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#and it makes me so sad and i wish he'd gotten so much more DEPTH
bericas · 11 months
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you would rather be with her, hearing the light buzz of her snoring, watching her sleep.
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oldandkinky · 2 years
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I've been trying for a while now to articulate what exactly bothers me about S2 and why I'm not motivated to write anything based on it, and someone put it into words in a Discord today.
I've also seen posts about Burn Butcher Burn again, and I have thoughts about that, too.
The thing about S2 that bugs me the most is this: the first half of Jaskier's arc is extremely serious and has a lot of emotional depth. He has a very touching heart to heart with Yennefer, there is the torture, and Joey gets to act.
Then Geralt shows up.
The first confrontation is, again, very emotional. And then it all goes downhill. Nobody ever mentions his injuries - those fingers must be blistered, there's possibly exposed flesh. Have none of the writers ever touched a hot stovetop or a clothes iron? Burns take forever to heal and hurt like hell.
From that point on, Jaskier is once more reduced to (badly written) comic relief and running gag. His trauma is never addressed in any fashion by anyone, he is constantly drinking and obviously left to himself at KM, and his comedic moments felt forced and shoehorned in. He does nothing at all of consequence. Sure, Geralt tells him to take Ciri to KM (which does show trust I suppose), but is he actually needed? I would say no. The stone wasn't needed, he doesn't interact with anyone except Lambert who basically tells him to go fuck himself, and that's it.
I have very complicated feelings about their reunion. Jaskier is obviously still hurt but he is immediately willing to join Geralt again. Sure, he makes a production of it, but there's never any real hesitation. But I don't know if I believe that Geralt understands just how badly he has hurt Jaskier with his accusations. His apology felt very flat to me. I didn't expect him to grovel, as some people have called it, but an "I need you" (which never manifests in anything concrete and feels a bit like something Geralt says to justify having Jaskier back) and that "I'm sorry" from atop NewRoach felt dismissive to me.
I can understand Geralt blowing his top on the mountain. He was hurt and stressed and reeling from everything that had happened. But imo the way he spoke to Jaskier was deliberate. He took all of his own mistakes and blamed them on Jaskier. Was Jaskier the facilitator of these events? Yes. Did he hold a gun to Geralt's head and make him say the third wish/claim the LoS etc? He didn't, those were all choices Geralt made, and telling Jaskier that he never brought him anything but trouble was designed to hurt as much as possible.
Yes, Jaskier inserted himself into Geralt's life and he made a profit off of it - but so did Geralt, and nobody can tell me he couldn't have gotten rid of/avoided Jaskier - who was, let's remember, an 18yo nobody when they met - if he had truly wanted to.
If there was a transactional relationship between them, it definitely went both ways.
The show doesn't address any of this. Jaskier has a very public breakdown about everything, Geralt makes sad puppy eyes at him, and everything is superficially forgiven.
Which, I guess, brings me to the song.
There were definitely choices made here, and none of them were particularly good (except musically, because it is a good song). But I absolutely can see Jaskier writing and meaning this, in that first period of time after the mountain. He was deeply hurt, and let's face it, he is a horrible little man. He wished for someone to die for no apparent reason and for the Countess to love him, for fuck's sake. He's impulsive and vindictive. Something like Burn Butcher Burn is very in character in the heat of the moment, in my opinion. Geralt went for the throat, so he shall do the same.
However.
I think he regrets it. I'm not holding my breath for any sort of meaningful conversation about this in the future in the show, because the writers just aren't willing to give us that, but I would hope he'd explain himself to Geralt, if it ever came to that.
But I think that's where my and many book fans' especially interpretation differs so greatly. Book fans tend to look at Geralt through the lens of book!Geralt's view of himself and his relationship to Dandelion, but I think that is a hindrance here. The whole problem is that this is just not an adaptation, even if the showrunners call it that. It is, at best, based on, but in reality more inspired by. The relationship is so fundamentally different that to say "Dandelion would never" is meaningless.
