#anyway I had this blog for a while with the purpose of only posting art here and there

[theminecraftbee]

I'm really glad to have found the Hermitcraft fandom here on Tumblr, I've been a long time fan and it's awesome to discover all this great fanart and content and stuff. Any must-follow MCYT/Hermitcraft/Minecraft blogs?

oh gosh, welcome! in general i am BAD about remembering who i follow and who i don't; a great way to find who you want to follow might be to just go through the #hermitcraft tag and follow people you find funny, or, heck, if i reblog a lot of art from a certain artist you like (or not a lot, like one art even), go follow them!

while we're here, a few additional general etiquette rules (keeping in mind that like, this is tumblr, trying to claim ANYTHING is a whole-community norm is basically impossible i am claiming a norm from my specific circle of guys): do not crosstag, only tag things that are actually in your post. don't use the 'minecraft' tag, that tag is for people who like the actual game. (i mean, you can use it if you are posting about minecraft, but not if you're posting about the youtubers). it's generally considered rude to put your crit in the main tags, especially without tagging 'discourse' somewhere so it can be filtered. shipping should generally have a 'hermitshipping' tag on it for filtering purposes as well, but if something is tagged hermitshipping and you're mad about it just like, block them, they did the important part.

the hermits i know of on tumblr (could be more, idk): @/joehills @/pearlescentmoo @/falsesymmetry @/therealdocm77 (not actually active but has the account) @/geminitayyt. cleo also had an account but it is no longer active. also @/inthelittlewood is here and like very active, as is @/askzloyxp and @/quinnhills. as a general etiquette rule, just... act like they're perfectly ordinary tumblr users and continue your business as usual! and don't send them weird asks or anything.

off the top of my head, a few blogs i like, an EXTREMELY non-exhaustive list, find your own guys out there as well you won't regret it! like, you will find the experience you like best just going out there and looking for it yourself! i've absolutely missed a bunch of guys i love, let alone guys you would love! this is like 10 million percent non-exhaustive, i follow 1,570 blogs apparently, many of which aren't hermitcraft or mcyt related, but many of which are, so i just sorta. went for it. and when i was having trouble remembering if a name was a repeat that's when i stopped. so. non-exhaustive list:

@nightshadeowl, @jestroer, @astronomodome, @kingtheghast, @floweroflaurelin, @roenais, @silverskye13, @wasyago, @rusty-courage, @art-by-fate, @silverskye13, @redstonedust, @betweenlands, @sixteenth-days, @judas-iscaryot, @terracottakore, @cherrifire, @antimony-medusa, @hybbart, @made-nondescript, @luigra, @cuteiemonster, @mawofthemagnetar, @potionofinstantdamage, @concorp, @spiderziege, @salemoleander, @bc-jpeg, @magicalmanhattanproject, @simplydm, @12u3ie, @mishapen-dear, @lunarblazes, @girltimeswithscar, @kishdoodles, @quaranmine, @shadeswift99, @bdoubleowo, @quicksandblock, @beacon-lamp, @kikunai, @sideblague, @applestruda, @ingapotejtoo, @belmarzi, @strifetxt

anyway FEEL FREE TO PROMO GUYS OR YOURSELF ON THIS POST TOO! from what i understand we may be getting some new guys sometime soon here from the twitter lands? so it may be helpful to have that for anyone who's looking for new guys to follow!

and most of all: WELCOME!!!

#answered #i DEFINITELY MISSED ABOUT A MILLION BELOVED MUTUALS AND IM SO SORRY #I JUST. I STARTED TO RUN OUT OF ABILITY TO TELL IF ID ALREADY LISTED ONE OF YOUR BLOGS #PRETTY SURE I ACCIDENTALLY DOUBLED SOMEONE ALREADY. #also i am so sorry none of these links work. see when i tried to publish this ask originally tumblr decided that it couldn't actually #so i had to copy-paste it and try again. #anyway WELCOME I HOPE YOU FIND YOUR PEOPLE! :D #also if you don't wanna be on this post let me know and i'll remove you and also i'm sorry

[colleendoran]

Hi Colleen,

I love seeing your work, so thank you very much for posting. I was wondering about those pieces noted as private commissions. Do you have to get permission from the owner of the piece to post them or is that even an issue? I really enjoy your blog and the "behind the scenes" info on being a professional artist. Stay well.

Hi, thank you! What a great question.

When someone buys a piece of original art like this, they are buying physical ownership, not copyright. The right of physical ownership does not mean I cannot use the art in publications, make prints of it and sell it, or anything else, unless there is a written agreement between me and the buyer conveying reproduction rights.

Since I don't own the rights to SANDMAN in the first place, I could not convey publication rights of this piece to a third party anyway.

Copyright means The Right To Copy. And it doesn't just mean one thing. There are as many copyrights as there are means to make copies. There are book publishing rights, book publishing rights by nationality, rights to print on clothing, fine art prints, electronic rights, film, etc. Each of these rights are separate copyrights and are negotiated individually.

Now for commissions based on the intellectual property of a company like Marvel and DC, some artists ( like me ) may have licensing agreements with the publishers to do art or make prints. For example, I have a limited license with DC Comics to make a small number of prints per year. But you never see me making Marvel Comics prints, because I don't have a license with them. And I am only allowed to sell prints under special circumstances. I can't open a shop and post them on my website.

Many artists do this without permission, but I don't like to push my luck. I've never done a print of IP I do not own.

While DC has no objection to me doing this commission or making a print, I can only make so many prints. And if I wanted to publish the art in a book, I would have to get separate permission for that.

I do Marvel-based commissions because I have a letter on file with Marvel telling me I can.

A commission of another company's IP is (likely) a derivative work, and while most publishers don't care if you make prints or do commissions, some care a lot. While they won't go after a fan artist, they will bring the hammer down on a pro artist, and I've seen them do it. I've had two publishers specifically forbid the creation of prints and commissions in their contracts, but I see tons of artists making prints and commissions of their IP.

So whatever.

Anyway, if a fan buys a piece of original art like this, they get the original art - not reproduction rights. And even if I sold reproduction rights, I would reserve the right to use the art for publicity and portfolio purposes, which would generally be considered fair use anyway.

A few times, clients have forbidden such use in contracts. I think that's outrageous and I don't work for these people anymore.

As a pro, I have to worry about these things because I have to respect my clients. As a fan, it's probably not a big deal because major publishers don't like to go after fans.

They will do it, but usually only if you really step over the line.

But no one gets reproduction rights when they buy a commission from me.

#creator rights #copyright

[mcytblraufest]

Hi hi!! I'm very excited to see a reverse-bang is happening! I'm already in way too many fandom events but oh well what's more lmao

ANyway! I wanted to ask, for the artists, does the AU we draw have to be something completly new, or can it be one we've drawn for before? If we've drawn it before does it matter if those drawings have been posted elsewhere? (I just want to be sure 'cos I have a few ideas and some are for AUs I've played with in the past and others are for AUs I haven't really touched yet)

Also! Once we're paired with our writer, can the artist share ideas for story or whatever that they might have had for the au? Or is it just like 'here's my art, good luck!', giving the writer free-reign. And can we do more art for our writer than just the original drawing?

