#ben wittes

[majestic-salad]

Ik heb me nog nooit zo onveilig gevoeld als vandaac 1e schooldag na de verkiezingen jezus zeg

#dutchblr #nederblr #en ik ben maar gewoon een witte pot dus ik krijg in vergelijking ook weinig over me heen #volgensmij is echt bijna mijn hele klas pvv stemmers #behalve een meid waarvan ik dacht dat ze normaal was die op bbb heeft gestemd. maar anders ook voor pvv was gegaan #we konden er een redelijk normaal gesprek over hebben met zn tweeen maar voor de rest. #heb gwn het idee dat ik niemand kan vertrouwen zo #aan de ene kant voel ik me niet veilig om dan 100% mezelf te zijn #aan de andere kant wil ik dan ook zo fucking duidelijk aanwezig zijn dat ze er niet omheen komen #hele gemixte gevoelens. #ben iig over verdrietig heen aan het stappen richting heel boos zijn dus dat is een verbetering #en productiever

[f-yeahbendaniels]

Mustache Monday: The gang (and dog)! From behind the scenes of The Exorcist's Season Two (2017).

#ben daniels #the exorcist #mustache monday #alfonso herrera #john cho #Zuleikha Robinson #behind the scenes #alicia witt

[alanrrust]

Some fav shots from being Creative Director at @thedapperstyle

#menswear #style #male model #dapper #men's fashion #fashion #men’s style #handsome #the dapper style #men #hunk #Ben Witte #Troy McCune #Devon Shurden

[chicinsilk]

US Vogue October 15, 1961 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Really fitted suit in dark-grey tweed, with a charming width of neckline, a reasonable amount of fullness in the skirt. Of Anglo wool. suit, by Ben Zuckerman. fur beret by Sally Victor. Model Marola Witt.

Tailleur très ajusté en tweed gris foncé, avec une charmante largeur d'encolure, une ampleur raisonnable dans la jupe. De laine anglo. costume, par Ben Zuckerman. béret en fourrure par Sally Victor. Modèle Marola Witt.

Photo Karen Radkai

vogue archive

#us vogue #october 1961 #fall/winter #automne/hiver #fashion 60s #chanel suit #copy chanel suit #french style #ben zuckerman #karen radkai #sally victor #marola witt #chic tweed suit

[purgetrooper77]

Spectre review

I have seen Spectre (2015 film) for the first time today. It’s a really decent movie. The music, the humor, the dramatic scenes, all of them were really great. There were some parts of the movie where it does get boring but after the boring scenes there were epic scenes. My favorite part was when the cat landed on James Bond’s lap before the second torture happens. 

Sam Smith’s song for the intro of the movie is so awesome! I love it so much. I consider the song “Writing’s on the Wall” my favorite song from Sam Smith. I don’t think I have ever heard a song like that song before. That song is *chef’s kiss* beautiful. Also some of the settings the people in the movie used were beautiful. Now I want to go to Austria, Rome, and London all in one year. Sadly I don’t have enough money at the moment but I will go there one day. Also the plot twist when C turns out to be a bad guy in the movie caught me off guard. I thought it was M that was going to be the bad guy but I was wrong. Very wrong. 

I rate this movie a 7/10 for a happy ending and good acting from all the actors. I recommend you all to watch it. 

#spectre #movie review #spoilers #daniel craig #ben whishaw #naomi harris #dave bautista #andrew scott #rory kinnear #monica bellucci #ralph fiennes #david pope #andrew noakes #Alexander Witt #thomas newman #sam smith #sam mendes #james bond #q #c #m #james bond 007 #007

[loving-n0t-heyting]

in a recent lawfare episode, Ben Wittes (who I find to be one of the most sober-minded natsec ppl I know of) said, of the West Bank, something like "the settlers conduct, let's be real, pogroms of the people there, which the israeli government could stop aiding at any moment, but these people have [clout]. The Israeli security forces are good at controlling terrorists and they choose not to do it [regarding the settlers]. It would require a lot of political willpower to do it but they could do it. And they choose not to, every day." which really caused things to click for me regarding what the material thrust of charges of "settler-colonialism". hard not to see the connection now between manifest destiny and this, assuming it is true.

