#and omg i sound so dramatic and i'm so self conscious about it

[beanghostprincess]

What about transfem Sanji and Robin?? Like I need some headcanons. Please🥺🥺

OMG YES YES YES!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS WEFNLSNDFLKEN I LOVE THEM!!! I have SO many headcanons for these two <3

Sanji comes out to the crew not long after the time skip, but the first one to know is Robin and she's the one that encourages her to tell the others. However, Sanji is worried (and yes, I am making it Sanuso because I am just that annoying with them) because she isn't sure whether Usopp (they're dating already btw) will still love her after knowing this (not the fact that she's a girl, bc Usopp is like, extremely bi and Sanji knows this. It's more like the concept of being trans and her body and etcetc). Robin tells her about her and Franky and how she was also anxious at first (she's also transfem btw. She has wise older trans girl energy) but he loved her body just the way it is. Perfect. "SUPERRR!" in his words, of course. So Robin tells Sanji that she's sure Usopp will love her either way, but if, for any reason, he doesn't want to keep going with the relationship, that doesn't make Sanji less valuable. Just like Robin didn't need Franky to tell her she's beautiful for her to accept it.

Turns out everyone accepts her, of course, even Zoro is nice to her. Robin is next to Sanji when she tells them the truth about herself and how she'd like to be treated now. However, Sanji is looking at Usopp and Luffy the whole time. Her boyfriend and her captain. Luffy's the first one to break the silence, saying that as long as she's free and happy and still cooks for them, then it's alright!! Robin gives her a fond smile while it happens. Usopp approaches her when everybody is walking away, and without saying anything else, he just kisses her. A thing that is completely new because Usopp is mostly a man of words, but right now he just wants to kiss her, and Sanji isn't complaining. Also, if you're curious about the other straw hats' reactions (can you tell I'm super into this whole thing):

Franky: Now we have three SUPERRRR beautiful ladies on the ship!! 😎 (Or, another option: *Dramatically sobs because Sanji just told them the most heartbreaking story about her life and how she struggled to realize she was a girl*) Nami: Oh fucking finally, I thought I would have to deal with this forever. I thought you were a pervert but turns out you were just repressed as hell! Way to go, girl!!! Welcome to the club!! Zoro: She's still a pervert- Good for you, though. I'm still going to beat your ass when we fight. Not going easy just because of this, shitty cook. Brook: Oh, dear, I'm so glad there are more women here blessing us with their presence. Now, may I see your- *Nami hits him so hard his skull almost breaks in half* Chopper: Sanji!!! I'm so sorry we didn't know anything!!!! Now I feel bad for treating you like a man!!! You're not!!! You're a beautiful woman, Sanji!!! (Sanji: Chopper, I didn't even know. How the hell did you expect to realize first-) *Sobs* I- I don't know!! But I'm sure you'll be even cooler as a woman now!!!

Robin tells Franky ASAP to build a bed for Sanji in the girls' room, but she doesn't tell Sanji right away. Nami helps her move Sanji's stuff from the boys' bedroom to theirs, and they make it a bit cozier and wider for the three of them. After dinner, they show Sanji what they've done and she almost breaks down crying.

Sanji is kind of self-conscious about her body, and she actually really likes wearing her suits, so it isn't a problem. But sometimes she envies Robin and Nami's clothes and bodies, and she wants to be able to wear dresses and more fem clothes too. Robin notices without Sanji saying anything and ends up lending her discreet clothes from her wardrobe for now until they have the chance to go shopping. Nami, then, is the one to buy clothes for Sanji with her own money (as surprising as it sounds) because it's, and I quote: "A real emergency. The fact that I haven't seen you in heels yet is a crime".

She starts thinking about her hair one day when Usopp notices it's getting a lot longer, running his fingers through it. Sanji has always been used to short hair. She doesn't even mind having it like this. A lot of girls have short hair. But perhaps she can... Try. Not cutting it for a while. See where it goes. (Lil spoiler: Turns out she likes long hair because it reminds her of her mom <3 Usopp loves it because this way he can do all sorts of hairstyles with it!!!)

