#been a few weeks so here we go again

[warpaiint]

#WARPAIINT ˣ ― an independent , highly - selective , mutual portrayal of Aloy despite the Nora from ⌜ HORIZON ZERO DAWN / FORBIDDEN WEST ⌟ , Caitlyn Kiramman from ⌜ ARCANE ⌟ , Evie Frye from ⌜ ASSASSIN'S CREED SYNDICATE ⌟ , & Eivor Ravensdottir from ⌜ ASSASSIN’S CREED VALHALLA ⌟ .

Current Primary Muses with High Activity: ―― Aloy despite the Nora ―― Caitlyn Kiramman

ˣ  . ― CARRD :: Rules, biographies, and verses ˣ  . ― TRACKER :: All current threads saved and followed ˣ  . ― INTEREST TRACKER :: How best to interact and engage ˣ  . ― USEFUL LINKS :: memes . important messages . master list .

#arcane rp #horizon zero dawn rp #hfw rp #hzd rp #assassin's creed odyssey rp #assassin's creed valhalla rp #assassin's creed syndicate rp #assassin's creed rp #ac rp #dragon age rp #[wolf speaks] — promo. #[wolf speaks] — self promo. #been a few weeks so here we go again

[dollsuguru]

#applying to jobs that are way out of my league/paygrade/level but idgaf i need MONEY i wanna attain it #hopefully i can start doing that next week/mid next week #need to update my resume & apply 😭 #i’m also genuinely. so drained from these past few weeks i don’t even have the energy to write posts/read simple stories or read fics 😪 #hopefully EVENTUALLY i can do that #i don’t like being in this Slump it makes me MAD #grrrrrrr snarl hiss bark #so i fear i may not be on here as much until the Drainingness goes away </3 #BUT ALSO #tbh. may have to sign back into my armytwt acct again i haven’t been on since summer of 23 #but jin is coming back soon so :3 #AHHHHHHHH i hope things look up! i hope i get whatever i apply for and be blessed w lots of money & opportunities #we shall seeeeeeeee :3 hope everything is going amazingly for everyone! i hope everything works out in your favor @ anyone who sees this! #MWAH! :D #another also. enjoy the taechwita gif it’s one of my FAVS. #personal

[soldier-poet-king]

why did i decide my next crafting project was gonna be a kit for klimt's the kiss. why did i do this to myself. bitch u are PINING.

#WAHHHHHH #the duality of fran #literally ignore me #but idk man the past few weeks have just been. PINING. PINING. PINING. #WE HATE IT HERE. I HATE HOW MUCH I LOVE AND CRAVE ROMANCE. FUCK THIS #I LOVE LOVE AND IM MAD ABOUT IT #anyway cant finish the other piece until it dries. i had to rinse out all the water soluble marker bc i FUCKED UP the lettering #and cant try again til it dries. might go get a fine tip fabric marker and try with that instead #either way. current project is the kiss and im like. why the fuck did i buy this kit. why did i do this to myself #AND im playing a text based otome on steam??? ARE U FR GIRL???? ARE U STUPID?? (YES. YES I AM) #literally also play pathologic which is the LEAST romantic game of all time. its a horrible metanarrative tragedy #and YET. me and percy are both like. daniil??? daniil i love u????? sad russian man i love uuuuuu #anyway. brain is bad. i need to be buff and hot and just like. idk. loved. loved. loved. #love romance and im mad about it so im gonna go be emo abt thara celehar instead. #like. if im having a bad time u know who is also always having a bad time and usually in the exact same way as me??? #thara. it's always thara. we have the same problems ok. anyway. there's also...no. i shant say it. but iykyk.

