#been thinking a lot abt horror and faith lately

[soldier-poet-king]

Amen aka "let it be so" but not as a prayer or a plea or an expression of peace, but as a horrific, pyrrhic surrender. As anger and desperation. As a, I give up. Fine. You win. Just make it stop.

#anyway #franposting #been thinking a lot abt horror and faith lately #and the nature of the divine as smthn terrifying as well as smthn good #like. see the face of god and die yknow? #amen isnt some sweet little word #its horrifying? that doesnt make it bad. it just is. it just is #and its a horrible surrdender. choking on your blood and giving up #yes i AM making a playlist for this #only 2 songs on it but yknow maybe thats how it is #its a highly specific emotion and thought #and maybe i am just literally getting a little bit crazy again #due for a paranoid spiral probably #also little gay bitches. like. we're the only ones who get it maybe

[screamingay]

uquizzes i took during quarantine that made me cry

i've been keeping this list since covid began and it isn't over obviously but i haven't been crying as much lately so now's as good a time as any to post it! eat up babes

this one made me feel seen in ways i didnt think were possible

a nice vibe check for when u need to feel better abt yourself

this howarts house one (i know i know) that reached into my throat and ripped out my spine

wow im so glad i now know what mitski album i am

this one made me feel like i was in a horror movie

this one about time that made me reevaluate all of my life choices

make a cake! this is perfectly innocent and will not reveal deep truths about yourself :)

this one made me confront my deepest fears then called me a local

not a uquiz but this one that matches u with a mountain goats album

this one told me i would be a good parent

this one about what role u play in friendships

this zodiac one that was supposed to give me a new sign but still guessed correctly

get assigned a horror spouse by being read for filth abt your favorite fanfic tropes

this one that told me what cartoon character i am and restored my faith in humanity & myself

someone's first ever uquiz about the type of love that u attract

this one told me what vegetable emoji i would be in a soup but also a lot of other things

this one that tells u about like. ur heart

this journey through mysterious woods that reveals what color your magic is

the quotes in this one.... man hold on a second

this one that psychoanalyzed me but also made me feel things along the way

fair warning this liminal space one might be a little too loud, like, emotionally

this sweet one that tells u what season u are

which succession character are you? trick question you have trauma

hey this is awfully loud for a quiz about spn and slurs

psychoanalysis based on chore habits

why do your friendships fail? (yeeeowch)

the only one to make me cry of JOY.. a lesbian jellycat plushie quiz

what would your domain be, as a deity?

#uquiz list #they all link back to my rbs in case any ops deleted the posts or whatever

[equalstrashflavoredtrash]

movies i like

so @beautifulramblingbrains tagged me in this thing saying ‘what are your 6 favorite films?’ and i love movies so i got carried away and made this list of a lot more than six films...

Cus I cant do shit halfway when it comes to moves, i took some time thinking abt this and ending up choosing my fave 6 genres/tropes and the choosing the best movie that it applies to, with honorable mentions. ***this list is NOT an exclusive list of my favorite films, i eventually cut myself off because i kept adding titles... there are hundreds more i’d mention if i had time, but this is what i wrote down***  (I have lots of very personal opinions about all the films i listed, both favorites and honorable mentions, if you want to know more about any of them please ask)

(all of the film titles link to a trailer of the film, if available. A few of these films can be watched in full for free, those links have been include as an ‘x’ after the title)

THIS IS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER, IT’S MORE STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

1. BOTTLE STORIES. Fuck, if i dont love sticking a bunch of characters in a room together, or a short window of time, and seeing what happens. Honorable mentions: Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, Key Largo, Green Room, 12 Angry Men, Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb and The Man From Earth. Favorite choice: MURDER PARTY!! What happens when a guy responds to a Halloween invitation to a murder party? Well, mostly it’s a bunch of pretentious artist doing drugs and debating how to kill him. I dont know what I love more about the film, the subtle dialog and perfect build up of plot, or the fact that i actually know people like the stuck up artist in it. I just think this was deffo written by someone who went to art school

2. WHERE DOES REALITY STOP AND THE DREAM BEGINS? Come on, i mean, seriously how can you really know when it’s not a dream? Honorable mentions: Perfect Blue, Jakob’s Ladder1, Brazil1, Dark City, Waking Life, Science of Sleep, Alice, and La Jetee. Favorite choice: PAPRIKA!! Shatoshi Kon made so, SO many amazing films in his life and this is one of the best, imo. If you like Inception, know that it was directly influenced by Paprika. And Inception is like a boiled down version; it makes more sense and is less fantastic. Real facts though, i have watched Paprika over a dozen times, and still when i go back to watch it now i notice details i missed before that are subtle but pertain to the over-all ideas and story. Also the soundtrack is fuckin sick.

