#bc i do feel like im in a rly good place rn and i dont need to know if i was 'abused' whatever that means

[girl-bateman]

Some days I'm pretty content with my childhood other days I'm ripping my hair out because it just doesn't add up !! someone is hiding things from me !! I don't trust anyone !!

#im studying 'family as a psycosocial context' rn and its been pretty interesting! #and i was talking to my mom an article with an evolutionary perspective #bc we've talked before abt how this area of psychology can come off as dismissive abt socioeconomic factors & put unfair pressure on mothers #so i brought it up bc the paper didnt define parenting in terms of good/bad which was interesting ! #but then at the end i said something abt 'the article talks abt abuse which obviously isnt relevant for me' #and she wouldnt answer me but her eyes were all watery and weird and I DONT LIKE THAT #like girl 😟 i was coming to terms with the occasional childhood neglect but abuse ? dont even tell me that bc what #like i know things werent perfect for me growing up but i hate how weird my mom is abt everything #and she starts crying if we get too much into it so i feel a little bad bringing it up #i also feel like when i do get new information abt something in my past it always makes me have a crisis #so maybe its just not worth it ? #bc i do feel like im in a rly good place rn and i dont need to know if i was 'abused' whatever that means #what i do know is bad enough and makes me sad as it is #i think the reason i get so paranoid abt it is because i have trouble remembering the stuff that has been told to me #and some vague things i do remember have been refuted ? so i cant rly trust my own memory #but idk if i can trust anyone else either #i mean i do trust my mom generally but shes so emotional and guilt-prone that im not sure what to believe #what i do know for sure is that there is a lot shes holding back in terms of what shes told me #which i dint love tbh #personal

[n0ct0urn1quet]

man. i wish i could get like. a free penis trial to see if i actually wanna get bottom surgery or not. 1 week free penis trial just so to get used to having one so i can fully decide whether i truly wanna get bottom surgery or not

#the one biggest thing im worried about when getting bottom surgery is jhust stuff relating 2 sex #like im sory if im getting too tmi rn i dont. uh. have anyone else to rly talk abt this to bc everyones going to bed KLJSKJLG #but im just worried like. what if i get bottom surgery and nothing feels good or satisfying to me anymore yk? #a big big big big thing im worried about is whether its even POSSIBLE for me (who's technically a cis girl though i dont identify as cis) #to ghet bottom surgery. can i just do that? can i . a cis woman in the eyes of doctors. just go and be like 'i want a dick now' #thats another thing. because i. i dont know if i can. i dont know if doctors just DO that. do they? #ig i havent rly done a lot of research #annd google... rly isnt the kind of place to look for bottom surgery positivity. ill be honest #i consntnatly see stuff like 'dont get bottom surgery its bad for u!!!!!!!!!!' or 'bottom surgery ruined my LIFE!!!!' #and it just scares me bc god its like. its abig decision. its EXPENSIVE. and bc im Technically Cis it might not even be an option for me #like i love to be like 'ahha i have a dick im getting bottom surgery hahahaha girldick' but its like #idk man. its . oaughhg

[nomaishuttle]

i worked onmy ermmm. little good habits reward sheet a lot .. im pretty excited :] i was gonna wait to start it until ive moved home bc a lot of the things r home specific (like spending time with loved ones etc) BUT i think im gonna go ahead n start it tmrw... i think itll be good to go ahead n get started on it b4 i move back that way its not such a big transition bc i think thats why my like. plans t get better when i moved up here. failed. so horrifically lol. bc i didnt give myseld any lead in i just made a huge change and then got upset when i didnt immediately adjust.

#i do eventually wanna move back to wa on my own bc i feel like. i didnt rly get to spend time here due to the everything. i just dont think #i was at all ready. and thats entirely on me i chose this i ignored literally everybody around me telling me it wasnt a good idea #i brought this all on myself. but i wanna try n improve #n im excitedd!! i think next year/whenever im Fr ready. im gonna try n move out to my old hometown #since my family moved away from it #which i think will be rly nice bc ill like. be independeny but in a familiar place and like. still close to home. ill still be able t have #the same insurance etc etc.. #itll get rid of a Lot of stressors basically. and ill be able to visit family way easier !! #plus my hometown is way more walkable and since. idk if ill ever be able t drive just bc of like. my general nature #thats something im rly rly looking for... #i think my new goalsheet is rly well balanced as well. its likee #its based on thise little metallic walmart star stickers bc i miss those rly bad #thats the entire inspo. obv rn itll have to be digital bc i cant get my little star stickers #but. its like a points system #red is 5 points yellow is 3 points green is 2 points and blue is 1 point #(might move them around to make green 5 points bc green was my star color when i was little lol) #and each point is worth .50 cents. and so however many points i have at the end of the week thats how much money i get t have in my like #personal acct. and i get to use that however i want #and everything else will go to likee. savings and bills (i wont have bills for a while but yk) #and i even have likee. a streak system #i need to work on that sl its like balanced. bc idk if it is rn #my idea was t just have it be like. bc th way it is like #the tasks r split up by difficulty. more difficult tasks earn different colors #so my most difficult on there rn is to go for a walk #/ go to a public place / spend time outside #rly that goal is rly geared toward my hometown but im still gonna try n do it in my parents town... yk :] like i can ask my mom t take me #to th library and stuff. bc i wanna start going more #we went to th one here a couple times but it kinda got. shelved. yk. and i miss it #the one in ny hometown was rightt by our house and i never went #and im mad abt kt.

