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thescrumblingmidwife · 7 months

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So what are the ways to stop a period (and fertility) as an adult? I need to figure out my plans for when that time comes. I mean permanently, btw.

Hi Anon,

I'm getting a lot of asks like this. Here's another one:

Anonymous asked: whats the safest way to stop getting a period as quickly as possible? i was told by my gynecologist that id be given birth control that'd stop them but i keep getting them and it's been months

So let's do a menstrual suppression post.

MENSTRUAL SUPPRESSION (AKA, Secondary amenorrhea)

What can be done depends a lot on your age, where you are, what kind of healthcare access you have, as well as your reason for seeking menstrual suppression.

If you experience medical complications like endometriosis, serious menstrual pain (dysmenorrhea) or heavy menstrual bleeding that causes anemia, etc., you may find you have an easier time accessing treatments beyond BC than if you just "don't want a period." (FWIW - I think that's a completely valid reason for menstrual suppression!). Trans and GNC people will fall somewhere in the middle - depending on where you are, it may be considered a legitimate medical indication all on its own, and in other areas may result in a roadblock and discrimination.

Disclaimer - my scope as a midwife will be limited to the use of hormonal birth control until I complete separate training on offering gender-affirming care. So please take what I say here only as a rough guide to your own research. If I've missed anything or get anything wrong, please let me know!

PREPUBERTAL (have not yet gotten a period)

Leuprolide (lupron) is an antiandrogen medication that basically stops sex hormones from working. When used in prepubertal/early puberty kids, it's called a "puberty blocker." It's meant to be a temporary solution until the kid can be sure what they want to do next, as its effects are completely reversible. Pediatricians will usually refer you to an endocrinologist or a gender clinic rather than provide themselves.

Otherwise, I'm afraid that you must first go through the initial period of menarche until normal periods are established before you can then go on menstrual suppression.

ADOLESCENT (teen, not yet an adult)

Progestin-only birth control is the first-line treatment. The good news is that pretty much everyone can take it, and it's relatively easy to get. This works by keeping the uterine lining thin, and keeping a level of progestin high enough that you don't experience the withdrawal that triggers menses. Methods include: IUD (intrauterine device), Nexplanon (implant), Depo shot, and pills. In all methods, it takes several months to work, and spotting/breakthrough bleeding is a possibility.

---->If you take the pills, you have to take them at the exact same time every day, so the hormone levels stay even, or you risk breakthrough bleeding. Different brands have different progestins in them, so if one doesn't work for you after several months of taking it properly, you could ask your provider about switching to a different pill.

---->The IUD has the best record with total menstrual suppression after a few months, but it is the most invasive of the LARC methods to insert.

----> Nexplanon can take some time to achieve menstrual suppression, and some people still get breakthrough bleeding, but it is also the single most efficacious BC besides hysterectomy. Yes, even more than tubal ligation.

----> Depo shot is pretty good at achieving amenorrhea, but has more side effects (low libido, dry vagina, risk of bone loss) that can take a while to resolve after you come off it

Testosterone - If you are trans and go on T, it may stop your menstrual cycles/ovulation, but it is not a guarantee. People on T are counseled to also be on BC, because it is does not eliminate the possibility of pregnancy and is teratogenic (can cause birth defects). You should not go on T purely to stop menses, as it has other permanent effects - go on T for those effects and be pleased if it happens to stop your period.

ADULT (18/21+ up)

All of the above methods, plus:

Estrogen-containing birth control may offer more suppression but also increases certain health risks (like clots), and it has a number of contraindications (reasons why someone can't use it safely). Generally don't advise teens to use it.

Tubal ligation for FERTILITY CONTROL ONLY. This will not stop periods!

For transmen: Hysterectomy (uterus removed) and/or salpingectomy/oophorectomy (tubes/ovaries removed). This is a component of gender-affirming care - but you will likely need to find a specialized provider for it. The average gynecologist is not going to do an elective (no medical indication) hysterectomy ----> https://transcare.ucsf.edu/guidelines/hysterectomy

I have seen some evidence that Lupron can be used for menstrual suppression as well, but I haven't heard much about it being used outside of certain medical indications (like if someone has cancer).

