#because yamato is back to being 'tenzo' now; and kakashi has never tried to stay in touch with 'tenzo' before

[panharmonium]

[@dreamersscape​ I started a new thread because our old post was getting so long - link to the previous post is here, just to keep this conversation coherent!]

“raw love and affection” > That’s it exactly.  The perfect descriptor.  Untempered, unqualified, unconditional, unrestrained - Naruto’s love is just like his jutsu, a giant explosion that you can’t dodge or block, and the wielder is shouting and running straight at you the whole time he throws it right at your face XD  You just can’t escape him.  He’s gonna love you no matter who you are or what you’ve done or how fast you run away from him, which poor Sasuke has been figuring out for years (to his everlasting irritation, I’m sure).  Kakashi needs people like that – like Gai, actually, who’s a little bit similar in the sense that he’s determined to be Kakashi’s friend no matter how much Kakashi resists.  And I do love the fact that Naruto and Kakashi will be able to connect about Naruto’s parents now that the secret is out – it wasn’t possible before, and they’ve all been running a million miles an hour since Naruto found out, but eventually, once things calm down, it will such a good thing for both of them to complete that circuit.  That’s the way things are supposed to be – the connections between generations are supposed to be maintained and strengthened by the people left behind, like Iruka says in the early days of the show -   

When someone passes away, it’s the end.  His past and future, all the dreams he once had - they disappear along with him.  This is true even if he dies honorably in battle, as so many have...all the ties that bind him to the living are severed.  All but one, the most important of all: people.  Parents, siblings, friends, lovers - the people who were important to him.  And these people, the ones left behind, are joined together in a great circle by their shared memories of him.  A circle of friendship, trust, and sacrifice that grows larger and stronger as time passes. 

It’s so good that Naruto and Kakashi are soon going to be in a space where they will be able to re-forge the links that were disrupted by a malicious system that wasn’t serving either of them.

Well, I don’t want to build it up like the show makes A Big Deal out of it 

Oh, don’t worry.  I was already expecting it to be the tiniest crumb they could possibly give us.  But even crumbs will make me very happy, for these two! XD

But I think he might have doubts that Yamato would want/choose him as a source of help, given the circumstances of Yamato’s capture and torture?

THAT.  Yamato getting captured taking care of Kakashi’s kids would have been complicated enough to navigate enough on its own, but the fact that the person who orchestrated all of it was Obito makes it a truly labyrinthine mess.  The number of layers of guilt that Kakashi feels - not all of them rational or accurate, obviously, but in his mind they’re real - given all those things, of course he’s uncertain that Yamato would want his help.  Kakashi’s internal blame calculator right now is like -

GUILTY [was weak.  wanted companionship too much.  let you share my burdens.] GUILTY [took advantage of your loyalty] GUILTY [put you in harm’s way] GUILTY [abandoned you to die] GUILTY [created the person who hurt you (by being the reason obito ‘died,’ by failing to save rin)] GUILTY [still love the person who hurt you] GUILTY [still grieving for the person who hurt you]

It’s complicated enough just handling the “i put you in this position and then didn’t even come to save you” level of things, but adding in the “my personal hero/most sacred, precious source of inspiration is the one who did this to you” level makes it practically impossible to manage, especially when Kakashi is actively experiencing (natural and out of his control) feelings of grief for the person who caused Yamato’s entire ordeal.  Kakashi doesn’t condone or excuse anything Obito did - he fully understands that Obito caused unforgivable harm to untold numbers of people (himself included) - but he still feels things for him, and he can’t do anything about that, and even if he’s accepted that fact on a private level, I still don’t think he’s entirely comfortable feeling those things in the context of Yamato’s situation.  

It’s like what you said about him “wanting to be very careful not to ‘force’ his company on Yamato” - I think he feels like Yamato has every right to reassess or step back from their relationship, given everything that’s happened.  Kakashi may recognize on some level that he can’t control his own feelings about the Obito situation, but he also doesn’t think Yamato should have to be understanding of that.  Kakashi has never considered himself an appropriate recipient of anyone’s respect or devotion to begin with (“you should find someone more suitable”/“then drop the ‘senpai’”), but with Yamato, especially, I think Kakashi feels now that he’s lost whatever scrap of credibility/worthiness he ever had of being looked up to, and he would be very careful not to put Yamato in a position where Yamato feels pressure to accommodate or defer to Kakashi for any reason, whether it be because of the difference in their ranks or the potential lingering feelings of gratitude/debt that Yamato might still associate with the things Kakashi has done for him in the past.  (But of course, like you said, Yamato would probably interpret this as “reticence,” or deliberate distancing, and obviously that would heighten his pre-existing anxieties, which would just complicate things further.)

...it wouldn’t be about the name itself, it’d be Yamato trying to find a way to express that he doesn’t want Kakashi to keep seeing him as the “Tenzo” he’s always known...as his subordinate “Tenzo” that he has to “take care of”...

THIS.  I totally agree with you - I can definitely see Yamato getting frustrated at being (unintentionally) put into a box by Kakashi, because even though Kakashi absolutely does not mean it this way, the fact of the matter is that Kakashi taking on all of the responsibility/guilt/blame about this situation disregards the active choices and sacrifices Yamato made.  It’s almost...disrespectful.  Dismissive of Yamato’s agency.  And of course we as the audience know that it isn’t intended that way at all - Kakashi respects Yamato more than anyone in the world, and his reaction comes from a very real place where he legitimately feels that he’s been taking advantage of unearned/undeserved loyalty and devotion - but I absolutely can see Yamato getting snappy about being treated like what happened to him was the result of something Kakashi “made” him do, like all the work he’s been doing for the last year was just him following orders and not something he also had a personal stake in. 

The whole point of Yamato escaping the Foundation (and even the ANBU) was that he wouldn’t have to be anybody’s lapdog anymore.  It wasn’t about him trading one master for another.  He doesn’t follow Kakashi because he’s obligated to do so; he does it because he believes Kakashi is worthy of being followed.  It’s not that Yamato doesn’t feel a debt of gratitude to Kakashi; he does, and he probably always will, but Yamato also believes in the same mission as Kakashi, cares about the same children, wants to protect the same future.  Maybe, when he accepted that first substitute assignment from Tsunade, he did so in the spirit or following orders or doing Kakashi a favor, but at this point, Yamato is just as invested in the struggle as everyone else.  He cares about the kids just as much, and he’s just as committed to saving the world.  He ended up getting captured because he was willing to give his life for the cause, and he deserves to have that decision honored as the true sacrifice it is, instead of having it minimized as an artificial choice that he was compelled or deceived into making.  

I think, deep down, it’s hard for Kakashi to conceive of the idea that someone would choose to follow him for valid reasons.  He feels like everyone who loves and respects him does so because they’re laboring under a false impression of his goodness.  But for Yamato, hearing this is essentially tantamount to being told that he’s still someone else’s thrall.  Like he isn’t making his own informed decisions about who to follow or who to serve, like he’s still being led around by the nose by someone who can make him do anything they want, like someone else (however benevolent) still has him under their thumb.  I’m sure he knows Kakashi doesn’t mean it that way, but I also can imagine, in a moment of upset, that he would react poorly to being portrayed like that - at the implication, however unintentional, that he isn’t truly free.  

