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violetsaffron5 · 11 months

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In Another Life (2)

Chapter 1 • series masterlist • chapter 3

2 | Curse User

Pairing: Gojo x f!Reader and Geto x f!Reader

paying a visit to an old friend

Words: 3.8k

Taglist • Ao3 • Discord 18+ • Social Media • Series Masterlists

It’s been a few weeks since you read the content of the letter received by your “future self” - still not entirely sure what to think of it.

There are a myriad of curse techniques you’re unfamiliar with, so it’s really not out of the realm of possibility for a technique such as that to exist.

Satoru’s noticed a change in your demeanor, though you’ve tried really hard not to let the letter affect you, it has in some ways. It was rare for you to let your thoughts slip back to Suguru and what you had but nowadays it’s all you can think about.

The first time you laid eyes on Suguru with his shoulder-length glossy ebony hair shining in the sunlight of the practice field at school; the way his eyes, dark as onyx, formed little crescent moons when he saw you staring at him, giving a large smile and waving from across the field.

Your dreams have been taking you back to a reality that’s been long gone - the way the salt water of the beach would smell when you walked the paths during the morning hours. The way the early rays of the sun would glow on his smooth skin when he told you he loved you for the first time, and every time thereafter. The warmth his body emitted when he would sneak into your dorm room and hold you at night until he had to leave, so nobody would notice.

It’s not fair to Satoru, the way your heart is still hurting after reading the letter and you can’t help but think there’s at least some truth to it. As much as you would never admit it out loud, you do still love Suguru, even after all this time - it’s evident with the way your heart is breaking to be by his side once again.

And it’s not fair to Satoru, the way you also love him. Greeting him when he comes home after a long day of work and missions, smelling the familiar cologne on his neck as he sheds his uniform and holds you close before your lips meet and he’s whisking you off to shower with him. Satoru holds you close at night now, because he can. Because he’s been here for you and by your side when you needed someone the most.

Since Suguru left.

Along with the many things the letter got right about your feelings, there are several things it got wrong.

Satoru isn’t just beginning to show interest in you. Clearly, that had happened some time ago since you now lay on his bed with a giant rock on your ring finger, a ring that you’re currently twisting due to the anxiety of thinking about this letter yet again.

But it’s hard to deny that there is so much it got right too. Your feelings, the guilt that stunted the growth of your relationship at first with Satoru. Getting caught by Haibara when sneaking out with Suguru - something not even Satoru knows about.

Haibara would have never told a soul after you asked him not to, so two possibilities lay before you.

Someone else saw you and wrote this letter for their own sick amusement, or it’s absolutely real.

And the only way to really get to the bottom of this is to ask someone who has immense knowledge of various techniques, who holds those techniques, and where to find them: Kiyotaka Ijichi.

Rolling out of your shared bed you let out a deep sigh before showering and getting ready, throwing on a loose, low-cut blouse, jeans that Satoru always says makes your ass look amazing, and a pair of heels to accentuate the length of your legs because you have a plan.

Jujutsu Tech campus has always been a second home to you.

It’s literally where you grew up during your teenage years, having to stay on campus with your own little dorm room during the four years you spent here.

It was both freeing and terrifying when you graduated, moved off campus, and got a place of your own but every time you step foot back on the grounds, there’s always a sense of relief.

Back where you should be, next to your fellow sorcerers and friends.

It’s a beautiful day, bright blue skies - no matter how bright, blue, and clear the day is, the sky is never as beautiful as the eyes belonging to your fiancé.

You try to remind yourself of that as you make your way down the hall of one of the more traditional-style buildings where all of the offices are stationed, including your own.

You can hear Satoru in his office, surprisingly, talking with someone so as you walk by, you poke your head in and give him a wide smile.

“Oh, hey baby,” he says smoothly in front of Nanami, a grin spreading across his face at the sight of you, “you look great in those jeans.”

Satoru’s in his uniform as usual with his black blindfold covering his eyes. You blush slightly, thoughts coming to mind of all the ways he had just used that silky piece of fabric on you last night.

Nanami looks smart, as always, with his deep blue shirt and khaki pants held up by a dark brown belt.

You hum, walking into his office and making your way to the side of his desk he’s sitting on before wrapping your arms around his shoulder and kissing his cheek. You smile up at Nanami who gives a curt nod and tight smile before exiting the room.

“Whatcha working on?” You ask curiously, looking over the blank report on his laptop screen.

Satoru gives a heavy sigh before answering, “Just finishing some stuff up for one of my missions. I fucking hate doing this paperwork.”

The whining about having to do his own reports is something you’ve grown used to over the years, he never wants to do them, thinks they’re pointless if nobody got hurt, and if there was no damage in the vicinity.

“You okay, babe?” He asks when you don’t respond to him, grabbing your hips so you’re sitting in his lap. “Thought you had the day off?”

Resting your head in the crook of his neck you take a deep breath, debating on letting him see the letter, but ultimately decide not to because you don’t want to hurt him with what's written when you don’t even know if it’s true yet.

“Yeah. Just worried I missed something in the report I turned in yesterday so I wanted to double-check it.”

A simple, yet believable lie. It wouldn’t be the first time you had come in to check on something like that, always more astute to do your reports than Satoru’s ever has been.

Satoru smirks before catching your lips with his, giving a deep kiss, and moving you to straddle his lap. You gasp when he rocks you against his growing length, taking the opportunity to entwine his tongue with yours when your hands make their way to his hair, tangling your fingers between his silky tresses.

Pulling away, he playfully bites your lip, “And don’t worry, I already mailed out the engagement party invitations.”

A soft smile spreads across your lips as you look down, watching the way Satoru’s chest rises and falls with each breath with you on his lap.

Through all the worry, and thoughts that have plagued your mind, you’ve also spent a lot of time planning an engagement party that will take place in two weeks - a large enough party to host his clan, your friends, and co-workers, as well as the students.

Satoru grabs your chin, forcing you to look up at him. He searches your eyes from behind his blindfold. You know he’s wanting to know why you don’t look more excited, but he doesn’t press.

He’s confident you’ll come to him if you need to tell him anything or have any worries.

You wish you were as confident as him.

“Thank you. I don’t want to waste my day here when I’m supposed to be off so I’ll see you at home for dinner?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

You smile, pressing your lips against his, needier than last time before pulling away.

Once you make your way out of his office, you close the door so he can concentrate on working on his report with minimal distractions, and also so he doesn’t see you beeline to Ijichi’s office door, knocking quietly before opening it and poking your head in.

He sits behind his desk, laptop in front of him as he looks up. His hair is neatly parted in the center, with curved black eyebrows and sunken cheeks that give him a resting bored expression at all times.

Ijichi says your name slowly, curiosity and a little fear evident in his voice, never knowing what Gojo’s fiancé will need from him, “w-what can I do for you?”

As much as you love Satoru, and how excited you were to say yes to marry him, it’s almost as if most people have forgotten you’re your own person still.

You’re still a teacher, a sorcerer, a damn good one too - but now that you’re betrothed to the strongest, that’s all most people see now.

It’s annoying and infuriating.

As if everything you’ve worked towards on your own, to get where you are in your career on your own means nothing anymore. Now, you’re expected to marry, become the matriarch of one of the three clans and pop out heir and maybe a few spares.

“I need some information on a cursed technique I’m not familiar with,” you state, stepping inside his office and closing the door behind you. “I’m not sure of the name, but it would have to do with being able to send things, objects, back in time.”

Ijichi squints, eyes tracking your movements as you take a seat at the chair on the opposite side of his desk, staring daggers into him, waiting for him to tell you what he knows.

“What’s the reason for this inquiry?”

“Why?”

He sighs, a deep, heavy, already clearly frustrated with you sigh, “I’m supposed to log every inquiry on cursed techniques along with the reason as to why it’s being asked. A new procedure from the higher-ups.”

“Of course it is,” you grumble to yourself before leaning over his desk, absentmindedly drawing little circles on the smooth surface. “Look, Ijichi, I can’t tell you that. I’m working on… my own mission of sorts but need to gather as much information as possible.”

