#and you have all gotten to deal with it

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

hello world, i forgot to mention just how my heart soared in joy when ellie showed up at the biosyn headquarters dressed all nicely and wearing SNEAKERS 💓

#practical women's footwear in cinema is something that can actually be so personal #(though i feel like the discourse over claire's shoes was way overblown in the context of the movie #she was planning to have a day of business meetings! she was not dressed to run for her life! #and i love the detail that she got adventuring boots for the rest of the franchise haha) #dollsome's deep thoughts #jurassic world #anyway i really need to go watch jw3 again i need this in my life #today marks the one-week anniversary of my first viewing! #and you have all gotten to deal with it

[marsti]

i am not joking when i say trolls have gotten shittier at what they do. successful trolling and flamebait is a lost art. nowadays they just send you an ask like "it's really problematic that you did XYZ" expecting you to get angry and defensive. and thats because most people have honestly really failed to adapt to this kind of trolling? it keeps working, they keep doing it.

if an anon criticizes you all like "im a lesbian and-" or "im a trans man and-" or "im a poc and-" or whatever thats your queue to disregard everything they say. because you cant verify that. you have to internalize that it's in your best interest to treat all annoying anons as being sent by the same white middle class american cishet guy named kyle, and he just has a lot of free time and no friends.

"but what if it's not kyle! what if theyre actually a lesbian/trans man/poc/&c?" well theyre not looking for open discussion, if they were they wouldnt send an anon ask. so it literally doesnt matter, treat them as if theyre kyle anyway. and remember youre not a public figure youre literally just blogging, you dont need to be "held accountable" for anything.

and same goes for "thoughts on [controversial topic]?" and "why did you do [accusation]?" type anon asks. thats kyle again, hes just gotten bored with claiming every marginalized identity under the sun. if they wanna prove theyre not kyle all they gotta do is uncheck that box.

#shut up sender #and of course dont leave it at just anon asks. use your better judgement always when dealing with randos online. #people will and do lie about who they are #weve all gotten far too trusting of who people claim to be #i post my face online but i could have just stolen those pictures. do you have any proof im not kyle? #some of you can vouch for me but if youre reading this theres a 99% chance youre just taking my word for it

[realbeefman]

stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh #some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2 #recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person #and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety #like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that #my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms #UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child #so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had #a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time #which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem! #its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it #and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome' #instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems! #anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now! #house md #hilson #greg house #james wilson #stacy warner

[sergle]

can I just say how much I love. love love love being able to turn off reblogs on a post. It's so freeing bc people will literally reblog or retweet shit that has absolutely no business being a reblog

#and i'm like what the fuck are you doin. that was just a personal post / mundane and boring post about something very specific #going on in my specific life #I don't have to deal with that now!! I reblog lock ALMOST ALL my text posts #sergle.txt #and the fact that you can STILL DO IT. after a post has gotten big #I can stop a text post going semiviral in its tracks after it already has thousands of notes. no more reblogs for you!! #ppl can screenshot it but absolutely nobody is able to pass the actual post around anymore!! i'm free!!

[liquidstar]

I have abs not from working out but from coughing so much all the time for like a decade that I might as well have been doing crunches

#I've been to multiple doctors about the Unending Cough that I've had since i was like 16 and they're all just like idk bro #I've had xrays so probably nothing dangerous. so i just have to deal with the cough forever i guess #it's fine? I'm used to it. annoying mostly. sometimes i do think damn it would be convenient if i didn't cough all the time tho #esp for going to sleep. or in a quiet public place that's the worst #i think it's genuinely gotten worse though bc like #the kids always bring home 7 different colds at once and those linger for me way longer than everyone else #like there's the default cough and the advanced one. colds just make it 2x bad for like a month #and after a month they come home with a brand new cold #but you know what at least it gave me abs as a consolation prize #not like a 6pac to be clear im not ripped its just 11s lol

[coquelicoq]

i am such a clown. decided to make stickers for my siblings even though i have ZERO design skills or knowledge of any programs that allow you to rotate text except for powerpoint. so i made them in powerpoint. (this took, mmmm, maybe 6-8 hours btw.) then had to find a website that would print and mail these stickers to me. no i don't want 50 stickers. i want one circle sticker and one rectangle sticker. oh that's not an option anybody wants to give me? okay then i guess i will buy 16 circle stickers (the least offered) and 50 rectangle stickers (the least offered. why not 16 also? a mystery). one of the designs is for my sibling's band, so if they like it theoretically they could use the stickers as merch or something lol. but i'm not holding my breath, on account of the aforementioned lack of design skills. i get away with a lot among my family because they're all so willing to react to my questionable creations with aww look, she Tried! but that probably doesn't work for strangers who are fans of my sibling's band. so i guess they will just have 49 extra stickers that they can idk stick to streetlight poles or something. not my problem.

