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astrojoy · 2 years

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Strangers Impression Of You ☺︎

PAC

Pile 1

Emotional. You have a forgiving energy. A lot of people here may be on their phone in public a lot? Like when your waiting you may be on your phone? Strangers notice your emotional nature, it basically gleams off of you. Lots of water energy in this pile. I'm getting some guiding vibes from you guys, natural leader energy. Strangers think you're body looks nice. Nice legs. You guys seem to be busy or on the move often. You give off a romantic/poetic kinda pisces vibe to strangers. I keep getting an image of gleaming eyes. Some of you guys have nice teeth (random). Strangers notice pretty much all of you have been through a tough time. Like it leaks from your being. A lot of people here have social/general anxiety, depression or some form of paranoia in general or in public. Cautious people. Over-worrying. You guys remind me of someone pacing back and forth, thinking of the worst possibilities that could happen. When a stranger talks to you, it seems you mask some of these darker traits with a carefree nature. They love this lightheartedness about you. Now there's also a group here that generally doesn't travel alone. Like some here are with a significant romantic partner most of the time. I keep seeing red roses. Some Gemini placements are here, or a significant 3rd house

Pile 2

Mysterious. I'm getting a lot of foggy energy that strangers see with you. People can't quite pinpoint certain things about you, creating disoriented beliefs that may not be at all true (like they assume some things that are probably opposite of you?) It's bizarre but some people become suspicious of you 😅 Have you ever been closely watched? Also in stores? Whether that part resonated or not, you are my mysterious group. There's like a distance between the real you and people's impression of you. You confuse people. A lot here give off a regal vibe wherever you go. Commanding an audience. Sensual. There's a lot of people here with a darker complexion or darker hair. I'm getting a lot of feminine energy. Strangers think you look quite youthful. I have a contrast of clothing, like some here wear dark clothes while others wear vibrant colors. Maybe you switch it up? Some people may think you guys are religious or hold some type of moral standards. "Over-indulgent". This group likes material things, I guess it's noticable :3 Comforting vibes, you make people feel cozy. Haha some of you give off sweet puppy energy (or you could walk your dog a lot 👁👁) Random, someone here wears boot wedges? Idk what they're called lmao. Your energy holds desire. Taurus, Scorpio, Leo, Libra placements are here (possibly aquarius)

The 2nd song I put here because of the way she sings and the rhythm in the background, it's a kind of vibe I felt strangers get from you guys

Pile 3

Healing. Within this pile I got a lot about 'acts of service' helping people if they need it. You take care of others emotionally or physically. This nurturing quality about you stands out. For very few of you this could indicate you may need healing, possibly handicapped (ex: broke your arm or something). Some people may think you have some free time or something? Even if you are busy I'm getting some strangers may thing you don't have anywhere to be and you're just passing time. Some of you have a cold vibe at times as well. I'm getting some 'justice' energy too. Some strangers get a two-faced vibe from some of ya, maybe it's not on purpose? "She/He seems fake" misunderstood libra energy. Like sometimes you have a RB face and then strangers get surprised when they see you actually being quite nice and helpful. Strangers may notice how you have a nice nose. Some of you have nice nails. Also there's a lot of shorter people in this pile. Some strangers may get jealous of you guys, it's because you look kept-together even if you aren't. Some strangers think you look materially stable. There's a lot of people here who may carry around a bag/backpack/purse. I got the image of a sleeve tattoo (idk why). Sagittarius energy. Some here look foreign. Some people look at you but may try to hide that? If you are foreign and in a new country I'm getting strangers may think you are looking for work in this new place. "I'm nice but don't F with me" feeling. Recap - Libra, Sagittarius, Virgo, Capricorn. The color yellow came through

Pile 4

Softcore/Cottagecore. I'm getting floral vibes, do some of you like flowers? Strangers see you as quite sweet, open, carefree and confident. You have a lighthearted energy here. it's giving me youthful vibes. Strangers may notice you have a stable financial situation. You may appeared protective. A lucky vibe too. You guys have secret admirers. I'm getting a heartbreaker vibe? Like flirtatious but not on purpose. Strangers may back off for fear of a love offer getting turned down. AWW I got my bunny and carrot cards. Maybe you guys have an Innocent air around you. People seem to love your soft and fun nature. Colorful. A select few of you could have a big family or some kids. Strangers see you as wise, an old soul. Someone here may be a fair man. Like some of ya have a fair complexion (blonde/grey hair, lighter skin than usual). Peaceful. Friendly vibes. Some here have long hair. People may see you as an opposite to them, assuming you guys may not get along. You guys may have humanitarian energy. Some of you could be vegan or vegetarian as well (or just healthy in some way). Think of valleys with flower patches, a waterfall, unicorns and fairies all around. Very fluffy cutesy energy. Fire energy came out A LOT as well. Earth energy. Do you guys like nature too? I got a lot of greenery here. People may find you funny at times, witty. I feel so giddy and childlike rn. Don't let anyone ruin this energy I love this pile so much 🥺. Idk what zodiac to give you guys because I mainly got fire with a side of earth energy. I guess Aquarius and Pisces could be significant as well :)

I RAN OUT OF SPACE SO I'M GOING TO LIST YOURS SONGS MYSELF I'M SORRY ⚠️🫂

"Wait A Minute!" - WILLOW

"East Of Eden" - Zella Day

#Spotify #tarot #pac tarot #tarot pac #tarot pick a card #pick a card tarot #pick a card reading #pick a card readings #tarotblr #tarot community #tarotcommunity #pac reading #pac readings #tarotdaily #tarot readings

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 9 months

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hello sex witch

this might be long and ramble a bit but i’ll try to keep it succinct.

so i’ve always thought that the concept of polyamory and having multiple partners sounded nice in the abstract, i don’t really date a lot so it hasn’t come up but i figured it was sort of a thing that most people would be open to or like the idea of (like me). this was until today when i saw someone objecting to the notion of being in a throuple or polyamorous relationship. i didn’t know that was a thing people did. i just thought we all wanted to date lots of people if given the opportunity. the fact that the other people in the couple were a man and a woman didn’t deter me. i’m now considering the fact that i might not be quite as heterosexual as previously assumed.

when i considered sexuality before it was always a clear cut “yeah girls because i know i like girls” and also maybe that sex with dick seemed sort of weird, but upon further consideration it might just be that i think all sex is sort of weird.

and now i’m not sure what to do about this, i don’t think that experimenting with people is right because i would feel so shit about it because they’re people and also the fact that i have some strong anxiety about sex in general. someone seeing my naked body makes me feel a little sick. and also i’ve never had sex so don’t really know how sexual attraction is supposed to feel or what i would do with myself if the occasion (sex) was to arise. i feel sort of similar / the same when thinking about sex with both men and women.

i’m unsure if it’s all a desire for close male friendship or if i might be a little gay.

tldr i might be polyamorous and attracted to men after a good 19 years of staunchly Not Thinking About It. would appreciate advice or help.

i guess this isn’t as much a question as more of a asking for advice. this might not even be in your wheelhouse considering the sort of tangential connection to sex. sorry if not

hey anon,

boy, this one is a real buffet. it's legitimately very hard to decide where to start with this, but I'm going to do my best.

let's get this one out of the way first and foremost: if you're into guys that's totally fine. love that for you. if sex with men is something you ever want to explore I would encourage thinking bigger than the stigma that's currently associated with "experimenting." it has a very dehumanizing connotation, but there's no reason that trying out a new kind of sex has to be a cold or impersonal experience! it's fine to approach someone, either via the apps or in real life (honestly! the latter is better!) and be up-front about what your interests and intent are. people have sex without intending to form long-term partnerships all the time; it's literally fine and a thing that many people enjoy doing. so, like, this is my endorsement for respectful, mutually-informed experimentation lmao.