Okay I think that's everything, sorry for the rambly questions😅

Hello! No problem, we're happy people are excited!

The question of if you've posted about the AU before hits two snags, kind of.

The first one is anonymity. If you think that anyone who sees this AU will automatically know who submitted it, because it's a famous named au that people know from your blog— that would probably not be best to submit. I know art styles are often identifiable, but sign ups are still supposed to be reasonably anonymous. But if you've barely talked about it, go for it!

And the second one is the question about if a person has to consume like fifteen pieces and an essay to understand your art— that's not gonna work. The art pieces have to stand alone, whatever piece(s) you submitted. So if you have fifteen sketches in your drafts about this, but you can just make an awesome finished piece, then again, go for it!

So as long as your art will not immediately de-anon you and can stand along, submit away!

Once you're paired with the writer, you can share more ideas for story and brainstorming if you want, that would be awesome, but from a modly stance they're considered non-binding. The only information the person has to work with is the submitted information on the sign-up form. We want to make sure that the writer is jumping off of the art the artist provided, and any work they do is following from it and inspired by it, but after that point the writer does still have creative control over their own work. In the same way that last year we didn't want writers to be doing like— art orders that they'd only be happy with specific art— we want to make sure that artists are not doing fic commissions where they're basically ordering a fic to their specifications.

Which is way out beyond the edge of what you asked, I know you were just like "omg if I have extra ideas can I share them", and the answer to that is yes, but I just wanted to share the like end point rule of that from a mod standpoint, if you have creative differences. While you are absolutely free to share the ideas, we love the idea of collaborative brainstorming and that's one of the purposes of a big bang and the joys of working in teams, the writer can come up with their own ideas too if they want to, cause they're the one posting the work. So like in practice probably your writer will love to hear more ideas and work with them, in the same way that artists working with writers were happy to get extra details about what people looked like and what they were wearing (that happens with most events that I've seen). But at the end of it the person posting the fic gets final call about what goes into the fic, as long as they're adhering to the information posted in the sign-up. So yes absolutely you can be a brainstorming partner— but you're not a creative director— but being a brainstorming partner is awesome, go for it! Any amount of extra collaboration you can do with your partner rocks.

And absolutely you can do more art for your writer than your original piece! I know I've heard some artists talking already about how they intend to submit art, get matched to a writer, and then draw art based on the fic based on their art. We're gonna get nested art. Which absolutely rocks. If you want to do something like that, fill your boots, I can't wait to see what you come up with.

The baseline is that a big bang is about collaboration and working together with people. If you want to do *more* collaboration and working together with people, that's absolutely awesome and go for it.

#anon #faq

[princessprettyprivilege]

So I kinda having a problem now that I am seeing lots of blogs of high maintace and beauty... The thing is, the advices are good, but they mostly make me feel bad about myself, like the blogger would do a whole paragraph about how good they are and why, and I feel... kinda triggered? Or incapable? I can't explain exactly, but it kinda blocks me in my level up journey, like I saw a "stand out" post and when I saw that I was nothing more than a boring bettie to the blooger view, I don't feel good, like, she is so much better and exotic than me. How can I not feel inferior while leveling up to beauty and high maintace?

Ah, I see. I try to be as kind as possible without inclusivity because my life and social experiences taught me that beauty, high maintenance, this type of life is not for everyone and I’d be doing a disservice to myself & those that want to be here by opening the floodgates to everyone.

I had a realization a few nights ago with pretty privilege that it’s trialing what works for you through social experiments and if you try to implement info from someone who’s never been like you, your results will not be alike, then that leads to a viewer asking more and more questions what you covered, etc. since they aren’t receiving the exact same results.

I fully understand what you mean and how you feel, since the “holier than thou” posts are meant to shock, and some of the viewers that are shocked will feel empowered to do better while the other viewers will be put off and feel worst off. If it triggered you, the post/poster did their job.

At the same time, I know some bloggers in this community get annoyed with people asking the same questions that they found online, trying to dox them to prove their authenticity, expecting things to be spoon fed to them, prying into their lives with invasive questions and copying them then taking credit, so the blogger reacts like that. I’m reaching a point of only providing my search terms so the spoonfed viewers research themselves.

I’m not trying to call bull on whoever you’re referring to since I don’t go out searching for other pretty privilege or high maintenance content on tumblr, but there are role-players who try to prove their authenticity by doing too much.

Anyways, how can you not feel inferior when leveling up your beauty?

Take only good advice from those pages or stop following them. Keep in mind though, their behavior has already told you how they feel about you and people like you, unprovoked!!! Even with good advice, their dose of superiority on an otherwise great plate sours the entire dish.

Follow influencers who motivate without turning people against each other. I have no reason to wonder what’s going on behind me.

Stop moving the goalpost for yourself or allowing others to.

Keep your goals in mind, viewing leveling up as an escalator, since an escalator doesn’t allow people to join you on your step riding up like an elevator does. You each have your own step. Step off when it’s your time to!

Do everything with a purpose, not out of habit. Habits make us feel all warm and cozy but become shackles if they’re unhelpful. I wear a full face of makeup not only out of habit, but because my made up face changes my life, makes me feel good, and it’s fun turning a blank canvas into art.

Look for professional makeup artist books online that dive into beauty and the beauty OF beauty!!

Maximize the pretty!! 💖💖

#high maintenance #pretty privilege #princesskhalyiah #pretty privilege notes personal #princess khalyiah asks #my asks 🌹

[psychewritesbs]

Thanks so much for sharing your metas @theanimepsychologist , I learn a lot of things from you...

Sorry for just realizing it now, that you are the writer of one of my favorite 'Soul Eater' meta ever from a few years ago (love it so much).

Now I found your blog again through your JJK metas (new fan here, just got to JJK fandom last year)....

Can I ask something, do you think SatoSugu is queerbaiting? What do you think about Gojo and Geto's relationship as romantic subtext?

(Sorry if you don't ship them, it's just, I want to know objective pov like you that neither love nor hate Gojo and Geto as characters).

If I ask these questions to SatoSugu shipper or anti SatoSugu (Gojo/Geto hater) both of those groups are subjective to their likes and dislikes...

But if you don't want to talk about it, I understand, sorry if I ask too much.

Also, just want to tell you, one of the main reason why I entered the fandom, is because of stsg. The fan arts and fan fictions for SatoSugu are amazing....But I love JJK more and understand more about the story & characters are thanks to you @theanimepsychologist (Sorry again if my main reason for entering JJK fandom is because of shipping).

