#anyway! having really bad anxiety hours | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

terrorbirb · 9 months

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I think permanent corrective actions and root cause analysis exist solely to cause people with OCD and anxiety disorders to ruin their brains.

#totes bro #every time i make a mistake i make 3 mistakes #1 i mixed up letters in a word and pulled the wrong thing #2 i know i mix up numbers and letters so i should have had a system in place to prevent this #3 whatever system i come up with is guaranteed to not be permanent so if anything similar happens its also my fault #and then it's 'if you keep asking why what is the cause of the problem'#and the answer cant be human error or lack of funds so its some system i didnt design always #and this is sthe same thing if someone else makes a mistake because i didn't design a process that would have prevented that #and once again whatever i do change is guaranteed to fail in the future and then it's nicole didnt you try to fix this already #but often its like some tangential problem like i pulled the wrong qty of the right item #i tell my therapists this and they ask is there an answer where i am not to blame in this entire company and the answer is no #♥️#because I design the processes and if people dont follow the processes its because i designed them wrong #anyway! having really bad anxiety hours #I've tried to bring this up and I get told 'well design a better process where this isnt the problem ' and that.... misses the point #Because now the problem is i feel anxious because i failed to make processes that are infallible (which is the expectation) and so i need t #make a process to handle my anxiety which is guaranteed to fail #and is also my fault that i feel the anxiety because why didn't i correct for this sooner when i started my anxiety #they say these things like 'look on the bright side you can improve' and really i cant because even if i do i wont fully improve #which you know makes the permanent corrective action not permanent #and they say you know permanent doesnt mean definitely permanent but then any time theres a problem theyre like 'why wasnt it permanently..#and i try to say you told me last time permanent doesnt mean permanent and its no. bad. youre just trying to stop short of a well polished #process. look at 5s #and it starts over and over and over #i try to say the way we do this doesnt work for me because everything is my fault even if its someone elses error #and because it causes me anxiety because I know no process is perfect but it was supposed to be permanent #but hr my bosses everyone just do not empathize with me at all and cant figure out why im anxious and how this makes it worse #because there's room for improvement!#also if its not clear many of the mistakes are because im dyslexic

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shannonsketches · 25 days

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Why is the anime so weird, it's not even the same series dude?? It's like,

Anime:

GOKU: I have a great idea to bring peace to the universe, and my leadership and compassion alone will unite us all. I have No Flaws and am A True Relatable Everyman :)

VEGETA: NO! I AM THE BEST AND I WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS UNTIL I AM RECOGNIZED AS SUCH!!!!

Manga:

GOKU: Vegeta what's cornmeal made of? I know it's what the corn eats, but what's it made of? VEGETA: Hey Kakarot let's play the quiet game until one of us dies.

#silly hours #I do not understand this writing it's so bad aklsdlkasjd #Toei wants Goku to be Clark Kent SO bad and he SO isn't lmao #they're so good and dumb and rounded and complex in the manga what is the anime so afraid of #Toriyama said 'no no this man is a detached faux-immortal who has a dear pure heart but he's childlike and selfish even though he's kind'#and toei went 'got it goku's never done anything wrong ever in his life'#toriyama said 'Vegeta's gone through a lot and he's finally settling into his more mature leadership role with the confidence he's earned'#and toei said 'got it vegeta has the confidence of a high school bully except now he can interact with his family as a comedy bit'#girl hWHAT #Toei trying to group Goku and Vegeta as two people who would rather train than be with their families and Toriyama said NO Vegeta wants #to be HOME this is the first time in years that he's HAD ONE and it makes him HAPPY to be with his wife and children!!#Vegeta trains so that he can protect the things he doesn't want to lose again and Goku trains because it's the thing that makes him happies #They are NOT the same lmao And yeah Vegeta still wants to beat Goku but he also knows that Gohan could dogwalk both of them if he wanted #He also knows Trunks and Goten are going to surpass them it's not about being the best anymore he's past that he just wants to Not Need Gok #He just doesn't want to have to rely on Goku to save the day he wants to be Enough on his own he just wants to know he can be #because every time it's mattered he WASN'T and people he loved were lost to his inability to protect them and he carries that #Like Whis diagnosed him with anxiety and cptsd out in the open and Beerus said he was self-centered for feeling guilt #+ he lowkey enjoys the rivalry it keeps him goal-oriented so he can't get complacent and lazy which is what triggered his Buu Saga breakdow #realized how Fucked Up it was that having a home and loving family made him feel like he was failing and went 'wait no I won actually??'#now he's chill as fuck in the manga. cool confident leader.#and sometimes he is childish and dumb with Goku as a treat #you know what rocks about his rivalry with Goku in Super though is that it's Playful. Vegeta is learning how to Play.#You ever seen a shelter dog get introduced to a really playful dog and it takes a minute for the shelter dog to understand it's safe here #And then they're both running around the backyard playing hot potato with one braincell?? That's Goku and Vegeta's relationship #and the way the anime sleeps on that dynamic is so fucking criminal especially when it's literally canon it's in print it's out there #you had the playbook how'd you fumble it this bad #anyway that's my 25+ year blorbo thoughts I love Geets a lot okay #And I love Goku in the manga a lot I'd forgotten that he's actually a great character when Toei's not fucking up his whole vibe

