#and then weeks later she suffered this massive change. it would be hard to don't notice

[herroyalhighnessqueenmomo]

Faded Memories (Eddie Munson x Fem!reader) |Part 5|

A/N: In case anyone was wondering why the series is named the way that it is. Well we finally get the answer in this part 🤣 Also I do not own the song!

Throughout the week Eddie continued to visit you every single day without fail. He would constantly talk to you about random stuff. Sometimes even talk about his favorite moments with you. He's even brought on his journal with his campaign ideas for Hellfire and read them to you. Before he went in today your doctor was in the room and pulled him aside.

"Mr. Munson, I wanted to talk to you about your wife's condition." He started off. Eddie continued with the ruse of stating he was your husband so he could visit you easier. "Is she okay?" He asked the doctor. "Oh yes. She's healing rather nicely and she seems to have good brain activity. We just need to prepare you for when she wakes up." He stated. "What do you mean?" Eddie asked. "Well, your wife got her head hit pretty hard during the crash. She suffered a pretty traumatic brain injury. There's a pretty high chance that she is going to suffer some memory loss." He explained. "For how long?" The doctor simply shrugged. "There's no real estimate. You can't exactly calculate these things. We don't know how much she might've forgotten but we want you to be prepared." Eddie nodded slowly. "Oh...okay. Thank you. Is she...awake?" He asked. "Not yet but we did remove the ventilator from her mouth and she's breathing on her own just fine. Its only a matter of time before she wakes up." The doctor gave a tight lipped smile and made a swift exit.

Eddie took a deep breath and opened the curtain to take a loot at you. He smiled slightly feeling relieved that you didn't have that massive tube in your mouth. He sat down in his chair beside you. "Hey sweetheart. Its me. I just spoke to the doctor. He told me you should be waking up sometime soon." He leaned up and kissed your temple. "I can't wait to see those big beautiful eyes of yours again."

Eddie had stayed there with you for a few hours and decided to leave for the day. He had to get back to Hawkins so he could do the last bit of paperwork for the annulment. He was extremely relieved once it was officially over with Kendra. After everything was done he went back to his apartment and practically just collapsed on his couch from sheer exhaustion. It was hours before Eddie was waken up from the phone ringing. He slowly got up and looked at his watch. It was 7 in the morning. He stretched a bit and walked towards the phone and picked it up. "Hello?" He asked. "Mr. Munson? This is Dr. Sykes. We spoke yesterday." The doctor tried to refresh Eddie's memory. "Mhm yeah. I remember. Is Y/N okay?" "Oh yes. I just wanted to call you to let you know that your wife is awake. You can come on by later on to see her." He stated. Eddie wasted no time at all and hung up.

He was about to run at the door until he caught a whiff of himself. He then turned back around and ran to take a quick shower. He then put on a change of clothes and made a swift exit. Eddie was extremely excited to finally see you awake. He kept having to tell himself to quit speeding on the road. Once he got to the hospital he was practically skipping to get to the elevator. He made it to the fifth floor. He walked over to the desk. "I'm here to see my wife. She just woke up today. My wife is Y/N L/N." Eddie stated. The nurse nodded and looked through a list of authorized visitors for each patient. "Ah Mr. Munson?" She asked. He nodded. "Yup. That's me." She smiled and let him through to the ICU. Eddie began to speed walk to your room.

Your door was open but the curtain was closed. He quickly opened it and gave you a wide smile. The sudden pull of the curtain made you jump. "Hey baby, its me. Eddie." He stated. You looked at him almost confused. The look you used to give him was no longer there. The same look that was never identifiable to him. The one he realized then, that had held the spark you had for him. That spark was no longer there. Your eyes were empty almost...dead. The Y/N that Eddie knew before died in that plane crash.

He couldn’t recognize the woman who was eyeing him as if he was an unfinished symphony that she still struggled to try and complete. Oddly enough it was also in that moment that he realized it was that same Y/N that was able to complete him unlike any other person. It was then he realized every memory you two shared together were special and he would do anything to make sure he could continue making beautiful memories together. This moment was bittersweet to him. The answer was in front of him. It had been this whole time but something has changed. "I'm sorry...do I know you?" You asked him.

Eddie's ears began to ring. All he felt was his heart wanting to jump out of his chest. "I...we're best friends." It was in that moment he then decided to take matters into his own hands. He shook his head. "More than that. You're my wife." He stated. You gasped softly in shock. "Oh...I-I'm so sorry. I really don't remember." You replied. Eddie shook his head and took a seat in his usual spot beside you. "Its okay. Don't stress yourself about it. Let's just take this one step a time, yeah?" You gave a faint smile and nodded. "The doctor told me I was in an accident and I have been in a coma for a week." She stated. Eddie simply nodded. "That's right."

"When the doctor told me my husband kept visiting me every day without fail, I almost didn't believe it. I...how could I forget I was married? Or forget you?" You looked very distraught. You had to admit you felt proud of yourself for being able to pull someone as attractive as him. You just wished you could remember. Eddie kissed your temple and gave you a reassuring smile. "Its okay my love. You'll remember eventually." He stated. "Hey um...I had a question. How come I was on a plane without you?" You asked him. Not quite understanding why you would travel without your husband. Eddie started to panic because he hadn't thought about what to tell you. He obviously couldn't tell the truth now. “Well you uh...were going to watch a show...on Broadway. Yeah you wanted to watch a musical and since I had work I told you to go enjoy it without me.” He stammered as he tried his best to come up with a solid lie. “I was going to travel alone, to New York, to see a musical?” You asked him. You were very confused by the whole idea of traveling so far to see a show. Eddie just nodded nervously. “Well Robin was going to go join you in New York the next day since she was off from Family Video.” Eddie randomly threw in Robin to the mix so you wouldn’t get too suspicious. “Who’s Robin?” You asked. “She’s our friend.” He answered. Well at least he could be honest about this.

You only just shook your head and sighed. “This is just all so strange to me.” You held your head. “How long have we been married?” You asked him. He shrugged. “Well sweetheart, it hasn’t been that long. We’re practically still newlyweds. We got married about two months ago.” He replied as he took your hand in his. The touch made you gasp a little. Your heart began to beat a little faster. His hand holding yours felt so familiar to you. It was the first familiar thing to you so far. Maybe he really was your husband. He wasn’t but he should’ve been. Eddie knew you a little too well. More than anyone else knew you. The way you two carried yourselves around each other in the past would have warranted any outsider to believe that you were a couple. Hell, even the hospital staff truly believed that Eddie was your husband. 

*******************************************************************************************

Eddie had stayed with you for an hour as he spoke to you about some memories you shared together but to you they were all gone. Maybe not gone forever. Just a little faded. After the visit Eddie went back to Hawkins and went to Family Video to update Steve and Robin on how you were doing. He got out of his van and was damn near skipping through the door. 

Robin and Steve looked at him feeling very confused. “Well you look a little too excited to be coming in here.” Robin stated. Eddie only had the widest grin ever. “My baby’s awake. The hospital called me this morning. I went to go see her.” He explained. The two then immediately got excited too. “What? That’s amazing man.” Steve replied. “How is she?” Robin asked. Eddie’s smile went away. “Well actually, she doesn’t remember anything. She doesn’t remember me or how she ended up in the accident.” Steve frowned. “Oh man that sucks.” He said. Eddie nodded. “Yeah. I may have also...said something to her. That was...false, when I introduced myself.” He stated as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck. Steve and Robin both looked at each other then back at Eddie. “What did you say?” Robin asked him. “So I told her we were best friends.” “So? You guys are best friends” She didn’t see the problem. “Yeah that's what I said at first. It’s what I said after.” He said ominously. “Okay cut the shit. What did you say?” Robin asked. “I may have told her I was her husband.” He said softly. “You told her you were married?!” Robin exclaimed as she began to freak. Steve didn’t even know what to say. He simply squinted his eyes hoping that would help him see clearer through the bullshit. 

“Why would you tell her you were her husband?” He asked him. Eddie just remained quiet because he wasn’t even sure himself why he lied. “Oh my god.” Robin said breaking the silence. “Eddie, are you like in love with Y/N after she almost died trying to get away from you?” He put his hand on his chest. “Well Jesus, when you put it like that you make me sound like an ass.” He replied. “That’s because you are an ass!” Robin yelled at him. “I know!” He shot back. He paced around a bit in front of the counter as he began to nervously chew on his thumbnail.  "I just... I messed up big time.” He stopped and looked up at them. “I didn't know what I had until I almost lost her and I absolutely refuse to live without her.” He explained and then took a deep breath. “I'm going to fix this. For once I'm going to take care of her." 

Steve was at a loss for words. "I mean…I don't know. This just seems wrong. What if…what if her memories come back? Don't you think she'd be upset that you lied to her? Took advantage that she couldn't remember anything?” He asked. Robin nodded. “Eddie, you have to realize that there’s a chance she might not ever remember either. I mean Y/N is gone.” She tried to reason. Eddie shook his head. "No. Y/N is not gone. She is just…she…fuck!" He exclaimed as he grasped his hair in frustration. Tears started to stream down his face. "I don't know what to do. I just know that I want to fight for her." He said through sniffles. Steve and Robin both looked at each other again. They both felt really bad for Eddie. It was obvious that he really did care deeply for you. The man adored you. Actually, given the chance he would worship you because it was what you deserved. "Alright." Steve said and they both looked back at Eddie. "I think we can try to keep this shit up for you." He stated. Eddie looked up and gave a slight smile. "Y-You will?" He sniffled. "Yes, but only because this whole kicked puppy look you've got is killing me." Robin replied. "You guys are the best." He beamed. "Yeah, yeah save it. Just promise me you won't screw things up with her this time." Robin gave him the most intimidating look she could muster up. He nodded. "Of course. I will give Y/N nothing but love."

"So when can you take Y/N home? Well actually wouldn't that mean she would have to live with you since you two are supposed to be married?" Steve began to question. Eddie's smile was wiped away. "Shit, I hadn't thought about that." He admitted. "Well of course you haven't thought about it. Because every single detail about this plan of yours seems absolutely premedated. Honestly, how can this possibly go wrong?" Robin rambled due to the nervousness she felt about this deceit. Eddie then clapped snapping her out of it. "No I got it. Its not gonna be hard at all. I still have Y/N's suitcases and stuff in my apartment from the plane. All I have to do is unpack her things and make some room for it." He spitballed. Steve shrugged. "I mean its not a terrible idea." He replied. Robin shook her head. "What? Are you kidding? You're basically going through all of her stuff without her permission. That is a terrible idea." She explained to him as if she was a mother reprimanding her child. "Do you have any other ideas lined up?" He asked her placing his hands on his hips. She scoffed. "Honesty would just make things easier." Eddie shook his head. "Nope too late and I don't plan to make things anymore confusing for her." He replied. Robin face palmed and shook her head. "Fine you do what you want. Its your funeral." She stated. "Thank you, for that. I will make sure to keep your words of wisdom near and dear to me." Eddie said sarcastically.

Eddie left the store and went back to his apartment to start unpacking your belongings. He started to grab your suitcases and placed it on his bed. He unzipped the first one and it was your clothes. Eddie opened his drawers and started to pack his stuff all into one drawer. He was able to condense the amount of space he uses for some of his clothes into the two bottom drawers. That left you with the two top ones for your stuff. He didn't have a specific organization pattern for your stuff he just kept putting things away as he went. He felt something in the inner pocket of the suitcase and unzipped it. Eddie reached in to see what was inside. As soon as he pulled it out his eyes damn near jumped out of his head when he realized it was one of your bras. Eddie immediately felt guilty for holding it in his hands and couldn't think straight. He quickly shoved it in the bottom of the drawer under your clothes. He then dramatically shut the drawer as if he was trying to hold back a monster that might pop out of it. Eddie sighed with relief and checked the pocket one more time to see if there was anything else. He felt something small made of some kind of fabric. Eddie damn near fainted when he realized he had grabbed a handful of your underwears. He quickly opened the second drawer and threw them down. He began cursing himself for thinking this was a good idea.

