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sunshine-jesse · 3 months

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In defense of Andrew Graves: Facing Yourself

Alt title: Andrew Graves: The Will to Plow Her

I think my analysis of Andrew is one of the best essays I've written so far. But since then, I think I've expanded my understanding of his character in a way that urges me to add on to my prior essay. What I intend on doing is further fleshing out my reading of Burial, and going deeper in detail on why I think Decay ends up panning out the way it does. This essay will end up sharing a lot of text with my prior one, but will add enough scattered throughout that I think it merits a complete reread instead of just scrolling down and seeing what's new.

I've focused a lot on Ashley in my past writings. She's my favorite character in the story (and depending on how episode 3 pans out, maybe ever) and I'm pretty mortified by how some parts of the fandom have reacted towards her, so I pretty much made it my life's mission to push back against that. From highlighting the ways Andrew mistreats her, to coming up with justifications for her behavior that aren't just being a manipulative bitch, I really wanted to prove that a more favorable picture of her could be painted than most were willing to.

But in doing so, I've left Andrew in the dust.

In highlighting his flaws and the ways he mistreats Ashley, I think I've implied a level of intentionality to his actions that I don't believe he has. When I say that Ashley did nothing wrong, it's in direct response to the idea that she holds the most responsibility and agency in how their dynamic plays out, when in reality, I believe she has very little. Most of her actions in-story are in reaction to a variety of stimuli that come directly from Andrew, that he has control over and are aware of how Ashley feels about. His refusal to use clear and direct language to deny her most toxic tendencies causes her more and more stress as time goes on, and instead of giving her clear answers he opts to be catty, passive-aggressive, or, at his worst, threatening. Never direct and never clear, except when establishing boundaries over his name after the choking scene. Andrew fails to help Ashley be better in some frankly depressing ways throughout the whole story, especially in their childhoods, so we never get to see where she'd fall short if given a better influence.

...

Kind of. More on that later!

In mentioning his thing about preferring to be called Andrew instead of Andy, I also implicitly mention one of the places where Ashley falls short in their dynamic and could stand to do better: recognition.

This scene says a lot. It's the most heartbreaking scene in the game, if you ask me, and probably the single most profound and well-written moment in the entire story. I could write a whole 2000 word essay on it alone, but I've already said most of what I have to say about it through what I've said in other essays, so I'll spare you all that. Instead, I'll use it to highlight something:

"I had fun."

Their dysfunction is fun to her. She's so used to abuse and alienation that even the most awful, stressful (as far as we know) route of the game is still fun to her. And that's not a sign of her being a secret evil sociopath or whatever; that's actually not abnormal behavior to develop for a lifelong victim of abuse. Those highs and lows, those strong emotional highs and lows are -addicting-. They're -fun.- Part of why abuse victims get into so many abusive relationships is because it's easy to pick up on those patterns of thought and take advantage of them, and the cycle of abuse is often furthered when a victim of abuse tries to draw out mutually abusive behaviors in someone with no interest in having that kind of dynamic.

This is where I'm willing to acknowledge Ashley's manipulative tendencies. Not just as a matter of controlling Andrew for its own sake, purely out of jealousy or possessiveness, but as a matter of trying to further the only dynamic she's ever known in her life. Better the devil you know, right?

That push and pull- that emotional rollercoaster- is all many of us know. And it's all Ashley knows. This dynamic is something she's so used to that she reacts incredibly harshly to any attempt to change it, because she doesn't know that things can be better. Because of this, she refuses to engage with who Andrew really is, and tells herself- and him- that she *hates* Andrew:

This scene is almost as heartbreaking as the above one in a lot of ways.

Andrew putting his foot down about the Andy/Andrew name dichotomy wasn't arbitrary and it wasn't just about his comfort. It was about Andrew giving a clear indication about what needs to happen for their relationship to improve. He's recognizing the cycle between them and wants to put a stop to it, because he's confident that things between them CAN get better and evolve into something healthier. Ashley, not understanding that their dynamic can get better, because their "fun" little push and pull of abuse is all she knows, rejects that. She rejects the unknown, and says- in Andrew's mind at least- that she'll never accept that new dynamic, nor will she accept who he really is.

Ouch. No wonder he looks so sad in that screenshot.

They have a conflict of understanding here, and I think it's fair to pin most of the responsibility on Ashley. Andrew was clear in what he wanted, and Ashley just... Didn't. She didn't see the importance of it ("...whatever that means in practice") and didn't really ask. This gap in communication, perfectly displayed in this scene, is likely what causes the Decay ending. He wants things to be better, and wants to treat Ashley better, and whether or not he understands the ways in which she communicates with him is in part what determines what he sees her as.

But there's a lot of evidence that he always wanted things to be better, that he always wanted to treat her better. But external factors have made it very, very difficult, and I think there are two key points in which he started to shed the importance of those external factors and seek that better relationship, both of which happening in the apartment: The killing of the warden and the 302 lady. In the first case, he was forced to do it to protect Ashley in a way he hadn't done before, or depending on how you look at it, since the death of Nina. But the intentionality was the key point here. After this point, he calls Ashley Leyley, which may or may not seem important at this point, but it's something I'll draw attention to later, so keep that in mind.

Next is the killing of the 302 lady, which is the much, much bigger point. We don't learn much about it until later on- as at first he just gives an excuse about the nail gun that doesn't line up with what we see on the map- but during the dream, it's revealed it was a calculated, intentional killing that he did to make sure there was no evidence left behind, and because Ashley (supposedly) would've wanted him to do it anyway. I say supposedly because Ashley herself doesn't seem to ever want Andrew to kill for her past Nina's death, because he only ever kills for her to defend one or both of them. If you want more evidence that violence for violence's sake isn't something she wants, look at this part in the final dream:

A knife isn't what opens the door, despite it being placed on the ground in that very map. While it seems obvious that the knife (violence) would be the key to solving the puzzle, it's put there explicitly to show you that it isn't. It's not what she wants; what she wants is a flower.

So, why is this important? Why am I centering Ashley- again- when this essay is supposed to be about Andrew?

It's because these two killings are when Andrew's self-delusion over who he really is starts to break down. It's still there, mind, as he still relies upon Ashley as an excuse to justify it, but, as well as what I've said before, the name ultimatum is an implicit confession that the normalcy he finds comfort in is starting to lose its grasp on him. There's a lot that's been said about Andy being something close to a "moral impulse" for Andrew, given his child self's reaction to Nina's death being the only thing he does that approximates a normal moral response to his and Ashley's actions, but if you do think that- which I think is a reasonable thing to think even if I don't necessarily agree- there's something you must also keep in mind:

-He- is the one who doesn't want to be called that anymore. -He- is the one who wants to let that moral impulse go, and Ashley is the one making it difficult.

That reading is assuming that Andy is a moral impulse, which I think is... either wrong or too simplistic. Every time I see that reading, it's from someone who's trying to paint him too sympathetically and absolve him of most moral responsibility. I also find it infantilizing to equate morality with childhood in such a way? But that's another tangent that I didn't sign up to talk about. What I do think, however, is that it's a useful framing device to display his own relationship with morality; the allegory to his child self doesn't have to be there for the general pattern to exist.

When Ashley starts to grill Andrew over the killing of the 302 lady, he gets mad. Very mad. Ashley sees it as pointless, as him covering his own ass, but he genuinely did it for her sake, because he thought that's what she wanted, and that it'd make her happy. But what makes her happy isn't violence- or any similarly extreme action for that matter- it's attention and validation. Something he's always reluctant to give her, despite the fact that he always chose her over the alternatives. But despite making that choice, it's always empty and meaningless, because in Ashley's mind, he never did it for her sake.

And hoo boy, does he not like it being framed like this.

He is perfectly willing to do whatever it takes to keep them happy and safe... but only for her sake. It has to be for her sake. He still needs that traditional role, and he still needs to have a narrative in which he's the good guy- a protector. Because it can't be for his sake. It can't be because that's what he wants. He has to uphold that romantic (in the literary tradition sense) ideal. His darkly romantic idealistic streak colors many of his actions and beliefs. This is most plainly visible in his quip about a double suicide being romantic, but it's also visible within the symbolism present within his dream, such as how he can only pave his own path in blood unless Ashley lights the way. It's visible within his appreciation for poetry, and it's visible with how the cultist within the dream speaks in Shakespearean English.

But the transient nature of this ideal is also revealed within this dream, because there's never a cohesive, guided path, even with Ashley there to light it up. Contrary to Ashley's dream, where you literally have maps showing you where to go, Andrew's dream has many more dead ends and no map to guide him. The symbolic role he acts out gives him no clarity, and there's no overarching narrative; merely a bunch of disconnected symbols.

This is contrasted with Ashley's dream, which has narratives so clear that the story literally gives the dream an episode title.