You watch as Ijichi’s Adam's apple bobs, cheeks flushing and eyes flicking down to your chest before meeting your gaze once again, “then I can’t assist. I’m sorry miss -”

“Ijichi, if you don’t tell me what I want to know, I’m going to hold your head underwater for an hour.”

He stares at you for a solid minute, blinking a few times, likely debating on the best move, the best course of action to take with you, and your line of question.

He clicks his tongue in annoyance before turning around and grabbing a book, flipping a few pages before setting it flush against his desk.

“The technique you speak of is rare but possible.”

You purse your lips and nod your head, mind running a thousand miles a second, thinking of a million questions to ask as your heart begins to race in your chest. The reality of the letter becomes more and more plausible by the second.

“Is it… accurate? The timing of the technique, I mean.”

“Unless the person is well trained, the timing with sending things back is incredibly inaccurate as it takes a great deal of cursed energy to pinpoint an exact location in time.”

Ijichi is reading from the notes in his book on the technique while you wonder what happened to the poor soul who dared to send this letter.

Did your supposed future self realize his inaccuracy? Would she even know? If she did and found out, what would she have done to him in retaliation?

Shaking your head, you remove the thoughts from your mind. There’s no point in dwelling on what that dynamic was and what potentially happened. You weren’t there for it - but maybe you will be one day, should you choose to stay with Satoru. Would you find yourself looking for someone with this technique in ten, fifteen, or even twenty years?

“Do we know of anyone with this ability?” You ask suddenly. Might as well be prepared for any potential possibility.

“We have a suspected curse user in our peripheral but there’s not a lot of information on him right now.”

Annoyance is evident on your face as he answers and you sit up from his desk, crossing your arms and leaning back in the chair. You put on your best icy stare, one you’ve seen Satoru dawn several times when he meets with the Kyoto principal or the higher-ups.

“Where’s Suguru hiding out nowadays?”

Ijichi’s eyes go wide at the seemingly sudden subject change. You continue to stare, not faltering. Spending so much time with Satoru has really paid off in this sense, learning tactics to scare Ijichi into doing what you need and want.

You’re nowhere near as intimidating as Satoru, so it takes Ijichi several minutes but eventually he tells you where you can find Suguru - in an old temple just outside of Tokyo that he recently took over for his nefarious deeds.

“I advise not going to see him.” Ijichi states slowly, hesitantly, “he’s not the same as he used to be. You know this already.”

“And I advise you to keep this conversation to yourself. You know what Satoru will do to the both of us, should he ever find out.”

It takes you a few hours to work up the nerve to actually make your way to the location Ijichi provided.

Since you don’t have the wonderful ability to warp around like your dear fiancé, you choose to take his car, hoping with it outside, within the vicinity, those who recognize it won’t dare to mess with you, thinking he’s nearby.

He has several vehicles, including one he gifted you when you started dating, but you opt for the one Suguru is familiar with - a sleek black sports car he’s had since high school. The car Satoru would take out when he asked Suguru to go out with him and be his wingman.

It’s been years since you’ve seen Suguru, and your palms are sweaty with the realization that you’re willingly going into his temple, his domain so to speak, empty-handed and without anyone having the slightest idea as to where you are, with the exception of fucking Ijichi.

Despite everything that Suguru has done over the years, what he did when he defected, he’s not the one you’re worried about. You know he would never hurt a hair on your head - but the others, the company he keeps now?

You don’t know them, don’t know the things they're capable of, or if they’ll keep their mouths shut about seeing you. The last thing you really need in your life is the higher-ups, and god forbid Satoru, finding out you’ve come here today.

Pulling up to the temple, it’s grand and gorgeous.

A dome covering the top with beautiful ivory columns supporting it from the base. It’s a Buddhist temple and you wonder just how on earth he managed to get his hands on this place and make it his new base of operation. There’s a stone staircase in the front that you make your way towards, climbing each of the steps slowly until you’re met with large double doors.

Outside of the temple, it’s deserted with no sign of life and you wonder if maybe Ijichi gave you the wrong address; that when you open the doors, you’re going to be met with Satoru’s unshielded glare, his cold, crystalline eyes judging and waiting for a reasonable explanation of what the fuck you think you’re doing.

Instead, the doors creak when you open them and a tall busty woman in a purple dress with light pink hair makes her way down the hall. It looks like she has a tablet in hand, heels clicking on the marble with each step toward your location.

“Excuse me,” she says, chewing on a piece of gum, “do you have an appointment?”

“Um, no? I’m an old… friend. Here to see Suguru.”

She raises an eyebrow at your casual use of his name, checking something on her tablet before looking at you up and down, making it incredibly obvious that she’s not impressed with your choice of clothing.

“Geto doesn’t see anyone without an appointment.”

“Trust me, he’ll want to see me.”

She opens her mouth to speak, but you know it’s just going to be more bullshit about how you’re not allowed to see Suguru without scheduling something.

So, taking another page from Satoru’s book, you push past her, quickly making your way down the hall, her heels clicking and clacking after you until you hear a commotion coming from one of the nearby rooms.

The sight you walk into makes your stomach curl in on itself, a wave of nausea making itself present in the depths of your belly.

Suguru sits at the front of the room, sprawled out sporting a gold-colored Kaseya over black yukata robes with white socks on his feet.

In front of him are rows and rows of sorcerers bowing down, worshiping and praying to him as if he’s some sort of benevolent god who was sent from the heavens to take away their pain and make all of their dreams a reality.

And you’re sure that’s what Suguru think’s he’s doing as well.

When Suguru sees you come through the door, confusion written on your face, he smiles. It’s that simple smile you used to always love, all pearly white teeth, soft as he stares at you from across the room.

It’s all so incredibly fake.

Yet when directed towards you, there’s also a certain sincerity held within his gaze and smile. It makes your heart flutter.

“I’m sorry Geto but she-”

“That’s quite alright, Manami.” He says to the pink-haired woman as she finally catches up to you, panting from running down the hall in her heels, “You’re all dismissed.”

Turning, you give the woman a triumphant smirk as she sneers, looking you up and down once again before turning her nose up and walking out of the room with a “hmph.”

“Please excuse her,” Suguru says as he stands to his full height at the front of the room, “she can be a little dramatic.”

“I noticed.”

You also noticed how Suguru’s hair has gotten longer over the years, now well past his shoulders, reaching down to his collarbone and the top of his chest. He has it pulled back into a half bun, several tendrils left out in the front framing his face.

His face has also aged; eyes crinkling in the corner when he smiles in a way they never had before. Jaw sharp and more defined. No longer the face of a young boy who’s lost his way but that of a hardened man, a criminal.

“It’s been a long time. What, three years?”

Your jaw is clenched, watching as he glides across the room with ease snubbing the flame to several candles you had no idea were lit due to being purely focused on your ex-lover.

“Yeah, three years.” You answer quietly.

Satoru doesn’t know, but about a year after Suguru defected he came to see you. He just wanted to talk, and give his rendition of events - he thought it would help give you closure at the time, and it did, or so you thought.

Obviously, you disagree with his decisions, the way he sees the world, and what he wants the future to hold, but there was a part of you that couldn’t bear to part ways with Suguru once again.

So you kept seeing each other in secret, purely platonic.

When you and Satoru began seeing each other, your visits to Suguru became less and less, trying to tear yourself away from the grasp he held on your body and soul and move forward with your life. When you told Suguru you had agreed to date Satoru, that’s when your secret time together ended.

You swallow thickly, remembering the anger Suguru held towards you and Satoru for getting together “behind his back,” so you quietly slip the ring off your finger and pocket it before he turns back around.

“So, what brings you back to me, my love?”

There’s a pang in your chest from the pet name, and two opposing feelings blossom deep within your chest.

One; fear that’s telling you to run away and leave because you know it’s wrong to be here without Satoru’s knowledge and the other a deep yearning for Suguru to continue to call you his and tell you that even after everything, he treasures you above all else.

“I just… wanted to see you. See if you’re still alive.”

“Now, I’m sure there’s more to it than that.”

