#and i dont know if i should tell the manager

[skunkes]

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day #how they're already memories since moments pass so fast #everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever #and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go? #should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you. #on the other hand it will be the last time i see you. #and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed #it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily #so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore? #im going to be alone for so much of my life. #i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day #ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more. #how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been #the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief #and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true. #sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately #id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again #like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night #one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again. #talkys #i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it? #how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath.... #i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him. #i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore. #i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone. #and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter. #i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i #hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day

[good-enemy]

.

#i fucking hate that i dont have anyone to turn to about this right now #all my friends have shit going on and i dont want to bother them with this again #and i dont want to tell my family that its gotten worse #i knew i should have just not said anything but it was eating me alive #fuuuuck #i dont know what to do #i wanna yell at him so badly but i dont think i should be acting on anger #i think i should maybe write down what i want to say first and then read it back and see if its like. worth saying idfk #and i dont know if i should tell the manager #i dont know whose side shes on #shit fuck bollocks this is what i get for trying to be a nice person to someone who i know full well doesnt deserve it #i tried to sleep on it but it didnt really help #although i am back to not wanting to put a complaint in about him anymore so theres that #you know what this has been going on for so fucking long and hes been acting like its my fault that hes a bad person for so long and idk #i really dont know why im putting up with it #FUCK #ellies shitchats

[dennisboobs]

top tier testimonial

#ada speaks #this is so fucking funny #i would absolutely never call mac a master manipulator but he IS indeed pulling the strings #like my brother in christ that is canon and covered in an episode #I CANT. GET OVER HOW FUNNY THIS IS #'BE NICE TO GLENN' #I DONT KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS BUT YOU SHOULD BE NICE TO OTHER PEOPLE #how do you manage to equate 1) media analysis and 2) being nice to people to Not Having Fun #i am actually. i am having fun. thats kind of what fandom is supposed to be for #community. friendship. enjoying the thing. #simultaneously showing that you don't actually understand the source material AND acting like i'm having less fun for doing so #watch. pretty much any episode of the show and tell me mac isn't manipulative. not a Master Manipulator. but like #this isn't the Bad People Doing Bad Things Show ft. goodboy Mac #he's included

[scalproie]

Domesticated Post-Tekken 2 Era Kazuya is my favorite to think about because this would be so good for him and everyone else but he would have an absolutely miserable time during it

#like I dont think he would REALLY miss the rich ceo lifestyle bc i dont see it as smth he ASPIRES to but as a means to give himself power #if you (jun) somehow manage to convince him that he does not actually NEED power then i think hes adaptable enough to ajust to a humble life #and the whole being rich thing fed into his worst traits #but I think being close to jun all the time would be torture for him bc he would CONSTANTLY be confronted to his own faulty morality #he cant help feeling above other common people bc he endured much more pain and hardships at 5yo than them in a lifestyle- #but he cannot act on his superiority complex about them bc Its Not The Right Thing To Do #he looks at his newborn son and feel *nothing* before feeling frustration and irritation toward *himself* #bc hes smart enough to know he SHOULD be feeling smth #and if he relunctantly admit this to jun she would tell him that if the best he can do (for now) is to not wish or do any harm on jin- #then it is good enough and he should not beat himself up about it (which he doesnt. but he does) #and even jun. she is another person he could lose and he knows deep down he would be happier without her #but being near her bring back to life smth that died years ago at the bottom of that cliff #and he wont admit it but hes scared to lose it again. even if right now its brings him nothing but discomfort and pain #hes not even sure if he *loves* her. and when he asks her whats in it for her. why she stays with him #(not out of self-consciousness but genuine confusion) she just smiles at him because he IS considering the feelings of someone else #like she is so understanding and he genuinely does try and its a really slow healing process #hes still gonna stay a little bit of a prick smug at times but at least he will be immensely more chill out #and even maybe fall in love with jun *jun* down the line. characters that fall in love with each other years into the relationship👍 #and his whole exploration of fatherhood with jin. him vaguely recalling smth nice jinpachi (or god forbid. HEIHACHI pre-cliff) did to him #and doing the same to jin out of the blue for the sake of experimentation #and jin's positive reaction making him FINALLY AT LAST feel some tiny tiny thing for his son. #also for all her tree-hugger talk. jun is right meditating in the forest DOES help kaz a lot #anyway. yeah👍 #tagging later #tekken

[carcarrot]

ok thats it i literally need a new job now .

