i love you and have loved you and i want nothing but for you to be happy #original post

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girl found dead in a hidden room.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan xichen #jin guangyao #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #qin su #EDIT: Tumblr published an earlier draft with only half the notes I wrote so: late entry on my JGY thoughts. #Unlike the mystic powers of the stockmarket (what the OG meme is referring to) I think this situation calls for more active investigation. #qin su is such a deeply tragic character to me and I really wish we got a bit more from her. #Love everyone who sent me messages about her after the last time she appeared. #I think she needs a spin off of her being a transmigrator SO badly. #MDZS has so many interesting characters - but it sometimes fails to give them the proper room to really develop past a role in the plot. #That's just the consequence of writing a story like MDZS. Not every character in a book *needs* to have a rich inner life and backstory! #To do so would bog down the story and obliterate any notion of pacing. It's just not possible. #Jin Guangyao (nee Meng Yao) is unfortunately not free from this leeway rule. He is the culprit of this murder mystery plot #and thus NEEDS to encapsulate the themes of the book. And personally he's a 7 out of 10 at best on this front (in the AD). #MDZS is about rumours twisting reality and working towards truth. And about how people & situations are rarely ever black & white #JGY has his motivations. He's well written in regards to his actions making sense for his character. #What started as good traits (drive to succeed & improve his image) became twisted over time (do anything to maintain his image) #and it's a good parallel to WWX! He has the same arc (with different traits)! Bonus points for IGY in that regard. #but man....by the time we confront this guy for murder there's not a lot of grey morality. He's just...deep in the hole *he* dug. #There's a beautiful tragedy to it! More on JGY in later comics - this is getting pretty long already!

[ruporas]

invisible scars (referenced previous talk here)

[ID: A colourless, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood talking about Wolfwood's scars. They're both laying in bed and topless. Vash lays on top of Wolfwood, playing with the rosary around his neck. Then, Vash kisses a spot on Wolfwood's chest. Wolfwood asks, "What are you doing?" Vash smiles sadly, "You got shot here. In the last town we visited. You didn't even bother moving."

Vash props himself up over Wolfwood, who frowns slightly. Wolfwood is quiet for a moment before he says, "You remember that, huh?" Vash grabs Wolfwood's left wrist and brings it to his face. "And here." He kisses another spot there. "When you helped free the hostages from that robber..." Wolfwood dismissively says, looking away, "Was a lucky shot." Vash huffs, “Don’t brag. Jeez.”

Half of Wolfwood's expression is shown, eyes returning to Vash who is now sitting up, continuing to say, "And..." Vash goes on and kiss Wolfwood's right palm. "You got cut here, even though that girl was aiming at me." A moment from the past flashes, of Wolfwood grabbing a knife aimed at Vash, his hand bleeding.

At present, Vash moves down and puts another kiss on Wolfwood's right shoulder. "And here, from watching my back." Another memory flashes of Wolfwood and Vash back to back. Vash looks back as Wolfwood grins while holding Punisher, bleeding from multiple gunshots in his shoulder.

"And," Vash combs up Wolfwood's hair to reveal his forehead, "Here." A final memory shows Wolfwood with a regeneration vial in his mouth while getting shot on his temple. The next panel is framed in blood with Vash at the center, eyes wide and stunned in horror. The next panel is a closed up shot of Wolfwood's eye, locked on Vash's face.

Back to present, Vash’s head is bowed down as Wolfwood raises a hand to his nape and says, “Spikey.”

Wolfwood looks serious and frowns as he says, "We talked about this. Those were my decisions. They're not there anymore. Forget about them." Vash looks very sad before he smiles ruefully and says, "I still see them. All the time." He leans down so they touch foreheads. Wolfwood’s sorrowful expression can be seen as Vash says, "You protect so much. I could never forget what you've done to me. And many others..."

