#bit of a fail on my part

[redladydeath]

Okay, so last night I decided I wanted to do something with Vox and body horror and this story concept ended up manifesting in my brain. Massive CW for psychosis that's not actually psychosis, as well as self-harm and body horror.

Vox and Alastor meet in the 1940s while they're both doing electrical engineering work for the war effort. Vox is only 22, so he falls fast and hard for Alastor, who decides to use the younger man's infatuation with him to his advantage. One night while they're out drinking, Alastor convinces Vox to make a blood oath with him. He tells him it's just symbolic, but in reality, there's magic involved; if Alastor kills him, he'll get all the years Vox was supposed to live added to his own lifespan, which is dwindling. He lures Vox into the woods and tries to murder him, but is shot by a hunter who happens upon the struggle. Vox nearly loses an eye, but survives the encounter and is able to go on with his life, albeit with some pretty intense trauma.

Twenty years later, it's the 1960s. Vox has been a successful television presenter for 10~15 years now. He's rich and is married with children, but is less than an ideal husband/father. When he's not at work, he's usually with Valentino, a young male prostitute who he's been having a secret affair with for the past year or two. The two of them are currently somewhere between a sugar daddy/baby arrangement and a legit relationship. Vox is overall pretty content with his life and hasn't thought about Alastor in years. That is, until he starts feeling everything change.

At first, it seems like it's just a bad cold; his joints are stiff and he has the chills constantly, but that's nothing too unusual and he continues going about his daily life. But then the delusions start. Vox begins hearing strange things whenever a radio is on– words and phrases that shouldn't be coming out of it, said in a familiar tone of voice. He starts seeing shadows moving just out of the corner of his eye, but when he turns to look at them, they're gone. When Vox looks in the mirror or watches clips from his show, there's something different– uncanny– about his own eyes that make him feel like he's looking at a stranger. It must be stress, he thinks; he's been working himself too hard.

But things only get worse. Vox's body is stiff and jerky and cold– suddenly very cold to the touch, although no one other than Vox can feel it. Food and drink and cigarettes lose their taste. His emotions feel muted– all except fear. He starts hearing this loud, irritating humming when he's in the studio and it makes it hard for him to work. People are starting to get worried. He's acting erratically, asking if they can hear or feel things that simply aren't there. His wife thinks he's building towards a nervous breakdown, but Vox knows that's not true. Something's happening to him, something no one can perceive but him.

Things continue to deteriorate. Vox thinks he can hear metal creaking when he moves. His face won't show up on camera anymore; the footage always ends up damaged somehow for reasons no one can explain. He smashes the family radio in front of his kids when he clearly hears Alastor's voice coming out of it, taunting him. He asks Valentino, who hasn't even been to church in the past decade, to connect him to his childhood priest because he thinks he's being possessed and wants an exorcism— if the Protestant God won’t help him, maybe the Catholic one will. It still doesn't work.

Things come to a head one night when Vox, desperate to prove to himself and everyone else that he's not crazy, takes a knife and cuts deep into the hand he used to make the pact with Alastor all those years ago. He cuts and cuts and cuts until finally– finally– he sees it: metal and wires and no blood. He was right. He tries to show his wife but only succeeds in scaring her out of her wits. He flees the house and takes the family car: he needs to go see Valentino, show him, ask him for help. He crashes the car into a lamppost while trying to drive with one hand. A cashier working late in a nearby television/radio store tries to help him, bringing him into the store to wait while he calls an ambulance.

When the cashier leaves him alone to go make the call in the backroom, Vox hears it again. He hears Alastor's voice coming out of the radio, telling him that his time is up; he's been living on borrowed (or rather, stolen) time for the past ten years and now it's time to come join him, down where they both belong. Vox can feel his "bones" cracking, his skin stretching and tearing; he can't hear anything except Alastor's voice alongside the blaring static emitting from all the TVs and radios in the store. He's dying he's dying he's dying– until he stumbles into a fusebox and the whole store is engulfed in an electrical fire.

When the firemen dig through the rubble, they never find a human body.

