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aoibaratraveler · 4 years

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A Look Back At My Time in Japan Chapter 3!

Double Collage! One for Busan and one for Nagasaki in May!

Heyo! We’re back for chapter three and it’s only been a little over two weeks! Looks like I’m getting the hang of this...maybe?

Second Month on Exchange: May

I last left off with the beginning of my South Korea exploits in the city of Busan. We had met some other travellers, visited some street markets, had lunch with our host and started our trip off rather nicely apart from sleeping on the hardwood floor of our host’s apartment every night….

It looks like we started off May with visiting the beautiful park and cliffs of Dongsam with our host. It was a glorious day with spectacular weather where we walked along the rocky cliffs and coastline for a couple of hours. Our host was a really friendly dude who really wanted to show us a good time when he wasn’t busy with his university classes. Afterward, we headed back to Gwangbok street and met up with the other couch surfers to enjoy more street food and some skincare shopping as well as check out a nearby beach. It was about here though when things started to go a bit south with TC and me. I mean it pretty much started from the beginning of the trip, especially when we met these other travelers but it really started to get to me that night when we went shopping. You see, TC loves herself a bit of attention which I didn’t care so much about. It was the belittling and nasty remarks that I couldn’t stand. She is someone who hates taking responsibility for anything and has no empathy or consideration for others. Throughout the course of that night, she kept making snide remarks about how I’m too cheap and I should be spending as much money as her because in her opinion I was holding back too much. I mean truth be told I was holding back, I was nearing the end of my first two months in Asia and running out of the scholarship money I had received for my trip (it wasn’t that much money but more than enough for at least 2 months), which wasn’t anything too major as I still had my credit card and savings back in Canada but I didn’t want to use them unless I really needed to - especially since I knew that when I returned to Japan I would get my month’s earning from my part-time job at the English school. Besides, I’m not that much of a shopper, even though I do love my Korean skincare. Who doesn’t? It wasn’t just money. She started body-shaming me since I had put on a bit of weight from all the food I was trying and claiming that I should stop and lose the weight in order to fit into Asian clothing better so I could properly shop with her (I refused to go clothing shopping). I mean, I do agree that by that point I wasn’t looking my best but I was trying to enjoy myself and all the digs she was throwing at me was really making me resent taking this trip with her. The atmosphere between the two of use was starting to drop and we were making it a bit awkward for the guys with us. I was trying to be normal but anyone who knows me, when I’m upset or frustrated, knows that I tend to go quiet which is very different to my usual energetic, happy self so it was apparent that something was wrong. I tried to be diplomatic, I really did, but I also felt that she just kept spinning things to make me look bad. I was really embarrassed especially since I was starting to like Z, whom I mentioned earlier, and we were getting along but meh it wasn’t meant to be. The night ended a bit sour and we both decided that we would do our own thing on what we thought was going to be our last day. My trip to Busan was, unfortunately, a bit of a blur after this as things tend to be for me if it is spent with bad company. I can tell you that the next day I decided to go off to the area of Haeundae and spent the day walking around the beach, getting some dinner and bingsoo and just having some self-reflection. I do remember getting a message from Z asking if I wanted to join them (them being him, the other guy, and TC) for a night at a day and night spa but since I was feeling a bit insecure about my appearance and just too embarrassed from the day before, I declined. I finished at Haeundae and decided to head back but didn’t realise that TC hadn’t given me the code for the apartment and she wasn’t planning to come back that night and was spending it with the guys at the spa so I was locked out and nowhere near wifi and had to wait for the host to come back… Yea the Busan trip wasn’t going so well. The first day or two were nice though and I would love to go back but this is just an example of how traveling with some people really brings out their true colours. I had only known TC for a month at this point but still. Unfortunately, a huge storm came that night and lasted until the next morning and our ferry back to Fukuoka was canceled and we were forced to stay in Busan for an extra day. Couldn’t really do anything that day either but when TC got back and the weather got a bit better we just went for a walk in the neighborhood and checked out the nearby convenience store to try some more Korean goodies. Our host ordered dinner for us on our real last night there and I told him that I couldn’t eat any pork so he asked the restaurant to just make it meatless but then, of course, TC was then spiteful for the rest of the night because of this claiming that she “needs her protein…” I’m sorry. I wish I could tell a great story of my Busan trip but unfortunately, TC and I just had very different personalities and thus were probably never meant to travel together. I do honestly highly recommend Busan as a lovely side trip from Fukuoka. Anyway, the day of our departure finally arrived and I couldn’t be more thrilled. When we arrived back in Hakata, it was late at night and our bus back to Nagasaki wasn’t going to arrive until the next morning. I mean we could have paid more for a train or opted to stay in a hotel or something for the night, well TC could have, I was going to be my frugal self and go back to the family restaurant that I had stayed in the first time I arrived in Fukuoka and chill there for the night and get some dinner and even though we weren’t so friendly anymore, TC decided to join me. The next day we boarded our bus back to Nagasaki and parted ways, then, and for the rest of my time in Nagasaki (we remained civil at school though, of course). I spent the rest of that day walking around Suwa shrine to decompress.

