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#being a violent assault and how you don't feel at home in your own body anymore
kabillieu · 9 months
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CW for gun culture, I guess. Also, this went long, so here's a break:
Today, my parents took us to Burger King for a cheeseburger because my eldest loves them and has been missing eating them. My parents hate spending money going out to eat and they hate fast food, so it was a nice thing to do.
While there, a tall white man wearing a tank top, very short neon athletic shorts, and a backpack came in. He was immediately out-of-place. Leaving, I noticed he had parked his bicycle outside. I don't know anything about bikes, but it looked like a vintage road bike. My parents live in a small town in the South. No one exercises outside. My parents are considered eccentric because they go on long walks and my dad runs. There are no sidewalks. There is no culture of cycling. There is no culture of walking around in athletic short-shorts. Inside Burger King there were 1.) retirees, 2.) families with small children, and 3.) blue-collar workers in various uniforms on their lunch break.
There's a lot I have to say about the culture of conformity in small towns and in the South both generally and specifically. I won't get into that here because I want to talk about the god awful fear I have of guns in a country that refuses to appropriately regulate guns in a geographical area that defiantly celebrates guns. In a larger city somewhere else I might have never noticed this man, but he was so out of place visually, which is why I initially noticed him, and then I realized he was also acting erratically too. First he walked to a table without ordering and put his backpack down. And then he was rummaging around in his backpack and talking to himself. I was scared of that backpack. It wasn't big enough for an assault rifle, but it still scared me. Then he eventually went up to the counter to order, and although I couldn't hear what he was saying I could tell that he was being confusing or causing friction with the person trying to take his order. At that point, we were done eating, and I suggested that we leave. I don't know anything about this man, or where he came from, or why he was acting strangely, but I am very, very aware that my parents live in a part of the country where gun ownership is nearly a foregone conclusion and everyone has a gun in their car or in their purse or strapped to their body. The governor of Alabama made a campaign ad bragging about her little pistol she keeps in her pocketbook. It's insane. I hate it so much.
I don't want to die in a shooting. I don't want to think about having to shield my children from a shooter. I don't want to think about the sequence of run, hide, fight, and how with semiautomatic weapons, none of that works anyway. I feel genuinely scared when I'm in public places sometimes. Maybe this is me being neurotic or anxious, but I also think it's rational to feel fear when you know the majority of people around you have access to guns at home or on their persons.
My mom used to work with a woman who, in a freak incident, was held hostage by a man who escaped the county jail. Her and her husband's house was filled with guns. Guess what that man did? He threatened them with their own guns, tied them up, then stole all the guns! They're lucky this man didn't kill them with their own guns.
I'm fortunate that I've never been a victim of a violent crime. I'm sure it's unnerving and terrible and there's trauma that lingers, but people around here just expect that there are all these violent criminals running around (and for my mom's coworker, I guess there *was*, but that was statistically an exception), and they fill their houses with guns and put poorly socialized and neglected dogs outside their houses as "guards," but in reality, it's relatively safe here. You are more likely to be injured by your own gun than to be a victim of violent crime. Guns make everyone less safe. They do terrible things to the suicide rate.
I don't feel safe in this country. I also don't like it when old white people say racist things to me, expecting me to be sympathetic to their point of view, either! That's way off point, but is also something that's happened to me in the last few weeks.
Anyway! TLDR: There was a man who was behaving erratically in the Burger King and instead of just accepting that he was probably eccentric, I went down a rabbit hole of fear that my family was about to die in a shooting because this country cannot get ahead of its terrible, systemic gun problem.
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noxspost · 26 days
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jane doe old one
Baba yaga was walking through her garden as she was holding Delilah by her hair as she was passed out. She was covered in blood yet her dark red cloths were hiding most. 
Her granddaughters were following her as corrin had a saw off shot gun. They were looking for unwanted Guests and visitors.
"Wow cass really hates them." Remarked Constance. "Yeah the same people Violently assaulted her killed her family in front of her and forced her to make everyone's lives a living hell," remarked her sister. "I'd be one who'd violently rip out her own gullet."
baba yaga lived in a house that was massive or at needs to be cured on the inside than the outside. Her house on the bottom had bird feet allowing travel to be easier for her.
Yet her favorite mode of transport that she used to drag Delilah's body here was her giant mortal and pestle. They were inside the house now and they saw yaga's cat sitting next to a new woman who looked very scared and sad. 
She was a drow, her white hair messy and coiled around in a bun. She looked scared and she was petting the cat, she was speaking in undercommon.
"you are new." Spoke baba yaga this causes the battered woman to look to them "sorry!" She tries to make herself smaller "hey now don't, we aren't going to hurt you." Baba closes the door "says the one the saw off gun!" She yelled when corrin laughs "we one I carry this to protect my family but how did you get here?"
"Oh... well I remember being cold and a rush of wind also mice on my neck and arms." Constance looked A little freaked out and asked "is that all?"
"Yes. Also I am named a half soul?" She didn't sound very sure of herself and baba yaga nods "cool great well you are deader than dried bones in the Desert, possessed by a ghost, you are dead man. Deader than bones puppeted around a ghost, You can see on your neck." She touched her neck "oh." She sounded broken and small "how do you know this?" She was getting angry "well if you were alive, borealis would have greeted you by now." Baba then turned to of her kin "Constance," her granddaughter looked up "Can you take this woman's body down to the basement?" The firbolg nods and then the Drow asked "why?" 
"Because We have to keep it of her body so necromancers don't get any ideas." The drow nods "cool." The cat was purring as Jane was smiling soft feeling a little better now "so Since your way it is, we have an idea."
The drow looks up "yes?" She was handed some new clothing as Constance brought her to a mirror.
They were looking in "well, if you look in this mirror." said Constance jane saw herself she saw Herself, she looked a little bit more fox like or wolf like but still held her drow like qualities, but she looked tired and her hair which was usually cleanly, kept and cared for looked like an absolute mess.
"What am I?" Constance Hums a bit and then says well you look to be some form of a Kikimora, which is a type of house spirit that doesn't necessarily evil nor good often. They are tied to the state of the house and the home."
"Oh Do all dead people become them?" The firbolgs laughs a bit "well no you are though." Her laughter was light hearted and Jane looks at herself and as the firbolg was brushing and putting her hair up "what is your name and the other two names?"
"Oh That's my sister and my grandmother. Baba yaga is my grandmother and my sister is named corrin." Jane smiles "well Constance I think you can call me half soul. Also am I staying here?" 
"Yes." Spoke the elder woman who was cleaner now though her White apron was still blood stained and she was currently wiping her hands off with a purple towel. "You shall meet borealis tomorrow." 
She nods as the cat jumps on her lap again "thanks." 
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Mother, might I have some uncle Darius getting custody of his teenaged nibling and grooming them to be his lil wife so that once their 18 they can gave his baby?
This got long lol. Major themes of abuse under, along with slight somno, a lot of non-con and AFAB reader (since breeding).
It had been one huge misunderstanding that had led you to his home. Your father had been vindictive and controlling, your mother sick and as much as a victim as you and your siblings. The videos in court of her freaking out had led to the judge putting her on the same level as him. He was sent to jail for assaulting someone in a bar not soon after, she was put in a hospital.
Your grandparents took the rest of your siblings, but for some reason Uncle Darius took you. They never gave a good reason, just that you were his favourite and that he'd always wanted a kid of his own, but his wife left and he's not good enough with people to find a new one. So now you're his kid.
The first few years are fine. Good, actually. He's stern and a little paranoid about your internet habits, but he doesn't yell and gives you enough freedom so long as you willingly show him that you haven't talked to any strangers. He doesn't know enough about how Tumblr works to find out you've been looking at porn their - or even ao3.
Overall, he's a good 'dad'. You do well in school now that you're not constantly stressed at home. You eat regularly - even if you're mostly cooking yourself. He's away at work a lot. He lets you try some beer, but only on special occasions. He takes you camping in the spring, before the insects get active.
But then you turn 18. His distant yet caring behaviour takes a funny turn. He around more, taking time off of work. Darius' excuse is that you'll start thinking about moving into a University dorm soon, so he best enjoy your time together while you're at home. His lingering touches tell you something different.
None of the touches are enough to call out. Never sexual, just more intimate than what would seem normal between family. You excuse it by saying that he just isn't good with people. And you've seen the train wreck of him trying to ask a lady for her number when you went shopping with him that one time. He scared the hell out of her while you giggled at him from across the store. Darius' face is just like that.
The innocence behind his actions disappears suddenly one night. He's drunk - and he's drunk a lot, so that isn't surprising - but he's never violent. Just tired and quiet. You're stood cooking his supper while he stumbles into the kitchen. No response to your greeting, he never does.
His hand grabs you by the back of the neck, pulling you to his body and making you drop the spoon you're using to stir the pot. This is normal, too. Darius can't just ask for a hug like a normal person, he has to scare the wits out of you.
"Hey darling," he drawls, a hand petting your hair as he wraps the other around your waist. It's nice. Comforting. "Smells good," he continues. He means the food, right? Yeah. He means the food. Even if he's pressing his nose against your neck and inhaling deeply.
"A letter came for you today."
You weren't aware. He always checks the mail. Says he likes doing it, just another weird part of your uncle. You hum and let him continue.
"It’s... it was your University choice, kid. I'm sorry. They declined your admission."
You hands stop stirring. You drop the spoon again, turning to look up at him with tears in your eyes. His large, warm hand keeps petting you, knowing how sad you must feel.
Darius picks you up, turning of the stove and saying that he'll just order in tonight. Don't you worry about that food; he's going to clean and do everything you usually do while he works. You deserve a night to rest after that news.
Cuddling on the couch with old re-runs of Columbo on helps to cheer you up. So does the pizza. Not enough to stop your heart ripping again as soon as your mind returns to being rejected.
"You can stay here as long as you need, kid. I make plenty enough money to support us both. Don't feel guilty about a little set-back. I made a promise to take care of you, and I meant it."
Now you're sobbing like a little baby, gratitude overwhelming you. He's such a good man. Even with his rough edges, you can't even begin to imagine why his wife left.
You fall asleep in his embrace. It's the safest place in the world to you. Nothing can hurt you so long as your uncle - no, your dad - is there to keep you safe.
Shuffling and rough touches wake you up. You're not on Darius' chest now, you're in a bed with the soft sheets under your body. It smells like him. You almost drift off again, content with the thought that he's brought you to his bed so he can keep an eye on you for the night. Something entering your untouched cunt wakes you up immediately.
Your body shoots up, fear filling your previously peaceful mind. With sleep clouding your eyes, it takes a second to see the truth. To see that your dear dad is between your legs, fingering you with lube all over his fingers as his eyes stare into yours.
"Da-"
"No," he says, voice threatening. You shut up with little fight. Your real dad had used that voice a lot. Only when he was angry. "No begging, little one. You're going to let this happen. You owe me this."
You want to fight. You want to kick, punch and scream. To get him off of you and run out the front door to his nice neighbour with the sweet dog so you can get their help. It's like your body is trained to shut down when people abuse you. It's what you did before, back then. It was only being hit then. You wish he was hitting you now.
Your body shakes in fear as Darius keeps fingering, your body tense but responding how he likes. His dark hair falls over his face as he looks down between your legs, his stare obscured enough that you feel grateful to not be under it's scrutiny. Not your face, that is. He's enamoured with the wet sounds your pussy makes as he picks up the speed of his fingers. There's two of them in there now, and it makes you feel funny. It makes you feel good.
"You like this, little one?" he presses, looking in your teary eyes again.
It's safer to nod. To lie and pretend that you're comfortable with this. You were just surprised when you woke up, that's it. Please, don't get mad.
Darius draws away, taking his thick fingers with him. The pit in your stomach drops, knowing that it's far from over. His cock is out - you're both naked. It's going inside of you soon.
"I take care of you, don't I?" he asks as he climbs on top of your body. "I keep you healthy, warm, safe. You don't need to leave. You just need to stay and let me take care of you more. You know you'd be the perfect wife, right?"
There's no leaving this situation. He has all of your money, all of your resources. Your siblings are all still children and your grandparents couldn't stand losing another child. You're alone. You're alone in the lion's den. He's going to devour you. He's been preparing you this entire time.
At least you don't have to look at him as he takes your virginity. He lets you press your face into his neck as he slides in, hissing at how tight and warm you feel. If your fingers raking down his back bothers him, he doesn't tell you. He seems to like it, actually.
"That's it, good girl," he praises, rolling his hips and rubbing your clit against his skin. It tickles, he doesn't shave. God, you feel full. He's so thick and deep inside of you that you think he might be making your tummy bulge. It didn't hurt like you thought it would. Just a little sting, then it felt nice.
The rolling of his hips stops, Darius content that he's let you adjust. His strong arms keep him from crushing you beneath his weight, his muscled body heavy. Then he steals your breath from you by beginning a slow, harsh pounding. He isn't being quick, not right now. Just strong. Just showing off how easily he could hurt you if you don't behave.
But you’re going to behave. Because that’s what you learned, right? That it’s quicker and easier if you give in and give them what they want. So now you’re digging your teeth into your bottom lip and trying to let your mind wander. It refuses to leave your body, every slap of uncle Darius’ hips against the back of your thighs bringing you straight back to the present. 
At least it feels good. At least it’s not hurting you. You thinks that’s good? But maybe it should hurt so that you don’t have to deal with the guilt of the pleasure. It’s too late now. You’re trapped between the comfort of his embrace and the love you feel, versus the betrayal. Things will never be normal now. You can never see him as your protector again. But he is your protector! He’s-
Your mind swims, almost making you nauseous from how confusing it was all getting. But focusing on the present make it stop. Taking in Darius’ scent, listening to his groans and feeling his strong arms under your palms grounding you and stopping your thoughts from spiralling. If you just pretend that he’s someone else, you can do this. That’s what you need to do.
But you can’t. There’s no one who’s made you feel so loved and safe. There’s no one that replaces him in your mind. There’s no one you love more. You’re sobbing now. Sobbing and grabbing him closer. You still want his hands petting your hair and telling you that everything will be okay. You still want him to kiss your forehead and let you know that he’s here for you. You need him.
The slow pace he’d been keeping is enough for you. You’re pushed over the edge, whimpering and shuddering beneath his muscled body. 
“That’s right, milk my cock,” he grumbles, picking up the pace and making you gasp at how sensitive your pussy feels. Your squirming hips don’t stop him, if anything they help him reach his own end as he fills you up. “You’d be such a perfect mother.”
That’s when he finally gives you the forehead kiss you’ve been needing. When he rolls over and pulls you into him again, refusing to take his length out of your warm, soft body. You choose to ignore the mother comment. You don’t want to break the serene state of mind that has settled over you. You don’t want to leave the bubble your mind has made to keep you safe.
“I know this was a shock, but you’ll see. You’ll see,” he whispers as he strokes your hair. “You love me still, right?”
Swallowing deeply, you nod, sniffling and letting your tears dry up. “I still love you.”
Darius smiles, closing his eyes and sighing in relief. “Get some sleep, kiddo. We can go shopping in the morning. You deserve some nice dresses to wear.”
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rendevousz · 3 years
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freak
avengers x teen!fem!reader
summary: you get captured during a mission and the team saves you.
warnings: language, violence, brief misogyny, torture, **NO sexual assault (because as i was proofreading, i only implied most of the torture scenes because i didn't want to write it in graphic detail and i realised the vague wordings might be misinterpreted as sexual assault which IT IS NOT, just clearing it up), and also again, my inability to write good endings
word count: 4589
notes: i just rewatched iron man 2 so that explains justin hammer LMAO also ooc justin hammer because even tho mans evil, he gets extremely um.. cruel here but anyways i hope you enjoy this!!
you were 13 when you first met the avengers and 16 when you officially joined. you grew up as one of HYDRA's experimented children and the team had found you when they raided the base that you were in.
a small, sickly-looking kid you were, sat against your cell wall, hugging your knees. 13 but you could probably pass off as a 10 year old due to how malnourished and miserable you were. burying your head in between your knees, you covered your ears as the loud gunshot noises filled the whole place. the metal door of your cell slamming open against the wall had you whimpering, hands above your head in fear.
every time the door slammed open, guards would come drag you out for more experiments so it was an instinct for you to cower in fear at the sound.
