#‘destiny’ starts catching up with vox

[redladydeath]

Okay, so last night I decided I wanted to do something with Vox and body horror and this story concept ended up manifesting in my brain. Massive CW for psychosis that's not actually psychosis, as well as self-harm and body horror.

Vox and Alastor meet in the 1940s while they're both doing electrical engineering work for the war effort. Vox is only 22, so he falls fast and hard for Alastor, who decides to use the younger man's infatuation with him to his advantage. One night while they're out drinking, Alastor convinces Vox to make a blood oath with him. He tells him it's just symbolic, but in reality, there's magic involved; if Alastor kills him, he'll get all the years Vox was supposed to live added to his own lifespan, which is dwindling. He lures Vox into the woods and tries to murder him, but is shot by a hunter who happens upon the struggle. Vox nearly loses an eye, but survives the encounter and is able to go on with his life, albeit with some pretty intense trauma.

Twenty years later, it's the 1960s. Vox has been a successful television presenter for 10~15 years now. He's rich and is married with children, but is less than an ideal husband/father. When he's not at work, he's usually with Valentino, a young male prostitute who he's been having a secret affair with for the past year or two. The two of them are currently somewhere between a sugar daddy/baby arrangement and a legit relationship. Vox is overall pretty content with his life and hasn't thought about Alastor in years. That is, until he starts feeling everything change.

At first, it seems like it's just a bad cold; his joints are stiff and he has the chills constantly, but that's nothing too unusual and he continues going about his daily life. But then the delusions start. Vox begins hearing strange things whenever a radio is on– words and phrases that shouldn't be coming out of it, said in a familiar tone of voice. He starts seeing shadows moving just out of the corner of his eye, but when he turns to look at them, they're gone. When Vox looks in the mirror or watches clips from his show, there's something different– uncanny– about his own eyes that make him feel like he's looking at a stranger. It must be stress, he thinks; he's been working himself too hard.

But things only get worse. Vox's body is stiff and jerky and cold– suddenly very cold to the touch, although no one other than Vox can feel it. Food and drink and cigarettes lose their taste. His emotions feel muted– all except fear. He starts hearing this loud, irritating humming when he's in the studio and it makes it hard for him to work. People are starting to get worried. He's acting erratically, asking if they can hear or feel things that simply aren't there. His wife thinks he's building towards a nervous breakdown, but Vox knows that's not true. Something's happening to him, something no one can perceive but him.

Things continue to deteriorate. Vox thinks he can hear metal creaking when he moves. His face won't show up on camera anymore; the footage always ends up damaged somehow for reasons no one can explain. He smashes the family radio in front of his kids when he clearly hears Alastor's voice coming out of it, taunting him. He asks Valentino, who hasn't even been to church in the past decade, to connect him to his childhood priest because he thinks he's being possessed and wants an exorcism— if the Protestant God won’t help him, maybe the Catholic one will. It still doesn't work.

Things come to a head one night when Vox, desperate to prove to himself and everyone else that he's not crazy, takes a knife and cuts deep into the hand he used to make the pact with Alastor all those years ago. He cuts and cuts and cuts until finally– finally– he sees it: metal and wires and no blood. He was right. He tries to show his wife but only succeeds in scaring her out of her wits. He flees the house and takes the family car: he needs to go see Valentino, show him, ask him for help. He crashes the car into a lamppost while trying to drive with one hand. A cashier working late in a nearby television/radio store tries to help him, bringing him into the store to wait while he calls an ambulance.

When the cashier leaves him alone to go make the call in the backroom, Vox hears it again. He hears Alastor's voice coming out of the radio, telling him that his time is up; he's been living on borrowed (or rather, stolen) time for the past ten years and now it's time to come join him, down where they both belong. Vox can feel his "bones" cracking, his skin stretching and tearing; he can't hear anything except Alastor's voice alongside the blaring static emitting from all the TVs and radios in the store. He's dying he's dying he's dying– until he stumbles into a fusebox and the whole store is engulfed in an electrical fire.

When the firemen dig through the rubble, they never find a human body.

#uh yeah this is a bit intense jsyk #part two of my ‘alastor drives people insane in the 50s’ series I guess #redlady speaks #hazbin hotel #vox #alastor #radiostatic #radiosilence #vox hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #cw gore #cw psychosis #cw sh #hazbin posting #btw the implication with the blood magic thing is meant to be that alastor and vox were preordained to die in their canon decades #but because of alastor's meddling he extended his own life by ten years #and then accidentally gave vox another decade too when he failed to kill him #which is why they both make it to the 40s and 60s respectively #but as soon as that borrowed time runs out #‘destiny’ starts catching up with vox

[loquaciousquark]

4-Sided Dive Highlights - Critical Role C3E19 - E21 (May 3, 2022)

Tonight’s guests: Sam, Liam, Taliesin, and Laura. Liam: “Will the wheels just come off without Marisha here, or...?” Laura: “I feel like it already has.” Tonight’s Tavern Keeper host is Sam Riegel. Based on the teleprompter’s cues, he does a very, very terrible imitation of Fjord’s country accent. Laura, from offscreen: “It’s just FCG! Just do FCG!” Sam: “Yeah, but he’s deeper than me!” Oh gosh, this is off the rails already.

What the Fuck is Up With That? Sam starts the segment showcasing his flipflopped feet. Finally, we get to a question: how has it been to have a fluid group with the loss of Bertrand & Dorian, and the addition of Chetney? Liam says this didn’t feel like home at the start. Laura thought it felt really weird when Bertrand died and they were without Travis for so long. Sam thinks it made it harder to learn everyone’s goals, but he loved Dorian/Robbie both for who he is and what he brought to the dynamic: a kind character, great as a soundboard. Laura brings up that Dorian had a hardcore crush on one of the characters. “I’m pretty sure it was FCG.” Liam brings up that doing the mini-run with Fearne & Dorian in ExU made the rest of the group feel a bit like outsiders for the first few episodes, which was weird. Taliesin really liked it, thought it felt like X-Men.

Segue: Taliesin was way into comics as a kid, and reveals he once had a long conversation with Lenore Riegel, Sam’s mom, about Sam’s childhood. Sam was a Fantastic Four reader and never got into X-Men. Laura reveals she’s never seen Lost Boys, and everyone agrees it’s a very Laura movie.

Ruidus! WTFIUWT? Everyone agrees that Imogen’s dreams are happening on the moon, even though it hasn’t been confirmed in canon yet. Dani notes that Imogen’s mother wasn’t necessarily Ruidus-born, but was at least part of the study for psychic powers (and reminds us the Lumas twins were the ones to rip out the rest of the study’s pages). Orym’s moon tattoos were pure coincidence. Sam: “What do they symbolize? Are they you and your husband?” Laura, incensed: “You were THERE at the TABLE when he explained this!” Sam: “Oh, that’s why I think that.” Liam: “That’s what this show is for, to catch Sam up to speed.” Liam does point out that Travis is a moon-related werewolf. Taliesin is REALLY hoping they’ll go to the moon this campaign. Laura, Liam, and Tal accidentally start stuttering and fall into improv scat; Sam: “I don’t even know what they’re not talking about!” However, Sam remembers that in Legends of Vox Machina, Laudna came back to life under double moons in the animated shot. Tal tells us he reads the lore books Matt puts out as he reviews how Catha & Ruidus move in relation to each other. (Side note: @eponymous-rose, my partner in these recaps, has been talking about Exandria’s crazy moons since Campaign One. Nice to see this coming to fruition!)

The heist! WTFIUWT? Liam forcibly keeps us on topic by praising Matt for constantly varying the tempo of the game, avoiding all combat or all shopping or all heartfelt side conversations. Laura thinks they planned absolutely horribly; the moment when they realized they didn’t even scout the building was devastating. Tal was certain they’d be okay as long as they didn’t split up--except they did so immediately.

Liam talks about how he made Orym to be a “sidecar guy” who’d stick his finger in every electrical socket he came across, but over the course of ExU and then very quickly into C3 he found himself and his mediocre intelligence score (and Imogen) becoming the shop-minders instead of chaos monkeys. Tal tells us that save Imogen, this party is effectively a party of NPCs: Orym is the guy who works for the queen, Ashton is a goon for a villain, FCG is someone’s beast character; Laudna’s a ghost you would encounter. Imogen seems to be the only person with an intense destiny right now, aside from maybe Dorian. Sam could see Matt playing all of their characters as a silly voice. “It’s very X-Men.”

Travis’s invis-o-scouting with Chetney reminds Laura of Vax, in that they both would just disappear without warning and really annoy her. Taliesin talks about Ashton’s personal code & why the violation of the heist’s non-life-threatening rules affected Ashton so much. “If you have a deal, you don’t fuck with it. If you fuck with the deal, new deal and I get to make up what it is. Don’t put your hands on me if I don’t know you.”

They reminisce about heists within the show (all are followed with “that was terrible”), then discuss heist movies. Logan Lucky gets brought up! Excellent movie.

The Tower of Inquiry! Laura pulls a(n apparently quite sticky) block. It’s about preplanned character histories vs. organic adjustment of those histories within the game. Liam loves that you come into the game with a premise, then get to meet the character as it’s played. Examples: Orym really likes pie, discovered during ExU; Laura didn’t plan on a fear of heights for Imogen until the moment Matt was describing it. She herself doesn’t mind heights at all. Taliesin was struggling to find something for Ashton to be punk-y angry about in a world that fundamentally sort of functions well, but he’s now figured it out as of a few episodes ago.

Laura talks about building a character meant to be very uncomfortable in crowds who was then thrust into a heavily urban setting; she’d originally intended Imogen to stay very withdrawn until they left the city, but they stayed in the city so long she knew she had to at least partially get over it and start talking, or they’d be 20 episodes in and no one would know anything about Imogen at all. Laura & Marisha had lots of big discussions about where their characters had met & their travel history; Sam & Tal had one talk, ha. “You were a question asker and I was a not-question. You’re adorable and I want to make sure no one ever fucks with you.” FCG was delighted to finally have their questions answered when they met the rest of the group. Sam also discusses discovering FCG was a flat-earther, ha! “Strict RP decision,” and not because Sam is a troll in real life. Sure, yeah. He also discovered that FCG eats coins as they played--that wasn’t preplanned, as Sam decided he didn’t want to mess with money at all this campaign. He wanted a character who got rewarded mechanically by building relationships (RPing) with other characters, as that would encourage them to discover things about each other quickly.

Deep Dive! Sam thinks FCG has recovered since the glitching in the Shade Mother’s cavern. Sam himself knows the mechanics of how the glitching & recovery works, but FCG does not, so he can’t discuss it without spoilers. Sam also hadn’t really planned how to perform the errors, so the glitching was improv’ed in the moment.

Ashton’s hammer was made from leftover body parts from Ashton’s accident after Milo finished repairing him. Yuck. Prior to the hammer, they just used brass knuckles & whatever was around they could brawl with.

Laura FINALLY KILLS THE FLY that’s been haunting the set and screams directly into the mic. Bless her heart. Laura reveals that Imogen wasn’t born with her powers or the lightning marks on her arms; they both arrived together with the advent of her dreams. Both Laura & Imogen thought that the marks were just growing with the strength of her magic. She was terrified to use her powers at the start because she thought they were making the markings grow; she didn’t realize it might be related to the dreams. Taliesin asks about the purple hair: “Born with, changed to, or conscious choice?” Laura, weakly: “I haven’t decided yet. I just wanted purple hair...”

Liam’s question is about Laudna, and Laura confronts him on his pronunciation of Loud-na vs. Lodd-na. Liam: “I don’t say Loud-na.” Everyone else: “You do! You do all the time!” Liam: “Anyway. What was it like when Laudy made her revelation?” He says it’s like meeting a historical figure, since Orym wasn’t important in Zephrah but spent a lot of time 15 feet away from VM members discussing important events. It’s like carrying around a little piece of plutonium that he’s not sure how to communicate about. Taliesin tells us Percy is just screaming in the back of his head, “like just loud, irritated, British screams.”

Sam discusses how Liam chooses his race and class for every campaign. He wanted to find a different spin from previous clerics & loves diving into worlds he knows nothing about. He’s never gone through therapy himself, so he wanted to explore that here. He got lots of books and spoke to friends in psychiatry and psychology to get a good foundation. It reminds Taliesin of friends who take one psychology credit in college and go a little overboard. Liam thought it was a very improbable combination and knew Sam would come up with something entertaining. Sam originally intended to have FCG curse a LOT as a reflection of his builder, but thought that would be too exhausting (to Taliesin: “No offense.”). Tal remembers him finding the FCG voice over their session zero.

Segue into accents; there are lots of “viral” accents at the table right now, and it’s hard to keep them from creeping in. Everyone (rightfully) raves about Marisha’s accent and character. Taliesin has seen this voice before from theater with her many years ago and says it’s his favorite thing she does. Sam thinks Ashley also played it smart, because hers isn’t an accent, it’s (breathily) “just a way of being” like Marilyn Monroe or a 50′s movie star.

Ashton is a liar to himself and others, and believes he knows people well even when he doesn’t. “It’s worse when you need people and you’re bad at it.” Taliesin loves that there’s someone in the group okay with their pocket being picked, someone he can be a little bit of a dick to.

Laura has no idea who the figure in the storm is. Wild theory: maybe her mom is evil. Maybe it’s evil Imogen. She’s scared of and intrigued by the storm at the same time. The only thing she hammered into her backstory is Imogen’s certainty that if the storm catches her, she will die, and she’s intrigued that this might be changing.

Liam initially wanted to hatch Orym with his familiar friends, but decided to start him in ExU instead. He notes that they’re worse chaos gremlins in that group & had no Imogen to help him keep things grounded. “Dorian sometimes, but Dorian was a chameleon” who would take on other characteristics when he was talking to someone else. It was a different layer added to Orym and it was great.

