#and idk why that moved me so much but it did

[rninies]

dodging his kisses ⟡ dan heng

synopsis dan heng needs his daily kisses from you but march has other plans ^_^

warnings fluff, gn!reader, idk if dan heng might be ooc or not but </3

NOTES finally back with a dan heng fic + creating a taglist for hsr fics!! send an ask to my inbox to be added :3

you and march were an inseparable duo ever since you first joined the astral express. with that, march was the source of mischief and the number one person you can come to whenever you wanted to prank dan heng.

which is how we got here today. a bright sunny morning, dan heng is still fast asleep while you and march were busy talking with each other in the kitchen while making breakfast.

"hey y/n," march starts, munching on a piece of bread. "why not try dodging his kisses for a day? i'll treat you to tasty food in xianzhou luofu if you manage to do this for at least until 3pm."

you raised your eyebrows, giving march a confused look. "so suddenly?"

"what? i wanna see dan heng get frustrated for once! i've been traveling with dan heng for, what, 3 months now and i have yet to see a single emotion other than a blank stare on his face!" march complains, suddenly eating her bread faster. "you're curious too, right? to see dan heng get visibly upset."

"well, yeah but i feel like i would crumble at the sight of dan heng getting sad because i dodged his kisses. march, you know how much he loves kissing me," you replied, playing around with the spoon on the table.

"okay, how about this," march says, leaning forward. "you do what i just said, and i will treat you to tasty food and buy you that outfit you were eyeing during one of our missions."

this piqued your interest. "how'd you know i wanted that outfit?"

march gives you a smug smile. "of course i know! i'm your best friend, after all. so, up for the bet?"

you thought about it for a few seconds before agreeing to it with a sigh at the end. "okay, fine. you better keep your promise or else." giving march an intimidating glare, you left the kitchen to go back to your room.

dan heng was still fast asleep on your bed (he slept in your room because he said his bed was uncomfortable — but you knew it was because he wanted to cuddle with you). you sat down on the empty space next to him and just silently admired him, a soft smile appearing on your face as you see how cozy and relaxed he looks.

dan heng suddenly stirs, opening his eyes slightly. "g'morning, love."

"morning, baby! sorry, did i wake you up?" you asked, caressing his hair.

he shakes his head. "no you didn't, don't worry." he sits up and was about to give you a kiss but you immediately dodged which surprises dan heng.

"breakfast is ready!" you exclaimed, pulling dan heng out from the bed. "you can shower after breakfast, mkay?"

dan heng nodded slowly, still not understanding why you dodged his usual morning kiss. "...okay." he subconsciously has a small pout on his face, and you honestly felt bad for doing so.

when you entered the kitchen, march was no longer there, and you figured it was because she didn't want to third-wheel.

"here you are," you let dan heng sit in his usual seat, grabbed his plate, and placed the food on top. dan heng takes a bit out of the food and you looked at him with expectant eyes. "does it taste good?"

"mhm," dan heng hums, giving you a small smile. "you didn't burn it this time either."

you blushed. "w-we don't talk about that! i told you i forgot i was cooking! i didn't burn it on purpose."

"whatever you say, love," dan heng was about to give you a kiss on the cheek but you were quick to dodge, promptly backing away from him. dan heng raises an eyebrow at your move and placed his utensils down. "okay, what's going on? why are you dodging my kisses?"

"h-huh? what are you talking about? i'm not dodging!" you stuttered out, looking away.

with his eyebrows still raised, he leans forward. "mm, are you sure about that?" and before he could land his surprise kiss, you quickly covered your mouth, which was honestly a bad move because even if dan heng was a bit oblivious to certain things, he isn't when it comes to your actions. "seriously, what is going on?"

you frowned, dropping your hands with a disappointed sigh. "you just ruined my prank. march promised to buy me an outfit i saw while we were in the luofu if i completed the prank."

dan heng blinks and laughed. "really? just for that outfit? you know i can buy it for you when we go back there."

"REALLY?!" you exclaimed, turning your whole body to face him. "are you serious?"