[thatfaerieprincess]

Feel free to skip on past this, I’ve just gotta ramble for a minute bc i cant stop thinking about this kid from work last week. They were so much like me at that age (5-6th grade) that I didn’t know how to interact with them? I didn’t know what to say to them bc I don’t know what I needed to hear back then, what I would’ve WANTED to hear? What would I have even listened to? They were almost entirely silent and looked out at the world with a hesitant curiosity, but would pull back so fast as soon as you tried to interact w them. Little to no eye contact, face hidden in hair, always looking down, following others until they could strike off on their own and just quietly explore. Intently focusing on drawing any chance they got. We did an art project and they hunched over their piece the entire time and wouldn’t let any of us see it in progress, refusing to look up or acknowledge us if we asked to see it or to know what it was. Idk. I barely interacted w them while they were with us for those few days bc I didn’t know how? It almost hurt to try? It was like looking back into a time machine and i didn’t know how to tell them that it does get better,,, I still don’t even know if where I am is better, some days feel so unsure that I don’t think I’ve made any progress at all. But seeing that kid, idk. I’ve come pretty far. And it DOES get better. Maybe it’s not the best now, or even that great at all, but it’s better. I wish I could’ve told them but I don’t think they’d have wanted to hear it anyway

#im a rambling sam #I’m in a weird place again since getting here for this season of work #idk maybe I’ve been in a weird place all year probably #I don’t think I’m that far from where I was at that age but I know I am there’s just still so much further to go #one day I think it’ll feel easier but maybe not today #I do love working w kids but I’m considering going into horticulture instead of outdoor education bc I don’t know if I can handle this #I can #but god I don’t know #in my heart I’m still that exact kid and she’s still in there so damn anxious and unsure and needing to observe the world and everyone in it #just to get some sense of understanding of just what the fuck is going on around here #but by the time I’ve gotten a good handle on what is going on everything is already so set in place and my place is outside the system and I #I don’t know how to step into it #sorry sorry I’m still rambling I’m having a weird day I probably just haven’t eaten nearly enough in the last few days and I’m about to #start teaching on my own this week which is terrifying and I can’t stop thinking abt that damn kid I wish they stayed longer I think #we probably would’ve gotten along #but groups only come here for a couple days and then go home which is v weird after having the same kids for 3 weeks for summer camp #idk life gets better and it gets worse and sometimes u grow into the world a little more but there’s still a mute child in your ribcage #little hands pressed up against ur ribs like laying a palm against a bus window #I put my hand over my sternum as if we could press our hands together thru time #when I was that age I used to pretend to have someone around me like an imaginary friend but usually it was a book character that I liked #and I’d talk to myself in my head like having a conversation and giving myself motivation and assurances from someone else to me #and now I’m here and I still talk to myself like that but without the imagined friend as a buffer I just talk to myself in my head #now I’m the imaginary friend for the little Sam that lives in my chest #when I talk to myself I’m talking to her #I’m giving her the assurance she needed back then #the assurance I still need now #I am here for her so I am here for myself #this is getting poetically nonsensical maybe it’s time for bed

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: April 15

"Something in the Way She Moves" by James Taylor

#song of the day #it's been two weeks + two days since the last song of the day #the issue is you see that I started the songs up again in December because my insomnia was fucking up my perception of time #and I wanted some kind of regular marker to help me keep track #and then what happened two weeks + two days ago is that I lost all track of time and subsequently the songs of the day failed #I'm gonna see if I can keep up again for a bit now that I've re-restarted without an alarm on my phone #but if I miss any this week I'll just give in and turn the alarm back on #updates from the last two weeks are going to sound so chaotic let's see #I got a new project at work /and/ I got demoted /and/ I got added to a higher access level /and/ I'm in charge of a new database #yes all of those things together. I'm to be an accountant now! not instead but in addition to my other stuff. should be interesting #I didn't get April Fools off like I was scheduled to because all my scheduled vacation got unapproved #(I was here for about twenty nonsequential minutes to boop people and I'm glad I made time for it. extremely fun to boop) #I lied shamelessly to get eclipse day off and we went on a full-day roadtrip and it was wonderful. everything I dreamed and more #I killed one of my baby succulents through clumsiness and rabbits ate my pea plants but my sage and cabbages look promising #got a massive pot of mint flourishing on my porch and the horseradish is gorgeous #got Duncan lights and plants and a filter system for his frog tank but we haven't set up the substrate yet #so there's just potted plants sitting inside a terrarium. very amusing honestly #I've been playing a little Stardew and eating a /lot/ of hot sauce and tofu #drinking tons of klass aguas frescas--especially the soursop one. holy shit is it good. the mango and hibiscus also #and these past few days I've been sleeping better #for most of those two weeks I was getting a handful of twenty-minute naps each workday and then crashing unwillingly on the weekend #I haven't read any comic books since February :'( this weekend we're going to costco and then I'm reading comics until Monday #what have y'all been up to? I've missed being around #edit: oh shit the actual song part. anyway this is James Taylor! makes me happy and helps me settle. good vibes songs #I'm half-panicked about work all the time recently and then also today was tax day (Nick's taxes. blegh) #James Taylor doing some heavy lifting round here

