#and i talked w them and they knew abt my problems. but they didnt try to help me in this way i think. like idk man. he also acknowledged | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aita-blorbos · 10 months

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AITA for almost making someone die?

ok ik thats a lot, so ill try to start at the beginning. i (17nb) have been working with this one environmental organization since it was started when i was 12. ive devoted a lot of time to it n to seeing it grow, n when the group got big enough that we could rly expand to more places than just my country i was actually assigned to be in charge of running things here. i dont do it alone or anything bc i do have help from our real leader (40s m) n the people who run the branches in the 2 other countries we operate in, especially the one whos also been here since the beginning (30s nb), but its still a rly big responsibility n its important for me to b able to focus n not let other things distract me from my job.

a few months back, i thought it mite b nice to make my own account on the social media site where our group has the most presence so i could post abt personal things. i didnt mention my connections though (the stuff we do is kinda a bit illegal). it went rly well, n i ended up talking to this one person (20s f) who was rly nice, n we became friends p quick. the big problem was that she didnt like my group at all bc she was rly mad abt some of the stuff we'd done in her country, so there was kinda a conflict there. but some stuff happened, she ended up finding out who i rly was, n surprisingly she wasnt rly that mad at me? n she promised to keep it a secret, n it kinda went well from there other than it being kinda uncomfortable that she liked me n not what i do.

i mean, it did for a while. eventually though it became rly clear that talking to her was distracting me from my work, so my boss n coworker asked me to cut her off. n it hurt kinda a lot, but i did it. n thats where the story shouldve ended.

then i kinda fucked up. i was feeling rly weird bc of of smth that had just happened, n my boss n coworker weren't able 2 pick up the phone. my other coworker (??? i dont even kno this persons pronouns) isnt rly good w emotional stuff, but that was the last person i had to contact for support. n that person wasnt there either.

n i kno it was a mistake. i kno i shouldnt have done it. but i was kinda desperate for someone to talk to, n i ended up calling the friend id cut off even though i knew i wasnt supposed to. n she answered, n we talked. n i tried to go back to normal after that, but she started texting me again, n eventually i broke n answered her.

fast forward to today, n i just found out that my coworker had to try to kill my friend bc i couldnt control myself w her. the person who told me says it wasnt my fault, but if id just been able to resist the temptation to contact her again there wouldnt have been any messages for them to see in the first place. n on top of that, i kno that caring abt ppl too much makes them die, n i still let myself make that connection w her in the first place.

i mean, i think its p clear im the asshole here. basically the whole posts just been stuff i did wrong. but i kinda want to get confirmation, just so i dont have to keep thinking abt the thing the person who gave me the news said.

#aita #am i the asshole

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matoitech · 11 months

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ok uhh okay. spiderverse 2 thoughts. in bullet points for the sake of my churning brain cuz im just not rly sure how i feel abt it rn. like it was a good movie? i enjoyed it it was fast paced i didnt realize 2+ hours went by which also segues into my first thought but like. yeah i have thoughts.

first of all that was like a super weird ending decision to make it a part 1 of 2. zero warning for that. and i sat in that theater till credits bcuz i genuinely thought i was being punked and the movie was going to finish, bcuz it did not at all feel like a place to stop for the movie. it ends like right before the climax?? yes they really. extended themselves damn far for this one and it would be a lot to tie up in like another 45 minutes of movie but also like you couldve done it.. i really dont. understand. like ppl just sat in the movie theater like wait is it done. theyre ending it here? for real? like it wasnt the kind of ending you expect from this movie

animation was obviously gorgeous and insane i dont even need to talk about what eye candy it was. the different styles all together the fight scenes ugh so good yeah yeah everyone knew it would be a trip

rly cannot stress enough what a Direction this sure was. i dont like say it as crit necessarily just like. did they over extend. maybe. they sure Extended. i would expect this maybe for a third movie not a second but they were clearly trying to blow the first one out of the water. it was just.. a lot looser. it needed to be tighter. i dont know what theyre planning for the 3rd movie but i really did not like. vibe with that ending decision

they changed peni’s design slightly and gave her a cooler mech so thats nice. maybe they listened 2 criticisms abt that

i cant decide how i feel abt a lot of the dialogue tbh it rly wasnt my thing a lot of the time like. the changing writers were kind of.. obvious. and there was a LOT of dialogue bcuz this movies purpose seems to be a very Character Driven story to prepare for the next? like theyre TRYING to say stuff thats for sure. also it was rly quippy in a way that i feel has gotten kind of tired with dialogue writing like SOME dialogue was genuinely funny and good to me like i wouldnt say it was BAD or something (some of it was bad.) it was just.. noticeably different? the tone for this movie was changed from the first which again isnt bad youre telling a different story it was just Different yeah. some things i rly thought couldve been handled like with more subtlety.

i guess we only had one movie with the original cast but some stuff just like i personally was sitting there trying to figure out if it felt in character or not. its rly hard to explain if u havent watched it i think and maybe im just crazy i dunno. im absolutely not opposed to making ur characters fuck up and make mistakes but like. huh. i guess. i would not expect otherwise from gwen bcuz shes a teenager but i was.. surprised that peter was going along with it like ? hes a middle aged man lol he wasnt like taken advantage of or manipulated in any way. not like they were trying to say that w the like spider group anyway, like i dont think they were tryingto say gwen was necessariyl taken advantage of or anything, like they werent trying to make them read as ‘evil’ if anything just like wow these ppl sure have Problems they are going thruogh. but like still? im not invested in peters character even it just felt kind of weird. miles went fucking through it too like jesus christ im still trying to wrap my brain around all this it sure does feel like theyre putting these ppl thru comic book trauma

what i went through emotionally wheni realized they were going to do Dark Miles i dont even mean that as criticism or anything its just a bold move man. buti was sitting there like yeah of course they would. hope they make it work

i dunno i probably have more thoughts im just kind of like sitting here lol like what a weird decision. if they hadnt ended it like that i probably would have my thoughts more tied together bcuz the movie itself wasnt tied up?? so its kind of hard to even like think through everything on one watch

#spiderverse 2 spoilers #itsv 2 spoilers #atsv spoilers #idk what tags ppl use #spiderverse

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25-worms-in-a-trenchcoat · 2 years

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eye emoji at ur oc tags i am looking so hard what da hell is going on over there

hehehe excuse to infodump abt them hell yeah! okay so i partially answered this here and also before i forget i actually have a sideblog dedicated to the campaign theyre for over at @the-curse-investigation-team ! and for anyone who needs context for this ask i posted this earlier (putting the rest under a read more bc this is gonna be long)

ANYWAYS so i mostly talked abt the curse earlier, but basically theres a curse on the monsters (they're good!!) of this town that make them get sick and rampage and not have control of their monster forms if theyre shifters. it affects one person every new moon and the person ends up dying from the curse just from how sick they get (or previously they were killed/euthanized but that stopped since there was recently gained hope that the ppl could be cured of the curse. my character, worms, originally got turned into a monster/worm-shifter bc he got attacked by a worm shifter that was effected by the curse and worms bit him in an attempt to get it off of him (he was panicking okay he wasnt exactly in the best position to be making decisions). when he woke up he was in a hospital bed and found out that bc he called for help the worm ended up being killed and now he has ✨survivors guilt✨. so even tho he's told theres nothing he can do to help he keeps researching the curse and trying to save those effected to no end (his working theory is that if the cursed monster stays alive til midnight of the new moon then the curse will stop effecting them but no one will listen). finally things change when two non-monsters (scott, a manager from the local gary gators [think rainforest cafe x chuck-e-cheese and yes this is based on fnaf shhhh] who?? has a phone for a head??, and sonya, a college student who has powers given to her by a something or other but rly doesnt want to) get roped in. they figure out that worms' original theory doesnt work but they figure out sonya can dispell the curse, but at that point its too late. next month rolls around tho and the curse gets dispelled from that person and we now have the first person to live through having the curse!! but its still gonna show up every month so now we gotta figure out its source and keep dispelling it and tracking down who has it each month.