#uh yeah this is a bit intense jsyk #part two of my ‘alastor drives people insane in the 50s’ series I guess #redlady speaks #hazbin hotel #vox #alastor #radiostatic #radiosilence #vox hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #cw gore #cw psychosis #cw sh #hazbin posting #btw the implication with the blood magic thing is meant to be that alastor and vox were preordained to die in their canon decades #but because of alastor's meddling he extended his own life by ten years #and then accidentally gave vox another decade too when he failed to kill him #which is why they both make it to the 40s and 60s respectively #but as soon as that borrowed time runs out #‘destiny’ starts catching up with vox

[strawglicks]

huge fan of the idea that flint cant handle what he dishes out.

they are too shy to be confrontational so as a result they let ppl walk all over them which i imagine results in pent up anger that they release thru talking shit behind ppls back .

and i get this impression from this exchange right here:

flint talking poorly of the satellites, followed by "oh no i shouldnt have said that" implies he KNOWS he shouldnt be saying it and will get confronted for it, further implying hes done it before. cosmo's rant also implies this is a common occurrence that, tbh, he is rightfully angry for. and most of the things he points out abt flint in said rant arent wrong at all.

flint can talk big all they want, but never to someone's face bc they cant handle the confrontation that comes with it. it's cowardly, there's no self-respect to be had there. its just flints attempt to feel confident/better abt themselves. and i really hope to see more of this aspect of his character, ESPECIALLY in canon since, apparently, this 1.3 blogpost isnt explicitly canon (which saddens me every time i think about it.)

btw i feel the need to add on that i dont think flint's wrong or lying abt the satellites. What I'm condemning them for is the fact they're talking shit but then cant handle the consequences. If ur gonna talk behind peoples backs and stir the pot, you should be able to say the same shit to their face as well. Cosmo certainly doesnt appreciate how flint views his boys, but i feel like even HE would have a little more respect if flint just had enough courage to say it to his face.

But they dont, because they look up to Cosmo and dont want to be on his bad side, making it even more difficult for Flint to be confrontational . he has no desire to start problems with cosmo HIMSELF, just the satellites. (ppl forget this and treat it like flint has issues with cosmo, but thats not true . flint admires cosmo, likely due to his confidence and leadership skills since its smth flint craves having for himself, and erasing that aspect is a HUGE injustice to a really fun and interesting dynamic !)

i feel like the detail that flint likes drama ALSO plays a part in all this. enjoys drama, probably watches it from afar, but the moment it involves him, hes a total coward lmao

#toontown #toontown corporate clash #ttcc #flint bonpyre #firestarter #mmm im gonna tag cosmo too bc i do talk a bit in depth abt him #cosmo kuiper #plutocrat #and ig their pairing tag as well ! #cosmo & flint #one of the biggest reasons this aspect of him gets ignored is bc no one talks abt cosmo #or his dynamic with flint #or when they do #they get it WRONG. bc they treat it like flint hates cosmo but thats not true #flint trying desperately to be on cosmos good side but failing bc of the satellites pestering him is so funny and has a lot of potential #i suppose part of the problem could also be a lack of canon content of this dynamic too . #id love to see more detail of flints beef with the satellites and how it affects him and cosmos feud #one sided feud really #oh yeah ig this is kind of an analysis post #my big juicy brain in full effect

[the-butch-of-blaviken]

hm. thinking about Geralt, Eskel and Lambert watching Vesemir doting on Ciri like the granddaughter he never had, going easy on her during her training when she asks for it politely, making a show of lecturing her when she's being mouthy when it's obvious to everyone he's already forgiven her. Lifting her off her feet and spinning her around when he sees her again for the first time in years. And all the while Vesemir's sons in every way except blood are watching and watching and thinking, so you were capable of being affectionate and considerate and a decent fucking human being all this time. You just chose not to be this man with us.

#of course it's so much more complex than that but can you imagine!!!!!! seeing their father finally acting like one with someone else!!!!!!! #and they're happy for ciri but i'm CONVINCED a part of them couldn't help be at least a little bit jealous of her #also i might make a follow-up on this post about this but. i KNOW vesemir was also making up for all the ways in which he failed his sons #with ciri. trying to atone for following the guild's rules and being an instructor first and a father second to them all these years. #frothing at the mouth rn #vesemir #my post

[heteromerous-rhyming]

have seen this floating around a lot, so i wanted to address it. but. hermes's note in the show has only one piece of information on it that is proven to actually be there, concretely, with evidence. this is that the cab will take them wherever they need to go, and it is related by annabeth, who reads the note silently.

it does not, according to the show, say anything about procrustes.

the show gives no indication that hermes ever implied that that's where the entrance to the underworld was. perhaps the writers intended for the letter to have this information. but we really really aren't given enough information in the show to concretely make that assumption. and if the writers had meant for this to be assumed, they really should have done a better job in the show to point to that.

because from that conversation with hermes, i walked away assuming that he was only helping them get to the beach bc he thought they'd already failed. so. why exactly is he giving them the key to the underworld?

there is no explanation of procrustes or why he's guarding the entrance. there's no explanation from the trio how they came up with the plan, how they got to his place, even where the place is.

people keep defending certain choices in the show with "it's meant for kids" - and if so, if the primary demographic of this show is children, then i assume you that they are not going to assume that hermes told them. because the show does not do a good job setting that up.