but hey, listen: I don't think that having sex with men is actually, like, a pressing issue for you, based on everything else you've told me here. it doesn't sound like sex is really a huge part of your life, and honestly that's great! it doesn't seem like sex would be great for you right now! can I point to some reasons why?

i think all sex is sort of weird

i have some strong anxiety about sex in general

someone seeing my naked body makes me feel a little sick

[I] don’t really know how sexual attraction is supposed to feel or what i would do with myself if the occasion (sex) was to arise

all of these are, like, perfectly fine things to feel, and also they are pretty good indicators that it's probably for the best that you're not having sex right now. genuinely I do Not do this lightly, because I have a whole thing in my FAQ about not wanting to tell other people their orientations, but has the possibility occurred to you that you might not experience sexual attraction at all? you can like people of all kinds of genders but not want to have sex with them.

let's maybe just take sex off the table altogether while we explore this "maybe you're a little gay" thing, alright? because it seems like that's just going to stress you out a needless amount. what if instead of thinking about having sex with guys, you give some thought to dating guys, forming romantic connections, doing things together that aren't having sex. would you date a guy? I mean, hell, would you date a girl? would you date anyone? does that sound good to you? it's nice to actually interrogate these things; the worst thing that can happen is that you get to know yourself a little more clearly.

you can date and love people without ever having sex with them. does that sound fun for you?

this is the most important thing: you're not under, like, any obligation to figure this out immediately or even soon. take your time, you know? there's no correct timeline for this and self-discovery is perpetual.

also hey listen this one isn't, like, bad and I'm certainly not addressing it as a problem but PLEASE I have to know where you grew up that you didn't realize that most people are actually not polyamorous. are you perhaps the spawn of the greater Seattle area polycule?

#sex edventures 2023

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reds-random-archive · 11 months

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LMK Season 4 specials minor spoilers.

Another one! I'm really enjoying writing Feral MK fluff. For this one, I will give some context about the timeline (If I can call it like that, because they are post-season 4) of these shots and my interpretation about Feral MK (it's really long what 😭)

Basically, MK kept figuring out how to control his monkey form with the help of Wukong and the others. There came a time when the effort that MK made to keep this form controlled began to tire and stress him a lot, making it show at the slightest drop of anxiety and stress. The impact this gave on MK was very strong and made him quite unstable for a while, but after all, he knew that he couldn't be like this forever.

Supported by Pigsy, Tang, Wukong and everyone in the Monkie Team, MK managed to get ahead, entering a moment of inner tranquility, trying to balance everything inside. This... let's say it went well, but at the same time "no", since the balance was lost, but now it did not affect MK in a bad way as it was doing before. Before, MK was afraid of losing control of his power and his feral monkey form, but now he accepted it and tried to control it as best he could.

The monkey form, now under control, began to make changes in MK's attitude (more than it had already done, lmao), but this time, only when it came to light. MK when transformed would begin to act like a monkey, an "infant" or "adult" monkey (depending on the situation or motive), as if all his senses were replaced. This was strange at first, since it was not normal at all to have MK at home who suddenly transformed into a monkey and began to act like a child again. But some time after, Pigsy (who has been, so far, the one who has witnessed these changes the most) and the others got used to it, since it became something very recurrent.

For the "Infant" Monkey actitude, whe can take the last two, uh, shots? drabbles? as an example. Also this one! That I really hope you like! There we go:

-------------------------

MK woke up, cold sweating, his breathing was hectic... A nightmare struck that night. He sat on his bed, gazing at the stars through the window. He noticed the protruding fur on his body.

"Mhm, I guess it was because of that dream" he thought.

Suddenly, his stomach began to growl. Listening to it, his senses forgot how tired his whole body felt. He quickly got out of bed and sniffed his environment. Running on all fours, he went down to the first floor where the Pigsy's Noodles establishment was located.

He made his way to the kitchen, even with the lights off, he was desperately opening any compartment, acting like he hadn't eaten for days! He was looking for anything: fruit, cereal, vegetables... anything edible.

-------------------------------------------

All the noise woke up Pigsy, who went out to see what was happening. He arrived at the kitchen and with narrowed eyes, he observed a silhouette, sitting on the floor, that quickly turned to see him, his eyes glowed in the dark. Pigsy turned on the light and...

There was MK, actually, Feral MK. The floor around him were full of kitchen utensils, pots, pans, spoons...etc. Also surrounded by peels of different fruits.

And, Feral MK? Well, He was covered in stains, stains of a delicious mango that he was devouring as if he had never eaten one in his life. Pigsy stared incredulously at F. MK, who finished his mango in the blink of an eye, had now taken an orange that he peeled quickly and devoured. It was a small fruit vacuum who, while eating, saw Pigsy with shining eyes.

Pigsy growled at the mess, but afterwards, he gave a warm smile while laughing at the monkey.

"Oh kid, what I'm going do with you?"

He said, while taking a rag. He wet it and approached MK to help clean his stains. The monkey responded with a smile as he tried to hug Pigsy, extending his arms, like he was looking to clinging to his dad.

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Finally!! This post was long :'D

If you made it this far, thanks for reading! Sorry if you almost don't understand, English is not my first language :']

Cya!!

#lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lmk season 4 #lmk minor spoilers #monkie mk #feral mk acting like a monkey #feral mk #lmk pigsy #lmk dadsy #idk how to use tumblr #fluff writing

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myriadium · 8 months

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Hi hello I am obsessed with your Bakugan AU omg. Love the new spins you’ve taken on the characters, grounding them more in reality! :D (and the wide diversity in gender identities and orientation is wonderful.) It’s also super interesting to see them aged up so they have jobs/higher education to be worrying about and such, it adds an interesting element imo.

Could we hear more about Alice? What’s her life like outside of Bakugan - did she work with Mikhail or have a job/education of her own? Does her whole deal with Masquerade differ at all to canon? (I always hated the way they just kind of write him off soon after the reveal instead of exploring how Alice deals with it more. One episode is not enough to fix the trauma, lmao, c’mon guys.)

YOOO THANK YOU SO MUCH I'm so happy you like it!!!!! These characters basically grew up with me so I love projecting aspects of my life onto them!

I'm also so glad you asked about Alice cus the show did her dirty in both the first and subsequent seasons. To be revealed as such a menacing threat and one of the big bads, only to be demoted to a side character and then a picture on a screen is simply insulting for the best character ever in Bakugan.

So basically my Alice grew up with her grandfather, who's field of physics requires him to study in remote and distant areas with no phones, no wifi, no outside signals (I think some places that communicate with satellites out in space are built in the middle of bumfuck nowhere because you really can't have electronic interference). As such, Alice grew up extremely sheltered, passing her days by playing with imaginary friends and reading books (favorite was alice in wonderland, wouldn't you know it).

In Russia, she didn't get a job nor did she go to university; she was a quick study and with the books (and harassing Mikhail) she kind of became a physics prodigy. She was a homebody with anxiety and agoraphobia, only comfortable with the familiar and the safety of her bed. That is, until Mikhail disappears. Somehow she finds the courage to leave her home and go to a whole new country to find where he ended up. She sees and meets more people than she ever thought possible, and grows to like it.

She gets a job at Runo's family's cafe, where she meets all sorts of people, and gets introduced to the Brawlers. I'd like to think that she takes a couple uni classes before Vestroia destroys the fabric of reality. Between S1 and S2 she actually goes to school and speedruns getting a PhD. When we see her after a timeskip she has short hair and is going into a program for dimensional physics (not yet a real program). She works in tandem with Marucho and Mikhail to monitor and maintain the dimensional rifts required to sustain Bakugan's existence in their universe.

As for her connection with Masq I like the idea that Masq was the manifestation of her negative emotions (Silent Core n allat). In this case, her being so drawn to the battlefield clashes with her belief that the game is dangerous; it's the cause of her grandfathers disappearance after all. Her general shyness and fear of the unknown prevents her from reaching her true potential. The Silent Core separates her desires from the ones she embraces and the ones she wants to reject. Enter Masqerade, the embodiment of her desire to battle! Stripped of everything except bloodlust, this form answers to the Silent Core and fucking wrecks the leaderboards because guess what, Alice is actually a very good brawler!

