#and why i stopped reading it a while ago

[claitea]

porygonhd by @startistdoodles, a few doodles complete with gen 5 styled sprites!

#pokemon #porygon #clai's art #maybe i went a lil overboard but i just Really liked this concept haha #i actually have always been a little annoyed the porygon line ended at z yknow? #like dont get me wrong i love the whole porygon line but it was cool how porygon seemed to develop along with the games #so while it makes sense to stop since its a full three-pokemon evo line. why stop at a Glitched version? #i was looking at the porygon lines' bulbapedia pages while drawing this out of curiosity #and porygon-z's smash bros trophies suggest a patch was on the way. but that never happened :( #also fun thing to note is that porygon seems to have been made purely to poke fun at people lmao #bulbapedia says people told satoshi tajiri it was too late to make a game boy game and he should make games with 3d polygonal graphics #so instead he made porygon. which is techincally polygons as they told him but still in sprite form lmaooo #but does that not make right now and even better time to make an actual split-evo for porygon2? #since pokemon switched to full 3d ages ago why not commemorate that with a fixed up final porygon evo? #anyway thats my porygon rant haha #porygonhd is Such a perfect concept i would do anything to have this in a real game #EDIT: //DANG// THE SECOND AFTER I POSTED THIS I READ THE ASK ABT HOW HD CANT OPEN ITS WINGS HAJGHVDHGD #ah well. its cute here isnt it

[early-october-skies]

Me when we don't speak anymore by bears in trees

#lizzierants #had a sudden unplanned job interview today. i wanted to cry the whole time but managed to keep it together and now the anxiety has suddenly #caught up to me and it feels BAD the sudden thought of that what if my friends just dont actually like me and they like me purely because #theyre worried for what would become of me if they stopped being friends with me when purely of course id be fine eventually but i worry #that cause im on antidepressants people just think im automatically suicidal when something bad goes wrong which is not the case im doing #good i dont want to die but what if all my friends hate me what if this whole time i have loved them so so much and they just tolerate me #someday my friends will die and i had that i hate that someday we wont be friends even if its decades in the future i love all of them with #my heart that sometimes i feel it is overfilling i love them i love them and what am i without them i am everything i have ever loved i am #overthinking however i cannot stop this what if my own best friend is avoiding me? why am i thinking this? what evidence do i have to back #this up? nothing only for the fact my own brain feels as though i love people too much and they are uncomfortable with it i feel awful wtf #i have learned to keep my emotions from people because i dont want them to worry. i dont want people to do something or not do something bec #ause they think it will upset me i want people do do as they please i want to be open for my friends to share their issues i want to help #and im sitting here wirrying if they hate me so i turn here to shout in the void because the only person i know irl who follows me on here #most likely doesnt read these tags and if you are please ingore this i misjudged your terrible attention span also i love you very much #anyway a few weeks ago i realised my worst fear is no longer death. but the death of my friendship with my beloved friend. and thats fucking #terrifying prospect however if they were to be like yo i dont like you anymore id respect that decision and id be okay because their happine #is the most important thing to me and thats okay but i couldnt bare with the fact that they feel like they had to be ffiends with me because #they have to. i hate the prospect of them feeling trapped in a friendship theh dont want to be in. all the while i feel i cannot communicate #this to anyone because how would i go about it im very anxious i am shaking i am having a bad time very bad time actually im going to start #crying but its okay <3 crying is good for stress and health and its been a while since ive cried so maybe this will help me feel better <3 #i will heal and ill be okay <3

[13eyond13]

.

