#but i could do without the vomit

[todayisafridaynight]

any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that

if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it

#snap chats #no one understands how much i love that from y3 and y4 its genuinely one of my favorite things about the game #oh but i guess i have to give an actual answer now. HMPH. #id scream if they revived kanda calling mine limp wristed. homophobia in 4k #OK BUT TO BE SERIOUS uhhhh i dont know. im a real simple guy i think #my only like. If This Isnt There Im Leaving deal is mine's palette and im so serious #rgg's scaring me with all the black-hair/purple-suit mine stuff as of late and i cant stress how hard ill vomit if thats in the final #HYPOTHETICAL final anyways. yk3 isnt coming out for. IDK A WHILE #i wanna say i hope they highlight daigo and mine's relationship more but i dont know how theyd do that #i really like how mine's handled in y3 as is so i dont think i want scenes injected like what they did with yk1 and nishiki #someone said a Mine Saga after the game and... hm ... sounds too unrealistic for me to hope for it #like im REALLY trying to think how they could possibly reference the rggo stories in y3 since those are EXCELLENT but #i think . MAYBE. you could reference the story where richardson calls mine as he's driving to the hospital #the only thing you'd have to exclude though is mine stopping by the bar- like JUST keep the phone conversation maybe #cause in that scene that subordinate does question mine if he can really kill daigo and i think thatd be neat. in my opinion. #yeah i dont know. in regards to rggo its hard to think of what i want without intervening things i already like about y3 #its a real head scratcher ... #a really good epilogue addition would be adapting that RGGO bit where daigo ruminates on mine. that's a fair ending for him i think #it also fulfills the need to see how daigo saw mine even if its just a little #and to non-rggo readers it could start to answer 'how does daigo feel about everything that happened' #im still so curious as to if daigo was briefed on EVERYTHING that happened but .... anyways.... #sorry all my hopes for y3 are just mine/minedai centric fLVKELKA BUT LIKE. i really am content with everything else with y3 surprisingly #idk. i want kiryu fucking up that curry in high definition tho. thats important to me #THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE QTES DURING THE RICHARDSON FIGHT ILL BE PISSED #i need the fight to be AS CAMPY and unnecessary as it was in the og. INCLUDING richardson's voice acting i need it wack as hell #is it weird i actually appreciate the Diet Building Loredumping being like. in replayable-cutscene form #i thought id prefer just One Long cutscene but im glad theres the option to skip those segments #BUT being able to get a refresher in case you missed something somehow #im running out of tags jesus christ i shouldve put this in the main text but vjALjlagj those are all my thoughts for now bYE

[qbebou]

ok not to be like he’s just like me fr…. but chayanne is just like me fr…..

i’m also the oldest child with one younger sibling who needed a lot more care when we were kids and therefore was deprived of certain needs in favor of my brother. i also had a parent that was missing a lot and depended almost solely on my dad. obviously tallulah needs more help than chay, with her asthma and lesser fighting skills, not to mention she had only been playing minecraft for like a month? or two before wilbur found her. and chay knows that! he knows that she needs more help than he does he knows he’ll do anything for her he knows he has to be the strongest to protect her. my brother and i are only a year apart but i was forced to grow up very very quickly bc i was on my own a lot as a kid while my brother was sick. phil doesn’t worry abt chay when he runs off bc he doesn’t need to, chay can take care of himself. hell, he took care of all the eggs when they first left. but at the same time, it’s comforting to know ur parent is looking out for u even when u don’t need it. phil’s not a smothering parent, he’s attentive, but not smothering. but let’s be real he can also be emotionally constipated LMAO but that leads to situations like the argument and frustration between chay and tallulah when dapper was kidnapped. in his defense, he’s never been a parent before and had 2 children thrust upon him to raise on his own. he didn’t have a lot of time to adjust to parenthood like ppl in real life do, he suddenly had 2 children who had their own thoughts and opinions and emotional needs, he didn’t get the time it takes to LEARN abt how to provide that specific care and while some ppl have that innate knowledge there is a lot of learning and navigating when it comes to emotional vulnerability and regulation esp when it comes to children who are figuring it out as well. i feel for chay when he thinks he needs to be the strongest. i feel for chay when he had to make the decision to gather the eggs and leave. i feel for chay when he had to take blame for bad things happening. and i feel for chay when he realized tallulah doesn’t need him as much anymore. my brother and i are both adults now and we had a …… tumultuous relationship as teenagers for reasons that were both our own and caused by problems outside our control. but i still remember exactly how devastating it was the moment i realized that he was fine on his own. that he didn’t need me anymore. and it caused a rift between us; on my end bc i was frustrated and felt tossed aside and on his end bc he NEEDED to be independent to keep growing. i see so much of myself in chay and i desperately wish he and tallulah had a better mediator for their argument, or at least someone who could truly understand why they were so upset. i don’t think phil clocked that tallulah was so upset and adamant abt looking for dapper bc it was just her dapper and ramon surviving on their own. just bc phil didn’t witness it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and it doesn’t mean that they don’t have a much tighter relationship than they had before purgatory. and when chayanne said everyone was blaming him for the decisions he made phil was quick to tell him that no one was blaming him but also phil doesn’t know that! he doesn’t know if any blame was put on chayanne when it was just the eggs together. chayanne made the decision for the eggs to run and they trusted him bc he’s the oldest and he’s strong and he can be a leader but by running he also put the eggs thru a lot of pain and fear that they may not have gone thru if they stayed with their parents. and even if the eggs didn’t explicitly say that they blamed chayanne im sure he blamed himself for every little thing that went wrong. we’ve already seen him open up a tiny bit abt how he was questioning his decision to leave. but phil told him that chay made the best decision he could have given the information he had at the time which is true! but when ur the oldest and everyone is looking to u, all of the responsibility lies on ur shoulders. chayanne has been carrying SO much weight on his shoulders for so long it breaks my heart.

