#bc she's assuming shes looking more like a woman.... is like saying you think trans guys look like women. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

citadelofmythoughts · 1 month

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It’s both very sad and ironic that cis women specifically who deny or get angry at trans women on the grounds of “they didn’t or don’t suffer the way REAL women do” is proving that they do in fact suffer in similar ways. A woman online who isn’t hurting anyone is being sent hatred either directly or indirectly bc her body does not match What. A Real Woman Looks Like. Which is sownthing cis women struggle with and they’re not only fighting male views on their bodies but other women as well.

Assuming a trans women will hurt you because “she was socialized male and born with a penis which will be used to hurt me” is the same bullshit as “I a white woman feel afraid because this black woman spoke to me in a tone I’m labeling as aggressive and now I will cower an blink tears from my eyes and hope someone stronger will protect me from her”

I’ve been thinking about this at woke actually. I’m afab and was raised by strong black women but I identify very strongly as queer with no big label fitting me but knowing Woman does not fit. Girl used to fit as a child but as an adult Woman does not. And a lot of me wonders if cis women’s fear and hatred of trans women does not stem from They Are Men, at least not all of them, but as a sort of jealousy.

Trans women delight in the way their bodies change. They are so so happy to see developments and document them and tell others they feel safe with. They go shopping for the first time and try out the girly things they didn’t get to experience growing up. The struggles and threats of violence against them are very real but they do not outweigh the euphoria of finally being who they want to be. Who they hoped and feared they could be. Who they love to be.

Cis women and TERFs especially only see the double edged sword. Young girls and their bodies are sexualize. Growing wider hips and breaths is an experience that belongs more to others than the individual depending on if they live in an area that demonizes female bodies. Or if not they get that shit from television. Their bodies are used as weapons and it takes a long time to unlearn that and to live for themselves in a way that’s not tinged with shame.

Trans women if they start hormones are outwardly joyful. That’s not saying being out as trans is only fun and that young boys are sexualized or aren’t given under expectations. But cis women don’t think about that. They only see the current adulthood joy and not the adolescence awkwardness or pain or suffering. Feeling like your body was wrong. Having people close to you and loving them and them loving you back but not all of you. Not being allowed to do certain things bc of The Gender. And there is no time boy equivalent for boys.

Cis women see trans women joy and gender euphoria and instead of going “how do I find that for myself. Am I in an environment that is still holding an axe over my head? That little girl who was scolded for having a body that changed against her will. How do I heal her” they blame trans women and paint them as aggressors or predators in hiding so they don’t have to confront the fact that despite the societal challenges being a women is so so wonderful. They deny themselves the joy of womanhood for the sake of gatekeeping it via suffering or arbitrary biology.

Not every cis women has suffered the same. Some cis women tear down others the same way men do. There is no monolith of how women move through life. But to acknowledge and internalize that? To let go of the idea that YES society does not treat women fairly but you as an individual have the power to change that on a social level by sticking up for others until the respectful outweigh the disrespectful? Letting go of that means realizing that there is more to being a women than Being Born With a Specific Body. That it’s not something you have to earn by being hurt the right ways. And they cannot comprehend that

Damn anon, this was just incredible. If there was a way to do it, I'd hug you.

You're completely correct about my experiences as a trans woman. It's been said that when you start transitioning it's a second puberty and that's not just physical, I've been living the years I never got to have when I was a teen and with that comes awkwardness but also so much joy.

I wish more people would realize that hating others and making them feel awful about who they are isn't going to fix their own pain.

#transgender #trans pride

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sznofthesticks · 12 days

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your tags on this post made me 🥹 https://www.tumblr.com/sznofthesticks/748141620644446209

as a bi cis woman married to a bi trans man (who passes v well, even tho i don't like using that word it's relevant) we get Those Looks in queer spaces, Pride, etc and it sucks. We are a part of this community no matter what we look like on the outside. More than once, when i've worn something with a bi flag on it or sth similar, i've had people go 'but i thought you had a husband? you talk abt him all the time' and im like.....those two things are not mutually exclusive. just...ugh

anyway i came here to say that your words warmed my heart. thank you for loudly proclaiming that I am also part of this community, bc sadly, that is rare. 🖤🖤🖤

oh of course! 🧡 i'm so sorry you've had that experience. im sending you all the love and hugs.

people of all queer identities are welcome and safe on my blog and around me. there's such harmful stereotypes around bi/pan people and it makes me so angry for yall. we all deserve to be accepted for who we are, no matter who your partner is.

i see so much of it within my own community, while i don't surround myself with those types of lesbians as friends, i see it way too much.

reminder to you and all the bi/pan people out there, you are loved and valid (and send bi/pan-phobes my way, ill put them in their place.)

adding my tags here for context:

#btw friends don’t look in the notes. you’ll see bi/pan phobia.#you can identify as differently from bi/pan and still not be bi/pan phobic. it’s so easy. 🧡#i see so much in the lesbian community of saying ‘stay away from bi and pan girls they’re lying or using you’#i say that as someone who in my last relationship was fucked over by a pan woman.#BUT GUESS WHAT. it had nothing to do with her being pan. she just sucked as a person.#the stereotypes around bi and pan people is so harmful#and i will be your lesbian bestie and FUCKING FIGHT BITCHES WHO ARE MEAN TO YOU#babes you are valid and i love you 🧡#prev i’m so sorry for the fucking essay in your notifs i feel strongly about this#we accept all queer people on this blog#and if you think otherwise get FUCKED#rants#also back to the point in the post. people don't stop being queer because they're dating someone of the opposite sex.#stop assuming shit about people. it's weird.

#asks #mikibwrites #sending you all the love <33

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addiehour · 2 months

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personal thoughts on the staff post about the situation. under readmore + rbs turned off bc this is more for my archival than anything else

one thing that immediately stands out is the lack of clarification on the ban.

The reality of predstrogen's suspension was not accurately conveyed, and made it seem like we were reaching for opportunities to ban trans feminine people on the platform. This is not the case. The example comment shared in the post linked above does not meet our definition of a realistic threat of violence, and was not the deciding factor in the account suspension. [...] Transition timelines are not against our community guidelines, and weren’t a factor considered by the moderation team when discussing suspensions and subsequent appeals. We do not take action against content that is related to transitioning or trans bodies unless it includes violations of the Community Guidelines.

so what was? if it wasn't the transition timeline (which was repeatedly removed due to 'violating community guidelines', including after appeals) or the threat (which tbf i didn't assume was, on its own, the reason for the ban-- matt always cited it as 'one example'), then like... what exactly was?

the same (second) quote also re-asserts something we already knew. yeah, no duh, the concept of a transition timeline is not against community guidelines (tho it's worth mentioning that jv, an ex-employee, did refer to it as though it was equivalent to a sex worker posting an ad for their onlyfans.)

