#but i also feel i end up being unfair to it

[hamliet]

Less of a question but I was never an avid manga reader till 2019 and mha was the first manga I kept track of weekly, and I read Tokyo ghoul after it ended, and seeing everyone be dissatisfied with how Tokyo ghoul ended after keeping up weekly is something I’m reminded of after seeing the latest chapter of mha. So this is what it feels like to witness 6 years of a character you hold in high regard be undermined(to put it lightly). I’m rather sad, but I can’t help but feel fondness for shigaraki even if the way he ended wasn’t satisfying, how do u feel about how mha has gone?

Yeah it does feel very reminiscent of Tokyo Ghoul in that they just went "ah yes, killing the right people is actually how we solve world issues." Which I find morally reprehensible, but also genuinely bad writing because the story as a whole doesn't support this message.

@linkspooky explained in her meta yesterday why Deku has completely failed as a character, and why the manga has failed thematically as a story. I'm just gonna say I completely agree with Link.

To be fair, I'm not sure Shigaraki is dead dead, but either way, it's bad writing and it doesn't conclude his arc with any sort of satisfactory element. Like, why would Shigaraki see Deku as different than anyone else who tried to punch him? That's nonsensical and written from the POV of an audience, not from Shigaraki's POV. It's like in Star Wars when Rey calls herself "Rey Skywalker" when she knew Luke for 3 days and none of the people she was actually close to (Leia, Han, Ben) were Skywalkers. That's writing for the audience, with their perspective, ignoring the logic of your story. It defies believability because the character does not have that perspective. It's "forced" because the audience can see the hand of the author.

If Shigaraki is dead dead... Not gonna Star Wars this one again, but since I also hated the ending of The Rise of Skywalker, I must make a comparison. The idea that Deku may have saved Shigaraki's heart but couldn't save his body (which to be honest, nothing in the actual chapter supports, but if he stays dead might be the argument) is still bad writing. Why? Because to Shigaraki didn't even make the decision himself. He didn't sacrifice anything. How can his heart be saved if he had nothing to do with it? Saving an object is easy as pie. Saving a person is different, and that's what the whole story has been about. Like, in TROS, Kylo Ren gave his life for Rey! Was it stupid? Yes! But at least his "saved heart" did something. Shigaraki's saved heart did what exactly?

So then, is the message that Deku failed? Then why isn't it framed as a failure? Why was BNHA never set up to be a grimdark tragedy? If he failed, then shouldn't he have a miserable ending? Unless it's "heroes always become bad guys and life is unfair," but then shouldn't Deku be framed critically?

Basically, Horikoshi can't come back writing-wise from this in BNHA, and it's sad to see.

Horikoshi's biggest flaw throughout the entire story was that he kept flip-flopping on what he wanted to say, and made the characters more about his trying to please every single fan than about being, well, characters to explore important questions he has that are worthwhile. And you can do this while still having a "cool" factor!

Instead the characters tell us one thing while cocooning Deku in the sweet bliss that no one ever has on this earth--being 100% right all the time. And it's sad, because BNHA had so much potential as a story to challenge its audience and entertain too.

I thought even if it flopped in some aspects it'd at least get this right. It's disappointing.

Anyways every day that goes by I want to send Isayama and his editors flowers for actually writing a thematically coherent ending, even if some aspects were dropped or messy along the way.

#ask hamliet #bnha #mha

[kachimera]

Hmmm feeling a bit silly over ranting so much abt nfcv. The spirit of the hater is a heavy burden to bear 😔

#netflixvania rants #idk i admit i enjoy bashing on it and that im biased bc games fan #but i also feel i end up being unfair to it #specially bc there's been other media that has had bad writing or been offensive and i've been fine w it #and it still has sooooome good stuff amongst the boring writing #what bothers me the most is the way how its praised to hell and back and how its a huge waste of potential #bad n overrated as an adaptation. and ehhh w bad writing as it's own thing #hmmm. if anything i can give credit to is that Orlox ended up ok. i was afraid it was gonna be 'AZTEC HUMAN SACRIFICES' caricature but- #from what i've seen his ethnicity is mostly in the bg so. yea #anyways yea. sorry for using nfcv as a boxing bag. i'll keep going but i'll try to be a lil more clear that im just sayong #my dumbass opinions and that i'd have to do a full marathon to do a proper review #me rambles

[aroacettorney]

tbh i wish aup had more reps for characters who achieve greatness purely through hard work and effort. the emphasis on genius/being special is mayhaps way too much to the point that it feels kinda damn depressing for those who aint born as one.

