#archie can be excused from this narrative thank you lol

[serpenteve]

funny how haters keep saying darklinas are old white women and throw race accusations but i and all my darklina friends are non-white (and non-american) and most of those screaming at us about how darklinas are freaks ARE white lol

Okay, so I have a lot of thoughts about this.

Sometimes certain demographics will gravitate towards particular stories because some part of it resonates with their own experiences. People from marginalized groups have a history of being demonized in fiction from banned books to the Hays Code. It's how Guillermo del Toro basically took Creature from the Black Lagoon and subverted all the tropes to create Shape of Water. Lindsay Ellis did a great video essay on the appeal of the monster boyfriend that tracks the evolution of the monster being recast as a sympathetic hero whose struggle for acceptance can be mapped to real-world marginalization.

In a lot of these stories, you have a conventional white hero saving an infantalized white woman who gets cast as the damsel in distress with little to no agency. Does she even like this hero? Who knows or cares because the fact that he saves her means he's entitled to her. The monster "corrupting" her can often be read as a societal fear that since women clearly have less moral fibre to resist temptations, they will be the conduit that brings the evils of communism, interracial marriages, the gay agenda, pagan religions, and anything else that will doom polite WASP society and bring the end of civilization as we know it!!!!1111 😱😱😱

The ironic thing is that the original source material tracks very closely to this historical idea of the white hero having to save his white love interest from the "evil" monster, who can be read as being part of some marginalized group (*cough usually a stand-in for a MOC cough*). I've already written a lot about why book!Mal really grinds my gears, but one of the most irritating and sinister things about his character is his unwillingness to accept Alina's Grisha status. He hates it because he feels entitled to have her and can't stand that this means there will always be a part of her that doesn't exclusively revolve around him. Now, maybe if he had a character arc that was paced similarly to Matthias' bigotry towards Nina, I'd feel differently about it. But Mal getting rewarded for his hostility towards Alina and her relationship to her powers was one of the grossest parts of the original trilogy. Meanwhile, the person who accepts her powers becomes the villain and every step Alina takes towards embracing her powers and that part of herself gets demonized and painted as "oh noes corruption!11" 😱😱

Accusing Darklina shippers of being racist is entirely a new thing that only popped up because of the Netflix adaptation racelifting Alina and Mal. Importing real-world prejudices and racism into a fantasy world with existing fantasy prejudices is incredibly awkward considering the direction the source material takes.

On the one hand, we have the Grisha as a marginalized group whose only sanctuary is the Second Army. Because this is fantasy and nothing is explicitly coded, lots of readers mapped their own experiences as a POC, as a queer person, as a Jewish person, as a member of any group that gets unjustly demonized and institutionally discriminated against. The metaphor was very flexible that way. On the other hand, we have anti-Shu racism and inconsistently written anti-Suli racism that doesn't go challenged. So as POC, we are told to map our experiences in how Alina navigates this mostly-white world because the prejudice she faces has been made explicit as racism (specifically anti-Asian racism). But then we're told we can't map our experiences in the way Grisha are treated, nor are we meant to root for them trying to improve their rights as a persecuted class because the Darkling is the villain. It's just messy and confusing and a complete headache to navigate.

Two kinds of bigotry exist in this fantasy world (one made explicit and imported from the real world, the other left implicit and completely fictional) but the way the story frames and treats them completely contradicts one another.

#viv answers #cw: racism #ummmm i wasn't expecting to write this much but oh well #sorry for having OPINIONS yall #anti mal #archie can be excused from this narrative thank you lol #darklina

[thetaoofbetty]

I enjoy reading your takes because it often times helps me to see things in a way that I never saw before especially the sexism! however I do want to point out the line in which you said "if they wanted to make archie sympathetic or relatable (and i think they succeeded somewhat because look at the betty hate vs archie hate—the one who wanted to continue their weird hand holding adventures and wrote her a “pls let’s bang” song)" and I know you've said similar things like this before pointing out the hate between archie/betty and of course SEXISM again but I do want to ask when you say this what do you mean? just because in my experience archie has recieved far more hate than betty in general (actually since the beginning of the show because archie is probably, or ACTUALLY IS the least liked character in the core four) so I was wondering if the hate that betty gets which is more than archie is within your own fandom? or do you mean b*rchies? (cuz in that case we know they're very delusional and very very misogynistic, ofc not all but a vast majority are)...and as a fan of archie I would say that he has received far more hate than betty has, especially because of how the cheating went down (understandably so!) so yeah I was just wondering/pointing out that maybe the hate you see would be within your own fandom just like archie would receive hate on his fandom too? because I think it's fair enough to say that archie gets/receives the most hate from the fandom in terms of the cheating and in general because bugheads (despite whatever b*rchies say) are the biggest fandom were all upset with him and some never liked him from even before (which is okay cuz different strokes and all that). I hope this made sense and you were able to understand what I'm trying to say because I do enjoy your takes and would love to hear your opinion on this but I don't know how else to explain so hopefully I did my best!