While Masq is fucking shit up, Alice is left in the dark. Her different aspects remember different things, have different abilities, but are fundamentally the same person. As the leaderboards settle and people start losing their Bakugan, Alice's fear of battling increases until Masq is nigh unstoppable. It's until a little scuffle with Exedra where his image flickers...just a little bit...to reveal a very scared woman...

Anyway basically Alice has to embrace her desire to kick ass and becomes one with Masq. Sounds corny and probably is but you can have her accept this part of herself slowly, like picking up battling, which weakens the Silent Core's hold on her, until the final fight where Masq collapses afterwards to reveal that it was her all along! Hydronoid recognizes her as his true master and a new player - Alice Gehabich replaces Masquerade as the number one player! She's still pretty shy (I don't like how people treat introversion as something they need a character arc to get over, some people are just like that smh) so her media appearances are few and far between. However, you can reliably catch her on the battlefield maintaining her number one spot.

Also in New Vestroia Alice replaces Marucho because I cannot fathom for the life of me why he was taken on the trip of a lifetime while my girl, who used to be the NUMBER ONE PLAYER IN THE WORLD, MIGHT I ADD, stays inside the house and babysits some alien.

#bakugan #alice gehabich #bakugan worldbuilding

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claraxbarton · 3 months

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You might have answered this before, BUT I’m a recent follower and curious ok!! Generally speaking, what is your writing process like? I’m genuinely so impressed by how many different fics you’ll have going simultaneously and they’re all updated SO frequently. AND THEY’RE ALL SO GOOD?? Like do you have vague plans/outlines or drafts that you expand on/edit? Your accountability post will mention writing a few thousand words and then there’s an update the same day and it’s written so well lmao it blows my MIND bc it seems like you just come up with the plot on the fly and then casually write a lil masterpiece after work like it’s nbd. All of this to say I appreciate your work so much ♥️

So uh, to start off with, I'm guessing when you say you recently started following me, you're probably just reading my HRPF fics? I SAY that/ask that because I've bounced through a few fandoms and I kind of go back and forth between being VERY prolific and finishing up projects and kind of... losing steam.

To be fair to me and not to scare anyone off, before this year I have, for the last decade and change, been juggling two full time jobs, part time work, childcare and a lot of volunteer work PLUS trying to write so like, I'm cutting myself some slack on abandoned projects. Because I'm finally down to 1 full time job and 1 part time gig that is only during the summer. I will ALSO say, in December I switched meds for my anxiety/depression so I'm on a new dose, new meds for the first time in 5 years and I do think that's been really impactful in a positive way.

SO, exposition and TMI out of the way:

I wish I could say I had a really clear process that I follow every time, but I don't want to lie. I create docs with notes - I'm thinking about including those as an epilogue chapter on the fics I'm currently working on, if anyone is interested in my scribbles aside from myself and my beta - and SOMETIMES I create outlines. A lot of the time, I will write a chapter or two and THEN create the outline? That's what happened with Gold Rush, but also with Gold Rush, I have already deviated from the outline like... a lot.

I'm trying to be way more chill with myself than I used to be. I was in this deep grind of forcing myself to be productive because that's where my value was (@kangofu-cb is a real one and has been trying to beat this out of me for years. Beating with love). And I'll be honest, being kinder to myself and putting less pressure is, like, so far, so good.

I usually have about, like... a dozen or so fic ideas in my head at any one time (@dwisp can attest to the DAILY messages of 'hear me out' as can @kangofu-cb), but I uh, I really feel 4 long fic is my simultaneous max.

I also have a problem with like, so if you DO want to read some of my not HRPF stuff, I think a good primer is the WinterhawkHood month I did in October with a fic a day, and the consistent issue is: I feel like I'm really good at creating a premise and that premise wants to exist beyond 2-5k. So longfic is probably the format to best tell the stories I want to tell, but, like, writing shorter fic is a lot of fun? That also does NOT answer your question.

Oh! MUSIC! It's so so so so important to my process. I used to put on specific artists, like really get into a singular vibe for a fic. But these days it's just my routine sleepy sad girl playlists (name coined by a former assistant and like she wasn't wrong). Which also probably explains how much sad sack Leon there is in my current fics. I should probably like, get some new playlists going...

Uh, in terms of like, my style/my ideas... so my professional life is theatre adjacent, and I think because of that, dialogue and THE INCITING INCIDENT are really important to me. So usually any fic idea forms around the kernal of the meet ugly and some choice words.

Like, for Gold Rush, I absolutely started from the idea of Leon being a bitch to the press and getting a text from an unknown number/Matthew and it just grew from there.

For Playing Favorites, I absolutely wanted to have former camboy Vince realize his new... work colleague??? Adam Larsson knew he was a former camboy. Which is funny because that moment happens in the middle of the fic (which I AM going to update again soon, y'all might vote consistently for Gold Rush in the polls but this weekend I think it's gotta be some love for my two Lars&Dunn fics).

For Northern Attitude, that inciting incident is, uh, about to occur in ch4 that I'm currently working on. And it's. Well. Yeah. So I got the idea for that 'scene' if you will first and then figured it out backwards?

For Wildfire that, too, has an inciting incident that has yet to make it into a chapter. But she's coming soon.

So really, only Gold Rush started as the beginning as far as ideas went for me? That said, I still START at the beginning when I write. I used to scribble down scenes and then piece them in, but I honestly found it constrained me more than anything else and I'm aware that doesn't make much sense.

I feel like this entire answer is a total nonanswer of me just blathering away. I hope at least part of this is what you wanted and uh... sincerely? Thank you for asking. It means a lot and like, my process is weird and inconsistent but I do genuinely love to talk about my writing.

#wow #talk about yourself more #no but thanks for the ask #this was a lot about me #sorry to anyone who def did not want to read this

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nian-7 · 4 months

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Hellooo!!! Sorry to bother, but could I request a romantic proseka matchup? Or just any fandom, I don't mind. I'd just like to see what you say. :)

I'm an INTP. I'm not sure about my enneagram, I'm sorry :,(

I really like the few anime and video games I'm into, and love collecting merch!! Not that I usually can, I can't spend that money WW. I also like baking :) I am so good at following instructions I look up I make banger chocolate chip cookies LMAO

I think I'm pretty alright at art, my one actual long-time hobby, but I sometimes doubt that because I've been drawing my whole life and I'm still not where I want to be. In every other creative field (writing, mainly) I think I'm. VERY not good. But I guess I'll just have to keep trying to improve (coping)

In general, I lack a lot of confidence in. Everything. All of the time, basically. I've got severe social anxiety and have had it for a long time, so I usually just don't talk to people or try to form friendships. I appreciate the few friends I do have, though. They're all very nice :)

I know how to play the piano and the violin, but considering I haven't done so in multiple years I don't think that counts haha

OK. SORRY this is just me rambling and it has no structure I'm sorry if there was a format I was supposed to follow. I'm expecting I'm not the easiest person to pair either, so I'm also sorry about that. Feel free to ignore this :) Thank you, either way!

no problem! i wasn't really sure what other fandoms you were in so i just picked hsr. enjoy!

I match you with...

Nene Kusanagi!

-Nene's a good match for you because she is someone who would be in your comfort zone. I think that you both would mesh really well and just overall be able to have a sweet & slow relationship!

-She'd try out the games you enjoy and play them with you if they're multiplayer. You both can branch out and find some games you can play together as well!

-Even if it does take a really long time for you to get confident in things, Nene will be as patient as she can with you and help you through it even when she's not too confident herself.

I match you with...

Himeko!

-Himeko is like the opposite of Nene, yes but, she'd gently push you out of your comfort zone and help you grow but in a comfortable & loving way.