[pizzapizzadickz]

Haaah. If yesterday is anything to base things off of I shouldnt use my headphones today bc my neck is fucked.

#friends #diary #personal #i had too much caffine yesterday i think and it felt like i was just high all day. it was horrible. i hated it. #seriously tho my neck pain made it so hard to sleep. and im so fucking tired. #ahhh im so fucking tired all the fucking time nowadays #mn. my dream tho was rly nice. yknow. in dreams its so nice bc i dont worry about the way things go or anything. #all social interaction there feels so natural and calm. its like reading a book sometimes even. it happens #or maybe even watching an anime? i never feel involved and i love it. #as soon as i exist outside of my home tho it feels so surreal to me... i just blatantly dont belong. #i feel awkward n out of place and worry that im doing something strange. and ive just given up really yeah? #when i went to high school i was always so exhausted at school. i couldnt do any work in class and i never could rly explain why. #during class i could sometimes. but i found it so hard to work. i always did. idk. i never did what i was supposed to and i got good grades #...highschool was so hard. its odd to think of it so long ago now? its odd to think i started using tumblr then. or before then? #ive tried so hard to make friends in the past. and ive given up now rly. im fine with what ive got. but anything new... #im just tired. its tiring. everything is. its so painful to think where i could be if everything wasnt so hard always... #im 23... and most of my energy is spent on barely being alive. im tired. so tired of this. #haah. i wish i could live by myself in a lil cottage. wish i could just. exist in a place and feel at ease. #rather than rn. #...ive lost so many over the last few years huh. i dont think it was bad tbh. #ive always felt like im playing at making friends. #trying to do what others expect. or trying desprately to be friends with someone. #but. in the end i dont think that was the best way. i like now better tbh. #these odd. sometimes strangely distant friendships i have. but theyre so much more fun? #rather than anxiously trying so hard. its much more fun to just be. #somehow. i think these ones are longer than my longest? #one way or another. these are better. i feel so much more calm and at ease. #god. just thinking about others is terrifying. #i think everytime i just get overstimulated for someone else. and while thats fine and dandy no one ever understood #eventually if i hang out with other ill get to a point i just cant anymore

[caruliaa]

consuming media your mutuals like is so scary bc what if im a misunderstander what if my mutuals think all my takes r wrong and cringe and im not even an understander of the media and im wrong about it thats so scary. what if im wrong abt man from the podcast . even worse what if being worried abt being wrong about man from the podcast means i dont let myself enjoy it and talk with people about it and ruins the whole thing for me bc thats what im more scared abt tbh . agh .

#AGGH !!! so stupidd i told myself i was gonna stop carring what toher people thinkkk #its so dumb bc okay. the issue is that this has happened before. getting into smth my friends/mutuals have liked but being so scared #of having the “wrong” take tht i never rly engaged in it outside of just saying whatthey think on it. not that i didnt often agree with the #but like i was scared to say i associated songs with characters bc i was like what if they think its cringe and a bad take onthe character #and like. idk that whole fear messed with the friendship i think and made it very hard for me to enjoy the interest #and even tho i tihnk it was like. idk resolved in a way where its def not a major enough factor in the friendship ending #but i do think like idk. a part of it that was bad (where ithink not to get into it but like. a lot of the time i was worried i wasnt good #enough for her and i thought it was bc of me being anxious bc its someone i rly cared abt but i think part of it was like.her maybe being #not the root root cause of those feelings but perpertuating them in a way i never had in other close friendships . maybe it was smth else #but i do think it was her in some major part. for reasons tht i dont wanna get into rn rly lol) #that i dont want in other friendships yk. like i wanna not be scared to be myslef around people just be myself and not care what they say #bc if they like me they like me if they dont they dont !! but its hard and im scared to care about what people think and be in that place #again of being so worried about it thinking my relationships with people depend on whether or not i say smth they agree with abt a made up #guy yk. and i honestly like. trust most ppl in friends with now to not give a shit i just still have the fear which is so stupidd uhh !!! #the solution is just to grow up and not give a shit. but thats hard. but im gonna try !!! #bc this is literalllyyyy ridiculous okayyy #flappy rambles