first, thank you for the kind words!

and second, excuse me if i ramble because this is quite an ask. 

to the first part: archie isn’t as popular as the rest of the mains, true. i think that’s being conflated with archie getting hate for the cheating storyline. a lot of what i’ve seen personally is betty is this or that and wow, betty is the worst, how dare betty, betty is scum, betty should have to watch jughead kiss other girls, date other girls, betty should be alone forever, how dare she??? 

and for archie, the majority of it was, lol of course he did. 

there’s a serious difference in that. and yes, a lot of it comes from the fact that archie isn’t very popular vs the others but it was also in articles from media people that i read. it became very much a bughead narrative rather than a bugvarchie one. 

a lot of people never even mentioned veronica. which, sexism. and they all mentioned betty. because of course it’s the woman stealing someone’s man. it all came off very, “he’s just a guy, *shrug*” 

the other part of that is, and i hate this, is betty is only useful to certain parts of the fandom as long as she’s acted appropriately enough for jughead. or their idea of what appropriate is. which is grody. 

because, as much as some might not like it, if jughead forgives her, that’s it. he forgives her. you can be mad and you can write all the fic you want about it but in canon if he says he’s not mad and forgives her then...that’s it for canon. like, i get wanting something different but living your life with revenge in mind is a weird way to function but that’s my opinion. 

stanning anyone, including fictional characters, is always a bad idea. and that’s what this seems to stem from—the idea that jughead can do no wrong. 

i can give you entire episodes where he makes bad choices so... 

and the other part of it—not letting people atone or apologize. what’s the point of asking for betty’s remorse if you’re never going to let her make up for it? this happens constantly within any sort of “stanning” situation. people mess up. it’s what we do as humans. when people refuse to ever let someone try to do better because of what they’ve done in the past, i worry about the way people see their own mistakes. 

it can’t be a good mindset. 

people don’t like archie, i agree. but putting all the blame on betty because she’s supposed to be a better person isn’t fair. no one is perfect. including jughead. like, we remember he cut a tattoo off a woman, right? like, ask which one is assault and which one is a bad choice but not a crime, you know? 

assigning morality to fictional actions because one personally upsets you or you don’t like the character seems like maybe a bad precedent? and i’ve had it thrown at me by antis in other fandoms and it’s just a baffling sort of thing. it’s all fake. 

not to mention we know that a lot of what’s been said about betty would have never been said about jughead had he been the one to kiss someone else. 

and i love jughead, i love him so much, i just want to wrap him in his beanie and smoosh his and betty’s faces together, okay? i’m no jughead hater. 

but the reality is, a lot of the reaction stems from sexism and the expectation that men are just “like that.” which is wildly unfair to men sometimes. how often do people run with half the information and the clarification gets a third of the engagement the “so and so is cancelled” got? 

so i’ve always expected better of archie. and i’ll continue to do it because i enjoy pain, ha. i joke, i kid. but this is all to say i think there’s an unequal amount of expectations when it comes to betty and archie and i’m not thrilled with the story line but i was devastated by the reaction. 

thanks for the ask, lovely!💜

#besos! #rd negativity #anti-barchie #long post #just in case #sexism #anonymous

[nanyoky]

It has been a week and A HALF and it’s only wednesday i deserve so much food and the drama BETTER BE GOOD this week

of course chic’s not a blossom he’s a whatever-alice’s-maiden-name-is/jones we all know this please let the confrontation be messy with alice and fp PLEASE LORDS OF MELODRAMA

oh my god. as much as i prefer season 1 alice to season 2 alice, this reaction is great. so great. “who’s his dad? who knows! it’s a mystery! highschool was so long ago i don’t even remember everyone i dated! doesn’t matter! no one needs to know who i rode like a pornstar in the back of his pickup after the homecoming game senior year! and no one needs to know i still think about it all the time! especially when he’s talking all sarcastic with his rough hewn charm! It was one time and I definitely don’t have dreams about it ever, okay? IT’S IRRELEVANT BETTY”

oh no you guys i just thought of the fact that alice cooper likely knows where fp’s serpent tattoo is and i don’t and now i’m DISTRAUGHT

okay- like i love it when they remember people i love are friends, but why is kevin sitting in on this register interview?