Unexpected whiskey slaps cameo on this episode of 4SD! Laura smacks the bejeezus out of Liam (who apparently quite enjoys whiskey slaps but hasn’t been able to partake in a long time). “Should I really do it or should I kind of do it?” “75%. I love you.” Oh, my heart.

Question speed round! Initially, FCG never took offense when he was treated badly, but over the episodes with everyone checking in with them constantly, he’s discovered he’s actually not okay with it after all!

Ashton spent at least older-child-to-teenager years at the orphanage.

The ball was very difficult for Imogen because she couldn’t keep her walls up high enough. She’d never been dressed up in her entire life and was excited about that, but so bummed about being shoved in a corner.

Orym was wandering for years because there were no answers for so long; even now their leads are cold, but he’s growing fond of the new party. It’s giving him sharpened purpose. “Some things should just be made right.”

(Side note: they keep calling each other adorable nicknames throughout this, and it delights me: Limi, Mimi, twins, Tally. I’m just so glad they’re friends.)

Sam reviews their question slips. His were immediately shredded/crumpled, Tal’s were folded into origami, Laura’s stayed untouched, and Liam’s are an eclectic mix of mushroom shape, tiny twist, and flat. Fitting.

Tower of Inquiry (Reprise): Sam pulls a brick. Which Muppets would play your character? Fearne: Janet. Ashton: Animal. FCG: Beaker. Orym: Kermit or Robin (Kermit’s nephew). Imogen: Scooter. Chetney: Waldort and Statler (ha!). Laudna: the Count. Dorian: Sam Eagle or Rowlf. Matt: John Denver or Mark Hamill--one of the human guests.

Break: The Dani Barr confessions, a hilarious black-and-white noir spoof with Taliesin and Dani, with Tal talking about his euphoria at Matt’s frustration regarding his constant min-maxing of complicated homebrew subclasses. (Dani’s accent is fabulous.) “I don’t know what a grit point is, nobody does! Campaign Two--sure, he bumped me off before I had the chance to really get into that crazy, high level shit, but that’s okay. I bided my time, and now...Ashton. Rolling on a random table for nearly everything I do, fundamental chaos! That player’s handbook in your clutches won’t help you, because the table you need isn’t there. I hope you printed out a cheat sheet that consumes an entire panel of your GM screen just for me, and my crunchy little homebrew!”

Post-Break Shenanigans: ostensibly Street Fighter V, but Sam derails us immediately with honor rollies and then more questions as Liam and Tal start off with the game. Sam: “I can tell you that if I were watching this show, I wouldn’t give a shit about [the game].” Is that legal to say??

Imogen thinks Chetney is a funny little horndog. She works really hard with Imogen to avoid meta because technically she could be reading everyone’s thoughts at all times. She got the worst superficial thoughts of everyone when she first got her powers, so she blocks it all out. She wants to think better of people, so it’s an active effort to shut it down.

Laura, Ashley, and Marisha went to get their nails done together. Everything was harder with long nails. This is so cute.

Liam casually drops that all of the guests voice characters in this game except Sam. Taliesin actually voices one of the characters on the stream right now. Man, it’s a different world they live in.

Tal wrote more backstory for Ashton than any other character, which shocks Liam. This is also a character who’s never had something good happen to him, and Matt hates characters like that, so he’s unsure if Matt will stay with that or tweak some things.

Orym was a backup character in Campaign One, when Vax was high level but expected to die. (Laura physically blocks Sam’s view of the TV during this, which is pretty funny.) His backstory was set then; Liam had to find a reason for this high-level character to drop out of the sky. However, since Vax survived, he flipped the dynamic and had Keyleth help Orym instead of the other way around, and saved the character for another time.

Liam plays Gill, which is the character he voiced in this game. Dani is apparently “over it” in the background. Sam tells her to come hang out and she joins them. So cute.

Laura had no idea Imogen would have any connection to Ruidus. She just wrote about the storm, and Matt wrote her back and told her the storm would be red. That was all she knew going into the game. She HATES it when he turns the room red. She gets nervous every time they sleep.

Taliesin had to change one thing about Ashton’s background due to too much overlap with Orym’s background. He can’t reveal what it is yet.

Sam wore flipflops because the internet appreciates feet. Also, it was 88 degrees.

Dani declines to ship on camera; she’d rather let the relationships play out naturally without commentary. Oh, Dani, this is such a wise decision and I’m so glad.

And that’s it! Is it Thursday yet? (It is, it is!)

#critical role #talks machina #4 sided dive #4sd #4 sided dive spoilers #critical role spoilers #long post for ts #very long post for ts

[wuxian-vs-wangji]

Old School Kpop Recs

For @idubtheetumblina 

** I’m going to leave so many off this list on accident, so people feel free to add.

**** I stopped paying attention to anything but the music so like... I’m aware some people from this gen were arrested for serious shit, but I don’t know who so if you want to research the groups for problematics, that’s on you.

Groups I loved and specific songs that stood out:

Super Junior

So I , U, Don’t Don, She’s Gone, A Man in Love, Sorry Sorry (the song all other groups started trying to copy which made them all sound the same), Why I Like You, Reset ,  Mina (Bonamana), Boom Boom, One Fine Spring Day, Mr. Simple, Opera, It’s You, No Other

Super Junior- T

Rokkugo

Super Junior- H

Cooking? Cooking!, Pajama Party

Super Junior- M

Me, Blue Tomorrow, Super Girl, Perfection, Break Down, Destiny

KARA

Lupin, Step, Jumping, Mister, Wanna

TRAX

Let You Go, Oh My Goddess, Paradox (original-form Trax was a metal group)

SHINee

Replay, Lucifer, Hello

F(x)

La-Cha-Ta, Nu ABO, Chu~ , Hot Summer

SNSD // Girls’ Generation

Into the New World, Genie, Gee, Oh! , Run Devil Run, Hoot, Catch Me If You Can

BoA

Hurricane Venus

2AM

You Wouldn’t Answer My Calls, I Can’t Say I Love You , A Friend’s Confession, This Song, Lik Crazy, I Was Wrong, I Can’t Let You Go Even If I Die

2PM

Heartbeat, Tired of Waiting, 10 Out of 10, Again and Again

After School

Diva, Because of You, Shampoo, Virgin, Bang

4 Minute

Muzik, Heart to Heart, Crazy, Mirror Mirror, I My Me Mine, Volume Up

B2ST (apparently they’re called Highlight now)

Breath, Fiction, Back To You, Take Care of My Girlfriend (Say No)

C.N. Blue

I’m a Loner , Love Love Love , Intuition, LOVE Girl

FT Island

Bad Woman, A Man’s First Love Follows Him To The Grave, I Hope, Missing You

Co-Ed School (Only lasted 1 album before they split into girls and boys groups, but that was a GOOD album)

Bbiribbeom Bberibbeom , Too Late , I Love You A Thousand Times

F.CUZ

Jiggy , Midnight Sun

G.NA

Black and White , I’ll Get Lost; Have a Nice Life

IU

Scary Fairy Tale, You and I, Boo, Last Fantasy

Miss A

Good-bye Baby, Love Alone, Bad Girl Good Girl

Brown Eyed Girls

Abracadabra

Narsha

Bbi Ri Bba Bba

SM The Ballad (original group)

Miss You, Hot Times, Love Again, Another Day

T-ARA

Ya Ya Ya , I Don’t Know

U-Kiss

0330 (The most aggravating song in all of Kpop WHAT THE FUCK IS “DON’T DENY OUR R-SQUARE-PI”?????), Every Day, Shut Up

Groups I was aware of but didn’t listen to much/at all

DBSK (before they split in two)

Infinite

Big Bang

Hyun A

MBLAQ

Son Dam Bi

The Grace

The Grace: Sunday and Diana

HOT

Kangta

Shinhwa

Rain

Wonder Girls

SISTAR

2NE1

Davichi

Wheesung

G.O.D.

Fly To the Sky

Baby Vox

Secret

SG Wannabe

S.E.S.

SS501

#ask #kpop

[jonthethinker]

I’ve been thinking about what I would find to be the perfect ending for Critical Role Campaign 2, and I realize how far my ideal ending may be from where we will probably end up, and why that is.

This isn’t to denigrate our fine storytellers, but there’s some strong ideological differences between what I would find most beautiful and interesting and where they are likely to end up.

To the cast, I sense it seems this is a story of recovery and discovery of identity. Seven broken people find each other, perhaps by chance or, as Matt’s opening lines of the campaign suggest, Destiny. Regardless, they come together, and in that coming together, they help each other heal. This takes time, and comes with many conflicts and false starts and set backs, but slowly, they do indeed begin the process of healing.

As they heal, these lost souls begin to explore their identities safely in each others’ company. Each member of the Mighty Nein gets a chance to feel out who it is they are and want to be, all the while knowing that if they stumble and trip along the way, they have their dear friends to catch them. Eventually, they will have a firmer grasp on who it is they really are, deep down, and with that, be able to tackle the rest of what life has to throw at them head on. So far, if I am right and this is indeed what the cast believes, I completely agree with them. But things do begin to diverge on where they seem to want to take it, and where I wish it would be.

This divergence begins in the fallout of this healing and recovery. What happens next? Place and Purpose, of course. Once they know who they are, they are ready to find their homes; ready to find where they really belong. For now, that place is the Mighty Nein, but for some reason, this type of story never seems to be satisfied with that answer. There must be a new chapter, one in which the Mighty Nein, while remaining loyal and committed to one another as friends, each go their own way. They will have done what they set out to do with the group, and now they must build something new on their own.

You see this clearly in the two characters most aware of what kind of story they stumbled into, unsurprisingly played into by the two players least bothered by the fourth wall; Sam Riegel’s Nott The Brave/Veth Brenatto and Marisha Ray’s Beauregard Lionett. Both of these characters have been dreading the eventual closing of this chapter on healing and recovery, because of how comfortable they’ve become in their place within it, and how unprepared they feel for what surely must follow.

Nott was afraid of getting her body back because it would mean she may have to leave behind the first thing she’s ever felt good at, and grappled with how that must make her a terrible wife and mother to have those sorts of feelings. Once she does regain her body, Veth still grapples with these very feelings, even when she could have everything she thought she was fighting for all along, because the adventures of the Mighty Nein have so filled her with excitement and purpose and meaning like she’s never had before. She’s still waiting for that other shoe to drop, and the day her travels must end, because that’s the only way she feels she can satisfy the contradictions.

Beauregard was in her mind a loner, and only with the Mighty Nein has she ever started to question that self-diagnosis. In the Nein, for the very first time, she’s found a place for herself, and a group of people who can actually dull all her sharp edges. She has clear meaning and purpose in working with the Mighty Nein to overcome their personal obstacles, and maybe in doing so, leaving the world a little better than she found it. Before the Nein, those sorts of things weren’t even possibilities. She even felt she was assured a young death and thus no future to begin with. But when she realizes she could have a future, she wants it to be with the Nein... But as her ability to empathize begins to bloom, she realizes this may not be what everyone else has in mind. That some day, the rest of the Nein hope to put the Adventuring life behind them, and in that moment, Beau will have a future to decide for herself and herself alone, and that is terrifying. Because the main thing the Nein has taught Beau is how desperately she doesn’t want to be alone anymore.

As I said, I agree that this is a story about recovery and identity, but it is also much more that. For me, as just a humble member of the audience, the story of the Mighty Nein, above all, is a story about the consequences and possible solutions to isolation, loneliness, powerlessness, and above all, alienation. All seven of our great heroes have been forced through their particular backstories and their mutual adventures to battle with these very feelings over and over, and to me at least the solution to these problems is, well, the community, solidarity, and comfort of each other.

For me, it’s not so obvious that the Mighty Nein has to, well, end.

Sometimes it feels like the cast agrees with me, but usually only in their moments of greatest spontaneity, dealing with the struggles and heartbreaks right in front of them as they happen. I think of Fjord casting his falchion into the lava only to be pulled in closer by his friends. I think of Beau facing her parents, and then later with the fallout of her potential bargain with the Hag. I think of Jester preparing to confront her father, and the subsequent results of his apparent rejection. I think of Caduceus saving his family and his home, and deciding to stay with the Nein anyway. I think of Caleb confronted by Trent in Castle Ungebroch as a shield of his friends form around him. I think of all the Nein reassuring Veth they would accept and love her no matter if she was staying with them or not, but how much they’d miss her if she went. I think of how easily they accepted Yasha into the fold whenever she came back from her wanderings, and how hard they fought to get her back when she was taken from them.

The reason I come to the conclusion that the cast see’s the Nein as eventually having to end is the end for Vox Machina. You had seven people who helped each other heal and grow in ways they never thought they were destined for, experiencing a sense of belonging and purpose the world had never afforded them before the merry band formed. But as a would-be-God was locked away and a dear friend, lover, and brother faded from their grasps, they all drifted in their own directions. They all had a place to fill in the grand scheme of things, and it was time for them to grow up.

And its this notion of growing up that grates me. That these moments of camaraderie and companionship must be as ephemeral as our adolescence. The adventuring days and the bonds we form within them are only meant for our youth, and the meaning and purpose and place we find inside of them is only meant to help us through the confusing days of young adulthood, before we begin our real days as adults, which may only be tackled alone or with a lover. I simply don’t see it this way.

Adulthood should not be this singularly alienating experience that it has become. For most of the existence of humanity, it has not been. We are not meant for self-sufficiency and independence to the degree our society insists upon. Societies would not have formed in the first place without faith that a person can depend on others to provide for them. If the blacksmith also had to sow and patch their own clothes, she would never have time to blacksmith, just as a tailor can’t focus on sowing when she has to build and maintain her own tools. Poverty and deprivation can lead us to have to be more independent than we ought to, but in a world with equitably managed resources, we can afford to have faith the farmer will provide our food, the treatment plant will make our water safe to drink, and the carpenter will keep the rain off our head.

