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quarantinebreakup412081121 · 3 years

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Day 1: Long Story Short It Was The Wrong Guy (AGAIN)

After nearly a year of being miserable after my ex and I broke up, and about 8 overlapping months of attempting to date, I finally met someone.

He seemed genuinely nice. He met me at my neighborhood park and we walked his dog, around and around and around for probably a couple hours. We talked nonstop- about 90% of the conversation was about our dogs. We left and he hugged me goodbye (I turned to the side because- COVID- and I wasn’t expecting it... but it turns out he was vaccinated already) and said we’d do it again.

The next time he came to my house, met my dogs, and we walked his dog around my neighborhood. My dogs aren’t up for more than about a half a mile walk, so they stayed at home. We talked and talked, we ended up back at the house before we were finished, so we re-walked half of the route, then walked part of the neighborhood beside mine. By the time we got back, we still weren’t finished talking, but it was getting late. We attempted the hug again. He was vaccinated, I was going to be vaccinated the next month. His dog lunged when we were going in for the hug and it ended up being kind of a 101 Dalmatians, tangled hug moment. It was funny and a but awkward, but definitely memorable.

He said we’d do it again.

Then he asked me to go to his apartment so he could cook for me; he called it a date. It was a little fast, but I made the hour long drive and went over for shrimp and fake meat tacos. We also watched a movie. It was nice. He kissed me on the way out. It was sweet. I wasn’t sure that I wanted it to happen so soon, but I left with butterflies.

The next few dates alternated between him coming here to do outdoorsy things and me going to his apartment for a meal and a movie. It was beginning to feel like a real relationship.

Over the next 5 months, he introduced me to all of his friends and we went to game nights together, coordinated to play video games with his friends when I went over, attended his friend’s post elopement wedding party, and he had me sign the photo matte that they had in place of a guest book. It felt real, it felt solid, it felt like it would be long term and like he really cared about me. It felt like the opposite of what I had with my ex.

He had me meet his dad. He came over and met my family. He said he’d go to Disney with me and he asked me to go skiing with him and his family. He said he loved the beach and that it was his favorite place to go- so I anticipated multiple beach trips over the summer. He listened to Taylor Swift with me, we watched dumb movies together, went grocery shopping and made Target runs together- aka “couple shit” as he called it. I loved it. I never got to do everyday couple activities with my ex. He’d cook for me, I’d cook for him, he’d make random Taco Bell stops for me and he knew my order.

A few weeks ago, I finally decided to open up to him about some of my anxiety and worries. I thought that the person I’d gotten to know over the last few months would be a person I could talk to and be real with- something I could never do with my ex unless I wanted to be judged and then ignored about it. He listened, and attempted to offer a helpful response- which wasn’t really helpful, but he TRIED. That was much more than I’d ever gotten from my ex. A few days later, I went over to his apartment for the night. We had dinner, it was off. The conversation was off. The movie was uncomfortable- like we were just sitting through it to get it over with. He went to bed early but I was so wide awake that I sat in the living room playing on my phone and watching the storm outside for another 3 or 4 hours so I wouldn’t toss and turn in bed and keep him up sine he had to work in the morning. In the morning, I had to drive home at 7am on only a few hours of sleep. I was cranky from that and the way the previous evening had panned out.

I laid in bed for a bit and snuggled his dog. She’s so sweet. She loves me and I love her-- so do my boys. I laid there thinking “this feels like it might be the last time I ever see her... so I just scratched her head and took a photo to remember the moment.

The goodbye was awkward, and I texted him when I got home and apologized for acting weird the night before and that morning. I told him things felt off for some reason and laid out some things that were on my mind. I thought open communication would be a good thing and that it would help him to understand my headspace and show him that I felt comfortable enough with him to talk to him about these things.

The next week, he avoided hanging out with me. The week after that, same story. I asked him to come to a concert with me on a Sunday night- he said he’d love to if it wasn’t on a Sunday. Then I asked him about another concert on the following Tuesday night- I jokingly asked him to play hooky from work and come with me. He said he couldn’t- but I understood that; it made sense. I went out of town for the weekend to visit my brother and he said that we’d plan time to get together once I returned. I returned and he mentioned nothing about getting together. I brought it up once and he didn’t acknowledge it, but he still talked to me, just a lot less than usual.

The conversations we were having sounded like repeats of previous conversations- and I honestly don’t know if he didn’t remember telling me some of those things, but he liked to partake in a beer or two or three... pretty frequently- so I’m not certain that some of the time he talked to me, he wasn’t 100% there. But that wasn’t the point- he was just sending me pleasantries and fillers as texts. No real conversation.

I started getting worried because my mind went to the worst possibility. He was checking out. We were done- or almost done. I asked him if we were good because it seemed like we weren’t. He said he was good and that work was just really rough lately and he was basically working and sleeping all the time. All of my worries melted away and I instantly felt a sense of relief-- I had been worrying for nothing! So I asked him if he had time for an evening hangout on Friday or Saturday or a different night if those didn’t work. I’d come to him and bring food and we could watch a movie and veg out for a bit.

