#and it's starting to take a toll on me mentally

[rxkuyo]

might be going on a semi-hiatus idk ✌🏻

#got confirmation that my lease horse is starting to show signs of irreversible lung damage despite the meds #and I'm just here watching him get worse and worse while there's like #nothing more I can do #other than keeping up his medication and hoping for the best #and it's starting to take a toll on me mentally #like I had a full mental breakdown while grooming him yesterday #and I'm so fucking depressed and tired all the time like #I'm straight up not doing well ngl #like I'll still be lurking on here but I might not be posting too much for a while idk

[n4rval]

consider: mad genius who's also a very kind and lonely old man

actually adores children and connects with them better than most people because they are both openly candid, creative and curious

struggles with the asexual conundrum of wanting a spouse and offspring but ultimately Sucking So Much Ass at building intimacy with another person he skipped that part altogether and mad scienced his way into a family

#talking to the wall #wd gaster #gaster #thats him right there alright #sighs. thinking of him #might delete later? #just in case i get embarrassed of saying words shfjdfhdj #definitely illustration material though #college has just been taking a real toll on me in regards to art ⚰️ #cannot wait to draw his date attempts #they all pretty much boil down to that one family guy clip #who the fuck starts a conversation like that I Just Sat Down #this is a very important man. #a very important smart man. #a very important creepy; inappropriately honest; forward to a fault; impossibly and intimidatingly smart old man. #who may or may not have made a few visits to the mental hospital in order to make sure he's not a danger to himself in his manic spikes #if there is such thing in the underground #“ok pops timeout yeah? you're very on fire. literally.”

[forbiddensasuke]

Quick i need a reason to feel connected with humanity help. HEEEEEELP

#even when i want to look for positive values around me all i get is mental shit straight into my eyes. #it's either people who dehumanize others. people who are willing to die for corporations. or people who are saying obvious things and- #patting themself on the back for the bare minimum. #people who have zero compassion towards other living beings 'because x is logical'. congrats you have stripped yourself out of your own- #humanity. #people whose main life concerns are so shallow and pitiful. i cant #i feel extremaly alienated #i felt that for the most of my life. but lately it's been taking a huge toll on my health #dont get me started on people who say beautiful things and then act like pitiful cowards. #possvm rambles #i have to lock myself away in a dungeon fr #utilitarist cunts are everywhere

[slutdge]

going for my third week in a row where im on the verge of having a panic attack 24/7 and expected to function like that somehow

#yeah i think reducing my alcohol intake and quitting opiates was a bad idea #anyways my deadline is in 2 days and theres zero possible way i am going get everything i need in time so #i think its time to accept i am never going to succeed at my goals and just kay why ess bc im not fucking living like this anymore lol #i need to be out of here. now. not in a year. not in 3 years. fucking. now. #ive been living 25 years with zero support so not to be dramatic or anything but maybe its starting to take a toll on my mental health #just a bit #ive already fucked my body beyond repair from drugs anyways with my luck id keel over right when i was about to start getting better #i dont know how im expected to want to live under these conditions like im not crazy lmao but doctors treat me like it #sorry for being so annoying about this literally all the time #but also i think the crushing weight of my entire life being a waste so far and also it being to late to accomplish anything #has earned a little bit of complaining

[headaching]

hiiiii beck i miss you <3

hiiiii bella 🥺 thank you so much for this, i miss you too 😭 i miss all of you!! i’ve been going through some weird mental stuff lately (not bad, but different) and i needed a break but im gonna post again asap, promise <3

i know i don’t have to explain myself but y’all really do mean the world to me even if im a little absent 🫶

#i decided to quit all forms of cannabis for now #i switched from smoking to edibles hoping that would fix the mental toll the dependency takes on me but it didn’t #i want to feel in control again. i don’t want to run from myself anymore #god i started crying writing this because it took everything to admit that even to myself #but im 5 days in and i can confidently say i don’t need it and im really proud of myself honestly #so yeah. love you guys so much and if you read all this i love you even more. im getting through this <3 #thank you so much bella truly i needed to see this and write this ilysm #asks #mutuals

[spockshair]

gah i need a better paying job!!