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo tv show #pjo show crit #1x07 #spoilers #ig #sorry the tone of this was a bit salty / negative but #i honestly don't think that it's a failure on my part that i fail to see this connection. #honestly i don't even think it's that important #but i am salty about it #.

[quickhacked]

pov you're vitali and you're in college and the guy (pictured above) (his name is nick) who keeps switching between being your bf and a pain in the ass wants to see your boobs (you say no and he blocks you for three days)

taglist (opt in/out): @shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart, @vvanessaives, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman, @celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister, @dameaylin, @killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree

#cp2077 #cyberpunk 2077 #art #art:nick #nuclearocs #nuclearart #yes he's got makeup brushes in his bathroom yes he will buy you pads and respect your pronouns but he is still a CUNT!!!!!!!!!! #i would let him hit a few times but it stops there. i would not let him ruin my life for four consecutive years like vitali did #anyway hi sorry for making art of minor characters in the bigger picture of things do you still love me #i'm just so fascinated by him and his cringe fail loserboy vibes he's so. ough. and also uh btw if you even care #he kinda looks a little bit like mikhail and would have similar mannerisms and similar humor as well. sorry #basically a mikhail replacement for vitali. which is part of why it doesn't work out for vitali and nick xxx

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I have a question for you guys.

I was rewatching Yosano's backstory episode (and cried again. what of it?) but something this time caught my attention.

In the scene where Fukuzawa and Mori are fighting and Fukuzawa angrily tells him his plans "lack humanity"... is the word they both use... not "kokoro"?

It would appear to be, from this manga translation. If that really is the choice of word, that's really interesting, because one of irl Natsume-sensei's most well-known books is the novel Kokoro.

What does this mean? Is Mori really following the plan Natsume laid out for them? Is he derailing from the initial plan with the exclusion of "heart/humanity"? Did Natsume intend for "heart" to be sacrificed in the name of defense? Or is this conflict, with "heart" at the center, exactly what Natsume needed for this plan to work?

And on Mori's end: this isn't his usual cold, impeccable logic. This is anger that Fukuzawa is getting in the way. More than that, it almost seems to me like Mori has a paranoid streak. Check this out here:

To be quite honest with you, Mori sometimes makes weird calls that imo aren't the best decisions - and they're all out of some fear he has, typically over the protection of the city and the country. Mori's takeover of the Port Mafia is seen as overall a good thing - because the previous boss grew increasingly paranoid and started ordering unnecessary violence, something Mori himself wishes to avoid whenever possible. Yet his projection onto Dazai causes issues during the Mimic incident - sure it was logically sound, but he lost Dazai for it. Was it really then the best solution there was? And what about Yosano - so caught up in what she could prove and what she meant for the war effort that he failed to consider her taking drastic action out of sheer despair? It's interesting that Mori, who advises others on not letting their fears and emotions get in the way of strategy, is prone to the same thing at times. Might he get worse at this kind of miscalculation? It'd be altogether kind of tragic if he messes up later in the story out of paranoia, considering his predecessor's legacy...

Edit: I changed the last bit, as it's left somewhat unclear if part of Mori's reasoning in the whole Mimic incident was to get Dazai away from him - in fact, it's likely that wasn't the case at all and Dazai was just saying this to intentionally get under his skin. Unfortunately I am a bit of dumbass who misinterpreted this line on first read, and now read it differently:

He's sticking with the logicality of it - one person's life for a gifted business permit is a worthwhile sacrifice, even if it drove away his right hand man. Either way, whether it's projection (Dazai is just like me, so he'll understand) or paranoia (he is going to inevitably kill me someday - which is still kinda projection imo) or some combination of the two - I think the original point still stands: maybe focusing all your efforts on ensuring you're always prepared for some eventuality or other means you overlook things you deem less important or irrelevant. Maybe removing heart from your decisions... isn't actually the best call in the end.