The first time she showers with the girls at some thermal baths they find on an island, she almost has a heart attack. Being a girl does not keep her from simping, she's just a lot more normal about it (I have the lil headcanon that Sanji's constant pervert behavior is just gender envy). But also it's the excitement and feeling of belonging!! Besides, bathing with them is sooo much calmer and nicer than with the boys.

Issues with her voice? Not to worry because Robin, being the wise older transfem she is, teaches Sanji how to feel more comfortable about it and shows her tricks to train it for her voice to sound more soothing and high.

Eventually, Robin asks Sanji if she wants to try and contact Ivankov because they could help with her body, if she wants to. Sanji isn't sure. She feels like changing it completely would be like betraying herself because she doesn't want to be ashamed of her body. She's a girl no matter what, after all. But sometimes dysphoria is just... Too much. And perhaps living with a more fem body would help her. Robin tells her to take her time to think about it, and that no matter what she chooses she'll still be beautiful and a wonderful young woman!!

Silly lil thing but I think Robin would always use her hands (like, her extra hands) to keep Sanji's skirts covering her legs because girl be fighting with Zoro without realizing she's wearing a dress, lmao. The thing about her fighting style being all about kicking doesn't mix with well with some outfits.

Usopp used to be invited to girl nights, along with Chopper. Because Chopper is just, like, y'know, kind of their lil brother and Usopp is... Usopp is Usopp. He's the bestie of the gals. He's one of the girlies (he is not. He's just there because he's like the token gay friend in the girl group that always stands out. Like in teenage movies. Dude wants to be there and Nami doesn't complain). But once Sanji starts joining those girl nights, Usopp is completely banned from them. No boyfriends allowed.

Robin and Nami start using "Sanji-chan" to talk about her and it just makes her feel so so so happy!! (Actually I had to look up if Robin uses -chan for Nami and she actually does when talking to others about her???? Which is cute. I think they'd do it with Sanji for gender-affirming reasons mostly rather than just using honorifics).

Whenever Sanji argues with Usopp (surprisingly more often than you probably think, but it's just about stupid stuff) she always goes to Robin because she's the rational one and will probably help her better than anybody else. And also Usopp asks Nami for advice so Sanji can't exactly go to her.

If I start talking about my ideas for Whole Cake Island with transfem Sanji hiding that she's a girl and Luffy going after her to save her I might actually die so I won't (and this would probably change this whole thing to a Lusan post and we don't want that right now). But!! Thinking about Sanji in WCI missing Robin's presence because she always knows what to say, and not knowing if telling Reiju is a good idea.

I'm out of ideas ngl

Have these Sanjis as a peace offering for not being able to write more creative stuff:

SHE'S MY WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!

Also shout out to our queens:

(Sanji would SO wear these outfits btw) (I actually have so many ideas for how transfem Sanji would dres aaaaaaaAAAAAAA)

#sanji is my wife we're married #everything i said is canon now btw #i love them #me when girls i love girls and girls and trans girls are amazing they're awesome i love you girls all the girls #<- i'm a lesbian #WOMEN #sorry i got distracted by the beauty of these three #one piece #black leg sanji #transfem sanji #nico robin #transfem nico robin #nami #sanuso #frobin #straw hat pirates

[msmental-madness]

Meltdown

**Potential trigger warning: Thoughts of self harm / suicide

To give you background first, my boyfriend, Gavin, and I have been together five years and we've been living together for almost five years. We had to go to couples' counseling a year or so ago because of how bad my mood swings were. He is very aware of all of my mental illnesses and I'm incredibly lucky he didn't leave me when I went to the outpatient program when we first started dating and when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. He is a wonderful man most of the time, let me make that clear.

With that being said, I tried to explain BPD to him and asked for him to read up on it but there was some kind of disconnect in which he wasn't understanding of how sensitive I am. It's very frustrating to me because he will say shit such as "You're being dramatic." "You take things too personally". OMG it takes so much to hold in that Sicilian rage to not just put a hole through a wall.