as for the best friend, his name is/was emmett and they met in elementary schooland knew each other up into their early 20s and they bonded over both being trans (with emmett being a trans guy and worms being nonbinary) along with many other things. emmett got bullied a lot in school and worms v much gave him scary dog privilege and got the bullies to back off whenever they were around, or at the very least caused problems for them lol. they were super close, to the point where emmett developed a romantic crush on worms (but didnt ask him out or say anything bc worms is aroace and he assumed they wouldnt want to be in a relationship w him [he didnt know that qpps were a thing]) and worms developed a queerplatonic crush on emmett (but didnt say anything bc emmett isnt aro and "deserves to have a nice romantic relationship with someone who can reciprocate" [emmett would love to be their qpp if he knew it was a thing]". v much and they were both idiots energy. anyways they lived together for a while after worms got kicked out and before emmett left for college in emmetts parents house. right after emmett had moved back to their hometown after college he disappeared; long enough that he was assumed dead. it was insanely hard on worms. it turns out emmett is now scott, the phone head guy i mentioned earlier. freddy fazbears gary gators decided they needed a new manager (all of which are ppl kidnapped and turned into partial animatronics with their memories mostly wiped and v v traumatized. scott doesnt remember worms bc, like i said, memories wiped, plus worms changed his name which doesnt help (he used to change names all the time and then landed on worms after the wormening). worms does seem very familiar to scott though and finds them very comforting to be around and has a crush on him again. worms doesnt know scott is emmett bc different voice (voicebox) and can't see his face (phonehead). scott does remind him a lot of emmett though and finds himself falling into old habits with him and developing queerplatonic feelings for him, both of which he feels a bit guilty about.

also side note but worms's grandpa-figure (pops) turns into a bear and is dating mothman :)

but yeah sorry this is long agshshs lmk if you have any questions!! tho stuff abt emmett/scott i may or may not be able to answer since hes my friends player character not mine (same goes for sonya).

#worms

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zenims · 4 years

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broken family / shards of vulnerability / unheard apologies

#❌ reblog #snw #the numbers are there bc like . these are all connected but i didnt know how to piece them all together to make sense as one LOL #so i just broke them up into three separate pieces :3 #bc i want to talk ill explain lol #for the 1st ome idk how i feel abt rhe freshly 21 part that feels OFF #but yeah i realized recently #like i was trying to think back to my childhood bc my therapist and i decided that were goijg to process trauma to work on my depression an #i . could barely remember anything like only bits and pieces and a lot of them are unpleasant. i didnt fully realize until now that thats .#not good . then it made me re? realize that our childhood was not gr8.... with the separation of our parents and my mom being who she is...#like maybe i didnt realize it bc i was a kid + vv oblivious LOL . and w my therapist when id tell her some things i knew they were bad but #part of me would still doubt myself. it wasnt until she clearly stated that the things i went through were bad that i was like ah .#the 1.5 is about my brother LIKE in therapy i fully realized that we were both fucked up by our mom and that hes started to develop some of #her toxic behavior and im jjst like fuck :) amongst other problems hes dev bc of my mom and im judt like ffff i want him to go i want him t #go to therapy !!! but i feel like he wouldnt listen to me and i know whg he wouldnt like i understand . he doesnt rlly show his emotions an #so im sure being vulnerable must be hard but !!! aaaa #and the 1.75 is abt him too i just. want to fight my mom for all shes put us through esp him i feel like hes had it so rough yet she doesn'#care at all doesnt see any wrongdoings in her actions and will probably never apologize for all the damage shes caused

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perhapsthanatos · 3 years

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10:32 pm with yuta ♡

nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)

alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn

genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.

word count: 1400~

playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.

warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.

a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3

“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”

“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”

“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”

“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”

you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?

you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?

after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.

“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”

a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.

“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”

“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“

“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”

his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”

you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”

he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”

“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”

“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.

knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.

yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.

he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.

“get in, princess.”

and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.

“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.

“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”

you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.

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albertserra · 3 years

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Letters Anon.

Personally I found the question important because last year I started working on a documentary about an actor who, like Bogarde, was very dead and very very private, (even likely to lie during interviews). I suspected he wasn't straight but I had no proof of anything. There were passing mentions of girlfriends, but he was for the most part, a bachelor with no children (that I know of). The documentary at the moment is on hold because my trail has gone cold, and I'm trying to get hold of any relatives. But my initial plan was to hear what they had to say, ask for their blessing and, if given, out him if he turned out to be not straight. After all, the family was okay with it, right?

Watching TPDB made me rethink that and change my mind.

The thing is, actors and general media people are sort of... public property, whether we like it or not. They impact people, and I think that we should be able to explore their lives and that impact on society as one does with any other science subject. The key is respect. A documentary about Dirk as an actor and (perhaps also as an activist) seems alright to me. The problem with TPDB is that it's almost morbid and voyeuristic. They got the nurse who took care of him in his final years to show us his flat and talk about his daily routine, going as far as showing us his BATH and all. A line has to be drawn. The main interest in Dirk wasn't (in that documentary) about his work in films, books and all that. It was about his OWN life and what he had (rightfully) refused to share with his audience. Was he gay? Was he not? Who the fuck cares.

yes very true about them having a public impact and the kind of implicit contract they more or less agree to by entering the kind of work they do, but also equally true and important abt the matter of respect and boundaries. i do think something like dirk being gay clearly informed his life and indeed a lot of his work in both film and literature so that information can be useful in exploring his work and cultural impact/legacy. yet outing someone, even posthumously, carries a lot of baggage and history with it and its something i would never ever ever dream of doing especially to a family member or someone i knew closely- but its done now and we do have to live with it. i guess we just have to accept that its happened and take solace in the fact that other gay people like myself (and you im assuming) now see him as an icon or beacon or whatever and for us it positively impacted our view of him. things like his daily routine in the last years of his life or the painful details of tony's nursing and eventual death however don't feel valuable or necessary in that context.

that private life of dirk bogarde doc i actually remember looking at, decided it seemed overly invasive, and did not add it to my watchlist. glad i didnt based on what you said about it. also very interesting abt the doc you've worked on, i wish you luck w finding out more! especially since it seems you're approaching it with intelligence and sensitivity and respect and are working on avoiding the pitfalls of something like that bogarde doc.

#asks #anonymous

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cvastals · 3 years

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look i kno i said i wasnt gna bring a 6th until i was caught up w replies bt i kno gunner well n therefore felt like he deserved his time to shine in the rp so i beg of u pls plot w him looks at u all like :B

* axel auriant, cis man + he/him | you know gunner paxton, right? they’re twenty-two, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, four years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to bizarre love triangle by new order like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole curling up for days in bed wearing a hello kitty comfort shirt, stuttering in the face of affection, and hand me downs two sizes too big thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is july 31st, so they’re a leo, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( bri, 23, est, they/them )

background.

middle child of the paxton family, cliff being the eldest and wyatt being the youngest :D

they lived at the top of a hill in a trailer in a trailer park neighbourhood in laramie, wyoming so to say the least that fucking sucked for everyone involved

the trailer was so small that all 3 boys ended up sharing a room, gunner and wyatt sharing a bunk bed bc they cldnt fit 3 beds into one room it really was every childs nightmare bt they quickly grew used to it tbh

gunner was always more of an artsy child than invested in sports - though he does enjoy baseball and continued even to this day after their dad made him join SOMETHING in middle school - so he never rly earned their father’s respect, but he was always close with his mom since they had the same calm temperament

(depression/anxiety tw) he also gained a list of mental health issues that their mom had as well, including social anxiety and major depressive disorder

(violence/abuse tw) their father always encouraged pretty volatile behaviour and it caused a lot of physical fights and arguments between the brothers when their dad told them the best way to get over it was to start hurting until someone tapped out, it was just a chaotic and pretty abusive household but no one knew and their mom definitely wasn’t going to say anything about it to their dad

(missing child/kidnapping/anxiety/depression tw) wyatt went missing on a weekend that their parents were gone because of a trip they won, and things just got worse from there, high school was really rough for gunner, his anxiety grew worse as time went on that no one found wyatt, their dad grew more hostile towards them, cliff left home in the middle of the night never to be seen again (merely leaving a note so that the family didn’t think they had a case of two kidnapped children), and their mom just grew sicker, it was rare that she would ever leave her room and if she did it was in fits of random energy where she would do something spontaneous and completely unnecessary to their house as a way of coping

the two years that gunner was at home after cliff left were pretty brutal and as soon as he could, he was fleeing wyoming and going to school in irving