#i know i bitch and moan a lot abt my job. but not without good reason! #however i really want to get out of here now today. #fucking. supervisor who keeps telling me to do more as far as maintaining the coffee area #when 90% of the issues are actually fault of the dumbass stock traders we make coffee for who dont know how to make a cup of coffee #and cant clean up after themselves. and i get that its my job but this is also just fucking stupid #and normally she tells me this stuff in the area where i brew the coffee which is more or less away from people #its at least more away from people than the hallway where the coffee station is where people always are #which is where she chose to loudly tell me more things i should be doing #maybe don't fucking do that in front of the people i do this stuff for! now they think im a fucking idiot! #like that's just. idk kind of unprofessional to me like you don't lecture your employees in front of customers #if we're so concerned abt the appearance and image of the service we provide (which this place is concerned way too much with) #then idk maybe talking abt that kind of stuff should be done more privately. or at least quietly #like she wasnt yelling at me but like everyone around could clearly hear it #but like ive said before i cant standddddd this job anymore. #so i might apply for that store leader job at gregorys coffee #even though the work culture there seems like a different kind of annoying #id at least be making Much More and also closer to where i live so #i just have to fix up my resume and make it seem like i can handle more of a management kinda job

[tamagotchikgs]

finding norton on my laptop like,,, thats suspicious,,, thats weird,,,,

#i genuinely cannot tell if it's a virus i got or if it's the real thing HBJAJB #because acer products (which my laptop is) apparently come with it but it says .... 2024...... n i definitely have never touched it #so unless it automatically updates every single one of its files that is . very strange #then again i also havent downloaded anything sussy this year i dont think #& i dont know if i should remove it or if it's protecting my computer #it's either a great evil or a hidden hero #i was cleaning out my program files n i saw it . n i was like hey wait a min. thats. thats not usually there #WAIT unless it was when my laptop decided to forcibly make me finish setting it up #which i had been exiting out of every time i started it up because i do not want those microsoft programs man they r useless to me #that was just recently #honestly it just freaked me out it wouldnt let me close it in the task manager #but. u know that might be like a legit security thing

[peachiyyy]

i havent seen my closest friends in a few weeks and it’s mostly my fault…idk im just really not in a good mental state rn im unfortunately falling back into a depressive/suicidal state again. My most loved and cherished friends are very successful (rightfully so) and though they are extremely supportive, loving, caring, and genuine towards me, i can’t help but think that i bring nothing to the table as of rn. I know that friendship isn’t transactional and that they’d never treat me as someone disposable just because of my shortcomings and will always support me as best as they could, but my insecurities are literally taking over LOL. I just feel really embarrassed bc we all started at the same time and they’re exactly where they should be while I’m still behind, waiting for things to start looking up for me. I don’t have anything new to say like they usually do and I know that I can’t really relate to their experiences. I’m just not on the same page as them. None of them make me feel alienated or isolated by any means, they believe in me more than I believe in myself actually, I just feel like I’m stuck in a rut. I want to be at the same place as they are but I’m not right now and I just feel really embarrassed about it. Forcing myself to stay home on days off is how I’m coping rn.