#lex.txt #qsmp chayanne #qsmp tallulah #qsmp #i have so much more i could say abt chayanne tallulah and their relationship but unfortunately ! i am not allowed to write more than this #please excuse my rambling run on sentences and lack of proper punctuation #i type the way i speak in my head and usually that means no pauses no breaks everything flows like word vomit i apologize if things #don’t make sense #i think if this was happening when i was younger i wouldn’t have all these feelings but like #my brother has a toddler that i’ve been helping raise since he was born #that is MY baby i spend the most time with him he’s the closest to me out of anyone #and i think that if i didn’t have any parenting experience i would also handle things a lot like how phil does #i think the several years of therapy have also helped with my parenting LOL #anyways i wrote this a while back and it’s been sitting in my drafts #chay is so sacrificial and i think a lot of it comes from phil putting pressure on him to be strong #he literally said he should’ve been the one to die instead of empanada!!!!! he thinks the eye attacks are his fault #i just wish he could be a kid and do the things he wants to do without worrying that he or his siblings will die #poor sweet boy :( he shouldn’t be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders but he doesn’t think he has the option not to

[glsneeg-enthusiast]

what is it called when commissions except youre not paying me im not getting paid its a mutualism relationship you get what you want and i draw something and also itll take me a really long time to finish it but ill draw it i promise

#i would maybe do them if i had like. a fucking bank account. or something #or if i could actually communicate with people without vomiting #or if i had any idea how they actually worked #if only

[8rujaa]

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened #i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close #and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way #i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao #now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest #and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell #i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop #but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again #i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier #it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men #and i find myself unable to connect with anyone… #i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed #i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it #i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly. #i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad #i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so #i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized… #when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was #like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u #i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function. #plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized #how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone… #i went thru all that for nothing… #and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why #brain vomit

[pinkspiraling]

i can’t believe it’s april. time passes and i do nothing but go backwards! i have been empty for so long. i would rather be filled with sadness or anger or panic or literally anything. i would rather feel anything than feel so much nothing

#it’s been so long. i feel insane sometimes bc it’s like i really can’t bring myself to care about anything #i can’t enjoy the little things bc the little things don’t bring me enjoyment and big exciting things don’t either #like i have reasons for sticking around and they are all for other people #all the things i try to look forward to are things that i feel like i could do without. the wedding and concerts and vacations idc. #i don’t even want them. i know i will still be empty and they will make emptier. #oh god i don’t wanna be alive. sorry i’m venting sm i’ll stop but holy fuck i’m just over it #pink’s word vomiting