-She'll always be there for you to fall back on if needed and she supports you all the way! Perfect girlfriend material right here.

-Very sweet honestly, she enjoys anything and everything that you make for her and thinks you're just the cutest. Couldn't ask for much more from a partner!

#x reader #fluff #gender neutral reader #nian-anon #project sekai x reader #project sekai #himeko x reader #himeko #nene kusanagi x reader #nene x reader #nene kusanagi #hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail

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hms-no-fun · 1 year

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i both really wish (and dont wish) cohost had a similar ask system to tumblr because im 300% more comfortable on that website than this one but ive had this particular burning question since i binge read godfeels during a covid ridden fugue

The more general version of this question is: how has optiministDuelist been involved in the writing of godfeels 3.1? (or even the future parts you're working on, if you can do so without spoilers)

The more specific version that makes this a question better suited towards you rather than shooting the question towards optimisticDuelist, and is rather a series of questions extrapolating on the first one is: why did you involve them? are they helping you write dirk or jake? are they providing input/advice? and that goes towards other people you've had help with the project too, if they're comfortable with being spoken about - i was just a fan of od's analyses and was surprised to see his name attached to godfeels! in fact im so curious about the nature/process of collaboration in godfeels it seems reductive to even try to condense it into questions that would be easier/faster to answer, in that i fear that what i put in will be what i get out, and that logically it's silly of me to bank on the fact that you might go more in depth than how these questions may imply on first glance. i fear my words make no sense and rather instill anxiety into the reader. anyway these are more like guidelines for something i was hoping you could talk about

oooooo this is a good one! i've written a fair amount about my collaborations in the past. here's a post where i talk about working with taz on chapter 8.2. here's a post where i talk about working with janet girlpillz on chapter 8.6. and here's a post where i talk about working with julia on the nsfw interlude 'stomach'! and then for bonus points, here's a piece my gf zoe wrote about working with me on the first official godfeels art in chapter 7.

but you want more, so here's more.

to start with, taz and i have been friends for some years now! back in early 2019 i was on the hbomberguy donkey kong 64 stream where i (briefly) tried to defend homestuck, which i guess gained me some form of notoriety/infamy. i can't remember if it was taz or kate who reached out to me first but i know taz liked my stuff (and i liked his!). then kate had me on pgen, i joined the pgen server, we all started gaming together and talking about homestuck in group chats. this period, pretty much through the entirety of 2019, is when i went from feeling like i had zero grasp on homestuck to becoming cohost of an at-the-time popular homestuck theory podcast! it's funny going back to my first appearance on pgen because you can tell i was so in over my head. i couldn't remember the names of the hiveswap trolls and still didn't even really know all the homestuck trolls by name. AND I OPTED OUT OF TALKING ABOUT VRISREZI LMAO. oh how turned the tables did the tables did turn

[[[oh god i just realized the pgen website expired and i'm not sure if the eps are still up anywhere... i should talk to kate about that lmao]]]

anyway, i actually talked to taz a bunch when i was first writing godfeels 1!

shortly after this we all did a stream for the launch of the epilogues with folks from the pgen server as well as hiveswap writer/director aysha u farah. i played gamzee lmao i still have the clown horn app on my phone from that

i guess i don't really know to what extent any of this is common knowledge anymore now that i think about it! this feels sort of superfluous to me but i guess this was FOUR YEARS AGO lmao

early godfeels straight up would not have existed without all these people. i cannot stress enough that literary obsession is a social contagion. i was not born a homestuck, i was made. and i think maybe some of the extremities of gf2 especially feel a little weird or dated these days, because on top of everything else godfeels was responding to it was also responding to the particularly toxic 2019-era vriscourse. so a big part of june's confrontational nature came from me being fucking sick of the baby's-first-conservatism that took root in the wider fandom when us cancelable queers had the audacity to like problematic womens and not apologize for it. i won't say anymore about that because like, whatever, it's all dead and buried now even if the ghost lingers. that ghost will have its day eventually! but not anytime soon.

ANYWAY, so, going back to the beginning even though i wrote godfeels alone, it came about in a context of lengthy conversations with other homestuck theorists. so when gf3 started to blow up in scale and become less about my trauma specifically, it made a lot of sense to broaden my horizons and get some new blood into the mix. the posts i linked at the start will fill in a bunch of gaps for you there, i think. it’s worth noting that a bunch of us already had a history of at least attempting to collaborate. we had a thing building for a while like a visual novel with one choice that was basically, what if we wrote every possible version of “transgender john” and just had them all together as branching paths. this was before some of the broader fandom really dug their heels in on the reactionary transphobia, after which point i at least lost some of my taste for that project. maybe we could come back to it someday, we wrote some cool stuff for that...

as far as my collaborative philosophy goes, idk. i first started writing fiction on the zeldapower forums in the early 2000s and developed a thick skin for critique pretty fast as a result. i wrote and rewrote constantly, shared what i could with friends and talked about plot/story/character ideas with them. when i realized in year two that writing school had nothing to offer me, i transferred to film. but i did so explicitly not wanting to be a director or writer or anyone above the line, really, because i didn't know what i wanted to make or even if i wanted to make something of my own. what i wanted was to help other people realize their own visions and see how they did it. so that's how i ended up working grip/electric in the oklahoma film industry, because it turns out all it really takes to get your foot in the door is to lose the ego and make yourself useful. it helps that i am cursed with constant psychological awareness of absolutely everything in my vicinity at all times, so i gained a reputation for being practically psychic the way i could know exactly what my bosses wanted lighting-wise before they even said anything.

i miss that job tbh. i loved the people, i felt more physically and psychologically fulfilled than at any job i've ever had. oklahoma has a relatively small film scene so it wasn't long before i was on a first name basis with most everyone working on my side of the state. when a crew is all on the same page, man, there's nothing like it. not every set can or should be like this, but some of my favorite experiences were on sets where it felt like everyone was the director. the director had their own vision but they knew how to adapt it to the location, to the ideas of technicians and craftspeople who had their own insights. a good director knows how to let their collaborators take ownership of the work, even when they reject their suggestions! i loved film work and i think about getting back to it sometimes. problem is it's extraordinarily physically demanding work and it leaves no time for anything else. 12 hour days five days a week minimum. i quit because i wanted to focus on video essays, one thing led to another, now we're here and homestuck changed my life lmao

so that's where i come from as writer. i have very strong opinions about my work and what it means and what it needs to do, but i try very hard not to have an ego about it.

the way we work together is pretty simple. when i finish the first draft of a chapter i’ll post it to the work server, and then folks will leave comments. but also, every member of the team has their own little corner of godfeels that they’ve adopted. taz is the dirkjake whisperer, julia is the queen of dana and the upsilons, etc. so when i write these characters i’ll ask for their insight, and invite them to modify or add to the scene as they see fit. sometimes this means prose, sometimes this means dialogue. our understanding is that nothing goes in the final published work without my approval, but that also that nothing is entirely off the table until we’ve had a conversation about it.

i get a lot of my storytelling philosophy from the tv show LOST, where every question was introduced with an explanation in mind but with the caveat that those explanations only remained true until the writers came up with something better. this gets back to something i said yesterday about needing a story to be dynamic and not planning things out too much in advance. for more detailed explanations, here’s a post i wrote about my hooks & hats philosophy, and then here’s another post about my process in general. but basically, i have this massive web of interconnected plotpoints going out very far into the future right? so when someone makes a suggestion i know exactly how possible it is to fit within that framework. i know how much information about any given hook has been introduced, so i know whether one explanation has been seeded too thoroughly to be changed.

but the flipside of that is that now my collaborators are inventing OCs! taz created a fantastic character named xifus that i can’t wait to write more of in 3.2A. we talk about this setting all the time, we talk about what makes sense for it, what would be cool, what mistakes would absolutely RUIN IT, how we can avoid the mistakes of our predecessors, all that fun stuff.