Eddie was able to continue unpacking your stuff for the next half hour without any other alarming things ending up in his hands. When he finished he grabbed your empty suitcases and went to throw them in the back of his closet but then your journal popped out of one the bags. Eddie picked it up and examined the composition notebook in has hands. Your name was etched in on the cover with pen. He knew it was probably wrong if he looked through it but his curiosity got the better of him. He skimmed through it realizing that this served almost as a diary to you. The entries were very scattered and weren't consecutive but they started all the way back to the year the two of you met. Eddie saw his name pop up so he stopped to read the entry.

So Eddie invited me to join his D&D club. The Hellfire Club. I might've been a little too excited that he asked me to join. He said that there were too many guys in the club and he needed to see a pretty face in it to make it worth while. He said that I had a pretty face. Me! I told Nancy right away as soon as I saw her. She's literally the only person who knows how I feel about Eddie. Of course Nancy was thrilled for me but she told me to be careful with him since he's a Junior and I'm a Sophomore. I swear she worries too much. Anyways I gotta go get ready for Hellfire.

Eddie smiled to himself after reading the entry. Here was real proof that you loved him since day one and he was too oblivious to even notice. He kept flipping through and saw your songs. Then he saw the last one you wrote. It was dated the day after his bachelor party. It looked like water might have been spilled on it. Or at least some drops. He decided to read it.

I'm giving up...on everything because you messed me up. Don't know how much you screwed it up. You never listened. That's just too bad. Because I'm moving on. I won't forget you were the one that was wrong. I know I need to step up and be strong. Don't patronize me. Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Have you forgotten everything that I wanted? Do you forget it now? You never got it. Do you get it now? Gotta get away. There's no point in thinking about yesterday. Its too late now. It won't ever be the same. We're so different now. Have you forgotten everything that I wanted? Do you forget it now? You never got it. Do you get it now?

I know I wanna run away. I know wanna runaway. Run away. If only I could run away. If only I could run away. Run away. I told you what I wanted. I told you what I wanted. What I wanted. But I was forgetten. I won't be forgotten. Never again.

Have you forgotten everything that I wanted? Do you forget it now? You never got it. Do you get it now? Have you forgotten? Do you get it now? Forgotten, yeah, yeah, yeah. Forgotten, yeah, yeah, yeah. Forgotten, yeah, yeah, yeah. Forgotten, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Eddie was completely thrown. He knew you were hurt after he dismissed you at the bachelor party but he never wanted you to feel like you were forgotten by him. He shut the journal and hid it at the top of the closet. Eddie's goal was to make things right with you and as much as he hated it, he had to hide the journal from you. He didn't want you to ask questions about why you wrote the song or why he hurt you the way that he did. As easy as it could have been to just rip the pages out he knew you worked hard for that song. Despite it being filled with pain, he had to admit the song was good. Eddie secretly hoped that maybe throughout this new aspect being introduced in your relationship with him, that you would write a happier song. Your songs showed great emotions but the pain behind them just showed how much he had been hurting you.

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#Spotify #stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson angst #eddie x reader #stranger things fanfiction

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Little did you know - Kaz Brekker/platonic! Crows x fem! reader

A/n: I don't know where this came from... It's a mess but its like- whatever I guess

Warnings: GORE, DEATH, TORTURE, questionable sanity, this could be disturbing to some people so don't say I didn't warn you!

I do not own six of crows or shadow and bone or it's characters

Summary: The Crows make a vital mistake when trying to get information not knowing that it would cost them everything...

(Gif not mine)

Her hair flows in the wind the only part of her moving the rest still as a serpent creeping up on its prey. Slowly, she starts to move forward as she spots her victims, some pretty little birdy's, just some unusually remarkable crows. If anything went right today the only thing that would be remarkable about them would be their downfall.

She almost yells out in excitement and joy when they wander right into her trap. They walk into her house - a dead merchant's house and go to loot what's left of it.

From her vantage point in the ceiling, she can see everything, from Nina's hands out ready to Matthias beside her. She sees Jesper's darting eyes and Wylan's uneasiness. Moreover, she can even see Inej Ghafa in the shadows high on alert ready to strike at any moment, just in case.

Then her eyes find Kaz and she almost kills him there and then.

He's in his normal attire and he hadn't changed his atrocious haircut either. Yet he's different still, it's the way he's holding himself. Like he feels accomplished.

And even though he has his neutral 'I'm bored' face on Y/n can see through him. She's always been able too and right now he's happy for an easy run. Not a trace of him is guilty or mourning and it's only been one week.

Now that she thinks about it there's not a trace of mourning in anyone.

Balling her hands into fits she nearly screams in agony, they thought she had died and they didn't even care. If she had any doubts before they're gone with just some simple observation.

Yet Y/n still waits and as soon as the Crows get into the trap completely she starts moving.

They had killed her loving parents who worked at a bakery, they had done nothing, nothing wrong. But now they were still six feet under, and she knew it was not just some casualties. Kaz was too precise for that.

She creeps up behind Inej and knocks her out cold before she can even cry out, Y/n catches her body before it can hit the floor and she carefully lays Inej to the said knowing she'll have to tie her up later.

Next is Jesper and Wylan.

For Jesper, she shoots him with a sleeping dart made out of a massively hard metal to control for fabricators and blinds Wylan before doing the same thing to him as well.

Taking out a bomb from Wylan's bag she sets it off. Running towards Nina and before she can use her heartrender abilities, Y/n headbutts her causing her figure to fall to the floor. Unconscious.

Matthias starts sprinting towards her but she simply grabs his shoulder and hits him on a pressure point on his neck and he's out with the rest of them.

It's funny because he taught her that manoeuvre.

"Kaz!" She yells in a shrill voice beckoning him downstairs, did he really leave his little itty bitty Crows alone? Ah, just like he did to her, what they all did to her.

The Crows and Y/n were on a mission and something went wrong, she was shot and they left her to die. She could have been easily saved but they left her and while they did that she remembers - the thing that she remembers most about that night. Kaz leaned down into her ear and said;

'Thanks for the information little snake.'

They had used her to get information, everything she had with them was fake. Everything with Kaz was fake. Every little touch, every little moment, their entire (established) relationship was fake.

"Come down Kazzy I helped you! Now you help me!" She runs up the stairs knowing that there's only one exit, the window. That was extremely high off the ground he would hopefully try to bargain with her first.

Even if he didn't Y/n had brought some rope because he would definitely break his legs at that height.

But Y/n wasn't a little snake now she was a majestic serpent that wielded the screeches of revenge in her venom.

She runs into the room with the window and there he was there in a chair in the shadows looking smug, but the serpent knew it was all just a facade - fake confidence.

Smiling at him she pulls out a second chair from a broken-down desk and places it right in front of him. 'Bang.' It's a simple sound but it echos throughout the room bouncing off the walls into the depths of madness.

"Oh Kazzy, have you come to help me?" She takes her lip in between her teeth and fake trembles.

"Have you come to save me?" Her voice is tiny and it's nothing like it used to be around him, yet he still flinches. He knows she's putting on an act but it still hurts him. And she wants to hurt him over, and over again.

"Y/n... We needed that information, lots of the Dregs' lives were on the line. There is so much more you wouldn't don't understand."

Laughing into the open she secretly pulls out a syringe from her back pocket readying it in her hand.

Instantly her voice changes from the scarce poor girl's voice to a very dark voice. Vengeance was held there and it was like burning your ears in the pits of hell listening to it. The sins and revenge sounded melodic but the torture that laid underneath was horrific.

"Really Rietveld? Did you think I would forgive so easily?"

Kaz's face morphs into surprise at hearing his real last name, Y/n jumps at the chance and she plunges the syringe deep into his neck.

"See you in hell."

___________________TIME SKIP A COUPLE OF HOURS__

All the Crows are tied up to some chairs in the secret basement of the house. The woman waits for what looks like patiently but really she's boiling with excitement.

This is going to be fun.

Finally, the last Crows wakes up and the Serpent takes out her playthings. Just a couple of knives and guns, but those were just her toys the real weapons are the emotional and mental pain she would cause everyone including herself.

"You know why you are here, don't you?" She walks around the room watching every one of The Crows' snarling faces but perhaps some of them held remorse.

Although Y/n was past their pity now. None of the damage could be undone, what's done is done. An eye for an eye.

"Nina darling, this may hurt a bit." Quicker than Jesper's sharpshooter's eye could catch she stabs Nina in the stomach as she yells out in pain Y/n twists the knife back and forth.

Matthias screams out for his lover and after what feels like an internity the serpent pulls the dagger out knowing that she'll just eventually die from blood loss.

Taking a quick look around the room she notices some of the terrified faces and how everyone is on edge. Good, just how she wants it.

"Mörd demjin," Matthias mutters under his breath and Y/n takes his throat in her hand and holds tight enough to choke him.

"Don't call me by the little nickname you gave Kazzy!" She yells furiously holding onto him tighter and tighter. His face starts to become purple and she can hear the yells and screams of the birdy's in the background.

'No! Let go! Matthias! Matthias! Let him go!'

"Any last words?" She jets out her lip before holding onto him tighter and she sees the fury of the ice in his eyes before there's nothing. His eyes roll back lifeless.

"No Matthias! Matthias!" Nina shrieks trying to desperately get out of her chair.

Rolling her eyes with a huff Y/n pulls out a gun and shoots Nina twice in the head.

"Now you're with your lover." She drawls on the word lover and turns to Inej. She didn't really want to do this but she had to cause him all the pain that she could. Even if Inej tried to stop them.

Swiftly she pulls out the knife Inej gave her and kindly kills her with a hard blow to the heart. She doesn't suffer, she just solely died, it's the only kindness the Serpent can afford to give her.

At this point, Jesper and Wylan are openly sobbing and screaming for their friends and for Y/n to please stop. But she doesn't, with blood all over her clothes she makes her path towards her next fool.

"If you were wondering why you couldn't control the bullets, Jesper." She drawls on in a monotone voice. She can see and hear Wylan screaming and it pains her but she doesn't let it show. She lets the Serpent take over or else this will never get done.

Fully becoming the Serpent Y/n places the barrel of her gun up to his heart and she just shoots, no emotion on her face whatsoever.

"A special venom of mine for Grisha. Had some fun testing it."

Going over to Wylan she quickly slits his throat not wanting the little merchling to suffer more than he already has.

She looks at Kaz blankly, he's shaking and he's beyond trying not to show any emotion. Tears are streaming down his face and he's gasping for air. Trembles roll off his body and the agony on his face pierces her hurt.

"Why?" Rietveld finally manages to rasp out. "WHY!" He screams ultimately reaching his breaking point.

"Because Kaz," She whispers in a sickeningly sweet voice lifting his chin with the tip of her pointer finger.

"Everything comes with a price." She pauses letting it sink in.

"And little did you know the price it would cost you."

And that's the story of Sankta Serpentina and Sankt Dirtyhands.

Words 1634

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien @dontjudgeabookbythecover

(if you would like to be added leave a comment!)

#six of crows #shadow and bone #kaz brekker imagine #the crows x reader #crows x reader #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x you #the crows #angst #this is really bad #fanfiction #the grishaverse #grisha #kaz brekker #kaz rietveld #inej ghafa #y/n l/n #jesper fahey #nina zenik #matthias helvar #wylan van eck #everyone dies #i'm so sorry for making this #crooked kingdom #six of crows x reader #insane #shadow and bone x reader

[angelikook]

How to Find Your Soulmate

Pairing(s): Non-idol!Namjoon x reader

Genre: Tooth-rotting fluff, teensy bit of angst

Word Count: 10.2k

Warning(s): None

Summary: Where a journey to find his soulmate took a different turn.

