#bd/sm discussion

[devoted-domme]

How did you know your into being dominant ? Anything particular you like in a sub ?

So, this became a bit longer than I had anticipated, so my reply to both questions will be under a cut!

For your first question: Honestly, I think I have known from a very young age, even before puberty. 

I’ve always felt drawn to stories about deep, meaningful relationships based on some sort of power imbalance and extreme devotion, like servants and knights who would do anything for their master or king. Basically, any character who was naturally submissive towards an authority figure and who was deeply devoted to them.

Scenes in which someone knelt in front of their master were my favourites and I’d re-read them over and over again. It wasn’t sexually motivated since I was too young for that, and yet something about these types of scenes always made my heart race. 

Then during puberty, I discovered that I was attracted to both men and women but I don’t enjoy being penetrated and never liked the expectations that society held for women in straight relationships. I never wanted to be the object of someone’s desires, I wanted to be the active party who has agency and be the person who leads and initiates. I never liked the thought of me lying there and having someone else shower me with affection, I wanted to be the person in control and do these things to someone else and make sure they feel good. 

Because of this, I thought I was fully lesbian for a long time, even though I do find men attractive. But I never thought it would be possible to be a man without all of the associated gender roles and the way straight sex was framed in general was such a turn-off, with the language people use and all the gendered expectations. 

I only ever dated women because it was easier to escape those expectations and easier to explain what being a stone top means. I never believed men would be interested in getting penetrated and being submissive so I stuck to female partners who enjoyed it.

And of course, I’m not saying you can’t be dominant and enjoy being penetrated, it’s just something that I personally don’t want and it’s really hard to escape that expectation if you try dating in straight circles. 

Seeking out online spaces for femdom (and in particular, Tumblr as it tends to be less focused on straight relationships and rigid gender roles, in general) really helped me strengthen my own understanding of my sexuality. 

Now, onto your second question: 

Truthfully, I am very picky when it comes to choosing a sub since I’m not really interested in just casual play so my sub would also be my romantic partner (I’m not talking about answering a spicy ask/message here and there, I’m very open to that, just anything beyond that is purely reserved for my romantic partner). 

Generally, I would be looking for a “naturally submissive” sub, not just someone who is into it as a kink. That doesn’t mean I’m looking for a 24/7 type of deal at all, I just mean that I want a sub who is just that – submissive. They want me to actually be in charge in the bedroom and are happy to do what I want to do instead of only wanting a “kink dispenser” who caters to their every wish. 

It’s a bit ironic, considering that my preferred domming style is very focused on the sub and their pleasure but at the same time I don’t want to be told what to do. It’s fine to give suggestions, they should absolutely have kinks they love and firm limits they don’t want to cross but it gets annoying when I feel like they want to “direct” the scene.

It’s also very important to me that my sub sees me as an actual real-life human being who is flawed, just like everyone else. I’m not some mysterious goddess who is always “on” and in domme mode 24/7. I’m often quite dorky and awkward and they need to be able to understand that and understand that real life isn’t fantasy and people don’t behave like they do in whatever pornography they have seen or erotica they have read. 

I need to get the impression that I actually matter to them as a person, beyond the utility I can offer to them (and of course, I will do them the same courtesy!). 

Needless to say, the same things apply here as in any other relationship: good communication, the willingness to listen and speak up if there are problems, mutual respect (especially with regards to boundaries) and trust, willingness to compromise, a strong sense of self and independence, loyalty, empathy, dependability, an overall emotional connection and so on. 

(And of course, what I have listed here are things that I would also strive to give back in return in a relationship!)

Naturally, we should also have compatible kinks and a similar idea of what our D/s dynamic should look like and my sub should have a strong idea of their limits (saying they have “no limits” is a red flag, for sure!). I need to be able to trust them to actually use their safeword if they need to (just as they need to trust me to also then stop the scene if they do and not be mad at them for using their safeword). 

Having standards is also a green flag – if I get the impression that they are actually picky about who gets to dom(me) them it already helps to make me feel more at ease and like I’m actually being treated like a person instead of just their kink wish fulfillment. 