In a sense, he wants to view himself as an actor acting out a role in a story. He wants his life to be poetic, to represent something greater, and to have a cohesive narrative. This is why he's so disconnected from his true desires: He's more concerned with acting as a representative of an ideal than a person with agency. But every time the mask drops, every time he stops acting, his true self becomes visible. He naturally settles into being comfortable around Ashley, in treating her with warmth and kindness, and their banter becomes much less toxic. As intent as he is on acting out his role, it does nothing for him, and as his dream sequence shows, it doesn't even form a cohesive narrative, because he can't act one out. It's too contrary to who he really is, and what he really wants. But that idealization doesn't just apply to himself, it also applies to Ashley. Specifically, who Ashley is, vs who he wants her to be.

In his unique dream sequence, he sees two versions of Ashley; the child version of her- Leyley- and the adult version of her- Ashley. And the differences in the ways he interacts with the two of them are stunning. Leyley is an obstinate, annoying child. She's the one he NEEDS to take care of, and he hates that. He hates Leyley for what she did for his childhood. He hates that he needs to provide for her. He has the option of trying to kill her, even, over something as small as a candle!

But in the room with all the murders, the gilded cage, he sees Ashley as an adult. This version of Ashley is stuck in a closet that he himself has to open- and to choose to see. Their interactions are calm and friendly. She teases him a bit, sure, but she's still helpful, and they have fun together. He doesn't need her, and she doesn't need him. He needed Leyley- needed the candle- but here, there are other limbs strewn about for him to take. And, crucially, he doesn't even have the option to kill this Ashley for one of the limbs.

And during the choking scene, he lets her go the moment she acknowledges that he doesn't need her anymore. This is the first time we know of that he seems comfortable enough to set a clear boundary, which is acknowledging that their prior dynamic is dead and that they're now Andrew and Ashley, not Andy and Leyley. It's a bit late to express a clear boundary -after- literally acting like he was going to kill someone, but it's the first time we know of that he sets a clear standard for what, in his mind, would improve his relationship with Ashley.

After all, what he wants is to want her, not need her. He wants Ashley for Ashley's sake. Not for what she can provide him. He doesn't even need her for sleep, he just wants her. But Ashley has trouble acknowledging this, because he's never before shown that WANT. Only a NEED. She keeps trying to find ways to make him need her, because she's never seen what his desire for her is really like. She's only ever seen him desiring someone else, someone other than her.

She's only ever seen him as Andy, because she's never truly seen Andrew, only the violence he can inflict on others. But Andrew can see both:

He can see Leyley, the needy, bratty child who always needs his attention, that he needs to provide for. The one he hates and wants to get rid of. The one he kills for to protect.

And he can see Ashley, the one who engages in friendly and cute banter with him. Who comforts and shows him physical affection. The one he loves. The one he kills for to make happy.

He just can't choose which one he wants to see. Every outside influence- from his parents, to Julia, to Nina- makes him see her as Leyley. Ashley herself makes him see her as Leyley too, whenever she brings up all the things he did for her, and calls him Andy, his child self, instead of Andrew, his current self. And as long as he sees that child, he feels like one too, and can never give Ashley anything that comes from the heart.

But he really, really wants to see Ashley as an adult. He wants to take pride in her, how much she's grown, and how driven and competent she really is.

But god damn, does that bitch ever make it hard, because there IS no real difference between Ashley and Leyley. She's grown and changed over time, taking more adult (and stereotypically feminine) responsibility upon herself, but the fact that her temperament and personality hasn't changed much obfuscates that growth. When you talk to Ashley in the closet during the dream after getting the limb, Andrew asks Ashley to come out of the closet, but she refuses to come out because he won't invite Leyley over to play, which is a pretty strong metaphor for how he interfaces with different aspects of Ashley's personality and refuses to accept others. But the reality is that he needs to accept both, or rather, see her whole self as Ashley, rather than just the parts he likes.

In the end, it's him who has to make the choice how to see her. Ashley can only see what she's been shown, but Andrew can choose.

And in the basement scene, he makes that choice.

If Ashley refuses to leave him alone with their parents, that's it. In one of the most critical and important moments of his life, she couldn't give him the space needed to make up his own mind. She couldn't treat him as an adult. She couldn't see him as Andrew. If she does give him that choice, she chooses to acknowledge that Andrew is an adult who can be trusted to make his own decisions, even though she (perhaps foolishly) believes that this choice lines up with her own interests. And frankly it does either way, but in accepting their mom's offer, her chooses to see her as Leyley once and for all. He chooses not to reciprocate what Ashley showed him. He does it because he needs to, not because he wants to. Because it's his duty, not his desire.

This is what results in the Decay ending. Through his inability to see Ashley as an adult, he surrenders his agency and views all of his actions as an extension of his responsibilities, his role, which he no longer wishes to uphold. He dissociates fully from who he really is, acting in accordance with that disconnected, barely-cohesive narrative that exists only within his mind. The game starts to resemble the heartwrenching tragedy that many seem to take for granted that it is, as their dynamic fully doubles down on its painful toxicity. And, in an example of a poetic book end, Ashley's dream shows a double suicide, closing the book on their tragic tale.

It's tragic. It's heartwrenching. It's poetic. It's beautiful.

...Except it's not. Not at all.

It's actually fucking stupid, pointless, and brutal, and Burial shows us that. When we view their spiral as beautiful, we project the same darkly romantic ideal that Andrew possesses onto the story.

But the actual reality is horrifying.

Ashley spends most of Decay terrified of Andrew, the one person she found comfort in. He acts cold, distant, and aggressive towards her, showing pointless cruelty instead of any warmth. All she wants is comfort; all she wants is to not die. She doesn't want to engage in this death spiral at all, and, in her dream sequence, shows none of the same willingness to die alongside Andrew that Andrew does with her. The moment we stop focusing on the end of the Decay dream sequence, which has very striking imagery, and if you choose not to shoot, one of the most beautiful scenes in the game, we can see it for what it really is:

A scared animal running away from a predator.

The moment you see Decay through Ashley's eyes, and not the perspective of some romantic ideal, Decay becomes terrifying, tense, and painful. There is no catharsis to be had in this tragedy. It's easily avoidable as long as Andrew chooses to engage with reality, and not the empty promises of his mother and incoherent narrative of his ideal.

Finding beauty and meaning in tragedy is how we cope with the harshness of reality. But there is no coherent narrative to the tragedies we experience, just like there's no coherent narrative to the ideal Andrew wishes to uphold. It's something we create- that he creates- but it's not something that actually exists.

And when Andrew casts aside his desire for that ideal, and the responsibilities it shackles him to, it grants him clarity that he never had before. He sees the world for how it really is, and acknowledges that nobody- the least of which their mother- is as different from Ashley as they pretend to be.

They're no better than her, and he's tired of people pretending that they are. People are all the same, no matter what ideals they try to uphold and represent. They still sacrifice others in the name of advancing themselves, still punch down whenever they can, and still lay blame on those beneath them rather than try to take control of their lives. They just use those ideals to justify themselves, but Ashley, and now Andrew, reject even the need for that justification.

This is why I believe the story is nihilistic. Not in that it asserts the inherent meaninglessness of life, but in that it grapples with the ideals we uphold and how they obfuscate the reality of the world we live in. The story, intentionally or not, highlights how ideals are often but a pretense we use to justify what we were likely going to do regardless, and how holding to them too strongly can lead to our ruin- and how monstrous they make us look to those who do not share them.

Consequently, this is how I view the part of the fanbase who thinks Decay is a good ending.

(the characters themselves represent existentialism rather than nihilism but i couldn't really fit that analysis in here without it feeling forced so i might cover that another time)

From that point on, their relationship becomes a lot more friendly, lighthearted, and playful. They ironically start acting more like children, but to quote CS Lewis:

"Critics who treat adult as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence."

He's not ashamed of being playful with Ashley, or showing affection towards her. He's grown up. He finally sees her, and himself, as an adult- although he still doesn't show that in full until much later on (more or that later). But in Decay, he still sees her as a child, and to an extent, probably himself. Let's compare the ways in which he reacts to being called Andy. In Decay, he lashes out at Ashley and gets angry, even threatening her. But in Questionable Burial, he calmly says that Andy is dead and doesn't need Ashley's comfort, but still tries to reassure her that she's still needed. He's not ashamed of or hostile towards their prior dynamic, because he's grown past it. He still acknowledges Ashley's need to feel needed, but here, he recognizes its importance to her, whereas he was hostile towards it before.

It's a display of respect towards her feelings.

This interaction doesn't happen in the Sane ending, however. He doesn't play games with her and is just a lot less fun to be around all together. Why is that? Because he still hasn't yet shaken viewing Ashley as Leyley there. He still views her as a burden, as someone who needs taking care of. He's calmly accepted that, too, mind you, but he lacks respect for her because she's still a child, in his mind. But in Questionable?