"last room in the west hall, i found a little girl."
you heard nothing because you were covering your ears, preparing yourself to be forcefully dragged by the guards to the experiment room. but it never came.
"hey," a soft voice called. you were violently shaking at this point, breathing heavily as you tried to calm down. "hey, it's okay." the voice called out again and you felt them touch your shoulders.
your head immediately jolted up, flinching away from the stranger's touch. your eyes met a blue pair as you backed away into the corner in fear. "i'm sorry! i'm sorry, i didn't mean to." the man apologised. you slowly looked up at him, observing him. he had on a full black outfit, a quiver of arrows slinging on his shoulder and he was holding onto a bow.
"don't be scared. i'm here to help," he states with his hands out, as if to calm you down. "that's what they all say." you hissed through gritted teeth and a tear-stained face, glaring at him even though that could've been a very wrong move had it been with an actual HYDRA guard.
despite the strange feeling of being safe around this man, you didn't let your guard down. that's exactly what those scientists said seven years ago. trusting kind-looking men got you into this hell you never thought you would ever escape from and you weren't going to make the same mistake again.
"clint," a red-headed female, also in all black, entered through the open door of your cell with her pistol up. at the sight of the weapon, you broke your glare towards the man. your breathing quickened and you went back to your original position before the archer came; body pressed up against your knees and covering your ears with your palms.
"i'm sorry! i'm sorry! i'll come! please don't use that on me again," you whimpered, voice muffled as your face was hidden against your knees. the woman freezes mid-walk, looking at her friend with a bewildered expression.
"nat! put that away!" clint whispered harshly, eyes glaring at the pistol in nat's hands. nat's jaw dropped in realisation, a small gasp leaving her lips as she immediately put away her weapon.
she slowly makes her way to you and clint puts his arm out before she could get closer. he looks at her with a worried expression as he shook his head, as if telling her that she can't get too close to you. nat nods understandingly, crouching down a distance from you.
"hey," she spoke softly. "i promise you that we're not here to hurt you." you kept your face hidden from her, still hugging your legs tightly. nat sighs before sitting down.
"here, let's introduce ourselves. i'm nat and this right here is clint." you hear her speak and when you slowly lifted up your head, you saw the both of them sitting down in front of you, seeming to have made themselves at home in your pathetic cell. "what's your name?"
name? you had never been able to use your name before. you always kept your own name deep in your heart despite no one ever using it, afraid you would forget it if you stopped thinking of it. the only name they ever called you here was 'number five'.
"y/n," you whispered, still doubtful about these people's intentions. you almost burst out crying when you said your name out loud. that was the first time you introduced yourself with your actual name and not the number you were given ever since you were captured.
nat must have noticed this because she immediately spoke up, trying to distract you from your consuming thoughts. "y/n...that's a pretty name for a pretty girl like you. how old are you, y/n?" she asks again.
you contemplated once more but decided it was fine. you knew you were probably going to regret trusting these two strangers but what could be worse than what HYDRA has been doing to you for years?
"13," you muttered, looking down at your lap. you were now timidly seated cross-legged, playing with the tattered hem of your shorts. you heard a small gasp from one of them and looked up to see clint with his jaw dropped.
the two adults were both thinking of the same thing. how could you be 13? you were so small and sickly-looking, they didn't even think you were older than ten, let alone an early teen.
"i know you're scared and you have all the reasons in the world to be, but i promise you, we're here to help. we'll get you out of here, only if you trust us. will you trust us?" nat says. your mind was conflicted. you were either going to finally get out of this hellhole or you were going to be taken somewhere even worse than here. but could anywhere really be worse than here?
you decided to take a leap of faith and trust these two strangers. that decision had to have been the best decision you've ever made in your life.
you were now 18, an official avenger and you had the most amazing family you could've ever asked for. they were a bit on the crazier side but could you really have a normal family when said family consisted of superheroes? but you weren't complaining. you loved these people.
they were the ones who took care of you when you thought you had no one. having been a HYDRA experiment, you had abilities the normal human didn't. said ability being shapeshifting and healing. that's why you became an avenger. your shapeshifting ability was essential during missions where you had to sneak in and you being able to heal others was crucial when medic wasn't able to be there on time.
you pretty much came along to every mission despite the adults saying you don't have to. you knew they were only doing that to protect you from dangers of all those missions but how could you not when you had such abilities? they'd be much better with you helping.
that was why you were here, in bulgaria, fighting alongside the team. well, just steve, nat, clint, bucky and tony.
justin hammer had managed to get his hands on a type of out-of-this-planet weapon that tony was also trying to retrieve, and he had big plans with it. hence why the avengers had to come where hammer had wrecked havoc in; sofia, bulgaria. he had upgraded his robots with the tech used for the stolen weapon.
with evil robots attacking the whole city, it felt like you were living the story that wanda told you of what happened in sokovia before you met the avengers.
an hour passed before all of the robots had finally been taken down and you all knew you had to get to hammer before he activates more robots to distract you guys and uses the weapon for bad things.
"tony, have you located hammer?" steve's voice sounded in your ear through the comms. you had just finished healing the nasty gash on clint's side, nat's cut on her forehead and the bruises all over bucky. you were feeling significantly weaker now, from the amount of healing you did. you stumbled slightly when you walked and bucky immediately held onto your arm. "doll, are you okay?"
"i'm fine, buck. nothing i haven't dealt with before," you told him, gently removing his grip on your arm, walking back to the quinjet.
-
"no, absolutely not. we are not sending y/n right into a death trap. she's not even strong enough right now, she just finished healing us."
you were all back at the compound now and planning a second attack on justin hammer.
"it's not a death trap, buck. and i know you're worried but she's the only choice we got. y/n, all you gotta do is sneak in as one of his henchmen and provide entrance for us. once we get in, we'll take all his guards down and get that weapon from hammer and we won't have to worry about his world domination plans anymore. it'll be over as soon as it starts and she'll be back safe with us. sound good, y/n/n?"
"yeah, sure." you agreed, already having a person in mind that you were going to change yourself to.
-
the plan had gone just as steve wanted and they managed to raid justin hammer's building, tony stealing the very item that could've aided in the massacre of millions. justin and his henchmen managed to escape the building before the avengers could catch them.
"well, that was anticlimactic," tony scoffs, already making his way to the quinjet. "but good job, y/n. you saved the day once again."
he expected to hear a laugh from you, like you usually did, being the only one who ever responds to him after missions. but instead he was met with silence. "kid?" still no answer.
"y/n, where are you?" steve panicked, finally realising that you were the only one who hasn't responded in a hot minute. "y/n/n, this isn't funny." he breathed out.
"she's...she's gone."
-
"well, well, well," a voice spoke right as you woke up from your slumber. you squinted, noticing that you were in some sort of dark room with only one light bulb right above you. "what do we have here?"
a figure walks right in the light and you could barely make out justin hammer's ugly face with how dizzy you felt. "if it isn't the little freak." he states condescendingly, smirking down at your helpless position, both wrists and ankles cuffed onto the metal chair you were sat on. you struggled against the restraints, trying to get free but to no avail.
your breathing quickened, your current vulnerable state reminding you of your later years in HYDRA. they had started off experimenting on you on a metal gurney but as you grew older, you realised that what they were doing to you was bad so you started fighting back. that ended you up on a metal restraint chair instead of the gurney, strapped to the chair with cuffs on your wrists and ankles.
this felt like deja vu. the same panic you felt, the same breathing difficulties, the same amount of effort put into trying to get out of the restraints. "you should know, princess, that that doesn't work." hammer chuckled, a fake pout on his lips as he crouched in front of you, a rough hand on your cheek. you instinctively jerked away from his touch, to which he paid no mind to because he had expected that. he then grabbed your chin harshly, turning your head up towards him. you glared at him.
"you think i didn't know what you did? snuck in as one of my men using your freaky powers? not to mention useless. imagine having powers but not being able to use them to even escape from mere humans," he laughs in your face, harshly letting go of your chin, throwing your head backwards. "you tell me where stark planned to bring the weapon and i'll let you pretty little thing go."
"no."
before you could even comprehend, his fist came flying at your face and your head dropped to the side at the impact. your left cheekbone was throbbing and you could already tell you were gonna have a black eye. despite the pain, it wasn't something you weren't used to. you were an avenger, after all. getting decked in the face was practically in the contract.
he grabbed your chin once again, pulling your head upwards to face him. "you're gonna tell me where it is or i'm gonna make you regret it."
you looked up at him with a bored look. he punched you again. and again. and again. until you could taste the blood on your tongue. "think you wanna tell me now, sweetheart?"
"never. not to someone like you."
the man seemed to get a kick out of beating you up because he punched you again in the face. your whole face was pretty much numb now and the metallic taste in your mouth intensified. you smirked at the man before you, chuckling darkly.
"sure, beat up the helpless girl. that's the only way you can beat me, right? when i'm all tied up? what a man,"
his hand was around your throat within a second and he forced you to look him in the eyes again. "sweetheart, you're a girl. tied or not, you're still weak. not even with that useless power of yours."
taking advantage of how close his face was to yours, you gathered as much bloody saliva in your mouth before spitting it in his face.
it was very much the wrong thing to do because after he wiped off his face, he left the room and two men came in, various tools in hand for their fun with you.
-
"stark! my buddy! how's it going?" justin hammer's face appeared on the screen in the conference room, where the avengers were having a meeting about your possible whereabouts.
"where is she?!" wanda growled, standing up abruptly.
"what ever do you mean?" hammer smirked, feigning innocence. "you know what we mean. where is she?" steve spoke authoritatively, trying to control his anger at the sight of the man's face.
"i'll tell you where your thing is if you tell me where my thing is." he smiled wickedly. this caused wanda to get angrier. "y/n is not a thing! and the weapon was never yours in the first place!" vision held onto her to calm her down and it worked because she sat back down, though still glaring at the screen.
"oh she's not a thing? seems like it to me, though." he smirked and the team frowned, not understanding what he meant until they heard screams and justin's smirk widening at the sound. what a sick bastard. "what are you doing to her?!" bucky screamed, knocking his chair back as he stood up.
"i don't know, you tell me." he chuckles, and the screen changes to the live footage of you in the restraint chair with the two men in the room.
you were no longer fighting back now, just sat limply with your head dropped to the side. the first hour with them, you had been fighting back like you did with justin, despite the restraints, but now entering the second hour, you were too exhausted for anything.
your left eye had been swollen shut, you could barely breathe through your nose, your cheeks were throbbing like hell and your bottom lip was busted. your head was the only thing that moved freely when hit so the men seemed to find satisfaction the most when they punched you in the face. though that didn't stop them from inflicting pain on other parts of you.
"let her go, she's just a kid!" sam exclaimed, his grip on the edge of the table tightening to control his anger. peter and wanda were crying looking at the awful state you were in, clint, tony and bruce were silent in shock, steve and bucky were getting increasingly angry as the abuse continued.
"are you going to tell us where stark is keeping the weapon or have you not gotten enough?" one of the two men was heard asking, pulling your hair back to make you look up at him. you look at with your half-opened right eye, breathing heavily. "my answer's never gonna change no matter how many times you ask."
he scoffs, stepping back before the other man swings a bat right at your stomach. the air was immediately knocked out of your lung. the men laughed as you coughed up blood profusely. this caused wanda to get more hysterical.
"well, looks like she wants more. i'll call back when she's had enough. toodles," he waves his fingers at the camera with a sinister smirk before abruptly ending the call.
the room went silent after the call, save for bucky and sam breathing heavily from the anger they felt. bucky then turned to steve, pain could be seen on his face. "you said she would be safe."
"i–i'm sorry, buck. i didn't know he was gonna take her with him." steve was still frozen in shock, the image of you on the chair now permanently ingrained in his brain. in everyone's brains actually.
"guys, gear up, he's in colorado."
all heads turned towards natasha and she looked back at them with a 'what?' expression. "you were tracking him down the whole time?"
"um, duh? now come on, gotta save our girl."
-
you awoke to a stinging sensation on your inner forearm. after your bloody coughing fit, they proceeded to beat you up again and you were knocked out then. now you were slowly regaining consciousness but you were starting to prefer being passed out. your whole body was in pain and the fact that you couldn't even move made it even worse.
"oh, lookie here. sleeping beauty is up." you were met once again with justin hammer's ugly face. he was sitting on a chair perpendicular to your left side. you couldn't wait to get out of here so you didn't have to keep seeing his face every time you woke up. your inner forearm was stinging even more now so you looked down at it. you gasped at the sight.
"how'd you like my artwork?" he chuckled at your reaction. there on your arm, obviously carved out with the bloody knife that the asshole was so proudly holding on to, was 'FREAK'. carved out big and bold. on your skin. "pretty fitting, eh? freak? because, you know, that's what you are."
the blood was seeping out through the cuts and it stung even more now that it had been exposed to the air. the asshole moved his chair to your other side. "what should i write on this arm?" he feigns a thinking expression, looking up thoughtfully with his thumb and pointer finger on his chin.
"please, i–i don't know where tony put it. i really don't." you cried, tears now flowing freely down your face without a shame.
he looks at you with amusement. "what is this? are you...are you giving up already? can't take anymore?" he smirks and you sigh, closing your eyes. you just awoke but you were exhausted. so, so exhausted.
he takes out his phone, the smirk now permanent on his ugly face. "stark! kid's finally had enough. wanna tell me where the weapon is now or do you want to find her body at the bottom of the ocean?"
you couldn't even be bothered to react to his statement. the pain all finally registered and you were tired. tired and in excruciating pain.
"kinda busy right now, can you call back later?" you could hear tony's voice sound from justin's phone and the man beside you laughed. "i see you don't care for the girl. what could possibly be more important than saving her?"
"i don't know, you tell me." a voice said from behind you two and before you knew it, hammer was knocked off the chair he was on. you weakly turned your head just in time to see a metal arm force hammer up onto his feet before wrapping around his neck. "don't you fucking touch her again."
"y/n!" you heard wanda's voice as she entered the room with peter. more tears flowed down your face at the sight of them, stinging when they rolled past the cuts on your face but that didn't matter. your family was finally here to save you.
you saw the red mist of wanda's powers surround your cuffs before they clicked open. "oh, bubs, i'm so sorry." she cried, both hands hovering around your face, hesitating to touch you in fear of hurting you. her eyes fell onto the words carved out onto your skin and her mouth fell open before covering it with her hand. "i'm so sorry we couldn't get to you sooner." peter's voice cracked and you could tell he was emotional.
"it's okay," you told them, giving them a small smile, the biggest one you could give in your current state.
tony, sam and steve entered the room to see bucky relentlessly beating up your captor and wanda and peter standing by you as you cried.
"cupcake, we're here now. don't cry, you're safe now." tony came closer and despite knowing that you were because your family was finally here, you couldn't help but let out all the pent up emotions you've kept throughout your time of captivity.
sam had a go at justin once bucky was done and steve had to physically pry them both off of the sick bastard so that nat could cuff him and bring him back to the jet.
"y/n/n, i'm so sorry. if i hadn't–"
"it's okay, stevie." you cut him off. truthfully, you only did so because you knew he was going to giving a long-winded explanation justifying his actions and your headache couldn't bear to hear lengthy sentences. but you also didn't think it was in any way his fault so he didn't deserve to be beating himself up for this. shit happens, anyway.