[da-proti-toku-grem]

feeling like a total asshole today 👍

#an aunt's mom passed away yesterday night #i didn't really know her that much just spoke to her a few times for the typical merry christmas & happy new year you know #so when my mom told me i felt bad for my aunt bc i knew they were really close but i don't feel SAD #but my parents seemed to be like so shocked and sad and my little brother even started crying #and i felt absolutely nothing #idek what my mom saw in my face but she went like 'don't you feel anything?' and like wtf am i supposed to feel #like. i'm sorry for my aunt and everything but i just????? #that already made me feel like an absolute asshole but now we have to go there (like 2hours away by car) #and because i am an adult now i *have* to go to the funeral home (?) today and to the funeral tomorrow #and i REALLY don't want to and thought it's making me so fucking anxious bc i haven't been there since my grandma passed away 2 years ago #i really don't want that feeling that i felt back then to come back #not right now #not when i've been starting to feel a bit better this past week #but i'm already failing at that because they started to come back the moment i was told i have to go #and i feel like a fucking asshole because my aunt's mom literally passed away and she (and her whole family) must be heartbroken right now #and all i can think about is that i'm anxious #i'm anxious to go back there. i'm anxious just thinking that i'll have to express my condolences to people that i don't even know #i'm anxious because i'll have to TALK to people and at least try to look a bit SAD but i can't just fake it #bc if i don't look sad my brain tells me that i'm an asshole that doesn't have feelings like apparently everyone around me has #but if i fake it my brain tells me that i'm an asshole bc why tf do i have to fake my fucking personality #why can't i just express my fucking feelings like normal people do and the only thing that i know how to do is fucking complain #like. i know i rant a lot here but it's literally the only place where i talk about my feelings #i NEVER talk about my feelings with anyone because idk HOW to do it #i have like a million things in my mind that i want to tell my mom or my therapy for example but when i finally convince myself to do it #i just CAN'T. the thoughts won't leave my mouth because i don't know how to phrase them properly #so nothing ever leaves my mind unless i make a post here bc apparently writing my thoughts in english (my 2nd language) #is easier than talking in spanish #and at least if i write them here they don't just stay bottled up in my mind #but i'm too tired of myself and my stupid brain that tells me that i do everything wrong :/ #i'm gonna shut up now bc i once again reached the tag limit

[chaoticspacefam]

@vihola tagged me to make some OCs in >this< picrew so ofc I jumped on the opportunity!

Tagging (if you want to, up to you & no pressure if not!) @rainofaugustsith @mercurypilgrim @tearlessrain @darth-bagel @outcastcommander @messes-of-men and anyone else who wants to do this one! <3

Have one Saarai because, of course, she is my favourite hahah Also a Maiite!! because this one has vitiligo!! (honestly it has so many options, props to the OP of the picrew! <3) Maite’s a little more red than she should be (she’s more orange-y red really) and ideally her hair would have a more reddish undertone too buuuut everything else was lovely to be able to find options for her in a picrew for once! :D I gave Rai a cocktail and a nice jungle bg because honestly ya girl needs a vacation to a planet that has a nice jungle to remind her of home, she’s EARNED it lmao I had to think a bit for what to put Maite in bc I didn’t really want to cover up all her vitiligo but also I didn’t want them to be dressed exactly the same lmao then I remembered that IRP she likes to steal her husband’s work button-ups and wear them as sleep shirts when he’s done with them so I went for that and some cute shorts & sandals :3