(internalized homophobia tw) things are far better now that he’s out of his home situation, but ofc he still has a few personal things he’s working thru; the paxton’s were raised in an incredibly religious household, and he’s got some classic Catholic Guilt going on upon realizing that he’s not jst attracted to women n he avoided talking abt it forever/stayed in the closet fr far too long bt he’s sort of come out now in his own way even tho he does still get a bit nervous talking abt it rly

he’s also ‘dealing’ rn (just pharmaceuticals) which is frankly funny to think abt bc this man is abt as threatening as a care bear bt money is tight all things considering and a librarian job doesn’t rly cover it, and with the amount of meds he’s on, plus incredibly frequent doctor’s visits, needing to pay for extra epi-pens, inhalers, etcs. bills add up so he’s cutting back his meds n selling wht he can spare which is . so unhealthy bt thts life in corporate america baybee!

details.

is literally allergic to everything. grass, cats, most fruits, milk, most nuts, bees, latex, probably more i cnt even keep up w them its pathetic

u can catch him strutting around town w his blinged out epipen holder (aka blinged out w pins of his fav horrors movies) LKSHDGKLHSKLDG

if things cldnt get worse he also has quite intense asthma so he carries an inhaler with him at all times

n to make matters even WORSE he frequently has dizzy spells n bad memory problems bc of all the concussions he’s suffered from (about 8-9 at this point) as well as consistent migraines that can b literally debilitating sometimes

awkward n jst a bit of a Weirdo to b frank like he barely knows how to converse with ppl

didnt have any friends in high school so took the time to teach himself rly weird things, knows a fuck ton of magic tricks, can yodel, juggle, solve a rubix cube with his eyes closed in under 30 seconds, just extremely weird and specific things

can honestly b a bit mean/barbaric to ppl he’s not close w/doesn’t kno - has told ppl to their face before he doesn’t enjoy talking to them bc he has no concept of social constructs/norms

loves 2 film random things at parties, makes him feel more comfortable at them n he makes short films of them all after

going off that fact he did a film internship in nyc during the summer and is trying to find a job in that field

doesn’t realize demisexuality is a thing so he’s never been that fond of sex but has this stigma in his mind that that makes him Broken so he still Tries n it jst doesnt go well tugs my shirt collar

connections.

ppl who r more into under the counter meds than Hard Drugs n buy off him?? probs wld have to kno him some way hes too scared to sell to Random randoms

ppl he went to school w? :D

some friends………. hes awkward bt he means well…………

ppl he has a crush on/unrequited crushes either way wtvr floats ur boat he crushes quite easily but never does anything abt it fr the most part

a mans he wld Risk It All fr (aka a guy tht he actually has a crush on n is Extra Awkward probs a lil mean to bc hes still New to That)

some enemies tbh, he has a temper n he tends to blow up rarely bt it happens n when it does it actually can b quite scary JKSHDGLHSDG

a muse….. mayhaps?? someone he always wants in his film projects

awkward past hook ups/one night stands where one of them cut ties off cuz every time they got together gunner acted like he was embalming a body for a funeral

current hook ups/fwb’s w ppl he’s actually close w/is comfortable w so its nowhere near as bad SDKHSLDGHKLSDGH

Anything u Desire

#irvingintro #depression tw #anxiety tw #violence tw #abuse tw #missing child tw #kidnapping tw #internalized homophobia tw #tugs my shirt collar at all those tws............. SLKDHGLKHSDGKLHSDKLGHSDG #as per usual i didnt proofread lets all pray bri didnt make a mistake.

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mistyeyedpea · 3 years

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Me losing sleep over this entire post on fb but i had removed it cause i know it would cause issues-

its really crazy that i have my family on here and literally none of them check in on me (other than my mom and dad occasionally checking in)

My grandparents in pr yell at me for never contacting them, but im the one calling their phones and being sent to voicemail. Im the one checking in on my cousins and aunts and grandma. Phones do work both ways ... The last time i saw my aunts was when i had surgery in 2019. I was happy to sew them, but i knew they were just stopping by. I dont get invited to barbeques. My mom never tells me about any family events, but i am never personally invited to begin with by anyone. When i was younger i had a "better" relationship with my family. (We basically actually did things together) But i dont know what has happened. My cousin gives me a ride one time and tried to charge me 10$ for it. For a funeral mind you. I only rode w him cause i missed him.

Same cousin talks abt being woke but still uses terms like "my fav cousin" and says passive aggressive things like "i know who my real family is" when i am just trying to talk to him and see him. This is the treatment i get.

My other cousin that i used to be close to, acts like i dont exist.

I was never able to establish a relationship with my niece bc of this. She doesnt even know who i am.

My youngest cousin whom i love to pieces, i havent seen him in years.

I am currently feeling extra upset because i dont care about the strangers on here, but mainly my family is on here, and they never show to me that they care. Life is short and i just want to say im tired of being made to feel like i dont matter by the people who are supposed to care i spent too much of my life hoping MY FAMILY could understand me. But instead i am cast as the black sheep as i was in my youth when my cousins got away with bullying me. I was seen as the problem, and i know why.. i just wont say it cause it will get me in trouble (even at 26 i stilk have ptsd from speaking the truth) And me being young, neurodivergent and lacking boundries i fled to any arms that would accept me, since i was so "broken"

I dont think its me thats broken, after all these years i realize that perhaps im better off without them and this weird limbo they always kept me in.

As a person who has physical limitations, mental health issues, chronic pain etc it should not be me going above and beyond just to have a chance at a reply... or hoping maybe ill get invited this year. No.

If you dont care, i dont care. Tired of watering dead plants.

This is why i cannot wait to move away.

I cant help but think the reason i get treated this way is because i am neurodivergent and any issue anyone else had with me immediately blamed on me being "mentally ill" (ive heard this line too many times) as if they didnt directly do something to trigger me... right.

Anyways im done ranting. If you were mentioned, sorry but you suck and i am in a place where im not sure if i want a relationship with anyone anymore, so you can continue to ignore this like you usually do or apologize to me via dms where i will most likely not reply.

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urmomification · 3 years

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WOOO POG DREAM SMP AU

theres 1.8k words and 9,393 characters of a schlatt au below the cut LMAO

[i was rambling to my friend and this is what came out of it! send me an abt it if u have questions i would love to talk abt it more pls]

(slight body horror/gore tw!!)