#i originally designed them on graph paper. with like a compass and everything #i learned something new today!! apparently you can curve a text box around a circle!!!!!! that saved me some time #this all came about because my sister was telling me how sad she was that she lost her water bottle because it had a sticker on it #that she had gotten from her travels. and i was like awesome i'll just make her a new one #girl what! you don't know how to do that!!! CLOWNNNNNN #also i don't actually know what the original sticker looked like lol which is probably for the best so i can't 1) plagiarize #or 2) compare my shoddy workmanship to that of an actual professional #i thought about commissioning an actual graphic designer to do this but i quickly got overwhelmed with logistics #and it's so close to christmas i didn't really want to deal with the timeline issue #i really should have done this three months ago but of course i procrastinated #anyway. the website kept being like are you SURE you positioned that image correctly? #and i was like nope! but i don't know what else to do so let's just try it and see what happens :) #it looked fine in the preview. living on the edge over here. the extreme sport of sticker designing

[hamartia-grander]

so my general paranoia has always been pretty bad (hi ocd) but I thought it was more manageable the past few years as I've matured and gotten better at catching myself before I spiral, but recently (as in the past three weeks or so) it's been so bad that I do things impulsively as I'm spiralling without even realising it and it's been negatively affecting the way I perceive how friends think of me which I do NOT want to start happening again because that sucked. Idk why it's happening but I'd be grateful for any advice idrk what else to say about it.

#But anyways if you catch me acting really strange (more than usual) #or saying/doing things that seem overly docile or apologetic it's just another spiral don't worry about it #I genuinely don't know why it's gotten so much worse like I didn't change my meds I didn't change my diet I didn't change my habits #nothing crazy happened #I just have no idea #forcing myself to be vulnerable to my friends because I need help and it's about time I let people know that #affirmations certainly help but I feel so so bad asking for them like 'ohh I'm just fishing for compliments' or 'ohh I need someone to say #smthn nice every 6 seconds or I die' or 'ohhh I'm being so dramatic wahh' you know how it is #I at first thought it was just one or two occasions but no it's happened repeatedly consistently with ALL of my friends #and even coworkers and professors #I need to get out of my head I apologise to everyone who's ever had to deal with me spiralling #I promise I don't say the shit I do because I want you to feel bad for me I just genuinely in the moment am thinking that way #I know it's bad and after it's over I feel awful about it but idk what to do

[taylor-heise]

sorry I can’t stop thinking about @folie-a-dewey’s tag

*this is where i’d put a heart eyes kirill @ hootsy photo /if i had one/*

#evil we that we haven’t gotten one yet #unfortunate for you all having to deal with me putting chappell lyrics to wild players now

[zombolouge]

Fanatical Chapter 17

art by @miliabyntite

Chapter 17: Diminished in Death is now live!

#zombolouge writes #ace attorney #Fanatical #case fic #WE FINALLY REACHED A MURDER GUYS ARE YOU EXCITED #bogo deal in fact :) #listen we would have gotten to this point faster if I had cut the wedding but I figured you would have all done a riot at me

[mxdotpng]

the progression of events in this arc is so so good and great and i love how you can just clearly see where and how each characters thoughts begin and progress throughout each chapter as it goes on. while steven was probably set in stone about his view on how to handle the situation i earnestly believe zed and zapp set out to disobey steven's request. and then they make it very easy to understand leo's point of view and why hes doing what he is - its why they show us that flashback and don't tell anyone else, and why he speaks very little after zapp threatens him - and then immediately cuts to klaus, who knows absolutely nothing about the situation currently but he can figure it out just by looking at whats in front of him. and because klaus is so unflinching when it comes to upholding what he believes is morally right he does so without anyone needing to tell him whats going on. he sees this percieved 'monster' protecting someone else and immediately goes to protect it, too. and even though a lot of them disagreed with each other at the beginning there is still the scene afterwards where they all come together to try and catch each other when they begin falling. i think nightow should pay me for what its done to my mental health