....i don’t know who this dude is but kevin is excited so i’m excited for him

also why is hal talking like there’s an audience to this interview? i know i bitched about the bad season one dialogue but now it’s just WEIRD

oh noooo.... veronica actually kinda thought her mom let her invite a friend just to be nice and then had to come crashing down to manipulative reality

jughead’s back on his bullshit again *claps hands aggressively in his face* ACTUAL. AT. RISK. KIDS. SUPPORT. THAT. SCHOOL. BEING. SHUT. DOWN. STOP. TRYING. TO. HIJACK. THEIR. LIVES. SO. YOU. CAN. FEEL. MORALLY. SUPERIOR.

god i really want there to be a falling out between jughead and toni where she finally tells him off for acting all martyred when he has essentially been a serpent for a hot five minutes and sees it as a novelty that can excuse his selfish actions when the rest of them live the reality of needing a gang to survive poverty and violence and i want that scene to HURT a lot because we like jughead! we genuinely do! but he’s been such a prime fucking pill this season and he’s not going to learn and grow until he gets hurt a little bit as a direct result of the shit he’s been pulling

um so i was excited that ethel was back..... and then a characterization 180 for zero reason other than they needed someone to throw a milkshake????? why

okay that was dumb but josie’s reaction was great

like- i’m still waiting to figure out how veronica’s long con with her parents is going to shake out. they better give her a great season three subplot to make up for this messy crummy mob malarky

that was a SOLID punch

also YASSS let her snap- give us some indication she’s been holding back and biting her tongue this whole time and now she can’t take it anymore

lol leaning HARD into the crimson peak vibe with that “special tea.” they know what we want.

i. am. so. glad. jughead’s hunger strike is a joke to everyone.

but also lol: jughead: why are you being such a bastard, v? veronica: my parents don’t want me to do the thing but i’m going to do it anyway. jughead: you are my favorite friend and i’ve always supported you.

and he’s back into anti mode because betty is being softcore up for some beronica

and a hard cut to toni killing it for no reason other than that we all forgot the vixens were a thing- and toni is a swell dancer so we’re all glad to see it

THE POMPONS ON HER SNEAKERS??????

“inner circle vixens- you know who you are” PPPFFFTTT

“MANDATORY SLUMBER PARTY” GOD I MISSED YOU HBIC VIXEN CHERYL

“you were only at southside high for like- four days” thank you. and i know jughead is tying it all to growing up in the neighborhood but like- come on. jug. he’s right. you didn’t hang out with toni and sweetpea and fangs and joaquin growing up. you hung out with archie and betty and kevin. you should not be speaking for the former just because you shared a zipcode in the part of your life you won’t even remember as an adult. and if you miss your mom and jellybean so much like- call them?! why are they not brought up more often?!?!?!?!!?!?!?! when am i going to finally see neeve campbell claim her right by combat to divorce skeet ulrich in dramatic fashion when she finds out about his lovechild?????????? she killed him twice in the nineties SHE’S EARNED THIS

HOMO EROTIC BRAID TRAIN

what is cheryl wearing is that a dress? a slip? a nightgown? I DON’T CARE I WANT IT ON MY BODY

also HOLY SHIT DOES SHE HAVE HER “BURN IT TO THE GROUND” DRESS ON DISPLAY ON A DRESSFORM GOD LOVE THAT WOMAN

“wait- is this real or a game?” i stand by the headcanon that not only did joaquin tell the gang about “this is riveting-” but secrets and sins and the whole night so toni like- has tangential second hand knowledge of season 1 cheryl’s bullshit and is trying to reconcile that with the vulnerable but emotionally stunted hottie she’s learned to love

god i’m still FURIOUS that we will never see teen serpents all together i would kill for a flashback of them all hanging out on the night of jughead’s birthday and joaquin bursts through the door at 2am like “I JUST HAD THE WEIRDEST FUCKING NIGHT OF MY LIFE INCLUDING THAT TIME I STUFFED A BODY IN A FREEZER LET ME TELL YOU *EVERYTHING*”

also i just realized toni has primarily male friends so her confusion might be partially due to the fact she’s NEVER BEEN TO A SLEEPOVER?!?!?! she’s just sitting there like “oh shit- ‘i don’t feel safe in my home’ is this a game??? i haven’t seen this in any teen flicks how do you play??? are their pillow fights involved?????”

SHE JUST CALLED HER TT. LIKE JJ. as a messy bitch who loves questionable things in her suburban gothics: FUCK. YES.

there is.... something both HILARIOUSLY implausible, but also HILARIOUSLY realistic about this. “i invited you all here because i fear for my life in my own home.” “omg same let me tell you MY family drama.” sleepovers just be like that.

they just turn in after thiss???? okay THAT i don’t believe. sleepovers are the time for plotting convoluted and dangerous plans to solve your life problems, not vent for 30 seconds and then go to bed

