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thelovelyghostwriter · 3 years

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Ranking the HxH guys in my Simping Tier: Countdown

Note: This is just for fun and lame-ass humour. You are free to like anyone in hxh and this tier doesn’t reflect how great the character is. It’s just a ranking based on how much I simp for them.

14. Meruem

Okay. There’s a reason why Meruem is at the last list. He’s an ant. He’s not even fully human FML. Can’t believe people wanna fuck this teenaged mutant ninja ant. Can’t even say those people are a furry because this ant has no fur. It’s a no for me.

13. Illumi

The Illumi simps are gonna hack me for having him too low. I find him cute and has really nice hair that can be for shampoo ads... but his eyes... it covers 70% of his face. It’s guppy eyes. It’s like he wore those coloured contact lenses that enlarges the eyes.

12. Shalnark

OKay. Shalnark is cute. He’s really one of the most good looking guys in the series. However, I don’t know why but his personality is kinda “ehh”. He’s a little psycho who controls people with his phone, but somehow his personality is overshadowed by a lot of extreme characters with Hisoka. Also, I try not to get too attached to him because of what happens in the current arc.

11. Kite

Okay. This is weird but... I find Kite more attracted when he’s a red-headed female ant right now. Okay. I know I went all like “MERUEM ISNT EVEN HUMAN” but female Kite LOOKS human. She has freckles and all that. It’s real cute. But I’d say he’s a little lower because he doesn’t really have that “oomph” personality so-

10. Pariston

Now, talk about a character with FABULOUS presentation of himself. Pariston shows himself off with extravagance. NOW, that’s a personality. He’s like one of those celebs that are just so extra like Lady Gaga that it’s amazing. I know he’s underrated in the simping world, but he’s essentially kinda like Hisoka (who has a big simping fandom), only he prefers to play with people’s minds rather than fight people.

9. Tserriednich

You might be wondering, why the fuck is he here? Okay, first of all, he reminds me of Hannibal who is by the way, charming. And yes I mean it in the Mads Mikkelsen AND the Anthony Hopkins way. Makes me wanna his Clarice but I’d rather have Theta have that spot. Secondly, he’s a prince so being his bride is literally a dream come true. Thirdly, yeh, Tserriednich is actually very handsome. Nice blond hair and that facial beard.

8. Gon

He’s quite low on the tier because I had always seen him as a cute green mini-Ging. Personality-wise, he’s really sweet and I can see a lot of girls liking him because he knows how to treat women respectfully. He can even handle the crazy ones like Palm. His alpha side came out during the Chimera Ant arc and his adult form is hella attractive.

Jokes aside, this character is really amazing as an MC. It’s sad that he gets overshadowed but I believe he’s a pretty unique shounen MC because most of the time, a shounen MC doesn’t kill or has a pretty much black-and-white morality. Gon Freecss breaks that stereotype and he’s truly appreciated.

7. Leorio

Listen to me. This man is supposed to be the type of man you’re supposed to marry. Doctor, loyal, caring and funny. This man is the total package. I think the reason why he’s a little lower in my simp tier is because well... he’s the type of guy that I will go for in reality. In fiction, that’s where all my crushes for crazy guys should be. My simp tier is based on my heart, not brain.

6. Killua

Okay. I was down bad for Killua when I was younger. DOWN BAD. So down bad that it was scary. I sort of got over him now. But what can you do? Killua is simped by a lot of teenaged girls or women who had a crush on him since the beginning of time. He’s fiercely loyal, has white hair and pretty blue eyes, is a fun mixture of mischief and seriousness. He’s the type of guy you can count on to get out of trouble and one to always treasure you. I do think that if I ever meet Killua though, that he’d bully me to oblivion.

Okay, we’re at the top 5. From here onwards, some real NSFW simping words.

5. Hisoka

I kinda do understand Hisoka stans, but at the same time, I do not get them. Like him or not, he’s a very flamboyant character. He stands out of the crowd and he just have that unexplained charisma.

He’s actually a really well-written character. He’s the balancing factor in the narrative of HxH. He’s like the joker in the deck of cards. Back to my simp tier, he’s very attractive ESPECIALLY with his hair down. There’s a certain aura that is addictive about him that I can’t pin-point. And for that, he earns my top 5 spot.

4. Feitan

I swear. This simping phenomenon actually manifested from Hiei. Yes, Feitan’s character blueprint, Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho. (The real OGs will know that Hiei is the character blueprint, not Levi). I know a lot of people compare him to Levi but let me explain why Levi and Feitan are alike: it’s because their character blueprint is Hiei.

Anyway, Hiei is HOT. And to me, the hxh equivalent is Feitan, with a huge addition of sadism and emo-ness. Okay, that makes it even hotter.

I have read some Feitan/Reader on AO3 and BOI. I enjoyed reading certain stuff that I never thought I would enjoy. I read a fic about Reader-chan getting whipped and basically all sorts of BDSM and OMG it’s heaven.

“They say all good boys go to heaven, but bad boys bring heaven to you”

3. Chrollo

At first, I didn’t really care about Chrollo until he wore that tuxedo and let his hair down (Is it just me or a lot of hxh boys look good with their hair down?). HE LOOKS SO GODLY HOLY FUCK.

I’m 100% sure that his character blueprint for the hair-down is Koenma. He also gives me Tuxedo Mask vibes. Overall, such chivalry and handsomeness all in one man. Not to mention, that sexy sexy voice when he recites his fortune-telling. I would say he has the sexiest voice among all hxh guys. He is just that HOT and charismatic. I wanna see where he hid that Spider tattoo and scratch his back.

2. Ging

Okay. Ging is hardly simp by girls. And I do not understand why?? He is motherfucking attractive. Even now. GAWD. I love him.