#here's some of the classics on that list i have beef with btw: #i have tried to read A Confederacy of Dunces several times and it's funny but it's also so cringe and Ignatius is so obnoxious #that i find it too difficult to finish like i just feel depressed and bad for everybody around him too much #i tried reading Infinite Jest like a decade ago and i got like 200 pages in and i remember thinking it felt like #such a slog the entire time because he's just so gd wordy and also i stopped liking DFW after i heard the abuse allegations against him #frankenstein i didnt read that long ago but i just remember finding it so boring for some reason?? i feel i might need to read it again #dracula ngl i feel like im cheating a bit saying ive completely read it because i loved the beginning and then HATED so much of the rest #the characters were just so boring and melodramatic hahaha i just liked the part where jonathan was doing a travel diary #and trapped in the castle tbh and after that i skimmed quite a bit #i almost flipped my shit when i saw ender's game on there because I ALWAYS mix it up with ready player one by ernest cline #which i bought the audiobook of a while back and hated every minute of it i dont think its good at all #but it wasnt that so phew my faith in this list is somewhat restored #i read most of the first game of thrones book and was disappointed tbh maybe because id seen the show already #so i was like 'this feels almost exactly the same except worse?' because i'd been expecting it to give me more depth and insight #into the characters but instead it felt exactly the same and i still didnt love any of the characters enough to feel attached to them #also i am fully aware me not personally liking or vibing with a book doesnt mean it doesnt deserve to be considered great btw #but i think if youre gonna be like me and force yourself to go through a bunch of lists like this very seriously then you also need to just #let yourself be like 'yeah not for me' without feeling too bad about it sometimes too #often times i dont particularly love the classics or 'important books' but at the same time #i still feel like im getting more out of reading them than just grabbing the newest hyped up books that also dont do anything for me #maybe not in a 'wow i loved reading this' way but in like a #'i now have first-hand knowledge of this thing that is so influential / so frequently referenced' #or 'this challenged me and i feel like i did a mental/emotional workout or gave me some new food for thought' #or 'made me more aware of what gaps in my knowledge and reading skills and what my tastes are too' #sort of way... #it really just depends on what you're reading for and why and what you're hoping to get out of it a lot of the time maybe #it's like the homework i give myself to go through these lists that i also intersperse with the stuff i read more just for fun #p

[2smolbeans]

Personal ramble, but you ever had food so good you just wanna write about it in one of your stories in great detail??

Like I know, usually I tend to write more intense yan stuff-

But I wanna also write like some domestic parts of it. Like cooking meals, going out, and doing activities to kinda get into the feel of the world surrounding that scenario.

Y'know?? Idk lol- I just need an excuse to write and describe EVERY DETAIL on how fucking good that food aaaaaa--

#like a few days ago my dad made me try Coxinha and Pastel and cant stop thinking about it #and yesterday my grandma from my mom's side made Bún riêu and that was the final straw #like AHJWJD food is so GOOD AAHEJWJ #so it kinda made me realise that i wanna start implenting little snippets of (ig) home foods/cultural foods #as a way to kind of get in touch with my culture again #in my personal oc writings because why not?? my characters are apart of me ig?? lolol #also for context I'm viet and Lebanese #and also grew up with a strong brazillian cultural bg since my dad's side are brazillian immigrants #but I was also raised in canada #so I'm still learning and trying to get in touch with that side of me y'know?? #so idk yeah! #anyways gonna go back to reading fanfics while I'm on break #i just wanted to get that out my system #also random statement..Marcos Valle is goated. thats it. i will not elaborate any further #2smolbeans ramble

[unboundpower]

that feeling when you notice a "friend" deleted a private rp server you both had together for your ship that meant a lot to you :) and they never even messaged you to give you a heads up :))

really over just. getting ditched tbh.

#vent #/ i put friend in quotes because i dont even know if we are anymore. its been a while since we've spoke but \ #/ whenever i messaged them; they always stop responding after a few messages \ #/ and they never take initiative and message me first \ #/ why bother putting in effort to keep the bridge open if it isnt returned \ #/ they ofc went silent in the server a long time ago but i still liked re reading old messages & replies \ #/ just losing all of that...man. \ #tbd. #ooc.

[hexcitrine]

randomly looked at this account to update my age and holy shit it's been a while since i posted here..........i have a small pile of art i have yet to post but hbhbshdbshbd too lazy

