#and in a way it's always been foreign

[lockhartandlych]

told my mom i'm developing a widow's peak and she laughed, saying "yeah, it runs in the family among the men."

jesus christ with that and the neckbeard i really am intersex arent i

#slightly terrified #being intersex isn't bad i know that #but it's such a different foundation on which to view myself #that's probably hypocritical coming from a proud tumblr genderfag boydyke kind of person #but i just. idk. it explains everything about what i've been through and what im still going through #i've had other trans men compliment me on how T is treating me #im not on T yet #i've been gendered as female in public yet been told i need to shave my face #and yet i've been gendered as male when wearing makeup #it's so strange #my existence is increasingly becoming foreign to the cis experience even though im not even on hormones yet #and in a way it's always been foreign #both in the trans way and in the 'i have a ton of body hair and acne at age ten' way #im usually all like 'yeah! fuck the gender binary! destroy expectations! down with cis!' #and also like. im a trans guy. i should want this and in a way i really really do #idk why my brain is being like this about it #fucking hell ​am i ever going to feel comfortable in my own body?

[dennisboobs]

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

↳ moments that make me cry

#PATERNAL RELATIONSHIPS. GUARANTEED TO MAKE ME SOB. #iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #dennis reynolds #frank reynolds #mac mcdonald #charlie kelly #ada's gifs #ada speaks #dennis holding brian jr makes me. full on cry. #the way he goes from awkwardly holding him & trying to play it off like he doesn't care. nervous laugh and a glance back at mandy. #'am i doing it right?' i'm not fit to be a father. this is completely foreign to me. #tips his head against his son's. clenches his jaw. tries so hard not to cry with everyone standing there watching. hugs him closer. #says he's done saying goodbye and then backs away with a look of visible upset when mandy tries to take brian jr from him. #and. dennis kissing frank. at first going to hug him but deciding against it. too intimate. too much commitment. #and again... 'am i doing it right?' is this is how sons are supposed to act with their fathers? ''was that okay to do?'' #charlie just wanting someone to be there for him. to care for him. to care *about* him. #and frank. who caused immense damage to dennis in the short stints when he was actually around. but *was* around. #frank makes everyone realize that they are what charlie needs right now. that they all love charlie. #dennis. who is grateful for frank having been there. as abusive and selfish as he may have been. dennis took that and closed himself off. #taught himself to guard against it. shut off his feelings. prioritize himself above all else. he's Strong because of frank's neglect. #incredibly damaged. unhappy. but Strong. #because the ones who are supposed to care about you most in the world just don't. YOU have to care about you. that's how frank lived too. #charlie has chosen to avoid his entire life. #and now he's been forced to confront it all. he'd been content not knowing if frank was his biological father. #he had a father figure who cared for him. and he wasn't around because he didn't know charlie was alive. he thought bonnie aborted him. #but the reality of it all is that charlie's biological father avoided too. he knew charlie was his son. he spoke to him and *lied* to him. #and just as soon as they reconnect and have a chance to make up forty years of lost time #he dies. he fucking dies. and leaves charlie alone again. to carry him up a goddamn mountain by himself. shouldering this grief and anger. #charlie can't be selfish. he isn't allowed to now. because his dad died and left him one last task. he still doesn't want to let him down.

[slytherinshua]

people need to stop celebrating the fact that scoups is exempt from military enlistment. people have started to only focus on the fact that he’s not going and ignore the fact that he had a serious injury which is why he’s exempt. real carats who actually cared about their artist’s health would much rather have the standard 1.5-2 year hiatus for military and a completely healthy artist than an injured one not going.

#zanna speaks?? #i also feel like military enlistment became such a bigger deal than it should #companies feel like they have to keep the group active #even with missing members #just so the fans have content #but I think most fans would rather have all the members enlist together #and have them all come back together so that the group is complete #there are ways to pre film content to put out during this time #and there’s always old content to rewatch too #but I don’t think it’s gonna start to become a regular thing #given that only 1 group has EVER done that #and even with the onf situation yuto (the one jap member) did his best to feed the fans while the others were gone #seventeen have foreign members too #it’s not like it would have been pin drop silent with no content if all the korean members enlisted at the same time #idk it just feels like carats are becoming a lot more toxic than they used to be #I hate to see the shift

[twyz]

