#and no matter what legitimate relationship you have with that person that's kind of fucked

[itsclydebitches]

I know there's a lot to unpack in James' new interview but I am feral, FERAL I SAY, over this fucking line right here:

"His need was to be loved, and his tragic flaw was the belief that he was unlovable."

Back before Season 3 hit and Tedependent became ~trendy~ (not actually lol) I was heacanoning and writing Trent as a pretty anxious individual, someone with a ton of internalized self-loathing whose "whole vibe" was more of a mask than legitimate self-confidence. At the time I worried about him coming across as too OOC because really, what did we have to support this? Ted Lasso's prevailing theme of men discovering love and support when they previously had none? The lovely parallel of Trent struggling with many of Ted's own flaws, but presenting in opposite ways (cutting cynicism vs. endless optimism)? The then—far less developed—comments from James that Trent might have a rough relationship with his father? It felt unsubstantiated, unpersuasive, built more on my own interest in those kinds of characters and the occasional awkward moment from Trent than actual canon. Even into Season 3 I questioned whether my reading of him as struggling, significantly, with the care Ted offers wasn't just a result of my own, imagined inner life for him.

But NOW.

I'm sorry, hold up, can I just re-confirm that TRENT'S TRAGIC FLAW IS HIS BELIEF THAT HE'S UNLOVABLE? Unlovable??? Thank you, James Lance, for validating every reading I've had of this character since he first appeared on screen. Do people realize the depth this adds to every interaction Trent has? Particularly with Ted? Unlovable Trent Crimm starts off this relationship with a sincere compliment on his style ("I like your glasses"), something that Season 3 will present as a core part of his personality, something he's largely hidden away. Unlovable Trent Crimm grappling with the fact that yes, Ted enjoyed spending time with him. Him. WHILE he was playing the part of the asshole journalist. Unlovable Trent not being rejected when he admits, in moments of vulnerability, that he "Loves [their] chats." Unlovable Trent having his father's (likely snide) "Independent" comment reframed as a fun pun + advice to follow his "bliss": you have support, Trent, no matter what you choose to do. I don't care if you're successful covering a masculine-coded sport, I care if you're happy. Unlovable Trent committing the ultimate betrayal and being forgiven for it, immediately. Unlovable Trent being forcibly integrated into the Richmond family; actively accepted rather than passively tolerated: yes you should work here, yes you're a Diamond Dog, sit your butt down, Trenthouse Magazine, you will never be excluded again.

I'm sorry for the rambling post but I'm just so!! Insane about this!!! So much of Trent's hesitance could have been written off as a result of his career. That is, it might have been merely a learned reaction after decades of deliberately pissing people off. Of course they dislike him, but take him out of that environment and everything's fixed. Yet James has confirmed that he played Trent as intrinsically believing this. The career was a result of that unfounded fear—Might as well keep people at a distance before they hurt me first—as well as, simultaneously, a desire to somehow achieve the love that should have been unconditional from the start—Maybe my father will like me if I can be that "alpha male man's man" in print. Because this isn't just a flaw, it's a tragic flaw, a literary term that denotes a deficiency that leads to the character's downfall. This belief is so entrenched that it has led to Trent actively self-sabotaging his chances of being loved in the first place; a horrible self-fulfilling prophecy. He NEEDED someone like Ted—a fucking love sledgehammer that forces people to accept his care in the least subtle ways possible, even when they're acting as their own worst enemy—and by god, he got him!

Aside from Nate, Trent has always felt like the most isolated character to me at the start of the series (and even Nate has a good relationship with his mother and sister). What we've learned in Season 3 and James' interviews has only reinforced that reading for me: he was closeted in his marriage, unintentionally hurting his daughter, he's suffering under his father's expectations, he hates the press persona he's created to survive, he's bored at his job, footballers and other potential interviewees despise him—and not without reason (Roy). He has no friends that we see pre-Richmond and he's reached a point where the simple act of someone saying that they liked spending the day with him—again, while he's actively TRYING to piss them off and keep his distance—has him in such a state of shock he runs for the door, pens an uncharacteristically hopeful write-up, and is well on his way to upending his entire life for that man.

Because of course he is!!! From Trent's perspective Ted is a fucking impossibility shaped into human form. This is a man in his 40s whose greatest lifelong fear—now all but a certainty at his age—has been dismantled in a matter of hours. I'd write a book-length love letter to him too! And RIP to finale!Trent, but I would have run fucking Rom-Com style after the man who not only changed my life, but my entire sense of self-worth. (Ah fuck, but there's that tragic flaw again, keeping Trent hesitant. I now stand by my reading of the "I'll leave you be" scene as an unrequited goodbye.)

But finale aside, the man who'd convinced himself he was unlovable fell for the man who was love incarnate.

If that's not the most romantic shit you've ever heard idk what is!!!

#Ted Lasso #Trent Crimm #Tedependent #mymetas #don't worry everyone I'm SO normal about this🙃

[poisoned-pearls]

YEEEE you always have the correct thoughts I'm interested 🔥🔥🔥🔥

AUAUAUGHHH OKAY SO

Jamil’s voice actor has said himself that even he believes that Jamil and Azul could be close friends- I wanna point this out because that man definitely has some of the best understandings of Jamil EVER because he’s not only seen most of his voice lines, but he also gets the background notes we don’t get to see to add the correct kind of flavor to the voice acting- ANYWAYS

Jamil and Azul DO get along!! very well, in fact! If they are put against a common force or just, generally in an event together they do work well and even joke like close friends would!

Like, even when Jamil is being mean, he’s not malicious. He’s snarky, not actually trying to hurt Azul’s feelings- and they both KNOW how smart the other one is, and both aren’t afraid to mention it

(usually it’s Azul, but Jamil also consistently gives Azul credit as well. He doesn’t ever really downplay Azul’s merits and abilities)

And the funniest bit is- no matter how mean Jamil is to him, even with what some WOULD consider as bullying, Azul does not stop.

Which is WEIRD AS HELL FOR HIM. He was heavily bullied as a kid, so much so that it’s very obviously hinted at that he had/has an eating disorder (he wears the same size as Epel and Riddle, people who are a good ~20 ish cm shorter than he is- this is besides the point-) so to him, the reward of getting Jamil on his side is worth the thing that literally controlled his entire life and caused his overblot. That is how important getting Jamil is to him. (which also begs the question, why Jamil? Sure, some of it is definitely because he sees himself in Jamil, but since this is MY post, I also believe it’s because he has a crush on him.)

And he is CONSTANT about it- it’s almost hilarious how fucking often octavinelle or the lounge or even just himself comes up in his conversations with him.

And sure, it is a little weird that he seems to disregard Jamil’s constant no’s- BUT he also understands and watches Jamil more than anyone else, so I think he does this precisely because he knows that Jamil holds himself back.

Jamil can’t reasonably Say yes to him, because of kalim and his duties, but it’s the same thing with Jamil’s lab vignette, he so desperately wants Jamil to do his best, to succeed, but because Jamil will not let himself, he pushes and pushes to try and get him to fold and do what he really wants. To flourish. And Azul wants him to do it with him.

and the reason why Jamil is always so resistant to it isn’t because he genuinely wants nothing to do with it, it’s because he cannot understand or comprehend a relationship like that where they are equal.

He doesn’t want to be under Azul’s thumb, but this is exactly where their animosity comes from- the misunderstanding of their friendship and the dynamics with it. He doesn’t want to go to octavinelle, to work at the lounge, because he despises being a servant.