[toastsnaffler]

ughh. might have to travel home again to dogsit for my parents this weekend

#which is fine like I'll do anything anyone asks me to I love being useful I would never say no even if I have to cancel my own plans :) #bc im so limited in the ways I'm allowed to express affection that my self worth is intimately tied to How Useful I Can Be yak yak whatever #but its such short notice and its such a long and expensive journey and I've been feeling so terrible my mind is not in a good place #don't particularly want to have to travel alone and then sit alone in a house for a few days I think maybe that would be bad for me rn 👍 #it feels a bit mean tbh. my mum has asked to call twice in the last week and both times I've tried to arrange it shes left me on read #but now that she needs me for something. NOW she'll actually call. this is doing wonders for my self esteem #and im meant to go to a concert tmr i rly hope i dont have to cancel i was looking forward to it :^( #but whatever its ok silly to complain abt anyway i love them and if they need me there for anything ill be there. just bad timing thats all #.diaries #.vent

[narwhalandchill]

hsr 2.1 kit leaks

ok idk how but even w the preliminary aventurine kit leaks i didnt register before seeing a comment on how he would actually just shred in herta+himeko FUA teams for PF too and im just? obsessed actually i Love this

like PF is already in that weird place where sustains are kinda good still but kinda useless but aventurine being an actual FUA sub dps in addition to his shielding is just? so fucking good and will go so well with the never ending follow up after follow up death spiral that himeko and herta inherently bring to PF it should be a massacre 💀💀 i cant wait

anyway his kit looks sick i rly love how its designed. ACTUAL sub dps potential in a sustain finally 😭😭 and how much crit rate (40%) he gets just from reaching 3600 def is just? so delicious. obviously the fact that he will want crit, def, spd and possibly eff res too means you kinda need to invest hard into his build to rly get the most out of him but i love that blonde fucker so. yeah ill commit. i farmed my ass off for my fu xuan to be as stacked as she is i Will do it again 🫡🫡

the eff res hes giving to the team is actually massive too ?? CC immunity to himself when his passive effect is up? shields on skill no ult dependency and shield stacking on teammates being attacked and FUAs (and like. hes not dependent on FUA teams lmao its just going to boost him) just like that???

AND hes fast as fuck somehow like what 😭😭😭😭 bro looks stacked as hell i hope he stays strong. aventurine with that 106 speed rly out there running from the consequences of his antics 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️💀

anyway wow im hype for this bastard i Cannot wait for his animations

as for acheron im. somewhat interested? but not like too pressed abt it for now. her stacking mechanic seems interesting and ive already seen the asset leaks for her red ultimate state (which is like 700% better than her base design) but if you only see that design for a v short time idk how much itll motivate me to get her.

the lack of LC options definitely hurts like. all i realistically have for her is s3 GNSW but thats on kafka rn. ig if i got acheron i prolly wouldnt be running them at the same time but its still food for thought ig

also she really copied neuvillettes homework for that nihility team passive HSJSJSKSKF idk how i feel abt it like w our current cast it kinda feels pretty tricky to genuinely get a strong team going for an actual max stack team for acheron. like run her with pela and what? guinaifen? ig we will see what shes all abt

ig i just dont feel as much of an incentive for a lightning dps for now w kafka but eh i might go for acheron still. i do have a guarantee tho so it might be nice to save it for aventurine straight up bc then i could maybe go for his LC since it gets him even more sub dps potential but who knows

ig only gripe w aventurine (which isnt that big of deal rly) is the current lack of FUA charas like idm building ratio eventually even having daniel (and them having such heavy synergy is very funny. renheng could never 💀) n i could see myself maybe getting topaz even if im not a huge fan of her character (tho i do think shes well written; my mixed feelings r a result of her being complex) but idk. i hope we get more leaks for upcoming FUA charas.

obviously theres xueyi but her FUAs arent That frequent and unironically i wouldnt Want someone like aventurine w his likely frequent FUAs on her team eating away the toughness bar from her so itd only really work against enemies who are quantum weak but not imaginary. but worth thinking abt still. at least herta n himeko will be a guaranteed PF synergy for him so thats hype

and most important of all: def mainstat with double crit we are so back. relics with double crit that half rolled into def we are so back. etc etc etc

#also i just rly fuckinf hope aventurines hat n glasses are a part of his model i s2g he looks so naked without them 😭😭😭 #maybe make them toggleable or sth but also they didnt make jinglius so... #rambles #hsr #hsr leaks /

