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act-novel · 1 year

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Development Notes #3 | First Layer, Two Weeks Later

Note: This post was originally published on act-novel.itch.io on March 14th, 2023. It has been carried over to this blog for posterity.

Hello, this is Garrett Thompson, sole member of Act-Novel.

At this time of writing, it has been two weeks since Version 1 of Reality Layer Zero was uploaded to itch.io. I think now is a good time to go over how the game's been doing in that period, and how the development of the second layer is progressing in the meantime.

- Lead-up to Release -

Oh no!

The night before February 28th (the day I declared would be the release day for the first layer in the previous Development Notes entry), I uncovered a number of late-breaking issues with the then-release-candidate build. Specifically, I found four critical issues in three separate corners of the code. Two of the four were related to the deck editor (pictured above), one was related to the "continue" option on the main menu (you couldn't select "continue" if you only had an autosave file saved-- clearly a bug!), and one was related to the end-of-layer savegame prompt (which would save your game... and then promptly crash it if you had more "cleared" save files than "in-progress" save files on your hard drive).

I was up pretty late fixing all of those the night they turned up. As I'll mention later, this wasn't quiiiite the extent of the "critical errors" in version 1... But it was pretty close, I think.

- Release Day -

It's been a while since I last uploaded a project to itch (hey, what could this be?), but fortunately the actual deployment process isn't too complicated. I basically just zipped the game files, pointed Butler at 'em, and that was that. In retrospect, I may have zipped too many files-- most of the game's music is actually in the deployed zip archive twice-- once in the packed "data" file (which the game actually uses) and once in an external "Audio/music" folder (which... I'm pretty sure doesn't even get looked at by the game code, but which you can use to listen to outside of the game... y'know, if you want to...) Since this makes the zip file bigger than it needs to be, it may be necessary to remove the external audio in later updates-- both to avoid scaring people off with a large initial download and to potentially get around having to ask itch directly for more upload space (not that I think they wouldn't grant me that, just out of courtesy).

The actual day of release was a mostly-quiet affair. Most of the traffic the game page saw was from the post I made on the itch community forums, and from links I sent to various friends and acquaintances who did not participate in the Steam beta. For day 1, I was fine with this, since I mostly just wanted to sleep and not think about Reality Layer Zero too much. In the coming days, though...

- In the coming days, though... -

Ded. (Suspiciously-cropped graph?)

For the first five days following release, Reality Layer Zero garnered 87 page views and 10 downloads. 2 of those downloads were both me, downloading the game on different machines to make sure the files were uploaded successfully, and at least two others were from people who I know directly, so really it was more like 6 downloads. Now, while that's not zero, it was less than half of the number of people who participated in the Steam beta test. Aside from being a bit disappointed at having made something ostensibly unpopular, I was also skeptical that the practical purpose of the itch release-- which was to hopefully catch errors before releasing the first layer into the wild as a Steam demo-- would be successfully fulfilled.

So basically I stared posting to Reddit. This is sort of bad etiquette on my part, since I'm not very active on Reddit and a lot of my post history is, well, posting about my other projects-- but I followed the rules otherwise and generally posted high-effort content (either custom video edits or, in the case of r/games, an appropriately-formatted and tagged self-post), and in short, nobody seemed to mind too much.

This started to drive some traffic toward the Reality Layer Zero itch page. Not a lot, just some. The click-through-rate was *very* low from Reddit to Itch, but pageviews and downloads both were undeniably better than on previous days. On both March 6th and March 8th, Reality Layer Zero was downloaded nine times, and for all other days in the period between the 5th and the 11th, between one and three times. In a less confusing way of putting that, 12 days after launch, the game had garnered 45 downloads and 446 pageviews. At this point, I considered things were doing alright.

- Patching, Continued Development -

Technically, this isn't a gameplay spoiler since this guy actually got moved since this screenshot was taken!

During this period of sustained promotion, a player was kind enough to bring a crash in the deck editor to my attention. This was the other critical error I alluded to earlier in this post. I'm pretty sure Paulby knew about me from the Applewood days, so I'm not sure if I can chalk this event up as a direct consequence of the promotion or not, but it was nevertheless precisely the thing I wanted to see-- well, perhaps not "wanted", per-se, but, uh... It's the second-best possible outcome! (the first being, of course, the mythical bug-free program) This, as well as several other errors and quality-of-life issues, were addressed in Reality Layer Zero's first patch.

Also during this period, I found some time to start working on the art for the second layer. It took about five days, but I completed illustrations for all of the newly-obtainable argument cards currently planned for that layer. For card illustrations, the actual "illustration" part doesn't take *thaaaat* much time (due to the small canvas size), but figuring out an aesthetically-pleasing and thematically-appropriate composition can be quite time-consuming (and exhausting to boot). I'm looking forward to sharing these illustrations with players-- potentially you!-- when the second layer releases.

I have also-- as of Sunday, anyway-- started back into character design and character art production. I would have liked to get started on this earlier in the month, but the demands of patching and post-release promotion caused me a bit of a delay. I'd estimate I'm about a week behind schedule versus where I'd be if I had not released anything. That... is honestly not a big deal.

So, all-told, what are we looking at? 50-ish downloads, one patch, and development progressing reasonably-smoothly on the second layer? In other words, not an amazing release, but a decently-productive one. A real workmanlike release. That was going to be my conclusion for this Development Notes entry... until Monday, that is!

- Rocket Fuel?? -

The full, uncropped graph.Gamecube startup jingle.

Starting on Monday of this week (March 13th, precisely yesterday) I noticed a change in views and downloads-- specifically an upward trajectory, seemingly out of nowhere. For a moment, I considered the possibility that Itch had frontpaged the game, but that wasn't what happened (not that I'd complain if it did).

The best I can tell, the promotion I did on Reddit over the week leading up to Monday had an accumulatory effect on Reality Layer Zero's popularity ranking on Itch, and on Monday it finally boiled over to the point where people simply browsing popular games (both in genre tags like Card Game and in the general "popular games" section) would reasonably, and in tangible quantities, stumble upon the game and chance a click. Or at least that's the story that the analytics seem to tell.

Another Reddit post (not made by me this time) was made during this period, but as far as I can tell had less of an impact than just the ambient traffic from the browse feature.

For a brief time-- possibly even now-- Reality Layer Zero actually surpassed games you've definitely heard of, like Deltarune and OneShot, in sitewide popularity. That's kind of nutty! It... probably won't stay that way for long! My prediction is that the game simply doesn't have a large-enough, dedicated-enough audience to sustain that level of interest for an extended period. I'd love to be wrong, of course, but for now I'm considering this just a temporary win.

Today has likewise been a pretty good day for traffic, although not as strong as Monday. Interest will... probably gradually return to baseline noise as the week continues. Hey, at least it was cool to watch this all happen in real time.

- Future Work -

Aaaagh, DirectX!!

Thanks to the efforts of my irreplaceable friends doing some testing that I'd be unable to do on my own, it seems that a VRAM bottleneck has been discovered in the current build. This might not be true for all GPU's with similar specs, but it seems that 2GB VRAM DDR3's on systems running Windows 10 will struggle to run the game-- and crash in exterior scenes-- with odds being good that it's due to lack of available memory. As it stands, it might be the case that at least a 3GB VRAM card is needed to run the current build-- or else one of those fancy "flexible memory" cards (e.g. the Intel Iris Xe) that I honestly don't know that much about. I'm going to try to optimize down to the 2GB DDR3 target-- my gut feeling is that a card with 2GB of VRAM ought to be able to run my simple 3D pixel game, so I probably just messed up somewhere. If you're currently rocking a 2GB card, sit tight! Hope hasn't died out for you! If you're working with even less... Well, dang.

- Conclusion -

It's been an eventful two weeks. Getting some attention after all of this time working in relative obscurity was a nice little reward for tolerating the many release-window annoyances that cropped up during this period. Although I'd still say "real" development has slowed down a little bit, it hasn't been by too much. While it's still too early to say whether the new players "like" the game or not, I have seen some good early signs...

I don't even know this guy! Probably!

Anyway, it's back to working on the second layer for me. In the meantime, why not try out the first layer for yourself if you haven't yet? You can also listen to the game's soundtrack on YouTube, if that's what you're about.

Thank you very much for reading!

#gamedev #indie games #indiedev #itch.io #release #development notes #technical #reality layer zero

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crowdvscritic · 3 years

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round up // JULY 21

‘Tis the season to beat the heat at the always-cold theatres and next to fans set at turbo speed. While my movie watching slowed a bit with the launch of the Summer Olympics on July 23rd, I’ve still got plenty of popcorn-ready and artsy recommendations for you. A few themes in the new-to-me pop culture I’m recommending this month:

Casts oozing with embarrassing levels of talent (sometimes overqualified for the movies they’re in)

Pop culture that is responding or reinterpreting past pop culture

Stories that get weEeEeird

Keep on-a-scrollin’ to see which is which!

July Crowd-Pleasers

1. Double Feature – ‘90s Rom-Coms feat. Lots of Lies: Mystery Date (1991) + The Pallbearer (1996)

In Mystery Date (Crowd: 7.5/10 // Critic: 6/10), Ethan Hawke and Teri Polo get set up on a blind date that gets so bizarre and crime-y I’m not sure how this didn’t come out in the ‘80s. In The Pallbearer (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10), David Schwimmer and Gwyneth Paltrow try to combine The Graduate with Four Weddings and a Funeral in a story about lost twentysomethings. If you don’t like rom-coms in which circumstances depend on lots of lies and misunderstandings, these won’t be your jam, but if you’re like me and don’t mind these somewhat-cliché devices, you’ll be hooked by likeable casts and plenty of rom and com.

2. The Tomorrow War (2021)

I thought of no fewer movies than this list while watching: Alien, Aliens, Angel Has Fallen, Cloverfield, Interstellar, Kong: Skull Island, Prometheus, A Quiet Place: Part II, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, Star Wars: The Revenge of the Sith, The Silence of the Lambs, The Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and World War Z. And you know what? I like all those movies! (Okay, maybe I just have a healthy respect/fear of The Silence of the Lambs.) The Tomorrow War may not be original, but it borrows some of the best tropes and beats from the sci-fi and action genres, so much so I wish I could’ve seen Chris Pratt and Co. fight those gross monsters on a big screen. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 6/10

3. Dream a Little Dream (1989)

My July pick for the Dumb Rom-Com I Nevertheless Enjoyed! I CANNOT explain the mechanics of this body switch comedy to you—nor can the back of the DVD case above—but, boy, what an ‘80s MOOD. I did not know I needed to see a choreographed dance routine starring Jason Robards and Corey Feldman, but I DID. All I know is some movies are made for me and that I’m now a card-carrying member of the Two Coreys fan club. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 6.5/10

4. Black Widow (2021)

The braids! The Pugh! Black Widow worked for me both as an exciting action adventure and as a respite from the Marvel adventures dependent on a long memory of the franchise. (Well, mostly—keep reading for a second MCU rec much more dependent on the gobs of previous releases.) Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

5. Liar Liar (1997)

Guys, Jim Carrey is hilarious. That’s it—that’s the review. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7/10

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6. Sob Rock by John Mayer (2021)

It’s very possible I’ve already listened to this record more than all other John Mayer records. It doesn’t surpass the capital-G Greatness of Continuum, but it’s a little bit of old school Mayer, a little bit ‘80s soft rock/pop, and I’ve had it on repeat most of the two weeks since it’s been out. Featuring the boppiest bop that ever bopped, at least one lyrical gem in every track, and an ad campaign focused on Walkmans, this record skirts the line between Crowd faves and Critic-worthy musicianship.

7. Double Feature – ‘00s Ben Affleck Political Thrillers: The Sum of All Fears (2002) + State of Play (2009)

In The Sum of All Fears (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10), Ben Affleck is Jack Ryan caught up in yet another international incident. In State of Play (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10), he’s a hotshot Congressman caught up in a scandal. Both are full of plot twists and unexpected turns, and in both, Affleck is accompanied by actors you’re always happy to see, like Jason Bateman, James Cromwell, Russell Crowe, Jeff Daniels, Viola Davis, Morgan Freeman, Philip Baker Hall, David Harbour, Rachel McAdams, Helen Mirren, Liev Schreiber, and Robin Wright—yes, I swear all of those people are in just those two movies.

8. Loki (2021-)

Unlike Black Widow, you can’t go into Loki with no MCU experience. The show finds clever ways to nudge us with reminders (and did better at it than Falcon and the Winter Soldier), but be forewarned that at some point, you’re just going to have to let go and accept wherever this timeline-hopper is taking you. An ever-charismatic cast keeps us grounded (Owen Wilson, Jonathan Majors, and an alligator almost steal the show from Tom Hiddleston in some eps), but while Falcon lasted an episode or two too long, Loki could’ve used a few more to flesh out its complicated plot and develop its characters. Thankfully, the jokes matter almost as much as the sci-fi, so you can still have fun even if you have no idea what’s going on.

9. Double Feature – Bruce Willis: Die Hard With a Vengeance (1995) + The Whole Nine Yards (2000)

Before Bruce Willis began starring in many random direct-to-DVD movies I only ever hear about in my Redbox emails, he was a Movie Star smirking his way up the box office charts. In the third Die Hard (Crowd: 10/10 // Critic: 7.5/10), he teams up with Samuel L. Jackson to decipher the riddles of a terrorist madman (Jeremy Irons), and it’s a thrill ride. In The Whole Nine Yards (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10), he’s hitman that screws up dentist Matthew Perry’s boring life in Canada, and—aside from one frustrating scene of let’s-objectify-women-style nudity—it’s hilarious.

10. This Is the End (2013)

On paper, this is not a movie for me. An irreverent stoner comedy about a bunch of bros partying it up before the end of the world? None of things are for Taylors. But with a little help of a TV edit to pare down the raunchy and crude bits, I laughed my way through and spent the next several days thinking through its exploration of what makes a good person. While little of the plot is accurate to Christian Gospel and theology, some of its big ideas are consistent enough with the themes of the book of Revelation I found myself thinking about it again in church this morning. (Would love to know if Seth Rogen ever expected that.) Plus, I love a good self-aware celebrity spoof—can’t tell you how many times I’ve just laughed remembering the line, “It’s me, Jonah Hill, from Moneyball”—and an homage to horror classics. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10

July Critic Picks

1. Summer of Soul (…or, When the Television Could Not Be Televised) (2021)

Even director Questlove didn’t know about the Harlem Cultural Festival, but now he’s compiled the footage so we can all enjoy one of the coolest music fest lineups ever, including The 5th Dimension, B.B. King, Gladys Knight and the Pips, Nina Simone, Sly and the Family Stone, and Stevie Wonder, who made my friend’s baby dance more than once in the womb. See it on the big screen for top-notch audio. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 9/10

2. Good Morning, Vietnam (1987)

Robin Williams takes on the bureaucracy, disillusionment, and malaise of the Vietnam War with comedy. Williams was a one-of-a-kind talent, and here it’s on display at a level on par with Aladdin. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 9/10

3. Against the Rules Season 2 (2020-21)

Michael Lewis (author of Moneyball, adapted into a film starring Jonah Hill), is interested in how we talk about fairness. This season he looks at how coaches impact fairness in areas like college admissions, credit cards, and youth sports.

4. Bugsy Malone (1976)

A gangster musical starring only children? It’s a little like someone just picked ideas out of a hat, but somehow it works. You can hear why in the Bugsy Malone episode Kyla and I released this month on SO IT’S A SHOW?, plus how this weird artifact of a film connects with Gilmore Girls.

5. The Queen (2006)

Before The Crown, Peter Morgan wrote The Queen, focusing on Queen Elizabeth II (Helen Mirren) in the days following the death of Princess Diana. It’s a complex and compassionate drama, both for the Queen and for Prime Minister Tony Blair (Michael Sheen, who has snuck up on me to become a favorite character actor). Maybe I’ve got a problem, but I’ll never tire of the analysis of this famous family. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9.5/10

6. The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean (1972)

This month at ZekeFilm, we took a closer look at Revisionist Westerns we’ve missed. I fell hard for Roy Bean, and I think you will, too, if for no other reason than you might like a story starring Jacqueline Bisset, Ava Gardner, John Huston, Paul Newman, and Anthony Perkins. Oh, and a bear! Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 10/10

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7. New Trailer Round Up

Naked Singularity (Aug. 6) – John Boyega in a crime thriller!

Queenpins (Aug. 10) – A crime comedy about extreme coupon-ing!

Dune (Oct. 1) – I’ve been cooler on the anticipation for this film, but this new look has me cautiously intrigued thanks to the Bardem + Bautista + Brolin + Chalamet + Ferguson + Isaac + Momoa + Zendaya of it all.

The Last Duel (Oct. 15) – Affleck! Damon! Driver!

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (Nov. 11) - I’m not sure why we need this, but I’m down for the Paul Rudd + Finn Wolfhard combo

King Richard (Nov. 19) - Will Smith as Venus and Serena’s father!

Encanto (Nov. 24) – Disney and Lin-Manuel Miranda making more magic together!

House of Gucci (Nov. 24) - Gaga! Pacino! Driver!

Also in July…

Kyla and I took a look at the classic supernatural soap Dark Shadows and why Sookie might be obsessed with it on Gilmore Girls.

I revisited a so-bad-it’s-good masterpiece that’s a surrealist dream even Fellini couldn’t have cooked up. Yes, for ZekeFilm I wrote about the Vanilla Ice movie, Cool as Ice, which is now a part of my Blu-ray collection.

Photo credits: Against the Rules. All others IMDb.com.

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tartagilicious · 4 years

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when we die, where do we go? [gavin]

+ this fic is for an anon that wanted an angsty Gavin fic, and also @queenvking and their request of a halloween karma inspired imagine! They don’t really figure out what Gavin’s circumstances are, but his shift still plays a big part! In addition, it was inspired by this call, gained from the evolution of Gavin’s card ‘fierce battle’. And because i took so long to write this, it’s also a semi-christmas themed one too~

→ pairing | gavin x reader (mlqc)

→ genre |vampire!au, angst w/ happy ending (ish 😳), someone’s heart is broken the usual, the mc actually trying to put her emotions aside for once in her goddamn life

→ word count | 8294 (22 pages of blood sweat and tears with a 30 minute-average reading time lol)

→ song rec | talking to the moon by bruno mars

→ note | it’s your local gavin stan here again with some hearty angst 🤠 also, originally gavin was supposed to die and then come back as a vampire (ikevamp style), but then I changed it to a coma because i’m a baby. and to make it better I did absolutely zero editing because I’ve been writing this for 2 months and just didn’t want to look at this doc any longer!! so, I’m sorry if there are any mistakes or inconsistencies~

“What are you up to?”