Of course, like anyone else, physical attraction plays a strong role in who I want to date/take as a sub, but I am attracted to a lot of different "types" and I do think how someone carries themselves and their general mannerisms and personality play a huge role in my attraction to them as well.

Also, I think as someone whose love language is Acts of Service and who enjoys taking care of my partners, it’s easy to attract subs who genuinely believe I can/will “fix” them when the truth is: no one can fix you but yourself. Of course, it is always easier to improve yourself when you have the support of someone else but the drive to change needs to come from within. 

So, I need my sub to be an actual adult, capable of living their day-to-day life. That doesn’t mean they’re not allowed to struggle with things (I do as well), just that they need to be overall mature and independent. 

Now, I do think it's fun to give subs incentives to improve their lives, to give them little tasks and rewards and I think it can be a good way to help them keep good habits, but this only really works to a small extent and they still need to be motivated to change by themselves. 

Additionally, a potential sub would need to not be into any kinks that are misogynistic, homophobic or racist like s/issies and c/uckolding (it shouldn't be degrading to be penetrated or to wear feminine clothing or to have sex with black men, unless you actually believe being a woman or being black or gay is inherently more degrading than being a white straight man). 

For male subs, they need to be feminist allies and be actively working on undoing toxic masculinity and be respectful to women in general, not just the ones they’re attracted to and not just for however long they need to get into a woman’s pants. I think a lot of male subs think just because they’re “submissive” they’re somehow above misogyny when truthfully, I have experienced more sexism from male subs than I have from any of the regular blokes in my life. 

In terms of overall personality, I’m hugely attracted to people who are just genuinely good people – kind and helpful. I adore gentle people and even those who are a bit shy. I don’t need someone to be the smartest person or the most confident or the funniest, just try to be the kindest version of yourself you can be. 

I think that’s all! Sorry for the long rambling response but I really enjoyed getting all my thoughts out. I hope some of this is still useful to you (or anyone else who happens to be reading this!). 

#bd/sm discussion #bd/sm kink #fdom #gentle fdom #gentle femdxm #wlw bd/sm #female dom #gentle dom #mine #ask

[eau-duresistance]

So it was a trend on tiktok a little while back, still think it kinda is, that like the “booktok” girlies would get their male partners to read or potentially act out the smut scenes in those like dark fantasy books or whatever. And yknow just harmless fun, the videos were cute and funny I won’t lie lol, but EVERY SINGLE TIME it was awkward and cringey and the conclusion that was said alongside a laugh at the end of each video or with an emoji in the caption was “guess this only works in fiction! Doesn’t really translate to real life, but that’s okay, that’s what fantasy is for”

Which btw is valid! If you try it IRL and it doesn’t work, great! You tried something new and even if you didn’t like it, you still tried it!

But on the other hand, I’m like PLEASE RESEARCH MORE BDSM KINKS AND NICHES I AM BEGGING YOU! THE THINGS YOU LIKE IN THOSE FANTASY WORKS DO TRANSLATE IRL AND CAN BE A TON OF FUN PLEASE ITS RIGHT THERE

#queue du résistance #shut up holly #bd/sm discussion #booktok #dark fantasy

[sexy-stable-diffusion]

#bunny girl #bd/sm bunny #anime and manga #a #ai anime #bodysuit #anime #gorgeous women #ai babe #ai beauty #ai girl #artificial intelligence #ai waifu #ai #ai art #ai artwork #ai image #ai art generator #ai art discussion #stable diffusion #sd #ssd #sexy stable diffusion #ai hottie

[softdom-energy2]

Just thinking about having a fun lil slap sesh with you. Having you sit on your knees in front of me, completely naked, hands tied behind your back and looking up at me sitting on a chair completely clothed. Caressing your sweet cheeks with my fingers as look up at me with those cute doe eyes. Slapping you across the face lightly at first, shoving a couple of fingers in your mouth and making you suck them, testing your gag reflex a bit, slapping you again, brushing your lips with my thumb, telling you to “look at me” in a firm tone, but also calling you “my sweet little angel”, grabbing your neck to pull you close to me so i can give you a small kiss on your lips and checking in on you in between by asking you if you’re doing okay and if you want me to keep going or if you want me to stop.

