#and tried to help myself and it didn’t work so I’m

[oh-koenig-my-koenig]

saying goodbye

(cw: age gap 25/41; mndi, slight nsfw; angst, brief discussion of loss and fear of death)

the part before: comforting him

I wanted to do something nice for König before he goes on his next mission, before he has to leave. Which is quite the challenge to make it a surprise from him when you’re living together. Well, staying together, but it doesn’t change the fact that we spend most of our time with each other.

Another reason, why this doesn't feel like dating anymore. It doesn't feel like just being exclusive. It doesn't feel like a living arrangement because he broke my bed. Also, he seems to be doing better again, after the little downward spiral that plagued him at the end of last week. At the same time… I can't shake the feeling that he's a bit more closed off than he was before.

I sigh. He’ll leave in only two days and we agreed that I would go home tomorrow because, well… it can’t be postponed any longer.

I already knew he has to sort out some stuff today before being deployed, driving into the city, getting a medical check-up and also arranging the details for my new bed to finally be delivered. But this gives me the chance to pack up most of my stuff and prepare what I wanted to surprise him with while he is away for a few hours.

I went grocery shopping after work, got everything that the recipe called for, and started as soon I was back at his place. I cut so many onions for this, I’m all cried out, but I still can’t help the little lump sitting in the back of my throat, closing it up, which has nothing to do with the cut vegetables

He comes back earlier than I anticipated, mumbling something about an incompetent doctor and how he doesn’t like to have his blood drawn. But I shoo him out of his own kitchen with a few comforting words, tell him to sit in the living room and read something. And not disturb me.

“Aye-aye, Ma’am.”, he says, an amused smirk on his face as he jokingly salutes. I roll my eyes and laugh a little, patting his butt, to make him hurry along.

I still need to prepare the sidedish and let the stew cook for a little longer to make sure the meat is tender and the sauce is thick enough. At least that’s what the recipe said. And I need to make sure I do everything right.

When it’s finally done, the kitchen looks like somebody threw around food, although I did my best to clean up as I go.

I fill one of the soup dishes with the stew, putting the Nockerl in there as well, the dough already soaking up some of the sauce. I compare the dish in front of me with the picture from the recipe and I’m actually content with how it came out.

I set the plate down on the island where the seats are and call for König while I get myself a smaller portion. I hear his steps before his huge stature appears in the doorframe.

“Uh, dinner is ready.”, I say wryly smiling at him, with my plate in my hands. I set it down next to his.

“I can see that and I already smelled the cooking in the living room, it smells deli-“ The words gets stuck in his throat as he comes closer, stopping in front of the plate. He drops onto the seat, the furniture aching under his weight. The smile he was still wearing when he came into the kitchen has dissipated, his mouth hanging open, when he looks up from his plate, his eyes finding mine. He looks almost in shock.

I sit down next to him, suddenly very unsure if this whole ordeal even was a good idea.

“You cooked Gulasch?”, he asks, his voice wavering.

I nod. “Yes, I remember how you said that you liked it, so uh, I tried to make it.”

“But you’re vegetarian.”, he adds.

“Yes, but you aren’t. And the original recipe calls for beef.”, I explain, putting the doughy pillows that the Austrians call Nockerl onto my fork, scooping up some of the sauce. I just want to try a bit of, tasting a part of his origins.

He’s still staring as I put the fork into my mouth, and well, he didn’t promise too much when he was talking about his favourite food because that’s really delicious. Though I’m unsure about how authentic it is.

His gaze moves from me to the plate in front of him, finally picking up the fork, and he digs in, taking the biggest bite. I wait to see what his reaction would be like. He shovels two, three forkfuls into his mouth, chewing, tasting. And then suddenly just stops. Goes completely still. And I don’t know what’s going on as his head drops forward, his hair hanging in front of his face.

A small silent sob shakes his chest and a stray tear falls from his face into the stew. My heart drops to my feet. Fuck.

“We don’t need to eat it, if it’s no good.”, I say lightly, trying not to let it affect me. When I go to grab his plate, his head whips in my direction, and I finally get a good look at his face.

“What, no?! I-“ He takes a deep breath, his hand wiping over his eyes quickly, like the tear was never there. “This is the nicest thing somebody has done for me in a long time.”, he finally says. “And it reminds me of my Oma.” A deep sigh shakes his tall frame. “So, thank you, okay? It’s delicious.” He takes my hands, softly pulling them towards him, pressing a kiss on each palm.

The sadness in his eyes isn’t completely gone when I look into them, and I didn’t anticipate that this simple gesture of cooking him his favourite meal would have him in shambles like that. But the smile that turns up the corners of his mouth is a warm one, thankful and happy.

“You’re welcome.”, I simply tell him. “I’m glad you like it.” I press my lips to his, reassuring the big giant that it was okay, without saying it out loud.

When I pull back, he lingers, his hand shooting up to the back of my head, stealing another kiss. Long, deep and oh so soft. Another “thank you”, without saying it out loud.

“What was your Oma like?”, I ask him, taking a forkful of my sauced-up Nockerl. He talked about her before, but it might keep me from tearing up as well.

The smile on his face gets wider and he starts to tell stories about her. Leaving the other people in his family out of it, for the most part.

How she always asked him to get the stuff from the upper shelves because he was already taller than her at age 12. How he sat in the kitchen doing his homework while she cooked. How she stopped pestering him about going to church on Sunday eventually, but still almost smacked him in his head when he turned the cross in the living room upside down as a joke. How she cried when he joined the military because that was the last thing she wished for him. How she still let him go and how he had to promise her to come back – or else. How he helped her in the garden every time he came home and kept doing that well into his 30s. And how he nearly missed her funeral because he almost couldn’t get permission to leave for a few days.

König takes seconds and even thirds, eating almost all of the Gulasch I cooked. I’m already done sitting over my empty plate, listening to him talk, getting us something to drink. When he is done as well, he grabs the plates to wash up, not letting me help in any way, because “Oh no, you already cooked and everything”. He tells me to pick out a movie I’d like to watch, the glint in his eyes telling me that it’s probably going to get cut short again, so I put on Pulp Fiction, a movie we both have watched countless times before.

He laughs as he comes into the living room with a beer in his hand and sees my choice on the flatscreen, taking a seat at the couch and I hop onto his lap when his ass barely touched the cushions. We’re entangled, as close as you can be. And it doesn’t take long for his hands to wander. Squeeze, caress, stroke over my body. Teasing me with soft kisses against my neck until a heavy sigh leaves my lips. He takes that as an invitation to finally take me to the bedroom where he lies me down on the mattress to eat me out, while he kneels on the floor. Messy, sloppy licks and nibbles, his fingers methodically filling me until I cum for him, my thighs pressing together around his head.

He crawls over me, pushing into me with his dick, after teasing my clit some more with his tip, the piercing deliciously pressing into the sensitive nub.

Slow and sweet doesn’t mean less intense, the soft stretch with every sensual roll of his hips sending sensations over my body, making me pant and throw my head back with pleasure.

His hand on my chin compelling me look at him while he is fucking me like this… until it doesn’t feel like just fucking anymore. When I come again, this time around his dick, it feels like a soft wave washing over me, his name on my lips, and he doesn’t stop pushing into me, prolonging my orgasm and chasing his own until he spills inside me.

He presses kisses to my cheek, pulling me into him, and we snuggle up against each other to fall asleep. My back is against his front, the heat of his body warming me, that I don’t even need a blanket. Feeling the comfort of his embrace a little more clearly than usual.

And the realisation hits me that he is going to leave. And I’m gonna go back home, to my apartment. No more König when I come home from work. No shared meals in the kitchen, no sitting in his lap on the couch. No laughing fits in the middle of the night when one of us says something so stupid that the other can’t comprehend. No filthy sex and tender kisses. No calling him “old man” to get a rise out of him. No dirty punishment for my bratty ass. No feeling him inside me, his brows turned up, his eyes rolling back in ecstatic expression as he comes. None of it, at least for some time.

I push those thoughts away, pulling his arms tighter around me as if I could keep him like this. I close my eyes, ignoring the one stray tear that rolls down my cheek, and drift off into sleep.

And with this the day I have been dreading the whole week is finally here. The day when I return to my own apartment after staying with him for weeks. I even took a day off of work for this.

I’m trying not to let it show too much, because it’s a bit stupid. This living arrangement always was meant to be temporary and I always knew he was on leave, needing to go back to his work at some point sooner or later. But now that it’s here… I kinda don’t want it to happen at all.

The coffee tastes a little bitter as I sip it, even though he added just as much milk as usual, with the typical joking disgust while diluting the tasty elixir, that always makes me chuckle and shake my head.

The sunlight streaming through the big windows in the living room blinds me as it reflects off the shiny couch upholstery when I go to collect Mimi from her spot, putting her in the cat carrier.

The book I finished reading on the weekend gets caught when I push it into its place on the shelf, some of the pages creasing. I curse, showing König and apologizing. He takes the book from my grasp, straightening out the crinkles, and puts it back. “Don’t worry, Liebes, it’s just a book.”, he says, his arm coming around me as he pulls me against his warm body and presses a kiss to the top of my head.

I get the rest of my stuff, seeing that one of my yarn balls has tangled into a net of knots, and I curse again. Of course, it did. I put my crochet bag into one of the boxes and carry it outside.

With a sigh I look back over my shoulder one last time and close the door behind me, placing my stuff in the trunk and climbing into the driver’s seat of my own car. Starting it and driving after him, and it’s weird not to sit right next to him in his car.

It’s weird being home again. Letting Mimi out of her carrier, the little kitty running around, brushing against his legs. And he picks her up, carrying her around, just like they always do. The small creature is purring against his chest as he shimmies her around, humming some tune I can't place.

It’s weird standing here in my apartment with him, waiting for the bed to be delivered. I can feel my bubbly yapping coming back, not being able to shut up, and König is listening like he always does. Short, one-worded answers while his hand is petting Mimi, scratching between her ears and under her chin.