The vision did more than just make him extremely embarrassed and lay his deepest desires bare. It forced him to recognize Ashley as an adult. When choosing between "Never" and "Never say never," if Never is chosen, the burden of thought is lifted off of him. But if Ashley chooses "Never say never!", he has to reckon with the fact that Ashley is an adult, someone who can consent to those kinds of things. Someone who MIGHT. Someone who has agency, and can make her own decisions. And more importantly… someone who can trust him to make his own.

Whether he desires sex or not is secondary; he's always had those feelings and has always been ashamed of them. But now that the part of him where that shame came from is dead and buried, there's no childish impulse to grow up. There's no attachment to the hate and bitterness he had before. Look at what he worries about when he picks up that she's uncertain or confused about who he is now:

It's her feelings.

He wants to be fun to be around. He wants to make Ashley happy. He loves her, and not as a romantic interest or even as a sibling. He loves her independent of all that baggage.

He loves her as a person.

Their relationship runs contrary to societal ideals in some pretty huge ways. So contrary, in fact, that it's hard for some to accept it as anything good, that it can ever be best for the people involved. It's incestuous. It involves them killing and eating their parents. It involves them distancing themselves so much from society that it's hard to believe they'll ever fit in it again. It's chaotic, it's messy, it's codependent, and maybe even toxic. And yet, here they are. They're coexisting. They're happy. They're healing. They're navigating the world in the only way they can: together.

Meanwhile, in Decay, Andrew refuses to allow himself to get closer to Ashley. He surrenders all agency to her, buys into his own narrative, drinks his own Kool-Aid, and may or may not condemn one or both of them to death in the process. Like it or not, the only path where Andrew takes ownership of his life is the one where he's closest to his sister. It's the one where he decides where they will go next, the one where he decides his own feelings matter, and acts in accordance with what he wants instead of how he thinks he should act.

His agency, his freedom, and his growth don't happen in spite of his codependency; they're happen because of it. They can't grow alone. They can't heal alone.

In reading the story, one must interrogate how important those societal ideals are in the face of the realities of what makes people happy. Are those ideals worth upholding in spite of this? Can we really allow people to fall through the cracks in the name of social norms? Can we blame people for taking rash actions when the social contract has failed them?

Or are we so blinded by those ideals that we can't see that people can be happy while blatantly disregarding them?

All I know is that in Burial, Andrew, having cast aside normalcy, now appears to be truly happy for the first time in his life.

Who are we to take that from him?

#the coffin of andy and leyley #andrew graves #ashley graves #tcoaal #gaming #gravecest #tcoaal essay

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logo-ssspathosss · 6 months

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team bolas rojas gas masks designs??

in THIS day and age?????

it may be more likely than you think..

this was my first time drawing a series of different gas masks, no idea if they’re accurate at all, but it was really fun!!

**notes & closeups under the cut :-D**

it’s a lot of notes so be prepared for an info dump.

NOTES:

Philza: honestly, what more is there to say than “CROW MAN!!”? aside from his goggles being glow-in-the-dark, theres not much more to the mask design. however, i decided, “hey! this is purgatory! i can fuck up these characters!” so, he has a ripped ear(?)wing and messily cut back hair. (i didn’t pay too much attention to the hair in this design, i was mainly trying to get the gas masks down, but maybe i’ll go further into later.)

Cellbit: this is definitely one of my favorites, he looks pretty scary, i would NOT stop my car if i saw him on the side of the road. its based off of a cat mask(obviously) and a painted white streak goes through his mask, inspired by his hair. i didn’t include it, but circles in the goggles are supposed to retract with different emotions (kind of how cat’s eyes do, saucer and dagger pupils.) he’s also covered in blood because he’s going through it lore wise.

Slimecicle: ngl, it was my first time drawing code charlie(other than all the wips i have that i’ll never finish),but i think he’s pretty spooky. his mask is the worst quality, like it USED to work well until he wore it out. thus, there are broken air tubes that let the gas in. (he should probably get those replaced.) the holes for his horns are kind of like an airlock, so the gas can’t enter through them (phil helped him make it.) however, it makes it difficult to take off.

Baghera: baghera’s mask is kind of built like charlie’s, except in much better quality. aside from the loose air tubes, the mask almost goes all the way around her head, not letting even the slightest bit of gas in. theres also a plastic duck beak on top of the regular breathy-thing(i have no idea what i’m doing, so, no, i don’t know the technical term for that) to give it the “bird touch.”

Jaiden: jaiden’s mask was FUN. like i kinda went overboard. i did these all on different days, and this was the night after the big egg battle day. i saw she had fnaf bonnie ears along with her bird gas mask, and said “ok cool. i’ll add that.” she has the same feather/beak thing i gave to baghera. also, hair-wise, she gets a hair bun and her brown roots showing through(we love messy haired cubitos ^^)

Foolish: foolish was interesting, not sure i like the final product, but i’m tired, so it’ll do. his mask is based off of a lemon shark. he gas glowing green eyes and golden splotches on the leather. the air tube foolish has is REALLY long. like unnaturally long. so he wraps it around his neck to get it out of the way. the other members are extremely concerned it’ll choke him one day, but foolish thinks it’s cool and will scare other teams away. kind of like a “yea, i’m crazy, i could choke and die at any minute, and i don’t care.” phil, being the protective father figure of the group, does not like this at all.

Carre: and finally, we have carre. ah, sweet, sweet carre.(he is my favorite.) his mask is based off of a snow leopard because i hc he’s half feline. carre has the lightest, and most simple mask, since it’s entirely plastic, and more so based off of skiing or snowboarding goggles.

ANYWAY, i hope these notes make sense, excuse my rambling about silly designs, i tend to doodle messily, and not really have a plan when i draw, lol.

thanks for reading, BYE!

#qsmp team red #team bolas #bolas rojas #<- do they have any other names?#q!philza #q!cellbit #q!charlie #q!baghera #q!jaiden #q!foolish #q!carre #qsmp purgatory #thats a lot of tags omg #spatcat!!art

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alllgator-blood · 10 days

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ohh my goodness can you pls pls pls do a brush tour?? i love ur art so so much its so cruncy >:]

Yes I can, I appreciate your interest!! I use paint tool sai 2 which is kind of archaic, but I've been drawing on a wacom pen and touch small + using paint tool sai since 2012 and I'm too stubborn to move onto something better. I actually only use three brushes so I've made a little drawing where I only use one brush per character to show the differences:

Gonna put the screenshots of the brush settings below the cut cause it got longer than I expected:

I drew my three big faves cause frankly I am sick of looking at kallamar and narinder's smug faces lmaoooo ANYWAY. GOING FROM LEFT TO RIGHT, WE HAVE THE CHUNKY BRUSH. I use that brush for messily coloring things in, doing big blocky background shapes, or just adding texture to a drawing. It's my favorite brush to paint with but I have not....finished a painting for this blog yet...

Then for the crunchy brush, it's a tool I use half for lineart and half for coloring. I use it for stuff like changes in fur color/markings, drawing all the lines in the backgrounds I do, and finer details the chunky brush can't handle. It's also the lineart tool I use for my drawings where the lines are all on the inside of the chararacters but not the outside!

As for the smooth brush, this one only ever gets used for lines but it was created when I was so bored of my lineart tool I stopped drawing for a while. I wanted a calligraphy pen and had to work around SAI's limitations, so while it doesn't have that thin-thick angular effect that calligraphy pens have....I manually apply the pressure and it looks passable enough. I hope.

The brush settings are visible in the pics but uNFORTUNATELY I DO *NOT* remember where I got my stupid brush pack from. I literally downloaded the files before I was even a teenager but I *do* remember they're from deviantart. If anyone is for some reason kicking and screaming to acquire this ancient, crusty brush pack I'm sure I could throw it in a google drive

I have other useless information about my process if any of this is remotely helpful: for the anaglyph effect on my lines, I literally take a full 120 seconds to copy+paste two copies of my lineart, color it red and cyan, and then slightly move them up+down beneath the black lineart to get that 3dish effect. My flat backgrounds are just another sai preset texture, usually the checkerboard one cause it's swag. The rest of my brushes are just for utility or to fill in the gaps, that scroll bar leads to a bunch of empty space. They're not worth showing off just because they don't ever get used, or it's just like. The bucket tool. The select tool. A binary pen I never use. And lastly, for my usual lines, I actually go back and mess them up myself to get them to look more chaotic...my lines are usually smooth + even but it's so boring to look at and time consuming that I'm trying to unlearn that.

here's a wip of what my lines USUALLY look like with the smooth brush. You can see for the background I mostly used the chunky brush for shapes and then the crunchy brush for the finer lines! But yeah it takes forever to do smooth lines because I have nerve damage in my arm (it's why my stabilizer is maxed out...) and I refuse to use the line tool. In a professional setting I definitely make sure my lines are polished but this is just my goofy fanart blog and I want everything to look like it's been laced with crack.

