#and that wasn't the point today so I failed epically

[amarrymeinbostonwriter]

I have had like zero focus all day and then I realize it's Friday the 13th.

I feel like that shouldn't matter but for some reason it does.

#I responded to one thing my professor sent me #I did a lot of work on my personal writing project and rebranded my youtube channel but other than that no #and that wasn't the point today so I failed epically #got tired of trying so I started fucking around in photoshop #ugh...I feel like I wasted today :/ #mychatter #maybe if I read some chapters or articles for school I'll feel better #and yes you'll see the 'art' I made XD #I have some bookblr posts too as well and those are less unhinged #mostly anyway

[infaria]

So, so, so, SO many people miss the point of the walten files and it's genuinely saddening, because it is such a delicate story hidden behind horror. What makes the walten files stand out from the rest of the big analog webseries out there is the fact that it's so far the only one that is both horror and drama in genre. The only other online indie horror projects that I've seen put focus on placing actual depth into characters so far is welcome home and the tanji virus/oracle project duology (a duology that I highly recommend people to watch, it deserves more recognition).

Martin has said that there's more to the characters than meets the eye, with bunnyfarm specifically noting that "this is a story about broken people, beautiful people"

This is probably why most theories people make are doomed to fail from my point of view. Martin doesn't seem to be particularly interested in creating an epic horror that ends in a thrilling battle or to create the "most SHOCKING, SCARY analog horror ever?!?!" as random reaction channels title their videos as. Maybe this is why Martin deviated from the original format. The walten files 4, despite being 36 minutes long, did not add too many answers to the mystery. Instead, there was a perfect balance of giving more context as well as well as giving more character to pre-existing characters, such as suzan, ed and molly, the antagonist (whoever he is), felix, jack and charles. All that through dialogue and actual cinematographic scenes. The story wants you to take personality and psychology into account when theorizing as well.

I won't post all my theories, but now that we have 4 out, I'll give my two cents on the "who or what is bon" mystery, based on a mix of character analysis and hints given throughout the episodes, site, hidden media and martin's statements.

I never believed the "felix killed and placed jack into bon" theory as someone who discovered the series after bunnyfarm's release. Felix is a coward, self centered, is irresponsible and refuses to acknowledge his issues. And people mistakenly interpret that as "evil capitalist who only cares about his hide". I won't analyze felix (at least not today), because so far he is the one character who we have the most context about his inner psychology and woo boi, there's a LOT of issues this guy has, but point I am trying to make is that he doesn't seem like the type to kill jack because, believe it or not, from what I can gather, he'd never kill a person on purpose.

The only possible scenario I can see the "felix put jack in bon" theory being true is if jack attacked felix after learning of the kids, so felix accidentally killed him in self defense.

Felix is shown to be alive in 1981, so it's unlikely it is him being bon either. (funnily enough, if that wasn't revealed, I'd think him being bon as a good theory, something that, yet again, I'll probably touch upon a future dissection of his character)

The only two scenarios I can think of is a) either jack put himself, either on purpose, or accidentally in bon, b) bon is a third party or c) jack is bon, but someone else placed him in

Out of these three theories, I believe a) is the least probable, with c) being second in place. It is possible jack got depressed to the point of doing something this intense, however it was implied in the Relocation project and the findjackwalten site that he is very likely alive. Here I am mostly going on hunch, but I don't think martin would choose the "Man loses family, ends up depressed and then a vengeful insane spirit" route. I did say above that I believe felix to more more likely to fit that role of "person going mad from mental stress", but I actually believe that he'd be more likely to snap, considering his mental stability after the crash. Also I don't see how jack could accidentally get into bon.

I honestly think both were red herrings from the very start of the series. In fact, walten files 4 pretty much added the possibility that they have nothing to do with the murders (excluding ed and molly*), aside from felix being heavily hinted to have tried covering up the bon incidents instead of reporting them like a normal, law abiding, responsible citizen.

Cyberfun Tech episode pretty much revealed to us that the "bon is just a malfunctioning animatronic" theory is not true, as bon clearly has something controlling it. So I can only see the above theories being correct.

This places the c) theory as most believable. The issue is who is the third party. People have speculated it is the original ceo of cyberfun tech or a demon. I'd personally lean towards the ceo, a demon would be too random for a story that focuses so much on personal strife. And since I am part of the "jack is alive" theorizers, I also don't believe the "manifestation of jack's anger" theory. Something that keeps bugging me also is why did the person who honked at felix during the car crash didn't report anything, it's weird, as if someone saw the perfect opportunity to use felix as a scapegoat for the murders. Maybe bon has an accomplice?

I'm stepping into tinfoil shadow government territory here though lmao

*I know I am being nitpicky here, call me a law nerd all you know, but I especially get frustrated when people throw around heavy words without knowing their terminology, as that can have pretty bad consequences when applicable to real people. Another small fun fact just for extra trivia knowledge: Age of consent doesn't always mean legal, if you're a minor, please protect yourself. Back on topic, no, what felix did was not murder. It's a shitty, also fairly common douchy behavior in my country called "causing death through driving under the influence of alcohol". Here's the difference:

(The first picture says California, but the same exact thing applies to law articles from multiple countries)

This post probably ended up on a passive aggressive tone, I apologize ToT

#the walten files #rant post

[imashoe69420]

Rise!Leo X Reader Headcanons☆彡

Some points are from my other works I’ve written on here so some stuff may look familiar lol

Relationship: Dating (official)

Reader Pronouns: Gender Neutral (but in second person)

Warnings ⚠️ : Swearing

Genre: mostly fluff, some angst

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

• One thing about Leo is he is a very touchy person.

• Whenever you're around, he has to hold your hand or set you on his lap with his chin resting on the top of your head or something of the sort.

• He would never tell his brothers, but he loves to carry you around. If he has to go anywhere outside of viewing distance, he will carry you like a koala wherever he needed to go. Yes, it slightly inconvenienced him, but at least he could occasionally kiss your cheek or neck as he prepared a snack in the kitchen.

• Although he was charming, he often poked fun at you. Especially when he found your diary from the 5th grade where you had an obsession with this one boy that's presently kinda ugly.

• “Dear diary, Colin is soooo cute!" Leo read in an exaggerated breathy voice.

•"Leo, don't!" You screamed playfully as you tried to reach for the diary, but he held it away out of your reach.

• "Hold on, just one more page!"

• "Leo! Give it back!"

• But sometimes, he didn't register your mood before making a crude joke.

• One time, he made a joke about something you were insecure about. Usually you'd just laugh it off, but you had had a bad day and that was your breaking point.

• He felt like the worst boyfriend seeing you cry because of him. He apologized over and over until he practically went horse. "I'm sorry, that was dumb. I'm dumb. That was stupid. I thought it was gonna be funny. I'm sorry, don't cry!"

• "No... it's just... today kinda sucked." You told him.

• Leo was relieved that it wasn't solely him that made you upset, but he was still pissed at himself.

• He got you a few blankets to wrap you in, and then he tried to cook you something that epically failed, so he settled for some canned tomato soup that he tried to pass off as his own. Which epically failed again.

• "You did not!" You accused him. "You don't know how to cook.”

• "I do too!"

• "Do not!"