Book!Geralt's relationship to others is, imo, in many respects defined by his insecurities and belief that he's somehow unworthy. Nx!Geralt doesn't, to me, appear to have those same issues. His relationship to Jaskier is never shown to be based on affection. It's implied that they're friends but we're not shown that they are. Every interaction they have is undercut by long suffering sighs from Geralt who seems to tolerate him despite not liking him all that much.
Fans filled in so much that the show just leaves out, because the show didn't give us any other option. If they're friends, Geralt's words were incredibly cruel. If they're not, Jaskier's reaction is over the top. Both can't be true.
I've seen a lot of people say "have you never had a fight with a friend before" to those defending Jaskier after S1, and personally I can say that, if a friend ever said something like that to me, even in state of heightened emotion, yeah, no, I wouldn't want to be friends any more.
I don't know. This is long-winded and rambly. I liked quite a bit about S2 and disliked even more of it. I'm not hopeful that any of the issues the writing had will be solved, or that the quality will get better. I'll just... stay over here and hope for the best without believing in it, I suppose.
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sery-chan-13 · 3 years
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Slow Dancing In The Dark
Ok, so... this idea has been in my head for a while. So... yeah. Basically what song you two would dance to in the privacy of your rooms. Most likely in the dark.
Niragi
- Very sweet
- He likes the song, but won't say it
- He really loves the lyrics because he relates them to your guy's situation
- Not like anyone can hear the two of you over their parties.
- It's not even intricate dancing
- Just slowly swaying while his hands hold onto your waist
- Randomly spins you
- honestly, makes you forget everything that's happening
- He loves having you so close to him
- He doesn't want to turn the lights on because he doesn't want you to see his absolutely lovesick face. (Hahaha, it's soft Niragi hours here, leave me alone)
- But just says it's for fun
- You convince him to keep the curtains open at least
"You ever wonder if anyone has seen us doing this?" You whisper, laying your head on his chest. "I doubt it. And if they have, the obviously know better than to say something," he responded, one of his hands holding the back of your head. You sighed happily because in this moment there was no games. There was no fearing for your life. There was no worrying about where the other was. There was only a comfortable silence where unsaid words of love and adoration were heard. Even if they weren't verbally spoken. Words couldn't describe your relief every time he came back. Words couldn't express how he felt, or more so he didn't know how to express how he felt. But it was those unsaid words that were heard the loudest.
Chishiya
- He was very confused with the song at first
- There was a lot going on at the chorus, and it scared him a bit the first time. He'd never admit that though
- I feel like he knows how to do like... waltzes and ballroom dances
- Slowly teaches you if you don't know how to
- Will be nice sometimes and not complain that you stepped on him
- Sometimes is petty and steps on you back
- You always have to guess
- Lights off so that way no one passing by would see that you're up, and won't interrupt
- The only light coming in is the lights from outside
- I mean, he's just glad it isn't a cheesy song
- Or so he thinks
- The only time he acts soft though
- The best talks happen while you two do this
"And now you step that way... good," he instructed, praying you when you did it. You laughed, placing your hand on his shoulder. "You haven't been mean to me all day, what's up with you?" You joked, quickly kissing his cheek. He sighed, taking your arm over your head, and spinning you around. "Would you like me to be mean? Because that can be arranged," he smirked, pulling your body closer to his. You pouted playfully, shaking your head.  "It's just... you're never so... nice? Well, to me you're nice... but usually you tease. Is there something wrong?" You questioned, explaining a bit more in depth. He chuckled, shaking his head. "No... well, actually, yes. You. You decided to try and save me in the game earlier. You could've gotten hurt. Or worse, died. Don't be so stupid, you're a very clever girl," he explained, looking away. You frowned, softly placing a hand on his cheek, caressing his face. "I will do what I deem fit for myself. You deserve to live as much as I," you whispered, leaning your forehead on his. He let out a small laugh, swaying with you. The earlier thoughts of his interrupted by your calming presence.
"I'll have you know you've stepped on me at least six time though, my darling."
"Well, that's not really a me problem, is it my love?"
Arisu
-fun jumpy dancing!