[ardentpoop]

finally a description of kripke i can respect

#ppl give him wayyyyy too much credit for the mostly accidental magic running thru this show #could have fallen totally flat if A) they hadnt decided their 2 lead characters needed to be played by #the prettiest white boys on tv at the time #B) they hadnt been so misogynistic as to be unable to write a character like sam as a foil to dean without giving him Girly attributes #to insult #C) JDM hadn't been too busy to stay on the show as john past s1 thus drawing samndean even more suffocatingly closely together #D) the show's ideas of Good and Evil weren't rooted in... believe it or not... white supremacy - which ends up painting #a very disturbing picture of the Work its Heroes are doing in a way that heightens the tragedy #E) the show's budget hadn't limited the monster designs to the point that most of them were humanoid #<< which underlines point D #i COULD go on. #i think theres actually a lot more to say abt why samndean's relationship ended up as weird as it did #and of course pages and pages one could write abt sam alone. #however i need to shut up #tag vomit

[corpus-incorporated]

i am not exactly beating the manic allegations with flying colours imma tell you that righhtt now

#i just keep collecting symptoms #fuck you gabapentin i hadnt had an episode in four months #i was starting to think i could get through life without this bipolar thing always looming over me #‘oh it’ll help you work hard for finals season’ fuck you im useless when i’m any shade of mixed hypo or manic #i can’t focus i feel like im being turned into a battery i spew word vomit but none of it’s of any USE to me #and so far this isn’t even that bad #but i took gabapentin TWICE #and it’s hardly even supposed to DO this #i just wanted something to manage the chronic pain from my mystery illness #since most otc’s are off the board from taking lithium #actually bipolar #corpus mental breakdown watch

[craycraybluejay]

I'm scared

#just in general #i want to be alone people are so awful and there is so much with them #complexes and dangers and conflict #and i'm scared #of the world #and I'm scared of what happened and what's going to happen #and i want to entomb myself in complete aloneness and lay in private sin until i too die #is that too kind for me #is that too much to ask #the entire world repulses me and sickens me #could i be so lucky as to be outside it until i starve #humans are like insects #disgusting and going where they dont belong and doing what they want touching you without any regard for consent #every human thinks the entire world belongs to them #i hope they explode #i hope no one ever talks to me or touches me again #talking to people makes my skin crawl i distrust them so deeply yet i am too honest #it makes me sick i make me sick it is so paranoia inducing and i feel vomit threaten to crawl up my throat #and claim me the same way every crawly monstrosity has tried to. #i hate it i hate noticing myself make mistakes right as i am making them. i hate how it just feels like i use other people to hurt myself #when last did i feel safe in 'my own' body in 'my own' home around 'my own' species #i don't remember #every time i talk to someone lately my head is buzzing low static

[mysoulismelting]

U know that post with like the feral little creatures and being like "I need to create art" or whatever I'm those little creatures but instead it's "I need to sleep" cause sleep is the only time I don't feel incredibly physically sick due to my driver's test on Friday.

Like I really want to reschedule it but my parents keep telling me to just get it done and over with. But like there's a whole unknown factor of idk what happens on the test and idk what the examiner is like. Like I'm good at driving and am responsible on the road... But I've never driven with a complete stranger in the car judging my every move. Like I feel like I'm gonna vomit every time I even so much as think about what day it is cause it reminds me of the test approaching.

Like there are infinitely worse drivers on the road with their license... I'm sure I'll be fine... But I can't account for how nitpicky my examiner might be or how well I do when nervous since I talk more the more nervous I get.

Like having my license would be great and I would be able to go and drive myself places... But at what cost? My own psyche?

Ughhhh I hate this and want 2 be asleep so I don't have to think about my impending doom.

#my parents constantly tell me im a better/safer driver than most people on the road #but my parents havent taken a driving test in so many years that they dont really understand why im nervous #cause i feel like i do things differently than is expected #i mean i get things done and done safely #but i cant account for what the examiner is gonna think of my driving #like whether i get my license or not is completely in their hands #like if they want to they could just fail me without taking my skill into account #people can be like that and i cannot control it #i hate not having any semblance of control it makes me feel sick #i feel like vomiting #send help #im 18 btw

[subconsciousmysteries]

Lana del Rey's exact wing (9w1 or 9w8) is torturing me. I see strong arguments for both. But I lean towards w1 after thinking it through properly.