#.text #kekkai sensen #sorry this arc made me normal. #i love that panel with zed even if i cant stop laughing. hes a skater boy. SOOO funny #ddo you get it #not about skater boy zed about the other more dire thing happening in this post. FORGET about skater boy zed #im being miserable again. oh my god. kekkai sensen #i know nightow just loves to leave things as is like after it ends it ends but i wished i couldve seen the aftermath #like. what steven was thinking. what zapp and zed were thinking. klaus also he was like in prison for most of that #SOOO funny that he like. gets arrested at random unfairly. everything is pretty much fine. and then when he gets out #the city is on fire two of his coworkers are in the hospital chain is nowhere to be seen the prison has exploded #there are vampires on the loose femt is there for some reason and there is a 10 million dollar bounty on leo's head #klaus leaves for FIVE MINUTES and THIS happens #dude doesnt even like stop to think about it he immediately turns around and go. hummer. throw me as far as you can. #and then they did. #amazing. this is the best manga ever. #wow ive gotten off topic sorry. anyway #i added that giant paragraph of text after all of these tags sorry guys i know im annoying and saying things that were probably #said 5 years ago but um. im late to the party. and i dont know how to shut up. so you have to deal with it #also i included the panel with neji and riel because i think it says so much. that theyre the ones saying this. #neji doesnt even remember leo almost getting his head bashed in just in the off chance that it could save his life and still he Knows #like they know more than anyone probably how leo sacrifices everything he has for the people around him #and i like that nightow included them in something so important and so defining of his character. #they appear once. twice. so little. but theyre integral to how hes percieved by others and by us. #anyway. kkss is good. #this post happened because i'm trying to draw and needed references but my kkss folder is 900+ images #and i got distracted by these pages in there #because i couldnt resist rereading them #if i could add more than 10 images id also add the like 3 pages of them falling and trying to catch each other at the end #but. alas. woah i ran out of tags bye everyone. thanks or sorry if you read all of this

[notmoreflippingelves]

I need to ramble more about Esteban Flores, because everything about this character and his arc seem as though it was tailor-made for me and specifically designed to make me absolutely feral.

This going below the cut, both because I do not want to spoil the entire show for my friend who is think of watching Elena of Avalor and because I go full-on apologist here and I feel like that will annoy some people.

Imagine making the absolute worst mistake than anyone could possibly make, because you are 18 and scared and stupid and tired of being ignored. And it results in you losing your family and your freedom and what little self-respect you had left because you know all of this is very much your own fault.

 And so you proceed to spend the next 41(!) years eking out a miserable existence in an oppressive state. Upon fear for your life, you are forced to be the reluctant right-hand of the evil witch-queen who conquered your country, killed your aunt and uncle and trapped your cousin in magical prison. In spite of this, you nevertheless do everything within your limited power trying to hold the kingdom together and make sure the people don't starve, because the queen certainly doesn't care about anything except greedily bleeding your country dry.

And no exaggeration, this is just what canon explicitly gives us outright in the pilot. Like that's not even getting into head canons/interpretations/common sense of what exactly this sort of life entailed for you. Because this is a children's show so there's only so much they will let us imply about living under that kind of system. Especially as a young, attractive, terrified person who is the last living member of the previous royal family who is likely being kept alive partly as a combination trophy/punching bag for the evil queen (even if the show never actually states this outright).

And then by some miracle, what's left of your family comes back after all this time. The evil queen is overthrown, partly because you yourself finally stood up to her at a critical moment. You and your country are finally free again, and what's more, you and your family are finally together again after over 4 decades. But you still feel like an outsider--partly because you always were an outsider in your family even in the better times and partly because  over the past 41(!) years, time stood still for all of them except you.

And as a result, no one ever cares to ask what those 41 years were like for you or even just if you’re doing okay. Not only because your family can’t even begin to comprehend what it must have been like, but also because they don’t care to even *try* to understand. Because the narrative has decided that everyone else’s respective traumas is worth way more than your own.  (Though tbf the narrative really doesn’t dwell much on anyone’s trauma in general but yours gets especially neglected , except to briefly play it for laughs or to remind you that your trauma is *your own fault and only your own*).