It’s like you said - Yamato doesn’t want Kakashi to keep thinking of him as a prisoner who needs to be rescued.  He doesn’t want to be limited to being a tool in someone else’s hands (especially not a tool for Kakashi’s continued self-flagellation), and he doesn’t want his friendship with Kakashi to be limited to what it was back when Yamato was an enslaved child.  He needs Kakashi to give him credit for his own decisions, which means he needs Kakashi to let go of the guilt and absorb the message ‘i have not been coerced into caring about you!’  Tenzo, in his capacity as Kakashi’s comrade, has never been confused about what kind of person Kakashi is.  He hasn’t been taken advantage of or manipulated into doing something he didn’t want to do.  He has never been a tool for Kakashi to use; he has always been Kakashi’s willing partner.  His loyalty to Kakashi is not unquestioning obedience or obligatory repayment of a debt; it’s justified respect, genuine admiration, and more-than-earned affection.  All Yamato did during the war was take the same risks that Kakashi himself has taken on Yamato’s behalf countless times, and if Kakashi can’t accept the fact that Yamato took those risks willingly - if Tenzo can only be “Tenzo, Kakashi’s charge” instead of “Tenzo, a true equal” - then maybe it’s time to leave that old identity behind entirely.

I do think they’ll eventually figure this all out and it will be okay.  But I 100% understand why we might see Yamato chafing at being addressed in a certain way prior to all these knots being untangled.

He doesn’t need to be “Yamato” to Kakashi, but he might be unconsciously seeking reassurance Kakashi still wants “Yamato” around.

Ohh, this...I’m... 😭😭😭

#naruto #pan watches naruto #a true equal #i know you said you weren't sure you were articulating your thoughts in a 'comprehensible' way #but i think you're hitting the nail exactly on the head #yamato's worst fear is that things are going to go back to the way they used to be #he'll go home and go back to the anbu #he'll put the mask back on and disappear #the kids will remember him vaguely #like a teacher they once had in high school #every few years he and kakashi will run into each other #and kakashi will be casually friendly #but that's all it will ever be: two acquaintances who don't really know each other anymore #because yamato is back to being 'tenzo' now; and kakashi has never tried to stay in touch with 'tenzo' before #'yamato' had something essential to offer #and now that the mission he was assigned is over #'yamato' doesn't exist anymore #'yamato' was just a code name. it was a pretend identity. #this entire year with team 7 was a temporary assignment #and yamato knew that #but what he didn't know was how desperately he wouldn't want it to end #living outside the anbu was like a dream; and yamato doesn't want to wake up #we know that. we SAW that. canonically - what he wants most in the world is to stay right where he is #his tsukuyomi dream is to hear kakashi say 'this is where you truly belong' #and it makes sense that yamato isn't sure if 'tenzo' can achieve that #because kakashi always let 'tenzo' drift away before #and of course that had everything to do with kakashi's own personal issues and nothing to do with yamato #but how is yamato supposed to know that? #i just think...yamato is more afraid of going home than of anything that ever happened to him during the war #because nothing can possibly be worse that being that alone again

[dreamersscape]

In Which I Attempt to Wreak Havoc Upon Panharmonium's Heart. Or Something.

Because I am an awesome friend, clearly, and possibly making people sad/verklempt is definitely an excellent way to (belatedly 😔 but I did start before the 15th!) celebrate Kakashi's birthday, right? ;)

I will admit up front that this is nowhere near as deftly structured and compiled as your Kakashi fanmix, @panharmonium, but that is precisely why I'm not even going to try to organize all these songs into individual playlists. Yet. Plus, I have a tendency to over-explain so this way I can better expound on why certain songs remind me of certain characters. Sorry that I sorta went a little... overboard?

Everything--except a few that aren't available on spotify, I'll link to them directly--can be listened to HERE.

What I'm Looking For - Brendan Benson | Kakashi → I may be a little biased with this one because it fits SO many of my favorite characters so well, somehow, but there's just something about the upbeat/tongue-in-cheek musical cues/delivery of lines such as 'I visit hell on a daily basis, and I see the sadness in all your faces' that just feels so Kakashi to me.

Happy Ending - MIKA | Kakashi → This is presumably a breakup song, but I enjoy it so much more in a non-romantic context (and the song itself isn't really boxed in with overtly romantic framing, so I appreciate that!). Anyway, some very important instructions IMO for listening to this with Kakashi in mind: everything before the bridge is about Kakashi up through his ANBU years, but when you get to the 'little bit of love' refrain, picture Kakashi meeting Tenzo, and then becoming Team 7's sensei, opening back up to Gai, adopting all the other leaf genin, assimilating Sai and Yamato into Team 7, and it keeps building with Kakashi gaining more and more loved ones to fill the hole in his heart, and then cry tears of joy with me! Just my personal suggestion. :D

Light - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team 7 (/all his kids)

with every heartbeat I have left I will defend your every breath

→ I've seen this song used for ship vids and I'm all ????? about that because this is clearly a song about the love you have for your child! But I suppose if one of my favorite pastimes is aggressively re-interpreting love songs in non-romantic ways, I can't begrudge the opposite process... too much, lol.

Heroes - MIKA | Team Minato

your blood on me/and my blood on you/but to make you bleed/the only thing I wouldn't do/.../I wish there was a way/to give you a hand to hold/'cause you don't have to die in your glory/die, to never grow old

Long Lost Friends - Transit | Kakashi & Obito

how long/do you have to say that/this is not the person I used to know/you are not the person I used to know/.../because lately, you've been looking at me like you've seen a ghost/and isn't it obvious who's been missing who the most

→ What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck!

Against the Voices - Switchfoot | Kakashi

'cause everybody knows/the hardest war to fight/is the fight to be yourself/when the voices try to turn you into someone else

Out of the Darkness - Matthew and the Atlas | Obito? Yamato? Kakashi? Itachi & Sasuke? Naruto & Kurama? → I'm a bit undecided about this one, or if I should just not worry about choosing one character and just let myself feel all the "inner darkness is not an innate characteristic, Danzo! They're just grieving/in a lot of pain, and they can find their way out of that dark place!" feels.

Save A Place - 1969 | Kakashi & Sasuke

so I'll keep away and save a place for you/and I'll only make the same mistakes as you/.../when all the blood all over your fingers is dried up/the pain will still linger

→ I'm not uber-confident in picking out really fitting Kakashi & Sasuke songs yet, but I hope this hits a lot of the right notes for you. :)

Thrive - Switchfoot | Kakashi

I'm always close, but I'm never enough/I'm always in line, but I'm never in love/I get so down, but I won't give up/I get so down, but I won't give up

→ See, it says right there that he's never in love! Not the crux of the song, and he's not always 'in line' either, but still! :)

Disarm - The Civil Wars | Kakashi & Obito

the years burn, burn, burn

→ I don't know how I keep collecting fictional relationships that work so well for this song, but literally every single line of this song hits so hard for these two?? Will never recover from this. (Also, I usually disregard when 'my love' pops up in the last line of the chorus, as the mood dictates. :) It's pretty incidental as is IMO.)