Think of how miserable most adults are today, and then think about how alone and alienated they all are. They are either spending each day working themselves numb only to go home and distract themselves with various entertainments, or if they have “community,” it’s so narrowly defined and judgmental that the gains made from your place within it are completely offset by how much you must cut yourself into shape to fit in. The greatest moments of our lives are often within our youth, because while you’re young you get to grow and stretch and stumble in the company of other people doing the same, and there is no expectation in doing anything else. But we’ve decided on some arbitrary point in which this time of personal exploration and safe company must end. If you’re old and want to expand your horizons, I hope you’re rich, because if not, it ain’t happening.

So for me, to imagine a world in which the members of the Mighty Nein might go a week, nonetheless months without seeing each other is beyond cruel. Think of the feeling of security and belonging the Nein have provided for one another, and tell me there has to be some arbitrary cut off date for their continued company. Think about Fjord breaking the habit of filing down his tusks because of the support of Jester and the Nein, a habit he performed into his early thirties, and tell me that one day, he needs to go out on his own because of reasons. They can take the lessons they’ve learned from the Nein, and still have the Nein, and not be unprepared to take whatever challenges life has to offer them, and in fact, may be better at tackling them all together with their family at their side every step of the way.

People prosper most when they decide they are better off working together than they are alone. To me, it’s abundantly clear this is true for the Mighty Nein. And I hope and pray when the time comes the cast will see it the same way. And I’ll accept and almost certainly enjoy whatever ending they end up having, in this strange form of improvised entertainment. None of this is to hate on the cast or me trying to tell them how to run their game or tell their story, I just have a lot of feelings on the matter. I am almost certainly overthinking something that may very well be a long way off from even happening. but after spending literally hundreds of hours with these fictional characters, I can’t help but want the best for them. And so far, the best for them is... well, each other. And no possible future they could have will be as good as one in which even in their golden years, they can look over and know, no matter what, they have the Mighty Nein.

#Critical Role #Long Post #The Mighty Nein #Beauregard Lionett #Nott The Brave #Veth Brenatto #Fjord #Jester Lavorre #Caleb Widogast #Yasha Nydoorin #Caduceus Clay #Good Lord have these thoughts been floating around my head for a while now #I just hope it makes sense

[nastolgichoney]

Griefer Myths Au

Griefer Myths is an AU @z0mbie-doodlez and I created. This is a little post will explain the plot. What Youtubers are included will be in a different post (Note: some of these characters may have head cannon names because the animation series they are from don’t give them names). Everything given here will be as basic as I could get it. Details on relationships and more in depths look into people’s lives will be later provided (questions appreciated). (Keep your seat belts on because this is strikingly long i am sO SORRY-)

The Basic Plot

Quick considerations: This AU was built off of the original animation series Griefer Legends by FrediSaalAnimations on Youtube so there are some clear similarities from that series to this AU. All Youtubers in this AU are based off of their Minecraft skins and characters, not them in real life (sounds silly to say, but it should mentioned). Not to spoil anything, but this AU takes a dark twist in the end. If you do not handle death well or topics such as manipulation, you’ve been warned (although I did try to be as toned down with it as I could).

GENERATION ONE: A kid named Herobrine grew up a fairly boring life as one’s supernatural being life can go. He had a brother named Notch. When Hero turned 17, he thought the world could need some spice and came up with the idea of Griefers. Griefing was still a thing that happened before this, but those who did grief didn’t have any special title. They were just criminals (which Griefers technically were criminals: the different name gives it a bit of finesse). Hero goes out one night and began finding a few kids to become the first official Griefers (this is over a series of nights). Notch was with him the whole way until now. The two made special swords together which are very similar besides the colors. (These swords could also shrink to necklaces and pop back to normal size by a hand’s touch. This became a signature to Griefers.) He didn’t like the idea of convincing children into this, but he very much liked the power and control he was able to have as a Griefer. He left Hero and parted his way to find his own world to be powerful in. The first official Griefers were to be known as: Ant, Sorce, ASF, Bajan, Dee, and 40. Being supernatural, his glowing white eyes easily attracted these preteens/teens and so eventually they take on the griefing lifestyle under Hero’s teachings. (Note: not all Griefers were coerced by Hero. There were many who grew up and just as destiny became Griefers as the term started to spread around and become popular). Griefers were more hostile, varied, and dangerous than criminals. They’d attack fast and almost immediately hit the targeted area with chaos and fire. They disappeared as quickly as they appeared. They were raccoons excited by the sound of danger. This was until Griefer Hunters started to rise by the lead of Latez and his friend Vox. Hunters rose two years after Griefers and Latez was 16 when he first began. Because of the rise of Hunters, many Griefers became more careful. A Griefer by the name of Finn began building a village called Red Stone Valley in the woods. It was a safe place for Griefers. In that area Griefers continued to strive; however anywhere outside Red Stone Valley Griefers slowly began to die off. Whether they were literally killed or they simply stopped griefing because they did not want to be a part of it anymore. Many Griefers dropped their nicknames and started using their real names again. Hero eventually had a son named Adam. The mother was quickly unnamed as she left a year later. Taylor, formally known as Ant, gifted Adam an amulet like his own. The amulet hid their weapon inside. Notch also had a son named Charlie and later adopted a child named Mikey. It seemed that the Griefers were already toning down within a span of 10 years. Red Stone Valley still strived, however. The village Taylor and Hero settled in was called Golden Heights.

GENERATION TWO: Notch takes his two sons, Charlie and Mikey, with him into the nether where he began building the world he wanted as a teenager. Even though Charlie was his biological son, he favored Mikey much more. Both sons worked for their father but Charlie was always on a thin thread. One day, Charlie accidentally dropped a piece of machinery and broke it. Notch had enough. Later that day Charlie ran to Mikey in bruises and begged Mikey to leave and escape with him. Mikey found it hard to say no because of Charlie’s frantic and terrified tone. Upon jumping out of the nether the two boys almost immediately face Finn. Charlie now immediately began to go by Einshine; Shine for short. Finn takes both of them under his wings and to his village which was still striving and alive. Finn trained the two boys to be Griefers. Shine told Finn about Notch and where he came from and Finn decided that Notch was a threat. Finn banded a team together including Shine and Mikey to attack Notch and once they thought he was dead they left back home. One day Mikey wanted to leave the village to the real world. After some convincing, Shine followed him. Eventually the two brothers separated paths and Shine found himself next to Hero. Hero invited Shine in gladly. Thus, Adam and Shine also grew up together until they turned into teenagers. Shine went out on his own one day to grief on his own (this was a very common thing) and on his way he crossed paths with Mikey again. Shine did not go back home that day because he wanted to catch up and be with Mikey. The next day, Hero gets the idea that he isn’t safe anymore. He felt watched and unsafe. Hero visits Taylor and asks him to take care of Adam for him. Taylor and Hero have stayed closed friends even after Taylor left the Griefer life behind; it was no question that Taylor said yes. That night Hero left Golden Heights and the next morning marked the day of Hero’s death by the sword of Latez. Taylor took care of Adam well through his teenager years and even trained Adam basic defense from when he was a Griefer. Adam met a boy named Jason. Jason’s father was a Griefer hunter and Jason then became an ally of Adam and Taylor. He kept them protected the best he could. When Shine tried to come back with Mikey, he saw that Hero was gone. He decided to move on with Mikey and go back to the habits he had before he met Hero. A few months later, Shine ran into a boy named Fredi. With some convincing and arguing against Mikey, Shine managed to let Fredi become a part of their group. Fredi and Shine slowly formed a romantic relationship to which fueled a spark of jealousy in Mikey. A few years later when Adam is still in Taylor’s care, Taylor’s friend Jordan is killed. Jordan was not a Griefer, he was an ally, and his death came as a warning to Taylor. This is when Taylor realized that he had to tell Adam about his father and that they were Griefers. Shine, Fredi, and Mikey revisited Golden Heights to thieve. While the three boys were roaming through trails in the village or the outskirts, Adam caught a glimpse of Shine’s outline. Adam had found Shine again and needless to say they were both excited. Adam was introduced to Mikey and Fredi. Shine wanted to go back to Red Stone Valley (he may not have wanted to admit it- but he missed that place) and asked Adam to come with him. Adam could’ve just left at that moment, but he went back to Taylor anyway and asked him to come along. Taylor would’ve said no but looking to the recent death of Hero and Jordan he took the chance. Jason gave Adam a bracelet before he left so Adam wouldn’t forget him. Taylor told Adam to possess the nickname Sky to keep the tradition Hero started.         Mikey, Shine, Fredi, Taylor, and Adam made their way to Red Stone Valley where they saw Finn for the first time or again. This is where they stay for the rest of their life. When they were back, it was realized by Shine and Mikey that Notch was not dead. Along with Fredi, they went back to the Nether to find him. They killed Notch but it costed Fredi’s right arm. Besides Mikey, they were terribly injured. Fredi used to wear a bracelet on both wrists but after losing his arm he gave Shine the other bracelet. Mikey dragged them back to Red Stone Valley and built Fredi a robotic arm. A year later, Vox has enough of Latez’s hunting and separates himself from Latez. He finds himself at Red Stone Valley and after he was stopped and interrogated (It happens to every newcomer- it’s to keep to village as safe as possible for Griefers) he was let in. The next couple of years Taylor and Finn developed a romantic relationship. One day started as any other until a building was struck and exploded into debris inside Red Stone Valley. This started a brief one day battle of Griefers and Hunters inside the village. There were no winners; both sides lost many casualties and eventually the Hunters simply left. Vox left with Latez, too. As Taylor walked through a plane of deceased Griefers and Hunters he found Finn’s corpse. Shine and Mikey broke out into argument the night of Finn’s death because Mikey proposed that he should become the next leader in a very disrespectful way. The next day Mikey catches Shine weeping to Fredi for support and the jealous in him grew. That same night Adam thought back to Jason and had a hunch; a very stupid hunch. He wanted to leave and find Jason again. After having an intense argument with Taylor that ended in tears, Adam stormed out the village. About a week later Mikey killed Fredi and cleaned up his tracks spectacularly. Mikey went to Shine and convinced him that Fredi left and gave Shine the golden hoe necklace that Fredi had. No one knew what really happened to Fredi and Shine wore both his bracelets now. Taylor eventually became the official leader. Because of Fredi’s death, Shine became emotionally weak and started to follow Mikey and become manipulated by him. Shine lost motivation to grief and became so unlike himself Mikey began calling him Charlie again. Taylor noticed this and tried to talk to Mikey about this, but Mikey lashed and punched Taylor, telling Taylor that he will be above him one day. During all this, Adam was still making his way to Jason. The first night he was out, he was caught by Latez and trapped. If it wasn’t for Vox jumping in and saving Adam, Adam would be dead. Latez wore Hero’s necklace and when Latez left Adam couldn’t help but mention how that necklace was his fathers. Vox now knows Adam is Hero’s son. Adam ran away from Vox. Golden Heights became a village of Hunters but after a few complications Adam found Jason and they left together. Adam and Jason made it to Red Stone Valley and the fact that Vox knew Adam’s identity didn’t cross his mind. A few weeks later Adam got lured away to the outskirts of the village to where he encountered Vox again. This time Vox wasn’t an ally to him and returned to Latez’s side once again. Vox made Adam confess that he was Hero’s son;but what Adam didn’t know what that even if he didn’t confess he would still be met with the same outcome: death. Latez left Adam’s amulet and bracelet at the gates for Taylor. Taylor let Jason keep the amulet and bracelet. Upon seeing that Adam’s death didn’t weaken Taylor’s stance as leader, Mikey decided that he had to become leader himself. One night he attempted to kill Taylor, but with Taylor’s Griefer background, Taylor’s heightened hearing helped him hear Mikey behind him. Before Mikey could swing his sword down, Taylor immediately stopped him. Enraged with this ridiculous stunt along with everything else happening with Shine, Taylor unhesitatingly banished Mikey from Red Stone Valley. Mikey tried to shout at Shine to come with him, but Taylor held Shine’s hand. After Mikey left, Taylor and Shine spent the next few years rebuilding each other. Taylor taught Shine how to do his work and Shine became his apprentice in teaching. This was when it was becoming more obvious that Taylor was seriously aging. Some days Taylor would wake up and be unable to push himself out of bed until 30 minutes to an hour later or some days Taylor would use his sword as something to lean on and/or help him walk. Shine and Taylor grew very close at this time and Shine even regained the motivation to go out and grief again (this time in groups for safety). Mikey had met Latez and since then began working with him. During this time, Jason had slowly separated himself from the village and went on his own again. After those few years, Shine went out to grief with a group of four. He began straying away from the group as it was a usual thing for him to do, but that day wasn’t the same as everyday. Shine almost immediately was surrounded by the infamous three men: Latez, Vox, and Mikey. Shine tried to run but they managed to drag him to a more secluded place. Latez gave Shine a very long, agonizing, and gruesome death. Vox and Mikey looked away the whole time. Latez left Shine’s body at the gates of Red Stone Valley. Taylor couldn’t recognize that it was Shine at first until he saw the bracelets on both his wrists. Taylor was absolutely devastated; but as a leader, he continued to push himself on. He was now under constant stress and sadness. Mikey kept Shine’s necklaces: a golden hoe and a golden shovel. A few weeks later, Latez was suddenly annoyed by Mikey and took the extreme decision to kill him. This is what finally ticked Vox over and he lashed out against Latez. A difficult fight, but Vox won and Latez had died. Vox took the necklaces: Herobrine’s sword, a golden hoe, a golden shovel, and Notch and Mikey’s sword. Vox burned Notch and Mikey’s sword. Vox returned to the village and as he was held by the blades of many Griefers, he put the three necklaces into the hands of Taylor and left in silence. The next year was difficult for Taylor. He pushed himself to his limit and it sadly didn’t end in his favor. He collapsed one fateful day as his heart failed on him. He was given a grave with all four necklaces: The golden hoe, golden shovel, Herobrine’s sword, and Taylor’s amulet. As years passed, the forest began to regrow and reforested over the village as the villagers began to split and go their own ways.          Vox revisited the village only a few days after it was deemed abandoned. His guilt that was tied to Red Stone Valley had him want to stay there for two years. Jason visited again too while Vox was still there. Vox told Jason to leave Adam’s amulet with the others and he did. Jason only stayed partially a day. Vox tried to tell others his story about the Griefers, Red Stone Valley, and Herobrine. No one believed him. Griefers and Hunters that lived to that day did not want to expose themselves or look back to their past to back him up. His stories were myths.