#part of it is that i haven't posted any of my recent art but in addition #i haven't made new art in a WHILE (abt 3 months) which is highly unusual for me but the reason for that is #3 months ago i suddenly remembered that i tried learning mandarin for three (3) days before forgetting about it for 9 months #(amusingly the reason why is not because of danmei......i did not even know danmei existed when i first decided to learn it) #anyways i have been insanely fixated on learning it for the past 3 months #however since art is primarily a way for me to process my interests and that only really be done when i'm fixated on media........well #let's just say i have not been making art at all #that might change soon tho #rn i'm reading 撒野 (saye) in chinese bc it's at a level i can read and i fucking love it so far #idk why i picked a book longer than svsss (which took me a week to read in english)...u would think there's no chance of me finishing it #or even reading it #especially when the only novel i've read before this is a chinese translation of the fucking magic finger by roald dahl LMFAO #but it's been a week and i'm a fifth of the way into it which i was not expecting at all #it was initially an exercise of “i will get as far as i can and try my best to read a chapter a day” but i've been zipping through chapters #last night i was up until 3 AM reading it and i was so tempted to read more but had to stop myself #of course this is all aided by pleco which lets me quickly look up words that i don't know yet. pleco ily #that being said...this all does mean i know words like 收銀台 before i even know the word for “orange” (the color) which is pretty funny #but idk considering that the sum of my time spent learning chinese is just 3 months..........i think i am doing pretty damn good #i thought it would be a LOT longer before i could finally start enjoying some interesting things #god but it really has been a while since i last read a high school romance...but i am quite fond of the leads and their respective baggage #sorry for the whole tag ramble.........i haven't really had anyone to talk abt this stuff with #oh also it's my birthday #that is why i am even here to update my age in the first place #happy lan wangji birthday #actually the only reason i realized it was gonna be my birthday soon is because i saw chinese artists posting lan wangji birthday fanart #and then remembered that we share the same birthday #also re: the art i haven't posted yet.........a good chunk of it is misvil fanart...song qingshi my beloved #and there's also a luo binghe drawn on an art app i PROGRAMMED MYSELF (!!!!!!!!!) in there #actually that piece is the main reason i haven't posted the art i HAVE made. how the fuck do i explain that i drew it on an app that i made #sorry this is genuinely the most off the rails tag ramble i've ever done. okay i'm done

[adrianasunderworld]

I have commented on a Deuce and Riddle half brothers ask, and that idea has snowballed so get ready for

The super slow burn of Felicity and Miss Spade (who I’m calling Lia) falling in love cause I’m a romantic and need happy endings!

So, obviously this has to start with Mr Rosehearts being a whore, he slowly makes Lia fall in love with him before bouncing. Obviously Lia is upset, until she realizes she’s pregnant. She messages Rosehearts about this, believing that he should atleast know about his own child, only for him to tell her to get an abortion or something.

Lia blocks Rosehearts then and there, and is more excited about mowing a mother. She thankfully has the support of her own mother and father, and when she is in her third trimester there is a knock at the door.

Felicity Rosehearts is standing there, red face, that obviously Riddle inherited, and holding Mr. Rosehearts phone, demanding to know what the meaning of all this is. Lia explains, showing her own texts, that she was told he was not in a relationship, he loved her before he bounced, Lia being the sweethearts she is apologizes for possibly hurting Felicity’s marriage.

Felicity, while still mad, understands it’s mainly her own husbands fault and not this clearly poorly off woman. Felicity may be cruel but she’s not evil! She agrees that because her husband is technically the father, that the Rosehearts will pay for the prenatal care, and any doctor visits as long as Lia keeps quiet about who the father is.

Lia believes since they are paying for Deuces care, she keeps the Rosehearts updated on his growth, from ultrasound pictures, to due dates, to his first breath. Secretly, Felicity changed Lia’s doctors around a bit for her to get the best care. While Deuce isn’t Felicity’s child, he is still technically a Rosehearts and WILL be well taken care of!

Even as Deuce grows, Lia keeps up texting once in awhile. Felicity usually leaves her on read, only chiming in when Lia frantically asked about Deuce’s high grade fever when he was a baby. Growing up in the poor side made Lia a bit hesitant to take Deuce in, as it would end up as another bull she would struggle paying. Felicity stormed over to Lia’s house that night, and reminded her that the Rosehearts are paying for Deuce’s care, and that sick baby WILL see a doctor TODAY!

(Deuce got some medication and was all better shortly after)

Felicity started checking up on Deuce, never in person, but would remind Lia about any and all upcoming doctor appointments, and once Deuce started school, she also expected to hear about his grades. Felicity thought of Lia and Deuce almost like some stray cats she would feed, she liked them enough and worried about them, but wasn’t willing to bring them to her home.

Eventually, Felicity and Mr. Rosehearts marriage, which was bad to begin with, started getting worse. Mr Rosehearts probably hit up Lia again wondering if he could crash at her house on nights Felicity would kick him out. Lia always said no, and then texted Felicity a picture of little Deuce and a small story about his day. Lia didn’t view herself a good friend of Felicity to ask about anything, but she also wanted to offer som support. Secretly, Felicity really appreciated it.