Gavin’s voice comes through the speaker with pressed difficulty, but his words still send relief flooding through you. From the moment you pick up the call, it marks almost a week since you’ve said even a word to him. He had left quite suddenly then, after all, and only with a vague warning that he could possibly be gone for longer than usual.

“Gavin! You finally called! Is the mission over?” You can barely describe the emotions in your chest upon hearing your boyfriend’s voice again, your smile widening as you hear him chuckle on the other end.

“It’s over.” His laugh morphs into something greater frighteningly quickly, as if he’s sighing, or even groaning.

Your brows go taut as your smile begins to falters. “You sound kind of off…”

“It’s just because I’m coming off a mission.” There’s still at least a smile hiding in his voice, but it does little to ease your arising gut feeling. “I’m tired.”

“...Am I the first person you called?”

“It’s getting really late, you’re probably anxious. So I thought, I’d call you to-”

Gavin’s voice cuts off over the line with a sharp static noise that indicates a harsh cough. The reception is bad enough that the already unclear audio is painfully fuzzy, and the combined roadblocks have worry settling deep in your stomach before you can catch it.

You bite your lip. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

His gentle laugh is tired, but portrays all the emotions he can’t voice just yet. “I’m fine. Just a little tired. Really wanna sleep all of the sudden.”

“If you’re tired, tell me where you are and I can go there right away.” You say, your worries suddenly besting you before you can even think about the words that escape your mouth.

“No, dummy.” He laughs with a familiar adoration lining the gentle sound. “It’s classified, I can’t tell you where.”

Your expression twists slightly, worry settling firmly within your chest again. “..What are you going to do?”

“My partner is close. Relax. So just, talk with me awhile. I wanna hear your voice.”

“O-ok,” Your voice falters slightly, and you try your best to cover it with a cough. “What do you want to talk about?”

The line goes quiet for a few moments, but the stillness carries a silent meaning you aren’t yet sure that you want to decipher. There’s something you aren’t picking up, you’re sure, but you have nothing but the worry of a concerned girlfriend to back your thoughts up. You quickly tell yourself it’s only natural to be nervous for Gavin, so it’s completely possible you’re just imagining things after all.

“I was wondering, are you worried about me?” He asks, earning a small and very stupefied quirk of your brow.

“On a dangerous mission like this?” You whisper, sighing softly before continuing, “Of course.”

“You know…” He pauses, the faintest sound of a grunt filling the speaker before he continues. “Ah — forget it.”

“…Forget what? Why do you always stop halfway through? Don’t you know that worries me even more?”

A moment of silence ensures before he begins again, more hesitantly. You strain your ears trying to decipher if it’s for you or for himself, but begrudgingly give up when his voice returns to normal.

“This is the first time I actually… got afraid. Doesn’t that sound ridiculous? When a bullet whizzed by my ear, all I could think of was... I haven’t returned your calls yet.”

Tears pool at your lash at your boyfriend’s confession. “Oh, Gavin…”

“Are you crying..? Don’t cry. I’ll be back soon.”

You wipe away your warm tears before they can fall, but they still peek through in your voice as you say, “I’ll be waiting. We’ve still got a lot of things to do together.”

“I’ll take you to the movies, or maybe even karaoke.” He pushes out a strained snicker, admitting more of his condition than he has since you picked up the call. “I bet you’re dying to find out how tone deaf I am.”

You laugh along through your tears. “Nonsense! You’re obviously a good singer!”

Gavin is silent yet again for a few painstaking moments before he begins to whisper, his voice cracking slightly under change as he says your name. “___, I might not say it often, but I just want you to know that you matter so much to me. I’m so glad to have met you again. ``I love you.”

Looking back on that call, you don’t know why you refused to believe what you already knew was true. Maybe if you had, things would have gone differently. But even in the end, it seems that he was only trying to keep you from worrying, granted that this time, it may have almost cost him his life in return.

Gavin goes quiet a mere few minutes later, his phone slipping straight out of his hands to hit the ground hard. And yet, even as you already know what’s probably become of him by then, you still can’t bring yourself to hang up. His shallow breaths have almost completely ceased, and there’s barely an intelligible sound coming from the other side of the line save for the quiet echo of the blowing wind.

You let out a shaky breath as you continue to strain your ear for even the littlest signs of life, but can’t even find relief in his slight breath in and out.

He’s close to death and it kills you that you can’t do anything about it.

You soon hear footsteps rushing over on his side, and quite suddenly, you’re put to the ear of Gavin’s partner and good friend, Eli. You’d only met him briefly before, having barely managed to share even a single conversation back then because of your business with the STF. And because Gavin has never particularly been one to put you in any unnecessary danger, that was the last time you talked to him.

It’s depressing that your second meeting has to be in such gruesome circumstances.

“Sir, it’s still on.”

A voice you don’t recognise says these words faintly, and after a few seconds of radio silence, they wordlessly pick Gavin’s phone up and hand it over to Eli.

Eli mumbles briefly and unidentifiably before putting his mouth to the phone’s speaker

“___. I probably shouldn’t have expected anyone else but you to be the person he’d call in a time like this.”

You appreciate his attempt to lighten the atmosphere, but that’s far from what you need right now. You just go quiet in response, trying your best to gather yourself before speaking. “...Is this Eli?”

“It is.” You hear him swallow tighty as shuffling presumes in the background. “I’m so sorry, ___.”

Nothing but meaningless background noises fill the room, and your attention mixes with it. You can’t help but zone out of Eli’s consoling words and rather go to focus intently on keeping your sporadic heartbeat still.

“Please help him, Eli. He’s still alive, I know --”

“Ok.” He interrupts, inferably for your sake as words freeze in your throat. “I’ll try my best, ___.”

Your breathing is laboured and tears are streaming down your cheeks, but you don’t dare to try and stop them altogether. There’s only one thing — one person — that could manage to make you feel better right now, and that’s hardly yourself.

But for the time being, it’s impossible.

Gavin’s unit almost immediately decides to bring him into intensive care for fear of the possibility of his evol losing control under his fragile state of comatose. It’s rare for such things to occur in those stages, but everyone is in a silent agreement that it isn’t necessarily wrong to take precautions; especially since Gavin isn’t exactly typical. After all, his long years of being an evol agent have made his powers finely developed and too powerful to run freely when he’s in no place to control them.

You’re allowed to see him again around a week later.

You’d been given no specific date for the event upon your chat with Eli that day, but the time still comes faster than you thought it would. The organisation is a complicated web that you still don’t completely understand, so for all you know, those complications could have very well taken much longer.

Eli is the first to greet you when you go to the STF that day, and only silently leads you to the medical ward Gavin is being supervised in. There isn’t much for him to say, but it’s not like you necessarily have the capacity to ask about the details of your boyfriend’s death yet anyway.

“Be careful with him, okay? I know it’s a given, but we’re trying to make sure he’s stable before we make any other moves. So, just make sure not to touch the equipment.”

You give him your best smile in response. “Okay, I won’t. Thank you for everything.”

He nods, opting to give you some space as he retreats in the opposite direction. You aren’t sure that it would matter either way, though, as you stand there long after Eli had rounded the corner. It’s not like you can help your hesitation — your fear — but you still feel tense ignoring the very thing you’ve been pining after for days when it’s right in front of you.

You have no idea what to expect beyond that door.

Are his signs of stupor visible even after such a short amount of time? You hope to god that isn’t the case, praying that you’ll be able to look at your boyfriend again as someone who only looks as though they’re in a deeper sleep than usual.

But you’re afraid that you’ll open the door and find his body to be like the movies: pale, cold, and utterly lifeless without a shadow of a doubt. This the real world — your prayers certainly don’t have to be answered, and your fears won’t always be catered to. That’s what scares you the most.

And the very moment you finally gather enough courage to grip the door handle with your clammy palms and push it open, you know the world is too unforgiving.

The steady beeping from the heart monitor is barely noticeable over the heavy silence of the room, only a select few devices working actively to keep your lover alive. He is indefinitely stuck in a place of stagnicity, but there’s not even so much as an audible sound from the unit to tell you so. There’s only a slight buzz from the machinery aiding him, because sadly, there is so little left of Gavin to aid.

Your footsteps are heavy and rushed as you make your way over to him, but you still hesitate to touch him for a few fleeting moments. His skin is indeed frigid on the eye, yet it feels much colder to your warm touch.

Gripping his hand tightly as tears threaten to spill, you reach out to gingerly brush the bangs out of his eyes. You find that usually, due to the stress of his never-ending list of responsibilities, Gavin’s brows are usually slightly pinched. And yet, he looks uncharacteristically calm in the absence of consciousness.

You sweep a thumb lightly over his brow, swallowing harshly as you breathe back hot tears.

Gavin’s lying in front of you once again, yet, you still felt helpless. That didn’t change — it never had.

He’s alive in your memory, taking leaps and bounds into the past that only pushes the despair deeper into your stomach. You touch over every aspect of him in your head: every time he protected you, every time he sacrificed something for you, every time he kissed you—

It takes a lot to shake away the memories as your tears finally begin to spill.

You would do anything to rewind time. Anything to see him smile again, anything to have him next to you, alive and well again. Because that night he had called you, he was right: there really was so much you hadn’t experienced together.

Your eyes flit up to his face again, and you bite your quivering lip hard. The sobs that leave you aren’t languid nor graceful, and rather show the depth of your grief much better than any action does.

The reality of the situation is harsh, and unlike the movies, it doesn’t help you grow; it’s not a moment of staggering realisation. Instead, it’s despair clawing at your chest like a caged animal, and your headache blooming into a thorny flower that can hardly be called touching.

“Gavin,” You whisper this gently, your hand falling down to his cheek to tenderly brush your fingers over his cold skin. Placing a final kiss on your forehead with blurry eyes, you whisper to him.

“I love you.”

When we die, where do we go?

It’s certainly an abstract thought, one you’re not even quite sure you want to delve into, but continue to anyway upon the striking memory of Gavin’s cold skin under your fingertips. Though there’s hope for him to wake, of course, the awful possibility of death still looms over your head as a constant grim reminder.

Some describe the place after death as a paradise, where you’re gifted a golden halo and luxuries on the condition you lived an innocent life. While on the complete opposite side, it’s depicted as an inhumane switch over to a ghastly figure: ghosts, demons, put it how you will, all are perceived the same.

But you don’t want to think about what you believe, because to you, there’s no reason to.

Months go by where your angel is still absent, stuck in the dreadful place beyond life and yet still below complete death. His indefinite state of stagnicity continues to keep him well under surveillance at that time by not only the STF but also yourself -- all in hopes of a miracle bringing him back to you all.

His evol aiding him, his body finally healing, even a deity in the sky deciding that they’d made the wrong choice in taking him away: every single possibility is counted by you. And foolishly, it gives you hope.

To lean on the power of prayer alone is half witted and you’ve been made aware of that many times, but sadly, it’s the only chance you have, so you won’t let it slip through your fingers for small reasons like that.

You’ve been through so much with Gavin — from the time you’d reconnected to the last day you’d talked to him, you would take little of it back. He’s your partner partner in life that you feel proud to stand beside, and maybe it’s selfish, but you wish for his return more than anything else in the world.

Only, you know that you’ll have to prepare for the inevitable fate of the world turning a blind eye to your wishes once again.

It’s hard to continue on when such a huge piece of your life is suddenly missing, and in those months, you find yourself struggling more than you thought possible. But you’re grateful for the people that have chosen to stay by your side throughout the hard times, even if someone in particular was largely unprecedented.

But Victor’s help still means a lot to you.

In a way, he doesn’t change much from his usual self. He softens under your difficulties still, but continues to be his usual demanding and headstrong self for as long as it’s good for him. Yet Victor’s normally irritating traits are still surprisingly easy to repurpose to get you back on your feet, and they effectively act as a healthy buffer between you and reality for as long as he’ll allow it.

And with his help, you find yourself slowly clawing your way out of the hole you’ve been buried in for months. Slowly but surely, every hand he offers you eases you out of your pain with more success each time.

Winter rolls around and you’re feeling the best you have in a long time. Granted, it’s not amazing, but it’s still progress. You’re noticeably healthier, looser, even — and yet you still can’t help but hide the sadness and regret you feel. Because no matter what, you know that the one who’s given you so much will never live up to the person you’ve lost.

The upcoming holiday season is only another reminder of that, your nerves spiking at the thought of your first Christmas without Gavin. Though Victor is there to help, of course, you’re afraid that you’ll end up taking the change too hard.

After all, your hope for Gavin to wake is just as bright as the day you had shared that short call with him, but even more so now upon the timing. Because along with the season, it’s also been almost an entire year since then. Your longing for your boyfriend’s healing is stronger than ever as a result, and even beside others, you find yourself to be as lonely as can be without him.

Being healthier, being happier on the outside, all of it only hides what you can’t help but feel on the inside. The depressing situation leaves a bitter taste on your tongue that only grows with each passing day — and your grief turns into a monster you find yourself battling every single day.

Truly, you continue to believe that you’re at your limit every single day.

But then something changes. Something in the heavens, something in the deity that you’d pictured giving Gavin everything he wanted in the afterlife, something in fate. And slowly, the course of life starts to change, too.

The days have always tended to go by faster when you’re afraid of something. You’ve known that for a long time after being nervous for school presentations, job interviews, and even plain-old events throughout the years. But you think that nothing you’ve ever been through compares to now, when Christmas is suddenly only a few days away and there’s not even a single word from Eli on Gavin’s condition changing.

The sight of festivities is enough to make you nauseous with so much as even a glance. Yet still, that doesn’t stop your oh-so gracious caregiver from decorating his house on his own, stringing every light and hanging every ornament by his hands alone.

Tapping your fingers on the mahogany of Victor’s dining table one night he invites you over, you’re quickly broken out of your thoughts by a loud sigh.

“You know, you’re going to wear a hole in the table if you keep doing that, and it’s coming right out of your paycheck.”

Maybe you would have normally laughed, but his joke only harmlessly bounces off of you as you retract your hand and let it fall to your lap. “Oh. Sorry.”

SIlence ensues before Victor sighs again.

“...Is there something wrong, ___?”

His voice is a gentler one, the same he’d used when he’d found you trying to piece a glass back together with bloody hands all that time ago. It’s the voice that once gave you comfort, but now only offers guilt.

Your eyes shoot over to where he’s sitting on the couch across the room, slowly taking in the way he’s shut his laptop and now directs his full attention to you.

“It’s almost Christmas.” You say vaguely, forcing a smile as Victor’s brows go slightly taut. Thankfully, you don’t have to explain any more than that.

“I’m sorry, ___. It’ll be hard, but I know you can get through it.”

“Maybe,” You pick up your head as your smile drops. “But that’s not what I want to hear anymore.”

Victor returns your gaze, and under that action, you helplessly avert your eyes. Even with his limitless kindness over the past few months, you still can’t help the inexplicable wall between the two of you. Maybe it’s your own fault, or maybe it’s just a difference in viewpoints -- but whatever the case, your methods of fixation almost always seem to differ.

His voice goes uncharacteristically soft as he busies his hands with the computer sitting in his lap. “I’m sorry that I can’t help you as much. If there’s anything else I can do—“

He trails off when you blink in response, your adam’s apple bobbing as you fold your arms on the table in front of you.

“No, whatever I do in this situation is up to me. I’m grateful for your help, but you have nothing to do with what happens to me.” You sigh. “I can’t rely on you forever.”

You can’t see his eyes, but in a fleeting moment you do, you swear that they almost beg for your opinion to differ. It’s a kind gesture, you think, yet it’s unfortunately not something that’s very realistic.

Victor doesn’t push it, just standing up and nonchalantly walking past you to the sink. He’s never been very persistent to you, and though that might’ve bothered you before, you’ve never been happier about his weird quirk than you have in that moment.

“Dummy,” he mumbles, his quiet words lost to you above the sound of the faucet running. You sit there in comfortable silence as he washes off his dish, and almost jerk in surprise when he starts speaking again a few minutes later.

“Celebrate Christmas with me this year.”

It’s blunt, and the wording doesn’t make it sound like an offer as much as it does a demand. But only because you’ve come to know Victor, you know his words are as genuine as they come.

“...I couldn’t impose on something like that.” You shake your head.

“You wouldn’t be imposing on anything,” He says, reaching casually for the towel next to him as he dries his plate off. “I have a function to go to that day, and though I was originally going to go alone, I thought it sounded like something you might like.”

You process his words for a few moments. He thought it sounded like something I’d like? Is Victor not feeling well?

“Are you sure…?”

“If I wasn’t sure, would I have asked?”

Ah, there he is.

The days after that seem to tick down faster and faster until before you know it, you’re waking up alone in bed on Christmas morning with an entirely new sensation running through your chest. As you force your eyes open to meet the forenoon sun, the change in atmosphere the occasion has warranted suddenly makes you hyper-aware of the empty space next to you.

Sorry Victor, you think tiredly, but now begins the start of what will probably be the most awful day ever.

You drag yourself out of bed after a few minutes and walk through your sparsely decorated apartment to the kitchen in favour of caffeine over anything else. But unfortunately, even when partaking in such a mundane action, Gavin manages to be everywhere. The hand you reach blindly into the cabinet comes out with a pretty cerulean mug -- only one of the many things he had gifted you last christmas.

The mug almost seems to mock you in your hand, but you mentally push it away and just put it beneath the coffee machine’s filter without another thought. You’ve gotten horridly good at ignoring your emotions over the period of time you’ve been left alone, and though you’re certain it’s not a good thing, at times it proves to be one of your greatest assets.

Because the more you can ignore the sinking feeling in your chest, the more you’re used to being without it.

You know undoubtedly that Christmas morning for most is a happy occasion -- children rush downstairs to a heartily decorated tree with their parents in wait, screams of delight from people of all ages when receiving a desired gift, and especially gatherings for family, friends, and lovers alike. But for the first time, Christmas means something horribly new to you.