if what you are leaving open as to its truth is the allegation that israeli settlers conduct "pogroms" in the west bank, dont take it from me! take it from likud prime minister ehud olmert in 2008, or from idf major general yehuda fuchs in 2023, or from maj. gen. yair golan in 2022

as to whether the israeli security forces could put an end to them if the national leadership had the will... well, they certainly seem to take the pogroms less seriously than they do palestinian resistance, to say the least

#ask #tototavros

[lol-jackles]

Walker "The Quiet" review

The episode opens with Cordell and Geri happily bumping into walls while making out before Cordell leaves for work where he ends up bumping inside a runaway tractor trailer driven by a thief the rangers have been tracking for weeks.  James and Trey are also in the trailer though they're only there because Cordell had jumped into the moving trailer, which he claims was inspired by Trey's first case.  Trey doesn't want credit for Cordell's latest impulsive antic, but it all ends well when Cordell does a homerun slide into the baddie's face and just like that, we’re off to a good start.

5 months have passed to explain August’s growth spurt during the real world’s Hollywood strike that delayed Walker’s return by 11 months.  August now looks like a younger clone of the actor that played Sam Winchester’s adult son in the Supernatural finale, which means he has to be hired for the Supernatural revival as young Dean Winchester II. 

The Walker clan pus Geri and Ben are planning Cordell’s birthday with a party bus to a steak eating contest.  That of course gets jettisoned when Cassie Perez, a temp with the FBI, arrives at Ranger HQ to recruit Cordell, James , and Trey s help to help the FBI nab drug operatives.  August suggested moving the steak eating contest to the Walker ranch and just like that, birthday party back on.

But first, Cassie gifts Cordell a pair of alligator cowboy boots that I'm sure she clobbered the alligator herself during her 5-month stint in Florida, and brings Cordell back to Walker ranch for a surprise birthday lunch.   August yeets out of the birthday party early to go to high school senior parties, much to Cordell disappointment who then sneaks away from his own birthday party to look over the latest development of the serial killer Jackal case with Trey.  Hey, like father like son!   

Cordell and Trey gets busted by James' wife Kelly who immediately recognizes the killer's calling card, a set of jackal teeth.  She is upset to learn that the Jackal re-emerged during her re-wedding to James and demands Cordell and Trey to not tell James who is still haunted by the unsolved case.  Speaking of being haunted by the past, Stella and Liam commiserate over being forced to take another human life; Liam killing Clint when he invaded the ranch, Stella killing Witt when he invaded Geri’s house.  Liam assures Stella she will be fine with time. We learn that Witt initially survived the gunshot wound and escaped the house, only to die 2 miles away on the roadside.  The police consider the case closed, but we know it's unsolved as we never found out why he broke into Geri's house.

After a very busy day of taking down thieves, drug dealers, and a steak eating contest, it comes to a screeching halt into “the quiet”. Cordell and Geri spend some quiet quality time and Cordell admits fearing “the quiet” with a daughter at college living away from home and August looking forward to flying the coop.

Trey arrives to update Cordell on the Jackal case and asked him if it was really that bad when James worked on the case.  Flashback showing an unhinged James obsessing over the case, avoiding his family and to the horror of his wife, physically taking out his frustration on Cordell (third time we see Cordell being bumped against walls).  Trey asked if it was the depravity that got to James.  No, Cordell says, it was "the quiet" when the Jackal eluded James.

Besides the normal empty-nest angst by parents, Cordell is also a military veteran who operates at a different level than everyone else.  Veterans’ lows are civilians’ highs so veterans get bored very quickly and seek high risk hobbies or jobs.  Cordell’s job as a Texas Ranger helped fulfill that high risk need and serves as a distraction until a new reality threatens to bring back “the quiet” resulting from absences: his wife’s death and now his children leaving the nest.  Both Cordell and James hated “the quiet '' and Cordell vowed to catch the Jackel before “the quiet” comes back for James again.