You take a deep breath, biting your lip and avoiding his intense gaze, “I also wanted to see if you knew anything about a curse user who could transport things through time- I just- I thought if anyone knew someone with that technique and had them in their sights, it would be you.”

“That is an interesting technique,” he muses, cocking his head before narrowing his sharp eyes, “why?”

“Personal reasons.” You find yourself standing straighter. Trying to emulate as much of Satoru’s confidence as you can possibly muster in Suguru’s intoxicating presence.

He smells woodsy with a hint of vanilla and everything that’s right in the world even though he himself is so wrong in so many aspects. But even now, you can’t help but feel the draw you have to him, can’t help that you’re subconsciously leaning ever so slightly in his direction.

“No. I don’t know anyone with abilities like that. Is that the only reason you came here today?”

You clear your throat, willing yourself to not take a step forward like your body is begging you to, “Yes.”

Suguru smirks, always knowing when you’re lying even when you don’t know you’re lying to yourself yet.

“Mm. And how are things with my best friend?” He’s watching you, smile on his face but you know there’s still anger residing deep in his soul from what he considers an act of betrayal on your part.

“Things are fine. Good- great, actually.” Suguru raises an eyebrow as you stumble through your sentence awkwardly, but he doesn’t press for more information. Doesn’t particularly care to.

Suguru hums, “truthfully, I had hoped Satoru would have cheated on you by now. If that had happened, I’m positive you would have come crawling back to me, never one for being able to be alone.”

You scoff and turn away, not bothering to try and make any more conversation, you’ve seen and heard enough in the few minutes. The feeling in your stomach turning more and more sour by the second.

As you walk away, turning your back on your once lover you can without a doubt say your future belongs with Satoru.

@s-witch-bitch @watyousayin @coffee-on-a-rainyautumn @ritsatoru @faewithsnakes @lex-dear @hvziers @babybae-shisui @saiewithakatana @yihona-san06 @shartnart1 @lilith412426 @ambersea7 @ikilledsparky2 @creolequeen11210 @ichigojamjam @simpfully-heartbroken @coffee-on-a-rainyautumn @shan-nein @witchbybirth

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utilitycaster · 1 year

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Why do you think Imogen/Laudna is not comparable to Caleb/Veth? At the start of C3, I thought they were similar and thought it was a strange how much Imogen/Laudna was being held up as the pinnacle of relationships in comparison to the hate/minimization that Caleb/Veth got. But I rewatched C2E27 and remembered how honestly they talked through their disagreement, which was way different from Imogen/Laudna's C3E27 reconciliation after the gnarlrock drama. What are your thoughts about it?

(got another anon on this as well as I was writing this up, so other anon, this is also for you!)

That's exactly the same moment I was thinking of! Veth and Caleb are able to disagree with each other in a way Imogen and Laudna aren't. Honestly, even from earlier, they're able to ask things of each other - Caleb outright asks Nott if she'll run away with him, alone, away from the group, if his reveal to Beau goes badly. Nott, even when half the party is missing, in the wake of Molly's death, when all she has is Beau (who she's known for a month and a half) and two allies she's known for a couple of days at most, is able to say "Wrong." to Caleb about something as important, but also as unnecessary as admitting that he cares about the other party members as friends, not just useful alliances. And that's the other thing - Nott is actively encouraging Caleb to make other connections and embracing her own new friendships, and she's willing to risk Caleb being mad with her - which for her, means risking her chance to get back her own body and life - to do it. And this is after less than a year of knowing him.

Laudna can't even say "will you promise not to side with the person who murdered me," let alone point out that Otohan also murdered Fearne, Orym, Eshteross, and Orym's husband and father-in law or that Ludinus casually destroyed Kadija's mind. She can't say this to someone she's lived and traveled with for two years, when the other five party members would all agree with her and stand by her. There's no trust. You know the phrase "if you love someone, let them go?" Laudna's too terrified to let go, and Veth isn't.

(I should note - I like Caleb and Veth's dynamic a lot but I never shipped them; but I also will defend them against anyone who denies that there were feelings, or who tries to pretend that Veth's statement that Caleb was like a son to her overrides her later statements about having a crush, or, you know, the fact that they aren't actually related so who the fuck cares. I mean, Vex and Keyleth canonically tell each other they consider each other sisters and that never stopped anyone. So this does come from a place of not shipping either of these pairs.)

So this is why "Imogen and Laudna were never given choices" statement is so hollow and meaningless. Because they're rendering themselves powerless and stripping themselves of all choices. They can't draw boundaries. (For what it's worth, Campaign 1's codependent pair, the twins, are able to draw boundaries without issue; Vax tells Vex to lay off Keyleth quite explicitly despite having only recently agonized over being separated from her for a few days). They can't choose themselves. They can't challenge each other or encourage each other's growth or ask something so important and yet so small as being honest with one's self. They're just so stuck in this holding pattern, even after they've grown in power and seen the possibility of losing each other, whereas Caleb and Veth's relationship constantly changes as they support and challenge each other and ask things of each other. You know what Veth does in episode 48 of that campaign? She screams at Caleb in anger because people connected to him hurt her family, even though Caleb has long since left those people and was a victim himself. Laudna can't even stand up for herself to Imogen (and we know Laudna can stand up for herself; that's what she's doing in the scene with Ashton) against her own murderer, even as Imogen outright entertains the possibility of allying with the Vanguard.

Caleb and Veth trust each other and themselves to still love and care for each other if they disagree. Laudna and Imogen do not.

#answered #Anonymous #critical role spoilers #caleb widogast #veth brenatto #imogen temult #laudna

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xenon-demon · 11 months

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WIP Weekend! 🖋️

So I've been tagged in various WIP games this week by @stobinesque @penny00dreadful and @steves-strapcollection - thank you all Very Much for the tags!! <3 (even if the tags were because I am an Enabler Of Fic, I recognise my true calling is to be a hype man and writing is my side gig lmao)

Anyway I have a reasonably free weekend this weekend and a BURNING DESIRE to get something ao3-ready. Also FYI these rules are a slightly modified version of the ones Sam (penny00dreadful) is using, because I am using the "Fuck It We Ball" approach and cobbling together all the various WIP games into something that will work for me.

🎆 Rules 🎆

In a reblog (or new post w/ rules attached), post up to five (5) filenames of your WIPs; not titles, file names.

Post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to post!

After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file. If the filename is one you can’t share from (for example, an event fic), write 3 sentences on it anyway, and then 3 more on another to share.

That’s it! You can invite others to join in, or just post. If you tag me in your post, I will send you an ask request!

I am listing my WIP names as a poll; the poll will run for 24 hours and at the end I'll do the maths on how many votes each WIP received. I'll then set a goal to write 100 words per vote* for each WIP, and make a post of the vote breakdown for accountability! (*I may change this to be more than 100 words per vote if I don't get many votes in total.)

Snippet from "steve overstimulation projection manifesto" (SOPM) under the cut!

So yeah. Eddie can’t handle sudden change, big deal.

Steve can, for the most part; he's a lot more adaptable. No, Steve's weakness is people.

It took Eddie a while to realize it, and even then, he didn't truly understand until after they'd started dating. After all, how could the former King of Hawkins High possibly find socializing difficult? Eddie remembers all those bitter glances he used to shoot King Steve's way, jealous of how effortlessly he commanded the court of public opinion - not that he'd ever admit to it. But then Steve fell from grace, underwent more character growth than Eddie thought one man was capable of, and now Eddie knows the truth: uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. (Eddie is forever in debt to his freshman year English teacher for pointing him in the direction of the battered copy of the Complete Works of Shakespeare in Hawkins Public Library. If only poor Mr Collins knew Eddie was only interested so he could use it as inspiration for D&D campaigns.)