-spins you around a lot
- you're both very dizzy
- you've both fallen down to many times for you to not have broken bones
- lights are on, you two already get hurt as it is
- but you convince him to just one lamp
- which works
- loves the song
- he relates it to your relationship
- loves it
- loves you.
- at the end when it's all the 'oh oh oh oh oh' he does the... cross arm spin thing? You know what I talking about right? Oh well, that, a bunch of times
- all around the room you don't stay stationary
- too much energy for that
"This is fun! Do it again do it again!" You laugh, holding onto his hand. He laughs, spinning you once more. "You're so cute," he said, holding onto you. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, holding your face. You smiled, grabbing the hand on your face and kissing his palm. "I love you," you sighed, looking into his eyes. He hoped you could tell there was only pure adoration and love for you. The way you would giggle or laugh everytime brought him to paradise. You really did make everything better. After hard games, or just a day at the Beach, you always made him forget about how the world was. How he wished you two could stay in this moment for eternity, forever in a state of bliss. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but he couldn't help it.  In his mind, forever was any time spent with you.
Karube
-he thinks it's very aesthetic pleasing
- the song is a vibe honestly
- you two actually dance around the whole room
- song is on full blast, everyone could probably hear it
- sings the 'I will make you queen of everything you see.' Part to you, and after says it's a promise
- his hands hold onto yours, fingers interlocking,
- whispers sweet things into your ear when you're close to him
- giggly, laughing, and fun.
- The lights are off cause he doesn't give a fuck
- he can see perfectly fine. There's light coming in through the windows, he says.
"And we.. spin!" He laughed, spinning you, while holding onto your hand. You giggled, getting pulled back into him.  "Karu, careful!" You scolded, holding onto him. "What?" "I almost stubbed my toe!" Others would be trying to have a romantic moment, but you two were more about having fun in the moment, being romantic later. Through laughter and sweet words, you somehow managed to not fall. Every word that wanted to be said was falling out, even if it wasn't meant to be said out loud. It's just the effect you two had on each other. Feeling free in the moment, and making memories to last a lifetime.
Chota
- He adores the song
- It's soft, it's sweet
- Loves it
- Soft but energetic swaying
- he doesn't know where to put his hands, so won't put them anywhere he doesn't know you're comfortable with
- Likes it when you lean your head on his chest, because he feels like he's protecting you from the negative vibes
- Best boy
- You somehow convince him to keep all the lights off
- how?
- no one will ever know
- but you did, so bravo!
"Watch out for the chair baby," you warned softly, snuggling your face further into his chest. You heard him hum in acknowledgement, and smiled. You could tell he was tired, but anytime you had suggested to go to bed, he would tell you you were worth staying up for. He really was too sweet. You swayed softly to music as he held you close to him. Even after the song ends you stay that way, holding each other as if the word would end if you let go. As much as you protected him, he loved feeling like he was protecting you. He loved that you felt safe with him.
Last Boss
- Did he chose it?
- No.
- He thinks it's kind of sad in a way
- But the more he listens to the lyrics, the more he loves it
- While you two are dancing he analyzes the lyrics
- And talks to you about them
- He likes that you're actually listening and partaking in the conversation
- Slow swaying, his hands hug around your waist, and his head is in the crook of your neck
- Whisper talking as you sway in place
- lights are off
- He's attentive and makes sure you don't get hurt
- He likes being wrapped up in your arms
- And will admit it
- Fuck hiding your feelings from your partner
"I like the part where she says 'and we'll never go home again', because... what if we don't go home Samu?" You whispered, gripping onto his back. "We will... eventually," he whispered back, drawing soft circles into your back. It was quiet for a bit more before you spoke again, "...What if I don't want to go home again? What if I wanna... what if I want to stay here? With you?" You didn't hear an answer, and sighed softly. He didn't know what to say. "I think... I think I'd like that more... than going back," he said. You smiled, continuing on. It was never boring to be with him as he always seemed to know what to say. His thoughts were interesting, and you always thought you were so lucky to be able to hear them. Even as you swayed softly in the dark room, the quiet whispers of random thoughts spilled out. The music from the parties going on seemed to be drowned out by everything happening in your shared bedroom. And even the moments of silence were filled with loud actions of adoration.