#griefer myths au #team crafted #skydoesminecraft #fredisaal #einshine #captainsparklez #truemu #minecraft universe #bajancanadian #jeromeasf #ssundee #setosorcerer #bodil40 #antvenom #griefer legends #minecraft #minecraft youtubers #mcyt #herobrine

[kathyprior4200]

Hazbin Hotel: Summary of the Future

If Hazbin Hotel had a happy ending and the series continued...here’s how I idealize it...

Not too long ago, the blonde, white-faced Princess Charlie decided to propose an idea that was downright ridiculous and outlandish to everyone else. She created the Happy Hotel as a place where sinners could learn how to be better people and hopefully, complete their own unique journeys toward redemption. Though Charlie was mocked and ridiculed, she wasn’t going to give up. A gray moth-like demon named Vaggie was her girlfriend and tough with a deadly spear. Angel Dust, a white porn-loving spider demon had been involved with drugs, turf wars, and was Hell’s number one porn star. Despite his sins, he had volunteered to help Charlie with her hotel and became her first client.

 Alastor had arrived to the hotel as well, and offered to help Charlie run her hotel so he could be entertained for a while. He summoned other demons for assistance: a little hyperactive neat-freak cyclops named Niffty, and a grumpy gambling cat named Husk who always had a bottle of alcohol in his paws. Charlie was immediately enraptured with Alastor, even dancing and singing with him whenever the occasion arose. Vaggie, of course, was suspicious of him, even more so when he appeared to hinder Vaggie and Charlie’s relationship.

 Charlie’s hope was that demons would be redeemed enough to be eligible to go to Heaven. This way, there would be less demons lost to the annual slaughter by the Archangels. Soon, she had hoped, there would only be happiness and a second chance given to everyone. In her own words and in her song, “Inside of every demon is a rainbow.” Lilith was often too busy with modeling and concerts to pay much attention to Charlie, but supported her the best she could. For obvious reasons, her father had disapproved of her idea. Having been banished from Heaven for rebelling against God, Lucifer gained his position by implementing fear and using his destructive powers. The Archangels spared the royal family in return for Lucifer letting them kill off the “common scum folk.” If demons were to leave, it could lead to a war between Heaven and Hell if the circumstances did not go well.

 Indeed, things had gone from bad to worse. It started off with Alastor causing mischief barely noticed by anyone, save for Vaggie and Husk. He had changed the hotel name to the Hazbin Hotel. It was the little things he did: igniting a brawl here, encourage a bad rating there, all while keeping up appearances and encouraging the princess to work harder toward her goal.

 It was speculated by many that Alastor actually wanted Charlie to succeed. The pretty blonde demon/angel hybrid had caught his eye when he first saw her on TV. Although he wasn’t interested in sex or romance, he did enjoy fun affectionate friendships…provided they benefited him and his goals. In fact, he was friends with many individuals, particularly Charlie, Rosie, Mimzy, Husk, and Niffty.

 After many months of hard work, battles with evil overlords, parental brawls, and drama, many demons had been successfully rehabilitated, including Vaggie, Angel Dust and his twin sister, Molly. They had defeated/humiliated the maniac snake villain Sir Pentious, outsmarted the evil fish scientist Baxter, bested the evil Vs, (Valentino, Vox, and Velvet), along with saving themselves from more angels. Angel, Molly, Crymini, and Cherri Bomb had been active fighters when they weren’t hooked on meth or doing pole dancing for the lustful crowds. Husk slowly got out of his dark shell, made amends with his past and slowly started to warm up to everyone. Niffty got delusional in her fantasies of romance, men and power as she cooked, sewed, and cleaned. Whether she was redeemed and remained cute or turned psychotic…no one really knows. Charlie and the others were ready to reach the golden heavenly gates and change their afterlives…

 Unfortunately, the angels in Heaven weren’t so keen to let any sinners enter Heaven so easily. They told Molly that she could enter as she wasn’t a demon, and Vaggie could enter if she took on penance and renounced her sins. Elite and entitled, the angels shooed Charlie, Niffty, Husk, Alastor, Angel and several others away, even sending some Archangels after them. Charlie and Lucifer blasted the angels back with their powers, saving the demon group and escaping back to Hell. But her actions caused inner mental concerns for her parents, God and the angels. God suspected that Charlie and Lucifer were trying to upstage Heaven’s duties and traditions. No matter what, Hell’s population would continue to grow, and surely the angels would be outnumbered if a war were to begin.

 Charlie’s parents were not happy that Charlie had broken up with Seviathan Von Eldritch (like Leviathan the sea monster), Helsa’s brother and member of a wealthy rival family. She and Helsa were already fierce rivals, both families competing to be the most influential in Hell. In addition, they were getting tired of Charlie’s pursuit and wanted her to conform to Hell’s standards. Being a fearsome leader was, according to her father, Charlie’s destiny. After arguing with her parents and refusing to give up, Charlie had gone to Vaggie and Alastor for comfort. Vaggie comforted her and told her the harsh reality of the situation. Still, she refused to give up, despite feeling like a failure. Charlie decided to figure out a way to negotiate with her parents and the angels. Before she could proceed further however, Alastor comforted her with his velvety announcer voice and took her arm in arm for a walk.

 The two of them sang, and danced, and even shared a kiss. Charlie felt like Alastor was redeeming himself and that things would be alright in the end.

 It was at that optimal moment, that the predatory Radio Demon pounced upon his gullible prey.

 Taken by surprise by surrounding voodoo spirits and black tentacles, Charlie fought back as much as she could. But a Creole lullaby sung by Alastor soon rendered her helpless. Charlie was kidnapped and briefly held hostage in Alastor’s lair. No rape or beating was involved, just a bunch of creepy touching and mind manipulating. He didn’t possess her but did manage to get her on his side when they were face to face with the king and queen. Alastor’s evil shadow held an angel’s spear to Charlie’s throat, a weapon capable of killing any demon. Alastor knew that his powers would not be enough against Lucifer. So he did the one thing to catch him off-guard: go for his child.

 Alastor soon proposed a deal with Lucifer and Lilith: Charlie and her hotel would be spared…in exchange for the throne. Lucifer accepted…and soon found his dark powers depleted, traveling into Alastor’s microphone staff. He and the dark spirits were now free to take over Hell, cause chaos and feast on innocent demon bodies and souls.

 It was at this moment that Alastor had a choice to make…one that could determine the fate of Hell itself. His mother was currently in Heaven, and he hadn’t seen her for decades. For a brief moment, Alastor saw Charlie and her friends struggling against the Exterminators…even Lucifer and Lilith were having a hard time. He could either give into his evil carnal desires; claiming Hell and its denizens as his own. Or he could step in, save Charlie and the others (while giving back Lucifer’s power and everyone’s free will.) He could free Husk and Niffty from their servitude to him, deeply apologize and help save the day.

 If Alastor followed the good path, Charlie would be successful at last. A negotiation would be made: sinners could go to Heaven after proving themselves worthy in different ways. Some would go into rehabilitation at the hotel. Others would have to go through punishments in the other circles of Hell. Some would even be tested and “relive” their lives as humans in simulated scenarios of their former past. God also stated that all his subjects would have the choice to die a second time in the void…and that second death was still possible and unpredictable. Aside from God, and the long-living angels and deities, no one is truly immortal.

 If Charlie’s plan succeeded, then the rewards would all be worth it.

 Charlie and Vaggie would be happily married in Heaven, with their friends beside them in different forms as angels. Were they animal? Or human? Or a fusion of both? Vaggie transformed into a black-haired human women she had been before, save for her one eye and new black glistening moth wings from her back. Her human voice had returned to her and she discovered her human name: Vagatha. Husk remained a cat but with black angel wings instead of red wings with card suits on them. He found love in Heaven and discovered his human name: Hustle. If Niffty turned good, she, too would be happy and cheerful, resembling her human form more. If Baxter turned good, he would use his intelligence to make inventions and heal others with science. Alastor’s suit became light blue, white and brown, his human voice returned, and his head was now that of a red male deer. He and his dark-skinned mother embraced for a long time, bringing Charlie and the others to happy tears. Angel Dust discovered his true name; Anthony, and his face turned more human, though his hair was still white and he still had jumping/fighting abilities. He agreed to do porn/drugs outside of Heaven and only on occasion. Vaggie reunited with her family, while Angel, Molly and Aracknis spend time with their mother, Aranea (Latin for spider). (Their father Henroin was abusive).

Charlie served as a mediator between Heaven and Hell, she was half Angel and half Demon, after all. Her parents stayed and ruled Hell but the royal family could visit each other every other month. Vaggie advocated for women and Hispanic souls…and violent souls who had been wronged in life.

Angel Dust and his siblings were still very much troublemakers, but they started to mend old wounds from their times of being Italian mafia members and drug abusers. Both Husk and Angel were mentors for kids who came into Heaven, and also took care of pets and animals that died on Earth.

Alastor hosted new radio shows complete with dad jokes, New Orleans’ jazz and listings of Creole food recipes. (He still has to be reminded not to announce gruesome murders nor to perform any…he had to get used to not having dark powers anymore.) He ate pork and meat in replacement of demon/human flesh, for despite having the head and features of a deer, his new teeth were human and fairly sharp. In Heaven, his friendship with Charlie was finally genuine and they bonded deeper than ever before. Alastor not only became her close friend, but also her protector (along with Razzle and Dazzle) and even a loving father figure (Lucifer still doesn’t approve very much).

Yes, there were tons of bad people who still went to Hell, did bad things and lost their lives into the void. But for every bad action, there was a sliver of hope for good to prevail.

 For their final act, everyone would join hands together, singing in harmony, Charlie leading the chorus with a song about making it to the end of the rainbow of happiness. So one could say they lived happily ever after…but with more chaos and unpredictability thrown in.

#hazbin hotel theory

[silver-lily-louise]

Raven Feathers - a Critical Role fanfic (Vox Machina campaign)

Alternative series of events for the end of Episode 44, ‘The Sunken Tomb’.

~oOo~

She doesn’t have time to shout a warning, Percy’s already reaching for the armour -

A dull boom, and she feels herself blown backwards. There’s icy pain, but it’s fading fast and the darkness is already swallowing her vision, obscuring her sight of Trinket as he rolls across the ground. Careful, darling, she thinks.

The darkness overtakes her entirely and the feeling of falling slows to a halt. It’s several seconds before she realises this time is different to all the other times she’s been knocked out - a normally instantaneous moment of darkness is stretching on far too long. Worry grips her. Perhaps she isn’t unconscious, just blinded and deafened to those around her. ‘Percy?’ she calls. ‘Zahra? Keyleth?’ Each name a little more frantic. None which get her a response.

A pale spot blinks into existence, shining through the darkness. It’s too hard to tell what it is from this distance, but she’s hesitant to get any closer. Don’t go into the light, she hears. The joking voice in her head sounds like Scanlan. But another voice comes then, much louder and seemingly directionless. ‘Come, Vex’ahlia. We have much to discuss.’ The surface beneath her feet ignites in gentle light, carving her a footpath through the void. After a brief moment of hesitation, she follows it. I can always turn back, she thinks. She hopes that’s true. 

The pale dot grows in size as she approaches, and she can see now the faint outline of static human features. A porcelain mask, floating at head height, seemingly staring straight at her. ‘Hello?’ She calls. ‘What is this? What’s going on?’ What’s going on? She swears she hears a slightly deeper echo up ahead, but the porcelain face does not answer. She keeps walking.

The path stops about ten feet in front of the figure - at first. As Vex reaches the end, there’s a whoosh and two more paths appear before her; one curving slightly to the left, one turning more sharply to the right. The all-surrounding voice comes again. ‘Vex’ahlia. I have waited long for this moment, this opportunity.’ In the light of the new paths, the rest of the figure is now clear - a tall woman, dressed in a dark cloak. Black feathers strewn at her feet. Raven feathers. The penny drops. ‘You’re the Raven Queen.’ ‘Yes.’ ‘I’m dead. Your trap killed me.’ It comes out accusatory, and a warning flashes in the back of her mind. Literally the goddess of death, Vex. Maybe you shouldn’t piss her off. But the voice stays indifferent. ‘Yes. I had to protect my champion from those we stood against, those who would defile him with undeath.’ A bitterness enters her tone, but only for a moment. ‘But enough talk of the past. You have a decision to make, as do all who stand at a fork in the road.’ 

She gestures slowly to the left path. ‘Your life was fated to end in that tomb, Vex’ahlia. Drawn into danger by your greed, extinguished by a moment of carelessness. This was your path - and were you still to take it, you would find yourself at peace, far from the material plane. But already, your friends try to bring you back to their side.’

Voices begin to echo from the right-hand path. Vax’s voice, then Keyleth’s: What happened? I was only down there for thirty seconds-! ‘Revivify’, do ‘revivify’! The Raven Queen raises a hand, and the voices fade to a murmur. There’s more of them now, and Vex can almost see them all gathering around, trying desperately to fix her. She swallows hard, feeling the tears streak down her face. ‘Can I go to them? Please.’