• "Do too!" Leo grabbed you, smothering you with kisses as you giggled and tried to push him away.

• He always knew how to make you feel better.

• During every one of his missions, he would send you a selfie of him posing with the villain in the background. The villain was usually getting their ass kicked by his brothers.

• Be back soon, babe! He would text you.

• You laughed and texted back, You shouldn’t be texting me! You’re gonna get hurt!

• Just checking in w the love of my life, he texted back, making you blush.

• Of course, Leo can’t meet new people often, but you had introduced him to your younger siblings when he had swooped in through your open window and your eight (8) year old sister stood staring at him in awe.

• Leo didn’t know what to say as he didn’t even know you had siblings. He just stared awkwardly for a bit.

• “(Y/N) has you on her screen saver.” Their sister ratted on them.

• (Y/N)’s ten (10) brother stalked out of his room to see who his sister was talking to. He screamed when he saw Leo. “(Y/N)! There’s a monster in the living room!”

• (Y/N) rushed out of their room and sighed when they just saw the turtle still staring dumbfounded at her little sister, Harriet.

• “Harri, Carson, this is Leo.” (Y/N) said slowly as they approached Leo rested a hand against his shoulder, finally shaking him out of his stupor. “He isn’t a monster. He’s… uh, a friend.”

• Harriet quickly took advantage of Leo’s social awkwardness and forced him into a tea party, then a makeover. She kept asking him question after question: how old are you? Where do you live? What’s it like being a turtle? Do you go to school? What grade are you in? Do you like to color? What color lipstick do you want: red or purple?

• Although he was uncomfortable, Leo tried his best to be nice and charismatic.

• Your brother sat in the corner of his sister’s room to make sure that what you said was true and Leo wouldn’t to eat her.

• “Are you and (Y/N) in love?” Harriet asked the turtle. He tried to laugh it off, but the little girl stared intently at him, waiting for an answer.

• Of course Leo’s in love with you, but he’d never said it verbatim. Maybe an “I love you” or “you’re the love of my life”, but he’d never said he was in love with you.

• “No duh!” Carson scoffed before Leo could answer. “They’re always talking about him but didn’t think to tell us that he was a big green monster!”

• “Stop it! You’re hurting his feelings!” Harriet threw a dusty eyeshadow at her brother. “You’re being a bad brother in-law!”

• “He’s the in-law, not me!” The boy retorts.

• “Hey, can we just—” Leo tried to deescalate the situation for the sake of his heart mere seconds away from pounding out of his chest at the idea of him and (Y/N) getting married.

• The kids continued to argue until (Y/N) came into the room with a plate of cheese, crackers, and grapes cut in half. The siblings flocked over to the plate, leaving Leo in a chair that was way too short for him.

• (Y/N) stifled a laugh at the makeup smeared all over Leo’s face.

• “Looks like Harri likes you.” They took a makeup wipe sitting in a pack on their little sister’s dresser.

• The turtle shrugged, a smile on his face as you wiped away his colorful yet messy “makeover”.

#fanfic #rottmnt #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt fluff #rottmnt leo #rottmnt leo x reader #rottmnt raph #rottmnt reader insert #x reader #rise donnie x reader #rise leo #rise leo x reader #headcanon #rottmnt headcanons

[nightswithkookmin]

What's this obsession of some people in the fandom so abruptly just decide JK can't stand Jimin and toss him aside like he's nothing just because he's doing restaurant tours and goes out with friends recently and Jimin is off line by choice? especially if Tae is around him? it's honestly bizarre how creepy and toxic that narrative is because that's not how real life works. do they think the guys wake up one day and just cutting people out of their lives changing who they like more or less by the day? "He has a new BFF" "that is a proof jkk were always fake" and the funniest "JK moved on from Jimin". howw??? when????? we know nothing about their private lives now more than ever yet they still spew this nonsense based on not knowing where Jimin is and tkk chilling. JK uploaded a birthday video only 2 months ago and talking about how his mom made him soup just because Jimin ate soup so how on earth it makes sense to think such drastic negative thing happened between them. seriously some people in this fandom need to go outside and stop projecting their creepy mindset on others. I noticed they also fail to see the big picture again and again, fans tend to judge or gloat according the content that drops by the day (even if the moment happened months ago) and don't realize that what they see sometimes is not what actually happened today and vice versa, and that every relationship is unique and important in different ways. we don't even know what Jimin or JK are doing right now (who knows maybe they watch the football final. maybe all 6 watch it together- we don't know). the concept of bonds and relationships in real life VS what people analyze and mocks gets twisted too quickly and turns into something very ugly and it happens mainly (only) to jikook. I never see the same treatment towards tajin or soup or tkk or vmin when they go radio silence or even after admitting on having past tensions, fans always give them the time and support and love and know they are good. it's bizarre and alarming how fast people choose to see the bad in jikook and only them based on... 60 days. it's going in circle for years. Insanity

My cranium hurts at this point

All duh- TRUE. And isn't it crazy how Vmin remain soulmates even after battling it out to the death over dumplings? DUMPLINGS. WASN'T EVEN THAT DEEP.

No one admits to the ghettory that goes on behind scenes more than Vmin AND YET

SOULMATES

They are soulmates even though Tae's most epic songs were all inspired by his quarrels with JM.

At no point in time throughout those nasty fights were their soulmate status revoked- EVER even though the members literally voted them as the pair that fights the most. Even though their tensions sipps through most times such that even we on this end of the screen could sense it.

Hobi and Namjoon literally throw shoes at eachother when they mad, Jin made Tae cry like a six year old, Yoongi nearly tripped Tae down the stairs on gis way to edit his fansfics-( the exaggeration is mine if cos)

Vmin can be ghetto and soulmates in spite of Jikook and Tae Kook but God forbid Jikook throw cock roaches in eachothers pants cos the other didn't text back fast and suddenly they were never friends and whatever they had was fake.

Jikook comes off so real everyone trynna prove them false at this point. Tae Kook come off so false every one looking for the least evidence they are real.

And at first I used to think it was JMs Kumabaya ass that was driving him to always present their relationship positively out here but no. Now I think it's cos of all these pumpkin heads roaming the streets in 2D brains.

It's ok. Jikook can have issues too and STILL BE THE COUPLE OF THE GROUP.

It's okay if JK "toss" JM aside, when JIMIN THREATENED NEVER TO CARE ABOUT THAT MAN EVER AGAIN. Or did we forget about that? Their most slamdunk moment came after one of their MOST nastiest fights.

Yes VMin fight but guess what? They protect eachother from bullies too. They are complex human beings with complex emotions.

Jikook clearly have their own relationship struggles. They are human at the end of the day.

But I think I know where all these is coming from. Vminkook is a trio.

And wherever there is a trio, I feel these issues are bound to arise every now and then.

Tae Kook is part of vminkook just as much as Jikook is a part of Vminkook. Whenever Jikook bond- tuktukkers are bound to feel they do so at the exclusion of Tae. Just as some Jokers feel right now that Tae kook are excluding Jimin because they don't see "evidence" of those two hanging out with JM.

But that is not our place to decide.

These men- I SAID MEN- Can decide for themselves. If JM feels left out nothing stops him from letting those two know.