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ralbeleren · 3 years
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I'm not sure why but this particular phrasing cracks me up.
2. Pang: Unfollowing now, I was fine when he made a guy disappear in the boy's bathroom. I didn't know he lost Namtarn's pen and was going to replace it and pretend the replacement was the old one. :/
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3. Namtarn is still pissed about the pen. She doesn't know who Folk is.
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4.
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5.
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So breaking it down, I really really love this scene. Like, Ohm is clearly conflicted-- he'd been talking earlier about how Folk had gotten him into a gang/into trouble when they'd been in middle school (I'm assuming they're Freshmen in this so probably fairly recently where Ohm was in trouble.)
I like how at first, Ohm's desire to get Folk back was because he didn't want to face the consequences, and Pang kind of calls him out for being selfish. Because it was the same thing as earlier, where instead of apologizing for losing Namtarn's pen, he was just going to try and trick her into thinking the new one was her old one.
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And then they start fighting, which I actually really like. (Honestly one of the very real things about this show is even though they're a close friend group you can tell they're still emotionally immature and they have a lot of realistic (for the setting) fights about things. And Ohm, who has been shown up until this point really, to be kind of a flippant joker showing this kind of emotion to defend himself was very very character defining IMO.)
Because we love a clown bitch who sticks up for themselves, even against their close friends.
I also think this is one of the scenes that really encapsulates 1: the part of Pang's personality that informs his powers and 2: another reason why he's de facto leader.
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6. (SING IS LITERALLY SO GOOD IN THIS ROLE I CANNOT. I'm really impressed by this as most of the other roles I've seen him in have been more comedic, so this blend is really really good. And the way he can flip the switch between things is really impressive to me. ABSOLUTE ICON.)
7. Ohm: Having a friend like that makes my life worse.
Pang: If you really hated him, you wouldn't call him a friend.
8. I also really like how even when Ohm has this outburst, Namtarn and Pang don't condemn him. They actually both look rather--I'm not sure if soft is the right word--but they seem more impacted by the emotions he's displaying versus what he's saying. They don't look pitying, they look empathetic. And I think that's a very important quality in friends.
They don't judge Ohm for saying that he hated Folk, that being Folk's friend made his life worse. They actually seem to feel for him and the difficult emotional situation he's in for someone who has been a drain on him emotionally versus someone who was his friend when no one else was.
9. The flashback scene is really cute and stupid, it makes me wish you saw some of those friendships outside of the gifted students. (like Folk & Ohm-- we know why we don't see Nac and Pang x_x)
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Right in the feelings. :/
11. Where was Folk stuck... he comes back all wet... was he in the pipes? Would he have died from drowning if Ohm hadn't gotten him back in time? Scary stuff tbh.
12. TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE reacting to a dumb joke.
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13. I am so sad Folk doesn't recognize him at ALL. You erased his memories too much :(
14. "I lost my pen." "You lost your pen again... WAIT is that the pen you borrowed from me?" And Pang pulls the most offended fucking face as if Ohm had lost Pang's first born.
----
overall episode 2 analysis: i like how subsequent episodes dive into individual characters and i liked this foray into Ohm. I like how it shoes that even people who are happy and joking on the outside aren't always feeling it on the inside.
I like how they impress upon Ohm's loneliness and how his class clownery is probably just a coping mechanism for feeling like he doesn't have any friends.
i like how this establishes that namtarn and pang are definitely his friends and he's not really alone anymore in facing issues with his potential or in general. ohm is one of my more favorite characters so i really enjoyed this in depth look at him and what makes him tick.
i also liked how his power is tied to him being forgetful and not just with things but with memories too. overall very solid.
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liron-ao3 · 3 years
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But of course.
Dean runs a hand over his face, completely exhausted. He's so tired. It's nothing unusual. He never sleeps enough. But this again?
Damn it!