Steve is absolutely charismatic; he knows how to tell people exactly what they want to hear, or make them feel special in a way that keeps them coming back for more. The catch is it's an intentional act. It's a mask that Steve used to be terrified he could never take off, as he mournfully confessed to Eddie one night while sharing a joint in the trailer. As it turns out, Steve just needed better friends; with Robin, with the kids, with Eddie, he finds it so easy to just be himself. He doesn't have to censor himself or fret over what image he's presenting to the world, and can instead relax and actually enjoy the company. Steve's joked around with Eddie before that it's actually kind of good for their relationship that Steve used to have to try so hard - he knows how to flirt without even consciously thinking about it. What Steve doesn't know is that he could go into graphic detail about the shape of his toenails and Eddie would still be listening with hearts in his eyes.

—————

And now some tags, both for visibility and as an invitation to join in if you'd like to/aren't already doing a writing game for the weekend! <3

@sailing-through-hawkins @onirislanding @inairbinad @eriquin @scarcrossdlvrs @patchworkgargoyle

#steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #steve x eddie #steddie fic #wip weekend #autistic steve harrington #<- is The Deal with SOPM. i promise i'll give it a real title soon <3 #also YES I still have some WIP game asks in my inbox and YES I do live in shame #unironically the hardest part is choosing what snippet to hand out lmao

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fizziepopangel · 9 months

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Hello, Fizz! Have you seen the new episode of Helluva Boss? I really liked the episode, I loved Striker's appearance and Fizz's relationship with Ozzie!

- Crystal 🎀💖✨️

Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!! Like I absolutely loved this episode!!!!! I was so excited to have a Fizz-centric episode and I was not disappointed with what we were given! We saw so much growth for Fizz and Blitz, and we got some real insight into the relationships between Fizz and his lover Ozzie, and Fizz and Blitz!!! I loved seeing Striker and Crimson making reappearances and I honestly really like the idea of them becoming a duo for a while, so I’m hoping that Crimson will overlook the fact that the plan didn’t go as it was supposed to keep Striker on his team for a while (especially since he has encountered the IMP crew and lived, unlike his own mob style shark demons who literally only encountered a raging Millie a.k.a. “a dame”.)

Ok, so there was so much in this episode that I loved, but I think my big three for this episode were seeing Hell’s worst kept secret in action, seeing Fizz and his little emotional support puppy, and seeing Fizz and Blitz both get a bit of closure from the incident in their childhood.

I loved the way that trauma was addressed in this because it really showed two sides of the coin by keeping the dynamic between Blitz and his former best friend strained through a large part of the episode, but we do see the more vulnerable sides of it when Blitz admits his part in Fizz’s trauma (and his own), and when we meet Fizz’s disabled emotional support pup Precious. Now, I theorized somewhere along the way to this episode that Blitz was the cause of the fire that injured Fizz when they were kids, and that it was an accident, but I hadn’t realized that Fizz actually had to watch everyone leave him behind when shit hit the fan, and then watch Blitz run in the opposite direction from him when he reached for him. Seeing that in itself probably killed a little part of him and coupling that with how terrified he must’ve been watching everything go up in flames and then literally being blown up and the pain he was undoubtedly in, the trauma there was deeply rooted in him, like that became a core memory and likely affected everything from how he forms bonds with others now, to his self-image, to how he experiences certain stimuli…. Thinking about how much changed for him in that pivotal moment of watching everyone, including his best friend, abandon him when he needed them most I think is what made him cold and I think that he healed from most of that while with Ozzie, but I don’t think he ever really healed from being abandoned by Blitz because within the flashbacks, it seems likely that he felt Blitz was more than just a best friend, but rather family, and since we don’t know much about Fizz’s background, I’m theorizing that he may not have had a good home life or may not have had a family at all, making his relationship with Blitz that much more of a loss for him, and making him that much harder to forgive for all these years. I love that we see that anger and that coldness about him with Blitz but we do see that more vulnerable, gentle, happier side of him when he’s not interacting with him. It really does show the upset that’s still there between them and I love that he addressed that in this episode. I also loved seeing how he actually does find comfort in Ozzie, not just because he’s powerful, but because Ozzie has shown genuine care for outside of him being a performer, even going as far as gifting him a pack of cute little dogs, one of which acts as his emotional support pet for the traumatized imp.Seeing that in action was honestly really nice since we this is a healthier relationship than what we’ve gotten to see happening between a prince and a lower class demon (*cough, cough* Stolitz…).

Now, on the other side, I was internally screaming when we saw Blitz legit take ownership of what happened. Like this is the first time that he’s taken responsibility for his fucked up shit sober, and not only does he acknowlege and show genuine remorse for what he’s done, this is the first time we’ve see him actually tap into that hurt that he’s been holding on to for so long. Blitz knew he fucked up. Two of the people he loved most in the world got hurt in that fire and he knows that even if it was an accident, it was something he did that caused it. He lost three people that day since it’s likely that losing their mom is what triggered Barbie’s spiral and it’s clear from her appearance in “Unhappy Campers” that she does blame her brother for her life being a wreck since then…. All of that has been weighing on this man since it happened and I think the fact that no he’s never outwardly acknowledged it, he’s not even begun to heal from it. We get to a genuine air of healing start for Blitz here and I love that for him since it really does seem like he’s slowly healing in a lot of aspects of his life and I’m not gonna lie, this is really one I was rooting for him to get through because I think he and Fizz deserve to closure and the friendship.

And of course, we have to take a moment to scream internally about the worst kept secret in Hell: Ozzie and his Fizzy Frog!!! When I say I almost fell out of my bed when we got to see this pairing together, like oh my fucking god!!! I loved the insight into the Fizzmodeus relationship because it was a really nice change of pace considering the only other royal x lower class relationship we see in the show is Stolas and Blitz, and they’re…. rocky, at best most of the time. Fizz and Ozzie on the other hand have a more open relationship with each other in the sense that they aren’t afraid to show that they care for one another, like to the point where they are literally referred to as Hell’s worst kept secret and Asmodeus himself is referred to as a hypocrite… But despite trying to hide the relationship, we get to see just how much care there is for one another behind closed doors and just how domestic Ozzie can be when it comes to his lover. I thought it was honestly refreshing to see a healthier relationship like this outside of just the M&M relationship we’ve seen. I also think Ozzie’s appearance in this episode opens up the possibility to explore love and lust and how they can coexist within a relationship, which I have always found to be an interesting topic.

I also wanted to shout some praise for the voice actors and animation team because there was so much emotion in everything in this episode that I don’t even see in some live action shows/ movies I watch! Like I’m not one to cry watching something like this, and I’ve never been that type of girl, but I could feel so much of the emotion in this animation that it legit opened up the untapped emotions I was struggling with regarding my own mother’s passing last year when Blitz mentions losing her in the fire. A 27 minute episode took me almost an hour to watch because the flashback and then him acknowledging what he lost hit me like a fucking train and I was sitting there like a fucking wreck. Considering I’ve been deemed the robot of my friends and family because things like that don’t normally phase me when I’m watching shows, I think Viv and her team deserve a round of applause for doing well enough here to actually resonate with me enough to break me like that because I know I cannot be the only one who was a snot-nosed mess watching this.

Anywhore, as always, this is just my thoughts on the episode and I would love to hear how everyone else felt about it! Anyone else feel like maybe this one could be a new fan favorite? I’d love to hear some other perspectives if anyone has any!

#fizziepop thoughts #vivziepop #helluva boss #helluva boss season 2 #blitzo helluva boss #blitz and fizz #fizzarolli #fizzmodeus #helluva boss oops #fizzarolli x asmodeus #im not crying you are #this episode broke me #the animation was beautiful #ask and you shall receive

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brandwhorestarscream · 4 months

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tfa jazz/starscream/skyfire

Ohhhh this is so good. Jazz is a little older than Prowl, he knows aaaall about sex and sparklings unlike the vast majority of modern day autobots. But he hasn't had a partner in so god damn long, what with the ban on reproduction and the total erasure of all evidence of such things. What I'm saying is, when he somehow someway ends up with Skystar, it's a dream come true. He's too small to take either of them, so he gets to help Skyfire make a Starscream sandwich 😌

Maybe the flyers are in heat. Maybe they're just horny cuz Jazz has Unlimited Rizz™. Idk what the reasons are and I'm too tired to care. All I know is Jazz and Skyfire are double teaming the brat prince of Vos and knocking him up so hard.