I think my attraction to him pre-started because he looks and acts SO much like my childhood crush Yusuke Urameshi from Yu Yu Hakusho. I know he’s an asshat but he’s a CHARMING asshat. Yeap, I said it. He is actually highly intelligent and just acts like a total haggard because he can.

It’s not just when he’s young. I STILL think he’s hot even in his 30s. He’s not that old for me to me honest. I don’t care if he’s a decade older than me because I think that’s the appeal of it. I

It’s kinda sad that he’s not that popular because I need some Ging/Reader smut content. Like, I envisioned a smut fic where the reader is like in her 20s and is strangely attracted to Ging. He’s wildly confused over this but he’s seriously considering of tapping it because his old ass haven’t had any action lately. The other Zodiacs are also confused and are convinced that he must have given some sex pollen to the reader because who the hell is sane enough to be attracted to him? (But it’s just that you need some acquired taste to actually find this man alluring). He’s one of the most fuckable characters ahhh.

And... for the last one...

Drumroll please....

1. Kurapika

Seriously, was there even a surprise.

THIS MAN IS THE AKAKU GOD. He’s beautiful, he’s sexy and fucking dominant (yes, I say he’s domineering because do you see the way he throws a hot tantrum during the whole YorkNew arc, demanding shit from his enemies, taking charge of everything?) His chains drives me nuts. I love it when he gets angry. I know he’s kinky on the inside. When he wore that tuxedo... ooof. He looks hella fine. He’s the only guy in hxh that fulfills my ala Michael Corleone mafia boss kink. I want him to ^&*(%%%*%^ (to save myself from embarrassment, I self-censored) as we attempt to repopulate the clan and produce more scarlet eyed babies, as he whispers some real degrading and possessive shit in Kurta while he tells me what to do. AHHHHH. *bye gotta go write some kuraneon porn now byeee*

#hxh #hunterxhunter #sorry im just down bad during quarantine #kurapika #akaku #kurapika akaku akaku #akaku god #ging #ging freecss #chrollo #chrollo lucilfer #feitan #this is a shitpost

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dropoutparty · 3 years

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ngc ramblings part 3- chapter 5

here we are at part 3!!! sorry this one took so long, i originally was gonna make this post include entropy and extus (along with finally talking about face in depth) but it was so fuckin long that im splitting it into 2 different posts! the next part isnt done yet but im like almost halfway done so it shouldnt be too much longer until its out! also before we get into this one:

tw for: death, animal death, and suicide. pls take care of urself and don't read this if those things are triggering for u <3

ok lets get on with the post

at the start of entropy zach doesnt waste any time getting right to the point. this place is bigger than the other planets so far, and zach says the music this time around is a melody that “started out normal but then got distorted” played by a violin sounding instrument. even tho i do sometimes forget that this is supposed to be a creepypasta im not surprised that he said it made him feel depressed and unnerved lmao. anyways, this planet has all new level types in it!! no reused ones!! ok now this is epic. the bosses this time around are megalon, battra, and mechagodzilla, but itll be a good while before we get to those guys because this chapter is long as hell holy shit?? buckle up babez <33 now, before i get into the meat of things as usual im gonna talk abt the planet name! entropy basically means “a lack of order/predictability or a gradual decline into disorder” and that's very accurate to this part of the story. at this point, red is pissed off and is getting desperate, which means from here on out things are going to be getting more intense and more unstable. this world is the turning point in the overall story, basically.

now with that out of the way, zach first goes to the worlds quiz level as usual! this time something was different. usually, in the quiz levels there would be goofy ass music playin in the bg (specifically the GH1D0RA cheat music, if you wanna like listen to it ig?) but from here on out its been replaced by the music from the games password screen, which zach called creepy earlier on in the pasta. im gonna glaze over the quiz again this time, but when we get to the next planet ill talk about all of the quizzes in depth all at once. basically all you need to know for now abt what happens here is face asks “do you like mothra?” and when zach picks no (after going on a tangent abt how mothra sucks lmao,, bro i swear im good at the game my controllers just messed up /s), face enters bastard mode and goes “TOO BAD!” and boom now zach cant play as anyone but mothra. zach is pissed for now but little does he know this is just going to become an even more epic gamer bc of this,, youll never get better at something if you never try and all that.

after that, zach moves on to the first level type- the forest. immediately zach gets an eerie feeling from this level bc he has some kinda fear involving forests at night (i can think of a reason why but ill have to talk abt that later just to be sure). hes also not feelin great about being forced to play as mothra, so the pressure of it all is def starting to get to him by now. the music in the forest is woodwinds followed by slow, rhythmic drums and chiming bells. must have been some ominous woodwinds and bells bc it made him feel like he was intruding somewhere he shouldnt be (oh rlly?? u dont say,, everything up until now has been fine /s). getting into the level itself, eventually zach comes across some weird deer-like monsters just vibing and scares them away when he gets close. later in the level he finds more of these weird deer along with a sloth-like creature on some of the trees and some raptor dudes killing some of the deer. zach shoots one of the raptors but thats about it. nothing really happened in this level but zach noted that he didnt feel like he was playing a video game, but instead it felt more like he was exploring a forest in another dimension. thats interesting for reasons ill ~get to later~ (yall must be so tired of hearing that by now omg,, i know im tired of saying it at least. i was gonna wait until after replay to talk about things but i severely underestimated how long this whole project would be, so i might make a post for the “more on that later” stuff before i get into replay. let me know what u think i should do).