Tiffany calls his grey streaks "wisdom sparkles" <33

#twyz #no but thinking about chucky being old??? #its such a foreign concept to me #cuz hes always been young in a way? #chucky #charles lee ray #bride of chucky #tiffany valentine #childs play #cult of chucky #chucky series #digital art #made in ibis paint

[chirpsythismorning]

☎️🎲 🤼‍♂️ ✈️🚪 ➡️ 🫀🎮⌛️

The Promise by When In Rome

previous ⏪ now playing ⏩ next back to playlist

#byler #stranger things #bizarre love triangle playlist #mike wheeler #mike's pov #this song has so much going on i don't even know where to start #'when you need a friend don't look to a stranger. you know in the end i'll always be there' #feels very reminiscent of mike's insecurity at the end of s3 about will finding another party aka new friends aka a new best friend #angela might not have been who mike thought she was but that insecurity that will moved on from the party (mike) is still present #mostly because mike still doesn't know about will's true life in lenora (probably too scared to find out will is happier outside of hawkins #and so he wants to make clear to will that he's always going to be there #'and when you're in doubt. and when you're in danger. take a look all around. and i'll be there' #pretty self explanatory. #'when your day is through. and so is your temper. you know what to do. i'm gonna always be there' #even if will breaks down (s3/s4) and tells mike everything that he's feeling and it backfires #mike is always going to try to make it right (minus s3 blatantly... for angsty endgame reasons...) #'i'm sorry but i'm just thinking of the right words to say. i know they don't sound the way i planned them to be' #mike may not be the best with words in the moment #but that doesn't mean what he's feeling and thinking is foreign to him #he's constantly battling his feelings and how to communicate them. like that's the whole problem in and of itself #sometimes (usually) when mike's put on the spot he lashes out and then he has to overcorrect it #but will is really the one that mike makes the effort right after wronging him to promise they will get through it together #he might not be able to fully realize (accept) the implications of that right now... #but what the promise is telling us is is that no matter what they go through #mike will always see will in his future at the end of all of this #the ending of s3 was the promise hidden in the subtext of their friendship and s4 continues that #'i promise you. i promise you i will' #'we will. we will.' #4x04 #gif

[bancaishi]

didn't want to put this rant in the tags of that last post but honestly i feel like a lot of people hate toshiro disproportionately compared to what he actually did in-story. and if we're being real it's most likely because of racism

#xyx.txt #because so much of his misunderstanding of laios comes from a cultural angle #and because his mannerisms are strongly coded as japanese especially relative to the other characters in the story #i think a lot of people's implicit biases have them reading this as an inherent and unchangeable aspect of his being #rather than being just one aspect of him that originates from a particular context and is fully changeable #like any other trait on anyone else. #part of this is just because of the fact that the story is told from laios and his party's perspective #but i think a lot of people's perspectives on him are probably informed by racism #not all east asians are quiet and polite. i know this myself as a kind of loud and awkward and easily excited east asian person myself #but generally cultural mannerisms from east asia tend to be more subdued overall than western ones #so it's. not uncommon. for western people to read east asians as being rude or cold or aloof just for behaving like this #the 'oriental inscrutability' moment... #like he doesn't need to 'get rid of the stick up his ass'. he just needs to not put such heavy expectations on other people #but yeah i think a lot of people are way more unsympathetic to him than they would have been if he were not so distinctly asian-coded #which is ironic! a lot of people being really mad at him for ableism specifically in the social expectations he holds of others #while applying the same kind of judgment to him but through the perspective of race instead of neurodivergence. suspicious. #blah blah blah it's because he's 'neurotypical' or whatever #predicting how some of you people would behave toward neurodivergent asian people and the outlook isn't good #also if we're on the subject of microaggressions. #laios repeatedly and insistently calling him 'shuro' to the point that everyone else calls him that too #that's not 'funny autism bad with names' moment that's a racist microaggression #someone misnaming me because of my distinctly ethnic/foreign-sounding name doesn't automatically become funny and relatable #just because you're neurodivergent lol #can we maybe have more empathy toward characters and people of color in fandom #instead of always using them as punching bag side character trope #thanks.