THEY MADE EVERYONE ELSE SLEEP ON THE FLOOR BUT CHERONI IS BATHED IN SEXY RED MOOD LIGHTING I’M CACKLING

i’m trying to picture cheryl announcing the sleeping arrangements and i can’t stop laughing. “as the newest vixen, toni will have the privilege of a mattress. not alone of course. i AM the hostess after all. there is plenty of room.” toni: oh that’s so nice and not weird or suspicious of you cheryl i would love to bone- i mean sleep on the same bed three feet apart from you. everyone else: we’re still here stop being nasty.

cheryl and toni are meant to be because they both don’t remove their makeup before bed like some kind of goblins with naturally perfect skin no matter what hell they put it through

BLOSSOMS! BACK AT IT! THERE’S MY FAM! BRINGIN HOME THE GOLD WITH ATTEMPTED MURDER AND SOME CLAUDIUS/GERTRUDE- I MEAN PENELOPE ACTION

((i can’t tell if this episode is actually better or if i’m just in a better mood tonight. don’t care. having fun.))

molly ringwald!!!! missed you boo

.....who is that boy veronica just snubbed on his cupcake and kiss i only saw the back of his head but i know my TYPE when i see it

“right now i’m only interested in one girl, you.” ethel shifts uncomfortably because no one could resist that gay shit right there no matter how hard we may try

also tho- for the record, i’m with ethel, sexualizing your student body president campaign is tacky and archaic af

oh my god jughead you look like a freshman delivering his first speech at the regional finals

also lol they got like Other Serpents to fill in the club so that it’s not just the snakey core four

AND HE’S BACK USING THE TRIBE FOR HIS OWN NARRATIVE GODDAMMIT JUGHEAD YOU’RE MAKING IT SO HARD TO LIKE YOU RIGHT NOW

KEVIN THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THIS NONSENSE I THOUGHT YOU AND I AGREED YOU WORK ON JUST BEING YOU FOR AWHILE AND THEN IF JOQUIN COMES BACK THEN YOU HAVE A LOVE INTEREST?!

oh kev i can’t stay mad at you not when you can’t keep a secret to save your goddamn life. sweet bean. precious pea. too good for this world.

oh i like this. i like betty getting FEROCIOUSLY protective of kevin- even though i’m not even entirely sure chic is as dodgy as they’re trying to make us think

ahhh there she is josie- my ambitious girl.

oh my gooooooddddddddddd. serpents why are you listening to jughead- with that edit away from the scene i thought they were gunna let him have it. why do they suddenly think he’s right????? THEY HATED THAT SCHOOL! THEY WERE HAPPY TO GO TO RHS! THIS IS CANON AND IN THE DIALOGUE! I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS SEASON!

WUT THE FUCK BETTY. i kinda love it tho

oh lordy- heavy handed girl power political twisting- COMPLETE WITH SONG

i mean- i know that ethel has always been a very minor side character, but i’m still disappointed they’re using her for this plot when the last we saw of her in season one was her being very mature and understanding that veronica does not control her parents actions and now she’s the exact opposite with like- no new personal story to back this change up. you either get put on a bus at the end of season one or you stick around long enough to be handed a sloppily put together new personality that no one wants.

JOSIE?! honestly i know i keep saying it but this is so messy what even is this show anymore

((sorry i’m whining again- i really liked the sleepover bring that bit back))

that was a well done breakdown from mendes good job girl that built really nice

also was that a spark of season one hermione i saw???? please?????

“she wears it when she has sex with jughead” oh my. oh dearie me. this is. goodness.

betty you fell into one of the classic blunders- never admit anything you’re accused of until they have proof lol even chic is surprised that worked

alice needs a system reboot at the thought of jughead and betty boning for various reasons- not least of all the generational echo of her life

JUGHEAD AND FP SCENE. these are the only times this season that remind me of my love for that skinny little twerp. their interactions remain golden and heartbreaking and i love themboth to bits.

boys- wake up and smell the custody papers. jellybean aint comin back. good or bad idea. also jug- you’re sixteen? two years you’ll be out of here on a scholarship anyway- stop acting like people don’t move out of small towns anymore

OH GOD THEY’RE GENTLE SNUGGLING HLEP ME just bury me in scenes of these boys bonding over their pigheaded natures

like this annoys me that they’re couching this in archie drinking hiram’s koolaid because “i don’t think jughead’s fighting FOR anything.” is the smartest thing archie’s said all season

archie deserved that now go after jughead, molly ringwald i trust you to dress anyone and everyone down as you see fit

“i’m.... very well acquainted with how alluring the jones men are” yes.... yeeesssss..... yaassssss YASSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“woah- wait-” keep up betty we all knew this from alice and fp’s first interaction in season one

there she goes- puttin it together. “absolutely not” my lumpy ass

“don’t forget what he did.” “i will never forget” ......i’mma confess i honestly forgot about the murder that’s how fucking messy this season has been.

jesus christ this mutual blackmailing but also gaslighting between chic and betty is just nightmarishly stressful 

YASS BACK ON CHERYL BEING THE TRADITIONAL GOTHIC HEROINE OF EVERY MOOR-SET PAPERBACK EVER PRINTED i missed this. i missed the trational gothic heroine trapped in an american/suburban gothic.