"let's get you out of here, doll." bucky says, cringing when he sees the blood on the floor of your chair, as well as on your clothes. he quickly reaches to lift you off the chair but stops when you let out an ear-piercing scream of pain. "doll, i'm so sorry! did i hurt you?!" bucky questions in panic.
"y–you didn't, they did. it...it hurts everywhere," you cried, feeling hopeless that you couldn't even bear being carried by someone, let alone get up by yourself. their hearts broke when you said that. you never really cried much in front of them and you were known to withstand pain well because of how much shit HYDRA put you in as well as your powers being healing, meaning you had a higher pain tolerance than most people.
"it's okay, bubs. i got you. let's get you home, alright?" wanda's calming voice broke you out of your breakdown and red mist surrounded your whole body, wanda moving you with her powers. you were thankful of that because it didn't cause any more pain to your body.
maybe hammer was right. maybe you are just a freak with useless powers. wanda floated you into the jet and she set you down on the bed. "y/n, oh my god!" clint cried out once he sees you. you looked much worse than you did on hammer's camera footage during the call an hour ago. "kid, i'm so sorry."
"clint, take the wheel. bruce doesn't have all the resources needed. she needs to be treated ASAP." nat tells her best friend and he nods, taking the wheel and immediately taking off once everyone had boarded.
you were laid on the bed, right eye slightly open as bruce examined you. exhaustion hit you like a truck and before you knew it, you blacked out.
-
"how is she, doc?"
"pretty banged up but y/n, as i already knew, is a strong girl. lots of internal bleeding, broken bones, bruises and scars but she'll be fine. you can check her file later if you want," doctor cho tells tony outside of your room. "it's fine, can we see her?" he asks on behalf of the whole team standing behind him.
"yeah, of course! she woke up five minutes ago. i'll be off now, call me or my team if you need anything." she bids goodbye and left the group of superheroes.
steve slowly opens the door and there you were in bed, staring up at the ceiling. "hey, y/n/n," he greets sheepishly, feeling as though he had interrupted your alone time of blankly staring at the ceiling. the team trailed in behind him and soon your bed was surrounded by the avengers.
"hi, cupcake."
you looked away from the ceiling and turned your head towards tony. "oh, hey tones." you smile as sam helps you sit up while the rest sat on chairs all around you. "how you feeling, bub?" nat asks, eyes flickering down to the bold scarring of letters on your forearm.
"as okay as i can be." you answered truthfully, pressing your inner forearm closer to your body so the team doesn't see the letters carved onto your skin. you already know what you are, you didn't need the rest thinking so too.
"you're not a freak, bubs."
you look up at wanda. "i'm sorry, i didn't mean to read your mind. but they were awfully loud. you're not a freak, y/n. and you're not useless too. that bastard may have carved out that word onto your skin but the scar will fade. it's not permanent. you know why? because that's not what you are." she tells you, taking off her jacket to wrap it around you because you felt self conscious of the scars all over your arms where the team could see.
"yeah, doll. you're an amazing person and your powers help us so much. i mean, you saved millions just helping us get the weapon back from justin hammer. if you hadn't, well, who knows what could've been happening right now?" he places a gentle hand at the side of your head, stroking your hair.
"yeah and who heals us when we get really hurt during missions, huh? i mean, if you hadn't healed that stab wound i got during that mission in new mexico, i probably wouldn't even be here at this moment." clint tells you and you roll your eyes at him. "you're exaggerating."
"i am not!" he laughed and you playfully rolled your eyes once again.
"y/n/n, i'm really sorry for—"
"i don't wanna hear it, stevie."
"but–"
"no. it's not your fault. shit happens." you brush him off. "lang–"
"you say language to me, i'll blame this shit on you even when it's not your fault. try me, rogers." you glare at the blond super soldier. he raises his arms in surrender, leaning back on his chair as the team laughs.
the team continue to entertain you and you couldn't help but smile at the sight in front of you. these were the people who would drop anything for you and were willing to dropkick any asshole in the face for hurting you. justin hammer never had a chance against your family to begin with.
taglist <3
@amourtentiaa @rqmanoff @abitofeverythinggg
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theunderneath · 3 years
Note
Can we have some alphabet yandere Dr.Bright?
I stole this from my wattpad enjoy!
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Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get? - He would show his love and affection by being overly touchy kisses, hugs, hand-holding, etc. He would get very intense with these things even if his Darling and him aren't even in a relationship.
Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling? - Vaaaaaaaaaary messy, in his mind he’s got nothing to lose. What is the foundation gonna do? Fire him, bad idea seeing how he's immortal and could easily spill all the secrets of the foundation if you wanted to. Kill him? HA! He wishes. Put him in prison? Same thing happens if he get’s fired. He’ll start talking.
Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them? - Very clingy, doesn't want to spend a second away from his Darling "What if they get lonely!" probably takes time off of work to spend more time with his Darling. Probably wouldn't mock them because he doesn't want them to hate him.
Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling's will? - Cuddle sessions don't matter where or when. If he wants cuddles he'll get cuddles. He also might force marriage early on because he sees it as a way of ensuring you stay with him. Not one to force a child on a darling. He’s seen children grow up in a bad house hold, he doesn’t want that. He need you to love him first.
Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling? - He'll spill his heart out if his Darling wants him to, he knows he has a lot of baggage so he won't just start spilling unless he knows his Darling wants to listen. He can get vary vulnerable, like a lot.
Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back? - Gonna be honest here, he's extremely unstable at any given moment. It's hard to predict what he's going to do. Yell, hit, cry, bite, maybe nothing at all. It’s all depend how stable he is on each day. The less stable the more violent.
Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape? - He doesn't see it as a game, though he will act as if it is. If you want to play the fool, fine by him. But in this game, he is the one that holds all of the cards. 
Hell: What would be their darling's worst experience with them? - The worst experience is probably having him come home in a different body for the first time, seeing a random person walked through the door then try and hug you. Fucking got smacked and kicked in the balls as you ran away to hide because you thought someone was trying to assault you. (Assuming your not a doctor/agent at the foundation)
Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling? - He wants to live happily with you for eternity (He'll find a way to make you immortal, even if you don't want to) he wants to get married and be happy. He likes the idea of kids but even having the name Bright will kick you in the ass somehow. He doesn't like the idea of you getting pregnant from one of his random body tho. (It's my own personal headcanon that the foundation makes every member put away some sperm/eggs if the member dies/get sterilized so the wife/husband can still have kids)
Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope? - He gets very jealous, he doesn't lash out unless he sees them as a threat to the relationship. The way he copes is to try grabbing your attention from the person and being generally annoying so the person leaves.
Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling? - He would be happy, extremely happy. Would be very loving and an attention whore, wouldn't let his darling gaze leave him. Wants everything his darling can give to him, he'll give his everything back in return.
Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling? - He would give gifts flowers, candy, letters, clothes, anything he thinks you want. He would also be less annoying around them so they like him more or try to be. If he did write a letter he would probably draw (A vary bad drawing) of his amulet or maybe just sign it as Jack but nothing more.
-I'm putting a little sample of what I think he would write in a love letter-
I don't really like letters, I mean who even uses them nowadays. Most people just text or email each other, but I can't really do that because then you could track the number. I don't really want you ruining the surprise, so I'll just keep leaving a letter at your door. I can tell you one thing tho! I'll be coming to get you soon my love, so please be prepared - (crude drawing of the amulet) Jack
Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else? - Not really he just a little more insane, when he killing he's smiling more then he should. He's a little more crazed when chasing his darling. Other than that he's pretty much the same old Dr. Jack Bright.
Naughty: How would they punish their darling? - Losing freedom or maybe physical punishment. Depends on how much you anger him, he's not the most stable person in the world. If it's something not that bad then guess who's being watched 24/7, if it's something really bad then guess who's getting their legs broken. That way you won't run away from him, nor will you be able to resist if you broke your arms now would you.
Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling? - His darling isn't getting any kind of social media, they would be lucky if they get to even watch the news. Anywhere his darling goes he'll be with them, he actually likes going out with his darling to eat and go on dates.
Patience: How patient are they with their darling? - It all depends on how much he wants to die on that particular day, he can have a lot of patience on a good day or already be at his wits ends by just one backward comment.
Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on? - Seeing how he is immortal, he'll think he'll never find someone else but then someone comes into the picture and history repeats itself. Then again he makes sure this darling doesn't get away. And if he's Darling is immortal, well then he's got an eternity to find them.
Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go? - Probably would only feel guilty if he hurts his darling and they sob and cry. He won't let them go through, but they will get everything they want if they behave.
Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)? - Probably a person who emotionally open around him. A person who cries and smiles around him. He likes seeing that, he likes seeing the person angry too. He's slowly starting to realize he loved seeing all these emotions and he wants to see more of them and that's the start of it all. He wants to stay by their side and watch all of the emotions.
Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves? - He feels guilty, he reaaaaaalllllllly feels guilty. He likes seeing them cry yeah, but not at him. He also doesn't appreciate the screaming. he really hates the isolating part, he hates it. He wants to see his darling, he wants to see all of his darling.
Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere? - He comes back, in the normal Yandere story the main character suffers through all the good yandere stuff, then the main character either submit to the yandere or ends up getting rid of them (Killing, putting them in jail, etc.) No no no, not him. He comes back, always. He has a lot of pull in the foundation so jail isn't a problem and death... Well, we all know how that ends.
Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape? - His mental state, it can change a lot and he can be very vulnerable at certain times. You just have to time it right, be careful though. His mental state can change in an instant, so when you run... Run fast.
Wit's end: Would they ever hurt their darling? - Yes, he should hurt his darling. Not for fun nor would he like it. He just thinks 'Why do you have to go against me so much. If you want to be that way THEN BE THAT WAY!' He wouldn't kill his darling. He'll break a bone or two but you probably deserve if you push them to that point or maybe he lost his grip on reality.
Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over? - He would worship the ground they walk on, he knows everything about them. He has thousands of pictures of them doing random shit. He would go to any lengths, he has nothing to lose in his mind so why not just put all his effort into making himself happy.
Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap? - Not long, probably. Again it depends on how he's feeling on that particular day. He could only last a day or last years patiently waiting for his darling to give their heart to him.
Zenith: Would they ever break their darling? - That's a hard maybe, it could go both ways. On one hand Dr. Bright has lifetimes to wait and slowly break his darling down. On the other hand, he's very unstable and makes a lot of mistakes.
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broiunno · 3 years
Text
License to Steal - Act IV
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License to Steal
ACT IV
Act I // Act II // Act III // Act IV
---
summary: Min Yoongi is your new protection detail upon your return to your father's side after being sent away during a bloody gang war. Now the dust has settled, you've been called back to your old controlled life, and leaving you an unwilling participant in your family's plans. You don't know what they are but you are no longer willing to be the obedient, protected daughter. You don't really care in the least of it makes Yoongi's new assignment hell on earth- So you'll carve your own life out back home on your own terms.
-rating: 18+
-pairing: min yoongi x reader
-word count: 5.8k
-warnings: swearing, gang activities includes drug mention and eventual drug use, the slowest of burns, organized crime, toxic af family dynamics, BEWARE IN THIS ACT: graphic family abuse (father initiated verbal and physical assault- does not fade to black), violence, blood, graphic descriptions of torture, and graphic sex scenes will be included in this work.
-authors note: @chelsea-chee leading the au as usual. I love her the appreciate her as my love, writer, and my beta. Her works are *chefs kiss* Thank you again beautiful <3 PLEASE NOTE: I AM REALLY NOT EXCITED TO POST THE NEXT FEW ACTS. They deal with heavy subject matter and I don't fade to black at any point so please note my works are for mature audiences, warnings are there for a reason and in bold. You are an adult if you are reading this work (per the warnings) and you are responsible for the content you consume. Thank you. ILY all and I love asks about the characters. And that's all I have to say about that...I'm sorry for the wait. I've had covid. I'm back on a better schedule now.
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You fumbled with your hair as you tried to rip your fingers through the still damp strands to assemble it back into a semi-presentable pony tail as the door slid open to your father’s office. You really did wish that you had been able to go upstairs and shower. Or at least change your clothes from the workout gear you currently felt sticking to your skin from the cooling sweat. As a breeze drifted from the vent as the air kicked on, you shivered violently, shaking your head and shooting a hateful stare in Yoongi’s direction as you stepped into the office. Appearances were everything in your family. They were the first level of protection to ensure threats stayed at a minimum. A show of strength and cohesiveness discouraged any hair-brained ideas from a weaker or less organized opposition.
Your father raised a dark, thick brow, turning from the man was speaking quietly to, his expression unreadable as you inclined your head slightly in greeting. “You asked to see me?” you said quietly, keeping your eyes downcast. Since Yoongi had mentioned your father was summoning you, you knew it couldn’t be anything positive. This soon after your arrival? Nothing good would come of this. You had just grabbed onto the distraction of Yoongi until you both stood in the office, feeling stripped bare, awaiting whatever admonishment was about to be delivered.
“You couldn’t make it a full forty-eight hours without causing me a migraine,” your father said sharply and you kept your eyes trained on the floor, as you replayed yesterday in your mind.
“Father, I don’t know what you-”
“Y/N, you weren’t even back a day and you spent how much?” he said, aggravation lacing his tone. “I had to call in Kim to look at your accounts immediately. You’re a fucking hassle.” He huffed and your eyes finally lifted to the stranger that stood next to your father, noting that he stepped away from your father and bowed quickly.
“Nice to meet you, miss. I’m Kim Namjoon. I’ve been handling your accounts and will continue to do so.” You felt your lips part in a soft ‘oh’ as you studied the broad planes of his face, full lips and intense eyes. You felt like he was picking you apart in that moment as you took your time to absorb his ash blond hair in a relaxed, but carefully crafted style. His skin tone was golden; a contrast to Yoongi’s milk-like skin. He glowed, and you couldn’t tell if it from his melanin or the fact that he was radiating intelligence.
“N-Nice to meet you too,” you stammered and managed to close your mouth as he pushed up the rolled sleeves of his white button-down shirt. You swallowed hard and tried to claw through the mental fog that had overcome you. With the teasing from both Jungkook and Yoongi, being presented with another god-like man was the last thing you needed. “I will admit I’m a little confused; my spending was never a problem when I was away? I mean, it’s not like I bought a car.”
Your father barked a laugh and threw up his hands. “You have no grasp on what I do to make this money that you just piss away Y/N! And you COULD have bought a car with the amount you spent yesterday! Like I said: a god damn burden!” he hissed and you flushed slightly, taking a step back unconsciously as you watched his neck flush. Yoongi hadn’t said a word, but you knew you could still sense his dark presence in the corner of the room, not looking at him to notice his eyes narrowed slightly as the scene unfolded.
“Y/N, I’ve had an idea. You’re a daughter. I can’t do much with you. Your brother who I could actually have used is dead. Your mother-” He stopped as he watched your eyes bulge and he shook his head. “I can’t have more children. I’d consider it disrespectful to her memory,” he mused, a hand running along his chin and you couldn’t help the scoff that escaped you, but your jaw snapped shut audibly as your teeth clacked together after the noise passed your lips.
Your father’s eyes flared to life in challenge and he glanced at Namjoon, lip curling. “Did you calculate her estimated cost of living and monthly expenditures? Do you have solid numbers?” he said shortly and Namjoon just nodded, eyes flicking between the family members silently. “And did you adjust for a profit at the margin we discussed?”
“Yes sir,” came the deep steady voice, Namjoon’s eyes traveling your figure, his gaze not heavy with lust or desire, but full of curiosity. “The monthly amount that you should request for that profit is in the proposal if you would like to review it.” He finished and cleared his throat. “I can return if you want me to look over the contract,” he said softly, clearing fishing for a dismissal and your father granted it, offering his hand and you felt your mouth tighten in confusion.
“What contract?”