#swtor sort of #OC picrews #swtor oc: saarai ahaszaai #swtor oc: maite ahaszaai #my babiessss #god i love this family. we all know how much i love this family lol #sorry that my activity is so random & sporadic lmfao #i'm trying i really am #but half the time tumblr is the last thing i think of so i don't check here very often anymore when i'm Goin Thru It (tm) #this week has been especially crazy but also a lot of stuff that was stressing me out has now been sorted this week #so hopefully. i will be able to focus on doing more fun stuff soon!! #i'm gonna be playing some more swtor tonight hopefully #so tonight/tomorrow there should be some more screenshot posts #still no art tho sadly D: thats one of the things i've been dealing with #i'm not gonna go into details bc in thegrand scheme of things its dumb really sjhdsjgdhj #but its been kinda...hard. for me to make art. hopefully in the next few weeks that will be resolved & i'll be able to draw again tho

[sixofkaz]

hi i miss you :(

wailing i freaking miss u toooooo💚💚💚

#this is the 4th time ive tried to answer this ask and last time there was a looong sentimental msg in the tags too addressed to u and #a bunch of other online friends ive not talked to in ages but i keep having to leave AND IT ALL DELETED so here we are ;;;v;;;;; #going from chatting on a near hourly basis to barely a few times a yr.......... that's so sadge..... #baby turns 1 in less than a week and she's only become more and more of a handful so ive stopped telling myself ''eh its just a phase it'll #pass and then I'll have time to be online more often again'' #(currently hiding in the bathroom while she's with her dad hdjdhfj i love her and don't hate or regret any of this at all btw but #its nice to catch my breath a bit) #rooster tag #ask #tbt that one link i still have bookmarked to send u a gift but its been abt 3.5 yrs and i grow ever broker #KISS ALL UR KITTY AND PUBBYS FOR ME 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

[justtogetthrough]

Look I know humans need to be individually strong and able to function independently etc and stuff but also humans evolved to be in groups too and I don't have a group, I've spent 95% of my life without a group, and I just so desperately want someone to be as attached to me as I am to them. I have spent my whole life lonely by myself on the outside looking in and I don't want to be here anymore. I've experienced what it felt like to be inside a group now and this loneliness feels even worse now that I know what it felt like to belong.

#im starting to miss my toxic and abusive relationship bc even though it had the lowest of lows and i got the most stitches ive ever got #it was still the only few years i felt happy to be alive. i had a community. a found family. #the lowest of lows brought the highest of highs and i would pay that price again to feel loved and cared about. #my therapist made me promise I'll stay alive til we meet again next week and its like oh. here we are again i guess. #if i hadnt just moved 1.5 hours away id probably hit up my ex and be like hey. im back. lets do this again. #this is why i moved though. to prevent going back to that life because i know deep down i want to. #the lowest of lows.... but also the only moments in 32 years i ever felt glad to be alive. #i need someone to pay a lot of attention to me and the person whos been able to partially do this is now pulling away #and my clingyness. my bpd. is like. i need someone new. but new people are scary. so why not my ex #why not the mother of my kid who ruins every life she touches. who ruined me mentally emotionally sexually. #when we werent fighting she made me feel so special and loved #when we were fighting i onc got 107 stitches in one arm #i cant go back. but. the only times ive ever felt good were the in-betweens of those lowest of lows. #im in a really bad place and my one irl friend cant give me what i need and so i just want to die #personal #cw suicide #cw cutting #actuallyborderline #actuallytraumatized #bpdfeels

[the-kipsabian]

i have about seven and a half weeks of work left

then im out

with no idea what im gonna do after that or whats going to happen with anything

#ive been thinking about trying to get into school for media studies but also wow anxiety #cause that would include moving and shit #tho im mostly just worried that my finances will go down the drain after new years and while my lifestyle isnt lavish or anything #juat having to count pennies again is distressing as shit even as just a thought #so thats how im gonna be spending these last few weeks at work lmao :') #unless a surprise chance falls into my lap i have no idea how im gonna survive after new years oof #i mean. i have done it before. and we get unemployment benefits that should hold me up like decently #but man. its still stressful as shit. especially since i dont think i get paid on january at all then which is super fun #anyways. i gotta do work here that doesnt even exist lol its one of these days again yay #night is an absolute mess on main

[jimines]

.