#personal #lol sorry emotional post #2023 is just starting off rough…i still have hope but now i know what they meant when they said hope is a dangerous thing to have lol #[they- the unknown deity] #my best friend sends me any and every position she comes across (that aligns w my field) for post grad and is very supportive #but i just feel so sad bc my brain literally keeps telling me that i dont deserve to have these beautiful friendships bc im not on their #level and it’s literally eating away @ my brain #i know im still in college and should just solely focus on finishing up this semester #but this is my last semester iA so i have no choice but to worry about employment post grad #my internship managers are looking thru my resume and said theyd connect me to some ppl but havent heard back from them yet :( #i think i feel this way bc my family treats me very differently now #like i can feel their disappointment and they make sure to mention it too #but im not a bum LOL the only thing i want and need from this world is success! aka a corporate job that pays me six figures

[aftonenterprise-moved]

i want to care about the new arcs of fnaf so bad especially while being a vanessa stan but oh my goodness i cannot get into it and i want to say its because michael isn't there but honestly michael wasnt there before. but i hadn't had it broken down to me exactly HOW intertwined security breach was to the novels until very recently with the explanation of where glitchtrap came from and its sooooo ohhhh my goddddd oh my goddddddd (plugging my ears) LAAALALALALALLALA

#the issue is its not even inherently BAD its just so different that it doesnt even feel like five nights at freddys and again i kknow thats #like a huge criticism about the games but i mostly think its just an issue of. different strokes for different folks #theyre so vastly different in story tone vibe feel aesthetic artistic intent that its like well i dont even think they SHOULD be compared #but man. oh my god. i cant help but resent the novels so much. #and the fact that security breach is a NOVEL story and not a mainline story is just kind of. blegh #like i feel like i was tricked into liking vanessa because they didnt tell me she was a NOVEL CHARACTER? #not that sshes IN the novels but shes inherently intertwined with edwin murray which is a novel only charaacter #and its like oh my god. oh my god GET ME OUTA HERE #WHERES MY AUTISTIC ASS TIME MANAGEMENT PUZZLE GAME WITH SHITTY CGI AND WEIRD AUTISTIC SCIFI BITS ABOUT CYCLICAL ABUSE #i might be reacting too soon though!!! i might like the dlc #but boy. im very sad to find that out. i really thought i was going to be able to weeve vanessa into the afton family #but she isnt even connected?! at all!?!?!?!?!? #she doesnt know william afton!?!?!??!?!?!!?!?!?

[minglana]

its just. when i start thinking about it its already a bad sign that something terrible (me not going to the exam) is afoot. i really am just. not gonna end up going tomorrow and ill endup having to study for 4 exams in less than 2 weeks huh

#who (me) thought this was a good idea (no one did but im stupid as fuck) #i just feel terrible for not going to exams but i know that i will feel even worse by going #I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THEYRE GONNA ASK ON THE EXAM. i hate when that happens #i need to go prepared and know EXACTLY what theyre gonna ask #should i even try to study anymore today....................... #let me tell you guys (if yall are even reading up to this point which i wont blame you if you dont) about all of this: #i already have 2 exams: one on the afternoon of the 28th and another in the morning of the 29th #then im waiting on the grade for an exam which i took a week and a half ago. i would say i have 50/50 chances of passing that one #if i fail that one. the make-up exam is on the 7th. and the one tomorrow. the make-up exam is on the 5th #so idk if its viable or not. knowing how i usually manage exams/exam season in general i would say its NOT viable at all #but i dont know anymore. i dont know anything and im just feeling so lost #i also feel like i cant talk to anyone irl about it bc theyre just gonna think 'there she (me) goes again skipping exams' so 😭😭😭 #xarraire

[thecherrygod]

Robot hdb and mechanic/technician kim pt 2, more serious this time

@morphlingunderscore thank you for taking interest in this!!! originally i didn't have too many thoughts about it but.... Something shifted, and last night i couldn't stop thinking about it, sorry if it got a bit too long kdkdkgks i got more invested than i thought i would

Maybe he was made by Dora? As part of a prototype series of robots, i think hdb could be harrys model And maybe she even named harry just. Harry. Bc there was something about him, about how programming, that was faulty but made him special (the skills. They make him too human while not human enough) (also maybe part of his program knows he had a name but it got wiped too, and he is fixated on it, on having lost that. .... It could be kept as part of a letter in a compartment somewhere in his robotic body... Maybe even in his chest cavity... Maybe Kim finds it when having to fix something in there........ No concrete thoughts there, just a vague idea that I'm keeping here.)