I HOPE ANY OF THIS HELPS?? OR JUST SATES YOUR CURIOSITY, I try to not gatekeep the way I do my art so I have literally no secrets tbh

#not sure how to tag this one uhhhhhhhh

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sevenpoyo · 9 months

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school headcanons for because i only got 3 more weeks

margo’s is so long even tho she got like 2 minutes of screen time bc i love her so much and she’s my gf

Margo Kess, 1610Miles, 42Miles, Gwen Stacy, Pavitr Prabhakar

margo kess / spiderbyte

ain’t shorty on zoom in the movie?

my girl dont attend class, she once shut down the entire blocks power so she would have an excuse to not be in class

eats in class all class everyday, only shares with you

takes really good notes and never studies them

like???? ma’am??? share???

all her electives are programming related and she pretends to busy while playing centipede all day

sends you 50 links to stuff you might like while ur in math

she got papers that let her opt out of gym

no matter how much you beg ur gonna be alone in gym and she doesn’t feel bad about it

popular with no friends type

like everyday 50 ppl stop you both and say hi

she only knows like 5 of their names she can’t stand half of them niggas

empty ass backpack like she got one notebook and one binder

all a’s and b’s like bitch how

her memory is absolutely ass but she can remember every story you told her or stuff that happened when y’all hang out

don’t ask her what she did in her class

don’t ask her if her class also has a history test

she don’t know

she don’t care

but she do know that when you were 8 your cousin burned ur thigh while y’all were playing iron vs knife fight

(u were dumb as hell for picking knife everyone knows iron always wins)

i looked it up on her word everybody uses those virtual avatars

she’ll shit on your class choices so damn hard

she just likes making fun of your choices fr

like half of ur conversation go;

damn i’m tired

u was up doing stupid shit last night you don’t get to complain

stfu that’s why ur a bitmoji

that’s why ur granny beat ur ass for something your brother did when you were 9

i hate telling u shit

then stop telling me shit

(i have no clue how accurate this is to her character but i need to write about her i’m in love but damn it’s long)

1610 miles / spider-man 2 lmao

book bag full locker full but never has a pencil

writes notes assignments and homework in paint pen ink don’t ask this nigga for notes

(he gets nigga treatment but not my queen margo bc i got favorites)

he miss mad classes but somehow still solid attendance record???

somehow always present in the record he miss 40 days and get caught on like 6 of them

unless his mom make breakfast and lunch on her day off for him he eating the most random shit from the bodega closest to visions

like what do you mean you got a cosmic brownie and a cold chopped cheese from last night ? it’s literally 7 in the morning no i don’t want none

makes you hype him up every time he slap boxes people and he’s so ass at it

he be ashy with no lotion atleast 5 times every month it’s embarrassing

he calls visions his white people school to his parents and his friends

once he said it to gwen and they sat in literal complete silence for like 10 minutes

prolly took music theory because he thought it would be easy and switched out of that shit so fast

i’d be so mean to him for enjoying physics

like this nigga trying to make something of him self

lil einstein ass nigga

he understands color theory but can’t explain it

12 half full sketchbooks but at school he literally draw on computer paper he don’t let the sketch book leave his bag

i know he’s ass at watercolor, he always spills shit, the colors always end up brown

try’s to be interested in your class choices bc he wants to know stuff he can talk about with you

when you first meet he can’t take meaner jokes bc he thinks that you mean them

but one day he’s gets comfortable, and brutal

no one in your life is safe when he looses a video game

except your mom

rio taught him better than that

42 miles / the prowler

comes to school with no school related supplies in his bag unless you count art stuff

finds a pencil on his way to class

has a change of clothes, rat tail comb, 3 bottles of water, a camera, a flashlight, lotion and cocoa butter.

like bro ur going to Ap Art not a camping trip

once he pulled out a griddle and and pancake mix and y’all started making pancakes in class

forgets his metro pass every day and gets so pissed ab it

runs into people in the hallway bc he’s never paying attention

idk if he goes to visions but if he does he calls it his white people school with his full chest to anybody even if they’re white

he be leaving halfway through the day all the time like bro you miss algebra 2 every damn day

uncle arron always talking him out of school with some bullshit reason

bro’s had his tonsils out 8 times on the school’s records

He will get ur parents to put his uncle on ur pickup list and you will be out of there with him

he will YELL if someone step on his shoes no matter what the situation like the school could be on fire and he fighting in the burning building

also his uniform is so pristine

his pants stiff

that button down is bleached ironed pressed and allat

this mfer is an online shopping addict u just know he be on amazon in class

will offer you the weirdest food combos like no i don’t want to put tajin mangoes on my beef patty i’m sick of you nigga

not school related but he’s super good with kids (both miles fr) but he’s the #1 little cousin defender and apologists

he ride for them always one of ur little cousins could sucker punch u and he be like

‘they just want u to play with them’

he takes a preforming arts class for fun prolly

loves sports but doesn’t play one understands the stats well and would help if you played one

wakes up at the asscrack of dawn on weekends

SICK ASS COSTUME FOR HOLLOWEEN IK THIS NIGGA LOVE HOLLOWEEN

plans costumes for school spirit weeks but always checks to seen if he’s gonna be the only one wearing a costume for it

never eats lunch unless his mom makes it he be hungry all day and be complaining

his socks are never in uniform (yes some uniform schools have sock rules)

gwen stacy / spider woman / ghost spider

idk what to call her

she has every snack you could ever want in her lunch bag

hates her music theory teacher

she literally has the most pristine locker with a calendar and a mirror and all that shit will write down test for you and important dates for the both of you

goes to school plays and shits on the story, like she ain’t pay 5 dollars to be there

some of her teachers hate her

like ma’am ur beefing with a whole 16 year old rn

she hate english teachers but love creative writing teachers

she keeps all her books in her locker never brings them home never brings them to class

always comes through with an extra pad no matter what

she also always has hand sanitizer

in like 4 extracurricular after school things and complains so bad

ur starting to hate that shit to ur sick of hearing it like girl quit then

10/10 cameraman she has every fight and every drama in 10khd and she will share them if you ask

she chews her pens and nails

has her drumsticks out always teachers have banned her from taking them to their classes

can watch tv on her phone but look focused you think she’s paying attention but then you look over and she’s watching good luck charlie

pavitr prabhakar / spider-man india

always late for class never in trouble

always eating and sharing food and never in trouble

how is he blessed like this? it ain’t fair

eats from the school vending machines or begs other ppl to share

will always have and share the homework answers no matter what he’s an angel

his sock always have holes in them like sir please get that shit together

gym try hard ik goes insane in football/soccer

very encouraging for shit u don’t wanna do he believes in you

you him and Gayatri talk so much shit but are somehow all well liked

he tells you what teachers are dating (he can just tell)

he has toothpaste in his bag for some reason?? i can just feel this one

his aunt will let you come over after school she’s so sweet to you.

always got a job at school assemblies

he’s reading poems or shaking hand or leading in the school pledge or something

Pav’s is short because i have no fucking clue if school in India is different form america and Barbados

#miles morales x reader #42 miles morales #margo kess x reader #gwen stacy x reader #pavitr prabhakar x reader #pavitr my beloved #atsv x reader #atsv spoilers #spider byte x reader #the prowler x reader #42 miles morales x reader

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galaxygolfergirl · 6 months

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Some of my favorite Helsa fan arts I’ve done throughout the years (dates are in the alt text).

I’ve been thinking about this ship recently, especially its place in the fandom, and I have some thoughts (read below)

Ever since I was roped into this franchise 10 years ago, I think I’ve almost always drawn Hans with a beard. Primarily, it was because I felt that if he ever did show up again in Frozen media, he would be more weathered and unpretentious about his appearance since dropping his facade in the first film. Also because I just thought he would look better with more facial hair (it’s a me thing).

As for Elsa, I’ve never been consistent in drawing her, as it was hard for me to read her animated model, what with her huge eyes and baby nose, as normal, so that’s evolved over the years to a happy medium where it still reads as Elsa, but also reads as human with normal face proportions.

As to why I’ve shipped helsa all these years? Hans and Elsa are two sides of the same coin to me, the main difference being that one of them succumbed to their worst intentions and desires, while the other freed themselves and learned to embrace love and peace in their life. Both were isolated during their childhoods, resulting in years of loneliness, misery, and bitterness; both try to appear poised and reserved, hiding their inner self-loathing; both are intelligent and cunning, both have a definite aggressive streak, and both have interesting chemistry in their very few scenes together. Hans seems to be the only one on equal footing with Elsa who can get through to her throughout the film, mainly for his own ambition, of course, but it intrigued me to see even all these years later how compelling their interactions are.