(Yes ik he canonically doesn't have a spark anymore and so couldn't realistically sparkshare and couldn't get pregnant. I dont care I do what I want)

Both Skyfire and Jazz are bracing for Starscream to become damn near unmanageable. They're expecting him to go off the rails and become a total monster while the carrying cycle wreaks havoc on his body, and have been preparing everything in advance in an attempt to avoid setting him off in the future. Imagine their surprise when carrying Starscream is the exact opposite: he mellows out considerably. His attitude vanishes and suddenly he's loathe to ask for things, he becomes so sleepy and subdued getting him to make requests or admit to his needs is like pulling teeth. Deep down he's an incredibly insecure person and is terrified of being alone, being abandoned, and that shows through in entirely new ways while he's sparked. He doesn't want to burden them, hesitates to ask for even the slightest thing even if it's literally just a sip of their energon. He becomes incredibly indecisive, waffling about the slightest thing, and is always so incredibly drained of energy he spends the majority of his time sleeping or curled up in berth.

It's incredibly off-putting because this is Starscream. But some mecha are just like this when they're expecting, and he's apparently one of them. It's a nice change of pace, honestly, but they have to watch him closely to make sure he's getting enough fuel for all the bitties. He's rather clingy, too, always getting downtrodden when they have to get up for the day and desperately wanting them to stay and hold him. He latches onto Skyfire's arm when he's feeling particularly snuggly and just climgs onto his bicep, following him around, and will grab Jazz right off his pedes and wander away with him cuz the autobot is so small. The two of them always make time for his tactile needs 😌

When labor rolls around Starscream is a mess, sobbing and screaming about making sure they all live, that it hurts worse than anything he's ever experienced, that this is so much worse than cloning! One of his claws accidentally pierces right through poor Jazz's servo.

It's all worth it though, when their four bitties arrives, 3 little seekers and a teeny tiny civilian racer in Jazz's exact image. (We actually have some StarJazz babies already: Cloudhop, Vale, Sunshower, and Blues). They're so small Skyfire can hold all of them cupped in his huge servos. Jazz hasn't ever seen real sparklings as an adult before: he was part of one of the very last generations born naturally on Cybertron. He remembers being a kid, remembers other kids, but he's still blown away by how small they are. Even the jettwins, who he helped look after, were already half his size when they met due to their accelerated growth rate. These newborns are tiny, and he's marveling at baby Blues from the moment bitty is first placed in his arms. He about chokes when his son's tiny servo curls around one of his fingers, and his knees are shaking when Skyfire helps him sit down beside Starscream so they can all be together.

#ask game #jazz/starscream/skyfire

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bklynmusicnerd · 6 months

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Today Spencer told Joss that he actually expected the current situation to last FOREVER.

I really can't stand how little spencer takes Trina's feelings into account. Joss asked him if it was fair to Trina to make do with whatever scraps of his time that he gives her, and Spencer basically said that Trina is an adult and can take care of herself while Ace is a helpless baby that needs him. Joss told him he would have to choose and he said he would choose Ace. SMH.

Trina needs to walk away. Everything about today's episode points to a break up coming. And while I know he will eventually come begging back, I am so salty about how blatant he is in his disregard for her feelings, I really hope she makes him work for it. And I would not be opposed to having another man in her orbit in the meantime.

Okay, before we really get into it, I just want to say that I do not blame you, anon, for having an uncharitable reaction to Spencer's pov right now. I really struggled with analyzing his pov in those scenes because it's obvious that the temps were trying to find some kind of core emotional logic for Spencer in this demon spawn story, and struggling because it's a bad story, that wasn't conceived with what was dramatically best for his individual arc in mind.

But honestly, I focused less on what Spencer said, because it was nonsense bordering on unintelligible, and focused more on the disconnect from what he was claiming he should/would do and what he was actually doing.

Spencer's idea of "forever" is kind of irrelevant because he's terrified of the future as a concept. Spencer has always hated change and responds badly to it. The only change in his life he's responded 100% positively to is Trina. He likes the routine of being with Trina and hiding away from his daddy issues and future by coparenting demon spawn. And it's worked out great for him because all the people he admires give him validation for it too.

But we know that Spencer's supposed growth while taking care of demon spawn is actually a significant regression as he avoids dealing with his issues. It's all escapism for him. Hell, he can't even be honest about the nature of Nik's latest abandonment and admit to the role he played in it by blackmailing Nik to run off and leave demon spawn. It was his goal to get Nik to abandon demon spawn. Now he's acting like he's just the martyr in this.

So it's hard to take a lot of what Spencer says at face value when he's been lying to himself from the moment this stupid demon spawn plot started. He has to frame this as him making great sacrifices for a baby because he can't handle the alternative, which is that he's been failing Trina as a boyfriend after he swore he wouldn't. He's not the hero in that version of the story, so he has to ignore it.

As absurd as I find the whole Trina vs. Demon spawn framing, I will push back on the idea that he definitively said he would "choose" demon spawn. He definitely made the case for why he should choose demon spawn, but he has yet to actually do it, and that's kind of the whole issue.

It's easy to talk about sacrificing his relationship with Trina in the abstract, but he won't (and likely can't) just do it. He wouldn't do it in response to the ultimatum the sociopathic mooch was hinting at, and he's not doing it while camped out at her dorm, that he accosted with bouquets, spamming her phone desperate to hear from her.

The part that I found frustrating (and sort of interesting) in his convo with Joss wasn't necessarily this disregard of Trina's feelings but an overall refusal to really acknowledge that Trina could walk out on him. It was the elephant in the room during that whole convo, and I was surprised Joss didn't bring it up beyond the vague "relationship ender" comment. Trina is not the type to indefinitely hide from the future with Spencer just because she loves him. Joss knows that. And deep down, Spencer knows that too.

Their fight essentially ended with Trina saying she would make the choice on their relationship for him if it came to that. And since then, Spencer has been panicking over not hearing from her while only being able to perceive this as his decision. He wants to discuss letting her go in the abstract without actually taking any steps toward letting her go (he's doing the opposite) or give her the space to contemplate letting him go.

There's an entitlement factor building here too where it's clear that there's a part of Spencer that thinks Trina won't actually walk away from him because now she loves him. So I tend to agree that dramatically it would be kind of perfect to have Trina tell him she's pulling herself out of his mess in a "I love you, but I love me more" type of deal because Spencer seems to be completely ignoring that possibility. I know all spoilers point to this ending in reconciliation, but it'd be good to get Trina as close to that point as possible before it happens.

Imo Spencer has subconsciously already made the choice, just in terms of where all his efforts are going while facing the idea of losing Trina and demon spawn. He just can't admit it because in his head, it's too similar to the idea of Nik choosing women over him. Trina is the future and demon spawn (who is really just a symbol for his hangups with Nik) is the past, and Spencer is creating a false dichotomy in his head over a choice he really doesn't have.

The only actual choice here is holding onto Trina or letting her go. Even then, that's not really his choice alone either, because the future waits for no one, and I see no evidence that Trina plans to wait for him "forever."

#general hospital #spencer cassadine #trina robinson #but you're not wrong anon #this is why i say spencer is anti-hero #the ugly parts of him can get really ugly #but he does love trina #he's just a self-destructive mess

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fuckmeyer · 10 months

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What were the reasons behind some of the changes in the final chapter of Come Nightfall? (Not criticizing, just curious :))

thanks for asking! it was a tough cut for me. i never revise events after publishing, & (obviously) i could see the scene going either way. (AND I WANT THEM TO [REDACTED]) but here's where i'm at:

[warning: Come Nightfall: Epilogue spoilers]

there were two changes between the original chapter & the revised one:

the mutual masturbation scene, which was cut entirely in favor of the "you left"/"i was getting you coffee" convo

the kiss after the "i'm so proud of you" convo, which was cut (but still up for interpretation)

both cuts boil down to one essential fact:

Edward & Bells are afraid.