In the last image, they're drawn more cartoonishly. Wolfwood sweats and asks, "You don't actually remember every wound, right?" Vash points at a spot on his chest. "Kuroneko left a scratch here 7 times." Wolfwood, startled, says, "Why the hell are you keeping count—" End ID]

Credits for ID here and here

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #another scars comic for one of the vw week days!!!! frankly i think about their scars WAY too often . most notably wolfwood's because #it really symbolizes a lot for him imo bc for vash it's a history of all the people that's ever harmed him betrayed him and the trust he has #given to humanity despite it all. its a beautiful reflection of his character and then u look at ww and presumably #since we dont really see him half naked Ever (shame) and i mean. i guess technically its a hc -- i assume he wouldn't have any scars bc #of the regen potions (which is why he doesnt have his t scars btw the regen pot took them away :pensive:) #in a way its like washing his hands of blood. giving him the body of someone who might never been involved in a fight never held a gun #but he knows thats not true yet he cant really do anything about it anyway bc he's still just human. if he stops taking the regen pots #he can't press forward. so its just a rinse and repeat and growing accustomed to whats inflicted on him because he knows it'll go away at #the end of the day. he's human but he's also not he's far beyond what could be considered a normal human but he still just is. #mortal but also not immortal. idk. i overthink about it a lot GMSKGMDK frankly i dont think it matters THAT much in the context of trimax #but it means a lot to me somehow. also thinking about how no matter how many times ww kills he's never numb to the sensation of it. maybe #the adrenaline gets to him for the beginning half but ive been rereading like.. vol 3? and that entire fight for ww #u can slowly see him spiral as he keeps on going on. anyway anyway. i love ww #ruporas art

[introspectivememories]

too many of you guys think nico is the loser and not lewis for letting the divorce go on for so long. like they're both losers about each other. emotionally constipated idiots who can't talk about their toxic homoerotic friendship that imploded on itself like 8 years ago and are now making it everyone else's problem. yeah nico's on television or in beer gardens talking about lewis all the time but like every other month some reporter is like "lewis, what's your favorite moment in your career?" and lewis no hesitation is like "oh man, karting, y'know? everything was simpler then" and then spends another six months skirting around nico's name. like this whole thing they're doing in the media isn't some kinda extended foreplay for them. they're both still pressing on the bruise to make sure it's still there!!! every few months, they're literally just asking on public television, does it still hurt for you like it does for me? and like clockwork, someone will release new information about them or one of them will say something about each other (in my heart, he's still my best friend/yes... and teammate) and the answer will remain the same, yes, of course, always.

#lewis is unarguably more famous than nico. like i feel like this a fact. and yet every other day nico is in the press saying some crazy shit #about lewis. if i was famous i woulda shut that shit down soo long ago. my ex-bf is in the press talkin bout me constantly??? that feels #like such bad pr and yet!!! lewis has not done anything. why? cause he likes it!!! cause they've never moved on from the 1st moment they #broke each other's hearts. like this is genuinely insane. #im always so nervous to post my thoughts on brocedes cause so many of you were here b4 me and have a better understanding on them #and like being a wrong is like a death sentence to me but still please tell me if i got them completely wrong #i have a lot of thoughts on lewis and his reluctance to talk about nico... most of them being that one quote from emma #if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more #ok obligatory disclaimer: a lot of this is hyperbole. i don't think that they're asking lewis that ? every other month #but there are like at least 5 interviews where he talks about karting like they're his most precious memories #so make of that what you will #and obv i don't know these people but as someone who's brain chemistry has been permanently changed by them #i think i'm allowed to not only project onto them but also make stupid little posts analyzing them #anyway yeah #f1 #lewis hamilton #nico rosberg #brocedes

[elitadream]

"You've been hurting so much, and for so long… Please, let me soothe your pain."

-

There was a scenario I had imagined in which Mario would suffer emotional trauma and keep it to himself to the point of becoming depressed, growing more distant and avoiding others as a result. He would so desperately want for his loved ones to be at peace that he would rather endure unbearable misery in silence than speak on it; not knowing just how tired he really is and how badly he needs to be comforted.