A/n I wrote this as a spur in the moment thing, but it surprisingly came out really well.

The familiar sound of keys jiggling from his front door was a sure sign that he was about to lose whatever amount of peacefulness in his tiny apartment. As he braced himself for what was about to come, the door swung open and came in the person he had been waiting for.

Y/n was her name. Peculiar, wild, and random. Her hair basically could represent her entire personality. Unruly, messy, and out of control. She'd been a loner for most of her lifetime. Definitely a big believer in “I’m a strong independent woman who doesn’t need no man”.

It also came as a surprise to Namjoon when he couldn’t help but to be attached to her a long time ago when they were kids. And ever since that, he had gained a new best friend. Or more like the best friend since he didn’t have that many best friends to begin with.

“Joon, let’s go! We have things to do.” Y/n grabbed on his arm and tried to pull him up from his slouched position on his couch. The couch that became worn out so quickly for its rather frequent use whenever he was stressed.

In his defense, it wasn’t his fault that the couch was so comfy.

Failing to pull him up, Y/n groaned in frustration. “Come on! There’s a bazaar downtown that I wanna check. Can’t have me go alone at this time, right?”

“I don’t wanna get up. Let’s just watch Netflix,” he said as he turned on the TV.

Y/n snatched the remote from his hand and turned the TV back off. “Nope. Let’s go. Tomorrow is Saturday anyways, you can watch the TV all you want.”

Namjoon sighed. “What do I get for this?”

Y/n grinned and cupped her cheeks. “You get to spend time with me.”

“Ugh, I don’t want that,” he teased as he pulled himself up from the couch. “I'm tired of seeing your face.”

“You, mister.” She jabbed her finger at him. “Owe me a boba tea, remember? Now is the perfect time to redeem yourself.”

“Remind me not to wake you up again on Sunday mornings.” He shuddered at the memory of seeing bed headed Y/n screaming on top of her lungs, telling him not to wake her up from her beauty sleep or whatever.

“Are you seriously wearing that, though?” he asked as he eyed Y/n’s outfit.

She still wore the same outfit that she had worn since this morning. There was a noticeable coffee stain on her left cufflinks, indicating she probably had bumped her mug with her hand by accident. Her skirt was already crinkled especially on the bottom part. Disclaimer, he totally did not just check her out. Her heels made her feet red and look swollen. They clearly cut off her circulation, but somehow she insisted on wearing them anyways, claiming that she felt sexy and smart and beautiful in them.

“They look uncomfortable,” Namjoon had commented one day after noticing how her heels made Y/n walk weirdly. “Why don’t you just wear sneakers?”

Y/n scoffed, as if what he had said was ridiculous. “Real women don't wear sneakers to work, Joon.”

“Whatever you say, Y/n.” Namjoon had tried hard to stop the urge of rolling his eyes.

Ever since that, he didn’t even want to talk about her heels. “Let her suffer if she wanted that,” he always reminded himself.

Y/n walked to his full-length mirror inside his room and stared at herself. “What’s wrong with this?”

“Just change into more comfortable clothes,” Namjoon said from the living room. “You’d look out of place."

With that, Y/n closed the bedroom door behind her and grumbled. “This is perfectly fine. People do go out after work to a bazaar.”

She actually said more than that. Way more. But at this point, he didn’t even bother to listen to her. It wasn’t like this was his first time ignoring her blabbers. And he was pretty sure she was used to it, too.

Minutes later, Y/n came out to the living room wearing Namjoon’s hoodie and sweatpants. She even managed to find a pair of his sandals that he thought was gone. Sure her outfit now swallowed her, but at least it was more comfortable.

“Alright, let’s go!” was the last thing she said before they left his apartment.

A boba tea and a corn dog later, Namjoon and Y/n were walking aimlessly. They were just following the direction other people were taking, not really sure themselves where they would end up.

“Aren’t you glad I forced you out of that stuffy apartment?”

“Nope. I still rather be on my couch.”

Y/n frowned. “What?” She gestured to their surroundings. “This is so much better.” She saw a small bench and sat on it, gesturing to him to sit beside her. “I think you need to take a breather and just relax, my dude. Whatever problems you have at work, they don’t exist for now.”

“It’s easy for you to say that.”

Y/n slurped hard on her drink, trying to get as many bobas as possible into her mouth. “You-”. Chew. “-think too much-”. Chew. “-of things you can’t-”. Chew. “-control.”

“Okay, finish your drink first. That’s disgusting.”

Y/n laughed while trying to stop her bobas from coming out of her mouth. After succeeding to suppress her laughter, she chewed on the bobas thoroughly before swallowing them.

“You’re an overthinker who misses on great things in life just because you’re too caught up in your problems. And when you realize you missed those things, it’ll be all too late.” Y/n then continued finishing her drink in silence while he was registering what she just said.

He was so focused on his thoughts to the point he didn’t even realize when Y/n had left him to find a trash can. He was only drawn back to reality when Y/n came to him running and yelling his name in excitement.

Y/n spoke in rapid speed to the point she sounded like speaking gibberish. The only thing he heard was “fortune teller” before Y/n yanked on his hand and dragged him to a small kiosk.

The kiosk was mostly empty. No customers were surrounding it unlike other kiosks. But it wasn’t what set it apart from the others. It was the big letters in front of it that read “fortune teller” in big bold text. Inside, there was only one woman sitting, unmoving, seemingly reading something, a book maybe.

Aware of his and Y/n’s presence, the fortune teller looked up from the book and smiled at them both. Unlike what the media portrayed fortune tellers were, that they were scary and mysterious, her smile was warm and friendly.

“Is there something I can do?” The fortune teller closed the book and stood up.

“Yes!” Y/n replied. “My friend here-” She gestured to Namjoon “-wants to know his future.” After a few seconds of pause, she added, “And about his soulmate too, please.”

Before he could respond, the fortune teller beat him to it. “Very well.” The fortune teller cracked her knuckles before staring deep into his eyes. Her gaze somehow made him feel naked, vulnerable.

They hold their gaze for a while. As seconds became minutes, he felt breathless, and hot. The gaze that at first was soft but strong, became sharper and almost felt painful. But not long after, the fortune teller focused back at Y/n who stood still beside him, gawking at her. He could finally let out a breath that he didn’t realize he had been holding.

“From what I can tell, your friend is on the right track. He’s doing well, but he won’t be if he can’t appreciate the simple things in life,” the fortune teller explained. “As for his soulmate, he already knows who they are, he even knows where they are. The only thing left for him to do is just to figure it out within himself.”

The thing was, he didn’t believe in fortune tellers, astrology, and whatnot. He never even cared about things like that. But seeing Y/n’s grin and the glint in her eyes as she thanked the fortune teller and gave her a tip, he didn’t say anything against it. As much as Y/n called him boring, he wasn’t the type to burst people’s bubble of happiness.

Throughout the walk to Y/n’s apartment, she kept talking about what the fortune teller had said.

“Gosh, I can’t believe you know who your soulmate is.” Y/n lightly punched on his arm. “You never tell me anything.”

Namjoon shrugged. “What’s there to talk about? I don’t know who my soulmate is either. I apparently need to figure it out myself.”

“I know what we can do!”

This sounded like he was about to be in for a bad time. “What?”

“Let’s go do something different! Maybe you'll find your revelation or whatever.”

He really wanted to scoff. “How does that even work?”

“Don’t know. But it's worth a try. Do you want to figure out who your soulmate is or not?”

Of course he did. “Of course I do. What kind of question... ”

Y/n clapped her hands together. “Good! Tomorrow I’ll pick you up. Get ready for a week full of surprises.”

“Wait what? I never signed up for this.”

Y/n rolled her eyes. “You did sign up. You said you want to find your soulmate.”

“But not tomorrow!” he raised his voice in frustration. “We have work on Monday.”

“Just call your boss that you’ll be gone for a week.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Dude, bro, my guy, you need to live in the moment. Plus, you haven’t taken a leave in years. Years, Namjoon.”

He inhaled long and hard before exhaling it slowly. His best friend seriously was going to be the death of him.

“Please.” Y/n looked up at him. He suddenly became aware of the massive height difference they had.

It wasn't that Y/n was short. She said it herself that she was the average height although he didn’t really believe that. She just looked so tiny compared to him. But, on the other side, Namjoon was quite tall for a guy around his age.

He groaned. “Ugh, not the puppy eyes. Seriously.”

“Does that mean I win?” There was a soft gleam of hope in her eyes.

Namjoon was a strong man. At least, that was what everyone who knew him had said about him. So it was weird for the always composed and well mannered man to have a weakness. And to have that weakness took in the form of his childhood best friend was even weirder. What in his best friend that didn’t exist in literally anything that could melt his heart like no other? Puppies and kittens could never even compare. His cute bonsais, too, couldn’t even compare.

He might never find the answer to that. Heck maybe he found out about his soulmate before he could answer that. He could only shook his head in disbelief as Y/n put her bunny headband on his hair.

It was Saturday at 8 a.m, the morning after the fortune teller incident. Y/n simply invited herself into his apartment while he was still in the shower. It was one of the things he regretted after giving her the keys to his apartment. It was meant to be used during emergencies, not for her getting all cozy here and thinking this was her place.

He was walking out of the bedroom, fully dressed and ready for the day, when he heard a sizzling sound coming from the kitchen. He stepped closer to the kitchen and as it came into view, he saw Y/n cooking with her back facing him.

He thought he was being quiet, but apparently not because Y/n turned around and greeted him with a beaming smile.

"Morning! I'm making you some omelette and there's coffee on the table." She pointed at the mug on the table with smoke still puffing out of it. "Exactly two teaspoons as you like it." Then she continued cooking as if nothing had happened.

He was speechless as he looked at the mess in his kitchen. Egg shells on the floor, ketchup smeared all over the kitchen counter, and some puddles on the floor could be seen. It was as if a tornado just came.

“What is all this?” he asked when he finally found his voice.

Y/n carefully plated the omelette before proudly putting the plate beside the coffee. “This is what I call breakfast. Bet you usually only drink coffee in the morning.”

“No, that’s not what I mean. Look at the kitchen, Y/n! Who’s gonna clean up after this?”

Y/n took a look around the kitchen with a readable and all too familiar facial expression.

“I know what you’re gonna say,” Namjoon said as he took a seat. “And to that, I say, I don’t want to clean up your mess. You clean it up.”

She lifted her hands in surrender. “Fine, geez. A thank you would be nice.”

“You not making a mess would be appreciated.”

“Touché."

Usually when he had coffee in the morning, he felt that adrenaline rush. The kind that made you feel giddy, restless, and even made you tremble. This time, thanks to Y/n's cooking, he didn’t feel any of those. He was tempted to tell Y/n about this, but in the end, he just kept it to himself. He didn’t want to fuel her ego. It wasn’t a very good idea to do that so early into this “Journey to Find Namjoon’s Soulmate” or whatever Y/n had called it last night.

Even if he told him all those things, chances were she wasn’t going to listen to him as she was busy admiring her work on his hair. The bunny headband finally put on properly and held his hair away from his face.

“Have you ever put on a face mask before?” Y/n handed him a face mask.

“Umm, no.”

“Let me put it on you.” She smiled as she took back the face mask from his hand.

Within seconds, her trained hands successfully put the face mask on his face. And not long after, her face was also wearing one.

“We’re matching!” Y/n grinned at him. “Let’s take a selfie,” she said as she pulled out her phone.