collaboration is all about honesty. godfeels has become what it is because we’re all fans both of homestuck, of anime, of broader culture... and of godfeels. my dirty secret is that i love writing godfeels because i’m its biggest fan. it frequently does not FEEL like i am composing this story, but rather that it is just happening to me. always i am wrangling cats in this petting zoo. i don’t want to be making this thing for the rest of my life but also this story is SO COOL and we are all chomping at the fucking bit to get to the upsilons and so much other shit besides. is that egomaniacal? idk. i think the idea that you’re supposed to be neutral leaning negative on your own work is kinda bullshit. but also, i don’t see the creation of art as bound to suffering or even being a process that requires much expertise. writing isn’t magic, even if it can feel that way sometimes.

i talk a lot about my work and how i write because i want to help demystify the process and try to show that it’s a learnable craft same as anything else. imo the preponderance of mediocre-to-great artists is not proof of Exceptional People but rather that it’s actually dirt simple to become a mediocre-to-great artist. all you need is time and money and access to the right tools! which is why so many mediocre artists are the rich failsons of killfactory millionaires. which is why every artist should be pro student debt relief, pro public transit, pro affordable housing, pro welfare, pro socialized medicine, pro deprivatizing mass media, and pro wide-ranging government arts funding. our nightmare neoliberal media landscape is the result of decades of making the creation of art & culture economically inaccessible to the working class, hence everything being set in rich suburbs with giant houses, hence the inescapability of pro-capitalist pro-nationalist messaging, hence the refusal of all national media to talk to trans people about trans issues, because only the middle and upper classes get to touch the levers of public perception and they have a direct economic incentive to convince the working class that they are middle class.

the notion that this stuff is at all mysterious or naturally the purview of those who can afford expensive degrees is just the narrative they sell to working people to cover up the fact that once you ascend past a certain income bracket, absolutely everything is just nepotism. it’s all just rich guys giving their rich friends and their rich friends’ stupid fucking libertarian manchildren high paying jobs forever. that’s why they never go away, that’s why they always fail up, that’s why trans women and queer people can get bullied off the face of the internet for half-joking that a fictional woman who did a murder was blameless in her crimes while grifters who moonlight at raytheon can weather blow after blow and stir the pot and solicit donations they don’t need and never disappear no matter how hated they are, because they HAVE money and they HAVE security so none of this shit is a real threat to anything besides their shallow fucking egos. which, you know, to be fair, threatening a rich person’s ego is basically the same thing as killing a man in cold blood, so who can say what is wrong or right?

there’s obviously a lot of complicating factors to the anticapitalist yarn i’ve spun here, but that’s how i see it. the rich want to own culture, they commodify it through copyright and box it up and insist that we are trespassers if we try to reflect those “““properties”““ through ourselves. that is, in part, a big reason why i haven’t given up on godfeels or tried to “file the serial numbers off.” i love this story and i am treating it with as much care as i would something original, because i believe this is art that stands up even with its imperfections and it’s insulting to me that “fanwork” is considered naturally lesser than “original” work when literally everything around us that is owned by disney et al was stolen from what was once an open culture. i reject the enclosure of the commons of our imagination, and andrew hussie themself quite famously said that postcanon homestuck belongs to the most conscientious and invested members of the fandom.

and frankly, even as i wish i COULD make a living off of godfeels alone, i like that my art isn’t particularly monetizable. i like that it is considered low art. i like that many people see it as shameful or a waste of time. i do not want to create a commodity. i do not want to run a business. i do not want to be famous. i want to make art that is freely available that maybe, just maybe, can help a handful of queer people deal with the shit going on in their life and have a good time in the process.

in short: we have no choice but to revolutionize the world.

UHHHH wow that got off the rails at the end there didn’t it? i love giving writing advice hahaha!

#sarahposts #godfeels #homestuck #writing advice #how to write #how to collaborate #collab fic #art talk #failsons #us politics #communism is good #kill all landlords #make art #communist polemic #getting on my soapbox #capitalism is bad #fuck rich people #youll never guess which wretched homestuck community luminaries are failsons #everything is the same

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saiibeo · 11 months

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SHIPPING INFO // ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSE(S) SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG.

tagged by: stolen like the little rat that i am tagging: yoink it

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER(S)? I actually don't have a set OTP for Corvus at least not canonically. (I did at one point but tbh it's mostly something that stays outside of tumblr and written on discord with someone only because I don't like anyone feeling like that's why I'm writing with their character.)

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE? With Corvus ranging from 20-26 in all of their verses, I'd say even 18 is pushing it if they're 26 in the verse it's happening in, but I'm not unwilling as long as the muse is 18+. However, ages older than them don't bother me in the slightest it's just rare they attract to someone much older than them. If it happens it happens.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NSFW? Honestly, I tend to consider even heavy petting nsfw to be tagged just for the sake of others but I believe stuff considered nsfw doesn't have to be sexual. It can be anything more gory or violent in general. But anything going beyond that in sexual terms I've never written with anyone other than with my best friend through discord so I can't exactly definitively say what I consider that to be. So just. Baseline I guess LMAO.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING? That depends! I'm not exactly super selective when it comes to it as long as our characters possibly have some type of chemistry to work with. Like I don't mind shipping characters who seem to hate each other because that's how every good enemies to lovers or enemies to friends plot starts, but if they obviously don't have even a speck of attraction to or willingness to get along with each other that's obviously where it would fall through. I'm usually fairly easy going about it though, it just takes some talking about it because of how Corvus can be in terms of trusting others depending on the verse.

WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH? @poeticphoenix Genesis and @poisonpicked Rio comes to mind automatically because those are just. Chef kiss. And of course I will always feel lovingly obligated to mention @prismpowa Corvus' best friend @pluviacuratio a friend that Corvus trusts. And tbh so far Corvus is happy to have Nia as their 3 AM gaming buddy in their villain verse @sleepdeprxved.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU? Asking is usually appreciated, but if your muse is simply acting how your muse does and it happens naturally I'm always good with that too. Of course I might eventually I'm gonna crawl over to you to discuss it if my anxiety allows me, but 9 times out of 10 if you ship the thing I probably ship the thing. If you want to send the meme then send the meme etc. I tend to just go with the flow on it so if you burst aggressively into my DMs I'm likely to just "yes".

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS? Ship more-or-less. I say that confidently because even if I am easy going about making connections for Corvus, I'm here simply to have fun and write as well as to enjoy writing them with others. Even if nothing comes out of an interaction with someone, it was still an important in terms of developing the character and I still had fun. That's what matters at the end of the day. Our muses don't have to form a bond for us to enjoy writing together, and on that note, they especially don't have to form a positive one. Enemies are always welcome for them to be a little shit to.

ARE YOU MULTISHIP? Yes! I don't really have any desire to limit them there. There isn't really much I have to say about that either besides the only time I wouldn't multiship is if a verse called for it and it felt right.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM? I don't really have any favorite ships in Corvus' main verse fandom and tbh I barely have any within any of the fandoms for their other verses. I've never been someone who was big on shipping canon characters all that much. It's not that I dislike it, but I've never really been struck with the interest to do so. I usually get so focused on the plot that my brain doesn't exactly think about pairing the characters. The most I've been hit with shipping characters is... well, here.

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU? Kick down the door to my DMs(your chances of me existing for this are better on Disc.ord), rattle me very aggressively, and yell at me that you want to ship. I am very likely to figure something out with you and have fun doing so. I'm just a silly, tired little guy.

#☠⟼❛ɢᴀᴍᴇ ᴏᴠᴇʀ.❜ / dash games #☠⟼❛ᴄʀᴏᴡ ꜱqᴜᴀᴡᴋꜱ❜ / ooc

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blumenct · 4 months

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oh boy I can talk about romantic feelings I'm having here because my tumblr is so sparse it's like a private alt without having to try

It's not super complicated I just haven't felt something resembling romantic feelings for a person in a really long time. That means I also don't know how short-term of a sensation this is or if it's like FEELINGS feelings. Like it's making me act giddy and stupid. As in I'll have to hide my face in my hands because I thought of something that made me bashful and shit. That's pretty rare.