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naomiknight-17 · 7 months

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I am currently getting ready to go to a funeral for a man I do not know, but probably should have

He was at my wedding, almost 13 years ago. His wife is a friend and coworker of my mom's. They gave us the artificial flowers from their recent-at-the-time wedding to decorate our venue, saving us a lot of money and trouble. Our wedding colours were even the same, by a wild coincidence.

But I don't remember him. Mom and his wife (now widow) still work together and are still close, but I haven't seen them in so long and I've forgotten.

I am going to the funeral mostly because my mother cannot travel alone and I am her de facto support person. There are going to be people there who I am supposed to know, but I don't. I am faceblind and have a poor memory.

Whatever powers that be, please don't let me turn this funeral into a social fiasco

#i have to just spend a few hours looking sorry and sad and being respectful and polite and pretend i remember people #i don't have to pretend to be sad tho. this is really sad. he was only in his 40s. very sudden and severe stroke #the way it was described to me sounded more like he had a burst aneurysm or other brain bleed but i didn't press for details #it was bad #anyway #death #funeral #social anxiety #ask to tag #mod post

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shima-draws · 1 year

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Told my boss that NO I cannot take over customer phone calls because my anxiety will literally not be able to take it. And I’m being SO brave about it,

#I say this as I’m sitting here shaking and on the verge of having an anxiety attack. AHA #Shima speaks #She called me yesterday morning and was like. Hey your coworker is drowning and I KNOW you hate phone calls #But she really needs help #And I was like. Yeah okay. Maybe I can do this.#Fast forward to last night. I’m in bed hyperventilating bc no I CANNOT do this #My mental health has already been Bad for the past few months bc I’m already working overtime for this job #And now to take on the One thing I generally get anxious about? Bro. It’s gonna kill me. 100% no exaggeration #So I called my boss this morning and was like hi I’m so sorry I said I would but I actually can’t. I deadass had an anxiety attack #just THINKING about it last night #And she was like omg no I get it. I have anxiety too I know what it’s like. It’s debilitating sometimes #So she said I didn’t have to do the phone calls and now I’m like YIPPEE #And she said hey that was a really brave thing to do. Speaking up like that and making it clear when you’re not comfortable with something #Me still shaking and holding back tears: Thank you I’m being SO brave about this rn #Anyway I’m still coming down from the near panic attack I had before I called her to tell her lmao #It’s been a rough 24 hours. I’m fine (lying)#I’ll BE fine now that I don’t have to talk to angry customers on the phone tho 🥰

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orcelito · 6 months

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Salty bitch in me sooooo satisfied by the fact that I probably make more money than the person who made my life hell last year lmfaooooo

#speculation nation #chatting with a coworker about how they ended up seeing her by chance #and she Asked about me. she seemed so preoccupied with me Specifically it seems!#and she apparently mentioned how shed consider coming back here and im just loke #lmfaoooooo girl im in charge of the hiring now and there is no WAY id hire her back #even without the personal grievances. she just caused some Real problems. like hell id accept her back.#but also she was a total BITCH to me. like really fucking nasty. and yeah maybe im still holding a grudge about it!#im a chill person but when someone makes me cry that hard for that long TWICE #yeah fuckin right id hire you back. keep dreaming.#anyways ive just been hanging out at work and chatting Whoops hfkshfj #my shift ended an hour and a half ago. i really should be going home soon.#the good news is i should be able to secure the lease renewal for only $40 more than the original renewal offer #the bad news is they havent replied since sending that which means its not in writing yet #WHICH MEANS the showing is still on for tomorrow. ugh.#which means i need to clean. blegh.#i guess having the pressure to clean isnt the worst but i really dont wanna lmaooo #at least i do have tomorrow off. i can make it work...#but yea my anxiety is a lot more manageable now. tempered by the satisfaction of being better paid than an old enemy #IT'S KIND OF FUNNY to call her that but she kind of is. it was mostly 1 sided bc she took issue with Me #i was fine being friendly work acquaintances but noooo she had to go and make my life fucking hell for several months #the social atmosphere has changed man. im not letting a snake back in.#im a nice person but i am a Resentful person. if youve wronged me i am never fucking forgetting.#but yeah i make more money than her ❤️ yay ❤️