For a little while, life is pretty okay. It’s weird not having to watch your step every instant to make sure you’re not putting a toe out of line. And so you never really fully break out of your “survival mode” conditioning, making sure that you are still considered important and valuable enough to keep around.

But all the while, you know that your past—and especially your terrible little secret—is eventually going to come back to haunt you. And it does. First via blackmail and then via the return  of the evil witch-queen herself. Fortunately, she is defeated for good before she can take avenge your “betrayal of her” but you still have to deal with seeing the ghost from the past who terrorized you for 41(!) years.

And then, your secret finally comes out in the open and you are disowned by your family—the family you *just* got back a few years ago—for an admittedly super bad decision that you made over four decades ago and have regretted ever since.  Rather than face the rest of your life in isolation (as though you didn’t already have enough of that during the previous regime), you escape before you can be sent into exile. This puts you directly in the path of *another* terrifying, evil magical milf who you are forced to ally yourself with. Because you have 40+ years of conditioning that when a woman like that says “jump,” you say “how high?” if you are to have any hope of survival.  Especially given that the only people who could’ve protected you from her are the family and friends who have just definitively washed their hands of you.

Despite this, you are still trying to seek your cousin’s forgiveness and to protect her in the little ways that you can. But you are constantly getting rebuffed over and over again, and if anything, your attempts at reconciliation only seem to make your cousin angrier, and she now hates you just as much as—if not MORE than—the woman who actually murdered her parents.

Your cousin is so angry at you specifically that she actively ignores the greater threat of Witchy Milf 2.0, because she happens to see your face and is enraged. This ends up backfiring spectacularly for you both, though it does indirectly lead to the defeat of said Witchy Milf 2.0.

But guess what?  There’s no time to breathe or celebrate, because her defeat occurred during the successful summoning of a third power-mad, feminine-presenting magical humanoid and her allies. At least, this one treats you with some initial respect and actually gives you outright what you-think-you’ve-thought-you-always wanted. But she also turns your family and friends to stone in front of you as a warning of what’s to come if you dare to defy her.

But this time, you are finally done with this, have finally lost enough that you have paradoxically found your courage. You sacrifice yourself to save your cousin, and she is finally able to accept that you’ve sacrificed and changed enough that she can forgive you. And her forgiveness is so powerful and pure that it not only restores you to life but also undoes all the other evil magic. Together, you defeat this final enemy, paradoxically by banishing her to the same Underworld where your mistakes accidentally sent your aunt and uncle and her parents long ago.  Peace has been restored. You have returned for good and are finally secure in your family’s love.

And after all that, there are *still* people (both presumably in universe and in the fandom outside of it) who say it's too little, too late and that it would've been better for everyone if you'd simply stayed dead.

Like I'm just... are we really victim-blaming the character who has 45 years of unprocessed trauma and guilt (both survivor's guilt and guilt in general) because of a decision he made when his brain was still developing and he was being manipulated by an older, much more powerful person?

#elena of avalor #elena of avalor meta #esteban flores #chancellor esteban #like how do you do this to me--an english major-- #and not expect me to be completely unhinged about it? #like the parallelism. the THEMES. #the fact that having to abide by established sofia the first canon #meant that the writers had to significantly prolong the length of both esteban's and elena's respective traumas #i get that they had to but like 41 years? they still did THAT #and they expect me to be normal about it #don't get me wrong; i am not blaming elena for her response #it was normal and understandable and given her position; i may have acted the same #but at the same time; 41(!) years of trauma that the narrative just assumes esteban did and should've gotten over by now #even though they are not expecting elena to have gotten over the same 41-years of trauma? #and not just little trauma with a little “t”; we're talking TRAUMA™ #someone get this man to the Ever Realm equivalent of therapy #like i'm not totally wild about s3 in general (we should've had an final season to deal with the coronation day aftermath) #but like the finale still hit all the right narrative beats that i needed so I'm okay-ish #and it still handled esteban's final arc much better than the similar final cassandra arc from tangled the series #imo at least

[crabussy]