I mean we've been through this phase already haven't we? Jikook complaining Tae don't have time for them because he was filming with all these other actors?

And didn't JK just say publicly, call JHope out publicly for leaving his dance out of a compilation?

Do we not have a video of Jungkook starting his own Vlive in impulse because Jinmin left him out of their Vlive?

Don't members say when they feel left out? Sometimes more expressly, other times passive aggressively?

I try to approach these matters with a little bit of sensitivity and understanding most times but i swear sometimes I feel my sphincter snapping.

But yea sometimes the members themselves feel excluded, left out and Isolated every now and then. It happens. They feel lonely, they miss this, they miss that and they say it. Hobi says he misses JM, Tae says he misses JM.

Suga got ill and JM turned into OliLondon carrying his cutouts around so he feels included.

They hit eachother up, show up at eachother's homes, go for drinks, catch up- DO WHAT NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS DO WHEN THEY MISS THEIR FRIENDS.

So no, I'm not about to stress my edges off over two grown adults navigating a three way friendship.

But I can understand where jokers are coming from. Everyone wants their ship to thrive. Everyone wants assurance their OTP are doing fine and that there's nothing wrong with them and they going strong.

Yet I am in no position to offer that assurance to anyone. Nor am I open to any angsty supposition. I take Jikook as they come. It's their relationship not mine.

That said, if they try to break up I will find them, put a water pistol to their heads and intimidate them into exchanging vows🙂

If Jimin misses Tae Kook HE CAN CALL THEM UP.

And who even is to say he is not doing just that?

They went out to Harry styles' concert ALL THREE OF THEM

They post their VMINKOOK power photos every now and then.

They are aware they are a three way friends group- THEEE MAKNAE LINE OF BTS

Most times I feel people deal in extremities- on one hand, there are those delusionally pessimist gang who think the worst case scenario is playing out with Jikook, and on the other hand there's the delusionally optimist who think nothing could ever be wrong.

After listening to Jimin explain how much Tae had changed, listening to tuktuk talk out their problems and hearing how the Busan bros nearly disbanded, I would be a fool to dismiss any tensions.

But the truth i feel sits somewhere in the middle.

Jikook really could be going through something( worse case)

They really could be going through nothing( best case scenario)

Or they could be JUST FINE but then having very human moments of being petty out of missing eachother, feeling left out, feeling the other is too busy, or becoming too overwhelming, being too prideful to pick up the phone to call and leaving words unspoke or just struggling to recalibrate their relationship because they are on different paths, with different goals and different objectives- not to mention schedules.

And I know I joke about this but for Jungkook, for someone who goes to another member's room to just sit there at 1am, I don't suppose he takes too well with being lonely.

Jimin equally talked about how he used to struggle being by himself because he was scared of his own thoughts.

These people deal with some serious stuff out there.

Jimin even intimated to Jungkook how lonely he feels.

They all nearly went crazy when they were forced to isolate because of covid. It's not easy.

Personally, I have always been one of the view Jikook were too close to codependent for their own good and have always advocated for independence and just a little space for each to nurture and foster healthy relationships with other people.

Jungkook cannot just substitute JM with Taehyung. Because then, like you said it would be the same cycle. You can't fill the void left by people with people and things and Jungkook is a smart guy to know this.

Tae Kook begun laying the foundation for whatever dynamic we are seeing out here long before they announced their Solo. From their sope conversation, to end of year selca, Tae Kook min vlive, to them posting eachother and liking the others post.

I don't know why it has some people in a twist😆

You can literally draw a straight line through their relationship. It ain't deep💀

People are busy worrying bout tuktuk but all I want to know is WHY JIMIN DYED HIS HAIR 😫😫😫😫

Is it for a concept shoot? MV? Variety show?

I don't want to spend my money on that bag only for him to drop his album and I'm broke as hell😭😭😭

As for Jokers we miss our ship, we miss everything they stand for, we all wanted them- expected them to be posting each other like crazy, liking each other's posts and commenting just like old times on Twitter-

We all miss Jimin playing cheerleader to JKs Quarterback.

We all wanted to see them out here supporting each other above all else- even haters thought that's what was going to happen.

Let's take our Ls in pride and hope for the best

And let's all be honest and say we just hate that tuktukkers are happy

Chilee lemme speak for myself it kills me to see Tuktukkers frolicking around laughing like hyenas

Time to sacrifice a Virgin on my jikook gods alter

The jikook karma is brewing I just know it

What we are not going to do is lie on Jungkook, villainize him and make him out to be some traitor to our course. Cos if Jikook has taught us anything, it is that no one forces Jungkook to interact with anyone.

Neither are we going to hate on Taehyung and blame him for "stealing" Jungkook and wrecking Jikook's relationship.

As with everything, let's just wait it out and see how Jikook unfolds in this new phase.

It breaks my heart knowing very well if JM dares to like or comment on Jungkook's post- THEY WILL DRAG HIM FOR FILTH😔😔😔😔😔

But let's see.

I mean it's two posts up and already he shut his DMs.

Tuktukers turn my anus hair gray I swear to GGGOD!

[pk-freezer-burnt]

Epic Yume Nikki - Dream Diary - Review

Five years ago a reboot of the cult classique video game Yume Nikki was released into the world at the tender age of zero. I have recently completed the game in its entirety, and today....... I share my thoughts.

I remember shatting myself when this game got announced on Steam. I got it on release day! However.... my laptop back then was not strong enough to run it - like I couldn't even move Madotsuki at all and my laptop was torching up. So, super duper sadly, I had to refund it......

And then.... I felt even more disappointed when the initial reviews came rolling in for the game on Steam and they were "Mixed" - and if you are familiar with Steam game reviews, if a game manages to have a mixed reception, it's p much synonymous to shit. I was shocked bro. So since then I was under the impression it was a failed reboot that didn't get the same feel as the original game, or just too new to be seen as Yume Nikki.

Fast forward to recently, when I figured I'd pick the game up again (and now able to play it since I've gotten a new laptop within the past 5 years) and.... I SERIOUSLY wish I didn't listen to those reviews, because now I get that they were probably the crowd that gets too repulsed by reboots/remakes that are too different from the original (Pokemon fans know what Im talking about). Like cmon guys it was made under the supervision of the dude who made the original Yume Nikki themselves

Anyways. HOLY shmoley. I'm serious. This game was SO GOOD!! The art... it was just BEAUTIFUL! In the reboot, you actually get to see Madotsuki's diary (which is full of sketches and concept art as you progress thru the game) and I went ahead and collected ALL the drawings because I love them so much.

I do remember being a little sad that there were less doors (I think?) compared to the original. Number World in the og was my favorite place because somehow seeing a really really long number on the floor was somewhat unsettling. Sadly it wasn't there, but the way the worlds were intertwined and different areas were referenced were SO genius.

Shout out to le new creature made by the original creator, thanks for throwing up blood everywhere when I played hot cross buns on my recorder I mean flute

Ok so I figured out his name is Wrapi :]

Likewise with the worlds, there were only a few effects present in the game instead of 20+. Although I do like the Eye with Hand effect being remade into a Hamsa ^___^ I don't usually see that amulet in media which is awesomesauce. And it's fitting.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Fisherman, cup boy at the mall filled with blood or juice who tripped and spilled everywhere, AND.....