Well this is awkward... I've since changed my username and perplexed moots and followers alike because of it.

Anyways, is stsg queerbaiting???? HMMMMM let's taco'bout it under the cut.

I think the ship in the manga walks a very fine line between queerbaiting and whatever the opposite is, but imo, it is ultimately not queerbaiting. More about this in a little bit.

If I'm honest though, if we go by the strict definition of queerbaiting as a "marketing technique for fiction and entertainment in which creators hint at, but do not depict, same-sex romance or other LGBTQ+ representation," the anime feels by contrast queerbaity.

I say this because MAPPA seems to be very aware it is catering to a very specific target audience...

Like... did they have to go this hard with Nanami?

Similarly, they took creative decisions that were very openly supportive of stsg as a ship while still remaining somewhat ambiguous to all of the people who do not see the romantic undertones.

In other words, MAPPA goes out of their way to make certain aspects of the story more obvious, which can feel like it is very intentionally speaking to an audience that would enjoy such changes.

Honestly tho, I LOVED the creative liberties that the anime took in general.

ANYWAYS.

My thoughts on stsg... I've actually talked about how I do like this ship before. I used to be on camp "they're just friends" and came around because I saw the vision and now I can't unsee it. But the fact that I had to be shown the vision in order to "get it" makes me feel like you have to see the ship through a certain lens in order to appreciate it romantically.

Thing is that I personally find it dissatisfying that a ship is presented to me in little "hints" and "clues" rather than through the dynamic itself. Which is where the queerbaiting allegations come in.

HOWEVER, to me, knowing how Gege writes by subverting tropes, the "queerbaiting" hints are very intentionally placed in the manga to say "these two were lovers" as opposed to doing it for "marketing purposes".

Personally, I much prefer Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle's kurofai because the clues are hidden in the dynamic and their emotional behavior to one another.

Compared to stsg, I can only read romantic subtext in two or three canon stsg panels, but I'm also not sure if it's because of Gege's skill level, lesser focus on emotional intimacy, idk...

That's how I see it at least. And I honestly respect anyone who doesn't think of them as lovers because, again, the ship is somewhat hidden in clues, not in the dynamic. And say a stsg fan reads this, they could very well think "is she blind?!"

And this is where we get into post-modernism and jjk's main theme: no one owns the objective truth. You are reading jjk through your very own unique lens, and any meaning you make out of jjk is always filtered through that lens. Trying to say your truth is absolute is basically power scaling.

At one point or another someone has to agree to disagree.

So yeah, you'll hear me say this bit about not owning the ultimate truth a lot.

Anon, thank you so much for the kind comments 🥲. I am so happy to hear you loved my Soul Eater write up and that you've ran into my jjk rambles too.

Honestly, I love writing about my favorite ships and nothing makes me sadder than the state of shipping in jjk fandom because people won't just mind their own business about who should be shipped with whom.

As a side note, I've been brainrotting about atsumei recently. Might actually write about the breadcrumbs because these two move me the way some of my absolute favorite ships, soma, asucaga, and kurofai move me.

Anyways I'VE RAMBLED WHY DID NO ONE STOP ME?, it looks like you are feeling worried about my thoughts on you starting to read jjk because of stsg. I say it is a wonderful thing that you started reading it and found enjoyment in it.

Thanks for reaching out, and as per usual I apologize on taking forever to answer asks... I have like 50 and I do try to answer most of them.

#yeah i guess i was theanimepsychologist #ask the mental gymnastics anime girl

[hoghtastic]

Hello everyone! 😊 Hope you’re enjoying the holidays! And while I don’t really like spoiling the festive mood with negativity, I got sent some screenshots about things being said about this blog which aren’t true and as I personally value transparency, thought I’d share it with you guys.

So, about the first screenshot, I’d like to say that either the person is blatantly lying and didn’t really send anything, or (giving them the benefit of the doubt), Tumblr might have “eaten” their ask. Because all asks about this matter that landed on my inbox got posted, as well as any other asks. And no, I never made up any of them, as the person seems to be implying. Now, this is first and foremost a gossip & opinion blog, and some of the things discussed here are things people already found on other sources (like Reddit), so there’s no way to prove whether they’re really true or not. I’ve always been the first to advise people to take with a grain of salt everything they read online, anyway. And those who’ve been accompanying the blog know that’s true. So no, this blog’s purpose was never to “make up bad stories” or spread lies about anyone. Most of the time, people discuss what’s been posted on IG. Maybe things got overanalysed? Sure, but that’s not lying. There are as many interpretations as there are people anyway, and no one owns the truth. Except when things can be proved, which also happens a lot of the time here — the art theft incident, the “you snooze, you lose” trolling, the drunk video, to name a few. Are those lies as well? People can argue about the seriousness of these “offences”, but it’s undeniable that they happened, no one made them up just to make Johanne look bad.

So, it’s one thing if people don’t like this type of blog and don’t agree with the topics discussed here, but no one is forcing them to be here anyway. Now, to project your own way of being and accusing others of lying/making things up when it seems to be the other way around, is something I won’t accept. You don’t have to like me or my blog, but a liar & a hypocrite are two things that I’m not.

Which leads me to the second screenshot, which is a reply from someone who was not so anonymous and constantly “attacked” on an old blog for defending Johanne and have different opinions. Again, if you’ve been following the blog for a while now, you’ll see that I, personally, have offered this person nothing but kindness and respect, as well as all the other anons. No one has ever been treated poorly or silenced for having differing opinions here, as civil discussion has been the only “rule”. I’ve always intended for this to be a safe, healthy space for everyone and I still stand by my words. We don’t have to agree about everything all of the time, but we can still be respectful of each other. And that is something this person wasn’t. They had to “tell them bitches off” as if their opinion is the absolute truth? Who are they anyway, to feel entitled to tell other people off? So when this person was previously attacked and dismissed for thinking differently, I did feel sorry for them and always tried to do better, and yet, I’m still a bitch? Good to know. 🤷‍♀️ If these people can’t seemingly keep away from a blog they hate and/or don’t know what the “block” button is for, then I’ll do it for them.

I’m sorry for the rant, but some things really need to be said, especially when people go behind my back accusing me of everything I’ve worked hard not to do. At least have the decency to tell me directly? Those who know me, know I’m always open to communication, to accept different views and to discuss politely, and that’s what this blog has and will always stand for.

Thank you to the anon who let me know of this situation, to everyone who read so far & to all of you who’ve helped the blog grow and make it a fun place to be! 😊 Have a wonderful day, everyone! 💖

#admin speaks

[withered-rose-unbreakable-lotus]

I think visual kei is the longest obsession I’ve ever had. It took me 11 years to finally be chill about it. xD I’ve reached a point that I don’t care much about the scene, never seeing them live, missing releases like...this year I’ve managed to slowly detach.