slams fists on table rattling any dishes on the table au where schlatt doesnt die of a heartattack and tubbo locks him up to rot basically and his horns grow into his eyes effectively blinding him and chained his hands together and basically a leash on him to keep him from moving around in his cell so he cant do anything to break the horns off before they get too long and one day when technos breaking into lmanberg he gets chased into the prison and loses them in the halls before coming across schlatts cell and schlatts calling out like 'whos there i can hear ur foot steps whos there please someone whos there' etc yk and technos speechless they thought they executed him to keep him from causing any more problems in the country but this is this is just much worse than anything he even thought theyd do and hes standing in front of schlatts cell just looking at him as if hes imagining it he knew lmanberg was bad but holy fuck they just let this man rot in a cell to the point of his own horns blinding him and giving him no aid or way to ease the pain so he makes himself known and schlatt 'ive never been so happy to see, well, hear an anarchist in my life, its good to see- hear you technoblade' and chuckles and blood runs down his face like tears would, few drops landing on his clothes before techno starts trying to get into the cell to take him out of there he cant leave him here sure he was an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but he had standards and now that schlatt wasnt in power he had nothing against him really considering he isnt a citizen of lmanberg so he manages to pick the locks enough to get him out of there, schlatts arm slung over technos shoulder they stumble out of the prison building and as they slowly make their way to the nether portal to get back to technos base, they run into tubbo and quackity, schlatts old right hand men and they try to stop techno bc hes well an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but the glare techno gives them levels them and theyre left staring at each other for a moment when schlatt 'whyre we stopped whos there tech' and techno mumbles 'tubbo and quackity schlatt' and schlatt just furrows his brows as far as he can without sending excruciating pain into his eye sockets before he purses his lips and asks 'are they going to try and stop us?' techno looks back at the other two 'no they wont, isnt that right boys?' tubbo and quackity slink away allowing techno and schlatt to the portal and them going thru, schlatt still silent as he tries not to trip over technos cape or off the ledge of the bridge passing over the lava lakes, they make it to the portal and begin the walk across the arctic tundra to technos house, philza isnt there right now so its just the two of them and techno leads him up the ladder to his room (its not really a room i think its just a bed, a bell and an enchantment table) and sits him down on his bed mumbling something abt being right back and he is with some medical supplies and a change of clothes to clean everything up, they dont talk techno works in silence and when schlatt winces he mumbles a small apology before continuing eventually techno got schlatt as cleaned up as you can get someone w horns in their eyes and a sweater to keep him warm and finally starts asking questions 'how long had u been in there' 'lost count' 'did they bring you food' 'a chests worth at the beginning of the month' techno sighs 'i thought they executed you' 'tubbo chickened out despite me being 'an active threat to our peace in lmanberg' and locked me up a few days after u set the withers loose and dropped off a chest of food once a month and most of them refused to talk to me others couldnt even make eye contact with me, other than the few instances where they said things like 'heres ur food' or 'u deserve this' or 'i cant believe tubbo let u live' i talked to no one other than myself for however long i was in there' techno stands and walks around for a moment before flipping some pages and schlatt can hear him gasp quietly in mild surprise 'what is it tech' looking in the direction he heard techno from and techno says, turning to face schlatt on his bed 'schlatt that was almost 3 months ago' a single beat of silence rings for what feels like forever 'oh. i, i didnt think itd been that long. though it would explain my current predicament' loosely gesturing towards his face 'oh right abt that i have a few questions if ur ready to answer some' schlatt hums and techno grabs a pen and paper and sits next to him in case he needs to take any notes for future reference 'how fast do ur horns normally grow' 'idk just a steady amount my whole life pretty much' 'will they ever stop growing' 'they generally stop growing around 30 and continue to grow more in width than length' 'did anyone who brought u food notice' 'they grow quickly and by the time the person w the third chest came around they were getting close to my eyes but they didnt listen to me, no one did' he sighs looking down at would be his hands 'the odds of both of my horns growing into my eyes and blinding me like this are so low but of course it would happen to me' a chuckle void of any amusement 'because losing my country and my people and my power wasnt enough already' techno stands up 'you had that coming' schlatt actually laughs this time, short and curt 'ok fair, u were the one that took me down afterall' and from then on schlatt lives w techno and phil and eventually tommy and then without tommy (tommy was Not happy when he found out that schlatt was living with techno but he needed somewhere to stay too and techno happens to live in an arctic tundra where only a handful of people know how to get to so he didnt complain too much) and eventually techno saws off schlatts horns at the bend adn removes them from his eyes bc if they kept growing into his head theyd hit his brain and kill him on top of blinding him and techno gags and almost throws up despite not being sensitive to gore and gives schlatt a bandanna to cover the holes in his head for everyones sake and once they heal somewhat he can find something else out and thats how they live, schlatt helps with what he can like farming w phil but mostly spends his time learning braille or something so he can read and techno gets him books in braille so he isnt bored or alone like he was in the prison and he feeds him and takes care of him and schlatt is funny and entertaining despite being blinded by something from his own body and the torture it was like to rot in a cell alone for almost a 1/4 of a year and nights when techno gets home late and hes shaken and the voices are bad schlatt will sit behind him and play with his hair and talk abt his own day and rub technos back and in return when schlatt relapses and gets violent and angry techno will wash his hair and read him stories until he calms down and hopefully asleep and no one told him the news that wilbur died so when ghostbur shows up and starts talking to him he treats him the same as he would wilbur bc he cant see that hes a ghost all thats different is his speech pattern and overall personality and one day he says 'ur different wilbur what happened to that, i dunno spark u used to have' and wilbur simply 'im not sure if im being honest a lot abt me has changed since i died, or so im told i dont remember much from when i was alive' and schlatt just 0_0 and then hes scrambling down the ladder and stumbling around the house looking for techno, finding him in the basement working on something and when he gets there hes out of breath and his hands are shaking bc holy shit wilburs not only dead but a ghost and he was just talking to me and he doesnt remember what i did and and and and techno is shocked to see schlatt in the basement and asks whats up and schlatt just 'wilbur died wilbur fucking died tech why didnt anyone tell him and now hes a ghost hes a fucking ghost who lives in ur house and doesnt remember anything he doesnt remember that he blew up lmanberg does he he remembers my name but not anything that i did what hes a fucking ghost techno hes a ghost holy fuck' and technos just standing there like ??? no one no one told him 'yea philza had to kill him after he blew up lmanberg i thought u knew thats why i didnt say anything' oh. 'phil, phil had to kill him?' 'yea its a touchy subject, dont bring it up' and simply goes back to what he was working on so schlatt sits on the ground by the ladder and listens to him work his brain going a mile a minute trying to comprehend whats going on 'would i have become a ghost if theyd chosen to execute me?' 'its hard to say im unsure if theres specific circumstances that contribuite to someone becoming a ghost but theres really no telling' and goes back to working yet again and from then on they fall into an easy schedule of techno going out and doing whatever an anarchist terrorist w a murder record does on ur average wednesday and schlatt stays home reading and organizing whatever he can based on size and feeling and sleeping in windowsills and schlatt greeting techno comes home beaten up and full of new resources and a side of bruises and cuts so he tends to them, getting better at maneuvering and functioning without needing to see then techno making dinner and then curling up by the fire for the night enjoying each others company as they talk abt their days :]

#dream smp #jschlatt #technoblade #sorry abt the lack of paragraph breaks i wrote this on discord and just copy pasted it #sorry if things dont make sense too! i just started watching a few weeks ago :]#looks at schlatt and technoblade: i just think theyre neat #also this isnt intended to be a ship au or anything but u can interpret it as whatever #fic au idea

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floorbed · 4 years

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14, 15, 50, and 67 for agni and pen!

HEH... this 1 ended up long too oops.... under read more

14) What is a pet peeve of theirs?

a big one for pen is when ppl dont understand the difference between like jesters vs clowns vs mimes vs fools... all of that Clownery Discourse...

agni does not like sudden noises, bright lights, just like things that r A Lot Of Sensory Input At Once!

15) What was the last thing they cried about?

for pen it was last session, sitting on the steps of the toymakers shop alone! it was loud ugly crying, probably, when youre really scared and frustrated you cant do anything abt it kindof crying! the fact that izek knew his mothers title, had some sort of emotional/whatever connection to be defensive when asked about her again, and knew what he looked like as a kid uhhh.... Fucking Terrified Him! less for his own life bc like. he has already died twice. he has fucked up magic and can defend himself. but what that means for his mom, if shes here on hell island?? why the fuck this scary demonguy knows her????? if shes okay??? Head Full Thoughts Full. (also wh.en him and ori were messaging. and ori was Disappointed in him for keeping a secret that couldve been endangering all of them . he didnt Cry but he did have A Moment. and then watching her having oripanic time and knowing it was his fault. yea)

for agni it was after the lighthouse, when they took the long rest at llyr’s place at like 2 pm. so like. turns out. Agni Has Emotions. and she forgets this fact about herself but it is very much True. is the thing. and knowing like. she shouldve been able to save rei but couldnt bc she wasnt competent enough Fucked With Her! combined w like, mercenaries coming after her and her friends, and learning that the 1 person besides her moms that she’s closest to risked her life for weeks to try and help her and agni endangered All Of Them just by proxy, and then after escaping fuckgin . mercenaries literally almost all died in the lighthouse.... It Was Just An Extremely Bad Morning And It Was Very Overwhelming. and i dont think she cried cried, u know, bc i dont think shes done that in a long ass time, but it was definitely like Quiet Tears Time Before Bed, just kinda out of shock more than anything! she has not Processed any of this. and thats my ted talk

50) If they got called out by someone, what would they do?

its rlllyy situational but pen wld either defend himself 2 hell and back or get quiet n apologize

agni wld agree w them, obviously if they are this emotionally invested in the topic it must mean a lot to them and even if she doesnt understand shes not gonna like. be a dick! shes not invested in causing problems socially!

67 answered here!