[girlwithfish]

feeling anxious but it went really well? uhhh i met him at 1230 i left around 10 almost. he cooked us lunch and we just talked in the kitchen for quite a while then watched netflix while we ate and then more netflix in bed and ofc netflix -> sex LMAO ummmm yeah im trying not to get retroactive jealousy cuz hes had a lot of exes and sexual partners before me and he got out of a relationship a month ago(they dated 9 months) im trying to think of the red flags idk. idk if im focusing too on the bad. i liked his personality a lot very open and talkative and we talked about sm stuff like relationships hookups mental health lol. im kinda in love w his cat. hes affectionate where hed always have his hand on my leg or around my back and stuff it was nice. i was a little afraid to be too affectionate or want too much. He said i have really beautiful hands and complimented my shirt and outfit a lot and said at one point i was really pretty idkkkkk. im getting really scared but i do really like him im scared he doesnt like me lol😭but we get along well i liked just chilling in his place w his cat and staying home. also tried to play overwatch and fortnite on pc for the first time. he said im a good kisser. slay. he made me coffee. he walked me out to my car idk why i said u dont have to i feel like im always apologizing or trying to make myself small im trying to stop! he said its the right thing to do and he likes me. And i was saying i was really afraid he doesnt like me but he said he does a lot and i would know if he didnt bc hes really open about that. hes funny and makes me laugh. i really like his cat. im afraidddd but also heart kinda fluttery. not sure. also anxious ik maybe i shldnt be dating rn but idk 🫡 i do rly like him i havent felt this way in so long. idk.. gonna eat dinner now and ruminate hehe🫡

[mousemilf]

6, 20, 28, 37, 69

omg sorry i didnt get to this for a couple days!!

6. What are you excited for?

right now i am really excited abt redoing our bedroom and living room!!! i just bought a lamp today that im gonna paint and make a lampshade for and i got rid of our dining chairs and im planning to make a bar cabinet (i saw one at an antique store that was like, vertical with shelves and a wine rack and places to hang wine glasses in, plus enclosed cabinets to put anything thats not as pretty and basically i think it would be very easy to copy if i could find a bookshelf or plant shelf for cheap for it)

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

lately i've been feeling a lot more confident at work and i think this past year has been about me realizing that im not actually putting off grad school i just genuinely dont want to go and i am much much happier decorating fancy cakes than i ever was in an academic setting + realizing this is actually the more stable and secure option..... reorienting my goals to focus on this career etc......

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

im wine drunk rn and my dumbass boyfriend is refusing to catch up w me so i am trying to make him.....

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

i think i do if we mean love not as in romantic partnership but as in the way i love pumpkin bread and leather smell...... like i love the adorable old lady i talked to at a thrift shop the other day in the same way i love my coworkers puppy ive only seen pictures of..... but it is very real to me.......

69. Ever take dance lessons?

i actually did irish dance as a teenager lol. i was pretty good bcs i could do really high kicks w my loose hips but i stopped once i started having ankle and knee problems..... one of the older girls that went there had had two knee surgeries already bcs all the jumping is rly hard on ur joints.... that could have been me...... thank god!

love youuuuuuuuy ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

#ic #divinecruelty

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] IM UP IM UP IM UP GOOD EVENING BESTIEE actually i was awake a lot earlier but my body is like eh 5 more mins than my mind is so i napped that took more than an hour than i wanted cus i didnt catch my 20min alarm <///3 good thing no early classes 4 me to pull that out ew. 35K THOUGH LETS GOOOOOOOO YOU ARE SURPASSING UR LONGEST FIC ALSO 40K GOAL WHAT THE FUCK

crackles knuckles puts them in a sizzling pot and stirring um. if u need my input id prefer to not get my flow cut off even if its 40k tbfh but i can get why it can be too much that splitting it is needed BUT like,, you need a really good spot to cut it if you do so HMMM im gunna be fr if its about me then id have it stay as a oneshot, and ive seen oneshots that are 50k simply cus the author finds it fit than them being lazy to split it and its good not to cut the reading flow yknow. but for necessity of others reading it esp new readers etc etc it does sound more appropriate to split but with the wordcount you dont expect it to be two chapters it has to be a lil more T_T but there's always the "Entire Work" button on ao3's display so........

[honestly my final word is keeping it 40k oneshot LMAOOOOOO @other readers you WILL finish it in one sitting no matter how burning hot ur ass is]

GOOD MORNING BESTIE !!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDD no bc napping is both the devil and my bestest friend ever it really do be like that i am SO glad you dont have morning classes thank fawk

40k goal !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like. idk. like surely i cant write THAT much more. but i also have a lot unfinished. so like at Least 40k. kind of scared to see how far it goes but also rly excited to see how much i can do

and i definitely get that !!!!!! yeah no like. idk if something is written to be a twoshot there's generally a shift/tone change/planned part where it splits. so you expect and work with that interruption and it works SO well. but this was NOT intended to be a twoshot and evne though the once break place would work itd also interrupt a bit maybe ??? but its also a REALLY good place to break if i can get the chapter lengths more equal. if its a genuine halfway point itd be fine but rn its just in a really weird place and itd kinda suck so i have to wait and see :sob:

anyone else who is reading this be so fr with me. just Generally Speaking with Any Fic would you click on a 40k oneshot or would that be too much.