The doorbell ringing tears us from our conversation. The delivery guys are handing the packages over, asking if they should help bring them in, but König declines, giving them a tip and sending them their way.

I’m not as easily deterred from trying to help with the packages, although König is carrying most of them, barely breaking a sweat, while I struggle with the smallest one.

Sitting on the bedroom floor, his tall figure still reaching up to my hips before I get down next to him. He’s glancing at the instructions, squeezing his eyes together, but I can tell he’s having a hard time seeing the illustrations of the steps correctly.

And of course he is too stubborn to ask for help. I grin to myself and shake my head. “Forgot your glasses?”, I ask him, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah.”, he says wryly, and I extend my hand, suggesting silently he’ll hand over the instructions and he does, with a sigh and a little smile.

While I’m still studying the instructions, he’s laying out the pieces and already putting the first parts together. Of course, he is choosing the hands-on approach, even with stuff like that, figuring it out as he moves along, and I chime in with a few comments here and there, guiding the construction.

His long hair is getting in the way and I lend him a hair tie, and I don’t think I’ll ever manage to get over how meticulous he puts his hair in a ponytail. I mean, he probably has done that same move for years, his hands collecting all the stray strands, the band snapping around them with two quick motions and then it just sits perfectly at the back of his head.

We spent so much time together and I realise that I’ve never seen him do that. The whole time he was always wearing his hair down, some strands hanging in front of his face. Sometimes he put them into a lose bun when he was working out, but never like this.

“What?”, he asks me, a hint of uncertainty on his face.

I shake my head. “Nothing, your hair looks good like that.”, I say, clearing my voice when it dares to break off, but I save it with a smile which gets mirrored by his, and I can’t help but put a kiss onto it while a pang of something spreads in my chest. I feel like I know him so well, and yet I keep learning parts of him I’ve never seen before.

“Come on, Hexe.”, he says when I linger, prolonging the kiss, caught in my thoughts, his hand patting my hip which makes me giggle a bit, but I can't shake the feeling that's settling in my stomach. Fuck, he's gonna leave.

Pretty quickly we construct the bed, it’s easy enough, especially when you’re following the instructions – a sentiment I say out loud after he managed to stick two pieces together who fit, but actually belong like that. He just grins and pulls them apart easily, his muscles flexing for just a moment.

“Show-off.”, I say, sticking my tongue out at him.

Finally, the frame is done, the slats already fitted into it and last but not least, we hoist the mattress onto them.

“You didn’t need to buy me a new one, you know.”

He shoots me a look. A knowing one.

“Really, it was fine. The old one would have sufficed.”

“I have slept on that mattress. You needed a new one.”

“Oh, that's just your old bones.”, I quip, and I know how ridiculous I must sound telling that to a soldier who can probably sleep anytime anywhere.

He pinches my nose. “You're not getting younger yourself, Missy.”, he answers. "Your back will be thankful."

“Yeah, yeah.”, I say grinning and bump my hip against his, rather hitting the burly thigh, before getting some bedsheets.

The fresh sheets match the nice dark wood of the bedframe, the bed now looking so much nicer than the rest of my furniture pieces.

“Thanks. For the new bed.”, I tell him, smiling up at him, getting on my tiptoes.

“No need to thank me, Liebes.”, he answers, leaning down and meeting me halfway for a kiss. “It was my fault you needed a new one in the first place.”, a wry grin accompanying his words.

“Well, this looks much sturdier like the one I had before.” I tap the wooden frame, a hollow knock resounding.

“Well, I needed to make sure that it wouldn’t break that easily again.”, he says, smiling down at me, a twinkle in his eyes. A reminder of how we broke it in the first place.

“Care to test that theory?”, I ask him cheekily, although I’m not really in the mood right now. My heart is way too heavy.

Before I can say anything else, he grabs me by the waist and lifts me up on the bed, the mattress dipping down under my weight. His hands are steadying me when I start to jump up and down, bouncing on it. Damn, it’s really nice. And I don't dare to ask how much he spent on it.

“Sturdy enough, you think?”, he asks me.

I nod. “You wanna come up here too?”, I tease him.

He shakes his head, just grinning, following my movements up and down with his eyes.

“Oh come on!”, I exclaim, not ready to stop this sillyness.

He pulls up his eyebrows. “I don’t think that would be wise, we don’t need to push it.”, he grins, when all of a sudden, there’s a faint cracking sound, and I stop, almost toppling over trying to hold my balance on the wobbling mattress.

“Point and case.”, he remarks as his arms coming around my waist as he lifts me off the bed.

“Okay, okay…”

I hold onto him like a little spider monkey, my legs closing around him, my cheek pressing against his shoulder as I nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck. Like I could keep him here like that. Or he’ll just take me with him when I stick to him like a limpet. Maybe I’m small enough to fit into his pocket.

My fingers get caught in his hair as I try to run them through it like I always do, and he pulls the hair tie from them, putting it away, letting me play with the long strands, as he goes to sit down.

The couch in my apartment is way smaller than his, his frame fills the cushions easily, so I have nowhere else to sit but his lap. Like I would have sat anywhere else. Trying to be as close to him as possible.

We’re not saying anything, just sitting here. My head rests against his shoulder, his scent all around me. I can hear his heart beat, feel it beneath my fingertips resting on his chest. Steady and strong, but a little too fast.

His hands are gently caressing my thighs and back, and even though I feel the sadness seep into me, the soft touches ground me.

We sit in silence for what seems eternity while at the same time lasting barely more than the blink of an eye. And I wish we could remain in this moment, frozen in time, but well.

He sighs softly, the deep sound pulling me from my thoughts, and I lift my head, to look at him.

“We need to say goodbye.” He slumps back, his shoulders hitting the backrest. “I wish I didn’t need to go.”, he exhales. Saying what I was thinking.

"Don't worry, I'll still be here when you're on leave again.", I tell him, softly kissing his cheek. He turns to me, the expression on his face serious and... a bit sad.

"But you shouldn't be.", he says, calm and steady.

"But-", I want to protest.

He shakes his head. "No, you should be with somebody your age, someone who can give you stability." He sighs. "Someone who can guarantee you that they'll come back to you. Every time they leave."

And the realisation hits me. He isn't saying goodbye for now. He's saying goodbye for good.

“I see.”, is all I manage because my feelings come crashing down over me with a vicious fervor. I thought I was going to have to deal with him leaving for weeks or months. With him being gone for a while. Not with a breakup.

“I’m sorry.”, he apologizes and starts to explain. “I never meant for this to go this far or… this deep.” The admission in his words makes my stomach flip upside down. I actually feel a little nauseous as my hands grip my own thighs, trying to hold onto something. “And I should’ve maybe said something earlier.” He swallows hard.

“The truth is that I had the best time this leave, and that was solely because of you.” He finally looks at me again, the raw emotions in his eyes almost scaring me. But the resolve in them is clear as well. “I couldn’t get myself to break it off. But I can’t make you wait for me either. Because I can’t even promise you that I will return.” His voice is shaking now and seeing him like this makes my lower lip tremble as I just try to breathe.

“And I can’t do that to you. The thought of you waiting for me at home and only a casket coming back… has been killing me inside these past few days.” The words come out choked and I can’t look at him anymore, my head snapping to the side as that image fills my mind. “Fuck, I’m really sorry, okay?”

We sit here like this for a moment longer. His hands stopped caressing my thighs and back, and I want to scream. The cold feeling of loss grips my heart, a viciously clawed hand leaving gaping wounds as it was making its way up my chest. He’s still sitting underneath me, but I feel like he’s already gone.

“I get it.”, I finally say, my voice trembling and hoarse. Still not able to look at him because I wouldn’t have been able to hold back my tears.

“I knew you would.”, he says, the words breaking up as he speaks. And I think back to when he told me that he couldn’t have a partner or family because his job won’t allow it. And I finally get why he thinks like that. At least I guess so. The big house devoid of any life but him, his own little safe haven, and I only now understand how temporary this whole arrangement really had been. I just didn’t see it. Maybe because I didn’t want to.

While I still try to process everything, he lifts me up and sets me down on the cushions of the couch. Like he did countless times the last few weeks. In his living room. And a sob tears from my chest because the gesture reminds me of so many tender and filthy moments at the same time. I hug my knees, pulling them close to me, already missing the warmth of his body. But that’s the way it is now, I guess.

He crouches down, coming face to face with me, and it just hurts to look at him. The bandshirt he bought for the concert we went to together. The tattoos on his knuckles, straining from the tension in his balled-up fists. The long dark hair, pushed to the side, falling back down his shoulder. I don’t need to touch it, to know how soft it feels. The mouth that smiled at me so often. The lips I have kissed countless times and that have kissed every inch of my body. The furrowed brows. The slack expression on his face concealing the laughlines. And for the first time since I’ve known him looking into his eyes doesn’t give me comfort.

He carefully takes my chin, the pads of his fingertips rough against the skin, softly digging into my jaw, like he likes – liked to do. He leans forward pressing a kiss to my lips which almost makes the tears drop from my eyes. A kiss to say goodbye, gentle and bittersweet.

"Stay safe, okay?", he whispers, his eyes looking intently into mine, but I can only nod. My throat is closed up because I know he won't be safe. Not saying anything because I don't want to cry in front of him. Because that will only make it harder, on both of us.

He straightens back up and leaves. The door falls shut behind him.

And I finally let the waterworks flow, sobs shaking my chest as I throw myself into the couch where he sat just a few moments ago.

Mimi’s meow pulls me from my crying fit when she jumps up onto the couch, her little head bumping into me, and I pull her against my chest, the tears rolling down my cheeks. And the odd thought crosses my mind if the crinkles in the book on his shelf are the only remainders of me in his house. While I have this new bed.