Sipping your coffee and trying your best to ignore the scorching feeling of it, you sit on your couch and imagine yourself sinking back into the cushions. Maybe if you did, the day would pass by unnoticed. But then again, that would also mean that you would miss Victor’s invitation, and you were admittedly curious of the man’s vague offer.

Along with the upcoming holidays, a large part of your attention in the past weeks has been on what Victor said that night at his house. He had refused to tell you specifically what it was, only choosing to disclose that it seemed like something you would like and dismissing the conversation from there. It was a very characteristic thing of him to do -- and if you weren’t already up to your knees in his antics, maybe you would have dived a bit deeper into it.

You sigh out a breath of warm air at the thought, the coffee’s previously sweet aroma coming out half-baked. But the strange smell doesn’t even so much as vex you anymore as you cradle the warm mug between your knees, pulling your phone out of your pyjama pocket in hopes to distract yourself in the few hours you have until Victor comes around.

“You’ll be cold if you only wear that. Put on a hat or a scarf, if you have one.”

You shake your head and put on a smile as you shrug on your jacket later in the day. “No, I don’t need to. I’m used to the cold, don't worry.”

A small sound of discontent escapes Victor’s lips.

“You know, it doesn’t matter how used to it you think you are,” He says firmly, his hands instinctively going up to grip the lapels of his own coat. “You’re still going to be cold where we’re headed.”

You give him a suspicious look as you reach for a hat hanging on the hook by the door in your apartment, not breaking eye contact even as you pull it over your head as far as it can go.

When your eyes are momentarily covered, you swear you hear him chuckle.

“Is this good?” You ask.

“No, too much,” he mumbles, not caring to hide the laughter lining his voice as he reaches out and softly tugs it above your eyes.

The moment the soft fabric comes up into its rightful place, you’re met with Victor’s eyes awfully close to your own. And though you can’t fight the embarrassing heat that rushes to your cheeks, you just smile as if unaware of it.

“Fine, Mr I Know Everything, is that suitable for you?”

Something begins to shift in his eyes. but it’s barely for even a second, so you have a hard time catching it before it goes away again.

“You can let yourself think that,” he answers vaguely, a small smile curving on his lips as he turns back towards the door. “But we’ll know for sure later.”

You swallow back any thoughts daring to jump out and just nod, plastering on the same smile that you’ve been refining for months.

“I swear I won’t be cold! Now let’s go, we’ll be late if we don’t leave now.”

Going ahead of him to reopen your apartment’s door, you take a quick look behind you again and usher him forwards. Victor gives you a slightly scrutinising look, but well accustomed to it, you only stare back as he ignores you and goes past you.

Where you’re going -- the very place he’d so dutifully refused to tell you -- is a mystery to you up until the moment he gets started on the route.

“Wait, you’re taking me there?” You blurt out as soon as you put what you think are the pieces together, looking over at him from the passenger seat. Victor gives no response but the slight twitch of his lips, but that’s answer enough for you.

LFG is almost notorious for hosting elaborate Christmas parties each year: events that are raved about by the men and the women who attend, though still second only to the CEO’s judgment. You don’t know the specifics, but Victor has never particularly seemed to enjoy the holiday season, even when you tended to be more enthusiastic about it in the past.

But even if the yearly Christmas event had been one of your guesses when Victor originally mentioned his offer back then, it was still impossible to guess any further as the event tends to vary drastically per year. And since that’s still the best your guess can do, you opt to stare out the window and try to clear your head instead. Because right now, at least you’re in a suitable headspace to distract yourself from strong sense of loneliness that’s taken great care in hiding itself.

Gavin has been off your mind since this morning, but you know that the sensation will be short-lived. It always is.

Victor catches your attention again by turning the key in the ignition, effectively tearing you away from your thoughts as you go to look out the window. And you can’t help your jaw dropping at the sight in front of you.

This year, LFG has revamped the entire park to look like some kind of winter wonderland. Festive decorations make the scene merry, booths look like they’re filled to the brim with goods, and not to mention the main feature -- the beautiful frozen lake designated specifically for ice-skating. It’s wonderful, and for a few moments, an overwhelming sense of joy comes over you.

“Victor!” The pitch of your voice goes slightly higher when you turn around to look at him. “Your company did all this?”

Victor only stares at you for a few moments, as if not anticipating your reaction, and just chuckles.

“Of course, dummy. Who else would’ve?”

You ignore his snide comment and turn towards the window again, sighing slowly in relief as you take in the scenery yet again. You thought that having a good time today would be impossible, but now looking at everything from a different perspective, you think that maybe it’s your duty to have as much fun as you usually do -- if not for yourself, for Gavin.

“Are you ready or what?”

“Yes!”

On Victor’s cue, you get out of the car and walk ahead of him, peering inside booths and sizing everything up as you go. Just as you first predicted, the booths are overflowing with everything ranging from traditional ornaments to steaming baked goods, only, they seem to have everything in between in addition.

“You really prepared this well,” You say, phrasing it as a compliment as you lean slightly in front of a booth to pick up a small stuffed polar bear. “Everything is so nice.”

He’s quiet from behind you, but you can almost see his small content nod in your mind’s eye.

“Good. See anything you like? Consider it a present.”

You whip around at his offer, brow quirked.

“And it won’t come out of my wage this time?”

His mouth curls up, his expression almost sour. “What do you mean this time? You think I’d do that? Or in case you didn’t realise, it’s Christmas, ___.

“I know, I’m sorry!” You can’t help but laugh at his reaction. “It was only a joke.”

Victor grumbles about it but doesn’t look unhappy.

“But, Victor, I think I know what I want.” You say, gripping the little polar bear in your hands and turning around to him. His eyes don’t meet the stuffed toy right away, but when they do, he doesn’t look very surprised.

“Are you sure?” He asks. “It’s only been a few minutes.”

You nod, looking down into the toy’s familiarly amber eyes with a small smile twitching on your lips.

“I’m sure.”

You hand it over to Victor, but as the cashier notices him walking up, she freezes. Her face heats up as recognition flashes through her eyes, but he promptly ignores her and goes to reach into his coat pocket.

“Sir,” She sputters, shaking her head as a nervous laugh escapes her throat. “There’s no need for you to pay.”

He ignores her yet again, pulling out a leather-bound wallet.

“No matter who I am,” He begins, his voice dropping into a brusque tone. It’s oddly chilly compared to his voice only moments before, but why, you don’t know and don’t ask. “It’s irresponsible to assume I don’t have to pay.”

Her face gets redder as the presumably kind thing to do blows up in her face. And after she apologises, they continue the process in painful silence that’s hurtful to even you, someone who’s not inherently in the conversation.

“Thank you for the offer,” You say this from beside Victor, smiling in what you hope is reassurance. “It wasn’t wrong of you to do that, and I appreciate your thought a lot.”

The young woman seems grateful for your interruption, and nods before bowing her head slightly. But, you don’t catch the curious look in Victor’s eyes as she says, “Please have a good rest of your night.”

Victor leads you away from the booth in what would look like a normal saunter to any onlookers, but knowing him as you do, you see the things no one else does. It’s definitely not something you see from him often, but that only means that you have the sight of it deeper engraved in your memory:

Something has just surprised him.

“Victor?” You reach over and put a hand on his arm as you walk, quirking a brow when he looks over at you with a slightly conflicted gaze. “Are you okay?”

You both stop near the middle of the makeshift square, and seeing your expression clearly under the lights now, Victor only sighs.

“I’m fine.”

And that’s about all you get out of him, but you know not to push it any further.

Soon enough, his mood swings are the least of your concern anyway. Because as you go around with the bag over your arm for the rest of the night, you feel a sudden yet horrible sense of nostalgia washing over you. It’s the same issue every year during the holidays, good memories calling up deja vu that still lead forth fulfilling nights, but this year, it’s different.

Your nostalgia is a constant cycle instead of a straight feeling, wherein the twisting memories are replaced by sadness further on. But for what feels like the first time, that same melancholic feeling is being accompanied by an out of place rush of happiness.

And for the first time, genuinely, since you were told that Gavin might not wake, you feel happy.

You feel nothing but triumph as Victor is dumbfounded by your laugh, like the sound itself is foreign to him. You enjoy things that you couldn’t before because of pressing memories, and like that you’re able to see everything with a clearer gaze again. You don’t have such a foreboding force crushing down on you, and it feels amazing to live without as much grief, even if it might only be for one night.

But then, going later and later into the night and finally having to acknowledge that it’s all good as over -- well, that’s a different story. There’s the same kind of purpose in each step that you’d been gifted hours before, but they come with less strength now. They’re dull, almost as if because the night is coming to an end, the effects of everything are suddenly beginning to wear off, too.

It’s a shame, you think, because you really could get used to a feeling like that.

You and Victor are some of the only people left in the park when you look at your watch, but you don’t mind much. Actually, even if you have to be here alone, you’d probably still choose to stay a bit longer. Because, maybe it’s selfish, but you don’t want to be sad again.

Surprise jolts through you as a hand comes down to land on your shoulder, effectively breaking your thoughts,but you relax again when your eyes shoot up to meet Victor’s.

“Stay here for a minute. I have to discuss something with a park manager.”

Not able to find the words to respond, you just nod.

And soon enough, you’re alone just as you wished. It’s not exactly what you’d imagined, and if anything, you only feel desolate standing in what’s supposed to be such a happy place by yourself.

Quite fed up with all the twists and turns the emotions in your chest are doing in those moments, you stuff your frozen hands into your coat pocket with enough force to send a small shiver through you. But while doing so, you remember your phone, still remaining dutifully in the same pocket you’d put it in at the beginning of the day. The surface is fairly cold, having been off for so long, but you still feel some sort of silly peace when the screen flashes to tell you it’s powering on again anyway.

You lose that sense fairly quickly.

The phone screen turns on almost immediately, signified with a small vibrate at the palm of your hand. And when it does, you’re met with a sight you never thought you’d see. The lock-screen, which would normally be a cute picture you’d taken while in the mediterranean with Gavin, was now completely covered by a mass of missed calls and texts from Eli.

Your breath freezes in your throat as your eyes take in the contents of the screen, and for a moment, it seems like all of your senses are gone. You want to assume the best, you want to assume the worst -- but at the least, you want to assume that everything is okay. It’s only been a couple hours since everything was made, and you hold on tightly to the belief that whatever happened, Eli handled it.

With trembling fingers and an equally trembling heart, you call him back.

“___!”

He picks up on the first ring, and you feel horrible immediately thinking that you have to prepare yourself for the worst. You’ve only been conditioned to feel that way, after all, and it’s admittedly a hard habit to break.

“Is everything okay?” You ask, a little more frantically than you’d meant to. “My phone’s been off all day.”

Eli only sends a breathy laugh coming through the speaker, leaving your nerves to hang for a few more seconds before delivering the final blow.

“___, I’ve never believed in Christmas miracles, but he’s awake. Gavin’s really back for real this time.”

Your heart stops.

Turning the words over and over in your head, you can’t help but feel surprised when you come up without a single clear explanation. There’s an indescribable type of joy that clouds your thoughts, but even so, you still know bright as day -- your prayers, albeit late, have finally been answered.

“...Are you okay?”

You snap out of the haze you’re in to Eli’s curious voice over the speaker, and quickly apologise as you wipe the tears from your eyes.

“I’m fine.” You croak, sniffing as you try and wipe the embarrassed tint from your cheeks. “Thank you so much, Eli. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

Able to hear the man’s bashfulness in his response, you find it hard to hold back a smile.

“Would it be okay for me to come and see him? I know there’s probably still complications--”

Eli interrupts you before you can so much as get the meat of your sentence out. “No, yes! Please do! The guy’s been asking about you since the moment he could form complete sentences!”

You pull your lips together in an attempt to stop the noise raising in your throat, although it doesn’t work very well. So, you just nod and nod silently in hopes that will convey your emotion enough, and then inevitably realise how much of an extreme sport it is to keep from crying when you really, really want to.

“___?”

Another voice calls your name from behind you, effectively startling you out of your thoughts. So, you quickly finish your conversation with Eli and try to at least make yourself presentable before turning around.

Once you do, you’re met with Victor, who stands there patiently with his arms crossed over his chest. But his calm expression melts into one of confusion once he glimpses at your face.

“Are you okay?” He quickly walks over to you as you curse yourself inside your head for not doing a better job of cleaning up. “Why are you crying?”

You stumble over your words, looking up at him with teary eyes and a wide smile you can’t seem to wipe off your face. “Victor--”

He puts a hand on your shoulder, still hesitating slightly after all these months.

“Yes?” He whispers quietly, prompting you on.

“He’s finally awake.” You laugh through tears, sniffing as you wipe your eyes. “Gavin’s finally awake.”

You feel as if he’s happy for you, but because of your hands obstructing your eyes, you don’t see the depressingly blank look on his face.

But, he thinks, maybe it’s better that she doesn’t.

“If he’s awake,” Victor hesitates again before taking his hand off your shoulder and stepping past you. “Then let’s go. I’ll bring you home so you can change and go wherever you need to.”

Nodding gratefully, you go after him and decide that you’re ready to face whatever comes your way from then on.

“Thank you so much, Victor. For everything” You offer a smile to him as you walk back to his car, but yet again, don’t notice the pain in eyes as he smiles back.

“Anything.”

Eli runs up to you the moment you set foot in the STF around an hour later. A healthy time, you think, but not nearly quick enough for your racing thoughts.

Things like ‘what if something happens before I can get there?’ or ‘what if he goes under again while I’m stuck in traffic?’ rush through your head, but luckily, Eli’s there to cajole you otherwise.

“How is he?”

You ask this tentatively as Eli punches in a passcode for the medical ward. He doesn’t so much as look up from what he’s doing, but you still see his eyes soften with your words.

“He’s fine, apart from the obvious.” Eli laughs at his own dry joke, and “It’s just strange, how he’s awake all of the sudden. I guess I’m not really supposed to be talking about it, but it’s only you.”

You try to push him along with your eyes, and catching your gaze, he does.

“When he woke up…” Eli trails off as his finger hovers in the air, as if just over the last needed number in the keypad. “His injuries were almost completely healed.”

Your brows knit. “What? Healed?”

Eli shakes his head as the door gives an affirmative beep and slides open.

“Yeah. It’s weird, isn’t it? He was still wrapped up in those awful bandages and hanging onto life support a few days ago, and now he’s awake with barely any side effects.”

You don’t know whether to be curious or concerned at the information.

“What side effects does he have, then?”

Assuming the worst, you can’t help but be surprised when Eli just shrugs, talking as he turns a corner. You follow in haste, but are stopped almost as quickly at the sight in front of you.

It’s not like you haven’t been in the medical ward before, but the sight of various officers unconscious makes you slightly sick to your stomach. Some are having their last days, some their worst -- it all stirs something in you. You can only be glad your boyfriend isn’t one of them.

“He’s a little drowsy, so we can’t get much more than that.” Eli gets your attention again, to where you realise that he stopped to wait for you. “But for right now, it’s only a matter of expecting the worst so nothing else happens.”

Quickly apologising, you pick up walking next to him again, where he calmly and understandingly resumes.

“Whether it has something to do with his evol or another thing entirely, at least he’s making progress.” He muses, his lips twisting slightly in thought.

You can only nod in silent agreement.

Something doesn’t sound right to you, but it wouldn’t do any good to point out what everyone already knows. Gavin is awake, and maybe Eli’s right: perhaps that’s all that should matter for now.

Eli stops before you even realise it, and in mere moments, you’re staring up at the door to the very room that months ago you never wanted to set foot in again. But noticing your repetitious reluctance, Eli vouches to say one last thing before walking off.

“He’s been really stressed out, asking if you were okay like that. Treat him well, ___.”

Your insides melt at his soft words, and with tears blooming, you nod and turn back to the door. You’re alone in the hall again, almost as if you had travelled back 8 months in time, but this time it’s different. You’re here to see your lover alive.

So, for a change, you push the door open without a second thought.

“Be careful when eating, it seems your teeth have shifted a bit more.” A nurse chastises Gavin while she replaces an IV. “We don’t want any long-term side effects.”

You try not to draw attention to yourself, but the natural human instinct for eyes to be drawn towards motion sells you out first.

Gavin is frozen where he sits, but the nurse standing above him only sends you a patient smile. She’s an older woman close to what looks like salt and pepper hair, with faint lines decorating her face to show years of passing emotions.

The nurse hums. “Miss ___? I was told to wait for someone.”

You can only nod, forcing your eyes away from Gavin to acknowledge the woman for even just a second.

She gives you a once-over and smiles again, as if silently sharing a secret with you. But, you’re not nearly paying enough attention to give it much thought. Still, you hope it’s in good graces as she whispers her wishes for you to have a good holiday when walking past you to the door.

“...Gavin?”

You can only force out his name as the door clicks shut behind you.

“___.”

He sounds breathless, almost yearning, and the sound of his voice alone brings lost tears crashing over your cheeks.

Gavin isn’t one to show many emotions unabashed, but in that moment, you swear he doesn’t hold anything back any longer. Unsaid words flood from his eyes just as easily as tears come from yours, and in a moment, you’re next to him again.

Touching him again is rejuvenating.

It feels silly to think, but you swear that you can feel everything falling back into place again when he wraps his arms around your waist. It’s as if his touch is somehow forcing bad memories away: the bad memories of crying yourself to sleep; the bad memories of missing him so badly that your chest would hurt; and the horrible sinking realisation that you might not ever see him breathing again -- it all pacifies when you felt his breath on your skin.

“Are you okay?” He asks this softly, his voice slightly muffled by your jacket. You can’t do anything but shake your head.

“Always worrying about me,” You try to click your tongue through your whispers, although the action is just sad. “Even until what I thought was the end. Worry about yourself first, would you?”

It should be a joke, but neither of you laugh. He only sighs into your chest in a silent apology as you pull him closer, and you try to find pride in the possibility that just maybe, you’re giving him the same feeling he’s giving you.

“What about you?” Your teary mumble is lost along with your fingers in the tendrils of his hair, but the words still manage to reach him perfectly anyway. “Eli told me that you’re quite the superhuman.”

He doesn’t answer you with words, only nodding in confirmation. It’s almost as if he doesn’t want to talk about it, but even if that is the case, you still understand. It’s likely that he knows just as much as everyone else does about his condition, but that doesn’t make it any less of a touchy subject.