Namjoon grabbed a briefcase and inclined his head to you stiffly in farewell before his long legs carried him out the doorway. Your father’s gaze didn’t leave your eyes as he spoke. “Yoongi, see him out.” Yoongi nodded and started after the tall man in silence, not sparing you a second glance on his way out.
“I asked you what contract?” you said softly, struggling to keep your voice even as your father stepped closer to you.
“Well, you went out. Spent a lot of money that you’ve done nothing to earn, and caught someone’s eye in the process. Someone worth a lot of money and who would be an asset to have closer to the family at this point in his career.” Your father clasped his hands behind his back as he continued to close the distance between you, each step he made, you felt your heart plummet further.
“Father… what exactly are you implying?”
“I’m not implying anything, Y/N. I’m telling you. Someone’s made a bid for your hand, and it’s the only thing you’ll be good for at this point. The shopping sprees, your lifestyle. I can maintain them, but if someone else is willing to do so, and the marriage benefits me in my business, I’d be stupid not to pursue it. Do you think I’m stupid, Y/N?” he said, voice getting dangerously quiet as he reached out to tuck a piece of hair that had escaped the rapidly put-up ponytail behind your ear.
“You can’t sell me off like fucking cattle!-” you said, flinching away from his touch, and his large, calloused hand shot out to grab your chin tightly. He forced your face back towards his as you tried to jerk away, squeezing hard enough to make your eyes begin to water. Your heart thudded out a dangerous irregular rhythm as you breathed hard through your nose.
“I can’t? Y/N, you seem to be under the delusion that you are free from the responsibilities that come with being in this family. I suppose that may be my fault. I was too soft on you, pitied the losses I caused you to have. I always had your brother anyway; there was no harm in indulging you. But now, you’re the only one with my blood in your veins. You’re home to do a service for this family. Everyone else has given their lives in some way. Did you think you were special?” His words were measured and cold as he studied you, grip not loosening on your face. You would be bruised tomorrow as you felt the throb set in from the pressure he was applying.
“You may order me to do it, but I don’t have to go along with this,” you hissed, barely able to open your jaw, but clenching your teeth to get your words out, rage licking up and down your body. He had taken your entire life as a child, as an adolescent. Did he really think giving you a few years of freedom put you back in his debt so far that you owed him the rest of your life?!
No sooner than the words were out of your mouth you heard the sharp crack, and felt yourself stumbling backwards into the wall. You blinked quickly as you registered the pain in your head, immediately starting to pound as the metallic taste of blood filled your mouth. You barely had time to regain a semblance of your bearings before your father was upon you again, face chillingly blank as his ringed fingers gripped the base of your ponytail, ripping your head back at an awkward angle, a scream breaching your bloody lips. The noise was cut short by another blow, snapping your head to the side before he jerked your face back to center.
“Who do you think you are, you little bitch?” he said with a lilt to his tone as you choked out a sob, unable to keep it from escaping your lips. “You really thought you weren’t going to do shit to replace that money you spent?” When he finished speaking he gave your head a violent shake, as if to scramble your thoughts further. It was completely unnecessary, as your head felt as if it was splitting with the pain he had rocked through you with his blows and harsh grip. You felt the start of a purely hysterical giggle break through, spitting out the fresh rush of blood that ran in your mouth due to the cuts in your cheek from your teeth. You noticed a piece of the skin from inside your mouth flapping loosely that made you nauseated if you dwelled on it.
The laugh was probably the worst response you could have had.
You heard a soft hiss, and your father stepped into your space further, hands darting from your head to wrap themselves around your throat and squeezing. As your hands scrambled to scratch at his hand, his arm, his face, anything, you wished you were surprised at this. You wished you were hurt because you were shocked, but you weren’t. There was blood in the water and he was a shark. He built his life this way.
“You don’t have to go along with this…” he said softly, voice void of emotion, “but you also don’t have to keep living here either. How long will you make it without this family? You’d never make it out of the city.” He mused and continued to squeeze, your vision starting to spot as you tried to draw in any bit of air within the hold he had, the choking heaves under the weight of him making the blood that had pooled in your mouth from his blows spill over your chin grotesquely as it began to stream onto his hand. “So will you behave for once in your fucking life?”
You were hyper aware of the tears streaming down your face as you managed the smallest of nods. You supposed he was right; you had never imagined you would be used in the family in any way. Your entire life had been lonely, and even though you hated it, you had resigned yourself to it. His hands unwrapped themselves from your neck, letting you inhale a burning gasp of air as you slid down the wall, and onto the floor. You coughed and rocked forward onto all fours as the shaking of your body didn’t allow for much more than consciousness.
Your father pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped the crimson of your blood off his hand before tossing it to you on the floor. You could barely recognize the quick but unhurried footsteps coming back down the hallway to the office before they stopped short.
“Yoongi, take her upstairs.”
==
The flush from hustling back to his boss’s office drained from Yoongi’s face as his eyes widened at your figure hunched forward onto your elbows on the floor. He watched you hack as your body tried to clear your airway. Yoongi stayed silent as he reached down, crouching next to you and attempting to offer you a hand so you could stand on your own, for which you were thankful. You felt the physical pain, but no emotions as your mind sluggishly screamed at you to just accept his hand and stand. You needed to walk out of here on your own. You knew you wouldn’t make it all the way to your room after the assault, but you didn’t need to. Just to the elevator.
You reached out your hand, shaking hard, as you clasped at his large palm and hoisted yourself up, letting him pull lightly as he stood with you, noting that he was still silent. You tried to ignore how your vision swam before you, willing your knees not to buckle. You couldn’t pinpoint if the unsteadiness was from the blows to your face, the lack of oxygen, or the tears that had thankfully stopped streaming down your face but still filled your eyes.
Yoongi seemed to read your mind, shifting his grip from your hand to your upper arm, nestling in your underarm and gently steered you to the door, but let you support most of your weight on the way out. You walked in silence as he didn’t rush you down the hallway, both of your eyes trained on the lift door as he typed in the code. As you waited for the door to open you felt your shaking legs betray you and start to bend. You glanced away from him, the movement of your eyes causing a piercing pain to shoot through your head. “Please,” was all you rasped wetly as you put more weight and started to sink, but the pressure holding you up immediately doubled, Yoongi’s support forcing you upright, even if it made your shoulder raise. It would be almost imperceptible from your father’s office if he was still looking in your direction, but you doubted he would. He had already received your submission; he didn’t need you for anything else.
Yoongi didn’t seem to want to take the chance that he was still watching, stepping into the elevator and continuing to only hold you in one place. His grip was still disguised as if he was walking you out in the same way he may escort an associate who was no longer welcome - in such a manner that would deter any further escalation. No one would be able to tell he was the only thing keeping you upright.
As the door slid shut to the elevator the facade crumbled, you lurching forward and gasping out a sob of pain, tilting your head down to let the blood that had been collecting in your mouth pour out onto the floor. You forgot how much mouth wounds bled. Yoongi was not bothered with the grotesque display as he swiftly adjusted his grip to wrap around your shoulders, his other arm sweeping at your feet as he lifted you with apparent ease. You shut your eyes as the tears began to flow once more, unable to restrain the moans and whimpers of pain that escaped between gasps as you cried. He still hadn’t said a word, even as you turned your face into his suit jacket, inhaling jaggedly as you tried to focus on the scent permeating from him, trying to place it through your snot-filled nose. The only thing you could recognize was the warm, woodsy scent of patchouli as you reached a shaking hand up to hold onto his jacket tightly. You knew he wouldn’t drop you, but it grounded you all the same.
You tried to slow your breathing, but failed as the elevator door opened and Yoongi strode quickly to your bedroom door, bending at the knees and somehow using his crook of his elbow and his body to turn the door knob, the only change in your positioning being that you tilted slightly as he spun it. He kicked the door with his foot gently as he stepped in, by-passing your bed as he carried you into your bathroom, carefully getting on his knees as he lowered you into your large bathtub as he placed you there. You continued to breath quickly, your gasps becoming sharper as your gentle shaking soon became uncontrollable. You released his jacket as he stood and you pulled your knees to your chest, shutting your eyes finally as you heard the tap briefly run before a cool rag brushed your chin, eyes flying open as you flinched away.
“Shh, I need to see your face. I have to get the blood off,” Yoongi whispered, and you finally looked at him, noting his face was still paler than normal. “Princess, I need you to take a slow, deep breath okay? Can you do that? Your lips are turning blue; you’re hyperventilating. You’re safe,” he murmured, brows pinching together in a pained expression you had never seen on his face as you tried to nod, attempting to take a long breath in but ended up gulping in air multiple times on the way, the blurring of your vision worsening as Yoongi grimaced, your breathing speeding up again, your shoulders shrugging with the effort to take in air. The last thing you heard was Yoongi’s tense exclamation of “Shit!” before you blacked out.
==
When you awoke, you were under the covers of your large bed. You sat up quickly before groaning from the ache in your head, then realizing that opening your mouth made you want to scream from pain. Between the squeeze on your jaw and the cuts inside your mouth, it was safe to say you would be saying very little for a while. You glanced towards the window, noting it was inky black outside.
“How long has he hit you?” came a cool voice from beside your bedside and you turned to face the source, seeing a figure standing beside the small table, casting a shadow with the aid of a lamp. Had he even left? Yoongi had shed his stained suit jacket, but still wore the white shirt and same suit pants. You only knew it was the same shirt due to the blood stain from where your mouth must have painted him. Instead of attempting to speak, you shrugged in an attempt to get his gaze off of you. It was piercing and unnerving. You felt as if this was the beginning of an interrogation, and you didn’t fail to notice the color had still not returned to his normally pale face. Now that your mind was a bit clearer you were able to recognize why it registered so deeply with you. He was the embodiment of white with fury. “How. Long?” he said again with such harshness you swallowed hard, ignoring the fire that licked down your throat as you did so.
“That’s a joke right? He’s always been like that. I just normally am better at avoiding it,” you forced out; your words were almost incoherent as you tried to move your jaw as little as possible as you spoke. That was bearable. Good. Not that you had expected it to be, but at least your jaw wasn’t broken; that would have been a pain in the ass. “What time is it?”
“It’s three am,” Yoongi hissed as his eyes glimmered in the near darkness, pushing off the wall and grabbing a glass of water off the table and sweeping a few pills into his hand. “Take these.” You took his offering and a small sip of the water before carefully throwing the pills to the back of your throat and washing them down, sighing softly. “They’re pain pills. They’ll help and you’ll be able to go back to sleep in a bit.”
You didn’t answer but pulled back the cover of your bed and slid out, noting that your bloody shirt had been changed but you still had on your sports bra and leggings. And your ponytail had been taken down, which was probably a good thing since your scalp was still aching from the hold your father had you in.
“Y/N… don’t.” Came Yoongi’s voice, still unemotional but a bit gentler than his earlier tone. You didn’t turn back to him but stopped your path to your vanity, obviously trying to look at your reflection in the mirror to assess the damage.
“Is it that bad?” you grumbled, turning to him and you watched him shrug.
“It’s not good. Don’t worry about it tonight. No bones are broken from what I can tell. I wiped you down the best I could. Just change once I leave and get back into bed.”
You let out a deep breath but finally stepped towards your closet instead to grab an oversized t-shirt. You could work the bra off under it and slip your pants off once you had it on. “Why did you even stay?” you said softly as you set to work, your muscles aching as you attempted to change modestly. You don’t know why it even mattered, but in this moment it did.
“I needed to know if he had done this before. I needed to know if this was the first time. When we were kids, you weren’t around all the time. Sometimes, I’d go months without seeing you. I didn’t know if this was a part of it,” he spat out, visibly tensing as he took a loud steadying breath.
You shrugged as you pulled off your leggings, successful in stripping your bra off under the shirt, and padded back to your bed. “There were a few reasons he kept me separated from everyone. It wasn’t all because he thought I was too precious to see any of this.” You climbed back into bed and tried to settle back into the plushness. Yoongi took a step closer to you, his mouth slightly open as he watched you try to get comfortable, seemingly unable to stop himself.
“Y/N…” he said softly and reached a hand towards you and you stiffened, eyes narrowing, and he took note, dropping his hand slowly.
“Yoongi, I never asked for your fucking pity.”
“I know, and it makes me want to help you even more.”
You blinked and tried to register what he was implying. “Help me?” you repeated, shaking your head as you felt the same hysterical laugh bubble up that had made your assault that much worse in your father’s office. “No one can help me!” You laughed, eyes widening as the smile twisted your features. “This is my life, this is what I was born into. This is what all those shiny things cost, Yoongi! I always knew it but I forgot.” You watched as the pained expression from earlier slid back over his features, and you raised your eyebrows in response. “I appreciate it, but unless you’re willing to put a bullet in my fucking head there’s no saving anything.”
“Who says it has to be your head, Princess?” he said gently and you swear you felt the world stop.
“Don’t say shit like that Min,” you hissed, baring your teeth and shaking your head. “Even if we don’t always get along, I don’t want you dead too.”
“Whatever you say Princess,” he said, a smile tugging at his lips as he cocked his head to the side. “Are you alright to sleep? You don’t feel like you’re going to vomit?” he asked seriously, watching as you shook your head.
“I don’t have a concussion,” you grumbled but as you watched him smirk and go to grab his jacket you felt your heart speed up. “Yoongi- w-wait.” He immediately stopped, as if he was anticipating your words. “Can you stay here the rest of the night? I know he won’t do anything but I-”
“Let me go change my clothes. Is that okay Princess?”
“Yeah… I just don’t want to be-”
“It’s fine Y/N. I’ll be right back.” You stayed sitting up, watching him as he dismissed your attempts at explanations and justification as he walked out.
You sighed, leaning against the leather headboard and let your breathing even out, even as your heart still raced. The pain began to slowly ebb as the medication took effect; what had you even taken? It had to be something strong as a comfortable fog began to cloud your thoughts.
You didn’t know why you felt the need to have him here. Did you even need to explain? He was technically your bodyguard. You had known each other most of your lives. You had just suffered through an assault; staying with you was reasonable. Even if the assailant wasn’t unknown, nor were the motives. At the end of the day, Yoongi’s presence made breathing a bit easier. His presence made you feel safe.
The door opened again and you sucked in a breath as Yoongi re-entered your bedroom, one hand carrying his gun and holster, the other a hanger with a clean pressed suit. “I’ll wake up before you,” was all he said in response to your surprised expression as he studied you. He mistook the shock on your face as being accredited to the suit. He was an idiot if he thought you cared about the fact he would dress here. You were too busy drinking in the sight of his lean figure in low-slung grey sweatpants. You tried to rip your gaze back to his face but you got caught on the black ribbed tank top and the swirling black tattoos covering his shoulder and chest before disappearing under the material.
“I didn’t know you had tattoos,” you choked out, feeling your face flush and mentally slapping yourself. He may look like sex on legs, but you looked like you just had the shit beat out of you. Which to be fair to yourself, you actually just had the shit beat out of you.
“Oh, I forgot,” he said, a small smirk tilting his lip up but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. He draped his suit over the chair to your vanity and carried his gun with him towards the plush armchair in the corner of the room.
“The bed is big enough Min. I won’t touch you,” you said breathlessly, trying to force away the blush that was deepening across your face. He seemed to freeze and take a few steadying breaths.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea Princess.” His voice was controlled but quiet.
“Please Yoongi…” you said just as quietly. “It’s just for tonight. I won’t feel safe if you’re all the way over there.”
It was definitely an over exaggeration. You hadn’t really expected him to even agree to stay in your room with you. The chair was the reasonable option. You knew you were pushing it.
“Princess, I-” He breathed, the airiness of his tone making your belly somersault and it gave you a tiny shiver.
“Yoongi, please. I need you next to me. Just tonight.” You shouldn’t be so worried about getting this man into bed with you, but now that he was here in front of you and it was so close to happening, you felt you might cry if he denied you.