[visdiefje]

It's so wild and refreshing to me to want to be HERE. In my country. In my general area. Where I am

#for years I've yearned for people from the screens in other countries and always wanted to be elsewhere and it gets hard #especially being left untethered after relationships break or friendships fade #I still have friendships but this is my place right now and whatever I need to find next I have to find it where I am #trying to bond with people locally feels like I'm in school again. super worried it won't work yet so happy when it does #there's an uncertainty to it and it's. different #but also last few times I was with people I didn't feel the need to be on my phone at all save from showing the person something #which is. foreign to me #idk. something is changing and shifting towards what I've been searching for. just a bit #the steps have been small. and are still small. it's like climbing up a spiral staircase #been going on forever. long way come and nowhere near the top #but it's like I just passed a window and noticed the view is really nice out #this was brought to you by: upstairs neighbour woke me up at 4 again #bien rambles

[psqqa]

the person behind me is having a whispered conversation with someone and their desk and my brain keeps trying to go down the path “oh no it’s because they’re talking about how much they hate me!” and i keep having to drag it back to the extremely obvious and fully rational “oh they’re trying not to disrupt anyone’s work, super appreciate them for that”.

like human brains are for real the dumbest, most terrified little animals in existence. calm the fuck down my dude our colleagues aren’t going to kick us out of the cave to fend for ourselves against the cold and sabre-tooth tigers.

#i don’t usually have that brand of anxiety anymore #and i’m not even feeling anxious now #it’s just my brain’s instinctive reaction #and i’m stopping it in its tracks going ‘girl…….’ #that being said i’ve never understood people’s brains concluding that people speaking in a foreign language = they’re talking about you #maybe it’s because i spent most of my childhood as an immigrant speaking a foreign language #albeit one that is well understood by much of the local population #or maybe it’s because i’ve spent many many hours in the company of family members speaking languages i don’t understand #and attending 3 hour church services held in languages i don’t understand #but yeah #i always find it more comforting than anything #comforting in the way i find hearing children playing comforting #anyway the only time i’ve actually heard people talking about me in another language #is when local dutch kids would be talking shit about me and my friends speaking english together #we were all of us bilingual so we understood them of course #and always made sure to throw something out in dutch to each other as we left #so that the shit talkers knew that we had understood them #and knew just how dumb they sounded for it #(obvsly people could have in fact been talking about me in a foreign language at other times #and not understanding that language i wouldn’t have known about it #but i know from experience of having been the foreign language speaker that the odds are simply much higher #that people are in fact talking about chores or shopping lists or cousin x’s second child’s graduation or whatever)

[dirt-grub]

If you’re currently ONLY posting about the Israelis that are doing good things for Palestine/are against what their country is doing and pointing out when certain protestors that are not affiliated with the whole of the free Palestine movement are being antisemitic know I can fucking see you. Obviously these are important things to talk about as Israel does not equal all Jews and antisemitism should be called out every time because it’s fucking serious and disgusting that another entire group of people is being blamed for this genocide other than the colonists in charge and Zionists supporting it but you’re telling on yourself as only interested in covering your own ass and it’s embarrassing. I don’t know how you can see hundreds if not thousands of entire bloodlines being wiped from this earth and instantly think well um hashtag not all Israelis and that’s it. Again. I don’t blame the majority of the Israeli people for what’s happening I blame the governments tied up in this and those in the military who happily post bragging about the shit they stole and destroyed on tiktok. You may not have technically done anything pro Israel but like I said you’re obviously only interested in covering your ass and continuing to be seen as a good person without engaging with the absolute horror the apartheid state of Israel is carrying out and checking your pre existing beliefs.

#charlie talks #again. please READ this post #I’m talking specifically about people I’ve seen and unfollowed for only posting about the good Israelis who are helping and protesting #obviously a government does not define its people #I’m American I’d hate if anyone judged me for what my country does because I stand for none of it and contribute only by taxes #which is literally illegal for me to not do #it’s just very very obvious when you have a specific agenda towards protecting yourself and your image first #it’s like. embarrassing #also. I am Austrian. I grew up in America #every single piece of Shit nazi has been brainwashed that it’s us or them #like OG nazis. neo nazis are a different story #you think you’re being smart by saying well Israel has a right to exist because of the holocaust #poor Austrians thought the holocaust was great because ‘foreigners’ many of which had lived there for generations #if not most of them #we’re supposedly to blame #because they were starving. they were very obviously horrifically wrong. but it is factual they were starving #it is factual that the holocaust displaced and murdered millions of Jews #but colonizing displacing and murdering Palestinians is not anywhere close to an answer that will solve anything and pretending it’s valid #is insane. theres nuances to both situations that make comparing them a bit reductive but both were genocides #and genocide is always justified by the perpetrators in the ways some of y’all are claiming to be an exception this time #stop falling for it. this is game of money and power not Jewish liberation #when my grandparents cheered as hitler killed the baron who’d been keeping them poor guess what? their neighbors started going missing #and they new government kept them just as fucking poor #you’re being used #free Palestine