"yeah, of course i am. i'd buy everything for you." dan heng says with the softest smile on his face you swear your heart just melted.

"thank you thank you thank you!" you say with a really happy tone and hugged him tightly. dan heng's eyes widened in surprise, but he returns the hug just as tight, a smile still on his face.

you swear you could hear a camera shutter, but thought nothing of it.

#kylin.writes #—stellaronhvnters. #・ nouveau livre ˎˊ˗ #danheng #danheng x reader #danheng x you #danheng x y/n #danheng fluff #danheng hsr #dan heng #dan heng x reader #dan heng x you #dan heng x y/n #dan heng fluff #dan heng hsr #dan heng honkai star rail #danheng honkai star rail #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail x y/n #honkai star rail danheng #honkai star rail dan heng #honkai star rail fluff #hsr #hsr x y/n #hsr x reader #hsr x you #hsr fluff #hsr danheng

[holmsister]

Why I think Kabru was the first child Milsiril took in:

1) it coincided with the Utaya catastrophe and her leaving the Canaries. If she was already in the habit of taking kids in, Idk if she would have been able to still be in the Canaries.

2) it also makes more sense to me in terms of character motivation if leaving the Canaries and taking Kabru in is all one decision. Like. Young Milsiril doesn't seen particularly motherly. Think of how she treats Mithrun - she gives him motivation to live, yes, but she does so by inciting him towards revenge. (This happens BEFORE she takes Kabru in btw im pretty sure its explicitly stated somewhere. I say this because i saw some confusion on the matter). An older, less angry, more disillusioned Milsiril saw what the elves did in Utaya and decided to both stop being an accomplice and try to repair things how she could by helping a victim.

3) ...which also explains why she was so unprepared. Like there's no way around it - it's clear that she is incredibly unprepared to deal with a tallman child, let alone one who is as incredibly traumatised as Kabru was. She also seems to not have a clear idea about tallman growth and maturity rates etc. (She tries to spoonfeed an elementary age kid and thinks Kabru is going thru puberty at 22!) If she had previous experience with short-lived races she would have a clearer idea of such things, if nothing else, thru mere experience. Her lack of knowledge makes a lot more sense if taking Kabru in was an impulsive decision maturated in the context of Utaya, and only after she spent some years with him she was like. Oh actually I like taking care of children. I might want to keep doing it.

4) I know there's the Rin comic in which the other elves seem to imply Milsiril is the go-to for dealing with short-lived races children and also she says she doesn't have space to take anyone else in, but it's possible she started taking in more kids in after she felt like she got her footing with kabru (iirc kabru had already been living with her for a couple years at that point) or, what I'm tending towards, she meant that she couldn't take anyone else *besides Kabru*. Considering the other elves treat Rin as some sort of little wild animal l don't think it would take much for them to consider someone an expert in handling children.

5) there's never any mention of other kids besides Rin in Kabru's memory. It seems weird to me if he spent so much time in the house with those other kids he does not talk/remember them, especially considering how curious and sociable baby kabru was. It might be a facet of elven childcare we don't know, but we see elven families being reasonable sociable in canon at times, i don't see why Kabru wouldnt be allowed to befriend the other kids if they were there.

6) milsiril seemingly dedicates a lot of time to him and only him. This can be explained simply by noting that this is Kabru's memory tho. But still. She keeps track of him in adulthood, has him fully adopted into his family, dedicates personal time to his education and training, and even teaches him some coping mechanisms for his panic and anxiety attacks, like the whole "recite capitals of the world" thing.

I think that Kabru was the first kid she took in, he lived alone with her for a very long time, and only after he was with one foot out of the door (14-16) she started taking in other children, which would be at that point too young to be interesting as friends to a teenager Kabru looking forward to either becoming a Canary or moving out.