‘You can, if you so choose. To bend so sharply from your destiny is not unheard of - especially for one such as you. It is complicated, however, and so I would ask something in return for such a rearrangement.’ Anything, she thinks. Thankfully, her bargaining instinct runs deep enough to stop her saying that out loud.

The voices continue to echo quietly. Whatever the fuck you’re going to do, do it! She could destroy everything- Do it. What do you mean, she could destroy? What do you mean?

She tears her attention away. ‘What would you ask of me?’ The mask remains expressionless, but there’s a smile in the voice that replies. ‘Your service. The forces of undeath move in far darker shadows than I, gathering strength. In the coming struggle, I will once again need greater influence on the material plane. A new champion. I have seen your strength, the will to fight that drives you through fear and darkness... Do this for me, Vex’ahlia, and you may walk amongst your friends once more.’ A silence stretches between them as she takes in the offer. She can feel the longing to return to them, and it all but drags her down the right-hand path. But to live beholden to such an entity?

We need one more offering, Kash says. Scanlan pipes up. I could- No. I’ll do it. Vax’s voice again, darker and angrier than she’s ever heard. Take me instead, you raven bitch. ‘No,’ she whispers, her voice catching on the panic that swells within her. But the Raven Queen merely chuckles. ‘Foolish boy. That is not his path to take... What is yours, Vex’ahlia? Make your choice.’

Vex hesitates for a moment longer - then begins to walk down the path to her right.

***

‘Take me instead, you raven bitch,’ he says. He can hear Keyleth gasp behind him, but any moment of regret for her sake is far overshadowed by his grief and desperation.

Seconds pass in silence. No-one dares move. Then there’s a sound like a rush of wind, and the light fades from Kash’s arm, his eyes blinking back to normal. Zahra’s moonstone grows dim. Vex doesn’t wake up.

‘...What happened? Why did it stop?’ Keyleth asks. Kash sighs. ‘It didn’t work. I’m sorry.’ Vax gets the feeling that last part was directed at him, but he can’t answer. He just holds his sister tight in shaking arms, feeling the tears get faster and his breath become ragged as he leans down, closing his eyes as his forehead comes to rest against hers.

He can hear movement and murmurs start up around him. Zahra and Keyleth start to quietly sob, and are comforted by Kash and Kima respectively. Percy’s voice is barely audible, saying one thing over and over: ‘Oh gods. Oh gods, oh gods.’ There’s a quiet clanking sound, and Vex’s weight shifts as Trinket wanders over and gently nudges her. He wouldn’t have thought it possible, but Vax’s heart breaks a little further. She’s gone, buddy. We’ve lost her.

Then there’s an exclamation of surprise around the room, and Vax’s head whips up to see a dark figure standing before the sarcophagus. His heart begins to race with both hope and fear as he realises who it is, and he steels himself to make good on his offer. But the figure ignores him entirely, instead bending down over Vex. Trinket growls, but doesn’t make a move to stop her as she reaches out one spectral hand, caressing Vex’s cheek - then vanishes.

Vex opens her eyes. 

***

She blinks the room into focus. Percy’s still kneeling by the sarcophagus, Scanlan’s hand on his shoulder. Trinket’s looming just to her left. And Vax is holding her, looking down at her, his cheeks stained with tears. All of them are staring at her in sheer bewilderment.

She nods. ‘I’m alright.’ 

There’s a beat of silence, which is broken a moment later as everyone suddenly crowds around her. Trinket licks her face, and she laughs quietly, pushing him away. The rest of the room fills with questions. ‘Wait, is she-‘ ‘Vex!’ ‘But the ritual failed-‘ ‘Are you alright, darling?’ ‘What happened?’ She raises a hand, a little overwhelmed, trying to stave off the bombardment of conversation. ‘I can explain, alright? But can we get out of here first?’

Vax, who’s been quiet up until this point, nods. ‘Okay.’ He and Zahra help Vex to her feet, keeping one of her arms slung over his shoulders. Her legs are weak, and she’s happy to lean on him for a while. 

While Grog and Percy get to work collecting the contents of the sarcophagus, Keyleth walks over and clasps Vex’s hand. ‘I’m glad you’re alright.’ Her eyes are red from crying, and her voice is croaky, but she gives Vex a smile. The group process slowly and quietly from the tomb. Vex does her best to ignore how cold she feels, how often Vax’s eyes dart in her direction, and the growing sense of unease as she realises the scale of the deal she’s made. 

The new Champion of the Raven Queen stumbles out into the daylight, two black feathers tucked into her hair.

#critical role #critical role fanfic #the sunken tomb #vex'ahlia #the raven queen #vax'ildan #mine #this idea occurred to me when it was revealed that vax left her the armour #cr #death cw

[dancerwrites]

written because pike has had to deal with everything in the space of one week, and my heart hurts 

She holds the Guiding Bolt back, radiant energy pulsing at her fingertips, watching Scanlan out of the corner of her eye. It’s been a long time since they’ve fought together but it’s also been a long time since Vox Machina has had combat on this grand a scale, and some things from the past fit together like forgotten puzzle pieces, like a bird taking to the air or a duck to water.

Pike waits, the power building, building, building, until something catches her eye and she turns to see a familiar face, previously only seen through her astral form, push through the red sphere.

Pike’s fury builds and her lungs feel devoid of breath for a long moment as their eyes lock, the necromancer’s own flashing with a spark of magic as her lips move, her voice hissing across the cavernous room.

“Not this time, my dear.”

There’s a flash from her hand as a spell shoots out, hitting Pike in the chest. Pike feels her own spell fade, and for a brief, hopeful moment she thinks that is all that it did, but then her mind grows cloudy, almost like her vision was fading. But it remains crystal clear, almost in too-vivid detail, and suddenly she’s on the ground, loud noises around her and too much going on.

She wants to yell, wants to shout, but the confusion sweeps her up. She knows that the colors in front of her are bad, and that the people behind her – she hears them shouting and calling out – are good, though she can’t put words to her thoughts and she squeezes her hands around what she’s holding, knowing that she can use it and that some things are beyond what she needs words to understand.

It’s not clear how she knows, but then there’s more noise crashing around them and she needs the big one. She needs him – she can see him in her mind and doesn’t know his name but she knows that he can help, that he will know what to do, that he won’t leave her, that he’s always been there, but then she hears his voice and she turns, seeing him far above.

That’s too high, or maybe she’s too low, and she doesn’t understand why they can’t be together right then, or how to explain it. All she knows is the way her chest feels and how her ears are ringing and when she looks around there’s nothing she can do despite the weapon she holds in her hand, heavy and solid and real despite the blur in her head and she suddenly feels very very vulnerable and small and helpless, and even when she hears something cutting through the strong noises around her she looks around wildly only just in time to see sparks – bright, pretty to look at, but it means someone is gone and she feels alone and oh gods-

She doesn’t know that she doesn’t remember how to pray, but the pull within her chest – the reaching above for something more – is familiar, though the emptiness that comes afterwards is not, and she is left feeling more confused and in pain and she wants so many things that she can’t name, that won’t come to mind-

And then someone else is there and holding her and no she’s not supposed to be here something’s wrong stop holding her – but she feels something soft and gentle on her face, smells something strange, hears words being said above her head that are familiar and the feelings makes her less scared and there’s a sudden heat behind her eyes, her face and cheeks dampening as she breaks down into tears.

Vax had seen Delilah’s spell, painfully familiar, hit Pike, and while he had thought for half a moment that she would be fine, he changes his mind when sees her head turn at the noise from Percy’s gun, fall to her knees, and look around to where Scanlan has just disappeared, pure devastation shining on her features.

He needs to get down there.

He sends a quick prayer of thanks to the Raven Queen for the armor she’s given him as he takes off, fast as one of Percy’s bullets, toward the gnome in golden plate armor below him, and he braces himself to pick up her weight, which is considerable for her small frame when factoring in her muscles and armor and mace. He knows he’s not the strongest, and that he can’t fix what’s been done (that’s Kiki’s job, and she can do it as long as she and Pike both make it through this in one piece). He just needs to help her hold out until then.

Pike’s weight slows him down, but they manage to make it close to the edge of the cavern – at the very least the two of them are out of harm’s way for a moment.

What Vax hadn’t anticipated was Pike attempting to get away from him, her considerable strength allowing her to push his skinny arms away like they weren’t there before he comes to himself, pulling her close once again.

The scared mumbling and lack of words coming from Pike’s mouth break his heart, and he holds her as close as he can without smothering her. He puts a hand behind her head, the other around her arm in an attempt to keep her from punching him, murmuring words of comfort despite recognizing that she’s not going to understand a word of it.

“Hey, Pickle, I’m right here. You’re not okay now, but you’re going to be, because Keyleth can fix you – you just need to hang on until then.”

Pike keens in his arms, her chest quaking, the sound dissipating into the rest of the din created by those finishing up the fighting. Her arm breaks free from where he’s holding it and, worried about an impending strike, he doesn’t realize she’s wrapped herself around his torso until he feels the breath nearly squeezed from his lungs.

“Pickle, give me some air,” he half-jokes, his ribs resisting the compression. He readjusts his hands, hugging her back.

Tears come to his own eyes when he recognizes the shuddering and jerking in his arms as poorly-controlled sobs, his arms holding just a bit tighter, his wings coming around to shield them from the rest of the world…

 Until it’s all gone.

 Pike feels the wings around her vanish and she realizes that she knows they were wings, that the person holding her is Vax, and that she is Pike, that she is crying.

The gut-wrenching sounds of bodies hitting the floor from a great height echoes through the cavern and Pike stiffens, pushing against Vax’s chest to turn, to see what’s happening, to take in the rest of the battlefield for fallen comrades.

She turns just in time to see Delilah Briarwood disappear into the black orb with her minions.

“It’s good, Pickle, it’s good,” Vax says behind her, but nothing is good and everything is wrong and she’s so confused, but her instincts kick in.

Thankfully, Vax lets her push away from his chest as she jumps up, scanning the battlefield quickly, searching for familiar faces, doing a headcount, double-checking twice when she realizes they’re missing one, only to breathe a sigh of relief when she sees Doty on the ground. (And while part of her feels guilty at the relief she feels, it’s a gods-damned miracle that none of them fucking died here today. Tary can fix Doty. She’s not sure how much energy she needs to keep in reserve if that was only a sneak-peek of what they’re up against.)

Pike’s hand finds her holy symbol, clutching it tightly despite the fact that no one seems to be in mortal peril.

Vax comes up behind her, thankfully not taking care to hide his footfalls (she’s not sure she can handle stealthy allies right now, not when she wants to have an eye on all of them to make sure they don’t do anything that’s fucking stupid before they have a plan).

Her attention focuses on Percy as he takes takes shot after shot, his arm seizing up before he throws Animus away, Bad News letting off a puff of smoke as he discards it alongside the smaller gun. Retort successfully fires a bullet, but it disappears into the orb with little fanfare, and Pike watches as Percy falls to the ground looking utterly spent.

Vex approaches him from behind, relieving Pike of the urge to rush to him. Instead Pike feels Vax put a hand on her back, gently pushing her toward the rest of them. 

Pike hurriedly wipes away the tears that had fallen on her cheeks.

If she was honest with herself, that spell, that confusion, was one of the most terrifying moments of her life, right up there with her death and the moments each of her friends had fallen, however briefly, into the realm of the Raven Queen. 

For a moment she had felt completely cut off from everyone and everything she held dear - even Sarenrae’s presence in her heart had been diminished - and it was not something she wanted to feel ever again.

“I’m a little worried that once we walk outside, Pike becomes dumb again,” Scanlan says, his voice cutting through the rumble of everyone else’s. And she appreciates his concern, but she hates how much she latches onto him saying anything at all. 

(What she hates more, once she realizes exactly what he said, is that he’s almost definitely right.)

Pike feels everyone’s gaze turn to her and she shrugs, trying to stay nonchalant despite the pit of dread curling in her gut. They continue to talk, to plan, and Pike takes a moment to breathe, to try to take things in. She can certainly ask questions of a cultist, and they’ll gather their forces based on his information - they can figure out how best to strike. 

“Do you know if Sarenrae knows anything about it?” Keyleth asks, her voice, hesitant but strong, cutting through Pike’s thoughts.

“I can check,” Pike says, turning back to the orb, aware of the continued weight of everyone’s stares even as she concentrates on the symbol of Sarenrae held tight in her hand and the power that the goddess has gifted to her.

The rush of fire when the connection solidifies, when her goddess comes down from the heavens and the warmth of her presences suffuses Pike, is terribly beautiful. She knows, once again, why those who are not religious can be instilled with the fear of the gods, but at the same time it’s such a glorious feeling that she feels like she might nearly start crying again.

She sees the doorway, sees beyond it, glimpsing what their future will bring.

“This is destiny,” Sarenrae says, her breath hot against Pike’s ear, and Pike shivers at the weight of that word in conjunction with what she sees physically before her. “This needs to stop. Only terror will come through this.”

They need to go there, at some point, likely soon, to defeat this evil that’s come upon the land, and even though by Sarenrae’s own admission she won’t have as much power there, Pike half-wants to reassure her that a little is more than nothing at all, and that it’ll work. They’ll make it work.

She stays quiet, though, not sure if there are rules about giving comfort to goddesses, and says “thank you” as softly as she ever has.

There’s a hot touch on her forehead before the visage before her leaves, and while the air feels colder than the biting winters in Whitestone after she’s left, Pike feels a pulsing warmth deep in her chest, in time with her heartbeat, and doesn’t feel entirely alone.

When her mind clouds over for a second time, she whimpers at the confusion for a moment, but it isn’t nearly as terrifying as it had been. She not only feels good around her, but good inside her and, moments later, the fog clears. Her thoughts clarify the images she’s seeing and she knows Keyleth’s hand is pressed against her forehead, her eyes locking with Pike’s. The knowledge that the spell worked brings a grin to both of their faces.