He wasn’t big on selfies, he didn’t even remember the last time he took one. But seeing the huge smile on his best friend’s face was enough for him to reluctantly agree.

He forced a smile at the camera. He realized it looked awkward as Y/n shoved their photo in front of his face to show him the result. It looked even more ridiculous with the bunny headband on top of his head. However, the girl looked like she didn’t mind as she kept babbling on about how this was their first selfie in years and she wanted to upload it so bad.

“-will ask me about you. And what’s going to happen to me when you date one of them?”

A silence followed her ramblings until he realized she just asked him a question.

He cleared his throat. “First of all, just because I’m dating, doesn’t mean you can’t still be my best friend. Second of all, isn’t the purpose of this… adventure is to find my soulmate?”

Y/n eyes widened in realization. “You’re right! I’m gonna post it then.” As she was about to hit the post button on her phone, she looked at him. “Wait. What should I caption it?”

20 minutes later, when the once cold mask was no longer cold and it started to dry a bit, Y/n carefully peeled the mask from both their faces.

“What do you feel?” Y/n asked expectantly.

Namjoon didn’t even know how to answer that. Truth to be told, these skin care products never really made an impactful difference on his skin, hence the reason he didn’t have a skin care routine. The most he ever did was just wash his face with a face wash and even that was a leftover he found in his sister’s old room a few weeks after she left for uni. A side note, don’t even ask him why he was in her room, he wouldn’t answer it truthfully. His parents would probably say that he missed her, but he knew it wasn’t true… right?

The lack of response from him was enough for Y/n to catch on what he was feeling.

“You don’t feel anything, huh?”

“Wetness on my face.” His answer sounded more like a question.

“You’re unbelievable. Well, since today is just the first day, I’ll let it go. But, the correct answer to that is refreshed, Joon,” Y/n explained in exasperation as she scratched her head.

“What does that have to do with finding my soulmate?”

“You might find out your soulmate faster if you’re not stressed,” Y/n said as a matter-of-factly.

He sighed. “You know what, I don’t even bother to argue with you.”

“Cause you know I’m right.”

That night when he was about to fall asleep, when he was only half-aware of his surroundings, the memory of today’s activity played in his mind. The messy kitchen as his best friend attempted to make him breakfast. Her proud smile as she served his food. The focused look on her face when he was putting on her headband and the face mask on him. And lastly, the tired smile she offered him as she said goodbye when the day ended after they binge watched on Netflix. For the first time in years, he fell asleep with a smile plastered on his face.

The next morning on Sunday, he woke up much earlier than usual. He even woke up feeling energized. He could even feel anticipation bubbling inside of him. The last time he felt like this was when he was around 9 and his parents gave him tickets to Disneyland as a birthday gift. Simply put, he felt like a kid again, waiting for great things that were about to happen today.

As he smiled at the memories of his childhood, he couldn’t help but realize that maybe Y/n was right all along. She always nagged on him because all he did was to mope around on his old couch and get drunk when things got too hard.

“Live in the moment, dude,” she had said multiple times. “You worry too much like an old man who fears the end of the world.”

What a great metaphor, Y/n.

Just like the day before, Y/n entered his apartment without notice. But this time, instead of being in the shower, he was already dressed and waiting for her. He could feel his heart beat get faster when he heard the door being opened.

Y/n widened her eyes in surprise before she smirked. “I like the energy. Let’s just go, then!”

For the second activity in The Journey to Find Namjoon’s Soulmate, Y/n took him to an…

“Animal shelter?” Namjoon asked in disbelief.

Y/n nodded. “I want to see cute animals.”

“We can just go to the zoo.”

“It’s expensive. And they don't really care about animals."

Ever since the start of their friendship, he could never win against her wittiness. So this wasn’t really a rare occurrence where she said an argument so wrong yet so right.

“But a zoo is intended for exactly that purpose. Rather than you playing with those sheltered animals but not adopting one of them in the end,” Namjoon explained.

“Oh, shush. Stop being a party-” Y/n’s eyes suddenly caught a puppy running towards her. “Oh my God, come here, baby!” she yelled as she scooped the puppy up in her arms.

For a few minutes, it was just Y/n cooing at the puppy and he was just eyeing her in amusement. He knew that she would go mushy and all excited around animals, so he couldn’t really blame her for seemingly forgetting about him. Plus, he didn’t want to miss out on seeing Y/n using baby voices to talk to the animals.

His amusement was interrupted when Y/n abruptly shoved the puppy towards him.

“Wha-? I don’t-”

“Just take it. We’re here for you, not me.”

Namjoon sighed in defeat as he accepted the puppy into his arms. Its tail wagging so fast, going for miles per second, to the point he could feel its body shaking from the impact. Its big eyes looking up at Namjoon in… adoration? Maybe going to the shelter might be one of his favorite activities from now on.

They only went home after an entire day spent at the shelter. Namjoon was tired, he almost couldn’t keep his eyes open, but Y/n was probably more tired than him cause she kept running around to chase every puppy and kitten she saw.

He tried to stop her, knowing she would get tired, but she said, “Each one of them deserve love, okay,” before running around yet again.

Now as they sat in the bus on their way home, he saw out of the corner of his eyes Y/n’s head bobbing down every once in a while, following the motion of the bus. He snorted while he tried to hold his laugh. What he had thought would happen, really happened.

Feeling bad because he knew that would feel uncomfortable, he lightly directed Y/n’s head to rest on his shoulder. Instinctively, Y/n snuggled further into his shoulder to make herself more comfortable and when she was finally satisfied, she sighed.

This awfully looked like he was going to have a guest tonight.

The third day was on a Monday. He knew he was weird, Y/n had told him repeatedly, but he really liked Mondays. For him, it was finally the day in which he could do something about his problems at work that he just left off on Friday.

“I swear, you’re literally the personification of weird,” Y/n had commented one day.

To be honest, he didn’t really care if he was really what she had said. Can’t someone like something without being judged?

Right after they both woke up and had breakfast, Y/n went back to her apartment to get ready for the day.

Before leaving, she instructed him to find light clothes as they were going to spend time outdoors for the day. Exactly like what she said, he chose to wear an old t-shirt he had owned since he was in college and khaki shorts he found at the pit of his wardrobe.

“I hope they have mint choco flavor!” Y/n jumped up and down in excitement as they got closer to the ice cream parlor.

“Ew, why do you even like to eat cold toothpaste?” Namjoon asked rhetorically.

Y/n gasped. “What is this mint choco slander? You, mister, have never tasted life until you eat mint choco ice cream.”

“No, thanks. I bet I’d taste death eating those.”

Flabbergasted, Y/n stopped in her tracks and glared at him. “You-”

He quickly cut her off, “Let’s not continue the argument before there’s a bloodbath.”

Y/n chuckled proudly. “Because you know it’d be your blood that’ll be spilled.”

“Um, no,” he interjected. “I think you mistake your blood with mine.”

“Really? You wanna fight?” Y/n took a fighting stance in front of him in which Namjoon just grabbed her elbow and pulled her to walk again.

"Stop that! The kids will think you're one of them," he mumbled.

They were at a busy park surrounding a lake. Kids were running all around the place. Some parents tried to chase them but some went as far as scolding them. A small portion of parents even just let their kids disappear into the crowd of people. He doubted those parents even care about their kids.

He never knew such a place like this existed. During the three days he spent on this journey, he had learned and knew more things than all of his life experiences combined. Maybe he’d have to thank Y/n after they reached the end of this journey.

“I start to think this journey is just your excuse to have a holiday.”

“No way. This is totally 100% for you. Speaking of that, do you already have an idea who your soulmate might be?”

Namjoon shook his head as he opened the door to the ice parlor and gestured to her to enter first. “Just get your damn ice cream.”

There was a long line of people waiting to order, but soon enough, it was their turn.

Even before the cashier could greet them, Y/n already blurted out a question. “Do you have mint choco flavour?”

“We’re unfortunately ran out of it. Maybe you want to try mocha instead?”

Y/n pouted in disappointment as she was trying to find the next best flavor in the menu.

Though mint choco ice cream was his mortal enemy, he couldn’t help but to feel a pang of sadness upon seeing his best friend’s reaction. There was nothing worse than having your first choice unavailable.

“You know what? I changed my mind, bubblegum is now my favorite,” Y/n commented as they walked out of the parlor. A cup of bubblegum flavored ice cream in Y/n’s hand and the vanilla one in Namjoon’s. “Goodbye, mint choco.”

“See? You’re finally agreeing with me.”

“Yeah, but for different reasons. I still think it tastes good, but bubblegum is better. It’s a good thing they ran out of mint choco.”

“Your taste in ice cream is weird.”

“Why would they make these flavors then if not for me to enjoy?” she argued as she put more ice cream into her mouth. She closed her eyes and hummed in content. “I haven’t had ice cream in weeks. I miss how cold it feels.”

“I think you’re exaggerating.” There was no way, in his opinion, not even in alternate universes where she could stand not eating ice cream for weeks. She had a sweet tooth and couldn’t stand not eating ice cream in weeks, at least that was what he knew since the start of their friendship.

“Nope. These past few weeks, my boss has been giving me double the amount of work. I have to work overtime and by the time I’m off work, all ice cream places have closed. So I’m gonna savour all of this as much as I can. God knows when I can get ice cream again.”

Shortly after she said that, a kid, approximately around 9 years old, bumped into Namjoon and accidentally made him drop his ice cream. The kid, unaware of what just happened, just mindlessly bowing and saying sorry before running again to chase his friends.

“Oh no!” Y/n squatted down near the sorry sight of his ice cream.

Before he even registered what was happening, she handed him her ice cream. “Hold it for me.”

Instinctively, he held her ice cream. “Y/n, there’s no need for that. We can find the cleaning service and ask them to clean it.”

He didn’t know whether she was purposely ignoring him or she was so focused to the point she didn’t hear him. All he knew was the fact that she kept on cleaning up as best as she could. And that there was nothing he could do to stop her.

A few minutes later, Y/n jumped up from her squatting position. “All done!” She tossed the now dirty tissue in a trash can nearby.

She thanked Namjoon and took her ice cream back from him. But instead of eating it herself, she scooped some with the spoon and directed it in front of his face.

He must have looked bewildered because Y/n smiled and spoke, “We must share since you lost yours.”

He could swear when she said that, he felt warmth all around his body, originating from his chest. She just said she missed ice cream, yet when he lost his, she didn’t hesitate to share it.

“No, but thanks.”

Y/n frowned and softly touched the tip of the spoon to his lips. Reluctantly, he let her spoon-feed him.

“You said you want to savour it?” he asked after he swallowed.

Her answer, however, was something he never expected coming out from her mouth.

“What’s sweeter than eating ice cream is sharing it with your best friend.”

He swore he almost broke into tears at her words.

He knew how much she loved sweet foods. She even frequently ran to him crying when her brother ate all of her chocolate when they were kids. She broke many friendships because they didn’t want to accept her overpriced candies as presents. Heck, even a moment ago they were arguing about ice cream flavors!

This was a new side of Y/n that he just saw. A side she never showed him before, her best friend slash her only friend. He felt like he was learning more about Y/n than he was about his future soulmate.

So that was how their third day ended. Namjoon and her sitting on a bench facing the lake as they take turns to take a bite of her ice cream.

On Tuesday, the fourth day, Y/n had the genius idea of going on a road trip. It was a huge problem, because one: he couldn’t drive, and two: he wasn’t about to let Y/n drive for hours on end.

“This doesn’t sound like a very good idea,” Namjoon said for the millionth time that morning as Y/n stuffed their luggages into the tiny trunk in her tiny car. “Plus, I don’t think your car can withstand long hours on the road.”

"Shush." She forcefully closed the trunk. "You can't drive, therefore you don't deserve to have an opinion."