But master and servant is the only real dynamic he knows- he legitimately can’t understand how it would be any different, and because of Azul’s reputation and persona, he wouldn’t trust Azul’s word on it either.

(It is also very ironic that Azul’s persona, which was made to protect him from bullying, is the exact reason Jamil is so hostile towards him in the first place)

But here’s the thing- consistently, Jamil always makes note of Azul. He pays attention to him, (‘you sure love your cryptic little asides’ means that he’s actually paying attention to Azul to notice said asides and notice the frequency of them-) and he acknowledges him first.

I cannot stress enough how fucking insane it is that he not only acknowledges Azul first, but by full name. He is in basketball club with Floyd, he should know him well enough to say him by name, and hypothetically be more friendly with. Floyd is genuinely the safest person in octavinelle for him to hang out with precisely because he doesn’t scheme, so why in the world is he acknowledging Azul?? He’s already fucking suspicious of him and wants him off his back, so why not go for what should be his safest in?? Sure, it makes sense for him to actually talk to Azul because, classmates, but to completely disregard Floyd and put Azul first? Azul stands in the middle of them no matter what reading direction would be normal for Jamil (like if he speaks Arabic then it would be right to left/) it wouldn’t make sense to point out the one in the middle. Genuinely when people say hello to a group they know usually they go by name in reading order-

Okay genuinely not being insane about one moment in dialogue for a moment

Jamil and Azul, work so, so fucking well. They are just similar enough while also being opposites in the most complimentary way it’s crazy.

They work well as friends and as business partners and as people fighting together and as a couple, they flow together and it is always in my brain

Because all it takes is for Jamil to realize that Azul is not lying. He is not trying to trick him or butter him up he means every single word of praise he says and he will continue to say it because to him Jamil is worth the pain. THAT is why they’re soulmates to me

Because all Jamil has ever wanted was freedom, and to catch a break. To not be the one serving, but to have someone serve him, to understand him. and Azul does. Azul wants to serve him and to hold him on equal footing and he already DOES understand him

(And he understands Azul, as well, even if he doesn’t admit it. In all of those lines he notices things about Azul you wouldn’t if you actually hated someone. Azul gives him a sense of hope, in a subtle way)

#Fuck this is long #And lowkey a little rambly #I had a lot of points #But yeah them #They should makeout and work out their problems #I think it would make the plot ten times better #I want a confession scene in a coral sea event and I want them to kiss by sliding their sprites on top of each other to become one weird ma #Genuinely them thi #The reason I believe in love #Also I love them aesthetically too #Did you know b&bw released ocean and sand themed scents at the same time? #Jamiazu #azujami #ashenviper #twst #twisted wonderland

[omegalomania]

i actually have to wax lyrical about fourth of july for a minute because it might legitimately be one of my favorite fall out boy songs ever written primarily because it's not a song i think could have been written prior to the hiatus. it feels a bit like a logical extension to "miss missing you" in how it's a song that discusses what it is to live without someone more than anything else.

say you loved someone. could be a friend, a family member, a significant other, whatever. say you loved them. say that relationship split apart for some reason or another. say it's been years since you thought about them and you realize you can't picture them so easily anymore. the little details that once shown so clearly in the walkways of your memory have begun to fade, and in a strange solemn kind of way you feel like you have to mourn that, the entropy hemorrhaging away your recollections of them. you have a weakness for nostalgia. you obsess over old scars. you obsess even more over the way that they dont ache the way they used to unless you pry them open of your own accord.

here is a song that presents an old, fractured relationship. here is a song that says that maybe it was for the best that it fell apart. it is not spiteful or angry or resentful of the other party. it's almost apologetic. it acknowledges that you're so far out of each other's lives at this point that it doesn't really matter, whether or not you miss them, or whether or not they miss you. sometimes things simply don't carry out to completion. and that's okay. the torture of small talk with someone you used to love.

it's the refrain that sticks with me, more than anything. it's a lyric i carry so close to my heart to this day:

may the bridges i have burned light my way back home.

this part of your life ended. the bridge was burned, it collapsed beneath its own weight, it is nothing but cinder and fucking ash underfoot. this person in your past is not who they once were to you, and they never will be again. you used to love them. you don't anymore. maybe sometimes you miss them, but they'll never get to know that now. you burned that bridge and you found hope in it - you found such hope and earnest joy and relief in that part of your life being sent for the burning. you watched that relationship fall apart and you were better for it, you turned its embers into a beacon, you saw your way out of it and maybe sometimes it still hurts, maybe sometimes you still feel lonely, sometimes you miss this specific persons company, but thats okay.

its a song about grief, more than anything. you mourn the people you used to be. and you live without them anyway. you live without the version of you who loved this person. you live without the person you once loved. past tense. and it burns a little venom out of your veins when you think of them, but you feel better and you breathe a little easier afterwards.

it's a song that has all the affectations of a love song but is anything but. it's a farewell song. it's a song that acknowledges that maybe once you loved someone, but you don't anymore. and that while maybe you were better off for having loved them, you are better still for having walked away in the end. for all its upbeat nature, the son lux sampling that picks up the whole tempo and transforms the chorus into a soaring, almost triumphant anthem, "fourth of july" is about what it means to walk away from a relationship and realize that you are better for having done so.

like i said. it's not a song they could have written pre-hiatus. it's utterly devoid of the spite and agitation that permeated so many of their early songs. it's about acceptance and the way some things end, and that's okay. they were meant to. and you're better for it. and if anyone turns this post into about a ship i will be coming to your house and peeling off all your skin like a fucking orange.

#*making poasts #i am one of those people who auto-blocks anyone who makes this song into about any fake bandom ship lol #its one of my favorites and i wont abide it being reduced to that. #not to mention like. this song? you want /this song/ to be the ship song? the song thats about how youre better off without them??? #anyway. happy fall out boy day everybody

[thotsforvillainrights]

so happy to see asks are open!! May I please request dating headcannons with Overhaul and a quirkless reader being by his side at the shei hassaikai base. What do the other members think of her? Obviously they can’t talk or even be near her unless they wanna be meat on the floor. Poor girl just wants to make friends but her hubby makes it so hard 😔😔😔

(I would've thought I did a quirkless reader for him before but I'm admittedly too lazy to check my HIGHLY OUTDATED masterlist so fuck it. Let's do it anyway! Also, I hope it's fine I'm leaving the reader kinda open ended as usual so everyone can kinda insert themselves into this better. Thank you for the request and the chance at writing more Kai content!)

(sidenote: I really need to update that masterlist but every time I try it's nearly impossible. I let it get too far behind, send help ahhhhhhh)

~Kai's Quirkless Reader & the Hassaikai~

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up

-Quirkless? Not that much of a shocker he'd fall for you. The boss being in a relationship? THAT is the shocker everyone hasn't managed to let go of just yet. In fact, most of his inner circle thinks he's holding you hostage while the other half wonders how you could've ever fallen for someone as rough as Overhaul in the first place. Did he even know how to date someone? Overhaul doing gentleman shit? Overhaul possibly kissing you one day or holding hands? Overhaul being in the same vicinity as someone else for longer than a few hours? There was a slew of gossiping he couldn't really shut down (or intimidate out of the men) for a very long time. He was trying to at least get it out of control before bringing you around to meet everyone for the first time.

-He took the time you introduce you considering he would have some of the members of the Hassaikai be your personal bodyguards or escorts when he couldn't join you out. Aside from this, he didn't really want you interacting with anyone else than himself. You were headstrong (or stubborn as he'd put it) and wanted on your own to develop meaningful relationships with his main group. Where he saw workers, you saw his friends despite him never calling them that. You wanted to be as important to them as he was. None of the men really complained since you were a breath of fresh air compared to Kai. With the help of Pops preventing Kai from killing the guys, you were able to try and get to know each of them.