#shit's tight ngl #partially my fault cause im bad with money recently #ive also been socialising more than last year which yeah thats good #also new relationship = loads of going out for dinner #BUT ITS TAKING ITS TOLL #and travelling to office........ fucking rail is so expensive dude #and then i started learning to drive which has been taking a good chunk of my salary #i wish i was freelance #i dont feel ready to be freelance #i also feel very imposterish even though ive got a good few years of industry experience #but its not the kind of experience i feel i should have for a role of a mid #idk want a higher price tag but i dont think this job has taught me the skills needed #its certainly a -place- to be mentally #i want more but i dont think i deserve it right? fucked man #akai speaks

[awek-s-archived]

it sure is hard having a 50 year old child when ur 25 lol

#im tired of raising my mom i rly am it takes such an emotional toll #i love her but its gotten to the point where sometimes she will just come home or walk into a room or #yell one time and it just drains my energy immediately #and every time i have like a bad mental health day or think back abt the decades of abuse im still recovering from bc of my brother #(it only ended last year so i have a lot of recovery to do) #i remember how she basically totally ignored all of it #and only took it seriously when it started to happen to her last year as well #and the other day she was like oh i had a panic attack once and she started trying to explain what they were to me im like mom i literally #have anxiety. im mentally ill. i get panic attacks all the time. #she thinks im a weirdo for it and that i need to grow up but when SHE had it it was different #like its just a lot to deal w lmao #obviously she helps me a lot but its like it takes more to raise a kid than giving them a roof under their head i feel like #a lot of ppl forget this #and we didnt even always have a roof either not that homelessness was any of our choice #but u know what i mean #like emotionally ive been parenting my mom since i was 5 years old its really srarting to eat away at me now #aweks.txt

[coffee-bat]

oh on that topic. did anyone else find cortex's first crash4 boss/4th time's a charm absolutely fucking insane

#like i never hear anyone talk about it #when tough levels are discussed its always either the crate escape or cortex castle #and like yeah. i agree #but also #THIS FUCKING BOSS??? #its insane #thank the crash gods for boss phase checkpoints or else id have lost my mind but it was still horrific #i died at the last phase over 100 times #i no joke CRIED #i went at it for over an hour #i was sweating so much that i had to leave and take a shower #after which ofc i beat it second try but yknow. it was still over 100 deaths at last phase #its fucking ridiculous and its genuiely the only thing stopping me from starting a new game to do it all over again #(instead of just replaying levels as normal) #like i just know ill never beat it again. #idk if anyone else struggled with it that much too or if i just suck but. theres too much going on in the last phase #never doing this shit again the mental and physical toll isnt worth it #ramble #crash bandicoot #honestly the one thing i LIKE about this boss is what it does character-wise #bc 1) it finally makes cortex look like a genuine threat (one that is ACTUALLY a difficult enemy rather than pumped up over the whole game #then turning out easy) #and 2) it makes his defeat and subsequent emotional breakdown feel earned #for both of you #he genuiely did his best. he did outstandingly well. he put his absolute all into it. he was a DIFFICULT enemy. and it wasnt enough #it feels justified for him to breakdown after losing #and also *your* victory feels earned bc that was fucking tough as hell. YOU had to put your all into it too #idk i. like it in this aspect #youre equals who both had to outdo yourselves and he has a justified mental breakdown after losing #its good in the character way is what im saying. the boss still fucking sucks gameplay-wise

[dadbots]

cold as shit & freezing my ass off in this winter (But at least we made it to December.)

#dadbots.txt #starting the new month off with a sore throat & body aches due to household cold-like symptoms. Thanks. Even when I was trying 2 avoid it #and with how cold it is — permanently staying In bed forever. Like it’s physically making me curl into a crab rn oh my god it’s so cold #Which is both hell and good in both ways. Bad since I stay in bed too much anyway. Almost everyday. #Especially with chronic low energy and 24/7 fatigued. Mentally and physically. And i really gotta do better - #- and reduce that since that adds up alongside other unhealthy habits. And I can literally feel it taking a toll on me unfortunately. #But also good since I’ll be resting more often than not. It’s not something i do and so having the opportunity to rest is kinda nice? #Still. Two sides of a coin right now. And this cold is definitely not helping me or the fact it’s easier to get sick 10x more. #Back to pain relievers and heat ig. #Although with this just. Might be a cold but also not? Thing? Since not all of my sore throats are colds but overproduced mucus. Gross. #But been drinking tea like habitually to knock this out and warm blankets and stuff. Feeling better as of typing this. So thank god it’s wo #This month been… interesting to say the least. A lot of personal talk and changes that should’ve happened years ago. #But hey. You live and learn. #And I’m not mad at it. I’m making progress when I would’ve shrugged and say it’d never happen. Now it’s happening and even I’m surprised #Doesn’t mean it’ll completely override everything in my life or push stuff to the side. Though it’s better than nothing so I’ll take it. #Winter is always hard for a lot of people and I’ve been hit with it as well. Even near the holidays and all. #Been rough. And the constant realization that each month I don’t remember…. Anything. That has happened. #But also that I did a little more than previously and slowly pushing it each month. Little by little. #There’s been a drastic change from last year to now. Went through new lifestyles and experiences. Exploring different fields. Etc #So it’s been one hell of a ride anyway. And that I can sit back and be content with. Even if nothing else is currently going on yknow #December probably gonna be slow. But we’ll see. Hope to bring new opportunities fortune and possibilities along the way. Take care y’all