The car in question was a 2010 car that originally was owned by Y/n’s dad and given to her when she got a driver’s license. Please note that Y/n had told him long ago that she actually didn’t drive that much and probably wouldn’t need a car since she enjoyed taking the bus to work. Nevertheless, she refused to sell the car when she was in need of money after moving out of her parents’ house. She had said, and Namjoon still remembered it clearly, that, “I want to keep this bad boy until he’s an antique, then I want to sell him to the highest bidder, so I can be rich."

‘Okay’, Namjon had thought, ‘but antique cars are usually just sitting in the garage, not being overworked like Y/n’s.’ However, he never said anything, so Y/n automatically had thought she won again against him.

Minutes later, they were already on the road, going nowhere in particular. Namjoon was still steadfast in his stance. This wasn’t going to end well.

But what if he could persuade her to turn the car around by another means? He wasn't going to pass up this opportunity, so he tried again.

"Won't you be tired? Sleepy?" asked him.

"I'm not weak, Namjoon. Contrary to what you see me as, I'm as strong as you are, if not stronger."

"I lift three times a week." His words sounded more like a question.

"I walk up the stairs to the fifth floor multiple times a day."

Okay, this wasn't where the conversation was supposed to flow, but he wasn't going to back down.

"It's not my fault your apartment is crappy," he clapped back. “They can’t even fix their damn lift.”

"They will get it fixed soon, don't worry."

"That's what they said months ago!"

"Then what do you want me to do?" she challenged him.

"Find a new apartment!"

"They're all expensive. Plus, I’ve lived there since college, I’m kinda attached to it."

"You're a hopeless cause," he mumbled quietly, she probably didn't hear him.

After a few seconds of silence, Namjoon tried again, this time using another different approach.

"What if something terrible happens?"

"No, it won't. Relax. Chill. You're worrying too much. Why don't you just take a nap?"

"You're too chill, Y/n. We go out to nowhere without booking-"

"It's okay, really."

“How?” he asked, exasperated of how calm she was when they were about to go somewhere empty handed and with no planning whatsoever.

“How? Umm, I was on a road trip once.”

He wasn’t convinced. “When? You never tell me anything about it.”

“I don’t need to tell you everything I do! It was when I was 12. My dad and uncle took me along with them to go around the country.”

“12 years old, Y/n! You were 12. Now you’re in your 20s.” Namjoon wasn’t amused at all at this point. “Turn the car around now!”

“What? No!” Y/n exclaimed. “This is an important part of the journey. Being at a place you’re familiar with won’t help you dig deeper into yourself. You’d just be too preoccupied with your problems.” Then Y/n finished her speech off with a quiet mumble, “You’ll never find anything new by being in your comfort zone.”

Namjoon hated once again at how right her words were. He really wanted to argue with her, but she was right. Being on his couch all day, doing the same things everyday, wouldn’t change anything in his life.

He took a deep breath to calm himself down. “Fine, okay, you win. Happy?”

Out of the corner of his eyes, Y/n grinned. “Very.”

That night they arrived at a small motel that probably only had like 10 rooms at most. It had a homey feeling, but the stench coming from the lobby, though. It was unbearable for him.

As they dragged their suitcases while they were trying to find their room amidst the numberless doors, Namjoon asked Y/n, “Why are we in this crappy motel again?”

To answer that, Y/n shrugged. “Don’t know. I just saw the signs and went straight in.”

“Didn’t you smell something at the receptionist?”

They finally arrived in front of their room. They didn’t actually know it was their room, but based on the instructions that the creepy receptionist just gave them, there was a high chance this was it.

Y/n answered as she opened the door. “Yeah. The receptionist actually whispered to me that they just finished eradicating rats. He said there was an infestation in the lobby.”

He couldn’t help but to grimace while following her into the room. She had been told about all of that and she still decided to rent a room. He would never understand her way of thinking even after years of friendship.

As if she could read his mind, she spoke, “Don’t worry. All the rats were successfully killed and all of them were in the lobby. We’re safe.”

“How do you know?”

“I asked him. I’m not stupid, Joon.”

He raised his hands in surrender. “Geez, chill. I just asked you a question.”

And that was how their fourth day concluded.

For the first time since the start of the journey, Namjoon finally initiated an activity on the fifth day.

He managed to browse on his phone for things they could do, eat breakfast with whatever food they had, and even pack lunch for the both of them before Y/n even woke up.

When she woke up, he hesitantly asked her to go hiking. Throughout the journey this far, he only followed wherever she wanted to go, so he didn’t really expect the reaction that he got from her after proposing his idea.

She widened her eyes as she digested his words and her breakfast. “Hiking? Where?”

“Behind this motel, there’s a small hill. What do you think?”

Y/n nodded a little too enthusiastically. “Let’s go. Spending a day with nature doesn’t hurt.”

Oh, how wrong she was.

The idea was for them to hike together, maybe even side by side, as they enjoyed the view. But instead, Namjoon left her a solid 50 meters.

Perhaps it was because he was taller, therefore he had longer legs and strides, or because he was excited, so he walked faster, or even both. No one really knew for sure, not even him.

“Joon!” she called once again in the span of less than 5 minutes. “Don’t walk too fast!”

Namjoon sighed as he stopped in his tracks, waiting for her to catch up with him. She was lucky she was his only best friend or he would’ve strangled her by now because of her naggings.

Quite a surprise to himself, when she finally caught up with him, he squatted down and ordered her to ride on his back. He wasn’t sure what had possessed him, but he just went with it. Maybe his unconscious thought that she would quit complaining if she was on his back. There was only one way to find out.

“Why? I can walk on my own.” She wiped the sweat on her forehead with a tissue.

He scoffed. “You look like you’re about to pass out any second. Just shut up and let me carry you.”

He didn’t know what he had expected from giving someone a piggyback ride and that someone to be Y/n, but he was sure a strangling grip around his neck wasn’t part of the deal.

“Can you-” Gasp. “-not strangle me?”

Y/n immediately let go of him. The warmth of her embrace suddenly disappeared. “Oops. Sorry.”

Once they arrived at the top, Y/n jumped off his back. “Woah, this is so cool.” She pointed at the motel that now looked small. “That’s our motel!” she exclaimed.

They found a large flat rock that they both could sit on and ate lunch together.

As she munched on her food, she asked, “Have you figured out who your soulmate is?”

“Not yet. I start to think this doesn’t work.”

“Good things take time, my dude.”

Oh, how he really wished it was true.

“Hey,” Y/n’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “Do you know that I always wanted to tick off ‘hiking’ from my wishlist?”

“The wishlist you had since you’re 10?”

She nodded. “After more than a decade, I finally finished everything on my wishlist.” She suddenly broke into a fit of giggles. “I’m gonna make a new one once we’re home.”

“What’s going to be in it?” he asked curiously.

Y/n took a moment to think before answering, “Maybe… to find my soulmate.” It came out more like a question rather than an answer.

She abruptly chuckled. “Wouldn’t it be crazy if in the end we figure out our soulmates in this journey?”

A lightning fast thought struck him but disappeared just as fast as it came. Throughout the rest of the day, he was trying to recall that thought to no avail.

The next day, on Thursday, they were going home. They couldn’t handle another hour, no scratch that, they couldn’t even handle another minute at the motel. Opposite to what Y/n had initially thought, the stench of rat carcass reached far beyond the lobby to their room.

A series of “see I told you so”s later, Namjoon finally broke her.

“Yes, Namjoon. Thanks for telling me that. I know you’re right and I’m wrong. Now please put on a song, I want to sing.”

Another thing Y/n was bad at, according to him, was singing. He knew she liked to sing, she’d told him about it, but he never understood how she managed to be so confident yet so bad at it. If he were told to rank between her ability to sing and choose a good motel, he’d probably have put singing as the first place based on how bad she was at it. Call him a bad friend, but he was just being honest.

However, he still played a song just to satisfy her. An easy song that no one can screw up, but he knew she would still screw up anyways. After all, enduring her cracked singing voice was the least he could do after being driven from and to a crappy motel.

And then she sang. And sang. And sang. One song turned to three turned to five then ten and fifteen. Before she went for the sixteenth song, Namjoon stopped her.

“Aren’t you thirsty from singing?” Nice catch! The question was just an attempt to make her stop a while so he could regain his hearing.

“Don’t even have to ask.”

As she gulped down water from her flask, Namjoon eyed her warily. He prayed, and he was an atheist, that she would forget about singing.

He didn’t know which God had answered his prayers, but when Y/n put down her flask, she already babbled about something else other than singing. Looked like the world, and God, were on his side today.

She was talking about the random bird that was flying straight to her car, almost hitting the car. Also about a dog that stuck out its head from the car beside them. And about how expensive the motel was for being smelly and dirty.

Lastly, “Do you think I cut out to be a singer?”

Yeah, maybe he was pushing his luck.

Day seven fell on a Friday. They spent the day walking hand in hand leisurely on the beach. Beside him, Y/n was talking about what color she should dye her hair next.

“I think I should go with green. What do you think?” Y/n nudged his side with her elbow and wiggled her eyebrows.

“Your boss won't let you dye your hair crazy colors,” he said. “Please don’t do anything that can get you fired.”

Y/n pouted at his answer. But soon her frown vanished as her eyes fell upon a bikini in a display of a store.

Namjoon exhaled. He knew exactly what was going to happen.

True enough, Y/n pulled on his hand that was still clasped in hers towards the store and only stopped after they were in front of the display.

“What a cute bikini!” she cooed before running inside the store, leaving a bewildered Namjoon outside.

Right when he entered the store, he heard a squeal that could only belong to one person.

He turned to the source of the sound and saw Y/n laughing with a store clerk. A male and handsome store clerk.

He wasn't the type of person who gets jealous easily or possessive, but he never saw Y/n with a man other than himself. So he couldn't really help it when he felt jealousy seeped through his gritted teeth. But he soon had forgotten about it when Y/n looked up at him and grinned.

Y/n approached him while holding a bikini set.

“This is their latest design. I’m gonna try it. Wait for me!” Then she disappeared to the fitting room before he could remind her that she didn’t wear bikinis.

Throughout the time he had known her, not even once she ever said anything about bikinis, let alone wearing one and he had known her since they were in diapers. What made her suddenly want to have a bikini?

Minutes later, after a series of clanking noises and a few curses, Y/n came out of the fitting room and he couldn’t believe what he saw. Surely the fitting room was a magic box or something, because there was no way his childhood best friend, his innocent Y/n, came out looking like a model out of a magazine. Well, maybe more like a model before they got heavily photoshopped since he still could see some tiny spots, cellulite, and scars on her skin. And maybe a plus size model because her hips would be considered wide compared to those models. But he didn’t mind them, they made her look more… natural, more human.

While he was busy admiring her, a cough suddenly woke him from his daze. He turned to see the store clerk from earlier, now standing beside him.

“You look very beautiful,” he commented, not minding the killing glare coming from Namjoon.

Y/n, without heeding the store clerk’s compliment, asked, “Joon, do you think this is okay?”

Namjoon was tempted to say, “Just okay? You look like a greek goddess who just blessed me with her presence.” But he was too paralyzed to say anything.

“I think you look great,” the store clerk spoke up again. For a split second right after he said that, he looked at Y/n’s thighs before looking at her eyes again.

It happened so fast, Namjoon thought he was just imagining it. But when Y/n’s facial expression turned sour and she quickly went back to the fitting room, he was wondering whether she saw that too.

His suspicion was confirmed right after they left the store.

“I can’t believe it!” she said while stomping beside him. “He looked at my thighs, Joon! Did you see it, too?”

He just hummed.

Y/n huffed. “I’m going to file a complaint to their manager.”