GENDER-AFFIRMING CARE

If you identify as trans or gender non-conforming and there is a gender clinic in your area, I recommend trying to get in with them, as they deal with this sort of question regularly. They have interdisciplinary teams (mental health providers, gynecologists, endocrinologists, surgeons, etc) that can meet all your needs. Someone trained in gender-affirming care will be best equipped to help you.

Here is a list of gender clinics in the USA:

Ok, all you Anons out there - I hope this is a good jumping-off point for you to find what you need. The TLDR is please try to find a provider who is willing to work with you and help you find what's available to you in your area!

#menstrual suppression #gender affirming care #trans health care #menstrual health #reproductive health #birth control #menstruation #midwifery #endrocrinology #contraception

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uncloseted · 11 months

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Does the IUD hurt really bad? I don't want to get the insertion in my arm bc I have hormonal acne already, and I'm scared id forget when taking the pill. I'm just really scared the IUD would hurt really bad bc ive never had kids and I'm pretty much a virgin.

It really depends on the person, what you do before the appointment, and the office where you get the IUD inserted. Many doctors offer medicine to help numb the cervix before the IUD is put in, since some people feel cramping or pain when they’re getting the IUD placed. If you're worried about pain, you can search for doctors that offer an anesthetic as an option. Other doctors will recommend that you take a pain medication before the procedure to help prevent cramps.

Even without anesthetic, the process of getting an IUD is painless for some people. That said, about 70% of people do experience some pain when the IUD is being inserted. This pain is usually comparable to strong period cramps and lasts only one or two minutes. The entire process takes about five minutes.

Many people feel perfectly fine after they get an IUD and can go back to work or school the same day without any issues. Some people do experience cramping or backaches similar to period pain after getting an IUD, which is totally normal. Those intermittent cramps usually last a few days when they happen and typically aren't too painful. Less commonly, cramping can sometimes come and go for several months after IUD insertion. If you currently have painful periods, you may be at an increased risk for more pain during the insertion process or after it. If you have vaginismus or a tilted uterus, the procedure may be more painful as well.

To reduce your risk of a painful procedure, make sure that you go to a reputable office that inserts IUDs often. The more experience they have, the more aware of different pain management options they'll be, and the less likely it is that you'll get an IUD that's placed incorrectly or have a procedure that causes an injury to your uterus. If you do decide to get one, schedule your appointment during the last few days of your menstrual cycle, as that will make the IUD easier to insert. Before your appointment, make sure you eat well, sleep, and are hydrated. Dehydration, exhaustion, and hunger can make the insertion process worse and contribute to more pain afterwards. Taking ibuprofen or naproxen before and after the procedure can also help to minimize any pain.

The good news is that once you get an IUD, it can last up to twelve years (depending on the type you get). So for a lot of people, even though it runs the risk of being painful, it's worth getting an IUD to avoid worrying about birth control for such a long period of time. The other benefit is that IUDs often reduce period symptoms or get rid of them entirely, so even though the initial process is painful, it can actually prevent pain in the long run (Mirena and Liletta are best for this- the copper IUD may make period pain worse).

If you're want a birth control option that you don't have to maintain on a daily basis but an IUD isn't for you, your other option is the depo-Provera Shot. This is an injection you get from your doctor once every three months that prevents ovulation. About three-quarters of women stop getting their period altogether after 2-3 shots, so it can provide similar period pain relief benefits as the birth control pill or an IUD. It's about 96% effective at preventing pregnancy in typical use and 99% effective with perfect use, so similarly effective to other birth control options you might consider.

Ultimately, it's a super personal choice, and there's no right or wrong answer. All decisions that we make in life have some degree of trade-off, and making medical choices is no different. But the good news is that there are a lot of good choices available to you, and hopefully you can find one that works and that you feel comfortable with.