[canadiandutchiefangirl]

Had a thought today

#there's no way this hasn't been done before #i do think it's interesting how the songs have very different tones tho #bc we didn't start the fire is almost jubilantly angry and frustrated #there's some vibes of resignation #like 'things have always been happening and they continue to happen' #and as the song goes on the things he lists are worse and worse #yk 'foreign debts homeless vets aids crack' #but then you have that funny feeling #which is mostly just melancholic #and focuses much more on irony #and how things are better than they've ever been but like also bad #idk #someone much smarter than me could write a cool essay about it #bo burnham #inside #bo burnham inside

[sassmill]

Ah fuck it’s 2 am and I saw myself in the bathroom mirror and now I’m having gender thoughts

#earlier this week I thought about cutting my hair off in a Joan of arc way #but just now I thought about cutting my hair off in a Butch way #which is so not at all a feeling I’ve EVER had before like two weeks ago #so it’s a little scary because it’s new and absolutely foreign #I have always been g i r l #i love being a femme #but this is like the 3rd time I’ve seen myself in the mirror with my hair in a way that could kind of be mistaken for a masculine cut #and the pang it gave me was… confusing #like am i nonbinary? #I don’t think so #I’ve never felt any discomfort with being called she or a girl or a woman #and I have always LOVED hyperfeminine expression #but in a very performative way #I love getting hyper femme for an event because it feels like a costume #I love it in the same way I felt absolutely exhilarated dressing up for the ren faire #and the way I feel wearing my historical clothes at work #so I could probably absolutely experiment with more masculine expression to see how it feels #but it’s the hair #I can’t cut it because of work first of all #like I’m literally on call as a Victorian teenager basically at all times #but also if I cut it and decide it’s not for me…. it will take years to grow back to its current length #idk

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

sooooo……. there’s some ConversationTM* going around the theology (and adjacent) girlies tonight and it’s got me very intrigued—are there really more options than just Calvinist/Arminian?? bc I’ve always been raised with this idea that those are The Two Options regarding salvation theology and how exactly it all plays out. but apparently that’s…. not the case??

Iwill add that yes, Molinism is a thing that exists, and I know of exactly one guy who’s a theologian and philosopher and who believes in that lol. it’s not exactly a super common alternative to the others. and then I do believe Catholics have a slightly separate view as well, but I’m mainly just talking about soteriology within Protestant theology here anyway.

*(I won’t say ‘DiscourseTM’ bc that seems more antagonistic than what I’m seeing around here rn; everything seems to be in good faith and just for the sake of pointing out minor discrepancies atm)

#I will add that I’ve largely been raised in Baptist churches but my family is… not really that #we’re definitely a bit more wesleyanish in our theology #and that’s what I’ve always been taught at home from my own parents #but I definitely was also always under the impression (and I think my parents may be as well) that Calvinism/Arminianism is like. a binary. #you are one or the other. and there are levels within each. but there aren’t really any third options. all denominations trace back there. #(tbh this is a huge reason why I desperately wish I had been given better theological training when I was younger #because suddenly I’m an adult and quite set in my views and opinions theology and also have a long-standing Fite Me sort of mentality #towards Bible teachers in general due to some very unethical ones we encountered a Lot throughout my childhood #and a tendency to want to die on the smallest and most arbitrary theological hills imaginable #AND an extremely strong adherence to a set of theological tenets that… I am recently discovering possibly aren’t at all what the people who #taught them to me thought they were… #so like. now in a lot of ways it feels like I’m basically having to unlearn and relearn a bunch of extremely basic stuff about all this #while also dealing with the constant fear of ‘giving up’ and either leaving the faith entirely or embracing a completely foreign brand #that’s not at all what I was raised with and still do hold to be true and accurate and good) #gurt says stuff #theology #religon #christianity #faith #knitting circle