The therapist did explain how much more sensitive we are to things, so I figured him hearing a professional confirm this would help so I wasn't deemed as "dramatic" or "faking" it and to also help him to be more understanding and patient with me. We both explained to him that I perceive things differently. I full heartedly admit I take everything personally. Perception is everything so I believe that if you know you're speaking with someone knowing how sensitive they are, you should be conscious on how you word what you're saying to avoid conflict. Is that too much to ask? Maybe. Maybe not. I'm the type of person who is too nice and does everything in my power to not make anyone feel as horrible as I do everyday.

Gavin is also aware of the mental and verbal abused I endured growing up and still continue to experience with my narcissistic Mom. We had gotten into an argument and because I was so riled up from being upset, I disassociated and I honestly can't remember what it was about exactly, but I know it was just a misunderstanding as usual. I had a manic episode yesterday to the extent that I was in hysterics and cried for almost an hour. I was so disoriented that I was thinking that today was the day, the day I finally end my life. The pain was so much that I didn't even care or worry about the pain or consequences.

The mental anguish was so strong and I could just hear my Mom's voice in my head telling me "You're worthless!" "You're so stupid!" Then my voice chimed in and went on about how much of a worthless piece of shit I am. That I can't do anything right. Why do I even bother trying? You're so stupid. In between gasps for air, I began to Google "quick and painless ways to kill yourself". The only thing I read that sounded reasonable was taking a lot of Nyquil. When I went back to the search engine, I came across an article pretty much saying "don't do it. you're loved." blah blah blah. Then the numbers for the suicide helpline appeared and I thought about calling them. I didn't because I didn't want to be a burden.

I just had constant thoughts of slitting my wrists (Never have and will never do that) and just dropping to the floor or ODing on meds (I did that once. Wouldn't recommend). I even thought about driving to a parking garage to try the carbon monoxide method but decided against that because I was too lazy to drive (ha!) Death just sounded so much better than being alive. To be honest, I think about dying every day. I don't think about killing myself every day, but I constantly ask "why can't I just die already?" Or I say "I wish I was dead." Most days, I think being dead would be a vacation compared to being on this Earth. Being dead would be easier than living this life. Just to be clear, I would never kill myself because I'm too scared to do it, I just think about it.

Anyway, I became so dehydrated from crying that I nearly fainted. Gavin found me and became frantic, asking "What's wrong?!" and kept hugging me. He tried so hard to console me and slow down my breathing to stop hyperventilating. Now, anyone who has ever hyperventilated knows that it's not just something you can easily stop and come back from. From my perspective, when it was taking me time to calm down, he seemed to become impatient with me because he said, "You're being dramatic. I'm going to leave the room and come back when you calm down." This made me burst into tears and start up again because it was so hurtful and insensitive to say, especially when I thought maybe he would have been understanding in that moment. I just don't understand how anyone could say that to another after seeing how hard they were crying just minutes ago.

It's frustrating because I needed someone there to just talk me down and tell me things are ok, to ride out the wave with me for however long it took. Maybe I'm the one who is selfish. Maybe I expect too much. My problem is that I expect people to act as how I would. I just know that if the roles were reversed, I would do my research as to how to console someone during an episode to avoid saying anything that can be thought of as insensitive.

Being in any type of relationship with a person who suffers from this disorder, romantically or not, requires a lot of patience and support. Please be that person. We don't want you to leave. We sincerely do not enjoy this life.

#borderline personality disorder #manic episodes #mental illness

[loxxxlay]

hihihi, just wanted to say that I'm having a lot of feelings and after i literally felt nothing about loki or thor or anything to do with them for almost a year, it's kinda overwhelming for it to all be back right now.

so i see ppl messaging me excited and i've responded to some of it, and i am also excited!

but my human brain isn't quite caught up with my lizard brain, so please be gentle and patient with me! I'm carefully wading into this tumblr pool, testing the temperature, not quite sure whether i want to submerge yet lol

tldr it's gonna take me some time to respond to DMs if they are about loki (or really any DMs tbh bc even tumblr is a bit overwhelming), and i'm sorry!!! T_T

#lox talks personal #i am trying #and don't stop! #i just feel guilty for not responding even though i'm clearly online #like i was literally sobbing for 3 hours the day the 1st episode came out because of how overwhelming it is #so i'm trying to just take it slow #and omg i sound so dramatic and i'm so self conscious about it #but i'm dead serious #this is really hard lol #it's like trying to relearn how to walk after a stroke #and i get overloaded so easily atm T_T #so yeah #this post is to assuage my guilt