As Deuce and Riddle grew, Lia and Felicity stayed in contact, and when Deuce went through his Lu k phase, Lia was petrified of telling Felicity. While Lia didn’t know about Riddle, she did know Felicity was a strict woman and was petrified of making her angry or worse, disappointed.

Lia did text Felicity later though, about how Deuce got accepted into NRC. She was obviously ecstatic. Felicity said that her son also was going there. He was housewarden of heartslaybul. Lia felt a douse of cold water. Frantically she reminded Felicity she had said nothing to Deuce about his father, and was scared Felicity was going to tell her to take Deuce out of NRC to protect her own son. Felicity said she knew and hung up.

Honestly, Felicity was proud of Deuce, but hearing Lia had made her smile, hearing her giggles and laughs as she shared part of her life with Felicity made her feel light and airy. It reminded her of those romance novels she would read as a young girl. It’s what she always wished she felt for Mr. Rosehearts. Felicity was feeling conflicted, this was just a woman her husband had an affair with, she was just keeping her quiet, keeping the Rosehearts name intact. Lia was just another person, another bill, NOT someone Felicity cared for!

Without Deuce around, Lia kept updates a bit more minimal, telling Felicity about his grades of course, but she didn’t really have any reason to talk to Felicity now in her own eyes. Until one day, Felicity offered to have lunch with Lia. To talk about their sons, face to face.

Lia arrived in her nicest clothes, and realized how far of worlds she and Felicity were apart. Felicity was dressed modestly, yet immaculately, while Lia was wearing older, clothes with a few patches and a mismatched button. Felicity didn’t look up when Lia sat down, and just said softly. “Riddle overblotted, my son overblotted “ before breaking down.

Felicity had gotten a call from the school a few weeks prior, and had had a heart to heart with Riddle about her raising him. She was doing what she had thought was right only to learn she had been hurting her son so badly! Mr Rosehearts didn’t care about the turmoil she had been in over learning all of this, and it’s not like she has any friends. Lia was the only person she could turn too.

Lia comforted Felicity as best she could, even getting up and crouching next to the other woman as she cried, dabbing Felicity’s tears with a napkin. Eventually, Felicity calmed down a enough for Lia to understand what she was saying. How Felicity was hard on Riddle, wanting him to be the best he could be, wanting his father to be proud of him, and unknowingly push him to the breaking point. How she felt like a failure of a mother, not being able to keep her husband happy, not being able to keep her son happy, she was a failure of a woman.

Lia reminded her that she worked hard, she did what she thought was right, and that is admirable. After a long talk, Felicity and Lia left, Felicity feeling better, and Lia feeling closer. They started chatting daily, Felicity talking about Riddle’s progress in letting go a bit, and her own issues with control and Lia providing info from Deuce as well as her own day. The women became very tight knit.

Finally, one night, Lia asked “why did you stay with him if he cheated on you?” It had come up naturally as Felicity complained about some other woman Mr. Rosehearts had brought home. Felicity stopped, “it’s what you’re supposed to do. Stay together through thick and thin”

“But he’s not staying with you, you’re staying with him.”

Felicity slept over at Lia’s home that night. Not having a guest room, she offered Felicity her own bed and she would sleep on the couch. Felicity said the bed was large enough for them both atleast (as she refused to sleep on the couch herself, but couldn’t very well have Lia sleep there either) and it was the best nights sleep she had ever had. Lia was much warmer and more comforting than her husband, soft and sweet. Felicity secretly kissed Lia’s crown before settling down herself.

This is all I have so far cause I can’t write anything but slow burns!

@mangacupcake another dramatic alternate storyline has entered the ring. lol

Also I need to take a moment to appreciate how fast you put this out. Like an hour two after that initial ask about clearing up who was the lesbian couple in this au, I got this in my ask box. The devil works hard, but shippers work harder 🤣

Also this all very sweet. Like I know I don't like Mrs.Rosehearts as a person, but as a character? There is so much fun room for interpretation for her. Like Felicity and aus like this.