anyways, the next thing zach checks out is the first tv screen level so far. these levels just play an animation with some music in the background, and theres a different animation per level. this time around the animation is of a kid with a beaver(?) head licking a lollipop and the music is the GH1D0RA music that the quiz levels used to use. the only thing of note here is that zach says he had a shirt that looked just like that when he was a kid. after that, were off to some of the weirdest fuckin levels in this whole thing imo- the hourglass levels. these levels have an entirely brown color palette, with grandfather clocks standing in the background (the level appears to be in like a hallway or something) and various time measuring things floating in the air. the music is the same as the board (ig cosby just didnt feel like thinking of what theme this place would have lol). after a little bit zach was rlly happy to see actual enemies from the normal game show up! these are basically like aircraft, tanks, etc. thats not the main attraction here tho, bc this level has its own unique mechanic! this mechanic is the colored hourglass items you can pick up. there are three of them, a blue one that slows time down and makes enemies from the past appear, a red one that speeds up time and makes enemies from the future appear, and a green one that made the time flow normally and spawned enemies from the normal game. zach found the blue one first, which caused a bunch of prehistoric enemies based on real animals to show up. after that he found a green one and fought normal enemies again, and then he found a red hourglass. the future enemies here look like aliens to me, and zach says that one enemy reminds him of something he saw in a book once. eventually, a special future creature showed up and zach was suddenly in a boss battle! or a mini boss battle? that description is probably more accurate. this guy doesnt have a face, and he can only attack by shooting a beam from his face, it sure does look cool! after zach beat it tho, he was off to the next level type, which is basically a toxic waste dump.

zach called it grungy and inhospitable, with the music being a synth ambient loop that made him feel dizzy while he listened to it. this is important because this is the first instance of the game making zach feel something *physically*, not just psychologically. all of the enemies here are mutated to some degree, with him first seeing green mummies with bird skulls coming out from vats of toxic slutch and a brownish cow skeleton monster with spider legs. later zach comes across a deer from the woods, drinking some toxic slutch (delinchous). zach got close to it to try making it stopped but suddenly some enemies came out of nowhere and scared it into running right off a ledge and into the slutch. rip :pensive:. after that zach found more mutated enemies (i.e some things with tentacles and some other deformed thing with human teeth) before he finally gets to the end of the level, where theres another miniboss waiting for him!! this ones a toxic sludge monster with a whale skull who attacks with a mouth projectile and by charging into you. the monster sank into the slutch and thats all for this level babeyy!

the next level is another forest, but this time its winter! its still at night, but this time zach doesnt feel off put, which he mostly attributes to the music. he describes it as a gentle, calm song that almost sounded romantic. the entire first segment of this level had no enemies in it, but dw this level is interesting i swear. the next segment starts out just as empty as the last one, but this time its silent. that is, until the music from “unforgiving cold” starts playing. yaa you remember that place!! i think i said it was less interesting than i remembered but its interesting again now bc it was foreshadowing these levels!! anyways soon after the music started up, zach started to come across tons of frozen bodies of the deer from earlier. some were mutilated, some werent, but they were all frozen and covered in snow. eventually zach does come across something living though, a sloth creature from earlier! its just vibing when suddenly the winter versions of the raptors from earlier rush in and fuckin obliterate the sloth thing. those things just blindly try killing everything in sight, and even start fighting themselves before zach finally gets to the last part of the level.

now this is where shit starts to get crayzay. this part opens up to a big empty field with a full moon and the nice music from earlier back. despite the nice music tho, zach immediately starts feeling dread and eventually he finds a lake. the lake comes down from the sky and starts to crack like an egg, a humanoid figure curled up in the fetus position dropping into the lake below and the moon halves disintegrated. this spawned the moon beast, the hardest challenge zachs had to deal with so far. after he finally defeats it, the screen goes to black and the name “melissa” is on screen, written in red. after that, the screen then says kys. the word kill then fills up the screen, layering over itself until it forms a picture of reds face. its now that we finally get to hear abt the whole melissa thing (which makes it sound like shes been mentioned in the pasta before this but thats not what i mean lmao). to summarize, zach had a middle school gf named melissa (also bro middle school?? wadda hell) who often went into “episodes” where she would stare off, expressionless, before trembling and putting her face in her hands. she and zach hung out in a field at night a lot but one night she just stared at the moon the whole time before running into traffic and dying.

NOW its finally later!!! were not done with entropy yet, but this is the end of part one of entropy so i wanna just take a little break to talk about things so far. this planet is FULL of symbolism and foreshadowing. to start off, i think a lot of the questions face asks at the beginning foreshadow things that happen. some examples are “is time slipping though your fingers?” which could allude to the time levels, “do you have any regrets?” which i think obviously foreshadows the whole melissa thing, “is it safe to go out at night?” and “do you find it hard to sleep at night?” both follow the same kinda theme, which i think relates to how the melissa incident happened at night, specifically out at night. i dont think the forest levels have anything too important in them, other than to introduce the presence of an innocent, harmless creature that doesnt deserve what happens to it later (aka the deer things) which might symbolize melissa. more evidence for this symbolizing melissa comes from the encounter with the deer in the toxic dump and the winter forest, where in the former zach tries to stop it from hurting itself but is too late, being forced to watch it die, and in the latter the same innocent thing from earlier is found dead close to where the real incident took place. the two big themes to keep in mind here are death and time, more specifically the past. most of the enemies here are either made from bones or kill other enemies, there's a dedicated time level referencing things that zach remembers seeing at one point (aka that one alien zach recognized), the beaver head had the same shirt as child zach did, it all connects to zachs past and the death of melissa. as for the moon beast, its the most obvious reference for reasons ive already explained. i dont really know what the moon cracking open and dropping a curled up human into the lake could mean other than some other thing melissa related, but i *do* think that the fact that the moon beast is the most difficult thing zach has faced so far is symbolic of the fact that the trauma from this event has followed him throughout his entire life, and its something he struggles with daily. it could even be the reason why he said no when face asked if he could sleep easily at night. the moon beast also has some black fur around its neck, which i think is meant to represent a tire track, referencing and/or mocking the way melissa died.