At first this would be very interesting, getting herself attached to him (and i feel like it's also the thing that makes Kim so invested in him later down the line)

But. Things keep breaking, he has blackouts (maybe caused by overheating? Maybe the skills cause the overheating and/or short-circuiting?), He keeps messing up his tasks, and his system may not be fully capable of following the classic three laws of robotics all the way through. It gets exhausting, she has better projects to work on, others that can stop being prototypes, more worthy of time and resources, that will get recognition, and get her out of the place they're living in.

And so she leaves, and leaves her old lab and obsolete projects to gather dust never to be used again.

Kim, on the other hand, really just is a mechanic for the most part, but he can really work with any machine, and would know about programming and circuits and everything, having learned about this on his free time.

This interest starts properly after having moved from foster families a few times, and managing to get a mechanic to take him and teach him how it all works, getting his hands on an actual engine,tho hes always been interested even as a child, from what he could find in books.

He has his own garage now, and works on any machine you bring him, from cars to a microwave, anything that helps him pay the bills and allows him to work with things he enjoys. Also doing these kind of household appliance fixes makes him go out in search for any parts that he may need for his job, whatever's cheaper (por straight up free, of you know where to go)

I think that, like in canon, it's thanks to Kim that harry wakes up again. In this case maybe hes looking around for something and manages to shock harry in a way that his body starts right there and then? Idk too much about this kinda stuff and it's late. It could also be noise with enough vibration to make Harry's gears shift again. But as i said idk about machines I'm general nor if that makes sense/is possible)

The rest is basically this: harry helps Kim find parts, either that they can use on him or on other machines. He malfunctions more now bc both of the prevailing issues, the wipe out, and the passing of time, and Kim is willing to fix the parts he can, and understand the ones that seem to make no sense, and this, all this, new, can bring a change to Kim's monotonous life, spark something in him, also be confronted about some of his being stagnant by harry. Also the wipeout isn't a complete thing, this guy would realize Kim likes speedfreaks and would use himself as a radio to play it just to see him have a good time, for example. His skills still work with understanding humans (... Sometimes).

another way of doing this tho would be hay being made for the rcm (still Dora's creation imo). Faulty but good for all the same reasons + this robot will give you a ridiculous list of theories/keep track of evidence/of witnesses) alibis/the things that have no relation to the case you don't want him to remember but still does.

In this case one of his faults could also be in fact his memory, and it being faulty enough it had an almost full cleaning could be from people trying to delete info from it and failing. Or him doing it himself so he feels like he still has a reason for not being discarded by the rcm. And kim could still be part of the rcm but both as a mechanic and a detective, or just mechanic, or just detective on paper but with the knowledge

#my posts #disco elysium #harrykim #should get a name for the au so i can find it on my blog sldkcldkg #also!!! thank you for your interest!! and for thinking im funny lmao glad to know #... i am weak to speaking about harry and dora honestly it just captivatea me it feels important to add when i can kekvlehlw #also uhm. at the time of typing all this i didnt really see what i wrote in my own tags IFDKKSGKW something overtook me as i wrote this #so.. i hope this is kind of ehat you asked for!!!! #its the next day i added the rcm thing lmao #hdb #kim kitsuragi #dora ingerlund #also added more tags fkdkgks and the readmore bc it got a bit long oops i lovr them your honor #finally managed to proofread it also kdkgkw its 5 pm i wrote that at midnight sorry it took a while im still on a bus kgksvls #ok im poating it yet again thank you for your interest on this!!! i just think it can have a good potential #.... yeah! #... i still dont know if i proofread it properly lmao if something foesnt makes sense or anything please tell me #... or your ideas on this id love to ses other people's takes on it if anyone wants to kekgkehk #anyways!!! #you know what im editing out the readmore. look at my posts #robot hdb au #i think im gonna call it that #simple lmao #to find it in my blog later mostly