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cakesexuality · 1 year

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Roughly 4 months on Lupron

I saw my gynecologist today and she started by asking about when I called in to ask if Lupron could have upset my immune system back in October -- We both agreed that that's probably not the case, since nothing happened (aside from the surge then drop of hormones) when I had the 4-week kit and I had a 2nd big immune flare in December, but hey my body is held together with duct tape and bubblegum so you never fuckin know how I'll react to a drug lol, I can't even take Allegra without going blind

I already said that we were denied by ODB and then denied by EAP for Norlutate coverage, and she said today that the manufacturer won't give us full coverage, but they can at least give me a discount card that can bring my prescription cost down to about a third of the normal price

I forgot to ask her about my dietician's suggestion of trying a compounding pharmacy!!

I also forgot to tell her that my raw DNA data appears to say that I have a higher risk of endometriosis!!

My gynecologist asked if I had plans to medically transition (I don't and never really have) bc testosterone counts as an add-back and if that's something I wanted, then we could scrap the process of finding a progesterone that's covered and just go for transmasc HRT since that's under ODB

She's gonna go back to looking for a progesterone I can take, bc Norlutate is the standard but it's not the only option

I think I read that medroxyprogesterone can be an add-back?? I should've asked about it bc I'm not sure about what I read, and she wanted me off Depo-Provera (intramuscular medroxyprogesterone) bc of bone density concerns, but the reason we need add-back after 6 months of Lupron is for bone density concerns... perhaps it's different for oral Provera but I have no idea

She said that she's read about people losing their periods from being on only 5mg Norlutate, no other drugs added, so we could possibly accomplish the same thing while ditching the Lupron... but it's still the Norlutate that we can't get coverage for (I'm not really sure how successful that might be for me anyway, since I still bled too much on Depo-Provera which is also supposed to stop your periods over time)

There are some norethindrone products covered by ODB but they're contraceptives, so it's stuff like Jencycla, where the dosage is so incredibly low that I'd be going through one pack of birth control every two days to get the correct amount (the mental image of counting out 98 birth control pills every week for my pill boxes amuses me), or it's stuff like Brevicon, where it's combined with estrogen, which feels counterproductive to being on something that suppresses my estrogen production

We had a chat about my skin and the conclusion was to keep going along with doing hypoallergenic skincare and taking the doxycycline my GP prescribed

I didn't ask about my TSH bc my eyebrows seem to be growing back in again, but she wrote me a requisition to check my estradiol and testosterone since I'm curious to see how my current levels compare to when I was on Depo-Provera

We didn't have any discussions about surgery today, so I'm glad that she isn't thinking about that just yet, and this buys me plenty of time to talk about it in therapy lol

And I'm booked to get a fourth Lupron shot in April, so 🤷‍♀️

#the estrogen is slapping right now

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pacifymebby · 2 years

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Hey there age gap crush anon back! I haven’t gone on the date yet but I’ve preemptively been looking into birth control options as I’ve got anxiety and like to be very prepared (lol I know I know I’ve only just had my first kiss 💀) and I was wondering what you would recommend? I would prefer the implant over anything else like I’d really like that I think but I don’t think that will be an option as I think in my country I will have to pay for it or there will be some kind of mess up with insurance and my father will find out and I don’t want to deal with him judging me or not letting me get it. I really don’t want to take the pill as I have issues that it may mess with and I’m not very good at keeping a schedule. And I’ve heard horror stories about iud’s so I don’t want to get one of those. I feel like my only option is condoms which I’m fine with but I’d prefer to be extra safe if you know what I mean?

Hey, so I'm just gonna straight up say that my own birth control is condoms and the Catholic calender method. Basically we don't use condoms when it's like, just after my period and I know I'm not about to ovulate. And then condoms the rest of the time.

I would say if you're worried about the pill fucking you up be wary of the implant because as far as I know the implant is the same hormones as the pill, the only difference is you can't puke it up or easily stop taking it. I wouldn't go on the implant before taking a contraception pill because with the pill you can stop taking it if it fucks you up but with the implant you have to wait an ammount of time/get it removed and it's just more complicated.