Renaissance - Paolo Buonvino & Skin | Sakumo & Obito & Kakashi & Naruto

let me show you one last time/let me show you one last sign/you can find it/I can't say that I can change the world/but if you let me, I can make another world for us/let me suffer all for you/make this vision all brand new/we can fight them/I can't say that I can win it all, [but] come with me and I will make my words stand tall

→ Okay, this is a very odd choice given that it's actually the theme song for a different show about the Italian renaissance (if you happen to see this, Mirjam, don't hate me!), but this could be IT! The "those who break the rules are scum, but those who would abandon their friends are worse than scum" anthem that's all about building a better world based on these principles! I really hope our sharing-a-brain talent translates to listening to this song in this way because I am feeling SOME KIND of way about this!

The Lament of Eustace Scrubb - The Oh Hellos | Kakashi → I really liked the song you chose from this album for your fanmix, so now I've feeling a tiny bit too on-the-nose with my choice, but I guess this is just a Kakashi album all around. 😆

Glass Heart Hymn - Paper Route | Kakashi(+ Obito) & Sasuke(+ Itachi)

memories as heavy as a stone/ I am empty, in my end you are my beginning

This Is Home - Switchfoot | Yamato & Kakashi (+ Team 7)

and now, after all my searching/after all my questions/I'm gonna call it home

→ All finding-where-you-belong songs are actually Yamato songs. True story!

Faust, Midas, & Myself - Switchfoot | Obito

you have one life left to leave/you have one life left to lead

→ Could this be any more perfect for Obito? It even has creepy-old-man!Madara!

Pluto - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

Always Gold - Radical Face | Kakashi & Obito/Sasuke & Itachi/Naruto & Sasuke

all my life, I've never known where you've been/there were holes in you, the kind that I could not mend/and I heard you say, right when you left that day/does everything go away?/yeah, everything goes away/but I'm going to be here till forever/so just call when you're around

→ ...but mostly Kakashi & Obito because 'there were holes in you' 😭😭😭

Lemon Boy - Cavetown | Yamato & Kakashi → You already know the delights of this song of course, but I gots to be comprehensive. :)

Everywhere I Go - Lissie/cover by Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team Minato

danger will follow me now everywhere I go/angels will call on me and take me to my home/well, these tired eyes just want to remain closed

→ I chose the Sleeping At Last cover for maximum angst, 'cause sometimes it be like that.

Uneven Odds - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

maybe your light is a seed, and the darkness the dirt, in spite of the uneven odds, beauty lifts from the earth

→ ...just like an earth style: mud wall :') Okay, okay, bad jokes aside, the seed metaphor of course makes me want to associate it with Tenzo, but this is clearly a Kakashi song!

Twenty-four - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito

life is not what I thought it was twenty-four hours ago/and I'm not who I thought I was twenty-four hours ago/still I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/you're raising the dead in me/I wanna see miracles/to see the world change/wrestled the angel for more than a name/for more than a feeling, for more than a cause/I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/and you're raising the dead in me

I'm Still Here (Jim's Theme) - John Rzeznik | Kakashi

and how can they say I never change?/they're the ones that stay the same/.../they can't tell me who to be/'cause I'm not what they see/.../and their words are just whispers/and lies that I'll never believe

→ Yeah, I might've accidentally imprinted on Treasure Planet as a 14 year old, and then someone made sure this song would forever live in my heart by making a fanvid of it with my favorite character from my robin hood show, but! He's still here!

See You Again - Wiz Khalifa (feat. Charlie Puth) | Kakashi & Obito/Team Minato

how can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?/everything I went through, you were standing there by my side/and now you gon' be with me for the last ride

→ I am being very unoriginal here, and there are in fact already fanvids made for these relationships set to this song (along with many others featuring different Naruto relationships), but I don't think I'll be able to rest until I translate the movie playing in my head whenever I hear this song now into an actually watchable format. After all, they have come a long way from where they began, and I intend to make that both as touching and ironically hilarious as possible!

Goodnight, Travel Well - The Killers | Kakashi → Admittedly, I got this idea from a magnificently crafted fanvid done for my robin hood show, but I genuinely think it would be really interesting to make something similar for Kakashi centered around the time he technically died but got better? I don't know how to explain it, but I think it fits quite well.

30 Lives - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi & all the people he's loved and lost → can be listened to here.

A Pound of Flesh - Radical Face | Kakashi

then today I wake up feeling easy/and find I'm on more familiar roads/I got a darkness wrapped inside me/but now it ain't so hard to let it go/so keep a candle burning in the window/I'm almost home

Hold Back The River - James Bay | Kakashi & life getting in the way of him being with his precious people (you may be sensing a pattern here) → @the road of life: Let! Kakashi! And his People! Hold! Each! Other!!! Also, 'tried to square not being there, but think that I should have been' is absolutely about Sasuke's defection and Kakashi adding it to his long list of undeserving self-recriminations.

The Fall - Imagine Dragons | Yamato & Kakashi → 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

Shadowman - K's Choice | could work equally well for Kakashi or Obito, I think

any time tomorrow a part of me will die/and a new one will be born/any time tomorrow/I'll get sick of asking why/sick of all the darkness I have worn/any time tomorrow/I will try to do what's right/making sense of all I can/any time tomorrow I'll pretend to see the light/I just might/.../and doesn't it make you sad?/to see so much love denied/see nothing but a shadowman inside

Paint - The Paper Kites | Kakashi & Team 7

still there's a wound and I'm moving slow/though it don't show, though it don't show/I've got a hole where nothing grows,/how little you know, how little you know

→ A song for just how much Team 7 doesn't know about their sensei.

Always Find Me Here - Transit | Kakashi → ...most likely at the memorial stone. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (why am I like this)

Taste - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

it’s bittersweet, it’s poetry/a careful pruning of my dead leaves/it’s holy ground, a treasure chest/I'm on my knees and only scratch the surface/like fists unraveling, like glass unshattering/we’re breaking all the rules, we’re breaking bread again/we’re swallowing light ’til we’re fixed from the inside

Help - Hurts | Yamato & Kakashi

take my hand and lead the way/out of the darkness and into the light of the day/.../'cause I know what I've been missing/and I know that I should try/but there's hope in this admission/and there's freedom in your eyes/.../I can feel the darkness coming/and I'm afraid of myself/call my name and I'll come running/'cause I just need some help

→ NO ONE TOUCHE ME.

Your Soul - RHODES | A mish-mash of Kakashi & Tenzo and Rin & Obito & Kakashi and Gai & Kakashi vibes? → So like, 'oh you know when you're alone/I'm holding on and on and on and on/to your soul' reminded me of your 'when you're all alone...the only thing you really think about is dying' 'but when there are two of you...the only thing you can think about is surviving.' and now kakashi - who just saved his life - is asking him 'did you want to die' and yamato is saying 'no' there are two of them and yamato wants to SURVIVE. tags as well as Gai's steadfastness as a friend, and 'I just wanna hold your hand' made me think of Rin's "Well then, I'm just going to have to connect the two of you." while holding their hands, and the sunlight/'soul shine'/'your light' motif is just A Lot in this song!!