#this is just a little vent/update on some stupid shit going on on here regarding someone i won’t name #but i need to talk about it and vent bc im so frustrated at this whole thing #so i cut a friend off recently.. told them in a *very* heated message how i felt about all the terrible shit they'd said and done recently #and demanded they do not try to contact me anymore and blocked them immediately after #no surprise 5mins later i got two anons from them in my inbox trying to start a fight however i blocked the IP after those two #i even went so far as to disable my webpage for a few days to try and deter them both from sending anons and from stalking my page #and i shouldnt have had to unblock them to tell them for the second time to leave me alone and to stop trying to start things with me #because the last time we argued it was six weeks of emotional damage that i am still really messed up from #after all this it was radio silence - or so i thought #because i've received word now twice that this person has been saying untrue things to friends of friends #trying to start drama and rumours all because i cut them off and they didn't get that fight and that last word they so desperately need ? #i just…why? why why why? why does everything have to become a drama? this is why narcissists scare me.. #it took me over a year to realize thats what they are and that id been manipulated so fucking bad.. which is nothing short of embarassing #the way this anxiety has been weighing on my chest lately and dulling my time here is something that shouldnt be happening #im so so tired of all of it.. the drama and the fights and the rumours.. i physically cannot go through this kind of thing again #idk if anyone is reading this but im sorry for being so absent and unresponsive and (often times) really negative on my blog #its just so hard to be happy and positive and excited when this potential drama is looming over me day after day ya know? #im trying to push through and be here because i genuinely WANT to be here but its so fucking exhausting sometimes im constantly paranoid #i pray things will come to a rest and nothing will explode bc mentally i cannot take it anymore and i wont be sticking around in that case #i refuse to put myself through the emotional trauma that nicole put me through again. i REFUSE. so if i suddenly deactivate this is why. #but i wont be going down alone thats for sure #c.text

[orcelito]

me gearing up to hate my Fucking life as i work to finish this damned texting bitch of a program due tomorrow, logging into the school website to get the lab info page... only to see the due date's been pushed back a week. probably bc many people, like me, are really... not close to done with it lol

i wouldve known this if id gone to class today probs lol, but i was too busy being gay. so uh. yay? this is a genuine relief lol i was feeling Particularly destructive about it all.

#speculation nation #ive been increasingly irritated today bc of the knowledge that this was waiting for me at home #i knew i wasnt going to finish it in a way that was favorable to me. i was going to need to sacrifice sleep. #but it seems like i wont have to. thank fucking god. #anyways yea my girlfriend was visiting for the past few days (aka why ive been largely absent from here) but she's left again #i only had a few more hours with her so i decided to skip class and be gay instead of going. Lol #and then i had to go to work to do some stuff but i procrastinated leaving bc i was watching critical role #and then the stuff took longer than expected bc i had to make creme brulee bc we were completely out but got more powder for it #did inventory. prepped my notes for the meeting (that is starting. soon.) #then came home. prepared myself for Shit Night. got started looking into shit #and then found this thing. so like lmfao like Hell im going to work on this bitch tonight. fuck that. #uhmmm sorry professor for not going to class for two consecutive class periods i was busy prepping for being gay and then being gay #Finger Guns. lmao #anyways yeah life resumes as normal. im not really getting a day off this week. #WELL depending on things maybe i could get away with not coming in on thursday #i was only scheduled an hour today but it turned into 3.5hr. im not scheduled tomorrow but it's payroll week so i'll go in to do tips #then thursday im scheduled 2 hours for recipe restocking but if no recipes need restocked then like. no need & all #the other days r proper shifts. Though if they dont give us our tapioca by the weekend i'll end up not having a sunday shift #bc BOBA MAKING IS BACKKKKKKKKK (crying tears of joy and pain) #but we're getting a new machine for it so it'll hopefully be Much easier than it used to be. which is good! i fucking hated my Life with it #anyways i know i need to sleep after the manager meeting bc lol. lmao even. staying awake any longer in this kind of mood isnt gonna help

[theantiproduct]

.