Pike’s first instinct is to go in for a hug, then a kiss, and while she starts aiming for the lips, she tilts her head at the last second and kisses Kiki’s cheek instead, something that’s not quite embarrassment causing her cheeks to darken, even as Kiki’s blush pink at the attention.

Keyleth, for her part, plays it off with a reassuring smile and a “After all the times you’ve saved us? I learned it from you,” which makes Pike grin again, and she pulls Keyleth into a tighter hug for a moment before turning her attention back to the matter at hand.

They’re all alive, they’re all together, and they’ve got the strength of gods on their side.

They’ve got a world to save.

#critfic #critical role #fanfic #pike trickfoot #keyleth #kiki #vax'ildan #sarenrae #my writing #so many feels #give them all happiness please #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #i almost forgot to tag this with spoilers dear lord #all the spoilers #so many spoilers #do not read if you're not caught up

[thepapermixtape]

A Love Letter to Ruth from Ozark

By: Jenna Welsh

This winter break, I thought I would catch up on some reading or movies I missed, perhaps head back to the gym or take a few trips to the beach. Instead, as I always do, I sank headfirst into a new television series on Netflix. And man, was it worth the sacrificed activities.

Ozark focuses on Marty Byrde, played by Jason Bateman, a money launderer for a powerful drug cartel in Mexico. When Del, the liaison between Marty and the cartel, learns that Marty’s business partners are stealing from the pool of money that he entrusted them with, he massacres them, leaving Marty to make amends in order to protect his family. Through a series of chance circumstances, the Byrdes uproot their lives to move the money laundering operation to the Lake of the Ozarks, which touts that it “has more shoreline than the coast of California” (which is true!).

The first episode is, admittedly, a little slow as it displays the menial motions of Marty to move his family to the Ozarks. I also struggled throughout the series to find the characters sympathetic, as most of them seem to bring their misfortunes upon themselves either through crime or immoral behavior; instead, I watched with a more muted curiosity about the fate that might befall these awful people. The major exception to this is Ruth Langmore, played by the sparkling Julia Garner—she is, in my opinion, both the protagonist and heart of the show, as well as one of the most powerful feminist icons that Netflix has ever created.

You see, Ruth is one of a family of misfits and criminals. Her cousins Wyatt and Three, the first Missourians introduced on the show, convince Marty’s daughter, the unwitting Charlotte, to take a joyride with them on a stolen boat; her uncles steal parts off of boats that they service; and her father, Cade, starts the series in prison for an undisclosed crime. But Ruth does not ride on the coattails of her accomplished criminal family in any regard: she brags about her own formidable rapt sheet and reaches new levels of ruthlessness (pun intended) as the show progresses. She is her own independent criminal and woman, and as Todd VanDerWerff of Vox puts it, “smart and undervalued and ready to learn.”

The Langmores live largely isolated in several trailers on the outskirts of the lake, far removed from the rest of the resort town’s inhabitants; in a scene between the town’s sheriff and the Byrdes, we hear nearly every classist stereotype espoused, including that the family is not invested civically or financially in their community. In the second episode, Ruth comes into contact with Marty herself after she engineers the theft of the cartel’s money; during a standoff between Marty and the Langmores, she alone coldly advocates for Marty’s death, claiming it will restore a karmic balance. When Marty reaches an impasse in his business dealings, he turns to Ruth, who creatively devises a plan of attack on behalf of Marty while also gaining his trust, something that almost no other character is able to do in the entirety of the series. Eventually, she starts working at one of Marty’s shell businesses, a strip club; you might imagine that the trailer trash Southern girl would be grinding on the pole, but she, at nineteen, is in fact the manager of the entire operation. By subverting this classist trailer trash stereotype, Ozark allows Ruth to thrive as the character who gets fucked over constantly but creates opportunity within her situation. In the entrance of the Langmore trailer, a regular setting in the show, there is a poster of a topless, provocatively-posed woman; just like at the strip club, Ruth marches past this poster each day, living her life and continuing her work. She refuses to let an objectifying image bother her or sway her as she kicks ass and puts the men around her in their place.

Ruth is meant to be the character foil to the privileged Byrdes; she is constantly set up throughout the show to demonstrate how two families, merely miles apart, can have completely different experiences. While Marty’s insufferable children complain about their situation or do something to attract the attention of the FBI, Ruth is breaking up fights between strippers and overzealous customers or laying down some truth on her cousin’s high school guidance counselor. While the show provides quite a few romantic options for Charlotte, Ruth is not inherently romanticized or sexualized because, quite frankly, she doesn’t have time for that.

Of course, Ruth’s story is not all empowering moments. Throughout the series, Ruth makes gut-wrenching sacrifices, battling questions of family, belonging, and destiny. She often has to contend with the recklessness and stupidity of the men around her; her uncles purchase two female bobcats to breed with money she pilfers from Marty (“What are they gonna do, scissor each other?” she asks incredulously), her father abruptly robs a convenience store upon his release from prison, and her cousins are unmotivated to stay in school. What’s more, she often has to protect or look out for Marty and the rest of the Byrde clan; when Charlotte tries to run away, it is Ruth who helps find her, and she saves Marty’s life on multiple occasions, directly and indirectly. Of course, all of these figures in Ruth’s life continue to ask things of her—her father, in particular, constantly demands that she kill Marty and steal the remainder of his money, even when she starts to see Marty as a mentor rather than an adversary. Her intelligence and skill at times feels like a burden when combined with her circumstances, but Ruth generally takes it in stride, choosing to problem solve rather than whine. In one of the more poignant moments of the second season, Ruth reads a college essay her cousin wrote about the “Langmore Curse,” or her family’s unshakeable ties to crime and poverty. Ruth tearfully explains to him that there is no curse, that they are free to do what they want in life; though she is living proof that socioeconomic mobility is possible, in this moment we are unsure if Ruth actually believes in her personal agency against deeply entrenched poverty and crime.

In the second season, Ruth comes face to face with the cartel after becoming increasingly integral in their operation; her subsequent torture, perpetrated by another woman, is gut-wrenching. She struggles to cope with the near death experience, constantly having flashbacks to the incident and breaking down more than once, even in front of her terrifying father. Even a force like Ruth can feel pain and require comfort, guidance, and care; one of my favorite parts about the show is the way in which they allow Ruth to work through her trauma without victimizing her or completely altering her character.

There are some definite problems with Ozark that I think need to be rectified (the lack of people of color on a show set in Missouri, for starters), and, again, I become less and less concerned about what happens to the Byrdes as they go further down the rabbit hole of moral turpitude. But I will continue to watch for Ruth, because I’m incredibly invested in her story and inevitable success. Of all the people on the show, she is the only one I know who will come out from this complex situation stronger or, at the very least, unscathed. She’s too smart not to.

[warninggraphiccontent]

29 November 2019

Manifesto destiny

What do this year's manifestos have to say about data, digital, open government and technology?

While we wouldn't expect them to get into the finer points of digital government and better uses of data in government - not in themselves the most doorstep-friendly of issues - there's a fair amount in there. Online harms, cybersecurity, citizens' digital rights, using data to better understand barriers to diversity (very Race Disparity Audit) and general references to technology across various sectors all make an appearance. There's not that much on open data or open government (beyond an eye-catching Lib Dem promise on a citizens' assembly on algorithms), or much detail on the Conservative promise to improve the use of data, data science and evidence in government (#classicdom). We've got a summary here, the Ada Lovelace Institute have one here, and Peter Wells has a thread on each here.

It's interesting to compare with the 2017 versions. The Conservatives apparently promised some new bodies on the use and ethics of data, and geospatial data - whatever happened to those? - while Labour promised to keep the Land Registry and all its data under public control (repeated this time around) and extend freedom of information to private providers of public services (ditto). No mention of Freedom of Information in the Lib Dem manifesto for the first time in a while.

There'll be some more on manifestos on this week's Inside Briefing podcast. We looked at, or rather listened to, prime ministerial tenure last week.

And in brief:

It was a real pleasure to chair Will from Full Fact, Liz from Digital Action, my old boss Martin from King's and the chair of the Electoral Commission, Sir John Holmes, on whether we can trust our electoral system in an age of rapidly evolving technology. All killer, no filler, as the kids say - well worth a watch or listen.

And if you liked that, you may like some of our other #IFGElection2019 events, including one next week on other aspects of our electoral system.

Another important event: on starting a career in public policy. Thinking about a career in public policy? Never thought about a career in public policy? Want to get started in thinktanks, or still wondering what a thinktank is? Come and have your questions answered on Monday 9 December.

To the Argentine Embassy for the launch of the Bennett Institute's new report on digital government in Argentina since 2015. Excellent discussion, excellent report, excellent empanadas.

No Data Bites next week - we're hoping to get started again in February. But as well as watching all the previous ones back, you can join us for some drinks on Wednesday - get in touch via Twitter if you'd like to join.

RIP Clive James.

It's easy to forget in the midst of the election campaign but it is nearly Christmas. Come and celebrate with my choir, the New Tottenham Singers, on Saturday 14 December.

Have a great weekend

Gavin

Today's links:

Graphic content

Let's talk about MRP

The key findings from our MRP (YouGov)

Election Centre (YouGov)

MRP election poll: Boris Johnson heads for big majority* (The Times)

Poll forecasts Commons majority for Boris Johnson* (FT)

How do pollsters predict UK general election results? (FT)

Manifestos

Where does the climate emergency first get mention in the party manifestos? (Tortoise)

A chart based analysis of the text in the Conservative and Labour manifestos (Daniel Tomlinson)

Manifesto word count (me for IfG)

#GE2019, etc

Top target seats in the 2019 general election – interactive (The Guardian)

Meet Parliament’s class of 2019* (The Economist, via Tom)

What happens if a prime minister loses their seat in a general election? (IfG)

A New Class Of Angry Partisan Facebook Pages Are Dominating The Online War In The British General Election (BuzzFeed)

Trust in civil servants/politicians (me for IfG)

Veracity Index (Ipsos MORI)

We're now three weeks without a Secretary of State for Wales (me for IfG)

Long term trend shows decreasing concern over economy, unemployment, rise of Brexit (Ipsos MORI)

Women in parliament (Alice for IfG)

Tax and spend

This is how marginal taxes work (Mona Chalabi)

Explaining progressive income tax (Matthew Armstrong)

Divided and connected: Regional inequalities in the North, the UK and the developed world – State of the North 2019 (IPPR)

Elections elsewhere

Hong Kong election results mapped* (New York Times)

A Staggering Number of Candidates Are Running for U.S. President* (Bloomberg)

Who is ahead in the Democratic primary race?* (The Economist)

Everything else

How Do You Find Good NFL Defenders? By Measuring What’s Not There. (FiveThirtyEight)

A kaleidoscope of river pollution (The ENDS Report)

Die letzten Mieter (Zeit Online)

Pope Francis, globe-trotting at an age when other popes have eased up, is trying to transform the church through his travels* (Washington Post)

Data and #dataviz

Survey of public sector information management 2018/19 (data.gov.nz)

Make your own UK General Election maps (Flourish)

Lowering the bar (Full Fact)

Reddit's Bar Chart Race moratorium is a good thing for #dataviz. Here's why. (Andy Cotgreave)

Meta data

Poll position

How YouGov's 2019 General Election model works (YouGov)

FAQs about YouGov's 2019 general election MRP model (YouGov)

MRP Estimates and the 2019 General Election (Anthony B. Masters)

Why you should take YouGov's MRP with a pinch of salt; Six thoughts on YouGov's MRP model of the 2019 election* (New Statesman)

Brexit didn’t cause all our divisions (UnHerd - although...)

Forensic polling analysis shows how Boris Johnson is on course to win—and how he can be stopped* (Prospect)

What to make of the polls? (Will Jennings)

The hidden predictor? Council control (Ian Warren)

Four Problems With 2016 Trump Polling That Could Play Out Again in 2020* (New York Times)

Election 2019: Can we trust our electoral system? (Institute for Government)

Manifestos

General Election 2019: manifesto tracker (Institute for Government)

Manifestos still matter even though their promises aren't being delivered (Institute for Government)

Tech/data in the 2019 manifestos (Peter Wells)

How will data and AI work for people and society after the UK General Election 2019? (Ada Lovelace Institute)

2019 Manifesto - 'Towards a Better Future' (techUK)

The Startup Manifesto (The Entrepreneurs Network/Coadec)

Future of the web

Contract for the Web (World Wide Web Foundation)

Tim Berners-Lee unveils global plan to save the web (The Guardian)

Read Sacha Baron Cohen's scathing attack on Facebook in full: 'greatest propaganda machine in history' (The Guardian)

Platforms don't exist (Ben Tarnoff)

Internet Harms: We need a Regulator, not a Censor (Martin Stanley for the Bennett Institute)

Internet world despairs as non-profit .org sold for $$$$ to private equity firm, price caps axed (The Register)

Oil, data, data, oil

Oil is the New Data (Logic)

The Next Big Cheap: Calling data “the new oil” takes its exploitation for granted (Real Life)

Data, transparency, openness

Unlocking the value of London’s public sector data (Eddie Copeland)

What does transparency mean? (Understanding Patient Data)

Open government must be more than a commitment on paper* (Apolitical)

11 thoughts on Donald Trump, Transparency and Records (Ben Worthy)

Cabinet Office ignores court order to release secret fracking report (The Guardian)

Open Banking: Consumer consent frameworks around the globe (ODI/Equifax)

Thierry Breton to be in charge of leading new ‘EU data strategy’* (Politico)

Everything else

Better than ethics (Rachel Coldicutt, Doteveryone)

Help TheyWorkForYou make sense of Parliament (Crowdfunder)

Taiwan is making democracy work again. It's time we paid attention* (Wired)

Facebook’s only fact-checking service in the Netherlands just quit (The Verge)

OPSI Primer on AI for the Public Sector (OECD, via Marcus)

Opportunities

AWARD: 2020 Statistical Excellence in Journalism awards launched (Royal Statistical Society)

JOB: RESEARCHER/POSTDOCTORAL SCHOLAR, AI ON THE GROUND INITIATIVE (Data & Society)

JOB: Director of Standards & Interoperability (NHS England)

JOB: Senior Researcher: Court Monitoring and Open Justice (Spotlight on Corruption)

JOBS: 2020 US Election (FT)

JOBS (Luminate)

And finally...