“You won’t do that,” he replied knowingly.

“I’m gonna make it viral, then. Let the whole world see how horrible he is.”

Namjoon really wanted to laugh at how ridiculous that sounded. “How? You don’t have footage of him doing it.”

“Damn, you’re right,” she mumbled. “Maybe I’m just not meant to have a bikini.”

A lot of thoughts ran through his mind. He wanted to let her know how pretty she looked in that bikini. How captivating the curves in her body were. But in the end, he only suppressed all of that. In his justification, he wanted a more appropriate timing. He didn’t want to say all that to her when she was mad or she’d think he said that to make her feel better. He wanted not just to comfort her, but to actually make her realize how beautiful she was.

On Saturday, his second favorite day after Monday, Y/n arrived a bit later at his apartment compared the days before. But when she saw him ready for the day, she said, “I’m giving you a chance to wake up late, but whatever.”

As per usual, Y/n didn’t tell him where they were going, and he was surprised when they arrived in front of a large building with a sign that read “library”.

Looking at Namjoon’s puzzled face, Y/n probably could read what was in his mind. “You still have no idea who your soulmate is, right? I just think that maybe it’s because we’ve focused so much on doing physical activities instead of, like, feeding the mind.”

“Huh?”

“Maybe we can do a little bit of reading. Because, you know, reading is like eating but for the mind. Or whatever that quote is supposed to go,” she elaborated.

“I read in my free time.”

“Have you read anything during this entire journey?” she raised an eyebrow.

He rolled his eyes. “That’s because of your brilliant idea of having a journey. Had you let me sit down on my couch, I would’ve read the entire biography of the founding fathers by now.”

“Gosh, you’re so boring. No wonder you haven’t found your soulmate. And for the record, you learned a lot of things from this journey. Things that might help you find your soulmate. You know what, let’s just go.” With that, Y/n pulled on his hand and stepped into the library.

Namjoon was in the middle of reading a philosophy book when Y/n suddenly spoke to him.

“I can’t focus, Joon,” she whined. “I have too many things on my mind.”

Those words were the most terrifying words he had ever heard, especially if they came out of Y/n’s mouth. Every time he heard those words, he felt like he wasn’t being attentive enough towards his friends to the point he didn’t know that something was disturbing their peace. And that feeling was heightened when Y/n was the one in trouble. He knew her for the longest time, shouldn’t he be more caring towards her?

He breath hitched, anticipating what Y/n had to say. “Why?”

She took a deep inhale before exhaling slowly. “I know this stupid because it hasn’t ended yet, but I already miss this journey.”

Obviously he didn’t want to admit it in front of her, she would get a crazy idea otherwise, but he, too, could feel a pang in his chest that felt awfully familiar. It was the same feeling he got when he moved out of his parents’ house and when he was reminiscing the time he spent with his late dog. Also when he graduated from high school and had to leave his high school friends to pursue higher education. He wasn’t a stranger to this feeling. In fact, he knew it too well.

Y/n was right, though. It was indeed stupid to feel this way because they still had one more day together.

So he responded with, “We’re still in this journey. And even after this journey ends, we can still go on adventures together,” as a weak attempt to console her and also himself.

“It’s not the adventures that I miss. It’s the time we spend together. We’ve never spent this much time together.”

Of course he knew that. He knew he was going to miss the time they spent together, but his own pride made him unable to act vulnerable in front of her. Especially in the time when she needed him the most.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, each deep within their own thoughts. That was when a crazy idea suddenly came to him. He usually wasn’t the one coming with crazy ideas, it was kinda Y/n’s thing and she probably would have copyrighted it if it was possible. But he wasn’t just going to be quiet at a time in crises like this.

“We can arrange some small one-day adventures every month. How does that sound?”

Y/n smiled although it didn’t reach her eyes. “Sounds great. Just promise me you won’t rain check on me.”

It worked! He successfully made her smile again. As he cheered inside his mind, he assured her, “I won’t. I’ll write it on my calendar.”

Namjoon dreaded the last day of The Journey to Find Namjoon’s Soulmate more than when he was called for a job interview by a big company. He even had clammy hands and was sweating bullets. His hand trembled as he waited for Y/n to announce what they were going to do on this last day.

“Holiday has to be concluded with a lazy day. So I call for breakfast in bed,” Y/n explained as she once again wrecked his kitchen.

“I’m not in my bed, though.”

“Your bed is not locked for the rest of the day once you’re out of it,” Y/n said in a matter-of-factly.

“But please don’t ruin my kitchen.”

Y/n briefly stopped cooking as she looked around the kitchen. Then she shrugged. “Well, it’s too late. You should’ve said that earlier.”

He originally had thought that Y/n would make food for him, give it to him, clean the kitchen, then left. But he was surprised when Y/n came back to his bedroom while holding a plate of her own after delivering his.

“Move,” she commanded before shimmying beside him on the bed. She grabbed the remote on the nightstand and turned on the TV.

“Now, we relax. Because we’ll be stressed out of our minds tomorrow.” She leaned back and started eating her bacon.

So that was pretty much how their ninth day went. But that wasn’t all.

Long after they had finished their food, they still watched the TV. Messy kitchen and other duties were long forgotten.

As time passed by, Namjoon found himself cuddling Y/n while she rested her head on his buff chest. And not long after, they both fell asleep in that position with the TV still playing in the background.

But all of that couldn’t last long as tomorrow they had to go to work. So after waking up from their nap, they cleaned the kitchen and Y/n went home before it got too dark.

Instantly after Y/n closed the door behind her, Namjoon felt empty. It wasn’t just his apartment that felt empty, but also his mind and soul. He was already used to her constant nagging, her constant company, and her voice. He wanted to run to her and tell her to extend their journey, but obviously, that was impossible. They had responsibilities, especially since they just neglected them for a week.

On Monday, the day that used to be his favorite but now he loathed it, he came home to a voice message from the person he’d been waiting for.

“Hey. Sorry I didn’t talk to you yesterday whether you’ve found your soulmate or not. I was anxious about work so I forgot. Umm… As soon as you receive this message, please call or text me, okay? I wanna hear what you thought.”

He couldn’t help but also notice something in her voice. Fatigue? Or was it sadness? He swore he could hear it and wasn’t just imagining it.

Wanting to check up on her, he automatically called her. First ring. Second ring. Third ring. He waited and waited, but it only went to her voicemail.

Not giving up so early to talk to his best friend, he rang her again. And waited. And waited. And kept waiting. But just like the first time, she didn’t pick up her phone.

In the end, he settled with sending her a text.

He didn’t know why he was suddenly nervous as he typed the message.

It said, “I still don’t have an idea who that might be. Maybe the journey didn’t work. But, hey, are you sad? Or maybe sick?”

He only got the reply the next day at lunch. He kinda hoped to read long messages about how he shouldn’t be so pessimistic and that he surely would find his soulmate, just like how Y/n usually talked. But instead, she just replied with, “What a bummer.”

He only sighed in disappointment.

The next few days were grim and hard for him. His boss gave him so much work despite having to catch up on his other work. Every time he rode the bus from and to work, he remembered Y/n’s slouched position beside him as they came home from the animal shelter. He could almost feel her head on his shoulder again.

Every time he played a song, he got reminded of the time when he had to endure Y/n’s off-key singing. A memory played in his mind every time he passed an ice cream parlor. Heck, he even missed the feeling of anticipation that he felt every time he woke up in the morning.

What was worst of all though was the fact that they didn’t talk at all after her last text. Not even the occasional text messages or sending each other memes just like what they used to do before the journey started.

He knew it was because they both had a lot of catch up to do after neglecting work for a week, but he really wished that they could spare a bit of time to talk together.

Oh, how silly he was when he dismissed her for missing their time together back at the library. What made him feel even more silly was him being a coward and not admitting back then that he was, too, going to miss spending time together.

One particular night, he had trouble sleeping worse than any other night he had been missing Y/n. He kept turning around, hoping to find a comfortable position to fall asleep in, but to no avail. In the end, he gave up and settled to reminiscing their time together.

As he delved into his memories, every single activity they did, every word she said, and every place they went to, his half-awake mind came upon a realization.

He missed her enthusiasm that could lift his bad mood instantly. He missed her pushiness that made him do things he didn’t want to do, only to show him that she knew what he would like. He also missed her short legs and her whines when he walked too fast. He missed her love for animals, her love for mint choco ice cream, her laugh, smile, kindness, and voice.

He missed her beauty, her body, and her sense of style. He even missed her unruly hair. He missed receiving her love and attention. He missed loving her and having her in his arms. He missed loving her. She was the soulmate he had been looking for. She was his soulmate. His. Soulmate.

At the crack of dawn, a few hours after Namjoon could finally fall asleep, he woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep. He had an important thing to tell Y/n. And he had to do it now before she went to work and he lost another chance to meet her.

He checked the clock, it read 5 a.m. He quickly got up from his bed, took a shower, and grabbed a protein bar before leaving.

In the bus on his way to her apartment, he kept tapping his foot impatiently as he chewed on his protein bar. At times like this, he really wished he could drive. But for now he had to settle with the bus.

He jumped out of the bus as soon as it stopped at the bus stop closest to her apartment.

He checked the time again, 5:43 a.m. He still had a few minutes before she woke up.

He arrived in front of her apartment after five minutes of walking. He knocked on the door rapidly to the point he was sure he accidentally woke up the neighbors. However, it was the last thing on his mind.

A minute later, a sleepy Y/n with a bed head opened the door.

“Namjoon, wha-”

He instantly pushed her in and closed the door behind them both.

“Hear me out,” he demanded.

Y/n nodded while yawning.

“Let me help you cross out one activity from your wishlist.”

“Why are we talking about that at this time?”

“Because it’s important."

“I don’t see it."

He started to lose his patience. “It is! There’s one activity that’s really important right? Like, more important than the others.”

She furrowed her eyebrows. “Which one? I haven’t written a lot in the list, actually.”

“What are they?"

“To eat a banana-”

For a second, Namjoon was speechless. “What? Banana? Why?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I just miss eating bananas.”

“Okay… What’s next?”

She took a moment to think, then answered, “Ah! I want to buy a new phone. Haven’t changed mine in years.”

He sighed. “Next?”

“Be a babysitter for a day.”

That wasn’t an answer he was looking for. “It’s a job for teenagers.”

“That’s why I only want to do it for a day.”

“Then?”

“Learn skateboarding. A skatepark just opened around here.”

“Anything else?”

She pouted. “You don’t want to help me cross any of those?”

“Not that. But, you said a few days ago on our journey that there was something you wanted to put on your wishlist.”

She tilted her head in confusion. “Really? I don’t remember. What was it?”

He really wanted to strangle someone at this point. Why was she so dense? “You really don’t remember?”

“I don’t think I do. Sorry. What was it, though?”

“You wanted to find your soulmate.”

It took her a second to digest his words, but when she finally did, her eyes widened. “Oh, right. Does that mean you want to help me find my soulmate? Go on another journey? You know, you don’t have to use that as an excuse to-”

“Shut up, Y/n. Stop talking so much.”

Y/n frowned. “Sorry.”

He huffed. “I never knew doing this was going to be this hard.” He looked deep into her eyes. “I don’t want to go on another journey to find anyone’s soulmate. And especially not after I realized last night that we have found our soulmates.”

Before he could say anything else, she cut him off. “Really? Who is yours? What about mine? Do I know-”

“Yes! We know them.” He finally decided to just cut the chase and came out clean. “You’re my soulmate, Y/n. And I’m yours. I was so busy chasing love during our journey to the point I never thought about the possibility of you being my soulmate.” With a softer tone, he concluded, “The fortune teller was right. I knew who my soulmate is and where to find them, but I was too stupid to realize that.”