Ever since I was a little girl, my favorite musicians were my life. They gave me a voice, a purpose and a dream. I wasn’t a casual listener, I was the kind of girl who needed to see them as much as possible, listen to music like 6 hours a day, if not more, my walls were always full of pictures of them, I always talked about them...they were my life. And even after getting into visual kei, I didn’t drop any of my previous favorites, I just wasn’t as focused on them as before. With previous artists I felt my enthusiasm was fullfilling and healthy, an energy boost, an inspiration, a place where I felt understood. It was sth I loved, people I loved etc. (and if you are one of those who think you have to know sb very well to love them, get the fuck out of my blog, I know what I felt and if a person can hate sb at first sight, they can love at first sight too. Yes maybe what I loved was 90% illusion, but I believe 10% was actually real cause, no matter how much a person likes to appear perfect and always friendly etc, cracks will always be there). Anyway visual kei felt like more than that to the point I really thought it was destiny to actually work with them (cause I’ve always wanted to work with my favorite artists, I just switched from wanting to go to the USA to Japan after a while being a fan). And you know what, it was fun as long as it lasted. It took me out of the dark, pulled blades away from my wrists, it kept me sane, lead to writing 2 and a half books, it lead to finally getting my hands on photoshop and honestly becoming a better person. But yeah those things aside, I realized that the goal-part was another lie I built to feel I belonged. In reality, it was another lesson in life which, once I got it, it had to go.

I’m closing 30 and I have not much passion for art or music anymore. It was painful forcing myself understand my dreams were silly, but the peace I feel now makes me think I finally made it. I can now look at their photos of the past with nostalgia and not feeling like I failed, cause it was never for me in the first place. I kept seeing people travelling there and being able to see them and, some even got chances to work with them, so I wondered wtf I was doing wrong. It was eating me alive and I desperately wanted sth to work but well...it’s all gone now. ^^

Currently I don’t have any goals but I know some old stuff came back. As a child, besides trying every artform I could get my hands on while listening to music, I also played a lot of games. We had 3 drawers and 1 cupboard full of videogames at home and I feel like I am slowly getting back to that. I limit myself only to genshin now, for sure, but I watch more playthroughs again of games I don’t have and maybe soon I will try getting a console to try more stuff, who knows. I also started watching anime again, which I had stopped for a few years.

Oh well, regardless of what the future holds, I am thankful to all those people who dared chase their dreams and inspired me do the same, my lovely musicians, even if I eventually got nowhere, and I will keep listening to their songs from time to time. And posting their pics cause nostalgia. My only complaint is that I spent the past 10 years of my life being upset that I lived in a house that didn’t allow me have posters on my walls (fucking humidity and mold ye see) and now that I can and my room is healthier, I have nobody I want on my walls. xD I will fill it with Genshin and anime characters xD.

#I'm still not happy so I don't celebrate in any way I'm just glad I found some precentage of peace away from my dreams #and stopped believing silly things #i still think people can achieve everything they want #but it does take work #and after 11 years I personally am done with that work cause apparently it wasn't enough #and that's ok #you can always find a new goal to go after #and choose how many obstacles you are willing to destroy to get to it #some people have more courage than others and patience #whether you have them or not though #finding your place in the world isn't easy #but you can't give up #there is sth out there that will either complete you or will be enough to make you feel glad you're alive #i suppose that's a goal i can have now #to find sth that can bring me happiness and like soon #cause I sure as hell won't fight for another decade for anything that excites me #if it is to bring me happiness for real it better be less than 6 years' work

[catastrofriend]

I posted 1,901 times in 2022

41 posts created (2%)

1,860 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@starrypawz

@ladyshivs

@dorkousloris

@aughtpunk

@amlovelies

I tagged 1,039 of my posts in 2022

Only 45% of my posts had no tags

#art - 271 posts

#fhr - 113 posts

#rdr2 - 74 posts

#critical role - 72 posts

#sidestep - 64 posts

#ortega - 52 posts

#ricardo ortega - 45 posts

#video - 45 posts

#ofmd - 43 posts

#fanfic - 37 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#(but for real so many road works here it's like they saved it all up for when the bridge is closed off bc then no one has to pass through)

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Discord flash prompts--”we’ll see each other again” kisses from here

Chargestep, vaguely sidestep days, 231 words, valentine’s fluff overload

AO3

----

"Will you be here when I'm done?"

 Ortega's doing the thing with his eyes again, the kicked puppy look. You only laugh, and he wiggles his eyebrows, thinking--oh, you don't know what he's thinking. You only know he's making it worse.

 "Will you, though?" he asks again.

 "Fuck no."

 "Hmph."

 You have exactly two seconds to enjoy your victory before he pulls you into a supply closet. Several brooms fall over, there's a bucket in the way and he's kissing you. Like his life depends on it.

 What can you do, you kiss back. Wrap your arms around his neck, and pull yourself up until he gets the hint (immediately) and lifts you up. You hook your legs around him as well and there's more stuff falling but who cares anyway?

 "You know you're not going to die out there, right? It's just the press."

 "I like to be prepared."

 You laugh. Cackle, possibly. Throw your head back and everything.

 "Oh I think we'll see each other again."

 "We better."

 You bump your nose against his, give him a last quick kiss as you let your feet drop back to the ground. You back away to the door that's all of half a foot away, and wave him off with a wink and a "just make sure they don't see you come out of the closet, or they’ll eat you alive."

28 notes - Posted February 15, 2022

#4

Based on the--I think it was screenshots from reddit about washing a loved one’s hair that were floating around a couple months to a year ago?

Chargestep, 847 words, yes it takes place in a bath but there’s no actual mention of nudity maybe they’re wearing clothes the whole time

AO3

----

It takes a while to sink in. Not physically, Ortega doesn’t seem to hesitate about climbing into the tub behind you. An arm around your waist, not trapping, but safekeeping. Other hand holding one of yours. The way you fit so snugly against his chest, his legs on either side of you. The little shifts of skin against skin with every breath.

You’re not really processing any of that. It’s happening, but it’s not you in there, it can’t be. You’re just watching it happen, a witness to be called forth in the upcoming trial. 

“Is this okay?” his voice is soft, fluid. Warm. You turn your head to the side, trying to catch the words better, and he repeats. “You okay like this?”

You almost hum in agreement, but then catch something. A hint. An underlying… thing. So you consider. What is “(like) this”? The bath? The heat of the water? The company? The way you’re sitting? Being exposed? Your personhood, your body, your lot in life? What is okay? Have you ever been truly okay or have you just been copying what okay looks like and convinced yourself it’s what you are. And he asked twice so he must want truth, but, what is the truth?

(pretend there’s a read more here just click the thingy under here to continue)

30 notes - Posted February 14, 2022

#3

how about a “God, I love you.”

okay i did a lot in this one but i think it's pretty cute if i do say so myself

AO3 link

----

Ortega’s being stupid. Again. You’re starting to think he does it on purpose. He’s got that silly smile going on (it’s so bright he is so bright what have you done he’s so happy and because of you?), and that sparkle in his eyes (up to something, no doubt-–he’s always up to something). And now he’s catching on to your staring and he’s only going to get worse. God, what a mess you’re in.