#everytime i open this app it looks completely different #anyways heres a lil update rant tired blabbering tags post cause why nottttt #so my health is shit and i have about 300 test to get done and i honestly am so stressed out over this that i cant even function #and u know whats funny about it all is i originally went to the doc to maybe get diagnosed with adhd and i was which duh but thennnn #the funniest thing happened #took the meds and i was actually feeling a lot better and more productive! who knew thats an option but then my dic was like #we should do an ekg just to make sure youre good to take these #so obviously my hr was super high which let to more tests and more experts and haha i cant do this anymore its exhausting #so i cant take my adhd meds and i have an appointment every other day for the next month #oh and btw when i was feeling better for like a week or two i started dating again cause why not! do not have enough going on atm #met this guy been on a few dates but its nothing really i guess right cause i cant get myself to kiss him even tho i want to #cause im so scared of intimacy and so scared of being vulnerable so he's probably gonna ditch soon cause why wouldn't he and #what am i doing trying to date when i have these issues #i just want something good yknow im so tired and i just need like a good cuddle #im gonna be visiting my brother in January after 3 years of not seeing him and the kids but thats obviously stressing me out too #cause covid and planes and big sad but idk we'll see if it wont get cancelled like my last trip did #good rant ty tumblr for not shutting down yet #personal #update i have an autoimmune disease and 300 more tests to do and pills to take #fun to be me

[couragehopelovefaith]

I’m not by any means ready for “Holy fvck”, but please, give it to me already. 

#demi lovato #holy fvck #watching making of skin of my teeth made me deeply emotional for some reason #I love seeing when artists are spreading their wings genre-wise #but there is always something so touching when they return to their roots as well #have been listening Don't Forget and Here We Go Again on repeat for the last few weeks

[koishua]

when he makes me want to become the best version of myself :)

#tp #on the night i was feeling horrible he bought me coffee and walked around the block for two straight hours with me #talking about anything and everything and asking me how i feel #he told me about his childhood and told me little stories here and there and talked me out of feeling shitty #i had been rude to him unintentionally a few hours prior and despite that he approached me with utmost kindness #and i have never met someone like him before #he is so clever and smart and funny and witty and sensible and soft hearted and kind and understanding #he also stayed awake for me while i couldnt sleep past midnight at the lounge area because he knew there was a creep around despite being #utterly tired and that's why i told him we could go back up to our rooms respectively bc i couldnt dare leaving him out of his sleep #and he asked if me or my neighbors had a cat when we first started hanging out after he took a glimpse at my arms #and when i told him no he gave me the most understanding smile ever and i almost cried then and there in front of everyone else #and now i find myself reading about as many topics as i can handle bc i want to be as knowledgable as him #and i find myself trying my best at everything bc i wouldnt want to disappoint him when he brought me comfort at a moment when i #was feeling one of my lowest #i cant do that to someone who strolled around the unfamiliar streets near our hotel at midnight for nearly two hours with me #who gave me a warm cup of coffee when my hands were going numb but i didnt want to go back inside bc i was feeling stuffy #i'll see him again in a few months and i want to (oh so badly want to) show him that i got better #he didnt know me well (we'd only interacted for a week or two) and yet it was like he was the only person who understood #and all of a sudden he's become the person i associate the most with safety and comfort #and i know (gosh i KNOW) that he's suffered through so so much up until this day of his life and that's why he is the way he is #and i just want him to feel okay and i want to be able to comfort him the way he does me whenever he #feels bad #sorry for the feeling dump but i just want to let y'all know that there is an incredible person out there that #im so happy to have met and become friends with

[muirneach]

girl help i’m thinking about super specific irish words and how we might lose them because most gaeilgeoirí only have very basic conversational irish

#i am once again yearning for pre-famine levels of gaeilgeoirí #complete with all the silly words that convey an incredibly specific emotion or object or person #there is 4400 words to describe a type of person! for example there is gormaire which means ‘lazy person who sits by the fire and is mean’ #like hello?? i love this language i wish we could retain these words #sorry. this is what happens when i read too much about manchán magan’s work #i really want his books i wish i had seen him live when he came here a few weeks ago!! #*months ago not weeks whoops idk why i typed that #but god yeah hes the goldmine for super specific irish words my god #but his books are so expensive 😭 #and also ive been scrolling teanglann just clicking on random words in the sidebar its very fun #ive written down a lot of my faves #honestly im looking for a new url and i might go for a fun super specific irish word #cause who knows maybe gormaire dot tumblr dot com is in my future #representation for the girls who sit by the fire doing nothing except bitching! #irish