[autistic-shaiapouf]

You know. I think I might just go home and watch some ants until the job stuff no longer bothers me

#10x the work for a dollar more it is NOT worth it; i may have to pick up hours at another store #i just like the people I work with (excluding my manager) and would be so upset to leave them #but i know they'd support me; especially the coworker i went to the opera with U_U #I'll talk to my therapist about it bc this is getting to be a load of shit actually. this is a retail job #i am not putting in this level of effort; i can feel when the mental exhaustion starts taking its toll and can also #feel joint pain every time i bend down to pick something up or put something back #i just dont know how to go about this; exit strategy asap U_U #hoatm rants

[phoebelovingcare]

"gee, bee, it's been a long while since anyone's seen mage sister art from you! isn't that something you used to be known for? what happened?" well you see someone came into my inbox to ask me why actual, genuine, in-real-life incest was bad, not exaggerating, and well that was it for me

#negative #vent #incest ment #dont mind me im tired and in pain #but jesus fucking christ man #loving these characters has taken s fuvking toll on my psyche i swear #i s2g the mage sisters have done so much fuvkinb damage to me indirectly because people have no respect #for boundaries or nuance or otherwise #i had a fucking mental health crisis because i had to defend myself from triggers over abd over and over #i started seeing literally everything as a threat to me #i say ''dont talk to me if you ship them'' abd people come yo me and say ''but why not?? i like it'' #cant uou just listen the first time??? cant you see the problem??? #i just couldnt keep doing that shit man #abd when i would move on to other things abd people would devate me there #id fucking fight them!! because im scared!! because ive done so much research abd been in so kuch pain!!! #i cut off a friend because no matter what she could not grasp what had been DONE to me #and she just kept tearing yhe wound back open #i have nightmares of her being let back into my spaces. ive been separating myself from her faves. #people are noticing. i just cant TAKE it #i dont want to have another dream about her. just go away. let me forget.

[twiistedxwonderland]

{You know why is it that both food joints I have worked for like

McDonald’s at first only gave minors breaks if they risked being in violation of labor laws. But then we changed ownerships and that changed drastically to where even NON-MINORS were required to have a 30 min break

City BBQ doesn’t even give the minors breaks as far as I know. (But I’m always in the back away from everyone so i just might not see it happen) - Okay yeah I confirmed w/my mom our two minors DO get breaks But I sure as fuck don’t and none of the other non-minors do. 

And it sure is a damn pain.

Kings Island DEMANDS EVERYONE, minor or not, gets a break. But minors get TWO breaks more often than not too. Even IF we’re short-staffed in our maze (Scare actor job~) . YOU GET A BREAK. And every other station at KI too demands EVERYONE GETS A BREAK.

Like. C’mon. I’d have better days for sure if I was given breaks. That’s for sure. I get moments of having NO dishes but then that changes in the blink of a damn eye and even when labor is high, they opt to SEND SOMEONE HOME rather than give out a break. }

#{ I had a rough day that ended in a break down and then me nappin when i got home #and this has been a better work environment than McFucks ever WAS but like............................. #Also starting to feel a LOT like my old McD's days now..... #And I do NOT like that #I don't want a new job tho but if it starts to take a toll on my mental health well...... Bye }

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I came into work today and nothing, I mean nothing was done. Sauce bottles weren't filled, garbage wasn't taken out, the sink was full of old food, nothing was restocked, nothing was clean. It's ridiculous. I've closed by myself before and I've left the restaurant looking better than this. We shouldn't have to come in and set up the whole restaurant from scratch. I'm so tired. I can't keep doing this to myself. I'm going to finish cleaning up their mess so that my shift can function, and then I'm done. I'm going on Indeed and I'm looking for a new job. I dread coming to work because it's always left so bad. Customers suck, the employees suck, everything sucks and I just want to take a nap. I'm killing myself for this goddamn job and I'm getting nothing positive in return.

#i can't keep doing this #for my sake i need to stop #im considering just walking out and never coming back #i know thats an asshole move and it would fuck over my boss and hes a really nice guy #but for my sake i cant keep doing this anymore #i have to take a coworker home in a couple hours. im so tempted to just keep driving home after i drop him off #everywhere is hiring. at least five places within a mile of my apartment are hiring rn #this job needs me way more than i need it and i feel like they dont realize that #evey time i have a shitty say my boss will thank me the next day and tell me not to give up because itll get better #ive worked here since january and its only gotten worse. so much worse #its taking such a toll on my mental and physical health #today im working a ten hour shift. my sleep schedule has been destroyed by my work schedule #honestly. the idea of going home when i take my coworker home is looking more and more appealing #i could go home. take a nap. apply for jobs #i need to get a new job or start doing drugs to get through this

[goldshykitsune]

Gosh it's so werid right now...