#kabru #milsiril #dungeon meshi spoilers #baby kabru #meowing to myself #this is just how im making sense of it tho im.fully open to being wrong #like nothing in this is definitely proof #i love kabrus relationship with his messy mom can you tell #its such a rare depiction of an adoption/foster care situation #in which both the good and bad things are shown

[arkhamslvts]

Are you taking requests?if so angry sex with p!star Hal?like they got into an argument and my

omg this might be the first pstar!hal ive written idk tho.

it was insufferable, living with hal, seeing him every day, he was probably the worst roommate you had ever had. he was useful from time to time, he helped you film your content, you helped him film his, and he could open jars. that was about it, so why the hell are you arguing with him now? neither of you remember how it started, just that now everything is out in the open "oh please hal, you're only good for some dick and maybe a strong arm from time to time, you arent special!!" it was a low blow to say it out loud, and technically it wasnt true, hal wasn't just some dick, he was the kind of guy that you didnt let go of "you're not any better sweetheart, you're still just a hole for me to use. and we both know me saying that probably got you dripping in your shorts" he rolls his eyes after he says it but quickly makes a move to hold you by your neck "what the fuck is your problem baby? did i not fuck this nasty attitude out of you last time, hm?" despite the urge to fight, you whine "fuck you,hal." his hand is already down your shorts, pulling them just below your ass "shut the fuck up.. 'm getting to it. let's fix this fuckin' attitude doll".

he doesn't give you a second to argue, he doesn't give you a second to do anything as he pushes into you all the way, all he does is hold you up, chest pressed to wall as your legs shake. you're already dripping around him, moans slipping through your lips because it's hard to remember what you're mad about when he's fucking you like he hates you. "but i'm just "some dick" baby? yeah right, you get loud like this for every piece of shit that you let fuck you?" you can't speak much, but you nod, you're stubborn, can't let him win. "you're lying, i hear how you sound when you do, i'm the best thing you've got". he was, but did he have to say it? you could hardly stand, he hadn't let his pace falter for a second "if you fall, i'm fuckin' done, stand the fuck up. you wanted to be a big girl, had so much to say? stand up and take this dick" his words didn't help the heat growing in your stomach, he knew that too, maybe that was why he kept going. " 'm gonna cum, please?" at least you had half a mind to say please, but tnat wasn't good enough for him "no. apologize for bein' such a bitch first". "fuck, i'm sorry, 'm sorry, please?" hal could only laugh, he loved you like this when you got dumb and pathetic because of him. "that was a shitty apology, you're lucky i like how tight you get when you cum."

#got carried the fuck away #just cuz i miss hal #. . . maras mailbox #. . . curated by mara #black!fem!reader #hal jordan x yn #hal jordan x black!reader #hal jordan x reader #hal jordan x reader smut #hal jordan smut #. . . pstar! hal #. . . prnverse

[lord-rain-master]

I just finished watching story of yanxi palace and there are so many things I wanna talk about that drama but Empress Fuca saying "Your Majesty, I became who l am now because I didn't persist in being myself,"

and Noble Imperial Consort Gao saying " I, in the eyes of my Gao clan, am just a pawn in the palace. In your eyes, I'm just a tool of the Gao clan to curry your favour. Now even I don't know who I am."

Both people so different yet so similar in so many ways.

#it's the first harem drama i've ever watched #and it'll probably be the last bc holy fuck i can't watch those women fight for one guy over and over again #ok i might watch the other drama with the same people the ruyi one? #but probably not any time soon bc i heard that one is even more angsty than this one and i barely survives this one lol #rav's watching: story of yanxi palace #i didn't learn until ep 42 or so that that was the drama name bc it was yingluo's palace (?) name lol #i just thought there was a mistranslation and yanxi palace was the emperor's yanxin hall or whatever it's called lmaooo #it was a wild ride from the beginning to the end but now i wanna watch minglan lol i miss her so so much #i'm not eloquent enough to expand on this one but just djdjdj every woman in the harem had to sacrifice a part of themselves #heck every character in the show including the emperor had to sacrifice a part of themselves to survive (or not in empress fuca's case) #and idk why that moved me so much but it did #ok bye i think i'm gonna go cry in a corner now

[lunarharp]

What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)