3. BLACK AND WHITE THRILLERS! Like yeah, self explanatory, and I could go on about The Third Man or M, but what i really love is stories that make you grip the edge of your seat when you weren’t expecting to. Honorable Mentions: Arsenic and Old Lace, The Virgin Spring x, All About Eve1, Cabinet of Dr. Caligari x, Metropolis x, The Bad Seed and Sunset Boulevard (i want to say Chinatown2 tho i know that was shot in color but to look like noir b&w). Favorite choice: EYES WITHOUT A FACE!! x I have a soft spot for french horror, but what makes this film stand out is the way they danced around taboo subjects like gore, animal abuse, and mad scientists to avoid censors and get a wide release in Europe, while still having those be major subjects in the film.

4. CRAZY SLOW PACED AND BASED IN CONVERSATION! Ok i worried for a moment that this was too similar to the first, but no it’s different. Like man, if the dialogs good, then i'm fucking dooownn, and these are more about the conversation than anything else. Also this is my list so i can do what i want. Honorable Mentions: Royal Tenenbaums, Stagecoach1x, Yojimbo, Fire, Coco and Igor, and Days of Heaven. Favorite choice: STALKER!! x Like hell yeah, i'm so here for a soviet film abt people debating what they’d wish for while hiking to the wishing well. Also i think this film used the b&w to color transition better than Wizard of Oz because you barely even notice the change, like they hypnotize you first then make the switch.

5. ANIMATION! I fuckin love animation. I’ve always prefered cartoons. If you didn't know this, then idk if you know me. Honorable Mentions: Secret of Kells, Triplets of Belleville, Spirited Away, Mind Game, World of Tomorrow, Belladonna of Sadness, Millennium Actress, My Life as a Zuccini, The Hedgehog in the Fog x, The Cat in Paris. Favorite choice: THE THIEF AND THE COBBLER!! (the recobbled cut, specifically) After the production hell this flick went through, it needs all the love it can get. Started in the late 70s, it wasn't released until 1993, and was quickly overshadowed by Aladdin (which is probably directly influenced by the Thief and the Cobbler, but Disney’s not gunna say that). After 30s years of bouncing between animation studios only to get this slap-dash finishing to push it out on VHS, which the final final scenes not only feels disjointed from the story, but the scenes have an fps (frames per second) rate that’s half of the original animation so you can literally see the images slow down in some scenes. The recobbled cut is the best because even though it has a few unfinished scenes (some of which are still just animatics) it is the closest we may ever get to the original, intended version of the film. It’s still trippy as fuck though, and it doesn't have the god awful internal monologue for the thief.

6. MOVIES I FIRST SAW WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND IMPRESSIONABLE AND ABSOLUTELY ADORE! So these are movies which i saw when i was young BUT would be happy to watch again and have lots of opinions about (so this rules out Requiem for a Dream and Risky Business, both i saw too young and i'm cool with only having ever seen them once) Honorable Mentions: Spirited Away, Muppet Treasure Island, Young Frankenstein, Nightmare Before Christmas, Monsoon Wedding,The Dreamers, Airplane! and Fight Club. Favorite choice: DUCK SOUP!! Omg, i dont know if i can adequately express how much i fucking love the Marx bros. I own most of their films and when I was little, i used to just watch them endlessly (and I will still do so while drunk if no one stops me) I know all the jokes and songs even tho i learned half of them before I was old enough to get the jokes.