*Please discuss every detail with your partner before engaging in this kind of play. Consent is key. Talk about it beforehand. Keep checking in to see if they’re doing okay. Talk to them while doing it. Make sure to give more aftercare than the play session. Aftercare is very very important in this case!*

Play safe 🖤

#mood #tw slapping #please do not do this without talking to your sub first #get consent #discuss everything #they need to know what you’re going to do #consent is key #slap sesh #personal #bdsmplay #bd/sm kink #bd/sm dom #bd/sm lifestyle #bd/sm blog #bd/sm community #bd/sm daddy #bd/sm relationship #bd/sm dynamic #bd/sm brat #mine #my post #nsft text #text post #soft dom energy

[dommedahlia]

“filthy dog“ is a pet name!

#fdom #bd/sm kink #gentle domination #mommy k!nk #dahlia talks 🩰 #hornyposting #end of discussion

[reddraven]

Had a Dom stop for a check-in, and when I didn't respond, went "oh you can't talk can you?"

And then immediately helped guide me through a nonverbal check-in instead.

Thats the kind of accomodation and adaptability that I'm looking for

#bd/sm k1nk #d/s #kink safety #We discussed nonverbal signals beforehand obvi #but it so reassuring to see how quickly they adapted #I felt so safe and seen

[babyotterboy]

let’s talk deeper on Kink Incompatibility📝 (kink conversations pt 4)

Kink Incompatibility, like all other kinds of incompatibility - are not inherently uncomfortable/bad conversations or experiences to have.

When you have a good basis of trust in your partner (whether it is a short, quick online scene vs irl long scenes - trust is required) - it is easier to be comfortable with YOUR OWN NEEDS. Respecting and trusting your partner goes hand in hand with receiving and experiencing good kink self/partner care.

If it is a strong enough incompatibility that you can find absolutely no reason to continue the sexy pre-brief, please end the situation kindly. on both sides. It may seem abrupt, it may be frustrating - these are learning experiences. take it with grace, accept your partner cannot continue, !!!!STILL PROVIDE AFTERCARE IF A SCENE WAS STARTED!!!!.

in these situations online, stopping a scene through text WILL feel sudden. It is much harder than just having a physical/verbal signal. it is much more personal. Accept that any form of needing to stop a scene is okay, just don’t forget your partners aftercare after the fact. Even post YOU needing to stop a scene, aftercare is a two way street.

TALK ABOUT WHAT YOUR KINKS MEAN TO Y O U.

some people have very similar kinks but with slight differences in their fantasies that make it incompatible. just because you share similar kinks in idea does not mean you must participate in them with said person.

and disregarding zoos, maps, and all the genuinely illegal/disgusting “kinks”, do not shame someone just for liking something YOU do not.

i am not into scat, but if you wanna fling you poo and that makes you feel hot - I AINT GONNA JUDGE.

someone that is not your partner participating in safe, legal, consensual kinks are not harming you.

#kink conversations series #kink incompatibility #otter talks #ftm ns/fw #kink discussion #ftm nsft #nsft ftm #ftm t4t #t4t nsft #trans nsft #bd/sm kink #kinkblr

[skye-nsfw]

How are you so confident with this stuff when you're so young?

I'm 21 and still can't really figure out what I want

i exposed myself to these concepts at perhaps too young of an age, but it did allow me the time figure out what i do and dont want. however, what u like and what u dont like changes over time, especially when u start exploring w/ people physically. i wouldnt fret about figuring out what u like or what u dont, instead i would say focus on having good, healthy experiences, and let ur curiosity drive u towards the things u like.

as for why i project confidence, it's bc i want to be. it's a part of the role i want to have in most of my dom/sub dynamics. it is also bc i feel these concepts and topics should be a normal part of everyday conversations, that they should be normalized.

of course, being horny makes that easier ;)