That was last night.

This morning I woke up early to go to a sunflower field to take some fun summer photos. With covid apparently flaring up again, I was trying to find safe summer activities to do before the season’s over. Since I couldn’t get my guy to go with me to basically anything, I decided I’d do the things he didn’t want to do with me on my own and do the other things with him. It wasn’t so much a compromise as it was me just learning to be okay with having someone who didn’t want to take part in activities with me. My mom went with me an we got some gorgeous photos. I kept an eye on my phone expecting him to reply to my hangout request, because once he said yes- I’d also ask him to go with me to visit my brother in a couple weeks an have a fun beach weekend.

On the way home, I went through the drive thru at the bank and while I was waiting, I noticed my phone blinking.

It was a text. From him.

I don’t think we’re a good match for each other. There has been numerous occasions where you’ve said or done something (even in the name of “joking”) that hasn’t sat right with me. I’m sure there have been times you felt the same about me as well. I don’t want to waste any more of your time either. I hope you find a man who is a better match for you.

First of all, what the actual fuck. Secondly, there *have* been numerous occasions. Third- I have no idea what I said or did... Best I can muster is that since I’m pro equal rights and pretty liberal, maybe it came across as offensive because I think he has family members who are... trump-esque. I barely brought up politics because I didn’t want to make things weird. He is a cop and I never made jokes unless he did first (he’d regularly joke about cop stuff and talk about how he isn’t a typical cop and how he doesn’t like hanging out with other cops or doing cop stuff or even talking about cop stuff outside of work.) He gave me a whole spiel about he’s not a “cop cop” when we first met, like he was trying to sell himself to me-- which he didn’t need to do, but I thought it was cute.

I asked him if we could talk for a few minutes later in the day because I wasn’t understanding what was happening. I told him that I wasn’t trying to change his feelings about anything, but I wanted to talk. He totally blindsided me.

He never responded.

It’s basically midnight and he’s had most of the day to respond. Five months and he can’t even give me an explanation.

This is what I get for trying to trust people.

Tomorrow- or later tonight- I’m sending one last text and blocking him. He knew that’s how my ex ended things and how insensitive it was and how wrong it was. We had this conversation. And after five months, he just strings me along for the last few months and then ends things with a text. So goddamn insensitive.

I know I’m better off without someone like him in my life, but this hurts so much more than the last time because at least my first ex was a jerk and it was on brand for him. This one... my second ex... he was supposed to be better than this. He was supposed to be nice. He wasn’t supposed to hurt me, not like this.

#quarantine #quarantine breakup #breakup #love #loss #heartbreak #heartache #quarantinebreakup #lockdown #betrayal #folklore #longstoryshort #taylor swift #taylorswift

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1230

When was the last time you felt like “getting into someone’s pants”? Way back last year.

What is your favorite energy drink, if you have a favorite at all? I find energy drinks nasty.

Would you have kids with the last person you kissed? That wouldn’t be possible even in the literal sense.

Do you know someone who threatens to kill themselves? Before.

Would you ever completely dye your hair the color green? Yes, but I would opt for a darker shade rather than a bright or neon one.

Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship before? I have not. Thinking about it, I’m pretty low-maintenance so I could probably handle it if I ever find myself in that situation, as long as I’m invested enough in the relationship and my partner.

What is your favorite food to eat around Christmas? I like anything my family prepares really, but I definitely go for lumpia first if I see a whole container of it.

Do the people in your town speak like rednecks? No and I’m not sure if we have an equivalent for that here.

When was the last time you cried happy tears? Like a week ago when the Permission to Dance video came out. The ending when everyone was taking off their masks and smiling was really heartwarming.

How liberal are you? Enough to make most of my relatives uncomfortable.

Would you mind living near large predatory animals? Yes. I’ve lived in gated villages all my life so it will take a lot of getting used to.

Have you ever experienced altitude sickness? I don’t think so. The ‘worst’ I’ve experienced is just feeling pressure in my ears and having weakened hearing whenever we drive up mountains; it takes a while before mine do the popping thing and I get my normal hearing back.

What’s your biggest priority right now? To be consistent at improving at my job and making fewer mistakes as I go. I shared this with my boss recently and she told me not to worry too much as I’m doing better than I think I am and that the mistakes I beat myself about have actually been small and fixable ones, but the perfectionist/workaholic in me just refuses to be reassured lol.

If you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself? The last time this happened, public wi-fi was still mostly a myth so I had to contend with A LOT of forced napping just to make the time pass by. I didn’t have a phone either, so my experience was extremely dull and boring.

Are your hands unsteady? They’re not surgeon-level stable but I think they’re fine for the most part.

Do you listen to a lot of mainstream music? I used to until I got into BTS. I haven’t really listened to any other artist since getting into them back in April lol.

Do you think you’re pretty? Some days.

Have you ever added someone you don’t know on Facebook? Yeah, a few work contacts like bloggers whose names I recognized but have never talked to/engaged with.

Do you have dirty pictures in your phone? Nope.