#rant #why is everyone in aup a genius #the four musketeers have the potential for this but its unfortunate that we dont get to see it fleshed out #even aiden ended up relying on his antimagic talents in the long run #ngl owens would have been more impressive to me if they r hardworkers instead of born special #it would have made the fact that ludger took them in more interesting #and mayhaps even highlighted his qualifications as a teacher #(lowkey im still salty that we dont get the full arc of ludger teaching magic to arpa lmfao) #(owens growth feels much less impactful to me bc they are already so special that them becoming that OP is nothing surprising) #plus i thought fighting against the unfairness of the world was a theme for owens #even if one managed to close the gap between the wealthy and the poor or noble and non-noble #the division between a genius and a non-genius itself would only create another kind of classism #how r they gonna challenge it as the members of the one and only special talent club? #violetta is the closest to be the hardworking one but even then her achievement still has a hand of a devil in it #also while surna had to learn everything from scratch he had been around for hundreds if not thousands of years #not to diminish his achievements but that hardly counts cuz it still puts him next to the special treatment category #not to mention being able to learn something simply by observing it is also a kind of cheat code itself...

[uranium-city]

guys i really hate to say it but Abe's kind of been the highlight of the last two episodes for me & feels most in character to his S1 counterpart when compared to the other main characters 😭

ALSO him & Joan had more genuine chemistry in the one hospital scene than JFK & Joan have had all season & as a member of the JoanFK nation i am frustrated

#also why has his relationship with cleo not been mentioned once this season at all #i'm assuming they just?? broke up off screen?? but you're telling me Cleo wouldn't flip over her nerdy unpopular bf leaving her for JOAN?? #there's so much story potential there do the writers just hate Cleo or something why is she getting sidelined so hard #like is this just never gonna be addressed it was such a huge plot point in season 1 i feel like i'm going mad #& also for clarification i'm not trying to act like Abe & Joan's first scene at the hospital was inherently romantic in anyway all Im sayin #is that the two actually had a genuinely sweet & heartfelt one on one moment where Joan & JFK have pretty much just been “haha sex” “hahaha #open mouth kissing haha" & surface level cutesy flirting this entire season 😭. Like the reason i liked S1 JoanFK so much was because of the #genuinely heartfelt moment they had at the end of the season like where is that why has their relationship been watered down to #open mouth kissing & “look at how perfect & cute & happy they are hahaa they also make out a lot” it feels so forced imo 😭 #also also does anyone else feel like JFK has been pretty out of character this season #sorry if it seems like I'm being unfair I'm only being so harsh because I really really like this show & I want S2 to live up the the #original so bad & I KNOW it has the potential to do so. it's just a lot of decisions being made so far... I'm not really a fan #clone high

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sorry im thinking abt death again #because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died #that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from #time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed #i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she #died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way #my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today #for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days #and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt #future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her #last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that #and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving. #sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless #others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club #i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her #stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i #dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my #family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters #probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno. #i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity. #again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a #full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length #unrelated

[aq2003]

i'll start drafting long posts talking about how some people overblow ten's ego/arrogance especially dw dudebros who ignore his guilt/depression/trauma and how his thinking of regeneration as death has less to do with him super really loving being Dweeb Alien David Tennant and more to do with him not wanting to move on from the deep love and grief that has defined his identity . and then i will not post these drafts because i do not want to be more annoying about ten than i already am

#like i so so deeply do not want to come off as one of those 'stop criticizing him! hes traumatized :(' ppl but also are you guys like #even considering the fact hes traumatized at all #how a full season is dedicated to how his ptsd affects him and his relationship with martha #and how him trying so hard to push his feelings down and not let himself be helped ends up deeply hurting martha too #i really do feel like people forgo this and instead subscribe to. like. #'it's like he had a bad breakup w his girlfriend and gets a new girlfriend and treats her like garbage bc he doesn't really love her' #rather than 'it's like his gf died and hometown exploded and he doesn't know if he should even have a friend and accept their attempts #to help him through his grief because he's afraid he'll lose them like he's lost everything else. But also he cant survive on his own so #he will drip feed himself human connection while not considering how unfair this is to the friend involved that he doesnt know loves him' #this isn't even touching on his suicidal tendencies in s3. like god #dr who #Uh oh i read this post and these tags over and looks like i AM being annoying about ten once again. its not my fault he's worms in my head #10 era