*sigh* i’ve spent all season holding out hope- giving varchie the benefit of the doubt that they were both playing close to the chest and pulling long cons on mama and papa lodge, but i don’t know. i think it’s just bad writing now.

yeah hiram like anyone would ever believe that the bulldogs would go to disband a protest of their peers with wire cutters completely of their own volition. NO ONE is going to think the developer who is essentially the only one with a personal stake in the demolition of the school might have twisted their arms. solid plan. no one will suspect you’re pulling the strings of these teens.

god they’re making this so dramatic but i hate this plotline and the lack of consistency with the serpents plot so it’s just laughable

omg omg- can we just forget the unfortunateness of this episode’s plot for jughead and instead get fucking PUMPED to see him try to get votes for student council i am READY FOR THIS TRAINWRECK

lol- if this was anyone but jughead i’d be laughing at him agreeing that she stay in the trailer without consulting- you know- the adult who owns the trailer and is his legal guardian, but this is fp we’re talking about he’s gunna be so stoked. he’s gunna buy like all new pillows and sheets and curtains and like a “welcome home” teddybear and stock the fridge full of healthy things he imagines people like betty eat. like smoothies. fp needs all the strawberry smoothies as jughead’s dowery to seal the deal

MORE MOLLY RINGWALD?! YAYYYY!!!

HOLY SHIT???? i mean- i was all for cheryl being the typical gothic heroine trapped away and called mad once she wised up to her shady family but this is... hmmm. wow. that’s..... a lot. nto sure how i feel about it.

#nell liveblogs #riverdale spoilers #not fully tagging cuz i got whiney again #sorry guys

[serpenteve]

Is it so hard for people to understand the reason we have a gripe with Book!Mal is bc he's toxic? "he's a teen! and confused" So?? Does he have to be such a turd about it? Slut shames her, insults her, mopes around because for once in their relationship, ppl are looking up to her and not him & resents her for that. The fact is, Aleks is the villain. We expect crap from him. But Mal is supposed to be the Love interest so its odd when the villian is more concerned for alina & her health than he is

Anon, this rehabilitation of Mal's character is 100% a new thing from my fandom experience.

Back when we read the books, pretty much everyone recognized Mal's character was toxic garbage. In fact, I'd argue that Leigh's failure with his characterization (among other things) contributed to such a large part of the fandom shipping Alina with the villain out of pure spite 😂

Now new people come to the fandom and see the amount of hate book!Mal gets and want to be all contrarian about it. We held Mal to a higher standard than the Darkling because we expected better and all we got was your garden variety fuckboi that felt emasculated that his girlfriend was stronger than him and actively spent the majority of the trilogy making her feel like shit for being Grisha and hating that her life no longer revolved around him. Gee, I wonder why so many fans preferred the fucking villain when he was the only one encouraging her to embrace her powers from the start and offering her the throne.

And to add insult to injury, Mal was toxic in a very familiar way that reminded a lot of us of abusive ex-partners and garbage people in our own lives while the Darkling's villainy was mostly cartoonish by comparison. Hence the visceral hatred for book!Mal despite him never doing anything remotely evil like destroying a town for funsies or raising a shadow army.

People don't always map their personal experiences onto fictional characters the same way, so while there are very much readers who can map their own experiences with abuse with Alina's relationship with the Darkling, that doesn't mean everyone does. Nor does it mean that if a reader maps their past abuse to Mal's behavior towards Alina, that's it's some kind of "haha hypocrite11" own if they also happen to ship Darklina, especially since the vast majority of Darklina shippers know their ship isn't for everyone and would have been fine with Alina ending up with fucking nobody as long as she got to keep her powers.

#viv answers #anti mal #cw: abuse #this is about book!m*l #archie can be excused from this narrative thank you lol

[serpenteve]

afaik most darkling and darklina stans stopped listening to lb's thoughts ages back so it doesn't really matter BUT on the other hand stuff like this just fuels antis to attack stans and shippers and gives them more ammo so *sigh*

if it's old, why do you not see the problematic behaviour in the canon love interest leigh?

if it's new, why can't you leave the darkling stans alone leigh they're the ones buying your books and making fan content and driving up engagement anyway not your precious canon ship fans.

gods the more i see her hottakes the more i feel like writing hotcakes about this shitty story.