You watched his back muscles rippled as he tensed and tried to relax. He turned wordlessly and walked to the opposite side of the bed, setting his holster down and climbing into the king-sized bed with you. “Go to sleep Princess.”
The drugs had to be prescriptions, not that you really expected a member of an organized crime family to just take a regular aspirin when they were in pain. “Is the oxy working yet? It should start soon if it hasn’t.” You hummed your assent as you squirmed down into the bed and tried to keep the smile from your face as you reached over and turned out the lamp. You took a deep breath and shut your eyes, savoring the heat that quickly built from having two bodies under the covers of your bed, ignoring the slightly annoyed sigh from the other side of the bed.
“Be quiet Min, I’m trying to rest,” you said softly and a soft dry chuckle cut through the silence as you let sleep take you.
==
Yoongi’s POV
Yoongi listened to the soft sounds of your breathing as they lengthened and deepened, the pain pills having done their job perfectly. If only he could have done his job in such a manner. He had been given a job: to keep you safe, and he took it seriously. Even if the one assigning his work was an abusive piece of shit. Yoongi let out a sigh, glancing over at your figure in the dark to make sure his huff hadn’t disturbed your slumber. It didn’t. You were still laying there, eyes closed and unaware, your face turned towards him to afford him a view of what exactly your father had done in his absence.
He felt his teeth grind against each other as even in the dark, he could make out the near black bruises covering your neck in the clear shape of hands, a bloom crossing your smooth cheek as well. Even your chin and jaw were dark from bruising; evidence that your father had held your face to force submission. It had worked. He opened his mouth and stretched his own jaw to try and stop himself from continuing to grind his molars down to nothing in rage. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to forget how you looked and how he felt when he entered the office, watching the blood drip onto the floor. How he wanted nothing more than to simply pull out his gun and lodge a bullet into your father’s knee before proceeding to swing the butt of his gun down onto him until he shattered every bone in the pig’s disgusting face.
Until he begged him to stop. Until he begged his daughter to tell Yoongi to stop.
The daydream made Yoongi smile a full gummy smile and chuckle for the first time today. He would stop when you told him to. If you told him to. Now that he knew your father had put his hands on you before this, he wondered if you would just let him continue until his mania at seeing what had been done to you was sated. He knew it wouldn’t be until he heard your father’s death rattle, knowing it had been at his own hands.
You stirred slightly to readjust in your sleep, drawing his attention back to the present as you moved closer to him in the bed and he sucked in a breath. Even beaten and bruised you affected him. Even carrying you in that elevator down the hall as you clutched onto him. He had been spiraling down into violence but as soon as you grabbed his jacket, he knew you wouldn’t withstand even him raising his voice to anyone without shattering. You were normally so fierce and seeing you broken made him want to tear apart this entire society you both lived in, even if it was all either of you had ever known.
It was then he had decided he would be what you were asking of him with your sobs and how you clutched onto him; he would be as gentle as could be and give you whatever you needed tonight. Tomorrow he would begin the undertaking of dismantling your father piece by fucking piece.
He had watched over you after you passed out; you had woken up briefly for him to get you to take pain medicine once before you actually were able to speak to him. Before you asked him to stay with you. He wanted to pretend it didn’t make his icy heart crack, the way you tried to explain and justify his presence. He would never ask you to in this kind of situation. When Yoongi returned to his room, he attempted to steel himself for a night of sitting in that uncomfortable chair, and a sleepless day tomorrow. He had gone more than twenty-four hours without sleep before.
But when your eyes, even if they had started to become glossy and dilated from the drugs, began to run over him, he had to try and think of every unsexy thing he could fathom. You had just been fucking violated and just with one look he felt the blood travel away from his brain and pool below his waist. Why did he think he would be able to wear sweatpants while staying with you? You destroyed every semblance of self control he had. He still hadn’t forgotten your teasing in the elevator prior to this shit show.
Then your soft drowsy voice had called out to him just as he had regained his mental fortitude and continued to the chair. You would be the fucking death of him and he didn’t think he would really mind. Now, as he laid here in bed with you trying to ignore the fact that you were shifting closer to him in your sleep, seeking his warmth, he closed his eyes. He had anticipated the pure fury of tonight keeping him awake, but instead it was the fact that he could feel your breath on his neck, that if he turned his head back to you he could still make out your absolutely gorgeous feminine form from under the blankets. The dip in your waist and the curve of your hips, sloping into your soft thigh. Yoongi’s eyes shot open as he let out a soft hiss as he felt his member stiffen in his sweats, one large hand reaching down to palm himself, and he willed his hard-on to disappear.
He dropped his eyes again, confident he would get his bulge to go down without waking you, and as he tended to it, a soft small hand reached across his middle, making his forehead furrow. He tried to take a steadying breath, and tried to not imagine that the events of last night weren’t the reason he was in your bed. That you had just invited him to bed because you wanted him there, not for security but because you wanted him as a man to share your bed and body. That he could roll over to face you, slip his own hand up that oversized shirt and rub soft circles into your skin before slipping his hand down in-between your thighs.
Yoongi felt his cock twitch and himself harden further, forcing another deep breath in and out as he circled back to try and think of grotesque things to make his longing subside. You at least had stopped wriggling in the bed in an attempt to get closer; he was thankful for that. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter and tried to calm his heart and regulate his breath to make it possible for him to drift off.
This was going to be a long night.
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duskyskz · 3 years
Text
Blueberry Claws - H.H.J
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Warnings - Halloween Au, mentioned assault, choking, Hyunjin!Dom mild tones, slight violence
Word Count - 4.7K
A/N - ahaha this .. turned out way longer than I meant to ohno I'm sorry Hyunjin had my heart in a vice grip lately
Part of @nightshade-minho and @mini-meanhoe 's Halloween collab!
*********************************
Elbow deep in ruddy earth, you kneel among the undergrowth of your garden, plucking away stray roots and weeds. It’s not your favourite part of the day, but you pride yourself in the exquisite berries your growth produces, and adequate sunlight is a must in bringing the sweetest fruits. Autumnal chills creep down your spine, warning you of setting sun and cooler nights looming over the forest horizon. It is a quaint little house, settled carefully between the curve of the river and the forest border, a hat’s toss away from the village settlement, and you enjoy it that way - far away enough for privacy and undisturbed peace, yet not isolated enough to be unreachable and dreary. 
People weren't the only viable company, anyway. Your neighbors came in the form of passing badgers rummaging through your compost, squirrels and mice poking their noses through cracks in your windowsill while you bake, the sweet smell of sugar and jams luring in a furry audience you felt obliged to entertain, tossing crumbs and peels into the open yard. 
“Croak!” 
You raise your head away from the mud at the screech, glancing upward. 
“Hello.” You greet your most recent visitor. The magpie quickly climbed upon your friendlist, introducing itself with a persistent knock of its beak against your poor kitchen windowpane. It came back the next evening, and the one after that, never missing more than a day in it’s routine to rob you of your pie crusts. 
“Are you hungry?” 
“Croak!” You suppose that’s a yes, considering the intensity with which the bird stares down at your precious blueberries. 
“Come on, then. Lunch wouldn’t hurt me, either.” 
***
“Can you believe that - that witch!” You stomp along the pavement to your front door, slamming it open. “The audacity to even imply my pies are anything but organic!”
Positively fuming, you don't entertain the absurdity of venting your frustrations to a corvid. At times, you think to yourself the little blackbird almost understands you - head tilting in accordance with your words, nodding when appropriate and watching your dutifully as if awaiting continuation. 
Then it’s attention switches from your wild gesticulations to the fresh batch of muffins cooling on your counter, and your suspicions of a higher intelligence disappears, leaving you to sweep cake crumbs off it’s feathers. No, plunging neck-deep into hot cake is not wise, you’d point out later. 
***
Maybe the loneliness does get to you after all. It’s a little embarrassing to admit how reliant you become on the magpie’s company. Its’ shrill croaks and glassy eyes became a comfort to you, a presence your day no longer felt complete without. Brushing your fingertips over the delicate feathers on its back, you rest your chin on your other palm. 
“It’s a dreary winter coming, birdie.” You muse, humming at the overcast sky. Masses of grey and washed out blues tumblr over the hills, warning you of approaching snows and rains. “I should fix the roof hatching tomorrow morning - be a shame to freeze my toes off before the solstice, wouldn’t it?” 
 The magpie doesn’t reply, and you don’t expect it to, but the slow blinks as you speak convince you your words don’t fall on deaf ears. 
“As long as I don’t have someone warming my bed, I better do all the warming myself.” Springin to your feet, you set to work on tidying the front yard. 
“Would you care to join me to fetch new hay for the roof tomorrow?” 
Your unconventional companion opens his beak, groaning. Then it snaps down into the ground, impaling one of your finest strawberries. 
Ah, well. 
You can only guess what a magpie must tend to in a day - you weren’t about to keep it from important bird tasks.
***
Your window panes quiver with the force of the hurricane, creaking sadly in their wooden frames. You have no idea what time it could possibly be, but judging by the time already passed since sundown, it’s way into the late night. Dismorphed figures haunt the outside, shadows passing over your bedroom like a predator, and you burrow deeper under your covers. Of course, approaching winter was harsh. In the hillside, mountain winds rolled down rocky foundations to crash into your humble home with rapid force. Turning onto your side, you press your head against the pillow to mute the whistle of the wind through your thin walls. You’d patched the roof last week - but you had yet to insulate the walls fresh, and chills made themselves known through cracks and gaps in last year’s worn overlay. 
With a soul-crushing snap, your window is thrown open as the lock gives way to hurricane, two fragile glass planes whipping open into the dead of night as you curse your luck and scramble out of bed to grasp the handles before they’re torn off entirely.
Yet something past the glass grabs your gaze before you can pull them shut, petrifying you in place. You don’t know if it’s the rain freezing your feet to the ground, or the unfiltered terror, but you can’t even scream as your eyes meet the vividly yellow ones across your garden.
Hunched above your blueberry bush, in a cloak of pitch black, stands a creature you’ve only seen in manic sketches in the village hall prior to tonight. Its’ spine seems bent, somehow, too long and too skewerd to fit precisely in its body, leaving two lumps protruding from its back. In a pale face, boxed in by wisps of black, you can only focus on two luminous eyes, zeroing in on your figure with far too much attention for your liking. 
In its knifed claws it grips a branch of your favourite plant, mangled and weeping blueberry juice onto the dirt. Maroon splatters blot the beast’s face, but you don’t gaze long enough to separate fruit from the blood of some poor soul. 
Maybe your blood will be next on its beak. 
Yanking the window shut, you tumble into your bed, curling as tight as you can into the duvet, shielding your head. Maybe it’ll go away if you don’t make noise, holding your hands to your ears. 
Maybe it’ll just go away.
***
It’s been three days since the storm, and coincidentally, three day since you’ve last seen your closest friend. Really, mayhaps this was a sign your friendship should extend elsewhere, and not the local corvid populace. Shovelling pastries into your hamper, you venture out into the open air for the first time since that night.
You’re still unable to clean the wreckage in your front yard. Somehow, the thought of laying your hands on the same branches that unknown horror touched fills you with dread, and you can’t bring yourself to rid the leftover mess. You had enough jams and preserves stockpiled to last you the whole winter if need be - if you weren’t financially obliged to sell most of them, anyway. 
Fitting yourself with a scarf to guard from temperamental weather, you wrap the wool tightly up to your nose as the first leaves fall from the oaks beside you. 
You love your town, you really do. 
The whimsy of nearby streams rolling over lustrous green fields is a wonder to wake up to every morning, and the walk into town is always a pleasant meander under centuries-old oaks and pine trees, spying on the conversations of woodpeckers and crows.
Yet, among all the commotion, you find yourself missing one particular croak. Never quite the same elegant cry as the other birds, but particular and endearing in its own right. 
And entirely missing from your life for half a week.
Passing the stone gates, you keep to the right of the road to make space for idle carts and horses wandering the streets. Carefully, you unload all your stock onto the market table - this stand has your name carved into the wooden leg, and you pride yourself on being a regular enough attendant to warrant a reserved place. 
The day flurries by you in a mess of clinking jam jars and passing coins. Afternoon had already set in a while ago, traversing into the evening by the time you begin wrapping up your last sale. Bidding goodbye to the market staff, you hoist your (significantly lighter) basket over your forearm, leaving the town square. It’s not dark yet, bare wisps of the night inking over your head as the sun lowers over the woods, letting you lose your train of thought in the scenery.
You feel the last pricks of stress leave you as your thoughts drift to the hallowing creature from nights ago. Perhaps your mind, in its hazy and exhausted stade, played up the vivid shadows and reflections in the moonlight? Yes, surely. There’s no way an animal this size and fright roamed your woods unacknowledged - The only terror you knew was the fabled warlock, but nobody has seen his face in decades. You weren’t even sure what he looked like. All tales of warlocks the library gave you marked them as haunted men, selling their soul for mastery of dark arts, giving up their limbs for a hint of inhuman power. Some had horns, you’d read. Some, a devilish tail winding between their legs, while some gave up their own eyes and replaced them with animal counterparts for better senses. 
It scared you more than you’d like to admit, the more you entertained the possibility of a being so twisted hiding in the depths of your woods - but was Hwang Hyunjin even real, or a figment of townsfolk imagination? 
Entangled in your own head, you fail to notice the arm lashing out to grab your elbow and yank you violently sideways, slamming your back into the brick wall between two buildings. 
“Ouch!” You rasp out, catching your breath, but your scream is broken by the hand quickly winding around your throat.
Great, after a shitty week you were going to get robbed, too! 
“Don't you try open your mouth again, you little bitch.” A coarse voice hissed against your cheek. You tried to reel away from the terrible stench of his breath, but with your back against the wallside, it was impossible to weasel out. “Made quite a pretty penny at the market today, didn’t ya?”
A large, cold hand snuck down your waist, over the ribbons tying your corset shut, and you were sure you’d retch when clammy fingers started tugging at the knot. 
“Where are you hiding it, then? Down your vest?” One sharp pull leaves your corset flying open, exposing your skin to freezing night air, shielded only by a thin undershirt. You try to shake your head, but the hold on your neck makes it impossible to even curse. “That’s a bit thin, isn’t it? Not much to hide under such flimsy fabric -”
“Shit!”
You heave in a breath as the tightness around your throat suddenly wanes, disappearing, and all weight lifts from you. Eyes watering from the lack of oxygen, you blink rapidly to clear your vision, stumbling back as you find focus. 
Shrill cries tear from your assailant, angry red oozing from the gash above his left eye, arms flailing maniacally to chase away the blur of feathers thrashing around his head. Slinking down to catch your breath, you pull your knees to your chest to steady your breathing, though the scene before you grows more gruesome every time you blink. 
You can’t tear your eyes away, even as the bird dives down again, embedding its razor claws in the man’s eye socket. The screams are terrifying, but you don’t have the thought to wonder how no one else came to check the commotion. 
Maybe nobody wanted to.
In muted horror, you watch as the man finally lands a hit, thrashing the tiny bird into the wall opposite with a numbing crack, spinning on his heel to face you once more, though his one eye struggles to find your face. He stumbles forward, lurching in your direction, drops of fresh blood flying at your feet.
“What are you, a witch? I should burn you alive -”
Smack!
You’re sure you’re hallucinating as he topples to the pavement, struck by a surprise force. Hunched over him, in a flurry of black feather, sits a mass you know  you’ve seen before. For a moment you think, another bird? A whole flock? But then the feathered cape shifts, raises, and you realise it’s one pair of  heavy-set wings protruding from a broad back, arms poised to strike over and over at a target long void of defense. You feel sick - everything that unravelled in the last few moments makes your stomach churn, and you vomit onto the floor between your feet. You can’t watch the blood any longer, listen to the crunching sound of tendons snapping and bone breaking, rolling over as you feel your legs give way to jelly.