#parasocial bestie tag #SORRY IM LIKE REALLY REALLY BRAINDEAD CANT THINK OF MORE TO SAY EVEN THOUGH I RLY WANNA START A PROPER CONVERSATION/TALK TO U MORE :SOB: #i hope ur day goes well <3333333333333333

[n0ct0urn1quet]

@raiden-metal-gear-rising sorry this is a gaypos for u but it mite be more of just a rant because i am fuming (not rly i am just frustrated bc . u know why <3)

#im sur u read my previous posts abt uhhh my mom goign to visit my brother bc shes on vacation rn right . shes off til next sunday i think #but uh. yeah thats not happening bc guess what!! she cant afford it!!! because wow who wuldve thought that having to pay twice as much #money for bills + groceries would make u poorer than u already are!!!!! we are struggling!!!!!!! #and what has robynne done? nothing but PARTIALLY pay for grocieries. emphasis on *partially* #idk man its just insane. even if mom wasnt rly thinking about coming to see u we still cant bc we cannot afford it at all....... #i even said if i need to get a job i will and then added 'bceause im more willing to get one than she is' n she just looked at me #and idk man its just frustrraing . pls moeve out of ur place soon so i can leave and move in with u KAJSKLBKKLJG #i dont mean to say that to like rush u or anything u can do whatever u awant at Whatever pace u want i donot minde . it is oke #i just !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! h #i have a very strong feeling im gonna be moving out before she does............................ #just saying #sorey i kno this is supposed 2 be positive bc is gaypos but . i am not in a good mood i want 2 scream and throw things i think #i just want my house back!!!! im tired!!!!!! im so fucking tired man!!!!!! i m going insane!!!!!!!! #and now i just feel horrible bc rob knows i talk shit about her in vc and i just feel like i cannot talk out loud at all rn bc what if shes #fuckin eavesdropping!!! thats another thing did she just overhear me or like completely listen in on our conversation #bc if she listened in on us then thats fucked and i hope she fucks off #but if she just overheard us then idk man guess ill just have to close my door and keep it closed all the time which is something i donot #want to do !! #i dont like having my door closewd bc 1. it gets humid and 2. kitty does not like it and also 3. i just like having it open #but i feel like i cant have it open anymore bceause what if shes listening to just everything i say now!!!!!! i feel unsafe!!!!!! #get me out of here bestie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #sory im just . H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im going insane ill rb this with happier thoughts in a second i just #oh i am so mad . so mad

[litttlestars]

hi, i've been following for a while and i was reading your recent posts on what happened between you and someone else. first, sorry to hear you had to deal with that (you don't deserve it at all)! second, i'm also going through a similar situation, and i was hoping you could tell me what you think about it? tl;dr i've liked this person for a while and they feel the same, but they don't want to commit to anything yet. they said they want to talk more with me and told me they care about how i feel and making me happy, but recently they've been really distant and i'm not really sure why. i've tried talking about it with them but communicating with them is difficult since i usually get left on read often or don't get a response until later. just recently i asked if i could talk to them about something important regarding us. they gave me permission to, i told them about it, and i got left on read again; only to wake up in the morning and find them playing games with their friends. i still don't know their side of things but i feel really hurt, esp after they said they wanted to communicate more with me. but i also feel guilty about feeling hurt by this in the first place, and feel like i should continue to be more understanding about this. what do you think i should do?

im so sorry about that lovely, first of all i just wanna say your feelings are TOTALLY VALID and it's rly hurtful to have someone not put in the same effort of mending the relationship as you do. you should not feel guilty for being hurt bc it's a completely normal and natural reaction to being brushed off. plspls honor your emotions love bc they are important, you are not terrible for recognizing that you are hurt and telling someone how they hurt you. you have every right to feel how you feel.

im not sure if im good at giving advice so def take what i say with a grain of salt and think about how YOU would like to go abt things as well!!

from what you've told me i feel like you've been plenty understanding. just because someone doesnt want to commit, doesnt mean they're allowed to shed all human decency and decide when and how they want to communicate with you, esp when they said that they want to make you happy and keep talking to you. im firmly against the idea that we dont owe people anything- we do. especially if they explicitly said they wanted to keep talking and that they cared about you. if they like you and care about how you feel then i feel like they should at least try a little harder to communicate even if they're not so good at it ? you deserve someone who respects and reciprocates your time and effort, even if they're a little hesitant about getting into smt more serious. all you're doing is asking to talk, and that's the bare minimum. maybe they need time to think over their response so i suppose i'd give it a few days but if they dont reach out after a few days i'd def pop in and say something abt how them leaving you on seen made you feel and how you're viewing the situation as of rn and that you care abt this relationship and this person so talking things over is rly important to you! i would avoid any sort of accusatory statements and moreso focus on how you're feeling and how you would like to move forward bc i suppose you never know what someone is feeling or thinking. it's hard to find a healthy balance between being understanding but also honoring yourself, but i believe in you!! :') you seem like an amazing person and you don't deserve to be strung along.

tl;dr DONT FEEL GUILTY FOR FEELING HURT!!!! share how you feel, your perspective, and remember that relationships require effort from both sides! if you find yourself unable to get anywhere with this person, it's not worth it. you can't force someone to talk to you which is tough, but there are plenty of other people out there who DO actually care about you and they will put in the effort to actively show you so that you're not left questioning in the dark or always waiting on them.