Popularly everyone types her 9w8, probably because of the fallacy that 1s are all boring political types who hate art. Really 1 is the type that is MOST fixated on actualizing their ideals of beauty, so... yeah. That changes the game here completely.

I see w8 in her life choice to live Mad Max style and her constant focus on sex. Though that can all be explained away with her being an sx/sp. I see w1 in her prissiness, her extreme perfectionism towards her appearance and her highly stylized and polished music videos. Her focus on philosophy -- she got a degree in philosophy, few know this because it isn't really in her songs -- and also the tone of sarcasm as opposed to raw rage in most of her songs. She never overtly expresses her feelings of anger. But her songs are almost all sarcastically digging into the guy she is mad at by painting a pretty picture of how brutal and disrespectful of her (non-existent and invisible) boundaries he is. A w8 would be much more direct and also more minimalistic / ugly, less stylized than her. She has the 1-ish pursuit of perfect beauty

#That's 9s for you #Non existent invisible boundaries #Always mad you are trespassing #But do we communicate that we even exist ? #Anyways I'm a 2w1 fix but even then #My art is always got this SPLAT IN UR FACE aspect that I actually don't really like sometimes #I wish I could be more indirect and holistic picture painting #Which is one of the differences I see between 1 and 8 #And also #Trying to paint a Real Art tm picture of what's going on vs whiny raw emotional vomiting ur feelings without any grace and beauty pursuit #is a difference between competency (1) and reactive (8) art #Some ppl think this is the difference between 2 and 4 but nope #I have been told the following contradicting statements b4 #“ur a 4 fix because ur so raw” and “actually I find the 2 fixes to be more raw than us 4s cuz they're usually so repressed” #Oprah voice #So what is the truth ? #The truth is that **competency types** are the emotionally repressed gang #Not the superego triad #The superego triad usually sees emotional repression as Bad and Wrong and Inhuman and tries to avoid it #1 is suffering immensely becuz it has both #Emotional constipation in the name of pursuing perfection + the desire to be a good sensitive person who feels for everything #Lol now I say it I see this theme so much in LA dispute !! #Yes the superegos are repressed in many ways #We all are #But the superegos really don't try to turn themselves into emotionless stone machine men at their worst. That's the competency triad

[afieldinengland]

.

#can we go two minutes without clawing up our own insides wanting reassurance. god knows why i’m vocalising it now #this is a hunger pang. a watchword for being vulnerable is Do Without #usually i smother these things. sorry he’s a fighter today (inner child) #sorry the moment of vulnerability has passed i’ve swallowed the vomit as you were #one day you’ll have to choose between letting someone in and killing harri and i hope you off yourself before you have to #well now you’re just being hysterical. we get it nobody touches you is it any wonder #people don’t come near mad dogs. will you get a grip #and stop talking to yourself you’re making me nervous #for the record all this happens in my head all the time #no one is going to help. theologically do you think we could get over ourselves and stop being a coward #shivering in bed. really seriously they should have drowned me controlled crying was no good #actually come to think of it i haven’t cried in months. what are we doing here harri and when do you stop talking

[david-watts]

facing a dilemma

#do I get something in which I feel I can actually stomach (unhealthy and costs money) #or #do I force myself to eat something that I don't feel I can stomach because it's healthier #I spose I could. hybrid. eat what I can from what's in the kitchen and get something else so that I'm not just eating a sausage. #as my whole meal. #I might do that. because the only options I have to go with it involves microwaved cauliflower and I don't think I can eat that #without wanting to vomit #I feel like I'm about to vomit anyway it's not a digestive system thing though it's because there is brown muck right #above where the gag reflex is and my body is trying to slowly dislodge it. this is not comfortable #and results in me trying to force it which is when I trigger my gag reflex . #not fun!

[riderandspider]

Best thing about being sick? My body says "oh yeah we can totally sleep some more"

5 naps in a day? Hell yeah im ready for bed

#whistling in the dark #the 100 degree fever and the vomiting i could do without

[zoldyckd]

my cousin saying “she can handle it” right before I was given the worst possible news in my life since my grandpa’s death granted me so much grace and self control lmao. I did not she a single tear that entire night.