Thanksgiving

The Ultimate Thanksgiving Dinner Menu (FiveThirtyEight)

9 charts to be thankful for this Thanksgiving (Vox)

Practice makes perfect: Carve this virtual turkey* (Washington Post)

Politics

How the UK are predicted to vote is... (@notstelfc, via Haydon)

Winning here. Hang on... (via Alasdair)

Medieval Catholicism nudged Europe towards democracy and development* (The Economist)

Irish parliament red-faced over printer too big to fit through doors (The Guardian, via Alice)

Fibonacci Day

Fibonacci Anonymous meetings this afternoon... (Moose Allain)

A poem (Brian Bilston)

Everything else

How Emojis Have Invaded the Courtroom (Slate)

The Big Data of Big Hair (The Pudding)

Same. (@kamal_hothi)

Day in the life of a data journalist. (David Ottewell, via Graham)

Warning: Reading the Wikipedia entry for the guy who invented the bar chart will give you multiple cases of serious whiplash (Tom Wilson, via Tim)

Hi, I'm Bill gates and today I will teach you how to count to ten (@OneDevloperArmy)

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E91 (Jan. 21, 2020)

Good evening, everyone! Sorry about missing last week; @eponymous-rose​ was out of town and I had some other commitments. Regardless, here we are! Brian is looking handsome and cold, as are Sam & Travis on the couch. Everyone is wearing coats. Is the heat broken?

That said, tonight’s guests are Travis Willingham & Sam Riegel.

Brian starts us off asking Sam if he’s remaking the Wire in Beverly Hills. Sam basically embodies that hello fellow kids meme tonight in a hand-knitted beanie from his wife, a bomber jacket, a yellow tee, and skinny jeans. They quickly photoshop in smoke trailing out of his mouth. We’re just a few minutes in and this is off the rails already.

Announcements: The next issue (#5) of Vox Machina comics comes out Wednesday, Feb. 19! It’s also available online at Dark Horse Digital and Comixology. And that’s it! Huh.

Episode 91: Stone to Clay

Brian tells us this is the first time ever to have Sam & Travis alone on Talks. I’m stunned and so are they. Sam says, “between me, Brian, Dani, and Travis right now, there’s four tens on this show right now.”

We’re already into questions less than ten minutes into the show. Truly this is a remarkable night.

63 in game days and 21 episodes passed between Caduceus’s first mention of Stone (episode 71) and Fjord connecting the dots. Travis blames the internet connection and his really bad ADHD night, as that was the night he and Laura remoted in from the hotel.

Brian tells us that when Ashley used to skype in, she could only see Matt & couldn’t see or really hear anyone else.

Travis says there was a huge delay for him between mouths moving and the audio coming through, and then that audio was pretty distorted. Laura could handle it okay, but Travis just heard a jumble and couldn’t parse it.

Sam took a CBD bath the other day and found it exactly as relaxing as a normal bath. Sam & Travis commiserate about taking baths only to have their knees pop out of the water. Tall people problems smh

Caleb & Nott completed the spell in less than a week, including dealing with the Angel of Irons & brokering peace treaties. Travis though the laughter was going to be Helas.

Travis says he definitely didn’t hear the name the first time (he remembered dust but not stone from the lava pits). “Look! Yes! No, I was not listening before! Thursday nights are my times to enjoy my friends and food! Marisha is an amazing note-taker; why would I ever take my own? This is how I got through college!”

Sam says he keeps a mission checklist in his head and has for ages. He has a page in his notebook labeled “To Do” that includes things like visiting Kiri or Shakaste, in case they have downtime and need ideas.

Travis asks if he continues writing in his (apparently) very small handwriting, and Sam says he has to leave room for Laura to draw all her dicks. They all marvel that she is actually a very good artist.

Travis honestly still thinks the Stone name is a huge coincidence, especially since Taliesin didn’t have access to Fjord’s last name when he created Caduceus’s last name and backstory. Sam challenges Travis that even if that were true, doesn’t he think Matt will find a way to tie it together?

Travis says Fjord doesn’t want anything to do with the last name and it’s not even his real name. He’s not convinced this isn’t a coincidence.

Travis did a lot of research into orphanage naming conventions when coming up with Stone. He does have a backstory as to how the orphanage manager picked Stone as his name.

Travis thinks Matt would have emphasized the Stone name more sooner if it had been a true connection and not coincidence.

Brian: “He does like to take credit for coincidences, doesn’t he?”

Nott didn’t think there was a catch in the ritual; Sam was more surprised they were allowed to achieve the milestone at all. He was shocked it happened so soon in the story and that the spell is relatively easy to cast.

He didn’t know it would fail, but there was a moment when he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go through with it. Travis agrees everyone was shocked when it didn’t work.

Fjord’s current stance on faith and destiny hasn’t changed since the last time he discussed it. Faith is a slow thing for Fjord and he really does think the name is a coincidence.

Sam as a player is excited to see what comes next for Nott; “if she had been transformed into Veth at that moment, I would have been excited to see what comes next. The fact that it’s still Nott makes me excited too. I’m excited to see more of Nott since she’s the best character in the M9.” He also confesses he was a bit relieved, in part because it’s delayed the inevitable. At some point she must decide if she is going to stay or go with the M9.

Cosplay of the Week: @kajicosplays​ on instagram of a lovely lady Percy. Brian: “Isn’t it fun when Taliesin’s characters live?”

Deep down, Nott knows she will do the transformation at some point, but at that last moment where she had to make a decision she had to check in with herself to make sure she was ready. Sam Riegel as a D&D player also knows that you have to trust your DM and make choices.

Brian misreads the word “ribbing.” Sam teaches Travis what rimming is. We all learn a lot about each other.

Sam thinks Fjord can realize when the time comes to set jokes aside. He thinks Fjord was very respectful. Travis has honestly forgotten that the conversation took place.

Travis has Dani answer from Fjord’s perspective. It’s actually pretty insightful, talking about how Fjord recognized someone hesitant to give up these newfound powers that have become intrinsically tied to self-worth.

Fjord has always been loyal, and Travis sees his protectiveness of the M9 as a logical extension of this.

Right now, he has found some agency & self-direction and is hopeful to share that sense with everyone else (he especially mentions Yasha).

Sam & Travis start quoting from Half-Baked. This is chaos.

Nott does want to stay with the M9, but she also wants to go home for sure, both of those things. The kiss with Caleb wasn’t necessarily a goodbye; it felt like the closing of a chapter. It felt like something to mark the end of the experience.

Now they’re quoting Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, boy.

“You look like you wrote Pitch Perfect.” When did this turn into a roast?

Fjord has no memories earlier than the orphanage (The Driftwood Asylum). There were a couple dozen kids there aside from him; Travis thinks some of them might have been named Stone. It also operated as a small child-labor workshop for carpentry & woodshop stuff. “It was a terrible place all around.” He has no images of parents or being dropped off.

Sam thought the Nott transformation would be more endgame, though he feels it makes sense that it’s not. “While Nott transforming into Veth was my original goal, what’s great about these long games is that your goals can change two or three times before the end. Now I can explore all these other things: does she want to go back and be a housewife? How does she rectify her obligations to her husband and child to the life that she’s made with the M9? It’s so exciting and interesting.”

Brian asks a hypothetical: if she could transform back but lose all Nott’s memories, would she do it? Sam: “Oh, that’s tough. I don’t know.”

Fanart of the Week: a lovely piece by @pen_draws with everyone in the hot tub.

Travis is very trepidatious about returning to the open ocean after rejecting Uk’otoa. He wants to make sure the third temple is sealed. It feels like it would be too easy for someone not to come and try to collect the job he left half-finished. He also wants to go back to Darktow.

Sam doesn’t know if Nott is still in love with Yeza, although she definitely still loves him. He’s playing with the idea of a high school sweetheart being exposed to the world and then going back home. But Yeza’s amazing, a great guy, perfect. “I guess we’ll find out when/if she turns back into Veth.” Sam feels guilty talking about him. “He’s a fictional character and I feel guilty that he might be watching the show.”

Neither Nott nor Fjord trust Essek. Travis: “He just went from being cold and aloof to being really warm. I know there’s been time and he’s lived an isolated life, but...time will show if he’s being genuine. All of our haunches were up. All of us were on level five alert.” He’s being so helpful that Travis doesn’t trust Mercer with him.

Fjord never ever considered becoming a paladin of the Traveler. “No. Fuck no!” The Wildmother reached out and directly intervened to save him. Travis gets super creepy bad vibes from the Traveler’s relationship with Jester (Sam agrees).

Nott feels more pressure when her own problems become the focus. It’s hard for her to open up and talk about her feelings. She’d rather pick up on other people’s problems. Sam also acknowledges it’s more pressure on him (and anyone) as a player when the whole table is looking at you.

And that’s that! Is it Thursday yet?

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #long post for ts

[dancerwrites]

Hope (the tune without words)

An edited and revised version of “Hope (is but a building block)” which I posted a few hours after the episode. I fixed a couple narrative errors, some grammatical stuff, and just some thematic elements because writing. 

Title from Emily Dickinson’s “Hope” is the thing without feathers -

“Hope is the thing without feathers /  That perches in the soul / And sings the tune without the words / And never stops at all.”

Summary:  Sometimes people leave and you can’t get them back (and sometimes that’s not the end of the story)

Warnings: Mentions of suicidal thoughts, all the spoilers, mentions of gore

[AO3]

–

Kerrek stands, breathing heavily, the glow from his hammer fading as Raishan’s body falls to the ground, limp. He blinks once, twice, his vision solidifying on Percy’s prone form, the gunslinger’s gut slashed open.

Kima walks up beside him, clearly in his periphery, and places a hand on his shoulder, her eyes fixed on the green dragon corpse before them, and she speaks carefully to the room.

“You did what had to be done. Thank you.”

His mouth mumbles something about helping Percy, bypassing his brain entirely, and Kima shakes her head, eyes downcast.

“I think he’s beyond either of our power now,” she says, before straightening and calling for Allura, leaving him to the two bodies at his feet.

Kerrek falls to his knees, paying no mind to the shouts bouncing around him.

It’s just noise now.

He prays, willing his hands to imbue Percy’s corpse with life, but the magic fails to take hold and so he does what he can. Triage – something he has far more experience with than he does the aftermath of battle.

Vex rushes over, calling for Pike, and Kerrek feels his scarred heart pushing at the seams even as he dismisses the flashes of memory from his last adventure.

Of what could have been, and what wasn’t.

Sometimes allies fall and they don’t get up.

(and sometimes you give up on them before giving them a chance)

Part of him envies Vox Machina’s steadfast belief that they will not lose one of their own, and part of him wishes he still had that.  

(a small portion of him is glad he doesn’t. being able to let go lessens the hurt, Kerr has found)

But Pike’s revivify takes hold, and Kerrek feels the invisible barrier that had kept his magic from pushing through suddenly disappear and he wills healing energy into the man below him even as Vex bursts into loud sobs, layering kisses over Percy’s cheeks and face.

When Percival’s eyes open, Kerr takes a step back to leave them a modicum of privacy.

(there are some things not meant to be shared)

Kerrek pushes down more never-quite-forgotten memories of days long past, and he surveys the rest of the party, counting heads to see that everyone is there and standing and well.

But he sees Scanlan’s pale form, clutched to Vax’s chest, and hears Grog’s shouts as if through a tunnel.

“Fix him! We’ve got all of these people with magic; you’ve all got magic spells, so fix him!”

Kerrek sees Vax’s bowed head, his lips tight and his eyes closed, and he understands. But then the rest of them start back up, and someone says “Vax, the Raven Queen – you can talk to her, right?” and there are too many memories there.  

Kerrek turns to survey the rest of the cave, his heart heavy.

He is met with the sight of dragon corpses and evil magics, the likes of which he is sure he will never be able to comprehend, and Kerrek feels a shiver down his spine as he glances back to the rest of them, who have shifted their focus to Allura, who asks them to come closer so they can teleport away.

Vox Machina, so much younger than himself and yet so much stronger than he ever was.

Kerrek had been fully prepared to face his death while fighting Raishan, but fate said otherwise. He has some other purpose, and as loathe as he is to continue living sometimes; especially when those who have died deserve it so much less than he himself does, Kerrek will fulfill that destiny.

(he’ll do what he always has done – what needs to be done)

The teleportation fails and they take what they can from the sanctum, though he finds himself caught unawares by a glyph on the floor that glows and sends a rush of pain through him, his muscles tensing and tightening and his vision whites out in a fiery haze. His ears are filled with the rush of blood that is drowned out by the screams being forced from his body despite his inability to move, until his sight clears and he sees Vax crouching over him, Scanlan’s small form still held in his arms.

Even as Allura warns them not to approach the glyph until it has faded, Kerrek finds himself gasping, the pain leaving quicker than he had anticipated.

He’s suffered worse, and all that matters is it’s still not sufficient penance.

(years and years of working and it’s never enough)

Kerrek knows they need to get out, before anything else happens. And he knows that despite the prowess of those around him, at least part of his purpose is to protect others. It always has been, and that’s not changed, regardless of who has fallen or why.