its so cool how this entire part of the story builds up to and foreshadows the bomb it drops at the end of the part, giving people something to look back on. a lot of ppl say that as soon as the melissa stuff gets introduced the story goes down in quality, and i do somewhat agree with that sentiment, especially if they want the story to actually be scary, but i think the direction the story goes from this point on is so unique and cool. it does follow the whole “theres a ghost in the game” troupe (even tho it was probably seen as a spin on that originally) but it doesnt do the same cliches as so many other gaming creepypastas do and it really takes the concept and makes it its own. i just think its neat,,,

anyways im done gushing abt this story, lets get on with part 2 of extus!! basically zach has a fuckin panic attack and, after taking a few minutes to calm himself down when its over, he decides that he has to finish the game now because if he doesnt its just going to haunt him for the rest of his life. zach has now realized that the game is “alive” and can somehow see his thoughts and memories, so understandably hes pretty freaked out by it at this point. when he keeps playing, the first thing he does is check out another tv screen level. this time, the animation is of a fish dude just kinda standing there with his mouth flapping open and closed and the music is the neptune board music from the original game. the only reason i can think of for why this is here is maybe the game is mocking zach for the panic attack he just had (bc when u have a panic attack you feel like you can barely breathe, if ur lucky enough to have never had one before and u dont know) but thats abt it. its probably just a random goofy thing cosby threw in there.

anyways, the next actual level is the first labyrinth level. this time around, its a gold labyrinth specifically. the music in these levels is a slow, ominous drum beat with female vocals occasionally coming in and (basically from here on out) the monster zach plays as is now half the size it used to be. i think this shows how zachs feeling at this point, like this whole thing isnt just being a big strong monster and beating up enemies any more, he feels small and scared and helpless in the face of something potentially dangerous that he doesnt understand maybe his confusion about the game is the reason *why* theres so many labyrinth levels here in the first place. anyways im getting ahead of myself. personally, i think the aesthetic of the gold labyrinth is very similar to the green temples back on trance. while trance had a more circular and soft theme to it's architecture and sculpture, entropys is much more square or rectangle oriented. despite this, i think that the golden mazes at least are another religious kind of building, and the architecture is just different because theyre two different cultures who just happen to worship the same spiritual figure (aka melissa. did i say that earlier? i think i did,, if i didnt well the religions worship melissa, not knowing she's a dead human or anything. probably).

moving on, zach notes how the gold labyrinth would probably have been impossible to navigate as any of the other monsters, so turns out face being an asshole was a blessing in disguise after all huh? anyways this place is full of weird gold monsters, lava/fire traps, and stone faces (both in more of an easter island head style and in the regular feminine headshot weve seen so far). zach comes across two feminine heads, one that is more adult looking and pure gold, and another one that looks much younger and whos eyes have red irises and blue scleras. this statue apparently looks a lot like melissa did on the night she died, so zach leaves it pretty quickly. i *think* this is the first time we see the color blue associated with melissa? if it isnt sorry abt that, its been a couple days since i worked on ngcr so ive forgotten some of the smaller or more subtle things by now. GOD i keep getting side tracked ANYWAYS eventually zach finds a non-gold enemy and sees it get picked up by like an arcade crane claw. hes curious so he follows the claw, only to see the monster be put in a big gold cauldron and walk out the side of it as a gold monster.

gonna be honest, no idea what the hell this could mean. like? theres been no themes of corruption or good things becoming evil so far so this just kinda. exists,, yea idk lol. im not part of like any discord servers or anything so all this theorizing and analysis has just been me, maybe getting some small ideas from like random youtube comments or something, so if something ive said so far has been unanimously disagreed with somewhere i dont know about it. thats also why this isnt really a definitive or comprehensive analysis (even tho im trying to be as comprehensive as i can).

anyways zach finds the exit soon after and hes on to the next level type (there's so fucking many of them ik dont worry weve almost gotten to all of them now), the indigo cliffs. the background of these levels is similar to the blue mountains from trance, but now the moon and clouds from the toxic dump background is also here (and colored indigo to match). the music here is just a deep rumbling noise. the first “enemies” he sees here are just a bunch of multicolored little guys coming out of a hole in the ground and jumping off a cliff. were continuing the death theme yall!! anyways zach continues, flying over some more weird creatures (tho some of them just look like dinosaurs lol) before he sees a bunch more of the multicolored guys out and about but this time theyre getting grabbed by birds!! wadda heel!!! zach comments on how the multicolored dudes seem eager to die and thinks maybe the moon has something to do with it (like melissa dude wat!!!! that's crazy /s). at the end of the level there were some more multicolored dudes just walking into a creatures mouth so zach attacked the thing and killed it and the levels over yay!

now its time for the bosses babeyy!!! first zach fights battra (basically an evil moth kaiju), the music is varans theme. battra starts off in his larvae form, where he basically just fought by running into you and shooting stuff at you. while fighting this form, zach noticed that the game buffed mothra because his gamer skillz were too cringe lmaoo. he beats the larvae form and battra goes into his second form, where hes basically a stronger clone of mothra (misogyny). zach fights battra and has fun doing it (for once,, good for him) and he wins yay! next hes fighting megalon (a big beetle/bug kaiju), whos music was gigans theme. im tired when im writing this so ill just give you zachs description of how he fought: “strong, persistent, but dumb”. after this, zach checks out the last tv screen of entropy. this time, it shows a big buff guy with a sack over his head hit a womans head with a sledgehammer while shes tied to a table or something. the music for it was the password theme. i think this is probably here because red is getting angrier? like this guy is still here after i triggered his ptsd?? what the hell!!!