So when Peach would finally -and ever so gently- confront him on the matter, his walls would crumble almost immediately, and he would break down in front of her. Anguish and exhaustion slowly giving way to healing. ❤️‍🩹

#This kept coming back to my mind when I was working on both the confession tangent and the body swap one 🥺 #And looking at it... I figured it could indeed technically work for a variety of stories #The context might change but the issue remains 😢 #Mario has a lot of trouble opening up about what upsets him #Especially to both his brother and the princess #Who just so happen to be the two people who care about him the most #So the poor man was essentially bound to experience this struggle 😔 #But- there's beauty in sorrow. And love in suffering 🤲💖 #I have often contemplated drawing a sequence that would showcase this moment #but ultimately felt that it was more impactful as a single image 🌅 #It also deeply resonates with me for many reasons #This was a personal one for me 💙 #Mario #Princess Peach #Mario x Peach #Mareach #hurt/comfort #Super Mario Bros #Fanart

[turtleblogatlast]

No but like every time I think about Splinter and what he had to go through just to keep the boys alive, my heart hurts for him so badly. Is he perfect? No not at all, but none of them are and by god does he love his sons.

The fact that all of them are alive, and grew to thrive despite the circumstances surrounding them is a testament of how much Splinter loves his boys. He raised four babies following the most traumatic time of his life, all alone with nothing but the sewers to house them (to hide them.) I feel like he’s not given the credit he deserves for all he’s done.

And I get that it’s easy to hold up his flaws and faults when it comes to parenting, I myself like looking into them because flawed characters are super interesting and said flaws make them more realistic and engaging, but he tries, and again, so many others would have given up on the boys or failed along the way but Splinter didn’t.

He’s their father, for all his faults he did his damndest to make sure they survived.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt splinter #rise splinter #he’s not perfect as I’ve said #and he’s got a whole slew of flaws and faults #but he’s a person - we are all flawed #he loves his sons dearly dearly dearly even if he struggles along the way to show that #parenting is not easy! especially as a traumatized mutant who is forced to do it alone #side note but I think this is one of the reasons why it kiiiiiinda ruffles my feathers to see so many people assign parentification to Raph #and in turn make Splinter out to be way worse and way more distant than he is in canon? #like idk I just don’t see what so many others see ig but maybe that’s just me #i guess my thoughts are like- let parents have flaws without villainizing them? #they’re still parents even if they mess up? #we can discuss the repercussions of a parents actions on a child while not casting that parent as an awful person #parents are peopleeee #I could go on but yeahhh #idk it bothers me seeing splinter’s efforts undermined when he’s been through so much #idk if ppl realized this by now but I love me some flawed characters #tho I do think in this fandom the ones whose faults are discussed the most are like #Splinter mostly then Draxum then Leo #of the main cast #and in Splinters case in particular his faults are made to cover his good qualities which makes me sad #because he is SO INTERESTING #they’re all flawed characters and tbh so interesting because their flaws are ALSO their strengths in many aspects

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance - Traverse Town

#kingdom hearts dream drop distance #khddd #traverse town #scenery #my gif #trying my hand at giffing the worlds of this game despite the lack of a first person view (something i'm very upset about) #so i have to obtain and edit these shots in a very awkward manner #all while constantly being shoved around by my dream eaters #i'm so serious when i say making this set was really really frustrating lol #i can't find a free roaming camera mod or anything else that would be helpful for me #but i'll keep at it because i love looking at still shots of video game environments #and being able to share it with other people who enjoy it too #ANYWAYS traverse town is so beautiful in this game they added so many gorgeous areas with pretty glowing lights #i like the wacky whimsical mail room too and how there's this entire secret workshop hidden beneath that weird mailbox haha #the world really does feel magical and dreamy especially with its updated music #just realized the stars in the first gif are moving which is strange