You turn away from him, making the conscious decision to put him out of your head, just the vague buzzing of static at the back of your neck, and look around to where he brought you for the first time.

“It’s not much,” he said when you arrived, and sure. It’s just a couple big leafy trees providing some cover in the otherwise open space of grassy, not quite flat, countryside. But you can breathe here. Properly breathe, almost feel the dust and dirt from the city leave your lungs one exhale at a time. There’s nearby sounds of birdsong, further away farm life. The skies are cloudy but even they feel freer, more open.

And you, like the idiot you are, sat down on the blanket he spread out for you both, and started looking only at fucking Ortega. Stupid fucking face. There’s grass with dew still on it to look at, there’s shapes in the clouds, there’s birds in the sky, there’s the trees. And you do love the trees.

(pretend there’s a readmore here too just click the thingy under here to continue)

33 notes - Posted April 13, 2022

#2

WIP weekday

Soooooo I got tagged a couple times again the past month by @kittlesandbugs​ and @mihqorio​ and unfortunately I still haven’t really... written much of anything since maybe half a year ago at this point? (yikes) but then I realized I can also post other WIPs. So have some cross stitching!

Been working on this since September 2021 and I might actually finish it in time for Halloween this year!

Anyway, gonna tag uhhhh @sidestepping​ @starrypawz​ @impossible-rat-babies​ @gingerbreton​ and anyone else who wants to <3

39 notes - Posted September 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

"I want this finished for Halloween." - me, 13 months ago. Technically I succeeded (with a little help from mom at the end) https://www.instagram.com/p/CkYo7IRNpRx/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

44 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #long post #absolutely despise how it posts the whole fics when i have readmores on the originals let met just fix that

[fang11803]

Wrow Colleen i sure am glad you reblogged that artist questions list three times today. I'm sure all of your followers and mutuals have already flooded your inbox with numbers, because its really easy to just click on a blog and type a single number into someone's ask box and hit the submit button, thus giving you the illusion that you aren't screaming into a void, but i just GOTTA KNOW what your answers would be for EVERY QUESTION, please.

Golly random anon, I'd be happy to do that. In fact, this will be the only ask I'll answer out of the windfall of messages in my inbox, because it's so convenient to have allllllll the answers on one post instead of many individual posts. How helpful of you.

1. Art programs you have but don't use: I've had a program on my computer for a while that lets you draw only in hexagons. It's neat but has limited uses.

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left, right, or center: Left.

3. What ideas come from when you were little: Well, Fang is my oldest oc, so anything having to do with her. I had a lot of cool ideas about werewolves when i was 12.

4. Fav character/subject that is a bitch to draw: I like plants a lot, especially Weird Plants(tm). The issue is when it comes to making a bunch of foliage for a background, i end up making everything look too samey or too busy.

5. How much of your art do you post online vs. Keep to yourself: I keep 90% of it to myself now for two reasons. 1) little to no feedback on pieces i worked hard on. 2) number 2 is personal but related to number 1.

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously: music, probably. Music affects my mood which affects what i want to draw.

7. A medium of art you dont work in but appreciate: Anytuing related to sculpture. From ceramics to metal work that stuff is cool af.

8. What's an old art project idea that you've lost interest in: when i was about 22 i had this idea for a comic series that was just me illustrating dreams from my journal. I didn't get very far because i didn't think people would enjoy it.

9. What are your file name conventions: up until I save the final draft it's called whatever, but after I'm done I usually do title_year_intendedUse

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw: Jackets. Or those skirt things i made up for world building purposes.

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing: Sometimes, usually music.

12. Easiest part of the body to draw: Hands.

13. Skip. Unnecessary drama starter.

14. Any favorite motifs: i love celestial bodies and floating crystals. And eyes.

15. *where* do i draw: at home. On my bed or at my desk.

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing: Clouds imo. They sure are there. In the sky.

17. Do you eat/drink while drawing: No thats messy

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken: ive worn out two drawing tablets and dried out much acrylic paint.

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw: jewelry

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy: architecture and interiors in perspective. I don't bother most of the time, but i really enjoy it when i take the time. It's like a puzzle.

21. Art styles nothing like your own, but you like anyways: pixel artists are Next Level Coolness

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing: i do wrist stretches

23. Do you use different layer modes: yes? Work smart party hard.

24. Do your references include stock images: if i can't draw the thing i google it and upload all the results directly into my brain and then hopefully i can draw it afterwards.

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by: one time someone saw a picture of Bill and asked why I drew a genderbend of that green haired girl from code geass, which I had never heard of at that point.

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended: have you ever been part of an art pipeline where you hand your drawing off to be digitally inked, and the other artist completely misinterprets the facial expressions you gave the characters, because this has happened on several occasions!

27. Do you warm up (etc): No oh my god.

28. Any art events you have participated in in the past: ive participated in a zine and a few game jams.

29. Media you love but doesn't inspire you artistically: most podcasts. I don't really draw anything for podcasts.

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated: i once did a big painting of Korra and Raava in a field of stars that i thought was beautiful but nobody else seemed to like it. I want to get it framed someday.

[trippingonstonesdrunk-blog]

Wow, today I was telling myself that I need an online journal, like a blog! What sites do I know that are blogging sites...

Right! The gay hellsite! My favorite blog site!

Only problem is that there’s a chance that posting might not be honest, since having such bad social anxiety like me tends to make you feel like you have to portray a person that you aren’t, and my goal is to have a quick way that I can keep a journal without having to back things up or remember a different blog site.

Maybe there is a better site than this for journal purposes? I’m sure of it. Do I have the energy to really go seeking them out? nop.

I think it might be better for me to journal on here anyway because this site has always just felt naturally silly/charming to me, a place of peace and activism and civil rights and discourse and art and so much emotion, it feels safe.

Perhaps I’m biased because I’ve always felt like an outcast. It’s nice "existing” in a place where outcasts seem to thrive and moral integrity is vastly more popular. It’s comforting knowing that I can be queer, trans, tiny, and as awkward as ever and know that there are people out there struggling in similar ways as I.

Some social medias force attention-seekers to not speak about anything taboo like suicide, anger, oppression, despair, anguish, because it simply doesn’t attract attention in the same way as positivity.

But here? Emotions can be raw. People can be bleeding on their keyboards while typing out a thought, then another person replies from a bloodstained keyboard on the other side of the planet.

THAT. is humanity, is love.