Y/n was stunned for a while before slowly blinking. Once. Twice. “Wow. That’s crazy.” Then she grinned. “You finally admit that you’re stupid!”

“Y/n, that’s not the point!” he groaned.

“Yes, yes, I know.” She laughed. It sounded like bells in his ears. “I’m just messing with you. So, what should we do now?”

“Y/n.” He turned serious if he wasn’t being serious before. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

For a few seconds, Y/n stared at his eyes expectantly, as if she was waiting for something.

“Y/n?”

“What?”

“What do you say?”

“Of course yes, you dummy. I thought it was obvious.”

“Seriously now?” He rolled his eyes.

“Wait. Is this the part where we should kiss?” she asked in wonder.

He was really holding himself hard not to roll his eyes yet again. “Duh, Y/n.”

“But I haven’t brushed my teeth!” Then she disappeared into her bathroom, leaving a bewildered Namjoon in the living room.

As he stared at her bathroom door, he whispered to himself, “What did I just sign up for?”

Masterlist | Join/Leave Taglist

#bts x reader #namjoon x reader #namjoon fanfic #namjoon scenarios #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts fluff #namjoon fluff #namjoon #namjoon bts #rm #rm bts #kim namjoon #kim namjoon bts #angelikook fics

[comicreliefmorlock]

#WomenInHorror - Relic - Oh, the Thoughts

I bet you thought @tlbodine would get to this first, huh? HAH!

So as part of our ongoing quest to inflict doctorate-level studies of horror film on ourselves for... the sake of doing it, Wuffie and I have been watching a lot of horror movies. Having finished our #HorrorThruTheDecades quest, we moved on to #WomenInHorror, focusing on horror films directed by women.

She's written quite a bit about the movies we've been watching. However, this last week, we watched a film that inspired me into a long-winded post-mortem after we finished it.

Relic is a 2020 Australian horror film directed by Natalie Erika James, focusing on a three-generation family struggle between a grandmother, a mother and a daughter.

Edna, the grandmother, has been missing for several days when her daughter Kay and granddaughter Sam arrive to check on her. We get a little from Kay hinting that her relationship with her mother has been strained, and alternatively, defense of Edna by her granddaughter Sam who has a completely different relationship with her. (As tends to happen with grandparents and grandchildren.) Clues are laid out to hint that Edna may be succumbing to Alzheimer's and quite honestly, the movie does a very good job in showing how absolutely difficult it is to deal with that. Especially in the family situation involving the shift in power dynamic that happens when a parental figure suddenly needs a lot of careful, supportive care.

And Robyn Nevin as Edna? Fantastic. Sympathetic and terrifying all at once.

I won't spoil the film's ending here--you've got to go below the cut for that--but it's at once poignant and plays fair emotionally with the film's overall tone.

Now, for what I went off at great length at Wuffie about... [#triggerwarning for child abuse discussion]

Relic is pretty clearly intended to be a film about grief, aging, the inevitability of death and how part of dealing with health issues in older generations involves facing that you yourself one day may be in that exact situation.

What it also does really, really well--albeit unintentionally but strongly enough that it hit me across the face with a shoe--is create a solid metaphor for intergenerational child abuse.

Fairly early on in the film, the granddaughter Sam discovers a black mold staining a wall inside of a cluttered closet. This black mold becomes a consistent visual element that shows in nightmares, in the house and on Edna herself, staining her skin like a bruise. This mold, through the nightmares, is visually tied to a now-demolished smaller house that'd once stood on the family grounds and was the home of a "great-grandfather" mentioned once directly and alluded to in several nightmare sequences.

This mold grows on stained glass windows that were transplanted from the former house, spreads across the interior of the house itself and spreads across Edna's skin.

Several visual cues tie the black mold to the "great-grandfather" who, in one nightmare sequence, is shown sitting on the edge of a narrow bed before collapsing forward, out of sight. When the camera pans over, a human figure is etched in black mold on the floor.

At the end of the film, after Edna's transformation--you really ought to watch the movie to know what I mean--and the joining of three generations of women in silence together, Sam spies a black spot on her mother Kay's back, hinting at that same mold that destroyed Edna.

Incestuous child abuse is insidious and yet, from the memoirs I've read, always seems to be something the family "knows about" and simply doesn't discuss. A grandparent, a cousin, an aunt or uncle is abusing the family children--sometimes singling out one child, sometimes abusing every child--and the family is aware of this, but no actual steps are taken to bring the abuser to justice.

The cycle of abuse is fairly commonly known, but the long-term effects of child sexual abuse aren't always as easily identified by the public. Alcohol and drug abuse are extremely common amongst child sexual abuse survivors, as well as an inability to develop healthy, trusting relationships with other adults. Difficulties in parenting can also arise as the person who suffered abuse may fear the same thing happening to their child or be struggling emotionally and not able to show their child the affection they need.

Much like the insidious spread of black mold in out-of-sight places, causing illnesses that can't be immediately identified and threatening the structural integrity of a house, incestuous child abuse absolutely threatens and even destroys lives. It's hard to spot at a glance, hides in plain sight--in closets, cupboards, under stairs, behind furniture--and causes illnesses that can be attributed to more "acceptable" causes.

With the clear visual tie to the once-mentioned "great-grandfather" that isn't mentioned between the family members again, it's not hard to go a bit further and consider him the unmentioned, unnamed family abuser. His actions tainted the house he lived in, the remnants brought from it--Edna says later in the film how much she hates the stained glass windows, how cold and scared she feels when she passes them--and spread not only through the house but through the family itself.

And this mold--and the effects of intergenerational incestuous abuse--hits all three women in this family differently.

Edna, theoretically the member of the family who suffered direct abuse, is physically tainted by the black mold to the point it literally degenerates her body. Aspects of her behavior--disliking having "help" or needing to ask for it, offering a token to her granddaughter one day, demanding it back the next, trying to save photo albums from 'the house' by burying them--seemed strikingly like a woman whose coping mechanisms are now failing her.

She mentions believing someone is breaking into her house, stating it only began after the death of her husband. Alone in a massive house with visual, physical ties to the location of her abuse, feeling vulnerable and struggling to push away memories, Edna's actions feel like a cry for help that she can't verbalize because to do so would be to admit not only the vulnerability she feels now, but the fact that it's equivalent to how vulnerable she was as a child, being abused.

Fairly early on in Relic, Kay makes it clear that she and her mother are not particularly close. She makes attempts to stay in contact, but isn't invested in her mother's day to day life and has actually distanced herself to a degree. Her daughter Sam has a closer and more openly affectionate relationship with Edna. Kay mentions her mother threatening to lock her in the old house "when she was a brat" and seems to want a comfortable distance between herself and her mother.

A parent who has endured abuse as a child can have profound difficulty in bonding with their own children. Healthy sexual intercourse and adult relationships are tainted by child abuse experiences, and some memoires have mentioned being pregnant making them feel "dirty" as if they'd committed some great sin. Bonding with an infant while struggling with those emotions can lead to distant parenting and leave a child with an insecure emotional attachment.

Sam, the granddaughter, is the least damaged by the intergenerational abuse at the beginning of the film. She has an affectionate relationship with her grandmother, seems actively interested in doing what she can to help Edna and scolds her mother for not taking a more prominent role. When Sam finds a sketchbook with a sketch of the 'great-grandfather's' house, she doesn't know what it is or to whom it belonged. The cycle of abuse has been broken; Sam isn't even aware that abuse happened.

What she does is learn of it through a visual metaphor for unearthing family history. Discovering the black mold in the closet and pursuing a ghostly figure into what becomes a nightmarish labyrinth that has echoes of the home she'd always felt safe in plays very well as the realization for an unabused member of a family learning about the abuse that happened. What was loving and familiar is suddenly alien and terrifying, threatening and tainted.

By the end of the film--rather an emotionally poignant moment--all three women have been hurt by this black mold (i.e. incestuous abuse) and have come together in a moment of quiet rest. Edna, completely altered into a shell of who she once was, with Kay, accepting that what happened is fact and had effects on her as well, and Sam, who now understands a great deal about her mother and grandmother.

Every generation in the family has been affected to some degree, even if the cycle of abuse was fortunately broken. The black mold not only completely transformed Edna internally, expressed in a striking visual moment, but also tainted her daughter. Even the granddaughter, although physically unharmed by the mold, has been permanently changed by learning about what happened in her family and feeling her perceptions twist (frighteningly so) from what she once held to what she now knows.

While I don't think the film intended to be such a great visual metaphor for the horrific effects of incestuous family abuse and the intergenerational damage it causes, it did an incredibly good job of being one.

#Relic #WomenInHorror #Film Theory #I guess? #Trigger Warnings Under the Cut

[the-firebird69]

The Island of Dr. Moreau | Dr moreaus death scene

He's pretty much mutated and very stoned very high and doesn't remember AI remember said he's being abused so he tries to get him to remember it's the Ai and he has a lot of it. He says we got past it so they got past it because they have it and you don't so so he says okay what do I do I guess you haven't gotten it yet so you don't know what to do this is okay we have a plan he leaves and he says there's too much muttering going on so you're not a very bright person and you and Biden your methods are go task and rude and they don't really work that great compared to the max you're like maybe 10 or 20% effective because of it and their methods are not the greatest either but they're much better for being an enemy of ours I said it millions of times at least you listen a little but really they push you guys a little bit too hard but then again it's sort of agreed to do it again hyped up on chemicals and is not using proper controls and he's not making proper agreements they can't really it's fairly decent at it all the foreigners don't want it we don't want it lots of women don't want it to happen so I doubt you'll be in the house it's not right what you're doing here it's probably move out but you gained grounde when you did last time.

Why do I listen to him I'm just thinking this the whole time why do I listen to him he's saying that I got out and I started doing better now I'm just sitting on him farting and getting beat up now I'm doing it here and this is going to suck.

So we felt better about it because he's trying to do things to fight and to use against massive Mega mutants and stuff he did kind of agree to it loss control and start to rebel and sort of had to.

I was wondering something what are we doing there well you said you're wondering when you're there for more than a few minutes with really is fast what is this to what does that do how long does it take what happens to your cells before and after you know it's medical science says well being experimental yes and you lost control and it is a crime and he didn't have to do it that way but he did and this way it is I mean you can say you're in this half the island he could record you off you could test remotely but then you can with today's competition you don't know if it'll work you don't know if anything would ever get off the ground you know it's kind of like you trying to break into this vault I just want them in 50 times and all dead so you try and do Cloak and Dagger then you try and do maneuvers then you rope everybody in and you sort of get like 20% of all rather than nothing and that's just kind of going on so he gets it and says it's hell but right now right now it is almost the worst it's going to get this is the epitome of abysmal and after a week or so it should get a little better but most of the fleets will probably be gone I just the way people are fighting but this week's going to blow sorry

He started laughing because he understood it all then he said this is the way it is you have to live with us couldn't stop us had to do something it didn't work and we went to town and the date is probably not as good as it was but instead of nothing so they get to escape and they went to escape afterwards and they found ways off and they're coming back and they're losing their mutation and they're going to be here thinking about it wanted to be strong to overcome you to grab you to force to do stuff he says this is kind of like this wicked temperamental guy massively temperamental yeah too huge difference if things were reversed and you were me and how are you but I was me myself and you're smarter if I had to control them it would not be this nightmare of what do I do it would not it's very simple what George and dad were doing worked what you guys are doing does not work she trying to reinvent the wheel and you were never good at it I got to tell you the other one the Tommy so it's difficult I was over there and it was impossible you can't look anywhere you can't breathe funny you can't Excel funny without them wanted to know what it is it's very tight when I was there and your people were everywhere so

He got really excited and said we're doing the job and I got some results and he started screaming this you will shut up and sit down and he's in the same boat with half an arm and legs and mangling with some pain and suffering and still bleeding a little so I came out in the hospital ship and be fixing them and they're coming to later on does corky do the job but holy s*** you have to manage and see what he's saying I don't have any skills of doing this nobody's helping me and manage them you guys get beat up to hell what am I supposed to do allow you to succeed so you can send them to beat me up somehow so he had him off and Helena salads changing back they started banging on things he said I can't have you bang on things all day and night it's keeping everybody up we need to heal you need to heal shut up and go to sleep sound like that so it's quiet goes to sleep makes up brings about a society cookies and milk

Tell you what that looks pretty good

Who is laughing because everybody else is eating it now oh my God look at you people who gives a s***

So it may not go directly to the Bronx we believe it does though not enough time and it had Jason there and Jason stepped out and Jason wants to step back in and he saw a cast over there messing around with him so he thinks it's a good opportunity and he was mini me I said when you grow up and gain three inches you can be in Bronx movie again cuz in the Bronx movie again what.