The concept itself is very touching in that in these cheating stories, the other woman that does not know anything, gets the most hate even though the wife is angry at the wrong person. Where as here, she is angry at the right person, and even though they aren't best friends, they are a solid support system for each other, because they has both been screwed over by the same jackass.

#twisted wonderland #twst oc #headmistress rosehearts au #this au stopped being about yuu and the boys a while ago #feel like i need a warm cozy drink while reading idk why

[deus-ex-mona]

my day in two pictures:

#very very long and incoherent and whiny rant incoming sorryyyyyy #i hate this. so. sooooo. sooooooooooo much #i could tell that this day was gonna go badly bc of just how well yesterday went (my lxl fan novels and curry meshi deliveries came in) #so anyway. i woke up late bc i slept late (thanks lxl event story lmaoo) and stuff happened so i left my place later than usual #but surpriseeeee it rained the moment i stepped out of the elevator. and the bus was coming in 3 minutes!!!! #so i ran across the carpark in the rain to take a shortcut. that was fine. whatever. but then i saw the bus turn in and— #for some reason my legs just. stopped moving. i couldn’t run anymore :( battery? depleted. bus? left right in front of my very eyes :( #and the next bus was set to come in 10 minutes ಥ‿ಥ so that was freakin’ fantastic. #anyways the bus came and took me to the interchange where the dumb train station was. and when i got to the platform… the train just left. #and the next train was set to come in 5 minutes. which was great news for me who had an hour to get to work #so the train came. the hour-long journey went. and when i reached the bus stop to transfer to the bus to get to work… the bus had just left #so with some time (read: 10 minutes) to spare i decided to get some bread for dinner… #unfortunately the bakery place thing i went to did not accept card payments ಥ‿ಥ so i decided to rely on qr code payments instead #big. mistake. (ʘ‿ʘ) my payment was rejected 4 times before i gave up and decided to use cash #unfortunatelyyyyyyy i had no $10 notes left for a quick and easy payment (i only had 2 $2 notes and a $50 note along with some coins) so i. #cue a panicked small change counting as i desperately tried to count as quickly as possible while the customer after me pressured me :( #and did i mention that a lady cut my queue while i was waiting to pay???? (ʘ‿ʘ) pain and suffering #thankfully i barely managed to catch the bus after that tizzy but i was already late for work by then :( #anyways i arrived at work late and decided to check my email app for the lolz. biiiiiig mistake!!!!!!! #i noticed that i had a new email from my father (derogatory) whom i had ghosted years ago. like??? why did he have to email today??? #my day was bad enough without him pls gimme a break. i just. suffering??????????? #so i get to my workstation (the worst workstation ever istg) and note that there actually aren’t many samples today! yay! #…then they freakin’ brought in like 200+ more samples and i realised that the morning shift had yet to finish weighing the morning samples— #pain. and. suffering. (ʘ‿ʘ) looks like i’ll have to work till 3am again. #ughhhhh why did today’s happenings have to happen this week??????? this isn’t a biologically good week for me i’m gonna. throw someone istg #i’m exhausted and annoyed and hating everything and anything sooooo hard rn and i think i need anger management classes bc aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa— #ok rant over time to cry ig. idk. i s w e a r i’m gonna smacc the morning shift people tomorrow if i don’t call out sick first— #it is suiyoubi my dudes

[feyarcher]

I think my new personal youtube rule is going to be that I unfollow and stop watching anyone who says 'corn' instead of 'porn' or says 'shit' and then censors the back half of the word. I understand that this comes from tiktok and has been imported into youtube not wanting to promote/ put pricey ads on videos deemed "mature", but I'm a full grown adult and I feel like I'm losing my mind from this trash. And I just have to tap out of it at this point.

#im not saying anyone else should make the same choice as me here #but it is driving me up a freaking wall #these sudden audio blank spaces or weird sub in words make me do a double take to try and figure out what just happened #and then when i do realize what happened im sitting here going this video is not for 4 year olds #and it just makes me so mad #it falls somewhere between part infantilizing and part confusing and completely infuriating #and i should just stop watching creators who have chosen to make this choice because the back button always exists #and i can just use it and save myself the strife #and its not like i think i can personally get youtube to stop choosing to punish videos that don't censor WORDS #but the thing i can control is how i spend my time and what i give attention to #and if i only choose to spend my time and attention on people not playing by these stupid rules then at least i help those people #while also helping myself #its basically just an extension of why i got off twitter months ago #i cant stop the platform changes but i can choose to not spend time places where i despise the rules #and if this means that 5 years from now i am choosing to no longer spend time on the internet cause censorship across sm has gotten so bad #then fine so be it i have more books than i could read in a lifetime #allie says stuff sometimes