Where is the angel!? It's a question he has asked a thousand times, never getting an answer. Just once and then he had found him, pulled him against his chest, smiled from ear to ear, huffed in relief as he felt Castiel's rigid body in his embrace.
He had managed to ignore that Cass didn't hug back. He didn't want to think about what it meant. He didn't want to question his own motives, either. Sure, Castiel was his friend. Dean is a loyal person. But more than once, Benny had asked him, "Why?" If the angel was really worth the hassle. He had never found an answer other than a disgruntled, "Yeah."
Dean pushes up from the empty bed, pulls a shirt over his bare chest and pitter-patters barefooted over the bunker's cold floor. He'd like to call for his boyfriend, but that would wake Sammy and with him likely Eileen. She's seven months pregnant and struggles enough to get sleep with her restless legs and heartburn.
It's the fifth night in a row that Dean woke up to an empty bed. The former angel suffers from insomnia that even tops Dean's worst phases. Every night, Dean prays that his love might find rest in his arms. He's not sure who he is praying to. Jack? Maybe. Anyway, his son isn't listening. Hand's off.
Dean shuffles through the common places where Castiel usually tries to kill time - the kitchen, the library, the main room. Once, he even found him in the storage room where the Empty had taken him, standing at the exact spot where he had smiled while Dean's heart shattered into pieces. But he hadn't smiled then.
He hasn't smiled a lot since he's back. Not even when Dean had told him that he loved him, too. Not when they first kissed. Not when they first made love. He assured him that he wanted it, wanted him. And Dean decided to believe him. It would become better with time, he hoped.
To each of the few smiles that Castiel mustered, there is melancholy. No. This word isn't strong enough. There's something as heavy a lead pressing the former angel down, tinting every good emotion grey.
Dean hates it, can't shake the feeling that it's his fault. He thought he did the right thing, fighting him out of the Empty. But all he had gotten were tired eyes and a "You shouldn't have done that."
It had made Castiel so happy when he told Dean that he loved him that it was enough to summon the Empty. But now that he has him, nothing really seems to pierce the veil of darkness. It's so much worse than the worrisome, honey-collecting version of Cass all those years back. At least, he had smiled then.
It's superficial and stupid to wish for this, Dean knows that. It was just another way for Castiel to cope. He always carries all the world's burdens on his shoulder, especially Dean's crap. But it's not fair!
Dean never expected an apple pie life. Not really. But with Cass, he had hoped for a slim slice of it. At this point, he'd be thankful for a crumb.
He scolds himself inwardly for this train of thought. He's ungrateful. He falls asleep with his man snuggled against him every night. He looks in blue eyes when they make love. He holds his hand when they watch a movie. It's so much. More than he ever dared to dreamt of.
Dean's steps grow wider and faster as he nears his Cave. Maybe—yes! There are flickering lights under the door and subdued music coming from the room. Dean takes a deep breath before he pushes the door handle down.
Castiel sits in the armchair that is labelled his boyfriend's in Dean's head. He looks at the tv screen, his eyes fixed on a bumblebee collecting nectar.
Dean chuckles softly, calling attention to himself, hoping not to startle Castiel. He doesn't. His partner doesn't even so much as flinches.
"Bumblebees are funny. By all rules of aerodynamics, they shouldn't be able to fly," Dean says, hoping to pull his boyfriend's gaze to himself.
"That's not true Dean. Humans were just too fixated on their formulas for aeroplanes to see the dynamics behind the wingbeats, the vortex they produce, not to mention the joint I added to make it possible for them to kink the wings and heighten the weight they can move even further.
Dean sinks into his armchair. "You worked on creating them?" Castiel hums in affirmation. "Why are you watching a documentation then? You know them better than anyone."
Castiel is silent for a long moment and Dean wonders if he somehow insulted him. But then, there's a sound that he hasn't heard way too long and it makes his heart clench.
A chuckle.
Not as free and loud as he knows it can be, but it's there, echoing in the sparsely decorated room.
"It reminds me that my existence had meaning."