See, I don't think trans accounts here gets banned more often than, let's say, sex workers accounts. Because for Matt / moderation policies, posting a pic of your body to show up how your transition is going to your friends is the same than posting a picture of your body to promote your onlyfans. The context, the intention, doesn't matter much to them, the action is what matters. And of course, for a lot of trans folks here, their body is a very important topic to talk about, to show, to be proud of … but people like Matt don't really understand (or care) about the difference between that kind of self-expression and posting a thirst trap.

ftr, the above was posted before jv had seen the post in question (afaik), so they couldn't have known it was shoulders-up, but like-- this is still a drastically incorrect way to frame things. & transmisogynistic! like, first of all, if trans accounts don't get banned more often than sex workers... so what? they're not all sex workers, and even if they are, as long as their accs don't break guidelines they shouldn't be banned AS OFTEN AS "sex workers" (unclear if jv means sex workers or accounts specifically used for sex work).

it's also ridiculous because people post ootds all the time. people send photos of themselves in clothing made by artists on tumblr all the time, saying 'thanks for the [clothing item] it looks great on me!' i have never seen any of these threatened w community labels. objectively speaking, a trans woman saying 'look how my body has changed' in a FULLY CLOTHED transition timeline is not calling more attention to her body than a cis woman saying 'look how good i look in these jeans.' &, again, even on accounts by (e.g.) cis lesbians made for thirsting over each other (/pos) i fail to see any action being taken against (again, clothed) posts like 'i hear you girls like butches in flannel' or w/e. this is just obviously not true. moderation is not viewing all posts displaying people's bodies equally. (& tbh i disagree that you can linearly describe transition timelines as 'calling attention to the user's body', but like, whatever atp.)

furthermore, txttletale explained:

she was banned because her account was under a unique amount of scrutiny and subject to a mass harassment campaign and yes, that scrutiny came from the controversy around her transition photos.

so idrgaf if staff tells us more than once that she wasn't specifically banned for transition photos. that's like, not even the issue here. she has at least once had her account mass reported for posts like that to the point that she had to email and get it back, but even if it's not specifically over those pics, 1) they're still a major factor 2) wtf was it then lol 3) WHY DID THEY GET TAKEN DOWN.

bc nobody has managed to correctly address thus far why they continued to be consistently removed even after the appeals were re-considered by tumblr staff. i've seen some people posit that it was bc of the harness, which like. 1) i have not seen these labels on historical pride photos featuring harnesses, nor should they be used in those instances 2) whoah maybe that should be in the guidelines then!

like i get why they don't want to get into the reasons behind everybody's bans but at the very least maybe clarify your rules so trans people can better plan their posts for their audience.

Last year, the "mature" and "sexual themes" community labels were erroneously applied to some users' posts. An outside team of contractors tasked with applying community labels to posts were responsible for this larger trend of mislabeling trans-related content. When our Trust & Safety team discovered this issue (thanks largely to reports from the community), we removed the contracted team’s ability to apply community labels and added more oversight to ensure it does not happen again. In the Staff post about this, LGBTQ+ staff pushed to be more transparent but were overruled by leadership. The termination of a contractor mentioned in the original ask response was for an unrelated incident which was incorrectly attributed to this case. We regret that the mislabeling ever happened, and the negative impact it has had on the trans community on Tumblr.

...so there have been multiple transphobic moderation issues. awesome. others have pointed out that it's not clear based solely on this whether the contracted team is still on the job and what they can do (since this doesn't say they were fired or even removed from moderating, just that specifically their ability to apply labels was removed.) and the complaints of transmisogynistic application of community labels haven't disappeared, so this also seems like a failure to address the issue.

When it comes to the experience of trans folks on Tumblr encountering transphobic content, and interacting with bigoted users, we understand and share your frustrations. Tumblr’s policies, and Automattic’s policies, are written to ensure freedom of speech and expression. We prohibit harassment as defined in our Community Guidelines, but we know that this policy falls short of protecting users from the wider scope of harmful speech often used against LGBTQ+ and other marginalized people.

also disappointing as a response. excuses the way the policy is written while also acknowledging it "falls short." if it falls short, it needs to be fixed, unless the right of terfs to post about how trans women are rapists supercedes the right of trans people to exist unharassed on this platform. as many have noticed, tumblr doesn't even have a policy against misgendering, which even twitter had at some point.

they proceed to say that going forward tumblr staff is doing xyz, which tbh i'm not even responding to here bc i doubt any of that is going to happen. the existence of the post itself verifies that what trans people at tumblr want has no bearing while matt is ceo.

...ok wait i lied.

Reviewing which of the tags frequently used by the trans community are blocked, and working to make them available next week.

imo, even if there are literally thousands of tags to look through, staff needs to have someone sit down and look through all of them. this puts the burden on the community to report these things AGAIN, which is not long-term feasible or fair. just go through the tags you're blocking and figure out which are fair to block (i.e., "pro ana" "ts porn" etc.) and which aren't (not just tags like "tgirl" but "nsfw art" because nsfw art IS NOW ALLOWED LOL).

idk most of my own thoughts boil down to txttletale's tags:

it is not a very meaningful gesture but it is all that the people makign it are actually capable of so dunking on it seems lazy

it doesn't mean much and most if not all of it is stuff we already know but what else can trans staff do. i'm mostly bothered by the implication in the post that they CAN do anything when we know based on everything leading up to this and this post itself that this is not the case. ofc i think it's incredibly brave of trans staff to do ANYTHING, but still, this is capitalism & modern tech. my hopes are not particularly high.

other people additionally pointed out that this post fails to:

specify that the moderation issues primarily apply to TRANS WOMEN (not lgbtq people in general)

& specify whether there are trans women/transfems working @ tumblr (they consistently just say 'trans people' which like. alright 'trans people' are very often transmisogynistic. but it does seem tho that there are transfems there so probably just wording.)

address the numerous bans of other trans women since avery

& the previous 'unexplained' bans of black and palestinian bloggers

& the entire system for 'report sexual content' which, when spammed, explodes a blog on the spot with no explanation to its owner

& the fact that matt followed avery to twitter to list out her sideblogs

REINSTATE AVERY'S ACCOUNT. lol.

anyway. a few notable responses, as of 2/24/24.

mostly positive:

(one) (two) (three) (four) (five)

mostly critical:

(one) (two) (three) (four) (five) (six) (seven) (eight) (nine) (ten) (eleven) (twelve) (thirteen) (fourteen) (fifteen) (sixteen) (seventeen) (eighteen) (nineteen)

(jv's notes plus reddit corpospeak 'translation') (more of jv's notes) (staff member echo's response) (jv's update on matt's lack of response)

(ex-staff member lara's response)

meanwhile, matt has been silent, after politely declining an invite to pissvortex's live chat & having his wikipedia page changed to say he died feb 19 in a "car hammer explosion." truly incredible