Maybe I’ve come to romanticize violence. Maybe it’s not good that I feel calmer after cutting myself, while watching my life essence drip out of a wound that I created. I don’t have much respect for my body, why should I? I’m destined to forever be childlike, Peter Pan, King Tut. I’ve grappled with so much anger about something that I simply can’t change. Perhaps that’s why I felt like I had to transition, to take control of my life. To say fuck you to the god that put me in such a weak body and had the nerve to make me a girl in a society that vastly objectifies them and freely abuses them for not fulfilling someone’s emotional/physical needs. I can’t walk alone at night in public as a tiny grown woman. Too easy of a target. I don’t think it’s simply fear mongering in the news reports of murdered women/girls who couldn’t/wouldn’t fulfill the needs of a violent man.

Not to say that the pendulum can’t swing the other way, that is. Men can be murdered by irate women. But society highlights it the other way around. And because of that, it is seen as a popular thought process, as something that makes sense to other people so it must make sense to you too, or else, are you even a person?

Moralities seem to stem from experience. When you experience abuse, sometimes feeling bad feels like a default. Like being happy is a crime, like you don’t deserve it.

I keep wondering why I have such bad self esteem problems. I keep thinking about the trashed trailer I grew up in, with my parents fighting all the time. Chaos felt natural. Without it, life feels.. empty. Surely, happier, but, perhaps not as.. thoughtful.

They tend to say the best art/poetry/depiction of emotion comes from those tortured by themselves. Maybe sadness provides a kind of thoughtfulness that contentment can’t create. I’ve worried about becoming “stupid”, about being ignorant, about being egotistical if I was content. Or, maybe on the flip side, you could see it as: I’m already being all those things. Maybe contentment could provide peace.

But, unfortunately, I love to be sad.

I love to survive within the chaos of my own creation inside of my head. Perhaps that’s why I’m socially anxious, because I love violence, but I absolutely can not stand conflict/people being mad at me. I’m a people pleaser, to everyone but myself, who I don’t consider to be a person, but rather an outcast.

However, I believe outcasts are the most interesting humans in the world.

[my-year-of-game-boy]

Week 5: Doncaster Video Game Market

I stole this from their Facebook, but it's okay because they stole the Sonic font first

I'm doing something a little different this week. I mentioned in my very first post for this blog that one of the things I like to do to build my Game Boy collection is to visit retro game shows and conventions. Well, this weekend, I went to a local one that I had some good luck at last year. In fact, you'll probably be hearing a bit more about one of the games I picked up at that one later in the month.

We got in...eventually.

My wife and a friend of ours made our way to the historic Doncaster Dome for the annual retro game hootenanny. Last year, we were pretty prepared, organizing a bunch of folks and getting early access tickets. This year, um, we nearly forgot the date but made it as doors opened to non-ticket holders. Luckily, we weren't after any big ticket items or else we would have died of regret seeing someone carry out a Power Glove as we were making our way in.

In retrospect, I should've started a Planet of the Apes game collection...

I've got a giant list of Game Boy games I'm after that I'm unlikely to ever finish. So the goal of the day, just like last year, was to check a few of those off. That means anytime I saw a line of square cardboard boxes like this or a stack of grey cartridges, I was making my through the horde to take a look at each and every one of them.

There's gold in them there tubs!

In addition to having this little list, I've got a vague idea of what the games are worth. And sometimes, how it's worth saving quite a few bucks (Or British pounds or whatever they call money here) by grabbing a Japanese version of something that doesn't really require much text. Which also requires hoping I can recognize some logos or art on a cartridge. Finding some common imports without having to actually import is the other nice thing about these bins full of imports.

I just think this is beautiful.

It's nice being able to actually see the condition of a cartridge in a way you really can't with online pictures. And there's sometimes a sense of history to that particular cartridge, as I recounted in my Star X entry. You mean a few interesting characters, too. This time around, there was someone going around to every booth with a PSP and checking to see if they worked or not, seemingly with no intention of actually buying one.

I'm pretty sure this port is bad, while the GBA port is good, but regardless, I decided I didn't need a Game Boy version of Street Fighter II.

I was mainly focused on Game Boy, but I was keeping an eye out for some other games, both for myself and others. I have a work friend who is really into horror games and is serious about building up that collection, so I kept sending updating him on gems like Silent Hill: Shattered Memories and Parasite Eve II. While a friend of my wife's is a Myst speed runner and tries for records on any port of the game he can, so we picked up an Xbox copy of Myst III for him. Meanwhile, my wife finally added a grail game to her collection with Chibi Robo, albeit a Japanese copy.

There was literally a sign saying you should ask for any Pokémon plush not on the shelf.

Merch was a plenty, and I'm kind of surprised we didn't pick up any of the Pokémon Scarlet and Violet cards from Japan just for the novelty of it. I remember buying Johto singles as a kid before I knew who any of the new Pokémon were. At a show like this, buying cards and toys is kind of my equivalent of trying not to fill up on bread. I'll end up blowing my budget on things that aren't really my main purpose of going. But for some folks, grabbing a wheelbarrow full of plushies is the end goal, and more power to them.

Maybe next year should be My Year of game.com...

Anyway, I ultimately had fun, as did my better half, although our friend only made it out with one game (One relevant to this blog, the GBA port of Yoshi's Island). I came out with about 11 and mostly in my budget. Mostly...

Looks like a random grab bag, huh?

I don't normally do CiB, but these were much cheaper than they were going for online and they were on my list, so...

Pretty sure this won't play on my Analogue Pocket.

My wife was the plushie person this time and she got me the Dragonair!

That's my haul from this year. For those that can't see the pictures, we've got Wade Hixton's Counter Punch (GBA), Pokémon Pinball: Ruby & Sapphire (JPN) (GBA), Mario's Picross (GB), One Piece: Grand Line Dream Adventure Log (GBC), Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (GB), Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters II (GBC), James Bond 007 (GB), Magi-Nation (GBC), Pinobee: Wings of Adventure (GBA), Dragon Ball Z: Collectible Card Game (GBA), Izuna: The Unemployed Ninja (I refuse to call this by its European name) (DS), and Pokémon plush toys. Some of these might get their own entries on this blog, so I won't talk too much about them. I guess one I can safely say I won't be writing much more about is this One Piece game. I mostly grabbed it because it has the distinction of being the last officially license game released that's compatible with the original Game Boy. Also, it has some pretty cool Game Boy versions of music from the anime. That and Izuna, but, who knows, maybe I'll do a Year of DS?

Speaking of, hope y'all enjoyed this slightly different entry even if I didn't talk about a specific game. I technically did play these all for a few minutes to make sure they worked, but there's not a lot to write about there just yet.

I've seen this exact copy of the Elder Scrolls N-Gage game at three different cons and one day, it will be mine. £200 be damned...

#game boy #retro aesthetic #retro gaming #video games #pokemon #nintendo

[heskynn]

hey adam! unfortunately the nsfw flag (or whatever nonsense) that tumblr has you marked for keeps redirecting me back to the mobile version of your blog :( so no custom blog layout or pages or links :( :( so, I'm not sure if you had links out (eg to a weebly or toyhouse or other portfolio of ur ocs) on a custom blog layout. well, even if you don't have an OCs page, maybe you could share any OCs you made or did a lot of work on when you weren't on tumblr?

