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wonderfulworldofwinchester · 7 years

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Characters: Sam X Reader, Dean Warnings: Language, mention of torture, demon possession, killing of a family member, silence as a defense mechanism Summary: The Wincesters took you in after you were forced to kill your brother when a demon possessed him and tortured you for info you didn't have. Sam becomes someone you can open up to. It had officially been 2 months since you life was, twisted, crushed, and turned upside down. Everything you knew immediately ripped from you. Since that day, you hadn't been able to say a single word to anyone, even the two men who had saved your life. Sam and Dean Winchester. They did more than that though, they were gracious enough to open their home to you when you had no where else to go. They never pressured you to say something. They knew that where you were at the moment, mentally and emotionally, was not a walk in the park. You relived it everyday. Examining every detail, trying to figure out what went wrong, trying wrap your mind around the fact demons exist and why they thought you had information they needed. Over tome the boys could see this downward spiral before it hit full swing, and one of them would shout at you. They weren't being mean or insensitive, they just knew it was the best way to snap you back into the present. After a couple weeks, and some pretty serious dighing on their part, Sam and Dean, found a clue as to why you were mixed up in this. It cleared up some of the questions you had, but it also just flooded you with a thousand more. Turns out your parents had more to hide than the average set. You and your brother spent a lot of time as a kids at your aunt's house. And after your brother turned 18, you 16, you guys were pretty much on your own. Your parents had demanding jobs that required lots of travel. Neither of you ever batted an eye, it was your life. It was normal to you. Apparently they were right about the travel part, they just didn't include all the details about their line of work. The truth, you were born to hunters. Just like the ones you've been living with these days. They thought they were doing right by you and your brother by keeping the knowledge of what's out there. They thought that would keep you safe, and it did for a while, until they got into deep shit, and your brother paid for it, and now you were too, every damn day. When they died a year ago, the police chalked it up to a robbery gone wrong, and that's exactly what it all pointed to at the time. Hell, you didn't know demons existed, let alone that they could be to blame. Fast forward to where you are now. Fresh out of leads. Sam and Dean stressed out, looking for answers. You wanted so badly to help them any way you could, to tell them everything that happened before they got to you that night, but fear kept you locked in your head. You just couldn't relive it outloud yet. It hasn't been easy to interact without words. You did the best you could with notes and gestures, but some things just can't be conveyed without speech. Sam always tried his best to understand, assuring you that you were never a burden. He knew how painful these things were to talk about. Always reminding you, " whenever you are ready, I'll always be right here. Just don't let it eat you alive, please" The nightmare plagued you every night. They held you captive, forcing you to experience the torture over and over, and then making you watch yourself get tortured by some asshole wearing your brother as a suit, right up until that final blow you'll never be able to erase. You never noted these things to the boys. Hell, you never mentioned having nightmares. But tonight, tonight was different. Instead of laying back down and trying to force the memories away when you woke up panicked, something came over you, and before you knew it, you were running down the hall, bursting into Sam's room. This of course caused some alarm, leading to a gun pointed at you until he realized it was you. "Y/N? What's wrong?" He said immediately sitting up when he saw your somewhat frenzied state. Not sure what to do, you stood there staring at him. You eventually gestured, silently asking for something to write with. Once he handed you a pencil and a piece of paper, you started writing out a question : 'Can I stay here tonight? Nightmares." Sam looked at you slightly confused. You usually avoided closeness to both of them, not very fond of being touched. However, he granted your request, motioning towards the bed. "Yea... of course." He tried to give you as much space as possible, as to not make you uncomfortable or to spook you. After a few minutes, you turned and put your head on his chest, producing surprise from Sam again, bit he just wrapped his arms around you, feeling you start to relax under his touch. The feeling that you were starting to really trust him, made him just about as happy as could be. He didn't want to ruin it, but he had to know, "these nightmares happen a lot?" All you could do is nod. You couldn't stop the tears that started pouring out. It physically hirt him to see you in so much pain. He just held you while you let it out for the first time in a while, well around the boys that is. Once you calmed down a little, you suddenly uttered "Sam?" Not thinking about it he just answered, "yea, Y/N" . Snapping his head towards you, "wait, what? Did you just say my name?" You were both confused, "I guess I did. I don't know what happened, I just felt like whatever it was that kept me locked up inside broke open. I don't know how to explain it." "That's great!" You just sat up and looked Sam straight in the eye, "do you still want to know what happened? I want to help you guys any way I can. " You laid it all out there. Told him every single detail you could remember from the events leading up to that night. The good, the bad, the ugly. You told him about all the horrible things that ass made your brother do to try to get info out of you. Sam didn't push, he let you take all the time you needed to get through it, reminding you that he 'knows what it's like to not be okay.' Trying to keep a steady voice, you added, "you know what's the worst part about it all? They didn't do it. I did." Concern laced his voice, "Y/Nwhat are you talking about?" "They didn't kill my brother. I did. You clarified. "I managed to ger out of my restraints, found the gun my dad gave me when I was 14, and I shot him. Of course that was before I knew what was in him. I shot him in the in the right in chest and he just laughed, knocked me out and tied me back up. If I hadn't shot him beofre that thing smoked out, he wouldn't be dead! The coroner found only one cause of death, a single gunshot wound to the chest." Sam grabbed your shoulders, "hey,hey Y/N that was not your fault. You did what you thought was going to save your life. You didn't know that it was a demon, and that it wouldn't kill it. You were just fighting for your life." He kept reassuring you. "It doesn't fucking matter if it was my fault or not! My brother is dead. I shot him. I killed him! How the hell and I supposed to live the rest of my life carrying that around on my back!" You cried out. Sam knew you had a point. He couldn't blame you for that feeling. He would feel the same way if it were Dean. So he quit trying to talk you down any more. He just held you until you started to fall asleep. Just before you gave into sleep, you mumbled, "Hey Sam..." "Yea Y/N?" "Thanks for caring enought to wait on me, and to listen."