#thank you I would have cried until I vomited #I have not cried at all and normally that’s bad but in this case #I’m extremely calm and I can smile and laugh normally and I have processed everything without feeling like wanting to run away and #life is rlly. like that huh #this post is so damn vague but it’s like. bad horrible terrifying and yeah if hadn’t spent all this time #working on being a stronger person #I’d be crying nonstop #but it’s not that bad. things can still be better this can be fixed we’re gonna get through this #and I’m making plans for when we do #for when it’s all gonna be okay #like damn maybe she was right and I could handle it and I handled it super well #go me #I’ll scream about this another time

[snarltoothed]

okay like two out of three of my cats are like… on death’s door basically despite them being all roughly the same age and sharing the same genetics (mother aged 16, son and daughter aged 15) and while i’ve accepted that i’ll be exceptionally lucky to get even another year or two with the momma cat (bonded to me) and that her son (bonded to my mom) is not too far behind… despite being the runt 15 years ago, the daughter (also bonded to me) is still quite spry and in good health so i literally tell her sometimes like you’d better live til you’re 20. i need at least five more years with you and also some time in between you and your mom dying. please.

#having old pets is sad #however i could not imagine willfully abandoning an elderly pet #which like… seems like it goes without saying but a lot of people do just decide their pet is too old and surrender it to a shelter #and miss daughter kitty was abandoned at like 10/11 by my cousin she did actually leave our household for a while #like who does that… #i mean no complaints i wanted to keep her when she was a kitten so i was more than happy to take her back but dude after ten years? #and she’s not even old in a sad way yet. and i’ve had her for an additional 4-5 years since #i mean it had something to do with her needing more attention after her other brother died and my cousin having kids and the cat probably #was not crazy about the kids she is very much a grumpy old lady even if she’s still lowkey a crackhead like a much younger cat #she is fat as fuck rn but idk what to do about that while the other two are still alive #like if we feed her less she will just steal more of their food than she already does because theyre too busy having arthritis to go eat #but like… we can’t just feed them less because they have a reduced appetite they still need to fucking eat… #so idk she’ll be going on a diet eventually but it’s not presently feasible #before i moved back in her diet was really strict because she hated my roomie’s cat so much she literally lived exclusively in my bedroom #so like i can adequately manage her diet when she’s not being a thief… but idk how to explain theft to a cat #at least i got her off iams dude idk what is in that shit but weaning her onto better food took at least six months and a lot of vomitting #like not ideal that she’s becoming obese again but she was this fat when i got her too (bc high carb iams diet) #HOWEVER her energy levels (while they’ve dropped since she was a healthy weight) are still wayy higher than when i got her #so getting fat from her high end gluten free purina and her relatives’ prescription hypoallergenic kibble and wet food for extra protein… #every other day (which has kept her from developing any visible muscle degeneration tyvm) is evidently healthier than being iams fat

[aashiqq]

I lied

#so #dni #idek where to start man #the first thing i can remember is that im a misogynist now apparently #wait not now #ive always been #that i judge girls for living their life and guys for having what I don't have #surely not what i want to be like literally the last thing i want to be is a misogynist #the world is not a sunshine place i imagine it to be where nobody is a racist or sexist or homophobic or ableist and everybody sings hakuna #matata or sunshine songs its pathetic it makes me wanna vomit i want to be happy but it forces me to become nihilistic with my thoughts #its fucked up its just so rotten at its core that even the smallest emotions feels like a huge generosity from the gods themselves #im at the pojnt in my life thaf if i dont act now im going to lose the years ive already lost #my entirety of teenage is gone now and im unprepared and unequipped to fight around for my life #im left catching up and apparently ive been sleeping on the track even though im the turtle #it fucking sucks to be me yk #im so so soo self centred btw i cant think of others i cant care for others unless its about me somehow #i deserve to die for whatever goes on in my head its so blasphemous to existence itself its pointless to even exist anymore #i have everything a person could ask for #loving parents a normal life a good college friends who care for me and who i care for not that financially fucked up a good career #lined up in the future #i could be stable yk i could be happy grateful satistfied #i should even be working harder to achieve what i want without losing up on reality chasing my dreams #and what do i do #what the fuck do i do????? #cry over a girl just because she was supposed to *save* her virginity for when we got married??????? #how stupid is that????? #she doesnt owe me anything she can do what she wants with her life she isnt someone i control or any such thing #who am i to judge people im literally just a loser npc simpleton who's been left alone and normal so long he's forgotten how to exist #i feel disgusted with myself #its just like the times i have the wild theories about whos doing what behind my back