#bentxt #. once again reblogs off/under readmore bc this is really just for me to keep everything in one place #. so.#tumblr

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winterswhite · 1 year

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gotta ask, what do you think about the tetonaru dynamic

AH I ALMOST FORGOT TO ANSWER THIS. I was really tired and unwell when I got it and I wanted to write a proper answer so yknow. Hi, now that I can write one:

I absolutely adore the tetonaru dynamic! I got into enstars some time before Beasts first dropped, and back then I hadn't really thought about their dynamic a whole lot (especially bc... I was new to enstars lmao), but when that story first came out I started thinking about how interesting it was to put those two together, as the trans girl (at the time, a question mark) on a journey to self-love and the boy who wants nothing more than to become a man among men. Two people who are seemingly complete opposites in every way, especially in their desires and ideals, coming together at the end of the school year and exploring what it means to be who they are. Seeing Tetora in a skirt and wig I was... definitely shocked? And had no idea what to think of what the story would be like, but I did find it interesting. (continued under cut)

Then eventually, because I couldn't speak Japanese at the time to read it for myself, a translation of the story came out and it quickly became one of my favorite stories ever. I absolutely adore the way it was written and every single development that happened, both between the characters and in the story itself. Like I said before, at the time I wasn't sure whether Arashi was a trans girl or was just a... weird portrayal of an 'effeminate' boy, but this story really cemented that she is a trans girl, and it's the story I use as evidence of it all the time. Seeing Tetora learn about her and realize his mistakes? That was peak! It was also the start of a beautiful dynamic between the two of them, and it's one that I can't imagine going without now.

I just love the way their relationship started out so rough, with Tetora only having a surface-level knowledge of her and using that to praise her, not knowing that he was hurting her instead. In turn, Arashi thought he was annoying, and after being hurt by his words, decided to play a mean-spirited prank on him in return. Tetora may have looked up to her, but it was a misguided admiration, and Arashi wanted nothing more than for him to leave her alone. It's a very good representation of their characters in general - Tetora is quick to get attached to people he feels like he can look up to, and Arashi has struggled consistently with acting unfairly towards others based on her own personal annoyance etc. But then, things happened, and their relationship changed; they both had realizations about themselves and each other.

Madara told Tetora that Arashi is trans, and he realized how much he had been hurting her by calling her manly without even intending to, and he regretted his actions so much that he cried - something we never ever see him do otherwise - when apologizing to her. Even though he says he doesn't fully understand the way she feels, the way it is to be trans, he's still willing to respect and support her. He still sees her as the woman she is, and later refers to her as such when talking to Midori in the epilogue.

Arashi, on the other hand, thinks she may have put him in real danger by having him dress up as a girl, and then realizes how mean her prank was. When he apologizes so sincerely, even prostrating on the ground in dogeza, she realizes that he really meant no harm and was just being earnest. She gets upset at herself for being so mean, but forgives him for what he did, and it's a lesson in... not assuming the worst from others? Which is also really important imo, especially for Arashi, who always has. She even thinks she's just as bad as the people who have always hurt her for doing what she did.

The way their friendship has developed since that story is so special to me. Tetora saying he wants to embrace the more 'girly' parts of himself and that those can be manly strengths too is so important! And in the same way, he talks about wanting to turn his perceived weaknesses into strengths. Arashi, on the other hand, learned to love and accept both herself and others more, and again, not to assume malice where it may just be ignorance.

They both help each other improve as people and just... have become so important to each other? And that's so important to me. Watching them become such good friends, Tetora really respecting and treating Arashi like a girl and Arashi being respectful of Tetora's own wishes (he's one of the few people her age or younger that she doesn't use -chan for! Because he's expressed discomfort with it!), and the two of them hanging out together to do all sorts of things is just so cute and sweet to me. The fact that they became roommates in !! era was a dream come true for me. They both learn so much together and from each other, and their friendship is so cute.

I love seeing them do cute things together, seeing Arashi get Tetora modeling work, seeing Arashi teach Tetora about fashion and skincare (things he hadn't paid much attention to before, but now he's become so good at? He helped design the outfits for Nekketsu☆Ryusei Ninpouchou, he made suggestions for Kanata's second personalized outfit, Midori has commented on how fashionable he's gotten and several characters have commented on the condition of his skin and his use of perfumes), seeing them go shopping for accessories together (Tetora's recent 4* story destroyed me, hence the translation), seeing both of them think about and admire each other's growth... it's just been such good development for them, both as individuals and together.

Their friendship is just... so special to me. It's a story of forgiveness, of acceptance, of self-love, of respect for yourself and others, of realizing your mistakes and bettering yourself from them, of watching each other grow, and it's just plain cute. TetoNaru are just so so special to me. I don't think I even did it justice in all the words I've written here lmao. I apologize for the rant but I really care about them so much >.<

#an rambles: enstars!#tetora nagumo #arashi narukami #ask #anonymous

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harmofud · 4 months

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Gonna ring in the New Year by saying that you cannot easily decide who is and is not trans based purely on body type or facial features alone, and doing so often plays into some nasty western societal conceptions of what beauty is.

I'm very much cis and people think I'm trans all the time bc I have big shoulders, a wide jaw line, and a big nose. If I, a cis woman, have those features, that means that those features are not indicative of gender at all and cannot/should not be used to determine who is and isn't trans.

My dad has a friend who is a Polynesian woman. She's super tall, buff, and stocky, and people are assholes about it and keep asking if she's really a woman. That's a huge dick move first of all, and second of all, she's cis! That means that you cannot use height, strength, and stockiness as metrics for being a cis woman.

Women world wide have so many different features that you cannot restrict trans women from the pile without restricting cis women as well. There are examples of cis women being able to grow mustaches and beards, and those ladies get attacked double about a thing their body does because it's not female enough.

The thing that I mentioned earlier about it being a Western beauty standard problem is that there's this idea that all women have (or should have) hourglass bodies with big boobs and big butts, big thighs, small calves, ankles, and feet, thin and angular jawline (although small and round jawline works as well), small nose, thin shoulders, thin arms, no acne, long hair, and be short but not so short that you look 'weird' compared to your partner. That's so specific! Some races just aren't going to have those features and I doubt any race has them all! I don't know any woman who fills every category, and viewing every woman who violates that hyper specific standard as a Judas of some kind is not only insulting but also exhausting. Like damn girl, you really live like that?

I'm just saying that 'being a woman' is a societal group that we as humans made up. True, there are physical differences between male and female, but not so much that we're different ass species who inherently think differently and act differently and do everything differently. We're all human beings at the end of the day. I share a lot of physical features with guys I know and I'm cis and always will be. I shouldn't have to argue with people about whether or not I fulfill the beauty standard enough to be considered a woman, and if I shouldn't have to do it, other people shouldn't have to do it either, whether they be trans or not.

