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moonpool-system · 6 days

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How your discovered that you are system? Did you have doubts? Were you even wrong about systems and thought some stuff was normal, or not a system thing? How you understood that you are polyfrag, and not just a DID system? Alsoooo... Silly question, but, how you understand that you are fictive, or certain fictive? Urge to call yourself with certain name? Memories? Feeling it's not your body?

Hello! Thank you for the questions and the patience!!

> How we discovered we're a system?

Well we actually didn't go through a typical "syscovery" - we started out thinking we were a singlet, and created an intentional headmate via tulpamancy. Turns out our fascination with plurality wasn't just curiosity, and we'd actually been monoconscious for as long as we can remember beforehand! Badeline was probably our very first polyconscious member.

> Did we ever think some stuff was normal and not a system thing when it actually was?

This connects to the last question, yeah we really struggled to figure it out at first due to being monoconscious and median. Our first experience with being aware of our plurality was polyconscious and partitionary, so it took a very long time to realize my/our identity alterations weren't JUST kin shifts, they were very definitely overarching facets that different kintypes are aligned under.

> How did we understand we're polyfrag and not just a DID system?

Honestly it took us a long time to come around to this even though the signs were pretty obvious. We've called ourselves polyplural for a long time, since there was no way to ignore the drastically complicated & layered headspace, the extremely high new member rate/system count, and the very specific/complex system functioning we have. There were two reasons we held off from the term - we didn't think we had "enough" fragments (we'd only identified one or two for a long while, in part due to denial), and we didn't think we'd experienced "enough" trauma. Both of these happened to be coincidentally solved by us introjecting a(nother) subsystem of *entirely* fragments, now due to extreme past life trauma/phoenitrauma. It kinda made us realize... we were gatekeeping our own trauma?? That has drastically affected our functioning and recovery journey??? That was just as intense as (or even more than) our isolation, abuse, autism socialization trauma, and more??? We decided we can't keep doing this to ourselves, and we need to look for help and resources for our fragments. We looked back on our system and there're so many more than we first thought. They deserve healing too and we're not going to let them be cut off from those resources. We're still objectively polyfragmented even though we don't understand the psychology behind it 100%, and that has to be okay. We're fighting feeling unwelcome under the label every single day.

> How to tell you've switched to a fictive identity?

Well personally for me&, it's very much a sort of "shapeshifting" feeling, of "becoming" an identity in a much more drastic and all-encompassing way than a kin shift. My gender, preferred pronouns, likes, dislikes, tastes, and hobbies might shift on a dime to the point I find distaste in those sorts of things that contrast in other facets. I feel like I wish to be looked upon differently and seen as a different variant of myself. It's comforting in some contexts and stressful in others, tbh. But being monoconscious is weird so yea. With our polycon fictives we can usually tell when it's a fictive forming rather than finding a kintype because there's a very distinct *that's not me* feeling

#pluralgang #plural community #plural system #actually plural #pluralpunk #traumaendo #mixed origin system #traumagenic #endogenic #polyfragmented #polyplural #otherkin #alterhuman #phoenitrauma #prism subsystem #system infodumping #headspace infodumping

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sophieinwonderland · 9 months

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We have so many thoughts on the "imitative DID" bs

We agree with everything you said. We have DID, we're pretty sure we're diagnosed.

Seeing it is filled with ableism about cluster B disorders is fucking awful. And this whole idea that having headmates alleviates the blame magically just demonstrates how unaware people are. System accountability is a massive thing!

And like different systems may have different levels of amnesia or amnesia for different things. Yeah sometimes we don't remember doing X bad thing! Genuineally. Based on who's fronting. Because usually those "bad things" are done in joint with a reaction to a trigger and us blowing up + going overboard. Who knew that alters with severe reactions because of not being well adjusted and understanding they're no longer in a trauma environment might have more barriers than others.

People also love for some reason to use documented symptoms of having trauma or even documented symptoms of DID as somehow being symptoms of... not having it.

And gods the way they treated that poor woman...

---------------- Now onto the "hysterical group" as they called it which I know they'd lump us under

We have a shit ton of amnesia. We are usually ambivalent to it. Often we both find it amusing and will sob and cry and get angry and feel nothing and laugh. Because with our multiple issues comes no emotional regulation. Shocker we have autism as well which makes us in our case collectively not be capable of comprehending emotions. We feel them but we literally with our form of the disability and how it affects us- are incapable of understanding emotions.

We also have excessive and extreme amnesia- we're one of the very extreme cases. And because we're an extreme case- these people would've shut us down. Somehow being so amnesic you have score "too high" is a red flag for these people?

And yeah we're happy with each other. Which our therapist AGREES with being a good thing. Some alters hate each other too but like eh it happens sometimes. (We're a massive system). And yeah we do actually state who's fronting if asked. Our therapist asks every session. And though we do have a mostly covert form of switching she can pick them out because she's a therapist who has seen this many times before. We when somewhat masking as we tend to irl even in her office have similar voices and unless it's a jump from one alter archetype to another- similar posture. But she can pick up on us dropping off and re-adjustng and asking to go over what was said or the lies of "zoning out" and "oh sorry I got distracted" that we're used to having to do.

We also tend to have our autism cause us to use very big words. And this is in all contexts as well. So I can definitely back that one up.

And then of course the addition sexism, sexualization, mockery, claiming of lying about trauma (because people love to ignore reality- we literally sobbed when our therapist first told us she believed us because that is the first time anyone irl has said that to our face- it is the only time we have felt safe in almost 2 decades).

And not even touching on the false memories topic. Literally earlier today (or yesterday its around midnight as I write this) we told our therapist about how people have claimed this to be real and she got genuineally mad. Incredibly upset and was very helpful in making sure we weren't slipping back into denial and going to spiral because of it again. It's something that is not and never has been a real scientific theory and all "evidence" of it does not meet the criteria to be considered viable.

A lot of people with trauma struggle to accept they have it. And especially in this case where the example they used was a MCSA (mother csa)- it really plays into sexism again. Part of sexism is also the idea women can't be abusers. This is something that has plauged trauma spaces for a while and driven out a lot of survivors. People think it's weird when a survivor is just as scared of women as men. Or is only scared of women and not men. people assume men are seen as scary and women are safe and docile as default. And that just is genuine sexism.

(sorry this was so long lol)

☝️👏

Agreed on all points. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences, and for this incredibly detailed and well-written addition! 💖

#syscourse #multiplicity #sysblr #psychiatry #psych critical #mental health #plural #pro endo #pro endogenic #endogenic #system #systems #system stuff #psychology #imitated did #plurality #actually plural #actually endogenic #actually a system

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