7. *Bonus round* TRIPPY AF MOVIES!! Like flicks i walked out of thinking ‘the fuck did i just watch??’ Honorable mentions: 2001: A Space Odyssey, Enter the Void, Videodrome, Holy Mountain, Meshes of the Afternoon x. Favorite choice: DOG STAR MAN!! x Sometimes, you need to just lay back and watch undulating colors in silence for a few hours.

Like, i just want to say, that while editing this list i thought of like ten films I couldn't shoehorn into any of these categories, and was very upset i couldn't find a way to mention them, so if you like this and want me to make another movie list, PLEASE SAY SO!!

1 I have included the link to the trailer, but the trailer is shit. The movie is much better.

2 while this film is only brought up saying that it doesn't fit on the list, i do really love the film, but i feel like i should mention that both the director, Roman Polanski and main actor, Jack Nicholson have been directly accused of sexual assault/statutory rape/domestic assault. I, personally, have a cognitive dissonance with this film because I saw it before I learned about both of them and their actions. But as much as I enjoy the story and movie, i cannot in good faith, bring up the film without mentioning this.

#pucks picks #films i like #i really fucking love films #i took a lot of time writing this #maybe too much time #no i do not have a life #im gunna go watch a movie now #if you ever want a film recommendation hmu

[innisffree-blog]