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#ive been in kind of a depressive low point for. a sec now lmao. #it swung down after the months of Bad Mania in response to the meds balancing out i think idk. #either way ive been in a weird state of disassociative depression for a couple months now #but i can feel it swinging back as the month goes on&we get closer&closer to autumn lmao. #right about now for a couple different reasons is when my Internal Balance starts to shift yearly in response to the anxiety #that i wasted all the sunshine. 🫠🫠🫠 #idk. its putting me in that weird spot where my depressive episode isn't exactly Over yet #but i can already feel that buzzing in my bones going on lmao. #its also bringing up weird thoughts i guess as my brain scrambles for actual reasons to be so anxious #&just like when i wake up in pain that always bleeds over into reasons to be Angry not Anxious bc Angry is easier lmao. #like hypocrisy has been a topic of discussion in my life recently bc of everything back home&if i let my head spiral for too long #ill end up back at the point where my shithead ex told me for 3yrs that i was a hypocrite w double standards #w his primary example being that he Let Me talk to other guys but i didnt Let Him talk to other women #w the one sole example being how after i moved my entire life across an ocean to an entirely foreign place where i had no support but him #i was made extremely uncomfortable when i found out he'd been talking to his ex during the entire process. #so my attitude toward that translated into i guess a weird boundary that i never actually set bc he enjoyed to call me a hypocrite lmao. #its just weird having my thoughts slide from discussions about hypocritical actions involving Lahaina&its handling by the fake state #over to old thoughts about how i just let someone call me a hypocrite to my face for years bc he wanted to w no actual reason lmao. #&this sort of All Over The Board weirdness is really only something that happens in these strange Inbetween times for me. #... pls for the love of everything holy let this fucking be over soon lmao i solve these problems Poorly bc these time periods #wreck my impulse control lmao.

[prettyboykatsuki]

for personal reasons and bc of being on the internet during peak ace discourse i dont really talk a lot about being demisexual but ive identified as demi for a LONGGG time like since i was like 11 or something

and like. one of the aspects of it is that i dont really experience attraction outside of my partner. which seems normal but i mean like... it's almost like sex doesn't even exist to me with the exception of my partner where i feel it like EXTREMELY intensely and all of my desires are really suddenly released.

it's hard to explain but like. i can't physically fathom attraction in a way. it doesn't register in my head that people are attracted to each other. i can have libidio and fantasies but i very distinctly don't feel genuine attraction almost ever. i forget sometimes that other people do.

and when i go a long time without seeing my partner i kind of forget it all together because my libido is something i can take care of on my own but when im around my partner im like oh shit. monkey brain and actually experience attraction and it's like such an intense and fucking bizarre feeling. like i don't know how to explain it but to think other people experience that frequently genuinely blows my mind

#aristotle.txt #for pride im trying to talk about my identity a little more #but its kind of nerve wracking bc i dont like talking microlabels since its not rlly other peoples business #i genuinely cant understand like. attraction as a whole unless im already very emotionally invested #that's why the idea of cheating as a temptation is so foreign to me #like i physically dont know what thats like. ive never experienced it #i cant feel attraction to strangers in the way thats discussed in media sometimes #the idea has always been bizarre for me #also if you bring discourse about this im knocking you upside the head

[nighthawkes]

what do you do when Princess Diana becomes the Queen

#tom wambsgans #the monarchy is the monarchy #the cycles are cycling #my babygirl was so foreign to me in that limo. living his fate and fulfilling his destiny as a corporate lackey #he’s always been this way and I know it #succession hbo

[torgawl]

me: *terrible at making decisions*

honkai star rail: so, which of these questionable choices are you going to make in response to this deep morally ambiguous problem that's going to have life-changing consequences either way?

#i always choose say the truth sgsnsgsjej i cannot lie #sheila and the red and blue quests changed me as a person i will never recover from those #i was like but but she has feelings and an identity even though she's an android?! #you're telling me to either erase her sense of self or kill her??? 😭😭😭 #i always defend the robots with personality like pascal?!!!! he reminds me of wall-e i could never 'kill' him 😭😭😭 #i did tell the guy the truth about his girlfriend it felt like futuristic romeo and juliet 😂 #the girl in risk of getting unemployed too??? why are they giving me all these problems i'm a foreigner with a bat who talks to trashcans #anyways i complain because it makes me feel bad thinking i could ruin someone's life by accident but it's so so cool we actually get to #make imapctful choices and trail our way!!! #this game has been so so enjoyable