7 Years - Lukas Graham | Kakashi → Alright, yeah, there are already approximately a gazillion pre-existing Naruto AMVs for this song and even one or two focusing on Kakashi, but they don't capitalize on all the angst possibilities in many of the lyrics or reach the fluff potential of 'will I think the world is cold or will I have a lot of children who can warm me [when I'm old]' and I cannot abide that!

Putting The Dog To Sleep - The Antlers | Kakashi & Sasuke → Okay, on one hand, this song is One Big Oof. But I do like the (potentially odd) way I've conceptualized it for Kakashi & Sasuke? Like, the first half is Kakashi going through all the tragedies in his life and getting lost in ANBU, but then in the second half it transitions to him wanting to prevent Sasuke from having to be as alone as Kakashi once was and they can face life together? It makes me emotional!

Trust Me - The Fray | Kakashi & Obito

I found a friend, or should I say a foe?/said there's a few things you should know/we don't want you to see/we come, and we go/here today, gone tomorrow

→ There are a few lines that call Tenzo & Kakashi to mind, but mostly it's Obito & Kakashi.

The Lightning Strike (What If This Storm Ends?) - Snow Patrol | Kakashi → I had to, right? My mindscape is a little murky/scattered about what specifically I want to think about when I listen to this, but obviously it has to do with Kakashi in one way or another.

Kettering - The Antlers | Team Minato(???) → Honestly not sure if this will make any sense, but yeah, vague team minato vibes?

Swans - Unkle Bob | Kakashi & Obito/Rin/Minato/Kushina/Sakumo → They should be by his side always!!!

Looking Too Closely - Fink | Kakashi → I honestly feel rather ambivalent about this one too, but I can't deny 'truth is like blood underneath your fingernails/and you don't wanna hurt yourself, hurt yourself/looking too closely' always destroys me because... well, you know. I love suffering. :(

Souvenirs - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito & Rin

wolves - Switchfoot | Kakashi

snowfall for the battlefield/roses for the father's sons/see them red on the ground:/bleeding/when the revolution came/we were more than hungry men/we were hoping for more:/bleeding/end. begin again./all of my world is collision and spin/hope is a world that has yet to begin/awaken, oh sleeper/awaken, oh sleeper/a new day begins

→ I wanted a wolf-related song too. :)

PRODIGAL SOUL - Switchfoot | Obito, Itachi, & Sasuke; just all them wayward Uchiha boys

Coming Down - Dear Euphoria | kid!Kakashi & his relationships

the shell/that I wore/it wasn't for fun/it wasn't to make you/stick around/it was for survival/it was what I've learnt/it was for the sun/.../our love has grown/our love has flown

→ Another one I'm a little unsure of whether it makes sense outside of my head or not, but I like the vibes?

Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons | Kakashi & Yamato? → Hmm, can I maybe submit this as a Kakashi-&-Yamato-just-need-to-mske-it-through-this-war-so-they-can-have-a-bright-bright-future song?

All Is Well (It's Only Blood) - Radical Face | Kakashi → ...he said as he's bleeding out or after he's thrown himself in the line of fire protecting someone he thinks is a better person than himself...

Bleeding Out - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi

when the hour is nigh/and hopelessness is sinking in/and the wolves all cry/to fill the night with hollering/when your eyes are red/and emptiness is all you know/with the darkness fed/I will be your scarecrow/you tell me to hold on/oh, you tell me to hold on/but innocence is gone/and what was right is wrong

→ In a similar vein to the previous song. But goodness gracious! Were they NOT straight up describing Kakashi here?

Amaryllis - Shinedown | Yamato & Kakashi → Just tossing this one out there, not sure if it will make sense or if it's a reach... but I like it?

lost 'cause - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Sasuke

are we a lost cause?/or are we just lost 'cause/we won't be the future we refuse to see?/and if I'm your lost cause/it'll be your lost 'cause/you won't see me as I am, the possibility/that I'm not the enemy

→ 214 feels. (And before and after that, but yeah.)

Through the Ghost - Shinedown | Kakashi & Obito

so many silent sorrows/you never hear from again/and now that you've lost tomorrow/is yesterday still a friend?/.../everything that mattered is just/a city of dust/covering both of us/did you hide yourself away?/I can't see you anymore/.../did you hide yourself away?/are you living through the ghost?/did you finally find a place/above the shadows so the world will never know?/the world will never know you like I do ... like I still do

Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men | Kakashi → Just Kakashi having little chats with his ghosts, totally the most heartwarming way to conclude this section. 😅

Sleepyhead - Passion Pit | Kakashi → Just kidding! Here's a slightly less morbid song for the Most Tired Boy Of Them All.™ (Random aside: this was my customary song to listen to on my walks to 8AM organic chemistry classes; I found it strangely soothing! On a different occasion, after a particularly long day for her, one of my roommates didn't have the energy to make it to her bed but nevertheless requested a lullaby from us. So I obliged by playing this song for her, but she didn't seem to gain the same peace of mind from it as I did. 😄 I know it's not my place to propose anything like this, but it does amuse me to imagine bookends!Kakashi in these situations, even though it's not OChem classes he has to go to.)

General/Miscellaneous:

Rise Above It - Switchfoot | Ensemble

don't care what they're telling me/we can be what we want to be/.../just because it's law doesn't mean that it's fair/.../don't believe the system's on your side/.../the curse is spoken/the system's broken; rise above it

→ I mean, how could I not think about Naruto when this song also has the lines 'hear us sing tonight like the last night on earth/we will rise like the tide/like dead men coming back to life/we are rising, rising'? It's fun to be literal sometimes!

Doorways - Radical Face | Allllll the traumatized children → Someone has to put all those tragic childhood flashbacks to good use, after all.

Ghost Towns - Radical Face | take your pick of Itachi, Sasuke, or Post-Kannabi-Bridge!Obito

there's no comin' home/with a name like mine/I still think of you/but everyone knows/yeah everyone knows/if you care, let it go

Blinding Light - Switchfoot | Hey, Hiruzen? You may have coined the phrase, "children are the king" but I don't think you truly understand it... (insert Princess Bride joke here)

hey boy, don't believe them/we're the nation that eats our youth/.../still looking for the blinding light/still looking for the reason why/still looking for the sun to shine/all my life I've been living in the darkest night/still looking for the blinding light/to take me higher and higher

Brother's Blood - Kevin Devine | EVERYONE → ...but certainly so much you could do with Itachi & Sasuke, Obito & Kakashi, Shisui & Itachi, even Hashirama & Madara! Sakumo's teammates turning their backs on him and saying 'I don't know one thing about my brother's blood'?!?! There are SO MANY ideas I have for this song! It gives me chills and makes my brain scream.

We Need Each Other - Sanctus Real | Ensemble → Already mentioned this one to you, but I have to include it here for thoroughness' sake!

Whispering - Alex Clare | the Hidden Leaf's lost/ostracized children/orphans

who will care for the falling?/who will care for the falling leaves?

So this is probably a strange concept to come up with and apply to this song, but the 'whispering, whispering, whispering' parts brought Konaha's virulent gossiping/passing judgement about others and often kids they don't even know problem to mind, too, and yeah?