“I hope everything is cleared up soon.” You say this softly in retraction. “It might be selfish, but I really, really want you to come back.”

“It’s not selfish,” You can feel his quiet laugh as he speaks, and it’s almost as if the heavy atmosphere from only a few seconds ago dissipated with his smile alone. “I missed you, a lot more than I should have been able to while I was like that.”

You finally pull back to look him in the eye, and he takes your hand in his with a such a swift motion that it shouldn’t even be possible for a man that was on the brink of death not even days ago.

But you don’t dwell on it. You don’t want to dwell on it. It might be strange, supernatural, even, but all that matters to you in that moment is that your lover is finally awake in your arms again.

And you hope with all your heart that it will stay that way.

#mr love queen's choice #mlqc #mlqc gavin #mr love gavin #mlqc x reader #mr love queen’s choice x reader #mr love fanfic #mlqc fanfic #mr love #mr love x reader #mlqc gavin x reader #mr love queen’s choice gavin #mlqc memes #incorrect mlqc #incorrect mlqc quotes #my writing #I already know this isn’t going to get many notes and that makes me sad 😔#but I like the end result anyway so I guess it doesn’t matter

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dvp95 · 4 years

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quiet on widow’s peak (14)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 3.4k (this chapter), 46.4k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

"You're Martyn's brother, right?"

"Martyn is my brother," Phil corrects her, doing his best to keep a straight face. He's never met the teenager, but she'd been happy enough to get on Skype with him for his last-ditch attempt at getting some information that isn't useless. He's really running out of ideas, and he isn't sure how much longer he can stretch this case out. "And you're Frankie's sister."

"Frankie is my sister," she repeats. Her grin is wide, her teeth straight and lips painted a dark pink. Phil wonders how that colour would look on Dan.

Great. He'd managed a whole thirteen minutes of coordinating this Skype call without thinking about Dan. It's a new record at this point, and all it took to break it was the memory of how pretty Dan looked with lip stuff on.

"I'm going to start recording now," he says, getting his various windows all sorted before pressing the big red button on his software. "Can you state your name and connection to the case for us?"

"Sure. I'm Val and I'm one of the people responsible for the sigils in the Wilkins place attic."

Phil freezes. He hadn't known that. Val had simply confirmed that she and her friends had gotten in trouble for trespassing in September, and now Phil feels like an unprepared idiot for not seeing how connected she was to the mystery before he hit call. He wonders what Dan would say about that.

He checks the time again. Definitely less than thirteen minutes that time.

"Will you tell us a bit about sigils in your own words?" Phil asks. Maybe if he keeps her talking, he’ll have time to lasso his wandering mind back into place. "I've done my own research, of course, but I think it can be useful to hear it from someone who knows what they're talking about, y'know? Plus," he adds, giving her a conspiratory sort of smile, "then I can use your voiceover instead of recording one myself."

Val laughs and launches into a Sigils For Dummies explanation that Phil does his best not to interrupt. He asks some leading questions and mentions his own hit or miss experience with taking sigils into the house. For a teenager, she's surprisingly eloquent. Moreso than Phil is, anyway.

They talk a bit about the Wilkins place the way he had with the other people he's interviewed, because he's fairly certain that Val's testimony will be the only one that he actually ends up using for his video. He doesn't let himself feel any creeping sense of hope, though. She could still have nothing aside from some fun backstory, and this whole investigation could still be a failure.

Not just the investigation, either. Phil doesn't like to conflate his own worth with the content he produces, because there are always going to be people who are unhappy with what he does - including himself, more and more lately - and he can't be worrying about his future every time a video doesn't pan out the way he wants it to. Something about this case is making him feel that in a way he tries very hard not to on others. Maybe it's how close it is to home, quite literally, or just how helpless he'd felt while waiting for his friends to wake up.

This investigation could still be a failure, and so could Phil. He can't deny how entwined those are right now.

Phil knows he shouldn't be basing his decisions on something as volatile as a single YouTube video, not when he's usually comfortable posting anything that's entertaining, but he feels like the tide is coming in and he's going to get swept away unless he moves somewhere.

"So, back to your sigils specifically," says Phil. He's supposed to be taking notes or something, probably, but instead he's just doodling some half-assed sigils of his own.

"Yes. We heard about all the incidences and, while we were pretty sure that not everything going around was true, my friends and I wanted to check in and make sure. We did a couple of different rituals first, cleansing the space and trying to see if we could find the presence, but..." Val went quiet for a long moment. "Well. I don't know what exactly was in there, but there was something."

"What makes you so sure?" Phil asks quietly.

"Well, you can feel it," she says. She runs her hands over her own forearms, like she's a mime pretending to be cold. "Goosepimples. Hair on the back of your neck standing up. You keep wanting to turn around, but nothing is looking back at you from the darkness."

Phil keeps his own input rather impartial in interviews. There's no real reason to alert anyone to his own opinions on what might be going on - that's what the wrap-up is for.

So instead of telling Val that he felt everything she's talking about, he simply asks, "Is that all?"

"No," says Val. "No, the rituals we tried to do... it didn't work, Phil. And I know you might be thinking that rituals aren't supposed to work or that magic isn't real or something, but it's not just that nothing happened. It's that... it was like something was messing with them on purpose. My candles kept blowing out even though there wasn't a draught and Sammy's sage bundle just... disappeared. It really scared us, to be honest."

"Why didn't you just leave the place alone from then on?"

"We knew people weren't going to stop partying there," she says. "And that's... a choice, I guess. But we wanted to help if we could, so..."

"So you put the sigils on the floor," he says when she can only finish with a vague gesture. "I know that you can't tell me their exact meanings or anything, since you don't know them anymore, but can you give me a general gist of what you guys were trying to do?"

"Sure, yeah," she says, shifting around like she's getting comfortable in her chair. Phil can see an incense burner on her desk next to a perilous-looking stack of books, and he wishes he could light a candle or something. His room, and his parents' whole house really, has been smelling like nothing but cleaning supplies since he got here. "We took different roles, kind of? I focus on minor protection most of the time, so it was my job to make sigils that would sort of protect innocent people from coming into contact with whatever the entity was, while Sammy is more about healing and cleansing - she was trying to heal the house, I think. We tried not to talk about them in detail so we didn't fuck each other's things up, because the whole thing felt a bit too high-stakes for that."

Phil doesn't know nearly enough about sigils to know whether or not the ones in the attic were helpful or harmful, but he's glad he didn't have to talk to a bunch of teenagers trying to summon a demon or anything. For the second time this year.

"That's really good of you to try," Phil says with a little smile. He's trying to figure out exactly how he should play this one. "And you covered a good amount of the floor."

"Of course, that's when the cops got called," Val grins back.

"That's when the cops always get called," he says.

He's got a handful of other questions for her, but Val doesn't actually know much more about the Wilkins place that she hasn't already told him, and he doesn't want a lesson on protection magic today. She says that he can email her when the video is up, and to send her any other interesting magic cases he comes across in the future.

The future. Phil is trying not to think about that too much right now. He promises, anyway, and ends the call on a fairly light note.

He's got more of an idea how he wants this video to look, now that he's gotten one of the small mysteries solved. He exports the video and audio from the call separately, knowing he's going to use a good chunk of Val's answers as narration over the surviving footage. Not that he has much of that - just the tour of the house that he and his friends had gotten the first night and some more dark corners in VHS and Polaroid form. He knows that he can make a video out of what he's got.

The problem is that he also knows it won't be good enough.

Sure, it might be good enough for his audience - most of them, anyway, since he's got a pretty stubborn set of fans - but it isn't good enough for Phil.

His suspicion is confirmed after a couple more hours of cobbling together what survived into a rough edit, which he sends off to PJ. After a moment of thought, he adds a final line to the email.

P.S. I know you already told me that you aren't a gender guru and that was really funny and everything and I don't expect you to like educate me or whatever, but why do things get so effing complicated with it????? Like I had myself figured out and now I don't, and that sucks.

PJ calls him a little after dinner, lulling Phil into a false sense of security with questions and comments and suggestions about the video. Phil has almost forgotten about the postscript entirely, but then PJ cheerfully says, "So you're an idiot, huh?"

"Yeah," says Phil. "Wait, why?"

"What's so complicated about gender for you?" PJ asks, and Phil wishes he'd never answered the phone. "Are you questioning?"

"You know that I'm not," says Phil, rolling his eyes.

They've known each other for years, and PJ is his best friend, and there is no way in hell that he doesn't know exactly why Phil is Googling words he'd only ever thought about in passing before. He can practically hear PJ's smirk. He seriously considers hanging up before this gets even more humiliating.

"Yeah, I know, but thought I'd ask in case," says PJ. "It would be irresponsible of me as your token trans friend to act like I know how you feel about your own gender."

It's the first time that Phil has actually heard him use the word. He'd always imagined that PJ talked in riddles on purpose, like maybe he didn't actually want to use words for things when he could use extended metaphors and jokes instead, but it's possible that Phil just hadn't been paying enough attention, because PJ sounds ridiculously comfortable with saying it out loud.

"You're not my token anything," Phil says. He waits a beat, picturing PJ's skeptical expression, before he adds, "Dan's my friend, too."

"Dan," PJ repeats. "You've got it bad, my friend."

"What?"

"I can hear it in your voice. You already miss them, don't you? You've been spending all your spare time with them already, you absolute knob. And let me guess," PJ continues before Phil can even attempt to defend himself, "you've got it in your head that liking Dan makes you less gay?"

Phil touches the tip of his nose and then remembers that PJ can't actually see him.

"Maybe," Phil hedges. He knows that PJ is right and he's sure that PJ knows it too, but admitting that is a whole other beast. "And it's also, like... it isn't fair, is it?"

"Fair to who?"

Despite everything in Phil wanting to brush the subject off and start talking about ghosts instead, he takes a moment to consider the question. He supposes that it isn't fair to either of them, really. His feelings for Dan are throwing everything he knows about his sexuality into question and he doesn't know how to deal with that.

Because Phil is gay. He's very gay. He's known it for a long time, even if most of his family members are still in the dark about it, and he's never had reason to think about it like this before. Sure, he's had the usual fantasies of how much easier things would be if he were straight, but he's never actually wanted to be. Maybe he doesn't talk about it the way some people do, but that's because it's far from the most interesting thing about him. Phil has never really considered it other peoples' business.

That doesn't change the fact that it's a fundamental part of him.

Someone who's gorgeous and tall and has big hands that fit ridiculously well into Phil's own shouldn't be enough to throw a wrench in that certainty. But they have, and Phil can't keep acting like they haven't.

PJ is being patient, waiting for Phil to find the words. There's some kind of video game music on his end that Phil can't immediately place, and Phil has a weird moment of homesickness for PJ and the Brighton house, even though it hasn't been that long since they were there together.

"It's not fair to anyone," Phil eventually says. "I think it's pretty obvious why it isn't fair to me, but it isn't fair to Dan either."

"Humour me," says PJ. "Why isn't it fair?"

"Dan isn't... a man," Phil says, slow. He pulls a face at his ceiling, knowing how clumsy he sounds right now. "And I don't think I'd like them if they weren't..."

"You wouldn't be attracted to them if they had a typically feminine body, right?" PJ asks, and then immediately continues as if Phil had answered. "That's not unfair, Phil. I seriously doubt Dan would be bothered by it."

"We don't know them that well," says Phil. It feels a bit like a lie, because he feels like he does know Dan fairly well at this point, but he needs PJ to understand where he's coming from with this. "And I don't know if they'd even be comfortable enough to tell me if they were bothered."

There's a long moment where the only sound is Phil's own breathing and the music of PJ's video game - Spyro, Phil realises - but PJ breaks it in a mild sort of tone. "I get that. Like, I really do get it. You might not think I get it, but I get it. Thing is... I've been somewhere like this. Because I met Soph after I was already living as a guy, right, but I thought she was totally straight at the time. She thought so too, actually, but I know she's felt a lot more connected to the community for a while now. And I didn't know... how to tell her. Because what if she totally freaked? That's not exactly a low risk, y'know."

Phil is far from an expert, but he does know that much. He's well aware of some of the numbers out there, knows that it can end in more than just hurt feelings when trans people come out to their partners, but he'd never once considered that PJ dealt with that. He feels a bit stupid for it. Sophie - and Chris, he supposes, even if he doesn't particularly know the intricacies there - isn't PJ's first foray into dating. Yeah, they've been together as long as Phil has known him, but that's not an excuse.

"Sorry," says Phil, hoping it sounds as sincere as he feels. "That, um. That sounds like it sucks."

"Oh, it totally sucks," PJ laughs. "And that's why I can say that you're freaking out for no reason. I mean, your own shit, whatever, you can run yourself in circles for months if you really want to, but the Dan thing? It's unfair not to tell them how you feel, Phil. They've been out for a little while now, they know how this works as well as I do. Sometimes there are compromises."

"I don't want anyone to compromise an identity," says Phil. He can't explain why that makes him so on edge. It would take too long, and he knows that his friends are various degrees of fluid when it comes to their attractions, so there's no guarantee of them understanding at all. It's not that he's being stubborn or close-minded or anything; it's that he's gay. "Peej, I'm a Kinsey fucking six. Telling Dan I have feelings for them is opening a bucket of worms that I don't know if I could close again."

"A can."

"What?" Phil asks, thrown.

"A can of worms, you fucking buffoon."

"Why would worms be in a can?"

"The - you know what, Phil? I can't have a conversation like this with you right now." PJ is doing his best attempt at a serious voice, but Phil can hear him trying not to laugh. "Tell Dan you like them. They like you."

Phil sighs. "I know. That's part of the issue here."

"I don't see an issue," says PJ. "You like them, they like you. Go... like each other."

"It's not that simple."

"It's never really that simple," PJ says, giving in to the laughter. Phil smiles at the unrestrained sound. "You think what I've got going on right now was simple in the beginning?"

"I don't like to put much thought into what you've 'got going on right now'," Phil admits. "But... no. You just make it look easy."

PJ cracks up properly. Phil can't help grinning, too, because PJ's Muppet laugh is always a bonus to saying something ridiculous. PJ waits until he's got his breath back before he says, "Phil. You're kind of a moron."

"I accept that," says Phil. "And before you get your lecturing pants on again, I know that it would be best to talk to Dan about this. I'm just..."

"Scared?"

Phil wants to deny it. He almost does, knee-jerk, but the problem is that PJ knows him too damn well for that. He knows that Phil worries about everything to the point that he's got medication to help with the anxiety spirals, and he also knows that Phil isn't exactly jumping to think or talk about his feelings at any given moment. It's normally a bit like pulling teeth, both for Phil and for the person trying to connect with him.

But PJ knows him. So he says, "Yeah. More scared of that than of the house."

The lighting isn't as good as Phil has in his room, back in Brighton, but he brings all the lamps he can find into his childhood bedroom to make sure he's decently visible on the viewfinder. He doesn't do a lot of talking to the camera without any external stimulus - the only times he's sitting still and addressing the audience directly is when he's doing the wrap-ups at the end of each video. Sometimes he does an intro as well, but it's usually able to be replaced with some good B footage and voiceover. Phil fixes his hair for the millionth time and takes a deep breath before he presses the record button.

He tells his audience what happened, the night that's been lost. He explains everything, every vibe that felt wrong and every terrifying moment in the attic, every file that he can no longer access. Even as he's saying it, he can imagine what the comment section is going to look like.

"I won't blame the lot of you if you don't believe me. I'll put what it looked like when we tried to access the files on the screen now. The corruption was on our devices, though, and we couldn't retrieve anything."

Another deep breath. They're still not going to believe him.

"And that's okay," he adds. "I'm not here for you guys to take my words as, like, facts or whatever, and it's not my job to convince anybody. I'm just here to tell a good story. I wish it had a more conclusive ending, but I'm sure you're already bickering in the comments about what we all experienced, or if you think we experienced anything at all. So tell me what you guys think, and let me know - do you think I should keep imposing on my parents to investigate this some more or is the Wilkins place a story to leave alone?"

He'd normally start to do his like-and-subscribe routine after that, but he pauses.

"And I wanted to say a really big thank you to everyone who helped me with this project, but especially to Winnie. They really went above and beyond in sending me this one, and I'm not going to forget that."

Phil gives the camera an awkward sort of smile. He might not leave that bit in, but he needed to say it.

#quiet on widow's peak #words words words

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peanutparade · 4 years

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Someone asked me what my process was, and I’m not sure I gave her a satisfying answer in the PM, so here I will attempt to explain how I make a game from start to finish.

*Please note the the drafts above are not for the same story, but for the purpose of illustration.

**Also please take this advice with a grain of salt. I’m not a published author (though I do know a bit about the publishing industry), and I’m definitely not a perfect writer. This is my process, and the things I try to keep in mind when I’m writing, and you may find this advice to be complete garbage.

Step one: Get an idea for a story. I can’t really give any tips on how to go about doing this. I tend to take inspiration from other works of media (classical literature is my favorite, though I have taken cues from more contemporary sources as well).

Step two: Consider who your characters are going to be. It’s okay if you only have one or two characters in mind at first. I’m pretty utilitarian about my characters, so most of them don’t get created until step three.

Step three: Open a word document and just start typing shit out. (I use Google Drive so I can access it from anywhere, and for another reason which I’ll get to later.) Don’t stop to think, don’t even breathe. Just type. Any idea that comes into your head goes in the document. Some of it won’t make sense with everything else, some of it will contradict other things, some of it will be vaguely defined. You will fix that later. This is the most important part (especially the way I write), because it’s where you’re going to get an idea of how your story starts and how it ends, as well as cement your cast of characters. If you need a scene where your main character goes to a lighthouse, then you know you’ll also need to come up with a lighthouse keeper (see my comment above about being utilitarian with characters. I’m no authority, so if you do things differently, that’s fine, but I don’t like making characters that don’t serve a purpose).