#confidence is sort of an odd thing #it's easy to confuse an ego for confidence #or to confuse hubris for confidence #it's for the role of the type of dom i am on here #i guarantee that no one is confident going into sex. nor should u be #sex is a highly emotional. highly vulnerable thing people can do. u need to be comfortable w/ it first before u bring in confidence #im not confident in everything i do outside of this blog. im still learning my partner's body and their likes and dislikes #but there r things i am confident in bc they've been discussed and i know they'll like it #the confidence i project on my blog is just an act for a role that i am playing. it's fantasy and should be treated as such #text is also a very different thing than communicating w/ ur partner in the moment #here. i have time to edit. change my tone. change my wording. #but u dont have that option w/ someone in-person. u gotta spend that time w/ someone to be confident w/ them #dont try and force that. it wont end well. #give urself the time to explore first and over time things like projecting confidence will be #-become easier and feel more natural #it's all a process #and i've been rambling. so i'll cut it here #bd/sm blog #nonbinary nsft #bd/sm dom #lesbian nsft #dms are open #nsft post #nsft #asks open #this felt like a rlly good ask to be lengthy on. ty anon

[doux-bisous]

phantom-core lover 💪

and by that i mean kneeling at your feet and kissing the hems of your clothing, resting my forehead on the toes of your shoes, placing myself so entirely at your mercy because if you were to do anything to me i'd accept it with nothing but enamoured eyes and shuddering whimpers!!

would you be tender? gentle with my pitiful flesh? gracefully leaning down with a hand outstretched to my face, allowing me to press my lips to your palm and feel your fingertips ghost against my temple, to stroke past to my hairline?

or are you just fucking reviled and repulsed by me? by my dog-like sniveling and pathetic pleading to stay in the glory of your presence? will you sharply tug your legs away from me, scoffing as my head drops straight to the floor, and feel bile raise as you watch me scamper back to gape up at you? and how revolted would you be when you realize i'm not upset about this development, rather, you find me gawking and enraptured, wordless, and waiting for more?

and would you prefer it that way?

#YES i just rewatched the 25th anni phantom what about it #this isnt changing anything about my brain chemistry what r u talking ab #[also. hey. hey look at me. look me in the eyes. this is not the blog for that. im not getting into 'ethical erik' discussions. i actually- #-want to eat that man whole. j letting u know <3] #nsft #nsft txt #queer nsft #bd/sm dynamic #nsft concept

[needyanise]

I physically can not handle orgasm denial or being teased then left alone

not in a sexy way, it makes me straight up angry 😠

like no no, you come back here immediately and finish what you started 🤨

#Its fine if its discussed first and leads to a cnc situation tho #But if not I'm just pissy lol #bd/sm brat #text post

[cal-lust-o]

!! switches, switches, switches !!

♥ dynamics where you devote yourselves to eachother entirely ♥ dynamics where the dom belongs to the sub just as much as the sub belongs to the dom ♥ dynamics where you both fight for submission ♥ dynamics where you both fight for dominance ♥ dynamics where domination becomes a form of submission ♥

#bd/sm blog #bd/sm kink #bd/sm dynamic #kink dynamics #kink discussion #bd/sm switch #switches #Callisto daydreams

[sluttyspacebabe]

Thinking about this

#bd/sm kink #i have opinions #no I am not willing to discuss

[communistpuppygirl]

My fiancé, my brother and I were discussing ideas for a bd/sm dnd campaign. Like where each character and the world at large are based around bd/sm and k1nk. Some character ideas we had:

A druid with a petplay kink who slowly wildshapes parts of their body subconsciously when in petspace.

A cleric who is a service top, and a masochist so they torture their partner and use their magic for aftercare.

A warlock/paladin who’s never experienced kinks slowly being completely corrupted by their patron/god.

A monk who uses intoxication play to reach a state of “purity” to align with their magic

If anyone has more ideas please share I’m really interested to hear the viability of a campaign like this.

@cncleric for helping me with many of the ideas for this

#dnd #dungeon master #dungeons and dragons #bd/sm kink #k1nk blog

[switchythals-gr27]

Kink Discussion, Out of RP

I sent in an ask to someone who was talking about how she was nervous to tell her partner/crush about one of her kinks (shoutout to @sapphiclittlewhore, her content is very cute and spicy, and you should follow her). And it got me thinking about ways you can aubtly ask your partner about their kinks if you're too shy to say it upfront.

Before I get into some suggestions (Pt. 2), I wanna preface with what I said at the end of that ask: Discussion about kink and the things you're into don't need to be awkward or embarassing. Even if you're into rougher play, taking a few moments to talk about it gently and upfront is never a waste of time.