[yoteblog]

apartments actually respond to the people who are willing to pay you 3k challenge: DIFFICULT

#moving #literally the first one just ghosted us #and this one didn't tell us that theyd be closed until our deadline to pay without telling us how to pay #bro it has been 4 days and we dont know anything #if shit involves money I feel like until all the stuff is cleared out #someone should be managing it #the application fee was more expensive then the last place as well

[lunarflare64]

I never claimed to be the responsible one in this body *takes a sip of whiskey on a completely empty stomach, having last eaten 11 hours ago and it only being half a bag of chips, no breakfast to speak of*

#look i dont think i was the one that fucked up breakfast but come on #who the hell looks away from food in this adhd ass body? #we all know if we dont immediately dig in we'll forget it exists and it'll get gross #so no breakfast and all i could manage to handle was the chips and nothing else sooooo #nothing went to plan today our life is in shambles #we should never rely on other people to do fucking anything and we should never plan around them either #didnt do chores didnt eat its a fucking miracle we took our meds #im gonna fucking drink and we're gonna TRY to not be snappish at our mum for not at least notifying us that the plans were cancelled #cant entirely blame her shes showing signs of VERY early stages of dementia. her memory isnt gonna last forever #and she doesnt have the coping mechanisms we have with our memory issues because shes used to having a reliable memory to fall back on #it'll take time for her to adjust to her brain being unreliable like this and it'll take longer than it took for us #amnesia from childhood is VERY different from amnesia appearing late into adulthood ('late' shes 41) #its gotta be weird and probably very upsetting #we were a little confused about it at first when she took our reminders as insults #if youre new to memory struggles reminders are helpful right? wrong. its not about practicality its about being deemed as unreliable #even if its true in a completely objective sense #whatever we know theres times where we wont completely understand what shes dealing with - different experiences and all that #the tism on our end doesnt help #we just cant tell when reminders are welcome so we dont give them at all anymore #even when it fucks us over - like today! ☆ #gods we're tired

[syekick-powers]

man you know i understand why some people are pushing really hard for the idea of mental illness/disorders being as a result of stress in capitalism. i understand that a lot of depression anxiety etc is often triggered by shit ass conditions that exacerbate misery. but i really don't think we should swing all the way in the other direction of "all mental disorders are due to stress and if capitalism didnt exist depression/anxiety/etc would simply Go Away Magically" like. homie. sister. gurl. bruh. i am bipolar. i will basically always be bipolar. i will need to be medicated for my bipolar for the rest of my life because my brain swings back and forth between manic and depressed for lengths of months on end. even when i am very heavily medicated and in a relatively stress-free environment i can still tell that my brain is going back and forth between depressive/manic episodes basically constantly because certain symptoms still display even with the amount of mood stabilizers i'm taking. even if capitalism vanished tomorrow and all world governments were replaced with socialist systems and climate change was suddenly reversed and everyone on the planet lived in harmony, i would still fucking be bipolar and still have manic and depressive episodes. mental illness will never be defined by a one-size-fits-all definition. some people's mental issues are caused by stress. some people's mental issues are exacerbated to unhealthy levels by stress. some people's mental issues will continue to exist regardless of their stress level. all these things can be true at once.