Step four: Annotation, annotation, annotation! (This is the other thing I use Google Drive for, as it has a comment feature that I heavily rely on.) Go through all your scribbling and make notes for yourself. Be a little hard on yourself here, because this is the part where you’re going to try to make everything you’ve written in Draft 1 cohesive. This will be a long process, as you need to think about how all of this is connected, as well as think about what sort of arcs your main characters are going to go through. I read somewhere once that ALL of your characters have to go through an arc, but that’s a bunch of wacky nonsense. Some characters are minor characters, and thus do not require depth. The only character arc that MUST be included is the main character’s arc. Remember: character arc ≠ character motivation. ALL major characters (protagonist(s), love interest(s), villain(s)) MUST have motivation for what they are doing. The motivation doesn’t have to be anything too complex, just so long as the audience understands why the characters are doing what they’re doing. (Minor characters with motivation can make the world feel more real and lived in, but they can also make the story feel bogged down. Brevity is key here, and sometimes less is more.)

Step five: Draft 2 All of that plotting you just did? Throw it away! Just kidding, don’t actually throw it away. BUT you’re going to rewrite your plot outline, tidier this time, and only refer back to Draft 1 when you get stuck. Feel free to come up with new ideas during this time; Draft 1 is not your story’s final form. If you think of scenes or quotes, feel free to include them in this draft, but you’re mostly just outlining right now. (As you may notice in the image above, Draft 2 is also subject to annotation.) Draft 2 is where you should be solidifying the themes of your story. Character arc(s) should tie into and support this theme. This is also the draft where you should be catching any plot holes (especially if you don’t have an editor/beta reader), as once you’ve begun actually writing the story, any problems here will only compound as you go.

Step six: Write the story It’s pretty straightforward. Follow Draft 2 (and any additional annotations you made on Draft 2), and go scene by scene and write. I never skip around, as it makes it hard to keep track of what characters know at what time, but I know of authors that do skip around, and they seem to do okay. You’ll have to figure out what works best for you.

Step seven: Edit, edit, edit! Aside from the obvious (typos and spelling errors), look out for:

Scenes that are too long or too short. Counterintuitively, these may be the result of the same problem: a lack of purpose. Ask yourself, “Does this need to be here?”

Long-winded info dumps. Consider the old adage, “show, don’t tell.” Whenever information can be conveyed through action or reaction, write it that way. If you can convey two things at the same time (i.e. something about a character and also something about the world--bonus if these two things are actually unrelated to each other), do it.

Information that your audience wouldn’t logically have being the key to resolving the plot. Especially in sci-fi and fantasy stories, if the conclusion of the story relies on knowing something--even if it’s something that the characters all know--you need to make sure your audience also knows this, or else they will be frustrated. Keep in mind the Rule of Threes.

And that’s the story portion done. If you’re making a visual novel/dating sim, there are other steps you need to do. (I usually do this stuff while writing the story so it doesn’t get tedious, but if you’re hiring people to do this other stuff, you should probably have the writing done ahead of time. If you’re hiring writers to help you, you should have Draft 1 done, at the least. Your writers can probably take it from there.)

NOTE: Any job you don’t do yourself is something that will cost you money. If you can find other aspiring creators to volunteer their time to your project, good for you, but please do not approach anyone directly unless you plan to offer to pay them (”for exposure” is not payment).

Step eight: Character sprites Major characters are going to need to be represented visually in your visual novel (go figure!), so... draw some people? I know some people make character design sheets, but I just jump right in, and then later, make microedits to the sprites as the mood strikes me. The design sheet thing is probably a smarter way to do it. I use photoshop, and I would strongly encourage keeping hair, clothing, and facial features on separate layers until you know exactly how you plan to code them into your game.

Step nine: Backgrounds Same as the sprites, except places instead of people. I’m bad at this, so I have no right to give anyone advice. I use a 3D interior design app to create a guide for what I want rooms to look like, and then I use that to get my vanishing points and furniture sizing right. This method is 50% tracing, 50% wishing I was dead. I do not recommend it.

Step ten: Audio If your game will have voice acting, get that together now. If you’re composing your own music, you’re more talented than I am. For my first game, I utilized royalty free options (incompetech and bensound), but now I hire a composer (I do still supplement my soundtrack with royalty free options if it’s for something inconsequential). I don’t use many sound effects, but when I do, I just look for free options online.

Step eleven: Coding I use Ren’py because it’s free and easy to learn (provided you don’t want to do anything too complicated). There are tons of resources online to teach you how to use Ren’py, both from official sources and unofficial sources. I’ve never posted in the forums myself, but the people there seem very kind and helpful if you get stuck. (If anyone wants to see how I code, specifically, I’ll do a Part Two for it, but I have to warn you that my games are the coding equivalent car repairs done with bubblegum and duct tape.)

Step twelve: Playtesting Make sure your game works. It’s pretty straightforward. You can even recruit some guinea pigs--I mean, friends to help you. (I don’t have any friends, so I do this part on my own.)

By this point, a year or so will have passed (give or take, depending how long your game is, how much time you have to work on it, and how much of the work you plan to do by yourself), and with any luck, you’ll have a game! Posting your game on itch.io is free, but putting your game on steam will cost you $100.

Like I said to the person on patreon who originally asked me about my process, making a visual novel is a lot of work, but I encourage everyone to at least try it and see if you like it.

I look forward to hearing your stories! ♥

#peanut parade #peanutparade #peanut parade games #indiedev #gamedev #writing #visual novel

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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 5 years

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Otomate Party 2017 Collar x Malice Drama Translations

My first content post of the month... at 5:22 am for some ungodly reason i guess.... but I’ll start by asking you to please support me if you can either on ko-fi (https://ko-fi.com/V7V2W0HO) or through paypal (paypal.me/KumoriYami )…. also let me know if you have any hakuoki drama cds that you’d be willing to share that are on my looking for list since i don’t have the audio for those…..

Anyway I finally managed to finish this. Seriously wish i had translations for this as text instead of off a video since snipping everything than converting the pics of the subtitles into text is a serious pain in the ass.... As this is the first and only thing that I have translated for the cxm fandom, I will state:

I do not speak Japanese so this was translated from Chinese based on my bad Chinese and various mtl help (my limit on Japanese is the tiny bits picked up from anime... which I haven’t watched since 2009)

“[” and “]” are what I normally use for translator/personal notes/ways I think the text sounds better

normal brackets and italics are usually used for alternate text suggestions based on the translated words themselves without extra words added or scene transition notes

My Chinese, in my opinion, is not particularly good when it comes to reading so there will probably be mistakes or things lost in translation (especially since this relied on finding someone else’s work of them translating this from Japanese into Chinese)

I will edit this later so expect grammar mistakes (I left quite a lot of those since I didn’t get punctuation for +75% of this) or things being left weirdly phrased.

I have taken images from the drama itself and put them into this post so that this makes more sense.

Enjoy?

Collar x Malice Otomate Party 2017 Drama Translation [”ブレイクタイにプロフアイリング” Don’t have a Chinese translation for the name]

Translation by KumoriYami based on this video: https://www.bilibili.com/video/av25769645?from=search&seid=9170920068184056875

Yanagi (monologue): December. The serial murder incidents known to he world as X-Day.

During our investigation of the serial murders known to the world as the X-Day incidents, we believe the mastermind of the terrorist organization is targeting a woman named Hoshino Ichika, who is investigating them together with us.

Ending up in a situation/stalemate with no progress(/large breakthroughs) [is/will certainly?]-----

(stage lights up)

Enomoto: It's awful! Something's wrong!

Sasazuka: Shut up

Yanagi: Enomoto, open the door quietly.

Enamoto: Ah, sorry..... No, this is a big deal Yanagi-senpai!

Sasazuka: Yanagai-san. Yanagi: Nn?

Sasazuka: Today's cookies aren't bad.

Yanagi: Okay/Yeah, having Sasazuka's approval sets me a ease. Can also give these to Hoshino---- [These can also be given to Hoshino---]

Enomoto: Please don't ignore me!

Enomoto: Anyway, Shiraishi-san he....!

Shiraishi: Miao~

Enomoto: (He's) become/turned into a cat!

From a while ago/A moment ago, (he's) only been making cat sounds (and) not speaking----- [recently, he hasn't been saying anything aside from cat sounds]

Yanagi: Ha... Shiraishi, stop messing around with Enomoto.

Shiraishi: Really how cold.

Shiraishi: I think you should learn how to cooperate, Enoki-kun

Enomoto: My name is Enomoto!

[I don't know Japanese but the subtitles left those bits in Japanese... so I just copied them over into the TL here. Also, according to Hermy The Wormy or nancy cheerleader #6 on the Otogetranslations' japanese-qa discord, the first kanji of Enomoto's name can be read as enoki, and enoki dake are a type of mushroom. ]

Enomoto: Hey, are you messing around with me again!?

Sasazuka: Today this brainless idiot is the same as usual.

Shiraishi: But/However, this type of person is unable to act [like a/n] food/idiot. /these type of people are not//cannot be fools by accident. [be stupid by accident]

Shiraishi: Also you two.... the [your] investigation(s) have stalled right?

Yanagi: What happened/What's going on for you to unexpectedly say/ask this? [literally: What happened, suddenly/unexpectedly, you do you want to say?]

Shiraishi: It's necessary to take a break from time to time. Shiraishi: When faced with a puzzle, fixed concepts/ideas/views/impressions can be the greatest enemy.

Yanagi: You only want us to vent our stress/release pressure, right? [take a break]

Shiraishi: haha, [you've] guessed correctly.

Shirashi: Even so, I'm also suffering from a lot of work/very distressed from work/worried about how busy I am. And because of this today, I was given advanced notice from a gentleman thief lupin [?????]

Shirashi:Oh, just like the one who is collared/so the one who is collared [rephrase later]

Shirashi: She seems to have gone out with Okazaki-kun to change her mood/mind [change of pace?]

Sasazuka: That stupid cat? Truly that's rare. /Truly how rare./That's rare.

Sasazuka: She's the type who seldom relaxes right?

Shiraishi: Yeah/that's right. As a result, she's become unwell.

Okazaki-kun found out and then handled it by going out.

Yanagi: Indeed, it's better for Hoshino to relax from time to time

Yanagi: Although he's an SP, being accompanied by Okazaki. That's....

Shiraishi: After all he is a police officer, I don't think he'll leave any evidence behind.

Enomoto: Nooo, that's not a way to rest?!

Shiraishi: let's go back to the earlier topic/let's go back to the previous conversation shall we? I want to experiment you using criminal deduction/reasoning [Audio sounds more like profiling in ENG]

Yanagi: If you want to relax [have fun, go find someone else [go bother someone else]. Don't involve us.

Shiraishi: You need my ability as a criminal profiler don't you? Wouldn't it be a shame if I couldn't use it at a critical moment?

Sasazuka: Yanagi-san. I think constantly fighting this is a waste of time.

Yanagi: Ha.....Indeed. [do?] whatever you want.

Shiraishi: Nnn. First of all, [let's] use a drawing to analyze your underlying psychology.

Shiraishi: Draw two cats under a tree. Here, pen and paper.

Sasazuka: unexpectedly it's a psychology test, how boring.

Shiraishi: I'll give you donuts so draw.

Enomoto: [????? no text for 1 sec. sounds like eh, show-toh]

Enomoto: Okay, okay/all right, all right! Finished/done drawing!

Shiraishi: .….[How] unexpected/Unexpectedly. Enomoto-kun is pretty/very good at drawing.

Sasazuka: I've finished drawing [here?] too.

Enomoto: What the hell is this, you're unmotivated aren't you?

Shiraishi: eheh! [seeing] someone's personality being expressed is fun/It's fun to see/show your personality/individual personalities/traits

[Then] Yanagi-kun? Just a moment ago/from the start , you were wearing a really complicated expression. [for a while, you have had a really complicated expression]

Yanagi: No...... don't. let me think about it for a night.

Sasazuka: It doesn't take that long./It shouldn't need to take that long.

Yanagi: Ah, wait, Sasazuka....!

shiraishi and enomoto: .....ah....

Sasazuka:.....A cursed drawing? [Is this a cursed drawing?]

Shiraishi: Ah hahahahaha, so it turns out that Yanagi-kun had such a talent for drawing. This is a new discovery ahhahahaha!

Enomoto: No, no it's okay, Yanagi-senpai! How to say this, it's like a Picasso, an ultra-realistic style of painting......[rephrase later]

Yanagi: Stop, I don't need you to say anything.

Shiraishi: Commenting now on these results [rephrase later],

Shiraishi: It's an ideal family that can show how people describe themselves/It's how someone can show off their ideal family [probably 2nd].

Enomoto-kun hopes for warm family/household that lives with your significant other/hopes to live together with your important person in a warm family/household.

Sasazuka-kun is probably living a life not bound by anyone,

Yanagi-kun is.......how to say this, the family/household would probably collapse.

Yanagi: you, just say what you want.

Shiraishi: I have a good understanding/insight based on these references. Alright, let's move on to the next one one. What appearance /type of person would be the person who brought you your wallet /You've lost your wallet. What kind of person is the one who brings it back to you [??????]?

Shiraishi: A. A very dynamic noisy person

B. A friendly older brother

C. A nervous elder sister

D. A high school student in their rebellious phase.

Sasazuka: D is obviously in a rebellious phase yet returning a wallet would [make them] feel very good.

Enomoto: I’ll say, B.....feel it's an average response.

Yanag: Then.... I'll go an choose A

Shiraishi: Actually, this is a psychological test to determine your romantic tendencies.

Sasazuka: There's no need/intention to/of pretend/ing to do this for criminal deduction anymore [??says profiling in audio]

Shiraishi: Who chose A----

Enomoto: Hasn't that guy seen this countless times/Hasn't this guy done countless [of these] interviews?!

Shiraishi: Yanagi-kun, who has chosen A, is cautious about/when it comes to [his] romance/love.

Shiraishi: But once invested [says something to the effect of 'gone deep'], rationality will not be followed/obeyed/maintained.

Shiraishi: So it says.

Shiraishi: Eeeeeh , Yanagi-kun forgetting his reason/rationality, I really want to see this/that.

Yanagi: You say some random things/whatever you want... but, you also haven't said anything wrong.

Shiraishi: Here are the recommended type of things to say for confessing/confessions [says TYPE in ENG]. It's rare for me to make impression images [<---- not sure about that but the audio says IMAGE].

Yanagi: Ha? Impression image...?

(lights darken, spotlight on Yanagi VA)

Yanagi: ........If I get serious, you'll be troubled. I don't want to scare you, [and] I don't want to hurt you even if I think that..... I am unable/incapable to/of stop/ping my desire of monopolizing your heart .....Have you truly chosen me? I already can't do this anymore/hold myself back/stop these feelings [probably 3rd - also i have no tl for what it says on the image]

(cg off)

Sasazuka:...What just happened Yanagai-san, are you back to normal?

Yanagi: N-no, it/that wasn't me. Impression image he voluntarily [did]/automatically----- [??? guessing: That impression he voluntarily did----]

Shiraishi: Next is the person who chose B

Enomoto: Unexpectedly I've seen that guy before.

Shiraishi: B which was chosen by Enomoto-kun, who is a serious romantic, and although he is committed to his love/ Enomoto-kun who chose B, is/will be a serious romantic who follows his heart, but if he ends up with an unrequited love, his twilight years will end miserably/he will be awfully miserable in his old age, so it says.

Enomoto: I don't need you worrying about me being at an old age!? Wait, based on this evaluation, don't tell me that I also...

(light darkens, spotlight on Enomoto)

Enomoto: Seriously loving someone, surely pain can become happiness/it's possible for pain to be changed into happiness/it's like pain has become happiness.

After meeting you, for the first time I know.... no matter how many times I say it you're the best in the world, [and] I love you the most.

(light focus +cg off) Eeeehaha [weird scream that doesn't really work with text],

how/indeed/truly bogus/phony/fake! [??? that's so/really fake?] how can you say such lines [these types of things]?! Ah, but isn't this/that line too handsome/elegant!? [cool]

Yanagi: Indeed/truly optimistic/hopeful [how positive?]......Oh? Sazazuka, where are you going?

Sasazuka: Heading back. I don't want to accompany you guys anymore/disturb you guys anymore.

Shiraishi: Sasazuka-kun after all [is someone] who came back from abroad, are you not accustomed to sweet [more on the romantic side] lines?

Sasazuka: This thing, can't just be shown casually to others.

Enomoto: Love can only be spoken of when two people are alone.... kuh. keh, you damn American returnee!

Shiraishi: Regarding Sasazuka-kun's romantic tendencies, they are----

Sasazuka: Don't continue without permission [ ????? says what sounds like stop in audio... so im assuming 'just stop right now'] he's actually the sis-con type.

Shiraishi: D, which was chosen by Sazuka-kun, is the awkward self-centred type. Unable to verbally express [one’s feelings], [though] contrary to the inner-most/profound feelings/thoughts. This is popular with tsunderes right?

Enomoto: These, these types of confession/declaration of love lines are!?

(cg up + spotlight on Sasazuka)

Sasazuka: You, don't you think you're stupid for thinking that we're unsuited for each other? It's not anyone else, I've chosen you, so be confident in this, just like this/that's all. ......You, have long been my woman/since before you've been my woman Just be good and stay at my side Idi~ot~

(back to normal)

Enamooto: Uwohoho....... This American custom.... aren't/wouldn't you feeling/feel embarrassed/shy?

Sazazuka: Not really, even if this is just an impression image, this sort of thing is common.

Yanagi: Shiraishi.... You've really [even] made an image impression specifically for this sort of thing.

Shiraishi: It's funny [audio sounds like *interesting*]isn't it? The pictures were made by someone I know [These] question and answers were something that I had good reference for since it nicely matched a document/literature's contents.

Sasazuka: To begin with, what literature/study was this from? Was there ever a study/book written/published on this?

Shiraishi: It was the book "Romantic ☆ Psychology Evaluations" [Emotional affecting/heartbeat/heart rate/heart throbbing? ☆ psychology tests..... probably leave it at the first interpretation unless i come up with a better sounding title name here]

Enomoto: Ah! The new book I bought yesterday! I haven't read it yet!

Yanagi: mah.... I think it's the same [one]./I think the same way.

Sasazuka: [I'm] Tired, I really have to go.

Shiraishi: Yeah, I should also be heading back to the station.

Yanagi: : Seriously/give me a break. [i/we] don't know when another incident will occur.

(screen changes to outside the detective agency with Shiraishi)

*footsteps*

Shiraishi: Nn? You, the collar's/collared.... Ah right, right,/yes, yes, hoshino-san

Yanagi-kun and the others seemed to be heading back.