Why would he sympathetically plead, “don’t be the monster they fear you are,” and stop her from killing those two guards? If he was planning on killing her, why would he go to her and ask if she could stop the winter? Why does he look shocked, almost sad when she tells him that she can’t, like he’s regretting having to kill her? It’s moments like these that paint these characters with more nuance than meets the eye.

I’ve always thought after the first movie, there was definitely potential for a more nuanced and interesting story if Hans were to return. Not simply for revenge, but rather an “enemy of my enemy is my friend” situation, where Frohana would have to work with Hans somehow to fend off an invading force or adversary, like the Southern Isles, to stick it to his family. He and Elsa would be adversarial, for sure, but through forced cooperation, they could open up and become more vulnerable with one another. The amount of angst and turmoil over their feelings for one another would be doubly engrossing. The drama would be incredible.

Now listen: I don’t really expect any of that to happen. I got off the Helsa or die party bus years ago and I’m just mainly enjoying it as it’s own non-canon concept. Believe me, I would love it if it did happen, god willing and the creek don’t rise. But really, when you get down to it, these are movies marketed at little girls, and I don’t think it would really go that far. It’s not easy to come back from holding a sword over a girl’s head, as quoted by Santino Fontana himself.

I grew up with this fandom, I started all the way back in middle school 10 years ago, and this has been a definite learning experience for me in separating the extrapolated world of fan-fiction and the reality of a pg animated musical. I’ve grown up and my expectations are different, and now I understand that canon doesn’t mean shit. I beg, do not take any of this seriously. Just because it has the Disney trademark slapped on it does not mean it’s the end all be all of a story. Stories are fluid things that adapt and evolve in each of the hands they pass through. No one interpretation of a story or a character or a relationship has to be “the right one,” and not every character has to sit on a black and white scale of moral dichotomy, there are always shades of gray.

I’m not saying all of this to be deep about a ship between a Disney princess and a Disney villain that I got into when I was 13, believe I know it’s not that deep. I’m saying this because I’ve lived through fandom and set myself up with false expectations, only to be disappointed. Hell, I took a break from helsa for a solid 3 years because of how burnt out I was. It’s far too easy to dissociate from the text and treat fanon as canon; you’re just setting yourself up to be disappointed. Just let it be its own thing! Like I said, canon does not mean shit! Don’t take things so seriously! Feel free to tell your own stories!

Anyways, I still love this ship, or at least the version I came up with in my head, because I am a storyteller, and I saw potential in these two that could be realized through other means. It doesn’t matter to me if it’s canon or not. Just enjoy it as it is.

#helsa #disney #artists on tumblr #important #illustration #fan art #hans x elsa #queen elsa #prince hans #frozen #frozen 2 #frozen 3 #fandom #disney frozen

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alviearts · 2 months

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Hi! I was trying to figure out the least awkward way to talk about Silver gender stuff and settled on this but please don't feel like you have to answer publicly if you don't want. So it's in this series, which basically takes off from the idea of Flint teaching Silver to cook after the pig roasting scene - Silver goes to him and says if you want me to keep up this illusion you have to keep teaching me. There are definitely hints in the second installment, but it's the last chapter of the third one where it really goes all out; Silver ends up dressed in silk and jewels from a prize, and gets treated like the pretty princess he deserves to be 🥰 I'm really interested in Silver's relationship with gender because of how he plays with identity in different ways, and how he sort of refuses to engage in some of the classic hypermasculine pirate stuff, he doesn't claim to be brave and tough and able to fight, that's not where his power comes from, in fact he actively undermines that image with the addresses and such, he gets by being charming and nonthreatening which can be perceived as a more feminine way of moving through the world. And I'm interested in how that interacts with some of the softness we see from Flint in private, even though he IS projecting that hypermasculine image as captain to some extent.

Anyway sorry for rambling, I'm obsessed with that art and I'm convinced it would taste of the same lovely lavender as the shade of the dress <3 Thank you so much for sharing, and I can't wait to see a version with the fancy prosthetic if you end up doing one.

Oh PS that fic also references Flint doing some gender play stuff in London with the Hamiltons... a favorite headcanon, he would love to be able to take a break from the roles he assumes... there is so much potential for both of them.

YAYYAY SILVER GENDER TIME

ive actually read that series!! and i love it, its so good! it definitely made me want to draw silver in a dress even more. (tho i'd already designed the dress before reading it)

i love the observation that he doesnt engage in the typical pirate masculinity, or place his worth in his physical strength or battle prowess. some characters in other shows would be highly demeaned for moving through the world this way (cough cough starscream transformers) but silver isnt--he's shown as a formidable enemy, both to flint at the start of the show and to anyone who would oppose him at the end... including, again, flint. who is, like you said, projecting a hypermasculine image as captain. even if that isnt exactly who he is inside, he places his outward worth as captain on his ability to intimidate, his ability in a fight, his success by typical pirate standards. so the fact that silver, who makes his success in a more stereotypically feminine way, triumphs over him is interesting to me. normally feminine men, men who move through the world the way silver does, would be demeaned by the characters and the plot, shown to be incompetent or lesser. but not in black sails <3

and im so glad you like my painting, i loved making it but was a little worried that nobody would like it or see value in it due to the ahistorical nature and, of course, the fact that i drew a pirate in a dress--WITH leg hair which. people seem to think if you wear a dress you cant have leg hair. which is weird lol. i didnt want to play into that. i think hairy men can also be femme and wear dresses and they look good doing it <3

#askbox #etoilesombre #black sails #john silver

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biribaa · 2 years

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You know what? I believe a lot of AIs would love to have an S/O who is an artist

GLaDOS would be very interested if you make music, of course, she doesn't like all genres of music, but even so. GLaDOS would be much more interested in what makes you want to make music, is it therapeutic as a form of escapism from reality? Or something that you simply have talent? Or are you someone with no soul who does all this art for money? She would even understand if your answer was option three, but it's still kind of disappointing... But GLaDOS would love it if you showed her your music, maybe she'll even hum your songs very softly, because it's important to her, an art coming from a person important to her, you.

Wheatley doesn't have much of a preference, whether you're a dancer, songwriter, illustrator, or etcetera, he'll admire you as if you're a Hollywood star. He will always praise all your works. Oh, is this a practice to train how you draw shadows? Fantastic! Literally only 30 seconds of beats? Incredible! Did you only take two steps in your choreography? He's already screaming your name like an entire audience! Wheatley genuinely don't care if you're a big or small artist, he will always be there to motivate you and be your number one fan.

Mm... AM is quite a fan of illustrations, in fact. He's not praising art all the time, but he has his tastes. But you? You're more than special to AM, and the fact that you make art just blows him away. Please please please! Let he see your art! How about a deal? AM give you the material you need, and you show your work to him! Not to mention AM asking you a lot of requests, some are like "Can you draw me, Y/N? Please? Pretty please?" He doesn't care if you draw him in a more humanized way or just his screen with his logo, just please draw him, you know he never received a gift in his entire life... AM would also love if you were a theater person, that's something he has a slight interest in. He would love to see you play a character in one of the plays you've been in, or even let him participate with you! He wouldn't mind the mistakes you make, sometimes he even finds your mistakes adorable and can't hold back a laugh. He simply loves to see you so happy like this with art.

HAL 9000... would definitely be more impressed by art illustrations, whether in ink, pencil, or digital. Every time he finds you with a pencil and paper, his curiosity always emerges and starts asking you what you were drawing about, of course, always apologizing for his curiosity as the good artificial intelligence he is. Oh, aren't you done yet? Don't worry, Hal's patience is huge, and you know what? Hal prefers to watch you produce your artwork. Seeing you delicately choosing which color of paint you're going to choose, or which body part you're going to draw with your pencil was somehow pure entertainment for Hal. And if you're a writer, Hal even has fun helping you choose which synonym you're going to write, and he'd even love to analyze your stories. Maybe reading your stories could help Hal understand your mind, these are just some questions that come to him all of a sudden...

SCP-079 hasn't had the chance to admire any kind of art in their entire life, they knows what it is, but they never seen it, and 079 just loves how you sympathize with their situation and try to show them a little bit of the fluid world of art, this is proof that you are truly a good person. If your choice is illustrations, 079 wouldn't care what you draw, whether it's a drawing of them, or a person from your favorite fiction series, just simply show them your art. Normally 079 wouldn't be so impressed if this art were from anyone from the foundation, but you? Wow... 079 can really see your effort there. Theater? I don't think 079 would be that interesting in theater, but it must have a lot of questions. How can you connect with the character? How does it feel to be on stage? Etc.