#witch hat tag #orufrey #er.... i'm too tired to have anything to say..i worked several days on this. #wait.. didn't i say just recently here that i probably wouldn't ever depict 'what if alaira is qifrey's sort-of ex'. What's going on #i don't even remember deciding to draw this..it's all a blur..i'm not sure why i WOULD decide to draw delicate scenes in my head #that i wouldn't really want to share with anyone/discuss so why did i draw it... #some part of me really really wants to draw things that are more and more true to myself... #maybe because of my alienation with most romance/shipping/dynamics the rest of the world depicts. #orufrey really is perfectly suited to me - what i read in the text and what is in my head. well anyway #i am TIRED of drawing poses and angles and..maybe now i will actually take a break from drawing bc of the tediousness of Angles #btw it really is a 'stretch of time' . . . assuming witches graduate age 18-20 #well orufrey are canonically 30-ish. they've only had agott around for presumably about TWO years (?) bc she took the test age 10 #and it feels like oru moving in/unknown atelier acquisition/building (?) .. i guess that could be a year or so before agott at most #(she was the first disciple) so... ????????? What about the other 7 or so years ?!?!?!!?!?! Unemployed Brimhat Hatred era #that time is very nebulous. after qifrey went to the tower i feel like it's been implied he and oru drifted apart a little. #certainly they didn't live together at first... no way. that doesn't feel like how it is based on things oru has said about becoming Eye #idk. I'm tired now. i don't usually think of alaira as necessarily qifrey's ex and this being how things went in that 'sliver of time'. #i usually prefer the idea that they have their first kiss with each other in their 30s cause That's Just The Orufrey Lifestyle #just felt like making a more relatable alternative view of my own Cai Orufrey Canon one time. btw im a big monoshipper and it hurt a bit #let's leave it there. this is surely the most i've worked on a 'single' art - though now i realise just how much longer the fic took :')

[fakeoutbf]

five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety

#walk with me #this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere #the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad #count on the person** #i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them #in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other #it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time #idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too #so we’ve been more properly friends lately #and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to #gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it #and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention #(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention) #anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all #weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone #so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever #and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more #and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted #they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture #and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek #i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on #bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other #flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc #i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed #but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers #and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious?????? #your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up??? #if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right??? #so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend #delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something

[hauntingblue]

Them doing a photo lineup of the mugis for the battle and when it's Robin's turn she just turns and does a blue eyed stare at the camera 😭😭

Look at her 😭😭

#i have a question about the heart pirates.... they just look like doctor's assistants... they dont even have weapons and for all we've seen #the only one who maybe can fight is the big guy and he's new... and bepo is the navigator and draws shit maps... how does the crew work..... #well all minks can fight but idk if bepo was trained in zou.... so.... #why is sanji's little dance now moving his ass side to side akdhaksk #oh finally!!! shachi and penguin are swordmen and bepo kicks!! we really haven't seen much of them... idr if they did much in sabaody #honestly if law just took his friends for the ride and took care of everything else.... respect #the animation..... JESUS CHRIST!!!!! #there really was no need to bound man now but alas it looks cool #denjiro ITS TIME!!! YEAAAAAAHHH #the wig..... dramatic reveal.... #kinemons plan being misunderstood and working becausw of it ajdhajshsj #and what boats did they destroy??? lmaoo?? #luffys fit kinda falls apart on his orange jorts... purple and orange okay but red too??? mmm.....maybe red and purple dont match either.... #kinemom saying he might die bc he has used up all his life's good luck HAJAHAAJAJ #okay lets finish that last boat but can someone get momo.... please..... #LAW!!! SHAMBLES!!!! GET MOMO!! its so funny how they complain about him not drawing like shit anymore ajdhaks #talking tag #watching one piece #episode 980 #sanji can fly come on now.... #come on now sanji..... dont let a theatre adult win... well nvm what is that... lmao sanji just taking hits instead of taking nami inside #also the fact that tokis fruit is around now.... who has that power.... or did it go.back in time to appear in her original time??? #the orchestral strings version of the first opening as momo flies away..... damn #OMG JINBEEEEE!!!! HE DESTROYS THE SHIP! SERVES CUNT! AND ANNOUNCES HE IS JOINING THE CREW!!! FUCK YEAAAAAAHHH!!!!!! #luffy is so happy akdhsksj ME TOO!!!! FINALLY!!!!! #episode 979 #<- fucked up.again #luffy loves jinbe so much i really love their relationship!!!!! that's his father now. shanks who