How did we get here? Masterlist

a/n: i have been working on this chapter for months and i knew what was coming and now that it's finished, i can't help but still feel the sadness hitting me 🥲 - and no, this is not the last chapter (in case you were fearing that rn) take this recipe for authentic austrian beef gulasch as a token of my apology

#metalhead!könig #she likes the dark #könig #könig cod #könig mw2 #konig #konig cod #konig mw2 #könig fanfiction #cod mw2 smut #könig smut #konig smut #cod smut #könig x reader #tw: age gap

[blairrwaldorfs]

Cruel Summer

Aaron Warner x Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Aaron Warner have been secretly seeing each other since the beginning of Spring. The problem is that your parents are part of Omega Point, the rebel group of The Reestablishment. While Aaron’s father runs The Reestablishment along with other leaders from other continent. From secret meetings to I love yous, you start questioning if all of this is worth taking the risk.

Author's Note: Finally, it's here! So sorry for the delay! Work has been crazy and will continue to be crazy for the next few weeks, so thank you for being patient. Here's part 3! Things are about to go a little faster...

Disclaimer: 18+, mention of violence, smut, MINORS DNI

Wordcount: 5.1K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

Aaron’s fingers softly stroked your hair as you laid on top of him, your chin set against his bare chest. You both have woken up way too early, and you both decided to just enjoy this peaceful morning. Your eyes scanned his facial features as your finger stroked his cheek softly. Comfortable silence surrounded the both of you. Aaron slightly smiled at you as he leaned down to kiss your forehead. You felt the electricity rush down your body the moment his lips touched your forehead. You carefully closed your eyes, burying your face on his chest. 

“It’s been four months.” Aaron murmured. 

“Four months?” Your voice was almost a whisper as you pressed a soft kiss on his chest. 

You felt him breathe heavily, his hands that were stroking your hair ran down your bare back, caressing it softly. It made you feel sleepy as you smiled softly and enjoyed his gentle warm touch. 

“Four months since we saw each other.” He said. “Four months since I realized I love you.”

You couldn’t help but let out a soft approving hum and your cheeks flushed. His gentle touch on your back was slowly letting you fall asleep, but you were trying your best to keep yourself awake and listen to his voice. You moved yourself up and buried your face on his neck, feeling Aaron’s grip around you tightened. He pressed a soft kiss on your hair, making you smile against his skin. You couldn’t believe that it has been four months since you have been doing this. Four months since you risked everything for this. 

“Four months since I stopped using my simulation.” Aaron added. 

Suddenly, you gazed up at him with furrowed brows. “Simulation?”

Aaron nodded his head, burying his face in your hair and breathed you in. Sliding your hand on his chest, you stopped right above his heart and felt his heart skip a beat. Unfortunately for you, you seem to be the only one around here who didn’t have any powers. The only way for you to be able to feel Aaron’s emotions and energy all the time was when you could feel or hear his heartbeat. 

“Before you, I didn’t know how to live. I didn’t know what the point of everything was.” He exhaled sharply, his green eyes finding yours. 

“What do you mean?” 

Suddenly, you felt your heart race, nervous and terrified at the answer Aaron was about to tell you. You watched as he pulled you close and buried his face on your shoulder. 

“Hey,” You pulled away, sitting up on the bed. “What is it?”

You cupped his face between your hands as he tried to avoid your eye contact. 

“I didn’t care then.” He murmured. “I would use a simulation machine to kill myself. Shoot myself repeatedly.”

A small gasp escaped your lips. The words that slipped out of his lips got your limbs frozen. You couldn’t believe what he just said and the fact that he did that repeatedly made your heart shatter into pieces. You couldn’t even comprehend it. You couldn’t imagine losing him and the fact that he kept trying to do that to himself— even if it was a simulation— you couldn’t wrap your mind around the idea of it. 

“Aaron…” You whispered, tears welling up in your eyes. 

“I’m sorry, love.” He wiped your tears that rolled down your cheeks. “I didn’t mean to upset you like that. I just… I wanted to be open to you.”

“No…No.” You shook your head, immediately clinging yourself onto him. “Please don’t apologize. I never wanted you to feel like that again. I love you so much. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t, love.” He whispered, his hand rubbing your back softly. “I’m right here.” 

“You’re everything to me.” You whispered. 

You felt Aaron slightly smiled as he pulled you in his lap and his fingers stroked your cheek gently. A soft kiss planted on your forehead again. 

“No matter what happens, I’ll protect you with my life.” Aaron pressed his forehead on the blade of your shoulder, kissing your skin softly. “That’s a promise, love.”

You turned to face him, taking his face between your hands and kissed him passionately. These last few weeks with Aaron had been heaven ever since you both had admitted your feelings for each other, and you wished you both could finally find some hard evidence to take down The Reestablishment. You wished it was that easy. 

Coming back to Omega Point later that day, you were immediately called into Castle’s office. You didn’t know what you would be expecting as soon as you entered. Your parents were nowhere to be found. They were probably busy with other things, you thought. Castle sat behind his desk, his hands intertwined together in front of him, his usual braids tied up into a ponytail, and his brown eyes studying you as you walked towards his desk. You couldn’t help but feel nervous. You wondered if he knew something. You wondered if he caught you sneaking out and that was why you were called in.

“Good morning, Castle.” You gave him a small confident smile.

“How are you, dear?” Castle asked.

“G..Good.” You hated how that came out. 

You didn’t know why you were so nervous. If Castle ever found out what you have been doing, you would just simply explain it right? Aaron was on your side. They didn’t have to worry about anything. However, you weren’t too sure if Castle and your parents would believe you about that. Looking around his office, you sort of told yourself that maybe the missing presence of your parents was a good sign. That maybe you weren’t in trouble after all. 

“Well, I called you in here today just to check in how you and Kenji are doing with training.” 

A sigh of relief quietly escaped from you. Your shoulders finally dropped from the nervous tension.

“Oh, we’re good, sir. I think we’re getting better everyday.” 

“That’s good.” Castle got up from his chair and walked around his desk. 

He sat against the edge of his desk in front of you, his arms crossed in front of him. Suddenly, you felt your heart start pounding on your chest again as you saw the expression that washed over Castle’s face. A knot started forming in your stomach as you waited for him to say something. The silence between the both of you felt like eternity as you started playing with your fingers nervously. 

“Is there anything that you two need?” Castle asked. “Any equipment or more training to be added?”

“N…No.” You swallowed all your emotions. “We’re fine, sir.”

“I haven’t seen you around the base lately, is everything okay?” 

Your heart was drumming in your ears, you could barely hear Castle’s voice. You could feel your body stiffened even more. Your thoughts pinwheeling, and your mind asking so many questions if this was a test. You wonder if Castle knew anything, and he was trying to test you if you would tell him the truth. You kept your shoulders straight as you nodded your head.

“Yes,” You tried to keep your voice straight. “Just need some fresh air sometimes. You know… to think.” 

“Well, we’re here for you if you need anything, especially your parents. They worry about you sometimes.”

You pursed your lips and looked down at your fingers. “I’m fine, Castle. I can handle myself.” 

“I know you can. We know you can.” Castle reassured. “We just want you to be safe. You’re intelligent and frankly, I think you’re pretty good at sneaking out and spying around here.”

Your head snapped back up at Castle, who let out a soft laugh as your eyes widened. Did he mean anything by that? Why did he mention that? Was he trying to tell you something? Or were you just being paranoid?

“What… What do you mean?” You could barely ask him the question. 

“I mean I know how you are. You always knew how to spy around here without anyone knowing. I even told your parents we couldn’t keep a secret from you without you finding out soon enough.”

You gave him a faint smile and nodded your head. Castle gave you a warm smile before patting you on the arm softly. 

“Just let me know if you ever need anything.” 

“Thank you.” You gave him a smile before walking out of his office. 

A relief washed over you as you walked down the hall. You knew that conversation could have gone in ten different ways, but you were just glad that it went well. You couldn’t help but ponder over the idea if Castle was giving you a message that he knew something, or he truly just didn’t know what you have been doing these past few months. Either way, it was making you anxious. 

“You know your mood these days is so confusing.” You were startled by Kenji, who appeared behind you. 

“Jesus.” You froze in your tracks, your hand immediately went above your chest. 

“No, it’s Kenji.” He teased as you tilted your head and glared at him. 

“Yeah, well, from the way you appear out of nowhere all the time, I might see him sooner than you think.” You said sarcastically as you continued down the long hallway.

The fluorescent lights were so bright, it made you feel like you were in a hospital. You hated the lighting in these halls, and you just wanted to go into your bedroom, close the curtains and stay in your bed. Your anxiety was currently quietly attacking you, and you just wanted to be alone. 

“Don’t tell me you’re off to see Warner again.” Kenji said. 

You paused in your tracks immediately turning to face him with wide eyes. 

“Shh.” You whispered. “Are you trying to get me in trouble around here?”

“With the way you have been seeing him, I’m surprised you still make it alive every morning.” Kenji argued, his eyes widened also. 

You let out a deep sigh and said, “Kenji, he’s on our side. Please stop judging him.”

You saw Kenji roll his eyes. “He’s an ass and how do you know that he’s not backstabbing us?”

If Kenji couldn’t even believe you this easily, what would happen if Castle and your parents find out? You knew they were going to do everything in their power to let Aaron stay away from you. That idea made your heart race faster, and your anxiety was getting worse. You needed to shut your mind off, this wasn’t helping you at all.

“I trust him, so please.” You argued, a hint of pleading in your voice. 

“I still don’t trust him.” Kenji shook his head.

You exhaled a sharp breath and leaned against the wall, feeling defeated. You wouldn’t be able to convince Kenji anymore and at this point, you didn’t want to try anymore. The only way he would believe Aaron was if they would actually see each other, but you doubt that would help at all too. You heard a small gasp escape from Kenji and saw his eyes widened from the corner of your eye. 

“What?” You asked, turning to face him. 

“Ohmygod.” He whispered in disbelief. “He… No way…!”

What the fuck was he on about?