[leroibobo]

really do not think people understand the extent to which palestinian sites/landmarks (especially muslim ones) were destroyed, beginning in 1948 until now, even in cities. the oldest extant mosque in jaffa (al-bahr mosque) was built in 1675, even though islam came there in the 7th century

#not to mention that many mosques that /were/ restored but are in 'jewish areas' r heavily guarded & prayer is hardly if ever allowed #to anyone thinking ''you can say the same thing abt jewish sites in mena countries''. you can't have one repaired w/o the other #and ultimately the root of the problem is both the colonization of palestine + antisemitism. advocating for palestine + against #antisemitism are far from mutually exclusive #(and for the love of god please stop using mena jews as a political gotcha i swear to god #and it's not like a regime that forced everyone to integrate into the ''new jewish'' culture is any less genocidal) #as someone who comes from one of the jewish groups who was affected by that to arguably one of the highest degrees & who's also a staunch #antizionist even i know that. politics re: cultural site preservation are stupid but that doesn't make it any less stomach-wrenching #it really is just Luck. al-bahr mosque just so Happens to be in a ''mixed city'' so destroying it'd be a ''bad look'' #the tomb of nahum just so Happens to be in an autonomous kurdish territory so restoring it isnt as big a deal #and then people have the gall to wonder how i could ever ever ever sympathize with those ''savage arabs''. seriously?? #btw im muting notificaions on this post so if you have a problem with me just dm me or block me whatever idc

[goldensunset]

i looooove pokémon npcs whose team members subtly imply something about them that's never touched upon in the story or at least never outright said. i love villains having friendship evos. i love trainers who commit hard to one aesthetic or vibe with their team (beyond simply sharing a type) and i love it even better when there's one random exception especially if that's their ace. i love when later down the line someone boxes the cute fun soft baby pokémon they used to have in favor of a seemingly stronger or scarier one to show that they're getting serious. i love when they have a pokémon that's difficult to get and raises lots of questions about them. i love it when the lore behind a pokémon fits the character to a T and i love it even better when it appears to contradict them. give me the story-gameplay harmony but better yet give me what appears to be story-gameplay dissonance but might actually have implications if we're willing to dive deep into it

#to me this is more important than actually making the team hard to beat #but it's amazing if it is #as a new fan i only know so many examples of this myself but i would love to hear more from people who know more #volo and cyrus having friendship evos... #in particular volo having a rare togekiss which apparently only reveals itself in times of peace... lol #also volo/cynthia having spiritomb. i firmly believe cynthia inherited that same pokémon from him #but like volo where did YOU get that #i've heard oleana's team is mostly glamorous ladylike pokémon but her ace is her beloved garbodor #yessss that's what i'm talking about!!! #kieran boxes his furret and suddenly pulls out a scary freak like shiftry #also the evolution of polywag into poliwrath #i've heard hop does something similar with getting rid of his wooloo but i can't verify #as another small note: love when the type of pokéball they have their team in matters #like all of team star having a different type of ball that suits them #or sada/turo exclusively having master balls #y'all what is up... #pokémon

[inkskinned]

i. about 2 weeks ago, i was told there's a good chance that in 5 or so years, i'll need a wheelchair.

ii. okay. i loved harry potter as a kid. i have a hypothesis about this to be honest - why people still kind of like it. it's that she got very lucky. she managed to make a cross-generational hit. it was something shared for both parents and kids. it was right at the start of a huge cultural shift from pre to post-internet. i genuinely think many people were just seeking community; not her writing. it was a nice shorthand to create connection. which is a long way of saying - she didn't build this legacy, we built it for her. she got lucky, just once. that's all.

iii. to be real with you, i still struggle with identifying as someone with a disability, which is wild, especially given the ways my life has changed. i always come up against internalized ableism and shame - convinced even right now that i'm faking it for attention. i passed out in a grocery store recently. i hit my head on the shelves while i went down.