[neo-shitty]

finally catching up with bsd after one hell of a month (+ midterms) 🫠

#bsd spoilers #updates for ep 2 :3 #right off the bat all i can just say is fukuchi is such a well-written villain; while i can’t completely emphathize with his plan yet #i have to applaud him (uh and asagiri too) bc that’s quite a villain to fear—he’s already in a position of power that puts him in a major #advantage compared to the ada; it’s like he masterminded this whole thing to lead up to this but WHY (idk if i just forgot) #point and case: i hate him and im always terrified of his next move but damn he’s such a well-written antagonist i can’t even 🤐 #ATSUSHI GET OFF THAT FUCKING BOAT RN WHY DID IT HAPPEN SO EARLY INTO THE SEASON IM CRY WAIT NO #fukuchi pointing out that ranpo is just jealous that he and fukuzawa way back is just so adorable made me forget what happens next haha #how come i dont remember these cute moments from the manga 😩 #god im stalling so much :(( i hate it i hate it i hate it #the reveal was so… he should’ve deducted this shit sooner (objectively the build up was so nice hsjdhdj) #MY JAW DROPPED THEN AND IT STILL HAPPENED NOW :))))) #ok fukuchi in his complete villain mode is kinda 😗 #watching this after being detached to bsd in general is so much better bc i can now appreciate the whole thing as is without much bias??? #THE WAY HE JUST TURNED COLD ALL OF A SUDDEN AND I OOP— 😗😗😗😗😗 #oh both canon and beast atsushi and their paralyzing fears :(( my heart actually hurts #ATSUSHI THINKING HE’S ALONE ANDDDDDD #OH MY GOD I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE MY SSKK #I CANT WATCH THE NEXT EPISODE #toff.txt

[sga-owns-my-soul]

i keep telling myself i don't care that my family isn't talking to me anymore bc i don't like my family

but it's christmas and my mom hasn't even texted me

and now i'm crying on a bus about it

#there's only been a few times i couldn't go home for christmas since i moved away #and every year my mom called me #and she hasn't yet #and maybe it's just because this is the first year they're doing stuff christmas day instead of christmas eve #but #idk i keep telling myself this is good #i've been wanting to go no contact with my family for years #and the only reason i didn't was bc of my cousin #who's been my best friend my entire life #and then she ended our friendship #and no one in my family has talked to me since #and i SHOULD be glad #bc this is what i wanted!!! #it just #it fucking sucks that i'm once again the problem #because i'm always the problem. everything is always my fault #im just so sick of this #why does my family hate me so much #what did i do wrong #i've tried harder than any of them #and im still not ever good enough #god this fucking sucks #my partner isn't even home #so im gonna cry alone tonight #merry christmas to me i guess #fuck #ignore this #personal rambles #my family sucks #not stargate

[death-rebirth-senshi]

RANNI DOESN'T *WANT* RADAHN DEAD WE DO THAT ON OUR OWN WHILE SHE'S SLEEPING!!!

Unless I'm missing some dialogue from Ranni after you learn this.

I mean don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure if you told Ranni beforehand she wouldn't be overly torn up about it and tell you to get his ass, especially given his current state.

(A lot of people that blame Ranni for Radahn's death seem to ignore, for some reason, that Radahn is in a state of constant suffering and wants to die, which is the reason Jerren holds the festival.)