My school gave out awards for the graduating class, with of course only those who got awards and their family can go (or friends if they got it approved by their family.)

I got two of them and it just hit me...

I didn't do the most that I could have.

I know why. I know how I could have improved and what outside factors stopped me. But overall I look and I see what I did get and I just think to myself... like... wow.

I actually made it to getting two awards...

Like... two awards!

I mean I believe some only got one. Though quite a few got more then two. I knew most of the people. A few I couldn't quite recognize or remember if I knew but the majority I did.

And that also made me think. Like I knew so many amazing and successful people and I managed to be up there in rank with them!

It was really cool.

However with this said it also reminded me about the fact that soon I will not be a minor.

Soon I will be an adult.

Very soon, in fact it's only a matter of days.

... 5 or 4 days...

It kind of scares me. Like I will not be a minor. I'll be going to college. Likely will get a job too. I have to clean my room. Make sure I pass one single class or I perish because this one class will determine if I graduate. (I'llget it but like I'm gonna explode with stress.)

I got a bunch of tests this week into next. I got a few projects that aren't done and I got very little time.

However I know I can get through it. I just... mentally might not be very good right now.

#I started hallucinating #I do that sometimes #probably not good but I can't afford to go talk to anyone and I don't trust asking my family for help signing up for this one online thing #it says you must be older than 19 to sign up on your own and like... I definitely ain't there yet. #I also gotta say I've been feeling lonely lately. #I got a voice/fictional person I have who comforts me and forces out bad things and tries helping me tackle the mental issues I got going on #I honestly dunno what to call this one as it only shows when things get pretty bad. #I got multiple fictional people/voices that go around in my mind helping me. #or not helping #like how I have a few of them which I associate to intrusive thoughts (and yes I mean intrusive not compulsive but I got some for that too.) #I even got some for emotions for when I dunno how to feel. sometimes I dunno how to feel sorry for someone or empathic/sympathetic and so #I got a person made up to help in situations. I just pretend I'm them. #or when I'm distraught or panicked or really upset or other strong negative feelings I have two that help. #one of those two will stay even after #However that 1 is the one I mentioned earlier that generally comes at extreme times when I need them most #though I have “seen”/“heard” them without being that way before too. #but by a year of school I can get distraught at the end because of everything being due and it's pass or fail moments so I panic a lot #I also get distraught and upset #and lonely and really a lot of negative things which takes toll on my mental health meaning that's were the one person comes from. #anyways I got off topic. if people want though I might elaborate what these tags mean and are talking about. #so I guess I should go #but I mean I would congratulate my friends here but I dunno their tumblrs/they don't have one. #so instead I will congratulate everyone who got a reward at school ever in their life for whatever reason #even if it's something silly like having the messiest desk. #or something about community service cause that is a great thing and even if you ain't got a reward for it I congratulate you.

[thelivingsin]

dni

// mentions of piercing

i'm so tired and exhausted and for what

god this is getting worse. my attention is declining and i don't even think i could even make it through this whole scriptwriting thing we have to do

i don't wanna do this anymore

then again, i'm scared of what they'd think of me. i'd probably be the only one without a submission and they're going to hate me

i want to curl in my bed

and pierce my chest so that it slows down

what happened to not giving a fuck, sin?

#missing entry #i'm so sorry for the sudden vent everyone. i just can't take it. this whole semester's starting to take a toll on my mental health #and... something happened. we don't know what *truly* happened yet and it's like. what triggered me to feel like shit as i write this. #i'm really sorry. know that you can block the tag if you're uncomfortable. #to be honest my feelings are beyond words... and yet i need to speak #how do i do this

[vaporfished]

Hm

#brain compression #i feel like im manipulate over something fucking stupid but its agonizing regardless. #and the deja vu and the multiple sirens as im typying this #i think im losing it more and more #but i feel like i manipulated my friend into doing something i wanted to do bc i was feeling like shit #and I know they offered to watch a movie or do something but i cant help but feel its so that there wasnt the awkwardness from me being #me. its so stupid but I genuinely cannot believe anyone likes anything about me. #i feel terrible for pulling away from people that probably care about me but its too horrifying #i dont want to be close to anyone i dont want to get hurt again I dont want to be known I just want to be 'that guy' and just be someone els #someone who's actually enjoyable to be around #anyone other than me #its giving 3 months in the fucking mental trenches finally starting to take a real toll on me but #it is inevitable anyway yeah? when youre someone like I am? #maybe this is just. what its meant to be.