[gentlethorns]

okay i'm struggling again

#she bork #tbd #idk i'll be fine life is just very mean and unfair and worst of all ordinary and dull. i go to work i come home i do nothing worthwhile. #weekends are never long enough and i never get to cram enough into them to enjoy myself. if life was mean but also generous and glamorous i #could maybe put up w it bc for every low there would be a high but it's not. it's just mean and you hit that low and then instead of it #being followed by a high you just end up on a plateau and eventually you hit another low. god i just don't think i was supposed to live in #this ordinary boring tedious life like i'm not made for it. not in a pretentious arrogant way but in a way that's like i'm going fucking #crazy like i have cabin fever but w my life rather than my environment (which tbh maybe they come down to one and the same). idk sometimes i #want to just blow up my life and go somewhere else and do something else and have fun and not feel so weighted down by responsibilities and #bills and worry about money specifically. like i was miserable in high school but now i think i look back on it fondly bc 1. no true #responsibilities or high stakes and/but 2. the stakes always FELT high like i was CONSTANTLY up and down and euphoric and depressed. not #healthy at all but it always felt like something was HAPPENING and now it just doesn't. i have always though that bored was the worst thing #to be and now here i am all the time it feels like. bored. #and again at the root of everything is that life is mean. mean mean mean. sometimes shit just HAPPENS that's bad and fucks you over and #there's nothing you can do about it. and again if there was something guaranteed to make up for it that would be fine but there's not. you #just have to recover and let it go and move on. and i'm not good at that

[meowmeowmessi]

Laporta saying that so he can spin the "we did everything we could" narrative and blame Tebas or Messi when he inevitably DOESN'T do everything because he's just a piece of shit like that and people will eat it up anyway 😁 you know, I don't want Messi to go back. I want forcing him out like this and being the president who lost him and lied to him to forever be a blight on Laporta. I don't want his image rehabilitated.

tearss first lemme just say this is unreal levels of hating and i admire your dedication fkdjfk

second:

(ignore the source— brunati's the one who posted this, not sport)

looks like they're getting the league's approval + tebas also seems keen on having him back so i think this time it's actually serious. however, you are 100% allowed to drop a "i told you so" in my askbox if laporta chooses to stab messi in the back again lmao (said while coughing blood)

#i get the feeling he'll genuinely try /his/ best to get messi back this time around not just for sporting reasons but also: money #barça aside the league too need the revenue messi generates bc oh lordy are they in the trenches #the thing abt laporta's reputation is still pretty conflicting tbh #laporta (and cruyff) already saved barça from certain doom once by appointing pep as coach #dude's a politician and he knows if he can get messi back he'll be known as the guy who not only saved barça from financial ruin #by making the hard choice of letting messi go (...) #but also brought him back to give the club legend his deserved last dance after wc glory etc etc #i'm rambling but what i'm trying to say is i think he's too shrewd to let what you want to happen #(as koeman said- being known as the guy who let messi go) #well. /happen/ #also you can hate laporta fairs i get the sentiment #but at the expense of messi not returning when he's clearly feeling homesick? is kind of unfair to him imo #in general i think messi hanging up his boots without a return to barça would be an extremely unsatisfying way to end things #you know. storytelling wise #asks

[1990jeevas]

twitter is insane fr, talking about "dream being nerfed this mcc" THOSE ARE HIS FRIENDS? SOME OF WHICH HE PROBABLY REQUESTED??????

#also like its not a nerf to occasionally play with people not as good thats called m #making things fair??? it would be more unfair to players who arent as good to always be with other players on the same level as them #like all this talk about nerfing dream at the end of the day just ends up being super disrespectful to dream AND his friends #who have been put on a team with them #and complaining about dream having to play buildmart once again? can we stop recycling this point THAT ISNT A NERF IT IS ONE GAME #and its ALSO there to EVEN THINGS OUT FOR OTHER TEAMS #not everything is about dream end of story next #discourse #i feel bad for dream having to deal with twt stans defending him over shit like. him having to play One Game he doesnt like. him being put #on a team with his friends. like oh dear we need to get scotts ass for putting him on a team with his close friends! #shit self

[cookiescr]

you’re not being annoying nor are you being unfair, if anything it’s unfair how much financial responsibility is being out on your shoulders. I’m so sorry that you have to like be the one to pay for so much especially when you’re trying to save money as well. Like, you’re allowed to be stressed and annoyed and I hope that you’ll eventually be able to save money and reach your goals

To be fair me and my mom share the financial stuff and I’m really thankful for her for being understanding that I am trying to save for my meeting with my gf.