***
You can feel yourself swaying, gently. You don’t feel the ground, but you know you’re moving, head balanced on something pillowy and warm, but still solid - what a weird combination. 
There’s something holding you up by your legs, and another clutching onto your back. You have half the mind to open your eyes when you’re coherent enough to, knowing you should be alarmed given the situation you just vaguely avoided. But this is nice. Your lift your eyelids barely enough to take in your position, head propped carefully on a shoulder. You can’t see much beyond the collarbone your nose is tucked into without outing yourself as awake, so you settle for breathing in deep, lulling your nerves with the scent of ash and fern. It's safe, comforting somehow, in a way you’ve never felt comforted in. Your forehead grazes his cheek, tips of his dark hair tickling your skin as you heave out a sigh and press your face deeper against the warmth. 
“I’m sorry I left you, Birdie.”
His voice is gentle, too. You let it ring in your head, soft whispers and words you can't quite decipher but appreciate nonetheless lulling you back into shallow sleep. You recognise your surroundings by the shift of light, stepping out from the tree canopy into wide hillside, catching last rays of sunlight. 
You think he’s going to wake you and ask for a key, but your front door grants him access with just a single flick of his wrist under your knee. You’ll have to ask him about that later.
Nudging his way inside, ducking to fit past the low doorframe, your saviour swiftly marches to your bedroom, confirming your suspicions. The layout of your house was entirely too familiar to him for it to be the first time he’s visited the premises. Or the second, if you count the night visit three days back. When he lowers you onto the mattress, it's with such care your heart skips in your chest, and you pray he doesn’t hear it stop entirely when you feel his fingertips brush over your shoulder to pull the blankets over you, strong arms straining under his shirt as he moves your head from his shoulder and you immediately miss the heat. There’s a cup of water by your bedside that wasn’t there before, and when satisfied with your placement, he steps away. Your eyes blink open fully when you feel his presence leave your side. 
“Are you leaving?” Your voice sounds small even to you. 
“I wasn’t sure you’d want me around.” He answers after a hesitant pause, kneeling by your bed. “You - You looked really scared that night. I never want you to be scared of me.” 
You sit up, reaching for the glass of water which he swiftly passes to you to soothe your throat and wash out remaining bile. Your skin still burns in the places that asshole touched you, and you hiss when your fingers rub the sore spots on your neck, before a larger hand wraps around your palm, bringing it down to glare at the bruise.
“I won’t apologize for what happened to him, though.” The venom in his voice makes you still. “That filth got what he deserved - I should have taken his other eye, too.” 
“...Is he dead?” You’re not sure you should ask.
“No. I left him breathing, but I can’t guarantee someone will find him in time.” 
“You left him blind, that’s enough Hyunjin.” His head snaps up at the name, as if he didn’t expect the confrontation. “You’re the magpie that’s been visiting my garden this summer, aren’t you? You’re the fabled terror in our woods.”
You say the last part with a smile, but the warlock  lowers his head still, glancing down at the blanket curving over your hips.
“....Yeah.” He mumbles, observing the many silver rings at his knuckles. “Is that too much for you?”
“What do you mean?” You scrunch your nose, confused, when he doesn’t elaborate. 
“At first I just came to visit because of the garden, but every time you saw me you’d talk to me like I was a person - Like I could understand. And I know you talk to the others too, like that ugly goose -” You want to scold him for calling Truffles ugly, but he carries on without pause. “But in my head it was just, nice. Even if I couldn’t reply, whenever you speak, there’s no darkness in me. Nothing but you.”
Hyunjin frowns, not wanting to meet your eyes yet. His hand grips the edge of your duvet, straining the fabric as his wings twitch.
“I was so fucking mad at myself when you saw me. You looked so small, so petrified - and of me. And as much as I wanted to take you into my arms and reassure you I couldn’t.” 
You can’t deny it, you were scared then. But knowing the man before you now, the events of today and the large part thunder and your own exhaustion played into your fear that night, you felt none of the apprehension now, resting your hand atop his shaking ones. 
“Maybe you wouldn’t want to see me again, if you’d guessed what I was after that. So I let you be, watching from a distance, because I couldn’t bring myself to let go completely. And today, fuck -” He runs a clawed hand through his locks, pushing hair out of his face to finally look at you, golden eyes rooting you to your spot. “I should have snapped both his legs for even thinking to touch you.”
“But maybe that’s my own vice.” You watch soft pink lips form words you’re not sure are real. They could have been your own imagination, for how quietly he speaks. “Maybe my love would be too much for you.” 
The silence that follows his confession is crushing to both of you, for entirely different reasons. 
You barely wrap your head around the idea of being loved by him before he pulls his hand away from yours, accepting rejection he knew was coming. It’s not until he stands that you breathe in, catching the edge of his jacket before he can leave you again.
“It’s not.” You state. “It’s not too much.”
You hope he doesn’t mistake the quiver in your voice for doubt, because you’ve never been so sure of something in your life. 
“Do you mean that?” The hopeful lilt to his voice sparks your heart alight, he’s at your side in seconds, long feathers sweeping the floor below his feet as he moves. “Are you sure you want me the same way I want you?”
“I do.”
You nod to reassure him, sliding further down the bed to make space for his larger frame. Hyunjin slinks in next to you, crawling over to hover above you, taking in the way you look finally beneath him. His feathers block out most light, sun long set. You can barely see, but before you can complain about missing his ethereal beauty, a candle flickers alight by your window, and another on your bedside table. Another, and yet one more afterward, until your bedroom filters in a warming glow from a dozen shy fires. 
Ah, warlock things. 
“It’s okay,” Hyunjin hesitates still, lips stopping millimeters away from yours as the last strings of hesitation cling to his thoughts until you urge him to move. “You can touch me.”
His lips are warmer than anything you’ve ever felt, moving over your mouth like fine malt wine. There’s a quiver in his hands when he brings a palm down to cradle your cheek, running his thumb over the smooth skin as his tongue runs over your teeth. 
You don’t notice your legs spreading open to allow him between your thighs until his knee bumps against your core, bundling your skirts in his fist to pull them down and off. 
“You’ve no idea how long I’ve waited to have you under me like that, birdie.” Hyunjin whispers. “All for me, at my mercy - you look so good like that.”
The irony of him using your own nickname for him on you is lost in the moment you arch your back into his touch, pressing your still corseted chest against his palm. Every place he touches has you needing more of him, every part you can reach. 
“Undress me, please.” 
“Gladly.” Nimble fingers pluck the bow of your shirt open, lifting it over your head. In the cocoon of his wings and candle light, you feel a love you’ve never known before. Discarding his own shirt next, you hardly have a moment to take in the exquisite expanse of his chest before your field of vision is taken up with glimmering navy feathers, Hyunjin’s head dipping to swirl his tongue over your nipple. Your grip in his hair makes him keen against your chest, groaning over the sensitive flesh between his teeth.
“Are you - You’re a virgin?” The idea of him being the first to make you feel so open, the only person to see you react to such intimate touch gets him harder than Hyunjin thought possible. 
“Ah, yeah…” You nod. Were your reactions so telling? You suddenly felt even smaller, caged between his arms and the pillows, watching his tamarind eyes flicker.
“I’ll love you well, birdie. Don’t worry.” He blows cool air onto your damp bud and you feel like crying. One hand leaves the space by your head, pinching your other peak. At first gently, testing how far he could push your limits to get you melting at his touch, then harder when you moan at the slight burn. 
Your hips rise to rub against his thigh, unknowingly seeking out friction to aid the dampness gathering in your underwear. His hand meets you there, slipping a finger under the band of your panties to snap it against your skin for your impatience, and you still immediately, recognising his dominance even without prior warning. 
“Be good and wait. If I own you, I’m taking my time with you.” There’s a hard edge in his voice, something about the empty threat makes you want to push his buttons until he snaps. 
You don’t need to wait much longer.
Ridding you of the last scrap of clothing you had left, Hyunjin has you bare and displayed, every part on show and within his reach. Slower than you can take, he drags his thumb on the inside of your thigh, kissing and nibbling the delicate skin just inches away from your dripping cunt. When his thumb finally, finally rubs a circle against your clit you whine his name so loud he nearly bites down hard. Still, he holds his pace, pressing his thumb in patient patterns against your nub as his teeth mark up your thighs.
“Jinnie, go harder, please.”
You know you fucked up when he glances up at you, brows quirking in amusement. 
“I said I’ll take care of you, y/n. If you want to cum, lay there and take it.”
You’re thankful he has a shred of mercy for your sanity, because your pleas seem to have a marginal effect on his movement. 
You eat your words when Hyunjin forces two fingers inside your already wet slit, scissoring you open with harsh flicks of his wrist. His lips remain stuck to your clit, and the sudden assault on your senses has tears rushing down your cheeks.
“W-Wait! Hyun, wait, I don’t want to cum yet!” You don’t really believe he’ll listen.
“Don’t you? But I thought you wanted me to hurry, birdie?” The mockery in his voice makes you clench, and you’d flush if you weren’t so close to orgasm. “For someone not ruined before, you beg for a dick so well.”
“No...Not yet, I wanna cum on you, please.” 
Hyunjin can resist many things - spells, curses. Killing a man on multiple occasions. 
Your whimpering voice as you beg for him to take your virginity in your own bed, wrapped around his fingers and blushing from his tongue is not one of those things. 
“Fuck, okay.”
Pulling his fingers out, your lips part at the emptiness, but your nerves prickle with knowledge of what awaits you next. Hyunjin is the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen, sweat dampening his forehead and eyes peering right into your heart whenever your gazes meet. You’re hypnotised by the way muscles in his back tense when he kneels between your thighs, urging you to open up for his fit. You only catch the briefest sight of his length, but it’s enough to make you gasp in anticipation at the size and thickness of his base. 
“You’re sure you want me?” Your legs wrap around his waist as he asks, not yet penetrating you, only resting his length on your slick core. 
“I want you more than anything I’ve ever dreamed of, Hyunjin.” You channel all your love and trust into your words, daring yourself to press a soft kiss to the tip of his nose. 
Feeling the stretch of him is euphoric, inch by inch, more than any discomfort could hope to reach. Your focus on the flex of his forearm propping him up beside your head, the tantalizing way his mouth curls in a moan of your name when he bottoms out, placing his seal on you completely. 
“Tell me when I can move, alright?” 
“N-Now, you can move. Please move.” You’re gonna go insane if he doesn’t ravage you right now, digging your nails into his bicep. Hyunjin starts off slowly, gentle languid strokes brushing over your walls. With every move, he feels you relax, the tension in your legs loosening into desperate longing as you pull him deeper into you, trapping him against your body.
You open your eyes only to grab his hand, wrapping it around your throat. His hips stutter, before he grips you fully, squeezing the sides of your neck until your moans turn to broken cries of his name.
“You’re such a cute little whore, love. What a dirty pussy you’ve been holding out on me.”
The smirk he looks down on you with is downright filthy, degrading every shred of dignity you had left, but you don’t take in anything but him, his hips slamming you into the mattress and the hot breath against your ear. “Are you gonna cum from that? My good girl, just like that...Let go and cum under me.”
He pulls his hand away from your neck, allowing you to heave in a breath and scream his name. Hyunjin holds you down by your wrists above your head, thrusting relentlessly as you cum around him, shaking and sobbing from the overstimulation at your centre. He allows himself to release then, as your whimpers quieten and he rides out your highs with you, filling you to the brim. 
You stay entwined for a moment as you catch your shaky breath, coming out of the headspace Hyunjin fucked you into. When he pulls out, you fight the urge to clamp your legs shut as he holds your thighs apart, admiring the way his cum spills out of your rawed hole. 
“Let me clean you first, birdie.” 
You nearly drift off in the blissed-out feeling that envelops you as he wipes your legs clean with a warm, damp cloth, stroking over tingling bruises with adoration. 
When he’s finally satisfied with your state, Jinnie allows you to tug him back into bed with you, arms immediately coiling around your middle to press you into his chest, nose nuzzling against the crown of your head to breathe in your scent. 
“I meant every word I said.” He mentions, speaking against your forehead. His lips tickle you with every word and you’re so tempted to kiss him again just because you can. “ I really do love you.”
“I know, Jinnie. I love you too.”
****
Tag list - @defsbxessi @godlyaj @palet-innie
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scarecoen · 3 years
Text
Trigger warning ⚠️ domestic violence.
I've typed this story a million times so I'm just going to summarize as much as I can.
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A few days ago I was assaulted by my partner's family members. And as I've mentioned, I've typed this a million times and I'm honestly just exhausted thinking about it, but we could use some help.
My partner has always had a transphobic family. (I don't have anyone but my dad, who's in no position to help anyone.)
Her mom used her disability against her and manipulated her into giving her MOST of her checks. She's abused the system and my girlfriend.
When I met Jackie, she was with a terrible biggot. Jackie had came out, and her mother conspired with an abusive long distance ex, to fly her here, to stage an "intervention" and stop my partner from transitioning.
It worked. For years.
I met Jackie here on tumblr, we became good, SECRET friends because she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone.
I told Jackie openly about my views regarding gender and how I myself, was not cis.
Eventually she told her partner about us playing games together, which she responded to by harassing me.
Jackie ended up spilling the beans to me, about her mom, about the ex, everything. I realized that she had been extremely isolated and controlled her whole life.
So I intervened.
I got the two of them to separate, which wasn't smooth because Jackie was scared. She had been with her abuser for 9 years at this point. She's never known anything else.
The ex moved back to her state, and I started seeing Jackie, although she was stuck at her mom's... who was trying to play innocent at this time.
Eventually, I kinda just came and picked her up, she stayed the night, she didn't want to go back home. And I can't blame her. The house wasn't only disgusting, her family microagressed her all the time and they would tell her to pretty much stay in a dark room all day.
Ofc I didn't bring her back.
During early quarantine, we had a lot of self reflection and she started distancing herself from her mother, coming around to holding her accountable for her horrible actions.
Her mom messaged her things like "Why won't you talk to me? It's like you're trying to punish us!" Ect, just every fucking manipulative thing she could say, without ever apologizing.
Unfortunately the place we were staying fell through when my best friend's ex husband decided he wants a divorce and decided to throw in some transphobic hatespeach towards me.
We were all looking for somewhere to go.
I'm sure you know where this is going but listen, she told us EVERYTHING we wanted to hear. She told us she's not hateful now, told us she would go to trans support groups, pride, said she's realized how much she loves Jackie and it's time to accept her- and look- we had NO WHERE TO GO. We have 2 cats and at the time, a car that has no a/c or functional locks. AND I have a chronic autoimmune condition that I recently started taking chemo meds for. (Methotrexate.)
I'm too sick to be on the street, and survive. I had to think about me, Jackie, Zoe, and Boops.
And Jackie wanted to go..
I told her we'd be cautious and try to get out asap.
Well, looking for places right when the housing market crashed really fucked us up. That- and because I had only just finally got approved for disability, means I was set back in life- and had no credit to my name. No credit= no place to live.
I had almost built enough, but things went down hill very quickly with her family. Which leads us to right now:
After weeks of microagressions, giving us breakthrough covid cases, yelling at us to clean other's messes, and forcing us and our cats to isolate in our room, many broken promises, and straight up transphobic hatespeach (because she promised to get vaccinated but then said nvm as soon as we moved in and she went on vacation and got covid and gave it to us, which nearly killed me--) she said not getting the vaccine "IS A CHOICE, JUST LIKE YOU BEING TRANS AND TAKING *gestures to my testosterone* THOSE DRUGS."
We just were avoiding each other while I desperately try to gather resources for us to get out, NOW.