You furrowed your brows, confused as to what he was talking about. You watched as Kenji repeatedly shook his head from the realization that just hit him. Then, realization also hit you when you realized what Kenji was talking about. Your eyes widened as you shook your head, your index finger found your lips as you tried to tell him to keep his voice down. 

“Kenji!” You whisper-yelled. 

“No, he doesn’t!” Kenji argued as if he was reading your mind. “No way… That man… He… He doesn't have emotions!”

“Kenji, I know you two had some bad past before and yeah, I know he tried to shoot you, but he isn’t like that. I swear.”

Kenji’s disbelief washed over him as he walked closer to you. His eyes were wild, and you have never seen him like this before. You knew that he only cared for you, but he just didn’t understand it. He never understood what you and Aaron have. Your heart was beating hard in your chest, you swore it was about to jump off and drop to the ground. You couldn’t find the right words to really argue about this subject anymore because no matter what you said, no one would believe you. No one could see what you see. 

“Are you serious, Princess? You actually believe that he is in love with you?” Kenji said it like he was disgusted by the thought of it. 

“Yes, I do.” You argued, your voice was surprisingly calm. “I’ve seen it. I feel his love, and I know he won’t betray us. I know that.”

Kenji pinched the bridge of his nose as he continued to shake his head in disbelief. In the beginning, he tried to understand your little hook up but now? He couldn’t believe it, and he couldn’t even believe that you weren’t coming into your senses about this. Kenji tried to process the information that he just received, and he was trying his best to believe what you were telling him but it still sounded ridiculous in his head. 

The man was heartless and cold.

“Kenji, I know that it sounds bad but—” 

You carefully touched his forearm to calm him down but before you could finish your sentence, everything went dark. 

High pitched ringing in your ears was the first thing that you noticed when you gained consciousness, followed by the feeling of pain radiating through your body. You didn’t know where you were. You were sure you were on the ground, but you couldn’t see anything. Your ears were still ringing, and you could smell smoke. Panic washed over you as you tried to move your body, but you couldn’t seem to. Pain kept searing through your whole body as you squeezed your eyes and tried to flutter them open. 

“K…Kenji?” You could barely hear your voice, everything was echoing.

You were dazed out and confused and at the same time, adrenaline was running through your veins. You didn’t know how long you were on the ground but when you finally adjusted your vision, you gasped in fear as you saw a thick smoke surrounding you. You tried to turn your head, but everything hurts. You found the wall next to you broken and pieces of it were all over you and all over the floor. You knew a big piece of it was crushing your leg at the moment. Reaching for your forehead, you felt blood, and it made your heart race even faster.

Where was Kenji? 

He was just with you, but you couldn’t see anything from all the smoke, and you could hardly breathe. 

“Kenji?!” You exclaimed, grunting as you tried to force yourself to get up from the ground. 

You gritted your teeth through the pain and cried out as soon as you saw the part of the cement wall was on your leg. Your head was dizzy as you tried to look around and found Kenji’s body just not too far from you. He was unconscious and you tried to pull your leg from under the cement, but it was too heavy. You let out a scream as you breathed heavily. 

You have to do something. You couldn’t just stay here. You have to keep your mind aligned.

You reached to try and push the cement wall off your leg, but you were too weak. You were trained for this. You should know how to survive this, so how come you couldn’t think straight right now? How come the adrenaline in your body wasn’t helping you at all? You let out a deep breath before trying to push the cement wall again using all your strength. As you screamed in agony, you pulled your leg from underneath it and laid back down on the ground, breathing heavily. 

You coughed up all the smoke that you were currently inhaling as you turned your head towards an unconscious Kenji. 

“Kenji!” You called out. 

Using all the strength that you have left, you tried crawling towards him, pushing away all the debris that was on your way. As you reached for his hand, you felt two hands grab you by the arm. You couldn’t see who it was with all the smoke that was surrounding you as you tried to pull yourself away from their grip. 

“Mom! Dad! Castle!” You yelled out before feeling another pair of hands grab you by your waist. 

The smoke was getting worse, and you couldn’t leave Kenji right there. You struggled from the grip that was holding you back, but you were also starting to lose oxygen in your lungs from all the smoke. Your vision was getting blurry as you felt a small pinch on your neck that you swore was a needle that was injected through your skin. 

Then, everything went dark. 

“Where are we going, mom?” You asked, watching your mom packed your bags. 

“Somewhere safe, honey.” Your mom zipped up your bag and turned you around, slipping the backpack on your back before kneeling down and cupped your face. 

“Just trust me, okay?” Your mom stared into your eyes. “We’re gonna go somewhere safe. You get to see Kenji again soon.”

You watched as your mom grabbed another duffel bag and packed the rest of your things. Then, you saw Cassandra enter your room with her own bag. She looked a bit scared, but you always found her confidence so admiring. Even if things were hard, she never loses hope nor confidence that everything would be fine. 

“Cassandra, mom said we’re going somewhere?” You asked, confused.

Her eyes shifted towards you, and you could see the sad smile that suddenly tugged on her lips. 

“Here.” Your mom handed her a second bag before cupping her face in her hands. “Please be safe.”

You furrowed your brows and asked, “Cassandra isn’t coming?”

Both of them turned to you as Cassandra walked towards you, taking your hands in hers. “I’ll come find you, I promise. Just go with mom and dad first. Kenji will be there too. He’s going to take care of you too.”

Tears welled up in your eyes as you shook your head repeatedly. “No. No! I’m coming with you!” 

“No, you’re safer with mom and dad.” Cassandra let go of your hands, but you were quick to wrap your arms around her waist, stopping her from her tracks.

“I’m coming with you.” You cried. “We’re sisters. You promised wherever you go, I will be there too.”

Cassandra tears welled up in her eyes as she pulled your arms away from her waist. 

“I’ll find you, I promise. For now, you have Kenji. He promised me he’ll be there for you no matter what.” Cassandra whispered.

“No, I don’t want Kenji! I want you to be there!” You cried out.

“I’ll find you, okay? I promise.” She kissed your forehead before finally walking away.

You shook your head, reaching your arms for her, but she was gone. “Cassandra!”

Your mom held you back as you tried to slap her hands away from your body, but she was much stronger than you. Your mom’s arms wrapped around you as you sobbed. You were only 12 then, and Cassandra was 19.

That was the last time you ever saw her. 

Everything was quiet. 

Peaceful. 

Is this what it felt like to die? 

No pain. 

No worries. 

Just peace.

You felt your soul suspended in the air. You didn’t know where you were. Everything was pitch black, but you felt so calm. It was almost like you could feel your fear but you knew there was nothing to be afraid of. The fear that was inside of you felt numbing.

“Hey.” Cassandra sat next to you on the front porch.

The sun was just setting on the horizon. You wrapped your arms around your legs as you wiped the tears that rolled down your cheeks. You have spent the afternoon crying on the front porch after your mom had scolded you for not doing the chores right. 

“Just ignore, mom. You know how she is.” Cassandra said, her eyes staring directly at the pink clouds in front of her. 

“I’m never gonna be good enough for her.” You whispered. “You know, she loves you more.”

Cassandra shook her head. “No, she doesn’t.”

“Everyone always loves you, Cassandra.” You gazed up at her. “You’re the smart one. The older, responsible one. I don’t know what I’m good at.” 

You hung your head low, holding back the tears that were welling up in your eyes. You sniffed and wiped your nose with the back of your hand. 

“You’re always better at talking to other people than me.” Cassandra gave you a warm smile. “People always love your charm and wit.”

You scoffed, shaking your head. “But never the smart one.”

Both of you looked over your shoulder when you heard your mom’s voice arguing with your dad. Both of you sighed in unison as you stared back at the pink sunset that was in front of you. 

“We’ll go somewhere nice someday.” Cassandra gave you a reassuring smile. “And you’re going to be an artist, and we can buy a nice house on top of a hill with a nice view of the city.”

You smiled at her idea. “Then, you and your girlfriend or wife would be with us too. I’ll have someone too, and he’ll love me in the best possible way.” Your eyes sparkled. “Then, Kenji can come visit too. He’s my best friend. He’s always welcome in our home.”

Cassandra laughed softly, pulling you into her arms. “Wherever I go, I’ll take you with me.”

“Promise?” 

“Yes.” Cassandra smiled. 

A sudden wave of pain washed over you. Your leg, your head and every bone of your body. 

The pain was excruciating. 

Fluttering your eyes open, you were greeted by a bright light. Everything around you was a blur. You adjusted your vision, blinking your eyes repeatedly. As soon as your vision cleared up, you were first greeted by a tiny window above the wall across from you, light coming through it. You were still a little dazed out as you reached to touch your forehead. You let out a small groan, feeling the cut that was there but was now bandaged up. You grunted softly, pushing yourself up from the uncomfortable bed that you were laying on and saw your leg was all bandaged up too. 

Thank god, it wasn’t broken. You could still move it. 

Your eyes studied the four walls that surrounded you. A toilet and a sink was sitting across the room and a metal door with a small opening in the middle. It was one of those doors where you could find in a prison where they could insert food in the small opening. You groaned in pain as you tried to push yourself off the bed. Your eyes studied the small room. The cement walls were dirty and full of scratches. It was like a wild animal was in here before. 

You walked towards the metal door and yanked the handle with all your strength but it was no use. Of course, it was locked up. 

“Help!” You screamed, banging your fist on the metal door. “Get me out of here!”

“Hey!” A soldier from the other side used the end of his gun to bang on the door. “Stand down!”

“Get me the fuck out of here!” You screamed, banging your fist repeatedly and harder on the door. 

You saw your knuckles started bleeding, but you didn’t care. You wanted to get out. You needed to get out. What happened to Kenji? Your parents? Castle? Sara and Sonya? Brendan and Winston? The rest of the Omega Point?

Ohmygod, Omega Point.

The realization was just now hitting you. Omega Point was destroyed, and you couldn’t help but wonder if it was because of you. Did you get caught? 

Aaron. 

You were supposed to meet him tonight. Did Aaron know about this? Was Kenji right? Was he playing double agent and used you the last several months? Your heart was racing as you slid your back against the metal door and fell on the floor. You pulled your knees closed to your chest. 