Speculation #1: The Jackal heard about the James wedding and wants to mess with James by killing again. 

Side note: Cordell and Cassie discussing the Hawkshadow reboot sounds like the Walker Texas Ranger reboot i.e. "more grounded and focus on the family". I really need Cassie and Cordell to go undercover in a Hawkshadow convention.

My score: 8 out of 10, a solid start to the season with the quiet before the storm.

#walker #review #Jared Padalecki

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

Pansexual & Panromantic Pride

✨💖💛💙✨

💖 Happy belated Panromantic & Pansexual Pride Day (December 8)! To all my pan bookish bats, I see you. 💛 As always, I can't stress the importance of having these books on our shelves, to boost awareness and support for our queer community. Here are a few books featuring pansexual and panromantic characters! 💙

✨ What’s your favorite pan book? Share the title and tag the author in the comments!

💖 Crownchasers by Rebecca Coffindaffer 💛 In the Ravenous Dark by A.M. Strickland 💙 Scoreless Game by Anna Zabo and L.A. Witt 💖 Soft on Soft by Mina Waheed 💛 Beating Heart Baby by Lio Min 💙 Bad at Love by Gabriela Martins 💖 A Dark and Hollow Star by Ashley Shuttleworth 💛 Miss Meteor by Tehlor Kay Mejia and Anna-Marie McLemore 💙 The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli 💖 Final Draft by Riley Redgate 💛 Get It Right by Skye Kilaen 💙 The Mirror Season by Anna-Marie McLemore

💖 Chef’s Choice by TJ Alexander 💛 How to Find a Missing Girl by Victoria Wlosok 💙 For Never & Always by Helena Greer 💖 In the City of Time by Gwendolyn Clare 💛 Ship It by Britta Lundin 💙 It Goes Like This by Miel Moreland 💖 Count Your Lucky Stars by Alexandria Bellefleur 💛 Love & Other Disasters by Anita Kelly 💙 Man O’ War by Cory McCarthy 💖 The (Un)popular Vote by Jasper Sanchez 💛 Loveless by Alice Oseman 💙 A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab

💖 The Library of the Unwritten by AJ Hackwith 💛 Verona Comics by Jennifer Dugan 💙 One Step at a Time by Lily Seabrooke 💖 For the Love of April French by Penny Aimes 💛 Wild and Crooked by Leah Thomas 💙 Once & Future by Amy Rose Capetta 💖 This Rebel Heart by Katherine Locke 💛 Pyre at the Eyreholme Trust by Lin Darrow 💙 Drag Me Up by R.M. Virtues 💖 Extra Witchy by Ann Aguirre 💛 Ben and Beatriz by Katalina Gamarra 💙 The Adventures of Isabel by Candas Jane Dorsey

#books #queer books #panromantic books #pansexual books #pansexual pride #panromantic pride #queer fiction #queer romance #queer community #queer #book lovers #book blog #booklr #batty about books #battyaboutbooks

[laf-outloud]

Just finished watching Walker and I loved it! I especially loved the quiet interludes between different characters: Cordell and Maybelline, Stella and Ben, Cordell and August (crying!), and of course, my favorite heads of the family, Bonham and Abby!

For once, Stella's storyline isn't annoying to me. I think her feelings are very realistic (and thank you, Ben, for explaining to her that they were normal). I'm interested to see where they go from here, and especially to find out why Witt was at Geri's in the first place.

Can I also talk about that scene between Cordell and Augie? I knew August was growing up (and up, and up... lol), but to see current-day Augie juxtaposed with that heart-breaking flashback... dang, that boy was a baby when he started! I can completely understand Cordell's reluctance to let him make such a monumental decision that will eventually take him away from home.

Loved seeing Jeff's real-life wife play Trey's date, and I'm glad Cassie has decided to stick around as a ranger!

(Shout out for the Detective Luna mention... so... when are we going to see him on screen???)