#im so sorry that you're going through this !!! #and i dont even know if my advice is any good T-T #im so so sorry #💌 love letters. #ive been struggling w like .. not seeing myself as pure evil lately #n my advice might reflect that so likejdhgjg #I HOPE YOU FIGURE IT OUT THO LOVE :( #KEEP ME UPDATED???

[hyunverse]

my love please buy real food you deserve it 🙏🏼 especially on your period !!! that sucks so much you don’t have any sushi near you :(( maybe one day you can get some stuff to make like make shift sushi ?! gahhhhh ur so cute i cry <//3 ur just as much an angel baby 💗💗💗 AND IM SO EXCITED FOR THATTTT !!!!!! angst is life rn bc i LIVE for it

it’s pretty much just a story about these 3 sirens who lured these sailors into their deaths by their singing. i just rly like the way it’s written and the “lessons” behind it. those kinds of stories w hidden lessons or messages are always my fave !! YESSSS that fits hyunjin so well omfg. poor baby just wants love 💔💔💔. we are the same hyune 🙏🏼

andddddddd i’m tearing up :((. UR TOO KIND TO ME I CANT HANDLE IT !!! you have no idea how much that means to me :((((((. i say the exact same things about you, you are so so kind and such a good person. i feel like you’re the kind of person that could be easily trusted and i value that sm in people. you always make my days so much better as well, i look forward to all your responses and to your writing bc you just get it 💗. so thank YOU for being here in the first place. ur genuinely one of the most special and kindest and talented and thoughtful and smart and beautiful ppl i’ve ever met on here in all my years on this app 🙏🏼. you rly are a gem <333 i could go on for days about how much i adore you !! no joke !!!!!!! i’m very glad i came across your acc bc you and your writing have helped me through so much already <33

ahhhh yes you’re a smart one for that !! (i am not at all and just hope i find stuff in person, when i pretty much never do 😁) the holidays in your culture are so cool i’m always so intrigued by them ^_^

OOO HOTPOT W HYUNE YESSSS PLSSSSS !!!!!! you cant tell me would not only cook, but also feed you food. he’d just be like no you’re not lifting a finger and i’m doing all the work bc ur my precious angel who shouldn’t and won’t lift a finger anytime she’s with me 😇😇😇. yes pls !!!!!!!! i think i might have to write some soon bc i’m in such a fluffy mood lately. my fave is angst to fluff so maybe even that ?? i love big fights that turn into crying cuddle sesh’s mhm mhm. that w minho would make my year so maybe i’ll start w that 🤔

- 🐈‍⬛ even cuter pics gahhh ur so sweet :(( hugs and kisses i hope you sleep well my love 💗💗💗 manifesting hyune to sneak into ur dreams tehehe

yaaaa good idea!!! i’m pretty sure sushi ingredients can be found around here ^__^ thank u thank u i nvr thought of that <3 me?? an angel?? THANK U HEHE <3 i don't deserve it but thank you, darling. i'm sorry it took a while to talk to u, i've been swamped in assignments, i barely have any time for myself </3 eid break starts next week though, so that's nice hehe. hopefully i'll be able to talk and write more then!!

just read the siren story, omg their names are so complicated HELP... greek names, man. odysseus encountered the sirens during his journey home, right? if i'm not mistaken hehe.

i'm not being too kind angel, it's purely the truth. i'm flattered that you think of me the same, i could never picture myself to be even half as sweet as you T__T we're the same then because i could a 100% talk abt u all day!!

hehe i'd gladly talk abt my culture with u!! wait till eid, i'll drop fit pics here <3!! also wait did i ever show u my oddinary pulls?? i dont rmmbr if i did aaaa

RIGHT RIGHT HE WUD!!! HE'S THE SIT TIGHT PRINCESS, I'LL DO THE WORK FOR U KIND OF BOYFRIEND!!! i want him saur bad... omg i feel like he'd mix u the dipping sauces and stuff... i'll start crying at the thought of this. TENSION THAT FADES TO FLUFF >>> EAT THAT UP!!! I EAT THAT UP FR!!!

i have been dreaming of hyune lately tbh... it's been <3333 my dreams be so good. anyway! hope ure having a good week so far my sayang!!! (it means love in malay!!)

kithkithkith <3

#rin's lovemail! #🐈‍⬛ anon 💌

[brattyandwhorrible]

Omg im so mf funny. So my gfs phone lit up last night when i was getting up to go potty after us just having like the best sex I've ever had and her already having passed out afterwards.. and this phone that lit up said.. "hey baby... blah blah blah"

So NATURALLY ima pick up the phone and see who is saying this right.. well when i picked the phone up the message saying this wasn't on the notifications anymore. 😐 so me starting to rly feel some type of way proceeds forward in the snoopy sesh thru baes phone tryna uncover this person 'hey baby'ing' my girl.