[lunebinnie]

(1/11)Oh my gosh yesss I'm glad that you like long messages too because I talk way too much 😂 (And yeah about my friend and just hanging out w/ her more that's exactly what I was thinking 😂) It's actually kind of funny bc just yesterday I was hanging out at her house and her younger brother needed to go to Walmart and I was like 'I've been meaning to go to Walmart, I'll take you' and ofc since I have a bluetooth radio adapter the whole drive I had my Spotify going with some quality k-bops, lol

2)And as we were driving I noticed him kind of jamming and I was like 'Oh my god Mickey do you actually like this???' And he was Like 'yeah, these are some good bops 👍' I was shooketh. I had to go home before I had the chance to show him any music videos but he says he's open to watching some with me next time I see him. One way or another I'm going to turn someone in my social circle into a kpop fan you mark my words ☝ and then maybe we can team up and try to work on his sister some more 😂

3)I only started first getting into kpop last June so I'm still very new, but it's definitely super frustrating how so many ppl act like it's an inherently bad or cringey genre of music just bc it's kpop! The stigma is ridiculous! I also started out with BTS (lol) and since they're pretty popular in the US at least I was able to be like 'See, this isn't just a niche thing, lots of people know abt and like this group' but of course my dad still says 'Just cause it's popular doesn't make it good'

4)And I'm like? You're a band teacher, you of all people should understand that music doesn't have to be in your native language (or even have lyrics) in order for you to enjoy it, but go off I guess... It's the same with one of my college friends. They make fun of me for liking kpop but this is coming from some who still treats March 22nd (the day My Chemical Romance broke up) as a day of mourning. Like, no tea no shade no pink lemonade, MCR was a good band nothing wrong with liking them.

5)But like if you're 22 and you still haven't grown out of your emo phase do you really have room to pick on other people for their music taste?  🤷 Anyway that's the person who follows my main that I didn't want to know I had a kpop sb. I think I made it around July. Tbh it was pretty dead for most of 2018. But like I said I've started using it way more since I recently revealed that it exists, lol. Especially since that good good Astro cb 👏💗😩 But honestly Astro is such a blessing

6)Idk how I lived so long w/o them. When I first got into kpop I was planning on just sticking to BTS since the reaction to me being into kpop was so volatile. I was like 'I'm only into one group, ppl already are negative about me liking kpop so I'm just gonna stick to this and not become a full on multifandom fan' and then in Nov I accidentally let myself fall in love with Monsta X and that plan was foiled. And realizing I wasn't gonna be able to stick to just one anymore opened the floodgates

7)And I was like okay in that case, let's just start getting into *all groups* Lol. My story of getting into Astro was actually bc of my best friend's roommate (can you tell I have like one friend and my whole social circle kinda revolves around her? Lol) so this roommate when she heard me being sad about having no kpop friends was like 'oh hey, I'm kinda into kpop' and it turns out she didn't like very many groups and was one of the ppl who blah blah BTS is overrated, which ya know isn't ideal8)But I was just really desperate to have someone to talk about kpop with. And Astro was her favorite so I was like, okay I'll get into them so that I have something to talk about with her! So I started watching some videos and I fell in love with them pretty much instantly! And I was real excited bc #1 now I can talk about kpop with someone! And #2 this group is actually amazing? Bonus! ... And then they got in a big fight about their living conditions and the roommate ended up moving out RIP

9)So that didn't work out, lol (Your story about finding them during that internship sounds amazing though! Haha) But yeah, so this is my first cb too! And although I love them w/ my whole heart and would have loved to have them in my life even sooner what an amazing cb to be your first! The concept was wonderful, the album was excellent, the visuals were to *die* for. They worked so hard and I'm so proud of them and I'm so happy we got to see their work come to fruition and get them a win 🤧🤧