The next day was Friday and since it was still Golden Week, I decided to spend the day exploring Peace Park. I should mention that Golden Week in Japan is called as such because a few national holidays happen to occur during that week. The university wasn’t closed the whole week but luckily one of my teachers, an American who was in charge of all the exchange students, allowed me and several others who had plans to travel to just take the whole week off because we “should just enjoy our time and make the most of it”. He was a very relaxed individual. Peace park was a remarkable place, a symbol of hope that is also filled with melancholy. It was established in the early 1950s and is close to the hypocenter of the bomb and remnants of the concrete wall of a cathedral. At the park's north end is the 10-meter-tall Peace Statue created by sculptor Seibo Kitamura of Nagasaki Prefecture.

“A plaque at the nearby hypocenter gives the following account and statistics of the damage caused that day.

At 11:02 A.M., August 9, 1945 an atomic bomb exploded 500 meters above this spot. The black stone monolith marks the hypocenter.

The fierce blast wind, heat rays reaching several thousand degrees and deadly radiation generated by the explosion crushed, burned, and killed everything in sight and reduced this entire area to a barren field of rubble.

About one-third of Nagasaki City was destroyed and 150,000 people killed or injured and it was said at the time that this area would be devoid of vegetation for 75 years. Now, the hypocenter remains as an international peace park and a symbol of the aspiration for world harmony.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nagasaki_Peace_Park

This adds a bit of a sad tone to this blog but I do think it is necessary for people to be educated about what happened. I also think that everyone should at least watch Grave of the Fireflies once to be further educated on the history of this event. I think a lot of foreign tourists go to Nagasaki and Hiroshima while remaining ignorant of the past and just take a lot of pictures to add to their collection or add this site and the nearby museum as something on their tourist checklist but even my local friends are too horrified to go to the museum and be reminded of what happened but do visit peace park often. Junior high school students also make annual trips there to lay a dozen cranes against the statue, another symbol of peace.

Over the next couple of weeks, I began to focus more on university and taking my language studies seriously. I decided to ditch taking the bus every day to and from university and either use an old bike that my homestay family had or walk. The bike ride would take about 45 minutes but the walk would take 2 hours. It was a big difference and I would mostly just walk when the brakes on the bike weren’t working so well, which was a lot of the time (as I said, it was old). I did this partially to save money and partially to get in shape and I honestly loved it. The university may have been far from my homestay but this allowed me to really get well acquainted with the area as well as shed a few pounds. Around mid-May, I checked out Glover Garden and the Dutch area of Nagasaki with one of my Japanese friends whom I had met in Vancouver when she was doing her exchange there. It was a very interesting place and different from the rest of the city. We explored the garden and Glover residence of a Scottish merchant who lived there hundreds of years ago and is the oldest Western-style house in Japan. Later on, we walked around the Hollander Slope which was a preferred settlement area for mainly Dutch foreigners in the mid 19th century. Upon returning home that night, my homestay mother cooked for me a non-pork version of Nagasaki Champon which was delicious.

The next day, I joined my homestay family in supporting my homestay brother at his undokai, or sports day while having a picnic. It was a fun-filled day with lots of excitement and was much like something that I had seen in anime numerous times.