All out on camera and all. Plus i was still naked 😂💀 i did not gaf how crazy i looked.

Oh uh uh.

So during my little investigation adventures i realized that MY GIRLFRIEND IS NOT THE PERFECT LITTLE ANGEL I THOUGHT SHE WAS.

I just had this image of her in my head of being God-Like and blemish free. Especially when it comes to personal matters i guess. But what did i learn. NOBODY IS TRULY PERFECT AFTER ALL. Bc while shes here rn bothered by me telling her a lie #1 (me saying that i was in love with her b4 i actually was), by me telling other ppl the same lovey stuff i was telling her while i was locked up #2.... she also was being all extra friendly wit other ppl and in a whole 'relationship' or w/e wit someone else, telling grls she wanna see them and good morning texts and inviting them over to netflix and blah blah whatever.. WHILE I WAS IN FL WITH HER.

And ya wanna know what else ive realized?

I dont care that she's imperfect, i love her anyways and i just am going to trust that we not be like that to each other anymore. I'm not saying what she did is worse than what i did either.. just had to put that out there.

Anyways so now not only did she wake up without me, she came looking for her phone.

She's acting all weird and being distant and quiet.

I feel wrong 4 just tryna act like nothing happened and i didnt just do what i did and see what i seen.. lmao this is so typical. I couldn't even help it, my inner most crazy got the best of me when i seen that hey baby whatever it said. I had to know what the fuck. Im not even mad tho, not yet anyways... i mean ill be mad if she dont stop tryna act like she didnt do the same thing shes upset that i did.

Lol. But rly tho, its not cool but i mean its cool. I fucked up, she fucked up. I have genuine, real feelings for her unlike before.. and ive fallen in love with her, experiencing a type of love I've never felt before. I'm not trying to sabotage our bond we have together what so ever, over nothing. I feel like our feelings for each other are mutual so i can trust that the funny business wont be a thing from here on out. Leaving me not to worry but to be excited abt having her and the Universe working its magic like it did..

I'm not the same person i was 2 years ago by any means. Im like complete polar opposite of where i was then actually. And for the first time i actually WANT to have a future with another human being period.

I rly hope we can not lose all of our trust over the things we did before we rly had a chance at being together and fully experiencing one another. I also hope this isn't gonna be an on going issue or source of sorrow either.

Ugh.. ok im done 4 now...

GOOD JOB LIL BABY 4 SLIPPING AND RLY LETTING YOUR CRAZY SHOW.

0 to 100 real fucking quick. I do have to say im glad i got to the source of recent consistent concerns abt my actions during the time of these events taking place. Maybe now we can call it truce and grow into better ppl tog..

One last thing.. 2 my Lover Baby, pls know that i do apologize for invading your privacy even tho i know you was looking 4 love else in somebody else too. I'm rly not tripping tho. I don't feel any diff abt you at all.. im just lowkey gonna be hurt if the situation abt tonight happening is handled the wrong way.. like i don't just wanna pretend like nothing happened. I want to talk abt everything.. even if it hurts, i still feel like its better 2 talk abt it. Even if we dont have much to say on something. I love you tho baby, I'm not going anywhere and i still trust you.. im not even tripping like that. I know how im coming at you also so i KNOW we good. You'll see that too once you see that ima consistently act right as well. Your still my sweet baby pookie pie 😻😘😇 and we were still made exactly for each other bc flaws and all, i want every single part of you bby. Im sorry for doing too much and letting my crazy get the best of me 🙄💀🙈 not gonna lie I'm a lil embarrassed over it lol

#crazygirlfriendsbelike #owningmyshit #shestillperfecttho #plsdontbemadbby ❤❤❤❤❤❤ #girlblogging #journalingintocyberspace #babygirlbratlife

#nowlemmecrawlunderarockanddie 😫🥸

[textsacc]

mm 🥺 nvm bestie i cant sleeb i have a lot to say n think abt

like how when i put my head down on a pillow n close my eyes i can rly see mc and its bad idw to 🥺 n also now im feeling regret for playing mc im so upset bc i cant seem to feel good abt being able to play games

mmm n also i felt bad trying to sleeb bc i missed u n miss sleebbing w u but was playing mc and i prefer u to minecraft and its just !!!! bad that i had to focus on minecrafr

like i didnt even get to ask u abt ur day or anth i ddint get to tell u that u did a great job w the party i didnr get to ask how u celebrated. u know what i also realize while laying down. i didnt even get to ask u out this summer n im so frustrated bc sch is starting for u n idw interrupt your schedule but i wanna do stuff now that im finally not busy and its just!!! its just a whole mess!!! i dont like it,,, i just wanna spend time tgt n cuddle,,,