I was talking to a friend the other day about the iud as well and I wouldn't go near it personally, there are some major stories of this going wrong/women not being believed that it has gone wrong. I know one of my aunts had it and had to get it removed because it caused her to have a period which lasted over 40 days. I just, I don't trust it and there's no way men would be made to take a contraception with those risks.

Personally I would use condoms, if they are used correctly they are effective enough. And also its always good to keep in mind your cycle and know it anyway,

So this is from an NHS page about getting pregnant and if it's possible to just after your period.

The bit to pay attention to is the bit about your peak fertility. If you are scared of getting pregnant genuinely just don't have sex around that time of the month, or use condoms.

In the time me and my friends have had active sex lives (must be nearly 8 years, I have known condoms to go wrong three times, once when a condom broke (happened to my friend) and twice in instances where the condom has come off (to my friend it happened mid way through and they didn't notice, because they were drunk) (to me this happened after sex bc (tmi sorry) me and B are v much to remain in position cuddling after we've cum, with him still inside and what happened was as he went soft the condom came off and was left perfectly in place inside me, I was able to remove it carefully, have a wash and not end up pregnant)

Every time these incidents have happened we've been able to get the morning after pill, although my friend who the condom broke on didn't get it and took the risk (thought she was stupid at the time but hey, she didn't get pregnant) and I didn't when it came off because I was confident that no sperm had actually gone inside me at all.

I think in school all the responsibility of contraception is placed on teenage girls and also, there's a lot of subtle bias that makes women turn to birth control because men don't like to wear condoms, like we're told it's better for us to be on birth control than to rely on condoms but actually condoms (from my real life experience and not from stats) are more effective.

The pill is 91% effective IF TAKEN 100% CORRECTLY, this means at the same time every day, no being sick (it makes people sick) no missing a day, no taking it an hour late blah blah blah... It's difficult to take it 100% correctly, in mine and my friend experience.

Condoms are 98% effective when used correctly and using a condom correctly just means checking its in date and putting it on properly. I'm sure ur man's capable of putting it on properly.

So this is what I mean when I say I don't trust the pill or hormonal contraception in general, it's not effective enough to warrant the health risks and the emotional and physical effects it can have on you.

I was on a pill which gave me a yeast infection for 3 months straight. I've had friends on the pill who have just lost their libido, who have had their blood pressure effected, who have found its made them anxious/depressed. Taking the pill is probably what triggered my pmdd which made me suicidal.

I do know women who take birth control and are fine but the majority of people I know are putting up with shitty negative side effects.

Sorry for the rant, but yeah my advice is be sober ish for your first time, use condoms and talk to him about it too, if it becomes a long term thing you should discuss it with your partner.

It's something me and B have discussed right up to our views on abortion and the morning after pill. So we've reached our contraception routine conclusion together and are both comfortable.

I think that's the healthiest way to do it. But for now, condoms are your best option. Just make sure they are indate and that the wrapper is intact/not pierced or damaged before you open it. Xx

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hollyhomburg · 4 years

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lili!! i enjoy packtan so much and i couldn't get enough of them! it is such an amazing concept! i love the idea, and how u write them in an ask au, making your reader sort of creating their own fantasy and u expand them in a much finer wording and i am just??!! BRILLIANT! so here i am shamelessly wanted u to expand more (only if u willing to) pregnant!reader. i'm having such a wild baby fever bcs all of my closest friends are pregnant and we're just drowning in this motherhood vibe.

i’m so glad you like them! it’s kinda really fun to like- pop in and add a little bit of the au each day and kind of expand on it- I've gotten a lot of asks about Empireverse Packtan au and I’m kind of resisting answering because I know I have SO many ideas about it that once I start posting it won’t stop. so given that, I’m gonna answer this in idolverse au!