And, to finalize my point, I really truly don't want to he defined purely by whether or not I'm able to carry children. Haven't we, as women, fought against that idea for centuries? Haven't we, as women, struggled historically against claims that infertility makes us not good women? Haven't we, as women, fought for our ability of self-determination and the ability to be seen as more than our sex or gender, and that we have value even after we've done made the baby?

Ladies, I'm just saying that if you exclude the Western beauty standard and also refuse to define yourself by your baby-making propensity (like how we have fought for the ability to do), there's precious little that truly defines womanhood. I am a woman simply because I am. I'm assuming trans women feel the same way. None of us are so different, not really. Don't be insulted if someone asks for your pronouns, and don't be insulted if someone says sir instead of ma'am at the grocery store. Just be polite about it.

#transgender #transphobia #terfs #gender #women #this whole thing started because I saw a post by a terf that was like 'look at this trans woman WHO IS ACTUALLY A MAN and you can tell #because HE doesn't look like a woman“ B)#and the trans lady pictured was more feminine than me by like a lot #god forbid terfs see a butch lesbian at tractor supply or riding a motorcycle

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ballplayersxo · 5 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/ballplayersxo/732566555741831168/anybody-got-tea-on-the-current-spurs-they-used-to?source=share

i came across this ask which ill give my first shot at answering in my own way cause im a spurs fan! and girl all i can say is i wish there was more tea to report on 😭😭 not to say that theres zero drama going down in san antonio.. ive always asked myself: theres so much nba tea floating around but so little on my guys?? but now i understand that drama doesnt happen as regularly bc gregg popovich has more control over these niggas off the court than you would expect. in other teams its not really a common thing for coaches to hold players accountable for non basketball related things but id compare pop/the organization to a teacher/school because in a way they operate as figures of authority (similar to college-style basketball). its tougher to find spurs drama since he keeps the younger guys on a tighter leash after learning the hard way from tim duncans messy ass divorce/tony parkers cheating scandal but i assure you tea is there even tho its harder to find. i do agree with anon that sochan and vassell look like hoes but idk if we'll ever get to know that (unproven rn) side of them aside from speculation by who they follow on insta. including jeremy whos the most active on socials, all of them trained to move in silence + being a small market + tight pr means less reports but yes there is some tea and hottakes id like to spill although its not much

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/418962509115162624/1160664218702454914/IMG_3983.png?ex=6547f0c9&is=65357bc9&hm=cbc6e61c04ea464c85ab01827c17443f5d57ad2343fdbd96a76846644bb85168&

speaking of primo hes an ex spur but josh primo signed a new contract after joining the clippers and proposed to his (white) gf (story in attachment above). congrats her ig he has the face of a child whos balls havent dropped yet AND is a sex offender 🤷🏾‍♀️

context for everyone who doesnt know: primo was waived (even after he signed a contract extension apparently) because he flashed his ugly d*ck to a team staff member and then claimed he did it bc he had mental health issues. after primos babyface was sued by his psychologist (the woman he flashed) he was waived without so goodbye to his creepy ass. (on a personal note i really hate how "mental health" is used as some excuse for these sorts of things. like this nigga seriously thinks theres any valid excuse for flashing his tiny pp at women?? especially the woman whos job was helping out his "mental health" shit in the first place?? foh). it had way less info than an event like the kpj case but i think the lack of it is a testament to the spurs pr so there could be other stuff in the bg we as the public simply dont know abt

on a more positive note ik julian champangie has a gf. shes makes frequent cameos on his insta and vice versa and have been together since high school. also i dont have the link but i clearly remember another anon in an old post here claimed that sochan is bi and follows trans women but ill put that to sleep since its false. being bi isnt 100% out of the question obviously (literally anybody can be bi without us knowing. looking at you dwight.) but theres no real evidence besides: omg look he dyes his hair and has an aesthetic he must be bi!!! i think people see a nigga who has an eccentric sense of style and instantly wanna jump to label him but nawww ive seen his following on insta 😂😂 anon was confusing "trans women" for TONS of polish/british/american (all white) insta thots. hes a cutie but it wouldnt be farfetched to assume hes not into black women. yall he aint bisexual hes biracial 😂😂

https://x.com/RTNBA/status/1691153501299134464?s=20

unrelated: sochan rookie hazing wembanyama during the offseason was kinda funny tho

https://youtu.be/1VZykbSv7nk?feature=shared

dejounte and jaina are always on and off afaik lmfao girl secured some big bags. anyways dj talking about his experience with the spurs was insightful for me. i wasnt aware before there was alot of clash between ghetto behavior and how the organization wanted him to behave but frankly im not surprised by it

not really gossip related but stories of irl players ive encountered:

(retired spur) i met david robinson at church when i was really young. i remember being scared of him at first cause he was so tall lol but i remember him sitting down to shake my hand and my parents taking a picture of us. its kinda embarrassing since it has the vibes of a baby crying on santas lap but funny nonetheless 😂😂

got an autograph from demar a few years back. it was quick and we didnt talk much since he had to leave after but he was cool when i asked

the only current spur ive met is devin vassell in a random encounter at the gas station (this was last yr). i recognized him but wasnt sure how he was gonna react to being approached for an autograph/photo but he was really sweet w it. i asked him where he was headed to & he said the gym but joked after that, a nap at home with his dogs lol. the names of his two dogs, iirc he told me: donovan and ace. very warm, he has a pleasant voice and smile too, if hes a longtime spur he should join our broadcast team once he retires lmao

thank you for coming to my sas analysis despite my team lowkey tanking right now. have a great day owner, ill go back to lurking now, god bless you.

lmao anon thank you for this, i appreciate when you guys send long asks about things you care about!! but the josh primo case was definitely something that never made much sense to me. like why would he do that? i just can’t comprehend the thought process. it was a thing here in canada and a bunch of people were talking about it cause i know people who used to play with him. it’s getting weird. idk where to start with dejounte and jania but they’re both very annoying and belong with each other tbh. & gay/bi allegations are everywhere it’s crazy. lmao this was interesting overall though

#san antonio spurs

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butchmartyr · 11 months

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Hi! I'm getting married (soonish, we haven't set a date yet) to a transfemme who is early in their transition. I met them when they were 18 and j a depressed anxious socially awkward nerd and over the past like ~year I've watched them blossom into themself (it's magical). But as a tme person sometimes i feel like I'm not fit to be the main person supporting them during this journey, bc they don't have any irl tgirl/transfem friends.

Do you have any suggestions? I'm always trying to learn more about transmisogyny. I took them to get an affirming haircut by a woman I met on Lex, I help with makeup. I've been trying to help them make friends bc they still do have like, a diagnosed social phobia lol. I think it'd be good if I WASNT the main support for this stuff in many ways. And they are like 10x as confident now that they present more authentically, but it's a process. And idk. I know them rly well and love them a lot but I worry sometimes that I'm somehow hurting them or doing the wrong thing.