-Hojo thought of you as a little sibling almost, no matter what your age is. You could literally be older than him and he'd still try to treat you like a little sister/brother/sibling. It was odd, but you didn't seem to mind how careful he was or protective nonetheless. Setsuno was a lot more careful with you since he didn't want to end up like mince meat. Had you not pushed hard for him to come out of his shell, you never would've learned all the wonderful parts of his personality aside from being a legitimate gang member. Tabe was more or less clingy to your kindness. This is especially true if you end up trying to greet him with something to eat. He adores you now.

-Rappa was actually pretty taken with you from the moment he met you. Someone brave enough to go against Overjerk's rules and do what they wanted regardless of the outcome? Oh yeah, he thinks that's fucking awesome of you. Tengai is more careful about guarding your feelings and still doesn't greet you by your first name even to this day. He also spends a lot of time scolding Rappa when he's around you since he's worried the big lug will offend you somehow.

-Nemoto has been and always will be the absolute most respectful with you. He greets you with the utmost proper manners and tries to make sure you have everything you might ever need whenever he's on duty for you. You've been trying for a long time to break down his walls and get him to chill out more but I doubt that'll happen anytime soon. Deidoro fucking loves you and loves even more the fact that he can be as crazy around you as he wants to be...well, as long as Nemoto isn't there to stop him from having that fun. You don't mind it. The man is a hoot!

-Chrono has become somewhat of a close friend to you. He knows when to let his guard down and relax ever now and then. Don't get me wrong, he still respects Overhaul very much as both a friend and a leader! It's just that when he's out with you, he's not gonna say no to putting a dollar in a prize machine and trying to win an IPAD with you. If you could chose anyone to hang out with for a day, it usually ends up being Chrono. It makes sense that Kai has gotten jealous a time or two of you relationship together. Mimic on the other hand...he doesn't worry as much with you two being together. In fact, your first impression of Mimic was that someone must've been pulling a prank on you. There's no way this beanie baby can turn into a full grown man on command. Mimic thought you weren't real when he met you too either. "How much did the boss pay for you to pretend to be his partner?"

-Katsukame was...a lot upon first meeting. He let a few inappropriate comments slip and you nervously laughed it off until Kai came out and killed the guy in front of you. Since then, Katsukame learned his place around you. Oh and Pops? That old man adored you since the very first moment. How could he not? You're giving his misguided boy a chance to experience real love for the first time! To him, you were considered family from the very first day you took Kai's heart.

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #overhaul #kai chisaki #shie hassaikai #yakuza #eight bullets #eight precepts of death #eightfold cleansers #headcanons

[genericpuff]

Idk if my addition will matter.

I've been following Hanza since back when they were making my deepest secret, so I've seen the development of the guy upstairs first hand and how hanza writes it. Even back in the concept stages, it was so blatantly clear that it was supposed to be a thriller/cat mouse vibe where Adam (killer) was horrible and not to be rooted for. They've compared him to irl serial killers and how those guys will often use women as shields to hide their true selves from the public and how that's messed up and bad to do.

They've shown Adam as a horrible irredeemable person and honestly there's little to no nuance with how they handle it, but that makes sense because how else can you handle an audience like what they've gotten without beating them over the head with the facts. How many ways can you outright show your main character despising and wanting to yank their best friend out of the jaws of a murderer before the audience realizes its not foreplay.

I think them going from an actual romance to a fully thriller non romantic story meant that the residual audience expected some kind of messy toxic romance, but Rozy to me has always explicitly read as Queer so idk why people aren't getting the hint.

I get their frustration and it seems like they might be shifting into a potiential issekai romance about a grandad and a middle aged woman who got reincarnated as his grandson's fiance (hard to explain but its hilarious if you want to check it out) without any thriller elements from their recent non comic posts. Whatever they do I hope they can find something to be passionate about again.

your addition VERY MUCH MATTERS actually because I don't read TGU and have very little context to the situation as a whole aside from what I've seen people talking about, which makes me reluctant to speak on it because I don't wanna go spreading misinformation in any regard. So I appreciate you taking the time to lay it all out for me, thank you!!! <3

And yeah, I've seen posts shared in the /r/webtoons sub from other blogs claiming that Hanza was being an awful person for "taking people's money" and "baiting them" into reading a dark romance story when that's very obviously not what it is? Even one excerpt that was literally like-

And I just... since when is any romance plotline that ISN'T abusive and problematic at its core (such as between a serial killer and a victim) considered "super conservative" and "pure"? It's really baffling to me how people have gone so far in the opposite direction of "purity culture" that they've started arguing on behalf of legitimately harmful and toxic relationships. It's extremely concerning especially when you know the majority of people saying this shit are between the ages of 16-21. IDK what the fuck we're doing anymore when it comes to the romance genre (and TGU isn't even a romance ffs).

Aaaand yeah in relation to where the Hanza topic came up, that's really why I'm moving away from WT as an audience and why I don't consider it a "loss" to not use WT anymore. Once upon a time I wished for Time Gate to be a contracted series, for it to have thousands of readers and be my job. But seeing what's going on with Hanza's work just informs me that I'd be dealing with a lot of the same shit - people expecting Uzuki and Mitsuhiro to be the endgame of the romance when they're literally NOT good for each other, which is the POINT. Like sure, unlike the main duo in TGU, they actually are a couple with a 'relationship' but it's not meant to be healthy and the last thing I need are 15 year olds thinking they're "couple goals". If you ship them in fanfic or w/e the fuck that's fine but please don't get mad at me when they don't wind up being the endgame couple, they're both terrible people and make each other worse when they're around each other (・_・;)

Either way yeah, I don't blame Hanza in the slightest for getting so frustrated with it all that they'd rather just be done with it. It sucks for the more loyal and sane part of their audience that the series is gonna be ripped out from under them like that, but at the end of the day if the creator is being harassed and decide they're done as a result of it... why should they have to keep putting up with bullshit just for a comic? I don't even blame Rachel if she was ending LO by choice due to the noise of the fandom, and unlike Rachel, I don't have anything in the slightest against Hanza or their work LOL But I also don't have the full picture on it all so maybe my opinion will change if I find out more about it. I just don't think any of this shit is worth directly harassing a human being over.

That said, can't get any better than someone who's read their work since before TGU, so again, thank you !

#ask me anything #ama #anon ama #anon ask me anything #webtoon critical

[onyxisnotuniqueenough]

i don't exactly know how to deal with this - I'm not a big enough person on tumblr to have ever been confronted to this type of comment :

but it still surprised me to see this when my experience on here has honestly been overwhelmingly positive and I've never really talked or met someone who'd comment something like that on here.

i don't honestly think it's wrong to put this person on "blast" (even though, let's be honest, me posting about it is less of a blast and more of a nice summer night breeze.) since they have commented this publicly for everyone to see - so i see no issue in answering in a just as public of a way.

anyway just wanted to say that I think it's kind of sad that you value fictional characters and people in general based on their physical appearance, and that you seem to forget there is an actor aka a real person behind that role.

and oops - guess what - whatever you think of the appearance of any fucking actor - that's not the part of their job that fucking matters!!