In context, her words seem *slightly* better. But I still think this is fueled by her complete misunderstanding of why Darklina became the most popular ship of the original trilogy ☠️

The thing is, there are so many writing blunders like her botching of Alina's character arc, the backwards moral landscape, the mess she made of Mal's character and narrative role, giving the Darkling sympathetic goals, completing wasting Nikolai as a love interest, etc that all came together to create the perfect storm in which 3/4 of the fandom ended up hating her end game ship and the rest either shipped Darklina or Nikolina or Alina x therapy ☠️I used to be able to count the total number of Mal x Alina shippers on this site on one hand---that's how much he was hated in the fandom.

But instead of admitting this was because of her writing mistakes, she blames the fandom for being a bunch of horny bimbos who can't ignore a good jawline 🙄Even though Mal also is described as being hot but that didn't stop most of the fandom from hating his guts ☕

#viv answers #sab salt #anti mal #archie can be excused from this narrative thank you lol

[nanyoky]

Someone’s stomach still hates her, so it’s BREAD NIGHT instead of sushi night but HERE WE GO

lol cheryl. for just one tiny moment, i bet a couple kids were ready for a columbus style defamation and dressing down, but not our cheryl. nope. she’s just taking another opportunity to be the live action pacifica northwest.

“the southside kids are fine, but their parents are FURIOUS.” i’m gunna need more than that mayor mac- why? are the southside kids studying too hard now that they have real books? does sweetpea’s mum have to drive him all the way across town to his new school every morning? if the city shut down the school and absorbed these kids into the other district, the district buses would have to come to them, yes? so why would Mama Sweets driving him??? I NEED MORE DETAILS MAYOR MAC.

a neighborhood party for both north and southside. but the serpents are hired as security. do you see the problem here folks???? i mean- obviously not every single southsider is in the gang, but they are a good chunk of the people you’re trying to integrate into the community. so..... what’s really happening.... is a party of northsiders........ with southsiders as The Help. ......great plan i can’t wait.

there’s something really hilarious about the marked height difference between archie and hiram and archie is enjoying every inch of it- deep, deep down inside while he tries to figure out what the fuck is happening in his dining room.

me @ Hal: you’ve got the personality of a brillo pad go out in the garage or something

chic is chillingly cavalier, which is just how i want him, but betty brining up  the “cresent moons” on her palms was ham handed and awkward come on we were doing so much better with dialogue recently

this guy can’t possibly be legit there’s no way a trained agent of anything would trust archie with a can of pringles

there is just so much in the gang checking out betty’s picture of chic. kevin thinks he looks hot and maybe familiar because kevin likes pretty, hooded eyed bad boys who probably have a switchblade in their back pocket ((me too bro it’s okay)). veronica calling him “the omen.” betty sort of expecting but not knowing how to react to her friends thinking her long lost brother is a babe. also summarizing her current home life perfectly in how alice is being awkwardly infantizing and how hal is being definitely not chic’s biological dad and pissy about it. excellent. all excellent.

betty’s “hanging out with toni? cool. that’s cool” face is just... so betty.

“oldest living serpent” SHUT UP i bet he’s adorable i can’t wait

“your dad doesn’t like me” “what? no!” veronica is suddenly a worse liar than betty and that is SAYING something

veronica references the movie “foxcatcher” which i both want to see and don’t want to see and have been waffling about for over a year. anyone care to swing me on it?

varchie is lying to one another and it is all going to blow up so terribly

hoooooolllllyyyyyyy shhhiiiiitttttt. i see. this is a topical episode. and tangentially personal. i went to school near the dakota borders. i have friends who spent weeks at the pipeline protests. but also um.... why do i get the sense that for some bizarre reason, this is going to be jughead’s narrative....... *SIGH*

i need about twelve drinks right now. but also did i nail it with that columbus reference or what?

((fun fact to lighten the mood: my city is working on getting a statue of christopher columbus replaced with one of prince because he was from here and he “represents us better”. bless this midwest))

*HEFTY SIGH* mayor mac. i genuinely want to see more of your adulterous but charming affair with papa keller but you keep fighting tooth and nail to stay on my shitlist

kevin’s porn watching has solved a mystery that shouldn’t really have been a mystery to anyone? i thought fantasy fulfillment was pretty fuckin clear. also, kev, WHY ARE YOU WATCHING PORN IN POP’S WHAT THE FUCK BRO WHO DOES THAT

Archie: *jake peralta voice* why does everyone keep touchin my butt?