I know I can't do everything for them (codependency lol) but I want to be the best partner I can be. I'm always asking what they want but sometimes it's like, j figuring out as we go bc it's all new. So what would YOU want from a tme partner ig? How do you assume I could be helpful, better, etc?

Feel free not to respond if this is too much. I don't mean to be putting too much on you. I'm just trying to treat my fiance better and better each day (failing sometimes).

hello and congrats!!! first off this is so touching and aaaa. my god. anyway.

it sounds like you’re really on the right track for sure :) friends are extremely important especially for ppl in minority groups that make socializing harder, so trying to help to her get out of her shell and get to know other people is certainly a great idea; both because she deserves having something of a social group, and because like you say, trans friends can be really critical. i can’t speak with authority since I don’t know you & your situation, but it could definitely help with supporting her and whatnot; i value my transfem friends irl a lot and they’re wonderful with buoying my transition. im not sure id say you’re ‘not fit’ for it unless you dont want to be, since there’s a lot of ways to support and be there for someone’s transition. my femme is tme and she has been wonderful with my transition and helping me explore different gender stuff by helping me with womens clothes, sometimes a little makeup, and her support when im mixing things up with my presentation. she’s happy to change and play with her vocab too; when i realized i like being called pretty from time to time now she works it into when she’s teasing me or being sweet, things like that.

as far as other things id want to see in a tme partner, the willingness to look at transmisogyny and learn about it and work it over is pretty important to me; but it sounds like you’re already working on this, so just keep your mind open with a clear heart. if you make a mistake, trust that you can learn from it and move on. id also say to let her be the one to define and speak about her transition and her past as well, and not to get tripped up on gender too much; i had an ex who was a lesbian and hated hearing me talk about my past as a boy. was very unfortunate. so keep an open mind and if you don’t understand something or you’d like to understand more, try not to be too afraid to ask; I can’t speak for her exactly, but I can say i really don’t mind getting asked about gender stuff or transmisogyny since it shows that someone cares and also gives me a chance to make sure we’re on the same page. and also, while this may be a little risqué, so long as she’s not ace or something id think about making sure you touch and love on her body holistically. a lot of trans women don’t get touched like how cis and other women do, so don’t be afraid to get a little handsy if she doesn’t mind it. having our bodies be actively wanted (touching sides, thighs, etc) can be really very wonderful when we’re taught that we’re repulsive in every way that matters.

so tl;dr: getting her more friends is a great idea for a milieu of reasons! don’t walk on eggshells with transmisogyny too much, just keep an open mind and maybe think about biases sometimes but don’t let it get to your beat and beat you up over it. but I think your concern sounds like it might be a sign that you care and are gonna try, and if that’s the case then approach any issues that come up from an angle of love and i think it should buff out. anyone wanna chime in in the replies?

#keeping codependency stuff in mind is smart too. it’d likely be for the best if her support network grew :)#don’t wanna put too much on you #good luck and much love :)#asks #anonymous

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butch-reidentified · 6 months

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Since you've said you support people who transition to deal with sex dysphoria provided they don't use single-sex spaces of the opposite sex or refer to themselves as men/women, what do you think of those who genuinely pass to the extent where it would be near impossible to live like that without detransitioning? Such as a biological woman who looks so much like a biological male to people around her that she can't call herself a woman without being met with massive confusion (or people thinking she's joking), who can't use the womens room without being assumed to be some creep guy, etc. so she just uses the mens and refers to herself as a man casually for the sake of simplicity. Do you support people like that or think they should detransition or try to pass less? (I am aware this is very rare)

[I wouldn't say I've said I support it, so much as I've said I empathize with last-resort transitioners who've failed every other treatment attempt & I don't necessarily think we understand enough to outright say it's /never/ an acceptable treatment option - but I don't think it should ever be the first line treatment]

trans people who live "stealth" you mean? I don't rly think about it much. it is genuinely rare, and imho, for a MTF, a huge part of "passing" is blending in with female socialization.

I do know 1 like this to an extreme. He doesn't claim to me a woman, but he actually passes universally, largely because his personality & early childhood trauma makes him really come across as if he's female socialized, and he never really displayed any male socialization behaviors, not even minor ones (I don't know how to explain this, truly, but I've known him far too long and far too closely, know all his family and childhood friends etc, to deny that this is true. ppl here have been angry at me before for saying this but it's literally just the truth, I didn't do anything but observe it. what am i supposed to do, lie? that's not who i am). but if male violence is a result of male socialization, which I do believe, then it follows that the lack of male socialization behavior could mean he's safer, idk bc this is such an anomaly situation, and every woman I know who knows him (all of whom are normies or even anti trans) has expressed that they feel so much that they're interacting with a woman that it's hard to even comprehend that he's not. a couple of times, people have straight up thought he was lying when he said he was male.

he feels no need to be viewed as a woman socially. he doesn't even perform femininity. he shops in the women's section only bc that's what fits, but sticks to jeans and hiking-style pants, regular ass t-shirts, sneakers or hiking boots. doesn't own makeup, doesn't remove body hair, etc. the "passing" was never intentional, just a result of how his behavior is perceived + his body responded to cross-sex hormones way more drastically than I've ever seen. in his case, though, he's against males in women's spaces to begin with so it's not even a thing. I kinda doubt there's anyone like him, if there are there can't be many, and I'd kinda suspect they'd also share his perspective of not wanting to be in this spaces to begin with. but I just don't feel super strongly about it. in general, I don't feel AS strongly about bathrooms as I do about changing rooms or especially vulnerable spaces like shelters. ik this isn't really an answer but it's what I got. I see more nuance to this than many women simply because of knowing him. but if someone passed THAT well then it wouldn't rly matter what the bathroom laws are bc they're not gonna be caught? so it's kind of pointless to talk about it bc you can't legislate it & people are gonna do what they want whether I or anyone likes it or not 🤷

#mine #ask #anon #anon ask

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terra-feminarum · 9 months

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Hey this might be a longer question.

So we have VR headsets at work that the employees must take on and off of guests so that the guests don’t mishandle them. Today I was talking to a Muslim lady and she said to me that if I was ever putting a VR set on a lady with a head covering that I should ask her if she’s okay with me possibly touching her covering first and I was like okay yeah fair consent and respect! And then she followed that up with “as a biological male you should ask a woman to put the headset on Muslim women for you.” To which I told her I’m a biological female. And I told her I understand why she’d make the mistake bc I’m very masculine. Anyway I feel like she thinks I’m a transwoman that’s lying to myself and others which makes me feel icky.

I still would probably just not put a headset on a Muslim woman now bc I’m scared she’d be scared about it. Idk I’m so tired of people thinking I’m AMAB. Any advice for how to clear the air when someone assumes this, or was my response good?