So that's an issues when they're coming back but that's okay and eventually they get back and they're in the Bronx and Jason rides up there with the gang and for some reason they form up not really sure but here they go shopping or is Ken does something alone it's kind of funny because Ken looks like he's sitting in the middle of the back of the van it's like the strange show with guys carted around you know what stop it and we're laughing because they're bunch of bums rediced to this and it's going to go downwards. But at least mini me had his mini Grand. And didn't get eaten because some of them break those baby back ribs. And they're heading back and it's pretty soon they're not getting back right now I think soon enough and it's hours away and then they're going to have the Bronx movie because it's only a day left and Quincy Brown so he's right we can do that now and take these things out that's why they're there but I forgot about it in the ship but they got something I guess

Thor Freya

#Youtube

[zebra-warrior]

With having a disease in which such little is known about it I can definetly say, I've got a lot of hopes for the future, especially future generations diagnoses with EDS. You guys know the things I got through with this rather you believe the medical abuse and neglect is real or not others with EDS know that if anything I'm downplaying the extent of it so my hopes for the future is that this condition is incorporated into medical school training requiring a very minimum of one week spent on the topic of EDS and much more in anatomy on the functions of connective tissue as well as connective tissue diseases as a whole being discussed more in school. Another more immediate hope is that schools totally throw out the zebra and horse teaching mindset and quit educating students to only focus on common diseases. Even what little schooling I had it was as if they were telling us rare diseases don't exist at all. They totally discourage us from even thinking about rare diseases. I remeber being assigned to study and write a report on one medical conditon then speak about it in front of the class. The teacher said we could pick any one we wanted. Everyone in the class chose more common conditions like strep throat, upper respiratory infections, breast cancer, and a ddw other more common cancers, heart attack, pneumonia, the flu, diabetes, high blood pressue etc. I went home and searched the web for rare diseases, this was even before I knew I had a rare disease myself. I read up on several and came across one that seemed particularly interesting. Trusomy 13. I wanted to choose someting rare because I feel like the common ones have enough recognition, enough financial backing for research and frankly we're too easy. I wanted a challenge, I wanted to speed the word about an underdog in much news of awareness and to spark interest amongst my peers who may spread the word. Trusomy 13 is one that often takes the life's of an individual on infancy and causes a lot of complications so this is what I chose. The day the teacher went around the room asking all of us what we chose she got to me and I told her. She pauses and said don't you want to try something more common like everyone else? I said no, I like the challange. She said well I would really encourage you to pic something else like how about heart disease? Theres a lot of good information put there on that. I said no that's okay, I like my topic and I'll be able to find enough information on it. She then asked me to speak to her after class. After class she said look, I need you to pick a different topic. I asked why. She said because it's too hard. I told her to trust me I can do it. She then said that conditon is so rare I've never even heard of it in my entire career. I don't know what it is or anything about it and theres no way for me to be able to grade your report on a condition I don't know anything about. That's whan I said well you said we could pick anything at wanted. I picked something I find extremely interesting and that's what I want to do. Besides if you don't know anyting about it you can learn someting new. After a big more of a debate, reminding her several times that she said we can pick anything and that even if it's not common it exists she finally I think, realized she wasn't going to change my mind and caves so that was my report and I aced it. Just because someting is rare doesnt make it unworthy of being taught in school and by telling medical students not to even consider a rare disease in a patient is just setting the patient up for misstreatment by medical personel. One in 10 Americans live with a rare disease so allthough each disease may be rare, actual having one of those many diseases isn't all that rare itself so I hope this mindset is no longer instilled into the minds of students and it's removed from the corricilam.

In addition to changing teaching to no longer encourage students to only look for what's common when diagnosing a patient I believe they also need to crack down on and better educate on how to properly diagnose conversion disorder or what ever word they happen to use for it at the time and really any psychosomatic disorder as a whole. They need to teach then not to use it as a crutch for their lack of knowledge and address their egos making sure they are aware that not everyting was addressed in medical school so they in fact don't know everyting and shouldn't behave in a maker in which they think they do and in these cases where the patient goes years and years with going to doctor after doctor for help to listen to them. I also believe they should ban anyone without a psychology degree from being able to diagnose conversion disorder. If they would like to send the patient for a psych consult or they would like to simply state in the referral "suspected conversion disorder" or please assess patient for a psychosomatic disorder fine but in no way should diagnose it themselves, or write long notes about the patient to try to persuade the diagnosis. If someone were going to trial in court for a robbery you wouldn't allow the plaintiff to talk to the judge and jourey before the hearing allowing them to speak without the defendant present in order to persuade them to rule in their favor before the hearing. They want a court hearing to be unbiased a psychiatrist or psychologist should be able to unbiastly assess a patient and make the decission on their own.

Medical personel should be very throughly taught the dangers of an incorrect diagnosis, espexially a psychological misdiagnosis and the tendencies for this misdiagnosis to follow them around throughout their lifetine even if it was proven a misdiagnosis just because it was a diagnosis written in stone at one point in their life. They need to know how this can totally ruin the care a patient. If they do this and it's a wrong diagnosis they should be required to have all records be amended by law if something like this happens and is later proven to be a false diagnosis. This is why this kind of diagnosis is only safe in the hands of someone who has spent a large portion of their schooling learning it from inside out like a psychologist or psychiatrist. This is my hope for the future. No one should ever have to go through what I went through and every other EDS patient I have ever known has gone through and likely will go through the rest of their life because misdiagnosis it not medical personel use this label as a crutch. A crutch they permenantly brand is with. Conversion Disorder and "I don't know" are not interchangeable and and should not be used this way. If a doctor does this I believe they are breaking not only the code of ethics but also their oath to do no harm and should have their license revoked. They may not be killing a person directly but by labeling them with this because they don't want to deal with it follows the patient around for life, limiting their access to care, prolonging a proper diagnosis, postponing treatment and ultimately taking years off of their life and forcing them to suffer so in the end you have shortened their life and made them live much sooner lives then they would have otherwise because you couldn't work yourself up to say you didn't know something.

Medical field asside, in the future I hope to see massive changes to insurance. Make all insurance equal like that if medicare for all so that more people are having issues with coverage and someting has to be done about it. The flaws in Medicare exposed and resolved. I would like to see the formulary overhauled and at the very least EDS added to it but what I would aultimatly like to see is a person's eligable for a medication no longer based off of the condition they have but based on the symptom they are experiencing. If they remove eligability based on condition, this will remove discrimination based on disorder resulting in people with rare diseases not being denied necessary treatment. Not long ago insurance companies were allowed to deny a person coverage if they had pre-existing conditions but when they took that away the formulary got tighter as a result. This allowed them to insure everyone so they had a physical card stating they had insurance while still denying a large portion of the sickest access to treatment. Obama seemed to try to resolve this. Things were far from perfect but it had improved but then when trump stepped into office to change medicare he ultimately further tightened the formulary as it pertains to rare diseases patients making it so that its nearly impossible to dispute denials. We used to be able to dispute them, a doctor would send in some medical documents showing the effectiveness of a medication, treatment or surgery or explain why we another medication, treatment or doctor would not be appropriate and it would be approved but now it's nearly impossible to have the decission changed when filing a dispute. Now what the formulary says goes no matter what if you're rate and don't have the FDA approval for that medication being used for that purpose causing rare disease patients to be out of luck, forced to be treated with something not likely to work, someting that can cause more harm to the body in the long run, someting that can improve one condition but worsen another or simply not recieve treatment at all so my hope for the future is for insurance to be changed for the better. Not just for the better if EDS patients but for the better of all rare disease patients.

Next I would like more awareness and financial backing provides to the Ehlers Danlos Society and other places needing funding for EDS research as a whole. EDS has no cure and no FDA approved treatments. I would like to see this changed. Very little is known about connective tissue. So little in face that scientists don't even know what it actually is. It wasn't even suspected until 2018 that connective tissue may even be an organ and we still don't know for sure. It was also discovered that nerve endings may actually connect to connective tissue and those tissues are capable of feeling pain from damage to them. It was thought for years EDS patients don't have pain and that that aspect was all in their head until that recent discovery which now ranks it one of the most painful diseases a person can live with. With 2018 being really the tip of the iceburg knowledge about the conditon we are hundreds of years behind on the knowledge other diseases have and hundreds of years behind on research. It's like living with Type 2 Diabetes or Breast Cancer in the 1700's. I would like more awareness, more education in schools as more financial backing to be supplied to this disease. I don't want to have this condition labeled as the most ignored (I used ignored because it won't let me use the actual word for uncared for) medical condition in modern medicine. It has held that title since 1965. It's held that title for 55 years. The most neglected conditon and nothing has been down to change this over the last 55 years. Something needs to change. I also wish that a cap would be put on some conditons for research. Sure a cure would be nice for everyting but if there's a treatment that is extremely effective why not give give a percentage of that money to an underdog conditon. One that doesn't even have as much as one medication to help it in order to help them to try to catch up, even if it's just a little bit.

My hopes for the future are that these patients have all of this. They are believed, they are not treated like a psych case or a burdon, a diagnosis isn't delayed years and years, they have access to treatment even if it doesn't have FDA approval, recognizing this condition as a cause of disability, learning more about it and possibly just one treatment. Awareness goes a long way and it starts there. No one diserves what eds patients go through now and I hope no in in the future has to and they can seek medical treatment without fear, without being sent home worse then when they came, without being left without care, without harm from medical professionals and that they are held accountable but if course this would also involve a change in society as a whole as its not just medical professionals who are only in the career for the money, to get their 12 hours in so they can go home and to take short cuts and the easy way out. There's a lot that need changed but humanity also isn't what it used to be when people took pride in their jobs and wanted to not only get things done but get them done right.

Below are some pictures that show some of this. The last three to together and I'll explain these. It'd the McGill Pain Scale, a scale doctors use to tell them the average amount of pain a person with a speciffic condition is in. It has since been updated but at the time of the study posted in the two lower pictures the bottom scale was used and it's vary similar to the update one. CRPS is rhe most painful condition on the pain scale ranking in at a 42 out if 50. In the study below 273 EDS patients participated in the study taking the same test to measure the McGill Pain Index Ranking. Of all of the participants 89% of them were already on medication a for pain at the time of the study so we're tested based on their pain levels on medication. The results calculated their pain essentially on a good day during the week and a bad day. The average moderate pain (good day pain) came on with a median score of 43 out of 50. The high pain levels or (bad day pain level) median score was 45 out of 50. This was with 89% of them being on pain medications. Could you imagine the scores of they were weaned off of those medications or hadn't been on any medications when they were tested? EDS was not added to the updated McGill Pain Index for one simple reason. That being because patients were on medication for pain so it was considered to have flawed the results.

#myEDSchallenge #myHSDchallenge