How's the state of your mind doing? [How are you doing?]

Eh.... or did you go to a crime scene/still going to see a crime scene?

It's really serious.

How is the investigation going?

Like before, the criminals still have the upper hand.

Pushing aside the police, really. [Going around the police...?]

......You display such strength/You're very strong.

But, isn't it scary?

Eh? having us [around makes you] feel relieved?

Mm, that's weird.

The enemy might be lurking around in an unexpected place somewhere.... like me, for example.

Haha, do your best not to die.

What kind of outcome will come after this.... let me look forward to it.

The End....?

------------------------------

Well, after doing this..... I can say that I don’t have any intention to translate anything else in the fandom that relies on a video cuz as it is truly excruciating to snip all the subtitles off the vid, photoshop said clips and either whiten or blacken the background so that an image to text converter can read it, have the image converted to text, add in all the words and correct whatever wasn’t converted into text properly, and then get to actually translating whatever it is (i’ve also hand-written more than +4000 Chinese characters from coping subtitles from a different video so i’m not going to be doing that ever again either).....Which means I will probably not be looking at whatever the 2018 cxm secret mission thing is as I have only found Chinese tl for that on a video from bilibili.... plus I’m not certain if there’s an actual drama in it (I have no interest in translating non-drama/story stuff).

Anyway, as I’m not particularly confident in my translation for this - at least when compared to the other stuff that I’ve done, I’m not entirely sure if I’m going to do a subbed video for this since I don’t want to post anything without a personal confidence level of at least 85% in any translation I do for a video (my level for this is probably somewhere between 60-70%).... and on another note, I realllllly need a better way to phrase “impression image,” since that looks and sounds really weird..... also if anyone wants to help me with my lack of language skills for this drama, send me a message plzzz! >_<

if i ever do get to making a video, final edits will be done then since i know i left this drama tl not exactly worded well...

#collar x malice #CollarxMalice #otomate party #collar x malice drama translation #collar x malice translation #CxM #yanagi aiji #Sasazuka takeru #shiraishi kageyuki #enomoto mineo #to be edited later

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ciarasimon54-blog · 5 years

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dinasmusic · 2 years

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Assignment 3 - Week 3 (Refinement of Sections A and B)

After getting my first feedback, I decided to do a major refinement in sections A and B. As for section A, I changed the main melody as well as the beats as they sounded a bit too intense. To further soften the tone of my music and make it relatable for the audience, I recorded a simple chord progression on piano.

Using the second feedback I got, I also realised that despite establishing the general atmosphere for each section, I needed to get into way more details about what exactly each section is describing; in other words, just like a movie, I decided to come up with a proper storyline so that I could narrow down the specific audio elements and sources that I needed more easily.

This change in the creative process was helpful and the task of composition and coming up with new ideas was constantly made easier. At the same time, to maintain that sense of continuity and some elements of surprise in my piece, I decided to make this a more spontaneous process, so instead of narrowing down the details of each section at the start, I did this while composing. With such a flexible approach, it was easier for me to analyse and change the structure of piece as I was not committing to a specific plan.

To this, I usually sat down and imagined the specific elements of the movie and storyline in my mind (of course based on the original tale) and then made my music. For instance, part 1 of section A is when the main character (Camsab) enters the (scary and dark) cave and has no idea what is waiting for him on the other side. To make things more dramatic, I recorded myself breathing heavily and then added it to this part to convey a sense of fear. Part 2 is in trap style and happens when he reaches 'the other side' and sees a city of half snake half human creatures inside the cave. You can see the screenshot of section A after these edits.

I decided to completely scrap everything I had composed for section B and start from scratch. Using the creative process described above, I came up with two separate parts for section B: 1. the two main characters (Shahmaran and Camsab) start getting closer to each other by putting aside their differences and seeing the beauty in their relationship. I used male and female laughing sounds panned between the left and the right ear as well as a line from the movie 'Juno' that I think best describes this concept of oneness and setting aside the differences. 2. the second part depicts a dance between the two characters that makes their relationship even more intimate, opening the way for the third section, which is when they fall in love. I tried to make this somewhat a lo-fi bit that conveys feelings of mystery as this is supposed to be a mystical dance under the rain. The first photo here shows part 1 and the second one shows part 2.

Unsuccessful Attempts:

Inspired by Niall's lecture notes and more particularly, Pogo's Gardyn track, at first I decided to make my own beat for part 2 of section B, using sound sources that one could have heard in a cave in the past (eg stone flicking, hand rubbing for example, for starting a fire, etc.). You can see a screenshot of my attempt here. I created these sounds using simple methods, for instance, by rubbing my hands together, or hitting two stones together.

The process, however, seemed a bit too complicated given the structure of the piece and using a pre-made beat seemed like a more practical option. One reason perhaps could be the lack of high-quality recording tools.

2. I had also recorded an emotional chord progression on piano as my main melody for section B part 1 (as you can see in the following photo), but after trying it out a couple of times, I decided to replace it with another melody line (which is what you can hear in the final track as well) as this one sounded better with other audio elements in that specific section, for example with the laughing sounds in particular.

Last but not least, Luke's lecture notes were particularly helpful throughout the course of the composition for me. When doing assignment 1, given my limited experience in digital music production and my limited tools, I didn't get very creative and mostly stuck with pre-made loops (leading me to even change my artistic vision a couple times). This time, however, applying Luke's tips on keeping things simple, using simple tools such as my phone's microphone, and making music decisions that I like, I was less limited by these factors at least in my mind, leading me to record a lot of the loops (mostly non-musical ones) with my phone's microphone, for example. Of course having better tools or more experience would have improved my track, but I was happy with the output of my efforts and, more importantly, with the fact that I had followed what I liked to do it both in terms of composition and artistic vision.

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an-obligatory-blog · 6 years

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I’ve known this for quite some time, but I’m just going to post this now since even now, it’s still a very confusing part of P5.

Regarding to the ending split...

... it has plot holes, but it isn’t as major as I initially thought it was.

It was a complex plan, no doubt, and certainly, there had to have been a better way to explain it (ATLUUUUUS). After all, for a good amount of time, I thought the thing is riddled with nonsense, but after being explained by a certain someone on discord and some more thought, some questions has been answered. Oh, and reading Futaba’s dialogue before you go to sleep-- I don’t see many videos of that on it’s own so I suppose that’s part of the reason why it’s confusing.

These a few plot holes that I thought (or others) existed, but didn’t:

- How Akechi got out of the Metaverse (do you remember how you leave the Metaverse?) - How Akechi contacted Shido (u thought he was was underground/in the metaverse? apparently he wasn’t necessarily) - The Metaverse app being activated without alerting Goro (you can use the app without audio input via the search history function (see: the second time Akira and Ryuji entered Kamoshida’s Palace)) - Goro not getting into his rebel outfit after entering the Metaverse (When asked, you can sell out your teammates and/or you confidants, but NOT Akechi. At that moment, Sae didn’t know that Akechi intends to shoot Akira until Akechi had already left the Metaverse. During the duration of the attempted hit, there was no reason for Sae to see Akechi as a threat, either a hitman or a thief) - How tf Futaba can get a signal from Akechi’s phone (since it had a GPS) and Akira’s phone (GPS and voice messaging) when both Akechi and Sae were supposedly 8 floors underground (They weren’t necessarily. Sae met Akechi w/ the phone right after leaving an elevator. The voice messaging was pre-programmed into Akira’s phone so that it could work in the Metaverse; Futaba OP, pls nerf)

What wasn’t explained regardless:

- The mess that is Justice Rank 8 (someone told me that it might be a developer’s joke since Morgana commented how it didn’t make sense nor would it make sense for either Morgana or Akira to , which would be shitty cuz that is literally the definition of lazy writing: “Idk what to put here so let him rank up cuz lul”) - How exactly did Sae convince the police that there was a body in the first place? I get forging the death certificate (which should be enough to fool Shido since his ass isn’t getting out of his office chair), but what about everyone else? That doesn’t sound like a feat that could be done by one person. Maybe the grunts anticipated Akira’s death too quickly and assumed that it happened when Sae reported? Eh, even for P5, that relies way too much on incompetence. How Sae managed to 1) drag Akira out without being caught 2) fool the police in regard of a dead body and 3) get away with it all for so long is the worst plot hole you could pull out of this whole plot segment. - SEE EDIT BELOW

Asterisks (*) are used to mark questionable parts that I realized after what Atlus was really trying to do.

I found Futaba’s extra dialogue during NicoB’s Let’s Play of Persona 5. It’s around the last 10 min of the episode linked below. Couldn’t find a better video, but this is where I found out, so it’ll work.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mi6wLyeuqws&list=PL5bkYBlFL9xcNUVU5-EcBxdaVVAZM2zX1&index=62

Look at the moment when Akechi and Sae meet. When Sae showed him the phone, Futaba explained later that she bugged the phone (the one belonging to Akira) similarly like with Akechi’s phone. Through that, she remotely activated the Metaverse app to transport the two into the Metaverse. (remember the search history function that was used for Akira’s and Ryuji’s second visit to Kamoshida’s palace? That’s the function that Futaba remotely activated. She didn’t tamper with the magical app itself.)*

So Sae and Akechi are in and they went in opposite directions. Akechi goes in, kills the cognitive guard and cognitive Akira.** Now, here’s where one of the so-called ‘major plothole’ existed. How did Akechi get out? First, let me ask you this, how do leave the Metaverse in the first place? I thought that you just press the app to leave, but apparently, that’s wrong. You have to physically go back the way you came, and that’s why you always have to return to the Palace’s entrance to leave the Palace. This is what Atlus failed to do-- what leaving the Metaverse actually looks like. We saw Akechi’s pictures of the PT appearing/disappearing out of thin air back at Okumura’s palace, but we didn’t see how it really looks like without the red/black circles washing over the screen every time we do it. Apparently, leaving the Metaverse doesn’t involve pressing the app at all-- just going back the way they came. Remember where Sae showed Akechi the phone? That is where they entered, and hence, where they exit. When Akechi was done with his assassination attempt, he goes down the hall, up the elevator (yeah, the guard couldn’t have seen Sae and Akechi conversing, they were on a different floor), and back to where the app was first activated. Once Akechi crossed that point, that’s when he left the Metaverse.

This is when Akechi calls Shido. You see how he calls Shido right in front of an elevator? Yeah, he probably wasn’t 8 floors underground at that point.

Now, I’m assume you know the general story with Sae, but I’m going to clear this up anyways. Sae received the pre-programmed messages from Akira’s phone, and she followed their instructions to go back to the interrogation room. Once again, she crossed the same point where the app was first activated, thus causing her to exit the Metaverse. She goes down the elevator and towards the room. The GPS installed in Akechi’s phone helped Futaba to time Sae’s entrance because it would be awkward if Sae encountered Akechi mid-assassination. (Futaba would know when Akechi is out of the Metaverse and out of the police station; nothing contradictory of getting a signal by then)

*The problem with this is... even if you use the search history function, the phone still plays it’s voice protocols like normal (”...Beginning navigation” You know the drill.). I don’t recall this ever being mentioned by any of the characters, but you can easily explain this away with “the phone was on silent”. **The cognitions should’ve disappeared similarly like Shadows when they were killed. You can pull any number of BS by using “well maybe Sae’s cognition is different because hurr durr”, but it was never mentioned by the PT to even consider the rate in which cognition disintegrate into nothing nor was there any measures to accommodate for that. This instance is plot convenience at it’s finest.

Now for the sake of clarification, this doesn’t mean that Atlus is suddenly flawless in regards of how they handled this aspect of the story. Aside from what I’ve already stated above, this stuff could’ve been handled better. The search history function was only mentioned offhandedly in the the very, very beginning of Kamoshida’s Palace (before even Shiho attempted suicide) by Ryuji so there is almost no way anyone would remember without looking back. The anime cutscene where Ryuji was smirking “we got ‘em” when he heard about the supposed suicide of the PT leader made no sense. (How would he know that the plan even succeeded???? I know he was being like, “well I toOOOTALLY knew that we were going to succeed” but goddamn, but that sounds like he was acting tough more than anything. That kind of blind confidence shouldn’t be present, even for a character like Ryuji.)

You know what would really help? Seeing a few frames of the inside of the elevator as it goes up and down. Despite hanging out in the background, I barely even noticed it before someone else pointed it out.

A good part of the fandom was impressed by the plan and yes, I do think it’s a clever trick for Atlus to pull on us. However, the more complicated the plan is, the more effort one should put in explaining said plan because, you know, it would be harder for the player to understand. I don’t mean treating the audience like idiots and I understand the concern of dragging the explanation scene out, but man, Atlus was totally off their game when it came to hinting/foreshadowing. Instead of doing off-hand comments about seemingly arbitrary, but relevant aspects of the plan (ex. Futaba’s bug on Akira’s phone, the search history function, etc.) that you can probably catch by your second or third run of the game, Atlus favored getting hung up on whether or not they wanted the traitor to be obvious or not because they seemed to be pretty damn bipolar regarding to that.

I do give them credit for making some information optional (discoverable by talking to Futaba). It makes the scene less draggy and allows people who don’t give two shits to skip the parts they don’t care. I don’t watch many let’s players on the same game, so I can’t conclude if many people actually went out of their way to talk to Futaba and process her words.

And one last note, I don’t think Persona 5 is a bad games by any standard, but I do believe that the writing is the weakest aspect of the game. Style and gameplay seems more polished than the actual story aspects.

I hope this helped for any of you guys out there. Feel free to let me know if you.see any mistakes/seek clarification. It’s 9:30 PM for me, so I hope I didn’t mess up too badly explaining this.

EDIT: It came to me that if the method of leaving the Metaverse is truly just by going back where they came, it raises issues in Shido’s Palace, where the place they started was on the front deck, which, as you guys know, was sinking into the depths by the end. Basically, there’s no winning with P5 plotholes-- no matter how you look at it, there’s an issue.

#persona 5 #goro akechi #sae niijima #it's a mess #a lot of this is a mess #part of the reason why I'm writing this is to clear up my thoughts so that I don't mess up when writing fanfiction

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crow-moon · 4 years

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Reading and Self Isolation

One goal I set for myself for 2020 was to read one book a month that has been on my bookshelves for a long time. So far I have been sticking to that goal, and have read The Man Who Ate His Boots by Brandt, Tree: A Life Story by Suzuki and Grady, and most recently, and due to the self-isolation protocols and having nothing better to do, The Iliad by Homer. My personal white whale.

The Iliad has been on my book since I took a high school course in Greek mythology, way back in 2001. It's been hanging around on my shelf in various forms for the last 20 years, more or less, and every once in a while I'd look at it, contemplatively, thinking perhaps today is the day, perhaps this is the year...

Needless to say, it never was the day, or the year. A bit of backstory: I spent a lot of high school reading Forgotten Realms and other Dungeons and Dragons-esque fantasy series, which evolved into high fantasy and fairy tale retellings by Patricia McKillip (which i still love).

In university, I moved on to the grim-dark fantasy we all know (and I thoroughly despise) as Game of Thrones. After that broke me of any interest in fantasy whatsoever, and well into university, I started heavily reading non-fiction. I was taking a major in history, you see, and sometimes real life is stranger than fiction.

I moved to Italy and read whatever I could find, really, having only a small collection of books to choose from in English - along with my course material from my long-distance courses with university, mostly 19th Century English literature and the very massive Janson's History of Art textbook that surely has every piece of Western art in it since history became a thing.

When I finished all that, moved back to Canada, and settled in (2011/2012-ish), I started thinking about fantasy again, and read a few more grim-dark things (A Dance With Dragons just came out and I decided to torture myself with that, and the The Blade Itself trilogy or whatever it's called), then fell into the most massive reading slump I ever did experience. I didn't read anything for like three years, unless I had to. Didn't even think of Homer in all that time.

Went back to school for two years to get my B.Ed, and read as little as possible (although for one course I did, I read several real gems, like Monkey Beach by Eden Robinson and Green Grass, Running Water by Thomas King). I graduated in 2017. This brings The Slump up to five years.

Graduated, spent half a year working, and was still massively disinterested in reading. I tried to get back into the habit, because it is a habit that you have to build for yourself if you want to read a lot. I read Fahrenheit 451 which sparked some interest in me, then got a fateful email from Goodreads in December.

This email gave me reading stats of celebrities for the year. Sarah Jessica Parker, star of Sex and the City (and lots of other things I am sure), this email said, managed to read something like 25 books in one year. I was flabbergasted. Sarah Jessica Parker, who is a busy adult woman with an acting career and probably interests and philanthropic endeavours and all sorts of stuff, managed to find enough time to read regularly and I, who has just sort-of started a job and had no interests or hobbies besides playing video games, walking, and reading, can't find time to read books? I'm certainly not making movies or t.v. shows, or donating my time to charities. What is wrong with me?

And all this time The Iliad is still on my shelf, untouched. That's not to say I haven't bought books in all this time. My shelves are teeming with things to read, because I kept buying, but not reading. I even bought a newer copy of The Iliad during the Five Year Slump.

I got it at a thrift store. I saw some highlighting in it, and thought hmmm, perhaps the previous owner wrote some insightful commentary inside this copy... No such luck. Didn't matter anyway, as it simply replaced the older orange version on my shelf. I carried on not reading it, obviously.

After The Email, I made myself a goal: in 2019, I am going to read 25 books come hell or high water. Just like Sarah Jessica Parker. And I want to read The Iliad. So I started carrying books around with me again, and set time aside for at least an hour a day and read. I also got myself back to the library, a place I tend to shy away from because I dislike communal things: food, door handles, public washrooms, books... anything that might hang on to some nasty bug and pass it along to me (hmmm). But I went anyway, and got some audiobooks from the library to help me on my quest to read 25 books, including The Iliad.

I read all sorts of things in 2019:

The Silmarillion

Frozen in Time

Dombey and Son

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall

Rubicon

The Rise and Fall of the Dinosaurs

Far From the Madding Crowd

And re-read a bunch, too:

Jurassic Park

Good Omens

The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit

just about all of Jane Austen's books

The Shipping News

In total I read some sixty books, blowing past the goal I set some time in May 2019.

Still, no Iliad.