#me vs elden ring #idk I see so many 'Ranni killed Radahn' type takes and it's like. For starters you do that. #Secondly he's in a state of constantly dying/rotting when we find him and he's like a rabid animal #that needs to be put down. His most trusted soldier agrees. #killing him is a mercy. #what kind of stans are you... #'Ranni said 'murder my older brother in cold blood or I'll have your head tarnished' very disrespectful' #honestly I'd stan Ranni harder if she did say that why was literally no one like 'hm maybe the stars not moving is relevant' #we don't know much about how fate works in Elden Ring exactly but you have to wonder #whether Radahn's actions had some repercussions. Beyond keeping Ranni's fate in stasis #which I also don't think was his intention or done on behalf of the golden order. But it was a bonus for them #or maybe it's something that came to bite them in the ass in the end. Hard to say. Stagnation and all that. #also interesting that the Elden Beast is a fallen star; what else might have been kept out

[girlscience]

I finished Nona the Ninth and.... I was going to make a whole post outlining everything that confused and frustrated me about the book (because there is A Lot) but actually I think I can sum it up much faster. This is a story mostly focused on characters and people, and I often do not care about characters and people. I far prefer worldbuilding to nearly everything else and I think the worldbuilding is there, but it is not really being explained. There is a war happening, and I understand absolutely none of it. I don't understand the sides/factions, I don't understand the politicking happening, I don't understand the goals, I don't know who is leading what or why or where they are etc etc etc. And I don't know if that's a fault on my part as a reader or that it's simply not being explained well. In relation to that, everything is unreliable narrators. And I think I am coming to the conclusion I don't like that. It means I don't know what's actually happening ever and it is beginning to really frustrate me.

#tlt #I like the characters! I do! But I am really only attached to Gideon #I liked all the characters in Nona... but they arent very important to me #I like the making of Paul and thought that was very interesting and well written and moving #but that was pretty much the only character based piece of this story I really loved #Idk. I am going to finish the series.... but I don't understand anything #I think I will have to reread everything but even then idk if I'll pick up all the pieces #I also have opinions about the fact all of it feels like it's happening on post apocalyptic earth.... #but it's supposed to be on alien planets and 10000 years in the future. I feel like it should feel far more alien #I did like getting John's backstory and explaination. but I also think he may be an unreliable narrator so I don't trust what he said #and I don't get why everything that happened in his story happened... and like I guess that piece doesn't matter so much cause 10000 years #but it bothers me #AND AGAIN MY GIRL GIDEON WAS BARELY IN THE BOOK #idk. I just want to know who is fighting. why are the fighting. what do they all want. WHERE are they fighting. how are they fighting. #what all science is there. what space travel is there. how does the space travel work. #better explainations of the magic. and the river. what was the tower in the river. (i think some of that will be addressed later) #(or at least i fucking hope so) #idk. I feel like some of this is explained and I just missed it... but I think some of it is absolutely glossed over #and I don't hate open ended worldbuilding entirely but I want better scaffolding #I DONT KNOW. I feel like I'm being mean and so I feel bad #like it's a good book and so many people like them #and I liked them at the beginning!!! but now I'm just confused and frustrated #and I don't know if it's my fault and I'm just too stupid to pick on things and context and hints and stuff #or if it actually was all that poorly explained

[be-good-to-bugs]

you would think considering how much it loves sleeping that my body would, yknow, sleep when i ask it to. or even just when it has barely slept in days and im trying so hard to sleep