I think that before the reader gets pregnant (in the surprising way we see in this ask) she kind of feels a little shy, they’ve only ever talked about the possibility of pups with jimin and jin, and she knows like- she’s been in their pack for little over a year and she’s kind of just accepted that...it’s going to be a little while before they’ll talk about it at least, kind of worried about bringing it up and causing friction

in this au, she’s only ever almost been in a pack once before and things were really toxic and the alphas there were really controlling and often guilt-tripped her into making her feel like she couldn’t ask for things. And she hates that the first thing she assumes is that she can’t- but she doesn't. Even though she babysits her friend's pups and kind of starts to look forward to them, finds herself getting jealous of them, how their alphas and betas are so soft and caring with them.

She wants it so bad it starts to kind of intrude into their sex life, she finds herself begging for knots with a new vigor, trying to not let their cum escape she’s not on her Heat so she can’t get pregnant but :( she wants a pup kinda badly and she thinks they don’t really want them with her.

until her friend takes a video of her nuzzling into their pup and doing some good old babytalk, the one and a half-year-old sitting up chubby in her lap, giggling every time you poke at your own cheeks, making ridiculous faces just to get some more giggles out of them. they send it to you and then one of the boys texts you “ugh- filming is such a drag today they just can’t get the shots right, how is your day baby? are you enjoying your time with Jae-shii and little Hoon?” you send him back a little string of emoji’s and the video and put the phone away totally unaware of the chaos you are about to cause.

meanwhile, at the shooting, Taehyung visibly melts when he sees the video, grinning and turning to bury his head into the couch cushions kicking his feet. “what's got you so happy” Hoseok asks, enjoying a little lunch between takes, “no this is only for me~ it’s too cute~ it’s mine” “let me see!” hobi holds his heart after the video ends, “I need to sit down,”

namjoon and yoongi see it next, jimin crumpling onto jins lap as the two omegas watch the video again and again, “tell me we’re too young for pups hyung- please tell me we are,” yoongi looks up from the video, shaking his head, gummy smile on display. “never joonie, god she’s so cute how-”

the video ends up getting sent in the group chat so that all of them can save it to their phones and you look down to a barrage of messages during lunch, blushing at the messages how they’re spamming you. your friend teases you when you tell them what they’re sending you. “baby you look so cute~” “y/n + babys = terrible for my concentration” “wow now i want pups with you” “our babies would look cuter than yours hobi” “jungkook you’re a baby- you can;t be talking about having babies” “i can’t wait to have pups with you”

you even get a text in your private chat from yoongi “this had me dreaming of our future, I can’t wait to start a family with you, even though we’re a family already” “haha really?” you respond in the group chat, and are suddenly treated with a flurry of new messages, “yes!!?!? of course!” “you’d be such a good mommy with jinnie and me” “yeah why wouldn't we wanna have kids with you?”

“i don’t know, i just didn’t think that you guys really wanted pups with me, we’ve never talked about it before, and when you do talk about it it’s mostly about jimin and Seokjin so I just- kinda assumed.” there is a momentary silence on your phone, you can sense across the city there must be something happening if they’re so quiet, eventually, namjoon’s the one who texts the group chat. “okay, pack meeting when we get home about this, we definitely need to talk about his face to face.”

you’re anxious, but it dosent end up being that bad as the pack meeting happens when you’re all cuddled down in pajamas, some members going in and out of the bathroom to wash off the tiredness of the day. “of course we want to have pups with you, and i know we’ve always tabled that kind of discussion for a later date because of our careers” “but we don’t have to wait if it’s with you,” “we would kinda want to be around more though, we wouldn’t want to have to leave you alone for long periods of time”

taehyung cuddles up to your side, his hands rubbing soothing circles onto your abdomen, and you can already tell he’s imagining you swollen with pups, likes the idea too from the way he scent marks you close. “I think- I think I want it too, maybe like you said, maybe not now, but definitely one day soon” you guys talk it out, and eventually you agree that like- within the next five years you’ll start seriously trying for pups with you at least.