I was quite proud of myself for reading 60 books, though. I haven't done that since probably 2001 or 2002, so I decided not to be mad at myself. I'd try again in 2020, and perhaps get through a few books that have been hanging around for a while.

So here we are in 2020, it's March, we're all being responsible and practicing social distancing, and my god I am bored. There is only so much one can do when they are not working, just hoping for good news.

About a week before the city shut down I was browsing the library waiting for my friend, when I happened upon the rather large collection of audiobooks they have stocked there, and lo, there was The Iliad, like a sign from on high. I took it, ripped it to my library, and this week I have split my time listening to it while I walk and reading it while at home from yet another paper copy I picked up (I just love the Oxford World's Classics, sue me).

The audio version I picked up is a rather plain English translation, which is nice because it made the story easy to follow while I did not have a copy to reference in front of me. The Oxford edition used somewhat more... complicated phrasing? I suppose, but while reading it I enjoyed that rather a lot. I guess the translation does count in some sense.

If you didn't already know, The Iliad recounts almost the last two or so weeks of the Trojan War. The poem itself does not even cover the events leading up to the war (the goddesses conning Paris into picking whose best between them; him 'winning' Helen, the prettiest lady, and pissing off the losers of this little competition; Paris making off with another man's wife and all her wealth, Menelaus; being really pissed about his wife taking off/being taken, raising a campaign to go after Helen (and her money); the ten year siege that ensues) or the events after Priam goes to beg for his son's body back (building the Trojan horse, ransacking Ilium, Achilles' death). It really mostly focuses on what is honourable and dishonourable in war, and the destructive power of humans (and the gods) - through all time.

How do you review a poem from the 6th century BCE? The Iliad describes, book after book, line after line, every spear thrust into an eye socket, bowel, jaw, or groin. The merciless ruin people are capable of, but also the great compassion and mercy they can be moved to, such the compassion Achilles felt for King Priam, who snuck into the enemy encampment to beg for Hector's body in order for him to have a proper funeral. I arbitrarily gave it five stars because it didn't disappoint me after 20 years of anticipation, but that may change when I get around to reading The Odyssey, which made it to my shelf at the same time as The Iliad.

Well. I just spent the last couple hours writing almost mindlessly, and it has been really fun. Perhaps I should try this more often, especially when I am bored of reading and walking.

TL;DR: I got really upset that my life was way less busy than Sarah Jessica Parker's and still she managed to read more than me, and that is my motivation to read more. maybe I should thank her.

#books #reading #rambling stories about nothing #self isolation reads #classic lit #bad book reviews

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midnightshowing-acm420-fall2019 · 5 years

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Week 5 - Alex - A Fine Line

This week was pretty straight forward, working on backgrounds for me. The 3D models helped tremendously, especially for the wider angle shots. Here’s a couple examples of line art (color will be added later):

A few tweaks will need to be made down the road, but for the most part these are ready to be finalized with color and lighting. What took up the bulk of the work time though were these two shots (a high angle loop and low angle loop):

youtube

Obviously adding some motion lines plus color and light will help sell it, but at least it’s a good framework for now. Gavin, Jayme, and myself met up and discussed feedback, shot assignments, and prospects for future shots.

There was one additional moving shot I began to reference, where Angel runs toward the theater door to try and escape from the wave of coke. But it was decided it was too complicated, so we’re going for a more abstract approach. That’s what I’ll be working on next, in addition to fixing up the other shots and adding new ones in anticipation for rough animation. The last thing I did this week was sound for the 3rd pass animatic. Since the framework of the audio was already in place, this edit was much faster to complete. Only a few minor tweaks to length, one or two new sounds, and a few others removed. On a side note, I’ve been feeling a little bogged down lately between the work loads of all my classes. At this point it’s nothing new really, but I do have a sort of nagging feeling that I’m not contributing enough to this project. Maybe part of that comes from a difficulty in accepting that I’m not in solely in charge of the project anymore, particularly the creative aspect of it. Plus the workload is split between eight people this time, so naturally the burden is lighter. On the other hand, I’m also taking 318 where I am in entirely in charge of my work, and having already taken 320, I think I set the bar pretty high for what to expect from myself. It’s tricky, because I really, really want to do more work for 420, but at the same time I know this will deprive me of any sleep from the already shallow pool of it I get as it is. What’s more, I’m worried it’s beginning to take a toll on my health, so I figured all I need to do... is just download my brain into a cybernetic body... so I’ll never have to sleep again and I can work non-stop. All kidding aside, I do feel like I need more work to make a meaningful contribution every single week. My hope is that once production really gets rolling, deadlines will start closing in, and that will naturally give me an opportunity to do more, especially in line and color for Angel. So I guess in the end it’s just a matter of being patient. In any case, we’re doing great as it is, so I guess there’s really not much to worry about. Super excited to start production! Woot! And aiming to get sound recordings done by next week. Let’s do it! This is the Undercover Animator signing off.

#midnightshowing #productionbegins #bring on the pain #cybernetic #backgrounds

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meggannn · 7 years

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“how i write” meme

tagged by @thunderheadfred, thank you!!

Is there a snack you like to eat while writing? I don’t usually eat while I write... if I’m hungry, then all I can focus on is getting food haha.

What time of day do you usually write? the majority of my writing gets done while I’m in the office on slow afternoons (bad), or in the morning from 12-2am when I have to be at work in the morning (even worse)

Where do you write? I mentioned I write at work, so my desk there -- other times it’s my bed, which is bad, because then I get sleepy and easily distracted. but I recently got my new desk so hopefully I will be doing lots of writing there and not gaming!

How often do you write a new thing? HAHAH what’s more likely to happen is I’ll start a thing, write anywhere from 1k to 10k words of it, decide it’s terrible, and never share it ever.

Do you listen to music while you write? so it’s funny, when I’m at the computer I almost always need to have some sort of audio going on in the background at all times -- television, music -- but it can’t be something that requires my attention, otherwise I get distracted. (food network is great for this because I’m somewhat interested in it but I can also tune it out easily.) so I can’t listen to podcasts when I need to concentrate on something else, and white noise sometimes doesn’t do it for me, so that usually leaves music. about 99% of the time I create playlists or pick a central song/set of songs that inspire/drive the tone of the fic I’m writing. but I can’t listen to THOSE because then I definitely get distracted just listening to the music, so I end up posting those as a fanmix or something and then I put on UNRELATED music so I don’t get too distracted thinking about “this song just fits the story so well, oh my god, let me replay it a thousand times” instead of actually writing the fic. and that is a really complicated and unnecessary mental process but eh.

Paper or Laptop? way back when I used to write out everything longhand and then type it up/edit as I go, but then college happened and I lost all patience for hand cramps, so laptop it is now... which is a shame cause I used to write so fast and be really proud of that, haha.

Do you have a special pre-writing ritual? aside from “think about writing for days until I build up the courage to actually try it again”? not really, maybe I should.

What do you do to get into the writing? for the longest time my idea was “only write when you’re in the mood, but edit when you’re not in the mood” that way I can be sure 1) what I’m writing is the most genuine expression of how I want the fic to be read, and 2) when I’m rereading to edit, if even my most passionate attempt can’t drum up my interest/bring me into the fold of this fic, then it’s not gonna cut it for my readers. but lately I’ve been trying to cut that habit because I just have no time anymore, I need to write whenever I get the chance, and waiting around for the mood/lack of is starting to mean nothing is getting done

Do you have a reward system for word counts? aside from snapshotting it and congratulating myself on twitter, nope

Is there anything else about your writing process that your readers don’t know? behind every scene there is about a page of notes outlining the plot/necessity of the scene/theme/detailing character motivations and reactions. unless it’s a scene that i completely improvised off the top of my head, which are rare but becoming more frequent, occasionally to the fic’s benefit.

hmm most of the people I know have been tagged already, except maybe @radialarch @beenghosting @augustbird @calysto1395?

#megan does memes #writing

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recentanimenews · 5 years

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Fans Give Their Hot Takes On The Anime Awards

More important than the Oscars, the Grammys, and the Havelock, North Carolina Chili Cookoff combined is the Anime Awards. It's that wonderful time when we can look over the past year of anime and bestow honors upon the ones that most touched our hearts. And with them looming ever closer, we asked some of y'all to give us your hot takes on who YOU think should take the trophy in some of the categories. And you didn't disappoint. Your answers ranged from surprising to thoughtful to inspired, so we decided to collect the twelve best of them and post them here for the rest of the internet to love and appreciate and then, as the internet does, nitpick into oblivion.

I'm gonna go down category by category, and what better category to start with than the big one: Best Anime.

BEST ANIME

"Yorimoi for AOTY" by Cameron (A Place Farther Than The Universe)

A Place Further Than The Universe was the best anime of the year. It was the best anime by far and no other show came even close. There were plenty of other shows I loved this year like Laid-back Camp and Revue Starlight but none of those shows compare to the good good Antarctica girls. The show teaches amazing lessons and made me cry many times. The email scene at the end of episode 12 made me cry for hours and I still tear up every time I think about it. It's just genuinely one of the best shows I've ever seen. This is my new go-to recommendation for people who want to get into anime. Their adventure is so inspiring and it deserves anime of the year.

"Devilman: Crybaby" by Manic Stylo (Devilman Crybaby)

It's been almost universally accepted by both formalist and populist anime fans that Devilman Crybaby has the qualities of an instant classic. From its unique visual direction, infectious soundtrack, and unrelenting use of adult content, Devilman Crybaby breathes new life into Go Nagai's classic manga and beautifully streamlines it for a contemporary audience. Remaining mostly faithful to its source material, director Masaaki Yuasa's sensibility for abstract and avant-garde visuals makes for a delightfully nightmarish fever-dream adaptation of Nagai's original concept (it's a match made in heaven...or hell in this case). As far as adult anime go, Crybaby is consistently balanced fare with uncompromisingly violent action for anyone who just wants a fun romp, solid thematic undertones for those who want more bite out of their shows, and tastefully implemented real-world commentary if you want more than just escapism. A hyper-stylized modern gothic masterpiece, whether it worked for you or not, Devilman Crybaby will not leave your subconscious any time soon.

"Zombies But Still Alive" by Jouii-chan (ZOMBIE LAND SAGA)

2018 has been quite the year for anime. It's my first year that I've been watching and keeping up with seasonal anime with Crunchyroll! But one show stood out to me, and that show was Zombie Land Saga. For the first few episodes, I was pretty doubtful about the series. I mean, an idol anime with zombie girls? That was just plain crazy!

But as the show went on, I realized Zombie Land Saga was more than some silly comedy show. It was beauty. All the characters had great chemistry, and the music was great. It got me addicted to it with it's great music too. The best part of the show was how it showed the indomitable human spirit and how even through the toughest of storms, anyone can prevail. Sakura provided a great lead with her past sucking her of all her confidence, yet she overcomes this to lead Franchouchou to a great future. Zombie Land Saga was one of the surprises of 2018, and I was always hyped to watch the new episodes when they came out.

"Violet Evergarden: An Anime for a Lifetime" by James (Violet Evergarden)

Violet Evergarden is an anime that grabs your heart. The loss of a father, mother, daughter, son- the fears of rejection, regret, and failure- Violet Evergarden reaches inside you, and pulls tight on these strings. It's not just a post-war story; Violet Evergarden is a somber filled tale that elicits a strong sense of empathy from the audience. Beautifully rendered and well-paced, the story features a subtle escalation in heart ache and healing. Each episode takes the time to fully immerse the audience in a complex micro-story filled with very human lives. This anime understands the importance of a well developed character, and spends it's time wisely weaving this incredibly vibrant, living world. Story aside, the animation and artwork are absolutely stunning. When paired, the audio and visual cues truly bring the world of Violet Evergarden to life. From start to finish, there is no other animation that delivers a more compelling sense of catharsis and satisfaction, and that is why I believe Violet Evergarden deserves to be Anime of the Year.

Best Boy

"I Would Lay Down My Life For Toono Hiyori" by Nija (Free! -Dive to the Future-)

200 words definitely aren't enough to properly convey my intense love and appreciation for my everything, the light of my life, the absolute blessing that is Toono Hiyori from Free! but I'M STILL GONNA TRY because he deserves everything. Starting out as a fun antagonist, turning into a slightly confusing antagonist, and then ep. 6 hits you with that ABSOLUTE GUT-PUNCH and I weep for him always. He did some things wrong (though I understand why he did them and wouldn't say I necessarily disagree tbh) but in the end he's just a lonely boy giving everything for the person he cares about the most without ever asking anything in return. Less important but still Important things include: he's a jerk sometimes and I love it. His frenemyship with Asahi? The funniest thing. He can and will ruin your life with a smile, he loves reading and coffee and has a really good fashion sense, he's very organised and on top of things, even if he's a social mess lbr... And if he likes you, he'll probably kill for you. All in all he's just the best and you, person who's reading this entry, should know that too. Bless his soul.

"Katsuki Bakugo, A Living, Breathing Explosion" by Mimi Valentine (My Hero Academia)

Katsuki Bakugo is easily one of the most dynamic characters of the year. Starting with his complicated relationship with Izuku, his hidden jealousy for a boy with no quirk, to outright anger at him suddenly having a quirk, to the rejecting the trope of "rival becomes evil for greater power," to confessing his feelings of inferiority towards Izuku, and the intense self blame for what happened to All Might. Katsuki has always shown that he has this heart, from treating Uraraka as his equal in the torunament, to fully acknowledging Izuku's growth ans strength. Seeing his slow dismantle from just a typical bully to a hidden broken boy only to show you that under all that anger, he's truly just a boy who wants to be a hero.

"Why Rimuru Tempest is the bestest boy of not just this year, but of all time" by Kat (That Time I Got Reincarnated As A Slime)

There were a lot of good boys this year, but who was the goodest? The undoubtedly most delicious smudge-muffin in existence?

My answer is Rimuru Tempest and here's why:

He is the kindest ball of squidge you could ever meet. He would stop and help anyone in need at the drop of a hat. In his previous life he DIED saving his kohai from an attacker and he would do it again.

He is adorable. How could you take one look at his face (or lack there of) and not fall in love instantly with this soft boy? Not only is he soft in his ball form but once he grants the wish of a dear friend, he becomes the ultimate soft boy. One you could probably hug endlessly and both of you would still be comfortable.

He is the definition of epic. One of the first things he does with his new life is befriend and EAT a dragon. He ate him, whole. Then he proceeded to eat everything else in the cave. If you hurt one of friends he'll eat you too! Not before he beats you in a hilariously and awesomely one sided combat sequence though.

BEST FIGHT SCENE

"SSSS. Gridman's True Final Battle" by Donovan Bertch (SSSS. Gridman)

The greatest part about SSSS.Gridman's final battle wasn't the sheer amount of quality animation and editing on display. It wasn't the satisfaction of seeing Gridman finally return to his original form, theme songs blaring, as he finally decked the villainous Alexis Kerib in his smug face. It wasn't even finding out what the hell SSSS actually meant in the end. All of those were wonderful moments that made the fight shine, to be sure. However, the greatest part was that when all was said and done, the fight wasn't Gridman vs. Alexis Kerib. It was the show's antagonist, Akane Shinjo, vs. Herself. Her sins, her insecurities, her self-hatred...it took a lot of effort, and it wasn't a total victory (given that Akane's final scene with Rikka shows her still processing her guilt), but few things are that simple. Even when the heroes came to encourage her, it was Akane who made the final choice that led to Kerib's downfall. Gridman may have landed the final strike and had the big speech about human potential, but Akane Shinjo defeated Alexis Kerib and saved her world. The action-packed duel was just icing on the cake.

BEST VA PERFORMANCE (EN)

"My Hero Academia, Episode 61: Bakugo's Breakdown (Clifford Chapin)" by Masky (My Hero Academia)

In one of the most emotionally stirring episodes of the entire series, we finally see all of Bakugo's pent-up anger come to a boil in this what could be considered a huge turning point for his character development. As a character who is known for his angry outbursts, this episode let us have some insight into Bakugo's inferiority complex and really reminded us just how young and emotionally immature these upcoming heroes are, and yet how much responsibility is weighing on their shoulders. With such an important milestone for a character like Bakugo, the voice acting in this episode was critical. Clifford Chapin gave an extremely raw and powerful performance that truly echoed Bakugo's pain; a performance that exceeded expectations of even those who don't normally give dubs a try. It was real, emotionally-charged, and could be considered a landmark for just how far english dubs have come.

"Clifford Chapin (Katsuki Bakugo)" by Katherine (My Hero Academia)

My Hero Academia fans sure are spoiled with a fantastic same-day English simuldub in addition to everything we already love about the series! With great casting overall by ADR Director Colleen Clinkenbeard, Chapin's take on Bakugo is one of the highlights. He's consistently been such a natural fit for the role that I can't imagine anyone else voicing him, and always seems to give 110%. Season 3 has been no exception with some key moments to really shine, including a fan-favorite emotional confrontation. His vocal cords would probably disagree, but I'm definitely glad he's a part of one of my favorite anime from 2018.

BEST OPENING SEQUENCE

"Fighting Gold - Jojo's Bizarre Adventure" by Loon (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind)

"Fighting Gold" is an intro I was honestly excited for long before it was even announce. I may be slightly biased as a manga fan and long time Jojo fan but in all honesty "Fighting Gold" is really a masterpiece in my opinion. It highlights the series so well with plenty of hidden spoilers as most Jojo intros have had before it telling the story perfectly if you break it down. It is an intro I will honestly never try to skip to get to the anime itself faster.

BEST DIRECTOR

"Akira Amemiya - SSSS.Gridman" BY Katherine (SSSS. Gridman)

I would not be surprised to see SSSS.Gridman represented in quite a few categories this year, but its direction is where the show truly shines as one of the best of 2018. Akira Amemiya and Studio Trigger juxtapose the understated, day-to-day activities of our heroes with glorious, city-destroying kaiju battles without ever being jarring. However, that doesn't mean the former is only viewed though a mundane lens while the latter are just beautiful hype machines. Character moments have just as much flair as any fight with dynamic framing, art, and sound design, while tokusatsu battles are given so much attention to detail with how the kaiju move to pay homage to the live-action shows the team grew up with. Amemiya has a confident sense of visual language, and it shows every episode. SSSS.Gridman is subtle when it needs to be and bombastic when it wants to be, which is not an easy task to pull off.