#bsd #bsd meta #i suppose? #bsd fukuzawa #bsd mori #does this make sense? i can't read #storyrambles #the updated version with me actually properly rereading this bit wheeeeee thank you nawy for pointing that out #i had always assumed it was both motives to some degree but now i'm inclined to think it isn't #either is intriguing in its own way to play with though #mori arranging the mimic incident thinking that dazai would agree with his logic and failing to consider his emotions: way more interesting #especially character wise (also more canon) #mori arranging the mimic incident to in part get rid of dazai only to immediately regret it two seconds later: WAY funnier #anyways sorry for my mistake here everyone i hope this clarifies it #also i hope this updated post actually shows up #sigh

[pollenallergie]

“do the hardest task first”

no. just… no.

hot take: this doesn’t work for people with adhd (in my experience/from what i’ve heard from other people with adhd in my life). i recommend doing the easy/moderately difficult stuff first, that way you can convince yourself that it’s all going to be this easy and undemanding. then hyper-focus will kick in because your brain is like, “yeah, we can do this, we’ve got this.” then, before you know it, you’ve completed both the easy tasks and the hard tasks while hyperfocusing.

like, on a serious note, it’s always been easier for me to convince myself to get the most difficult tasks done when i’m already working/in the working frame of mind, not when i’m laying in bed or sitting on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through stuff on my phone, and struggling to start at all.

if the choice comes down to you not starting at all or starting with the easiest task first (which, for me, it often does), always, always pick starting with the easiest task first. sometimes you need a small victory, a little bit of an accomplishment, to give you the courage to take on bigger challenges.

#adhd #audhd #in my experience… ‘study tips’ or ‘time management tips’ from neurotypical people will almost never work for us #they don’t conceptualize time the same way we do #they don’t look at challenges the same way we do #it’s okay to take bits and pieces of their advice #ya know… whatever parts of it work for you #but don’t think that you have to use all the strategies and programs that they do to be successful #because you don’t #all that fake business soft skills/mental health guru/grind mindset stuff is total bullshit #pick strategies that speak to/work for you #it’s okay to fail at things and to have to try again #it’s okay to make mistakes and not get shit done sometimes #sometimes you need a fucking break #it’s okay to start with the easy stuff first and just ease your way into being productive #it’s okay to hyperfocus and work for hours on end sometimes #if it’s hard for you to take breaks when you’re studying and you feel like you learn better if you stay in that hyperfocused zone #than just go until the hyperfocus wears off #then take a break… eat… nourish your body… take care of yourself… and come back later #maybe later is later on that day #maybe later is tomorrow #either way is completely fine #do what works best for you #work with your neurodivergent brain… no against it #pol’s diary <3

[front-facing-pokemon]

#i don't remember which pmd game this guy was in. it was probably gti because fuckin every unova 'mon was in gti because it was gen 5 #and in gen 5 tpc was like. look at our new pokémon haha… check it out… everything is gen 5… because we're in gen 5… #which i guess is why everyone says that was supposed to be pokémon's “soft reset.” a lot of the aesthetic changed a bit in gen 5 #and hell. that's when pmd went 3d. gen 5 was a rather large gen #except the next gen immediately afterwards‚ the core series went 3d so who cares right #whatever i'm not even talking about scrafty. i think scrafty is like! nice! it's a cool pokémon #and i Think it was in gti‚ maybe. but i don't remember exactly how. so we'll call that an Epic Fail on my part bc i may just be wrong

[nuclearanomaly]

Granite in my chest--

#bloodborne #gareth #trying to embrace whatever this render style is a bit more bc it's very freeing #no cleaning. no lines. #as soon as my instinct is to 'do a new sketch layer' I start colouring instead #it might mean some parts are ??? but it's about telling myself the shapes and stuff are still there to sell whatever it is #ie the clasp on his robe lmao #2 versions because I like the clean one lots but what's a bloodborne picture without slapping some blood all over #GARTEH MY SON blows dust off him hi hello #why him? idk he was in my head #and all the sleep token I'm listening to... the album art makes me think about bloodborne #and additionally I know I need to practice more and not just draw Nini again... (takes physic damage) #me before 2024 has even started: I'm gonna try hard to do better with art in 2024 #I will probably fail this idea but hey another year another promise to try and improve maybe this time I will #art: mine #tw: blood

