#axcycat screm

[smolselfshippingaxcycat]

ok ive been inactive beclaws i have top surgery this firday and im despurrately searching fur someone to escort me there and then bacc to my house. beclaws my "parents" refuse to do it and im not allowed to go there and bacc all alone. hngrhgh. i am suffurring. im despurrate enough to the point where ive been trying to ask next door neighbors if theyd be available. i dont want to hae to reschedule ive already purrepared so meowch

#axcycat meows #not self ship #not self insert #axcycat screm #tw medical #tw surgery

[smolselfshippingaxcycat]

NOOOO OH I ONLY JUST STARTED CANTO III'S DUNGEON AND I AM NOT OK-

#axcycat meows #not self ship #not self insert #axcycat screm #limbus company #limbus company spoilers

[smolselfshippingaxcycat]

stares into the distance dissociating

is this real or am i faking it

#axcycat meows #netzach shakes me gently by the shoulders and theres like a sound of jingling bells coming from my head #followed by the blue star ambience sound #somehow my imagination feels meowre real to me than reality rn #i feel so detached furrom efurrything..... bweh... #axcycat screm #tw dissociation #dissociation #dissociation tw

[smolselfshippingaxcycat]

hohhhh my dogggggg the pre-surgery anxiety is setting in

i mean it was setting in since like.. yesterday

my ""parents"" have apparently put it into my brain that im going to fuckin die even tho my medical history was reviewed and all and im totally clear fur surgery

can someone reassure me im not gonna die or wake up mid-purrocedure or anything pls :'3

but still!! im still excited beclaws!! im finallyyyy getting top surgery ive wanted this fur so longggg aa <3

#axcycat meows #tw medical #tw surgery #tw death mention #tw anesthesia #axcycat screm #kinda #not self ship #not self insert

[smolselfshippingaxcycat]

my brother just infurmed me that when he infodumped to our bio mom abt the sefirot/patron librarians, she called them all p*ychos. wow ok. this is why neither of us talk to yew when we're struggling mentally. im retreating into my own lil fantasy world where im apawlogizing purrofusely to efurryone.

#axcycat meows #tw ableism #my brother says she was like. extra mean to yesod. leave him alone meanie #and she called me crazy once fur having bpd symptoms on my medical record #i am going to distort. why does she have to be like this #gonna be makin out with netzach just to spite her (i mean assuming hes ok with that and all) /hj #sorry i just REALLY needed to vent im so mad abt this #axcycat screm #not self ship #not self insert #im gonna play minecraft nyaow

[smolselfshippingaxcycat]

i dont have anything clever to caption this with

#axcycat meows #it just hit midnyaight tho so...... #.....................i think this is the meowst i wanna celebrate my birthday. i dont like thinking about it too meowch #and i feel like im being too selfish whenefur people make a fuss abt it #it feels good when i get onto giftscop with my internet furriends/found family but i dunno i just. #i just want to quietly disappear furrom efurryone's lives and be furgotten #haah....... sorry my mental health is in shambles............. #a hug or smth furrom netzach would be nyaice but i dont think i deserve it ehehe #im putting this under my vent tag just in case #axcycat screm #today will just be a normal day..... #nyathing meowre nyathing less #silly doodles

[smolselfshippingaxcycat]

not feel good

would appurreciate hug

#axcycat meows #not self ship #not self insert #axcycat screm #{Hello hello. This is Magpie fronting. Witty'll be okay with enough time.}

[smolselfshippingaxcycat]

wowee i love dealing with transphobic parents /sarc

can they stop trying to change my mind and also stop trying to harass the clinic im getting top surgery at. i dont care how meowny times they say they just want me to be happy, theyre flat out misgendering me behind my back and i've seen and heard it.

i wanna apawlogize so hard to the staff there. they had to deal with not only an email from my parents but also them marching ofur to the office and complaining.

im an adult (even if i act younger than i am with my typing quirk and stuff im still legally an adult) and im 100% consenting to all this knowing the risks. just beclaws im autistic and have symptoms of a purrsonality disorder doesnt mean i cant consent. they treat me like a kid when its convenient for them and like an adult when they don't want to help me with a specific thing i need help with.

i hate it here. i want to get me and my brother out as soon as pawssible but i dont even know how or where to start since he's only in high school and i'm unable to work due to chronic illness :/

#axcycat meows #axcycat screm #me and my brother have been talking a lot abt our lobcorp/lor f/os to bring us both some meowch needed comfurt #currently crying about it to binah and hokma and requesting cuddles from netz /lhj #tw transphobes #tw ableism #tw emotional manipulation #tw manipulation #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw emotional neglect #i had meowre to say but i cant remempurr it.. #purrease lemme know if yew need anything tagged #or if my typing quirk needs translating just dont be mean about it please