jimin and jin are okay with waiting for a little, they’ll be sated with their maternal urges by seeing you, and you talk it out more, how jin and jimin have always had the agreement that the two of them will help out a lot with each other's pups and yours, you now that all of you will end up being parents, the pups will be yours and whichever alpha or beta gets you pregnant first, but they’ll also be loved and taken care of by the other 6 of them, the responsibility shared equally. eventually, you fall asleep with more than one hand on your belly, feeling happy and reassured that they want to start a life with you, that you’re here to stay,

and of course, the next few months you end up being a little too lax with your birth control around your heats. usually one of them makes sure you take your pill once every 12 hours during your heat, but after some confusion, it gets forgotten for the first day- they don’t even realize they missed giving it to you, which is how you end up getting pregnant in the first place. it might be a little earlier than they where planning but they’re also just so so happy.

i know this isn’t exactly pregnant! reader but I did want to like expand more on how they talk about having kids.

#Anonymous

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glowstickia · 3 years

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hey same hat on those period pains! I'm so glad I went on birth control bc that was. not a reasonable experience to have monthly lol

Oof. Anon that sucks that you’ve gone thru similar period pains....aint fun. Thank fuck for birth control tho alas the one I uh had? Didn’t mix well with my adhd meds and I just haha yeaaaaa had one experience that the doctors kept telling me that “no no it wouldn’t do that”. Happened earlier this year...

more about that story under the read more

but goddamn Birth control saved my ass when I was in high school. Like, dude. I used to have periods every other week. Real bad, heavy ones too. Mom was worried I was gonna be anemic. I had trouble remembering to like...take my pills and like...slowly just got off them sorta on accident. Noticed my issue came back in college, but the stress probably uh didnt help. Main difference that time around was that it was once a month at least instead of like every other week.

so basically had a scary af experience earlier this year where my body felt numb and tingly while I was trying to go to sleep. I had been on my adhd meds for almost a year at that point and it was day 3 of trying out this birth control.

I went to the ER, and they were just scratching their heads going “Yea dunno what it is. Go tell your doctor, she’d probably know better.” -_- good news tho not a blood clot. BUT that’s the only news I got and they sent me home at like 4am. Ugh

Got some tests done to find the cause, but I just...straight up didn’t touch my birth control pills after that and just told my doc that “Yeaaaa nooooo. not working out for me” Like I wish I could do birth control but after that experience I aint gonna uh try that again for a whiiiile.... >_> My periods, I will say, have gotten uh much better over the years. But I so don’t wanna screw with the adhd meds that actually work for me when trying to figure out what birth control would be okay with it askdhfds.

#asking glow #periods #medical #sorry if this is a disjointed mess lol just got home XD

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zydraholic · 2 years

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any and all of the hyperfix questions if you want ^_^

YES THANK U...

📌 how did you find your hyperfixation?

My friends invited me to go see No Way Home in December and while I'm not an MCU fan, seeing Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield again smacked me into a different dimension and changed my brain chemistry and brought me back to when I was a kid and first saw the original trilogy... so I decided to rewatch all of them... and now I've seen all of the original trilogy and TASM at least 3 times each (but I've seen TASM2 around 6 times I think)

🎥 do you have any favorite scenes from your hyperfixation?

YES OF COURSE. From the original trilogy, the train fight, Doc Ock's death, Sandman's creation, and when Harry comes to help Peter fight Sandman and Venom were my absolute favorites (though ofc I also love every "Bully Maguire" scene too). Oh, and of course the Human Spider vs. Bonesaw :)

From TASM, I love the scene where Peter owns the fuck out of Flash in the gym bc that was hilarious, but my ABSOLUTE favorite scenes from any of the movies is when Peter and Harry reunite in TASM2 and when Harry breaks into Oscorp with Electro (I have those scenes pretty much memorized word for word). Or when Harry's breaking Electro out with the whole "I need you" thing... Ouch. OUCH.

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

Harry :) He's a way better character than a lot of people give him credit for. I actually fucking hated him when I first watched the original trilogy, but after watching TASM2 and rewatching the originals again I decided he's my favorite actually. They're both so tragic...