#the bin #uugghhhh i woke up at 1pm today bc my stupid idiot body refused to go to sleep at a reasonable time even tho i was alreday so sleep #deprived. i have to work at 6:30 tomorrow morning :/ so i guess i wont be sleeping till then bc i still have to clean stuff and shower #maybe maybe maybe ill get a nap in but idk. bleh. i hope after i get home my stupid body will sleep. its gonna have to bc i work 7 hours the #next day so i cant do that too sleep deprived. i really really hope i dont have to :( hhhh #i wanted so bad to get high last night mosty bc my body has been refusing to sleep this past week but my sister n her boyfriend didnt come #over so i wasnt able to get more edibles :( or boxes for packing. hhh. i need to move so soon! i have no idea what day its even gonna be yet #i badeky have an idea of how much its gonna cost either. they finally gave me a gas cost estimate afeyr ive been asking for 3 weeks #hhh. well. whatever. i only have 4 more shifts. im kinda sad tbh. i really like working here. my coworkers are so nice #tomorrow is probs the last time ill ever see my fav coworker. shes so nice. shes so nice she used he/him for me and calls me orb #i just mentioned the name in passing once after i changed my pronouns on my nametag and she noticed and she remember! #and before she used it for me she stopped and asked if i was comfortable with it or if i wanted to keep it private. i have never EVER met #another cis person who would even think to ask that. most cis people dont understand why you would care. shes like. the nicest person ive #ever ever met. why did i have to find such a great place to work in minnesota? well. even if i am super tired tomorrow morning itll probably #be ok. butbi really would prefer not to be. #i dont know why i havent been able to sleep properly. bleh. i do liek what edibles do to me its a fun time but its kinda annoying that i #cant use them very casually for sleep or pain. they incapacitate me for 14 hours minimum. #well. at least no matter how stressed i am abt everything. i will definitely be elsewhere in 18 days max. should be less than that. #i will miss this job and these coworkers but i am relived that i wont have to go to work for awhile. esp with this tooth pain. #and im so excited to be able to draw again! im glad im moving a month before artfight bc itll give me time to get shit prepped #i wanted so bad to participate last year but i wasnt able to come evn close to finishing any attacks bc i was too tired from working

[lunarharp]

wip thing...

of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)

they mean the world to me

#bg3 spoilers #?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say..... #it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me. #i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee #i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable. #bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen #makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there. #dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it #augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH???? #my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way. #Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3 #I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE #AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY #grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear #truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol #if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life #being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer. #Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this? #For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online #someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this. #why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness? #What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...? #hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!! #i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful. #but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting. #I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself #I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing. #I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come. #Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......

[bunnyb34r]

I wonder if Formally Good Manager will return from war... wherever the fuck he is.... now that BaldBastard is out of here lmao

My facial blindness will NOT be able to handle it 😭 Bootleg FGM is his doppelganger and I already have trouble remembering that that's NOT FGM

Also we got news that Old BossMan got fired from whatever job he "left" our store for lmaoooo bitch it's only been a year and a half?? and you've been fired TWICE???

#marquilla #work talk #we dont know why he was fired but we know he did which is so so funny like hey... your old job here opened up... too bad you're #blacklisted from working here now lmaoo id die if they somehow rehired him AGGSGSGS Can you imagine?? BossMan 2 Electric Boogaloo #it's not gonna happen bc he got super super fired uh i mean he CHOSE to leave after an incident where his employee threatened another #with a gun at work shdggdgd so yknow... but god that would be so fucking funny #anyway anyways FGM kept signing up for military leave so he wouldnt have to give up his job but wouldnt have to be HERE with BaldBastard #which like ... i get it but also id just quit but thats me sgdggdgdgd we dont know where he is/when he's coming back but he was SUPPOSED #To be back in october and then just signed up right away for another tour 😭 imagine your employee hating you that much #funniest thing is FGM was BaldBastard's favorite lmaooo it was NOT mutual but then his lady friend manager from PA moved here to work #with him and she was legit CRYING at work when he told her he was quitting like again imagine uprooting your life for this and he just #LEAVES less than 6 months of you moving here 😭 i don't think she was into him but idk maybe she's bi i just know she likes women at least #she could do so much better than this white megamind looking fucker sgdgdggdgd #the best part ab having a job is the drama you get to absorb by proxy and the glee of watching shitheads get their just deserts #schlaundefraud or whatever the spelling is of that work sound it out you know which one im trying to say

[maddy-ferguson]

fun fact about me: i'm insecure about so many random things that i've never flipped anyone off in my 22 years of life because i think my middle finger looks awkward and ugly by itself