Edward knows he massively fucked up. right now, he wants to be sure she still wants him. he's the kind of man who waits for his partner to feel safe & ready before he makes a move. to have her say "it's not the same," & "i don't know what kind of different it is" would make him afraid to push their relationship, even if she wants it.

(also, Edward (even this version) isn't a guy who would feel comfortable giving someone sexual pleasure outside of a relationship. intimacy means a lot to him.)

so, if the decision to fulfill sexual needs rests with Bells, where is her head?

she's terrified of being abandoned again. she knows if she opens up & he walks away, she may never recover. her pushing past her fear to admit to her murder is the last bit of character growth we get in Come Nightfall, & it's pretty effing huge. so, seeing her so readily open herself up to Edward sexually at the beginning of the chapter seemed, imo, to undermine the final growth in the book.

other, smaller reasons:

as this was their first on-page sex scene, it feels weird to show it under these circumstances, where they're just learning how to reconnect on a deeper level.

tbh the original makes it feel like they have a friends-with-benefits situation going on which seems too ooc, even for these sluts

tl;dr in the last chapter, we see them start to overcome their relationship fears & forge a deeper bond by having emotionally raw conversations. does their sexual desire outweigh their fear? no...t yet ;)

no spoilers, but the concept of fear vs. love features prominently in Eclipse, so this revised version ties in nicely with that:)

#come nightfall #asks #trust me — i'll be making up for the dearth of smut #Bells & Edward work hard avoid connecting emotionally but THIS AUTHOR WORKS HARDER. BET ON DAT #thanks for asking! always fun to talk about this kinda stuff & makes me even more excited for eclipse :)#hope you feel the same!#come back anytime :) cheers!

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awek-s-archived · 1 year

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I said I was done but I do have one more thing to say which is like. You guys know you’re supposed to change your mind about things as more info comes out, right ? That’s how life and being informed works ? You do not form lifelong blind commitments to people or things or places and you’re supposed to allow for growth. People were supporting him and defending him yesterday because he was being dragged for having a crush on someone the same age as him when he was younger. A whole few years before he decided, as a whole 25 year old, that he finds minors attractive, and that in his own words, he knows it’s dangerous and not okay, but that she’s still his type. A minor. A 16 year old CHILD. Not even in the realm of being close to 18. This was not known information until like an hour ago. Evidently anybody with a brain and a need to protect children will change their minds about him. The fact that people are being dragged on anon for ‘changing their minds’ like this is something as small and light as a dietary preference or social engagement is terrifying. His life and career won’t be ruined from making that comment; that’s why he felt so safe in making it, why he even joked and made light of it and the subject of pedophilia so openly. That’s why he laughed. And maybe some of you guys only see kpop as an attraction hobby and stan groups to see some kind of sexual fantasy realised (if your anon messages are anything to go by) but this is not true for a lot of people and the fact that you are even attempting to build a correlation between someone liking the music of a group that might include a minor vs a respected adult senior admitting to being physically attracted to a child. The two are not mutually exclusive. I don’t know when kpop became this for you lot but it certainly isn’t it for me or for my mutuals. I don’t feel the need to blindly defend somebody the age of the neighbour on my right thirsting after someone the age of the neighbour on my left. It’s not right and if you think it is then that’s on you to unpack in therapy but leave the rest of us normal people out of it.

#aweks.txt

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a-town-called-hometown · 2 years

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ASRIEL NAILING HIS COFFIN SHUT SO TRUE. i don't even know what that acronym stands for i'm assuming it's an au but like even in canon. he stays behind next to chara's grave because he can't see a future that he gets to be a part of. even during his resets he was just recreating the same situations over and over because he couldn't get back to that idealized past before everything was ruined.

nhatcb stands for Never Had A Chance To Bloom, my post-pacifist soulless asriel au! it's essentially my thesis on why I think turning back into a goat child would NOT fix asriel and in fact would cause him a myriad of other problems, but also on why I think he really doesn't need a soul to lead a happy life. the whole fic is him getting dragged kicking and screaming into doing shit like "attending therapy" and "admitting that he's not an undead creature incapable of feeling emotions" and "dealing with his trauma." he hates everything and does NOT want to get better and it's GREAT

also YEAH! asriel really, really fucking wants to stay in his sunlit garden. he hasn't conceptualized himself as someone who can grow and change for a long, long time. even after the end, when he's accepted that he can't ever go back and that his memories are more idealized than the reality, he chooses to stay in his coffin. he'd much rather think of himself as dead than accept the terrifying possibility that he CAN live a fulfilling life. it's just far too much for him to consider the pain that growth will require.

the door to the coffin is open, for the first time ever. the underground is free to go. and asriel just says "no thanks," lays back down in his coffin, and nails the door shut. he's a lot more comfortable there. in a lot of ways, he thinks that's where he deserves to be.

that being said, the alarm clock dialogue DOES give me a lot of hope that he'll figure out a way to reintegrate into society. sure, he's still sort of mean and standoffish as flowey, but he's made friends and he's clearly had some character development. he cares a lot more than he lets on. I think he'll eventually find a way to pry that coffin door back open, even if it takes him a long time.

#asks and answers #I LOVE ASRIEL I LOVE HIM SO MUCH #boy of all time. he deserves a happy future so much #u can get out of your idealized repeating memory hell bestie... I believe in you....

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themountainsays · 2 years

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I've been thinking about the curse of Venus Au, and it got me thinking about making a version of it where the curse grows in strength over time... Like when Isa is a baby/toddler the adults don't feel anything, then they start having weird thoughts every once in a while, then they start feeling weird when looking at/touching her, until eventually the attraction is almost overpowering .

I just think Isabela starting out with a normal childhood would make her feel even more isolated when the family starts pulling away from her, and also it adds tension to the storyline. Because in the normal AU, the curse is bad, real bad, but the family is managing it. They have been managing it for years. But in this version, with it getting stronger and stronger... It's like a ticking time bomb.

(Not to say that anyone in the family would try and do something to Isabela- but I think she'd very much worry about that being a possibility. Either that one of them will finally crack or that they'll grow so afraid of their feelings they'll shut her out entirely, for her own safety).

Anon... anon, I love you. I admit I had my doubts here with this idea, because I like the morbid horror of everyone feeling weird even when she's a small child, but I think that's just me being a bit of a freak, and honestly you sold me on your idea completely. I imagine Julieta and Agustín longing for the happy family they once had, when they still felt like they could be good parents and keep their baby girl safe. I also wonder if the curse simply grows with time, or if there'll be a moment in which it stops, when Isabela stops growing... like, is it going to reach its peak when she's in milf mode? Or when she's around her mid-twenties? Because I heard that's when people stop growing (or at least that's what my ophtalmologist tells me every time i ask her when my myopia will stop getting worse ;-;). In any case, they wouldn't get to find out, because they curse would be broken around the time she's 22, so it's kind of a pointless question, but it was the first thing that came to mind lol.

I imagine it would also create a difference between Isabela's relationship with Dolores and maybe Luisa, and her relationship with the other grandkids. There was once a time she and Dolores had a normal, happy friendship, and now it's different, but she remembers Luisa and Camilo as kids acting much different from her at their age, more akin to Dolores now... Mirabel is the obvious exception, but now that Isabela knows the truth, she can see Antonio's behavior and understand, with horror, what it means. He's never just asking for hugs or piggyback rides, it's never entirely innocent, because even if it looks like a childish, harmless little crush on his end, there's something much darker behind, and Isabela must remember a different life was possible, she must remember Dolores was different at his age... but they never got the chance to see her and love her in a natural way, as she truly was, without the curse in between.

I wonder how old Isabela was when the curse began to become noticeable. Ten, maybe? Ten seems like an interesting age, because she's old enough to have memories of a more innocent time, and young enough to be fucking terrifying to everyone involved. And much like the curse's growth, her family's withdrawal was a very gradual process, but I imagine this is when she started to notice them acting weird, or when they started to realize their adoration for her wasn't normal... or, if you want a more clear-cut boundary between the before and now, it could be the time in which they admited their feelings and began to discuss it, holding these little group therapy sessions to help each other cope.