Anyway, it was a great episode and I'm excited to see what happens next!

#walker #walker review #I've found I appreciate it more just watching #instead of posting/tweeting while I watch #but I enjoy reading what everyone else posts! #walker 4.02 #cordell walker #august walker #stella walker #trey barnett #cassie perez #ben perez #maybelline pratt #maybe it's maybelline #david luna #chantal pierre #jeff pierre

[walker-extended-universe]

4x02 Review

I have to admit, I wasn't sure there would be room in the lineup for a lighter episode given the limited episode count, but "Maybe it's Mabelline" was just what we needed after that busy premiere.

The main plot of the episode is focused on protecting a key witness in a money laundering case: Maybelline Pratt. Despite her insistence that she doesn't need protecting and she's perfectly fine to testify, the FBI isn't taking any chances and they plan to put her into WITSEC. However, she refuses to leave with the men they send and since they can't leave her unattended, Cordell suggests one of our merry band of rangers take her home. Unfortunately, Cassie doesn't have a place of her own and Trey's apartment isn't secure enough to hold a witness. The safest place would be the Walker family ranch and, as much as Cordell is already annoyed with her, he has no choice but to agree.

Side note: Did Jared get tired of his character getting hit on all the time? I got that feeling watching everything between Cordell and Maybelline and Trey XD

As prickly as Maybelline is with Cordell initially, she softens after learning he lost his wife and become a single parent. This leads to some interesting conversation between them when he finds her sitting up at the dining table later at night. When Cordell opens up about his concerns with his children rushing out of the nest, she offers some unexpected comfort. The fact that they feel comfortable enough to leave means that he did a good job raising them, and they'll likely come back one day.

The next day, Cordell and Cassie and Trey bring her to court to testify, but things get hairy when there's a commotion at the security checkpoint. The rangers handle it, leaving her with a security guard who starts to take her away while they're distracted. It's clear that this was an attempt by the criminal on trail to silence her witness testimony and, while Maybelline can't escape on her own, she purposefully leaves her bag as a clue to where her captor took her. One parking garage chase scene later, Cordell and Cassie have the captors backed up against the elevator, where Trey shows up to save the day. Another successful day for our ranger troop, in more ways than one.

Fussy Maybelliene

Side note- did jared get tired of his character being flirted with constantly?

Meaningful conversations and realizations

Aside from the main plot of the episode, a lot of the episode continued focus on Stella handling her guilt and trauma from the break-in in the season 3 finale. In this episode, we're shown her guilt over what happened to Witt. Yes, Witt tried to harm her and Sadie and possibly Geri, but he still died and she feels at fault for that. He was young, just like her, and a had a whole future ahead of him- one that he can never live out now. Liam's attempts to assure her that she doesn't need to feel guilty because Witt was a bad person don't soothe her because she can't help but see Witt for all of who he was outside of the break-in. This results in a fight when Liam tries to push Stella further into equine therapy, something she just isn't interested in.

Later, we see her visiting a roadside memorial for Witt with a rose and a rugby ball, something she found out he was interested in. While she's there, she meets a man who introduces himself as Witt's uncle, which doesn't help her guilt in the least. She leaves quickly after she meets him, which gives our new man a chance to call and report their meeting to someone else.

Much later, at the Side Step, we see Stella trying and failing to get in contact with Sadie, demanding that they talk. Ben overhears and knows better than to push for details. Instead, he gives her space to air out her feelings. Unlike Liam, Ben validates her feelings of guilt and compares it to his own guilt over what happened to Lucas. He assures her that it's completely normal to feel that way and it just means she's a good person with a conscience. This gives her the comfort to reconnect with Liam over darts later.

Side note: I said this last time but I just love how much more a part of the family Ben has become. I just wish it didn't all happen off screen.

But, that comfort is soon dashed when she returns to her dorm that night and finds a threatening message on the window, written in dripping red paint.