Like I’m cool with paying for the washing machine and stuff and it’s stressful when a lot of emergency stuff pops up in the same month but life do be like that we can’t do much and I’m the only one who’s gonna be able to pay for it kdkdkdmy dad’s just adding some more stress to the pile jdkjdjd

#I’ll just feel bad if I’m not able to give what i promised to my grandparents because i ended up paying like 10k pesos for the ctscan #so i can only give 5k pesos now or something which feels unfair to them because my grandma did not choose to fall and hurt herself kcjdmd #and i feel bad being frustrated eith my dad because tbf he doesn’t make much #but also he doesn’t really pitch in eith anything kdjdmd #deityofhearts #thanks for the ask

[danceintheskies]

darkest dungeon is sooooo fun I'm so bad at it but it's so fun

#RIPS OPEN SHIRT TO REVEAL INNER SHIRT THAT READS 'I ❤️ TURN BASED BATTLE SYSTEMS THAT AREN'T REAL TIME BASED' #i didn't think I'd enjoy it just because. the rotting and decaying vibe is usually not my thing. but it's played up so much in this game #that it's kindof hilarious #i have like no money all the time all my characters hit for jack and shit damage i had three bad bitches die already but im havingthe tim #e of my life #shout out to the plague doctor bitch who started out with a simultaneous god complex and extreme self loathing #and had a penalty to ranged attacks despite being in a fully ranged class #who lasted all of two excursions before getting a heart attack and dying of stress. she was so iconic. #but yeah i love strategizing and thinking things through. the game is hard-- there are a lot of moving parts to keep track of #but bc it's turn based you can kinda keep track of them and strategize at your own pace #so basically it never feels fully unfair. and even if you eat shit and TPK it's not the end of the world #aside from the plague doctor who blew up and acted likw she didn't know nobody my favourite classes so far have been #the paladin and the cleric. also i got the dlc and the shieldbuster(?) class is crazy good #my posts #OH also i love the class thats just a guy and his dog. #not much damage without setup but being able to take hits in place of a beat up ally while having a super dodge status is so fun

[deathwis-arc]

honestly, it's really interesting thinking about how the events of the desert dream in 1998 would get blown out of proportion in the coming years ; hell, it already kinda is twenty-four hours later. not only does the fbi get involved ( and they get involved quick ) but the entire thing is immediately labeled as 'the desert dream massacre' which is ... simply not true. if tyler doesn't kill joyce and michelle isn't shot then the total body count is four cops, with two on life support from the motel burning down. this is literally confirmed in game!

events get labeled as massacres if there's a huge body count, or if it's violent enough. the desert dream killings were neither. all the victims were shot, usually at a distance, or they suffered from burns ; which, while violent, it was more of an escape attempt on the holts' part than anything else. i also find it telling that, even if the holts kill a hostage or two, agent bradley doesn't bother mentioning that in private. all he cares about is the cops lost to the standoff. it's no surprise that killing an officer will get you a more severe punishment then if you kill a regular person, that it can sometimes send you straight to death row on its own, but the fact they don't even care about the deaths of any of the hostages ... it sure is something.

especially since the only hostage deaths in the desert dream can turn the only two kids in the game into orphans. or on the flip side, if the holts didn't harm a hostage, there's no mention of that either. or how the hostages were treated, which compared to usual hostage situations, they got it better than most. it's just the fact that they killed cops ( who were under the thumb of a corrupt sheriff, by the way ) that made this into a massacre. though i wouldn't be surprised if to the public the force would then heavily focus on any other victims, that's usually what happens normally, after all.

anyway, point is, classism does play a role in how cases and crimes are treated -- especially back then. the holts were poor, notoriously so, and they were a family full of drop-outs with nothing to their names. the very second they escape the motel, their names are plastered all over the country and their fates ( including jay's, who's merely an eighteen year old who was an accomplice at best ) are decided : they're going straight to death row. even if jay tries to do the right thing and come clean to agent bradley, tries to turn on his family, said guy immediately goes to pin all the murders on him, for seemingly no reason at all! it's very unjust, and ah ... shady!