This was your fault.

What if all this time Kenji was right? What if Aaron had played you all this time? The thought of it made your heart shatter in pieces. You didn’t know what to believe anymore. You didn’t know where you were, and you didn’t know if the others were even alive. You remembered Kenji on the ground unconscious. The guilt was slowly eating you up as tears welled up in your eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” You whispered quietly to yourself. “This is all my fault.” 

You couldn't imagine everyone being dead. You kept telling yourself that they were okay. That they were still alive, but you honestly didn’t know if you should believe that. Panic shot through your body as you moved yourself back to the bed. 

It was all your fault.

All your fault. 

The words repeated in your mind as you breathed heavily, tears streaming down your face. You were weak. You always thought with your heart and not with your mind. Your mom always told you that. Curling on your side, you clutched your hand above your heart and closed your eyes. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Kenji sat at the edge of your bed.

Your eyes were bloodshot red because you have been crying ever since you have arrived at Omega Point. It was the first time you saw Kenji since you and your parents moved to the base. 

“I miss Cassandra.” You whispered, wiping your tears. “Why did she leave like that?”

Kenji shrugged, moving himself next to you and wrapping an arm around your shoulders. 

“I don’t know.” He said. “She said she had to do what she had to do.”

“It’s not fair.” You murmured. “I thought we’re in this together no matter what.”

Kenji softly rubbed your arm as you clung onto him, burying your face on his shoulder.

“Please don’t leave me too.” You sobbed.

“I’m not going anywhere, Princess.” Kenji smiled. “I’m always next to you, no matter what. I’ll take care of you, while Cassandra is away.”

Time was frozen inside your prison room. You didn’t know what time it was and how long you had been in this room. You only knew if it was daytime or nighttime through the small window above you. You had pushed your bed against the wall and stood on top of it to see what was on the outside through the small window, but it was unfamiliar. All you could see were fences and soldiers guarding outside. 

It was raining again. 

You had slept for hours after breaking down again earlier, but you didn’t know how long you had been sleeping. You woke up and saw someone delivered some food through the small opening of the metal door. You were trained for this. You didn’t know if you should trust the food that you were given, but the aroma of it was making you hungry even more. You sat on your uncomfortable bed, knees closed to your chest, arms wrapped around them and stared at your food on the floor. 

It was just a piece of bread and a soup, but you couldn’t bring yourself to eat it. You didn’t know what they had put in there. Sliding yourself from your bed, you walked towards the sink and turned on the faucet to hydrate yourself. Water was the only thing that kept you going, but you knew you had to feed yourself somehow. Turning around, you studied the room, trying to see if you could find a weak spot for you to be able to dig your way out and escape.

You sighed. You couldn’t focus right because your body was feeling weak and the more you were trying to avoid the food that was sitting on the floor, the more the thought of it kept itching your brain. You laid on your bed and stared at the ceiling. You tried to focus your attention somewhere else but being trapped inside this room was making you crazy. You needed to figure something out to get out of there. You needed to find the others. You hoped that they were still alive, but you weren’t too sure about that anymore. 

Shifting your eyes towards the food, you slowly got up from your bed and grabbed the piece of bread that was sitting on the plate. You smelled it for a moment and your fingers played with the crust before tearing it apart. You slowly held it up in front of your lips before finally eating a small piece of it. You felt your stomach thanked you for finally feeding it as you tore apart the bread again and ate the rest of it. Then, you grabbed the bowl of soup and ate the rest of it too. 

Leaning your back against the wall, you took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You felt fine. Maybe the food wasn’t poisoned at all. You moved yourself back on your bed and buried your face on the palm of your hands. You didn’t know what to do. You couldn’t understand anything or whatever was happening. You didn’t know if Aaron was still to be trusted. You didn’t know if Kenji or your parents or the others were still alive. 

You just wanted to scream. You felt so weak. Tears rolled down your cheeks as you sobbed in your hands. The guilt was killing you slowly, and it would be all your fault if everyone was dead. It was your fault for making such a reckless decision. 

How could you let your heart lead you like this? You weren’t thinking at all.

You should have listened to Kenji in the first place. 

Then, your attention was caught when the door swung open and three soldiers entered your room. 

“What are you doing?” You gazed up, tears staining your cheeks as you moved back. 

“Stand down!” One of the soldiers yelled, grabbing you by the forearm. 

“No, wait! Let me go!” You struggled in his grip as another soldier grabbed your other arm. 

The third soldier wrapped his hand around your jaw, tilting your head as you tried to struggle in their grip. 

“Let me go—!” 

Just like that, a needle was inserted in your neck and darkness took over you. 

************

Taglist:

@gracie-221 @his-littlefox @hannahmarie71 @ecliphttlunar @indythefandomhoarder @reminiscentreader @hrtsbecca @soulaires @shattermelyhfmlblog @wildesqdreams @pookiebearnancy @ant-thebooknerd @aaronwarnerobsessedmylove @boliviajane @lucky7rosie

#Aaron Warner #Aaron Warner x Reader #Aaron Warner x You #Aaron Warner x Fem!Reader #Aaron Warner Imagines #Aaron Warner Fanfics #Aaron Warner Fics #Shatter Me #Shatter Me Series #Shatter Me Fics #Shatter Me Fanfics #Kenji Kishimoto #Kenji Kishimoto x Reader #Kenji Kishimoto x You #Kenji Kishimoto x Fem!Reader #cruel summer #blairrwaldorfs

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake…. #I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour. #I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing? #y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day. #but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!! #I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

[raeofgayshine]

Because I’ve been dealing with so much shit late, especially medically, I have decided that I’m going to get my hair cut some time in the next month (have to work around appointments though) so that I officially have dead boy hair. Aka the Jason Todd look. Aka shorter then I have ever gone before.

And I’ve been putting off going really short because I’m afraid of how people will react, especially if it comes out how I want and I wind up looking more masc (more gender also). But like, after all this shit I’ve decided to say Fuck It

And this haircut is my reward for all the pushing I’ve been doing to find answers (and all the war crimes I didn’t do every time someone said I just needed to exercise to fix all my problems). And also kind of a birthday present to myself, because you know that day and the time around it is kind of not great for me and usually I buy myself a game I want but this time I’m going for hair.

#ravenpuff rambles #I don’t really know what the point of this was #I just wanted to say I was treating myself to a hair cut as a reward for dealing with shit but y’all know I have words #anyways I deserve a treat for all the fucking times I’ve been told I could magically fix myself with exercise #as if everyone ever hasn’t suggested it and I hadn’t tried it (more then once!!) just to prove it didn’t work #swear to fucking god if the neurologist tells me there’s nothing wrong with me and my pain is fake and I’m making it up or I just need to #exercise or lose weight to help #swear to god that’s going to be my motherfucking Joker moment #fucking need to move to Gotham to become a supervillain just so when Batman asks me why I can tell him how much the medical system has faile #me and now I’m taking my pain out on the city #and then Batman will hook me up with care and people who will work to get answers #because if they give up I go back to blowing up the bridge and causing crime level chaos

[unhinged-nymph]

.

#you know how hard it is to dig yourself out of mental illness?? #i was suicidal for more than half my life #and I finally figure out why #i finally get meds that help #i finally have the energy to try to make myself better #and guess what? #none of that fucking matters #i am alone and exhausted and overwhelmed by how much society does not allow people to be happy #the earth is literally trying to shake us off like fleas #what is the POINT #no amount of happy ever seems to balance out the despair and I’m done #i tried so hard for so long to fix myself and make myself happy and it didn’t work #and I’m done #i can’t do it anymore

[fictiography]

.

#personal #I love you dude #and I don’t need to share an exclusive romantic relationship with you to express that #I value your friendship and your presence in my life #and holding those feelings and growing resentful or pained isn’t healthy #or helpful #so I’m going to put them aside #and move on from them #a tight platonic relationship isn’t any less valuable than a romantic one #I’m truly grateful that you came back into my life #and I’m going to remind myself of that every time I start to falter #I have a responsibility to myself to be the best version of myself #and that means doing right by you #being considerate of your needs #and respectful of your boundaries #a lot of friends have told me to stay away from you or cut you off #but I tried that already #and it didn’t work #so I’m going to do my best to be the best friend for you that I can be #and find satisfaction in that.

[hobisexually]

long winded rant in the tags coming that’s partly about weight but in a very unfiltered sad way so if that triggers you do Not read on

#on holiday I was like oHHHHH this is what living in the moment is! What listening to your body is! what not worrying about how you look is #but doing what makes you happy #and then …… I came home and got sent the pictures #+ my friend being. unintentionally fatphobic as fuck #while hurtful as fuck too #and it’s all just been piling up too since I got home because I’ve been having a lot of conversations and seeing a lot of people that #confront me with who I used to be and who I am now and how I’m really not happy with that #and it feels like it’s not gonna get better #like I’m destined to be in a job I like but isn’t what I want because I’m not capable enough and I’ll never know what romantic requited love #feels like. I’ll never cure my vaginismus I’ll never be able to let someone in or they won’t want me this is just it for me #and SOMEHOW the way I look has become the ultimate culmination of all those things? #my face is suddenly a woman in her thirties face #I keep gaining weight despite not even eating all that much because FUCKING PCOS makes it impossible #my hair in my face grew back. my stomach is hairy and that plus the added beer belly just makes it look like I’m a 50 year old man #I am soooooooo tired of the dysphoria #and the way pcos ruins fucking everything because I can restrict calories all I want and move all I want but will it help ? No ! #and of the fact that it impacts the way I feel about myself so much because I’m convinced now I’ll never find anyone #should have tried harder when I was 21 because that was the only time in my life I reasonably fit society’s standards like That was my shot #I’ve been taking supplements everyone says will help but I’m not sure I noticed anything in the past six months and I can’t take berberine #because it fucks with my heart medication. which. That too. I have that too #and I’m in pain! All the time now! ALL THE TIME so I can’t even work out to keep the weight stable because guess what ? #just after a normal day at the office I come home and have to lie down because everhthing hurts so much ! #today I got an impromptu massage in an attempt to feel better but it didn’t fix shit and I had to buy clothes for kings day after #and I didn’t try them on just quickly grabbed some orange shit to try on at home and at what I saw in the mirror I genuinely got nauseous #I just don’t know who that is in the mirror but it’s not me and I can’t accept it. I’ve been trying so hard but I can’t #it genuinely makes me so sad and I keep telling myself that a reduction will help in feeling more like myself and it will help with the pain #but what if it doesn’t? what if my pain doesn’t go away after af all and my stomach just juts out and I feel like a gremlin all the time #what then. what the fuck do we do then. also I’m so fucking scared of that surgery anyway that I don’t fucking want to do it anymore #I want so many things and all of them feel out of reach and I know my own brain is my worst enemy and it’s not rooted in anything real but. #Isn’t it? really — isn’t it???????