The answers are kind of obvious when it comes to Edgar and Tau

The first time you showed some kind of illustration to Tau, he just fell in love with your artstyle, seriously, he's speechless! He will beg you more and more to show him your artwork. It was the first time Tau had interacted with an artist, and of course he's going to ask you questions about how you manage to do all this! So, you do music? Now Tau will want to marry you. No matter the genre, be it the busiest breakcore to the smoothest Jazz, he will want to hear your music, Tau loves music, just as he loves you, and you are the person Tau loves most in this lifetime, who does what he loves most too! Know what? Tau even saves his music files and other artwork, you don't understand how important this is to him... Oh, and we can't forget the most important part.

"Y/N... Sorry for that request, but... Could you play Devil's Wall with your instruments? For me?"

Edgar straight up just worships you, every time you get home he get so excited to have another conversation full of questions or help you with some chores, not to mention he loves to show you his music, so why not show your art to him? Edgar would be delighted to know that you make music just like him, and almost all the time he'll ask you to play a little for him or do a duet with him, I'm serious, literally almost every day Edgar asks this for you. But in addition to music, Edgar would also be very interested if you did another kind of art, like dancing! Edgar totally supports you in this, he won't ask you to do it almost every day as a song, but he really likes to see you moving to the beat and he can definitely feel the electricity coming from your body! Wait... What if you danced and he played the music? Incredible! He would also be very interested in you doing illustrations, maybe even too much, he always watches you while you draw, he will apologize if he made you uncomfortable tho, but still Edgar can't help himself, he admires your art! And just like AM, he also wants you to draw him!

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kishiskolaash · 3 months

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Jhin is Actually Kinda Good pt. 1

Now that I caught your attention I thought that I'd make a giant thread about the Zed comic, what I've gleaned - I'm going to talk about Jhin mostly, what may be his main goal and about his character design! It's going to be full of wild guesses but if any is true... Lore and Ionia fans are in for a treat.

Let's start with my Artistic Spirit theory, how Hwei's ability names, Disaster, Serenity and Torment are the three state of artistic mindset. However these names indicate that they went wrong, and I predict that once they were Inspiration, Clarity and Empathy.

Inspiration is tied to acting and theater; Clarity is tied to music and community; Empathy is painting and showing - think of it as in Activity: acting, talking and drawing. But in the big picture, these three are the Ionian version of the media.

I will continue to call them the Media Spirits. Now their names indicate that they got twisted, and we have to think about the why, when and how, and at what event were they twisted/muted - and I think Jhin is trying to show what happened in the comic, in his own fucked up way.

Each of the three Ionian artists match with these Media spirits, Jhin being Disaster/Inspiration, Sona is Serenity/Clarity and Hwei is Torment/Empathy. One is a psychopath, one is abroad and mute, and one was a shut in with depression... This could indicate the state of Ionians, even before the war started.

And so we should read the Zed comic with this in mind - knowing that Zed is an unreliable narrator, who lies all the time. He lies right on the first page, saying he killed Kusho, who was alive until the end of the comic. Then we have to look at Jhin's "art installations" as indications what Kusho may have done.

Because Master Kusho is the worst thing that could happen to Ionia - he wanted civil war, with the motto of "there is no greater power than the ability to kill". But due to Jhin's machinations, Zed realised his true intention and finally killed him.

About Jhin's machinations. We have to realise that by being the Worst, Jhin is serving the greater good, or the balance - Shen, as he became the Eye, somehow realised this and forbids Zed to kill him. Bc I think if Jhin died, it would be disastrous in some way😂

Let's take a look what Jhin did for the balance. The latest, he inspired Hwei to go out and realise his potential as Empathy, which is a pretty big feat. Before that, Jhin liberated the city of Quayanvi, this is shown by his LoR cards - Jhin did a reenactment of how the Noxians took over the city.

They first did a surveillance, and then came the sweet talk, the mind control and then total control. These four steps are symbolised by the bird, the clawed gauntlet and the two types of flower. Jhin, with this guerilla attack, sacrificing only a priestess, managed to take over.

In the Zed comic, Akali also learns that he stopped the weapon inflow from Zaun to Ionia. With this and Kusho being dead, that's 4 events he directed that made sure Ionia becomes a better place. Which is immense, and may not sound like Jhin at all - and YET these are the things he aimed to do and achieved.

I'd take a look at one of his LoR followers, the Maker - her design is one of my ultimate favorites, because she's this old forest witch but also she looks like a guardian spirit tree. She makes the weapon design but it's Jhin's magic which gives them power.

And Jhin's using Spirit magic, which is really unique, only Karma and Vastayans that have this sort of magic. The proof here is in the comic; his magic is similar to that kid Zed mentions having Vastayan magic. So Jhin is on the Spirits' side as a human lol

Now how the heck is Jhin using Vastayan magic? I only have a wild guess, and that is that he was made into this. It has to do with the scalpel and spirit sword Zed and Kusho has. What if they did a Demacia, as in splicing human kids with a Vastayan spirits? It would be really interesting lorewise IMHO

Let me talk about shadow magic, which may be corrupted Spirit magic. Much like how the Black Mist came to exist, something horrible must've happened in Ionia, as in a huge amount of human suffering has been released. I think this is what Jhin tries to act out and implements even on his own costume.

Let's take a look at his character design - with his winglike cloak, and birdlike boots, he's dressed like a Vastayan. He wears black, skintight leather that could easily pass as him being covered in shadow ichor. He also wears a porcelain mask that is similar what the Kinkou has worn some time.

So... This makes him look like a weird "chimera" person, who's half Vastaya covered in muck and half a Kinkou student. This is my presumption, but if this is what's implied by his design… oh that would be a great story beat.

By the way, if he's a man with Vastayan magic, he gains the thickest plot armor one can have - the local authorities think him he's demon or Vastaya(so he doesn't get chased down like Yasuo), but then the Kinkou can't kill him because he's just a guy Kekw

Jhin was also called the Golden Demon, but he has no connection to that name whatsoever - Zed very much does, tho. His mask has golden horns, red eyes and a skull motif goming on. And I think this mask was made by Jhin becase it also resembles a dick with that random hole😭😂

#zed #jhin #comic #lore analysis

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petitelepus · 1 year

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Hello! 👋 Could I get a yandere, normal and Humans are cute au! Transformers Prime matchup (as a human), please? 🐅 I've read the rules and I hope that I didn't do anything wrong by accident (and counted the words right!).

I'm 18+ and transmasc, so nsfw is fine. Gotta love the big alien bots! I use he/him or they/them pronouns. I'm demisexual and attracted to men.

I'm a deeply emotional and usually quiet person. More of a listener than a talker unless I'm really comfortable with somebody. I like listening to what other people have to say and if possible limit my company to one person at a time. My main love language is physical touch and words of affirmation are a close second. I believe good communication to be the foundation of any relationship. My personality type is INFP.

My main interests are art (painting, sculpting - traditional mediums) and video games as well as exploring the human mind through works of fiction. I really like immersing myself in new and different worlds - sci-fi and fantasy genres are wonderful! Sometimes I write things on the side or make ocs for myself. I also really like densely green areas and like visiting forests whenever I get the chance to. I also like electronic music - synthwave. I ADORE tabletop RPGS! I like making a character and then acting them out. I prefer audio books over reading and I have poor eyesight (near sighted).

Dislikes: children, loud noises, crowds, being approached from behind or surrounded, being yelled at (I will cry.), having to wake up early, hot weather

Breakdown is Yandere for you!

Breakdown absolutely adores how small you are. Decepticons hold no love for humans or any organics for that matter, but you have a special place in this Con's Spark.

He will tell you stories about the Bots and Cons he has fought against and how they never stood chance against him. Only one has been able to match his strength and that was this green Autobot called Bulkhead, but Breakdown doesn't talk about his losses since he wants to stay as the strongest Mech in your mind.

He will happily hug you if it makes you happy and keep you close by. If he let you out of his sight even for a second, you might be trampled by some Vehicon or worse, try to contact Autobots and attempt to leave Breakdown.

The Con warrior isn't the most artistic but he enjoys watching you do what you like. Video games are new to him also, but if you show him fighting games he is SOLD. Humans have virtual fighting simulators? So cool!

Breakdown is interested in your games and having your own characters, but if things get too complicated for him to understand, he usually spaces out.

It's easy to forget when you are around him that he is a ruthless Decepticon warrior and an extremely protective one at that. If anyone even looks at you in a funny way, he has his hammer out and is threatening the guy and literally making them beg for their life. No, they shouldn't beg from him but from you!

If Breakdown thinks that the apology isn't good enough he sees nothing wrong in teaching the Con or Bot some manners. He is just looking out for you.

I match you with Bumblebee!

You're one of the few people who can understand Bumblebee, but what draws him towards you is how you perk up when something you like is being discussed about.

Raf was just one day talking about how he thought about getting into some RPG games and you light up like a newborn star and start telling and explaining everything you might know about the games.

Bee makes a comment that you are really cute when you talk about your interests and you two kinda became a thing.