Oh that's what it is huh? I thought I had the NSFW tag removed from my blog... oh well.

Hmn P= OCs, yeah I can do that!

[Art By: Sleepingwoolf]

I've been slowly working on these guys, mainly the first two, and their setting. From left to right, they're Chelsea, Mil, Gene and Hazel. They're kathden (literally: cat people) and ki (dog), the human-analogues in their world, a post-post-apocalyptic setting with a strong focus on trains/trams and plants. Mil works on the lines, Chelsea comes from a very traditionally religious family but manages to get a 'acceptably feminine' job working for him, Gene and Hazel are girlfriends and old friends of Mil. Chelsea and Mil end up having an affair in which she starts to breakout into the world a bit more.

I want to write a full novel for these guys, but their world has a long way to go regarding development, and I need more writing practise in the mean time anyway.

[Art by me.]

[art by me]

I've also been working on a shorter long form story about this guy, Taran, a shapeshifting black dragon enslaved to a kingdom, it's... not gonna ever be posted fully to Tumblr cos it's fully intended to be an erotic piece, but the summary is that he's getting older and the king wants to ensure he, the king, has a replacement/more dragons, and has assigned a young human woman to Taran for him to transform into a dragon for that purpose, they become friends fairly quickly, and in the process of carrying out the king's wishes fall in love. It's a slow-paced transformation-kink story with a happy ending.

[art by me]

I also adopted this guy, and now my partner and I have a whole bunch of leather wearing dino-bros. Petroc is a challenge to me to have a character involved in kink artwork who is NOT explicitly sexual himself, so tumblr may actually see some more of this guy!

He doesn't have a full blown story yet, but I can tell you he's an estranged father slowly getting back in contact with his daughter after she initiates contact against the wishes of her mother, he has a seedy history and a seedy present, mostly just to make ends meet. He's the only one of the bunch, so far anyway, to be a cyborg, after getting injured in an accident.

I've been doing a lot of comms and very slowly cranking back up my passion for OCs, I'm honestly still kind of 'getting over' Proxy =P which I still love a great deal and I wish I could find that sort of passion for any of my other projects--I say this like I don't know that just investing the time won't bring that together. Most of my stuff was heavily NSFW for the longest time, and... okay so it still is... I enjoy that... but I'm having a good time with SFW illustrations now too, which is one of the main reasons I felt semi-comfortable coming back to tumblr, as I'd actually have stuff to post.

Mil's setting is the one I'm most interested in, I felt very detached from it for a long while, with no real clear image of what I wanted the setting to be like, and all the art I have of it so far is different, but I'm really starting to get a feel for it, and while more research is needed, I'm feeling better about wanting to depict their world myself, or buy art for it, and even story fragments are revealing themselves to me--sadly Hazel and Gene don't look like they're going to be the major players I thought they were, but eh, there's still plenty of time for them to come into their own.

#my art #artists on tumblr #my ocs #gilliflowers #dragons #cyborg #anthro

[sierrasanator]

I posted 846 times in 2022

That's 814 more posts than 2021!

20 posts created (2%)

826 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@meldorameliflua

@always-and-anyways

@randomkiwibirds

@zutarawillburnyourshipdown

@sipping--snowflakes

I tagged 842 of my posts in 2022

#these are a queue of my favorite things - 365 posts

#queue - 342 posts

#art - 77 posts

#about me - 45 posts

#atla - 41 posts

#funny - 38 posts

#tumblr - 28 posts

#stranger things - 25 posts

#p&p - 24 posts

#truth - 23 posts

Longest Tag: 85 characters

#and also i check how hot it’s going to be so i plan on staying indoors all day or not

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

.

4 notes - Posted December 6, 2022

#4

Day one of flooding you with gloomy and/or automny/wintery photos aka Sierra's advent calendar. Since I have seven days to make up for, here's the first four photos and this afternoon you'll have three more!

Firstly, the same view from my terrace with the fog retreating:

(The fog is nice, but for biking purposes I prefer the second one, when you can actually see the road) And some brown-leafed trees I saw this weekend walking to the city center and from my work office:

See the full post

4 notes - Posted December 7, 2022

#3

.

4 notes - Posted April 21, 2022

#2

Day 8 of Sierra's Advent calendar!

Today my bike didn't feel like working so I had to take the bus. That meant going to the city center which I wouldn't normally do in a weekday. But the positive side is that, while waiting, I went for a walk to warm up a little bit (2C and windy today) and so I took a photo of the Prefecture with some brown leafs (which as we already know is one of our themes)

Oo that weather sounds wonderful. I’m sorry about your bike though! I really should get mine fixed so I can ride around more. Also, that building is gorgeous! What is it for? I’ve never heard of a Prefecture before.

5 notes - Posted December 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Day 1 part 2 as promised!

So continuing with the brown leafs theme. Walking to the bus I found a leaf mountain that I would positively have kicked if I wasn't too near to my university where one of my students would have seen me. But the temptation was very strong.

The second photo I took when I was actually near my place and I could safely kick some leaves but it wasn't as satisfying, volume wise. Bonus: I've had those shoes since 2015 and they're quite beaten up, but I love them so much that I still wear them when it isn't raining and only when it's not raining because they may or may not have a few holes.

See the full post

13 notes - Posted December 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[emeraldshy98]

I posted 659 times in 2022

110 posts created (17%)

549 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@some-french-asshole

@dear-ao3

@inthetags

@worldheritagepostorganization

@incorrectosomatsu

I tagged 597 of my posts in 2022

Only 9% of my posts had no tags

#op post - 352 posts

#precure - 142 posts

#op art - 113 posts

#osomatsu san - 105 posts

#ichimatsu - 97 posts

#pretty cure - 70 posts

#soular - 61 posts

#fresh precure - 60 posts

#self insert - 56 posts

#my art - 55 posts

Longest Tag: 96 characters

#also for the first one ive fell in love with a lot of fictional boys with nearly the same energy

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Hi, don’t mind me

Just posting the Precure men that I love AGAIN cause I fell in love with more characters and they are:

Moerumba

Soular

See the full post

14 notes - Posted August 1, 2022

#4

Due to me living in the US and shit

HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE ICHIMATSU MATSUNO

Oh and the others too I guess

See the full post

16 notes - Posted May 23, 2022

#3

Flower Garden Cookie

Lore time!

So Dark Enchantress Cookie wanted someone to keep Licorice Cookie busy so he won’t bother her and that’s where Flower Garden Cookie appears, like she just materialized from Dark Enchantress Cookie.

Anyways, Flower Garden Cookie’s sole purpose was to live as a clone of White Lily Cookie so that’s when she gets mistaken as said ancient.