The World You Want - Switchfoot | Ensemble → If I were to make a fanvid set to this song, I would definitely keep a broad focus, but I can't deny that the lines 'you start to look like what you believe, you float through time like a stream, if the waters of time are made up by you and I, I could change the world for you, you change it for me' FOR SURE has strong Obito & Kakashi/Kakashi & Tenzo vibes.

Red Eyes - Switchfoot | Ensemble, but definitely many dashes of Uchihas 😄 → I would like to thank Masashi Kishimoto for creating a world where red eyes are a Thing of Importance so I can one day make a fanvid using this song in not just the tired or teary bloodshot-red eyes way, but in a very literal sense too.

TAKE MY FIRE - Switchfoot | The Will of Fire → 'Cause I think I'm sooooo clever. 😄

Above The Clouds Of Pompeii - Bear's Den | various parent & child relationships → This obviously derives from the not-caring-about-your-female-characters problem, but it always gets me that all the single parents in the Naruto universe are almost invariably the fathers! I guess sometimes you can safely guess that the mothers are still alive/exist, but either way we hardly ever get to see them. :/ The one exception I can think of right now is Kurenai, but maybe I'm forgetting another conspicuous single mother. Anyway, I don't know if this helps or hinders more a potential Naruto fanvid for this song, but regardless, it still gives me feelings?

Who We Are - Switchfoot | Ensemble → It just makes me inordinately happy that the chorus for this song starts with 'who we are (in the fever of our youth)', you know? :D

Brother - Kodaline | all the friendships we can stuff in here and then some → Quite a well known song I'm pretty sure, but I love how many dynamics one could showcase in a potential fanvid of this. And, not gonna lie, 'oh brother, we go deeper than the ink beneath the skin of our tattoos' deserves to be used in some sort of Tenzo 'n' Kakashi or Team Ro fan creation!

Special Bonus:

Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine | Kakashi & Obito → I'm not sure whether I would have realized how well this works for Kakashi & Obito on my own, funnily enough, but then I found this fanvid of it (containing only scenes you've seen naturally!) and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It's so well done!

#I do apologize for all the switchfoot/other repeated bands or artists #I wanted this to be really varied but switchfoot just has my number I guess? #I'd like to say I got it all out of my system now since I'll likely have to do a part two at some point #but that's not completely true *rubs back of head sheepishly* #also all the mentions of fanvid creation are just because I've always been a heavily visual learner/how I process stuff #--ironic given my visual disability-- #so I suppose when my brain gets attached to something that's in an auditory medium it still has to find a way to add in a visual component? #anyway I hope this 60+ songs behemoth of a playlist is not too overwhelming and that the musical styles are somewhat up your alley! #I swear I'm going to jump back into our Kakashi & Yamato conversations now! #turns out I really suck at multitasking sometimes /0\ #kakashi hatake #obito uchiha #team minato #kakashi 'n' obito #kakashi 'n' rin #kakashi 'n' tenzo #gai 'n' kakashi #sakumo hatake #naruto uzumaki #kakashi 'n' sasuke #kakashi 'n' sakumo #kakashi 'n' naruto #kakashi 'n' minato #Itachi 'n' Sasuke #itachi uchiha #itachi 'n' shisui #yamato #tenzo #sasuke uchiha #sakura haruno

[orlha]

Kakashi/Sakura - Romantic ♡ 3. Where character B is their soulmate Please♡♡♡

Notes: SOOOO This is supposed to be a drabble. But heeeey SURPRISE it’s not? Hope you like it anyway, I might add that it’s not terribly fluffy either.

—

Civiliansconsidered themselves adults when they received their soulmarks at eighteen.Shinobis didn’t care too much about their soulmarks or tried not to at least.Not all soulmates meet, and if they do, not all of them meet on friendlyterms.  

Kakashiknew that the chance of having an out-village soulmate was rare, yet he hadseen how Rin had reacted when Obito died, seen how his father had chosen deathover him, seen Sensei picked death over living without Kushina. His soulmarkappears, “No, you stupid man. You are not dying under my watch!” curvingdown his palm. Cursive and almost unreadable words. 

Inanother world without shinobis, without pain and the ever-hanging death,Kakashi thinks he might have been loved and loved back. But he’s not in anotherworld. He’s here, where the people closest to him have chosen to die, wherethey had died leaving him alone. 

Gaiassures him that soulmates always meet each other. It’s fate and no matter howfar he runs, he’ll always come back to the same fork. It leaves a bitter tastein Kakashi’s mouth. He doesn’t someone, doesn’t want someone else to die onhim. Gai… Gai is the only one he trusts not to die on him. Too much energy andoptimism, too much youth. 

So hedistances himself. 

FromTenzo who pursued his friendship, from Asuma who tried to rekindle their‘broship’ after his long absence, from Team seven who was a mockery of what hisown team had been. 

Hebarely trains his genin, barely cares when Naruto was apprenticed to Jiraiya orwhen Sakura is apprenticed to Tsunade. They were barely his students. 

Yethere they are again. Tsunade refusing to let him fade into anbu, forcing him toreform his team. 

Hehates it, hates how people push him, with supposedly comforting words that hissoulmate was out there somewhere.  

Hedoesn’t care. He tells himself that every time. His soulmate is probably dead,or out-village and he doesn’t care. 

Theyare all lies. 

Becausehe does. 

He’sjust abandoned. 

—  

Inspite of people’s popular beliefs, Sakura worked hard to get top kunoichi. Sheknew it wouldn’t matter in the long run. Academy scores didn’t matter in thereal world, but that was all she had to prove to her next superiors that shewas competent. Never mind that she didn’t have a senior shinobi to train herlike all the clan kinds, never mind that some days her parents ‘forgot’ to feedher.  

Sakurais good. 

She hasto be. 

She’snot like Ino who had parents to fall back on after graduating. Sakura had neverhad that kind of affection. She imagines that when she gets her soulmark, meetsher soulmate that they would fall passionately in love. She’d be tucked intohis arms, she would be loved. 

It’sthese thoughts that keep Sakura going even when her jounin sensei turns out tobe a distant and barely teaching them anything beyond referencing books to readon.  

Sakurareads these books voraciously. No one is going to help her if she doesn’t helpherself. She summons her own courage to request for an apprenticeship with Tsunadeand spends her next few years proving herself that she is competent, that sheis worth teaching. 

Becauseno one else cares if she doesn’t.  

—  

Shishousends her on a mission with her former Team Seven just near her birthday. Anddespite it being a fairly low ranked mission for shinobis of their status,Sakura thinks that Shishou hadn’t counted for the Team Seven luck. 

Whatshould have been an almost idyllic mission turns into a shitfest. Turns out theperson they were escorting was some long-lost prince who now inherited thekingdom and by mandate was returning to ascend the throne and the councillorwho had looked after the kingdom for twenty years was disgruntled enough tosend Iwa-nins to kill him.

That’s not important. 

Sakurawas busy fighting off Iwa-nins and their stupid explosive jutsu when Kakashitakes an almost fatal hit for Yamato. Quickly, with Sai’s help, she disengagesand flickers to Kakashi, hauling him to the side where Naruto’s clonessurrounded them in a protective circle. 

“No,just leave me,” Kakashi says even as she fights to manually pump his blood andheal that hole in his torso.  

