#and i'm trying to minimize my time there

[vvelegrin]

no, you're right, i do think impulse buying a left-handed bow riser will be the thing that fixes me this time

#need to find somewhere to go shoot #i guess i should SIGH email the blm office to make sure i won't go to idiot jail if i shoot some archery on their land #(i mean they allow discharging of firearms so...) #gun club has an archery range that they open twice a month for non-members #but my saturday mornings are usually occupied #i say 'impulse buy' as if i haven't been looking at this for six months LMAO #but perhaps 'impulse buy' in the sense that i'm sad and also i don't have a place to actively use it outside of my dad's property #and i'm trying to minimize my time there #the part of me that is a little deluded but ultimately well-meaning says 'why don't you just get a horse bow' #which solves the left/right hand debate and would be useful if i get back into mounted archery #but is also about three times the price of just getting a riser for the limbs i already own #and does NOT solve the Where question of this #prattling about the self

[whentherewerebicycles]

everything is still so good!!! heartbeat is super fast and strong and is now firmly in the upper band of healthy/normal. behold the little seahorse (now less seahorse-y because its tail is almost gone) floating around in there attached to its little yolk sac inner tube!!

#pregnancy tag #iui tag #my doctor is being super nice about my pregnancy anxieties #she was like even when you switch to prenatal care you can come in anytime for a quick scan to see the heartbeat/reassure yourself #it's no big deal and we'd rather you felt secure than stressed #i am going to try to wean myself off needing to see regular scans #according to this one study my chances of a live birth rise to 98% after seeing a strong heartbeat at 8 weeks #so i think i am just like... barring disaster... having a kid #i think my body is just like... growing a baby #and seems to be doing it with minimal fuss so far lol. i don't feel unusually fatigued #and i'm only mildly nauseous some days some of the time #aaaaaa ok. well. here we are #moving forward!!!

[keeps-ache]

there are a couple changes i would make to the keyboard if i could:

wiggly exclamation mark

bleeding heart emoji

varying snake emojis (more poses would be fun)

question mark with a little heart for the dot bc, well,

more explosions

and that is all thank you

#just me hi #i need these a lot #wiggly bc it makes a lot of sense #i am saying something but with a sort of ~~~~~~ to it!! #/bleeding heart because the other night (it musta been about 3 a.m.) i was looking for an emoji to really get my point across and i sadly #realized that i had imagined the existence of it. the disappointment was immense <//3 hfhs #/SNAKES. need i say more? :> #do i know a lot about them? not yet. am i scared of them? yes. but i love them a lot thanky #/i am asking a question but it's with love #<3 #/explosion emoji my beloved #we NEED to diversify hfhsvb #a mushroom cloud would be cool :3 or one that clearly has shrapnel in it #or one with a little heart that's like the exploding head emoji. because it's like that #i'm mentioning hearts a lot bc the heart is willing but the brain is. trying #//anyway in the other newsings i'm remaking those pi.e refs again lmao 👍 #ik they're only so many months old but man i changed some of the designs a bit during those months hfhs #funny how i made refs because i thought 'oh i haven't changed their designs in forever - it's not like it'll happen anytime soon yea?' #and then.......... #oath's design has changed the most minimally during these - how many ? two‚ three-ish years - so i thought Ahh nothin'll happen #but Then-- #aura has morphed So many times - she was at least 3 different people before i actually Got her so hfvhs <3 #kinda knew that would happen. but she's actually changed the least so Lollll #hid's usual look has not changed at All - only his actual form‚ which i tweak every second day or something #and i've neglected kira so badly fvfsh - so now i've added and removed and swapped things for her in worldrecord time ! i think i've got he #in a way i like though so :D #but bc of all these changes now i gotta make new refs bc they are Inaccurate #not a big deal. but oh it IS #wonder how long it'll take me this time lol :) only one way to know ehegh #//anywho ciao ! i've got the things and stuffs to be doing.. ooo toodles :33

[capricioussun]

Will probably delete later but genuinely WHY do so many ppl hate uf papyrus. "He’s horrible and a bad brother and abusive >:(((" my guy. YOU made him that way