The short burst of hope crumbles to dust at these words. Dean fights against the tears brimming his eyes. Castiel saved the world, more than once, and especially with his self-sacrifice. They wouldn’t have defeated Chuck without him!
"Your life has meaning," Dean says, his voice carefully schooled. Castiel chuckles again, bit tjis time without mirth.
"I know."
It feels rehearsed, like an automatic reply to soothe Dean's nerves. No. This won't do! Dean gets up and down on his knee in front of the man he loves. He cups his cheeks with both hands, relishing that Castiel leans into the touch.
"You are important. To me, to Sam and Eileen, to Claire and Kaia, and so many more. We need you, man."
"You'd be well off with or without me," Castiel answers evenly and Dean covers the pain with anger, lets it build up in the very familiar way. He clenches his jaw and lets go of this boyfriend's face, gets up, turns, and kicks a pile of DVDs through the room.
Then he turns back, outstretched pointer hovering mere centimetres from Castiel's face.
"You have no idea!" The force of Dean's words makes Cass pull back - not in fear but in gut-wrenching surprise. "I burnt you on that pyre, spread your ashes in the meadow. I got you back just to let Chuck let us screw over once again. I'm not proud to say this, but with you gone, I thought of flipping the bird to this shit of a life and go down in a damn vampire nest or something."
"Your life is not shit!" Castiel counters, always willing to make Dean feel and think better of himself. Hell, he did it even when he thought he would die for good.
"Yes, you're right. But still—" Dean runs a hand through his hair. His brain isn't awake enough for the depth of discussion they need to have and neither is Castiel's judging by the looks of his lover's red-rimmed eyes. He takes a deep breath. "You are my home, Cass. My rock. I don't say this to make you stay or to make you put on a brave face. I appreciate that you're not acting as if everything is fine. But we need to talk about what's going on in your mind. What makes you so sad all the time. I can't—"
Castiel looks at him with unhidden fear. Hell! The man fought demons and angels, God himself. He shouldn't look like that because of a hunter who feels so many things that he can never properly put them into words.
"I can't ignore it any longer. You need help. Hell, we all need therapy. But, damn it, Cass! I want us to be happy. I want you to be happy. And don't tell me you are. You're a terrible liar."
There is another chuckle and Dean wants to cry. Because it's all too much and not enough. He can't make his boyfriend better and that sucks big time. He's a doer, a carer, a damn Acts of Service love languager. He's shitty at gifts that his man understands, he's bad with words when it counts. But he can touch, is allowed to touch now. So he does.
He pulls Cass into his arms, feels him melt against him. He brushes his hand through the unruly mop of hair. "Come to bed. Sleep. Tomorrow, we'll take care of this, okay?"
He feels Castiel's head nod against his shoulder. He presses a kiss into his hair and pulls back, scrutinising him for a long moment. There is the ghost of a tired smile on his lips. Dean counts it as a win.
He switches off the tv and leads him to their bedroom, tucks him in before he slides under the covers, and pulls him close. "I am here. And I am happy that you are here. Never doubt that," Dean murmurs. "You're the best thing ever happening to me."
"But I'm broken, Dean. I can't be of any use to you, now that I lost the rest of my grace."
Dean huffs his anger out through his nose. "If you're broken, we'll find a way to fix you. And the other bullshit—don't you dare think that's what we kept you around for. You're family. Like a brother to Sammy, a father for Claire, the man I love. Don't get pissed, but your love has always been your strongest asset. You saved me from me a million times. Hell, just think of Jack." He takes a deep breath because his anger won't solve anything. "You are love and you are loved. You don't need to be useful and still, you are. Every. Single. Second."
Castiel looks at him with glassy eyes. "I want to believe you."
Dean presses a kiss on his forehead. "I know." He brushes a strand of hair out of Castiel's eyes. "Just promise me you'll try."
"I will," Cass whispers and then he smiles. Tired, but enough to form crinkles around his eyes. And it's just a start. Dean knows that. But it's enough for now.
"Sweet dreams, honey," Dean whispers and cradles Cass' head to his neck. "I'll watch over you."
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