At the end of the month, I went with the rest of the exchange students on a day trip to Huis Ten Bosch which is a slightly overpriced, but still fun, Dutch theme park in Sasebo, Nagasaki. May was pretty much a chill month where I became more acquainted with my surroundings, became closer friends with my classmates; two French girls, CA and LY and an American girl, R as well as my coworker at the English school, B, who was my rock during my time there and whom I considered like an older sister (well apart from the bf who I was messaging every day during my time in Japan and becoming closer friends with. I think having him as a connection that was separate from everything happening in Japan was what really made me feel like I was never alone, I also felt like I could tell him anything so that helped.). Honestly, apart from what I am going to tell you next, it was a not too eventful time in regards to my regular life. Oh and I woke up one day at like 4 am to walk up the hill behind my apartment by myself to watch the sunrise peek behind the mountains and go for a run, it was amazing.

Boy Drama Part One:

So what good study abroad trip in a foreign land where everything is new and exciting is complete without a bit of boy drama here and there? I’m separating this into two parts because it took place around mid/end of April until mid-June and setting this aside from the rest of the story because it really needs its own part and I can’t remember when exactly everything coincided with the rest of my time there. Hold onto your horses folks.

Ok, I know I said that I had a bit of a crush on Z whom I met in Busan but I only met him for a couple of days and it wasn’t anything too serious. Before I went on my trip to Busan and began a few my classes at the university, however, I met E, a 27-year-old Japanese man who also happened to be one of my Japanese language teachers. Don’t worry guys, I was 22, it was fine. Well, that’s what I told myself anyway. To me, at the time, he was super cute and a bit shy and I found that attractive and even though everyone told me that I shouldn’t, I decided to pursue this crush. Very innocently, of course. What do you take me for? I wasn’t expecting anything serious to happen but I wanted to get to know him and see where it would go from there. I tend to be a bit forward when I crush on a guy, I mean, I am after all the one who asked out the bf but the bf turned out to be an amazing guy which I can’t really say the same for E… oops I’m getting ahead of myself! Ok, where was I? Right, I decided to pursue E so I added him on Facebook and began to message him every now and then to get to know him. In the first week or so, I think he could tell that I liked him a bit and so he reminded me that he was my teacher and nothing could happen. I completely agreed. Honest. This story may make me look a little bad but I wasn’t hoping to become his girlfriend at all, I just wanted to get to know him and maybe go for a date since I didn’t know anything about him. So I told him that, I told him that all I wanted was to be friends since there wasn’t that much of an age difference and it didn’t take him long to get over the fact that he was my teacher and start to become very responsive in our chats. We began to become a little flirty with each other in school when no one was looking and I even went as far as to cook him lunch after he had told me what his favourite food was. I was very silly, giddy and just fully embracing my girly side. It was certainly an experience to be doing something that felt like it was straight out of a shoujo manga. Over the course of the first half of May, I could tell that he was really starting to like me back which was interesting….because I was starting to lose interest in him. Ok, chill I’m getting ahead of myself again but I’m looking back on this whole experience with hindsight and really I was just pursuing him so much because everyone told me not to and the more they did that the more I wanted to. I know, very childish. Anyway, I’m pretty sure it was around mid-May when we finally went on a date.