I want to take a bite out of someone's arm but I'm too shy

#it's ok to reblog this post and ignore the rant in the tags I don't mind at all /gen #hi guys #got another load of trauma from school #and I am not dealing with it well at all my legs have been shaking so badly for 4 hours now #had a panic attack so bad that my face went numb and the edges of my vision went black and my legs gave way #I hate my teacher she's horrible god I can't even go into it here there's so much #I'm tired of getting abused at school I've been to half a dozen schools and have not gotten traumatised at ONLY ONE OF THEM #I have no adults I can go to about this #whenever I try to talk with her and the head teacher about the situation and why I'm fucking terrified of her she acts so patient and kind #whenever I'm alone with her she will yell at me about everything I'm doing wrong and continue yelling even when I'm in tears #she will berate me and put me down and insult me directly #when she gives feedback she always puts effort into making it hurt #the language she uses for negative feedback is never what a teacher should say it's always personal and uses your weaknesses to hurt you #I get really bad intrusive thoughts about her hurting me physically because of how terrified I am of her #the worst part is she acts nice and sweet whenever she's not picking apart my weaknesses and being cruel about my disabilities #I felt so sick after that I haven't eaten since #vent tw #trauma tw #listen to my gibberish boy #ggod I hate this school

[waitingforsecretsouls]

I can grin and bear a lot of Maedhros slander. But giving him, the OG Thingol hater, pre- Quenya ban and Silmaril Quest even, who is trying to unite all of Beleriand in his Union against Morgoth and who will kill himself to never have to relinquish the Silmaril he eventually retrieves, the exact same opinions as Thingol rather than Celegorm and Curufin on the Silmaril Quest is where I draw the line.

You really think the guy who's trying to get everyone he can on board is gonna be angry at C&C for trying to recruit a hidden (ergo useless to him) realm to his cause rather than the flip-flopping elves of Nargothrond and Finrod's willingness to throw his own brothers and their family oath and labour of their fathers SOUL-literally-under the bus for a stranger and the heiress of the guy who is content to sit and try to wait out Morgoth (who herself has no plans whatsoever to eventually help out with that or try to convince her father to chip in a bit)? Instead of Beren and Luthien's selfish "politics? what politics?" attitude or Thingol for the temerity to set the quest in the first place? On my hands and kness begging people to stop trying to strip Maedhros from his canonical demonstrated character traits, motivations, opinions, loyalties and strength of character (and pride. Dear lord let Maedhros have his canonical pride. Not everyone is secretly an insecure, self-loathing mess and there's NOTHING to suggest this in Maedhros in particular. Seems primarily like people tying his potential scars from Thangorodrim to self-worth issues, what a novel concept. The guy is the lynchpin holding the Noldor and their resistance together, he is performing and leading better than literally anyone else, there's nothing to be insecure and angsty ABOUT except general war-related unpleasantness).

If it was Maedhros he would have either killed Beren on the spot disguised as an unfortunate casualty once he made clear he wasn't dissaduated by the oath or smiled and waved him off to Angband with a "good luck" and imprisoned Luthien for negotiations with Thingol and a "took care of your suitor problem AND got your daughter safe in custody, what have you got for me in return?" when she came looking for Beren, be for real now.

#silm #maedhros #stop trying to make Maedhros your moral stand-in in the story #he's a character with canonical character traits and motivations #also true for this Nolofinwean advocate people try to twist him into #if you prefer Fingolfin over Feanor that's cool but don't make that Maedhros' problem #but that's a rant for another time #can't believe it needs to be said but maybe let the Feanorians have their canonical stances on issues #what's this aversion with having them seeing themselves as in the right instead of as hopeless doomed sinners lol #also people really try to turn Nargothrond and Doriath into in-universe desperately coveted resources #I highly doubt the Noldor saw it that way pre Nirnaeth they were doing just fine retaking their territories and making new allies #and even afterwards if it weren't for Beren and Luthien and Beren and Dior we could have gotten a Turgon and Feanorian alliance #like are the attempts worthwhile? For sure as we see with C&C and Nargothrond #but they didn't cry themselves to sleep as losing all hope over losing those resources #the Feanorians are kind of a big deal especially in the lead-up to the Nirnaeth you know?