#mel talks #dnd tag #agni #penance the jester

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anyhao-archived · 4 years

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okay since i didnt do a fan account for last time i saw vav, i decided i absolutely needed to do it this time especially since jacob was there this time. ill put this under a read more since i ended up talking a lot lol. but a few highlights from last year though real quick:

my mom went with me and she fell in love with st.van who seemed very impressed that a mother liked him so much jdkflgh

ace gets more attractive every time and. red is his color no one else can wear red except him

baron was exceptional at fan service as always

they changed their choreo for it to work for 6 people and i was very sad. but very impressed that they learned it all again

im sure theres more but thats all i can remember specifically off the top of my head. and it was over a year ago oops smh i shouldve wrote it down. anyways this year snapshots were rly expensive so i only got one with jacob and it was so so so worth it. the absolute love of my life apple of my eye my entire WORLD

i personally enjoyed this year much better than last year for a few reasons: it was the same venue who now knew what to do lol and not scrambling like last year. also the sound quality was... off. last year. could hardly hear vocals but this year it was BEAUTIFUL. also!!!! JACOB was there! that on its own makes it worth it for me! also my friend was there with me this year too hehe

also heres my fan account from 2 years ago (the first time i saw vav, with jacob) in case anyone wants to read that one too

ANYWAYS: the fansign. was much more rushed than previous years but that makes sense with the sheer volume of people there. i dont remember what i said to at least half the members lmao but i did tell jacob that i was happy he was here this time and that i missed him. also i literally went mute when i saw ace hahaha

i told lou and st.van thanks for coming (i think?) and originally i was gonna tell lou yeehaw cuz he was wearing a cowboy tie thing but i forgot.

also ziu kept saying my name over and over except he kept pronouncing it wrong dsjhkgfl that letter ㄹ can be pronounced both as an R and an L. so my name is maiRin but he kept saying maiLin. props to him for trying again and again though lol. ziu’s handshake was so so hard too lol like he wouldnt let go so i told him he had a great handshake and he was like :))) YOU TOO!!. hes so loud and energetic lol

during the hi touch i kept thinking about how tall they are!!! like they mustve grown since last year lmao or maybe i shrunk?? anyways me and my friend made a heart together for the group photo

the concert was FUCKING AMAZING!! like i said they fixed the sound problem from last time so they sounded sooo good. they did all my fave songs except for abc but apparently ayno choreographed runway specifically for the tour bc so many of us wanted it lol

god. ace unbuttoned his shirt during poison and i think my soul left my body. and baron did that tummy tease by lifting up his sweater..... how can they do such a thing to me... im losing my voice and i can pinpoint the exact song why: dance with me. and spotlight. i screamed all those lyrics believe me!!

ALSO THE STAGE PART?? where they called fans up on the stage? i got SO embarrassed secondhand. the 30 second eye contact made me so nervous that poor girllooked like she was abt to pass out. and then ayno kept coming closer and baron worked together w/ him and made sure she couldnt walk backwards and THEN? WHAT THE FUCK DOES AYNO DO he uses baron as a wall and does the FUCKING WALL SLAM!!!!!!!!! i dont think we screamed louder than at that moment. i couldnt watch some of the fan service it was just. so much.

and at the end!! baron did a huge dance break for poison’s encore stage and he was so close to me. he looked so fluffy and soft but also s*xy in that turtleneck sweater...

during ending ments. people started chanting for jacob bc he wasnt there last time and i (cry emoji) as well as chanting ‘best leader’ for st.van. god i love vampz so much. st.van also took a pride flag and wore it too it was nice

and now: the snapshot session. unfortunately i only could afford one and i got mine with jacob. so some background knowledge: in their first concert i also took a pic with jacob where we did the E.T. pose where the tip of our fingers touch and. it was DESTINY OK the flash reflected off the glass behind us and lit up the exact spot where our fingers met and.. i cried when i saw it LMAO.

SO! i brought that snapshot with me this time to show him!!! and i was able to thanks to some sneaky moves using my sweater and he was like :O but i dont think he focused on the E.T part he was more like: omg u took a pic with me before?? (like he was surprised he has fans? bitch i LOVE you you have so many fans what a humble boy but also. he needs to know hes got fans!!!!) and i was like yes!!! i saw you before!! :^) very happy abt it! and then we took the pic.

and our pose was him wrapping his arm around me. it was so sweet he held up his arm so i could come snuggle up near him and i wanted to literally DIE. and our pic together is so cute ill add it at the end!!!! and this time i did not run away lmao (spoiler 1st time i took a pic with him i ran away and the staff had to tell me to come back so he could say bye) dhfsjgk

AND i said bye to him without stuttering!!! he smiled so brightly at me ;; and then he said: ill see u again. cant wait to meet you again. and my heart fuckin BURST. he wants to see me again!!!!!! bitch i wanna see u again for the rest of my LIFE!!!!!!!!

anyways im in my jacob feels in particular today now but also all the members were beautiful and talented and wonderful and it was just such a great night. i love them so so so much i would do anything for them

ok so ignore how i look but this is our snapshot: its a polaroid and we look so cute and happy together i wanna cry. i miss him already. apologizes for the blurriness and random lights its hard to take a pic of a polaroid lol

#vav #mtxt #vav in chicago #perhaps a few of you can live vicariously thru me via this post as well #wow i really. wrote a lot #im going thru something ok #god i rly am blessed to see them so many times #sf

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luobingmeis · 4 years

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DAO really was the best game, the lore the ability to absolutely wreck shit, the fact that they didnt do that bullshit ‘all sides are grey’ and clearly showed oppression. I think of my warden, an elven mage, and wonder how she’ll be rewritten more than anything.

right like!!!! i love each dragon age game with my whole heart and they all have super special places in said heart, but origins handles a lot of the social problems really well, or at least from the perspective that i play it as (also an elven mage!)

the rest i’m putting under the cut bc holy shit i can talk abt dragon age a lot. also nothing is proofred. i’m so sorry this got so long i hear “bioware” and “grey morality” and i go wild

(pls talk to me abt dragon age.....)

(also please don’t reblog this!!)

like i understand da2 having a type of grey-morality thing bc the final battle was choosing between the mages and the templars (tho imo they could’ve done better than “the mages hate us bc we keep them locked in a tower and there are multiple accounts of us abusing them and therefore some of them turn to blood magic so therefore we should kill all of them” but still, in a setting like that where the Main End Game Choice was mages vs. templars, then that is understandable)

(but also i haven’t played da2 in a couple years so maybe it’s more nuanced than that)

but inquisition! it’s weird bc inq has a super special place in my heart. i’ve played it 6 or 7 times to completion, not counting the other times i got 20/30 hours into it before external forces distracted me. inq is overall the game i think abt the most, most of my playthroughs average over 100 hours, it’s the only game that i have all the dlcs for, for me it’s the easiest to replay, and yet there’s so much that frustrates me abt it! like, i’m gonna avoid talking abt the actual parts of the writing that bother me, bc that can be it’s own standalone thing, but imo it felt like they never actually solidified what actually caused the mage/templar war? there are those that say anders started it (seems likely), then there are those who talk abt fiona leading the rebel mages in the war? and there, of course, is the “the templars have done wrong but so have they mages and therefore you’re shamed either way for what you do” like i Get what they’re trying to do, trying to encourage players to explore their options and really delve into their own moral values of the game and not just adhere to what the game says, but idk the way they always went abt it always rubbed me some type of wrong

i think part of it is bc, when people mention circle mages turning to blood mages and demons and such like that, it was always framed as “ah these evil mages!” and not “[if these are circle mages] most likely their want for freedom pushed them to that”

does that make it right? no, not necessarily! look at uldred from dao! imo, he was wrong! i don’t like the circle and my warden herself has a complicated relationship with it, but i like that you can say “hey! this is wrong!” without legitimate plot-based “but what if it isn’t?”

of course there will always be companions who push for the more chaotic/harsh choices (morrigan is the one i have the most experience with giving me disapproval for being what i think is nice) (still love her tho), but i think dao handled “okay, look at the big picture, and really think abt what hill u want to die on” stance well

and then there’s the way the mage/templar thing is handled in inquisition vis a vis companions. specifically cullen. and, listen, i as a player have a very complicated relationship with cullen and my heros do too lmao. and i really don’t want to get into the nuances of that bc that can 1) turn into a fight i don’t feel like having and 2) can be it’s own discussion, but basically, from my own perspective, he’s a well-written character who makes for a good antag to a mage-siding hawke in da2 bc of how pro-templar/anti-mage he is. again, don’t agree with any of it (honestly da2 alone puts me on the “okay fuck this” level w/ his character), but it does offer an extreme that is interesting to see. origins is more complicated bc in a game not directly stepped in mage/templar and also a game that stems from 6 different origin stories, it’s very easy to be a non-mage and be like “why do i care abt this guy” (if you get what i’m saying? like i got immediately invested in saving the mages bc my first warden was a circle mage so i was very put off by being told to kill all of them, as compared to if i played a non-mage origin and didn’t really have that background knowledge). but overall, origins and da2 puts cullen on the “pro-templars, mages are more dangerous than they are good side.” and then inquisition is where things get interesting!!