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shalegas34 · 26 days

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just got a prescription for drugs i had to sign for at the pharmacy. lets fucking go

#i had my specialist appointment today and i was DREADING it. everything was going wrong #the bus didn’t come. i didn’t have food. the doc was running an hour behind #by the time i got there i was half starved having a mild anxiety attack #but then she pulled out my ultrasound results and it showed fucking adenomyosis which means i likely have endometriosis too #let me tell you boys i almost started crying in there #after years of doctors telling me to suck it up & stop being a pussy i have actual proof that i’m not just being a pussy. CRYING #also the specialist told me my gp put me on estrogen for no reason (what i needed was progesterone) and i was so mad bc #that shit gave me feminising features i did not want and which are now irreversible #aside from not actually solving the problem…#anyway i’ve now got paperwork for surgery and different kind of progesterone pill plus the insane ass painkillers i had to sign for #i’m very happy with how that went. we are winning today boys #i feel bad for her bc i was so overwhelmed when she was flinging info at my starved brain at the speed of light #i kinda just shut down & was acting like a corpse in there. i must’ve looked really rude lol #it took me the hour’s walk back into town (was not taking the bus again 😂) to process everything #life

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allaganexarch · 4 months

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aaaaaahhhh i'm so hype I have my first legit korean lessons today!!!

#personal #exciting korean learning tag #i've been wanting to try italki for like months but (a) schoolwork got the better of me this term LOL #(b) there are sooooooo many options so it took me a long time to decide on some tutors to try #(c) once i finally thought I had a short list some random youtube video recced preply so i looked at it #instantly found aNOTHER tutor I felt like i would really like #but then read a bunch of HORROR STORIES about how preply works and how the system screws over its tutors a lot #but i was like well okay but i really like this tutor so LOL #(d) so then all of this accomplished i ran up against 'oh my social anxiety isn't even that bad except when it is'#so i had to be batshit insane like looking up what the etiquette is for booking lessons and contacting potential tutors sdkjnfkjfnnf #ANYWAY i think this will really help me improve a lot!!#i do extremely well with one-on-one teaching bc i have a pathological need not to waste ppl's time LOL #and my main problem rn is it's hard to consistently create opportunities to practice + hold myself accountable #so assuming these tutors work out i'm hoping to start doing lessons a couple of hours a week :)

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skaluli · 9 months

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"this wulf fellow has choice language"

#artluli #tf2 #i dont really like how this turned out its really bad #added shading to try and make it better but it looks worse but i guess ill post it anyway i suppose #if youre wondering why im sweating its because im terrified of playing online multiplayer games #that might sound weirdly specific but dude it gives me so so so much anxiety #ive been wanting to play more but i cant bring myself to do it because im too scared #“scared of what skaluli” the people and how well i perform #i would rather play a horror game because that shit doesnt scare me as much as fearing judgement of the people i play with because im shit #i know i shouldnt care what other people think and should just try and have fun but god this shit is scary #before anyone says anything i turned off voice chat straight away when i downloaded it thank god thats an option #but even without hearing their voices i feel like i can still hear their thoughts and judgement and anger #it took hours of trying to convince myself and then someone else telling me ill be okay just to play the game for a little bit #and when i got to leave i felt like i was having a fucking anxiety attack #anyway i really like this game but im way too scared to play it! which is fucking stupid that thats even a reason

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seagullcharmer · 6 months

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also thinking abt the one post that's like 'how come when people talk abt time blindness they're only ever late? hurr durr why don't time blind people show up EARLY??' i hate it. i AM the sort of time blind adhd person who shows up early