Now, let's try to see walk a few centimeters in your shoes. In your eyes, Foggy is ugly as fuck. So that means he can't get the girl, right? Is that how the story goes? Whatever his personality, his humor or his charm - everybody always only looks at physical appearance and there is not ONE person on this earth who cares, or should care, about what's really underneath.

now apparently, Hallelujah, Karen is attractive in your eyes so she deserves love. Ugh, but that is SO RUINED by the fact that she's ANNOYING AS HELL.....EW.....

There's 2 ways for me to take that Karen is annoying comment.

1 - it's the Skyler White Syndrome and any woman who worries, cares, makes mistakes or has any kind of character flaw is just a nagging annoying woman who's ruining your badass man show. like "guys? what the fuck? there's someone else than a muscular superhero dude or the very evil/murderous/manipulative/actually annoying guy that i somehow forgive on my fucking screen!!! hide that shit or else my masculinity will dissappear!!!!!!!!!"

Now since I don't know your gender or your background - this could be either internalized misogyny or plain old sexism at play. Couldn't care less. Either way it's stupid to think that a female character is either perfect or horrible, a mary sue or a bitch. and that you'll complain either way.

2. I give you the benefit of the doubt. You finding Karen annoying has nothing to do with your gender or what you think of women in media and entertainment and more with the fact that you honestly do find her annoying. What exactly has she done to be described as annoying? Is her dialogue bad? Is her story taking away from Matt's? Are her decisions stupid or irrational and you just can't take it when a character makes actual mistakes?

What exactly are you criticizing her for? Because since I've written my post about romantic relationships i'm willing to bet that your "Karen is annoying" thing is said in a romantic context and that it's just the way she speaks or her personality that you dislike, and this has nothing to do with what actually makes her character interesting or how her backstory has shaped her actions and behavior.

Now I get that we all have our favorite characters - and we have characters we don't like to see on screen. But I wouldn't say that Foggy "being ugly" and Karen "being annoying" qualify as legitimate reasons for you to think they don't deserve to have romantic relationships or that they. "TERRORIZE" MATT??

What kind of show have you been watching? Did you get a bootleg iron man dvd and get confused? where are you getting this from?

Are you saying that you take any conflict that Matt can have with his friends is terrorism? That they're ruining his life? That every time they say they're worried, everytime they tell him not to be Daredevil, because of their own love for their FRIEND, that's terrorism???

Matt cares about them just as much as they care about him, and I'd hardly qualify their overprotectiveness, or honestly, with Matt putting himself on the brink of death all the time, just protectiveness, as TERRORISM.

These "two bums" deserve to be on the show because they're an essential part of Matt's character development and Matt's life in general. He needs loved ones to protect, loved ones to worry about him, loved ones to encourage him, loved ones to call him out from time to time, loved ones that have been through it with him and have stuck with him for a long time.

And the two actors that play them deserve just as much of a chance to get to bring something new to their performance and get to share the screen with long-time friends.

you know.

in the reboot of a show that they were major characters of.

i think i got everything out. hope you're willing to expose yourself to a different opinion and that you read this whole post @nyxxhecate

also. your blog is pretty empty. you should get on that if you don't want people to think you're some spam account.

the end :)

#daredevil #matt murdock #foggy nelson #karen page #elden henson #deborah ann woll #daredevil born again

[schizosupport]

one time during a psychotic episode I was convinced I had did / was part of a system. I experienced what I perceived as switches and such. when I started getting better I realized that wasn't what was happening. it was very real to me while it was happening though and im just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar. I feel bad because I dont wanna be one of those people who fakes did, but thats really not what I was doing, and I dont know how to put it in a context that doesn't make me feel bad about it. sometimes I miss who I thought of as alters at the time but I suppose were really just. delusional headspaces.

Hey there!!

Ok so I think it's important to add the context to my answer, that I have a different approach to/understanding of these questions than both many people in the respective communities, as well as many professionals. Nevertheless, since I'm not writing a research paper, but rather, providing a personal take on the question, I hope that you will bear with me!

So in my somewhat radical opinion, it doesn't much matter whether you experienced what you did because of DID or because of a delusion caused by psychisis.

Alters, as well as delusions, are products of the mind. It doesn't mean that delusions don't FEEL real, it doesn't mean that alters don't truly experience themselves as separate entities, but it IS worth keeping in mind that one of these experiences is not inherently more "valid" than the other.

Delusions are often of a negative, harmful nature, while alters are often a helpful coping tool, but that is FAR from being a universal rule.

I used to think I had something like OSDD, then a psych convinced me the 'others' were delusions of control (and as a result for a while I suppose they were), but today we just kind of co-exist somewhere on the border between psychosis, identity compartmentalization, ipseity disturbance, dissociation, method acting as coping and general identity confusion..

After years of wading through the professional and community discourse, on my own personal journey with the topic, this is what I think:

It seems to me that the discourse surrounding the acceptable causes of identity dissociation and amnesia in DID/OSDD, has ended up with a situation where DID identity compartmentalization is seen as the only "real" aka "valid" experience of identity fragmentation.

It would appear that this debate, which to me seems largely to be a matter of categorization and definition, has been warped to the point where people like you end up feeling bad for having been "faking DID" while in fact you have done no such thing, and furthermore having your legitimate grief at the loss of people/alters YOU experienced as real, be invalidated and belittled (by yourself, if not others).

Anon, I'm sorry for your loss. Jesus fuck, I'm sorry. Who cares what the others "really were" or "why they're gone"... You experienced them as people in your life, people you had relationships with, people you could rely on - ofc it hurts to lose them.

Of course you are grieving.

"Just delusional headspaces" is such a telling turn of phrase, and it breaks my heart. It really does.

So often we psychotic people are expected to be "over it" the moment we are not actively delusional. As if we don't get traumatized when we think we are going to be killed. As if we don't grief the relationship we built completely in our head, when it turns out not to be 'real'?

Identity.. personality.. headspaces.. they are no more real or no more fake dependent on their underlying cause..

I understand why the dissociative community are protective of their alters, I understand the need to say "this is not psychosis! These experiences are real!" ... I truly do, and I don't think it's a meaningless distinction, either.

But it's setting up a false dichotomy. Because the truth is that ultimately both delusions and alters are a thing the brain does. It's not THE SAME THING, but they are similar in the way that they are experienced internally as very real.

And I think that accepting the existence of alters as "real and valid" is important, but I don't think it should (or needs to) come at the expense of people who experience delusions, (or identity compartmentalization for any other reason).

In my experience, identity compartmentalization, that isn't coming out as scary delusions of control, is usually among the healthier coping mechanisms, delusional or not.

And creating a culture where having DID/OSDD is the only acceptable "valid" version æ variety of this type of experience is really not helpful for anyone. For one thing, it means that people with these types of experiences will be extremely prone to assume that they must have DID, potentially to the point of delusion, potentially to the point of making themselves more ill (developing amnesia, inducing memories etc) - and when it turns out they DON'T have DID, they will be terrified that they were "faking", when in fact they were just acting according to their current best understanding of themselves..

Not to mention, they will feel the obligation to bury any hint of identity compartmentalization within themselves, to conform to a social world that insists these experiences are "problematic" by virtue of being "not real", somehow.

.....ok I think I went off on a whole ass rant...

Was this helpful at all, anon?

#answers

[mishapen-dear]

Am I the only one that feels icky about 4halo marriage? Both of them aren’t in their right mind and have both have said before they don’t want a relationship with the other.

Them being married even accidentally would be against what either of them want. I just don’t like to imagine them being in that kind of situation, a fake loveless marriage…

oh yeah you're free to be squicked out by it! I, however, love that dark shit, and will be gleefully and shamelessly enjoying it.