anyways before we get to the last boss we have one last level type to get through- the shadow labyrinth. at this point, zach starts to feel drained because no shit sherlock you just had a panic attack and youve been playing this game for fuckin several hours at this point of course youre fuckin drained. anyways zach enters the shadow labyrinth, which is a black recolor of the gold labyrinth. the music is “evil ambience” similar to unforgiving colds music but distinctly different apparently. there werent any enemies so zach just kinda wandered for a while until the lights turned off, darkening the whole screen and (secretly) spawning tons of spooky enemies thatll chase and hit mothra in the dark. eventually the lights came back on and zach started scrambling to the exit. when the lights turned back off, zach was able to find one of the melissa looking statues and stood next to it. it warded off the monsters while the lights were off, so zach was safe. i think this shows 2 things: 1) its a little more validation for my “religion in this world worships melissa” theory and 2) it foreshadows the way melissa wants to protect zach at the end of the game. zach beat the shadow labyrinth a lot faster than the gold one so were done with all the stages now!! now theres only the last boss and red and were done with entropy!

the last boss is mechagodzilla, but when zach starts the level, normal godzilla is there instead!! its whatever tho bc soon the disguise is gone and its just pretty much the normal mechagodzilla fight (but now hes got a gay beam). at about half health tho, mechagodzillas sprite breaks into pieces like gezoras did way back on earth and reforms into not-mechagodzilla. even tho it looks uncanny (and the usage of the face statue on the front is probably there to further mock zach bc melissa) zach beats it p easily and now its time for the chase. ba dum ba dum thats the sound of a chase.

as usual tho, before i get to the red chase its time to talk about entropy as a planet!! i think the best way to describe the layout is “a big forest with a toxic waste dump in it takes up half the planet while the other half is a large religious temple/labyrinth with a dangerous underbelly”. there doesnt seem to be any intelligent life there now (its all dead by now probably) but there was at some point at least because imean the huge labyrinth is there dude!!! i dont have much to say for this section tbh bc i feel like i've already said everything i wanted to, so its time for the chase ig!!

basically the chase with red here takes place in a labyrinth level bc of course it does. this labyrinth, however, seems to be made of some kind of organic matter. is it flesh? organs? nondescript viscera? idk but it's pulsating and bloody. also this time red has wings too!! anyways, basically zach avoids red throughout the maze, red breaks through one of the walls with his big alien tongue, and zach gets to the end of the maze. nothing crazy happens at the end of this chapter (i think it was crazy enough as is) so thats the end of that and now its time for the penultimate planet- extus.

#ngc ramblings #nes godzilla creepypasta #godzilla nes creepypasta #godzilla nes

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jupitermelichios · 3 years

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What I’d change about Rise of Skywalker

To be clear, these are changes I’d make to the existing script, not what I would have written instead. We can all agree Sheev coming back was, at best, a bit dumb, I’m also fully aware that a lot of people disliked TLJ for a variety of reasons and wanted ros to retconn more stuff, but this is not an attempt to change any of that. I’m taking the basic structure of the movie and shifting stuff around to create something I think is tonally and thematically more in line with the overall trillogy.

Also i’m aware the extended universe is sort of canon-until-proven-otherwise at the moment but as far as i’m concered there was a DC style crisis and it’s now open season on worldbuilding elements

- Starting right at the very beginning, our opening crawl is now just about immortality being one of the secret sith powers Sheev kept hinting about in the prequels

- Our very first sequence in the movie is now a (short) montage of Sheev sending psychic messages to members of the First Order, telling them to join his secret sith club. It’s not just Kylo, this is a thing he’s just generally doing, Hux, Pryde, Kylo, random Storm Trooper number 7, they’re all getting this same message.

- Kylo buggers off to go murder Sheev, because Snoke never actually let him graduate (or whatever modern sith do) so he’s not actually a sith lord, but he’s like ah, new/old sith lord is in town, I go kill him and I get to take his title by right of conquest rule of one styley, and also take out a threat to my power base. Also in the one scene we see of him interacting with the first order it’s pretty clear he actually really fucking hates being in charge, so a mission to kill Sheev is looking super win-win

- The reason Exigor is sacred to the Sith now, the reason Palpatine’s able to communicate accross planets, and the reason he’s still alive (ish) are all the same - the planet “has a heart... oF KAIIIBURRRRRR!” (yes the line should be delivered exactly like that) that amplified force powers

- Instead of just being Ian McDermott in white facepaint, Sheev’s design draws heavily on Darth Nihilus or Darth Sion, his body is dead or maybe nonexistant depending on how gross they’re prepared to go. The point is, the answer to the question ‘how the fuck did he survive?’ should be essentially ‘he didn’t’; he’s a consiousness and a fuckton of willpower and not much else

- We establish a temple/cult in this universe that worships twin gods and are generally all about balance and shit coming in twos and they think force diads are sacred. I’m thinking someone at the temple has resistance information, and when Rey and Poe visit, Poe goes to talk to the contact while Rey meditates and sees Luke’s ghost who tells her how he and Leia came here together and about their belief system and how there are different ways of connecting to the force than just being a jedi, setting up the plot point of the diad, our theme of ‘the people we love are never really gone’, and also laying the groundwork for what’s going to be a second theme of building something new rather than repeating the mistakes of the past, by establishing the sith/jedi dichotomy isn’t the only possible path to take.

- Rose and Finn are bored and stuck on base while their friends are on this mission, so when they get a distress call from a minor First Order base they go off to investigate. They find Hux, who’s been ousted in a coup in favour of the First Order just straight up following Sheev after Kylo wondered off, who promises them information. At this base, Finn also sees some young storm trooper cadets.

- Back at the rebel base they all meet up and Hux (who they’ve taken prisoner) tells them about Sheev being back, which they didn’t know about because he’s only been speaking to bad guys.

- Leia is already dying, Rey is super upset about it and during an accidental mind share, Kylo finds out and tells her Sidious knows how to heal people by transferring life energy from one person to another. The healing thing is specifically a Sith power this go around. We get a moment pretty soon after during a mission where someone gets injured, probably Finn, and she figures out how to heal them based on the hints Kylo gave her

- Also this time Leia still isn’t a jedi but not because of a prophesy, it’s because she disagrees with their philosophy, which is going to be relevant later. We get a line to the effect that ‘Luke didn’t grow up surrounded by the legacy of the Jedi’s failings, I did’

- The weird knife thing isnt anymore, it’s just a hollicron now, and the whole bit with both Lando and Rey’s parents and the bonty hunter are removed to give us breathing room elsewhere, it’s just a more tradtional fetch quest now.