IS THE SHERIFF THERE TO WATCH KEVIN’S TRYOUT HELP MY HEART DON’T YOU *DARE* BE SHADY PAPA KELLER DON’T YOU BETRAY MY BOY

KEVIN’S GOOD. KEVIN’S A GOOD WRESTLER. MY LITTLE HEART.

none of these boys better make ANY comments about kevin wrestling or i will come after them with A BAT

this is a much needed self esteem boost for kevin- being better at something traditionally masculine than archie, the all american boy and I SUPPORT HIS PRIDE I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY KEV EVEN IF YOU LOOK AT CAM BOYS AT A PUBLIC DINER YA WEIRDO

this is an A+ sweater from betty holy jeez contender #1 for outfit mvp

bets did you watch a bunch of your brother’s sexy vids? holy jeez i need to feel better so i can have a drink ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS ESSAY I KNOW YOU ARE

kevin’s writing a gossip column now? i both love and hate this. give me a sample of it and i will swing one way or the other

“this is a story we need to tell” close jughead. this is a story you need to help the right people tell. as support. not the main voice. please tell me that is on its way. (i doubt it)

also i feel like the writers came up with this history of the gang, shall we say, quite a ways after casting of the gang.... not that the gang has to be all direct descendants of the tribe but.... still. 

kevin’s going to help archie practice cuz he’s the best of all of us. also it’s going to make him feel good about himself and i don’t begrudge him that in the slightest.

“you don’t really think this could be long term, do you?” chic you were living in a hostel where people get stabbed/their stuff stolen- how is that long term?

it’s a repeat but i think this is the first time this season we’ve heard a character’s original song? i miss the pussycats. i miss “we tell our own story” divas of color. i honestly kinda miss “i wanna be a musician” archie tbh. the music in general has taken a definite turn this season and i like all the retro but god the s1 soundtrack was SO damn good and atmospheric

Hiram has mastered the painfully overt backhanded compliment in a way i would have scoffed at two years ago but honestly i know people liek this now and it’s a nightmare.

lol veronica and archie turn this into the cold war of in-law relations. “i’m glad you’re not man enough to wrestle archie makes me feel like my daughter’s virtue is safe with you” “oh yeah well i think archie is hot” “yeah and we are TOTES comfortable kissing in front of you because our relationship is TOO HOT TO CONTAIN SO THERE”

*long, loud groan* oh my gggaaaaawwwwddd hal

that being said i kinda feel the same way about the narrative doing this weird displacement where Chic replaces Polly as the Problem Cooper and Sweetpea and Fangs are splitting up the threads of Joaquin’s storyline like come on writers either get your actors back or write something new- don’t just rework existing threads of character and plot for new faces.

kevin stop looking so eager we know hiram is a babe okay but that’s your friend’s dad

kevin and chuck both know enough about wrestling to know hiram is being a dick and not demonstrating for the sake of demonstrating. i mean- i don’t know shit about wrestling and i could tell that- but i have the benefit of knowing the narrative

“Get the message?” no hiram i think you’re being a tad too subtle. try farting on him.

TONI. THAT’S MY GIRL. FINALLY. THANK GOD. i was so scared this storyline was going to let jughead be this painfully white without acknowledgement but here we go. thank god. jughead has been whiter than i am recently and that is SAYING something.

okay so josie’s mad at veronica now which means we don’t get a pussycat reunion? DID THEY LOSE MELODY AND VAL TO OTHER GIGS??? JESUS RIVERDALE HOLD ON TO YOUR CAST ((i’m just assuming. i don’t know if polly and joaquin and melody and val and smithers all have other acting jobs keeping them from doing riverdale- it’s just it doesn’t make sense narrative-wise so i assume it’s a scheduling thing))

“cameras aren’t here, jackie o” that’s my girl

“the old ways die hard it seems” SOCIAL COMMENTARY

i love this wrestling plotline for many kevin reasons, but one of them is it gives and opportunity to show kevin interacting with a male friend. they’re obviously making a better effort to make him more than the “sassy gay friend” but this is one i feel a lot of people would miss. we’re used to gay men befriending women and being romantically involved with or lusting after men exclusively. but kevin and archie are friends! and we love them both! kevin jokes around about archie being hot and neither of them are uncomfortable! archie goes to kevin for help with something kevin has more knowledge/skill at! if i remember right archie was the first one to call joaquin kevin’s boyfriend! they are bros! and this is just really nice!

also how did i not notice kevin is ridiculously buff before? did he beefcake up between seasons or did those sweaters just slim him down a lot somehow? woops better go back and rewatch season one again to check. god what a chore.

chic is AGGRESSIVELY questioning betty’s intentions because we aren’t aware enough that he has TRUST ISSUES

i still don’t know how i feel about any of this and i keep swinging back and forth on “dark betty” from episode to episode depending on what they’re doing with it

“i took care of her while you were in prison” “excuse me” OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT HERE LIES ARCHIE ANDREWS DUMB BOY GOOD BOY SWEET BOY

i really need to know what veronica knows about her parents and how she is biding her time and handling it because the writers are just not throwing her a goddamn bone lately other than to occasionally call out toxic masculinity

honestly i feel like i don’t understand hiram. maybe because i’m not a blindly competitive douchenozzle. but like- surely laying things out so bullheaded and aggressive can’t be a better strategy than lying in wait and learning what you can? he could pretty easily wreck their relationship- those two keep screwing things up between them anyway. it can’t be that hard to be subtle buddy ((hiram is a gryffindor. nell is a slytherpuff. nell does not understand lion people.))

we see more hints of veronica faking the koolaid drinking with her parents. but is that truly what hermione wants? who is real? season one or two hermione?! i must know!!!!