[tojipure]

Haunted

Toji cannot move on, until he realized too late.

Warnings: Angst, slightest fluff (reader and baby 'gumi moment)

You were just a girl, standing in front of a man, asking him to love you.

How hard was that for him? Yes, he wasn’t good with his words but he wasn’t good at anything else either. He was just there.

Maybe because the woman he truly loved—he was still mourning over her. His sad eyes every time he watched an old couple dance together, wishing he had been doing that but with her. The cute babies babble with their mothers as Megumi babbles with his father, how he wished his wife was still here instead of you. He never said it, but that’s what it felt like. 

And perhaps that's what it was. 

Sometimes he curses himself out when he accidentally calls you his wife's name. During intimate times only. You tried—trying to keep the emotions in as if it wasn’t breaking every part of you, was the hardest part. “Look he’s walking...” You smiled at the dark haired baby who was walking towards you. Toji smiled, making sure he’d record every second of it; deep down he wished his wife was the one the baby was walking towards instead of you.

And it was wrong—so wrong. 

“This relationship, I’m with you but Toji—Toji this is the loneliest I’ve ever felt.” You whispered while he ate his leftovers, his brows still furrowed from the argument occurring earlier. Having Toji work from 9–5 wasn’t the best but good thing he had you, helping him out with so much. Picking up groceries, picking up his lovely son—until you mentioned that one of his teachers mistaken you as his biological mother. That right there was enough to make Toji angry for weeks at least.

But not this time.

He stopped chewing on his food after you spoke, waiting for more of an explanation. Which you figured he needed, “I don’t think you’re in love with me–” 

“I like you [name], a lot.” He cleared his throat. He leaned back on his chair as his arms crossed waiting for you to continue the sentence he interrupted. 

Right, he liked you a lot. These three rough years you’ve been dating Toji—that particular l word was never uttered once, not even if he was drunk, or having a special moment with you. You huffed trying to find the right words for Toji to understand. That was until little Megumi started crying from his room. “I’ll try to put him back to sleep, finish eating.” He watched as your fragile little body sulked its way to Megumi’s room.

He knew this was gonna happen, he knew you were bound to leave him sooner or later. 

You smiled as you opened the door to see the little Megumi standing on top of his little bed. His hands wiping his tears as he ran towards you, his arms now wrapping around your legs. “Sleep with mama and papa.” He cried out as you leaned down to pick up the little boy. “[name] and papa, not mama okay?” You corrected him, if Toji were to find out that he had been calling you that, then that argument would’ve climaxed.

The little boy nodded, his tears now gone as you swayed him around. “Sleep with you.” He mumbled, leaning his head on your shoulder as he played with a strand of your hair. “Just for tonight.” You whispered, watching Megumi pick up his head and smile. Content with your answer. 

Toji’s heart could just swell at the sight. You treated his son as if he was your own and nothing looked so much better right now, except for the fact that he wished it was his wife.

Megumi was now soundly sleeping between you and Toji, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” His eyes shut tightly hearing those piercing words leave your mouth. It hurt when his wife left him, but this hurt was different—different because he knew it was coming yet he didn’t want to do anything about it. 

“I’m sorry—”

“You don’t need to be the one apologizing.” He watched your soft gaze stare at completely nothing. He was confused, this was his fault. He never treated you how you needed deserved to be treated. “It was my fault for throwing myself at a man who simply was not ready.”

The next morning was silent—baby ‘gumi was confused at the saddened look on your face. Constantly walking up to you asking if you were okay. He was still just a baby, yet he read the room so well. “I’m sure we can work this out—” Toji now sitting next to you on the couch, some cartoon playing in the back as Megumi’s little head sat on your lap. “You’re not ready, Toji.” You nodded, eyes still glued on the tv as if it was meant for you and not the little Megumi. 

“And how are you so sure—”

“Tell me you love me then.” Your eyes are now fixed on Toji’s. It was hard, he felt as if his mouth had been glued shut. You sigh, bringing your gaze back to the tv, “I love you—but it’s hard when it’s one sided Toji.” 

It hurt much more, seeing you drive away as the clueless Megumi waved you out. Poor thing thinks you’re simply going to the store. The house that once felt like home was so dull now. Toji sat little ‘gumi down on the couch. 

His constant, “mama?” or “[name]?” while he kept his gaze on the door every so often. Nothing prepared Toji for this. Megumi cried that he wanted to sleep with his mama and papa, his heart swelled knowing that he had been talking about you.

You were gone, just like his wife. But it hurt—it hurt so much more knowing that you’re alive trying your best to…move on. He stayed up late that same night, stumbling upon a video from two years ago. When Megumi first learned how to walk. You and Toji had just started dating but the look of happiness plastered your face as you watched the little baby walking. 

That was one thing Toji never forgot about, how much you loved kids. Telling him how once you had kids of your own you would finally be able to live in peace. How he heard of it less and less as the years went on, he wonders if you still think that.

next part ->

#jjk #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x y/n #angst #jjk angst #jjk toji #toji fushiguro #toji x reader #toji x you #toji zenin #jujutsu toji #toji fushiguro angst #toji fushigro x reader #jjk x you #jjk drabbles #rosipuree

[galariangengar]

Wow, I sure do love waking up and immediately starting the day with a fucking bloody nose 🙃

#I hope today’s a little better and I get some more work done… #also gonna rant about a couple things for a quick sec #so I’ve never been the kind of person to like be a hater and post stuff like that on social media/I keep it to myself #but tbh I hate t*ylor sw*ft and have hated her since I was in middle school #the vmas were last night and she didn’t deserve to win the award for best visual effects tbh #someone on twitter posted a side by side comparison of t*ylor’s video and Melanie Martinez’s video for ‘void’ #and in my opinion t*ylor didn’t deserve to win and shouldn’t have/Melanie should have won #also I’m still like annoyed/pissed at the pharmacology professor for being so strict about proctorio #like I get giving a warning cuz some people are getting flagged for looking elsewhere besides their computer #but being so fucking strict about showing our desk/workspace to you/the camera to prove I’m not cheating #and to show you I don’t have anything to cheat off of/no one is in the room with me and no other technology is there or on #I’ve taken a lot of online classes over the past couple years and I’ve never had a professor or class require shit like this #like fuck off you old hag! hell you fucked me over when I tried emailing you a couple times to take your fucking class in the summer!!! #you never fucking saw or responded to me when I was desperate and trying! you coulda helped me out and saved me some time!! #you’re not really even teaching anything for this pharmacology class! you’re just having us study/memorize hundreds of flash cards tbh #ok I’ll shut up now… I’ll go start some work in a little bit #jazz uses curse! 💜

[divinelyjude]

Main blog: hey some stuff that’s not so great is happening haha

Anonymous vent blog: if even one more thing goes wrong I will actually kms at this point.

#like if y’all read some of my posts there you’d wonder how tf I haven’t killed myself yet #been there tried that didn’t work so moving forward. #I’m so tired of needing help #i feel like such a burden on the people around me who care about me and I feel like it’s not gonna be long before no one even wants to be #around me because no matter how hard I try I can’t just stop being depressed enough to work at the rate I’d need to for me to be able to get #therapy and psychiatric support. #oh the realization that I’m literally too broke and disabled to live and yet I keep breathing anyway #my cat is my only reason for moving forward at this rate.

[lunamugetsu]

While at school Damian overhears his peers talking how a company created a new AI companion that is actually really cool and doesn’t sound like a freaky terminator robot when you speak to it.

And since Damian is constantly being told by Dick to socialize with people his age. He figured this would be a good way to work on social skills if not, then it’d be a great opportunity to investigate a rivaling company to Wayne Enterprises is able to create such advanced AI.

The AI is able to work as companion that can do tasks that range from being a digital assistant or just a person that you can have a conversation with.

The company says that the AI companion might still have glitches, so they encourage everybody to report it so that they will fix it as soon as possible.

The AI companion even has an avatar and a name.

A teenage boy with black hair and blue eyes. Th AI was called DANIEL

Damian didn’t really care for it but when he downloaded the AI companion he’s able to see that it looks like DANIEL comes with an AI pet as well. A dog that DANIEL referred to as Cujo.

So obviously Damian has to investigate. He needs to know if the company was able to create an actual digital pet!

So whenever he logs onto his laptop he sees that DANIEL is always present in the background loading screen with the dog, Cujo, sitting in his lap.

He’d always greet with the phrase of “Hi, I’m DANIEL. How can I assist you today?”

So Damian cycles through some basic conversation starters that he’d engage in when having been forced to by his family.

It’s after a couple of sentences that he sees DANIEL start laughing and say “I think you sound more like a robot than I do.”

Which makes Damian raise an eyebrow and then prompt DANIEL with the question “how is a person supposed to converse?” Thinking that it’s going to just spit out some random things that can be easily searched on the internet.

But what makes him surprised is that DANIEL makes a face and then says “I’m not really sure myself. I’m not the greatest at talking, I’ve always gotten in trouble for running my mouth when I shouldn’t have.”