the news and papers hype up their crime spree and i wouldn't be shocked that within a couple years, the holts would be presented as bloodthirsty rednecks who were simply greedy rather than a family that didn't have any help and got in way over their heads. the narrative would be twisted so much, especially if three of the holts were never found. there'd be no word from their side, no mention of the thugs who were threatening to kill them, just a true crime story where they were at the forefront of a very unfortunate situation and got away with it. leaving gossips to fill in the blanks as they please, and considering the police's and the fbi's behavior towards this case, they would only fuel the narrative that the holts were a family who did all this on purpose and relished in the aftermath, a family who loved doing the crime.

anyway, it's just something i love thinking about for post canon stuff when it comes to my adf muses. how wildly inaccurate the story's become in time, simply because people got bored or because of the classism back then that was so woven into the broadcasted crime that it's become impossible to separate the two. they'd paint the holts out to be wildly dangerous, cruel individuals and probably spin tales about unsolved murders and robberies and how it could be the work of a holt who had got away. their entire motivation would be obscured and would've gone unsaid, leaving random civilians and a force who hates them to speak for them instead. it'd be a whole thing! and the desert dream was dramatic, sure, but by the time everything is said and done you'd probably barely recognize what the media was talking about had you actually been there.

#╰ * OOC : mun ⧽ ramblings of a fevered spirit . #(( don't mind me ... just musing about this because i find it endlessly fun haha #like. cannot stress enough tyler getting death row makes sense but JAY? #the fact they literally frame him for everything ... even if he hasn't committed a single murder ... speaks volumes imo #they did not care about any of the holts being innocent nor their reasons they wanted them to suffer that's it! #except sharon who doesn't get death row for some reason? like ... this entire case is so unfair and makes no sense #it's the way dante threatens the lives of all the hostages way more than the holts ever did and still got to keep his badge #as well as his corruption and assault on the motel not being brought up to the public. it's a matter that gets privately dealt with #like ugghh it really is about how little the justice system cares for poor people. #it's about how the holts felt like they had to deal with their lives being threatened by themselves! #they didn't feel like they could go to the police! or publicly ask for help! they didn't think there was another way #and in the end their original plan was harmless and was only hurting someone who deserved it ... they didn't just rob some establishment #they robbed a sheriff their ma had history with and who was literally corrupt #anyway. anyway! as much as it's crazy to me how the media would run with this story and make it about a family that was simply deranged #it's also ... fun to think about <3 for the victims of the desert dream and the holts #not only do they all have to live with this traumatic event that's changed all of them forever #they have to also live with a fabricated version of it -- a warped version of themselves being presented #imo this sleepy town in arizona was simply bored and they had one huge thing happen to them and so they exaggerated details #and the cops were just. well cops about it <3 #ahem anyway your muse knowing about the desert dream from what the public's painted it out to be when? :smirk: )) #tw long post

[gaytobymeres]

finished the seven husbands of eve/lyn h*go (i dont want this to appear in the tag) and i was disappointed given how much everyone has been raving about it....

#so much of it felt contrived and the writing style just wasnt for me.. #plus i really didnt like celia and we're supposed to root for her and the main character...i warmed up to her slightly nearer the end of #the book but yeah. i wasnt a huge fan. #also maybe this is mean/unfair but i felt like a lot of the lines were written to be quoted by people online rather than being written to #create a good story with a good writing style. #overall: 3/5 stars #theres one positive bit that sticks out to me and its the parallel of evelyn finally breaking down and sobbing on to her gay husband (i #cant rmr his name) #i cant rmr the exact line when evelyn broke down crying but i liked it and thought it was fitting monique had her 'i finally feel safe #enough to break down crying moment' as well #but i didnt really like the writing style and i dont think it really deserves all the hype it gets. sorry. #it also just got a bit boring halfway through #the end was alright tho

[tasticbastard]

man it sucks that i feel like i can’t talk about missing my cat bc it’s such a fuckin buzzkill and i always end up crying

#i know that’s just normal grief but i hate the way people respond to it and i don’t even know how i want people to respond to it #so i just end up not talking about it and let myself be sad and cry about it when i’m alone bc that makes me feel less guilty #i don’t like people worrying about me or feeling like they have to take care of me #it’s also just such an unfair and fucked up way of how i lost him and it’s even more of a buzzkill #i hate being vulnerable bc every time i am i always get fuckin horrifically hurt

[ankhisms]

feeling the sad little pathetic creature emotions this evening suddenly. i dont really want to dwell in feeling bad but it is a familiar deep sad feeling u know. itll be ok i just have to let it out