Heads up, btw- please don't send asks like this to anyone else who's enjoying the current arc. I don't know what your intentions were, but this comes across as very judgemental for what is, ultimately, a difference in what we enjoy. you find 4halo fucked up marriage squicky, i find it fun- that's cool. But there's two points to address here. The weaker point, first: canon basis of the ship doesn't matter. 4halo canonically has like. a Thing for each other (bad has said he wants to live with 4ever and skeppy, forever Literally Proposed while high off his ass on happy drugs). but i think codehalo is super fun too and that's NEVERRR going to canonically happen and would be even more fucked up than the current 4halo arc. it's fandom and we do what we want here because these are characters who are not real. and, because they're not real, what they want is Made Up by their creators. by playing in any fandom space you Make Up things about any character you touch, and if I want to Make Up facts about them sharing a bed and putting poison in each other's coffee, that's no worse than cellbit Making Up facts about his character literally eating people. second, MORE IMPORTANTLY so i will say it again: don't shame people for what they enjoy, dude. i hope you're having fun with whatever dynamics you do enjoy, and i wouldn't judge you for whatever they are, even if they're not my cup of tea. I'm really fucking disturbed and disappointed that you'd bring that puritanical bullshit to my inbox. you're not protecting these characters; you're using shaming language to make me, a real person, upset. that's not cool. legit questions i want you to consider for Personal Growth- what is the reason that you sent me this? is it a default disgust response? how do you identify the difference between a squick and something legitimately harmful? are you letting your emotions get in the way of being kind?

#mishapen answers #Anonymous #qsmp #<- sorry guys maintagging because I'm very legitimately disturbed by all the disgusted-purity takes about this 4halo thing #why can we enjoy cannibalism? why can we enjoy a story with child death? why can we cheer when things get blown up? #why can we root for our favourite characters to be kidnapped and tortured? #why is all of THAT okay but the 4halo fucked up marriage arc isn't? #trick question it is all okay because this is a story #and some people will enjoy some parts of a story more than you will #and some people will enjoy some parts less than you will #and That's Normal #a plotline like this would make most fans i know in other fandoms ship the characters MORE like i am truly disturbed by how Not Normal some #people are acting about this #block people filter tags but above ALL else be KIND #we're all fans of the same little guys

[polyhexian]

TMI.

Read a story about sexual abuse that really made me reflect on my own, and I sort of wonder if I kind of acknowledged it without actually confronting it. I've never really hidden the fact my first relationship was when I was eighteen with a man seven years older than me who had spoken to his friends when I was seventeen that he was just waiting for me to turn and had "called" me so everyone else needed to back off, including the people around me that were my age. I moved in with him basically immediately and he separated me from my family and non mutual friends. I remember googling "is sex supposed to hurt?" After I lost my virginity because of how painful and unpleasant the experience was. "did you really think I was going to date a kid forever?" Was something he said when he broke up with me. And he wanted to "be a big brother figure" to me afterward and for months I clung obsessively to every iota of attention he gave me. I remember crying myself to sleep every night, and not like said silent tears, like open-mouthed wailing so loud my neighbors banged on the wall and told me to shut up. But I was in genuinely physical pain, I hadn't known before that how it could actually hurt like, physically, and so BADLY.

And you know I concluded I was asexual when I was fourteen, something he wanted to fix and said so. Actually I recall I was seventeen the first time he gave me alcohol, and how we went to huge parties where I'd chug shot after shot after shot to prove I belonged there.

It's sort of weird to actually think about how incredibly stereotypical it was now, straight out of the textbook, you know, and how even knowing that it always feels like I'm being a little unfair, he might have been bad, but he never hit me or anything, it wasn't truly abuse, and ultimately I WAS a truly toxic person back then, mean as hell. It feels, at times, like it was more mutual toxicity, but I know that it wasn't. No matter what a shithead I was, it was obvious I was a victim there, even if I feel weirdly guilty for thinking that, like I'm being almost manipulative with the way I portray myself as a victim. Real cognitive dissonance there. Even then I've never really been able to apply the r word to myself there even though I literally woke up once to him jerking himself off with my unconscious hand and then rolled over onto my half-asleep body to fuck. What else do you call that? At the same time, I remember finding it really exciting at the time and even saying afterward I wanted to do that again, which I think honestly disappointed him because he never did it again. And then of course there's the time his dumbass sexual idiocy put me in the hospital and nearly got me fucking killed, probably legitimately the closest I've ever come to death. 105 degree fever, man, that's reaching the territory of causing brain damage. It's nuts how many years literally unable to speak about it out loud because how humiliated I was by it.

I suppose the older I get the more I appreciate how genuinely bad it was and how much worse it got when I got dragged to another continent and fully separated from every human being I knew other than him, including internet friends. And how wild it was that by the time I left Beijing I was literally swigging from a bottle of vodka every morning for work and keeping them in my backpack to just drink whenever, straight from the bottle. And how I've cheekily said oh, yeah, I used to be an alcoholic before, sort of in passing, but like- I mean, I was? That's sort of hard to deny now.

It feels quite odd to reflect on this evening and it occurs to me I've never really spoken about it in detail before, I've mentioned individual things, probably all of this stuff separately, but never really at once. I suppose I sort of thought I was over it, and I sort of am? At the same time, the fact I have so much to say really indicates I probably am not, even if it feels like it.

None of this is a secret or anything, I've shared it all publically before and never really been worried about other people knowing- other than that one incident- I mean I fully understand any person that would ever try to make me feel bad or embarrassed about it is like, a fucking sociopath who's opinion is completely irrelevant. And I think virtually every afab person alive has experienced some kind of traumatic sexually flavoured incident in their lives, even if it was relatively minor, so I think no one would ever be particularly surprised by the revelation.

Odd night. They stopped my medication for my seizure study and I suspect a week off my antidepressants has had a pretty profound affect on my mood lol. I think it's starting to restabilize, though, at least, but I suspect it will be a few more days before I feel normal again.

[lestappenforever]

Hello gorgeous! It’s timefor my brainrots:

So, you probably don’t know that, but here in Brazil most of f1 fans HATE max. Interlagos is a nice race but the environment is so TOXIC for Max and his fans, mostly because of Hamilton’s fanbase. Charles’ fans around here started to spread hate towards max too and they blatantly lie about Max and Charles’ relationship. They refuse to believe that max is a good person who doesn’t have a real heat with anyone on the grid (including Hamilton, Russell and ocon). They assume Charles despise max because he’s such a “despicable” man, awful driver and so on. I’m glad that he’ll clinch the title before my home race, I can’t stand the booing, the swearing, it’s so saddening.

More lap dance fics should be written in ao3, just read a carlando one and 🫣🫣🫣 really fucking good.

I’ve made an orange money piece in my hair. My best friend, fiancé and a few friends loved it, so I grew fond of it too. Pic to illustrate at the bottom 🫡

Anyways, I’ve caught a nasty cold and I’m annoyed because I keep sneezing. It’s so hot in here and that’s fucking annoying too. I’m on my pms so EVERYTHING IS ANNOYING!!! I want burgers.

Hope you have a nice day, I love you and you’re so special 🖤🖤

My goth girl look 🫣

Beautiful Evie, my love, my light, my universe. ❤️

I'm unfortunately aware of the hate Max tends to receive in Brazil, and I just find the whole thing so sad. It's so tragic that other drivers' fanbases can possess and express that amount of hate towards aother driver. But there seems to be a consensus among every Max hater out there, no matter who their favorite driver is, that they will do whatever they can to paint him as a bad guy even if they have no legitimate reason to believe that he is. It's especially bad with Charles fans and Max haters, because Lestappen is such a massively popular ship in the F1 fandom, and that part of the fandom are just desperate to create a narrative that doesn't exist in a desperate attempt to put distance between their favorite driver and their favorite driver to hate.