and, for a quick ref, i’m very into getting invested in my characters and really figuring out their morals and what they would actually do, or at least think, so dai becomes interesting bc i play as another elven mage who has never stepped foot in a circle and never will. so, bc of that, i play him as naturally more inclined to not initially Think abt cullen’s past like as a templar bc, as a dalish mage, i hc that he does not know what actually goes on in circles (as compared to my warden, a circle mage, and my hawke, an apostate) (but i hc that, overtime, as he has more and more experiences with templars, he becomes more cognizant of that) (but bioware doesn’t give me the option to just dictate everything my camris lavellan is thinking akjsjkdjk)

and dai-cullen, imo, is actually very interesting! and, tbh, i do have to give it to bioware. i feel like i’m abt to say an unironic controversial opinion, and i feel like i’ve already talked abt the nuances of all of this, but i do think dai did well at reworking cullen’s character. however, i feel like that was also done to feed into the grey-ness of the mage/templars. and, imo, i think they almost did well at actually making cullen show regret for how he treated mages. almost. again, i think there’s a lot of nuance! bc we do see him show some type of regret for how he treated a mage!warden (if he said all that shit like “all these people’s blood are on your hands” if u talk abt not wanting to kill innocent mages) and we do see him step away from templar life (that is, if you tell him to stop taking lyrium)

but!!!! there’s One Thing that puts a thorn in this, and it’s that cullen says something along the lines of, “meredith wasn’t all wrong, she had reason” like bitch!!! no matter what side you choose in da2, you fucking fight meredith!!! she’s wanted to kill innocent mages/make them tranquil even before anders blew up the chantry!!! meredith was all wrong!! she was evil!!!!! she was objectively a harmful person!!!!!!!!! bioware really makes this bitch the final boss of da2 and then has the audacity to say “but maybe she wasn’t all bad” in dai like WHERE IS THIS FOR ORSINO??? ORSINO ISN’T ALL BAD, IS HE???????? OH BUT HE IS BC HE RESORTED TO SUDDEN BLOOD MAGIC IN THE LAST TEN MINUTES OF THE GAME, AS COMPARED TO MEREDITH WHO WAS A DANGER FOR THE ENTIRE FINAL ACT and i digress but the fact that bioware is trying to redeem cullen but also showing that he still sympathizes with a woman who 1) turned against the templars and 2) Literally Everything She Did To The Mages always makes me “hmmmm are u really trying tho :/”

also tho one thing i’m actually not the biggest fan of is that cullen is like “oh i knew hawke in passing........ knew varric in passing.............” meanwhile let’s just cut to everything that happened at kirkwall. this is my own opinion bc i see varric as hawke’s #1 but i personally think that at least half of the comraderie varric and cullen sorta-kinda-had in inq was varric testing the waters of “okay what is cullen going to be like if and when hawke shows up”

also tho i will say a hot-take of mine is that if cullen gets to be redeemed by bioware, then i want something for anders, too, but i doubt bioware would do something so clearly pro-mage. but it could be two sides of the extreme! extremist templar gets redemption, extremist mage does, too! come on, bioware, show your grey morality

(again, i think it’s interesting what they did with cullen in dai and does give some sympathetic light but i also do think the reworking of his character was working towards bioware’s moral-greyness agenda with dragon age. not that that’s necessarily a terrible thing, i understand them wanting some nuance, but it’s the way they do it. like, you can show bad templars and bad mages and still not have “but who is really the bad guy? the oppressors or the oppressed? who is it really?”)

(and also just bc i feel like i need to put my own player claim in this, my opinion on cullen is complicated and also i’m gonna be completely forth-right with u, dear anon, i appreciate cullen in inquisition but, as a whole, he can be terrible to ur warden in dao (that’s not me being shifty it literally just depends on the choice you make in broken circle) and in da2 he’s a nightmare, so bioware had to do a lot of legwork in dai) (tbh tho in my personal-player opinion, if i was to ever romance cullen in inq, it’s not gonna be with a mage)

god this got so out of hand anon i’m so sorry you probably didn’t want this messy essay but i just love talking abt dragon age!!! i think abt it a lot and i have five years worth of headcanons and i have a family tree set up for my surana/lavellan bc of some bullshit i pulled and also!!!! bioware’s writing can get so frustrating but i also think it’s so interesting to pull apart and discuss bc i think the bioware has actually shifted from pro-mage (origins) to neutral-mage (da2 kinda) to anti-mage (dai) and i feel like So Many Choices with characters and their plots reveal that!!! so it’s a frustrating agenda but i also just love dragon age so much that i can’t help but get excited and talk abt it!!!

like, as all things, i do believe there are times when grey morality does work, but, at least from a mage-siding perspective, it hasn’t really landed well for dragon age. bc, and i don’t want to drag in real-life scenarios bc i feel like it would be incredibly inappropriate of me to use any oppressed minority as a comparison for a fantasy world, but it’s the age-old thing of people saying the shitty “but the oppressed fight back and therefore they’re just as bad as the oppressors!” and that’s like....... not how it works.

but also you’ve caught me in a wonderful mood so i feel like, if i was in a bad mood, this would be a lot more “and fucking bioware can’t make a goddamn decision on what side they actually support so instead most of the companions are gonna made rude remarks abt you supporting mages and the ones that support you are seen as distrustful and fuck this and fuck that” but i think that is the joy of loving something with you’re whole heart and also saying “there are so many things abt this that piss me off and so many things that i would change”

and also!!!! ik bioware probably killed my warden so like rip electra surana but i would love for the warden to make an appearance in da4 as a temporary companion/advisor. but! but!!!!!! i also don’t know how much i trust bioware with my “elven mage who is alistair’s mistress and preferred the mages and wanted to free the circles and etc etc etc” bc... idk how to explain it? like, i don’t want them taking my warden and putting words in her mouth that go against choices i meticulously made in dao

#im ending this now #i went thru like 8 different discussion points im so sorry #im also not tagging this as d/a bc i try not to start fandom shit here #not for any moral reason #i just dont feel like arguing w/ strangers on the internet #i like discussing tho!!! like genuinely #also im sorry this conversation became so cullen-centric #i just feel like he is who bioware puts a lot of their moral-greyness in #answered #Anonymous

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midoriyaizukustan-inactive · 4 years

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everyone shut the fuck up and CONSIDER trans girl iida

she supposes she always knew unconsciously that there was something different about her but she never rlly put much thought into it until some ppl in the class come out as trans* (like aoyama’s genderfluid, tokoyami’s a demiboy, nd tsu and jirou are trans girls)

and as class rep, but also (and arguably more importantly) their friends, iida wants to make sure she can make them as comfortable as possible abt coming out so she does some research nd stuff. like she knew trans people existed and were valid nd such before but she wanted to get more than just the basic facts

and shes happy for her friends! shes glad they trusted their class enough to tell them, shes glad she can be there for them. but she also notices that she feels rlly...weird? and she keeps doing research just because.......its interesting. but she doesnt know why she finds it so interesting?? and she gets kinda insecure abt that

so she keeps diggin into it and reads posts that trans ppl have made abt their experiences and just classic shitposts nd all that. she thinks the community is great!! and also she finds some fresh wholesome memes to share w her friends so its all the better. right?

but eventually she finds a community of trans girls specifically and she just absolutely COMBS through that. reads every single post there that she can find. but coincidentally she also feels even more insecure now bc shes starting to unconsciously question her gender nd stuff and lets be real folks. an identity crisis is not fun

couple this with the fact that she doesnt experience the traditional dysphoria(tm) that other trans girls seem to universally share, iida gets rlly down abt it. nd it gets to the point she rlly raaaaags on herself for still lookin thro these posts nd stuff and still subtly questioning herself and shes just rlly unhappy at the time :[

nd she doesnt wanna like make tsu or jirou uncomfortable so she doesnt wanna ask them abt it but shes so confused nd frankly hurt and she doesnt know what going oooonnnn with herself

so shes just in this complete funk for a while nd it starts to affect her grades and performance in training. her friends know smths up but iida doesnt know how to even explain how shes feeling so its not necessarily that she doesnt WANT to go to her friends but she literally does not know how to. anyway eventually aizawa keeps her after class and is like “ok iida smths up im gonna call tensei if u dont talk to me”

iida feels absolute HORROR at the prospect of tensei somehow finding out abt this bc oh shit what if he doesnt want her carrying on the name of ingenium anymore??? what if he thinks shes a freak??? what if he thinks shes not really a girl and shes just faking it to be special?? what if- and oh shit thats the first time iida rlly consciously thought to herself “im a girl but what if others dont think i am?”