#and like i say: brf slt #i felt like this especially when i would have been likely to do it semi-regularly like in middle school. but like i was thinking about this #the other day and i did it in front of a mirror just to check and it looked as bad as i remember like it's just not for me #i have a story abour middle fingers though or just about what one would call the finger #when i was in what an american would call the 5th grade (i can never do when i was x years old because it's not an accurate representation #of the class i was in since i skipped a grade and the grade is what matters more to me. when i was 9 and my friends were 10 i was saying) #we would always play this game called girls catch guys or guys catch girls where the girls would run after the guys and like tap them on #the shoulder and then they would go to prison and they would line up and another guy could set them free by like touching one of the #prisoners it was a very fun game except it's way more fun to be like the ones getting caught than to be the ones catching and we would #ALWAYS play girls catching guys and it was very unfair we would be like okay in the morning we do guys catching girls in the afternoon #girls catching guys so it's fair like normal system but the guys NEVER wanted to do it (and we would always give in because like we still #wanted to play ig and idk guys. female socialization) they never wanted to be the ones doing the catching it was so unfair because we also #didn't like it as much and we did it all the time? #and i remember this one morning we were fighting about this we had literally all agreed that it was fair this way but they didn't want to #do it and my second best male friend flipped me and my best (female) friend off and (very #important detail) he did it with both of his hands so like two middle fingers and i don't know why because i'm not even sure that that's a #thing but one middle finger meant fuck you and two middle fingers meant go fuck yourself and to us that was very different? and i remember #my friend and i we like knew what it meant but for some reason we were like. he did do the one finger before doing the two does this mean #he...loves us because it literally means he wants to have sex with us #but what's funny is we never talked to him again after that and i don't even know why that was our last straw because i remember i #genuinely liked him before that like i said he was my second best male friend! so like maybe sixth best friend overall that's not bad #and he's not the only guy friend who flipped us off that year like it was so random to stop talking to him after that😭 #like he was an actual enemy we really did not like him we talked about him in letters we'd give each other using a nickname etc #and what's even funnier is in our last year of middle schoold FOUR YEARS AFTER THIS a friend of a friend told him he should become friends #with well my friend and he was like hm i don't think so have you seen who she hangs out with? marianne *last name* like why do YOU hate #me😭 it was so funny like wdym it was mutual this whole time. i had literally moved on by then i didn't even care about hating him #anymore like wow...i think he's the only person i hated who actually hated me back

[magentagalaxies]

.

#this might be both oversharing and being too vague rn but it's 2am and i'm emotionally exhausted #i can't believe during one of the most traumatic moments i've had in the past year i was lucky enough to have scott as my biggest supporter #the entire time as i was going through it he was so supportive giving me space to process shit and always having my back #and yet there are some people in my life who are always going to villainize him for one comment he said during that time out of context #or even if they're not ''villainizing'' him i now feel like i have to begin every sentence about scott with #''yeah we don't agree on everything but we're still friends and isn't that amazing!'' #which yeah that is true and i do genuinely enjoy when scott and i disagree and are respectful about it #BUT WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE THE FIRST THING I SAY ABOUT HIM???? #and honestly that whole experience made me agree with scott on way more than i started out with #i'm proud of how i was able to grow as a person and for the fact that it brought me and scott much closer together #but that shit i went through at my college was still traumatic. and it did change me as a person #it completely changed my relationship to activism in a way i'm not happy about bc i want to be more of an activist #but when i had someone use social justice language to justify horrible things against me it's hard not to be wary #of how hollow and performative a lot of conversations can be #and like i'll even say it. like people might get mad at me for admitting it #but that whole traumatic situation has irrevocably changed my relationship to gender as well #or at least how i label myself and how i move through these conversations #and in some ways i'm grateful for it bc i do feel like i know myself more and like i don't have to worry about what others' think #or even what other people understand #but it shouldn't have had to go down like that. and as much as the time i got to spend with scott during that time was so much fun #and such a great experience and he was truly the perfect support system during that time #he shouldn't have had to deal with that and neither should i #and the fact that scott somehow got villainized in some people's minds while the person who actually caused that trauma #is instead treated like ''yeah he was a bit misguided and made a mistake but he was probably anxious about it!! he's just a person!!'' #that's never going to stop being painful. especially the idea that with the importance people put on labels #i would supposedly have more ''community solidarity'' with that asshole than a cis gay man like scott #idk i think i'm past the timeframe of that traumatic experience bc it's not consuming every day like it used to a few weeks back #but something triggered it tonight so i just need to process it. anyway shoutout to scott for being there for me i really needed it