The curse's growth must be one of their main topics of discussion through the years, now that I think about it. I imagine they must start to notice the change a few years in? When Isabela is in her teens and it starts to get harder, to keep their hands to themselves, to not stare... And indeed, they begin to worry. They begin to worry a lot.

Though I believe their greatest concern is Alma, the effect the growing curse has on her, and her refusal to accept help or admit to herself the reality of the situation. I think Julieta would be utterly terrified of what her mother could do.

#madrigalcest #shipcest #curse of venus au

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blankspacebye · 2 months

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Au Revoir, L' Art des Mémoires

I get a little bit wiser every time I admit that I was wrong. Get a little bit stronger every time I go and fall apart. Can't hold myself together, forever and ever, it's true.

I want to get used to finding joy in remembering and freedom in forgetting.

When people ask me about my biggest fear in this life, the answer is forgetfulness. I’m afraid of forgetting and being forgotten. I’m terrified of one day waking up and forgetting everything I’ve been through in my life; everything being reduced to simple things like just who I am or what my name is. I’m also afraid of being forgotten by the people I love, perhaps due to Alzheimer’s or dementia. That’s why I fear anything related to memory disorders.

It must be painful. It’s like being an empty human that can’t remember and feel the memories that happened in life. I remember watching one of my favorite movies Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and I could feel the desperation of Joel when he discovered that Clementine, his girlfriend, decided to erase him from her memories. It’s as painful as Clementine’s behavior after erasing Joel from her mind — feeling lost, old, and not making sense of anything due to the identity crisis after losing around two years of her life.

So if I could erase painful memories from my mind, would I? I don’t think so.

A few days later, I was watching a video from my favorite YouTuber. He invited a neurosurgeon to his podcast. The neurosurgeon mentioned many functions of our body that we don’t realize are blessings. One of them is the human ability to forget. Imagine having a significant past trauma; if we forget, we can move on and get a life. Think about all the sensory inputs and experiences you have every minute, every day, every year, and throughout your lifetime. If you remembered every single thing, life would always be filled with memories that might disturb and hold you back. You’d be unable to function; you have to forget some things. Forgetting is not a flaw because of the same reason the neurosurgeon mentioned in the video. Our brain is constantly deciding what to remember and what to forget. It doesn’t always make decisions that we find helpful, but in general, the decisions it makes (primarily unconsciously) are keeping us alive.

So, am I really afraid of forgetting and being forgotten? I once wanted to forget something to dwell a world away from pain. Little did I know that what I wanted was to change how I felt about the memories — from pain to happiness. However, I realize it’s an inhumane view because scars, memories, suffering, and experiences are part of living. I couldn’t choose whether I’d rather have my brain erased to experience pure happiness again and again or know the past, its mistakes, and grow out of it. No matter how painful it may seem, our minds witness the battles we’ve fought and the roads we’ve walked. At the end of the day, we are our happiness but also our pain.

So, let’s get back to the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I love the fact that the movie isn’t aiming to be the perfect love story; it wants to depict the messiness of human relationships, and it does it so well. As Joel experiences all these memories being erased, he realizes that no matter how much pain and heartbreak he feels, it’s not worth losing these memories of Clementine. It’s an extended metaphor saying that even though heartbreak is awful, the happiness felt at the peak of the relationship and the personal growth you get from it is worth the pain.

What I see is not that we want to learn from our mistakes to feel happiness — it’s to experience them again — but experience them differently. Not totally the same, but with different outlooks, much like how Joel’s character changed to a spontaneous guy and Clementine’s character changed at the end. It seems we think that if we acted differently, things would end up more favorable.

So by the end, what’s different? If, by the end of the movie, they are still doing the same thing for the same reasons, then they haven’t learned or developed at all. No, it’s not. The whole point is that they have this revelation that there is more to it than that; they grasp a higher meaning to their fate.

It’s better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all.

People are always going to remember and forget. Pain or happiness, it doesn’t matter because a person is built from both. The only thing apparent was to live the best you can so that no regretful decisions can change the way we feel about our memories. There is essentially no safe point in time to make your perspective and the only safe point is now.

These selective memories are true representations of the experiences that are still rooted in fact and most importantly reflect how we will look back at the memories as we move on. Every thought we have, every word we speak, every action we engage in — indeed, our very sense of self and our sense of connectedness to others — we owe to our memory, they always live in us as we grow.

Having a spotless mind does not always bring eternal sunshine. Happiness is not supposed to be eternal, but it is everywhere. Find yours and spread it to the people around you.

In your memory, Sati Soirée.

P.S. When I write this post, I replaying Dividends by DWLLRS. The lyrics on pre-chorus song is on point and makes me realize that there's long way that I've been through yet there's long way there to living through. This song is exceptional and it makes me happy all day, realizing that there's magical thing called The Art of Memoirs.

I think I get one step closer to gain my clarity. Well, I know that I still have to learn more but knowing the fact that memory has its own magic were amazing. It's a same topic as I write Lieu de Mémoire but this post gives me more clarity. Well, solid in solitude right?

#Spotify

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chestharrington · 9 months

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I think s4 Steve kinda made sense. Imagine your first real gf tells you she loves you one day and the next calls you bullshit and then basically admits that your relationship is based on a lie. I think Steve flirting and dating around but never truly committing to anyone is him being terrified of letting himself go or be vulnerable. And then he's together with Nancy for the first time in a year, who let him believe it's all his fault, but now that he has changed, maybe he could get back to her. Even tho she hurt him, she was also the first person who saw his real side, plus being talked into persuing that relationship by his best friends certainly had an impact. I don't doubt he dreams of having a family with her because he never got closure from the breakup in s2 and still views her in rose-colored light rather than for who she truly is. Still I want more of him outside of romance. I want him in leading position because of his physical abilities (being a lifeguard and basketball team leader) and his survival instincts. Steve isn't stupid and I hate the Duffers for making him too dumb to get into college because his main reason for not going in s2 was so he can stay around for Nancy and protect her. He would still want to be in Hawkins for Dustin. He is also confused what he wants to do with his life so that could have been a better route to "loserfy" his character instead of making him incredibly stupid and the butt of all jokes.

Dustin and Steve hurt my soul in s4, I don't think Eddie was created for being the new Steve tho. He was created because the Duffers wanted to tap into the santanic panic, but ultimately, because Eddie being hunted was not because of DnD but because Chrissys body was found in his home. I agree he died a Steve death to give Dustin trauma. But also Steve had no reason to die in s4 so someone else had to give emotional impact on Dustin. The Duffers only view losing someone as the ultimate trauma, being tortured or seeing literal monsters is not enough to give characters a more emotional arc to overcome the things they saw.

Robin is not that different (her real personality shined through at the ebd of s3 already), I think she behaves in another way because she is comfortable around Steve and his friends. She doesn't have to mask or hide herself that much anymore. However, her wanting to be bff with Nancy in a way that made her look pathetic was ooc for sure. I discussed it with others but because the show has limited time we have to rush through stuff and complicated character relationships are cut short because of the need to get everyone to like each other so they can fight the overall evil. The Duffers are allergic to giving Nancy any growth. Other characters have to kiss her ass 24/7.

Jonathan idk he didn't have a real personality since becoming Nancy's boyfriend. In s4 I liked his arc? Sorta you can clearly tell he self medicates with weed to ease his anxieties. Like his entire thing is being the provider for his family. Will and El slowly grow up and don't need him as much, it's fucking with him. Plus, Nancy is not getting his financial problems, he simply doesn't know how to deal with it. He isn't a confrontational person so all of that plus general trauma from his dad and the past few years take a toll on him. And then he meets Argyle who is so chill and gets him weed and for a few hours everything is okay so he just is constantly high because it helps.

Sorry this was kinda long feel free to ignore lmao

The Duffers are allergic to giving Nancy any growth. Other characters have to kiss her ass 24/7.

And that is SOOOOOO true baefy

I think I agree w pretty much everything except the stancy stuff. I see what u mean however I think at it’s core it’s lazy writing and the writers simply don’t care enough to explore Steve’s character (or like 95% of the characters) any further than romantic interest w his *~soulmate~* Nancy.