Of course, that wasn't good enough, so when her step father messaged her in all caps about our cats having to stay in our room and "I WON'T FUCKING TELL YOU AGAIN" my partner had a breakdown..
Her mom had let her step dad talk to her like this her whole life, basically.
Out of desperation, we went to her sister for help, maybe hoping she'd give us a place to stay for two weeks while we sign off on the lease for our new apartment.
She pretended to want to help and even said... something fucking weird? She made the comment that I'm a good person and I'm so much like her own boyfriend, that it's "scary"...
A few hours later she came to the house. She talked nicely to us, to gain access to our bedroom.
Then she attacked me.
I called the police right before, and was on the phone with dispatch when she lunged at me because she was aggressively trying to MAKE Jackie go into a separate room WITHOUT ME and Jackie was saying no, BEGGING her to STOP.
I wasn't going to let her take Jackie into that room. She looked fucking crazy.
All of the family came into our room, her two sisters, her mom, and her cousin- When they heard yelling.
It was actually me telling her mom that she's a terrible mother, that triggered her sister to try and attack me- although I knew she was planning on trying to from the moment she came into our room.
And that was after her mom was screaming in my face that if I have something to say, say it now.
Dispatch heard everything and sent emt as well...
But the police stayed outside, talking to them for a WHILE before even asking for us.
Her cousin is the only one that would have stood up for me, saying her sister never should have tried to hit me. But he was in the room with Jackie, giving her support...
I faced the cops alone.
He already had "that look."
He shined a light into my eye, letting the family stay on the porch, throwing insults and just letting it happen. He asked me where I'm hurt, and before I could even show him the scratches on my arm, he said "how do I know YOU didn't put those there?"
I wanted to fucking die in that moment.
This is a conservative city.
No one has equality stickers here. No one flies gay flags. People here that are lgbt- they LEAVE.
This is EXACTLY WHY.
I said "well is there any reason I should tell you anything when, clearly, you're already bias?"
I looked at the emts. I looked at his partner. I looked at all the lights and people coming out of their houses-
And behind me was her family.
Her sister that assaulted me, was laughing about having work in the morning.
All of them were looking at me, with hate in their eyes.
He tried to feed me bullshit about "well if I'm taking someone to jail, there has to be proof."
He dismissed everything I attempted to say, until I just stared at the ground and he decided he did his job here.
I told him my whole fucking body hurts because I had 4 people fucking toss my 100lbs ass all over the fucking room, which was a mess that he refused to look at.
He said "I don't see bruises."
I SPAT "BRUISES TAKE TIME?"
He retorted IMMEDIATELY- "YOU'RE NOT EVEN RED."
I asked what about the dispatcher- she seemed concerned- to which he said "you see, sometimes when people call us- they scream and be dramatic- for a quicker response."
I asked what we could do while the two weeks go by for our new place, and he fucking said "I DONT KNOW. BARRICADE YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM OR SOMETHING."
Needless to say, we are now safe, in a hotel and I've gotten in touch with a few lgbt organizations that are attempting to help us get justice.
Unfortunately because it's a holiday weekend, all we can do is wait right now.
Our first order of business is getting a protection order, so that we can retrieve the rest of our things without her sister trying to attack us again. (I say us because she kept jumping towards Jackie, like she was threatening to hit her.)
I've been so gaslit and victim blamed that I was too scared to go to the er, even though this all happened in the midst of a flare, possibly including my liver health.
There's so much more to this story, as I'm sure other trans people can relate.. unfortunately.
The emts reluctantly offered to take me to the er, but I was like "and leave my partner here with them?" And he just fucking shrugged dude.
I hate this city.
I want out so bad but unfortunately I've committed to a year, but at least it'll be *our* apartment.
We could NOT stay there for two more weeks. Her step dad is a violent offender that has attempted to murder a homeless prostitute over some fucking pocket change- and he has a GUN in the house.
This hotel might run us into a hole, despite it being the cheapest, shittiest hotel in town, it's still going to be about 700$ for ONE week.
To ADD INSULT TO INJURY, SOMEONE ATTEMPTED TO STEAL MY VEHICLE WHILE WE'VE BEEN STAYING HERE.
I'm feeling incredibly paranoid and unsafe, but I'm on anxiety meds now at least and its SORTA helping us cope (My partner and I have the same Dr and she gave her permission to have some.)
The organization BRAVO is trying to help us with a hotel voucher, but because of all the natural disasters, it's hard to find room in charity for people like us, which is fair enough. We aren't immediately on the street, and for that I'm incredibly thankful.
However, if you or anyone you know wish to help you can donate to venmo: kittyzibby. Or you could just signal boost this.
If you can't help, I understand. And IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY, don't worry about it, for real.
Right now I'm just scared we'll go into debt before getting the apartment settled in.
I will update on things once our case moves along more, and we were already considering turning to OF sexwork before all of this, so if there could be support that way, maybe we'll get that going once we get moved in. That way, I feel good about providing a service in return.
Thank you so much for sticking with us during all of this. And really- we're doing much better today. We've given each other pep talks, but we are still determined to start our lives together.
Her family was merely trying to scare me away from her, but I got my girl's name tatted on me for a reason.
I know I'm not the bad person here.
Every time Jackie is feeling more gender euphoric, and showing me her changes, and seeing her get more confident, the more I know that what I'm doing with and for her, is right.
I love her so much. And I will never abandon her, like they tried to get me to do.
Jackie is taking a break from some socials, but she's given me permission to talk about what's been happening.
She needs justice too.
I will update as much as I can, but seriously, I think we both just have a fire under our asses now.
Mentally, we're stronger than ever.
Thank you for reading. My heart really goes out to the rest of the queer community that have experienced or are going through similar things.
It's really made me realize why we need to stick together and fight this bigotry bullshit! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈
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missmentelle · 4 years
Note
Why is it that rape victims sometimes don't want to go to the hospital or take action against their rapist?
There are a lot of complex reasons why a survivor of sexual violence might not report their perpetrator - there may be one strong reason, or a complicated combination of several reasons. Survivors of sexual violence are a diverse group of people with diverse experiences, and the reasons that two survivors don’t report their experiences may be very different from one another, even if their cases are similar on the surface. 
Some of the main barriers to reporting include:
They are afraid they won’t be believed, or that they will be blamed for what happened to them. It’s not hard to find examples of survivors not being believed when they come forward - any time a sexual assault case makes the news, you’ll see people on social media accusing the survivor of lying for attention or suggesting that the rape was actually the survivor’s fault. Survivors of sexual violence have been harassed, or have had their lives put under a microscope - people will analyze their choices, appearance, clothes, alcohol intake, dating history, etc, looking for some way that they can be blamed. Even before a case makes it to trial - most rape cases never do - survivors may be afraid that the police officer, social worker, doctor, prosecutor or university staff member that they speak to just won’t believe them, and won’t take further action. There’s nothing more soul-crushing than pouring your heart out to a complete stranger about the worst thing that’s ever happened to you, and having them respond with a condescending smile and a quick “Mmm, are you sure that’s what happened? It sounds to me like this was just a misunderstanding. Maybe you should just go home and get some sleep.We won’t be opening a case. 
They don’t know what kinds of services are available to them, or that their experience is worth reporting. Many survivors assume that going to the hospital after a rape is only necessary if you have some visible injury or if you were raped by a stranger - they don’t realize that anyone can have a rape kit done. They might also be unsure about what the kinds of resources available to them, or even where they should report it - if you’re a college student, do you go to your university, or the police? Do you call the police, or walk into a precinct? Can any cop take a rape report, or does it have to be the Special Victims Unit in a major city? There’s also the matter of knowing what is reportable - many victims simply never come forward because they’ve internalized the idea that’s it’s only “true rape” if you’re grabbed by a stranger in a parking lot, and they don’t think their experience with date rape counts (it does). I have unfortunately had two friends be violently raped in the last few years, and I was the first person they called in both cases - not because I was their closest friend (I wasn’t, in either case), but because I was the only person they knew who could tell them what steps they could take, and how to take them. 
They blame themselves for what happened. Sometimes survivors internalize myths and stereotypes about rape, and they don’t come forward because they feel like the rape was actually their fault, and so they do not “deserve” justice. They might think that if they went on a date with their rapist, were drunk at the time of the rape, or if they invited their rapist into their house, that they are to blame for what happened and that they aren’t eligible to press charges (which is not true).
The reporting process is too intimidating. Imagine having to sit across from a disinterested person and answer detailed, invasive questions about a violent sexual experience that you had. You can’t refuse to answer a question or you risk being seen as uncooperative, or worst, dishonest - you have to sit and answer very personal questions about your body and what happened to it, and you will likely have to tell the same story and answer the same questions over and over again, for numerous different strangers, all of whom may have very different reactions. If your case eventually makes its way to trial, you’ll also have to face cross-examination on the witness stand by a lawyer who will try to paint you as either a liar or someone who simply regrets consensual sex. That’s a lot to deal with in the aftermath of an experience like rape - the thought of going through that is just too much for some survivors. 
They have a complex barrier to accessing services. If you’re a closeted gay man who was date-raped by another man, reporting means outing yourself. If you’re a sex worker who is raped by a client, you might be afraid that reporting will get you in trouble, rather than the rapist. If you are an undocumented immigrant, you might be afraid that reporting will draw the authorities’ attention and possibly get you detained and deported. If you come from a strict conservative background, you might be afraid that reporting will get you rejected by your family, church and community. If you aren’t fluent in the English language, it may be too intimidating to find resources and deal with the reporting process in your non-native language. There are a lot of complicated barriers that can make it especially difficult for a survivor to come forward, especially if you come from a heavily marginalized background. 
They don’t want to get their perpetrator in trouble. You are most likely to be raped by someone you know, and possibly care about. People often have complex relationships with the person who raped them - again, most rapes are not “snatched by a stranger in a dark parking lot” situations, and sometimes survivors still try to maintain a relationship with their perpetrator after the rape happens. Many survivors report that they do not actually want their perpetrator to go to jail, they just want the person to leave them alone. Or they might feel like seeing their perpetrator go to jail won’t actually make them feel better. Victims have next to no power over the sentence their rapist receives, and some would prefer not to see their rapist go to jail for a long time, for a variety of complex and deeply personal reasons. 
They are afraid of retaliation. Sometimes the opposite is true - a victim may desperately want to see their perpetrator in prison, but they’re terrified about what their perpetrator might do to them if they try to have them jailed. Perpetrators might make threats to hurt the victim or their family if they report, and victims may have very little faith in the ability of the police to keep them safe. Rapists are often released on bail, given non-custodial sentences with no jail time, or let out of prison early - a person who is terrified of their rapist may see no benefit in reporting. 
They have had prior traumatic experiences with reporting, or they know someone who has. The police and legal systems have a long history of revictimizing people who come forward to try to report sexual assault - survivors have been disbelieved, told they are lying, accused of trying to “ruin someone’s life” or told that they were “asking for it”. People from black and brown communities also have long histories of being harmed by police, and cannot trust that they will be treated well if they come forward. There are no end to the very real horror stories of victims who were re-traumatized by the reporting process, and positive changes in the system are often painfully slow and not extensive enough. 
They know the statistics, and they feel that there is no point in reporting. In Canada, only 12% of sexual assault reports lead to a criminal conviction, and only 7% result in prison time. The numbers in the USA are even more bleak. Many survivors are aware of this, and they might feel that it’s not worth opening themselves up to the possible retraumatization of reporting when they have such low odds of ever seeing their perpetrators brought to justice. 
If you have experienced any kind of sexual assault, I would strongly urge you to contact a domestic violence, sexual violence or victim services agency in your area. They can walk you through what the reporting process in your area looks like and help you make the decision that is right for you - they will not make you report if you don’t feel comfortable with it. Most will offer in-person accompaniment by an advocate - they’ll send someone to go with you to the hospital, police station or court, and that person will stay by your side for as long as you need them to, offering you moral support and making sure that you are being treated fairly and that your rights are being respected. I spent some time volunteering as a rape crisis counsellor in NYC - I knew exactly what was supposed to happen when the survivor and I walked into the hospital or police station (and what was not supposed to happen), and if something wasn’t done properly, I was there to call it out immediately and rain down hell if needed. A victim services agency can also connect you to free or low-cost healthcare, counselling, legal advice, safety planning, pregnancy options, peer support and any other services you may need, whether you plan to report or not. 
If someone in your life discloses to you that they have been raped, it’s important that you not push them to report it if they are not comfortable doing so. It is the survivor’s decision to make. You can offer to help the person research the reporting process and research resources for survivors, or you can offer to accompany the person for moral support if they want to report, but ultimately, the survivor is the expert on their own situation and they need to have the autonomy to decide how they want to deal with what happened to them. If you are supporting a person who has experienced sexual violence and you have no idea how to help them or what to say to them, you can also contact a domestic violence or victim services agency, and they will help you figure out the best way to you to offer that support. 
Hope this answers your question!
MM
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londonfog-chan · 4 years
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The Trans!Reader x Jonathan Joestar That No One Asked For But is Getting Anyway Because Fuck Convention: Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy
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This one goes out to all my people who requested a Trans!Reader insert on my other blogs, I’m trying to test the waters with this one to make sure I’m doing it justice. No one should ever have to feel bad about themselves and I want this to be my love letter to all of my trans folks out there.
...
[[MORE]]
At first, she didn’t recognize the young man standing alone on the hill. Maybe you’d been chased off by him, and she worried when she saw your box in his hand. Heartbroken, thinking that your treasure had been commandeered by a brute. But the wind betrayed the boy, billowing locks of hair and instantly she broke out into a run, the turquoise fabric of her dress flaring out behind her as she hitched up her skirts, her blonde hair trailing behind her like a cape.
“I am here!” she called your name, and when the young man turned she saw the friend she’d known since infancy.
“Oh my!” the lightest dusting of pink tinges her cheeks as she skids to a halt directly in front of you. “You look… Dashing! Such fanciful clothes.”
“I had to make an impression darling.” You reply, smiling shyly and holding a hat box closely to your chest. “My brother won’t miss the trousers nor the blouse, but the shoes… They’re far too big for me. And… And I’m unsure how to tie the cravat...”
“Don’t fret, I can fix it for you! Look, I’ve even brought some things for you to pin up your hair. We’ll have you all primped in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.”
Like a mother, Erina Pendleton takes you between her knees on the grassy knoll. Armed with a brush and a coil of ribbon, she pulled and twisted your snarled tangles up and away from your face. You obediently pulled a man’s cap out of the hatbox and over your head as Erina finished with your hair and took your shoes off, pulling stockings from her basket and stuffing your shoes until they fit snugly when she tied the laces.
“Oh…” she smiles when she’s done, and for some reason it makes your heart tingle the slightest bit.
“What do you think?” you ask.
“I think… I think you’re positively handsome, and you seem to be less tightly wound. Especially around the eyes.”
You’re unsure of how you look, so you can’t say for certain that you feel the clothes have done anything to make you less of a wreck emotionally. Raising your arms over your head, you look at your shoes, the cravat Erina showed you how to tie around your neck, the tweed trousers. Everything is in muted colors, not a stitch of brightness to be seen save for the handkerchief peeping from your breast pocket. When you stole the clothes from the discarded trunk your brother left behind before he went to India, you felt exhilarated, frightened at the prospect of getting caught and possibly taking a switch for your boldness. Yet when your mother caught you taking them, she merely laughed and told you they wouldn't fit your brother even if you decided to fix them up, but if you wanted some play clothes they were more than adequate to serve that purpose. You decidedly felt deflated, a bit hurt she didn't really do anything and dismissed you as though you were an eccentric child playing at a game instead of a young man trying to come into his own. But you do feel something now that Erina has fixed you up… almost airy. And she is right, you don’t feel the strain around your eyes anymore. After a while however, you begin to squirm, indeed feeling something but not the freedom nor the personal acceptance you've been trying to achieve.