10)The dance practices though? You're so right omg 💗 Me and my Rocky bias *fully* understand 😂 All of them are such good dancers?? I never fail to be impressed. Of course you know who I always end up watching tho 👀 lol (̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶a̶l̶f̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r��e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶R̶o̶c̶k̶y̶'̶s̶ ̶f̶o̶o̶t̶w̶o̶r̶k̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶l̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶e̶y̶e̶s̶.̶.̶.̶)̶ ̶ I also love how at the end they always pause all dramatic for a minute and then start screaming 😂

11)It's like? Amazing talent *and* dorky personalities? What more could you ask for? Lol. In regard to your last question though Unfortunately I also won't be able to see them 😔 I live in the smack middle of the US and since they're only going to coasts all of the venues are way too far away to get to. Esp since it's the school year and I can't skip class to drive cross country for a concert much as I'd like to (Holy lord I talked over twice as much?? Why am I like this?) Talk again soon! -ASA

Okay SO I’m very sorry I haven’t had the time to answer everything until now bc I’ve been busy studying for midterms and also I was a lil trashy today since my uni closed bc of freezing rain so I slept in but I’m glad that FINALLY everything got sent like damn tumblr you really don’t want us making friends huh. 

Yessssss I love the feeling of seeing someone else also get into the same interests! I’ve been pretty lucky in the sense that I grew up around mostly other asian americans, so kpop was never something that was considered super “weird,” like some people were into it and some weren’t but even if you weren’t you still would’ve been familiar with the more popular groups from when you were younger. Even now, I have a bunch of friends also into kpop (one of them is even my roommate) so tbh I was definitely the one in my friend group late to the party aha. Even my university hosts kpop nights at our bar and I’m pretty sure we have a kpop dance team as well? So tbh if I met someone new there’s probably like a 50% chance they’re into kpop or at least listen casually. 

Tbh I used to be a little bit judgy too but moreso because of the obscene amount of money I’ve seen some of my friends spend (no joke one of my friends has spent probably like $500+ on Loona stuff in the past month and a half and another friend bought like 5 copies of the same album for herself like damn idk how do you have that much money).

I also really don’t like it when people bash other people’s music tastes, since I feel like it’s something so personal? Idk but for a long time I used to be really self conscious about sharing my music with other people and even now I feel like that sometimes. For me after getting into BTS I kind of expected to get really into other groups since I was in Korea anyway and I was already listening to a lot of other artists casually. For me it started with NU’EST (fell for them immediately at the same concert that I saw Astro at) and then after was Astro, and then I just started slowly getting into other groups after that (even though I haven’t totally been able to get into Got7′s music they’re SO funny and I just kinda fell for their personalities  you know). 

I honestly think that they did such a wonderful job with this comeback too! I like seeing their concept evolve and mature but they’re not straying too far from their original cute concept so I feel like it’s a nice middle ground that’s very unique to them, you feel? Also I feel like the visuals especially and the execution of the whole plant concept was just done so well?? Even my friend who’s not in kpop was like “k idk who they are but that was the prettiest music video I’ve ever seen”. What are your favourite eras and songs? For me I’d have to say either the Spring Up or Baby era BUT right now my favourite song is probably Again/Should’ve Held On though tbh my mood and my tastes change like every few weeks loool. 

I have no idea why I tend to be most attracted to the dances rather than vocals or rap (maybe has to do with the fact that it’s something I’ve always wished I could do but have always been bad at lmao). But Astro’s stood out to me for the exact same reason! I just thought it was so funny seeing them all break character at the end because you really get to see how hard their choreos are and you get a glimpse of their personalities like damn, how can you not stan these dummies?

That’s really unfortunate that you won’t get to see them either :/ They’re also coming to the closest city to me but it’s on a Tuesday, but I *hypothetically* looked up flight prices and tried to see if I could get away with just missing a day of classes if I flew back in the middle of the night since I have some friends who did the same thing and drove down to Buffalo but I seem to have underestimated the size of New York State LMAO. But apparently my university’s too far from the airport so it’s “not realistic” (and also I’m hella broke from travelling to Taiwan and Japan while I was in Korea but that’s a minor issue ig). I hope we do both get a chance to see them live though! Who knows, after the success of this comeback I’m expecting a lot more cbs and world tours out of them ;)

#asa #Anonymous