2016

beginning: 2016 is shiny and new tommy and special k and liam--we drink tea and cuddle sem2 begins, ugh I dislike physics i dislike class idislike work (sorting leaves, grinding dirt) BUT there is late night penguin sliding in the arb, loitering about town, Sammy slamma jamma I grow closer to the mounge people
we are so annoying and terrible as a group (sd io kds sm nm sp sb pl. nb. ss jp ck. ns sd sk sh ab. etc etc) but I like being a part of this and being emancipated from the cove, an increasingly toxic place Lovely lovely people but I think glory hates me and this is an internal barrier i hate physics i dislike class i hate work (I’m not getting paid for this shit wtf) but i keep going bc “It’s all about the experience.” -Sujay Sarah + wilbur, I do not like wilbur for many reasons. i start to feel weird about sarah, my sister figure. she didn’t even tell me. glory definitely hates me, no one wants to own up to it barrier grows: • the fucking tshirts
• the special fucking breakfast club • the fucking group message barrier grows, I shrink. trying to claw my way out. took a risk, made a mistake (to be cont.) 
soc anx creeps back in at increasing pace I am failing physics. v day song with Nathan is a seemingly insignificant bright point dark point=all the hours I spent sorting dirt in the lab and the horror and embarrassment that is being a lowly freshman in research time goes on soccer I want to be friends with grace and Hannah etc!! Talk with grace and jon before we all move out and they were like duh we felt the same about you and this makes me disappointed and pleased at the same time, there is hope for next year w these cool people (I’ve regressed to having friend crushes) passed physics, passed everything, survived the anxiety attacks, goodbye for now umich, lessons learned jeez sem2=done, year1=done bordines! I like it there, watering flowers and rescuing snails for money. FL Cameron hates me fr now. Still don’t know why. Picnic w Mack to get back in the groove of clarkston life, she has changed a bit ROCK CAMP ROCK CAMP ROCK CAMP 
(june 10 - july 10) I meet ~22 strangers in an Ann Arbor ally and we depart for Wyoming. After 3 days of driving, we arrive as a family. I love it already, minus the altitudesickness. we laugh a lot and have a good time in the mountains. i like these people a lot but especially Brady and jack b and ***MERYN WHIMSY CAMPBELL*** she is a jewel, she is a ray of sunshine, she is a princess in overalls. why did I try to reject her at first? she is so generous with her love that I couldn’t keep her out. I learned the biggest lesson of 2016 from her and she doesn’t even know it. climb a giant loaf of bread in the middle of the night to see the moonrise, barefoot & blind & by myself, a “risky bitch” -Loafie Sutz I see my shadow miles away in the sunrise on that spire thing 3 weeks in: kinda blow up and leave, walk into the wilderness by myself (bad) and swim to an island where I climb a big boulder and make new friends. I calm down. The Grand Nips are the most beautiful place I have ever spent a month, but I never want to see another minivan in my life. I (Pepino) feel at home outside. Caterpillar fights, bfast burritos, stars. Don’t want to leave. back to Michigan to rot. Try to go to mopop with Alaina but sell my ticket to sean during unnecessary study visit to A2 for the class I eventually drop out of. Sushi with sarah (sarah - Wilbur = i’m so happy abt this event that breaks her heart, I am a selfish friend) Calc ii eats me alive, I give up. More rotting. pentwater w fam, Meryn shows up. golf ball incident: I let myself blow up at dad, but Lauren is there and Alan is there and I come back feeling stronger. more rotting in clarkston. sem3! year2! I’m a mentor! so good to see everyone, I begin to appreciate Nicco a lot, become good friends with kastriot (another jewel) and others (matt and jon, etc), trash candy in nicco’s room and HOLY SHIT I love Alex so much, she is another sister figure. It's foreign to have friends who are girls. so excited abt life in mrc, living with Sarah is good and bad. happy. CONFIRMED(co Nicco): glory hates me EXPLANATION: im too friendly(?????) stumble upon ivy and shouri and keilah and I learn more abt this, they hate glory now, I fucking won the battle w my patience and kindness lolol (I hope she's moved on, I feel neutral about her)(drama is foreign to me) get rejected from EH Things are good, hanging out w old crew and rock camp ppl and the boy who i Like and needs to stop acting as though he Likes me too, v misleading sean’s bday @ the trap house / wolf shirts Housing 2017 is a mess, I am a mess :’| this issue is the tip o' the yikesburg FALL BREAK oct 15 -going up to backpack at pictured rocks with camp ppl, but I realized that I don’t rlly fit w them and also they are s l o w so I split and hike alone for 13 miles in one day, oct 16 ****this is the best day of my life**** screaming and yelling out to Lake Superior in pure joy almost falling off the cliff, seeing aaron on the trail, passing the starburst men, getting lost in a soggy forest after dark (kept my cool), getting picked up by Alan: muddy, bleeding, sweaty, thirsty, wielding a knife (Pepino the Risky Bitch™ is back) high on the sublime beauty of oct 16, 2016 oct 17 - study day, drive around Marquette with my boy tommy, climb around on an abandoned aqueduct, talk about life/love. I am so grateful for this brother of mine. oct 18- south! Pasties are gross oct 19 - bad stats test (50%) (how am I this dumb?) (everything is bad again) (this is the beginning of the descent) I stop going to class bc I can’t get out of bed. I haven’t seen my friends in forever. I don’t have friends anymore. I am trapped in my room/head. I want to die. Dropping orgo Failing stats Dropping/failing friends I want this to end. I want to jump out the window of 479 jo and fall like that raven off the cliffs. I want to pull a Chris McCandless, but I don’t have a car. Alex makes everything better by not telling me that everything is going to get better. she’s been there, she’s failed. I love having her around. Bond with tim and eduardo (woops) and alec and jiten at Chris’s house, but sober erin remembers the barriers I’ve lived on this earth for two whole decades!!(Failed a test on the same day) sad bday churros w Lauren, spent the night on the floor at her place. Meryn brought me oranges and a book about glaciers <33 seds is taking up too much of my time but it’s kinda nice. stubborn boy named haydar tries to bring me pad thai and I say no but we become pen pals anyway, now he knows too much. a good character in my life. Nicco takes an absolute SHIT on me - with one statement he discredits all the friendships I thought I had at umich. It isnt a big deal to him, it’s in the past, but it isn’t for me. barrier is complete. The ghost of glory lives on. Same day- Lauren storms out (why doesn’t she want equality??? I thought she had changed) and Kastriot picks up the pieces Time goes on, erin fails stats sem3=done, but a waste of time/resources. I hate myself. Clarkston grandma is drunk and sad Alan is there with Lauren I am kind of there pickling eggs w Mack– I still love her but man oh man she has changed Royal w tommy and nick new years at konrad’s abandoned ghost house, liam dangles me over possibly the last of the giant ass bonfires, graffiti in the barn loft. learned some stuff about konrad, but he is truly a starfish among urchins. Faith in friendship is restored by him and others and myself. I think I’ll stop hating myself now. 2017 will be shiny and new end