A smaller plot that was no less significant was August wanting to join boot camp. He starts off by asking Bonham to go over Cordell's head and convince Trey to let him join without a parent signature. This is an interesting scene for me as it shows us that while Bonham is more outwardly supportive of August's military aspirations, he does have reservations about it. When August says that Bonham was the one that told him he needed to learn discipline, Bonham says that he can see August already has. Not that it changes his grandson's mind, but I think this was a great talk between them.

Side note: I did not expect Trey to be the drill sergeant for this program and I'm very much looking forward to August assuming he'll get a leg up because of that.

When Bonham tries to broach the subject with Cordell, he immediately shuts it down. Cordell is putting his foot down strongly against any parental interference this season and I have to appreciate that. It's clear that, at this point, Cordell is trying to put of August growing up as long as he can. It's not until an insightful conversation with Maybelline Pratt later in the episode that he starts to see things differently and signs the form.

In probably one of my favorite scenes of the episode, Cordell and August finally have a talk about it. Here, Cordell explains that while he doesn't necessarily regret his own tour in the military, he doesn't want August to rush into it. He's still young and he has a lot of options available, ones that Cordell didn't necessarily have when he came home from Afghanistan and suddenly had to become a father and provider. But, if this is really what August wants, he'll be supportive, no matter how much he'll worry over it.

Side note: The combination of that pilot flashback and Cordell calling August his "baby boy" did something to my heart and I'm not over it.

A small plot that I really enjoyed this episode was Cassie and Geri's friendship. I've long hoped for more female bonding on this show and these two becoming friends was a great idea.

We find out that Cassie has decided to stay in Austin with the rangers after figuring out that part of what made the FBI feel so great to her was that it was a temporary gig. Between that and James promising her a bright future here, she made a call to Tessa and started looking for new apartments. Geri is extremely supportive of that. So supportive, in fact, that she offers Cassie a chance to move into the bungalow later in the episode- which Cassie graciously accepts. I look forward to seeing how these two live together. And how Cordell handles this turn of events.

There is a part of me that wishes Cassie had spent more time balancing her options between the rangers and the FBI but I understand there were time constraints.

A small moment that I appreciated in this episode was Bonham and Abby talking in the barn after his attempts to talk to Cordell about August's boot camp dreams. Their couple banter was on point as usual, but I liked that Bonham brought up the concept of their future again. They haven't had a conversation about retirement since season 2 and I think it shows how comfortable they feel that Bonham was the one to bring it up again.

Side note: I love that Abby and Ben have gone into business doing weddings at the ranch. It just makes me happy how Ben has become a part of the family.

As with any good episode of Walker, I'm left with good feels on the episode and so many questions for next week! Where is Sadie? Where is Dettective Luna? How is August going to handle boot camp training? Is Stella going to be forced to tell the truth? Are Geri and Cordell officially moving in anytime soon? Will Maybelline return for Ranger Barnett?

See y'all next week!

#walker #walker spoilers #walker review #s04e02 #maybe it's maybelline #such a good episode #so many good dynamics #some i didn't even know i needed #can't wait for next week!

[stormvanwoorden]

Ik probeer met liefde naar de wereld te kijken. En vaak lukt dat ook echt goed. Als ik de regen op mijn gezicht voel vallen moet ik bijna altijd spontaan glimlachen. Of als ik de warmte van de zon voel, of die van vers gezette thee en als ik de muziek hoor die de wind maakt wanneer ze langs de bomen raast. Ik bemerk ook hoe ik steeds tot leven kom als ik door de natuur loop, verwonderd door het leven dat overal en altijd krioelt. Of hoe vrolijk ik ben als ik overdag de maan kan zien. Ik beeld mij dan steeds in dat ze over het leven, en dus ook mij, waakt. Dat biedt mij soelaas. En toch voelt die vorm van kijken meer aan als een vraag. Een soort van "Doe ik het dan nu goed?". Want als ik ergens goed in ben, dan is het dwalen. En dralen. Ik ben altijd al een zwerver ben geweest. Ik maak van alles een zoektocht en ben altijd op zoek naar iets. Naar wat precies? Het volgende, denk ik. En dan terugkeren (want wat als dat vorige toch beter was? Of het andere te anders?) en nog eens terugkeren. Ik ken meer getijden dan de zee. En soms treed ik dan ook uit mijn oevers. Dan loop ik de muren op, witte vlaktes die zich eindeloos uitstrekken, en ik maar lopen. Of misschien vervagen de grenzen tussen muur, vloer en plafond op zo'n moment gewoon. Maar hoe dan ook, het voelt altijd alsof ik nergens anders te gaan heb dan die witte leegte; alsof ik erin geslaagd ben om de eenzaamheid te bewonen.