#always weirds me out when a really bad take becomes popular fanon and ppl treat it like it's an inherent universal take #happens to all characters I feel but it's esp frustrating when it's not just a bad take but just straight making a character a certain way #as a plot device. or to project ur own issues onto. at that point just. make an oc or smth. why mangle a character so severely. what is #the purpose #im not even going to TRY to pretend i have perfect ic flawless interps (I absolutely don't and know this) #but even w/ characters I have minimal interest in (like asgore for ex) it's important to me to at least *try* to keep them in line w/ their #og counterparts. #and you'd think. given how so many ppl infantilized Papyrus. that some of that would've bled thru into au counterparts #but nope. the fanon versions are practically just wholly different characters who just look similar and 'fill the same role' in their au #and it's honestly not like there's a shortage of other characters sans could have a toxic relationship with in uf #(bc let's be honest here that's 90% of the reason uf papyrus got characterized that way. for ppl to project onto and sympathize with sans) #I don't like having strong negative opinions on things and I especially don't like talking abt them publicly but idk if it's just weird #timing or smth I've seen so many bad takes the past couple weeks #to each their own and I'd never like. bash someone for having a diff take than me. I just don't...understand. #idk #I'm really tired and my eyes are sticky so I really shouldn't even be posting rn bc I will see this later and be like #can't BELIEVE that guy posted an opinion on the internet. WHY would he do that

[possiblynya]

When in doubt, redraw your dnd party as animal crossing characters (again) 🥳

#dnd #oc #dungeons and dragons #dnd character #artists on tumblr #dnd party #ttrpg #Acnh #Animal crossing #Did I draw the same exact thing with my other dnd party three years ago literally to the day? #Yes I did #But hey. I sorely needed a project w minimal creativity involved bc boy howdy I haven't been feeling making art #This is helping me feel a little bit confident again lol #I've been itching to draw another animatic but every time I try I feel like crying bc it just seems so overwhelming :') #Despite the fact that I've made ones in the past that I still think look great!! #Ugh idk it's just frustrating to know what I'm capable of and to still not feel like I can do it. Anyways. Maybe over Xmas break #Strixhaven gang #<- gonna start using that tag for these fellas #oc respite

[jarognieva]

#everyone keep lying they like me but of something happens they don't give a shit #and when they asked me what is happening and why I'm on sick leave they pretend to listen and they quickly changed the subject #and I was like 'oh this is the moment I shouldn't actually tell what's happening' #they asked because they didn't want to be rude not because they wanted to know (because in fact they didn't want to) #also I feel like it's end of the world for me because it turned out my sister doesn't care too... #because she doesn't listen what I'm talking about and she keep telling me the same 'advices' which makes me more depressed #and I realised it's not like she does it unconsciously #because how many times I should tell these advices make me more depressed and she keep telling me exactly THE SAME things? #I realised EVERYONE only LIE they want to support me #EVERYONE #they don't want to make MINIMAL effort so they keep hurting me #and when I try to say all of this they're like 'jeez what are you talking about again 🙄' #I'm all alone on this barren earth

[blakelywintersfield]

I am absolutely begging y'all to realize that "celtic" and "gaelic" are not interchangeable terms