“No,you stupid man. You are not dying under my watch!” she snarls. She presses on,leaving Naruto to deal with anyone attempting to interrupt her and divesin.  

It’smaybe minutes or hours later when she wakes from her healing trance,disoriented by the lack of veins and cells in her vision. A hand helps her up. 

“Kaka-senseiwill be fine.” Hands press food into her hands as soon as she’s seated by thefire. 

She blinks.  

Thestars above have bloomed across the dark twilight sky, the Iaw-nin bodies hadbeen burnt or sealed away, a small smokeless campfire had already been startedand Kakashi was tucked under a blanket next to Yamato, his half-lidded eyewatching her. 

Shedoesn’t care if she saved Kakashi against his will. Only stupid man does stupidthings like that. He can hate her for all she cares. He wouldn’t be the firstor the last to do so. Sakura forces herself to eat the stew Sai had given her.Tomorrow she’ll need to check on him and considering how he chose to dieinstead of being healed, she already knows it’d be a fight. 

To hersurprise, Kakashi doesn’t put up a fight the next day. He lets her press hermedical chakra in, check his torso and even his eyes.  

Andwhen everything checks out, Naruto heaves their long-lost prince onto his backand starts the trip to the Kingdom of Stars. Now that they’re aware of actualthreats, they’re more cautious about leaving traces behind.  

Sakuratries not to recall the way Kakashi refused to let her heal him. So it seemsthat her choice of people to have crushes on always are people who areemotionally unavailable. She’s been down that way once, abandoned at thevillage gates. It wouldn’t surprise her if her soulmate would be equallyuninterested in her.  

Themission ends successfully, and they’re invited to stay in the palace for a fewdays. The Kingdom of Stars is gorgeous. Unlike the Kingdom of Moon, the mostpicturesque thing about the Kingdom of Stars is their sky. The trail ofnorthern lights dancing across the sky, beset with shimmering stars.  

Sakurastares out into the sky, the light wisp of smoke escaping her mouth as shebreathes. It’s a place she wouldn’t mind retiring to. The placid lifestyle ofthe people here, their earnest laughter.  She thinks she could be happyhere. 

Probablynot.  

She hadfinally gotten her soulmark during the mission. It’s across her hip and shedoesn’t care what it says anymore. It’s stupid yearning for something she’llnever get or even brooding over it. When this mission is over, she’ll go backto the hospital where no one cares, back to her one room apartment.  

Sakuraisn’t meant for happiness or love. 

“Sakura?” 

She’sso lost in her thoughts that his voice almost startles her off the roof.Kakashi grabs her, his hand lingers on her arm before he sticks it back intohis pockets. His shoulders are slumped, radiating the feeling of exhaustion. 

“Areyou okay?” The weapons that the Iwa-nin weren’t likely to be poisoned. She wouldhave noticed if it were, but there’s always the chance for human error. Sheputs a hand on his, double checking his system for any infection or poison. 

That’sweird, his hands are bare. Kakashi always wears his gloves. 

Sheturns his hand and gasps. There are thick calluses across his palm, especiallyon the fingertips and across the palm, almost down to his wrist is undeniablyher handwriting.  

“No,you stupid man. You are not dying under my watch!” it says.  

Sheslowly looks up at him. His mismatched eyes look back at her nervously.  

“Ibelieve these are your words,” he says carefully.  

Sakuracan hear her blood pounding in her ears, the colour in her face bleeding out asshe processed the situation. She pulls her shirt up, wrenching part of herpants down. Splayed across her hip, the narrow but neat writing are the words “no,just leave me.” 

“Those…are definitely my words and handwriting.” His hand curls up to grip hers.  

Shebarks a mirthless laugh and shakes his hand off, stepping back several steps.“So…” she starts in a quivering voice and hates herself for the weakness. “…I’m marked with your suicidal words.” 

Sheturns away and the frustration of the entire situation, the helplessness feltso overwhelming that she couldn’t stop tears from gathering in her eyes. 

She wasright.  

Thepeople always had crushes on were emotionally unavailable and that apparentlyincluded her soulmate, the man she had a crush on for the last two years. Also,the man who is suicidal and had such a blatant disregard that shishou forcedthem to have a medic at all times. 

Underall her doubts and sarcasm, Sakura had hoped that her soulmate would be someonewho loved her, where she could finally be love and be loved in return. 

“I’mnot…” he murmurs behind her. “…suicidal…” 

Hereaches out to clasp her shoulder.  “Sakura…” 

“Don’tworry, I’ll be fine even if you leave,” she tells him. She had seen shinobislike Kakashi. She knows what would happen. She won’t cry over this, or so shetells herself as she ignores the tight clenching in her chest.  

Becauseno one would care if she isn’t alright and her parents would be smug in theknowledge that they were right; that even her soulmate didn’t want her. 

“Let metry, please.” His fingers tightened and she looks up at him. Hissharingan still spinning slowly, his hair almost fey in the dimmoonlight.  

Shepulls a shuddering breath from her lungs, schooling the trembling in herhands.  

“Youdidn’t care to teach any of us anything. Didn’t care who I went to or if I hadto go to genin corps. Why? Why should I?” 

“I’mnot suicidal. I just… There’s a point where you don’t care because you’ve beenabandoned by everyone that loved you and I know I fucked up, but please.”His eyes are desperate. 

“Atleast you’ve been loved,” she says, scrubbing the tears furiously away with hersleeve. “I’ve never even once!” 

“Thenlet us try. We’re soulmates right? There has to be a reason for it…” he says.His tone full of self-deprecation. “Gai said that its fate and that no matterhow far we try to run from it, if it’s fate, we’ll come back to the same fork.So since we’re at the fork now. It’s better to try. I… I am still terrified ofmaking have new people join my ring of important people…” 

Herlips twist and Sakura laughs a wet laugh.  

“Andprove them wrong?” she asks. “All the people who said that no one would loveyou.” 

“I’ll standback and watch you crush them?” He thumbs her tears away. 

“Okay.”She presses her face into his palm, his eyes softening. 

—  

Andperhaps no one believed it would last. Some soulmates die young together, somesoulmates never quite work out. 

Betweentheir multitude of issues and age gap, no one believed Kakashi and Sakurawould.  

Butthey did. 

Curledup in each other’s arms, under the tall Sakura tree, watching the petals fallaround them, they finally found the happiness, peace and love they had longedfor.  

Untilthey were old and wrinkled, grey and aged.  

Kakashipresses a kiss into her greying hair and thinks of the northern lightsreflected in her pink hair then and he would have it no other way.

—

Prompts are still open all the way until New Year’s Eve if you want to send any in :)

Tumblr prompts list: here

#tumblr prompts #ficlet #Haruno Sakura #Hatake Kakashi #Kakasaku #Anonymous

[luna-orlha]

Wip game

Talk about the WIPs you’re intending to work on this year.

I was tagged by @kakawaifu

Tagging: @backwardsandinhighheels @mouseymightymarvellous @iamartemisday 

1) Bones beneath her feet - chp 18 (gen)

He runs a thumb across the kunai’s flat edge.

Ridiculous though with merit. But Fuuko… she is irrefutably Fuuko. She has the skills she had honed all through those years… sometimes. Her own ninken pack recognizes her as their leader. No infiltrator would be able to summon Fuuko’s pack.