I just find the whole thing so sad, because what kind of life do you lead if you're that obsessed with trying to convince yourself and others that two people who clearly like each other, who genuinely respect and admire each other, actually can't stand each other? It's just really sad to watch, and kind of pathetic, if I'm being honest.

I agree with the lapdance fics, because there aren't nearly enough of them out there.

And Evie. Babe. Love of my life. Your hair (and you) looks absolutely beautiful! The color suits you so well, and you look stunning. 💕

I'm so sorry to hear about your cold, and that it crashes with your PMS. That and the heat is just a terrible combination. I hope you recover quickly and feel much better soon!

I love you, you're wonderful, and I hope you'll have a lovely weekend. 🤍

#Asks #killingevie #Lestappen asks #My tag for “Evie is the queen of my heart and my sunshine forever”

[betawooper]

why YJH orv shouldve been a girl

*Specifically a trans woman, btw. If she was a cis woman that would be a different conversation and there are nuances regarding transness which wouldnt exist in what im talking about otherwise

(This is gonna be a bulleted list bc fuck ordering things in an essay format, also mega orv spoilers so look away if you havent read the novel in its entirety)

it wouldve been a legitimate time save in previous regressions while mastering breaking the sky swordsmanship and that concept is So Funny to me

the transcenders are all gnc af, theres a whole theme surrounding breaking from the norm to reach their true potential, it wouldve fit thematically

if done right, it could emphasize the theme of loneliness thats tied with joonghyuk’s character if none of her other companions are trans; even if they were it wouldnt have mattered since they would have forgotten she was a woman in future regressions anyway

if she tries to repress her identity bc expression of it is deemed unnecessary or meaningless, even more points

would have pushed the narrative foiling with dokja even further since they already have opposing imagery and metaphors, now they would be the opposite gender too

the ‘does dokja and joonghyuk is gay’ joke wouldnt poke fun at the thought of two men being together, but rather at the absurdity of a relationship occurring and still being called such in the first place simply bc of joonghyuk’s gender

bonus points if you emphasize joonghyuk’s canonical lack of interest/attraction to men in light of this, dokja could have joked about that easily

random person: “you two look like lovers lol”

dokja, internally: the bitch is literally a lesbian but Okay-

it would have fit orv’s style of comedy a lot and also remove the slightly homophobic undertones of the original joke too, do you see a downside to this? i dont

she would parallel sookyung (dokja’s mom) even more since joonghyuk essentially “raised” dokja after sookyung could no longer do so

theres already a strong theme about how twsa became dokja’s caretakers in a sense and having joonghyuk be a mother figure instead of a father figure would push the idea of her taking up what should have been sookyung’s duties

besides, the narrative focuses way more on how the lack of a present maternal figure affects dokja over a paternal one so itd be more relevant

also insert joke about joonghyuk being a milf

next, this would parallel sooyoung a lot more, there tends to be this joke amongst creative circles that a creator often projects parts of themselves in their works and that includes characters, both of them being women would make that way more obvious

parallels hayoung bc uh, Trans obviously (sooyoung loves her trans main protagonists lmao)

transfem joonghyuk wouldve made her dynamic/relationship with seolhwa much more interesting since they wouldnt be a typical “het” couple anymore, seolhwa’s character could have been given a little more relevance with the kind of conflicts which could arise from this, the most obvious relating to sexuality

on that note, their ideas of femininity and how they prefer to express it are completely different despite them both being the same gender which could bring up interesting conversations about it (mostly thinking about that scene where seolhwa and joonghyuk go to the auction house prior to gigantomachia and talk about cosmetic skills, this scene couldve been way more fleshed out than it was presented in canon)

if you still want the punisher to exist, this could also fit into that conversation about gender expression and bring up interesting ideas depending on how butch you make joonghyuk

both seolhwa and the punisher would add a lot of complexity to joonghyuk’s whole relationship with self-indulgence and happiness since again, bc of her situation as a regressor she either wouldnt want to open herself up in the interest of practicality or doesnt feel deserving of it when her goal hasnt been accomplished

god are there more points? ill edit this if so but this is already so fucking long-

I actually wrote a whole thing about joonghyuk being uncracked during the events of orv and the comedic potential of it is endless when dokja is the only one who knows, so trust me when i say it does work out very very well (i can link to the stuff in the replies? so far ive got uhhhhh *counts* 54k words of that shit)

Anyways transfem yjh supremacy

#yoo joonghyuk #sauce reads orv #omniscient reader #orv spoilers #transfem yjh #ok to rb btw #though i would append a long post tag as well bc damn #also i wasnt originally gonna post this but then i realized it wouldve been funnier if i did #bc holy hell jhfdhfjkds #transfem yjh au #transfem yoo joo au

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

Heyyy, if Arjune were to be summoned in the fourth or fifth holy grail war, who do you think would be the best master in each part? and the worst? I can't see him tolerating Ryuunousuke and I think he would specially hate Shinki, what with his experience of the Kauravas insulting his wife Draupadi, so I think he'd get along horribly wrong with those two but I don't know if Kiritsugu would also be a somewhat bad match for him

Oddly enough I he might actually mesh rather well with kiritsugu if he went full into his ‘I’m a tool that exists to fight for justice please don’t look any deeper than that.’ He’s very archer-emiya coded and as long as kiritsugu continued to keep the casualties minimal (ie, evacuating the hotel building before blowing it up) I think he would at least be able to manage. Not thrive, per say, but I think arjuna is able to at least justify to himself the concept of ‘sacrificing a few to save the many’ (just look at what happened to his own children and family in his origin story) and he’s able to maintain an impersonal distance that someone like kiritsugu would likewise also probably do well with. (Also tbh kiritsugu would probably prefer a servant that’s a long range fighter over a close combat unit)

I do think it would still weigh on him though-ultimately like saber it’s a situation where he can still do well as a warrior but he wouldn’t be happy bc of it’s brutality. His relationship with irisveil if he was contracted to kiritsugu could easily go either the way of being more human or cold depending on his writer mindset

Legitimately I can’t imagine a solid 90% of servants managing ryuunosuke, so that would probably come down to a matter of if his pride in being a ‘good’ servant trumps his general honor as a hero. Personally I think he’d probably go for the latter but I’m not sure? Outside of that…I don’t know. Kayneth is odd to me because diarmuid was also very subservient and eager to please with him and he still didn’t like him, but arjuna’s more ‘yeah I’m just a tool’ general vibe might make his feathers less ruffled? Unless his folklore wife stealing ability kicked in with sola-ui somehow anyway 😔.

I don’t think he’d work well w kirei because kirei is just a bad master in general. He would probably be ok with tokiomi but think the guy was kind of full of himself. He wouldnt get him murdered tho lmao.

I can’t fathom how he and kariya would work out. Kariya summons his servant in the worm basement with Zouken present like oh my god-wait it’s a berserker too. Oh my god. Can you fucking imagine arjuna alter in fate zero the man would go even more insane

Waver and arjuna would be funny tho. I don’t know how, but waver with anyone is funny. Shoutout to waver.