#especially in terms of paganism and culture. wicca has massively fucked that too #but then at the same time a lot of y'all use paganism and wicca interchangeably too #i am once again asking people with minimal occult knowledge and/or christian / former christian now atheist upbringings to please just #don't. just don't okay unless you've actually spent time researching anything in relation to paganism please don't speak on it i'm so tired #like i would still consider myself to be in the introductory stages of gaelic paganism but that's after like #two years of cultural and religious research. so i'm not speaking as someone who thinks they're an expert in these fields #but you know what makes that research harder? #having to sift through every celtic or wiccan thing mislabeled ''gaelic paganism'' like they are not synonymous #i am not wiccan. my form of paganism falls under the greater umbrella of celtic culture #but celtic paganism is the equivalent of ''christianity'' #christianity includes hundreds of sects including catholicism‚ mormonism‚ protestants‚ quakers‚ fundamentalists... the list goes on #like celtic paganism is much more loose and less defined. and is still not comparable to wicca #wicca is honestly Religious Appropriation‚ The Religion. it bastardizes celtic‚ germanic‚ greek‚ and roman paganisms #along with taking from major religions like judaism‚ hinduism‚ buddhism‚ islam‚ and even christianity! #it is NOT comparable to paganism. it is NOT one in the same. #just. god i'm so tired of this kind of shit i really wish someone would write a guide for all this shit #'cause i know it's not out of malicious intent but when you call someone that's desperately trying to recover their culture #from violent protestantism and its offshoots along with decades of active genocide by the english a ''wiccan'' and use it interchangably #with ''gaelic paganism'' it's like. it's like saying the irish and the english are the same thing like. that's insulting. #i know it's not on purpose but it's still insulting. #okay i'm done rambling in the tags sorry i'm tired

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Im so glad things are going well for you!!!! Hell yeah achievement!! What sort of stuff are you thinking of doing self employment wise? Wishing you all the luck 🍀

[I'm answering this from my laptop, so no emojis unfortunately - I'm only putting this note because it looks so jarring to not see all of them and looks to me like all the emotion is drained out as a result but that's definitely not the case!!]

Thank you for the well wishes!! I do wanna say that I started at least looking into self employment mostly due to my autism and how stressful the 8 hour workday is for me; I've seen multiple autistic creators express how they ended up turning to self employment because the control over their work stressed them a lot less. As far as self employment goes, I'm sort of just dipping into it and haven't fully explored a lot of options, but I'm starting out with some food delivery apps to see if those can help me get started as I transition out of my current line of full time work

It's almost funny bc the financial position I'm in means that even a little bit of money coming in a little faster is useful; even a little will get me supplies for my guinea pig or discount groceries for a week or two, and the idea of being able to listen to music or video essays while doing my work alone and then being able to walk away at my own discretion is too tempting to not even give a try to. I wanna give it a few test runs in silence while I get used to it and then I can start working through the 1000+ video essays I have saved, and that's not even touching on all the music I have saved that I could check out as well

I'm also leaning more into my art! Being at the bare minimum half burnt out from the job I already have makes it a little more challenging to keep my efforts on it, but I'm setting up a kofi page! I just want my comm info up in full before I start promoting it. I'm definitely not expecting it to be lucrative or anything, but the prospect of formalizing my art as something I can work with like that has me hopeful.

Overall, I'm just trying to see what does and doesn't work for me as I start coming to terms with the idea that I might not be able to sustain a normal 40 hour workweek and that I just need to get creative with how I approach this!

#thank you! if i do go into another full time line of work i think i just need to minimize people contact #which there's definitely options for! i just want to give myself a little bit of time to breathe bc jumping directly into another job #after this one will exhaust me more i feel; sometimes i feel like i'm literally just trying to get by but i'm feeling more hopeful #the more i've been juggling other things in the background and seeing them work out in my favor #i'm especially fond of the self employment i've described here bc it gives me a chance to walk away if it's not working out #i've had a lot of thoughts lately; especially as i reduce my hours at my current job; i'm still trying to see how to get it to show up #on my end; but yes! in short; delivery and art which i'm hoping feel more freeing to work with #thank you again for the good vibes! #asks

[cextra-loz]

Today I was able to stand for a new limit of 50 minutes when my physical symptoms are at their most minimal in a controlled environment. So we know 50 is the max now we're trying to reach 1 hour. I feel like I could've reached an hour with how I was feeling but the muscle endurance in my legs wouldn't have let me. I'm reaching a weird stage in my progress where its been so long since my body has had to support my weight for that long the blood pooling in my soles irritates and hurts like hell the days afterwards so now i'm rubbing the my feet like i've worked a hard day to prevent the inflammation from impeding my progress. I feel tho if I can reach that 1 hour limit I can reach longer times with practice. Its been years since i've stood for so long i'm really excited to keep practicing and hopefully keep improving. Last year around this time I was barely reaching 35 maybe 40 if I really really pushed- during my least symptomatic hours. Those extra 10 minutes might not mean much but since the beginning of my illness I never imagined i'd be able to make it to 30 let alone 50. I felt pretty good this session too which is the most important part, I feel like its the lack of muscular stamina that held me back rather than cardiac endurance. Anyway update is over, if I reach that 1 hour time it'll be a happy day I cannot tell how long it'll take me to reach that time but with some more practice I think a few weeks or months at least i'd imagine maybe even sooner. I'm so happy lets go! Dreams do come true at least 4 me ehehe!