i was only reading some manga today, regular fantasy isekai, called reincarnation of a sword, but i hated how the story progressed so i just. got rly mad at the state of my life rn idk???? tired n upset abt it n also i miss u n like cant believe i want to prioritize u above all else no joke its kind of }:v mood??? idk

n also i wanted to ask for clash but like thats secondary

jn me in mc i was playing w kon n sab n we were killing the ender dragon n also raiding some cities aft that. which is rly high pressure bc theres a lot of enemies after me n its rly easy to die AND i was the only one raiding it bc kon n sab cldnt help as much so they took forever while trying to get to a place i alr cleared out. i was trynna go fast n get the impt stuff for them n get out bc we all hated the place. n they yelled at me for stealing the show n flexing ig

tmr ill b going to sabs house bc they wanna hang out b4 going to nex to eat dinner w yee. and that sounds rly nice but at the same time i feel rly burnt out for sm reason. yes its 4am ig thats probably why i feel awful but. idk i also want cuddles n kisses ig. i wan cute girl (you) n im sorry i didnt get to see u off to sleeb 🥺 i rly wanted to n i was trynna raid asap so i cld but ik ur good girl n sleeb early bc school n i respect that so its nbd but i also rly like u n i wanna tuck u into bed n its like so routine that i miss u dearly at night n also it feels wrong when i cant. like if every day was a chapter you wld b my ending paragraph and if u werent there it wld feel like the chapter ended with tension. idk does that make any sense

also i wanted to lyk that like. im still talking to katelyn right bc of the site n we're friends but like. bestie. i need u to know i forgot to spell her name when we were talking. the aftnoon like 3 to 4 days ago when u were like gonna go ask katelyn or smth. she was going to sleeb bc our aftnoon is usa sleeby time i think and she said goodnight to me with my name but i cldnt mirror it back. i dont know why i thought it was kaitlyn (league of legends???) but ik i dont rmb how to spell it and the fact that u did makes me rly upset platonically and impressed every other manner. because i fucking didnt. 😭 just ic u wanna know how much shes on my mind (shes not. i miss u a whole lot. i want to sleeb w u agn)

bestie i hope ur day at sch goes okay 🥺🥺 n ill sleeb early w u i promise im not even gonna touch mc past 11 any more idk why it makes me feel sick but ik it does n im just. i want to stop feeling awful n up at 3 to 6 am during the hols. i miss you a lot n if i cld i wld like to follow u everywhere n help u out 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 pls keep me close like ur pet or ur little meow meow,,,

ilysm cutie 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i wish i was cuddling u instead of blahaj atm even if he is comfy. i wan giv u so many kiss n brush ur hair n tell u ur cute n go head empty i always go head empty when ur arnd and i like that... ure an angel 🥺🥺🥺🙏❤️

thank u bestie gnight 🥺🥺🙏

[hrina]

idk if this helps but i think for me it helped to realize that "virginity" isnt this massive thing--its a big deal to do anything for the first time, but putting a lot of weight on it only makes it harder! i had a very traumatic first time when i was way too young (we're talking like wayyyy too young not like 16) and i was fucked up over it for a long time but ultimately if i got over the "but my first was supposed to be magical&special" ideology it improved my life dramatically, and i just put the mental weight on the first time i did it and had a good time, instead. but also, if youre doin other sexy stuff with this guy and he makes you feel good and safe, theres no reason why he'd act different with another slightly more intimate act. and honestly its maybe better to do it with someone you're not 100% on? imagine you get in a relationship and put all this value on it and then the guys bones and leaves, that will really fuck you up! whereas this guy you know you have a good time with but its not like its love rn, so the worst case scenario is it goes shitty and you figure out its def not meant to be. but it seems like he cares about your pleasure and likes you, and those are the two things that are gonna make it a really good time, more than anything else. most likely it will be fun (not amazing bc it IS the first) and then you can do it lots more and have a great time! but also if youre really not comfy with it, dont do it. theres no reason to make yourself uncomfortable for a guy you're not even sure u really have feelings for. but if its gonna be a good time and he's not making you feel weird and you feel good about it but just stressed bc its your first? let that go and bone down is my advice! and its nice to be on the pill or an iud after a certain point anyway cuz you just always know you'll be ready when the situation presents itself. idk if any of that is helpful at all lol but its just my thoughts!

no this is definitely helpful and i rly appreciate u putting in ur two cents. i 100% agree that there's this big deal surrounding the concept of virginity, i think for me it's not necessarily the actual sex part but rather knowing that if im in a relationship w this person i can trust them + be comfortable around them because they've stuck around for this long (hopefully that makes sense skdskjd i feel like im just vomiting up words atp). but the thing is he definitely makes me feel comfortable which is why i'm even toying w the idea of sleeping w him in the first place. but idk my anxiety is just nagging at me unfortunately bc what if i sleep w him then things go south and then i just feel schtewpid and embarrassed </3

but anyway! thank u for this 💖

#anon