- In order to get the holicron translated, Poe’s like “you’re not going to like this, but I maybe know a guy from doing undercover missions”, and takes them to Black Sun to speak to Darth Maul, that’s right, Darth Maul is here now, and he helps them because his prosthetics are breaking down and Rose fixes them and saves his life. Also he’s pretty pissed at Sheev for getting him killed so he’s totally chill with them killing the guy.

- The Hollicron tells them that the last known map to Exigor was stored in the archives of the temple of Corisant.

- They go to the ruins of the temple, a place that is both nostaligic and also has actual character significance to kylo and ties into our theme of how the jedi and the sith are both a bit shit, and even though it makes more sense for it to have been cleaned up, it’s full of little baby skeletons from Anakin’s massacre, just for the drama of it

- Rey and Kylo fight, he taunts her again with the promise of healing Leia, but this time Rey uses their bond and her knowledge of how to talk to force ghosts to basically force Kylo’s third eye wide open so he’s hearing a hundred force ghosts all at one, stabs him while he’s distracted, heals him, and then she fucks off, leaving him to talk to the force ghost of Anakin, who tells him he’s a moron who’s falling for the same bullshit Sheev used on him

- Rey joins up with the others, but at the Rebel base Hux has managed to escape and shoots Leia (it’s dramatic and she dies saving someone but it’s not actually particularly plot relevant so imagine your own death scene of choice here), and obviously Rey feels it

- At this point the gang split up, Poe and Rose go back the the Rebels because they know they’ll be needed, Finn goes off to rescue the storm trooper kids he saw earlier (yeah I’m adding a subplot what’re you going to do about it), and Rey goes off to fight Palpatine

- In the temple, Leia appears to Kylo as a force ghost while he’s doing dramatic ‘i can’t go on’ kneeling pose and gives him a little pep talk and name drops the title

- Finn goes to the first order base, finds the kids, and the little ones are on board with escaping but then they run into some teenagers who actually have guns and it cuts away on a ‘will they turn him in?” cliffhanger

- Rey arrives in Sheev’s big cave thing, tries to fight him but he’s all ‘the jedi could not defeat me before, what makes you think they can now when you’re barely more than a padawan’ and force lightnings her a bit. They’re not related in this universe, he just wants to steal her lifeforce to heal himself more because she’s powerful

- Turns out that the First Order have been tracking Hux, so they know where the Rebel base is so there’s a big space battle going on, and the First Order don’t even have any fancy secret weapon but there’s a lot of them and there’s not enough Rebel ships left after TLJ. Poe’s up in the air flying even though he’s the boss now, and Rose is on the comms trying to contact allies

"This is the Rebellion, please. In the name of Leia Organa, we're calling you. Please, if there's anyone out there. For Leia Organa, for Luke Skywalker, for Amilyn Holdo, please…" and then when there's no response, in tears, she whispers, "For Rose Tico, please!"

There's a beat of silence, and then the radio crackles to life.

"Rose Tico calls for aid, and Black Sun will answer."

A moment later another, "Leia Organa calls for aid and Cloud City will answer."

and then a moment later, “The Rebellion calls for Aid and the Free Troopers will answer” and we cut to Finn in a stolen First Order ship full of the trooper cadets of all ages.

A makeshift amada joins the fight, same as in the original version, and rose and circular briad crown girl who’s also been trying to call for back up hug in celebration and have a very brief ‘oh wait maybe i’m into you’ moment

- Back on Exigor, Kylo arrives to find Rey on the floor, dying. He takes her hand and we see them as spirits, surrounded by the flickering memories of their lives, they’re seeing one another properly for the first time, and they ackoledge one another as twins via the force (personally i’d make them explicitly siblings, by force if not blood, here to carry on the proud star wars tradition of ambiguously incestuous twins, but that might not fly with disney execs in the the 21st century), and then he gives her his life force to heal her and his last words are a title drop again, mirroring what Leia said to him, because this movie is cheesy as hell

- "The power of the Jedi could have lived in you, as the power of the sith lives in me. But instead you threw it away, for what? For that pathetic little boy? He was no more a true sith than you are a true Jedi!"

"I don't need to be a Jedi. The force is with me, and I am with the force. You have the sith. I have all that was and is and will be!"

Behind her force ghosts begin to appear, but not just jedi. There is as many of the Skywalker clan as we can get (including some reused green screen footage of Carrie Fisher), and Rose's sister, and Han, and people visually implied to be Poe and Finn’s parents, and Holdo, and behind them hundreds of others. Basically if we can afford them, they’re cameoing here, alongside a load of extras. And last of all, standing beside her is Ben.They exchange a look, and then Rey strikes. Palatine tries to force lightning her but it doesn't work, and she presses her hands to his cloak, pulls the life force out if him. Thes a terrible screaming and we see glimpses of the other sith, before they dissipate and the robe falls to the ground.