Thanks for your question, this is an interesting one! I don't have a simple answer but I'll open my thought process and take what you feel is useful.

I'm going to assume you're a detrans woman even though you didn't state that in your message.

I'm also going to assume not being touched by males is a common boundary for Muslim women - please correct me if I'm wrong.

There are two people who need to be considered: you and a Muslim customer in the future who might assume you're male. You, I assume, have a need to be understood as a woman. She might have the boundary of not being touched by males.

Now I don't know what it's like to have that boundary for religious reasons. Personally I have a similar boundary: I don't want to be touched by males, it makes me feel really uncomfortable. So I emphatize with her.

Then there's the fact that you are female. You aren't male at all. No matter how you look, you are female. I emphatize with you in this: some people assume I'm male. It doesn't feel good.

But are we ourselves at work or are we the perceptions customers and clients have of us? I think the latter is more true. There are usually very little room for nuanced and personal conversations at work. Personally it would make me more comfortable to just assume some clients might assume I'm male and act accordingly if a certain client has a boundary about men touching her. It's a false assumption about you, but it's a fleeting situation. Is it more important she feels like her boundaries are respected or that you feel your identity is validated? Your sex doesn't need validation - you are female. So it's just a misunderstanding.

This feels complicated, still. For example I would be way more uncomfortable about this if the person assumed to be male was just a very masculine woman who had never been on T. At that point it would be just homophobic to refuse to recognize her womanhood, right? Personally I've found some kind of peace with accepting that the permanent effects of my transition will affect how people will see me and it's unreasonable of me to expect all people can comprehend a woman with a deep voice and no breasts. I will expect people who I care about to listen to me. But strangers, not really. I'm just a side character in their story, not myself.

About your response to the customer you had: I think it was good. I would've probably said the same thing. If someone tells you they think you're a male you are definitely allowed to say you're not. But I would probably have the same fear as you do: do people think I'm a trans woman who lies to people? It's a very uncomfortable thought.

One way to avoid uncomfortable situations is to do as the previous client told: ask other female employees to replace you when there's a customer who is a Muslim woman. Not because you are male in any way, but because you don't want to cause an uncomfortable situation to you or her, and you can also explain this to your coworkers. Another route is to do it yourself but ask first: tell that some people have mistaken you for a man in the past but you assure you're a biological female and ask if would the customer be fine with you helping her with the VR set. The third option is to say nothing you wouldn't say to other customers and assume the customer will say if she thinks you're a man and then you can explain.

I think the most important thing is to ask yourself: which of these options cause you the least stress? And also: what do you think about other people's boundaries? What do you think about if someone believes a boundary is broken when it really isn't but it just seems like it?

It's easier to bear these kind of awkward situations if you're in a good place otherwise and have enough support. I know a lot of detrans people talk about not caring how they're perceived but for most people it's important that enough people understand who we really are. So to help you cope with situations like these, it's important you have people in your life who understand you're a female and it might be good if some co-workers also knew you are a female and sometimes weird situations like these happen to you. It would be less lonely to be able to laugh with a co-worker about how you're being male again so they need to replace you temporarily.

My answer might have been a bit different if your question wasn't about some other person's boundaries but just a simple misunderstanding. While I think it's stressful - at least for me - to try to control other people's perceptions of me at all times, you're allowed to explain your situation. For a long time I wondered about all kind of excuses I might use for my appearance. But lately I've come to the conclusion that if I actually want people to understand, I can just tell them what detransition means. In a lot of situations this is too lengthy and I just let people assume whatever but when I feel like it, I might explain my situation honestly. There's nothing shameful in being detrans.

#detrans

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forabeatofadrum · 1 year

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Happy Wet Beast Wednesday. Thank you @artsyunderstudy and @cerriddwenluna for the tags. And welcome back @shrekgogurt.

I didn’t really write anything new, because I am back on my masterthesis bullshit. I had, like, 2 days of free time after I handed in a draft on Friday, but I am back to reading a lot of literature about queer representation. I do genuinely like my topic, so for the first time ever, it’s not a chore to do so. I just read a really cool paper that did a qualitative content analysis on how Glee toes the line between heteronormative norms and queer resistance. I don’t fully agree with their reading of Brittany, but hey, that’s qualitative methodology!

Aaaaah. I am not sure people are here to listen to me ramble about my thesis, but it is a treat to learn so much about how queer women are represented, but also about how queer women’s thoughts haven’t been studied by... asking them. There’s a lot of survey research and quantitative analyses of blog posts and fanfiction, but I am just going to Ask Them! Not only that, but when I told people I define queer women as “anyone who identifies as woman”, I had a trans woman get super excited about the fact that I included her and that is a) kinda sad that a lot of research seem to treat trans women as an afterthought and b) really cool because her enthusiasm motivated me even more.

ANYWAY. FANFICTION. Again, I didn’t have time to work on my fics for @quizasvivamos and @cerriddwenluna, but have something for Beth’s fic:

“He wants a bow tie. No big deal.”

“Come on, reason with me here,” Kurt says, “He wants a bow tie in an intergalactic futuristic space opera! Everyone wears space suits. How am I going to add a bow tie to this design? What was he thinking when he requested this?”

Unique frowns.

“What?” Kurt asks, “You think I am wrong?”

“No, you do have a point,” she quickly says, “But you are admired for the fact that you see the design phase as a collaborative process. That’s probably why he felt confident to ask you for this. He probably assumed you wouldn’t mock him.”

Unique shoots Kurt a pointed look.

“I’m not mocking him!”

After all, Kurt can appreciate some snazzy accessoiries. He looks down at the table. His designs are scattered all over.

He can make this work. Probably.

And now, the weather: @quizasvivamos (I saw you already posted one, but still, have a tag!) @blurglesmurfklaine @coffeegleek @esperantoauthor @otherworldsivelivedin @caramelcoffeeaddict @sillyunicorn @bazzybelle @dragoneggos @raenestee @tectonicduck @nightimedreamersworld @urban-sith @thnxforknowingme @captain-aralias @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @takitalks @justgleekout @tea-brigade @ivelovedhimthroughworse @moodandmist @whogaveyoupermission @bookish-bogwitch @confused-bi-queer @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @ionlydrinkhotwater @1908jmd @special-bc-ur-part-of-it @larkral @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @cutestkilla @nausikaaa/@wellbelesbian @martsonmars @facewithoutheart @boyinjeans

#wip wednesday #tagged in #thesis lol

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youareallowedchips · 9 months

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sexuality/gender headcanons about the sherlock gang

18+ (not really nsfw) content under the cut ♡

post author is bi & nonbinary! these are just my own personal hcs that i keep in mind when i write fic, it's 100% fine if you don't agree c:

sherlock holmes

homosexual, grey-aromantic transmasculine.