She also had White Lily’s staff appear and she thought she made it with her powers, not realizing that it’s because it recognized her as White Lily Cookie.

16 notes - Posted October 14, 2022

#2

The system famously known across the galaxy! Cure Solar!

Reference sheet for Cure Solar and I used Cure Cosmo as a base for the body

Speaking of, she and Cosmo are really close friends while being in love with Bakenyan, one of Yuni’s form. Solar is also on good terms with Ayewan due to the fact the two are really close with Bakenyan. Except in the beginning, they weren’t until later in the season.

24 notes - Posted September 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hi I am once again thinking about the four precure men that I am in love with

See the full post

40 notes - Posted June 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Oh look who decided to show up #also NOT MY POST OF ME THINKING ABOUT SOULAR SHUT KOUCHOU AND NARCISTORU BEING FIRST

[galactichelium]

A bit of a ramble below the cut 😭 Didn't intend for it to be anywhere near this long, but there's just a Lot of layers to this that I wanted to talk through

I feel really bad irt not often adding IDs to my art because like. I want to, but, ironically, my disabilities (my chronic pain which is especially bad in my hands, and also tbh autism and ADHD doesn't make it easier either, with trying to find the right words to describe things + ADHD brain fog) make it incredibly difficult to add it myself a lot of the time. This is made even worse by the fact that my two options for writing an ID are either right after I've made the drawing to post later (usually night time for me, within an hour or two of me going to bed), or right as I'm posting it. Neither are ideal as well, for the first one, I'd obviously be in more pain after just drawing. And for the second one, because of timezone stuff, I usually aim to post my art around my 8 - 9 am (5 - 6 pm EST). Unfortunately, due to the nature of my chronic pain, with it getting worse with inactivity, this is when my pain would be at its worst. After just sleeping. I take my pain meds in the morning with breakfast also, so they would be at their least effective around this time. I've also changed pain meds so now they're slow release, they don't immediately kick in anymore.

I used to add alt text more often, but it's really hard to get the energy to do it anymore when I know it's not only incredibly difficult to think of the words to do it, but also difficult to do the active process of typing it all up. Not that it wasn't difficult back then, I still struggled with thinking of words, but now there's more things at play. It was easier to get the energy when that was the only problem.

I know this is kind of ironic, as this post already has more words than an ID would. But truth is, I've already had to stop a couple of times to crack my knuckles and stretch my hands. This is still easier than doing an ID, because I don't need to struggle as much with thinking of the right words, but, still does make my hands hurt. Like, honestly, back when I was more frequently doing IDs, the fact that I'd need to do an ID actually stopped me from drawing ideas I had a couple of times, because I knew it would be too difficult to describe. I wish it was easier, I really do.

HOWEVER. I was planning on trying to my art 1 - 2 hours later. Bc while 5 - 6 pm is good with teens in mind, I think there's less of them in the HS fandom now. And now that I'm a little older, I think I'd want my audience to skew a little older anyway. Not that I'd be posting anything that'd be inappropriate on that blog, but more, most of my drawings have queer themes that are confusing on purpose in them, and I don't trust young teens to have the best ideas around it. However having said that I might end up starting a sideblog for more risky art, as nowadays I feel it'd be much easier to express queerness in that way, but that's unrelated lmfao. But yeah. Posting 1 - 2 hours later might make it a bit easier to do IDs also, because both my pain meds and my ADHD meds should've kicked in by then.

Funnily enough, I started writing this post right after taking them (a little under an hour ago now), and I was still struggling with thinking of words and typing those words. But of course it ended up being quite extensive, so clearly those problems have been helped lmfao. But, as expected, I'm now in a bit of pain, so now I'll probably rb like 1 or 2 posts and then just watch YouTube for a bit SDJGKSGD

#Iron text

[thingsandstuffyeah]

Im in a calm state. That weird sobriety you get when so stressed but everything becomes very clear. If you know it, you know it. I fail to explain it right now. The world feels so... Full of water. Walking and pacing right now takes effort. It feels like each limb is swimming through its own pool. Even down to the fingers typing.

Ive hurt people. Ive hurt many people. Ive hurt myself. Im... Trying to think of the lives ive genuinely had a positive impact on. My whole blood family i intentionally distance myself from because they failed to see me being hurt at a young age. S i dont think cares, only really is a friend because ive been a friend for a while. Je A and St all know ive effectively betrayed their trust now. M im trying to distance myself from because of bubbling trauma from a young age i harbor and my own unforgivable mistake. D used to love me, i couldnt tell you why and... Now it just feels like i shun them for liking vtubers which nice job dickhead. B i scared out of my life for a long time because of how i acted when i was around 15. And... J. The only one who might on a shred of a chance still read this. J. You were... Are... Everything. It might sound obsessive, it probably is. Everything ive done, everything thats happened. You made it all matter. You were... Purpose. Someone i strived to improve because they were so happy to see me grow. I hurt you those years ago and you know that probably better than me. This... Whole thing that is happening. I think its reconciliation for hurting you. Every time we are apart, its hell. Every time we arent talking feels like ive been put in an iron maiden with an electrical shock going through me every time i sit still. I blame myself very often for the shock. Well, it is always my fault. Well, point is i... Never wanted to become a bad memory. Even when i hurt you i really was just vying for attention in a sick unforgivable way. I know you know that. I changed. After that all. Became someone new and... I dont want to ever do it again. I like the me that i made. But now im fucking it all up because im trying to cope with you being gone. I betrayed everyone and myself recently. And i wish you were here to remind me that above all else im able to change for the better. But youre not. Hell theres only a small chance youre reading this but thats never stopped me from posting before.

I always wanted to believe that we could push through anything. Just like i pushed through so much. But... Not everyones me. And now i dont even have you. I dont have us. We... Dont have us. I will admit im extremely jealous that you have a support structure and... Not any of the destructive tendencies that i have, or at least are capable of controlling them. I really do wish i could just step away and find a new group and.... Anyway yes i am jealous but... Im not you. I wish you would see it my way, that we can work through anything if we try hard enough but i guess thats the point. We arent enough to you. Im not enough for you. And thats not bad, its really not. Its just true.

Ive really only hurt people, and you, J, are the one i did everything in my body to reverse or make up for. And i guess that was my downfall. I only tried to be more for you. To everyone else im just... A pile of jokes and a snarky attitude. And to that end, im not content living a life like this. I really find it pointless. I did everything and i was never enough for the one that mattered. I guess something shit feeling is knowing that maybe theres someone in the future or even right now looking at this and journaling and letting it play its course just to be some random video about some odd internet weirdo journal. Because im more than that, or at least was. But i was only ever able to be more for you. This is not a goodbye note. Just sobriety.

All the art. All the creativity. All the interest. Everything that is me. Boiled down into a weird melting pot of a loser tumblr blog. What a nothing way to be remembered.

#october 2022