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simplyspiritualchaos · 5 years

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Why it's been hard trusting my friends.

Last night I had a memory come back to me. Ahh, middle school, it was the best of times and the worst of times. It's been 9 years since those days and now I *sometimes* talk to my crush from back then. It's almost everyday, but we have short times when we don't talk. In fact, I hadn't seen him in person for 4 years, until this past summer. He bumped into me after a fight had broke out at a mutual friend's party. He looked at me, said sorry and when our eyes met it threw me back to middle school. We ended up talking for a short time and added each other on SnapChat. From that point forward we have had our flings. Back to the old days. We used to have these co-school dance party type things and I went to every single one, in hopes he would be there also. My friends and I made sure we looked cute, but I never looked cute back then. I was skinny, that's for sure, skinnier than I am now anyway. One particular night of these dances, we (my friends and I) had started to fit in with certain "clicks" and it just so happened to be *his* group of friends and mine. At the time, one of his younger friends had taken an interest in me and it was cool. *He* on the other hand was interested in one of my friends, who always gets the guy. This other guy and I danced and talked together all night and he took me outside and kissed me. It was really nice to finally have a guy who liked me. I've always been the girl who no one commits to and this was maybe a chace at that. He gave me his number and we talked through the weekend. Soon after it started going downhill and we ended up not talking after only a few days. I was hurt, but at this point i was already used to the pain of rejection and the feeling of disappointment. So, after that had happened i told my girl friends whatbhad happened, and they revealed to me that they had all bet this kid to kiss me at that dance. My best friends, along with this kid's friends bet him to basically lead me on and make fun of me. To me, it was like I had been betrayed and that hirt more than anything. I'm still friends with 2 of the girls that told me what happened. But last night when I was reflecting on life, it made me feel that maybe the reason I don't have a boyfriend is because I'm scared of it all being a lie, that I am only a cruel joke to those around me. I believe, I don't have trust issues, but something deeply rooted in me that believes that I'm the one everyone will always laugh at. Someone no one can truly love because of the ridicule they may recieve while being with me.

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