[smolselfshippingaxcycat]

i have an mri today im nervous but also im too tired to be nervous and i got purrescribed smth to relax mew so itll purrobly be okii

the only annoying pawrt is that its at. 9pm. why do i hav to go to a hospital at 9pm to get my trauma brain scanned or whatefur-

#axcycat meows #not self ship #not self insert #tw medical #tw hospital mention #tw medication #if the doctors would just listen to “i dissociate so hard i furget my daily life + things that have happened to me in the past” #i wouldnt hav to be going from medical test to medical test #i feel meowre like a lab rat than a human sometimes #i mean. i technically id as otherkin but still #axcycat screm

[smolselfshippingaxcycat]

i had a nyaightmare...... im still sleepy but i dont wanna go bacc to sleep beclaws what if i have anyather bad dream

i wish i could cuddle with netzach ehehe..

#axcycat meows #and id ask..... “how /do/ yew get the fearlessness to keep on living?” #i really despurrately need a hug rn- #axcycat screm #the sleepiest librarians #self ship #self shipping #self insert

[smolselfshippingaxcycat]

hngrghhhgh

chronic pain and fatigue go brr

i wanna do artfight attacks and play games but efurrything huuurts

im kinda bitter beclaws like. i have falling outs with furriends and get really emeowtional ofur missing hanging out with my internet furriends irl and my body is like "hmm. ok. time to break down"

#axcycat meows #axcycat screm #not self ship #not self insert #mngrhfgh.. #i feel miserable #but on the bright side!!!!! i have my top surgery consult this month!!!!!!!!!!! #yaaaaay~ #on the not bright side i hav to go all alone via public transit its gonna knock me out even worse than rn ehehe #idk wahte else to add to this post cognitive. brain fog #cog fog......... #cfog... fcog.................... #sleepily rambling..

[smolselfshippingaxcycat]

mmnhrghhh I feel sick on top of flare up........ yucky.....

#axcycat meows #not self ship #not self insert #axcycat screm #fibromyalgia #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #I desire companyyy #chronic illness is so mean n lonely beclaws #I don't even have energy two talk two any furriends #or play games or pay attention two shows or anything #wehhhhh #I wan chicken noodle soup

[smolselfshippingaxcycat]

i know theres really bad things happening in iran and that im supposed two speak up but im. im so tired. i barely hav the energy two make posts or do anything, feels like my body is gonna collapse in on itself like a blacc hole....... fuck i feel awfulll

#chronic fatigue #chronic pain #undiagnosed chronic illness #chronic illness #not self ship #not self insert #i dont even hav the energy two self ship #axcycat meows #i furgot what i even tag my posts with.......... #axcycat screm

[smolselfshippingaxcycat]

feelin th "i dont think my f/os would love me" mood rn 3:

#axcycat meows #axcycat screm #esp w netzach..... #and its like. i really really want him to lov me ehehe... #i look up to him a lot.... #maybe m just havin a rough nyaight.. n itll be betterer once i go get some slep

[smolselfshippingaxcycat]

mgnrhgfhgh we're already halfway thru the month and ive only done one artifght attack..

im owrking on another but oh gosh my fatigue is relentless i want cuddles from netzach 3:

#axcycat meows #fur purrsonal reasons (chronic fatigue and pain) ill be sleeping fur the rest of this month /j #i wish i could do that but like. #got my top surgery consult in a few days.. #i hav to go on a 2hr public transit trip #beclaws my bio parents refuse to help me transitiion in any way #FUCK them i hate them both so meowch cant yew tell im despurrately trying to be happy #if anything i feel happier when i hav 0 commewnication with them #but considering i still live under their roof thats difficult #so instead i shut myself up in my room all day in the hopes that they wont remempurr im here :'3 #ffffuck man my life feels like such a mess #at least w self shipping and stuff i at least feel like i hav some sense of control ofur the fictional scenarios i put myself in #even if the city is a hellscape. this purrace feels like a hellscape too #axcycat screm #i dont even hav to energy the think of what to tag this

[smolselfshippingaxcycat]

me efurry hour today: gosh i feel like garbage 3:

me efurry other hour today: (something compurretely incompurrehensible that has to do with one of my special interests)

#axcycat meows #not self ship #not self insert #my special interests are OFF and purroject moon- #axcycat screm #i mean this. isnt really a vent its meowre of a lighthearted joke but still sdlkgsg