[skrunksthatwunk]

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

#before i maybe get yelled at: #1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even #though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism #2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them #3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have #encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in #nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally #about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person. #4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces #and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too. #5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided #tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla #6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things. #7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl #i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know? #8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this #nyarla dni #<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks

[suffarustuffaru]

I don’t speak Japanese so I’d LOVE to hear more about the differences between the English and Japanese Re:Zero fandoms

yeah sure its very interesting to me now that ive noticed it more lately :o !! though ok disclaimer - i dont speak japanese either hah so if anyone is seeing this and does speak japanese + is familiar with the japanese speaking side of this fandom please add info if youd like!! and of course ill be mainly speaking from the english side of things bc im more familiar with that yes (sorry anon again im not a japanese speaker T^TT so sorry if i tread on info you already know!!). but yeah im speaking from my own experiences given the Topic at hand. ive been in this fandom since... 2019?? which is so wild to me aljsdfljsd.

anyway so - i think the big difference is mainly that the english fandom and many english speaking people that engage with rezero are. to put it bluntly, misconception runs Rampant to a very Interesting degree. to the point where it seems like the english speaking side of the fandom is More. Aggressive. than the japanese fandom. not that the japanese speaking side of the fandom is perfect - also bc what fandom is ever perfect 100% of the time, tbh - but that the louder people in the english rezero fandom are. well its a Very low bar. Very low. and from what little ive seen and heard so far, the japanese fandom tends to understand rezero and its characters better than the english fandom. which ig makes sense bc you know, rezero is japanese media, and also im sure cultural differences come into play here as well (im not familiar enough on this to speak about it in depth but the cultural differences feel Pretty Clear even though i cant 100% put my finger on what they specifically are).

but also bc yeah. its not That hard to beat some of the english fandom when it comes to media comprehension. misreading rezero is unfortunately Extremely common, both in and out of the rezero community. its Everywhere - youtube, myanimelist, ao3, ff.net, reddit, twitter, various rezero discords - and from what ive experienced, rezero tumblr basically kind of feels like finding an oasis after crawling through the desert for days on end lajdslfjs. which is probs bc rezero tumblr is Smaller and also a lot of us seem to be lgbtq+ in some way or be allies, so you dodge a lot of the misogyny and homophobia that happens in other rezero english circles. its why you see a lot of openly queer rezero-related posts on here while its a bit more. barren. in other rezero english places yes. bc its more safe to post queer rezero things on rezero tumblr rather than rezero reddit for Sure.

im not sure how the japanese fandom is with that exactly but theres some interesting differences between whats popular in the english fandom vs the japanese fandom. i mean as an otto fan ive been noticing how hes more popular with the japanese fandom—and on top of that, ottosuba is Way More popular in the japanese fandom too. reinsuba and julisuba seem to usually be the most popular mlm subaru ships in both fandoms but ottosuba is like A Little Up There in the japanese fandom. not sure if its on the same level as a ship like reinsuba but ottosubas Definitely loved as a ship. from what little ive seen it also seems like ships like vichisha are more acknowledged by the japanese fandom? im not entirely sure on like—Complete differences regarding what the japanese fandom finds interesting that may differ from english fandom, so ill really have to look more into the japanese fandoms fanart and fanfic when i can bc im pretty curious too. in general though, it seems like the japanese fandom has a bit more variety…. you can find fanart on So Many characters in rezero (which already has a very Massive cast full of very fleshed out characters) there. not that you cant in the english fandom bc theres a Bit of variety too, but id more so contribute that a little more to the Big Cast and less to having actual variety in fancontent. and of course im not saying that the japanese fandom may be a bit barren in some areas of fancontent—bc inevitably when u have a big cast of characters, side character content is gonna be more sparse compared to the main characters, but to me it does feel like the english fandom lacks variety in comparison. (and also yeah. seems like the japanese fandom acknowledges gay ships more in general tbh.)