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And there you have it, the diverse tastes of anime fans and people that praise the holy name of Bakugo. But even if you didn't find your submission on here, thank you for taking part in this and double thank you for supporting Crunchyroll over the past year. We do our best to give you the greatest anime collection in the universe, so we appreciate y'all taking the time to give us your thoughts in return.

Remember, if you haven't voted in The Anime Awards, there's still time! And if you have, we look forward to sharing the winners with you on February 16th, when the Awards are streamed live on Twitch.

By: [email protected]

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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podcastification · 6 years

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104: Podcast Production Workflow: How To Make It Happen Every Episode

Welcome back to Podcastification - on this episode I’m walking you through the step by step details of what I do to carry out MY successful podcast production workflow every single week. It doesn’t matter if you publish episodes every week, every other week, or once a month - organizationally you’ve GOT to have an effective podcast workflow to ensure two things:

Quality AND Consistency

What I demonstrate and describe on this episode is not the ONLY way to do this - but it’s the best way I’ve found after 5 years of podcasting. And if you scroll down, you’ll also notice that I ALSO recorded this one as a video - with the workflow mapped out on my whiteboard. The visuals help on this one - honest.

If there’s one thing you get out of this episode, this is what I hope it is: Process leads to Success!

[1:18] The vital importance of having a well-considered podcast workflow: consistency & quality

[3:12] Write down every step of your process - one per sticky note: here’s why

[4:01] Beginning the process, one step at a time

Choose your topic

Research and preparation

GUEST EPISODES: Choosing and preparing for your guest

GUEST EPISODES: Reaching out to your guest

GUEST EPISODES: Your guest schedules a time

GUEST EPISODES: Asking the guest to provide you some vital info

GUEST EPISODES: Confirm the recording (the day of the recording)

[17:41] Do you see how the workflow enables you to be professional and consistent?

[21:45] Resuming the steps to your podcast workflow

Create a test recording/sound check

Record the main audio/conversation

Record the intro and outro immediately following the recording: Here’s why

Add the audio files to my Dropbox system (I describe it here)

Notify the editor (or set a time to edit on your own calendar if you do your own editing)

Create an optimized title and send to my VA (because the artwork step is coming)

Add to Auphonic (if you don’t use Auphonic, do it now!)

Writing the show notes and notify the VA

Artwork/graphics are created

Post the show notes and artwork to Libsyn and the website

Set up social sharing

GUEST EPISODES: Send promo info to guest

[44:15] Why process equals success

Resources Mentioned

YouCanBook.me

Calendly

Schedule Once

The list I send to guests about how to best prepare for the recording

The form I use to ask my guests to confirm their participation here

Google Forms

Hello Sign

Hubspot

Ringr

Zencastr

Cleanfeed

Skype

Zapier

Keyword Finder (affiliate link)

Auphonic

My previous episode about using Auphonic

Episode: The Triple Power of Killer Show Notes

Canva

Libsyn - use the code “PFT” to get up to 1 ½ months off

Episode: Using virtual services/assistants

Procrastinate on Purpose by Rory Vaden

Recur Post

eClincher

Meet Edgar

Featured On This Episode

Custom Audiograms from Podcast Fast Track

Wavve - check it out!

Connect with me…

Carey(AT)PodcastFastTrack.com

On Facebook

On Twitter

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Here’s why you need a well-considered podcast workflow

Nothing successful happens by accident. Here are a couple of real-life examples…

Your wrist watch or smartphone didn’t just “happen.” Somebody thought it up, designed it, and made it to do exactly what it does. And you get to enjoy the benefits of their detailed, systematic approach to creating a solution you need.

Your podcast is the same type of thing.

You’re trying to reach a particular audience to teach them particular things or focus on particular topics. And it’s not just going to happen…

You need to learn how to be systematic about it so you can be effective at it.

Process = Success: and in Podcasting the process that makes it happen is a powerful podcast production workflow.

When you have a podcast workflow that is well-considered and smart, you’ll avoid two fo the biggest problems that plague any content creator: inconsistency and lack of quality.

Said another way - getting down a great podcast workflow is likely the ONE THING that will enable you to stand apart from all your competitors. The very people you want to attract and benefit will be drawn to you because something about you is very obvious: YOU CARE about the content you’re producing and the people you’re producing it for.

This audio/video episode is aimed at showing you, step by step, how to create a podcast production workflow that is unique to you and your show - and how to keep it running episode after episode to ensure you provide the value to your listeners that you really want to provide.

OK - it’s time to create your unique podcast workflow. Are you ready?

What I’m about to describe to you is MY WAY of going about this process. You may have a different way that works for you - mindmaps, pencil and paper, computer software - whatever.

I don’t care HOW you do it, I just care THAT you do it. Process equals success: remember that!

My system involves the use of my whiteboard and a handful of sticky notes. I use this system because it’s easy to see in one glance and it’s easy to modify as I go by moving the sticky notes around on the board.

And to clarify, understand this: I don’t LEAVE it in this format. I’m going to transfer what I create onto a checklist that I use for every episode, but for now - as I’m creating it, I’ll ues this systems.

So, it’s time to get into the steps.

OVERARCHING METHOD: Write down every step of your production process: one step per sticky note

It may be helpful to do this the next time you work on your podcast episodes. It will require some additional time so make sure you set aside a chunk so you can do it. And let me warn you, you’ll want to shortcut this step because of impatience or eagerness. But don’t.

This is an example of doing something laborious now that will save you laborious steps later - and in an exponentially multiplying way - so stick with it and get it done.

Be as detailed about these steps as you need to be to ensure that you don’t forget anything about what goes into it. If you’ve never detailed the exact steps that you do by rote memory that go into each of these sticky note steps, I’d suggest you bullet-point those steps on the sticky note so you can actually see them and understand them visually.

Who knows, you may be handing a lot of this work to a VA or assistant in the future, so the more you have written down ahead of time, the more easily you’ll be able to do that.

Don’t worry about getting the steps in order at this point - just get them out of your head and onto the sticky notes. You’ll have time in the next step to arrange them in sequence. You’ll also find that you likely forgot some - that’s OK too. You’ll just record them on your own sticky note as they come to mind.

STEP #1: Chose the topic for the podcast episode you’ll be working on

When I first started podcasting I shot from the hip WAY too much. That means…

I didn’t plan my episode topics until the week of publication

I didn’t think them through in a logical sequence

I didn’t strategize for how I was going to BEST help my audience

Do you see where I’m going with this? How can you create amazing value to stand out in the crowd if you don’t plan to do so?

I had to learn that lesson the hard way and hope you don’t have to. That’s why I’m focusing on this right at this point.

Your audience deserves the very best from you - so give it to them through planning out your episodes.

Once you choose the topic for an episode, you’ve only done the FIRST thing. The next step is even more important.

STEP #2: Research your topic and/or prepare for the episode

Very few of us are accomplished enough or talented enough at public speaking to think of a topic and then effectively ad-lib as we record an episode. So don’t try it - not for a very long time.

You need to develop the discipline of researching, learning, growing, knowing your topics backwards and forwards - THAT is what will get you to the point that ad-libs are acceptable and possible.

People like John Maxwell do it all the time - but hey, he’s John - which only means he’s paid his dues over the years THROUGH the kind of diligent work I’m talking about.

So… what goes into good research? For me, it’s a combination of things, depending on whether I’ll have a guest on the episode or not...

Read up on the topic

It’s not enough to know what I think about something. I need to know what’s being said by others who are knowledgeable on the topic. If I don’t take the time to do this I can come across as a naive know-it-all. I don’t want that.

So I typically collect links to articles, etc. in my Pocket account and then link them to the card in my Trello board where that idea is recorded (I created a video about how I do that once upon a time). That way I can easily go to the topic > click on each link > read articles without having to search for them > and begin my own bullet point outline for the episode, all in the same spot on my Trello board.

Create a bullet-point outline of my thoughts

As I just mentioned, the next thing I do is begin my own outline of the topic. I want to include things I’ve discovered/ learned, things I believe from my experience, and what others who are experts on the subject have to say.

I want to leave no stone unturned - because it’s that kind of comprehensive quality that will get the attention of my listeners/readers AND get the attention of Google. Honestly, it does work that way.

Once I’ve created my bullet-point outline, I’ll go through it slowly to ensure it makes sense from a sequential standpoint. If I need to reorder or reorganize it, I will.

It’s got to make sense the moment a reader/listeners glances over it. If it doesn’t they’ll probably click off to something else.

Journal/write about the topic

I don’t always do this, but if I’m dealing with a complicated subject, or one that is easily confused (in my own mind, especially), I’ll add this step - I journal my thoughts and understanding about the topic.

Why do I do this? Because as Dawson Trotman once said, “Thoughts disentangle themselves when they flow from lips or fingertips.”

Typing/writing things out helps ME understand it. When I finally record the episode I want to be speaking about the subject matter naturally, as one who has studied and understood the topic for myself (because I have).

If I shortcut this step, it will show up in the quality of my episode content - and I believe that costs listeners/fans/followers in the long run. I can’t have that.

I won’t have that. :)

Brainstorm/decide on guests for the episode

If the topic I’m interested in would benefit from a conversation with an expert guest, I start thinking through who that guest should be. Nobody is out of the realm of possibility. My philosophy is to ask because the worst they could do is ignore my outreach or say “No.”

That’s not so bad, is it?

In a future point I’ll tell you how I go about reaching out to these experts.

Brainstorm resources I may need for the episode

Are there any special graphics, audio clips, sound effects, or other resources that would make this episode ultra special?

If I can come up with good ideas, I jot them down. I’m going to do everything I can to up the value of the audio and the show notes to make them stand out - to my listeners and to Google. My philosophy on that is that if it pleases my listeners, it will likely please Google too.

But be careful here - don’t overdo it. I went through a season on my podcast where I did lots of cutesy sound effects just for the sake of doing them. I thought they were fun and gave the show a unique sound.

My audience told me they were annoying. (Listen to your listeners when they give you feedback).

STEP #3: Give my topic, potential guest, and resource needs to my VA/Assistant

If you don’t have a VA or assistant who helps you with this kind of thing, you’re making a list for yourself - and you have another set of things to do in order to publish the show as you have planned.

It’s a lot of stuff, but it’s worth it to do things right. I’d rather have an episode publish late and be phenomenal than to publish on time and be so-so. I believe my audience knows the difference - and is glad when I don’t shortcut the process.

So… passing these things to my VA puts a new task on her plate, which is the next step in this process - reaching out to the guest I have in mind.

If I’ve decided to approach the guest through a contact or friend, I do that legwork before I pass this info to my VA. I want her to have as easy a time as possible connecting with the person I have in mind.

She’ll also start collecting the resources I need, whatever they are, and place them in a predetermined Dropbox or Google Drive location. That way when I or my editor are ready to produce the episode or show notes, the resources are available.

STEP #4: Reach out to the potential guest

Once I’m ready for my VA to reach out - I have her do so using a template I’ve written and provided to her that she customizes to the person I have in mind, the topic I want to chat with them about, and the timeframe in which I’d like to record the episode.

I thought about providing a copy of my template here but decided against it, simply because any template you create needs to be in your voice and reflect the unique characteristics of your podcast and brand. I can’t write that for you.

So, spend quality time on this. It’s important. The first impression you give to potential guests is powerful for them and could make or break their willingness to be a guest on your podcast.

Some items you might want to include…

Names of previous guests who have been on your show

A link to an outstanding show notes page to show them how you feature them

A suggested timeframe for the two of you to do the recording

A link to your intake/scheduling platform

And even though you need to include all that - keep it short. Busy people don’t have time for long emails. Short and sweet is key.

STEP #5: Guest Schedules a Time to Record and Completes Intake Form

I’m being entirely optimistic here, assuming that your email request was well-received and the person you reached out to is enthusiastic about being on your show. If so, you should receive a response of some kind from them - they’ve filled out your intake form or have scheduled on your calendar to record a conversation.

This isn’t really a step where you need to do something, I just include to remind you that your next action points depend on this happening first. So be patient and remember that busy people are busy. It may take them a while to respond (if they do at all).

STEP #6: Confirm your recording with the guest

Possibly the worst thing you could do is to receive a favorable reply from a guest and then not respond in kind.

That person needs to know that you received their information and are planning on recording at the time they chose.

So reply to them - some way - any way. Just let them know you got their information and are looking forward to the conversation at the particular date and time they selected.

If you have a list of interview best-practices you can send their way, include that with your response. You want to help your guests be good guests.

STEP #7 - Test your recording equipment

The day of your recording has come. You’re ready to get a great conversation or solo recording into digital form.

But you won’t be able to if your equipment/setup isn’t working properly.

So test everything. You don’t want the audio coming out less than professional. It will reflect badly on you and on your guest. So take the extra time you need to ensure everything is working as expected.

I’ve had instances where I had to switch my recording method simply because I couldn’t get things worked out. I’ve also had to ask guests to switch the microphone on their end to get a better sound.

As you do these things, be sure to reiterate to your guests that it’s all for the sake of making them sound as great as possible. They’ll usually be OK with the hassle in that case.

STEP #8: Record your main audio

This one is pretty simple - just do the recording.

Use the great outline you created in the prep and research stage.

Enjoy the conversation with your guest. Mine the gold nuggets out of them with good questions.

You’re more than halfway done at this point - I think.

STEP #9: Record your intro, outro, and pre-roll elements

I label this step the way I do because it’s what I have to record for my podcast production workflow. Yours will vary.

But the point is this - and I can’t say it enough… well, maybe a story will help…

I have clients all the time who toss their main content into Dropbox for my team the minute they are done recording it. Check. Good job.

But then when it comes time for my team to put together their audio and produce it, we have no intro or outro (or other needed elements).

When I talk to the client about it they say, “Yeah, I always forget to do that.” Or another, even better version goes something like this… “I wish I could do this a better way. By the time I get around to recording the intro and outro I’ve forgotten everything we talked about.”

BINGO! This approach solves those problems.

You don’t have to remember to record anything because it’s already recorded.

You don’t have to rack your brain to remember the details of a conversation you had weeks ago, because you recorded the intro and outro fresh on the heels of that great conversation in the first place.

Get it all done at one time, while it’s still fresh on your mind - and save yourself a bunch of hassle later.

STEP # 10: Store the files in your designated place

In my case, Dropbox is the destination for all my recorded files - and we structure the files and name them in a way that everyone one the team knows what they are looking at and what do do with what they see there.

The more detailed you can be with these systems when you’re working with others, the less communication you’ll have to have week to week.

Just set it up in a way that works and leave it alone.

If you’re doing the editing work yourself you still need to be organized. I can’t tell you how many times at the beginning of my podcasting journey I couldn’t find the audio file I recorded.

Clean up your system. A place for everything and everything in its place.

STEP #11: Notify editor / do the editing

Once my files land in Dropbox, my editor receives a notification that the audio is ready for him and he gets to work.

If I were doing the editing myself, I’d arrange my schedule so I could do it immediately following the steps I’ve just outlined.

I don’t want to have to come back to it later. I don’t want to have to remember where I left off. I want it out of my hair, scheduled, and ready to go - all in one swoop.

STEP #12: Optimize the title of the episode and send to my VA

This one is HUGEly important. I can’t stress it enough. In fact, I want to say it again!

OPTIMIZE YOUR TITLE. If you don’t know why this is so important, you must not have heard the incredible results I got from doing so - on this episode.

And what you hear in that amazing case-study doesn’t only apply to show titles - it applies to episode titles too.

So I take the time to do some effective long-tail keyword research using this tool (this is my affiliate link) to make sure I’m crafting a title that people out there in Google-land are actually searching for.

Then, once the title is honed in just like I want it - I pass it on to my VA. Why?

Because of this…

STEP #13: My VA creates my episode artwork

Using Canva templates I’ve set up ahead of time, my VA drags images into the display, changes titles and episode numbers, and cranks out new artwork for every episode of my show.

She does that with the title I provide to her.

But she also produces social media artwork aimed at making the episode appealing to social media users. These may include quotes from the episode, the optimized title I passed her way, or even audiograms (coming to my workflow in the near future).

Then she’ll schedule out the social media elements using a social media management tool of some sort (we haven’t settled on one at this point, though I have used eClincher in the past and didn’t have any trouble with it). And she makes sure to include a short link to the episode show notes page as part of the social media posts.

STEP #14: Show notes are created

As of right now, this is still on my plate. I write these show notes for every episode of my podcast (as of June 2018).

Yes, they are long. Yes, I’ve spent half the day on this set of notes already. YES! It’s worth it.

The value of exhaustive content like this will grow over time as the internet rolls on. And it will bring great value to my listeners again and again.

If you want your show notes to be a certain way, it’s up to you to ensure they ARE that way.

Either you have to refine your process and create a video or checklist to show someone else how to do it, or you have to write them yourself.

OR - I almost forgot this one - you can outsource your podcast show notes to a team of professionals like mine.

STEP #15 - My VA schedules my audio and show notes on my media host and website

Nothing hard about this - just a lot of detail. And I’m responsible to make sure my VA understands the details, knows how to implement them, and is able to do it without fail.

I recommend checklists. HIGHLY.

You can’t expect quality or consistency from anyone if you don’t enable them to know what that level of quality looks like.

This goes double or triple for the people working for you.

So figure out the steps involved in your posting process - write it down - tweak it - make sure nothing is missing.

Then pass it on to someone else. Nathan and I talked about that on this episode.

STEP 16: Send promo materials to my guest (if applicable)

This is another task my VA has been instructed to do - and she only does it if my episode included a guest - OR if I mentioned someone in the episode that I’d like to let know about the mention.

She simply sends another form letter, modified to the person and episode, that provides resources to my guest for sharing the episode with their network.

I want to borrow from my guest’s network to get momentum for the episode. The more it is seen in their network, the more likelihood there is that I’ll gain some new subscribers to my podcast.

It’s that simple.

Wrap-UP

Going step by step through my podcast production workflow like this is a bit exhausting, isn’t it? My brain is tired - as are my hands (from the typing).

But it’s an example of how a bit of hard work now will reap huge rewards in the future that are ongoing and compounding over time.

I’d love to hear your best practices when it comes to your podcast workflow. Please let me know what YOU do to make your workflow smooth and simple.

Check out this episode!

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