iv. he raises his eyebrows while he sends me a look. her most recent new book has POTS featured in it. okay, i say. i already don't like where this is going. we both take another bite of ramen. it is a trait of the villain, he says. we both roll our eyes about it.

v. so one of the things about being nonbinary but previously super into harry potter is that i super hate jk rowling. but it is also not good for my mental health to regret any form of joy i engaged with as a kid. i can't punish my young self for being so into the books - it was a passion, and it was how i made most of my friends. everyone knew about it. i felt like everyone had my same joy, my same fixation. as a "weird kid", this sense of belonging resonated with me so loudly that i would have done anything to protect it.

vi. as a present, my parents once took me out of school to go see the second movie. it is an incredibly precious memory: my mom straight-up lying about a dentist appointment. us snickering and sneaking into the weekday matinee. within seven years of this experience, the internet would be a necessity to get my homework finished. the world had permanently changed. harry potter was a relic, a way any of us could hold onto something of the analog.

vii. by sheer luck, the year that i started figuring out the whole gender fluid thing was also the first year people started to point out that she might have some internalized biases. i remember tumblr before that; how often her name was treated as godhood. how harry potter was kind of a word synonymous for "nerdy but cool." i would walk out of that year tasting he/him and they/them; she would walk out snarling and snapping about it.

viii. when i teach older kids creative writing, i usually tell them - so, she did change the face of young adult fiction, there's no denying that. she had a lot more opportunities than many of us will - there were more publishing houses, less push for "virally" popular content creators. but beyond reading another book, we need to write more books. we need to uplift the voices of those who remain unrepresented. we need to push for an exposure to the bigotry baked into the publishing system. and i promise you: you can write better than she ever did. nothing she did was what was magical - it was the way that the community responded to it.

ix. i get home from ramen. three other people have screenshotted the POTS thing and sent it to me. can you fucking believe we're still hearing this shit from her when it's almost twenty-fucking-twenty-three. the villain is notably also popular on tumblr. i just think that's funny. this woman is a billionaire and she's mad that she can't control the opinions of some people on a dying blue site that makes no money. lady, and i mean this - get a fucking life.

x. i am sorry to the kid i was. maybe the kid you were too. none of us deserved to see something like this ruined. that thing used to be precious to me. and now - all those good times; measured into dust.

/// 9.6.2022 // FUCKING AGAIN, JK? Are you fucking kidding me?

#witches and wizards #kids need to be able to play games without knowing the extended universe #playing was easy #i knew i wasn't gonna be able to explain chronicles of christomancy #but we could pick up a stick and run around #nd say we were magic that would be enough backstory #and i think the last time i felt that sense of community #was the summer of pokemon go #it's about cross-generational connectivity bro #yes there are insular communtities but EVERYONE had fucking read harry potter #which is me saying - i think maybe people don't miss HER or the ACTUAL BOOK tbh #they miss... feeling connected #think about how so many people felt so weirdly ashamed and lost after Game of Thrones ended - #they did SUCH a bad job that the entire community just... vanished. #where beforehand people would have GoT weddings #we are just animals who love stories and love feeling like we speak the same language #btw i am not on twitter so i hadn't seen some of the shit she was doing #and then when i was 19 she published the ''american school'' hogwarts stuff #and was reading it casually bc again a huge nerd #and in it shes like ''the british taught the natives their more civilized magics'' #and that was like..................... oh okay. okay. so.....

[ministarfruit]

day 7: come back soon ♡

(femslashfeb prompt list)

#minifemslashfeb2024 #vtuber #hololive #holomyth #iname #ninomae ina'nis #amelia watson #clawing at the window #CAN'T BELIEVE I NEVER POSTED INAME #THAT CHANGES TODAY #they're so sweet. gawd. they're so sweet #I'm always inspired by people who make iname art #they're so smart and have so many cool ideas about the narrative #can't believe it took me until day 7 to draw amelia watson #I love her so much did you know this #I hope I will be more confident in drawing ina too...