I told him to meet me next to my homestay’s apartment at Suwa shrine and after that, we walked up to Tateyama to sit at a really nice viewing spot (same place I woke up to see the sunrise). I thought this would be a great location where we wouldn’t really be seen by anyone and where we could have some privacy since only the elderly or really young kids ever go near there but it’s mostly empty when it’s not cherry blossom viewing season. We didn’t really need to hide anything because again it was just two people innocently meeting up (I do realize now that it was inappropriate) and there was only a 5 year age gap plus he looked super young. My interest in him sparked back up a bit that day because forbidden fruit and what not and I thought it was fun and exciting to have a secret date with a teacher. Anyway, I can’t remember for how long we sat at the top of Tateyama for but it was at least a few hours and all we did was talk….well I was talking. I filled in a lot of silence because he didn’t really have anything to say, I don’t even know what I talked about but it became apparent that outside of Facebook messenger this guy wasn’t so good with talking to women. He did tell me that it had been ages since he had a girlfriend and he hadn't met with a girl alone in a really long time (a bit of a red flag there...maybe?). Finally, around dinner time, we grabbed some cheap food from a bento place and some yakitori and sat outside to eat it as it became dark. It was kinda nice, I could tell though that he was starting to like me more than I liked him. A little while later we said good night to each other and parted ways and I went back to my apartment. I was satisfied. Honestly, in my head I felt like I was good, I did not need to pursue him any longer and I had experienced my “forbidden fruit”. Nothing happened of course, literally just talking and dinner. I had satisfied my curiosity and I honestly think that after that date is when I completely lost interest in him because I did get to know him a bit. I got to know...and this might sound a bit mean but I got to know that he really wasn’t interesting at all and was actually just a bit starved of attention, which I had given him. Over the next couple of weeks, he would message me and I would reply but I was no longer instigating the messages. He would tell me how much he couldn’t wait for our next date and after a while, his messages started to become really creepy and I stopped replying as much which made him not send as many messages. Anyway, I now need to backtrack a bit for you. So E and I went on our little date around mid-May and then afterward I pretty much put him at the back of my mind, right? Actually, just a little while before is when I met another guy, maybe like a week before? Which is also what was making me lose a bit of interest in E… Welllll a lot of interest. I still went on that date with him just because I wanted to see how things would go and if there was anything actually there and I proved to myself that there wasn’t. (Of course, E did not realize that the date didn’t go that well...but more on that later). Yea, so this new guy, who we’ll call Y. Another Japanese boy and damn was he like Japanese pop star attractive. I’ll start from the beginning. I was hanging out a lot with my coworkers by this point and one day we decided to meet up at Starbucks (one of three in Nagasaki city, it’s a small city and Starbucks was THE place to meet up) which is where I thought I would study and they would complete some marking and whatnot. After a while, my friend and coworker, B had to go and I was left with the receptionist...who was a little crazy but we’ll get to her some other time. Anyway, what happened next was very simple. This barista was spending a lot of time near our table cleaning up and at first, I didn’t notice until the receptionist (oh right, we’ll call her M) pointed him out to me and damn was I instantly attracted. I chatted him up a bit and I could tell that he was everything that E wasn’t. Very charismatic, boyish good looks, tall and talkative.

So I hung around for a little while longer and then I packed up my stuff, walked up to him at the barista counter and asked if he was to be working the next day and told him I’ll see him then. (honestly looking back on it for some reason when I was living in Japan I just gained all this confidence that I never really had before, I have always been forward with my feelings but never this assertive and flirty and honestly, I kind of had the feeling almost that if I wanted a guy that I could have him, it was probably all the freedom and excitement of living abroad and being away from my parents) Right, so the next day I decided to take my time in going back to Starbucks, I hung out with LY, one of my French friends for most of the day, and studied with her and didn’t did really get to Starbucks until around 6. I rocked up with my books, saw that he was still there and set myself up to look like I was still gonna study. But then suddenly he disappeared from behind the counter, I figured that maybe he had gone on a break but then he reappeared in front of me in his civies. I was a bit taken aback that he was done work but pleased that he came to talk to me. He told me that he had just finished which was really just good timing and then we talked some more. I found out that he was 19 and in his first year of university studying to become an architect. He had to leave after a little while but I told him that we should be friends and that we should exchange LINE IDs (a popular Japanese messaging app, although I think it originated in Korea?). From that day onwards we messaged each other every day and damn was I smitten. He was a great talker and really made me feel special in our chats which I can’t really say the same for E. I never needed to instigate a conversation, he was always the one messaging me and was able to naturally keep the conversation going. The way he spoke to me and made me feel special was kinda like how Neal from White Collar talks to women, especially when he’s trying to con them. He would wish me a good morning and good night everyday, asked how I slept and how I was doing and really just showed that he cared. I began going to his Starbucks a lot more and would stay until he finished his shift and then he would walk me home, he was super gentlemanly. I told him that I like riding my bicycle everywhere so he said he loved riding his bike too and would always cycle to my apartment on his days off and we would walk our bikes side by side, we didn’t actually ride them so we could have a proper conversation. Towards the end of May, we met up one night and walked our bikes and chatted as we usually did but this time we went to a nearby river and sat down. It was all very romantic and what do you know, like out of a friggin romance novel or, again, shoujo manga, a lone firefly flew past and it really set the tone and made the night magical and intimate because it was both of our first times seeing one. We held hands, spoke for a while longer and I felt like I was in high school again and all my romantic fantasies from back then were coming true. I had properly fallen for this guy.