TASM2 Harry especially because like. I really get why he snapped. His dad basically just shits on him before he dies, and he has to deal with taking over this huge company, he finds out he's going to die in the exact same way, and from his point of view it seems like his only friend turned his back on him and he literally doesn't have anybody else... So when he finds out Oscorp has been experimenting on people and gets framed for it and fired, like. Yeah! Okay! Go off!

Raimi Harry also makes me so sad, especially since in the end he came to his senses and sacrificed his own life to save Peter... Even after everything that happened between them... OUCH.

💎 are there any fun facts or trivia that you would like to share?

The original Spiderman comics were so popular that the Nixon administrations department of health education and welfare asked Stan Lee to write an anti-drug message into one of the comics, which he agreed to so long as it was for entertainment purposes and not educational. This was actually super controversial within the comics world at the time, because the Comics Code forbade any portrayal of illegal drug usage, even if it was in a negative light. Lee said fuck it and published the comics (issues #96-98) without their stamp of approval, which eventually lead to the Comics Code being revised.

That being said, the storyline involved Harry, having a hard time coping with his dads unexplainable episodes, becoming addicted to pills and eventually ODing. Spiderman actually defeats Green Goblin by showing him a picture of Harry in the hospital, which snaps him out of it because like, that's his son. So that's pretty fucked up! Harry's problem with addiction doesn't end after these issues though, and actually ends up being why MJ breaks up with him (she just can't deal with his self-destructive lifestyle) and a part of why he becomes the next Green Goblin after Norman dies. Harry is also diagnosed with schizophrenia at one point during this time period, but I don't think this is every really brought up again.

Anyways considering it was kind of a big part of his character in the comics it is kind of weird it's never brought up in the movies, or really by anyone at all, besides implied alcoholism, but yeah! Little known Harry Osborn lore

#answered #THANK YOUUUU #drugs mention #overdose mention #jic

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bartsugsy · 7 years

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Lo they do get back together right maybe it's because I'm on my period but I cried watching tonight's episode but I feel so upset, how are ED going to fix this.

hey anon!

we’re synched up bless

ok think of it this way

this break up - yes it’s about the baby and it’s about rebecca - but really, it’s about aaron and robert - and it started back in january

like - robert and aaron argued and it was huge, monumental. rob tried to move out, tried to call off the wedding. aaron flipped and put kasim in a coma.

in their next scene, when aaron is still reeling, aaron says “i love you but i hate who i am around you”. like. aaron was already struggling so much. and that was his own shit, more than anything - beating up kasim wasn’t robert’s doing. even aaron’s jealousy, while yes, was rooted in robert’s behaviour at some level, was more a sign of his mental state

and then the police rock up and they get so distracted by the thought that they almost lost each other, could still lose one another, that they cling onto one another with both hands, completely ignoring the fight they had on the night before they were supposed to elope.

but aaron is still in a bad space and he’s having panic attacks and he’s just... struggling - and he’s worried about robert leaving him and about liv

so rob throws him a wedding, as a way to solidify the little family they’ve made and aaron is the happiest he’s ever been, until right at the end, where he admits he’s scared and he and robert have that lifechangingly beautiful conversation - and then follow it up the next day with their goodbyes

prison only makes things worse for aaron and it starts robert down a much darker path too - all of a sudden, it’s not just aaron who is struggling, but we see robert unable to sleep, on constant high alert, sad and lost

aaron has, obviously, a worse time than anyone could have imagined and it breaks him completely

this in turn ends up accidentally breaking robert and he ends up sleeping with rebecca

aaron gets out, talks to robert openly, finally, about what he went through. they end up going away for a month and from what rob says during the reveal, aaron starts to get back to his old self again (which we see for ourselves too).

they talk about it a lot during the reveal - aaron’s mh, robert’s own state of mind, how they’ve dealt, how they’re going to deal. we know that aaron sees the broken bottle and we don’t know what happens there - he ends up going to his therapist, but that’s still very much in his mind. he’s still struggling.