[ice-sculptures]

does anyone else have a crippling fear of accidentally plagiarizing every single other author's fanfics or is it just me

#i need to stop reading other people's fics while i finish mine.... #it's a painting fic so i've had to rework so many scenes due to the unintentional similarities to other people's works n i'm so tired of it #i'm so Mad at myself why can't i have an original thought ever 😭 #it's stressing me out and i feel so guilty even though it's accidental #and it's not like it's a one-time occurrence. no. this has happened again and again and i feel so frustrated with myself for it #i swear. sometimes i think that i've come up w the most beautiful sentence ever only to find out that another (smarter) writer- #-already said the same thing in their work several months ago #i don't mean to do it but it just keeps happening and i hate it #anyway. ignore me i'm being dumb #rae.txt

[rainbow-sparks]

I saw Jay's playthrough of Sally Face today and it made me remember how much I love this game, so I drew Sal :))!!

#seriously I just ahafgz I'm going to be so annoying about this game now I'm sorry (lying) #(everytime I say/read/etc the word seriously I read it in Ocean's voice when she's singing What The World Needs omfg) #his hair looks like that because........uhmm #cute :33 but also I just..can't draw straight hair :// #in pigtails specifically. idk why it just two ponytails so I don't know WHY I can't... #my dad is saying I HAVE to go to school or he won't pay the wifi bill uhmm apparently it 2 months behind?? uhh yeah...? oof guess I'll #fucking kms instead because if I have to be at that DAMN HIGHSCHOOL AGAIN #I am only a freshman and I already wanna bash my head into the desk #MY GYM TEACHER DIDN'T EVEN KNOW MY FUCKING NAME #AND I have to deal w/ shitty fucking allergies on top of that because my mom SUCKS and I didn't think to grad the medicine when I was #leaving yesterday morning mostly cause her BITCH ASS EX WAS THERE IN THE LIVING ROOM (that's connected to the kitchen; where the medicine #was) because she can't kick him out and she has work so she need him there anyway because free babysitting because she had this stupid #fucking kid with him 4 years ago :// #what am I talking about??? #sorry for ranting babe hehe <3 back to being a silly little guy ^^!! #so my friend wants me to play D&D with her and her other friend (idk who they are?? she never told me their name) #so that's cool :) #anyway I listened to Sanity Falls again I fucking love those songs god Idk y I stopped listening to these what was wrong w/ me damn :DDD!!! #gonna queue a few post so they go up while I'm either asleep or at school #probably school cause my dad said if I'm asleep he'll beat me awake :/ so yeah...not new whatever :/ #can't even complain; cause according to my parents it isn't abuse to hit you're CHILD and they had it worse so stfu and I hate you' like #WTF WAS THAT? BRO?? ughh like okay yeha I get it I've been out for a bit but like...really? has Hitting use worked EVER? no? THEN WHY ARE #THEY STILL DOING IT??........ugghhh fuck #night dude :p #omfg I ranted to much I forgot to tag #sally face #sal fisher #sally face sal

[sluttyten]

I need to put myself on a book buying ban

#I keep buying books a lot faster than I’m reading them #I got off work 1 hour ago and I immediately preordered a book online #and now I’m at Barnes and noble to get a book that released today but I also was reminded of this series by booktok like literally yesterday #or the day before and realized that my Barnes and noble has the series so I’m here for that too #so by the end of today I’ll have spent like 80 dollars on books #but there’s also another several books I spotted while searching the store for the series #that are on my TBR and I kinda want to buy them but I need to stop #I don’t even have that much room left on my shelves #ALSO need to hold back from checking the music section #bc I always check it but I can’t buy any more #the other day I went to preorder cix’s album but bc I have no control and can never just order what I intended #I also ended up preordering the boyz’s new album #I also wish I would’ve brought my laptop so I could write here without the distractions I have at home #also I’m sitting here like I’m waiting for someone to tell me no I don’t need all these books #but that’s also kinda the reason why I didn’t bring anyone along so they wouldn’t tell me no

[paint-music-with-me]

The fact that this fixation has bled to Tiktok and Pinterest (one app I use bc friend likes sending me memes and the other only to look at aesthetic clothes) is very telling of how much in a chokehold I am here. This is terrifying.