#nederlands #mijn gedachten #mijn #gedachten #mijn woorden #woorden #woordjes #mijn zinnen #zinnen #zinnetjes

[perfectlybriefmoon]

Walker S4 theories

My two biggest theories for Season 4 are how long Cordi, Trey, Cassie and Detective Luna will be able to keep their investigation into the Jackal's return from James and how hurt and betrayed James would feel due to Cordi lying to his face over the Jackal I'm gonna guess that this will last for the first 2 or 3 episodes

Also how long will Liam be able to keep Stella's situation quiet and given how in the promo Stella gets a threatening message on her mirror though it does look like Stella will atleast tell Auggie what's going on and I wonder how Cordi, Trey, Cassie, Ben, Abby and Bonham and James would react especially given the fact that Liam knew what was going on and yet said nothing to anyone about it (and Liam's silence actually puts Stella and Auggie's lives at risk because Noone was told this)

Stella ends up running away in order to protect her family from Witt and the female forest ranger

#walker #road to s4 #cordell walker #liam walker #stella walker #bonham walker #august walker #abeline walker #ben perez #cassie perez #larry james #theories

[sorcerry]

Ik weet dat dit misschien een shot in the dark is, maar ik doe op dit moment onderzoek voor mijn afstudeerscriptie naar het gebrek aan culturele diversiteit op de journalistieke hbo opleidingen. Met name hoe veilig studenten van kleur zich voelen op de voornamelijk witte opleidingen. Ik ben zelf journalistiek student bij Fontys, en ik wil zo veel mogelijk studenten van de verschillende opleidingen kunnen interviewen over hun ervaringen tijdens hun studie. Ik zoek vooral nog mensen van de journalistiek opleidingen van de hogeschool in Utrecht, en Windesheim in Zwolle, maar elke (ex)student van kleur die hun verhaal wil delen is welkom! Dit kan in schrift (mail) of telefonisch/via teams. De resultaten worden niet gepubliceert, alleen verwerkt in mijn scriptie en het kan anoniem als je je daar fijner bij voelt. Stuur mij een dm hier als je mee wil werken of als je iemand kent!

Reblogs erg welkom om te signal boosten <3

#dutchblr #nederland #nedermemes #nederblr #idk hoe ik dit nog meer moet taggen #@de besties uit mijn klas die op tumblr zitten: als je dit op de een of andere manier ziet.. nee dat doe je niet <3 #desperate times babeyy

[bramsnor]

Hoi…..Kato hier met weer ‘n nieuwe ervaring.

Na die witte wereld en de koude gladde straten mocht ik vandaag weer naast de fiets aan de loop. En ik was daar blij mee, we fietsloopte de Wetering af tegen de stevige wind tegemoet. M’n oren flabberde in de wind en m’n tong hing uit mijn bek.

Maar ik vond het geweldig helemaal toen we weer stopte bij het “paddenpad”. Is daar altijd rustig en toch spannend. Er is van alles te snuffelen en te ruiken voor mij. Zo kwam ik een of ander geurtje op het spoor wat onder het gras vandaan kwam.

Dus ben ik enthousiast gaan graven, die Snor had dat nog nooit van mij gezien dus die liet mij rustig m’n gang gaan. Ben wel minuten lang aan het graven geweest, geweldig. Iedere keer dacht ik dat ik het te pakken had. Maar helaas het was me te snel met voor me uit graven want ik kreeg het niet te pakken, wat het ook was.