Anyway. He's a friend I met earlier this year and this whole thing only started last month. We're pretty chill with each other and all. He's just so fucking nice man. And he's a generous and kind person like it's foolish to misconstrue that kinda thing but there's just little stuff that amounts up.

And also like, I know he dips into looking for a relationship or something. Talks about apps and stuff and just recently wanting to make someone Fall For Them next year (wheeze) so you know. The question I guess is one of distance and also if he's even attracted to me hrgkrg we both know what each other looks like and all.

That's a fucky topic on my end though. I'm literally so enamored with his personality I just barely think of looks and that's rather new for me I'm normally very superficial.

So I just say things and try to talk about stuff and we've hung on one on one a few times. Two Fridays in a row playing Yugioh for like 3-4 hours lmao. fuck. shit. I wanna do that stuff more.

But idk. It being a temporary feeling would reduce some anxiety and make my life slightly easier, but it being real carries the challenge of like eventually confessing that and it potentially creating a domino effect that ruins all the relationships I've made in the past year. Worrying.

We'll be sharing an air bnb (with several others) in May so that's gonna be.....something if this materializes in any shape or form. Which it might not! I could be over this in a month and then at Combo Breaker I'll just be like haha that was weird.

So I'm just waiting for now to see if it simmers or what. Until then I simply project all my frustrations on two of my OC's and mash them into each other in my head to make my chest feel all light. Normal stuff.

anyway if you read this. cool. no one probably does. there's no way anyone reading this could possibly know him (okay maybe you would) but yeah. maybe you have advice or kind words. regardless have a good night.

#personal

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disneyanddisneyships · 1 year

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@gyubby99 here's my trauma recap

May be triggering so.....

Once upon a time~

My parents divorced when I was 3.

So I ssit h houses a lot which is really taxing because you have two homes but your parents wants you to consider their house your real home.

Anyways, along the time in there my aunt stays with me, my mom, and my sister for a bit. She's off her mess so she trips, falls and cracks her head open in the bathroom while 3 year old me is staring at the blood. (I don't remember this tho. Hence the thing I said abt forgetting trauma because it was too traumatic)

Don't remember anything until I'm in elementary school.

So at 8 years old I got made fun of and bullied a lot.

It's when my depression kicked in.

Got made fun of for my eyebrows, my curly hair, my laugh, and my weight.

Then my older sister moves out and never really talks to me again.

At the elementary school I'm at, my then best friend starts to constantly Dutch and abandon abandon for this other girl.

I begged my mom to move schools.

Then I finally moved elementary schools.

Everything was so great at the new one..... I made friends.... one by the name of Christian.....

I had two best friends, and a crush on this guy who was also a teachers kid like me.

One day, my two best friends don't wanna play what I want, but I already had social anxiety at the age of 9 so I didn't wanna fo anything new. They were fine with that so I turned around to get the stuff we usually do, I turn back and they ditched me... instant flashbacks to the other school.

We're friends again yadda yadda.

Elementary school ends.... I go to middle school....

One of the best friends in as talking about has a twin sister...

Her twin sister hated me for some unknown reason.... all she did was be mean to me.... my teachers were awful (except for my art teacher)... then my best friend and her sister moved to a different school....

I made new friends.. and oh hey, my old friend Chris is there. He does the weird "Yes, No, maybe" thing to qn eraser and asks it if we'd ever be in a relationship. Lmao. It said yes.

The year passes. Chris moved schools.

I had friends that were bad for my mental health. I started self harming.

But it's okay because I had 4 amazing best friends and a few other good friends.

This is when I get my first boyfriend.

He was okay.... I guess... I had art class with him and at the 8th grade dance he said he liked me and asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes.

But over the summer he ghosted me and my mom had to tell me to give up....

Freshman year of high school.

My dad gets a girlfriend and we all go up to see my grandparents in which my grandma and my dad's girlfriend were teasing me for having a fictional crush. It made me angry

I text the group chat with 3 of my best friends because I need a stress reliever.

My best friend just says "no" to the meme. Doesn't read it, doesn't care.

I blow up because I'm sick of disrespect. "I look at every single meme you guys send. I'm sick of you," is what I said.

My best friend blocks me.

I text my other friends trying to get her to unblock me so I can apologize. She unblocks me, I apologize. She doesn't accept it, calls me selfish and says "and you've lost 2 friends because this person doesn't like you either". I confront the other friend and she calls me manipulative, so I block her.

Me and the other friend didn't stay good friends for long (but they're cool now. We're in the same chour class. They have a Tumblr that I follow)

Um.... then I get closer with other people. Specifically my now former friends.... and.... my other friends ex....

I got so desperate to be loved that me and him started dating.

It was a secret and I didn't tell my mom....

Until she found out by looking at the bill of my phone....

Then she found out I had been self harming.... that was.. traumatic all on its own.

Anyways. Covid hit, and.. he moved schools for sophomore year..... over text we sexted a lot.... I was... desperate for some form of love....

But when I tried with boundaries... it.... I felt bad because when I said I didn't want to, I thought he'd hate me.. I thought hed leave me.....

I didn't even know what was happening was considered assault at the time...

The thing that really stuck with me was when he took his (small) dick out and brought my hand to it. I pulled away but he just grabbed my hand again and made me touch him....

Anyways um....

Later on he starts ghosting me.... a lot..... then one day after not hearing from him for 2 weeks he questions our relationship...

We breakup after 2 years... and we break up right before i go to Disneyland with my family.

He wanted to still be friends but I said i needed time.

I have a breakdown in the hotel at Disney.

And after about a week he texts me and asks if we can still be friends, I say no.

He starts trying to manipulate me. Calls me a bitch. I block him.

I get back from the vacation and I have two friends supporting me. Christian and my other unnamed friend.

I find out Chris likes me and had a crush on me in middle school...... he asks me out but I say no because I just got out of a negative relationship.. so I gave myself the entire summer to lull that over..

Then he asks me out again when senior year starts and I say yes.

He helps me realize that my ex assaulted me.... he also told the counselor by "accident" and I had to tell my parents....

Things go fine... but....

8 months later Chris starts to get flaky. He ghosts me for a while at a time (nowhere near the other guy though)

Until I find out that he told the counselor i was suicidal, and then he broke up with me.

And here we are.

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laufire · 10 months

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Sorry for sending this message twice but I was still groggy from my sleep meds when I sent the first message and I’m worried that I might have been incoherent. I love your response to that “neurotypical feminism post”. Like the way they positioned experiences with street harassment as some privileged thing only non-disabled women deal with was disgusting. I’m an autistic woman (I do identify as nonbinary but I’m afab and femme presenting) and while I’ve only experienced street harassment once that one time was extremely traumatic and I just can’t believe anyone would frame that as a form of privilege (or imply disabled women don’t experience harassment because what???)

Don't worry, it was perfectly coherent ^-^ (I'll reply to this one since you say some of the same, with additional information).

First of all, I'm sorry that happened to you. It can leave you feeling so furious and so powerless. That's what makes it so despicable to me.

That part of the post in particular was SO DAMN ENRAGING. If I cared to be generous I'd guess OP (or the bnf with the anxiety comment, for that matter) was saying something on the vein of, "we need to understand different women might experience different brands of misogyny, because women are different and misogyny has one (1) goal: screwing us all; and in order to get that, it adapts!"

But she used the term "hit on". That immediately put me on edge and I wasn't feeling too generous xDD

I've suffered various forms of street harassment in my life and the idea that not being on the receiving end of it could be a bad thing... gtfo of here lmao. Like I mentioned in that reply it's been a while since I've received the most "conventional" form (it hasn't saved me from the others!). But you know when it was that it happened last?