#japantravel #studentexchange #boytrouble #boydrama #busantravel #busan #nagasaki #Japan #studyAbroad #Travelblog #nostalgia #livelovetravel #studyabroadmemories

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whatahoax-blog · 5 years

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Distant and Tearing

I can explain the feelings I felt today, it was a rollercoaster or emotions. I felt distant from everyone I spoke to, the feeling was just there and took over around all my so called friends. It was almost as if no one knew me, although now that I think of it does anyone actually know me. I cried as I woke up this morning, I've been stressing so much. Pimples are appearing due to this stress and anxiety. I cry way too much, I ran to the bathroom on Friday during design because I was just in tears. I was overwhelmed and anxious and I just hate this feeling of failure. I feel like an incomplete mess for no reason yet every reason. As soon as I got home I had to make the call to the insurance for my failure back in February. I cried, so much, blazing hot tear; the good kind. I couldn't help the feeling that over came me. Failure. Disappointment. It seems to be a reoccurring feeling. No boys to update on, as usual. H confuses me, she has a problem with L and J but continues to be 100% with L and I hate when she tells both of us the same story, it makes me feel less than. She sometimes leaves me out which is fine I guess because she has other friends too but she makes me feel like I've don't something wrong or I'm less than. perhaps that explains my need to distance my self. I really want my licence. It’s killing my not having it, know that I failed not once but TWICE over minimal things; it’s almost as if the universe is against me which is for sure a cliche thing to say, but I really feel it. This year so far has really opened my eyes to how fake people can be, more so friends. I can't seem to talk to mom normally anymore, I love her to bits but I just feel like I've disappointed her. I can't seem to do anything to my own standard and its killing me. She doesn't expect much but I feel like I need to prove something to be more than what T was. I want be the person she can be proud of and give her the feeling that she did something right with me, as T went down the wrong path. I feel like such a failure in that department and it hurts. Ive wasted so much money on failure that it pains me.

S and K are getting serious and Ive tried to hide the way I feel about it but I wasn't honest with my self. I still love him. I guess I'll always love him, fell for him when I was 10 and i’m now 16. Thats crazy. I can't know if its real love since its the closest ive gotten to actual love but it sure feels like as sort of love. I miss him. Now he’s with the hottest girl in school and well, I can't compete with that. Ive been replaced with B as his best friend and I can help but resent her for it, first E and now S. I guess I had to leg got eventually. I really wanted him to ask me the ball, I knew it was a long shot but I was hoping he'd come over and we’d talk till 2 In the morning on a Sunday night and forget about school the next day because were lost in conversation. Like last time. But no. the universe runs against me. I can't seem to find anyone I love or like. I just can't feel that way for anyone I already know. I want it to be instant, I wanna feel the attraction and chemistry between us from the first meeting. I want ‘After’. I want he feeling I got when I watched the movie.

I really want to read more this year, I had said that at the start of the year and I bought books but never followed through even thought the desire to read has been lingering in my mind the entire time. Ive been obsessed with ‘after’ the fan fiction, which I guess counts as reading a book I mean I read 3 of the books and have bought the book that I could start reading. I decided to take a break from after thought because I know I'll get obsessed again and I want to focus on the novel for class ‘Jasper Jones’ its pretty good but just hasn't hooked me in yet. But I'm enjoying reading the actual book. I really want to read ‘Pride and Prejudice’ I bought it today as well as ‘Withering Heights’. I decided to set a goal to read for at least half an hour or 3 chapters a day. I plan on reading a lot more this year as I want to improve my English. English is my favourite subject, Ive begun to prefer it over art these days which is quite a development. I got a merit in English for the first assessment and I hate myself for it. I should have worked harder, last years bad habits of settling for a merit kicked it and spoiled my excellence. Im just glad my desire to drink or get high hasn't increased due to my mental state.

This was obscenely long for a daily post but its the first one and I had a lot to get out. They won't often be this long...I hope. I have a crazy messy past that id love to talk about or answer questions about. #daddyissues bahhaaha.

#notmyday #teenager #teen problems #personalissues #dailyupdate #mylifeinanutshell #boringteen #troubledteen #need new friends #boydrama #relatableteen #edgy

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