Also, ironically, the scariest part of the game for me was after you make Mado stab the monster on the highway. and she wakes up. And your controls stop working and she stares at you. Yeah I shat myself bro not even gonna sugarcoat it.

Second scariest part was when the last achievement I had to get was to score 5000 POINTS ON SUPER NASU ARRGHH!! (i did it tho).

Ok so now IT'S ENDGAME TIME.

The game actually has two endings and neither of them are the same as the original. And I think I like that. The main ending... it gave Madotsuki more hope, i think - Like escaping those nightmares and getting back to living life happily. Even though the majority of the game is in the dreamworld, the further you progress, the messier Mado's room got and the more she woke up upset. Seeing the main ending made me happy for her :] I also liked the secret ending (had to look up how to do that one), I think this one implied more of an escapism ending. So not as much closure but yeah.

Overall, I really liked this game. It was a great homage to the original, had engaging puzzles, beautiful arts, and lovely OST remixes.

IN CONCLUSION:

#yume nikki #yume nikki dream diary #the ice cubes speak #my epic game reviews

[theartificialintelligentsia]

i have a lot of thoughts about City of Blades, because, good lord, i think it's one of the best books i've ever read as an adult

(spoilers below, duh)

City of Blades is ultimately a book about war, and the associated glorification of death that comes with it, the implication that, even if you die, it will be for a higher cause. it's a lesson that's been constantly repeated throughout history. you saw it in ancient times, with the Norsemen and the concept of Valhalla, that dying in battle would net you the most desirable of afterlives. you saw it with The Crusades and the retaking of the Holy Land, for the Chosen Ones, from the dirty, heathen Muslims. you saw it in the recent past, with the Cold War and the fight against the evils of Communism to spread Democracy across the world. you see it today, with the War on Terror, continuing the good fight to spread Freedom and Democracy.

but City of Blades serves as a deconstruction of that idea, to point and say, "is this not wholly and utterly insane? death is death, no matter how much you try to dress it up." many characters in this book thought they were giving their lives to something greater, and yet that turns out not to be true.

Rada Smolisk orchestrated her scheme because she thought it would jump-start the Night of the Sea of Swords and destroy the world that took everything from her. what did she get for it? a bullet to the face.

Sumitra Choudhry made her way into the City of Blades because she thought that she was going to make the ultimate hero play to stop the Voortyashtani sentinels. what did she get for it? a lonely death of dehydration.

Pandey picked a fight with Turyin because he thought that he would avenge his fallen love and exact a measure of revenge for the wrongs that had been done to him. what did he get for it? a blade to the heart.

Lalith Biswal orchestrated his scheme because he wanted his opportunity to start another war so that he could claim victory and be lauded for it as a hero. what did he get for it? a bullet to the chest.

you see so many descriptions of this disbelief over the shattering of the idea of a glorious death. Turyin, upon finding Sumitra Choudhry's corpse:

There's a trace of irritation or discomfort to [Choudhry's] large, dark eyes, as if she can't believe this is happening to her, that she should come so far just to die here, alone on a bridge over ghostly waters.

and, after she shoots Biswal:

He stares at her in disbelief. Then he says, "I'm ... I'm not going to die, am I? I can't. I just can't ..." Mulaghesh watches him. "I wasn't ... I wasn't supposed to die like this," he says softly. "I was supposed ... to have a hero's death. I'm owed a better death." [...] She can't quite tell when he dies. She can tell his vision is failing him, and then perhaps he's passed out from blood lost but is still alive ... and then ... Nothing.

all of these people died ignominious, unremarkable deaths. because war doesn't give you these hero moments like you would read about in an epic, or a movie or TV show. those are often written by those who weren't there and would never understand what kind of hell war is like. war just takes lives, without any regard for a narrative or a story.

but this is a story. and one could reasonably expect the narrative expectation of important characters meeting just fates, because they have importance to the plot structure. but this is where Bennett also plays very well upon the expectations of the readers, as well.

it's easy enough to assume that Signe would survive, because she's Turyin's sidekick, and, of course, she has to make it, right? nope! one would also assume that Vallaicha Thinadeshi would have merited a more meaningful and fulfilling death, right? nope! it's a common trope in fiction that the good guys live, and the bad guys die, because that's how it's supposed to work, right? but what we see here is that good guys and bad guys, alike, meet ends that feel hollow, unfulfilling, and meaningless. it's a very interesting subversion of expectations on Bennett's part.

and, of course, Turyin is the one that has to pick up the pieces from all of this. you would think that someone who committed as many atrocities as she did during the Yellow March and committed just as many heroic acts during the Battle of Bulikov would have merited a heroic end? nope! it's almost ignominious and unremarkable, in and of itself, for Turyin to be the last one standing at the end of all of this.

anyway. all of this is to say that i truly enjoy the thematic elements that have been employed here. it's easy enough to think back to all of the books that i read in primary and secondary education, where i only really thought of those books in terms of the themes that i would have to describe in a paper or on a test. this book has really employed such a theme in spades, but it's also provided a very enjoyable narrative to read.

#city of blades #robert jackson bennett #sff fiction

[hlmowrer]

Week 22: My life is a haphazard mess, but maybe that's a good thing?

What a week.  Let me incoherently tell you about it!

Sunday:

So remember that really long talk I wrote in a single day?  Well, Elder Sines had also been asked to speak (for a shorter, more introductory time) so I really hyped him up to take a bit of extra time..and boy was he listening.  This dude talked for like 17 minutes!  President Kimball had anticipated that we might struggle to fill time so he had added an extra musical number to the program as well...the end result was me giving my talk in the final 5 minutes of the meeting.  I had to skip over entire pages on the fly!  It was good life experience I suppose, and everyone seemed to enjoy the meeting.  Later in the evening we had a zone finding challenge...there was a points system for how many people we could find and talk to in an hour.  Elder Sines and I tried to full send our effort, but it turns out even downtown Kalkaska on a warm Sunday night is super dead.  It was genuinely hard to find anyone outside, much less get them to talk to us.  Eventually we found a group of people playing a card game in a park, so we didn't come dead last in the challenge at least.  

Monday:

We met with Ben again!  We had a great chat about the Plan of Salvation and why Adam's fall was necessary.  We read out of 2 Nephi 2 in the Book of Mormon as we discussed, and that seemed to really help with his reading comprehension.  (He had struggled to get much out of his personal reading when there wasn't a relevant discussion topic to go with it)  After we were done studying, we had a neat chat about aviation (apparently he's thinking about going to flight school!)  and Ben's dad showed up and offered us pizza!  It was epic.

Tuesday:

Today was a bit hard.  It was a pretty gludgy, empty day for most of the afternoon, and then in the evening we met with President Kimball and Brother Hoover (Our branch president and branch mission leader respectively), and they had a very long training about how we need to be all in and always using time efficiently and so on.  I've always had a hard time with endurance, and my introversion makes my need for personal time really strong.  It's hard for me to listen to stories about missionaries really "giving it their all" and feel motivated...I usually end up feeling quite the opposite.  P. Kimball and B. Hoover did have some good suggestions for what we could try this week though, and I think Elder Sines got a lot more out of their pep talk than I did.  He was also willing to listen to some of my frustrations about it, and it's really nice to know I can speak candidly to him.