And obviously the space battle also gets definitively won at the same time, this is movieland, I’m thinking Finn and Poe have to coordinate an attack that relies on Finn using the force is that vague ‘jedi’s are all amazing pilots’ way episodes 1 and 4 both used

Oh and then at the end they’re all celebrating back on the Rebel base, and Finn starts to hit on Rose and she’s like “I’m not the one you want to say that too, also you’re not my type” and smooches circular braid-crown girl who’s been in the background of all these movies with nothing to so

Finn joins Poe and Rey and they all hug in the same ambigiously-poly way they did in the original, and then Poe’s like “I’m sorry about Kylo” kind of awkward because he still hates the guy but he knows Rey doesn’t, and Rey’s like ‘I’m not, the people we love never really leave us’

and then the final scene, Rey is carrying Kylo’s lightsabre and lays Luke’s and Leia’s on the altar of the temple of the twins, and goes to ask the priests to tell her about their religion, with the implication that she’s starting to build her own new version of the jedi

(and if I was disney this would totally be the set up for a new animated series about Rey travelling around the galaxy meeting new weird alien cultures and learning about what cool force powers they have, and the knights of Ren can be the bad guys, and sometimes she’ll come and help Finn and Poe and Rose with trying to rebuild the galaxy. And then they have to take out Black Sun in season 2 and it’s all super dramatic because they were allies sort of and had cameos, and now rey and maul are forced to have super cool spider-legs lightsabre battles instead)

#long post #rise of skywalker #ros #script doctor #star wars #its not perfect by any means #i did like the 3po and chewie screen time from the original that i cut here #but it gives rose and finn a reason to be in the story #genuinely shifts the status quo in a way the original didn't #and cuts a fair amount of unecessary faffing about #i wanted it to be more of an ensemble cast #there's a lot of good characters in this movie #but ros just didn't make room for them all #i also tried to make things a little bit less contrived #i'll admit part of these changes may actually just be because i'm more nostalgic for the prequels than the original trilogy #but i also felt like the parallels they were draweing between anakin and kylo #made havig references to the preqels make a lot of sense

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ruffiorocks · 5 years

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James Olsen Issues with powerful men and women (anti James, but only because i think i finally see the issue!)

OK, so after the last episode i have come to the conclusion James is and has been in need of some serious therapy since he first came to National City and even before then! I've started to see a pattern of jealously towards both powerful men and women. Essentially, people more relevant that himself.

Kelly stated that Lex has tried to kill James 8 times now.

We’ve also learned that Lex kidnapped and tortured James to get to Superman.

That is a lot of bad s**t to happen to a guy and not have him work through it. That is guaranteed to cause some kind of issues!

When James got to National City the first thing he did was get involved with yet another super, even though he clearly hasn't worked through the issues that being involved with the first super had caused. This was a super he could get involved with and influence, have some degree of control over.

After seeing his poor treatment of Kelly (before the end of the ep) im wondering if this is what has caused him to have issues with women telling him what to do or being his superiors.

Hear me out (then you can tell me if you think im wrong,which is fine, each to their own).

So ever since James met Superman he has been in the shadow and the side kick of the most powerful alien on Earth. A man that James is even taller than! In addition to this James has been in the middle of a battle royale between the most powerful alien on earth and the most powerful man (Lex). James’ only role in this rivalry was to be kidnapped, tortured and basically nearly killed 8 times. James has basically been a damsel in distress. Maybe this is what led James to go and get himself a black belt.

So, James has never been able to be on par with the men in his life while in Metropolis. Clark is Superman so no competition there, Lex is a billionaire genius, James cant compete and he worked for Perry White a powerful man in the media. Who is James here other than the guy who gets kidnapped? He isnt really relevant in the grand scheme of things and he just takes photos. (By relevant, i mean he is no different to any other civilian other than the fact he knows Superman).

Now James goes to National City, pretty much just after he has been kidnapped, tortured and been given 18 scars. The first thing he does? Gets involved with the shenanigans of yet another super and put himself in yet more dangerous situations with no way to really defend himself. By rights the guy should already have PTSD and should have been in therapy and having a looong get away somewhere quiet without super drama (pun intended).

In the very first episode after Kara meets him and says Cat doesn't like to be kept waiting, James replies with ‘whats she going to do? Fire me right after hiring me?’ His attitude towards his new female boss here is not a good start. A prelude to how he will later treat Lena as his boss?

James also thought he was enough of a big shot to sit on the arm of the couch in Cats office while everyone else was standing up in respect and fear. One look from Cat was enough to nip that in the bud! James got a reality check here.

The first season he got annoyed that Winn knew Kara’s secret, like he was the only one that should have known it. He made a point to flirt with Kara even though he still had a girlfriend he hadnt broken up with.

When his girlfriend came after him he tried again with her while continuing his flirtation with Kara. He then got annoyed at Lucy for working at Cat Co, he broke up with her, he then got annoyed when she came back and Kara revealed herself to her. James was annoyed when Lucy said ‘and you’re back in Kara’s loft, nothings changed then’. Lucy wasnt willing to have a boyfriend who had no respect for her and outwardly flirted with other women in front of her.

So what was James' issue with Lucy? A strong, independent woman who was career driven? Well, maybe that was exactly it. Remember how Lucy was/is a Major in the army with respect, status, is involved in alien, government, DEO business? She’s also freaking tiny and James is like 6 foot tall. he couldnt handle a small in stature girlfriend being above him in any way. James also stood up Lucy to help Kara and always put Kara first, the only one willing to put any work into that relationship was Lucy. James put Superman first, then Supergirl. Lucy Land deserved so much better than James. Lucy would later be made the head of the DEO and work with Supergirl and Alex, being relevant where James was just not.

General Lane, even James’ girlfriends father was a man of more power , influence and relevance than James was. Out shined by both your girlfriend and her father. Even more out shined by your girlfriends sister since shes the Daily Planets top reporter. Who also happens to be the girlfriend of his best friend and the man he will never outshine.

Then we had Barry Allen show up and James was instantly jealous of the attention that Kara gave him. He was once again shown up (in his mind) by a man who was more powerful than he was. A man that could help Kara take down enemies that James couldn't help with.

Winn, well Winn contributed more to helping Kara save the day than James ever did, both in season 1 and when he put on that ridiculous Guardian outfit. Winn was a smaller, none athletic nerdy guy who was 100xs smarter than James and way more useful. James in season 1 was a glorified love interest who didnt do much.

When James did try to help in season 1 he managed to piss people off. He called Clark because he didnt believe Kara could handle Reactron because her male counter part couldnt. (proved wrong)/ He went snooping after Maxwell Lord and got kidnapped and got his ass handed to him again by a billionaire man more powerful and relevant than himself.