whats focused in fancontent makes it easy to tell what may be popular in a fandom in terms of how fans perceive the source material and what fandoms want to do with the source material, if that makes sense. and its very easy to tell that with the english fandom if you just hop on rezero ao3–or even better, rezero reddit given theres a fanfic ideas thread thats usually pinned right at the top of the site. again i havent looked at japanese fanfic for rezero yet (bc i dont know where to look oops ajdndn) but when it comes to the english fandom you can tell that theyre generally more focused on the female cast both in fanart and in fanfic bc. theyre women and many fans on say, reddit or various rezero discords, are cis straight men, so inevitably… well lets just say you can tell when a man makes content for this fandom o.o theres also the. very weird reaction fic trends and trends following popular fics in the fandom, the two biggest being the watching him die again and again react fic and re:forgotten, the former of which includes a harem plot with subaru and the main girls of rezero while the latter is one of those subaru gets tortured by his ooc friends and then he gets revenge on them fics. which i suppose says something about the english fandom too.

of course on ao3 its dominated mainly by english fics (of course not all fics on there for rezero are in english— big shoutout to all the non english fics on rezero ao3 ur doing great <3 — but the majority are in english). and while yeah ur occasionally gonna find stuff like queer content or side character content or rarepair content, its definitely not that big in amount and also comes with the risk of. Hate. if anyones reading this and remembers the lone star stuff. (if u dont know—lone star was a julius x emilia fic where they NTR subaru or some shit and then it got bombed with hate bc of the ship? yeah.) so yeah english fandom is very cis straight oriented, ironically with the nastiest people being the very people that rezero criticizes. though this is also my personal experience, i do know several people personally whove been in this fandom for a while or were here for a while and yeah english fandom isnt very welcoming at times???? and it seems like at the very least the japanese fandom is A Little Less Aggressive than the english fandom is.

otherwise. yeah im very very curious about more of the differences in popular content between the japanese vs english fandom. i mean the english fandom’s main focus on the female cast for. Interesting Reasons other than their actual character depth is… interesting. and the astreas being popular in general vs otto + ottosubas popularity fluctuating is also very interesting to me (but i have several guesses as to Why that is), among other things. yeah id love to know what else the japanese fandom likes about rezero and see more of their content. i also have to wonder if characters like emilia and subaru are hated less by the japanese fandom…. T^T well that and the english fandom and many english speaking people engaging in rezero have this interesting pattern of either hating subaru No Matter What, wanting subaru to Not Be Subaru (ie using him as a self insert almost or attempting to change him into virtually another character), or putting subaru on a pedestal and ignoring his flaws and mistakes and that he Can do wrong. like theres Really not a lot of nuance there. so i wonder if the japanese fandom is. A Little more chill when it comes to character opinions like this too.

#rezero #tldr: english fandom sets the bar so low (unless ur on rz tumblr) that the japanese fandom def seems a bit better by comparison #in terms of. Calmness levels. #every time i step into a rezero space that isnt tumblr i get a little worried my heads gonna get bitten off by someone HAH #recently someone tried arguing with me over how i interpret otto (this was on reddit) and then said stuff that showed they did Not #understand his character that well so that was awkward 😭😭😭 #even just by looking at otto fanart from the japanese fandom it seems like more people understand his character there. in the english fandom #he is. either Not There or his flaws are just handwaved away or replaced with Different flaws #atm hes the most obvious example i can think of when it comes to. how differently characters can be percieved by different parts of a fandom #for rezero. like hes near invisible here but ottosuba being almost on the same level as REINSUBA in jp fanbase is crazy to me #kinda reminds me of the disney’s duffy and friends line and how it failed in the us but its SUPER popular in asia. really fascinating #and also yeah some of the english fandom seems. more loudly misogynistic and homophobic which is very unfortunate #also im sorry ill never forgive that random person on reddit i just said one (1) thing on otto and they came for my throat like fr 😭😭😭 #ask #i do wonder why reinsuba is so popular but thats probs bc reinhards well loved too and also hes op. which is a bonus for the english fandom #bc theyre into all the power scaling stuff. and also reinhard gets the other bonus of being a guy and he isnt shafted by canon. hes treated #very sympathetically which is another bonus akdnsn #i say this as a reinhard fan btw but as an emilia fan im also crying bc theyre SO SIMILAR and yet why do people hate emilia…. #but u know. reins a guy and we havent got his pov yet so there isnt much to hate.