Wednesday:

Today's highlight was an impromptu zone conference in Traverse City with President and Sister Heap (yes I know I said I wouldn't see them again...this was added to the schedule last minute.)  President and SIster Heap shared some thoughts about what they wanted us to remember and focus on...the things they felt were most important for us to remember going forward.  They told us a bit more about how the presidency transition would go logistically, and they bore really powerful departing testimonies.  Sister Heap's really got me too...Sister Heap has always been the organized, stable foil to President Heap's energy and emotion.  Seeing her speak powerfully and even cry a little was very unexpected, but honestly proves that she really meant it.  Over the past several months I've really come to love and rely on the Heaps, and I'm genuinely quite sad to see them go.

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday:

These days shared a trend of a few successes intermingled with quite a lot of amusingly stupid fails.  I got a nasty cold that made it hard to breath and therefore a bit loopy.  We had a really great new member lesson with Kami, met a new friend on Facebook called James, and got some really good intel from a branch presidency member while we built his floor for him.  Interspersed with these victories were a bunch of really annoying L's, ranging from the really sad (One of our new members has repeatedly cancelled appointments and is ignoring all attempts to contact him) to the just plain stupid (We drove to like 5 different markets trying to find pizza before settling for a crappy hot dog...which I promptly dropped face down on my pants).  It's hard to be in the right place at the right time when it comes to finding new people as well...Kalkaska is pretty dead, so we have to go to other towns to be effective but we have to plan that in advance so sometimes we just get stuck in Kalkaska during prime hours with nothing to do.  On a brighter note, Elder Sines and I have taken to just hanging out before bed in the evenings and sharing funny stories from our past.  I'm really grateful for the fact that I can not only get along with him, but I can actually enjoy hanging out with him too.

I'm going to be honest, I hate this email.  There's so much more I'd like to say, but it's hard to articulate what's actually important about these experiences a lot of the time.  Sufficeth it to say, I'm continuing to learn a lot of life lessons out here.  Sometimes I feel like I'm doing well, and sometimes I don't.  But at the end of the day, this is my life.  I'm growing here, and that's what this life is for.  So I guess everything is going along great :)

Love you all <3

-Elder Beren Mowrer

[phantombmoll]

Rambling regarding writing

Summary; I reflect on going beyond the mysterious veil of being an author and hating what I found. I reflect on how finding out I was autistic made me dislike it even more and how now, I appear to have come full circle and am returning to writing for the love of it, behind a pseudonym and enjoying the anonymity of fanfiction.

For as long as I can remember I've loved writing and storytelling and the various formats it's come in. I've loved writing fan fiction, original fiction and scripts.

I always wanted to be an author, stories and ideas just seem to tumble out of me and I was never more content than when writing. The idea of life with a Jessica Fletcher style typewriter, therefore, and the freedom to write endlessly was something I dreamed about.

The problem is, in the past few years I've gotten to peek behind the veil of mystery, that's always surrounded being an author, a real out there in the world published kind of author. I've been able to go beyond the veil and as oft happens with me I've not liked the world that lay beyond the curtain.

Now I understand my Neurodivergence and that I'm autistic I can reflect on this time with a much deeper understanding and the realisation, today, that I have not failed at being a creative but that I am also not built for that world of creativity.

My first mistake when it came to my writing was my Masters. I was hopeful that stepping back into academia and gaining a Masters in Creative Writing would help me understand the path I needed to take in order to become a writer. In a way it did, it cemented to me the idea that traditional publishing wasn't for me. It also cemented to me the confidence I had in my writing. This was an expensive lesson though.

Self-Publishing it was - or was it?

I joined several writing groups, patreons, chat rooms and circles in the self-publishing sphere. I learnt everything I could about self-publishing, about drafting, marketing, building fanbases, curating spaces, cover art, font types etc.

It all left me feeling slightly cold.

I published my first book. I knew that there wouldn't be a flurry or attention and I was not expecting, hoping or wanting some type of overnight sensation. I just popped it out there and moved onto the next project.

Even this left me feeling cold though.

Which to me was odd considering even fanfiction that has had poor reception or no reception at all has still left me feeling some sort of happy.

Along with the above, the pandemic, work, mental health issues I burned out. I felt dead inside.

I discovered I was autistic.

I was suffering with burnout but even whilst recovering from it writing still became a sticking point, being an author became a sticking point. I felt like the joy and the happiness. The circle of seemingly endless creativity seemed not only blocked but repulsive.

Then I realised why.

The space of indie/self publishing authordom, just like it's traditional counterpart is a space that I will never be able to belong. It's a space that will never hold shape for someone like me. It's a place that takes more energy to sit in than it does to avoid.

Success in those spaces comes down to one of two things. marketing or dumb luck. Marketing - is not just about how much money you can pump into the machines of amazon ads, it's not even just about the number of followers on your social media. It's so much more than that. Good marketing is also socialising and schmoosing and recognising the cues in order to make people like you and stick around. It's about making friends, making people feel like friends, and being able to make small talk and work a room.

I know this might seem like a jaded or cynical take but it's not and it's not my intention to shit on those who can play the game and work these spaces.

It's just these spaces are not built for people like me. Autistic people who epically struggle socially, who can't keep up with a facade, who can't play the complicated popularity and political games that are needed to succeed in these spaces.

These spaces/the whole system are not built for the introverted. For those of us who truly like to be alone.

And it is entirely fair, given the game that's being played.

Anyway....

This morning, with this on my mind, I decided that I'm taking back my writing, my creativity and my brain from this space. I'm taking back my whole being from this space because it doesn't belong and it never will.

Back in my early days of being online I'd have just deleted everything. Upped and left and started again. That's a lot harder to do nowadays though. Especially with today's social media.

Instead then I've done it in my mind. I've almost severed the me from the past few years. I've found the multi-colour robe of the me before and I've altering it to fit the new version of me. I've relearned who I am. I've decided to reclaim my love of writing and story from a space that's left it barren and sparse.

I'm coming home to fanfiction, to writing for the pure and unfiltered love of it, the exploration, the fun, the warm fuzzy feelings it gives. I'm stripping every influence and whispered word from spaces meant to turn creativity into commodity and I am coming back to giving large and free for love.

This is all very rambly and mostly for me.

Which is what I think this tumblr will be from now on. More active. My secret corner to just be free. Like I used to.

[stellocchia]

Okokok but Stell. Stell. My beloved. This has no context but like.

The fact Tommy thinks he has to be the hero again isn't even wrong. Like. Don't get me wrong it sucks but the facts are that he's the only one willing to be "the hero" and someone has to be.

And of course he thinks that. He was waiting for a hero to safe him and everyone for weeks when he was in exile and noone came. Noone attempted to really help him or anything.

Even Tubbo who decided to visit him just a few days after he left wouldn't have been there to save him or anything. He would have just visited him (and like don't get me wrong that would've been amazing but still)

Tommy's whole narrative has always been about not waiting around. His inability to take proper charge is what enabled (and listen I don't blame him for this) Wilbur to blow up Lmanberg. In exile with Dream he waited for weeks for someone to help him and it just made things worse and if he hadn't managed to once again take matters into his own hands he would've died there.