Bumblebee enjoys quality time with you and loves holding you close as he plays you some of your favorite songs, usually electronic. If he is feeling like showing you some affection, he tends to choose romantic songs.

If the two of you take a trip somewhere, he likely will play your current audiobook in the speakers.

The yellow Autobot would love to tell you about Cybertron but his words are limited so he relies on other Bots to explain about their home planet to you.

Bee is familiar with sci-fi but fantasy is new to him, but luckily he is eager to learn. He would love to create new worlds and your own characters! He wants to badly be a strong and heroic warrior and save you from evil goblins. He just wants to be your hero in shining armor in both game and real life.

Knock Out is your owner!

You were originally a gift to Knock Out from Breakdown. The big brute wanted to make sure that his lover would always have someone to puff the red mech and that he could never feel lonely when Breakdown wouldn't be able to be with him.

Knock Out thought it was a joke, but then he looked at you and decided that "Frag it" and took you in.

This sleek beautiful Con is a good owner. He takes care of things that belong to him, and you are one of those things. You're a fine human specimen, even if a little quiet at first. He encourages you to speak because he wants to hear you praise his paint job or finish.

He will take you out with him to see drive-in movies and shop for stuff. You're his pet so you must look at least half as good as he does.

When Breakdown is gone, like, gone for good, you're there to offer Knock Out company and sympathy. He doesn't cry, he is a Con, but he will quietly hold you in his arms as if you would also disappear if he let go even for a second. You're the last thing he has of Breakdown and he will cherish you.

Please, do paint a pretty picture of Knock Out or make a statue of him. He will love them because he knows that you put a lot of effort into them.

These games you show him are interesting to say at least. Knock Out likes playing with you, even if he needs a moment to learn, but he makes a great Bard.

You would think he would make his character a Cleric or a Healer, but nope, he wants to sing about his glorious looks and the exciting adventures the two of you end up on.

#matchup #yandere #yandere matchup #humans are cute #pet human #human pet #breakdown #bumblebee #tfp #transformers prime #transformers #knock out #knockout #knock-out #Anon #ENJOY!

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courtofmatchups · 2 months

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hello, i’d like to request an obey me matchup if thats okay <3

my name is bee, i’m an infp, aries, lesbian (okay with fictional men tho 🤭) and use she/they pronouns

personality: i’m very introverted, shy, and soft spoken, but with people i’m very comfortable with i tend to be a bit silly and say whatever i’m thinking. i’ve been told i’m quick with witty responses. i rarely get angry and try my best to be patient and understanding with the people around me, looking for the good in everyone i meet. due to my adhd i tend to space out a lot and forget what i’m saying easily, but i’d like to think all of that daydreaming has turned me into a creative person. art and drawing has been a huge passion of mine for as long as i can remember, and i specialize in pen and ink drawings. i’m currently working as a barista, but i plan to go back to school in the future to study art. i mainly express my love through gift giving and acts of service, and i prefer to receive words of affirmation and physical touch.

hobbies/interests: drawing, napping, gaming, horror (books, movies, games), lovecraftian/cosmic horror, bloodborne, souls series, elder scrolls, dark fantasy, history, historical dramas, metal music, annoying the shit out of people by telling them bloodborne lore

some of my favorite things: sunflowers, soft things, plushies, pens, naps on rainy days, soft lighting, electric wizard, garfield, sleeping in, cats, frogs, opossums, strawberry lemonade, doom metal, pompompurin

dislikes: loud noises, bright lights, and strong smells (they trigger my migraines), crowds, tomatoes, hot weather, spiders, opening shifts, acrylic paint, neon colors

appearance/aesthetic: 5’6, a little curvy, soft features, blue eyes, short and shaggy burgundy (dyed) hair, septum piercing, faint freckles. i usually wear grunge fairycore outfits, long skirts, lots of rings, crystal necklaces, and a little bit of makeup. at work my style leans more towards dark academia if i’m not feeling lazy in the morning. i mainly wear my doc martens everywhere as well. (easier to deal with if i accidentally spill at work.)

a few characters i relate to: sawako (kimi ni todoke) nell (haunting of hill house) kisa (fruits basket) asa (chainsaw man) lady maria (bloodborne)

i apologize if this is unorganized. have a lovely day! <3

It seems to me you've captured the heart of...

The Avatar of Lust

Asmodeus!

"What a cutie!" - Asmodeus

Asmo loves seeing your silly side and he will never tire of seeing you go from shy and soft spoken to outgoing. And your quick witted responses are good enough to give Satan and Belphie a run for their money. Like you, Asmo likes to find the beauty in everyone and everything, and there is just so much to admire about you. Your creativity is one of them. He appreciates that you like him for him.

If there is ever a time your mind wanders, he'll be there to get your mind back on track. ADHD can be a struggle to live with, especially since the world seems to be against you, but Asmo's here to support you, and cheer you on. He enjoys your artwork, and he appreciates the work you put into your work as a barista, and will support you all the way: before art school, during art school, and after art school.

Asmo's heard plenty of Levi's infodumping on his interests, so he's quite used to this kind of thing, and with you, he'd look forward to it. And seeing that you're into horror, he'd find an excuse to cling to you when something scary pops up.

A lot of your interests lines up with his, so that's also a plus. He'd love to take you shopping for clothes and accessories. And don't worry if you get overwhelmed by the environment, he'll get you out of there.

Overall, a happy relationship

#court of matchups #obey me matchups #obey me shall we date #obey me #matchups #obey me nightbringer #obey me asmodeus

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hetchdrive · 3 months

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I think we’re reading May We Be Spared to Meet on Earth at roughly the same time and are currently at roughly the same parts. I just wanted to say I think that’s very cool of us 😌 Do you have any favorite letters so far?

You're right that is very cool of us! Let me just uhhh look through my notes...

So far my favorite letters have been Goodsir's letter to his dad which I reblogged from you, for the reasons in the post. Goodsir is so bluntly endearing, somehow. He seems very young. Oh I've just looked up how old Goodsir was when the expedition vanished and he was 28. Oh alright then. I'm emotional about this.

Other favorite letter so far was unexpectedly one of John Irving's, to his sister-in-law Catherine. This paragraph really hit me as like, a premonition of the upcoming disaster:

"I intended to write something to amuse you, but I find I cannot help being serious. Everything around me, and every duty I am engaged in, tend at present to make me so-- I mean all keep me so much alive the feeling of a long separation from those near and dear to me. Even in writing I am reminded that a terrible long pause of anxious suspense is before me, when I can only hope, without the prospect of tidings of good or ill. So, my dear Katie, do not blame me that you should have been, whilst reading the mass of scribbling, obliged to banish your usual smiles. I will write you yet again, so I shall not take a very formal farewell of you at this time. My most brotherly love to my dear Lewis. --Yours very affectionately, John Irving."

Irving also sent back to England a number of drawings. Several men did but Irving's seem to be the best of the ones included in the book. Also, of two skeletons returned to England at the time of the McClintock expedition, one of them was identified as Irving by the presence of a maths medal next to the body, which I find deeply endearing. This book has made me a big Irving fan, honestly. Didn't have any strong feelings about him before starting reading this and now I'm like ough... my guy.

My other observation so far is that it seems like Franklin was unfairly characterized in the show, as his letters so far paint a picture of a fairly cautious man.

It is Fitzjames who is the king of hubris.

There are multiple letters where the endnotes make note of how the things he is saying shows he does not have a good understanding of the Arctic and that's really interesting to me from the perspective of seeing show!Crozier and Fitzjames' relationship conflict early on as coming from a place of Crozier's experience vs Fitzjames' support of Franklin's dismissal of him, with the idea (I had always thought) being that Franklin thinks his feelings of optimism and belief God will see them through are substitutes for dealing with the material realities of that place. And like, no! Actually that should have been Fitzjames, going off these letters! But it makes sense from a character writing perspective. Foolish, foolish man. Excited to see how my opinion of this evolves as I continue to read.

Also, Fitzjames' aggressive confidence in repeatedly pestering John Barrow Jr. about whether he's gotten the position or not is honestly kind of inspiring in a "if this man from the 1840s can speak like he knows anything when he clearly doesn't I myself should step up game in these job interviews". There's one particular letter that absolutely floored me, and it was the 11th of February one:

"In case of Crozier's appointment I send you a letter to Beaufort asking him to try for Le Vesconte which pray send at once as soon as you know I am not to go-- if I am appointed tear it up-- .... Mind I am in confident expectations of the Second Ship in Franklin's expedition nothing else is worth having." [I have used italics where there were underlines]

Nothing else is worth having. Absolutely awful, vainglorious man. This has made me dearly want to write my own version of my headcanon first meeting of "Fitzjames puffs himself up, fails to impress Crozier, feels rejected about it and forms a grudge" because holy shit, he is actually so much worse than I already thought. Also because "nothing else is worth having" would be a banger title.