#to the tune of ghengis khan dont wanna feel like nooo one believes in meeeeeeee im experiencing like. something thats #akin to my very specific paranoia of being paranoid of everyone secretly hating me and talking badly about me or thinking im horrible #secretly where its like my brain is telling me that no one believes in me including my friends and logically i know this isnt true. i have #so many people in my life who i love and appreciate and who have supported me through hardships and who i want to support #in turn. but thats the thing with my paranoia and delusions yknow i can be at least somewhat aware that im being irrational but in the end #that doesnt make it go away. and my brain is just like. no one believes in you when it comes to the creative things you want to do #like my art and acting and poetry. and then my brain tells me that the people around me just pity me and dont want to outright #say that everything i make or try to create sucks because they feel bad for me. and again i KNOW this isnt true. and i #feel bad and feel like im being unfair to my friends bc if this paranoia so i dony want to bring it up to anyone beyond venting like this #and also i feel scared that somehow bringing this specific paranoia up would be like guilt tripping people into like being nice to me or #somethimg my words are weird but my braim very much is like you are not allowed to ask for support or tell people about being insecure #and i do think this overall has something to do with my deep issues of completely lacking any confidence in myself or my abilities #which is due to a life time of abuse etc etc and its hard to build up any confidence in myself when i am still stuck in #my toxic home with no real options to get out at this point for various reasons. but its like #what if i just suck at the things i love to do? what if my art is just bad or mediocre even? what if im a bad actor or a bad poet? what id #even though i feel a deep calling within my soul to create and do these things what if even though i only ever feel truly alive #when i am acting or painting. what if none of it is any good. and no one wants to tell me that because they pity me #again. on a certain level i know this is all just my paranoia and is unreasonable. but its a feeling thats really hard to shake off yknow #anyway. thank u if you read this all i prommy ill be ok i just had to get it out 💖

[yuribalisms]

promise this is my last time bitching about all of this ignore it but

#really truly and genuinely just don't want to exist right now every time i think this situation cannot get worse it somehow manages to #i just cried at the dmv and the lady just glared at me like i was the scum of the earth like maam i don't even cry around people #i trust i don't *want* to be crying right now i'm *sorry* okay i just don't know what to do i got given the wrong forms and papers and i #tried explaining all of that and she just looked at me like i was an *idiot* and wouldn't help me with *anything* it was so humiliating #i can't drive the temporary car until it has plates because if i get pulled over for that it's a $500 fine and if i get hit with that on top #of everything else i literally don't know what i'll do i'll probably end up losing my license #but if i can't drive the car i can't go to work and i also can't afford to not go to work right now #i literally feel sick all the time i can't sleep the last few times i've tried to eat anything i feel like throwing it up #and i just feel... so hopeless right now everything i'm trying isn't working or i think i'm getting somewhere and i hit another wall #and one of the most upsetting parts is i feel like no one is helping me and no one cares how hard i'm struggling right now #i literally just want to be allowed to be upset over this but when i got visibly upset at home everyone accused me of taking my frustrations #out on them and being self pitying and 'it could always be worse' #like i don't even know at this point but if i hear the words 'could always be worse' one more time i'm going to maul the person who says the #no one wants me to be upset that's too much to deal with i am *never* allowed to be upset i just want to vent about how shitty this is and #scream and cry at the unfairness of it for a little bit but literally *no one* is letting me do that #'it could always be worse so stop complaining' or if i am visibly upset at all all that matters is it's inconveniencing or upsetting to the #other person.... not that i'm struggling or need help or anything like that #i just want it to be OVER i want it to end i'm so sick of this every time i feel like i'm scraping to somewhere managable in life #something like this happens and this is the scariest and most upsetting thing yet #and i'm not even allowed to be frustrated or upset or sad or angry because then someone else is upset and that matters more than me #so it all built up and a cried at the dmv and every one stared at me like i was annoying and stupid and i want to KILL MYSELF #i want to melt into the ground i want to stop existing i don't want a single person to talk to me because i hate everything right now #but i also desperately want to actually say all of this to a person and them not get mad at me for and tell me it IS unfair it DOES suck and #i didn't deserve this shitty thing that happened or all the other shitty things that happened beforehand #i would also appreciate just pretending it wasn't a thing for a few hours and doing something enjoyable to me with a friend or two... #but that also feels far fetched and then i would feel guilty for not trying to fix this 24/7 even though at this point there's literally #nothing else i could do #i'm just.... so tired and so SO upset and i feel like nobody cares that i'm upset and i'm so sick of EVERYTHING #i'm tired of living