Right now he has to be "the hero" again because Wilbur is going to free dream and dream will kill Tubbo and everything will go down the drain again because people on this server are lazy fucks.

I mean technoblade who for some reason made it his mission to "protect the server" from tyranny *cough cough police everybody's life's cough cough* took weeks to actually do something against the eggpire. At that point they had kidnapped several people and brainwashed even more. He was there when they locked ranboo with the egg and he just. Waited for weeks after that to actually do something. Like I'm sorry but no wonder Dream sees Tommy as special. The kid is the only one who has actual priorities.

Like I get that he's the only one with a lot of important info but jfc it's not like him telling people would actually change a lot. Like Jesus fuck. This guy is the only somewhat competent motherfucker on this server and the only actually competent one is dream.

Like yknow how we joke about how Tommy can't have a villain arc cuz he's too good? Quite frankly he can't have one because who tf would stop him, either. Like he'd have to invest 0.5 braincells and he'd have won.

No seriously

The eggpire has been doing more than just shady shit for months just getting more and more obvious. And noone was actually doing anything. Some ppl said "mmm I don't like this" and then just kinda... Watched. Again. Technoblade watched ranboo get trapped and yeah he rescued him but then they just. Fckin left. Dream invested some braincells and was able to go "undetected" in broad daylight. Showcasing his villainy and if it wasn't for Tommy he would have gotten away with it Scott free.

If Tommy actually wanted to be a villain? Bitch could do it and fckin succeed because who the actual fuck would even get off their ass to stop him if he's somewhat smart about it?

Anyways that's my rant for today c ya

I love this whole rant so much! 

Also yeah, the server as a whole is made of a bunch of lazy useless f*ckers who absolutely LOVE grand epic speaches, but that are completely USELESS when it comes to actually DOING something. 

Like, remember the Green Festival when Dream openly admitted in front of EVERYONE that he manipulated Tubbo that whole time just because he wanted the thing he needed to control Tommy before destroying L’Manburg and everyone’s conclusion was SOMEHOW that Tommy was the viallin in all of that? 

This fricking idiots have the deduction skills of a 2 years old and the capacity for action of a new born kitten. 

That’s of course unless it comes to destroying stuff and causing trauma for some people *cough cough* Techno and Phil *cough cough* by exploding countries and allying themselves with the absolute worst f*ckers in existence with zero repercussions, but I digress!

Quackity is a bit of an exception to this whole thing because he’s the only f*cker aside from Tommy who TRIES to do something! He tried to de-convert BBH, he tried to explode the Egg, he tried to get rid of Techno (justified or not, at least he was DOING something), he is trying to get the knowledge out of Dream so he won’t be useful anymore and he stopped the banquet. Man is actually useful. 

But everyone else???

Like, my guys, it really WASN’T that hard to see through Dream’s or the Eggpire bullshit, both of them where actually absurdly open in their f*ckery, WHY did NO ONE ever do anything aside from Tommy and Quackity?? 

Like of f*cking course Tommy feels like all the responsabilities are on his shoulders, because they fricking are! Who else is gonna stop Wilbur? Phil who SOMEHOW immediately started believing him AGAIN after confronting him about lying to him for months and being persuaded that the assisted suicide was actually the best case scenario? The man who was living in New L’Manburg for WEEKS and yet somehow failed to learn ANY history about them??? Like, who is gonna do it??

#ladycatland ask #tommyinnit #dream smp #long post #this was one hell of a long ass rant from both of us #we are absolutely 100% right though #it's a nice sentiment saying that tommy 'shouldn't have to be the hero' #but truth is that everyone else is just utterly incompetent...

[latenightsuburbansprinklersystem]

I've been having a truly indescribable meltdown all night and was dreading having to go to this stupid mandatory 4 hour cpr training at work today that would've made it so that I could for sure only get like 4 hours of sleep max for work tonight (not why I was having a meltdown but it wasn't making life any easier) and I made it all the way there despite every individual molecule in my body screaming at me to tell them I couldn't come only to immediately combination kratom+anxiety vomit green slime and bile all over myself my car and literally the only somewhat clean clothes I had the second I started to get out of the car to go inside. and at this point I was just like yeah no I'm not doing this today and had my friend bring my green slime drenched towel in as proof of me being unfit for all that hogwash and just left. thankfully my manager just texted me to tell me that it's OK and even used a little heart emoji so long story short my epic fail became an epic win and now I get to panic and try not to kill myself alone in the comfort of my own home (at least until work tonight) rather than in a conference room surrounded by my coworkers. awesome

[sultrybaby]

Your steps are quiet, your feet are nimble as a deer. You slightly peer into the working quarters of 'Luxury café ', your order replaying endlessly in your mind- it was crucial to find the identity of the one that you seek. You see the same workers as always. That show-off pretty girl with her extravagant movements was writing down an order, and then she walked out as if her life depended on it.

Subtle eye-contact. So subtle, you were sure she'd barely even seen you. Anyway, the purple-haired, dark-skinned mare did not matter. You observed the movements of the workers and tried to pinpoint the ingredients, all while attempting (and failing) to not die of the nerves. It did not feel as epic and heroic as it had looked in your head. Your eyes scoured for anyone who might have your order or a piece of paper -or if luck would allow, both- but it was a mighty task with the way there was so much going on in the bustling quarters. A slow, hulky man was mushing together ingredients without a care in the world (not to give out the wrong idea, though, his coffee making was nothing less of perfect). A red-haired man- who you knew to be Julian- was the most 'normal' of all it seemed. Occasional confusion, constantly checking the recipe book- he was what you might expect a normal barista to be like when they worked. You tried not to look at the blonde haughty himbo- who was flirting more than he was pouring(half of which fell outside the mug). And beside him stood a surprise you had not been expecting.

Your crush, Portia, dangling onto him as the blonde man placed kisses over the span of her neck.

Expecting to find her making your coffee in itself was a far reach- but seeing your crush (whose life wasn't your business, of which you were aware) be in such an intimate position with someone, looking so very happy, it broke your heart more than you would like to admit. You thought you were strong and understanding, you thought you could laugh it off if this happened. But here you were, heart-shattering-- the whole point of this escapade forgotten.

You do not know how long you stood there, or when it was that little waterfalls travelled down your face, droplets racing down your nose, your lips salty and dry. But as the first sob wrung out, you were brought back to earth. Biting your lip, you decided it was time to get out of the place. No one seemed to have noticed you yet- the hulky man looked tired, Julian was too focused on a book, and as for Portia and her mate, they were still too caught up in each other. You gave up on finding the mystery sender and walked out to your usual table.

A latte was neatly placed on the table, a paper towel adorning the sides. On top of the mug was a note- one of many you had seen. And on it, in a writing all too familiar and loved, you found the following words,

"I wish you wouldn't feel as if you had to find me.

For sometimes in reaching for things that pull you,

You find things that break you."

As you cried, lonely at a table...a little farther away stood a purple-haired, dark-skinned mare, heart-wrenching at the thought of someone breaking your heart. And as she stormed into the quarters to give a lecture on 'professionalism during work,’ she wondered- not for the first time- whether she should hug you and tell you how much she has yearned. Today brought in a bit of courage, something she hadn't felt before.