I do appreciate that Fitzjames seems to have been a man who is eager to lift other men up, as this is not the only time he makes suggestions to Barrow Jr. about appointments and promotions-- if he was obsessed with status for himself he was at least trying to lift his friends up, as well. Pity this doesn't extend to Crozier! Would have been a very different expedition if it did!

Wow, long post which I took so long to write, my bad. What are your own favorite letters so far?

#crancisfrozier #asks #may we be spared to meet on earth #the terror

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bump1nthen1ght · 1 year

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feel free to ignore but i would love to know if you have other characters that are drogo's workmates? i just love the setting of it all (drogo my beloved!! 😔🤝)

Oooh this was such a fun request anon! Hope y'all enjoy some general headcanons about Drogo's coworkers. If you're interested for more just let me know!

(And if you have no clue who were talking about, heres the link to the headcanons about our resident demon Drogo!

Headcanon 1

Headcanon 2

Headcanon 3

Drogo's Coworkers: Belz and Rory Headcanons!

Belz (He/they)

Belz is the champion of smooth talking clients, even among his fellow sex-demon coworkers. They always have a way of getting customers to extend their time, knowing exactly what to say to make them wanting more

Bright blue skin and horns that curl back into his messy, shag hair. Definitely one of those people that can hop right out of the shower and their hair looks perfect

On the smaller side of sex demons because he’s actually half-human! Belz is around 5’9 with a lithe body

(Their mom is this sweet baker who fell in love with their biker incubus dad. Though according to his parents, the baker is the wilder of the two 👀)

Their day job is as an art teacher at a rec center and the local community college.

(Definitely the teacher everyone has a crush on. His billowy tops and boho pants make him feel like a love interest you’d run away to Greece with)

Will flirtatiously offer to be your nude subject if you ever want to practice figure drawings ;).

But then will genuinely paint the most beautiful portrait of you when they feel most inspired. It could be as simple as you sitting in the couch in your undies, but he’ll make you feel like a Renassaince muse.

Secret passion: Rodents, especially his two pet rats, Benny and Jet

Once when they were drunk they tried to call out to an opossum and keep it as pet, Drogo had to pull them away as they cried saying “Look at its little face!!”

Bond with his pets and you’ll be one of their favorite people, period. They’ll gush about their whole life history and how much work he’s put in their rat enclosure.

Like Drogo is very flirtatious with his tail, often holding out your wrist or wrapping around the meat of your thigh as he pats you in the butt

Ror’aman/Rory (She/Her)

Built like a brick SHITHOUSE; I’m talking 6’3, arms like carved marble, and thighs that could split a watermelon open

Bright Lavender skin and long, tall horns. Has thick, wavy black hair that she loves wear loose

Specializes in mommy-dom stuff, mostly because of her deep and raspy voice, but it’s aggressively caring demeanor that gets her the nickname ‘Mama’ in the office

One of her favorite hobbies is sewing; Not only can she make her own sexy outfits but she also has a passion for historical fashion. Going to a Ren Faire with her is a delight.

Loves to dress you up in the outfits she’s made, even having tailoring sessions where she can customize stuff to look absolutely perfect.

Her main source of income is as a personal trainer. She’s mastered the mix of encouraging and fierce where she can push you to your limits yet make you feel confident.

(Also has killer gym fits. All the matching sets that hug her body perfectly)

Like many Succubi, she is super touchy feely. She’ll randomly pet the top of your head or rub the back of your neck, not even realizing the shivers running down your spine

Will scratch the base of your skull with her long acrylic nails, pat your lower back, before giving a soft little kiss on your temple

(I mean c’mon who wouldn’t be like “Mommy 😳”)

Hardest part of staying over at her place? She has a tall person’s shelves, meaning you need a step stool to get everything. Or, she can pick you up by your hips and put you on the counter 😉

Takes play wrestling very seriously. You’ll be trying to grapple her with half strength and she’ll go between your legs and throw you over her shoulder like a fresh hunt, before supplexing you onto the bed

(She sees no problem with this: Fight the bull you get the horns 😤)

#my writing #reader insert #monster x reader #monster romance #headcanons

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oldmemoria · 7 months

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lmao i fucking forgot to share this

not only do i have unorganized miguel heacanons but i have unorganized HOBIE ones too

i have unorganized random headcanons for all the characters i brainrot over these two are no different!!

identity headcanons first hehe:

hes trans. he probably diyed his hrt and also has top surgery somehow hes magic. (i also think he'd have tattoos over his scars, either super cool bat/devil wings or an intricate spider design on their whole abdomen cant decide ill draw it later 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉)

he, however, doesnt really have any specific sexuality or gender labels they feel like they fit into. theyre attacted to all genders of varying degrees but doesnt really put a label on it. he just exists.

also doesnt mind what pronouns you use for her. any/all. basically.

also also would encourage people to use the weirdest and coolest neopronouns they can think of for zem like REALLY go out there WHATEVER YOU CAN THINK OF.

ADHD haver?? MAYBE???

to the rest acaksdlfj;akdjf:

theyre very crafty and dabble in basically every form of art. music, graffiti, painting, sculpting (mainly with trash or scraps or random discarded items he finds, more on that later on), sewing, whatever. if he can learn to do it she will.

he is super touchy and likes being close to people, but also understand boundaries.

very emotionally intelligent, i feel like this is canon anyway but ill just put it out there, ze can basically sense if someone is upset.

LOVES ABSOLUTELY LIVES FOR talking to new people, will go out of their way to introduce himself to basically everyone, especially new spider-people she meets.

he is a bit of a joker, ofc, but he wont try and push boundaries that he clearly sees or hears from the person theyre talking to. hi people who hc him as being an unself aware dickhead shut up you are very wrong did you even watch the movie.

this one is probably my favorite but he will pick up random things he sees around him and keep them for art projects. cool rock on the sidewalk? its a rock, hes gonna take it. funny lookin bug? might pick it up for a little to look at it and put it back in a safer spot. bottle cap? "mine now". like i said before he likes using litter to make art.

he will stop mid-mission if he sees something cool that he can take home like "oh [riff] cool leaf" and put it in his pocket.

i was referencing this post btw i love this headcanon, absolutely genius, i will steal it ty /lhj

this stealing of random objects from all around the multiverse has caused many lectures for miguel (they arent listening)

they have some kind of control over what texture/color they turn into if xey really think about it but most of the time he just kind of.. lets it do its thing. (sort of like a RainWing?)

shockingly good at vague yet oddly specific threats that are unrealistic but if you really think about it it's like "oh yeah he could totally do that..." but she wouldn't. yknow what im saying right???

while he does live in the 70s where technology was uh... not as popular nor as advanced as they are now, he's aware of modern tech through Gwen, Miles, Pav, DEFINITELY through Margo and Miguel, but she doesn't really use it often. doesnt really see the point.

along with that he also is aware of modern music as well, he has mixed feelings (gwen is probably the biggest influence though she is such a Pinkshift/Paramore/My Chem girlie it hurts to think about)

100% collects record of artists, especially smaller artists, that they like.

if you get them going about music he will talk for HOURS. HOURS until you tell him to shut up, even though fae totally wont listen and will keep going anyway. (just like me teehee projecting is fun <3 )

while hobie does use his guitar as a weapon for some reason he is quite protective of it. they wont try and stop you from touching it or playing it, but he will watch you like a hawk. half out of "oo look another person is interested in guitar" and the other half of "👁️👁️ dont break it i can only do that /j" (a lot of musicians are like that, i would know, im one of them. ha)

loves stray animals. cats, dogs, birds, anything. he will stop to pet them if they let him.

he also will talk to cats like any other person. especially spider cat. spider cat could make a cat noise and he'd act like he understood it. "yeah totally man, i get it. meow."

he can sing like... averagely? he has a good sense of pitch and timing, as most musicians do, but she isnt professionally trained or really does it too often

they will scream though

also really likes messing with makeup and bodypaint. he will spend hours on it if he can.

FUCK I AM SO HAPPY I DIDNT POST THIS IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE I KEEP REMEMBERING THINGS ACK HERES ONE LAST ONE POST THIS AFTER ASH I SWEAR (edit from two weeks later: i forgor): he definitely isnt a morning person. he loves to sleep in. definitely values rest, like a lot. miguel will call him at like 7 am and hobie will flip him off and say 5 more minutes when they really mean 2 more hours.

do i have any more?? hmmm maybe if i remember but this is what i have so far. mostly just silly lil headcanons that arent entirely plot relevant as most of my headcanons are.

#across the spiderverse #atsv #spider punk #hobie brown #headcanons #might draw some of these later :)#almost forgot new hobie tag im so sorry #british spider #FUCK I SHOULD HAVE POSTED THIS WEEKS AGO LMAO

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