Admittedly, I come at this from the lens of a pleasure dom/service top, so I love making my subby girl feel good. But even if you're the type who has few limits and wants to use/be used just for your own/the other's pleasure, you need to have limits, you need to have safe words. People worry about using safe words because it might ruin the flow of the scene, ruin the mood, but I know that, personally, I'd rather stop what I'm doing immediately, make sure my partner and I are both safe, check what went wrong, and come back later with a clear head. Because when you've worked out the struggles, you'll both feel much better, and you'll make each other feel very, very good.

Take a few moments outside of a scene to learn your partners interests, tell them some of yours. Establish what you like, your soft limits, your hard limits. And if they judge you, if they ridicule you, etc. then they don't deserve you and they don't deserve the pleasure you can give to them. And if your partner tells you they like something you have a hard limit against, don't you dare let them bully you out of that. If you're going to try it, try it for you, not for them.

And if you're the type who has 'no limits,' 'no safewords,' then straight-up: you're an imbecile. An explanation of why is another topic for another post, but no matter what you're doing, your first priority needs to be the comfort of your partner and yourself in every single scene, whether you're dom or sub, top or bottom. If you don't think that, then you have no business being involved in kink, in bd/sm, in sexual activity in any way.

Never feel ashamed for having different interests than your partner, and never make your partner feel ashamed for having different interests than you. Just be respectful, it's the bare minimum. Just be respectful, it’s the bare minimum. If you do that, you'll never have to be nervous to bring up a kink you're not sure your partner has.

That goes for everyone, regardless of gender, sexuality, or lack thereof. Many of my tags are just for my personal use, but this applies for everyone.

#wlw bd/sm #lesbian bd/sm #bd/sm dynamic #bd/sm kink #bd/sm dom #k!nk community #wlw nsft #mlm nsft #nblnb nsft #lesbian nsft #sapphic nsft #k!nky thoughts #thalia-types

[panlight]

Anon please? Did you see that someone who got got to read Forever Dawn did an AMA on Reddit? She also has a tiktok called "Twilight_revamped" where she discusses some of the things that happen in the Forever Dawn draft. You should check it out, I would love to hear your thoughts!

This is fascinating.

It seems legit?

I had heard vaguely about the tiktoks but was skeptical; having more background info on the AMA reassures me a bit.

I don't know a ton about how the copyright office works but from the little I remember from library school this tracks. tl;dr a copy of Forever Dawn was submitted to the Library of Congress for copyright purposes (literally just printed off the computer and put in a binder. Not a "book"). You can go and read it but you have to plan way in advance and pay like $200 in fees for them to search and retrieve it for you. That's generally how archives work.

Find it REALLY interesting that in this version, Bella wanted to be a mom and has "baby fever" because (spoilers for a book that wasn't and will never be published, I guess?) Renee and Phil had a baby boy, and Bella was a doting sister, and Edward's all emo that Bella will never be able to be a mom. When they find out she's pregnant, Edward instantly understands Bella will want to keep it instead of him assuming she's horrified and wants it gone in BD.

Apparently the wolves know about the pregnancy but don't super care.

There's also something about the Volturi making Bella fight Victoria that at first I was like ". . . sure, Jan," but then it goes on to say that Bella's at the end of her newborn year so she knows she'll lose, so instead she leads Victoria to the wolves who are hiding in the woods and THEY kill her which tracks with what SM said on her FAQ that the wolves kill Victoria at the confrontation and she's the only death.

Also apparently Nessie is actually more of a baby?! Omg that already makes it way better.

Edward picked the name "Carlie," which lmao yeah he would name his kid after Carlisle (and Charlie too but c'mon).

Jacob still imprints but only visits occasionally, doesn't basically live with them, and Nessie "adores 'her doggy.'" Which, YIKES SM he's a human person! But it does point to Nessie not being a super genius. In BD, she says instead how she loves "wolf people, like my Jacob." Which . . . okay I hate both of those actually.

Apparently FD does blatantly say that "imprinting is how werewolves find their mates," though so that removes all doubt about whether or not it will be romantic in the future. Blech.

#asks #forever dawn #spoilers i guess?