Nadia's steps are quiet, her feet are nimble as a deer as she drops her phone number in your bag.

#nadia #nadia the arcana #the arcana fanfiction #nadia the arcana fanfiction #the arcana game #fanfiction #works- writings

[abunchofbadchoices]

Michael's Song

HSS Michael x MC (Jordan) in Midnight Sun AU

*Disclaimer: Most of the lines I got from the actual movie the Midnight Sun and all the rights belongs to the creators and writers. This is merely a converted fan fiction*

Part Two

"Maria Flores." The principal announced.

The audience erupted into cheers and applause, the principal shaking hands with the Student Council President/Valedictorian as he presents her diploma and Maria Flores bowed proudly to the crowd.

His name is to be called next on stage. Michael stepped forward, not knowing exactly what to feel and to be honest, he just wants this whole thing to be over and get the hell out of Cedar Cove.

He looks behind him and sees a timid blonde girl whose name he barely remember from the classes they shared. Emily Hawkins? Emma? Going farther, he caught some of his teammates' eyes from the line and they raised their fist.

"Go Tigers!" Caleb cheered. Michael smirks.

"Michael Reginald Harrison." Principal Hughs called from the stage.

A ruckus of cheers and hollers came from both the Varsity team and the cheerleading squad. Even some of his 'outcast' friends-- Morgan, Koh and Wes-- joined in on the noise.

"Yeah, Michael!" They yelled.

"Congratulations, Michael." The principal told him with her usual fond smile.

Michael shakes her hand and takes the ribboned diploma from her then raised it in the air, seeing both his parents sitting on the bleachers along with the other, proud smiles on their faces for once. Not the constant disappointment he sees from them all the time.

The graduation continued, unaware of another student, a certain girl named Jordan, has been watching the whole thing live on their local city news.

Jordan smiles on the screen. There he is. He must be famous, she thought, seeing as a lot of students cheered for his name.

▪️▪️▪️

Jordan wakes up around nine in the evening. Her room shrouded in darkness with only a glimpse of the light down the streets.

There is a noisy honking sound coming from the outside and she gets up quickly to check what it was. Down outside, the streets is littered with teenagers walking in groups, chatting excitedly among themselves as they passed.

"I can't believe this is happening!" The driver of an SUV yelled at the others, honking the car.

They must be the students that graduated earlier that day, just like her. Only the difference, they appear to be heading somewhere fun and exciting.

With a sigh, Jordan showered and gets dress before walking down the stairs. The house appears to be empty at first, then she goes down the hall and into a dark room where her father had been setting up a set of photographs.

"Ooh. That's a good one!" She said, watching her dad hung a grayscale stolen shot of herself to a cable.

"Something weird's going on right here." Scott pointed on a spot where her face is.

She punched his arm, pouting, then looks around the dark photography room. Since waking up, Jordan had an idea of going somewhere other than her room, but she wasn't sure her dad will be up for it considering he rarely let her go anywhere by herself.

"Hey, Dad, uh..." She bites her lip nervously. "I was wondering if I could go play with my new beautiful present at the train station tonight..." Earlier, her Dad gave her a present...the same guitar her mom used to play for her years ago.

Scott turns on the light, looking down his watch with a frown. "It's 10:00. Why can't Maria just come over? You could play here for us."

Jordan groans. "Maria's busy with her family. And, Dad, I love playing for you-- I really do, but I also need to get used to playing in front of other people. Please, please, please! Fred will be there. He'll watch out for me-- And I graduated today! Yay!" She wrings her hands in a faux festive way. "Isn't that the American tradition, to extend my curfew?"

Her father looks up the ceiling, trying hard not to grin. "Okay, I'll extend your curfew one hour--"

She squeals in delight, wrapping her father in a hug as she jumps up and down her feet.

"-- which means midnight, okay? Hey, and text me right when you get there, or I'm not just gonna call Fred, I'm gonna come down there. It will be so embarrassing it will become urban legend on why kids should stick to their curfew!"

"I love you!" Jordan shoots finger guns at her dad before disappearing out the door.

▪️▪️▪️

Michael managed to get himself his own bonfire.

The rest of the party has been in full swing at the distance, their classmates dancing, playing and laughing on different bonfires surrounding the beach.

He takes a swig of his beer. Michael had been watching Caleb, Julian and Wes having fun with Payton and the other girls from cheer squad.

To be honest, being here is as much fun as waiting for the graduation ceremony to end. Michael didn't want to be there, but unfortunately, he has a group of athletic friends who practically hauled him out of his house a couple hours ago.

"Dude, is this place--"

Michael shoots the guy a serious stare, then watch with a satisfied smirk as the guy rush as far away from him as he can.

He takes another swig.

From their bonfire, Michael noticed Wes heading his way. Julian and Caleb jostling behind him.

"Hey, don't do that thing." Wes pointed out when they reached his spot.

"What thing?" He sighs.

"That." Julian shrugged.

Wes pats his back. "I mean, you look all sad and it makes me sad."

The three guys chuckle, obviously had drunk too much already.

Julian offered him another can of beer. "Please, just chug this beer and come hang out!"

"Dude, you dodged a bullet, man." Caleb grins. He was probably talking about his failed application to Berkeley, where Michael had been hoping to go after high school and escape from this town. "You were gonna be up at the ass crack of dawn every morning, taking tests, nowhere near the beach. And now, we get to do this..." The guy gestures around them. "Our whole lives!"

Oh, for the love of God, please no. Michael says inside his head. He stands to face the others with sarcastic snorts. "I forgot, doing this our whole lives, it's way better than a full ride to Berkeley."

Julian turns to whisper conspiratorially. "Giselle, on three o'clock."

As expected, the girl indeed went to join them, her gold hoop earrings swing on the side of her face. Giselle gave her a dazzling smile. "Michael..." She says his name in a sing-song way. "You're in trouble."

"What did I do this time?" He played along.

"You didn't get me a drink."

"I didn't know you were thirsty."

"Now you do!" Giselle suddenly pushed him on the left shoulder, making him wince, and her mouth dropped open in surprised at what she did. "I'm sorry!"

"It's okay." Michael grumbled.

"Is that the bad one?" The girl lifts the sleeves of his black shirt, revealing the long jagged scar on his shoulder. "Well, now that you're not playing, maybe you'll have a little extra time for me."

Ah, there it is.

Michael and Giselle grew up close in the small town of Cedar Cove, since Kindergarten actually. For a long time, they were best of friends. Going all over town, recording epic videos together. That was them.

Yeah, typical high school story... The jock and the cheerleading captain getting cozy all the time. But at some point, Michael got tired of everything. He started missing out on parties, spending lunch breks away from everyone. The injury was only the last straw.

"I also have some extra time for you." Wes quipped. "And I'm not playing ball."

Caleb nudged him on the ribs. "You were never playing ball, dude."

"Giselle! Get over here, bitch!" Her friends called out.

"Hold on!" Giselle touchs Michael's arm, her voice turns soft. "You're coming to my graduation party, right?"

Michael nods his head, reluctantly. "Yeah, I think so."

"Good."

And with that, the cheerleader walks away, her hips swinging along with the music.