As for og fate….I’ve seen others say he probably wouldn’t mesh well with Sakura, as he tends to be too busy with his own sad boy hours to notice other’s issues and also would probably see dark Sakura as more of a problem to take care of, and I’m not familiar enough with her yet to really say otherwise.

shirou and arjuna sounds like a disaster waiting to happen bc imagine archer but like, not at all connected to shirou and also in the history books. He has no reason to look at shirou’s suicidal desire to save everyone and not be like ‘poggers sounds great master I’m doing that also it’s hell on earth but what can you do :)’ and then he sits in a corner for 40 days pretending he doesn’t have human emotions while shirou turns into a sword or something

If it was shinji in the routes where he isn’t actively a rapist and more annoying I could see him just being tiredly tolerant of him, but I have 0 idea how he’d handle heavens feel shinji.

Rin….lmao. I think he’d like cosplaying her butler.

Illya….he would want to cosplay her butler

Caster…yeah I don’t even know. I think he’d be like ?

I don’t even know enough about them to be really saying anything 😭

#my asks

[electricbluebutterflies]

7 or 26 for the nonverbal scream garcy to me!

Usual post-canon-divergence, PG-ish, also on ao3.

7. Remembering a tiny, insignificant fact about your partner because you thought it was interesting

He’s trying. Really.

There are no expectations here – not after all they’ve been through, too much of it by his own stubbornness and various other personality defects and-

Trying. Legitimately trying. Aware that he is not allowed to fuck this one up.

(He’d thought that last time too, but… now Flynn is a lot more aware of what he becomes when he loses something, and never again, and-)

It doesn’t hurt, if he’s honest with himself, that Lucy has close to no standards. There are conversations they have not had and probably will never have about her past relationship history – he’d asked how many past sexual partners she’d had more out of innocent curiosity than judgement and it took a whole goddamn hour for her to give a number just slightly higher than his own – but the one he had the misfortune of watching up close was enough of a mess and-

It helps that he pays attention. It also helps that he has the damn journal, and as much as he’s trying to avoid using that as a cheat code, sometimes…

Under the circumstances, using that information for little stuff like what kind of flowers she likes is a lot easier than actually asking her, and he’s not above that. Also, roses come in way too many specific colors and-

They may have actually had this conversation, now that he’s thinking about it. Wine may have been involved, but he vaguely remembers it coming up so plausible deniability is in his favor, and again this is really low on the list of morally questionable things he’s been able to justify and-

He’s definitely overthinking this. It’ll be fine.

It doesn’t feel like a good sign that the lady at the florist’s asked him what he’d done wrong, and hell if he knows what purple roses usually mean, he’s not used to that mattering and-

Purple roses. No occasion either. Not an apology, at least not for anything he can actively remember doing but that doesn’t necessarily mean-

Of course, the surprise is ruined by proximity. The little detour meant home later than he said he would be, and yes he did get the paint for the downstairs bathroom, and-

“What are those?”

“I thought you would-“

Lucy pounces, and it should feel more wrong than it does that it’s so reliably easy to make her melt, and-

“Last person who got me flowers thought I liked carnations,” she murmurs, and for their size difference she’s really close to his ear and it’s kinda hot. “I’m allergic. You at least passed that test.”

“You have tests?” He has so, so many questions, and-

“Don’t accidentally try to kill me. That’s the baseline. No carnations and no nutmeg.”

Two things he wasn’t previously aware that a person could be allergic to, but…

“Noted.”

#garcy #ebf writes fic #queue

[justanothersyscourse]

Hi, I like your blog and really enjoy the articles and data you publish it’s very interesting. I wanted to pick your brain about your stance on psychiatric abuse for DID. Like, how do you feel about kluft because he is the bane of my existence. If you really wanna get into it I worked with colin ross in person who was the head of the international institute of trauma. Hes horrific. I think the thing that bothers me the most is I belive at some point i stumbled on a psychiatric guide for therapists on how to handle DID written by kluft (it was older, thank god, maybe 1990?) that said it is a-okay to hypnotize a paitent without their consent in order to gain access to alters.

On another note, I typically don’t do syscourse but from your stuff comes off to me as similar to the issue otherkin have with “kinnies” or kin for fun. Where theres a group of people who absolutely do not seem to give a fuck about a label and use it anyways. Even if it damages a legitimate community. I’ve met plenty of fine endos myself but. Yeah. Ive seen the other types around to.

Cool blog! Just wanted to bark at you /pos

OOOOHHHHHH my god, listen, I spoke with Colin Ross once to discuss some of his papers with him, and that man

That man

First-- thank you, hi, nice to meet you, welcome

Second-- I just want to put correct information out there so people can more easily figure out what they're experiencing ):

Third, have a rant of sorts, the last couple lines are about Ross, because I know that's what we're all waiting for

I am psych critical, there are good doctors and there are bad doctors, and then there are very bad doctors

The field of psychiatry is not the issue-- the field is good, the goal is good, the treatments are good when applied at the clients' request and with their consent-- IE, all treatments have merit (save for a select few "programs" that just flat out go against human rights), but not all treatments will work for everyone on a personal AND practical level-- both of which are required to make a treatment plan work

The doctors are where the issue is. And not all doctors are bad-- like any kind of relationship, people aren't going to mesh with everyone. Any doctor is good, provided THAT SPECIFIC CLIENT finds their treatment methods and approach to be both personally and practically effective.

Let's take the example of a Catholic therapist. Not conservative, just religious, and he uses that in his sessions-- not pushing it on his clients, but using it as a tool to help him and maybe try to bring a certain kind of positivity into the sessions. Me, being very unreligious, would be on the edge from the first mention. Depending on how he handles that reaction will decide whether he is a good or bad doctor for me. If he's a good doctor, he'll adjust his behaviour and approach accordingly, without a second thought. If he's a bad one, he'll ignore that reaction, and continue using his own methods, and I'll be off to try another therapist (easier said than done for most, I know, I was lucky to be born in Canada).

But here's the thing-- he's a VERY good therapist for the religious person in his next session. They find his approach to be empowering, they mesh well in the relationship, they're comfortable with each other and with bringing faith into the sessions. The client finds the methods used to be easy to utilize in their everyday life and simple to understand, and makes overall improvement. And that's what matters.

Now, if he's pushing his religious beliefs onto his clients, now he's a very bad doctor, and should not be licensed, and I will personally find him and drop kick him in the gender neutral tit.

And this can be extended to any doctor that performs any nonconsensual or unethical treatment on his clients. Psychiatric abuse happens far more than it should, and we should all be aware of it, and learn what to do when we see it (this will differ, depending on where you live).

In the case of research by doctors, it's a case by case basis for everything. Van der Hart abused clients, but that doesn't make a good portion of his research and work obsolete or wrong. He worked with two other doctors who weren't accused of anything, and the research is building off of others' work.

There's still viability in that specific research, despite what he did and despite what a shit doctor he was. Both can coexist. Knowing what he did, we need to be very critical when examining ALL his work. Did both Ross and Kluft put both good AND bad research into the field? Yes. Did they also do and say questionable things? A loud, resounding YES. No question. Should everyone be critical of their papers? Absolutely, always.

I have a "begrudging acceptance/hate" relationship with a lot of the big names out there. I'm critical of their actions and their work, but the validity of each and every individual article/book/experiment needs to be examined and compared against other (often questionable) research to decide whether there's any basis of use to it.

Do I think governing bodies need to be more proactive and stricter on those kinds of offences? Hell yeah. Do I want see doctors that do that crap held accountable? Fuck yes. Can I probably find a dozen other papers making the same point and stop using their names? If I can, I certainly will.