aaron decides to stay with robert and forgive him - and fuck, watch aaron say that line to robert again. he says it so quietly, only gets half the fucking words out. watch aaron’s face from that point onwards. i think... i think aaron just desperately wants to stay with robert, because he loves robert and he doesn’t want to be without robert, but he also looks so unsure. like. i think aaron knew, just as he knew back in january, something wasn’t working. i think he gave into his own desires and ignored what he also knew would be better for his mh - to leave and take some time to get himself better. doing it in this situation that is so fraught, has so many problems, is just... it wasn’t helping him at all.

then, to top it all off, we see aaron and robert find out that the baby is still a reality and it’s even worse. aaron immediately goes into supportive mode and this lasts a short amount of time, before he stops being able to keep it up. robert starts off in snappy attack dog mode and softens pretty quickly - but all in all, what results is that aaron and robert clearly haven’t had sex since the reveal, aaron has isolated himself repeatedly and robert has sort of tried to get him to talk but hasn’t succeeded at all and hasn’t really pushed all that much. at some point aaron starts self harming again. he tries to buy spice again, gets attacked by jason for his troubles.

ultimately, we see aaron and robert fighting, trying to end it and not quite doing it. they decide to run away, that maybe that will help, if they get out of the situation and away from the baby entirely -

and again, they haven’t spoken about it but although the baby started it again, this ultimately started long before the baby was even a possibility, so it never would have worked

- and then aaron is in the car with adam and he sees the scan and throws that wrench at robert’s head.

and the thing is - up until that point, aaron’s behaviour has hurt kasim and it’s hurt himself, but it had never hurt robert. and it’s at that point that aaron shuts down and shuts robert out entirely.

this is the point where aaron talks about how they do this to each other - push each other, how they can hurt one another and how it’s not good for either of them. it’s not just about aaron anymore, it’s about robert potentially getting hurt too - and this is what ultimately makes aaron leave.

and then aaron comes back, walls up, refusing to give robert even an inch - because he knows if he does, he’ll be right back there. it would be so so so easy for aaron to give in all over again - he’s done it every single break up before (#shameless self promo have a read through my break up guides)

and it leaves robert feeling entirely fucking bereft, like hope is gone and he’s lost aaron entirely

- because aaron is codependant in their relationship but robert is codependant as a person and he cannot even begin to understand really what aaron is trying to say - all robert knows is that they love each other

and i think ultimately they need that absurd balance - robert being there to keep them going, having that rock solid faith in them - and aaron being there to put a stop to things when it gets dangerous, to bring them a little more down to earth when they need to, like now, where aaron really does need to be alone in order to try and work through his shit

and where robert actually also does need to be alone to try and work out how to be single, bc he’s incapable of it, and develop a healthier relationship with himself too so that eventually his relationship with aaron will be healthier

that’s not what he’s gonna do tho he’s gonna slip larry some sleeping pills and take over home farm instead

but like - this break up could have been about how robert did something unforgivable, they could have set robert up to have a full on affair with rebecca, they could have done any number of things...

but instead they told this story - horribly depressing and heartbreaking, and yes maybe in some ways it feels hopeless, but in other ways i think it’s actually the exact opposite - it’s about addressing issues that have been prevalent for so long, about the way they’re entirely unable to communicate and it’s been told so so so slowly and

and what i’m saying is that this story has spanned 8 months and is still going and it has been entirely about their love for one another and the struggle they’ve faced and tbh you don’t do that for a couple you plan to drop forever

like... look how in love they still look with one another

like they do - despite all appearances - put a lot of care into robert and aaron’s storyline

just... look at the pete/leyla/priya mess and tell me you don’t see a difference

or any of the couples, honestly. it’s absurd. they put so much care into showing how in love they are that all the other couples on the show feel a little ridiculous next to them??????? you don’t do that for a couple that’s never going to get back together

and look at how much fallout vic and adam got

(any fallout they’ve had has basically been related to robert and aaron it’s absurd)

they’re gonna be fine. it’s the ‘when’ more than the ‘if’ right now. they’ve just gotta get this whole white scheme out of the way first lmao.

#long post #i got carried away...#this is the most unnecessary answer but apparently i wanted to talk abt the storyline #it's been a while #ed #answering anons #robron

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