[risingsunresistance]

ok this took me like. a solid 7 months to finally attempt to draw but ever since that initial post i actually wanted to draw my own take on techno if he was a bit messed up and Full Of Sulphur. except i cant draw anything that doesnt look squishy, so i didnt feel like i *could*

i still cant but i tried anyways jkhfkg

#i wasnt gonna post but priv friends made me feel better about it so eh why not. maybe someone will enjoy rotating him in their brain a bit #big ol Beastly Thing. he will be better once the sulphur is out of his system #this isnt techno. it's not the blood god. this is some secret third thing now 👍 #there is not a face under the pig skull that is just a part of him #just like with my blood god headcanon stuff the blood is not from something it just kinda Generates. he is constantly bleeding from nowhere #btw he is like. size of building 👍👍👍 #i have an exact idea for what he sounds like btw #it's like. what is that thing ppl do face claiming?? i think that's what it's called. like that but with monster screams from stuff lol #awa #sb #technoblade #nonrebloggable bc i feel a bit cringe fail but i wanna share despite that bc sometimes that's good for you :P

[todayisafridaynight]

what if i ufcking threw up and dcried look at him hess oooo i hate himmmmmmmmmm

#snap chats #RGGO BEEN SO NICE WITH MASAT/AOKI CARDS REAAAGGHHHHHH #GRABBY HANDS #HE WAS IN THE GAME FOR LITERALLY FIVE SECONDSSSSSS WHY ARE YOU HERE !!!!!! #BRO THINKS HES A PART OF THE TEAM !!!!!!! #rggo absolutely failed me on the ten-free-summons bit ok will they let me get my evil old-time-period girlfriend.. they should.. #ohhhhh i need to update my priv twit's pfp now........ its katsu is the context lol.... #i lied i still like the cap of katsu i have now.... he looks so evil in it lol.... #sorry eveyr time i see masato i throw up and die he's soooooooooo //grabby hands but with more rage// #HES SO HANDSOME I DONT CAAAARREEE none of you talk to meeeeeeeee im sick

[b0nelessdoodles]

did you know what watching a show you really like is actually pretty good for your brain just a fun fact

#invader zim #invader zim comics #invader zim oc #iz dib membrane #iz zim #dib membrane #zimvoid #i fuckin missed this show like goddamn #all of it is up on the internet archive and you know what im having a great time #serotonin is stored in the silly cringe fail king #gotta reconnect with the part of me that's obsessed with space and shit lets go fellas #okay anyway uh missed invader zim i fuckin' love this little bug aline #fun fact my dnd character tic is lowkey inspired by zim just a little bit #also missed my ocs they're fun! #okay BYE BYE NOW SEE YA LATER

[strawglicks]

no one gets graham payser like i do, he is so pathetic and ugly and everyone seems to think hes sooo hot and slays sooo hard and im over here wondering if we are looking at the same guy

#toontown #toontown corporate clash #ttcc #graham payser #graham ness payser #toontown pacesetter #fellas. i know graham tries so hard to be hot and slay #thats what makes him UNATTRACTIVE. dont you understand. #him trying so hard is PITIFUL if anything. saddening to watch. #i almost felt BAD for him watching his final cutscene. key word ALMOST #like hes good at music ig ill give him that. whatever #but hes not hot . hes not cute . hes SO UGLY TO MEEEE #flint is this ur man???? my condolences #graham trying so hard and failing and being pathetic and a sopping wet cat IS WHAT MAKES HIM FUNNY. #ITS WHAT MAKES HIS CHARACTER SO FUNNY AND AMUSING #watching him fail and be humbled is the best part of his character . anytime i see him try to slay in canon #i can count on the BIT to humble him . #in motm #in the tawney comic #in his battle. when he gets beaten by the toons #in his race against cathal #again and again graham fails and is humbled and its FUNNY and DESERVED. #the bit should always be the priority yall. #and like its not bad to draw him slaying or whatever lmao i do that too #but GENUINELY THINKING he is hot. gurl WHERE. the bar is ON THE FLOOR. #dave brubot is RIGHT THERE yall he slays so much harder #somebody lied to graham several times and told him #he was fly hot sexy and beautiful and he is nothing like that #he is nothing of the sort

[34saveme34]

[slides into the smg34 tag sexy style]

Hello everyone, as in the latter days I have developed quite the interest in these 2 idiots so, might as well make a side blog about it

I have written a fic that is like 5k words, I'll just need to look over it before I put it anywhere to check for mistakes

however a taste of it, especially because these are lines I really enjoyed writing

#smg34 #trying to remember the other ship tags but my mind is failing me rn #also I would just post from my main but some parts of the fandom is just a bit too scary #and my main is really important to me so I rather not sacrifice it #for that reason I'm also. not tagging the actual fandom tag #just tryna be safe yknow 👍👍