sherlock, despite public perceptions, has an absolutely average sex drive, but had never really felt romantic attraction in his life until he met john, and he can't imagine falling in love with anyone else. he spent a fair bit of time on hookup apps prior to meeting john. sherlock is KINKY.

he's known he felt more aligned with masculinity since he was very small, but never felt the need to go on hormones or have surgery, because he finds society's expectations of trans people restrictive and doesn't want surgical recovery to slow him down. he binds (sometimes unsafely, much to john's annoyance), and it does wonders for his dysphoria.

john watson

allo, bi cis man.

dating sherlock from the great game until the fall, and after mary's death. john's romantic attraction STRONGLY leans towards women and femmes, but sherlock is The One for him. he had a purely physical relationship with sholto when he was still in the army.

john's sex drive is actually super high.

mycroft holmes

allo, gay cis man

a lot of people assume mycroft is aro/ace, because he never seems to get himself involved with anyone. mycroft is married to his work, in the truest sense of the word, and simply doesn't have time for sex or relationships.

mycroft is in a bonded pair with his right hand.

greg lestrade

allo, straight cis man. (token cishet white man!)

dating molly, unofficially just after aSiB, officially asked her out in tSoT, when they were tipsy at john & mary's wedding. greg is super comfortable with his sexuality/masculinity and he's experimented plenty. before john & sherlock got together, he kissed john in the pub once, just to see if he'd like it. he had a fling with a bloke in police academy when he was young, but decided in the end that dudes weren't for him. he appreciates beauty in all genders, and isn't afraid to point out an aesthetically pleasing man. he's also VERY much an ally, most of his friends (and his girlfriend,, uwu) are queer. he fiercly protects his queer friends and coworkers.

greg is an absolute HORNDOG. filthy filthy filthy. he'd be doin' it every day if it was up to him. he's a pleasure/service dom and

molly hooper

demisexual, bi, cis woman.

dating greg. is pretty much split 50/50 in her attraction, maybe with a slight lean towards men. even though she's shy, her sexuality is one of the few things she's open and proud about.

mary morstan

haven't really thought about it much, but if there was a gun to my head, i'd say shes a bi cis woman?

mary doesn't like to label anything about herself, much less her sexuality. she goes with the flow.

(i don't think about her much bc i don't like her, also amanda abbington is an unspeakable terf)

irene adler

allo, lesbian cis woman.

irene didn't come out until her late 20s, struggled with A LOT of comphet, explaining what she thought was an "attraction" to sherlock. they're seriously just bros now, though.

irene actually couldnt really care less one way or another about how often she has sex, but she knows she's good at it and can use it to make money.

sally donovan

allo, bi trans woman

sally is t4t, and dating anderson. she lives stealth, almost nobody knows other than

philip anderson

allo, straight trans man

dating sally. anderson is quite insecure in his trans identity and used to be truscum, explaining the animosity between him and sherlock. he blamed himself a lot after the fall, and took a long hard look at himself and his politics, helped along by a kick up the arse from sally.

#sherlock holmes #bbc sherlock #sherlock headcanon #sexuality hcs #gender hcs #c: all

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lo-fi-charming · 2 years

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People who are part of a marginalized group that you aren't are allowed to criticize how you portray them. You're not a trans man. Being non binary doesn't give you some magical immunity to having latent transphobia toward trans men. Yeah trans men can like their chests and long hair and feminine clothes, but when you only ever portray them with all those things (plus mostly drawing cis women alongside them) you comes off as someone who just thinks trans men are women.

whats up it's ya boi just got woken up by my cat at 6 am for her breakfast and saw this so im tired and annoyed at you and typing this all out on my phone so i can immediately go back to sleep Anyway,

1) never said it gives me immunity, just that I wasn't cis anymore, and mentioned it to explain why i removed the disclaimers

2) you are making SO many assumptions about me based entirely on how i draw ONE character. just because i draw jon most often with long-ish hair and Sometimes wearing more feminine clothing does not mean i only ever draw all trans men like that. i draw martin as trans, too - no top-op, but he's also fat and tall, typically only in "masculine" clothing. i also draw sasha trans, do you have a problem w her as well? oh i guess not since she's short and femme and has big enough boobs that you can assume she's just cis, bc only cis girls look like that (though her being fat too is probably pushing it for you!)

(you know, i have lots of my own characters yall don't see on here; if i had to say, i probably have more trans girls than trans guys, and girls overall, bc im gay about ladies. but no you're right the art of one character you exclusively see on my sequestered fandom blog gives you a great idea of my tastes overall)

3) you insist that my inclusion of drawing a trans man alongside a cis women = i think they're the same thing which is just REALLY WEIRD like ??? do people get less trans by association now?? i simply don't understand this point. am i no longer allowed to draw both and i have to chose one? (assuming youre the same anon as the first), you've got this weird fixation on how a trans man's (jon's?) body is 'the same as a cis woman's) but YOU'RE the one saying if a man has boobs and a vagina then he is the exact same beast as a cis woman. maybe actually Think about that for longer than a second and accept the fact that those physical traits do not a woman make. some men just look like this.

i agree it is important for people - especially those who are not part of The Group - to be Mindful of how they portray that group, but that doesn't mean not making things with or about said group. i mean what are you trying to tell me to do, even? stop drawing trans men period? or i can draw them but Only if they have top surgery? only if they look like cis men? only with other trans men? all of this sucks.

like this isn't criticism. you keep trying to accuse me of dodging criticism of my Apparent Transphobia, but you're the one making stupid rules about it. not to mention wilfully ignoring all the other trans men (you claim to be sooooo concerned about) who DO like my stuff, because it speaks to them and their experiences. so like. get tf over yourself and don't send me more messages like this, ill just delete them

#echoecho #i didnt wanna sleep with this stupid message nagging me so here we are #anon this sounds like suuuuch a You problem okay #if you dont like my stuff just stop looking. unfollow block whatever you need #but youre being weird and gatekeepy so idk also maybe deal with that #before you start spreading more weird ideas around #trans men don't have to meet your personal prerequisites to be 'the right kind of trans guy' like wtf