Kakashi watches Fuuko riffle through the box, pulling out nondescript armor to replace her distinct Konohan ones. He watches the grin bloom on her face as she finds the perfect fit then turns to look at him, only for the smile to fade and the smell the acrid stench of fear waft from her.

Turning back to his pouches, he packs his three pouches and seals two of them away in the seal on the bandage and wraps it back around his thigh. Is she afraid of him? Afraid of him being a traitor or is there something else?

Kakashi remembers the recounts from Yamato about his days in Orochimaru’s labs. Yamato had confessed once that neither Yamato nor Tenzo is his real name. Somewhere during his ordeal, he had forgotten his real name and became subject fifty-eight. That might explain her missing memories, but the new language?

2) Scent of home - ShikaSaku

She leaps out of the window, bounding across the rooftops and through the gates where she sees a silver haired man standing there. 

“Kakashi-sensei,” Sakura greets, unsure how to react to his presence. 

“You’re leaving,” is all he says. His eyes flickering across her bare forehead and the unfamiliar travelling coat. Forever? He doesn’t ask. 

Perhaps, she thinks but only looks up into the twilight sky. Her skin crawls the longer she stays in the village. The dark haired man with red eyes lives in this village. He might be reformed and might not have both red eyes, since he has a rinnegan now, but he lives in this village and has fulfilled his clan obligations with a growing brood. Konoha will never choose her. They would never pick a civilian born over a bloodlimit. Even if she surpassed Tsunade in many ways.

Kakashi doesn’t tell her to stay and that’s a relief. He understands it, he always understood her. He only holds out a tanto with the Hatake crest on the sheath. I picked you, he implies, reminding her that regardless of how things turned out, it is her that knows all the Hatake katas and clan jutsus.

3) Remember me forever - KakaSaku

“Say ahhhh,” Kakashi says, lifting the spoon up. “It’s eggplant. You like eggplant don’t you? Just like Otousan.” He waves motions with the spoon, making plenty of noises that send Unsui into peals of laughter. “Kunai is flying! You need to catch it! Where’s the cave?”

Unsui opens his mouth and Kakashi feeds him the mash. “Ah, there’s the cave! Oh! My brave little shinobi caught it!” He wipes bits of the food off his son’s cheek and raises an eyebrow at the blond staring at him shocked.

“Kaka-sensei talking that baby talk. Holy shodaime-” Naruto starts and is immediately cut off by Sakura’s quick jab to Naruto’s windpipe.

“If you swear around Unsui, I will personally get shishou to ensure that you’ll be doing D-ranks for as long as it takes for Unsui to unlearn it.” Sakura clenches her fist at him. “Are we clear?”

Naruto gulps. “Crystal”

Kakashi scoops another spoonful of mash and eyes Naruto. “Why are you here anyway?”

Naruto scratches the back of his head sheepishly. “Well, I wanted to invite you to my wedding. Hinata says it’s best to do it in personal. Especially when… when… when… Iwantyoutobemyadoptivefatherfortheceremony.”

Kakashi blinks at the rush of words then asks, “if I’m the adoptive father for the ceremony, does that mean Sakura is your adoptive mother?”

Sakura muffles a snort.

“Holy shodaime balls! No!”

Kakashi quickly claps his hands over Unsui’s ears. “Oh no. Unsui-chan, don’t follow this nii-chan’s example okay?”

Unsui giggles. “Da-me balls!”

“No! Unsui-chan! Don’t say that!” Naruto flails, trying to get the old year old to stop repeating his words.

“NA-RU-TO-KUN!” Sakura pulls on her gloves, the leather creaking as she clenches her fist.

“Daime balls!”

Kakashi groans and hangs his head. “This blond an idiot. And this idiot will be doing D-ranks for the next foreseeable months.”

“Kaka-senseeeei,” Naruto whines before he’s dragged into the training grounds by Sakura. “Help!”

“Soodaime balls!” The old year old swings his feet, clapping excitedly at Kakashi.

4) Death in her eyes - Gen

Sayami sobs, feeling her Sharingan flicker on from the ragged edge of her emotions. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Her hands shake as she presses her palm into her eyes. She’s drowning from the shame of being the one alive. “Should have been me. Been me instead. Should have tried harder.”

“Don’t blame yourself for being the one alive.” A large hand peels her hands away and a wet towel scrubs her face clean. The face that appears in her vision is Fugaku-jii, looking more tired than she ever remembers him to be. The frown lines on his face have deepened since the last time she saw him, making him look thirty instead of eighteen.  

“Don’t ever be sorry for being alive,” he tells her brusquely. “You hear me?” Fugaku shakes her until she nods, even if it’s just to get him to stop shaking her, then he holds her tight. He doesn’t cry. Uchiha men don’t cry. But she knows inside he’s crying.

“Is he dead too?” she asks.

5) Best things in the life are free - ShieldQuake (Steve/Daisy)

Skye pulls a breath and grins at him, “What are you looking for?”

He scratches the back of his head, suddenly looking so much older than he physically is. “Your friend, Simmons, insisted I introduce myself to you.” Steve sighs and pulls himself up. “Look, I know my name is Steve, but I did come from the 1940s. But chances is,” he pauses and as he grapples for words that Skye knows the ultimate rejection would be, she only smiles at him and laughs, because Skye knows it softens the hurts even when the hope building in her is dying.

“It’s fine, Captain. Unless you have Mary Sue on as your soulmark, I’m pretty sure you’re not mine.” The words burn like acid between her teeth. She knows there’s a 90% probability that her soulmate wouldn’t have Mary Sue as their soulmark. Mary Sue is a name given by the nuns at the orphanage. Would it count? Darcy says it does but she wasn’t named by her parents before being placed at the orphanage and Skye knows this for a fact. She’s resigned herself to probably never finding her soulmate. How could she find her soulmate if she didn’t even know her first name?

There is instant relief on the Captain’s face. “Well, mine does say Daisy,” he offers an olive branch that Skye pounces on.

6) Falling slowly - ShikaSaku

In spite of all his denials, Shikamaru vividly remembers the first time he saw her. It was a warm autumn afternoon and he had been lying on that patch of grass sandwiched between the Yamanaka’s fields and the Nara’s forests. Ino was dragging her across the clearing, her pink hair was covering almost half of her face. Her eyes flickered from the ground to him and he remembers the sight and the exact shade of her green eyes.

But it was not that moment that he fell for her. If Shikamaru has to guess, it hadn’t been a single defining moment, but a collective series of them.

He drags his cigarette from his lips, blowing the smoke into the muggy night air. If he had to choose, he would have pick her over Temari. The choice has never been a difficult one, but Shikamaru could see. No, even a blind man could see that there is no space in her world for his feelings. To fight a ghost, albeit a living ghost but still with an absent tangible presence, would have been far too hard. Sakura has always been the sort to give her heart and soul to her precious ones and Shikamaru isn’t one of them.

Perhaps if he had noticed his own feelings earlier or reached out earlier. He sighs, taking another deep breath of the cigarette. In this world where their teams are their family and their family are their teams, Shikamaru wonders if things would be different had he pushed Ino to reconcile with Sakura earlier.