The guys watch her before turning back to him, goofy smiles on their dumb faces.

He reached down on the bench, picking up his dark-green bomber jacket and puts it on quickly.

"What...what are you doing?" Caleb asked, confused.

"Dodging another bullet."

Wes stepped forward, alarmed. "Come on, Dude! It's our graduation night."

Michael backs away from them, arms up. "I'm not feeling it, boys. I'll see you later."

▪️▪️▪️

The knock she did on the glass window made the man look up from his desk.

"Hey, yo, Fred." Jordan greets.

The middle-aged train station officer smiles in delight at the sight of her. "I was wondering if you were gonna show up tonight."

"What, and disappoint all my fans?" She asked, pointing on the empty lot surrounding the ticket booth.

The man let out a hearty laugh, then she waves over and walked to the small bench on the corner where she always sits to play.

Jordan pulled out the guitar from the case then sets her journal on the space beside her. She knows exactly what to play, and it had been the only song she wanted to play first on her new guitar.

She played a few warm-up notes first, then smoothly gliding her fingers through the strings as the first few notes of the songs plays out. It was a song she had been writing lately.

"While you're fast asleep, counting your sheep,

I'm breathing...

I'll be up all night, playing through this twilight dream

Cause all my life I have been patiently waiting,

For lights to dim to fulfill my destiny...

I'll keep reachin'... As far as I can till break of day

I'll keep reaching..."

Jordan didn't even noticed but the last trip for the night just stopped in front of her and passengers steps off one by one.

"The light of my life will find its way

I know if I reach too far I may not ever recover..."

People passed her by, dropping coins and bills on the open guitar case, but the smiles on their faces was enough for Jordan to keep the music on.

"But I know the stars, Ain't all I'm meant to discover,

So I'll keep reaching..."

It was a rather chilly night. Michael shoves his hands into the pocket of his jacket and strolls briskly down the streets, passing by the train station which is still open for the late night commuters. He was almost around the corner when he sees it. A girl. She was sitting in front of the ticket booth as she plays guitar, the movement of her mouth indicates singing but from the distance, he couldn't hear what she was singing.

To be continued...

▪️▪️▪️

Note: the song title is Reaching by Bella Thorne.

#playchoices #choices #hss #hss book 1 #hss book 2 #hss book 3 #maria flores #michael harrison #michael x mc #caleb mitchell #wes porter #julian castillo #giselle

[nightswithkookmin]

IS JIKOOK SENDING US AN SOS? Dynamite MV VLive Analysis

Disclaimer:

Everything expressed in here is my opinion. It is not intended to be malicious or disrespectful to BigHit or any of the members mentioned in here. Also, note that I am an alternative shipper. Hence my POV as well as commentaries can be a bit out there. You are warned.

First order of business: Dynamite is lit! What?! Shut up!! It's is a hit y'all! Omg! The boys killed it! I'm gonna cry. They brought it! They shook our world once again and I am so proud of them! But please keep streaming and sharing their music still. Keep supporting them. It's not over. Thank you.

Now on to today's business.

I have received a ton of messages/asks on that particular Vlive. I know there are a lot of moments to discuss and dissect like RM tapping the thigh of JK at the start of the video so stop him from staring at JM like he normally does. He is on to Jikook. They all are.

But I can't discuss all that in one post so I will do that across several posts. Bare with me.

What I want to discuss today is a moment I found a bit unsettling in that live.

This moment:

Is Jikook trying to tell us something?

On the surface of it, that moment ain't deep. Jimin was just reiterating that they(we) had all been through a hard time these past few months hence why they came up with dynamite.

What's interesting to me is, right before he delivers this line, he declares he wants to show the members in the background and proceeds to adjust the frame to that effect.

All the members were in frame- all of them. Yet, for some reason he readjusts the frame so JK appears fully in frame. It is at this point that Taetae, sweet creature Tae yells, 'let's not look into the camera!' And then he looks to the side real fast. Bless him. The shade!

From the moment JM took the camera Tae had his eyes on him. In fact, he had his eyes on jikook especially Jk from the get go. Which is evident from the way he was subconsciously mirroring Jk's reactions:

Jk touches Namjoon's hair, Tae touches Jin's hair etc. Y'all when I tell you Tae has got JK's number! He is on his project VMin soulmate agenda and no Jeon Jungkook is coming between them. Careful Tae, that Maknae has a frying pan and a mean hook! Lol

He was looking at Jikook via the viewfinder as they were staring at each other through the viewfinder and he knew what time it was!

Tae has seen them do that signature eye fucking/ subtle communication thing through the Viewfinder on countless occasions. So I'm guessing he clocked real fast what those two were up to and he immediately prompted them to stop- in a friendly shade throwing kind of way. Lol

'Let's not look into the camera' he said. Get it? Do you get it??? *smirking. I love Tae!

You could tell from Namjoon's reaction that he wasn't too pleased with that though because that interjection somehow was drawing attention to 'Jikook.' something he has been trying yet failing to avert for years now.

Jk didn't look particularly thrilled either as he turned to look at Tae. Not saying he was pissed just saying he wasn't thrilled.

It seems, whatever message Jimin was gonna share he wanted to look JK in the eye while he said it. Just as JK tends to look Jimin in the eye when he delivers certain lines, verses and messages about 'Army.'

And when you think that the message Jimin was delivering in that moment was that 'they had been through a lot' it seems he was talking trying to address something personal peculiar to them two.

However, because Tae clocked them he had to change his speech real fast. I say this because Jimin suddenly kept looking back at the members as if they were distracting him which to me is just delay tactics so he can compose himself and gather his thoughts and not be caught on the spot.

It's interesting to me because the moment Namjoon said they should all talk about their feelings, JM was quick to say he wants to do it in a close up like they did at Billboard but then proceeds to set the camera to reveal the members.

Given Tae's reaction I assume he set the camera so he can talk to us with JK, to share whatever they were feeling with us. These past few months have been really tough for them starting on 30th March- If you know you know. *wink

I have said time and again that Jikookers are Jikooks support system. If we didn't give them strength they wouldn't talk to us, share with us this way. It's their glass ceiling and they are not hiding.

For those who don't want to hear about the 'drama' and all the ups and down we speculate they go through- you are doing more them more harm than good.

Jikook is not a ship anymore. They are real. You are doing jikook a disservice when you can't create space for them to be human. When you can't tolerate their 'dark side.' They are human too and they go through it.

Part of supporting them, is allowing them to tell their story as it is. To experience the good and the bad in their relationship without judgement. Some of us have been crucified for speculating about Jikook fights until Jikook themselves admitted to having epic fights that y'all didn't see coming. The tattoo girl scandal happened cos y'all didn't see it coming.

When Jimin asked 'which one' when Jk asked if he remembered their fight, he indirectly implied there's been several other fights. Keep an open mind!

Just because you don't want to hear about it don't mean they don't happen. I'm side eyeing some of y'all. If you don't want to hear about I don't want to hear about it. Keep it pushing.

Anywho, do you. Close your eyes and hold on to that perfect kumbaya couple image you have going on in your mind. But don't mind if we don't. We love them regardless.

Keep loving on them. Keep supporting them and stream dynamite. Namaste.

Signed,

Goldy

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