Also unfortunately I don’t think Robin has anything to do w being more herself I think that maybe she is just played by a not great actress 😭

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tinyhumandoc · 2 years

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Shreya Kumari

**this information is subject to change and growth as shreya grows alongside the group and other characters**

tw sexual harrassment, pregnancy, abandonment, unwanted pregnancy

Shreya’s parents emigrated to the United States for medical school and both established names for themselves in the surgical community before they decided they needed to settle down to have a child. Inspired by her parents, Shreya had never considered another career path. Her parents were supportive, but strict, especially her father. His wish for her to be extraordinary was a bit of pressure on her growing up. Her parents, especially her father, were both very traditional which kept her in the closet for a long time as she was confident in her bisexuality starting in her early teens.

She excelled in medical school at the University of Philadelphia. During undergrad, Shreya decided to come out to her parents with the support of her first girlfriend. This didn’t go over well with either parent, but particularly her father. Luckily making friends came naturally for her, so she had been able to build up a support system around her that she lacked from her family. Her parents didn’t speak to her for a few years and as undergrad turned into med school she grew desperate for the guidance and support of her parents. In an attempt to appease them, she started dating one of their friend’s sons, Arjun.

The chemistry wasn’t really there, but getting close to her parents again felt comforting, despite knowing that she wasn’t living her true self. However, with the pressure of their parents about their relationship building too slowly, she soon found herself engaged and not long after that, pregnant toward the end of her second year of medical school. Astonished at the prospect of having a child out of wedlock, the pressure built for the pair to quickly get married from both sets of their parents. Shreya cracked under the pressure and admitted that she wasn’t in love with Arjun.

The couple broke up and as third year started, she found herself alone in her pregnancy. Arjun’s parents had found a way to get him transferred to Hopkins to pretend the scandal of her soon to be daughter didn’t exist. Luckily, after her daughter was born, Shreya’s parents were instantly in love. With the help of her strong group of friends and parents beside her, Shreya excelled through her rotations and soon found herself with a surgical residency at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, with the intention of becoming a pediatric surgeon.

Her parents started to come around to her bisexuality when they grew to love her first serious relationship after the disaster that Arjun had become, fellow resident Ivy. Shreya was well-liked by almost all in the program, apart from some that held the stigma of women with children in residency. During her forth year of residency during a late shift, Shreya found out that she was a little too well liked by one of her attendings. His romantic advancements toward her had grown incessant and her firm rejection was not met well. Apparently she should be easy simply because she’d had a child during her clinical rotations. She was able to get away, but instead of being understanding the residency director warned her to keep it quiet if she didn’t want to lose her residency spot for her final year.

Shreya was terrified at the idea of losing her residency after all she had been through and she needed the eventual salary of an attending surgeon to give her daughter the life she deserved. Regardless, she knew that the halls of the hospital would be too haunting for another year. She scrambled to find another program to accept a late term transfer with little hope, but she luckily was accepted at Seattle Grace Hospital. She completed her last year of residency two years after Meredith’s class and accepted a spot as a pediatric surgery fellow after Alex Karev had finished his. Shreya has been an attending pediatric surgeon ever since. Seattle Grace accepted her with open arms during one of the toughest spots of her life and she has yet to even consider leaving.

As a teacher for residents and fellows, she has a softer style than some. Firm, but supportive, Shreya knows her weaknesses and the domineering nature of some other doctors seemed outrageously ludicrous when she’d attempted it on her first class of interns for a couple of weeks. Shreya is refined and charismatic and can be the life of the party, but she also is known as one of the hospital’s biggest gossipers and is closed off with her own feelings even with those closest to her. She struggles with alone time and is ready to help anyone in need and is a great listener, eager to give advice when she has it.

#about shreya

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blehblarghblah · 2 years

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okay but considering what you've gone off about with Lilith, Bump, and Gus and Willow, I GOTTA know what you think about Alador now???

Alador Blight was such a good highlight to this episode. Fan theory can spout off as much as they want about abusive elements, manipulation, arranged marriage, Alador/Darius, etc. A lot of those notions hit on the money, some are just speculation. In the end, I appreciate the journey. I wanna talk about his characterization and portrayal. I'd like to preface with that this is just me talking, no fact or fiction, just interpretation from a nerd.

In Escaping Expulsion, he stops Odalia because he recognizes Amity's growth. Her power and strength, and he notes that that type of drive is what the Emperor's Coven looks for. Because he thinks that's what she wants, and he sees the silver lining for both their sakes.

He looks back on his childhood with fondness, but also has a sense of pride/embarrassment at how openly in awe Amity is of his past. She states that she wants to be like him, and how she finds excitement in that. He downplays it for her sake because he wants better for her (or at the very least, in the way Odalia does). Thinking for as fun as it was, that's not what Amity---the Amity he knew as a child---would've wanted.

But the important takeaway in the end is that he's out of touch. He's realizing he doesn't know a thing about his kids. He feels confused. Like he wasn't sure how or when it all changed. His youngest daughter has a girlfriend, she's complaining about her hair colour and not wanting to join a coven anymore. But mainly? She's complaining that he doesn't know anything.

But he admits something he observed. Something he knows. For everything he doesn't know, for all that he's out of the loop in, he breaches a topic he knows for certain and it happens to be the very thing Amity can be glad about.

But when he goes for a hug and she responds with a boundary, he's disappointed. He respects it, but is disappointed and surprised. He's out of touch with his kids and the closest display of physical affection him---a father---is allowed to breach, is a handshake. And she says it's a start. Him confronting his wife, her mother, is a step closer to redemption in his daughter's eyes.

Stress, confusion, and doubt wracking his brain, he vents. He confesses to be overworked. That he's built off a life's work toward project like this, the very thing his family strived toward, but he still feels torn (heh bc the bag). His pride and joy was achieved, right? Yet he feels like nothing makes sense, nothing is right anymore.

But then when he hears King never met his dad, he realizes his substitution for his kids. Have they really met him? Has he really met them? In how long? How long have they spent "never really meeting" their dad despite his proximity? His absence created a rift between his true greatest creations and---

---he feels regret. So he declares a change. That he's gonna do something.

He confronts Odalia, he challenges her at every notion and every opportunity. (side note, it's cute that Amity gets her red angry face from her dad). And even stands against what Odalia thinks is best for the Blights, and resolutely destroy's his life's work. Without hesitation, he destroys his entire factory. Within seconds.

They're finished. Their "marriage", their "work relationship", their "co-parenting"---in every sense it's done. He stood up to her, even admitting how terrifying it was, for the sake of his daughters and son. He's done with being distracted. Done with being forced to be distracted. A new chapter, if you will. (Also this shot is so freaking cool).

Here, it's minor, but him openly stating something like this, it's just a neat way of showing he's paying attention. Setting aside what he knows is at stake and all the dangers, it's a way of showing he's valuing what his daughter sees important. It's not just that he can stop all the Abomatons at the head. But that he knows they're after "Hunter". He knows Amity's intentions, and all her friends' intentions, and states it. He's proclaiming a boundary, "You're going to do this. And I am aware of it. And I'm coming with you."

Knowing that in Reaching Out, the mere action of confronting Odalia outright or simply on her own stances is something Amity appreciates. So Alador makes a point to confront "Luz" outright and disregards whatever Odalia said (even though this is Hunter). As if to breach another boundary for Amity, that though he's been slow on catching up, he's willing to let Amity feel more comfortable and safe in her home. The sentiment is what matters here.

This is such a good telling of a father working out of---for the simplest of terms---a toxic relationship for the sake of his family. He recognizes his faults, the faults that led him to where he was, and the priorities of his kids. In the end, he's willing to throw it all down in one instant for their sake. Even if it's terrifying for him. Even if he doesn't know or understand everything. Even if he dedicated countless hours to build everything that brought them where they were today.

He does it for Amity, Edric, and Emira.

And that's all that matters.

(oh and I guess for the sake of the Isles because all Hell is about to break loose).

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