It was about three winters ago, right Before Covid TM. I had my unwashed hair all underneath a hat, baggy pants that are (and look!) over a decade old, and a bulky coat that goes down to my knees as I went to the grocery store for a snack. Oh, and get this: it was from the time my knee was really fucking me up. SO I WAS OUT WITH A FUCKING CANE, LOOKING LIKE A BALD BLACK BLOB WITH A STICK THAT VERY MUCH MADE ME "VISIBLY DISABLED". Did that stop the drunk 40+yo man from telling me exactly how he wanted to fuck me? Sure as fuck didn't. At least I had something at hand to beat him with if he'd decided to cross the line (+ I had pepper spray in my pocket. That purchase has given me a lot of peace of mind ngl).

I also remember the first time I was on the receiving end of street harassment. I was with two friends I stopped hanging out with not much later, so I must have been 9, 10yo at most. My friends were one year older than me, very blonde and very tall. My boobs had come early and they were not small. Apparently, these things meant these two 20yo guys from my hometown just HAD to follow us and comment on our bodies and just how bitchy all of us were for not meekly or graciously accepting their "compliments". The only reason I didn't leave this experience terrified is because of the circumstances (not being alone, small town where Someone Is Always Watching and you all know each other AND each other's family, which makes these men a tad more accountable than That Rando whistling at you in the city, ime).

Basically: street harassment is NOT ABOUT ATTRACTION. It's NOT a "compliment" about a woman's physical beauty. It's harassment. It's designed to terrorise you, plain and simple. Men will do it to children, like I was. They will do it to old women, to ugly women, to butch women, to Muslim women covered from head to toe... How you look can be the weapon used against you but it's not the point. They don't want to flirt with you or start a relationship with you or what have you. They want you scared and to "know your place". That's it.

This was never clearer to me than after covid's lockdown, btw. Here in Spain there was suddenly this fucking epidemic of harassment against women walking alone on the street, at any hour of the day. Masked, dressed plainly to do some basic errands, whatever. I guess confinement had left a lot of these men without the opportunity to terrorise women in this way and they were really itching for it rme (probably accompanied by a new progressive government implementing some laws they didn't like, I'm sure).

#non rebloggable because it got personal. couldn't help it #it FEELS personal ffs #talking to the void #street harassment mention #replies #daenerysthevampireslayerr

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staytheword · 1 year

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— get to know me 🌻💛 thank you for tagging me @ppiri-bahng ♡

birthday

june 19th ♡

favorite color

black, red, pink

do you have pets?

yes, a black cat, her name is jackie and she is the softest :') 🐈‍⬛

how tall are you?

5'6

how many pairs of shoes do you own?

huh... 3 pairs of sneakers I think, and a few pairs of boots for the different seasons (it's necessary where I'm from lmao)

favorite song?

i have a lot of favorite songs but I think it's safe to say that streetlight is one of my faves. also haunted house by holly humberstone. i have too many lol

favorite movie?

i also have many of these. knives out, pride and prejudice, the shining, the holiday, the conjuring, spirited away, before sunrise, titanic, twister, marrowbone, reality bites, national treasure, casino royale, pan's labyrinth... the list goes on lol

who would be your ideal partner?

honestly my partner is my ideal. i love her so much and she's everything i could dream of and more

do you want children?

yes

have you gotten in trouble with the law?

no!

what color socks are you wearing?

they're purple :)

favorite type of music?

i like everything honestly aisfahsfoasf i'm really not difficult with music but i guess anything that makes me feel something

how many pillows do you sleep with?

just one

what position do you sleep in?

either on the side with an arm under my pillow or just on my back

what don't you like when you're sleeping?

when it's too warm, sleeping with too much clothing lol

have you ever tried archery?

yes forever ago at summer camp

favorite fruit?

bananas and blueberries 🫐

are you a good liar?

yes :)

what's your personality type?

infj-t

innie or outie?

????? what am i too old lmao

left or right handed?

right handed

favorite food?

i just love food man. but i could eat rice at every meal i love it

favorite foreign food?

lately its definitely tteokbokki and anything with gochujang

are you clean or messy?

im somewhere in between haha

most used phrase?

i have no idea asofhasf but i say "eh ben" a lot when i speak french

how long does it take you to get ready?

about 30-40 minutes if i have to take a shower, if not 15 mins

do you talk to yourself?

yes all the time oaisfasf

do you sing to yourself?

oh yes but only when im alone

are you a good singer?

no lol

biggest fear?

open water

are you a gossip?

definitely aoishfasf

long or short hair?

i love both :)

favorite school subject?

english!

extrovert or introvert?

introvert but most people think im an extrovert when they meet me in person

what makes you nervous?

EVERYTHING bro i have severe anxiety aiosfhasf

who was your first real crush?

some dude in high school...

how many piercings do you have?

just my ears!

how many tattoos do you have?

i have four of them<3

how fast can you run?

not fast at all i hate running please do not make me run

what color is your hair?

dark brown

what color are your eyes?

dark brown also :')

what makes you angry?

disrespect in any shape or form

do you like your name?

it's fine! it's a little long but I don't hate it.

what are your strengths?

overthinking

what are your weaknesses?

i forget everything. i'll forget what i ate 5 mins after im done for real aiosfaosf

what's the color of your bedspread?

it's a floral pattern of many shades of blue

what's the color of your room?

white

#tagged

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wisteria-lodge · 1 year

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bird primary (badger system) + bird secondary

Hi Wisteria! I'm sorry to add to the mayhem that is your ask box, but I'd love it if you could sort me. Warning: I'm a former gifted kid with social anxiety disorder (and probably some mystery flavor of neurodivergence), so some of that might be more prevalent in my explanation than my actual personality and such. Sorry for that in advance... and onto the word vomit.

a burnt secondary I see

(or not - that's just my little joke that apologizing in asks and burnt secondaries go together)

I know I'm sort of Idealist primary, since I've never really been attached to people the way Loyalists are described to be, but maybe I'm not seeing things objectively. We'll see.

I was very, very into books as a kid. My area of giftedness is language so I guess that kinda makes sense. I read a lot of fantasy growing up, but I especially liked books about history like the Magic Treehouse or Royal Diaries series because I was learning things about the real world. Like, knowing random facts about history and culture was kinda cool. I read books about how babies were made, different breeds of dogs and how they were bred, Greek mythology, and a whole lot more. My family called me a walking encyclopedia cause sometimes I'd just blurt out random facts about things, like how fish was "brain food" because the fatty acids in it help with memory. I was six.

I'm very much a Built secondary. I didn't like going into things without a game plan. I think my best example I bought a book called A Girl's Guide to Starting Middle School

oh my god I remember that book!!!!! oh that's nostalgic.

so that I could have an idea of what middle school would be like so I could plan what to wear, how to go about my classes, and how to make friends. It could've also been the social anxiety starting to form, but I still find this hilarious. I enjoyed being in Girl Scouts because it taught me skills such as woodworking and first aid that actually proved to be helpful later. The troop was cool too, but I was there to learn how to show off, lmao.

So we've either got a Bird secondary, or a beloved Bird model.

I assumed a mom/therapist friend role in most friend groups and naturally gravitated toward positions of leadership as well. I was good at getting to the root of issues and figuring out where to go from there. My friends had me playing middle man between them and another friend or their partner veryyy often.

And now this is starting to sound badger secondary to me. Solving problems by leveraging the groups.

I was co-editor of my middle school yearbook, leader and researcher of every group project I was in, and a part-time basketball coach during my first year of college.

I know you say you don't think you're a loyalist, but I am noticing you are bringing up a LOT of groups. Your friends, your girl scout troop, the yearbook, the basketball team...

Imposter syndrome got the better of me that time, though.

I mean, imposter syndrome is just *a thing* but I do sort of wonder if maybe your primary got a little bit Burned. Just a light char.

I care a whole lot about social issues and progressive action. I try my best to lead with empathy and understanding before anything else.