#tagging game

[yakashi-lover]

Can we talk about Kakashi for a second please?

I see the argument a lot about whom in Naruto had that saddest life and the votes often sway between Naruto, Gaara and Sasuke… But I want to talk about Kakashi and why I believe he had the saddest life in the series. Naruto, Gaara and Sasuke may have had terrible childhoods but Kakashi’s overall life was terrible.

Here’s a rundown:

- He lost his Mother probably before he could speak.

- He grew up with just his Father and admired the hell out of him.

- His Father chose death over him and left him alone in the world at the age of 5.

- He hides his face. The assumption being he wants to be taken seriously at such a young age and now he does not want people to be reminded of his Father when they look at him.

- Instead of playing with his friends after the Academy he was forced to fish for his dinner and cook for himself.

- He spent his afternoons and weekends cleaning his huge empty house.

- He spent years saying hello and goodbye to no one because he was lonely and couldn’t accept how alone he felt.

- He slept in his kitchen. My assumption being because he felt too alone in his bedroom. It reminded him of a life he did not have anymore. A childhood.

- He was rejected by the adults of the village and forced to be teamed with people beneath him as no one wanted to work with him. How lonely.

- All he knew was what happened to his Father and what had caused it. Of course he was going to be a stickler for the rules after that incident.

- Being a stickler for the rules caused him to make a decision that cost him one of his only friends. This decision quite literally haunts him for the rest of his life.

- After vowing to protect Rin she decides to commit suicide by running in to his charged Chidori. This causes him to have PTSD and nightmares long in to his adulthood.

- He begins reading “how a Shinobi should die” a nod towards the fact that Kakashi himself is thinking of committing suicide. After all what does he have to live for?

- He withdraws completely from any attention his classmates give him. He despises himself and does not believe he is worthy of affection of any kind.

- He begins to put up walls and keep people at arm’s length. If he doesn’t love anyone, he can’t be sad when they die.

- His Sensei, the one precious person he has left decides that to mend his broken heart he will be assigned to the ANBU.

- Kakashi’s only purpose in life at this point is to work for the Village. He lives for the mission but Minato assigns him to guard Kushina. This no doubt gives Kakashi lots of time to think and dwell on his past mistakes.

- Minato is killed and Kakashi finally loses his last precious person. He withdraws in to himself once again. Continuing to have nightmares and flashbacks without the emotional support he needs to get through them.

- Kakashi makes another friend, Tenzo. Tenzo is then assigned to kill Kakashi and take his Sharingan. Luckily for Kakashi this works out alright in the end and they remain friendly.

- Kakashi becomes the Captain of team Ro and begins to relax a little. He even goes so far as to tell Itachi Uchiha that he is there for him if he needs to talk.

- Itachi Uchiha betrays Konoha, killing his entire Clan and defecting from the Leaf.

- Kakashi puts his walls back up, annoyed at himself for letting them down for such a vile human.

- Fast forward to Kakashi being forcefully pulled out of the ANBU and taken away from everything he has known for the last 12ish years.

- He is forced to teach children and he feels as though his ANBU subordinates are laughing at him. “The Genin Babysitter.”

- He enforces strict rules for the Genin passing his test. These rules have come from Kakashi once again taking a bad life experience and making it a lesson. This time it works for him.

- He rejects several teams for not understanding his criteria. This causes the Village to gossip about him. He earns the reputation of being a hard-ass.

- When he eventually does pass a team he does not think much of them. He sees his old team in them and quietly vows to not repeat the past.

- We see Kakashi soften slightly as he teaches these children. He learns things about himself and actually starts to enjoy life a little bit for the first time probably since his Father passed.

- Kakashi is trapped inside Itachi’s Tsukuyomi and physically tortured for 3 days straight. When he is woken up/heeled by Tsunade instead of being asked if he is alright, he is mocked by her for not being smarter.

- Kakashi tries his hardest to prevent Sasuke from leaving the Village but is called away for an important mission. Something he cannot help or refuse.

- He is blamed for Sasuke leaving, most heavily by himself.

- His last 2 students then proceed to leave him as well to be trained by people more superior to him.

- He feels overwhelming responsibly for Sasuke’s defection and he feels guilt that he did not give Naruto and Sakura the attention they deserved.

- The Village expected too much of this emotionally stunted ex-ANBU. He had no experience with children and frankly, he didn’t want it. He was forced in to his roll and then ridiculed for his inevitable failure.

- This goes for the fandom as well. Kakashi did the best he could for Sakura considering his circumstances. He focused on Sasuke because he was desperately trying to prevent him from becoming the adult Kakashi already was. He knew that someone else was a better fit for Sakura and he was probably actually happy when Tsunade took over her training because he had no idea what to teach her himself. This does not mean that he didn’t feel guilt though for not trying harder. He is always harder on himself than anyone else ever could be.

- Fast forward to Shippuden. Kakashi is wounded on their first mission back and forced to stay in the hospital as his team is led by his Kohai. In his eyes, Yamato is taking his place.

- He can no longer train Naruto by himself and if forced to enlist Yamato’s help. He feels weak.

- Kakashi is killed in battle. He died honourably and will not doubt have his name engraved on the stone next to his friend’s.

- He manages to speak with his Father, telling him he forgives him for what he has done. My take on this interaction is that as Kakashi himself has considered suicide in the past he feels he finally understands his Father’s pain and why he did what he did.

- He is revived and wakes up once again in the hellhole he calls earth.

- He finds out after Itachi is killed what really happened with him and is not allowed to react or talk about it. He no doubt feels even more guilt for not realising what was happening and being there for his friend.

- Fast forward to the war when it turns out that the person Kakashi had been mourning for roughly a decade was not actually dead. He stands up in front of the entire Shinobi population and tells them that this war is essentially Kakashi’s fault for killing Rin. Something he did not mean to do and had no control over. Something he had been completely destroyed by since the second it happened.

-  He manages to reconcile with Obito and then has to watch him die once again, bringing back all that pain tenfold.

-  After the war is over he is then forced in to a position he did not want. The Hokage. He could not refuse such an honour, but we all know he did not want the job.

- Kakashi, a man that lives for the mission forced to sit behind a desk and do paperwork for the rest of his young life. By this point he has grown enough that he might actually consider letting someone behind his walls. A time of peace, where he might finally have the time and freedom to find himself a partner. But he spends it behind a desk and remains single until well in to his forties (perhaps until he dies). We will never know.

Did I forget any-fucking-thing?? 

Yes Naruto and Gaara had horrible childhoods. They were feared, hated, lonely and scared. But ultimately their lives all worked out for them. They grew up to become the village hero, married with Children. The Kazekage with a loving family, soon to be married. (I think?)

Sasuke is a different story and I will not go in to that on this post. But he chose his options and he is now lying in the bed he made. Regardless of how he went about it, he still has a devoted wife and child to come home to if he wants. While Kakashi is still alone to this day, working in a job he did not want for the sake of the Village. That is and always will be his life’s purpose regardless of how he feels internally.

#Kakashi Hatake #Hatake Kakashi #Kakashi #Rokudaime #Character study #Naruto #Naruto Shippuden #character breakdown #tw suicide #suicide #trigger warning #depression