When James turned up at the DEO he was told by Jonn to go home, he wasnt wanted there because he wasnt needed or relevant.

Winn was asked to join the DEO and he left Cat Co to go and continue to be a valuable relevant member of the team. Winn was wanted and needed by the DEO, Jonn and Alex.

Remember when Kara was on red K? James wanted nothing to do with her afterwards. Yes she absolutely assaulted him, but that just backs up my point of James’ experiences with someone far more powerful than himself and a woman to boot.

When Lena turned up James was instantly suspicious, another powerful billionaire with more influence than himself. A woman he instantly judged for her family name, even though we learned last week she was kidnapped the same as him by the same guy. She was also the reason that Lex was caught. Lena did what Clark and James were incapable of doing.

James became Guardian because he felt he had the same call to help people and he was ‘meant for this?’ No, James was watching everyone else he knew be relevant and was watching people more powerful than him have influence and was jealous.

James demanded that Winn finish his suit because he couldn't stand being left out and watching the people whose job it was to deal with threats and were perfectly capable of dealing with them handle it.

James told Kara she had no right to decide who gets to be a hero, true, but then he thought he deserved to be one because he had a ‘call’ and he had a black belt. Go join the freaking police academy then! He couldnt stand Kara telling him no’ another powerful woman with more influence than him. Kara didnt want her human friend to get hurt, her untrained human friend. She did meet Oliver, Sara and CO, but they had years of intense physical and psychological training. They didnt get a black belt and put on a Halloween costume and think they were the s**t. Even Alex had to train for month before Jonn let her out into the field.

Alex? Another powerful more relevant woman than James will ever be. She told James and Winn to tell Kara the truth and he didnt.

James couldn't deal with Mon El, ‘I had to deal with the civilians’ ‘Mon El cares about you and himself!’ He didn't believe Mon El could be a hero and didnt want to give him a chance. What was his issue with Mon El? Another man more powerful than him, replaced him as a love interest and was welcomed at the DEO to be part of the team.

Cat leaves James in charge of Cat Co, a job he has zero experience in. But he finally gets to be a man of influence, this shows in later seasons, especially with the COL story line. James has become a man that now has some influence and is more relevant, his words now mean something. But then Lena buys Cat Co and James just thinks he’s going to keep his position and he’ll continue to run things the way he has been and will give her weekly updates. Well she soon nipped that in the bud didnt she? He even said they didnt have an office for her. Well technically his office was still Cat’s and since Lena bought it it becomes her office. He was even rude to her when she asked where Kara was running off to and he got annoyed that Lena held a meeting without him. Sure she probably should have told him, but dont forget this is a man who had no love for Lena and she had no reason to like him, so maybe she wanted to meet the staff without James’ influence, so she knew what she was dealing with.

This was clear example of yet another powerful, influential billionaire being more relevant and one upping James. To add to it she’s another woman who can now tell James what to do.

James realized Lena was staying? Well he’ll just get romantically involved with his boss, that will keep his position and influence in tact.

James looked beyond annoyed when he touched Lena’s bare shoulder and she squirmed (yes squirmed) out of his grasp.

James was approached by the COL who saw something in him and wanted to work with him. James was so flattered by this he got involved with them without even thinking about it, leading to of course disaster!!

Lena told James as his boss not to go and meet with the COL because she had booked him to debate with Ben Lockwood on TV, something that would have made more sense. But James told her she wasn't allowed an opinion on what he does because its work. He told this to his BOSS! She then had to pull rank on him and he couldn't stand the fact that a woman could tell him what to do. He ignored her and sent an inexperienced rookie reporter to do it instead.

James even got pissed at Lena because she saved him from going to prison for a long time for coming out as Guardian. Instead of thanking her he got mad and rejected her love. Another/same woman able to do something that he himself would never have been able to do. He was once again saved by a woman and someone more powerful than he was. A woman who supported his stupid decision to come out as Guardian in the first place.

James gets dumped and decides he may have to look into the lead he tried to squash on his girlfriend. Take down the woman who dumped you? Your boss? Using her resources?

James gets shot and his sister authorizes the use of a drug to save his life. He wakes up and is instantly disrespectful to her and tells her she just wants to tell him what to do and she should go home!

OK so, i conclude from this that James’ traumas in Metropolis has given him serious issues. He is always being kidnapped by male billionaires and beaten up. He cannot stand that there are both alien and human women that are more powerful, relevant and influential than he is and have authority over him. He cannot stand being on the outside looking in, he has to get involved in whats going on even when he’s told not to and people dont want him to. His romantic interests always consist of women who have more power and influence than he ever will, whose thoughts, opinions and decisions actually matter in the situations the gang find themselves in. When those women tell him ‘no’ or pull rank on him, he even dumps them, tells them they cant tell him what to do or he makes them feel like they are in the wrong.

He cannot stand that there are humans out there more relevant and useful than him (Winn) or aliens (Mon El).

James needs therapy, all of this trauma has turned him into this man that doesn't like female authority, cant stand men of more influence than him and has left him with a desperate need to be in the thick of the fight when in fact he has no business being out on the battle field at all. James’ time as the ‘dude/damsel in distress’ when he was with Superman has left him feeling weak and vulnerable and his masculinity has taken a huge hit.

General Lane said ‘You surround yourself with special people, but that doesn't make you special’. Probably the truest words ever spoken to James. James is/was special in his own way, he should have stuck to being a photographer. Like a few episodes back when he got back into that again. All of the above is just James trying to be something he will never be.

Either that, or poor writing. You decide.

#anti james olsen #anti guardiancorp #kara danvers #mon el #supergirl #superman #alex danvers #lex luthor #winn shott #lena luthor #jonn jonzz #lucy lane #general lane #maxwell lord #cat grant #kelly olsen #clark kent

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