so she kinda bursts into tears and aizawa internally is like “oh jesus what the fuck” but externally hes like “iida?? r u ok?? was it something i said?? oh fuu- is something wrong with tensei??” and iida just kinda speaks thro her cries like “no nothings wrong with tensei something’s wrong with me” and ill be real folks its real sad girl hours for a bit

anyway iida doesnt rlly elaborate much beyond that bc shes so ashamed and embarrassed but aizawa is like “u’ve gotta talk to someone iida ur friends r worried and frankly i am as well” and iida eventually promises to talk to someone

soo she comes to terms that since she so confused it would be best to ask tsu and jirou abt it even if shes,,,,so v concerned,,,abt making them uncomfortable. but she manages to convince herself that she rlly does need some guidance here and better to ask ppl who know her than ask on the internet sooo

thankfully while iida is working up the courage to ask tsu and jirou to talk, she finds posts derailing terf and truscum shit so she feels. a lot lot better abt everything but particularly the lack of any intense dysphoria she had after reading stuff like that, esp the more verified(tm) articles from the more verified(tm) authors (like doctors and psychoneurologists and such)

so she figures out how she wants to word her questions nd asks tsu nd jirou to meet up. tsu nd jirou agree right away bc all of class 1-a is worried abt their class rep at this point :[ so theyre happy shes finally reaching out

iida is kinda a disaster when tryin to talk but she gets her point across. like “uhh this is a rlly bad way to ask but how did u guys know u were,,,trans?” nd tsu immediately catches on but jirou is only a lil suspicious until further into the conversation

anyway eventually jirou catches on the same as tsu and thats when tsu asks “iida do u think ur trans??”

nd iida is sooooooooo tired of feeling ashamed bc damn. she does think shes trans! she does. she shouldnt feel guilty for how she feels she cant help that. so after takin a moment to steel herself she says “yea” as confidently as one can in the situation

tsu nd jirou r immediately supportive nd ask iida for more details abt how shes feeling nd iida is just,,,so happy,, since shes already on an honesty streak that afternoon, shes able to roughly get her wack emotions into words nd tsu and jirou are like “yea thats valid ur valid iida. it doesnt matter if u dont have the trademark dysphoria or that u didnt know until later in life like ur still young. u say ur a girl, ur a girl” iida cries but only a bit bc damn months of agonizing over this. we stan one trans girl trio.........

anyway tsu and jirou ask her how she wants to move forward i.e. transitioning or telling anyone, and iida hadnt even considered transitioning before bc it felt so out of reach but shes absolutely ECSTATIC at the thought of bein able to look more feminine and it Shows. tsu and jirou r like “ok mood we were like that too right before startin estrogen”

so the first unofficial trans girl trio club meeting ends w tsu and jirou promising to help iida ask recovery girl abt hormones and iida sayin she doesnt want to come out just yet to the class/anyone else in general and tsu and jirou respectin that. i love them yall

anyway after a few months, iida is ready to try hormone treatment so tsu and jirou help her ask recovery girl for a meeting nd r moral support for her while they go thro the process of like figuring out what dosage she should start w/, how long should she take it, when a check up appointment should be, if recovery girl should tell iida’s parents yet or nah, all that stuff. anyway after that, recovery girl gets her started on hormone treatment which iida is SUPER EXCITED abt and tsu and jirou tell her stories abt when they first started estrogen and AHHH I LOVE MY GIRLS SO MUCH FUCK

anyway eventually after some support from tsu and jirou via the unofficial trans girl club meetings and getting back on her feet confidence-wise, iida comes out to the class :,,,]]] theyre all super supportive and iida cries just a bit. tsu and jirou r so proud of her. aizawa is just glad his problem child #9 is feeling better

ashido and yaoyorozu get together and take iida shopping so she can have more feminine clothes which iida has a lot of fun w......shes never been necessarily big on shopping before (even if she is a part of the rich kid’s club lmao) but this trip is so EXCITING and ashido and momo r so happy for her and so ESCATIC to help her find some clothes and just oh my heart.......

the girls also have a sleepover during which they indoctrinate iida on all things traditionally feminine like makeup nd hair so that she knows the basics should she ever wanna mess arnd with that stuff. but also they just have fun doin normal things and just include iida in on being one of the gals nd iida is,,,so happy. tsu and jirou in particular r arnd her the whole night and wow my uwus they own them the unofficial trans girl club owns my uwus-

anyway so coming out and being accepted and transitioning is going so much better than iida thought it would be. she feels so safe and happy im crying.....anyway eventually some time later iida also gets permission to visit her family during a long weekend/short holiday w/e. nd while there she shakily but steadily comes out to her fam ofc her parents r so proud (her mom’s like ‘’ive always wanted a daughter yes!!! ily tenya’’) and tensei loves her all the same nd she cries a lil bit bc damn,,,,,,shes been fearing the exact opposite reaction for months

specifically she talks to tensei abt it for a little while and mentions her particular fears abt not being good enough to carry on the name “ingenium” nd he smiles at her nd is like “i would rather no one else but my little sister to carry on the name of ingenium” and bruh shes absolutely floored

nd yea. midoriya and uraraka absolutely love love love iida shes still their absolute fav. she joins the unofficial class 1-a trans* club as well as accidentally forms the unofficial class 1-a trans girl club. we love her,,,,

but yeah thats it. this post is so fucking long but oh well. stan iida!

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absolutiions · 4 years

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´ ･ . ✶ ⧼ madchen amick, non binary, she & they / fucked my way to the top by lana del rey + eyes the color crimson and hands stained in crimson, too. victim of the underworld, you are not. you came, not to sit silent at his side as dutiful wives do, but to whisper in his ear. pouted lips smeared ruby stoke the flames of his darkest impulses and his deepest desires. you are the conqueror. you are the queen. and may god have mercy upon anyone who underestimates this : because you will not. ⧽ ━━ don’t look now, but that’s ATHENODORA. the TWO THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED & TWENTY TWO ( varying physical ) year old GIFTED VAMPIRE has been here in seattle for three minutes, and is considered a member of the VOLTURI. they’ve always been MACHIAVELLIAN & INDOMITABLE, but i guess this town just brings out the worst in people ; apparently, they’ve been way more INSOUCIANT & SUPERCILIOUS than usual. it wouldn’t surprise me if they knew what was going on. click HERE to check out her stats.

they told you that you were a nobody, so you became the QUEEN. ( now everybody knows your name )

SECTION ONE OF THREE : background / human era. trigger warnings for talk of pregnancy, death, abuse

born circa 502 bc, in a little village that has no lasting name nor impact in ancient greece.

five of the children born to her parents survived to adulthood, and since she was the last one... it is almost like, her whole life, she has been suffering from younger child syndrome. who knew !

she very literally grew up in a diff time, so when i say she wasn’t rly close to any of her siblings, i don’t mean it in a like... horrible way. it’s not a reflection of character. they just didn’t have a tight sibling bond, though she loved them greatly.

same w her parents. they were unexceptional people who lived unexceptional lives, and though she was grateful for, u know... their creation of her - they were not close. they did not, in laymans terms, have the lorelai and rory gilmore dynamic.

her whole family were content to live their dismal lives, and... tho athenodora did not vibe, she, again - grew up in a diff time. of course she dreamt of more. of course she prayed to the gods for something better. but she was achingly aware of the fact that no such future would ever exist for her. such is life in 400 whatever bc, bumfuck, greece.

she was just barely eighteen when she was married to athanasios, to secure land, or smth, because those were the times. of course it was something like that.

he was... fine, at first. a little small minded ( that wasn’t the ONLY thing that was small, haha ). he, like everyone, was content to live the same old life, and athenodora just... wasn’t. she had been raised on stories of grandeur, and her parents had thought she would settle for the regular - it should not have been a surprise that she didn’t want to, but gods, did she try.

she never loved him, she can safely say ; but she wished that she did. for a long while, athenodora thought it would be easier, and thought that she could do a lot worse. unfortunately... she cld not.