#sye's babbles #like i resent the idea that saying 'this is something i'll have for the rest of my life' #is somehow ascribing my issues to some kind of soul-rotting deterministic curse #like. i can take my medication and mostly be okay. i still experience some symptoms but they're manageable #but i currently live in a relatively stress free environment and i am still experiencing depressive and manic episodes. #the symptoms are way easier to deal with because i know what treats them and how to cope with them #but if i suddenly decided 'oh my stress levels are so low i dont need my medication anymore!' #i'd be hallucinating monsters outside of every window and hiding knives in my room. #this is just a fundamental brain wiring issue just like my ADHD is #and it's not somehow fucking dehumanizing to describe it that way!! #hell it makes me feel BETTER to know this is a brain wiring issue because then it tells me im not the only one experiencing this!! #it lets me know that this is a known problem with a known solution and that im not a terrible person for my intrusive thoughts!!! #it tells me that this issue is something that i can learn to deal with eventually with the right tools!!! #if you think that describing my mental illness that way is somehow dehumanizing buddy that's a YOU problem!! #the fact that someone describing their brain as wired differently makes you see them as less human than you #is not an issue ***I*** should be expected to solve for you!!! #GIT FUCKING GOOD!!!!

[segernatural]

hmm

#we're coming up on three straight weeks of spontaneous nerve pain my friends #doctors dont know whats wrong & all i can say is thank fuck i've got a real person job with benefits & live in a country w/ free healthcare #i dont even know how to explain it. i've been on meds helping the pain finally. #and only noticed they were working once they wore off and it legitimately felt like i was dying again. i hope you never know this pain #my bodys exhausted i'm exhausted even though the pain is being managed. my body is still firing all the nerves i just cant feel it anymore #i sit in bed all day and cant focus cant think cant type accurately. holding my phone hurts. but im so exhausted. i shouldnt be but i am #it occurred to me the other day that. this might not just stop. its been almost 3 weeks theres no reason to think itll just stop #and thats fucking scary. im 2* and i know age isnt correlated with health but. i shouldnt be. i dont know. im young & healthy & so confused #i just want to know whats wrong. i just want the pain to stop. the sensations to stop. #im stuck at home because thats where i should be with ease of emergency rooms but. my family is driving me crazy #half of my dad thinks im faking it (which my brain keeps latching onto bc it tries to tell me i'm fine when i #am so clearly not fine.) #char speaks

[bipidin]

Coworker confirmed with me that it was most likely last Saturday that this guy followed me, and he followed me today so there is a high chance he will show up again tomorrow

#i don't know what to do #im pulling aside my mom coworker tomorrow and telling her but idk if i should text her now or just wait till i see her #but i'll have an sos ready to send to her while on the floor #bossman is useless and so is branch manager - they're both guys who basically shrug (or equivalent) at problems #idk if the assistant branch manager is going to be in and idk her well enough to guage her reaction #manager who i am still upset at but would have my back probably - is out until after the weekend #i dont know what to do #im in a government building so they don't kick people unless it is an ultimate last resort #but i don't really feel safe #i knownit has only been 2 times but i can't put into words the creep vibes i am picking up

[321sluggie]

mentions of weight loss in tags

#sorry I don’t know how to do a read more on mobile but this might be a lil distressing to read idk #I haven’t bought a scale nor have I looked at one in months. but a friend had one and I used it #and I’ve lost more a those lbs #I just. look fucjing frail now #I’d suspected maybe I’d lost a bit. but not nearly as much as I have #every time I eat now I get horrible cramps. I thought I was managing it but I guess I’ve been avoiding more than I thought #I keep telling my doctors and they keep saying that unless I feel bad I’m fine #and like. I do feel bad. lol #and so they just tell me to wait until my follow up in October #I’m glad it’s not too far now but I just feel like none of these people care #I dont know why but no medical professional I’ve spoken with has been concerned about my weight loss but like. #I’m 6’ and 120lbs. this isn’t right #I think it’s just fatphobia. like these people will tell a healthy fat person to lose weight no matter what #and losing weight is always ‘good’ #the surgeon who did my top surgery just sent me a survey about body image and I don’t know if I should fill it out #I’m so glad I did top surgery. but the rest of me is just. skeleton featuring débilitating pain #I DONT FEEL VERY SEXY DOCTOR IM SORRY