#also. i may have made. a spreadsheet. #of the fics ive read thus far. 🤧 please. shoot me. do it! #ILL HAND U THE WEAPON #mind u this all started what...like 2-3 weeks ago? and it doesnt show signs of stopping #like ive even had to discipline myself like 'no u cant read any fics until after ur midterms and therapy session' #thats probs why im writing that midnight m*ss au - just to have something to occupy my mind! #also its pretty good omg - like im thinking of making it one of those fics where it's in between time #im writing out eddie's backstory and oohhh #and also meanwhile im literally just consuming fanart - the fact that theres so much fanart??? is surprising to me?? #ig it proves to show how out of touch from western media ive been bc ive only consumed asian media for a while now #like u shouldve seen how surprised i was abt how much fics there were for st*ddie #i keep forgetting that more ppl have seen st than bb which i think is heinous but it makes sense #ugh #blabber time

[victortalkingmachine]

it was kind of real of me to write down all the physical descriptions of characters in the books i read so i could accurately draw them later. why did i stop doing that

#(i mean i know why. it was annoying having to stop reading to write stuff down) #(sidenote: i started redoing by tpodg one a while ago to include mannerisms; unnamed characters; & locations #but i never finished it... i haven't touched the document in over a year 😭)

[deepwoundsandfadedscars]

And now I've just learned that Tumblr now throws you a little party when making a post from desktop, it throws confetti across the screen and a little banner at the bottom with the options to Blaze the post?? what the heck

#kee speaks #i'll stop making new posts now #i'll go like a week without making a personal post and then have nights like tonight where i make three in an hour #update on my griping about the alarm volumes: i realized the app gives me the option to send feedback #so i griped about the alarm volumes directly to the people who might do something about it #well not really griped but i just said hey it'd be cool if i could change the volume individually #anyways ok meds are kicking in and i go sleep time #EDIT: oh also if anyone reads this far: I'm leaving next week for like two weeks #idk what my internet situation is going to look like i imagine i;ll have wifi in the evenings and early mornings for the first few days #but idk about after that #i was worried i wouldn't have a queue going while i'm gone but then i suddenly got really in the groove and now my queue is full until like #novemer 25th or something like that #only 4 posts a day but it at least will look like i'm active #i've been going through my likes and queueing stuff so if you see me suddenly reblogging stuff from you from like almost a year ago #that's why lmao #scrolled through like four different hyperfixation era's lmao #and the whole time going 'when the hell did i think i was going to reblog this much stuff about one specific show??' #there was. a lot. biggest ones were ofmd and mk lol

[gommyworm]

:^/

#i look so fucking hot today #and i have nobody to appreciate it #my best friend lives 8 hrs away and constantly leaves me on read #which i understand we both tend to drop off the face of the earth when we arent around each other #my only other friend is a guy like 3 yrs younger than me who i have more of a like ? casual friendship w where we like #complain about the government and check in on each other n stuf #and like hes a very good boy but i cant like Talk to him about my life or show him my very attractive fit bc thatd be weird asf #and the only other person i talk to is my ex lmfaooo and that has its whole set of issues #i really desperately need friends or like a bf or something like i cant sit with myself like this every day or im gonna kms #i should hit up my therapist lmaoo i ghosted her a while ago and gooooood would i love someone to talk to rn lmao #like someone who already knows backstory and like the shit involved in my stupid shitty life #man i made my makeup look so nice so i coukd stop crying all day and now i fucking ruined it lmfao #idk why im so stressed these days i just want to be dead #i genuinely think i need like professional help lol like this is way worse than normal #maybe seasonal depression on top of the regular shit ? idk whats even happening anymore #i think im gonna really try and read a book so today so i can not exist for a bit #man and i got all fancy n shit 😔😔😔😔 this sucks ass #maybe i should get some sort of diary app or soemthing so i dont have to do this on tumbkr lmfao #prpbably less embarassing that way #whatever not like ppl reading this really care plus its interesting to see ppls thots i think #i hope u enjoyed the show :^) #gommywords