“My trousers chafe me so!” you complained. “Have they not managed to figure out a finer weave of fabric for the warmer months?!”
“Stop scratching! You’re being so vulgar!" Erina whines, but it does nothing to deter you from reaching into the band of your pants and scratching violently everywhere.
"Damn and blast!"
"Sophisticated gentlemen don't reach into their drawers and scratch in front of a lady!" she scolds, "You said you want to unleash the gentleman inside you, what would he say to this display?”
“Well right now the gentleman inside me wants me to tend to the war raging on my buttocks!”
Erina cries your name, begging you to stop scratching your rear end with a ferocity that nearly makes you roar in frustration. It does take quite a long time for you to relent, damning the conventions of polite society all the way and using rough language that the poor girl has unfortunately become accustomed to. For a while you complain some more about the clothes, the societal expectation to be covered at all times, the fact that neither gender is truly free of their own volition, and the revolution you wish to start for a society that is nothing short of anarchy.
"Everyone will be allowed to run stark naked if they wish to, or to be draped in silks and I'll make all these pompous aristocrats provide every necessity. I grow weary of hearing the necessities of decorum every five minutes when I simply wish to fulfill a human need!"
“Now, now…” Erina coos gently, brushing blades of grass from your trousers. “Look here, you’ve unsightly grass stains.
"If I must return to my flouncing hell I'll take care of it later." you told her. "Grass stains speak to a boy that craves adventure. An Odysseus!"
"I'm sure it does." she giggles. "But all this talk of treasure, we still haven’t taken care of the most important part.”
“… I’d nearly forgotten about that. Let me get her for you…”
You finally relinquish the tight hold you’ve been keeping on your hat box, slowly opening the lid and reaching in with both hands. Cradling your treasure as though it’s a child, you rock your precious doll back and forth, smoothing the cascading brown curls down and fixing her skirts. It takes a while for you to let go. You don’t want to let the poor thing go. She is far beyond a play thing, she was your bearer of the most heartfelt confessions and tears, the first to know of your beginning metamorphosis back when you feared Erina would call you horrific names if you told her your most guarded secret.
Now, when you look up at Erina, you know you’ve made the right decision to trust her. She scoots closer to you as you tremble, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and not once making a move to steal the doll from your grasp. In fact, she doesn’t presume to take it until you offer it to her, and then she treats it as though she is receiving a holy relic.
“Please…” you beseech your best friend, “Give her a good home, with plenty of love and affection. She likes to sleep beside your pillow in her box, and her favorite holiday is Easter, her favorite food is spice cake…”
“You can trust me, my dearest friend. I promise to take very good care of Aphrodite for you.”
Slender fingers reached forward to stroke your cheek, clearing away the tears that have fallen for the poor doll you relinquished. As she cleans your face, she tells you the doll will never leave her sight, fully prepared to cater to her every whim as though she's a princess and not made of wax. Yet Erina is right. You mustn’t cry. It’s only for a little while that Erina will have her, until you’re grown up and have a house of your own to keep your possessions. Unsure of your parent's reaction when you finally decide that they need to know they've lost a daughter and obtained a son, you told Erina it's better to keep Aphrodite away lest she is destroyed. You promised your dolly she'd be safer with Erina those nights you cuddled her, seeking reassurance from the persecution you knew you’d face from the rest of the world.
“When I’m a grown man, I’ll be a renowned physician.” You asserted aloud. “I’ll have a big house, millions of books, my piano, and I’ll play Aphrodite’s favorite songs for her every single day. If I am not accepted, then that will be fine. No family will be permitted to enter my abode except for you, my dearest Erina. We will have twenty dogs apiece, and I shall give them only the strongest names from Greco Roman literature.”
“Twenty apiece?!” Erina exclaimed. “Don’t you think that’s a mite excessive?”
“Not at all, in fact I think that’s hardly a proper minimum requirement for a house.”
All this talk of dogs and estates with room for a man and his doll makes you excited, and you cannot help but take your borrowed handkerchief from your pocket to wipe your face. The wind evidently shared your sentiments, as the minute you loosened your grip the scrap of fabric floated away on a gust that made you clutch your hat for fear of losing it.
“Oh no!” Erina whimpered. “I hand embroidered that handkerchief!”
“A thousand pardons darling! I’ll fetch it back!” you cried, and you’re up and running before she can stop you.
As you chased the scrap of fabric, you couldn’t help but feel elated. There was no tug at your waist that made your insides hurt and your breathing shallow, no skirts to trip you and confine you to a chair where you practiced the same stitch over and over until your fingers felt they would break. None of the insecurity and strangeness at inhabiting a body that did not feel like it belonged to you. You only felt the wind at your face, the hard earth below your brother’s shoes as you ran… No longer did you feel trapped, like a lion pacing a tiny cage in the circus.
You felt elated at last. As though finally, after all this time, you were living your truth.
It was Erina’s screams that finally snapped you from your euphoria. Pocketing the runaway handkerchief, you began your course back to the grassy knoll where you left her, fearing the worst when you heard her crying out “please! Please put her down!” Your heart sank. Not only was your dearest friend being assaulted, but her tormentor evidently had commandeered Aphrodite because there was only one other “her” that Erina could be referring to. She never referred to you in the old way anymore, not since your confession.
You made it just in time to see a young man being beaten to the ground, two other snot nosed brats, had commandeered Aphrodite and you heard talk of them going to lift up her skirts to see if she'd been made with all the right parts…
And the last thing you remembered was seeing red, absolutely seething with rage as you put a shoe up the ass of one of the boys and nearly launched Aphrodite into Erina’s arms. All the frustration, all the anger you felt your entire life of living a life that wasn’t yours, it came out in the form of an unchecked feral response that made the boys cry out for mercy as they left you, Erina, and the downtrodden young man alone. By the time you'd let them go, they could only hobble off pathetically. In your rage you vaguely recalled screaming to them that perhaps you'd check if they'd been given all the right parts, one of the boys had taken your brother's shoe to the groin and was being dragged along by his companion. Your face was dripping with sweat and tears, and your hands were sore and bloody. The blonde didn’t know who to comfort first, but when your eyes befell on the strapping young lad she too went to his aid.
“Don’t touch me!” he whined. “I didn’t do it for you, you know! A gentleman should always stand for a damsel in distress!”
“… then I suppose a thank you is in order for me?”
The words are out of your mouth before you can stop yourself. Even you're shocked at the personality you've assumed in your new clothes. With little effort your voice has become commanding, a general's voice that is full of conviction. Your stance is confident, centered, alone in your room you often perused illustrations in books of the matadores from Spain and admired the way they carried themselves in the charcoal drawings. Compared to the uptight men of this era, you swore to yourself you'd reject the stiffness of aristocracy and instead would carry yourself as unyielding as a man facing a bull. The young man looks up at you, crimson with rage, shaking and nose streaming carmine down his face. He and Erina have the same bewildered and intimidated expression, and he flinches but does not lash out when you heave him to his feet. He finally bolts from the clearing, insulting you as though you’re the one that beat him to a pulp, and for quite some time you and Erina stare after his retreating form.
"You brute!" he whimpers as he runs away.
“Who in the blue hell…” you begin, and you see Erina approaching with an unfamiliar handkerchief in hand to wrap your bloody knuckles.
Through the blood, the two of you manage to read the words “Jonathan Joestar”, looking back at the expanse of land where the boy had run off to even more confused and left with far more questions than answers.
But one thing is certain and you loathe it to be the first thought you have in your emergence into boyhood: this Jonathan Joestar fellow is the most handsome man you've ever seen in your life.
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booksbroadwaybbc · 5 years
Text
Don't know what to do with myself. via /r/selfimprovement
Don't know what to do with myself.
Hi. I'm 21 and still in community college, but I did get my provisional admission to this university I wanted to transfer to. I work as a runner at Din Tai Fung and I'm supposed to make bank, but I don't really know yet because I'm a new employee. Headtitle question at the bottom
I think I've lived an okay-ish life, kind of. story time, skip to the end if you dont wanna read it I come from a Korean family, can't say I remember much of my childhood except mostly being beaten and yelled at. There were good times too, but they usually ended prettily shittily. Moved around a bunch, went to a lot of schools. I've dealt with a lot of abusive stuff from both parents, but I'm not going to talk about my mom because things have gotten better and she's still here for me(?). For some extreme stuff- my dad broke my brothers toes in elementary school. In my senior year, he threatened me at knifepoint and forced it into my hands and told me to stab my brother or he would stab me. Beatings from him were pretty bad, and it's not just belts and sticks bad. I played co-ed baseball in 5th grade, so bam, there was that too. He liked to throw chairs and literally flip tables when he was angry (hes a private construction worker, so he's pretty strong). Broke a lot of his phones throwing them at us, the wall, the floor, whatever. Ive had a lot of problems with my social affairs in highschool- anxiety, being cold, being short tempered, aggressive, violent, sharp tongued. I started warming up in senior year because of this girl I dated, which was a pretty big deal because gays are not allowed in this household. And well, im bi but its the same thing to them. Can't say that went too well, because my brother found out and blackmailed me in the situation we were living in. But who cares, because siblings hate each other right? Anyways, broke up with her, broke her heart, treated her poorly and whatever two years later we made up and was able to be friends again. Back to dad- he was usually never around for things like elementary grad, middle school grad, and highschool- my mom made him come, but he sure didn't seem happy about it. In highschool, he only laid down on his phone playi ng his shitty phone games. Doesnt talk to me, doesnt talk to my brother, doesnt talk to my mom. His routine: wake up, go to work, come home, phone games, eat, phone games, sleep. If you try to talk to him, he ignores you. If you press it, he'll give you some boring answer like "go away already".
Anywho, that abusive fuck was caught cheating. Had an affair with a client's sister. Sold the house we lived in, mom moved to Newark, him to San Leandro. Mom didnt want to deal with me, so I got the boot and lived wjth acquaintances in Hayward. Couldnt afford it, so mom told me to move to San Leandro with him. I moved in with my best friend helping me and we saw the evidence. Bambam, hello lady clothing and shit. I went apeshit nuts and he tried to convince me, then threatened that I would be in big trouble if i said anything. (Parents were separated but not divorced). Alright, ill keep my big mouth shut.
I worked for his "girlfriend" at her cafe in Berkeley. Why? Well, it was easy money and i needed it to keep up with my shitty coping habits- partying and party favors, mostly e. You dont have to deal with stress if youre always out partying.
Anywho, fast forward, skip a lot of details. Mom gets a phone call one day from mutual acquaintance saying dad is sick and asks her to bring him some food. Alright. So she does because she still cares, and finds out the truth. Calls me and demands me to come right now and unlock the door- note that this is a 40 minute drive. By the time i get there, theres hella police and a window is broken and theres hella shit going on. Things settled down but being my immature ass i scream at my parents for both being immature, and they shouldve just cut things clean. I yell at my dad for being a fuckhead and cheating, you didnt raise a liar but you are one. I yell at my mom for being irresponsible and breaking things. Police grabs my shoulder but i swipe it off and bam. Im on the floor, face into concrete, chipped teeth and i cant even see where my dog is. Tbh i was more worried that he ran off because he was still a puppy and i was holding him during this whole ordeal. My glasses got knocked off my face when those two officers fucking bodyslammed me into the ground. I'm 5ft4, i weighed like 130 at this time but im just a legit smol asian girl.
What happened next? Well yknow, i got arrested and sent to jail for assaulting a police officer, nbd. Sat there for a few hours, listening to some psycho making weird noises. Finally get some call saying that my mom was waiting for me, and she bailed me out. She was crying a lot and told me that my dad didnt even bat an eye as they took me away, that he smiled and tried to fix his goddamn broken window. I believe it too, because I saw that shitty smirk on his face when i got to the scene. My mom has a bit of an uncontrollable temper so she looks psycho when the other person was the wack one. This was in January 2017.
Skip forward to the next police thing. June 2017. My mom demands that i pack all my shit and move back, and she wants to go with me. I plead no, but what am i gonna do against her? Alright, we drive and she starts saying stuff about lying and calls the bitch a slut and homewrecker and stuff, dad gets up to stand inbetween and stuff. Tells her to move than basically shoves her across the living room towards the door. **insert hysteria and bam again, screaming and each other, his hands on her, me trying to squeeze my body in between them and get his hands off of her. Doesnt really work cos he turns on me, hits me away and goes back to beat her. My screaming doesnt really help either, but i try what I can to claw his arms off of her. Nooooo, bad idea, but better me than her. He grabs me and my head is locked into his elbow so I bite down, arm. Baaaad idea again, but its in self defense imo. Im just trying to help my mom. He p much beats me up into a pulp her, grabs my shirt all the way up and yikes thats embarassing. The struggle goes on and eventually its calm again because slutface is like "honey staph"- note: only words and no actions to get close, buuuut, it works. Me and mom move to my room and start removing all my weebshit from the walls. Mom is muttering and saying a bunch of bs for him to hear and he storms into the room because hes fucking triggered and start the violence again. Oh but this is where i do the fun thing- i lunge myself at him so im like on top of him but holy shit, he legit pulls me off of him and throws me against the wall cabinets, and two hand chokes me, with his knees on my chest. Mom starts screaming at him, claws his face and soon the police are here and shit. Bitch called the police, and this is where it gets more fucked up. I legally live here, its on my license. I came back to move out, so its okay for me to be here, because i came to pack my stuff and take whats mine. So why exactly did the police not believe me? Why did my mom get arrested for putting dumb scratches on his face when he beat us, with pictures - that day- to prove that he inflicted more wounds on us. We were just defending ourselves. He put his hands on us first. Anyways, that starts my worries cos im like. Im 20, but idk what to do. How do i find money to bail my mom out? How do i even do that in the first place? But i managed.
Anywho skip forward, jackass is no longer in my life, tho i have to deal with him through my brother from time to time. Parents officially divorced Feb 2018. I've lived with my mom, she bought a cafeteria for a little bit so I worked there. Things were really hard because my mom had a lot of pent up anger that she would take out on me. My brother moved out because he went to university so he didnt really have to deal with much. Im also the older child, so bam. Anyways, we fought a lot. A LOT LOT. Like apeshit crazylot. I took a lot of beatings. It was like the weekend before Christmas of 2017 where a took a huge beating and ran away from my problems by going to my now-ex's house. He offered me to move in with him and his family, so I did. I had the choice of going back to my moms lifestyle and attempt to make up, or trying to live a different life. I lived with him from like Christmas to March 2018. We started having a lot of problems because he regret inviting me, he wasnt ready to give up his personal space and I was done babysitting someone who was older than me. Doing his laundry, doing his dishes, cleaning his room. I was done with being bored, never going out, being ignored while he did the same thing my dad did. Sit on his phone and not speak a word. Yeah, there were good times too, but they seem so fleeting when it seeps in with your own personal trauma of being ignored. Btw- when i moved to his place, my brother moved back home to fill the gap, but my brother is better with dealing with my mom and she doesnt blow up at him.
After I moved back, it was better. Yeah, shit went down sometimes but i guess overall it was better? My mom cried a lot. I would hear her talk on the phone with her family members in Korea and cry about how she was tired of everything and didn't want to do it anymore. I know exactly how that feels. Well, in the later months of 2018, we got along better and havent really had those blowups. I tried my best to stay home more instead of going out at night because she hated it. I tried to be nicer to her and more compromising. She's in Korea rn and things suck. During the whole parents thing, it sucks to feel like your parents are passing you to each other likea toy they dont want. It sucks to not really feel familial love growing up, where mom is just doing things because shes supposed to and dad just flat out pretends you dont exist. It sucks that it takes two years of partying, drugs and cons to find out
Submitted October 31, 2018 at 10:33AM by xfirelily via reddit https://ift.tt/2CRsVBn
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