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bellahadidthat · 2 years

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Did you guys hear abt the situation where a man pretended to be a trans women in order to get into a sorority? lol the situation is crazy but no one seems to be focusing on how insidious it really is. basically last year on tiktok young women started posting their process of rushing at the university of Alabama and it got so much attention. this year it was the same except a person named Grant tried joining. He's gay, wheres makeup and skirts, goes by she/her pronouns and everyone assumed he was trans and was backing him SO HARD to get a bid. He posted everyday for rush week and would get hundreds of thousands of views and he never once corrected anyone and made it clear he isn't trans. he finally got dropped completely on pref day (after getting dropped from every sorority except 2 before rush even started) and made a video basically stating that he isn't trans after letting everyone think these sororities were transphobic. even got articles written abt it where they also dragged black women into it bc of course they did. he talked abt how it's the lefts fault for assuming he was trans and how its hypocritical it is to label him and everyone is eating it up and i dont understand why no one is talking about how a literal grown man pretended to be a women until it benefitted him. ppl have just ignoring how problematic and disgusting what he did was. sororites specifically at bama state that you have to be a woman or at least identify as one to be allowed in. Grant said himself he isn't a woman so why does not only him but his supporters not understand why he was cut? the sense of entitlement from men never ceases to amaze me. he's literally a man, and everyone is acting like he was deserving of a spot made for women. women have so little spaces to ourselves and now even this is being infiltrated and everyone is supporting it??? you aren't owed a spot just because you're a man who likes make up and skirts. that doesn't make you a woman and to believe you should be a part of a sisterhood just bc you get along with women is weird and selfish. and he keeps saying how annoyed he is that everyone was assuming, why not correct anyone??? people are saying he let us think he was trans to gain support but i think it was more calculated than that. he didn't just want viewers to think he's a woman, he wanted the organization to think he was one as well in order to get it. and now that they don't want him at all he can come clean. and no one sees a problem with that. people are also saying how this is a loss for the trans community bc it makes them look bad but no one is talking abt how we literally just witnessed a man pretending to be a woman in order to gain access in womens spaces and how scary that is and what it means for us. men are not entitled to everything just bc they feel like they deserve it. the amount of support grant has gotten is wild to me.

#bamarush #bama rush

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cruelsister-moved · 4 years

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i mean if it makes u happy i guess they died 1,000+ yrs ago but theres multiple historical figures that get brought out as transfem heroes and its always like bc their enemies started an unfounded (as far as the historical evidence we have) rumour that they crossdressed in order to discredit them.

like i guess if a trans woman sees themself in elagabalus that's fine but ive mostly seen it from other tme people and like..... he was murdered as an 18 year old and had his corpse thrown into a river, and more prominent than the crossdressing rumours are rumours that he was like. sexually deviant and promiscuous and like in early modern england writers wrote of him as "unspeakably disgusting". can u maybe see the issue here.

like sure, he couldve been trans we have no idea but its more the fact that people look at what amounts to homophobic and transmisogynistic slander (mostly from christian writers born years and years after he died, some from roman biographers who openly hated him in their accounts of him) and from that information decided to make him a trans icon?

ppl do this with all flavours of lgbt and all sorts of historical ppl thats just like a particularly horrifying example and its just like. can we stop making concrete judgement on long dead people's sexuality and gender through incredibly ambiguous sources?

#its the ppl saying without question that [insert historical wlw here] is bi bc she married a man #which idk is incredibly hurtful even to modern day lesbians who had relationships w men #let alone like when u p much had to marry as a woman like its so misognyistic and bizarre and even like #2 all the heterosexual women in marriages w men they didn't love idk its just a weird ass thing to try n objectively state #or like someone who dressed as a man bc women weren't allowed to do literally anything it's like. sure they couldve been trans #but its kind of misognyistic to assume that could be like. the ONLY reason #i think James Barry is a good example of someone where itd be totally fair to assume he was a trans man but like #a good number are much more ambiguous and its like when ppl start saying shit like joan of arc was trans #or trying to hc anne frank as a lesbian😐#also like i hate to say it but the ideas abt gender and sexuality we have today are not biological realities #they are like constructed identities made based on the societies they exist in and u can maybe look at someone n say #'if they'd been born today they would've probably called themselves trans/gay/bi'#but u literally cant say 'they were x' unless they labelled themselves as such bc they didn't have those ideas #and they're not objective truths you can apply to someone in retrospect who lived in a society completely different to ours #ppl have always done the things that today fall under the lgbt umbrella but the way we construct those identities today is modern #like i mean its undeniable that homosexuality in ancient rome is like not a relatable lived experience to gay ppl today #i know we like it and like see it as our history and relate or whatever but like. unless u subscribe to biological essentialism #its a v different thing from like a gay man today

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enbymagnuss · 3 years

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Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, but I have a question about how cis people write Alex in fanfiction and I don't know who else to ask.

First of all, I want to make it clear that I am in fact not transgender, I have never suffered from gender dysphoria and I don't have any openly trans close friend or family member, so I don't know much about this topic. I don't want to offend anyone and I'm genuinely sorry if I say something that might be insensitive. If I do, it is due ignorance, not disrespect. I'm asking this question because I'm really curious and I want to understand.

So I've seen a lot of posts from people (you include) saying that writing Alex shape-shifting her body when she shifts genders in fanfiction is transphobic, fetishist, disrespectful and other things like that. I have never think that she does that tbh (and I think that the canon implied that this doesn't happen,) but I can understand why other people do. And since I can understand why there are people who don't like this and complain about it, I can't fully understand why is this transphobic, fetishist or disrespectful. If a trans and/or genderfluid person has gender dysphoria and also has the ability to shape-shifting their own body to feel more comfortable about it, why do you think they are not going to do it? I know that not every trans person suffer from gender dysphoria and that you don't need a vagina to be a woman or a penis to be man, but gender dysphoria is a thing, it happens to a lot of trans people, so why is it transphobic to think that Alex might suffer from this and that she might want to do something about it?

Again, I'm so so sorry if this is disrespectful in any way or if I'm misunderstanding something.

Have a nice day.

i’m so sorry i didn’t answer this sooner it was just a really long ask and it stressed me out slightly djfjgjgk not ur fault tho and thank u for asking so respectfully

while yeah if a person with dysphoria had the opportunity to shapeshifter their gender they probably would, but the issue i have is cis people just assuming alex can even do that. it’s not stated in canon and it’s implied that she doesn’t shapeshift when magnus asks her if she can. to me it just feels like 1) erasure of her being explicitly transfem and 2) cis people being weird about her gender. like just reducing her gender identity down to her genitalia. you may not intend it to be read that way but it’s like youre shaping her into what you think a man/woman is because you think she would do that, which if you look at her character and how proud she is of her transness i don’t think she would want to. she knows she’s a woman when she feels like it, no matter what. sure dysphoria exists but you can’t just assume she’d want to change her body when she is very much proud and confident in who she is considering magnus said her hair is shorter when she’s fem, she doesn’t wear makeup often, she wears masculine clothes more often than feminine no matter what her gender is. plus some trans people don’t even have dysphoria. and alex doesn’t mention it once (could be because she’s not the narrator, could have no dysphoria) but you can’t just assume she’d want to physically change herself just because you want her to do that or you think she would

genderfluid people irl can’t shapeshift (i would know bc i am genderfluid🤚and i have friends who are) and by making alex do so it’s kind of like taking our real experiences away from a character trying to represent us. if u want a genderfluid character that shapeshifts go stan marvel loki they’re just as cool

#alex fierro #mcga

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