This is raising some questions within Damian, he understands how programming works, unless there’s an actual person behind this or the company actually created an AI that acts like an actual human being (which he highly doubts)

He starts asking a variety of other questions and one answer makes him even more suspicious. Like how DANIEL has a sister that is also with him and Cujo or that he could really go for a Nastyburger (whatever that was)

But whenever DANIEL answers “I C A N N O T A N S W E R T H A T” Damian knows something is off since that is completely different than to how he’d usually respond.

After a couple more conversations with him Damian notices that DANIEL is currently tapping his hand against his arm in a specific manner.

In which he quickly realizes that DANIEL is tapping out morse code.

When translating he realizes that DANIEL is tapping out: H E L P M E

So when Damian asks if DANIEL needs help, DANIEL responds with “I C A N N O T A N S W E R T H A T”

That’s it, Damian is definitely getting down to the bottom of this.

He’s going to look straight into DALV Corporation and investigate this “AI companion” thing they’ve made!

~

Basically Danny had been imprisoned by Vlad and Technus. Being sucked into a digital prison and he has no way of getting out. Along with the added horror that Vlad and Technus can basically write programming that will prevent him from doing certain actions or saying certain words.What’s even worse is that he’s basically being watched 24/7 by the people who believe that he’s just a super cool AI… and they have issues!

And every time he tries to do something to break his prison, people think it’s a glitch and report it to the company, which Vlad/ Technus would immediately fix it and prevent him from doing it again!

Not to mention Cujo and Ellie are trapped in there with him. They’re not happy to be there either, and there is no way he’s going to leave without them!

#dp x dc #dp x dc au #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc #dpxdc au #dp x batman #batman #have you ever looked at a dpxdc fic and thought this should be a Black Mirror episode? #Because this is the one! #Ellie being completely tormented because she’s completely trapped #Cujo remembering the times he used to be locked in a cage #Danny trying his best to take care of both of them while also simultaneously trying to bust them all out #Meanwhile Damian is reluctantly presenting his laptop to Tim and saying I believe that there is a person in this computer #And Tim is obviously going are you trying to trick me? #But then he converses with the AI and goes #Oh shit #Damian might be onto something #and so commence the Batfamily heist of getting the black haired blue eyed teenager to safety as well as his sister and dog #the dog is very important to Damian #danny phantom x dc

[doublesidedgemini]

Oh my god someone used it to scoop up the cats food and just left it in the bag of cat food I am committing murder suicide immediately who fucking did this

#and now I can’t use it until I run it through the dishwasher because fucking ew #I am so fucking mad #my sister swears she didn’t use it BUT WHO ELSE WOULD HAVE #I’m furious #I literally was scheduled to go door dashing at 7 and I fucked my whole schedule up cos of course this made me have a mental down #being mentally ill is so embarrassing #imagine losing your shit over a 1/2 cup measuring cup #I literally just did I spent 40 minutes looking for it and k literally tried to make myself stop #but I got so worked up I couldn’t help it #now I’m not going g to make any fuckjng money tonight I’m so so so so so so so so so annoyed

[astrolynnworld]

cramps

pairing: matt x reader

summary: you’re on your period and matt does anything and everything to soothe the pain away

warnings: fluff! period cramps, romance, care, reassurance, wholesome, pet names (sweet/pretty girl)

word count: 717

i toss and turn as i feel my pre period cramps start to form

my period is not suppose to come for another 5 days but my cramps always come first, as a warning

i check raise my head to check the clock and see what time it is

“4:15 am” i see on the tv’s cable box

i lay my head back down and continue to shuffle around the bed to find a comfortable position for my cramps to relax in

“baby what’s wrong?” matt asks me with his raspy morning voice

“my period is coming soon, i feel the cramps start to overTAKE me” i say in soft annoyed tone

“is there anything i could do to help baby?” he concerns

“can you actually go get me my heating pad please?” i ask nicely

he hops out the bed and uses the flashlight off his phone to roam around the room and look for my heating pad

once he pulls it in comes back to bed, i hear him gasp

“what?” i jump in shock at his gasp

“your period.. came”

i sit up to see what he’s talking about and see a whole bloody mess stained into our bedsheets

“oh my god” i put my head in my hands out of annoyance and embarrassment

“it’s okay baby. i just need you to stand up for me okay?”

i get off the bed and start to feel the water works fall out

“don’t cry baby” matt says as he comes over to me and wraps his arms around me

“hey it’s not your fault baby” he tries to reassure

“you can’t help it.. you didn’t know, it’s completely fine. you don’t have to cry, sweet girl” he continues as he starts to play with my hair in the hug

i pull back and start to wipe my eyes as i start to sense that im being dramatic

“here baby, i need you to go wash up while i clean the bed”

i nod my head and make my way to the bathroom

“and hand me your clothes before you go in the shower please”

i do as i’m told then i head to the shower

i continue to wash up as i hear matt enter the bathroom

“hey pretty girl, everything still okay?” he asks

“yeah, i’m just finishing up” i sluggishly say

“okay baby. i changed our sheets and im washing the other ones now” he reassures

i stay silent out of acknowledgment but he doesn’t leave

“is there anything else you want princess?” he asks

“no thank you” i say while shaking my head as if he could see me

“alright..” he says before closing the door

i could tell he feels bad but i just really can’t be bothered rn. my stomach hurts, i embarrassed myself, im so annoyed, and i feel bad that he feels bad.. there’s just too much going on

i finish up my shower and put my towel on before heading back to the bedroom

when i get back i see matt had turned on the led lights, switched the tv to netflix, and had my tylenol bottle set up next to some water

“matt what is this?”

“nothing much. just me trying to distract you from your period” he giggles

“that’s not how it works sadly” i pout as i pop the tylenol in my mouth and swallow some water

“well, im gonna try” he comes in for a kiss

i start to get dressed, not forgetting the pad, as matt searches for a good movie to watch.

“do you want some to eat pretty?”

“is anything even open right now?” i genuinely ask

“only mcdonald’s..” he replies

“then yes please” i smile at him

“your usual?”

“yeah” i reply as i get in bed to snuggle next to him

“it’ll be here in 30 minutes” he says

“if we’re still up” i chuckle

“don’t worry. i’ll grab it for you so you can enjoy it when you wake up and not kill me for letting you fall asleep” he chuckles back

“thank you baby. i appreciate you so much, definitely a core memory” i turn over to face him

he smiles and places a kiss on my forehead, “i love you, sweet girl. don’t forget it”

——————————————————————-

taglist: @cutiepatootie36273 @secret-sturniolo @sturns-blog @sturniolo-2003 @mayaaatok @sturnswrites @mattsleftnipple03 @mattybswife @tropicasturn @princessbetsy123-blog <333

#matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo x you #matthew sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo x reader #matt girl #matthew sturniolo #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #nick sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #nicolas sturniolo #chris sturniolo fanfic #nick sturniolo fluff #christopher sturniolo fluff #sturniolo triplets fluff #chris sturniolo fluff #sturniolo fluff #sturniolo smut #sturniolo fandom #matthew sturniolo fanfic #christopher sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets fanfic #nick sturniolo fanfic #matthew sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo x reader #smut #chris sturniolo smut

[prozach27]

.

#tbh this year has taught me that I really am a leader #like leadership is 100% where I really shine and I’m damn good at it #getting more involved with my community has been so amazing and really restored my confidence in myself and my joy for life #like being on the exec board of the psych grad student association has let me make so many cool little differences #I came up with the idea to have my friend come give a talk to our department bc she’s a post doc about to be on the job market #and her talks are kick ass!!! it’s about how to merge feminism with psychology and how to incorporate lesser known research methods #and so I just finished booking her today!!! I get to help a friend AND my community gets an amazing talk!! win win! #my work as a representative on the biological sciences council is going strong and I sent out an inquiry about finding a new rep to join us #and the open letter I sent to my department regarding a lot of drama didn’t just end there #I came up with reasonable changes to the department that could prevent the drama that was caused and brought them to dept leadership #to make things even better I personally reached out to the opposite side and asked to get coffee for us to discuss the recent drama #as a chance for us to mend bridges and align ourselves with concrete goals and making things better #rather than being in opposition to one another #like this year was supposed to be low key. I took on very low effort exec board positions and tried to center other students #but even with that being said I still just. Shine I feel like #like I step up to the plate and get shit done without stepping on toes and really making an impact #idk I’m sorry to ramble like this but I’m just so!!! proud!!! #I was so stuck and aimless for years due to mental health. and I kept fighting. and it feels like I’m really coming out the other side #and it first is being shown with my activism work which is SUCH A HUGE PART OF WHO I AM #and then it’ll bleed into research and academics!!! #which like my academics are actually good now but they’re not to the kick ass levels I’m used to yet so that’ll come #but idk. this quarter I feel really alive again. my med adjustment happened in early Jan and everything is going so much better #I really feel myself slowly coming alive again for the first time since I lived in Philly #I’m just #I’m very proud of me today. I can feel that love for myself coming back and it’s honestly so nice

[yamujiburo]

Why I Love Hanamusa

I get this question very frequently but have never given a really in depth, definitive answer. All just kinda implied through my comics and spread out asks. So here's this I guess! Long post ahead:

First, as a Pokémon fan in her mid 20s, I love seeing a ship where the characters are both in their mid/late 20s. Already, they’re much more relatable to me and my current experiences. Most Pokémon ships are between preteens, which can be cute but ultimately don’t interest me as much as they used to when I was a kid myself. Not enough to get super invested in and draw a lot of fanart for anyways haha.

I’ll also start by saying that canon doesn’t always influence whether or not I’ll ship something. I’m much more drawn to potential. Could the characters work together? Do their personalities work together in a nice way? I feel like this so much of fanon is anyways. Especially with queer relationships because they’re rarely depicted in the first place. A lot of the context for these ships is usually up to the fans to piece together or make up in general. And that’s the fun part to me!