They start heading back, and he hears the laughter of the flaming skulls. He sees their familiar forms and charges forward, even as bullets, arrows, and beams of sunlight shoot past him. He takes the impact of two flaming beams of energy to his shoulder and leg, but he takes his blows at the skull that has not fallen, smashing it out of the air. He turns back to them, trying not to let his gaze linger on their faces.

“The way is clear,” he says, and he leads them back the way they had come not even an hour before.

When they emerge into the dying sunlight Kerrek takes a glance at the cave behind him and almost regrets it, with the memory it brings to the forefront of his mind, when he last departed a necromancer’s lair.

He feels a divine spark of reassurance – small, but enough to start thawing the icy coldness that had settled over him in the cave. Kerrek offers a prayer of thanks and follows the rest of them, stopping only when Allura finds a clear place to make her teleportation circle.

And then she and Kima are gone, and Kerrek is staring at the place they vanished, half-wondering if he should run through and follow them.

(he is too slow, too hesitant)

He follows Vox Machina. He listens to their certainties, their hopes, and their silence as they all continue walking away from the hill, from the death emanating off the center of the island. He listens as Keyleth shares what she saw, and he feels a renewed sinking feeling in his chest even as Percy reiterates their plan to her and she locks eyes with each of them individually, her own wide and pleading and never wanting to give up.  

(they may have won this battle with hope, but hope is not everything, and it cannot solve any problem)

And when they reach the shore, just as they begin searching around for a large enough tree, Keyleth steps up to the edge of the tide, the water lapping at the leather of her boots, her eyes scanning the horizon.

Kerrek sighs, managing to take two steps toward her before she points out to her right, hand shaking.

“They’re there! Aw, shit! I don’t know if it’s them- it looks like them, I’m sure it’s them-“

He places his hand on her shoulder and, feeling his age, the tiredness in his bones, silently begs her to give up the meaningless search.

“Oh child, wishing doesn’t make it so.”

(he knows from experience that hope is strong, but never quite strong enough to conquer the inevitable)

Sometimes you need to find the strength to move on, to grow out of the fire that passes in and around and through you. To be a leader you often have to accept the difficult truths.

“But there’s something! There’s something out there and it might be something different, but there’s something!”

“Keyleth-“ Percy tries to interject, but Vex has already taken off on her broom, speeding out over the waves set aglow by the setting sun, and Keyleth is giving her directions over their earrings.

“Good, no, a little too far to the left- That’s good, straight ahead… “

But eventually Vex flies out of range, her and the broom only a speck in the sky, and Keyleth’s breath catches in her chest once, twice, before she seems to choke and she collapses into Kerrek’s shoulder, reminiscent of the day before when she had broken down in the Cinder King’s lair.

He worries, but he holds her close and rocks her gently from side to side, trying to break the truth to her as whispered words in her ear.

(hope cannot heal broken hearts)

“Sometimes people don’t come back,” he says as the waves rush against the shore and the sun creeps lower and lower, feeling some of her tears seep through his jerkin. “Sometimes people leave and you can’t get them back.”

His mouth continues to move without his urging as he tries to comfort her, inane phrases of truths he’s learned over the years.

(her hopes are already dashed – he wants to let them fall gradually)

Still Keyleth finds it in herself to mumble Vex’s name into her earring, the optimism inside her like a fire that can’t be put out, even if only the smallest sparks remain. While Kerrek continues to murmur his reassurances, she babbles into the earring, asking for something, anything; a sign that they’re alive.

“What?!” Keyleth exclaims, sitting upright in response to some impetus that has the rest of Vox Machina gazing out over the ocean waters. “Oh thank the gods.”

And she collapses into him again, tears flowing down her cheeks in never-ceasing rivulets. Kerrek looks around, wondering what had happened, and he makes eye contact with Vax, who is standing only a few feet behind him.

“My sister said she found them; Kima and Allura,” Vax says, his chest high and his arms strong despite the weight they carried. “They’re on their way back.”

Kerrek gapes for a moment, not knowing what to make of the turn of events, but he nods and looks away from Vax’s stare, his hand coming to rest on Keyleth’s shoulder, his own words outstripped in importance in mere moments.

Sometimes people leave and you can’t get them back.

(sometimes they leave, but you won’t let them stay gone)

And when they come together and exit the portal to Whitestone, into the chill dusk air, Kerrek thinks he understands the difference between Keyleth and himself.

Kerrek has seen enough of the world to see how hope has failed, but how rising from the ashes is possible and even likely.

Keyleth (and Vox Machina) have seen enough of the world to be able to hope in everything they believe in, never letting that go until every option is exhausted, ever potential spent.

(that steadfastness hasn’t held a place in his heart for years)

He watches and prays in the deepening night, and feels his own spark of hope return to him even as darkness falls and friends hold vigil.

#critfic #updated #critical role fanfiction #kerrek #kerr bear #i'm much happier with this now that i fixed it #it was alright before #but now it's much better #must be a writer thing #or that i published the first draft while i was falling asleep #... #that was a thing #but anyway #i hope you enjoy #i had so many feels about this episode #and about kerrek in general #but yeah #good episode #much feels #episode 83 #critical role spoilers #cr spoilers #all the spoilers #keyleth #kiki #vax #vox machina #my writing #my fanfiction #dancer writes fanfiction

[dancerwrites]

Hope (is but a building block)

SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 83

Written just after the episode and not proofread because it’s fuck-all AM. Title is a work-in-progress, but I don’t give a shit.

Summary: Sometimes people leave and you can't get them back (and sometimes that's not the end of the story)

Warnings: Mentions of suicidal thoughts, all the spoilers, mentions of gore

[Edited and revised version here]

[AO3]

---

Kerrek stands, breathing heavily, the glow from his hammer fading as Raishan’s body falls to the ground, limp. He blinks once, twice, his vision solidifying on Percy’s prone form, his gut slashed open, and Kerrek falls to his knees, paying no mind to the shouts around him.

It’s noise, pointless noise now.

He prays, willing his hands to imbue Percy’s corpse with life, but the magic fails to take hold and so he does what he can. Simple triage, which is something he knows far better than battle.

Vex rushes over, calling for Pike, and Kerrek feels his already-scarred heart breaking even as he dismisses the flashes of memory from his last adventure. Of what could have been, and what wasn’t.

Sometimes allies fall and they don’t get up.

(sometimes you give up on them before giving them a chance)

Part of him envies Vox Machina’s hope, their steadfast belief that they will not lose one of their own.

Part of him wishes he still had that, but a small portion of him is glad he doesn’t.

(being able to let go makes it hurt less, Kerr has found, in his past experiences)

But Pike’s revivify takes hold, and Kerrek feels the invisible barrier that had kept his magic from taking hold suddenly disappear and he pushes life into Percival, even as Vex bursts into loud sobs, layering kisses over Percy’s cheeks and face.

(when Percival’s eyes open, Kerr takes a step back to leave them a modicum of privacy. there are some things not meant to be shared)

Kerrek pushes down more never-quite-forgotten memories of days long gone, and he surveys the rest of the party, counting heads to see that everyone is there.

He sees Scanlan’s pale face, clutched to Vax’s chest, and hears Grog’s shouts as if through a tunnel.

“Fix him! You all have magic, so FIX HIM!”

Kerrek sees Vax’s bowed head, his lips tight and his eyes closed, and he understands. But then the rest of them start back up, and someone says “Vax, you can talk to the Raven Queen, right?” and there are too many memories there, too many parallels, that Kerrek turns to survey the rest of the cave, his heart heavy.

He is met with the sight of dragon corpses and evil magics, the likes of which he is sure he will never be able to comprehend, and Kerrek feels a shiver down his spine as he turns back to the rest of them, who have shifted their focus to Allura, pleading with her to get them out.

Vox Machina, so much younger than himself and so much stronger than he ever was.

Kerrek had tried to make up for his past mistakes, and he was fully prepared to face his death with Raishan, but fate said otherwise. He has some other purpose, and as loathe as he is to continue living sometimes; especially when those who have died deserve it so much less than he himself does, Kerrek will fulfill that destiny.

(he’ll continue doing what he’s done since running away. he'll do what needs to be done)

The teleportation fails and they take what they can from the sanctum, and he finds himself caught unawares by a glyph on the floor that glows and sends a rush of pain through him, his muscles tensing and tightening and his vision whites out in a fiery haze. His ears are filled with the rush of blood that is drowned out by the screams being forced from his body despite his inability to move, until his sight clears and he sees Vax crouching over him, Scanlan’s small form in his arms.

Even as Allura warns them not to approach the glyph for at least ten minutes, Kerrek finds himself gasping, the pain leaving quicker than he had thought it would.

He’s suffered worse, and it’s not important.

(they need to get out, before anything else happens. his duty has always been to keep others safe and he’s not letting that go regardless of what has changed since that fateful day all those years ago. he has grown since then, and learned that there are worse things than physical pain. it will fade; he will persevere)

So when they start heading back, he hears the laughter of the flaming skulls, sees their familiar forms and charges forward, even as beams of sunlight, bullets, and arrows shoot past him. He takes the impact of two flaming lances to his shoulder and leg, and he takes his blows at the skull that has not fallen, smashing it out of the air. He turns back to them, trying not to let his gaze linger on their confused and hurt faces.

“The way is clear,” he says, and he leads them back the way they had come.

When they emerge into the dying sunlight Kerrek takes a glance at the cave behind him and almost regrets it, with the memory it brings to the forefront of his mind, when he last fled from a necromancer’s lair.

He feels a divine rush of assurance that is small, but enough to start thawing the icy coldness that had settled over him in the necromancer’s lair. Kerrek offers a prayer of thanks and follows the rest of them, stopping only when Allura finds a clear place to make her teleportation circle.

And then she and Kima are gone, and Kerrek is staring at the place they vanished, half-wondering if he should run through and follow them.

(he is too slow, too hesitant)

He follows Vox Machina. He listens to their certainties, their hopes, and their silence as they all continue walking away from the hill, from the death emanating off the center of the island. He listens as Keyleth shares what she saw, and he feels a renewed sinking feeling in his chest even as Percy reiterates their plan to her and she locks eyes with each of them individually, her own wide and pleading and never wanting to give up.  

(they may have won this battle with hope, but hope is not everything, and it cannot solve any problem, regardless of how strong it is)

And when they reach the shore, just as they begin searching around for a large enough tree, Keyleth steps up to the edge of the tide, the water lapping at the leather of her boots, her eyes scanning the horizon.

Kerrek sighs, taking two steps toward her before she points out to her right, hand shaking.

“They’re there! Aw, shit! I don’t know if it’s them- it looks like them, I’m sure it’s them-“

He places his hand on her shoulder and, feeling his age, the tiredness in his bones, begs her to give up the meaningless search.

“Oh child, wishing doesn’t make it so.”

(he knows that. he has had more experience than them, and he knows that hope cannot break boulders or move mountains or bring friends back from the dead.)

Sometimes you need to find the strength to move on, to grow out of the fire that passes in and around and through you.

“But there’s something! There’s something out there and it might be something different, but there’s something!”

“Keyleth-“ Percy tries to interject, but Vex has already taken off on her broom, speeding out over the waves set aglow by the setting sun, and Keyleth is giving her directions over their earrings.

“Good, no, a little too far to the left-“

But eventually Vex flies out of range, her and the broom only a speck in the sky, and Keyleth’s break catches in her chest once, twice, before she seems to choke and she collapses into Kerrek’s shoulder, reminiscent of the day before when she had broken down in the Cinder King’s lair.

Hope cannot heal broken hearts, Kerrek thinks.

(he worries, but he holds her close and rocks her gently from side to side, trying to break the truth to her as whispered words in her ear)

“Sometimes people don’t come back,” he says as time draws out, feeling some of her tears seep through his jerkin. “Sometimes people leave and you can’t get them back.”

His mouth starts to move without his urging as he tries to comfort her, tries to help her understand that chance is a very fickle master to turn to.

Still Keyleth finds it in herself to mumble into her earring Vex’s name, the hope inside her like a fire that cannot be put out, and while Kerrek still murmurs his reassurances, she babbles into the earring, asking for something, anything; a sign that they’re alive.

“What?!” Keyleth exclaims, sitting upright in response to some impetus that has the rest of Vox Machina gazing out over the ocean waters. “Oh thank the gods.”

And she collapses into him again, tears flowing down her cheeks in never-ceasing rivulets. Kerrek looks around, wondering what had happened, and he makes eye contact with Vax, who is standing only a few feet behind him.

“My sister said she found them; Kima and Allura,” Vax says, his chest high and his arms strong despite the weight they carried. “They’re on their way back.”

Kerrek gapes for a moment, knowing what he heard but not what to make of it, but he nods and turns away from Vax’s stare, his hand coming to rest on Keyleth’s shoulder, his own words outstripped in importance in mere moments.

Sometimes people leave and you can’t get them back.

(sometimes they leave, but you won’t let them stay gone)

And when they come together and exit the portal to Whitestone, into the chill dusk air, Kerrek thinks he understands the difference between Keyleth and himself.

Kerrek has seen enough of the world to see how hope has failed, but how you can rise from the ashes.

Keyleth (and Vox Machina) have seen enough of the world to be able to hope in everything they believe in, never letting that go until every option is exhausted, ever potential spent.

(Kerrek wonders if he can’t use some of that steadfastness and wonders where his went in the many years since he went adventuring)

He watches and prays in the deepening night, and feels his own spark of hope return to him even as darkness falls and friends hold vigil. 

#critfic #kerrek #critical role fanfiction #keyleth #critical role #cr spoilers #vox machina #episode 83 #this got much longer than i anticipated #like everything i write #but fuck it #i have too many feelings and no better way of dealing with them #just #patrick rothfuss man #how are you and travis the ones really breaking my heart tonight? #i don't even know #but all of this hurt #and i needed to push hurt onto everyone else #so yeah #sorry not sorry #my writing #my fanfiction