[ahsterism]

finally finished the h.sr story

#‘why did it take so long’ aventurine was beating my ass dw about it #UH…. UM. #i fear. i fear i have gotten myself into something SKSKDJFKFJF #god forbid you like some art and all of a sudden you have things to deal with now jfc- #IM A FAN TO BE CLEAR. IM ALSO JUST STUPID. DJSKDHFMF #i probably dont need to be this vague about it at this point but yea. last cutscene. What. #✧ ooc

[sonknuxadow]

they werent lying that knuckles series barely has knuckles in it

#i pirated that shit Btw just so we're clear. also gonna talk about it a little bit in the tags #nothing too spoilery but also might not wanna read if you want to go in knowing absolutely nothing? idk #anyway he WAS a main character still he was present for a decent amount of the first couple episodes #but the amount of screentime he gets just starts dropping after that . hes barely there at all in the second half ??? #and it feels like theres a lot of scenes mostly focusing on wade and his problems and not near as many for knuckles and his whole deal #overall it feels more like a wade show with knuckles in it than a knuckles show with wade in it. which sucks #and human characters having plot relevance isnt the problem here i dont mind human characters at all i think they can be really fun #its the fact that the human characters are taking over the story and spotlight when the show is called knuckles #and all the marketing makes it look like knuckles is the main focus #and i also would have preferred if they just went with a differnet character to be knuckles' human friend #because i dont particulraly care about wade. and the knuckles (and sonic and tails) i know would not be friends with cops </3 #well at least the story wasnt knuckles training wade to be a better cop like a lot of people were expecting but thats like.the bare minimum #also aside from the issues relating to knuckles' screentime (or lack of screentime) i thought the ending was unsatisfying #regardless of all that though there WERE some parts i enjoyed or found kind of funny or whatever. because knuckles so cutesy as always #knuckles being a cute little guy is the most important part of the show actually #and i liked the parts with sonic tails and maddie even if they were only there for like 5 minutes #(i really wish those three had gotten more screentime. i feel like they could have easily worked in at least one more scene with them) #and its a minor thing but the opening sequence is cute. was honestly expecting just a title card or something #overall the show is just . kind of okay i guess. not the worst thing ive ever seen but still disappointing ? idk how to explain.. #my expectations also werent very high in the first place #so maybe im being a bit more generous than i would have been otherwise. idk #and i definitely would not recommend this to anyone who already dislikes the sonic movies . youll probably hate this more #like people who thought the human characters got too much screentime in the second movie would lose their minds if they saw this

[seiya-starsniper]

.

#if I've made anyone uncomfortable with the things I've been posting the last few days that was in fact the point and fully intended #and I don't say that to be cruel but simply to drive home the point that fandom spaces can be both safe and hostile at the same time #it is a deeply uncomfortable thing to acknowledge and I know most people do no want to deal with that and I understand that truly #but it was important to me to acknowledge and to give my opinion so that's what I did #At the same time none of this changes my opinion on my ship or the fact that I love a certain character other people find problematic #and I am fine with people finding that problematic because I am human being I am problematic by default #and I am confident enough in myself as a person to know when to acknowledge when I've contributed to problematic behavior #and realize the world doesn't end when this happens #my opinion of the fandom I've made my home in hasn't changed either #I had these views before and now they're out there in the open messy wording and all #and if you've decided that changes your opinion of me for the worse that's fine you can unfollow block etc #I understand that even in my attempt to acknowledge hurt within my fandom I've probably hurt other people and I have made my peace with it #but for everyone else that's shown me support both on tumblr and in private #for everyone that's listened to me vent about this subject over DMs and validated my hurt feelings #instead of trying to press your own discomforts onto me to carry in addition to my own #thank you #I've carved a permanent space in my heart for you and I truly mean that #I waded into this mess fully expecting to be ignored at best and to lose connections at worst and I was fully okay with it #but the love I've gotten and the deep honest and vulnerable conversations I've had over the last few days has truly been astounding to me #this last part is taking me AGES to write #because I'm actually crying thinking about all the good that's come out of this #and I acknowledge that's not a universal opinion and that's fine I'm really only speaking to my personal experience with what's happened #which despite outward appearances has been incredibly cathartic and uplifting for me #and I don't need everyone in the fandom to share my views or validate me or tell me I'm right people are allowed to disagree #I also don't need to have a deep personal and honest connection with everyone in the fandom where I can share my deepest vulnerabilities #but the fact that I could have that connection with some of you? that's enough for me. it's everything to me.