*jughead continues to make this about him* toni: “i thought you were apologizing.” thank god for tony. give her her own narrative and stop making her only scenes be about jughead one way or another. she’s got such potential

for all that i still think the narrative is still going to find a way to keep jughead’s feelings at the forefront of this plot thread, there was some good delivery on “i had no right.” a kid realizing for the first time that just because he feels really strongly about something, does not mean he’s universally in the right on the subject. i know so many grown ass adults who don’t know this. i’m just really hoping not just jughead as a character takes a step back for a bit, but the narrative lets him and uses the room he makes well.

of course hiram invites veronica thinking archie isn’t going to make the team

slap his butt ronnie

so which chuck are we getting today god only knows because his redemption never saw any continuation or closure beyond gettin flirty with josie so i have no idea if it was genuine

Me, who knows nothing about sports of any kind beyond that i like it when Klose does the flippy: Wrestling is an aesthetically stupid sport

we’re all acknowledging how very uncomfortable and surreal this is for veronica right? watching her boyfriend grapple with the guy who publicly humiliated and harassed her a few months back? but in like- a “sportsman behavior” setting? very weird.

was that archie realizing he was being tested? is dating a lodge like converting to judaism? gotta be denied three times and persist?

alice is being so painfully stepfordy and i’m frightened and intrigued by the moment when the other shoe will drop and chic sees the alice cooper we all know and love to hate and hate to love

again- i’m really shocked that like- no one read between the lines on what chic’s livelihood came from

“he has to go and you know damn well why” *clutches pearls* oh good heavens hal what reason could that possibly be??? i haven’t the foggiest

PENELOPE IS LIKE AN AMALGAMATION OF EVERY DISNEY VILLAIN EVER IN THIS SHOT I’M DYING

OH SHIT. OH SHIT. VERONICA AND THE PUSSYCATS.

like on the one hand, that was a fucking power move and i kind of just have to give props for the sheer audacity, but on the other hand PEOPLE NEED TO STOP CUTTING JOSIE OFF FROM ANY AND ALL SUPPORT SHE’S JUST BEING MANIPULATED AND ATTACKED ON ALL SIDES AND I NEED HER TO BE OKAY BECAUSE SHE HAS FAR TOO MANY FEELINGS IN HER BIG BROWN EYES

oh god oh god this is too fucking real i need a drink but i’m still sick fuck this is real. fuck. toni’s face. cuz honestly she’s tough but you can tell she’s not used to the spotlight and it took all her courage to get up and be the voice of the protest only to be derailed and minimalized fuck let this girl have more to do than occasionally be the voice of reason to jughead and the serpents. 

BAHAHAHA is hal going to sleep with penelope to get back at alice for having a kid with fp back in highschool jesus christ this show

i’m reserving judgement on the chic plotline until it progresses more but right now i’m just kinda “....huh.” about it

oh betty. oh honey. oh babe.

“That was the old me” archie has been through five “new me”s in the past month. i mean this is obviously to get on hiram’s good side, but still it’s hilarious.

oh of course. they couldn’t just let this fucking go could they. gotta frame the serpents for something else. or not! maybe it was the serpents! doesn’t actually matter. either way mayor mac, lodges and papa keller are going to be the absolute worst about it.

can we get back to being a gothic mystery show next ep? please?

Episode Scorecard:

Number of Sick Beatdrop editing sequences: none. it seems they’ve abandoned this, sadly, along with the rest of the season one soundtrack and editing style. which is a shame.

Do I Still Miss Joaquin: please just imagine wrestling matches with Joaquin dragging all the other teen serpents along with to be the loudest, rowdiest, Team Keller-est cheering section riverdale has ever seen. Kevin is equal parts pleased and mortified. cheryl and toni are dating by now, so cheryl makes them all tshirts. they all have no fucking clue how wrestling works. they love it.

Episode Hair MVP: jughead’s bangs were corkscrewing again- like mine do when my hair air dries just right. i live the curly/wavy combo life too juggie. i know it’s hard.

Episode Outfit MVP: betty’s felted floral sweater- tho i’m still perplexed by the collars on this show. someone in wardrobe has a signature and i don’t begrudge them- i’ve just never seen collars on any outfit anywhere like these ones

#riverdale spoilers #long post #nell liveblogs #unsubtle highschool suburban gothic of my dreams #riverdale season 2 #there was no fp this episode which is a crime