#libra.txt #like yeah some of it's the anxiety #but i WILL be ready for stuff way in advance #if you've ever scheduled a voice chat with me please know that i start getting my computer ready at least twenty minutes early #like if you say 'yeah let's call at 6! :-)' at five i'll tell everyone in the house that i have a voice call please don't bother me #and have my mic ready by 5.30 and then just Wait.#unless something has come up and/or i am Inconvenienced #i'm the time blind person that assumes everything takes way longer than it actually does #(except cooking. i'm really bad at estimating cooking times)#it takes 20-30 minutes to get to most of my appts. most of my appts tell me to arrive 10-20 minutes before my actual appt time #if left to my own volition i would arrive to almost all of my appts half an hour in advance #(which works out well for my surgical oncologist bc for whatever reason he always seems to be running ahead of schedule)#(i'll have an appt for 10.30 and get there at 9.55 [check-in downstairs takes FOREVER] and he'll call me back at 10.05)#unfortunately the rad onc is the opposite. it doesn't matter what time i show up. an hour early. half hour early.#ten minutes before the scheduled time. she is only ever late.#i have waited half an hour in the waiting room and then an hour IN the appt room before seeing her. i know she's very busy but. um. please #anyway. yeah a lot of us with adhd run late (my irl friends are almost always late)#but some of us DO show up early to things #i have shown up to appts two hours early on accident #i can be ready to go in ten minutes flat #(which gets frustrating bc my parents will tell me to get up early and then i sit around for half an hour waiting for them to get ready.#that's a half hour i could have been asleep)#perhaps this makes me sound selfish and lazy. alas. i have chronic insomnia and chronic fatigue. i love to sleep.#would love to wake up well rested one day #libra's oversharing again #< should probably be a main tag at this point

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torgawl · 4 months

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feeling somewhat normal for the first time in days. spent the entire day yesterday at the hospital's emergency unit thinking i was gonna have a heart attack or find some bad heart problem because i had been feeling really weird symptoms since the weekend but after a bunch of exams that came out okay turns out it was most likely just really bad anxiety. got more exams to do and advised to seek mental health support. but more importantly, it took me being drugged multiple times to sleep properly ahwjwhs i completely crashed yesterday and now i'm up too early but my heart doesn't feel as bad so far.

#hoping the anxiety meds fix my life and i can finally sleep now #my sleep schedule really is bad like i just spent weeks not sleeping sometimes even more than 2 hours a night #i will only have them for two weeks plus emergencies though 😭#let's see how things go and if my family doctor will collaborate and get me referred to a psych 👍#anyways i missed the tgcf episode and my bestie qi rong i will watch it later 😔

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kimtaegis · 9 months

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hate to say it but july kinda sucked

#please let me whine and list all the things that have troubled me this month #first off having to get serious about my master thesis and everything taking so much longer than I want it to (the anxiety. wow)#and mentally preparing to tackle two jobs AND finishing the thesis all at once soon (how......am I gonna do that)#well then ofc my car breaking down and having to spend my last savings on a new one #generally having to spend a shit load of money. all my money. gone within 2 months #wanting to have a big birthday party so badly only for it to get so stressful and Too Much for my introverted perfectionist ass #that I was the first and only one to feel (physically and mentally) sick about four hours in and had to leave my guests on their own #the usual old struggles flaring up again (as in too high expectations towards everything and everyone and myself that leave me disappointed #and on a more irrelevant note lmao: being one of the few people who doesn’t seem to have enjoyed barbenheimer that much?#same for jk’s solo and everything around it it's just not really for me #and thus feeling a little distanced from the fandom and from creating lately...I'll try again this weekend though I'll try #and last but not least my skin is being SO bad again rn that I just want to rip it off my whole body!!!!!!!#yeah! not at all how I wanted july to go! anyways august in a few days let’s move on and hope for the best #SORRY for being negative on here again. there were also nice things. like awi and al and all my other friends.#and birthday gifts and messages. <33

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aurosoul · 2 years

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I got some incredibly kind messages today after venting about my thoughts about quitting art this morning and I just want to say THANK YOU to the people who reached out to me and that I love you all 💖💖💖💖 ;__;

I’m definitely NOT giving up, I’ve just been really struggling with anxiety, imposter syndrome, and hinging my self-worth on my income lately and I’ve been losing sight of what brought me to art in the first place.... life remains incredibly stressful to us all, but this was a good reminder to take a breath and be gentle to myself despite everything