Sounding a little bit Badger primary there...

I know I shouldn't be racist, but why? I know I shouldn't be misogynistic, but why? I know I shouldn't be homophobic, but why? And once I figure all of that out, what do each of those look like in real time and how do I fix it?

... and then you hit me with the Bird. I'm going to be very surprised if you don't end up being a Bird primary.

My moral system could also appear very Badger at times as well. Accepting individuals for the sake of the individual is my main principle, as the well as the classic "treat others the way you want to be treated." This is why I dislike greed, arrogance, self-righteousness, etc.: they all lead to an unfair treatment of others, treatment of others that one wouldn't want turned back on themselves. I also believe in inclusivity, whether that be of different neurodivergencies, disabilities, races, sexualities, gender identities, you name it.

You're a Bird primary who's built a Badger-flavored system.

Another weird thing I noticed that I've done growing up is be comfortable alone as long as I didn't have to compromise who I was. It sucked to be made fun of for my interests sometimes, sure, but it always felt equally as stupid and degrading to stop doing something because someone else said so. What was the point of winning their approval and getting to hang out with them if I didn't get to do anything I wanted anyway?

Very much an idealist stance to take. I guess it's possible that you're a very intellectual Lion who has intellectualize their moral position... but I'm still leaning Bird.

If I was in a serious mood but the group I was with was more loud, I didn't feel the need to try to act more energetic. I contributed to the conversations in my own way. I think some people perceive this as awkward, and in some cases it probably is more awkward not to just adapt, but it's not my natural inclination to do so.

Hmm. That makes me think that you're not a Badger. A young Badger would have been at least tempted to mirror a little bit. I think it's possible that you've built a Badger secondary model... but more likely that the loud Badger of your system has just sort of seeped into the way you interact with the world.

That's all I can really think of at the moment... let me know what you think!

#sortinghatchats #sortme #wisteria sorts #double bird #bird primary #bird secondary

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uncloseted · 9 months

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Do you think someone can simply have the personality of being miserable and unhappy? I saw a physiatrist and they said it sounds like I don't have chronic depression but rather this baseline chronic unhappiness that taking anti depressents for wont help LMAO apparently the only thing I can do for it is go to talk therapy but I've been doing that for years and hello Im still miserable

Kind of, but it's still a clinical issue that warrants attention. There are a couple different types of depression that a person can have, which all involve feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a lack of interest or pleasure in daily activities. The type we typically think of is called "Major Depressive Disorder". People with Major Depressive Disorder experience form of depression that lasts at least two weeks. The symptoms are usually intense and significantly interfere with the person's ability to live their life. For people with MDD, these symptoms go into remission after a few weeks or months, but they may have multiple episodes during their lifetime.

But there's also a form of depression called "dysthymia" or sometimes "persistent depressive disorder". Dysthymia is a milder but long-lasting form of depression- a person can be diagnosed with dysthymia if they've had symptoms of depression for longer than two years. I'm not a doctor or therapist (and I'm definitely not your doctor or therapist) but my guess would be that your psychiatrist was noting that you're not having major depressive episodes, but rather that you have a kind of "baseline" depression. But... that's dysthymia, a diagnosable and treatable condition. And it's treated the same way that major depressive episodes are- with anti-depressants and therapy.

There are also other clinical issues that can cause feelings of unhappiness but that aren't depression. People with anxiety disorders, other mood disorder, neurodevelopmental disorders, personality disorders, etc. may experience down moods without the core problem being depression.

Some people are predisposed to be less happy than others. Professor Sonja Lyubomirsky estimates that 50% of a given person's happiness level is genetic, 10% is affected by life circumstances and situation (such as going through a particularly stressful time at work or school), and 40% of happiness is subject to self-control (things like gratitude, mindfulness, setting and achieving goals, and good sleep and regular exercise can all increase a person's happiness). Even if your "set point" for genetic happiness is low, it can be raised significantly. It's not something that you just have to come to terms with, and (in my opinion as a person who is neither a doctor not a therapist) I think a good psychiatrist should know that.

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nelly-wants-to-b-skinny · 11 months

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I've been wanting to do this but I'll just do it all together :)

1. weight- 185, chest- 41.2, waist-34.0, hips-44.0, thighs- 28.0

2. 5'5, yes im totally okay with my height tbh

3. we have a very similar body type so i feel like it's the most realistic for me

4. tbh just losing my dd boobs that's it.

5. im tired of being the big and ugly friend, i owe it to my young chubby self to finally be pretty.

6. define binge lol. to me if I eat normally i define that as binge. but tbh I don't think I actually binge idk.

7. yes they do, however they don't know how far I'm willing to go. but they don't. they're actually happy I am.

8. i would do cardio 3 times a week, and then do core 2 times a week, but now im doing chloe ting workouts so :))

9. 100% all the time, I've hears it ever since grade school tbh, and it's literally ruined who I am and my relationship with food.

10. i guess my love for baking, it's been really hard baking for my friends and family and not having the opportunity to have these things yk.

11. lol i don't have one hahaha.

12. hmm that's a good question, i usually stick to fruits i try to stay away from meat and dairy, however it's not always easy. but for a good day, I'll have my black coffee in the morning and then like a garden salad in the afternoon.

13. definitely unhealthy lmao, I will starve myself until I lose as much weight as I can.

14. 120lbs, it used to be 140 but that's how much my sis weighs and I wanna be smaller than her

15. I'm neither but I seriously am considering going vegetarian bc I didn't eat meat for 3 days and lost literally 7lbs so I just might.

16. I've always tried to lose weight, yk go on a diet, work out, however this year I realized I was going to go on vacation and I needed to look pretty for my pictures so I decided to go back to my old habits and I triggered my ed, it took some time like 2 months until eventually in the end of March I started thinking the same way once again. I would starve and calculate calories.

17. im not sure. I don't want to say yes since I'm not diagnosed, but I will say I have disordered eating 100%.

18. cheese. ik ppl are gonna scream, but I love it so much lol.

19. hmm actually a while back I think like a couple weeks ago maybe I month.

20. ballerina diet ahhh or maybe the iu diet.

21. triggered. lol I'm usually a L/XL for jeans I'm a 14. bra size is 38DD.

22. damn idk bruh, I remember when I used to be 160, that's the lowest number I can remember, that's when I started weighing myself and it ruined me. I don't remember gaining weight tbh, I think it was when I was recovering.

23. absolutely. growing up I watched eugenia a lot and i loved kpop in ms so I would always wonder what it would be like to be skinny like them.

24. uh i don't like them, but that's me personal. I'm not someone to encourage this illness to someone else.

25. yes. I've done it multiple times. my first time was at a party actually. I had eaten 3 slices of pizza and my stomach hurt rlly bad I had told my friend and she told me she'd find me laxatives or smth I told her no. so I hard searched up what to do and I found a reddit form about purging I did exactly that and threw up as much as I could. it was so bad I was crying bc I felt to bad but my stomach felt better. I think that's when I realized I could enjoy my food but also not consume calories.

26. CLOTHES. finally getting to wear what I want and look pretty no matter what. ugh I can't wait.

27. i try to slip into a mentality of like food isn't fuel it's trash, and it's gonna make you rot.

28. I'd love to, i want to lose as much thigh fat as possible I don't think i could think bc of my family genes

29. anything but me. I don't think beauty can be defined. to me beauty is a subjective what is beautiful to me is not beautiful to you.

30. im hispanic. i have curly hair. im bi. i have a gf. i like to bake. i can't swim. i have insomnia. i have social anxiety. i love kpop. coffee is my bsf.

#bonespø #ed but not sheeran #i wanna be thinner #tw ana shit #ana and mia #st@rve #i wanna be perfect #tw ana diary #tw ana fast #i want to be small #skinsp0 #tw ed diet #tw ed implied #tw restrictive ed #eating disoder trigger warning #tw disordered eating

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