Die Snor vond het zo wel genoeg, dus zijn we verder gelopen, en ik zag er niet uit. M’n neus onder de bagger en buik en poten als mede mijn buik was een vieze bende. Dus thuis heeft die “ouwe” me opgeknapt en uitgebreid geborsteld. Maar ik had weer een fijne dag en mocht weer werken voor de baas. Tot volgende keer.

Kato 🐕

#kato;opvanghond;border collie;bordercollie;bramsnor;lekkerkerk;hondenblog; #paddenpad

[xjnegen]

Update ik ben een kopje thee aan het drinken en het is daadwerkelijk mijn redding. Ik zal mijn excuses aanbieden voor de spam wanneer er een witte kerst in Nederland is.

[devosopmaandag]

Iets donkers en zwaars

Mijn omgang met mijn laptop is in zekere zin een magische. Dat geldt eigenlijk voor alle mensen ten opzichte van elke vorm van verfijnde technologie, en het is van alle tijden. Maar dat die omgang magisch is, wordt meestal pas ervaren als er iets grondig fout gaat. Het was donderdagmorgen 23 november 2023. Opeens veranderde mijn lichtgevende scherm ('oh, licht van mijn leven') in diepzwart, met een paar witte woorden in de linkerbovenhoek met een onheilspellende opdracht. Hoe vaak ik die opdracht ook volvoerde, zwart bleef zwart. Mijn laptop was gecrasht. Ik hield hem voor eeuwig levend.

'Is je computer stuk'?', zou mijn moeder gevraagd hebben als ze nog geleefd zou hebben. En ze zou even geaarzeld hebben bij dat moeilijke woord. Ja, Moeder, hij is stuk. Stuk gaan een glas, een bord en een broodrooster. Crashen dat doen vliegtuigen, en er vallen doden. Computers crashen ook, en ook daar vallen doden. Die doden waren eens levende wezens, zoals brieven, gedichten, teksten voor lezingen, teksten in opdracht. Ze slapen eigenlijk de hele tijd, soms weken, soms jaren, maar ze ademen. Ze ademen omdat ze in het leven zijn geboren, er zijn opgegroeid, er een plek hebben. Ze slapen vooral, ik houd van ze, ze zijn heel belangrijk voor me. En nu waren ze dood. Ja, ik weet dat ik back-ups kan maken. Ik heb dat ook wel een tijdje gedaan, maar ben er op een dag mee opgehouden. Het leven wint namelijk altijd. Wat leeft, dat leeft, wat dood gaat, gaat dood.

Terug van computerreparateur H.G. (alsof hij broodroosters repareert) belde ik vriend P. Ik vertelde hem dat de hard disc definitief kapot was en dat wat H ook probeerde, er niets tevoorschijn kwam. Ik zei P dat ik schrok van mijn eigen gelatenheid bij dat nieuws, en dat die grensde aan onverschilligheid. 'Ik dank Vader', zei ik hem ook. Vaders talent voor de dingen te nemen zoals zij zijn, hield ik lang als een tekort van hem. Nu weet ik dat het een van zijn grootste talenten was. Twee dagen later werd ik heel vroeg in de ochtend wakker en plotseling besefte ik: mijn laptop is gecrasht. Met slapen was het gedaan. Iets donkers en zwaars zette zich vast in mijn hoofd.

Maar de geest is een prachtig ding. Hij staat je altijd bij in nood. Elke pijn, elk gemis, elk verlangen kan zomaar worden getroost. Ik zou een voorstelling gaan zien, gebaseerd op het boek 'Orlando' van Virginia Woolf. Heel lang geleden las ik het. Ik sloeg het zomaar open: “… tot er plotseling een geweldige ontploffing in haar oor plaatsvond. Orlando sprong achteruit alsof zij een geweldige slag op haar hoofd had gekregen.[-] In feite was het tien uur in de ochtend. Het was elf oktober. Het was het jaar 1928. Zij bevond zich in het heden.”

Boeken gaan wel stuk, maar crashen niet.