Have you ever looked up porn on the internet? Yes. I have my on-and-off phases when it comes to porn though and these days I don’t watch a lot of it.

Would you ever shoot someone right in the face? In a case of self-defense where I was clearly trying to be killed, that's right where I would aim. But otherwise, of course I wouldn't. < Sounds about right. But holy shit that sounds like it would look so gross.

Have you ever sold drugs? I’ve never been around drugs ever.

Did you ever try cutting yourself? It was a coping mechanism many, many moons ago.

Who’s the last guy you texted? It was a - surprise surprise - delivery guy who needed directions again to my house.

Who do you know that wears the most make up? I’m not sure, but then again most people I know don’t really put on makeup these days because lol Covid and stay-at-home orders??

Do any of your friends have kids? None of my friends do but I know several acquaintances and people from high school who’ve already given birth.

Have you ever been tied up? Yeah.

How many times have you been cussed out? Nearly everyday as a teenager.

Are you anyone’s first love? I think?

Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? Nope.

Do you have more than one personality? Nope.

Do you prefer gory horror films or the psychological ones? Psychological ones for sure, but I don’t mind gore as well as long as it’s fun to watch and that it’s not too corny.

Do you have a favorite YouTuber or do you not watch much YouTube? I haven’t watched a lot of YouTubers these days, but very recently I’ve been gravitating towards soothing vloggers like Anna Park and Mejiwoo. Their vlogs are greeeeaaaaat and I’m excited to discover similar creators so I can watch more videos that carry the same vibe.

Are you a good dancer? I dance only when alone or when drunk. That said, I’m no good at all.

If you could find one long-lost friend of the past, who would it be? Continued from yesterday. It’d be nice to reconnect with Raegan for like a day, just to catch up. Then again I’ve since been able to track her down on social media, so it’s nice to be able to see how she’s doing, at least from afar.

Was your sixth grade teacher a man or a woman? The teacher-in-charge of my section was a woman. They didn’t really appoint guy teachers to be TICs until recently.

Have you ever had any teeth pulled? Yeah, but it had been a decayed tooth at that point that really needed to be pulled since it technically didn’t have a purpose anymore.

Do you wash your hair or your body first when taking a shower? Hair.

Have you ever been to a nursing home? I don’t think so.

Have you ever lived in a house that has been broken into? Fortunately, no. My mom’s childhood home was robbed though, and their grand piano ended up being stolen :( To this day they have no clue how the thieves were able to pull it off without making too big of a fuss.

Is there someone in your life you don’t want in it? I don’t think I dislike anyone that much at the moment.

How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over? Three. Two of them because they died, and the other one is my dad for the times we had to drive him to the airport though I only cried over it only as a kid.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Andi.

Has anyone ever told you they were in love with you? Yes.

Pretending to “never get the text” from someone who annoys you. Is that you? Not really. I reply, just not quickly enough.

If your ex came up to you and asked you to take them back, what would you say? Honest to god I would probably be smug about it, and ask what led to the sudden change of mind. I’m doing too okay now to entertain the request though, so idk if I would agree to it or not because I’ve worked pretty hard to get here.

Do you prefer boys to shave down there? I wouldn’t know; I’ve never been with a guy before so I haven’t really had a chance to establish a preference.

How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? Nothing.

Do you enjoy watching cooking shows? I have my moods. I prefer my cooking shows on YouTube, though.

Do you worry about gaining weight? No.

Have you ever seen the movie A Walk to Remember? Cliche or worth watching? Yeah the acting was so fucking cheesy the first 5 minutes the only thing left for me to do was gag. What’s one event your town has that you don’t like to participate in? They don’t really organize stuff here, or if they do I never join them to begin with.

Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses' names? Nope. I know my sister doesn’t want to get married + I don’t speak to my brother, so I dunno if I’ll ever have any in-laws tbh.

Do you like being home alone or does it freak you out? Well obviously I crave it these days, so it actually feels nice when everyone in the family has errands to run on the same day.

Did you lose friends when you started dating someone? I lost Sofie, but I also blame college life for that loss.

Did you leave milk and cookies for Santa when you were little? No.

To who did you last give the finger to? I haven’t had to flip someone off in a while. I’m guessing just some stupid driver.

Do you talk in your sleep? Nope. At least I have never been informed that I do.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents? It’s civil enough for the house to stay quiet most days, but it’s nothing excellent.

Have you ever been a featured member on any website? I don’t think so.

Do you feel that your previous relationships were a waste of time? Yes.

Do you prefer hot chocolate with or without marshmallows? Without. I HAAAAAATE marshmallows.

Which do you like better: Regular cakes or cookie cakes? I never got the point of cookie cakes tbh lol.

Have you ever been hit by the opposite sex? No.

If your significant other cheated on you, would you take them back? I know I definitely have the capacity to be dumb enough to do this, but it would also depend on how invested I am in the person.

What was the last song you listened to? I'm currently listening to a slowed down version of Jungkook’s cover of Biebs’ 2U. 4 AM things.

What do you look for most in a friendship? I’ve answered this question on a previous survey, same with a few of the following questions.

#survey #surveys

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