#pots #dysautonomia #progress #the best thing about longer uptime means more endurance - the longer i'm able to stay up the more my legs should begin to adapt #if I can push the amount of time when i'm not as symptomatic maybe it'll help increase my endurance when i'm most symptomatic #when i'm at my most symptomatic I cannot stand for the life of me more than a minute #i will collapse #but increasing my minimal symptomatic time to higher numbers means I feel less physical pain and exhaustion when I am at my most #symptomatic which is honestly all i want #if I can withstand the exhaustion of when i'm most physically ill for more than a minute or two at a time then I can endure it #when i'm compeltely still and laying down which is rlly hard and it hurts like hell and i'm exhausted when it happens #theres nothing in this world like trying to catch your breath while your body is writhing in pain and youre trying not to pass out #i'm just glad on a good day and lots of monitoring i can manage a few hours without any of those #when it was happening once an hour for like hours at a time for months i was in literal hell #the scariest bit is i'm forgetting how it felt to be like normal-ish #like there were days where the most I worried about was like regular stuff like homework #now i'm worried about things like making sure i have a glass of water with me or else i'll die #which sounds absurd but its now my reality its strange how that just becomes real #ive been typing for so long but i don't feel fatigued it really shows how far ive gotten these last few years #last time i wrote this much on a tumblr text post about my illness i was trying to catch my breath the entire time #im kinda happy #ehehe!

[ivettel]

there is something so debilitating about listening to cheesy love songs while scrolling through seb's getty and motorsport images pages like i'm literally crying feeling like my entire chest has been carved out

#that post that's like. grief isn't something that ever ends it's just something we learn to carry better #we learn to minimize the space it has to bounce around inside us but that doesn't mean it doesn't ever emerge with a vengeance #SORRY. trying to objectively comb thru this like. today is the last time i'm going to be an undergrad TA so understandably i'm very upset #and things are very scary so it's not a surprise my brain is looking to hold onto something comforting and familiar #or that the person embodying these traits has also taken a big scary step into the unknown.. like a little tether of connection between us #sighs. anyway

[keeps-ache]

trying to write, i want to write but the only place i have with dark mode is my computer's notepad and i can't access those files from anywhere else. augh

#just me hi #girl help my Eyeyessseses hbfvhs #i keep getting told 'use google docs' it Hurts My Eyeballs !!! let me change the funkin website theme !!! #plus when i'm writing at night i don't want the whole world knowing what's up bc i have the equivalent of a lighthouse beacon telling every #one 'HEY. THIS THING'S AWAKE !!' lol :^ #i'd use google keep bc it feels. friendlier ? but also the clutter behind the note i'm writing in is making me anxious + distracting me. so #hvfbhs #this is such a silly problem but i'm running in circles just trying to rewrite p.space for the... i think eighth or ninth time now Lolll #i wanted to try wattpad again but i like not having my eyes hurt. and i'm trying to plan ahead bc i want to have a place i can write in #Consistently. ya know ? #sigh. sogh. saigh. sygh #oh and also wattpad feels too cluttered. there's something about having the writing space take up the Whole Entire Screen that doesn't #groove with my brain right. so ! #this is just me being very picky for no good reason lolll :) #'just minimize the tab then' but that is still wrong bc the writing space is taking up the Entire Tab now !! #/anyway i just remembered rn why i don't explain why i'm actually having issues with things HFBVSH #it's really specific. and really vibe-based. and it's like being in the middle of a field and not being able to explain what is so wrong ab #being in the empty‚ cold‚ deadly-quiet but also piercing-loud field forever and ever and ever #do you know what i mean ?? #//ANYWAY. back to whatever this problem is Lolll :3

[nimblermortal]

Me leaving the doctor's office: I have successfully been normal in this interaction

The doctor greeting my mother for her appointment months later: Oh, you're Nimbler's mother? What a neat person she is!