their lives were meant to follow a certain pattern. they had gotten married, and now he would work all day, make them money, tend their land. she would stay home. cook. clean. raise the children that they were sure to have. athenodora was capable of almost everything expected of her, except for the most important part - she couldn’t seem to give him children. not strong sons. not beautiful daughters.

at first, he told her that it was fine.

after a year or so, he still told her that it was fine, but she could see in his eyes that it wasn’t.

two years after this, he called her the ancient greek version of defective for the very first time - and things only got worse from there.

he had always been a perfectly fine husband, until he was not, and athenodora had always wanted to love him, until she did not. she prayed to the gods every morning and night, to give her what her husband so desired. to give her that which would make her life better, even if she knew it would not heal the wounds already caused.

sometimes the gods r not dicks. a miracle! she becomes pregnant, aged twenty four ( i kno it sounded like she was a crone but again please remember the times ). she always thought it was just what was best n only athanasios would care, but , wow... suddenly. she cares. she has never felt this level of love with anything, until now.

but, tragedy :// straight white men ( idk, i just feel like her husband was the root of all evil ) are not so easily satisfied. who wld have guessed he wld continue to be an abusive asshole even after his wife succeeded in getting pregnant? i bet i shocked u all. who wld have guessed that a huge part of his problem wld end up being that suddenly, athenodora clearly cares abt something - and it isn’t him. again. got you all!

over the course of her pregnancy, he becomes, for the first time, a real threat to her - or maybe, athenodora simply never took him seriously until there is another person to think of. either way, she TRULY fears him and what he’s capable of by the time she gives birth, and after he makes some passing remark abt their baby, she yeets the FUCK out of there in the middle of the night, eirene ( baby ) only a handful of days old. she takes what she can carry and nothing more, and she... makes it pretty far, thanks to the kindness of strangers. you love to see it.

she settles somewhere ( she considers to be ) far away, and she makes up a good story : her husband died in a war ( there were probably a lot of time, i dont know ) and she was widowed, left to care for their young daughter alone. i know. its really original. they didnt have tv shows back then to rip stories from though.

stays in a hovel on the edge of their village. think the shittiest home you’ve ever seen and then make it shittier. there are rumors about her being a witch, and she kind of appreciates them, because it keeps kids out of her yard. and shock of all shock : in spite of being... u know. a woman. and not very skilled. she finds a very hot ticket job - working for the very wealthy volturi family who live on the other ( opposite ) outside of town, but like, in a considerably better home, obviously.

honestly, i don’t kno what the ancient greek equivalent of that secretary in new moon is, but that’s the vibe we’re going for, here. she’s like, a chambermaid or smth. and she makes a tidy little sum. doesn’t question her weirdo bosses that much. doesn’t know what anemia is because im p sure it wasnt discovered by then, but presumes they have it.

and maybe, just maybe, it’s the finesse of the century : or maybe, just maybe, it is destiny. in no time at all, she has caught the eye of the volturi’s most eligible bachelor(tm) : caius volturi. many another worker is made upset by this fact, as athenodora is very quickly alotted VERY special treatment as the apple of his eye, which includes, i don’t know... hand delivered baskets of pomegranates, a nicer home and in due time, the simple pleasures of the flesh.

so that’s pretty neat. and life’s pretty fine. she feels like an ancient greek sugar baby, and honestly, isn’t that all she’s ever deserved? she’s got some nice digs ( i don’t think she’d have called them that ) and a man who worships the ground she walks on and who spoils her with pretty things, and most importantly : she is taking care of her daughter, who i absolutely didn’t forget about. eirene is the literal light of athenodora’s life, and everybody knows it. if i say jean valjean and cosette vibes, can we all pretend we get it?

and then it goes to shit. as things do.

her daughter is fourteen years old, when her father finds them ; and she doesn’t know, she never knows, if he was seeking them out or whether it was all DUMB luck. regardless of it all, he is stood inside her home, his breath coming in angry half pants, and athenodora is convinced that this is it. that her end has come. that her freedom is over. she dies, she thinks, or she returns back to the house that was not her home with him. these are her options.

she tells her daughter to leave. she stops him from following. when she is shoved and her head hits the table, she is aware of the option he has chosen for them more than all else - but the gods, or perhaps, just one - intervenes.

until this night, athenodora had never known the truth of the volturi. but when her beloved saves her from athanasios, she sees him for what he is. she UNDERSTANDS. and she isn’t frightened. she should be, for sure, she should be running as fast as she can - but all she can think in that moment is that she is free now in all the ways she has never been... and caius, her love, is something so much larger than this life.

for the first time, the godhood that athenodora has always dreamt of is within her grasp. she makes him promise that once eirene comes of age, he will make her into the same creature that he IS. she makes him swear a solemn oath, and he who has been so infatuated by her for so long cannot argue.

four years. this is all it takes, and then eirene is eighteen - capable of standing upon her own two feet. athenodora leaves her everything - all the gifts she has ever been given, all the wealth accumulated, the home. everything she will not need, once she is gone. and she says a final goodbye.

caius turns her himself. the greatest gift he could ever give her.

and reborn, athenodora is MORE than everyone in her life could ever dream of being. she is the queen of the underworld, the goddess of death. she is all of this, and more. at his side, she finds GREATNESS. and once she had it, athenodora decided she would never again be without.

SECTION TWO OF THREE : volturi era.

became cool. became powerful. very emma frost of her, rly

didnt rly care for the rest of the coven outside of caius but sometimes u gotta hang w scrubs

didyme dies sometime after her turning, and that kind of fucks everybody up

not so much her bc like i said she didnt rly care but... caius b frightened of losing her, i guess

kind of throws a spanner in the works

she spends a lot of time ‘locked away’. not , like, literally ( bc that’s gross! ) but... caius takes over protective to the extreme

uses this time to harness her power and fuck

not always in that order

also spends a lot of time telling him he deserves to b leader

deserves to b the new aro

who needs powers?

not u, caius

go kick their ass baby i got ur flower-

( he doesn’t go kick their ass but man she wishes he wld )

she’s genuinely devoted to him, however, as much as it sometimes seems as if she’s using him as a means to an end

she DOES do that with a LOT of people, but caius... that’s her baby! her darling! her sweetie pie! fuck everybody else in this house caius, she respects YOU !

she jus wants to see him be the best there ever was, and he’s.... p... happy to giv her everything she wants, so their dynamic is actually p equal

we love to see it

anyway lots of years happened and now she’s here

seattle sucks -athenodora’s official review

but she’s fucking SICK of aro’s shit and thinks her 2020 birthday wld be the best time for an official change of pace

obviously aro can read minds so he knows athenodora has high aspirations but he has learned his fucking lesson w killing ppls mates, i guess

lucky for her!

that’s all i got

hehe

SECTION THREE OF THREE : power.

athenodora is an ungifted vampire in twilight canon, but to that i say : fuck ya chicken strips. in equinox, she be special. her power is life force manipulation, in a pretty unique ( and dare i say ) way.

she was a forty two year old woman, when she was turned. she had lived a life, and she had the MARKS to show for it. but the very first time that she drank human blood from the vein, athenodora realized that she was not as unexceptional as she had always been lead to believe she was. vampires do not change. they’re frozen in time, like statues, portraits, photographs... and yet, before caius’ very eyes - athenodora did what no other vampire could. mere seconds passed, and suddenly ; she was stood before her beloved, decades younger. it lasted as long as her thirst was sated, with her age returning to her as her eyes darkened once more. and it happened all over again, when next she fed.

over time, she’s come to understand it well enough. she has a particular love of younger humans ; those in their twenties, and thus, physical primes. she thinks that is, in part, down to her gift ; she seeks these out to drink from because when she feeds, she’s not simply drinking their blood, but also, their life force. she’s taking theirs to add to her own.

like many gifted vampires, she has spent time learning what she can of her gift, and learning whether there is some other way to apply it. it took almost two thousand years, but eventually - athenodora discovered that with a touch, her fingertips to their skin ( and a great deal of focus ), she could render another changed, also. it lasts for only a short amount of time - an hour, maybe a little longer, depending on how strong she is. but it works. and it makes her think that, in all her unlimited time : she might just be able to do even more. be a danger. manipulate life force in a way that can DESTROY. she’ll keep on working on that for as long as she lives.

#equinox.intro #ath #( 𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐀 ) ━━━ * biography !

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