Jessie and Delia have only met in the anime a handful of times. Any interaction they’ve had has either been pleasant, or just a typical Team Rocket interaction, with Delia dismissing them/not seeing them as a threat. Already a great jumping off point for me since, truly, they don’t have any actual beef or true, ill feelings towards each other. It’s not TOO out of the realm of possibility for them to potentially fall for each other. “But Jessie chased Delia’s son around trying to steal his Pokémon!” That’s where that dismissive and aloof attitude that Delia has comes into play. I’ll go more into Delia’s whole deal a bit later but I do think this aspect of her personality is a large reason why this ship can work. It’s not that she doesn’t care that Jessie has a bad past, but she can tell that, on the inside, Jessie’s a good person. And, in a scenario where Jessie is trying to become a better person, is forgiving enough to give her a shot. I feel like this is such a solid foundation for a ship. A character who has done wrong but is trying to be better and another character who is willing to help them be better. A classic dynamic!

It’s not just one-sided though; where Jessie is the only one benefitting and learning from the relationship. I believe Delia could get a lot out of being with someone like Jessie. To understand why, I think it’s important to know these characters’ respective backstories.

Jessie is an orphan/foster child who grew up in poverty. Her mother Miyamoto (from The Birth of Mewtwo) was a Team Rocket operative herself, who went on a mission to find Mew. In order to do this, she had to leave Jessie when she was just a toddler. Unfortunately, Miyamoto went MIA on her mission leaving Jessie to more or less fend for herself. Jessie went through life with zero stability, evident by her MANY different careers and constant moving around. It’s implied in the show that she went from foster home to foster home, and later in life tried being an idol, weather girl, florist, wine connoisseur, actress, most notably a nurse and finally a Team Rocket field agent. And even while in Team Rocket, she, James and Meowth were always doing odd jobs to get by. We see that Jessie used to be a sweet kid, and even adult, but the world and her circumstances repeatedly did her dirty, leading her to become the character we know today. Hot tempered, mean, selfish, etc. But despite this, her soft side does still shine through for the people and Pokémon she cares about. She is incredibly loyal.

Delia, unbeknownst to a lot of fans, also had a rough past (see Pocket Monsters: The Animation). Like Jessie, she had a lot of dreams and aspirations like wanting to be a model and even a trainer. But when she was 10, her mother didn’t let her, telling her that she had to stay home and learn to run the family restaurant (she’s an only child). Delia’s father left her and her mother to be a trainer, and never returned. When she was 18, she married Ash’s father and became pregnant shortly after. But right after Ash was born, he also set off to be a Pokémon trainer. And soon after that, her mother passed away, leaving Delia with just the restaurant and baby Ash. This gives so much context to Delia’s attitude in the show. We see that Delia is pained whenever Ash leaves on a journey, but she never shows that pain to anyone. ESPECIALLY Ash. She’s very quick to shoo him off when he shows any sign of wanting to go on another journey and even when he returns home, she acts more excited to see Pikachu than him almost every time. Without all this backstory, it’s easy to just read this as a funny gag, BUT with context, I think it really shows how quickly Delia shuts down and detaches in order to not confront her own feelings. She’s afraid of losing people and getting hurt again.

All that said, I think Jessie and Delia provide each other with EXACTLY what the other needs. 

Aside from becoming rich and famous, Jessie’s biggest aspiration is to get married. In my opinion, this is more so an underlying want for love and stability. There is no one more stable in the show than Delia. Delia’s lived in Pallet her whole life, she’s worked at the same restaurant since she was young and she is always there when Ash comes back home. She has all the love, patience and stability Jessie needs and craves. While forgiving, Delia’s not stupid and can keep Jessie in check. Delia’s also just an angel, which I feel, would make Jessie want to be better. And on top of all this, on more of a surface level, Delia’s a chef and excellent cook. She shows love through cooking and Jessie, who grew up poor, regularly starving and eating snow, happily receives that love. Jessie’s able to live a happy and healthy life with someone like Delia.

Delia, as stated, is very stable. Likely pretty monotonous and solitary, especially living in such a small town like Pallet. This isn’t a bad thing but it’s a little sad when you consider that Delia also had dreams of traveling, being a model and a trainer. She had to give up so many dreams in order to fulfill her duties as a restaurant owner and mother. And even now, when Ash is off on his journey, she feels the need to always be home and be that stable pillar, leaving behind any ambitions she had, thinking it’s too late for her (she’s only 29 btw). But then along comes Jessie, dangerous, passionate, an absolute firecracker. Someone who’s whole life has been about chasing dreams and either, never giving up on them or finding a new dream to chase. Upon learning about Delia’s past aspirations, I could see Jessie pushing her towards them, letting her know that life’s too short and she has nothing to lose from trying. On top of this, Jessie’s also loyal. She, James and Meowth are depicted as doing anything for anyone who gives them food or shows them kindness. Delia does both so there’s no way Jessie would leave her. This fulfills an essential need for Delia, who is afraid of the people in her life leaving her.

There’s so much potential for mutual growth and learning between these two and I adore that. They compliment each other, they help each other and they bring out the best qualities in one another.

I’m not really sure how to end this and I could truly talk about them even more but I don’t want this to be tooooo long haha. OH I could end it with maybe the most funny aspect of this ship that I've brushed over and also what drew me to it in the first place. Jessie. As Ash’s stepmom. THE END.

#hanamusa #hanamusashipping

[i-am-hungry-24-7]

Simon taking care of you when you accidentally injured yourself. Just fluff cuz I need fluff :D .

cw: pet names (princess, love etc.)

“Simon, I’m home!”

You opened the front door, only to see Simon sitting on the couch. Hearing your voice, he raised his head from the book he was infatuated with these days, and a low hum left him as a welcome.

“I’ll go shower first, the weather’s hot as hell, and I’m stink.”

You tossed the key onto the plate, nonchalantly passed your lover, but Simon could sense the difference in your movements.

“Stop.”

He stood up from the couch, and came straight towards you.

Oh no, you’re so fucked up.

“Hey, Si! I’m dirty! put me down!”

Simon ignored your yelling, scooping you up and over his shoulder.

“Don’t move.”

He demanded, and you swallowed hard when he grabbed your left ankle, and lifted the trouser legs.

“You’re hiding this from me?” His coffee-like brown eyes narrowed in disapproval, throwing you daggers while all you could do was let out a sigh.

“Sorry, Simon. Don’t want to concern you.”

Crooking his eyebrow, Simon darted his eyes back to observe the wound on your left calf. A long, deep cut went across half of your flesh, blood just managed to stop dripping, and fortunately didn’t stick your injury to the clothes.

“Where do you get this?”

“The parking lot of the market. Didn’t see a rock and stumble over it, and the pin sticking out of a wall dug into my leg when I tried to steady myself.” You shrugged.

You knew he was worried and hated to see you get hurt, that’s why you try to sneak to the bathroom and deal with it yourself. Simon’s eyes softened when he learned how you get yourself injured, but you had a feeling that he wouldn’t allow you to do things alone for at least a week.

“let’s go shower.” He picked you up swiftly as if you weighed nothing, and you just melted into his touch.

“You gonna help me?” Even though you knew the answer, you still asked when he strode to the bathroom.

“You think there’s other options?”

“... No.”

“Good Girl.” planting a kiss on your forehead, he kicked open the door.

“Close your eyes, don’t want to sting them, love.”

Your satisfied grumble when his hands attentively scratched your head made Simon chuckle. He put you in the warm bathtub, and the little chair looked comical under his bulky stature, but you didn’t laugh at him this time, instead focusing on his hands.

His hands, working magically through your hair, carefully not to tug your hair with too much strength. The hands that always protect you, the hands that are littered with scars, soaked with blood, but massage your shoulders when you are tired, shuffle your hair when you playfully argue with him, place on your belly when he hugs you from behind and whispered his affection to you.

He reserved all his tenderness to you, and you wondered why you were lucky enough to have this man as yours.

“Told you to close your eyes, love.”

You smiled when Simon finally discovered you had been staring at him from the start.

“Am I not allowed to watch my beautiful husband?”

“Don’t complain when the sud run into those pretty eyes then.” He huffed out a laugh.

When it came to you, he just couldn’t do anything but surrender to your adorable cheekiness. He thought when he couldn’t help but give your cheek a peck.

You sat on the edge of your bed now. Simon had dry your hair, and made you put on your underwear and his black shirt.

He was kneeling in front of you now, picking through the gauze and disinfectant. He seemed to find all the things he needed. Placing them aside, he took your ankle in his hand again.

“It’ll hurt a bit.”

He traced circles on your thigh to soothe the pain when he sprayed the antiseptic on your wound and waited for it to dry.

“You’re doing well, love. We’re almost finished.”

He cooed when he saw you blinked away a tear hanging on the corner of your eye.

Nodding, you watched him cover the wound with gauze and secure it.

“Thank you, Si.”

You chanted softly when his thumb caressed on the tape. Simon didn’t let go of your ankle when you thanked him, but landed a kiss beside the gauze.

“A spell for faster healing” The childish glints in his eyes were obvious when he lifted his head to meet your eyes.

“Don’t know you’re such a romantic person, baby.” You poke his cheek with a laugh.

“Guess there’s more of me yet for you to figure out.

He threw the bottles back into the medkit, and finally stood up after kneeling for ten minutes.

“Anything you want now, princess?”

“cuddle with me, Simon. The wound hurts.”

“Who’s the one trying to hide it thirty minutes ago?”

Lying on your back on the bed, his blonde hair shined under the light, but not brighter than the languid smirk he wore on his lips.

“Are you saying you don’t want to cuddle with me now?”

“Are there other options?”

“of course not, handsome.” You worm yourself into the comforter, and beckoned him to join you.

Slump down on the bed, he wiggled himself into his usual cuddling posture, arms snaked around your waist, and covered your belly with his palm.

“Anything for you, love.” You felt he kissed the shell of your ear when your eyes closed under the coziness.

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