-----

Anyway, everyone should take a notebook to their doctor's appointment and keep notes when the doctor explains what is going on.

#I am not sure how I feel about this honestly #like it was weird having the nurses greet me there by calling each other over going #'this patient has such a cool job!' #but like. that's my job. it's fine. #it just seems weird to be. memorable to someone who sees half a dozen different patients every day (I assume) #it's kind of irritating at this point the number of people who comment on my small handwriting #INCLUDING THE DOCTOR TALKING TO MY MOTHER MONTHS LATER IN MY ABSENCE #but overall it's like. I was being an unremarkable person! I went there to achieve a goal (information on my health) #and I achieved that goal and I left! #and I don't have. I really don't have the /option/ of being unremarkably normal #idk on some level it's a very mildly invasive feeling and on another it's like realizing that I plan my route in the grocery store #in order to minimize my time near the machines that hum and the sections that smell #it's like huh! wow! the autism really does govern every aspect of my life even when I'm doing well! #I forgot about that! #huh! wow! I really do not pass for normal even when I'm trying! I forgot about that!

[ceruleanfuckup]

I had a 13 hour shift today and was panicking because I was late to something after my shift, so I ran a lot and fucked up my knee pretty bad but honestly it was very worth it

#posting at 2:40 AM because he's asleep and minimal people will see this #I'm just. happy. #and a large part of me is worried that it's a ton veneer of happiness that will crack when i ask certain questions #but most of me is just happy taking it as it is #he's so much fun and i enjoy spending time with him a lot and he's charismatic and funny and facetious and egotistical and delightful #my roommate has learned that every time she catches me smirking that it's because he did something cute or he was unexpectedly kind #i just. worry. #and I'm trying to not get too hung up on that because i did a lot of my worrying early in whatever this is but it's still underlying #idk man no amount of time with him is ever enough time and he does things to me that I've never felt before #and idk man. I'm just happy. #long ass shifts don't seem anywhere near as long with him on the other end of it #he works at 5:30 AM and he stayed out with me until 1 because i was late and because i needed it and he even suggested the second bar #I really want to attach meaning to his actions but I'm so nervous to overstep #anyways if you ever look in this tag I'm going to be very proud of you. and a little shocked #i mean. maybe not as shocked as i would have been before the Twitter thing 😭 #Roman

[crippledanarchy]

It's Truly amazing I managed to get anything done before i got on Adderall

#like just the sheer number of times in school where i felt fully lost n like i missed the day where everyone else got critical instructions #and the number of times i said 'i wonder if i have add' and was scolded for minimizing other people's legitimate struggles #cause *I* was Normal and just Lazy and Stupid and people with adhd are actually trying but everyone knows I'm not #i genuinely cant describe how good it feels to actually be able to focus enough to complete a project. like entirely. all the way. #everything I did in the 28 years before adderall felt like pulling teeth to get my brain to cooperate #my mind is so much more peaceful when I'm not flailing wildly through life #I'm so mad that everyone that told me i was a little drama queen who just wanted attention just... innately possesed this inner peace #and made me feel evil for never overcoming an impossible challenge

[crispyblonde]

still me daily in case anyone's wondering!! i'm going to try to be here after my pt appointment and errands to make the starters i owe my bitch but for now i'm just vibing and playing f.all guys until i have to go

#alexa play my own worst enemy #i'm trying to be better about being ascared and making minimal progress lol #also i am back on my f.all guys arc with a new season #i'm loyal to the game that helped me kill time when i originally broke my leg lol #╰––– » 「 ✞ 」 𝗼𝘂𝘁. ┊ alexa — play my own worst enemy