NOW COLIN ROSS

Has an ego

And continued to email me after our (very strange) conversation about different shows I could find him in and "fangirl" over

Yes, he said fangirl

Yes, I was shook

I desperately want to hear more about what it was like working with him, come back, tell me stories, please

EDIT: hold on, bear with me, I'm rethinking whether I actually know any useful Kluft articles

[arrow-dodger]

I have been spending increasingly less time on social media. I basically don't even use Twitter anymore and haven't for like at least this entire year so far. I mostly open Facebook to look people up for things or keep track of events, and I basically never spend time scrolling on there because videos autoplay with sound enabled and that's fucking insane to me.

I'm on here sometimes, if this even counts. I kinda don't think so. I only have TikTok so I can view things people send me, but I actually legitimately hate being on there for more than a video or two at a time. It gives me anxiety.

When I open my phone for mindless scrolling I actually typically end up on reddit now. And I was a reddit hater in the past, believe me. But the idea that I can follow pages for all the different things I'm interested in, and those pages are what make up my entire feed, is so novel amongst all these other sites that constantly push OTHER shit in my face. I know there's an algorithm there, but it's kind of fine? I mean I'm still just seeing fandom discussions, posts of cute animals, uhhh kinda everything tumblr was for me in like 2012, if I'm being honest.

One thing I do that is probably actually bad for me though is read those "relationship drama" kinds of subs. There are a lot of those and I kinda can't get enough of them. They definitely make me think deeply about human relationships and how complicated that shit is, and playing thought experiments like that is fun for me I think.

And man, I used to think that the people writing posts on those subs were the people with issues, but the people who frequent those subs and COMMENT on those posts are the ones with the worst issues, I'm finding. Every single post has at least a couple of people very concernedly explaining to OP some variation of "your boyfriend is an abusive narcissistic sociopath and is going to murder you and you need to get out YESTERDAY," no matter the conflict. It's actually wild to me to see people talking so confidently and prescriptively about the lives of strangers they've only read a few paragraphs about. It's like they're trying to explain to the poster what that person's own life is sometimes. The lack of nuance and critical thinking often startles me, but the patronizing tone REALLY does me in.

It reminds me of the black and white thinking of a teenager (which I was guilty of a thousand times over, as evidenced by this blog), except it's way worse because everyone these days fancies themselves some kind of psychology expert because they've read and watched things on the internet. They've read all the pop psychology "facts" and articles, they listen to true crime podcasts, they watch youtubers and TikTokers spew psychology jargon with the confidence of someone with a PhD even though they're like 22 and probably work at like, Target. So now everyone knows all the big fancy words and uses them freely.

But I personally can't get past the idea that being overly clinical and pathological about every human interaction or characteristic just leads to a lack of real empathy, self reflection, and accountability. If everything everyone else does that is bad or harmful is because of some disorder you are deciding they have that makes them Evil, then they're irredeemable and you can write them off entirely. You can take yourself completely out of having contributed to any conflict you had with that person. And if you have some self-diagnosed disorder that is an untreatable innate part of who you are that you can use to attribute any bad behaviors YOU have to, that means you may get trapped in a cycle of feeling like you never have to grow or work on yourself ever again. Which is... bad!

I dunno, it's like, sometimes people just suck. There doesn't have to be anything deeper to it. They're selfish, maybe, or a bad communicator, or they have trauma they've never worked on, or something "ugly" like BPD, or maybe you and them aren't compatible honestly, or in VERY few cases in my personal opinion, yeah, they're just vindictive. I think less people are truly cruel and vindictive than we like to think. People aren't sitting out there in armchairs with their fingers steepled, plotting evil plots about how they're going to next ruin your life. And if you think they are then consider that you're not the main character. They're usually reacting to things moment to moment just like you, and they're the hero of their own story, even if they're a shitty hero. A Game of Thrones tier hero. Hot take, but even people who are abusive are usually not evil fucking masterminds.

We should, uh, cut each other more slack. In general. We're all out here learning how to person, together, in a world and a society that is constantly trying to crush us. So yeah. Also, existing systems of classification are not the end-all-be-all and are not meant to be. Those evolve over time, and I truly think we're seeing at a rapid rate these days how a lot of our current ones are broken as fuck.

[vanderwoodlings]

Consider this an open invitation to expand on the topic of Georgina and religion 👀

Well, see, it’s less Georgina and religion and more the Sparks family and religion.

(And a note before we begin: to be clear, I’m not talking shit about any of these denominations as a whole, or about conversion as a whole, or Christianity as a whole. I’m talking about the experiences of characters who are clearly having not great times, and so I don’t focus on the good stuff, but Christianity does have lots of very, very good stuff in it. Unfortunately, it’s also got stuff like this.)

So here’s the thing. For Georgina to end up in her special little cult experience, her parents had to send her there. Which, like, I know we only get one scene of them but just personally I honestly would have pegged them for more like. Terrible Episcopalians than terrible Baptists

(My guess on the group Georgina was with’s background comes without having watched those episodes again, but A) focus on dressed down style, B) ‘no alcohol’ rule, and C) the whole thing with the tambourines.)

So. Georgina’s parents. They’d actually sent her to various rehabs pre-series, and other such things, and one of the more unfortunate habits of certain Christian denominations (especially your terrible Baptists) is their habit of hardcore proselytizing. Usually this functions to get their members rejected and to create a more defined in-group that feels a sense of persecution, but sometimes—especially when it happens to people under stress—it works.

I’d guess that this is happens sometime during season one.

Georgina’s relationship to religion after ‘the bitch is back’ goes a little all over the place—“i haven’t been this bored since I believed in Jesus” comes in between “Jesus and I have redefined our relationship” and “Jesus owes me one.” Probably because she’s doing a lot of redefining—she’s questioning, and she’s not sure how she feels about any of this stuff

And the thing is that Georgina, more than anything, just wants someone she loves to stay. Of course, wanting to burn everything down until she stops being bored is a very close second, but it happens. Still, one of the premises of Christianity—especially the kind you get on a worship retreat full of teenagers—is that Jesus loves the whole of humanity, unconditionally. And I figure that that’s why, despite her trouble with the whole ‘morals’ thing (and, like, all the legitimately fucked up shamed-based overly restrictive shit she probably got fed), Georgina can’t just decide she’s done.

I think that Milo probably grows up attending irregularly—Christmas and Easter with his grandparents, every year, but anything else depends on his mom. He doesn’t have a lot of positive associations with holidays—they’re high stress and he gets yelled at a lot—and spending an hour or two sitting in a pew (or a folding chair, seeing as these are Baptists) listening to some guy talk about salvation… doesn’t really help.

Someone probably asked about him getting baptized once he turned twelve, and didn’t take his uncomfortable shrug well, so he’s probably technically done that in a haze of fire and brimstone fear and adult talking loudly and aggressively obedience.

I think Dan’s somewhere on the line between agnostic and atheist—he’s a pretentious fucker, and if he thought religion mattered much at all to his life experience, we’d have heard about it. Serena isn’t really into the whole organized religion thing but she is a believer in spiritual somethings.

Dan probably kind of awkwardly brings it up when Milo first moves in, and Milo just says no, no, he’s good, and then again in December, and Milo hesitates a little more this time before deciding that he’d rather not. He keeps feeling weird about it for a good long time, though. It is what it is.

#georgina sparks #milo humphrey #georgina and milo #serena van der woodsen #dan humphrey #the sparks family #towgd au #asks #strideofpride #i also like. canon gives us secular xmas eps and thats. not my jam as someone for whom that’s a very religious holiday #so yknow. other reasons we’re doing new years instead #this is a meta tag